I asked Teresa, “When’s the last time we went to that cool thrift store on Camano Island?”

She replied, “It’s been a while.” “They might have some new crap,” I surmised. Teresa enthusiastically responded, “I could use some crap! I got rid of some stuff yesterday!”

Apparently the goal is to get rid of stuff and acquire crap. Are we doing it wrong?

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over five years since Robert Baron, the acerbic and droll host of “Music With Moskowitz” most recently on KSER, passed away. His show featured a unique lineup of “weird and wacky” comedy and novelty songs, such as you ain’t never heard, and in an earlier incarnation, another hour or more of really old country music (the good stuff).

When Jimmy Dean passed away recently, I was softly singing “I Won’t Go Hunting With You Jake, But I’ll Go Chasin’ Women” for about 3 days, much to the annoyance of my coworkers.

KSER has a comedy radio show on Saturday mornings that features some of the same, but I an never up from 7-9 on Saturday morning. I salute those stalwart souls.

I just don't count dumb luck when scoring I have been playing Wordfeud with my sister on my Android phone. She likes to use the “Random” board. Recently, she hit a streak of grouped bonus tiles that tilted the game hundreds of points in her favor early on; normally final scores have been running in the 400’s.

I have been noting the final scores on a spreadsheet, but threw out that game as a statistical anomaly.

The rule I made up for that, was that any score where the loser scores less than half of the difference between the two scores should be attributed to luck, if played on a random board where triples and doubles sometimes huddle together, and the first player hits a huge group with a good rack right off. ( I don’t sound bitter do I?) I have never taken a statistics class, is this an acceptable practice?

It’s a virtual board, so I can’t resort to throwing it up in the air and running out of the room crying.

can't keep my shoes tied Here’s the thing. I don’t mind having my shoe come untied once in a blue moon. I even take precautions, such as orthopedic socks, and double knotting. But three or four times a day. And ALWAYS the LEFT shoe. Are there shoestring gnomes at work?

I am going to ask my podiatrist if I am a candidate for Velcro brand hook and loop fastener, or surgical shoelace implants. And I hear they are doing amazing things with tattooed feet.

I wound up at the Marysville Rock & Gem Club annual show at the Jr. High School yesterday, and acquired a slab of Crazylace Agate, with the intention to put feet on it and use it as an impractical and ill-advised drink coaster. I didn’t know about the particular properties of agate, and I thought crazylace was some sort of wacky shoestring.

crazylace

Anyway, turns out crazylace agate has translucent areas running through it. So I got to thinking (This is where the trouble started) – I wonder if it would be practical to cut it to a rectangle, and build it into a little light box, so it could be an accent light as well as a coaster. Maybe add a napkin holder on the side, and put a clock in it? This is what is known in the military as “mission creep”. What do you cut it with if you don’t have a lapidary saw?

Here are some handy office memos for common situations that arise at work. Cut and Paste, time is money!

MEMO #1 The Lunchroom Dystopia

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE:LUNCHROOM CLEANLINESS

As you know, our standard has been for the lunchroom refrigerator to be cleaned out every Friday. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that this task has not been accomplished for some time.

Your new standard for cleaning the refrigerator will be once per month, or when the contents begin to erode the Tupperware from the inside, whichever comes first.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #2 It Calls to You

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE:GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

Effective immediately, workplace sales of fund raising candy is forbidden. We have found that these sales directly correlate to premature failure of office chairs.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #3 My Tractor needs Repair, and OMG KITTENS

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: COMPUTER USAGE

Once again I must remind you that recreational use of your desktop computers is limited to breaks and lunch only.

It’s not just affecting productivity; one of our clients got a business letter signed off with “TTYL”.

Mrs. Johnson in accounting was mortified to have been rated “NOT HOT” online. Please use common sense, we are all middle-aged office drones.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #4 It’s just for PARKING and SMOKING

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: The incident in the parking lot last Tuesday afternoon.

The fender-bender in the North Parking Lot probably could have been settled amicably between the parties involved.

In the future, please be aware that it’s not helpful to form a circle and yell “Chick Fight!”

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #5 The international Language of OH CRAP

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: Office Noise.

Please try to keep office noise to a minimum. The factory managers are trying to learn to say “Who Moved My Cheese” in Chinese.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

I tried again to revive the (apparently dead) Furby that I am giving away on Listia. He is completely without power. I am thinking he might have a loose wire inside? A bad connection? He seems to be catatonic (Furbytonic?)

If he is dead, I don’t know what he died of. It’s not like I found him in the trunk of a car at the airport. There are no obvious signs of trauma. He doesn’t have any particular odor, or make any noise at all. I would operate on him, but he doesn’t seem to have any insurance.