Celebrate bubble wrap appreciation day
DID YOU KNOW… The last Monday of January is “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”? I used to work with a guy who would get some bubble wrap out of the trash and lay it out by the wheels of my forklift. Not just any bubble wrap, the kind with the fat, LOUD bubble-chambers. When I got aboard and started to drive off, it would wake me up for sure. I always fell for it.

SIDE NOTE: I predict a spike in the use of bubble wrap in 2012 to correspond with the outrageous postal rate hike of January 2012.

Cassette Answering Machine
Getting messages in 1980 was pretty important, since no one had cellphones. That’s why folks were willing to shell out $99.99, A lot of money in 1980. In fact, I bought an entire car for $100 in 1980.

Thirty years later, I’m still not happy. The cellphones I get just don’t ring as loud or as long as the one from ma Bell. And while I’m complaining about phones- They are not nearly as satisfying when you hang up on a telemarketer. Is there an app for that?

Monkey Business Joke Shop of Lincoln City, Oregon
We are saddened to hear that the Monkey Business Joke Shop in Lincoln City, Oregon will be closing in a matter of weeks. I understand that they are having a pretty good closing sale, you would be well advised to take your Oregon Coast trip by the end of March, because nothing livens up a romantic cabin getaway like a remote-controlled fart machine.

We offer many of the items they have (or had) and will be acquiring their leftover stock, if you all don’t beat us to the punch. It would be nice if someone picked up where they left off and continued this fine tradition, but I can’t retire from my “real” job yet, and besides, I’m probably too arthritic to live near the sea. Anyone?

buttonmakerI was going to post our old button-making machine on eBaY, but I lost the directions. Googled it, now this kid made it look like so much fun, suddenly everybody wants to make buttons. It’s really hard to get rid of anything around here.

Let's go garden!
What is wrong with kids today? I can’t get anyone interested in going anywhere today, just because of a little sleet and rain… Just look at this 50’s family, marching out to garden at the first opportunity, despite everyone having lost their feet in a horrible push mower accident the previous year.

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said to my friend… “That’s us in 10 years.” He said, “That’s a mirror, dip-shit!”

Twinkies will never die Just heard that Hostess is going into bankruptcy (for the second time in recent memory) Hopefully they won’t be liquidated this time. Of course, the products such as Wonder Bread, Twinkies, etc. are valuable assets, and surely would live on under new management, right? right? I don’t know why I care, I’m diabetic and can’t have any of that.

When I was a kid, I really thought “Twinkie the Kid” was about par with the Cheerios kid as pathetic mascot. I remain convinced that The Frito Bandito would win in a shootout with T-kid, sadly you can’t really kill him.