In the News

Lese-Majesty not just for royalty?

Obama subject to criticism on health care bill

With all the products we sell that poke gentle fun at presidents, former presidents, and various potentates and potential potentates, such as the “Obama funny money”, I sure hope they don’t decide to make new Lese-Majesty* laws ( * The crime of violating majesty, an offence against the dignity of a reigning sovereign or against a state.)

I was only vaguely aware of this concept being applied in the past until the term appeared in yesterday’s newspaper’s crossword puzzle.

Red Green Blues

Red Green Show at the Tacoma Dome! I just got a postcard informing me that Red Green is bringing his one man show to The Pantages Theatre in Tacoma on July 18. You know it’s fancy because they spell it “Theatre” instead of “Theater”.

I’m kind of bummed because it’s on a Wednesday and I have a night job that would overlap a bit.

They put me on the mailing list because about a year ago, I bought some Red Green suspenders from redgreen.com so I wouldn’t have to stop mowing the lawn to hitch up my pants.

Unfortunately, the suspenders are of the type that hooks over a belt, rather than clipping to the top of your jeans. It chaffs my hide to combine a belt and suspenders.

I know what you are thinking, that I should use duct tape, but trust me, it’s not a good idea to use duct tape on any article of clothing. Just trust me on that.

Should you vomit in your baby’s mouth? Discuss.

TEF_BirdBarf
So I opened my email this morning, and the very first one;

Should You Pre-Chew Your Child’s Food?

Apparently Alicia Silverstone has decided that the big mixers at Gerber aren’t good enough for her baby, so she chews the food herself, and spits it in the baby’s mouth. Like a mother bird. I kid you not. Is this even legal?

The article states that “Chewing your kid’s food is definitely cheaper than buying baby food, and it’s more time-efficient than making it in a blender or food processor.” Is Alicia Silverstone that broke and busy? I’m all for saving money, but I would go with the “Penny Smart” baby food instead.

Here’s what really worries me; I am fine with ladies who breastfeed in public, but what if this catches on and they start taking their babies to restaurants and doing this? At least it would keep them from yammering on their cellphones.

Here’s the article; the great Pre-chew debate

The last monday in January POPS

Celebrate bubble wrap appreciation day
DID YOU KNOW… The last Monday of January is “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”? I used to work with a guy who would get some bubble wrap out of the trash and lay it out by the wheels of my forklift. Not just any bubble wrap, the kind with the fat, LOUD bubble-chambers. When I got aboard and started to drive off, it would wake me up for sure. I always fell for it.

SIDE NOTE: I predict a spike in the use of bubble wrap in 2012 to correspond with the outrageous postal rate hike of January 2012.

Monkey Business Joke shop in Lincoln City to close forever

Monkey Business Joke Shop of Lincoln City, Oregon
We are saddened to hear that the Monkey Business Joke Shop in Lincoln City, Oregon will be closing in a matter of weeks. I understand that they are having a pretty good closing sale, you would be well advised to take your Oregon Coast trip by the end of March, because nothing livens up a romantic cabin getaway like a remote-controlled fart machine.

We offer many of the items they have (or had) and will be acquiring their leftover stock, if you all don’t beat us to the punch. It would be nice if someone picked up where they left off and continued this fine tradition, but I can’t retire from my “real” job yet, and besides, I’m probably too arthritic to live near the sea. Anyone?

RIP Arch West AKA Dr. Dorito

It says here that Arch West, the instigator of the snack food-like substance known as “Doritos”, has passed away. They actually plan to sprinkle Doritos into his open grave, which seems like a cheesy thing to do. I hope this doesn’t catch on, I don’t want to be buried on a bed of Whoopee Cushions.

I actually like Doritos, esp. Cool Ranch, but some people cannot tolerate their peculiar odor. I was snacking on some on a road trip with my brother, and he made me put them in the bed of the truck, where they called to me for the rest of the afternoon.