How to get along in 12 easy steps

The old fart mug is tired.

oldfartmugsmI stopped at a St. Vincent De Paul store yesterday, I am told that St. Vincent is the patron saint of smelly used crap?? Anyway, I scored this hilarious old fart mug for 49 cents!

It does not appear to have been used, however I will wash it repeatedly with chemicals left over from the set of “Breaking Bad” just the same.

The problem with mugs, my wife, instead of reducing her own stuff, she will periodically go through the mugs, and donate most of the ones that she doesn’t personally use. My son’s black “Skull and Crossbone” mug is also at risk.

This makes me wonder, how many times has this “Old Fart” mug cycled through the thrift-store ecosystem? Maybe I should just throw it on the patio cement and put it out of it’s misery.

Romance is not dead

I am surprised to have survived the whole Valentine’s Day thing this year.

What happened was, I procrastinated as usual. Went to Safeway after work, and there was another pathetic schlub already frowning at the few remaining cards. Having already gotten Teresa jewelry, I just grabbed some generic heart-shaped box of candy, and selected what I thought was a cute card, which featured Pepe Le Pew, the incurably romantic, possibly French skunk, who falls in love with a cat who somehow manages to get white paint down her back. I was never sure whether he thought she was a skunk, or just had a thing for this cat.

But I digress. Got to the checkstand, and happened to mention there was “Slim Pickings” in the card department. She looks at my card, looks at me, and deadpans; “There weren’t very many cards to choose from, so you got her this one. With a skunk on it.”

My initial reaction was to expound upon the romantic virtues of Pepe Le Pew, but this clerk is of a younger generation, and she was unconvinced.

At least I didn’t get her this box of chocolates with a whale on it; It seems somehow inappropriate.
poorly conceived Valentine's chocolate packaging