Nose Whistle ConcertoI had a bit of a hard time sleeping last night… Had the radio on classical music to try to soothe the mental torment, but something about that violin concerto wasn’t quite right. It took probably 20 minutes of careful listening, occasionally holding my breath, being very still, to determine that the discordant note was caused by the wife, she had one of those “nose whistle” things going on. I think I was chiming in with a wheezing in C flat.

Speaking of orifices that whistle, That Restless Mouse is one of the few places you can get the classic Whistling Tailpipe Gag. I am tempted to use it on my neighbor’s diesel truck, because the devil finds accessories for idle trucks.

Our most recent shipment to Australia via First Class Mail International, took just 10 days. Not bad!

Whimsical Foot CD DVD holder

Whimsical CD rack

On rare and wonderful occasions, I hop out of bed with an exciting new invention running through my head. Most of those cannot survive the cold light of day, or my wife’s eye-rolling.

Today, it is “Mirthotics”. Shoe inserts that tickle your feet and keep you in a good mood all day. It will probably go in the scrap heap with “Roca-Cola” (Coke flavored with Almond Roca) and GPS-equipped suspenders. It was fun while it lasted.

In my defense, someone managed to produce these foot-shaped CD/DVD holders in various colors.

We had a mild disagreement here, about the trick or treaters. We had multiple kids dressed as Spiderman, and also multiple kids in Batman costumes. Teresa said we had “Spidermen” and “Batmen”. I contend that it should be “Spidermans” and “Batmans” because they are each dressing as a certain character. Maybe if they were dressed as snow people, they could be “snowmen”- Unless they were dressed as a specific snowman, such as “Frosty™”

I mean, if you had multiple kids dressed as Hugh Jackman, they wouldn’t be Hugh Jackmen, right?

Turned to Google for a consensus on this issue, but there is none. The comics tend to use “Spidermen” and “Batmen” on story lines where they get cloned or whatever, but I don’t think DC Comics would be the ultimate authority on grammer.

Some guy in a forum post summed it up nicely: “Superman is not a man that’s super. He’s Superman.”


Novelty mystery grab bagWife-mandated reference to our business: Teresa has pointed out that this blog is supposed to be a part of our business strategy, not just a place for me to bloviate* about superhero grammar. So from here on out most of these posts will at minimum include a WMBR (Wife Mandated Business Reference).

Today’s WMBR; I don’t get why we don’t sell more of our “grab bags”. I just added all manner of fun stuff to the grab bag bin. You get a heaping helping of craptacular fun for just $3!

* She didn’t actually say “bloviate” – I am paraphrasing. I don’t really recall exactly what she was saying, something along the lines of blah blah blah blah

Here are some handy office memos for common situations that arise at work. Cut and Paste, time is money!

MEMO #1 The Lunchroom Dystopia

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE:LUNCHROOM CLEANLINESS

As you know, our standard has been for the lunchroom refrigerator to be cleaned out every Friday. Unfortunately, it has come to my attention that this task has not been accomplished for some time.

Your new standard for cleaning the refrigerator will be once per month, or when the contents begin to erode the Tupperware from the inside, whichever comes first.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #2 It Calls to You

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE:GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

Effective immediately, workplace sales of fund raising candy is forbidden. We have found that these sales directly correlate to premature failure of office chairs.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #3 My Tractor needs Repair, and OMG KITTENS

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: COMPUTER USAGE

Once again I must remind you that recreational use of your desktop computers is limited to breaks and lunch only.

It’s not just affecting productivity; one of our clients got a business letter signed off with “TTYL”.

Mrs. Johnson in accounting was mortified to have been rated “NOT HOT” online. Please use common sense, we are all middle-aged office drones.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #4 It’s just for PARKING and SMOKING

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: The incident in the parking lot last Tuesday afternoon.

The fender-bender in the North Parking Lot probably could have been settled amicably between the parties involved.

In the future, please be aware that it’s not helpful to form a circle and yell “Chick Fight!”

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

MEMO #5 The international Language of OH CRAP

TO ALL EMPLOYEES:

RE: Office Noise.

Please try to keep office noise to a minimum. The factory managers are trying to learn to say “Who Moved My Cheese” in Chinese.

Thank you, THE MANAGEMENT

Classic Tip and Strip pen - Female Here’s the classic “tip and strip” naked lady pen. The latest version from Eskesen, better quality, thicker pens, sexier models. Denmark’s Eskesen is the undisputed leader in float pens for generations.