Most items available with quantity discounts

Restless Mouse Blog

Restless Mouse Blog

This is the blog for Novelty Emporium

Read more
Halloween Ideas

Halloween Ideas

Be sure to check out our HALLOWEEN stuff!

Read more
Homepage / Return Policy
The elusive Family Doghouse Who is the “dumb” one? … In bed! Solar Racers Go Fast Think you have every snowglobe? Think again Let’s talk about your bathroom… Grocery list in the corner pocket Cereal Mascots on the prowl Salty dog means whaaat? Parking tickets now pocket sized! Thanks for the informative emails! WHY the multiple bottles of stink perfume? Spread the love and/or marriage You would think he would have had a clue… This is not Hooters But can she cook? The line is still busy! Is it too much to ask? A better phone call experience? Bob has lost his edge I need tech support to pee? I lost the key, you can start it with a nail… Be careful what you wish for, coyote. Hellhounds!! Doris is watching you Be careful what you wish for… Across the big pond to Australia The Restless Mouse salutes G. “thumb twiddler” Gochanour How do the department store buyers do it? Some things just go out of style Sartorial splendor in a filthy warehouse So old farts like me can use the computer too… Arts and Crafts time Now with the candy pills… 15 gears, 14 wheels… and one eye? Ridiculous prediction from 1951 The birthday game is getting tame Annoying Orange Closeout- Just $2.49… better hurry on this one… DO NOT CALL LIST is about useless, but I found something that helps… Since 1998 A Voyage to Paradise Hey kids! Great back to school item! Ladies, you won’t like this Cellphone Fingerprint Reduction The postcard about the ladies at the beach! I would love to help you with your shoddy sneaker scenario, but… Groovy cellphone accessory Smells like nerd spirit What do we sell? How much time do you have? Getting around to it The old fart mug is tired. Maybe I should have said tiger? Just asking for a Dear John letter Retro Ugly Vase FOUND Don’t Sniffle! yet License plate game thwarted by state Don’t let a broken leg stop you! Drivers can do anything Dog, meet other dog. What are you doing?? I am king of my castle, my wife said that’s OK. Checks and Money Orders; how quaint. Domestic bliss in the kitchen? If Ethyl don’t mind, I will pay cash next time… Scruffy is like a gazelle Wee Willie Won’t Go home It’s like Match Game without Gene * Rayburn Craigslist Lessons Learned The Costcolypse Whimsical otter wears baseball cap backwards Pop-tarts are delicious despite sickly mascot Super Heroes doing the best they can I heart my dog’s head – Rebus fun Google Glasses are starting to make sense It’s boring to stay at the Y M C A Chronologically Impaired Rooster Fifty years of reading the comics, you find a bit of wisdom here and there. Time to reflect AKA photography is weird Big Foot meets Dr. Scholl The brotherhood of the expensive pants Picture Day means short or styled hair The Children of the Corn move to the suburbs Bejeweled is the new Parcheesi Bite me, Chipmunks; any kid can do that. Dreaming of biking, and swimming, and horseback riding… Almost time to enlist in the Army of Sandwiches and Dr. Pepper We’re DECIMATING our prices! Presidents of long ago bored with afterlife, apparently. Good Neighbors don’t smash That’s when the trouble started #27 Monopoly with a speed die; it turns evil It’s called MONOPOLY not MONOTONY A lady’s hat is blocking half the screen Speaking of overloaded purses A big bag of Shhh She probably can’t find her cellphone either. An accident waiting to happen No news is good news Frosty’s Revenge It’s what’s for dinner Keeping it real

90 Day Guarantee Plus

DID YOU get the wrong item or quantity? Is something kinda shoddy? Is it taking too long? Contact us and we will make it right. Here’s our customer service policy;

RETURNS. Generally, we will refund the original amount paid including up to $5 of the original shipping, (see below)- if you tell us you want to return it within 90 days of the day we ship the product. No reason needed.

SERVICE WITH A FROWN: Why? Having unhappy customers makes us unhappy. I usually mumble, Teresa makes faces; blame will be assigned, people get defensive. But that’s all behind the scenes stuff. (This is why we don’t have a bricks & mortar store.)

IMPORTANT: Please email or call us before returning anything. Here’s why;

  • Some items may be expensive to ship, so we might ask you to return only a portion
    of the defective product, or work out something.
  • Some items may need to be returned to other addresses. (Manufacturer’s Warranty)

In many or most cases you will have your choice of refund or replacement. Other times we will be at the end of the line for item(s) you purchased, so if we are completely out then of course we can only refund.

PLEASE NOTE that you don’t need a reason, If your ferret can’t wear it, If your husband the car salesman says “Everything must GO regardless of profit or loss!”, If you bought it as a gift for someone but you can’t give it because of the restraining order, WE DON’T CARE. Customer satisfaction is the thing.

Now about that SHIPPING REFUND; We will refund the shipping you paid us, up to $5.00, in addition to the product refund; if it’s only a partial return we will refund part of the shipping. Returning the item(s) is generally at your expense. We may go beyond these promises in the interest of customer service at our discretion.

2016 Complaint Reduction Action Plan (C.R.A.P.)

There have been relatively few customer service issues this year. Less than one half of one percent of total sales. Granted, some people won’t bother to complain; even so, that’s pretty good. There is always room for improvement, to wit;

Problem: incorrect item counts
(Sent 1 instead of the 2 you ordered, etc.)

ACTION: The problem here is, our old eyes don’t work so good anymore. We both have reading glasses, and there is a magnifying lamp on the packaging desk, so it’s really no excuse. UPDATE: Teresa got cornea transplants last year, this problem doesn’t crop up anymore. Yay medical science!!

Problem: Package arrived late/not at all
ACTION: We try to get orders that are placed by 1pm Pacific down to the post office on the same day. We now screen and verify addresses using available tools, if the post office reports a possible undeliverable address and we can’t identify the problem with our research tools, we will contact you for confirmation before shipping.

Problem: The order is rejected, I email the customer, they call in 2 weeks wondering where the stuff is.
ACTION: I probably should start requiring email addresses on orders, but even then the email from us often lands in the spam bucket. This year we will make more of an “gumshoe” effort to find and contact these customers.

Problem: Merchandise quality (Lack thereof)
ACTION: The only defense is to send quality merchandise. We have been known to reject products on arrival, and we often test and inspect items on the shipping table. It’s a lot less hassle to toss it now than to have to deal with an angry customer, and defective items naturally gets people’s fur up. Nobody likes to feel like they are getting ripped off.

Have your say!