All I want is to be able to take a Chimichanga out of the freezer, open the end, nuke it for 90 seconds as instructed, and be able to enjoy the entire thing, instead of leaving the hard ends and cold middle and only being able to enjoy about 40% of the thing. Is that too much to ask?

We bought a microwave “on sale” at Fred Meyer about four months ago. It has never been able to accomplish this simple task. (Should have gotten a clue from all the “open box” units in the stack that was on sale).

So I got a behemoth Panasonic at Costco, with some kind of even heat distribution technology in it. Unfortunately we filled up on free samples and so far haven’t needed to microwave anything.

The little red microwave from Costco is being sent to the garage for experimentation. Like, if I wrap a fork in a chimichanga, will it still spark? … Read the rest here

Sometimes people say, “So you have an online store. What do you sell?” I have a tough time with this question. “Discount Novelties” sounds kind of skeevy. We move a lot of Obama parody money, naked lady tip-and-strip pens, and those retro Family “Who is in the doghouse” plaque sets. It’s really hard to pin down. Here’s a collage of some of our items that I made a while back; you see, it’s a bit of a hodge-podge. What would you do if you were in my shoes? They are size 10 and a half, if that helps.

_NTPbanner_collageRead the rest here

oldfartmugsmI stopped at a St. Vincent De Paul store yesterday, I am told that St. Vincent is the patron saint of smelly used crap?? Anyway, I scored this hilarious old fart mug for 49 cents!

It does not appear to have been used, however I will wash it repeatedly with chemicals left over from the set of “Breaking Bad” just the same.

The problem with mugs, my wife, instead of reducing her own stuff, she will periodically go through the mugs, and donate most of the ones that she doesn’t personally use. My son’s black “Skull and Crossbone” mug is also at risk.

This makes me wonder, how many times has this “Old Fart” mug cycled through the thrift-store ecosystem? Maybe I should just throw it on the patio cement and put it out of it’s misery.… Read the rest here

Why the warehouse-store sized orders for stink perfume?

PJ1284_stinkPerfume_SQ200 I can understand people buying 1 or two bottles of our horrible  Stink Perfume to put in the bathroom cabinet, teach a lesson to the snoopers… But why the 6 or 10 bottle orders, often sent to motels? What for? Dare I ask?… Read the rest here

I WISH tape recorders were only seven bucks.

I WISH tape recorders were only seven bucks.

I always had to have a reel-to-reel tape recorder to monkey with, when I was a kid. These became a little scarce with the advent of cassette tapes, but you could still get the little reels of tape for them at Radio Shack. They were much preferable to cassettes, because you could slow them down with your finger, or otherwise tweak them.

I was fascinated by all the little rollers and plastic gears. Electronics just don’t have that smell of industrial lubricant and extruded plastic these days, and I kind of miss it. When my son was little I took apart the VCR we had because an Army Man was keeping the tape carriage from moving, but it just wasn’t the same. Maybe they use different lubricant these days. … Read the rest here

This is one of the little nuances that I love at the Bellingham Railway Museum. Although I would rather that Barney got run over by an oncoming train, instead of one that is slowly backing onto a side spur line. … Read the rest here

We ate at an old diner in Renton today, I asked the server, “I thought this used to be something else… Maverick? When did that change?” She must get that a lot because she answered right away, “22 years ago.” Way to make me feel old. Having already established that I am an old fart, I didn’t ask any more Maverick related questions.

I am sure that there was a clever logo of a little kid roping a steer on the sign, but the Internet is silent on the subject. Also, the Pacman machine is gone. And what happened to the H.R.Salt fish and chips place next door? Thai food? Who prefers Thai food to English style fish and chips?

I’m not knocking the new management. The food was very good, served fast, no ballgame blaring this time of day- That’s what put us off of Appleby’s, too many competing noises.

One thing I think was a bad idea, there are ads under the glass, seemingly built into the table. Mine was for “The Plumbing Joint”. That’s fine, although sad in a way. I remember when the only plumbers discussed in this place were the Mario Brothers.

Ad with my food? No thanks. Now, I’ve done a little household plumbing in my time, and I know what is causing… Read the rest here

Famous People check out from library

I found this old textbook at a yard sale… It’s sort of reassuring that previous generations also knew how to annoy the librarians.

I think all the entries after Nyla Sperlick and before Fam Ranken are the same kid, a kid who lived in a house with a television I presume… He checked out the book for “Dragnet” in 1954, then “Francis”, I presume he means the talking mule, as his address is “Stall 3 1/2” (Adding the fraction makes it funnier- this kid is a comedy genius) – Don’t know why the date is 1868 on that one- Then back to 600BC for Tarzan at cave 6D (What did I tell you- picture a cave apartment – maybe Tarzan will bring Jane up to show her his etchings!) Then five years later, Tarzan checks out this book again, but now he’s moved to “Cave 91”.

I sure hope this kid got into advertising or some such lucrative endeavor, rather than getting electroshock therapy.… Read the rest here

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over five years since Robert Baron, the acerbic and droll host of “Music With Moskowitz” most recently on KSER, passed away. His show featured a unique lineup of “weird and wacky” comedy and novelty songs, such as you ain’t never heard, and in an earlier incarnation, another hour or more of really old country music (the good stuff).

When Jimmy Dean passed away recently, I was softly singing “I Won’t Go Hunting With You Jake, But I’ll Go Chasin’ Women” for about 3 days, much to the annoyance of my coworkers.

KSER has a comedy radio show on Saturday mornings that features some of the same, but I an never up from 7-9 on Saturday morning. I salute those stalwart souls.… Read the rest here

I hope this is not a real Manheim Steamroller track When I worked at Radio Shack many, many years ago, the manager would insist on playing Manheim Steamroller holiday music, he thought it was a good way to “demonstrate the superior quality of Realistic brand audio products” or some such nonsense.

As soon as he would go somewhere, I would switch to some crappy novelty songs, maybe Weird Al’s “Christmas at Ground Zero”. Just for spite. … Read the rest here