Chapter 1: Strange Gift
Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Introduction
It's a usual day in Magnolia as in any and all loud noise is being caused by the famous guild Fairy Tail.
The doors to the guild open up as a beautiful young woman with silver hair wearing a black dress enters the guild hall. Mirajane places the package down onto the table as her younger sister approaches her.
"Sis, what's that?" Lisanna asks while pointing towards the package. Mirajane smiles, "I don't know, I just found it outside of the guild. Maybe it's a gift to us!" Her eyes shine in excitement.
Lisanna sweat drops at her sister's excitement. "Maybe, we should open it and find out?" Lisanna inquires. Mira agrees before tearing open the package to see what's inside of it. Mira's eyes widened a bit, "It's a viewing lacrama!" Lisanna spoke aloud. Next to the lacrama was a note. Mira picks it up and reads it out loud.
"This lacrama holds a viewing of entertainment for Fairy Tail. As an appreciation for all that you've done for us, please enjoy and have fun."
"There's no name written on the note" The oldest says. Lisanna stares apprehensively at the lacrama, "Are you sure we should listen to the note? What if this is a trick by a dark guild or something?" Mira ponders that question before instantly dismissing her sister's worries. "It'll be fine, now let's go gather everyone!" Mira tells her sister with a bright smile on her face.
Lisanna could only sweat drop again at her sister's eagerness.
Later
"Alright is everyone ready?" Mira asks as she enlarges the lacrama for everyone to see.
"I still don't understand why I have to be here?" Gajeel asks in irritation. Levy looked at him, "Because you need to learn how to have fun." Gajeel pouts and mutters something which causes Levy to smack his arm.
"I hope it's got fighting or dragons in it!" Natsu shouts in excitement. "Ooohhh! And maybe some fish too, right Natsu?" Happy the little blue cat asks his partner. Lucy could sigh in exasperation at the two next to her. "Only you two would focus on things like that" Lucy points out.
"Maybe it's a guide to romance that will allow me to charm my darling Gray!" Juvia the water mage exclaimed in pure bliss. Gray scoots away a bit from Juiva's antics. "Let's just hope it's nothing that weird?" Gray basically pleads.
"Gray your clothes" Cana points out from the table next to them with a barrel full of beer.
"HUH!?" The naked ice mage shouts surprised and begins looking for his clothes.
"Are you looking forward to this Carla?" Wendy asks her small companion. The small white cat huffs, "I think we could all be spending this time doing something more productive, but if you want Wendy then its ok." Wendy laughs a bit at Carla's usual attitude.
Erza takes a small bite of her strawberry cake. "Whatever this viewing is about, I'm sure that it has Fairy Tail's best interest in mind" The knight explained to everyone. Makarov nodded his head to Erza's point.
The small guild master jumped off the stage. "We already tested the lacrama for traps, and nothing came up," Makarov explained to the guild as he went to sit down in the front. Both Mira and Levy nodded their heads, having been there themselves to test it.
"If nobody else has anything else to say, then let's start!" Mira pumps her fist up.
"AYE SIR!" The loud members shouted.
Chapter End
Chapter 2: The Return of Raditz
Chapter Text
Chapter 2: The Return of Raditz
DISCLAIMER: The following is a nonprofit fan-based parody. Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei animation and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
"Dragon Ball Z is the title huh?" Lucy points out to everyone.
The Dragon Slayers heads snap towards the lacrama in anticipation of the dragons.
[Cliche beautiful morning music]
[Raditz's pod falls into a field]
"Is that a spaceship!?" Romeo shouts in excitement eliciting his father to quickly shush him.
Farmer: OH GOD NO. MY MARIJUANA PATCH. I mean, er, my carrot patch. Yeah. [thinking] Yeah, I better do what any sensible American would do in this situation: get my gun.
Everyone wonders what this "America" is wondering if the viewing will explain it.
Wendy raises an eyebrow at what the farmer says. "What's Marijuana?" Wendy naively asks and she wasn't the only one, because Asaka the daughter of Alzack and Bisca wondered the same thing.
The parents and Carla quickly tell them that it's nothing important.
[pod opens]
Pod: Hello and welcome to Earth. With an open bar.
Raditz: [gets out]
Farmer: HOLY CRAP IT'S SONIC THE HEDGEHO– Er, nope, it's an alien. Holy SH*T IT'S AN ALIEN.
"That is a lot of hair on his head," Gajeel comments laughing.
"You're one to talk about long hair," Lily deadpans.
"Shut up!" Gajeel yells blushing hearing Levy laugh next to him.
Raditz: [sets foot down] Finally, on this dead plan– [birds chirp] Wait. What the crap? Did Kakarot screw this up? Oh goddammit I knew we should have sent Turles.
Farmer: Better think of something cool to say to make him stop. [co*cks gun] HEY YOU! [thinking] Geeze, farmer, geeze.
Raditz: Aww look at him; he thinks he's people. What's your power level, little human? Five, huh?
Farmer: Protect me, gun! [shoots]
"He was way too nervous shooting that gun," Alzack states, shaking his head. His wife nods her head in agreement. Bisca looks down at her daughter. "Remember sweetheart, to always be level headed when holding a gun."
"Yes, mommy!" Asaka replied.
Raditz: [catches the bullet] HEY, NO. BAD HUMAN. [flicks the bullet at the farmer and it goes through him and the truck]
Farmer: [unintelligible noises]
Raditz: BAD. Now get back up and tell me you're sorry. Human? Humaaaan. [sighs] So this is why dad said I couldn't keep a pool.
Everyone in Fairy Tail glares at the senseless death caused by Raditz.
"I don't like this guy," Happy spoke out loud. Everyone in the guild could only agree with the blue cat.
[Intro theme]
"SO THERE IS FIGHTING!" Natsu jumps up and down ecstatic. Lucy could only groan knowing how hyper he'll be for the next couple of hours.
"Sit down flame-brain! The rest of us are trying to watch!" Gray shouts at Natsu. The Fire Dragon Slayer whips around and gets into Gray's face.
"What was the ice-stripper!?" Natsu shouts back, coating his fist in flames.
"You heard me fire-mouth!" Gray moves his hand into the casting position.
Before anything could happen Erza slams her fist into both of their faces preventing them from fighting. "You two need to behave yourselves before I have to knock some sense into you!" Erza reprimands.
"You already did…." Everyone says mentally.
Piccolo: GOOD OLD WASTELAND. Yup. Sure is some kickass training. Dammit I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace. No new comments, no friend requests… Dammit… Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
"He's more lonely than Gajeel," Juvia spoke as if it's a fact.
"HUH!?" The Iron Dragon Slayer shouts at her.
Raditz: HEY YOU.
Piccolo: What the hell?
Raditz: ARE YOU KAKAROT? SERIOUSLY; IF YOU ARE, STAY STILL. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT KILLING AND SELLING THIS PLANET. IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT. [lands] Oh, wait a second; you're not Kakarot. My bad.
"Yeah, because he looks like so many other people," Gajeel says.
With a troubled look Levy spoke up. "Wait is that racist?"
Piccolo: I've got green skin, pointy ears and a turban. Oh yeah. I must look likeso many other people.
Gajeel only shakes his head after hearing Piccolo repeat what he said.
Raditz: Oh, a smartass, ah? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: DOUBLE SUN-
[record scratch]
"Huh?" Everyone says.
Person 1: NO GIVE ME THE MIC.
Person 2: Huh?
[muffled fighting]
Person 2: Here, take it. I'll go practice my Vegeta, ass.
"Well...that was a thing," Lucy says.
Raditz: Then prepare myself for my signature attack: KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BIR– [scouter beeps] Ooh, a higher power level. [takes off]
Piccolo: HEY. What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?
Raditz: Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by that one green guy and that farmer, the chance of this being Kakarot are… Dah, screw it! I'll just go check.
Piccolo: FINE! GO AHEAD! I didn't want your company anyway. Right Tom?
"That's still really sad," Lisanna spoke up with a sad frown at Piccolo's loneliness.
[scene shifts to Bulma in a helicopter playing Dancing Queen. she enters the Kame House]
Bulma: Hey, I'm here!
Krillin: BOOBS! I mean Bulma! Hi.
All of the women in Fairy Tail frown at Krillin's words.
Wendy looks down at her own chest and sighs in self pity.
Bulma: O…kay… How's it going?
Master Roshi: I'm drinkin' OJ! Now it's apple juice! Now it's beer! Yay, beer! [takes a long drink]
Cana glares at the viewing in jealousy. "I would kill a man for that power!" Cana states angrily.
The fellow drunks of the guild only nodded in agreement.
Krillin: So where's Yamcha?
Bulma: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
Krillin: Why do you say that?
[flashback]
Yamcha: BULMA! IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! Oh, okay, so it's what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert. Oh, and have you changed Puar's litterbox yet?
Puar: I made boomboom!
The more immature members laughed at the bit. While the more mature members felt bad for Bulma that Yamcha had cheated on her.
"I know my darling Gray would never cheat on me!" Juvia states happily while holding onto Gray.
"Get off me!"
[present]
Krillin: Are you serious? Yamcha? Oh that is so out of char– So you're single then?
[Goku arrives outside with Gohan]
Goku: Hey guys!
Bulma: Goku!
Krillin: Tail! Wait, what?
Goku: [laughs and waves]
"Woah! I want a tail!" Happy yells excitedly.
"You already have a tail," Carla deadpans.
"Oh yeah," Happy laughs embarrassed.
Bulma: Goku, I can't help but notice that five year old you're carrying…
Krillin: Just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
"I feel like we're missing some context here," Erza says out loud.
Goku: Uhh, okay. This is actually my son.
[pan shot of Krillin, Bulma and Master Roshi being shocked with Shamalan shopped in]
Shamalan: What a twist!
Bulma: Oh, wow! I guess this finally means, you know…
Goku: Know what?
Master Roshi: You know, bow chicka wow wow.
Goku: What are those noises you're making?
[Master Roshi and Bulma look terrified. Internally: OH MY GOD, HE'S A PARENT!]
"Yup, that's Natsu," Everyone says at the same time.
The Fire Dragon Slayer stares at everyone in shock. "I know where babies come from!" Natsu replied in anger. Lisanna giggles hearing this.
"Where?" Lucy asks him.
"They're hatched from eggs," Natsu answers.
Lucy along with everyone else just face palms.
Krillin: So when's the little guy going to start training?
Goku: Actually, Chichi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be… What's it called?
Krillin: A responsible and productive member of society?
Levy looks down at her stomach, hoping the same for her child.
Goku: Yeah, lame; that's it! Hey, son, comere! Stop playing with that turtle! We don't need people saying things.
"Awww, but he looked so cute playing with the turtle," Mira whines as she watches Gohan make his way back to Goku. The other girls in the guild happily agree.
Bulma: Hey, is that a Dragonball on his head? Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains that might want him?
"I'm going to assume that's happened to them a lot already," Gray spoke up.
Even without the context nobody could disagree with Gray.
Goku: Aw, come on; I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who– HOLY BLACK ON A POPO! WHAT IS THAT?
Master Roshi: What's wrong?
Goku: I just felt a power level bigger than… than… Krillin's losing streak!
Krillin: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy…
"Might be more sad than Piccolo right there," Romeo comments.
Goku: [thinking] He's…getting closer…
Krillin: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insid– Son of a…
[Raditz lands]
"I wonder why they didn't do that?" Wendy asks.
Romeo turns towards her. "I'm guessing that they just weren't fast enough to do it."
Raditz: It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Kakarot.
Goku: What?
Raditz: That's right; that's your name.
Goku: What?
Raditz: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.
Goku: What?
Raditz: You…hit your head as a child, didn't you?
Goku: What?
[A flashback of Goku hitting his head as a baby]
Fairy Tail winces.
"That's definitely Natsu," Gray points out. Natsu turns around to throw back an insult, but is quickly silenced by Erza's glare.
Raditz: Oh for god's sakes, listen. You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. You're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans and, to top off this expositional onslaught, I am your brother.
"WHAT!?" Everyone screams in alarm.
"Sent to wipe out all humans," Makarov wipes some sweat off his forehead.
"For a species to send babies on murder quests is unforgivable," Erza shakes in contained anger.
Everyone else yells in agreement.
Krillin: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right? Right?
"I doubt that," Gajeel said.
[Raditz slaps him with his tail into the house]
[Krillin owned count 1]
"Oh no! I hope he's alright!" Wendy's voice rang out with worry.
"I'm sure he's fine Wendy," Carla tries to calm her down.
Goku: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!
Raditz: Why?
Goku: Because you're breaking Kame house!
"Great concern for your friend Goku," Levy says with a sweatdrop.
Goku: So, what are you here for? The Dragonballs?
"The dragon's what?" Natsu questions.
Raditz: The…dragon's what now?
Goku: The Dragonballs, you know? There are seven of them. They grant you any wish you want. Like immortality.
Oolong: Or Bulma's panties
"Pervert…" Lucy spoke with disdain as she and the other females glared at the pig.
"Did Goku really just explain something like that to the bad guy?" Gray asked.
"Yes, he did," Erza answered.
Nappa: Hey Vegeta. Did you hear that?
Vegeta: Oh yes. We're totally going to Earth to get our wish.
Nappa: Yeah, were going to get panties! …I mean immortality. Immortality Is what I meant. Right Vegeta?
Vegeta: …Just get in the damn pod.
Erza could already feel a headache coming.
Raditz: No. I'm here for you, Kakarot.
Goku: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?
Raditz: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.
"That doesn't sound very fun at all," Happy's ears flop down sad.
Natsu jumps up. "KICK HIS BUTT GOKU!"
Goku: Oh, well, uh… I sorta like people here. So, with all due respect… [Raditz hits him and sends him into the beach]
Natsu falls down to the ground dejected.
Gohan: Daddy!
Raditz: I'll be taking this. Yoink! [takes off with Gohan]
Goku: Quick, somebody stop him…
[crickets chirp]
"REALLY!?" Everyone shouts in shock.
Goku: Dammit Krillin!
Krillin: Hey! I was bitchslapped through a house! What's your excuse?
Goku: I was kneed in the stomach!
"Yeah, because that would totally stop you from saving your own damn kid," Gajeel growls out. Levy rubs his back and hands him some metal to calm him down.
Piccolo: You guys are pathetic. [everyone is shocked] Wha-?
Goku: Aw geeze. Hey look. I know you totally want to kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I'm an alien and he stole my kid.
Piccolo: Oh yeah. I was watching that. That was priceless! [laughs] Sorry for your loss.
"At least he apologized…" Lucy drawls out.
Goku: Yeah. Anyway. Wanna help me get him back?
Piccolo: Why?
Goku: I'll friend you on MySpace.
Piccolo: [thinking] Tom, you've been replaced.
[credits]
"Alright now we got a badass team up!" Natsu and Happy scream in delight.
"I kinda feel bad for Tom tho," Lisanna says.
Master Roshi: Now it's a Nestle Crunch bar! Now it's a gummy bear! Now it's Nappa!
Nappa: Wait, what the hell?
"That was weird," Gray says aloud.
Mira walks up to the lacrama. "Do you guys wanna start episode 2?" She asks already knowing the answer.
"YEAH!" The majority yells out.
"We gotta see them save Gohan from Goku's evil brother!" Natsu pumps his fist.
Everyone agrees with the boy and is ready to watch the fight.
"Alright then, let's start it up!"
Chapter ends
Chapter 3: And They All Lived Happily Ever Oh...
Chapter Text
Chapter 3: And They All Lived Happily Ever…. Oh…
[Goku is on the Nimbus and Piccolo is flying]
Goku: Piccolo, mind if I ask you something?
Piccolo: What is it?
Goku: You're not human either, right?
Piccolo: Yeah.
Goku: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?
"I TOLD YOU!" Natsu shouts at Lucy while pointing at the screen.
"WE MEANT HUMANS YOU IDIOT!" Lucy screams back.
Piccolo: What about it?
Goku: Are…are you a Yoshi?
"What's a Yoshi? It sounds cute!" Asaka's cute voice rang out.
Piccolo: [sarcastically] Yes, Goku. I'm a green f*cking dinosaur.
Asaka's parents covered her ears, but she heard the dinosaur part.
Goku: Can…can I ride you?
Piccolo: Grrr…
"That could be misinterpreted" Cana said as she continued to get drunk.
Her words caused Levy and Lucy to blush, making the two think about some adult books they've read.
[intro theme]
Gohan: [crying]
Raditz: Shut up. I said shut up! SHUT UP! Dammit. Why isn't screaming angrily making you cry less? I'll fix you with the timeout ball. [tosses Gohan inside his pod]
Raditz's actions cause the whole guild to growl in anger at the mistreatment of Gohan.
"I really wanna beat the crap out of this guy" Natsu growls out as his hands begin to smoke.
Thank sweet merciful god that's over. Now I'm gonna sit back and– [his scouter goes off] –beat the crap out of whoever's coming. [sighs] Great…
[Goku and Piccolo approach]
Goku: Raditz! Gimme back my son! [he jumps off the Nimbus] Wheeeee!
[Goku and Piccolo land]
"Riding that cloud looks really fun," Wendy smiles brightly imagining herself riding the Nimbus. Carla looks apprehensive, "That cloud is probably dangerous, it's better if I fly you around."
Wendy doesn't hear her as she's still in her own imagination.
Raditz: So, you're here already. And I see you brought the Namkeian as well.
"Huh?" Levy quirks up on that information.
Goku: Actually that hasn't been explained yet.
Levy saves that tidbit of information for later.
Raditz: Oh. Well, it's not like anyone cares about it anyway.
Piccolo: Well screw you too! [he throws his cape and hat off]
"Yeah, screw you!" Natsu and Romeo shouted together.
Goku: Piccolo, you use weighted training clothes as well?
Piccolo: [sarcastically] No, Goku; I just love to get naked when I'm around you.
"Weighted clothing? I can see the benefit in wearing clothes like that" Erza speaks thoughtfully. Meanwhile both Levy's and Lucy's faces are red from Piccolo's words.
Raditz: Their power level is rising. So. Nudity makes you stronger on this planet. [zipping sound]
"Uhhhhhhh….."
Goku: Uh… no. We're wearing weighted clothing.
[zipping sound again]
Raditz: Of course! Because that would be ridiculous! Ahahaha!
[wind blowing]
"This is still just sad," Gajeel complains.
Piccolo: So that hair does compensate for something.
Natsu and Gray both stifle their laughter while looking at Gajeel.
A tick mark appears on the Iron Dragon Slayer's head. "WHAT'S SO FUNNY HUH!?"
The two burst out laughing until a glare from Erza shuts them up.
Raditz: SHUT UP. [he attacks but Goku and Piccolo rebound easily]
Piccolo: Okay, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.
Goku: I don't know. But let's try it again. From behind!
[they try attacking Raditz but he kicks them in the face]
Piccolo: We REALLY shouldn't be announcing our attack strategy!
"Who the hell would just shout their attack strategy to their opponent," Romeo asks out loud.
Most of the members whistle while not looking anyone in the eyes.
Goku: Rush him!
Piccolo: DAMMIT GOKU! CAN WE AT LEAST TRY TO DODGE THIS ONE?
Goku: Dodge what? Woah geeze!
[Raditz blasts them out of the air]
Goku: Hah! You missed me!
[Raditz appears behind him]
Raditz: My bad. [he kicks Goku away]
"They are losing badly," Gray points out shocked.
"Even with the two of them Raditz has them outmatched" Erza states, not expecting the fight to be completely one-sided.
Natsu doesn't give up hope, "They'll bounce back and kick his butt! They have to save Gohan!"
The other nod their heads in agreement.
Goku: Note to self: less talky, more fighty. Hey, Piccolo. We may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one. Hi fii– [he sees Piccolo's arm torn off] Aww handsha– Thumbs u– Good job.
Some face palm at Goku's antics.
Raditz: [laughing] Oh excuse me has anyone seen my arm? You can't miss it; it's green.
Piccolo: Yeah, anyway, listen. I've got one more attack that should do it. Upside is I can use it with one arm.
Goku: And what's the downside?
Piccolo: You'll have to distract him while I charge it.
Goku: That's not too ba–
Piccolo: For five minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one, and… Ah, never mind. I'm sure you can handle it.
Makarov raises an eyebrow. "Five minutes as a charge up time, even the strongest of spells don't take THAT long."
"It seems very impractical to use in a fight," Lisanna adds in.
"We just gotta hope that Piccolo's move is worth it" Mira tells her sister.
Goku: Wow, you really have that much faith in me?
Piccolo: [flatly] Yeah, sure. Why not?
Goku: Well then I won't disappoint you. Here goes nothin'! [he charges at Raditz] Ready or not, here I– AH!
[sounds of fighting with Goku clearly getting beaten]
Piccolo: du duh duh duh. Chargin' my attack
Gajeel laughs at Goku taking a beat down until Levy slaps his arm.
"It's funny," he complains to her.
"Now isn't the time," Levy scolds.
Goku: [grabs Raditz's tail] Hah! Got your tail!
Raditz: Please let me go?
Goku: Well, since you asked nicely… [he lets go and Raditz slaps him across the field]
"A saiyan's weak point is their tail. That's good to note down," Levy jots down on a notepad.
Happy places his paw on his chin in thought. "Wait, then where did Goku's go?" he asked.
Lucy decided to answer her blue friend. "We can only guess that they cut off his tail."
"I wonder why tho?" Juvia asked. Unfortunately nobody had an answer.
Piccolo: Perhaps, on second thought, a whole five minute start up time is pretty abysmal in terms of usability in battle.
Goku: PICCOLO HELP! Hah! Got your tail…again!
Raditz: Please let go?
Goku: I'm not falling for that again.
Raditz: Pretty please let me go?
Goku: Well…
[Raditz gets up and elbows him]
"Dammit Goku…" Erza mutters at seeing Goku's trustworthy nature backfire again.
Goku: Ooh! OW spine! [Raditz lands on top of him] OW RIBS. DEFINITELY RIBS.
Raditz: Ah haha. Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one on one battle… A cunning strategy. No, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?
Piccolo: Retarded?
"That's...not very nice," Wendy says.
Raditz: That's it; thank you! Now disregarding the Namekian, I…
Goku: Ah ah. Yoshi.
Piccolo: I'M NOT A GODDAMN YOSHI.
Goku: But you said you were!
Piccolo: IT'S CALLED SARCASM!
Goku: What's that taste like?
Piccolo: DAMMIT GOKU!
"Is his brain in his stomach, because then he's exactly like Natsu" Cana says.
"I KNOW WHAT SARCASM IS!" Natsu shouts back before pouting angrily as Lucy rubs his back.
Raditz: [steps on Goku] STOP IGNORING ME!
Goku: AH MY RIBS! I THINK YOU BROKE MY… mmm…ribs…
"Either the blood loss got to him first or he's really thinking about ribs right now," Gray ponders still wondering how Goku's brain functions.
"I could go for some ribs right now," Natsu says. Everyone else just rolls their eyes.
Raditz: [sighs in exasperation] STOP. IGNORING. ME. AND DIE! Huh? [his scouter goes off]
Gohan: STOP BEATING UP MY DADDY! [he flips out of Raditz's pod]
"WHAT THE HELL!"
Raditz: NO MY SPACE BALL! [Gohan hits him in the chest] AH! MY SPACE ARMOR!
Piccolo: WE GET IT. YOU'RE FROM SPACE.
Raditz: [gasps as he regains his footing]
"That little guy managed to hurt while both Goku and Piccolo couldn't put a dent in him," Lily gapes, amazed at Gohan's strength.
Makarov smiles happily, "That kid has potential that's for sure."
"YOU GO GOHAN!" The more rambunctious ones yelled out excitedly.
Goku: G-Gohan?
Gohan: Huh?
Goku: What…was that?
Gohan: Daddy. [he walks toward Goku]
Goku: No. No seriously. What the hell was that? We were getting slaughtered out there and you could do tha–
"Even Goku is shocked by his son's strength," Lucy spoke.
Levy nods her head. "That would make sense since Goku said that Gohan has never been trained to fight."
"So how?" Wendy asks her.
"Saiyan genetics I guess."
[Raditz walks up behind Gohan]
Goku: Oh crap…
"Oh no…"
Raditz: UNCLE RADITZ IS PISSED!
*BING*
We here at TeamFourstar do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious.
*BING*
The members of Fairy Tail all frowned at once. They didn't find child violence funny at all.
Goku: Wait. Hold on.
Raditz: Oh what. Mister Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?
Goku: You don't understand. Nothing you can ever do will compare to what Chichi would do to me if she found out he died.
"At least he's concerned for Gohan," Lucy laughs out.
"Of course he is Lucy, that's his son," Erza tells her.
"Makes me wonder who his wife is to terrify him so much," Lisanna wonders.
Raditz: [charges an attack] Well sucks to be you.
Goku: I don't have any choice. I have to use my last technique.
Raditz: NOW DIE!
Goku: FULL NELSON!
Raditz: Uh oh. Full nelson. That won't work on me. I am Raditz. [he struggles] Okay let go. Seriously this is starting to piss me off.
"This fight might just be the saddest fight I've ever seen," Gajeel says as he shakes his head.
"I agree with Gajeel on this one," Lily nods his head as well.
Levy doesn't say anything, but appreciates Goku and Piccolo for trying.
Goku: Piccolo!
Piccolo: Ready!
Goku: Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind him!
Piccolo: Oh sure. I'll give you a signal. It'll be the last signal you ever get. [evil laughter]
"I have a bad feeling about this," Carla speaks with worry. Everyone else in the guild shared the same sentiment.
Goku: Well, okay, as long as we're clear on that.
Piccolo: Makan– [unintelligable syllables] Oh to hell with it. Special Beam Cannon!
Goku: Is that what you're gonna yell out when you— OH GOD
"OH GOD!"
"NO!"
"WHY!?"
[Goku and Raditz land on the ground]
Raditz: Dammit. And there was no way I could've gotten out of there.
Piccolo: You know you could've flown.
Raditz: DAMN YOU HINDSIGHT! bleh [he dies]
"At least he's finally gone."
"But, at what cost?"
Krillin: [from the sky] Goku, after several hours of debate, we decided that you might need our help– Ah crap. [on the ground] Goku! You can't die! Here; I brought a senzu bean!
Goku: I don't think that's gonna work…
Krillin: Why not?
Goku: I sort of have a hole in my esophagus.
"That would do the trick," Romeo tried to lighten up the atmosphere, but it didn't work.
Krillin: Wait, then how are you breathing? [Goku dies] Goku? Goku? Holy crap. I'm not the first person to die in this series!
"Really!?" Everyone shouts at Krillin's disregard of Goku's death.
Master Roshi: Krillin!
Krillin: What?
Master Roshi: Too soon!
Bulma: I can't believe he's gone.
Piccolo: Yeah, pity that. [he shouts and his arm regenerates]
"Wait, he could do that the entire time!?" Gray yells annoyed. "Why didn't he just do it sooner!?"
"Maybe it would've taken up too much energy?" Mira explains.
Krillin: Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?
Piccolo: Yeah. And you know what else?
Krillin: What?
Piccolo: I'm taking Gohan. Bye! [he flies off]
Krillin: Quick! Somebody stop him! [crickets chirp] Dammit Roshi!
"AGAIN WITH THIS!?"
Roshi: Shut up Krillin.
[Krillin Owned Count: 2]
Krillin: Ohh…
"Well, that was episode 2…" Mira tried to cheer everyone up.
No one jumped up in excitement. Mira decided something else.
"Let's all take a quick break before continuing," Mira finished.
Nobody argued.
Chapter End
Chapter 4: Happily Ever Afterlife
Chapter Text
Chapter 4: Happily Ever Afterlife
"Is everybody alright now?" Mira asked.
Everyone either said yes or nodded yes. With her question answered Mira starts up the next episode.
Roshi: Well, Goku has passed, but his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once more–
Nappa: Raaaaaaditz. Raaaaaaaaditz.
"Is that the Nappa guy from the first episode?" Natsu asked.
Roshi: What the hell is that?
Nappa: Guy who's as strong as the Saibamen says what? That usually gets to him. I think he's dead, Vegeta.
Vegeta: Big shocker; nobody cares. We're ten times stronger than him anyway. We'll go to Earth, find the Dragonballs and kill everyone and we'll be there within a year or so. Depending on filler, of course.
"What's filler?" Wendy asked Levy.
Levy looks up at everyone after writing down "Saibamen" in her notepad. "Fillers are usually added scenes in a play that never existed in the original source material. It's usually added to fill in space or extra explanations."
"Are we just gonna ignore the fact that those 2 are coming to Earth in a year?" Carla asks.
"Or that they're stronger than Raditz," Lily added.
This got everyone in the room to worry.
Nappa: Anything else we need to go over, Vegeta?
Vegeta: Nope, that's about it.
Roshi: Well, fu–
[intro theme]
Piccolo: All right, you little human…Saiyan…thing… I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there. That kind of power can be useful.
"Woah! He's gonna train Gohan!" Natsu shouts in anticipation for a training arc.
"But, isn't Gohan like 4 years old?" Lucy asks.
"The kid managed to do damage to Raditz, so why not?" Gajeel answered.
Gohan: W-What do you mean?
Piccolo: I'm going to make you my pupil. And then I'll use YOU in my conquest to take over the world.
Everybody frowns at Piccolo's words.
Gohan: But where's my daddy?
Piccolo: Hate to tell you this, kid, but your dad's DEAD! Actually, I kinda like saying that… HAHA! YOUR DAD'S DEAD!
Gohan: [starts crying]
Everybody growls in anger at Piccolo's taunts about Goku's death to a 4 year old.
A dark aura surrounds Mira causing people to back away from her.
Piccolo: Dammit. This is why I hang out in wastelands.
[in the afterlife]
Personnel: Welcome to the heavenly check in station. Please no cutting in line. If you are caught cutting in line, you WILL be sent straight to hell.
"The afterlife looks a lot different than what I thought it would," Gray says.
"Imagine us spending the afterlife together my darling Gray!" Juvia's soft voice calls out. Gray pushes her away after she gets too close.
"I kinda like being alive," Gray says while pushing her off of him.
Kami: And so we need Goku here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma.
"He looks exactly like Piccolo!" Romeo points out.
"He must be a Namekian as well," Levy says.
"Wait, but Goku's dead, how is he supposed to train?" Happy asked.
Carla looks at Happy and sighs in exasperation. "They'll use the dragon balls to bring him back."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Happy responds.
Lord Yemma: Give me ONE good reason I should allow this.
Kami: Because if you don't, that line's going to increase by six billion!
Lord Yemma: Six billion?! I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?! Please! I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man.
Lucy gulped at the number. "Six billion souls...how can two people cause that much death and violence?"
Kami: You know, I am the guardian of Earth. Could I PLEASE get a little more respect here?!
Lord Yemma: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a god in this show…until you get to the Kais. Then I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk, though. It's made of mahogany. Mahogany…
Levy sighs, because she's seen things like power scaling in fiction too many times.
Kami: Uhh… Anyway… Can we please…
Lord Yemma: SILENCE! [quietly] Mahogany.
"I really hope that isn't a running gag in this," Erza prays while massaging her forehead.
Kami: Um… Sir?
Lord Yemma: Huh, what? Oh. Uh, sure, whatever. He can go to King Kai's, but he'll have to run on SNAKE WAY.
"Snake Way is kinda a cool name," Romeo chimes to himself.
Goku: Sounds fun.
Lord Yemma: Prepare to be surprised.
"Totally not ominous at all," Carla mutters.
Goku: All right; I'm off. Oh, wait, by the way. Did you see a guy named Raditz come through here? He has spiky hair and a tail.
Lord Yemma: Oh yeah, I remember that guy. I put him in my patented Yemma Lock.
Goku: And it worked?
Lord Yemma: F*CK NO; HE KICKED ME IN THE BALLS AND RAN AWAY. Now I don't know where he is.
"So much for a God who judges souls huh?" Gajeel mocks with a grin.
"I mean I can understand Raditz being stronger than him," Lucy tries to make sense of it.
"Now, I wanna fight this Yemma guy," Natsu spoke.
"Do you wanna go to hell?" Gray asked him.
-cutaway to Raditz with a halo-
Raditz: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie.
-cut back-
Goku: Huh. Okay. Well bye!
King Yemma: See ya next time you die. [beat] Mahogany.
Erza groans at the joke.
[at Kame House]
Roshi: Well, Krillin, how did Chichi take the news?
Krillin: Um…
"So we finally get to meet Goku's wife," Lisanna says with anticipation. Mira shares the same sentiment wanting to see the woman capable of keeping Goku in line.
Macao and Wakaba looked uncertain. "Judging from Krillin's reaction, I don't think that's a good thing," Macao whispers to his friend being reminded of his own experiences.
-cutaway-
Chichi: Well, Krillin. What did you need to talk about?
Krillin: So, Chichi. Hypothetically. What would you do if you were told that your husband was dead and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy?
Chichi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife.
Every male in the guild crosses their legs in fear. Being reminded of a certain scarlet haired knight when seeing Chichi.
Lisanna laughs nervously. "Well...she's certainly eccentric," Lisanna nervously voiced out.
"Eccentric isn't the word I'd use for her," Gajeel mutters.
Krillin: Oh. Well, it's a good thing I'm not telling you that. [nervous laughter]
Chichi: [laughter, then deadpan] Would you like to spend the night?
Krillin: Against my better judgment.
"He should've just left," Gray shakes his head in disappointment.
-cut to night-
Ox King: [snoring]
[the sound of a knife being sharpened can be heard as Krillin tries to sneak away]
Chichi: [in a singsong voice] Krillin, where are you~?
-cut away to a car where Krillin is running away-
Krillin: Relatively well.
"I can definitely see why Goku is scared of her," Natsu points out.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn," Makarov spoke sagely.
Bulma: So are you going to gather the other Z Warriors and go train with Kami?
"The who warriors?" Levy asks.
Krillin: The who Warriors?
Bulma: [wearing a scouter. the screen reads: Where'd that scouter come from?] You know; the Z Warriors. You, Goku, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu. That's what we ALWAYS call you guys.
"That's a really lame name," Carla says as a fact.
"I think it's cool," Wendy mutters looking down at her knees.
Krillin: That's the stupidest thing I've ever–
Chichi: KRILLIN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!
"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu and Happy scream.
Krillin: Well I'm off to gather the Z Warriors! Bye!
Piccolo: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training under me.
Gohan: But wait. Wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age, crippling me for years to come?
Levy places a finger on her chin. "Logically it would, but since he's a saiyan I guess they have a stronger body system."
Piccolo: You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you?
Gohan: My mom wants me to become a orth–
Piccolo: NEEEEEEEEERD!
Levy frowns, remembering people making fun of her for being smart as a kid. Gajeel notices and hugs her close, making her smile.
Gohan: W-What?
Piccolo: Anyway. I figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger, so I'm gonna throw you at that mountain.
"WHAT!?"
Gohan: Actually, that looks more like a pleatAHHH [Piccolo picks him up and throws him at the mountain]
"IS HE INSANE!?" Mira shouts in anger.
Piccolo: [thinking] Any second now… Here it comes… aaaaaaand… Ewww
[Gohan hits the mountain and starts bawling]
Piccolo: [thinking] This is gonna be a loooooong training session.
"I just pray that Gohan survives the training session," Mira says flopping down into her seat.
-cutaway to Goku-
Personnel: All right, Mister Muscle Man; here you are at Snake Way. Now you might wanna pack a lunch because it's gonna be a long run. Nah, just jokin'; you not gonna be eatin' none.
Goku: Wow. That looks like it's gonna take me awhile.
"That's a really long snake," Natsu says with wide eyes.
"I wonder if the afterlife has long fish there?" Happy speaks with eyes full of hunger.
Personnel: Now be careful runnin'; you don't wanna fall off and die. That's just a lil bit of dead humor. But seriously; do not fall off or you WILL go to hell.
"He's gonna fall isn't he?" Gray asks, already expecting his answer.
"Yes, yes he is" Erza answered him.
Goku: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before?
Personnel: Well, there was one man.
Goku: Well, who was he?
Personnel: Well, I believe his name was…
Kami: MR. POPO!
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"
Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami?
Kami: I have just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming. Make sure you take good care of them.
Mr. Popo: [scary laughter]
Popo has successfully freaked everyone in the audience out. Asaka hugs her parents afraid of the incarnation of death. Nobody is getting any sleep tonight.
[end theme]
Lord Yemma: And not just ANY mahogany! But mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7 where the trees are 300 feet tall and breathe fire! From these trees, this desk was forged two thousand years ago, using ancient blood rituals of the Malchior people. Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also it's a very fine material. Veeeery expensive.
Kami: O…kay…
Lord Yemma: Mahogany.
Erza bangs her head onto the table in front of her. Praying that the mahogany jokes are finally over.
Chapter End
Chapter 5: Snakeway to Heaven
Chapter Text
Chapter 5: Snakeway to Heaven
(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)
NARRATOR:Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged... Goku began his journey down Snake Way. ...Wait is that some kind of innuendo?
"Really...we're using low brow humor now?" Lucy asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You're acting as if they already haven't been, Lucy" Cana tells her.
"True."
(Goku is seen running down Snake Way.)
GOKU:(in his thoughts)This is going to be the longest, toughest journey I've ever made! I have to receive King Kai's training, and battle the biggest threat to the planet we've ever faced! I have to run as fast as I can—I have to keep running! For the sake of the Earth, humanity, and my fam—
(Camera cuts to a sleeping Goku on a moving cleanup truck. The truck bumps into something, causing Goku to fall off Snake Way and down into the clouds.)
"He actually fell asleep and fell into hell…" Gray face palms at Goku's stupidity.
"You were right Gray," Juvia says.
(Opening sequence with Goku's scream fading out, which resumes at the end of the sequence.)
(Scene changes to a screaming Goku falling straight into the depths of Hell.)
GOKU: AAAAAAHHHHH—
(Goku crashes hard onto the floor.)
GOKU:(in pain)Oowwww…
The Fairy Tail mages take in the scenery of hell.
"Huh, not as much fire and chaos than I thought there would be," Mira says to herself.
GOZ: Oh who do we have here? A little girly man, yeah?
"Uhhhhhh…."
GOKU: I'm Goku. Who are you?
GOZ: I am Goz.
MEZ: And I am Mez.
GOZ & MEZ: Und we are here to pump(camera cuts to a surprised Goku while a clapping sound is heard)you up!
"I'm confused," both Wendy and Romeo said at the same time.
"J-just ignore it for now," Carla and Macao tell the teens.
GOKU:(disturbed)Okay... well I'm sorta—
GOZ:(interrupting)First we are going to do a hundred squats!
MEZ: And then lots of push-ups on the hard ground!
GOZ: And then a bunch of jumping jacks! Ooooooooo!
"That sounds like fun!" Natsu jumps out of his seat and begins to do push-ups.
Lucy stops him quickly before he could accidentally break something.
GOKU:(even more disturbed)That...sounds like...fun. But I'm sort of in a hurry? How do I get out of here?
MEZ: 'Agh, there's no way out of here; unless you manage to beat us in a test of strength and speed.
GOZ: Yeah, lots of running, 'und wrestling, 'und 'sveat!
MEZ: Grappling each other on 'ze cold ground, yeah.
Wendy and Romeo recoil back a bit from the two "eccentric" ogers.
GOKU:(desperate to avoid this)Okay, now let's say we went through all of that,thenwhere would you say the exit is?
GOZ:(points towards the exit)Oh. It's right over 'zere.
MEZ: Ja, but you have to beat us first, and—(sees Goku running off)Ach! He's running away!
"You have to be another breed of stupid to let someone like Goku or Salamander out smart you," Gajeel states. Everyone else nods their heads in agreement.
Natsu jumps at him in anger. "What's that supposed to mean huh you sh*t musician!"
"What the hell did you just say you idiot fire breather!?" Gajeel yells back, also jumping at Natsu.
"QUIET!"
Erza punched both in the face sending them spiraling into the opposite sides of the guild hall.
Everyone else ignores them and continues watching the show.
GOKU:(stops running and turns around)Oh, before I go, have you seen my brother Raditz around here? Spiky hair, tail?
MEZ: Agh, yes, he made a horrible mess of 'ze Blood Fountain.
"It doesn't look that bad to me," Wendy says with an innocent look on her face.
GOKU:(looks at the Blood Fountain)Looks fine to me.
GOZ:(angrily)IT USED TO BE 'VATER!
"Oh" Wendy squeaked. The innocent look replaced with disgust.
GOKU: Wow. Well, I'm going now! By the way, thanks for the fruit!(reveals a fruit he took from the tree)
MEZ:(horrified as he watches Goku eat the fruit)Agh! He has a piece of 'ze fruit! Agh, nein! Don't eat 'ze fruit! Don't eat 'ze fruit!
GOKU:(finishes eating the fruit)Bye!(leaves)
GOZ: Oh, now we can't make 'ze fruit salad for King Yemma's barbeque!
MEZ: Yeah, 'und Dabura's going to bring something totally kickass, 'und we will have nothing, 'und WE WILL LOOK LIKE FOOLS!
GOZ: Ugh, I am so mad!
MEZ: Yeah, let us go 'vork off our stress by doing squat thrusts 'und stretches.
GOZ: Yeah, 'zen we'll do grappling in our speedos.
MEZ: I'll grab 'ze oil.(they both walk off)
"I am so glad that's over," Romeo breaths out with relief. Wendy nods her head quickly in agreement.
(Scene shift to Earth at nighttime.)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on Earth... Now that's got to be some kind of innuendo.
Lucy rolls her eyes.
(Camera pans upward on a plateau, with a frightened Gohan looking down from the top as a wolf howls from a distance.)
"HOW DID HE GET UP THERE!?" Mira screams in worry. Lisanna just rubs her sister's back in comfort.
GOHAN: I can't believe Piccolo left me out here all alone! How am I supposed to get down from here?
PICCOLO:(offscreen)CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!
GOHAN: I can't even get any food or water! What should I do?
PICCOLO:(offscreen)I SAID, CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!
"Does Gohan really not hear him?" Juvia concernedly asks.
Levy shrugs her shoulders. "Selective hearing I guess."
GOHAN: If only I had some sticks or reeds lying around, I could make a makeshift ladder, or a rope...
(Piccolo screams offscreen in frustration.)
"He's way too sheltered," Cana comments.
(Scene shift to Kami's Lookout.)
KAMI: You have all come to train on my lookout. But since I am quite old, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Mr. Popo.(begins to walk inside the lookout)Mr. Popo, you know what to do...
MR. POPO: Yes, Kami.
(Camera changes to Mr. Popo looking at Krillin, Tien holding Chiaotzu, Yamcha, and Yajirobe as a sound of a door slamming can be heard.)
The mages tense up with Popo now on the screen.
MR. POPO: Alright maggots, listen up! Popo's about to teach you the Pecking Order!
(screen goes black)
MR. POPO: It goes: You(show a text "YOU"), the dirt(shows dirt), the worms inside of the dirt(shows a group of worms), Popo's stool(shows a black censored box, literally not meaning a type of seat), Kami(shows Kami), then Popo(shows Mr. Popo's eyes on top). Any questions?
"That...was very disturbing," Lucy chokes out. Some of the others who weren't currently sick to the stomach or terrified nodded in agreement.
KRILLIN: Um, yeah I—(cut to an outside shot of Kami's lookout as a punching sound can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout)
KRILLIN:(as he falls off the lookout)GGGAAAAAA...(scream fades out)
(Krillin Owned Count: 3)
"Poor Krillin," Wendy says in pity.
MR. POPO: Enjoy the climb back up, BITCH! Now, any more questions?(everyone remains silent)Good, then we can begin.
Levy writes down in her notepad in bold letters, "DON'T ASK POPO QUESTIONS."
(Scene changes to Goku running on Snake Way.)
GOKU: Okay! No more diversions! This is really important! No more sidetr—(notices a house)Oooh a house!
(Goku stops running and looks at the front entrance)
GOKU:(in his thoughts)Is that a snake?
(Snake-house sucks Goku inside its mouth.)
GOKU: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
"WHAT!?"
"A house that eats people!?" Lucy screams in fright.
(Goku falls through an open door from the ceiling and hits his back on the the floor, causing him to scream in pain.)
(Cuts to a black screen, with a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid's intermission playing, and then a screen opens up, which is a reference to a Codec conversation in "Metal Gear Solid".)
SERVANT: Princess Snake! you have a visitor!
PRINCESS SNAKE: Ah, perfect... Now let me assess the situation from here…
Erza glared at Princess Snake. "I don't trust this woman," Erza growls out.
(Princess Snake looks out a window and notices Goku talking to a servant)
PRINCESS SNAKE: Well, he's quite the hunk of man-meat! But what's with the hair?
"I like his hair," Erza says quietly to herself.
(Door opens and shows Princess Snake and two servants walking towards Goku.)
PRINCESS SNAKE:(in her thoughts)I just love this fur coat! Especially since I killed all the animals for it myself!
The Exceeds feel a chill run down their spines.
GOKU: Huh? You don't look like you're King Kai.
Gray rolls his eyes.
"What tipped you off Goku?" Gray asks sarcastically.
PRINCESS SNAKE:(blushes)What? Did my magnificent breasts tip you off?
Wendy sulks far into her seat.
GOKU:(confused)W-what?
PRINCESS SNAKE: Nothing. Are you hungry?
GOKU: Yeah! I could eat anything right now!
PRINCESS SNAKE: Me too…
Erza's menacing aura increases, making Wendy and Carla scoot away from her.
GOKU: What?
PRINCESS SNAKE: Nothing! Take a seat!
(Scene shifts to a table filled with steaming food.)
PRINCESS SNAKE: I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands—It's a PUN!
Nobody laughed.
(Goku is seen chowing down on the food.)
GOKU:(with his mouth full)I can't believe you took all this down yourself!
PRINCESS SNAKE: I wanna take YOU down…
The dark aura continued to grow in size.
GOKU: What?
PRINCESS SNAKE: Nothing! Get in the hot tub!
(Scene changes to Goku taking a bath in a hot tub filled with red water.)
GOKU: Wow, this water's really nice!
(A cardboard box slowly moves behind Goku.)
PRINCESS SNAKE:(spying at Goku from inside the box)Not as nice as your ass!
Erza grabs Happy and begins to hug him tightly as a stress reliever.
Happy's face starts turning purple. Lucy and Natsu(Who finally regained consciousness) try to remove Happy from her grip.
(An exclamation mark appears above Goku's head, along with the alert sound effect from "Metal Gear Solid" playing.)
GOKU: Huh?
(Princess Snake quickly moves out of the screen in her cardboard box.)
(Scene changes to Goku entering Princess Snake's castle, fully dressed.)
GOKU: Well, thanks for the food and stuff, but I've got to get to King Kai!
PRINCESS SNAKE:(runs behind Goku)No! First you must pass the test of... endurance!
Erza punches the table in front of her smashing it to pieces.
GOKU: What's that mean?
PRINCESS SNAKE: It means I want you...(blushes and covers part of her face with her fur coat)inside me!
GOKU:(completely clueless)What do you mean?
PRINCESS SNAKE: You'll see...
(Scene changes to Goku flying away from Princess Snake in her snake form, with the "Encounter" music from Metal Gear Solid playing.)
Erza sighs in relief that it wasn't what she expected and sits back down in peace.
Everyone else is still shaking in fear at the woman's explosive temper.
GOKU: Aaaaaahhhh!
PRINCESS SNAKE: Hah! Total supplication!(breathes fires at Goku)
GOKU: Whaaaaa! Stop chasing me!
(Princess Snake tries to bite Goku but Goku flies out of the way)
PRINCESS SNAKE:(makes grunting noises)
GOKU: Stop grunting—it's creepy!
Natsu nods his head in agreement with Goku. The snake woman creeped them all out.
PRINCESS SNAKE: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka.
GOKU:(simultaneously as Princess Snake is saying "wakka")Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—(notices meat)Ooo!(stops moving and eats meat)
"That's something that Natsu would do," Lucy sighs.
Natsu looks offended. "I wouldn't get distracted that easily."
Happy points over to the bar counter. "Hey, Natsu, look there's food!"
"WHERE!?"
Everyone laughs at Natsu falling for the trick, causing the fire dragon slayer to blush in embarrassment.
(Scene changes to a wasteland at nighttime. Piccolo is watching Gohan from the sky as he is still stuck on top of a plateau.)
"Gohan is still up there?" Mira asks impatiently. She really wishes she could save the boy herself.
PICCOLO: Oh for god's sake, now he's just standing there looking at the moon like a retarded puppy!
Mira growls angrily at Piccolo.
(camera zooms out and shows Gohan looking at a full moon)I was trying to teach him to fend for himself, but nooo,(Gohan begins his transformation into a Ōzaru)he has to be a WEAK, DEFENSELESS LITTLE—(finally noticing Gohan's transformation)Wait, is he getting bigger?
Fairy Tail is frozen in shock at Gohan's transformation into a giant ape.
(Gohan fully transforms into an Ōzaru and holds up a barrel, with the theme of "Donkey Kong" playing.)
PICCOLO:(surprised)Okay, that's new!(in his thoughts)Wait a second, that tail! (remembers Goku and Raditz's conversation) His Saiyan blood! Does this mean...(out loud extremely quickly)Everyone of Gohan's race can become a giant gorilla!
Levy begins scribbling down in her notepad about Saiyan biology and why they transform.
"This must be why they cut off Goku's tail then!" Lucy exclaimed, finally figuring it out. But, Romeo still looked confused.
"If that's the case, why didn't Goku and Chichi remove Gohan's?" Romeo asks.
Levy looks up from her notepad. "I can only guess that they just didn't know about it, so they never saw the need to remove it."
(Ōzaru Gohan shoots a mouth beam, destroying some terrain.)
PICCOLO: Damn it, if he destroys everything, what will be left for me?!
"IS THAT REALLY YOUR MAIN CONCERN AT THE MOMENT!?" Everyone screamed at Piccolo.
(Piccolo stares at the moon while Ōzaru Gohan continues to cause destruction offscreen.)
PICCOLO:(shoots a ki blast at the moon, destroying it)STOP MOCKING ME!
"HE BLEW UP THE MOON!?"
Levy stutters in disbelief. "B-But that would cause so many environmental issues that it won't even matter if the saiyans kill everyone!" Levy yells. Gajeel(who also regained consciousness) tries to calm her down.
(Ōzaru Gohan shrinks, with the "Super Mario" sound effect of going down a pipe playing, and reverts to his human form, naked (which a Dragonball is censoring), and falls down unconscious.)
"At least Gohan's back to normal," Wendy chuckles nervously.
PICCOLO:(lands next to Gohan)Hah! Take that, Moon! Perfect orbit, my ass! And—(looks at Gohan)Huh? Where'd the monkey go? Well, he's back to normal.(notices Gohan's "male jewels")Oh God, what the hell isthatthing? Well, whatever it is, I don't like looking at it.
"Does he not know what the male anatomy is?" Gray asks aloud.
"Well, Goku did say that Piccolo's father spat him out, so we can guess that his species are aesexual," Levy explains.
This either.(pulls off Gohan's tail)Now... CLOTHES BEAM!(fires a beam at Gohan, giving him a new pair of clothes and a sword)That is easily my most metro attack.
"A clothes beam would be such a wonderful spell to have," Lucy said with a bit of jealousy. With the amount of times her clothes have been shredded off or melted off, a clothes beam would be appreciated.
Erza doesn't share the same sentiment. "I already have requip magic, so a clothes beam would be redundant."
(Scene changes to Goku once again running on Snake Way.)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on Snake Way...
GOKU: Man, that was close! Sure am glad I got away from that giant snake lady!
(Scene cut to Princess Snake tangled up in a knot.)
PRINCESS SNAKE:(grunts, trying to break free, but no avail)AAAAAAGGHHH!
(scream echos as the screen fades to black, showing the "Game Over" screen from Metal Gear Solid with its theme also playing)
SERVANT: Princess Snake? Princess Snake? PRINCESS SNAAAKE!
(ending sequence)
Erza smiles evilly. "At least that annoying snake is finally taken care of."
[STINGER]
(Scene shows Piccolo with an unconscious Gohan.)
PICCOLO: Yep, and once again wanton destruction has solved all of my problems! With absolutely no negative repercussions!
(Scene changes to Kame House.)
REPORTER: We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long-term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculation puts the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone, at the hundreds of millions. We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon. Sailor?
SAILOR MOON:(getting shocked)OH DEAR GOD!
REPORTER: Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Nite's 24-hour Full House Marathon, already in progress.
Levy jumps up, pointing at the lacrama.
"I TOLD YOU!"
"Yeah, yeah squirt."
(Camera turns black. Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen flying through space and passes a few planets.)
NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA: What?
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
VEGETA: No.
Lucy's eye twitches in suppressed annoyance. "Happy does that way too much."
Chapter End
Chapter 6: Vegeta Kills Bugs Dead
Chapter Text
Chapter 6: Vegeta Kills Bugs Dead
(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)
NARRATOR:After endless running and detours, Goku has finally reached the end of Snake Way. How very convenient.
Gray sighs in relief. "Finally, no more distractions"
(Goku looks up and notices a small planet in the sky)
"King Kai's planet is really small," Happy observed.
Carla didn't look convinced. "I'm sure it's just perspective."
GOKU: Oooooo! Oh wow, that must be King Kai's place!(jumps towards King Kai's planet)Woohooo...(begins falling towards the planet)...aaaaaahhhhhh-
(Goku crashes onto the planet)
"Wait what?" Lucy questions in surprise.
KING KAI:(offscreen)Nice job, jackass!
GOKU:(in pain)Ow...
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen flying through space.)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space..
"So, we don't even get to see King Kai yet?" Romeo complained.
"I'm sure we'll get to see him soon," Wendy reassured.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
Lucy groans.
VEGETA:(annoyed)No.
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
"Stop.." Lucy complained.
VEGETA:(becoming more annoyed)No!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy:(much more annoyed)NO!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy:(now very angry)NO!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA:(even angrier)NO!
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU CAT!" Lucy screams in fury as she lunges after Happy.
NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA:(ready to snap)WHAT?!
NAPPA: (sees that they are approaching Planet Arlia) Can we stop at that bug planet?
VEGETA: (temper stabilized) Nappa, if it'll shut you up for five minutes then fine!
Erza releases a sigh and massages her forehead.
"Lucy, calm down" Natsu tells her while holding her back. Lucy continues to struggle in his grip.
"NOT UNTIL I STRANGLE THAT CAT!"
Happy laughs at Lucy's angry face while flying in the air.
(scene shifts to Planet Arlia)
VEGETA:(looking at a floating debris)See? Look how fun this is.
(Two Arlians riding on giant millipede-like steeds appear out of the ground)
NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta- the locals.
VEGETA: Seems they brought a welcome service.
Levy looks unconvinced. "I don't think they are a welcoming committee," the blue haired mage says.
NAPPA: You know, Vegeta, on some planets they really appreciate foreign communes. Really brings in the revenue.(One Arilan unsheathes their sword)They'll probably treat us like royalty, considering the-
(Arilans handcuff Nappa and locks Vegeta and Nappa in a cell)
"Guess, they don't appreciate saiyans," Gajeel laughs out.
"I'm pretty sure they don't like anyone else." Lisanna adds.
VEGETA: Well...
NAPPA: Yeah...
ARLIAN PRINCE: I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist king.
(Arilan Prince continues to speaking unintelligibly offscreen while Vegeta and Nappa talk)
Lucy(she's calmed down) face palms. "I should've seen the fascist king coming," She berates herself.
NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA: What is it?
NAPPA: We're in prison, Vegeta.
VEGETA: I see that, Nappa.
NAPPA: Hey.
VEGETA: What?
NAPPA: Don't drop the soap.
The immature mages burst out laughing at Nappa's words, while the more mature mages stifled their laughter.
The kids of the guild didn't understand the joke.
VEGETA: I swear to God, Nappa, I will shiv you.
(Scene changes to King Kai's planet)
Romeo perked up. "So, we do get to see King Kai!" Romeo excitedly says. Wendy smiles happily knowing that she was correct.
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...
GOKU: So, you're King Kai.
KING KAI: That's right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galaxy-
"He looks weak," Natsu points out.
Gray nods his head. "I hate to agree with flame-brain over here, but how is King Kai supposed to help Goku prepare for the saiyans?"
Mira giggles at them both. "I wouldn't judge by appearances, so let's wait and see."
GOKU:(notices Bubbles)Ooo, a monkey!
"He would get distracted by a monkey," Carla says with a deadpan stare.
KING KAI: Yes, this is my monkey, Bubbles. Say hello, Bubbles.
BUBBLES:(subtitled)You have come far, young warrior. Allow me to-
KING KAI: Alright, that's enough, Bubbles. Anyway, welcome to my planet.
Lisanna frowns. "I wanted to hear what he had to say."
GOKU:(struggling to stand up)Man, I'm so heavy here!
KING KAI: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.
Levy jots this down in her notepad.
GREGORY:(offscreen)That doesn't make any sense!
"I have to agree with the mysterious voice," Lily adds.
Levy looks down at him and decides to explain. "Well, something with a much higher mass would have less gravity needed since it has more space. For a planet like King Kai's it needs as much gravity as possible to keep it's center."
KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory! Alright, fine- how's this for a reason: I have an unbelievably powerful space pirate locked within the depths of my planet. That's why the gravity is so heavy here.
Levy could only stare at the screen in pure annoyance. "Or you could just say something like that and completely disregard the science behind it," the blue mage huffed out.
Gajeel and Lily laugh at her plight before being silenced by her glare.
BOJACK:(inside King Kai's Planet)Yarr! Get me out of here!
KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack!(stomps on the planet three times)Anyway, what are you here for?
GOKU: Oh! Well, King Kai, I need you to train me.(shows Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods flying in space)There's a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I'm its only hope. I'll do whatever it takes for you to train me, I'll withstand any test, I will try as hard as I have to, and I-
KING KAI: Sure.
Everyone was caught off guard.
GOKU:(dumbfounded)What?
KING KAI: I'll train you.
GOKU: S-Seriously? I thought I'd have to do some kind of test.
"Yeah, isn't that usually how it works?" Natsu asked.
KING KAI: Are you kidding me? The only company I've had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate...
(BOJACK: Yarr!) ...a monkey...(Bubbles screeches)...and a grasshopper!
GREGORY: Actually, I'm a cricket.
KING KAI: Nobody cares!
BUBBLES:(clapping his hands; subtitled)I care!
KING KAI: You tell him, Bubbles!
GOKU: Wow, you're right. I can't imagine anything more boring than that.
"Same, and at least we can get right to the training," Gray appreciates. Everyone else in the audience agrees.
(scene shifts to Planet Namek)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, on Namek…
"Wait what?"
(scene goes inside Guru's house, where there's a long silence and a splashing sound can be heard)
GURU: Naaail. Naaaaail!
(Nail walks inside Guru's house and kneels)
NAIL: What is it, Lord Guru?
GURU: I saw a fish. That is all- you can go back outside now.
NAIL:(walks outside of Guru's house; thinking)Oh God, this is so horribly dull. I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don't care what it is.
"Weird..foreshadowing.." Carla mutters.
GURU:(offscreen)Naaaaail!
NAIL:(sounding a bit annoyed)What?
GURU:(offscreen)I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass.
(Nail groans in annoyance)
"Were those Piccolo's?" Lucy asked openly.
"I-I think so, and I'm confused why," Levy answers.
"I'm sure we'll get our answers if we keep watching," Erza adds.
(scene shifts to planet Arlia)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on Arlia...
(scene goes to the Arlian prison cell, with the Arlian Prince still talking to Vegeta and Nappa)
ARLIAN PRINCE: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.
ARLIAN PRISONER: Welcome to Oz, bitch! That's right,(to Vegeta)you with the spiky hair, you're going to be my BITCH! I'm going to sell you for a cigarette- but not before I violate you, because you're my BI-
Alzack covered his daughter's ears and Carla did the same for Wendy.
Gajeel and Cana laughed loudly.
(Scene cuts to the Arilan throne room)
ARLIAN KING: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist! Right, my quee-(throne room shakes as an explosion occurs offscreen)What in the great Arlian moon was that?
NAPPA: Hi!
ARLIAN KING: Who the f*** are you two?
NAPPA: Hi, I'm Nappa, and that's Vegeta. He was a prison bitch.
More laughter from the audience.
VEGETA: Shut the hell up, Nappa!
NAPPA: 'Kay.
VEGETA: Anyway, we're here because my partner's an idiot. Now that we've got introductions out of the way, I think I'll just kill you and-
NAPPA: Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Oh God, what now?
NAPPA:(notices Arlian Queen)I think that's their queen. I'm curious how they breed.
"Excuse me?" Lucy, Carla, and Erza said at the same time.
VEGETA: Oh, goddammit, Nappa- that's disgusting! I say we just-
NAPPA:(To Arlians)Hey, you guys, breed for us!
"What the hell?"
ARLIAN KING: Why should we listen to you?(Arlians guards begin surrounding Vegeta and Nappa)You're surrounded by my thirteen elite...(Nappa kills guards with an explosion)...dead guards.(to his wife)Well, you heard him, honey.
NAPPA: They're not doing anything, they're just standing on top of each other and...(a snapping sound is heard while both Arlians start mating)Awww, there we go!
Everyone's face's contort in disgust at the inappropriate scene.
(Nappa takes his cell phone and takes a picture. Vegeta's cell phone vibrates, and he takes out his cell phone and sees the picture.)
"That's just not right…" Wakaba coughs out.
VEGETA:(disgusted from what he saw)Oh, goddammit, Nappa!
(scene changes to Earth, on a barren wasteland)
"Thank god, that's over," Gray appreciated.
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on Earth- Piccolo has finally begun his training with Gohan.
Mira stares at the screen in worry. Lisanna seeing her sister's plight tries to reassure her.
"Maybe Piccolo will go easy on Gohan," She tries to convince her sister.
GOHAN: So, Mr. Piccolo, what are you gonna teach me today? A brand new technique? How to sense energy? What about how to fly-
PICCOLO: Dodge!(kicks Gohan)
Lisanna's face dropped. "Or maybe not…"
Mira mentally screams in uncontrolled rage.
(scene cuts to the barren wasteland at dusk, Gohan is seen injured, has a wart covering his right eye and is sweating)
GOHAN:(thinking)Oh man, this training with Mr. Piccolo is really difficult. But I think I'm finally getting the hang of it-
PICCOLO: DODGE!
GOHAN: What?(gets blasted at point-blank by Piccolo)WAAAAAAAAAAA-
Everyone winces in pain.
Mira continues to scream.
(scene cuts to Piccolo and Gohan in the middle of the wasteland accompanied with a long silence)
PICCOLO:(punches Gohan in the face)DOOOOOOODGE!
GOHAN: Aaaah!
Lisanna begins to scoot away from her sister. Hearing the older take-over mage mutter something about eviscerating a green man.
(scene shiftsto the Hall of Justice)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice…
"What?"
SUPERMAN: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans. They're approaching Earth quickly, and I don't think we have the strength to take them on alone. Batman, what are your thoughts?
"So these guys are like superheroes!?" Happy asked with stars in his eyes.
Lucy looks at the screen confused. "Why are they a different art style completely?"
BATMAN: Well, I think...
AQUAMAN:(offscreen)I have an idea!
BATMAN: Oh God, it's Aquaman...
AQUAMAN:(offscreen)Come on, guys, we could use whales! WHAAALES!
"Excuse me?" Everyone paused.
SUPERMAN: Someone, get him out of here!
AQUAMAN:(sadly; offscreen)I'ma whaaaaales...
"He must really like whales," Natsu points out.
Happy starts salivating picturing fishes the size of whales.
(Scene shifts to planet Arlia)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back on Arlia…
ARLIAN KING: There, I banged my wife, will ya leave us in peace?
"Please kill them," Gajeel begged.
VEGETA: Actually, no, I'm still going to kill you.
"Thank you"
ARLIAN KING: Summon the Rancor!
(the Rancor arises from the ground, which is a gigantic Arlian)
NAPPA: Vegeta... It's... It's... It's so cute! Can I keep it? Can I keep it?
"Why….?"
VEGETA: Fine, just catch it or something.
NAPPA: Yay!(Rancor tries to attack Nappa, who grabs its hand)Here boy, shake-(rips off one of the Rancor's fingers)Ahhh, I got your finger. Okay, now boy, catch the ball. Catch the ball!(hurls a blast at the Rancor, completely destroying it)Hagh! Awwww! Aww, I broked-ed it, Vegeta. It must be made of something weak- like paper maché, or Raditz.
"I'm really starting to fear for the Z-fighters," Wendy's face turns into one of worry.
"What do you mean?" Carla asks.
"The big guy just crushed that Rancor like it was nothing and compared it to Raditz," Gajeel answers instead.
The feeling of uneasiness starts to fill up the room.
ARLIAN KING:(the audio downgrades in quality) (terrified and begins running up to his throne)Please, I'll do anything you want!(Vegeta begins hurling debris at the king's throne)We'll give you riches, women- Wait, what are you doing?
VEGETA: I'm about to rock you... like a hurricane.
"I feel like that's a reference," Levy says.
ARLIAN KING: I love that song!(debris hits the king in the torso, killing him)AAUGHWRR!
"So, it was," Levy said.
VEGETA: Ha, did you see that, Nappa- that was totally bada-(looks towards Nappa)What are you doing?
NAPPA:(offscreen)I'm cuddling it, Vegeta.
"WHY!?" Lucy screams.
VEGETA: It's dead, Nappa.
NAPPA: NOOOOOO!(cries)Oh, I remember when we first got him, Vegeta.
(flashback of Nappa Killing the Rancor with Barbara Streisand's "The Way We Were" playing in the background)
NAPPA:(audio returns to normal)Ah, good times.
"I really hope we don't have to deal with him much longer?" Lucy hopes.
ARLIAN: You have freed our race! You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet! We shall erect statues of you…
"Awwwww!" Lisanna coos finding it nice.
NAPPA: Well, isn't that nice of them, Vege-
ARLIAN: ...out of our dung.
"Ohhhhh…" Lisanna's face drops again.
(silence)
NAPPA: Well, isn't that nice of them, Ve-
VEGETA: We're leaving, Nappa.
NAPPA: 'Kay.
(Vegeta and Nappa fly to their Space Pods and leave Arlia)
NAPPA: Look at us, Vegeta, we saved an entire race from tyranny. We're heroes, Vegeta- we are a couple of really great guy-
(Vegeta exits his pod and destroys Arlia)
NAPPA: Ha ha! Ahaha! Ahh... tragic.
"Not really, I'm glad they're gone," Gajeel voices everyone's thoughts.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to a barren wasteland with Gohan eating berries)
GOHAN:(thinking)Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself, live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land. Mr. Piccolo will be so proud-(gets blasted)YAAAYYYAYAYAY...(falls down and starts mumbling)
PICCOLO:(offscreen)DOOOOOOOOODGE!
Mira smashes the nearest table to pieces scaring everyone else around her.
Chapter End
Chapter 7: No One Ever Listens to the Magical Dragon
Chapter Text
Chapter 7: No One Ever Listens to the Magical Dragon
(scene changes to a dark room with swinging pendulum in the ceiling as Mr. Popo, Krillin, Yamcha, Tien holding Chiaotzu, and Yajirobe are seen walking forward)
"Weird room," Romeo comments.
"It does have a very time aesthetic," Lucy says.
KRILLIN: Um. Mr. Popo, are you sure this'll make us strong-
MR. POPO: Pecking order.
Makarov places his hand on his chin. "I should install a pecking order for every time Natsu breaks something," he says.
Natsu's face loses its color.
"I agree with you master," Erza adds in while nodding her head.
Natsu tries to make himself small. Gray and Gajeel laugh at his misfortune.
KRILLIN: Sorry!
(everyone arrives at the Pendulum Room)
MR. POPO: Damn right you are. Now, stand in this circle here.
(everyone minus Yajirobe are seen standing on the magic circle)
TIEN: You mean, like this?
MR. POPO: Yeah. Bye!
KRILLIN: Wait, what?!
(everyone gets teleported to another dimension)
"WHAT HAPPENED!?"
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene changes to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Alright, today we will commence your training.
"Finally!" Natsu regains his color and cheers.
GOKU: Woohoo! Alright! Now, what's my first lesson?
KING KAI: First, you must-
GOKU: Catch the monkey!(begins chasing Bubbles)
"Why is he so stupid?" Gray asked no one in particular.
"I don't know, why do you lose your clothes so much ice-stripper?" Natsu retorts back.
"What did you say fire-boy!?"
"You heard me frozen-dumbass!"
"Shut up, both of you," Erza's harsh voice cut through.
Both males respectively sat back in their seats.
KING KAI: Actually, I was going to-
GOKU:(continues to chase Bubbles)Whee!
KING KAI: Okay, have fun with that.
"Best to leave him like that till he gets tired," Lisanna giggles.
(scene changes to the Z Fighters walking in a ruined city)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, in... somewhere...
YAMCHA: Wow, this place is a wreck.
TIEN: I know- the desolation, the ruin, the horror.
KRILLIN: Where are we, New Orleans?
"What is that?" most of the guild asked.
(record scratch)
TIEN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
TIEN: Too soon!
"I'm just gonna guess, something bad happened there," Levy says.
(Chiaotzu looks at a helmet)
CHIAOTZU: Huh?
HELMET:(quickly)You must construct additional pylons.
"Funny helmet!" Asaka giggled.
(Chiaotzu shrieks)
"Funny talking doll!" Asaka giggled some more.
TIEN: Chiaotzu, get away from there.
CHIAOTZU: Why?
(helmet disintegrates, revealing the head of a Saiyan)
"And the funny helmet suddenly turned terrifying," Romeo deadpans. Wendy flinched hugging Carla tightly.
TIEN: You have no idea where that's been- it could give you an infection.
CHIAOTZU: You're not my dad- don't tell me what to-
(Saiyan attacks Chiaotzu, causing him to scream as he falls off the city)
"A SAIYAN!?"
"B-but, I thought they were wiped out besides the ones we know," Lucy stumbles out fearfully.
"Something isn't right here," Levy deduces to herself.
TIEN: Chiaotzu, My partner!
YAMCHA: ...Gay.
"Is there an issue with that?" Erza asks. She may swing for the otherside herself, but she has no prejudice against love.
TIEN: Hey, at least I don't spend all my free time living alone with a cat!
YAMCHA: Hey, at least I get some puss- Wow, that did not come out right.
All the dragon slayers looked at their exceeds.
The exceeds looked back. "What?" they asked.
"Nothing."
SPRAUT:(disembodied echo)Hey, Bruzzel, look what we got here.
BRUZZEL:(disembodied echo)Yes, we've got some tourists, Spraut.
SPRAUT:(disembodied echo)Well, then we should give them the tour.
BRUZZEL:(disembodied echo)Yes, the tour straight to hell, because we'll be killing them, with our own two diabolical hands, which are comprised of many sinister fingers, which we shall use to fiendishly destroy them one by one until-
"Talk about over explaining the joke," Gray rolled his eyes at the scene.
SPRAUT:(disembodied echo)Oh, for Christ's sake, yes, they get it- we're evil. Shut up!
(Saiyan grabs Krillin's ankle and pulls him underground)
KRILLIN: Oh, God, why?!
"NO NOT KRILLIN, TAKE GRAY INSTEAD!" Natsu pleaded
"WHAT!?" the ice-make mage shouted.
"I'll take you anywhere my darling Gray!" Juvia shouted, jumping on top of Gray.
"PERSONAL SPACE!"
(Yamcha and Tien look at the hole as fighting sounds can be heard along with Krillin screaming)
KRILLIN: Oh, God, this can't possibly get any worse.
MR. POPO: Hi.
(Krillin screaming louder, possibly due to seeing Mr. Popo.)
(Krillin Owned Count: 4)
"I don't pity him at all," Macao says while shaking his head.
YAMCHA: It's up to us! We have to attack together!
TIEN: Right, back to back! Let's do it for Chiaotzu!
YAMCHA: And Krillin!
(crickets chips in silence)
"Krillin really gets no love huh?" Natsu pouted.
YAMCHA: Eh, okay, just Chiaotzu.
(Yamcha and Tien charge up to attack the Saiyans)
"This won't end well. Will it?" Wendy asked.
(scene shifts to the Pendulum Room with Mr. Popo standing next to the circle)
MR. POPO: Alright, let's see how they're doing inside.
(Yamcha and Tien are seen getting hit and screaming in pain as Mr. Popo laughs, loving every moment of it.)
The scene unnerved everyone in the room.
(Eventually, everyone returns to the Pendulum Room, exhausted and terrified.)
"I KNEW IT!" Levy cheered.
"Figured out what Levy?" Erza asked.
Levy smiles confidently. "That magic circle is like a transporter. It's capable of sending someone into a dimension akin to a simulation of sorts. So, even though the Z-fighters were killed in the dimension they didn't actually die in real life."
A lightbulb turns on in Lucy's head. "And that explains the weird appearance of other saiyans!"
"Exactly!" Levy answered, smiling brightly. Gajeel patted her on the head signaling she did a great job.
MR. POPO: So, how was it?
(Heavy breathing are heard with Krillin muttering something unintelligible about "darkness")
TIEN: It was... horrible.
MR. POPO: Good, you survived the first test.
"First?"
KRILLIN:(relieved)Oh, thank God!
MR. POPO: But I have some bad news.
KRILLIN: What?
MR. POPO: You're going back.
KRILLIN:(sounding a bit scared)Wh-What?
MR. POPO: Bye!
(Z-Fighters all get teleported back to the ruined city)
KRILLIN:(screaming)No!
"I really don't pity them at all," Macao repeated.
Everyone had to agree with that one.
(short silence with Kami suddenly appearing next to Mr. Popo)
KAMI: Mr. Popo, where did you send them?
MR. POPO: I'll tell you where they're not: safe.
Wendy hugs Carla tighter.
(scene changes to King Kai's planet, Goku has just caught Bubbles)
GOKU: Woohoo! Alright, I caught the mon-(notices Gregory)ooh, a cricket!(drops Bubbles who screeches in pain)
"I really wonder how long that took," Romeo says.
GREGORY: Yeah, I'm Gregory-
GOKU:(holding a hammer)I'ma smash him!
GREGORY:(visibly terrified)What?(shift to inside King Kai's house; Gregory is seen blasting by)OHMYDEARGOD!
GOKU:(chases Gregory with the hammer)Wee-hee!
"I don't pity him either."
KING KAI:(watering a plant, unconcerned)Shut up, Gregory.
(Gregory screams as Goku hits the ground with a hammer)
BOJACK: Yarr...
KING KAI:(continues watering a plant, unconcerned)Shut up, Bojack.
"He's not even trying to stop Goku," Erza comments annoyed.
"I'm sure he tried and realized trying to stop Goku is absolutely pointless," Cana tells her.
(scene changes to Kami's Lookout)
KAMI: It seems that your training here is complete.
"All they did was die over and over again," Gray replied with a deadpan tone.
KRILLIN: But we-
KAMI: Mr. Popo, do you have any last comments for them?
MR. POPO:(extremely blunt)You're all going to die.
"The unwavering faith is just rolling off of him," Carla replies sarcastically.
"I have another bad feeling about things," Lucy says to herself.
KAMI: Thank you, Mr. Popo. Now I believe it is time for you to leave.
KRILLIN: But-but all we did was-
MR. POPO: Pecking order.
(Z-Fighter fly off the lookout with Tien screaming)
KRILLIN: Oh, God, get out of my way!
"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu and Happy shout.
(scene changes to King Kai's planet)
GOKU: I completed the first two lessons, King Kai.
KING KAI: Yes, congratulations, you've managed to catch my pet monkey, Bubbles, and give Gregory a concussion.
"An average day in the afterlife of Son Goku," Erza states proudly.
"Why are you so proud of that?" Gray asked.
GREGORY:(in pain, off-screen)You psychotic bastard!
"Yes he is."
KING KAI: Now we can start on your real training and I can teach you the-
GOKU: Oh, before you do, could you tell me about the Saiyans.
"Ooooh!" Levy lets out excitedly, getting her notepad ready.
KING KAI: Not much to tell you other than they all died 20 years ago.
"That's a lot of info right there," Gajeel snickers until Levy elbows him in his sides.
GOKU:(gasps)Even my dad?
(flashback of Bardock screaming while burning)
"His dad is practically his twin," Gray comments.
"Raditz looks nothing like him at all," Romeo adds.
"Then he must get his looks from their mother," Lisanna throws in.
(King Kai is seen holding his mouth, trying not to burst out laughing)
KING KAI:(abruptly)Yes.
"Not funny," Natsu says.
"I mean...they were alien mercenaries, so they had it coming," Lucy tells him.
GOKU: Really? What killed them?
KING KAI: Let me check.(checks Wikipedia entry)Let's see here. "Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks. Hahahahahahaha! P.S. Freeza rules you." That doesn't seem right-
"Frieza?" Levy tests out the name before writing it down and drawing a circle around the name.
GOKU: Bored now. Let's get back to training, King Kai!
"I wonder how many times he's said that to Chichi," Cana quips laughing. She feels a dark stare looking directly at her and stops laughing.
KING KAI:(lets out an exasperated sigh)
(scene changes to Master Roshi's Island)
NARRATOR: And so, one year has passed- the characters who actually did anything in the last series, but not in this one, have finally found themselves of use and have summoned the Eternal Dragon to wish back their fallen comrade, Goku!
"So, we just get a timeskip then?" Levy raises an eyebrow.
"Well, at least we finally get to the confrontation with the saiyans," Gray says, getting a bit excited. Everyone starts feeling the same ready for the action to get underway.
Everyone, but Lucy and Carla who couldn't shake the bad feeling they were getting.
BULMA: I don't get it. Why are we doing this again?
MASTER ROSHI: Because my sister, Baba, told us to.
(Shenron gets summoned)
SHENRON: You have summoned the eternal dragon. Make your wish and I'll-(recognizes Master Roshi, Bulma, and Oolong, with disdain)Oh, God, it'syouguys again. Can't anyone else find these damn things?! Ah, screw it, whatever, what do you want?
"He really doesn't like them," Happy states the obvious.
"They probably summoned him a bunch of times already," Romeo answers the cat.
Wendy looks a bit mirth at it. "He doesn't have to be so rude about it," the blue haired teen huffs.
MASTER ROSHI: There are two horrible Saiyans coming to our planet and we need Goku to be brought back to life in order to defeat them.
SHENRON: Really? You know you could, um, just wish me–a magical dragon–to send them into an asteroid field. One crossed wire and BOOM, right in the sun!
MASTER ROSHI:(insistently)No, you see, as long as we have Goku, we'll be fine.
"That's gonna bite them in the ass someday," Makarov points out.
SHENRON:(puzzled)Right... Yeah, okay, fine, whatever, I'll grant your wish. Just don't come crying to me when half your stupid asses get killed! Ah, who am I kidding? You will.
(Shenron's eyes starts to glow and then the scene changes to King Kai's planet, with Goku's halo disappearing)
GOKU: Hey, King Kai, I'm alive again!
KING KAI: Yes, and you've conveniently learned the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb off-screen. Now get the f**k off my planet!
"He learned the Kaio-what and the what bomb?" Levy questions while writing them down.
"I'm sure we'll see them, Levy," Lily reassures her.
Levy looks unconcerned. "I know, it's just that we skipped the whole training thing."
GOKU: Alright, and thank you, King Kai, for all the training. It'll be a hard fight when I return to Earth, but now, I'm truly confident-
KING KAI: GO HOME!
"He couldn't even let Goku get his thanks out," Erza huffs harshly in annoyance.
"He spent a year with Goku, I'm sure that would drive most people insane," Lucy mutters low enough for Erza to not hear.
GOKU: 'Kay, bye!(flies off King Kai's planet)
(silence as King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles watch Goku leave)
KING KAI:(sudden realization)Oh, God, what have I done?! I'm all alone again!
"And he regretted it immediately," Erza says smugly.
BUBBLES:(subtitled)Well, good sir, you've still my modest company. How about I grab us some tea and some quiet music and we-
KING KAI: Shut up, Bubbles!
GREGORY: Well, I'm still here for you, sir.
KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory!
BOJACK: Yarr, You've still have-
KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack!
"He just hates all of them," Lisanna says sadly.
"Understandable," Gajeel replies.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts on Earth in a barren wasteland)
PICCOLO: All right, runt, your training is complete. Now you and I will take over the worl-
"He's still on that?" Mira asks annoyed.
KAMI:(telepathically)Hello? Hello?
PICCOLO:(telepathically)Ugh. What is it, old man?
KAMI:(telepathically)I just wanted to check in and make sure you were ready for the Saiyans.
PICCOLO:(telepathically)Ready for the what now?
"He DIDN'T know?!" Almost everyone shouted in surprise.
Levy's eyes widened in realization. "That's right! He took off with Gohan, before Vegeta and Nappa said they were coming through the scouter!" Levy shouted.
Everyone suddenly face palms all together just realizing this.
KAMI:(telepathically)Didn't Mr. Popo tell you? There are two Saiyans headed towards the Earth as we speak. Both several times more powerful than the last one you faced. They should be landing pretty soon- within a few days, in fact.
PICCOLO: New plan, Gohan, we're going to kick some Saiyan ass!
GOHAN: Um, okay?
(silence)
PICCOLO:(telepathically)You're still there, aren't you?
KAMI:(telepathically)I'm just so lonely...
PICCOLO:(out loud)Get out of my head!
Everyone laughed at the exchange between the two.
Chapter End
Chapter 8: Saiyans on my Planet?
Chapter Text
Chapter 8:Saiyans? On My Planet? (It's More Likely Than You Think)
(Scene changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen arriving at Earth.)
NAPPA: Are we there yet?
"Don't you start," Lucy commanded as she stared at Happy. The blue cat gives her a cheshire grin in return.
VEGETA:(slightly annoyed)No.
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/No:(more annoyed)No.
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy:(really annoyed)No!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA/Lucy:(now irritated)NO!
NAPPA/Happy: Are we there yet?
VEGETA:(relieved)Yes.
"FINALLY!" Lucy releases a huge load of stress.
"Awwwwww" Happy's disappointment rings out.
(Space Pods crash through a building and land in the middle of the road, forming two huge craters)
NAPPA: Yaaay!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to Vegeta and Nappa landing on the street, in front of a group of shocked citizens)
NAPPA: Hey look, Vegeta, more locals.
"Please don't tell me it's gonna be the bug planet all over again," Wendy hopes.
(citizens are shown to be completely scared with most of them whimpering)
CITIZEN: ...So, are you guys alien-
(Nappa destroys the entire city, leaving nothing but a gigantic crater)
"Holy sh*t…" Gray breathes out in shock.
The entire guild's jaw drops in surprise at Nappa's destruction.
"He just killed all those innocent people…" Natsu's shock turns to anger.
NAPPA: Ahhh, I hate awkward silences.
"And that excuses mass genocide?" Erza's malice seeps through her words.
VEGETA: Dammit, Nappa, think before you act! What if you'd have blown up one of the Dragon Balls?
NAPPA: The what now, Vegeta?
"Not surprised he forgot," Cana says out loud trying to get everyone's minds off the previous scene.
VEGETA: The Dragon Balls, Nappa. Don't you remember our wish?
(flashback of Goku talking to Raditz about the DragonBalls)
GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
OOLONG: Or Bulma's panties!
(back to present)
NAPPA: Yeah, pandas…
"And that proves he's dumber than Natsu," Gray goads at Natsu.
Natsu turns his attention towards Gray, momentarily forgetting Nappa's actions.
"WHAT WAS THAT ICE-POP!?"
"YOU HEARD ME FLAME-STICK!"
Erza doesn't say a word before she forces the two back into their seats.
VEGETA: You know what, Nappa? One of these days you're going to die. Then you'll be out of my hair forever.(caption appears at the bottom of the screen saying "Epic Foreshadowing")Now let's just go.(Vegeta and Nappa fly off towards the Z-Fighters)
"The only matter is how," Levy mutters, chewing on her pen.
(scene changes to a barren wasteland)
PICCOLO: (senses the Saiyans' ki) Gohan, on your guard! They're coming right towards us.
GOHAN: But, why would they be headed our way?
PICCOLO: They're probably seeking to eliminate the strongest power level.
GOHAN: (not catching on) But... my dad's dead.
"Never change Gohan," Mira chuckles, enjoying Gohan's back talk.
Lisanna sighs at her sister's behavior.
PICCOLO:(getting irate)I was referring to me!
GOHAN: Oh, well by that logic, I suppose you would have the strongest power level on Earth.
MR. POPO:(appears as a tiny speck on top of a faraway plateau)Hah!
Chills run through the entire audience.
(Krillin arrives at the battlefield)
KRILLIN: Hey, guys, Krillin's here!
"Yay Krillin!" Natsu and Happy cheer.
PICCOLO: Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you've increased your power since we last met.
"So, he can complement people," Lucy's eyes widened.
KRILLIN: I know! Isn't it great? I-
PICCOLO: You're almost as strong as Gohan now.
"Nevermind," Lucy sighed.
KRILLIN: I- Wait, b-but he's only five...
GOHAN: It's because I'm a Saiyan!
"That's gonna be the explanation for a lot later on isn't it?" Romeo asked.
"I can see it," Levy sighs.
KRILLIN: Well, at least there's only two of you. So, uh, how bad was the training with Piccolo?
GOHAN: Well, the training wasn't that bad. Mr. Piccolo's actually really nice after you get to know him.
"We're using the word nice loosely right?" Carla asked with a raised eyebrow.
(flashback of Gohan training with Piccolo)
PICCOLO: Gohan, I've brought you a sparring partner for today.
GOHAN: Really? Who?
(scene cuts to Gohan getting chased by a dinosaur)
"If I ever meet that green man I'll show him hell," Mira mutters, a dark aura forming around her again.
(back to present)
GOHAN: So how was your training, Krillin?
(Krillin begins whimpering while Mr. Popo can be heard laughing and his eyes comes up behind Krillin.)
"I don't think I'm sleeping at all tonight," Romeo says, shivering.
"I don't think anyone is," Wendy retorts, also shivering.
KRILLIN:(breaking down crying)First rule of Popo's training: Do not talk about Popo's training!
"He sounds like an abuse victim," Juvia notes.
GOHAN:(puzzled)Krillin, why are you crying?
KRILLIN:(voice starts breaking down)Second rule of Popo's training...
PICCOLO: Aw man, he's already crying- and the Saiyans aren't even here ye-
NAPPA: Yeah we are!
(Vegeta and Nappa has arrived at the battlefield as Mars: The bringer of War by Gustav Holst plays in the background)
"How did they not notice them?!" Lucy's shock reappears.
"Talking can be a very good distraction," Makarov answers.
"The fight is about to start, everyone pay attention," Erza commands.
NAPPA: Hi.
(Vegeta and Nappa land in front of the group)
PICCOLO: So, you guys are the Saiyans?
NAPPA: No.
"Then what are you?" Lily asked sarcastically.
VEGETA: Don't be rude, Nappa.
KRILLIN: And you're here for the Dragon Balls?
NAPPA: No.
"Then why are you here?" Lisanna asked.
VEGETA: ...We are. And I am the prince of all Saiyans!
PICCOLO: You're a prince?
Levy writes it down.
NAPPA: No.
The audience rolls their eyes.
VEGETA: ...F**k you, Nappa.
PICCOLO: So what do we call you?
NAPPA: I am Nappa, and this is Vegeta. He was a prison...
VEGETA:(interrupting)Shut up, Nappa!
NAPPA:(whispering)...bitch.
Natsu and Happy laugh a bit.
VEGETA:(Through clenched teeth)Dammit, Nappa.
NAPPA:(notices Piccolo)Oh look, Vegeta, it's a Namekian.
KRILLIN: Hey, I take offense to that.
"He's not talking about you," Lucy facepalms.
PICCOLO: He's referring to me, you idiot. And it's not an insult; the Namekians are a fine, proud race of-
NAPPA: That means he doesn't have a penis, right Vegeta.
"That proves even more as to why he didn't recognize Gohan's," Levy explains, jotting down the info.
"You're really gonna write that down," Gajeel asked with a brow raised.
Levy simply nodded her head.
(Piccolo stands gaping his mouth in shock as snickering from Krillin can be heard off-screen trying not to laugh)
VEGETA:(Amused)Eunuchs.
Lucy's brows lower in a straight line.
GOHAN: So what exactly does that make you, Mr. Piccolo? You survive mostly on water- Does that make you a slug or a plant?
"He really is a nerd huh?" Gray says nonchalantly. He receives a slap to the back of his head courtesy of Mira.
PICCOLO:(trying to restrain his anger)Gohan, not now!
GOHAN: And do you also conduct photosynthesis or do you-
PICCOLO & NAPPA: NEEEEEERD!
GOHAN: Wait, what?
"Be nice," Mira reprimands.
"They can't hear you sis," Lisanna whispers to Mira. The older sibling glared as a response.
(a couple of news helicopters arrive at the battlefield)
"Why are they there!?" Wendy shouts in concern.
"Just humanity being dumb again," Cana answers.
MR. KENT: These are them, folks- the terrible monsters who destroyed West City! Jimmy, hurry up and get a shot of the bald one.
"Which one?" Romeo says.
JIMMY:(looks at Nappa, Krillin, and Piccolo)Um, Which one, Mr. Kent?
NAPPA: Look, Vegeta, the Paparazzi. I have to protect my image!(destroys a cargo robot)
"What image?" Carla asked.
JIMMY: Oh, my God, he blew up the cargo robot! And the cargo was people!(the rest of the news helicopters leave)
The mages grit their teeth in anger at the senseless violence.
NAPPA: Good, now I'm gonna read their power levels, Vegeta.
(Nappa uses his scouter to read Gohan, Piccolo, and Krillin's power levels, which reads 0.8 Raditz for Gohan, 1.1 Raditz for Piccolo, and 0.9 Raditz for Krillin)
VEGETA:(removes his scouter)Nappa, don't you understand? They can hide their power levels- those readings are useless.
"I thought they needed weighted clothes for that," Natsu comments confusedly.
"I guess it's a skill they learned during training?" Lucy says as a question rather than a statement.
NAPPA:(also removes his scouter)You mean like YouTube friends?
VEGETA: Yes, and I have a better way of testing their power levels. Plant the Saibamen.
NAPPA:(plants a seed at the ground)Yay!
(six Saibamen erupt from the ground)
"Are those vegetables?" Wendy asked, confused.
Romeo and Asaka blanch at the mention of vegetables.
NAPPA: Ta-da!
PICCOLO:(shocked)Wha-what are those?
VEGETA: They're cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Raditz. That's right; he was so weak, we could actually grow Raditzes!
"That's actually terrifying," Macao says.
NAPPA: But, Vegeta, then you have to worry about the Fraggles.
"Huh?"
VEGETA: Oh God dammit, Nappa, nobody's going to get that.
"True, we didn't," Gajeel agrees.
TIEN:(off-screen)As a matter of fact...
(Tien and Chiaotzu arrive at the battlefield)
TIEN: I did.
"At least someone did," Gajeel continued.
"Yay! More help!" Happy cheers.
VEGETA:(sarcastically)Oh, goody, more of them. Who the hell are you?
NAPPA: Vegeta, look, more bald people,(looks at Krillin)the small one,(looks at Piccolo and Tien)the two tall ones, and-(looks at Chiaotzu)Ah... Ah... Vegeta! Look, a Pokémon.
"A...what?"
CHIAOTZU: I'm not a Pokémon! I'm Chiaotzu! Chiaotzu!
NAPPA: Did you hear that, Vegeta? It's a Chiaotzu.(holds a Poké Ball)I'm gonna catch it!
CHIAOTZU: I told you, I'm not a Poké-(gets hit by a Poké Ball)OW!
"Still don't get these references," Lucy and Levy say at the same time.
NAPPA: Awwww, it didn't work, Vegeta.
VEGETA: That's because you have to damage it first.
NAPPA: Alright, let's see if I can get a critical!
"It's about to start!" Natsu yells, ready for action.
(Chiaotzu flinches in response; Yamcha arrives at the battlefield)
"Oh, it's just Yamcha," Natsu says in a bored tone.
YAMCHA: Hey, guys, I'm here now.
KRILLIN:(joyfully)It's Yamcha!
YAMCHA: That's right- don't worry, guys, we worked ourselves half to death with our training, so I know as long as we stick together, we'll take on these Saiyans, and WE WILL WI-
(Saibamen latches onto Yamcha and self-destructs. All that's left after the explosion is Yamcha's corpse.)
Silence over takes the entire guild.
"Holy sh*t," Was the collective thought in everyone's minds.
Levy looks back down at her notepad where she wrote each one of the Z-fighters names. She crossed off Yamcha's name.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Yeah...! Woooo...!
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(Nappa is naming the remaining five Saibamen, with an arrow pointing to the first four from right to left)
NAPPA: And that one's Snuggles, and that one's Foofoo, and that one's Cabbagehead, and that one's Other-Cabbagehead,(shows a Saibamen struggling to get up)and that one's Vegeta Jr.
"Oh, they have names!" Wendy and Lisanna cheered, getting over Yamcha's quick death.
[Vegeta kills Vegeta Jr.]
NAPPA: Vegeta Jr., Nooooo!
"And Vegeta killed one," Gajeel laughs.
Chapter End
Chapter 9: Nappa's Best Day Ever
Chapter Text
Chapter 9: Nappa's Best Day Ever
(scene opens up at Kame House with Bulma, Master Roshi, Oolong and Puar watching a telecast of Yamcha's death)
"Hey, they're viewing just like us!" Happy replies, glad to have pointed it out.
"Yes, we see it, Happy," Carla tells him, taking the situation seriously.
MR. KENT: And there you have it, folks. That man is dead. Very, very dead.
JIMMY: Mr. Kent, if you had to come up with a word for how dead he is, what would it be?
MR. KENT: "Cadaverific!"
BULMA:(breaks down crying in Master Roshi's chest)Yamcha! No! I was saving myself for him!
"BULLsh*t!" The adults shouted out.
MASTER ROSHI:(...?)Bulls**t!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to the battlefield with Krillin being struck with grief over Yamcha's death)
"Losing a friend hurts a lot," Natsu says out loud.
Everyone agrees without hesitation.
KRILLIN: Yamcha! Yamcha! Yamcha was our friend...and you bastards killed him! Don't worry, Yamcha, I'll avenge you!
PICCOLO: Oh right, you're going to avenge him? The five-year-old over here is stronger than you are!
"He's not wrong," Gajeel says.
KRILLIN: But I-
PICCOLO: Face it, you're pretty much here as a meat shield.
"At least he wasn't Yamcha," Romeo tries to defend Krillin. Wendy glares at him for the insensitive comment, making the fire mage to slump down into his seat.
(Krillin is extremely angry)
NAPPA: Ha! Look at him, Vegeta. He's like the Raditz of their group.
KRILLIN: That's it! I can't take it anymore! I can only be pushed so far!
"People can only take so much before they snap," Erza comments, sage like.
(HUD from Final Fantasy VII appears at the bottom of the screen, selecting "Krillin" and "Limit")
(Scatter Shot appears at the top of the screen)
KRILLIN: KRILLIN LIMIT BREEEEEAK!
(Battle music from Final Fantasy VII plays as Krillin uses Scatter Shot to kill three Saibamen; Victory music from Final Fantasy VII plays after Krillin's rampage)
KRILLIN:(while catching his breath)That was...for Yamcha.
"YEAH KRILLIN!" The guild shouted at his success against the saibamen.
"He beat 3 Raditz! That means the training wasn't useless after all!" Lisanna cheered.
Maybe the Z-fighters have a good chance at winning.
Levy nervously looked down at her notepad.
VEGETA: Congratulations, you've just destroyed the equivalent of three Raditz.
KRILLIN: That's right! What now, you son of a bi-
VEGETA: Nappa here is worth five Raditz.
"Uhhhhh…."
KRILLIN: I- uh... What?
VEGETA: And I am worth fifteen Raditz.
KRILLIN:(disappointed)I... Oh…
"We shouldn't expect them to have an easy time," Makarov tells his children. The mages nod understanding.
They just wanted to hope for the best.
NAPPA: Aw, come on, don't get so down on yourself. At least you've proven that your Raditz is still stronger than our Raditz.
(scene shift to Raditz)
RADITZ: I...hate...all of you!
"Understandable," Gajeel responds.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield)
VEGETA: So in short, good for you. Oh, by the way, you missed one.
(one Saibamen pops out from hiding and tries to attack Gohan, only to be grabbed by Piccolo)
PICCOLO: Yeah, no.
(punches the Saibamen in its stomach and throws it in the air before blasting it with a mouth blast)
"PICCOLO ROCKS!" Natsu and Gray yelled at the same time, before glaring at each other.
Mira scoffs in annoyance. "Show off," She mutters.
GOHAN: That was incredible, Mr. Piccolo!
"Don't compliment him," Mira huffs at Gohan's admiration.
TIEN: Yeah, way to go!
KRILLIN: But, what about-
PICCOLO: Well, you can all learn a thing or two.
KRILLIN: But I just killed three of them-
CHIAOTZU: Nobody cares, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Aww...
"It really does suck to be Krillin," Natsu pouts.
VEGETA: Well, Nappa, looks like it's your turn to teach them a lesson.
NAPPA: Yeah, right out of Saiyan University.(begins walking towards the Z-Fighters)
VEGETA: Hold on, you went to college?
"HE WENT TO SCHOOL!?"
NAPPA: Yup.
"WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB THEN!?"
VEGETA: What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?!
NAPPA: Child Psychology.
"That sounds really interesting," Wendy says in interest.
GOHAN: Wow, That sounds really interes-
NAPPA: With a minor in Pain!(dashes towards Tien and severs his left arm in one punch)
(Tien screams in absolute pain)
"HOLY sh*t!"
"Heh, I get it," Gajeel laughs.
VEGETA: Looks like he's been...disarmed!
Erza groans at the pun.
(silence as the wind blows)
NAPPA:(off-screen)I get it!
VEGETA: Shut it, Nappa.
(Tien leaps in the sky)
NAPPA: Oh, I love this game! Tag!(chases Tien and kicks him towards the ground)No tagbacks.
"Come on Tien fight back!" Natsu shouts in eagerness.
"That buffon really thinks this is a game," Erza grits in anger at Nappa's idiocy.
TIEN:(thinking)Agh, damn, this guy's strong. Maybe it would be best if I just took Chiaotzu and- (notices Chiaotzu is gone) Wait, where is he?!
Everyone's attention is on high alert.
(Chiaotzu is seen latched onto Nappa's back)
"What is he doing!?" Lisanna shrieks in panic.
NAPPA: Vegeta, the Pokémon's on my back.
TIEN: Chiaotzu! No!
NAPPA: Aww, I can't get it off, Vegeta! Here, I'll use Rock Smash.
(smashes his back into a rock, causing Chiaotzu to whimper in pain)
Everybody winces in phantom pain.
TIEN: Chiaotzu, you get down from there this instant!
CHIAOTZU:(telepathically)No! I have to do this, Tenshinhan! For all the people of Earth, our friends, and especially you!
TIEN: But Chiaotzu...!
"There has to be a better solution right!?" Natsu's panic increased.
Makarov only looks down as a response, making Natsu's eyes widen in realization.
CHIAOTZU:(telepathically)Don't worry, you can just wish me back with the Dragon Balls! Now, goodbye, my friend!
"Oh! That's right they can!" Wendy shouts. Not expecting to hear Tien's next words.
TIEN: That won't work, Chiaotzu! We already wished you back once with the Dragon Balls; we can't do it twice!
Wendy plops down into her seat with wide eyes.
CHIAOTZU:(telepathically)Wait, wha-?(explodes)
TIEN: N-No! No! Chiaotzu! CHIAOTZUUUU!
Wendy and Asaka start crying. The parents and Carla moved to comfort them.
The adults either clenched their fists in anger or lowered their heads in respect.
Levy crossed Chiaotzu's name off the list.
KRILLIN: Oh, my God... He blew into more pieces than Yamcha!
Glares were thrown in Krillin's direction.
TIEN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
TIEN: He was my closest friend! I... I loved him.
More tears were shed after Tien's confession.
KRILLIN: As a memorial to Yamcha: gay.
TIEN:(thinking)At least your sacrifice wasn't in vain, my friend.
(Nappa is revealed to be alive, leaving Chiaotzu's sacrifice to be in vain)
"HOW!?"
"THAT'S BULLsh*t!" Natsu shouted in fury.
NAPPA: Aww, dang it, Vegeta. He used Self-Destruct. I hate it when they do that.
"The bastard doesn't even care," Gray spat.
TIEN:(off-screen)DAMN IT!
NAPPA:(lands next to a grieving Tien)Awwww, I think I made him mad, Vegeta. Should I talk to him about it? The first step to working out your problems is healthy communication. And-
"Bastard," Gajeel spat
TIEN: HUAAAH!(tries to punch Nappa, but hits a boulder)
NAPPA: Hey, that was very rude! I was talking to VEGETA!(punches Tien, launching him into a boulder)
"Dammit...c'mon land a hit already," Natsu says with impatience.
Lucy rubs his back to calm him down.
GOHAN: Should- shouldn't we help him?
PICCOLO: Can't you see he has to fight this battle on his own? He's fighting for the honor of his fallen comrade.
Erza nods her head, agreeing with Piccolo's words.
"He's fighting to defend his friend's honor," Erza says with complete seriousness.
(Nappa is seen beating Tien to a pulp)
TIEN: (getting hit with each word) HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP MEEEE!
"Yup, like a true warrior," Erza says with absolute seriousness.
Those who weren't still crying could only sweat drop.
PICCOLO: Like a hero.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, help him!
PICCOLO: Oh, fine! (to Krillin) Krillin, go!
"Time to avenger their friends!" Natsu shouts in eagerness.
"Hopefully no one else has to die," Wendy softly mutters, calming down.
(Piccolo and Krillin jump into the air to help Tien)
NAPPA: For PONY!(Piccolo hits him)UWAGH! He hit me!(Krillin knocks Nappa towards the ground)GAH HA! He hit me too!
"Finally! They get some hits in on him!" Romeo shouts.
(Nappa is seen flying towards Gohan)
"Gohan move!" Mira shouts in worry.
PICCOLO: Gohan, hurry up and blast him with all your strength! Before he has time to DOOOOODGE!
("dodge" echoes traumatically in Gohan's head, causing him to scream and run for cover)
PICCOLO: Damn you, Pavlov!
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRAUMATIZED HIM!" Mira(Now in Satan Soul) screams out.
Lisanna rushes to calm her sister down. Mira takes a deep breath before turning back and sitting down.
(scene goes static and switches to a news reporter)
NEWS REPORTER: For those of you who don't know who Pavlov is, allow us to take a brief moment to explain. Back in 1904-
"NO ONE CARES!" Gajeel and Natsu shout at the screen.
OOLONG:(banging his hand on the TV)Get back to the fight!
NEWS REPORTER: Annnd back to the fight.
(scene goes static and changes back to the fight, with Nappa recovering from Piccolo and Krillin's surprise attack)
NAPPA: Hey, not gonna lie. Dick move, guys, dick move.
"So is punching off someone's arm," Macao retorts back.
KRILLIN: Piccolo, do you have a plan?
PICCOLO: That depends; can you get him in a Full Nelson?
"You really want to kill Krillin that bad?" Gray asked.
"He's too small for that plan to work anyway," Cana mentions.
KRILLIN: Any plans that don't involve killing me?
PICCOLO: Well, there is the multi-form technique.
"The what?" Levy asks intrigued.
KRILLIN: But doesn't that cut our power levels by-
PICCOLO: Plan A or Plan B, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Plan B! Plan B!
PICCOLO & KRILLIN: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!(three clones of Piccolo and Krillin appear)
"Oh!" Levy writes down.
NAPPA: Vegeta! I can't..."believe it".
(Vegeta gives off an annoyed groan off-screen)
(the three Piccolos and Krillin's attack Nappa, who dominates them with his superior strength)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Hrgh, he's dodging every hit! We can't lay a finger on him! What kind of incredible mental discipline has this guy gone through?
NAPPA: Patty cake, patty cake, baker's MAN!(punches a Krillin clone)Bake me a cake as fast as you CAN!(punches a Piccolo clone and eventually launches all three clones towards the ground)
"I can imagine the same thoughts passing through Salamander's head," Gajeel taunts.
"SAY THAT AGAIN METAL MOUTH!" Natsu retorts before Lucy yanks him down telling him it's not the time.
(Krillin slams onto the ground, followed by his two clones, causing him to groan in pain)
(Krillin Owned Count: 5-7)
(Piccolo also hits the ground, followed by his doubles, which knocks him down)
NAPPA: Good effort, but I'm the Patty Cake champion.
PICCOLO:(after a short pause)What?
"We're all wondering the same thing," Gray says.
NAPPA: But, at least you didn't uselessly self-destruct like that Pokémon.
The glares returned with intense heat.
TIEN:(gets up from Nappa's beatdown earlier)You stupid...ugly...son of a bitch.(begins charging a blast)His name...was CHIAOTZU! KIKŌHŌ!(fires a Spirit Tri-Beam at Nappa)
NAPPA: Yeah, that Chiaotzu- OH, MY GOOOOOD!(gets hit directly by Tien's attack)
"YEAH! HIT HIM WHERE IT HURTS!" Natsu cheered.
Some of the others cheered at Tien's attack.
Others watched with bated breaths.
TIEN:(thinking)Right here... Right behind you, Chiaotzu.(falls on the ground, dying from using up all his energy)
"No," Wendy whimpers and Carla tries to tell her it's ok.
"I'm ok Carla, I won't cry again," Wendy tries to stop her tears.
Gray shakes his head in sadness. "Damn," was all he could say as a response. Juvia tried to comfort him.
Erza and Makarov lowered their heads in respect.
Everyone else could only look downtrodden at Tien's death.
Levy crosses off Tien's name.
(Nappa again survives the attack, this time, losing some of his armor)
"NO WAY!"
"GODDAMMIT! HOW DO YOU STOP THIS BASTARD!" Natsu shouted in fury.
NAPPA: Aha, pointless.
Natsu growls at Nappa's words.
KRILLIN:(absolutely terrified)We're gonna die, aren't we.
NAPPA: Yep!(charges towards the remaining Z-Fighters, who all stand frozen in fear, but suddenly stops in midair and looks at Vegeta)
NAPPA: Vegeta!
VEGETA:(annoyed)What?
NAPPA: I can fly...!
"At this point…." Lucy doesn't continue her sentence.
VEGETA:(starts stammering before letting out a sigh)Yes, Nappa, yes you can.
KRILLIN: You know, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble once Goku gets here!
"That's right Goku will totally kick his butt!" Natsu shouted
VEGETA: Who?
KRILLIN: Goku! He's stronger than all of us combined!
"And he won't allow you to go unpunished," Erza smiles confidently.
VEGETA: Well then, I guess we better kill you before he gets here.
Levy halted. "That's not usually how it goes."
KRILLIN: W-Wait, I mean...
NAPPA: But Vegeta, I wanna meet the strong guy!
VEGETA: Nappa just kill them first and-
NAPPA: But I want him toseeus kill them!
VEGETA: Oh, God, there's no arguing with you. Fine, I'll give you three hours tops. After that, I'm killing all of you.
"C'mon Goku!" Everyone prayed.
NAPPA: Yay! And now we wait.
(Thirty seconds later...)
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: No.
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: No...!
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NO!
NAPPA: Is he here yet?
PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NOO!
(long pause)
NAPPA: ...Is he here ye-?
VEGETA, PICCOLO, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: NOO!
"Nappa is so damn annoying," Lucy breathes out.
"How does Vegeta put up with that?" Erza questions.
VEGETA: Goddammit, Nappa, just go do something! Go have fun- I don't care how.
NAPPA: Oh boy! This is gonna be my best...day...ever.
(scene shifts to Nappa destroying both naval and air forces, laughing while doing so, while Peewee's Pocket Circus plays in the background)
"Well...he's not annoying anyone…" Gajeel says.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield with the Z-Fighters waiting for Goku until Vegeta's scouter beeps)
VEGETA: Well, time's up- time to die.(removes his scouter and throws it at the ground)
"Goku didn't show up…." Erza says in disbelief.
PICCOLO: So, where's your friend-
NAPPA: I'm back!(elbows Piccolo in the head)
"Where the hell is Goku!?" Natsu shouts in worry.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: Nappa, where did your armor go?
NAPPA: I had a hell of a day, Vegeta. I sank their battleship...and their whales.
(scene shifts to the remains of a navy ship floating in a bloody ocean, presumably the blood of the whales Nappa indirectly murdered)
AQUAMAN:(off-screen)Nooo...
"All that needless death," Wendy said astonished.
"Don't worry they can just use the Dragon balls to bring them back," Carla tries to reassure.
"If they survive long enough," Gajeel mutters.
Levy stares down at her notepad, a bad feeling twisting in her stomach.
Chapter End
Chapter 10: The Setup
Chapter Text
Chapter 10: The Setup
(scene opens up with Gohan trying to wake up Piccolo, who is unconscious from Nappa's attack last episode)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, wake up! You have to stop him!
"This really isn't looking good," Lisanna fearfully says.
"Depends on your definition of good," Mira mumbels.
PICCOLO:(incoherent mumbling)
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Gohan! Goku's never let us down! I'm sure he'll be here any second!
"Where even is he?" Gray asks.
(scene cuts to Goku eating food at Princess Snake's castle at Other World)
"No…." Erza mutters looking at the screen in disbelief.
"Not even Natsu would do this when his friends are in danger," Gajeel says, also looking at the screen in disbelief.
GOKU:(with his mouth full)Thanks for the food again, Princess Snake!
PRINCESS SNAKE: Well, it's the least I could do for trying to eat you like that. But I thought there was... (GOKU: Hmm, bacon!) something else you had to do? Something about Saiyans...and the Earth?
(Goku gulps down his food and takes a long pause)
(scene cuts to Goku running on Snake Way)
GOKU: Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
"HE ACTUALLY FORGOT!?"
"I swear if something bad happens to Gohan because of his father's stupidity," Mira curses out.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to Gohan still trying to wake up an unconscious Piccolo)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, get up! Please, get up! Seriously, he's gonna kill us!
"C'mon Piccolo!" Wendy desperately prayed.
NAPPA: Well, the green guy's out. Too bad. Guess I'll have to find someoneelseto play with!
KRILLIN:(thinking)Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! PLEASE NOT ME!
NAPPA: Eenie-meenie-minie-(to Gohan)you.
GOHAN: Wh-What?!(Nappa kicks Gohan)AUGH!
"NO GOHAN!"
"HE'S JUST A KID!" Mira shouted in worry.
"C'mon Krillin, do something!" Natsu rages.
(Gohan gets sent flying into a boulder and lands on the ground)
KRILLIN:(off-screen)WHOOO! Not me!(notices Gohan does not get up)Gohan?(Nappa looks towards Krillin)Uh-oh! Thought that would have lasted longer!
"What did he think was gonna happen!?" Lucy asked incredulously.
"Grow a pair Krillin, c'mon!" Gray shouts.
NAPPA: Midget's next!(charges after Krillin)RHAAAA!
KRILLIN:(desperately)Wait! My turn! My turn! My turn!
NAPPA: Oh!(suddenly stops dead in his tracks)
"Don't tell me that actually worked," Romeo sighs.
VEGETA: What- Nappa, what are you doing?
NAPPA: It's his turn, Vegeta. I have to wait for him.
"I'm happy that it worked," Wendy sighs in relief.
VEGETA:(stammers in complete confusion while his nose starts to bleed)
NAPPA: You okay, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Yes just...just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity…
"I'm pretty sure we've all had one once," Lucy comments looking directly at Natsu.
"What?"
"Nothing."
NAPPA: Wow, didn't think you were that stupid, Vegeta.
(Vegeta screams in frustration)
VEGETA: (struggling to restrain his temper) Nine minutes, eighteen seconds... Nine minutes, eighteen seconds...
NAPPA: What's that, Vegeta?
VEGETA: Happiest...moment...of...my life.
"I think Vegeta is going insane," Happy observes.
"If my partner was that stupid, I would too," Lily says.
KRILLIN: Hey! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A JOKE, DAMMIT! I've got a new technique-(begins charging his Destructo Disc)Which I probably could have used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends' lives... But, that's besides the point! Get ready for my DESTRUCTO DISC!
"Yeah, why didn't he use it earlier?" Natsu asks.
"Plot," Levy mumbled.
PICCOLO:(barely alive)Laaame…
"Agreed," Gajeel says.
KRILLIN: Now, take THIS!(throws Destructo Disc at Nappa)
NAPPA: Ooo! A frisbee, Vegeta!
VEGETA: Nappa, no! It's a trick!
NAPPA: But Vegeta, Trix are for kids.
"Please die," was the thought for most of them.
VEGETA: ...You know what, Nappa? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.
"Even Vegeta wants him dead at this point," said Romeo.
NAPPA: Yay, like a doggy! Bow-(gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain)Ow!
RICOLA GUY: Riiiicolaaaa...(The disc cuts the top of the plateau off, causing it to fall)OH, GODDAMN IT!(the top collapses into a pile of rubble)
"If Krillin could aim it better, then that could be a really good technique," Erza analyzes .
"Do think he ever will?" Lucy asks.
"No," Levy answers.
NAPPA:(seeing the cut on his face)Oh no! My face! My precious modeling career!
(Remembers having his photo taken for a Vogue magazine)
"He actually had an image," Carla responds in disgust.
NAPPA: You know, I was trying to be a team player.(begins charging a blast)Trying to be a nice guy!
"You weren't," Juvia said.
KRILLIN: You killed half our friends!
NAPPA: I said, "trying!"(throws blast at Krillin)
"You could've tried a lot better," Lisanna says.
KRILLIN: Well you're failing- Oh, God!(gets hit by Nappa's blast)
(Krillin Owned Count: 8)
"That really had to hurt," Lucy winces.
NAPPA: And so are you!
PICCOLO: I'm back!(shoots Nappa in the back)
"Alright Piccolo!" Happy and Romeo cheer.
NAPPA: AAAAAUGH... Iseewhatyoudidthere.
PICCOLO: Now, it's you and me, big guy! And I'm gonna kick your a-
(Gohan, also regaining conscious, kicks Nappa into a pile boulder)
"HOLY!"
The mages were taken off guard by Gohan's attack.
"THAT'S IT GOHAN!" Natsu cheered.
"Take that you big lug!" Lisanna and Mira cheered.
GOHAN: Take that, you insufferable f**king simpleton!
And again they were taken aback by Gohan's colorful choice of words.
"LANGUAGE!" Mira reprimanded.
PICCOLO: WHOA, Gohan! What the hell?!
GOHAN:(calmed down)Oh? Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Piccolo, I didn't mean to snap like that!
PICCOLO: No, stay snapped! STAY SNAPPED-(Nappa recovers from the attack)Augggh, goddamn it...
NAPPA:(growls)You-a-making-me-so-mad!(begins charging up a powerful blast while Gohan stands still, completely paralyzed in fear)
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE RUN!" Gray screamed.
NAPPA: Vegeta, look, "Imma firing my-"(face turns into Shoop the Whoop)BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
(Gohan still does not try and dodge the blast and stands still, paralyzed with fear)
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
"RUN GOHAN!"
"I CAN'T WATCH!"
PICCOLO:(thinking while running towards Gohan)Alright, it's time to redeem myself- through one final act of redemption.
"Piccolo's gonna save him!" Happy screamed in relief.
Their eyes widened at what Piccolo does next.
PICCOLO:(appears in front of Gohan to protect him from Nappa's attack)I'll save Gohan and- Wait a second, why didn't I just grab him? I can probably still do that now, actually! Yeah, that's it, I'll grab him and throw him out of the way-(gets hit by Nappa's blast)GAAAAAAAAAAH!
(a giant explosion occurs, which causes a giant shockwave)
"Nonononononononono…." The girls(Not Erza or Cana) clasp their hands over their mouths at the scene.
Even Mira(Who hasn't been his biggest fan) was taken aback by his selfless act.
The guys stared jaw dropped at the scene.
KRILLIN: WAAHAA!
(smoke clears, revealing that Piccolo is still alive, but mortally wounded)
PICCOLO: Yeah, that's right, I can take anything you can dish o-(in his thoughts)oh, God, there go my organs.(falls to the ground)
"Maybe he's still ok! May-maybe he'll just pass out!" Wendy frantically tries to reassure herself.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO:(weakly)Unh... Gohan...come closer... There's...something...I have to tell you...
GOHAN: Is it that you always pictured me as a son, because you can never make your own- considering you lack the reproductive organs to produce your own legitimate offspring?
"Maybe he did," Mira mutters.
PICCOLO:(weakly)Neeeeerrrrrrd.
"Not the time man," Gajeel says quietly.
GOHAN: Wh-what?
PICCOLO: Just...shut up and...listen.
GOHAN: What is it, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO:(weakly)Why...didn't...you...(at the top of his lungs)DOOOOOOOODGE?! Bleh.(dies)
GOHAN: NOOOOOO!(his scream continues to echo, eventually being heard at Kami's Lookout)
"Oh Gohan," their hearts reach out to him.
Levy crosses his name off the list.
KAMI: Ugh! Well Mr. Popo, it seems my time has come. But don't worry, my friend, you can go to Namek and wish myself and the others back with their Dragon Balls. It will be a long and arduous journey, but I'm sure you can-
MR. POPO: Bitch, I ain't going nowhere.
KAMI: But Mr. Popo, the fate of the entire universe is-
MR. POPO: Pecking order!
KAMI: But... I... Well then... goodbye, my friend.(fades away following the death of Piccolo)
"Wait...Kami died too!?" Natsu looked very confused. The rest of the guild all turned to Levy.
Even she didn't really know. "I guess they were connected through something," she tried to explain.
MR. POPO:(zooms into his eyes)Byyyye.
(scene shifts back to the battlefield, with Krillin helplessly watching Gohan mourn over Piccolo's death)
Everyone was immediately sad again.
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you see me kill the green guy?
VEGETA:(reading a magazine)Yes, Nappa, that was a very good kick
"Bastard doesn't even care," Gray says.
NAPPA: Daww, Vegeta! You weren't watching! Can you at least watch me kill the toddler?
VEGETA: Ugh, fine!(throws magazine at the ground)
GOHAN: GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
"Oh…." was Levy's only response to Gohan's words.
"Wait, what did he say?" Natsu asks.
NAPPA:(short pause)What?
GOHAN: I'M GONNA SKULLF*CK YOU!
"Oh…" Was everyone's response.
GOHAN: MASENKOOO-HAAAAA!(fires a Masenko at Nappa)
"KICK HIS ASS GOHAN!" Natsu shouted.
NAPPA:AAAAAH!
(Nappa deflects Gohan's blast into a plateau)
"There's just no stopping this guy!" Erza's teeth grind together in agitation.
NAPPA: (while holding his hand, which is numb) Arrrrrgh. Bitch Please!
GOHAN: I'm sorry, Mr. Piccolo. I-I failed you…
"No, you did your best Gohan," Mira says softly.
"And it wasn't good enough," Gajeel retorts, only to be elbowed by Levy.
KRILLIN: You sure did! I uh... I mean...sorry for your loss.
"Dammit, Krillin," Gray says.
NAPPA: Well, it's been fun, kid-I mean, for me, not for you. As for you, everyone important to you is dead.
KRILLIN: Hey, I'm still alive-
NAPPA: Everyone important!
"Krillin's life really sucks."
KRILLIN:(sadly)Dammit.
NAPPA:(raises his foot)Now, Nappa Smash!
"I can't watch!" Wendy and Mira said as both turn their eyes from the screen.
(Gohan and Krillin both close their eyes, preparing for the worst, but Gohan is suddenly moved out of the way before Nappa can crush him with his foot)
"Huh?"
The two girls turned their eyes back when they didn't hear any pained screaming.
Everyone stares in confusion at Gohan's disappearance.
NAPPA: Oo-wa-waa? Hey! Where'd he go! Did he disappear, or was he never there to begin with?(dramatic music and screen zooms in on Nappa's face)
(Gohan is shown to be on top of Flying Nimbus)
"T-that cloud…!" Happy shouts.
"That could only mean…!" Lucy says as her and everyone else came under the same realization.
"GOKU IS BACK!" Natsu and everyone else screamed at once.
NAPPA: Oh wait, there he is.
GOHAN: Huh?
(Goku lands, finally arriving at scene of the battle)
"Finally!" Everyone sighs in relief.
GOKU: Hey, guys! What'd I miss? I-(notices everyone's corpses)Oh, are they all... Tenshinhan... Piccolo...? Yamcha? Oh wow, especially Yamcha...(notices Chiaotzu body is nowhere to be seen)Wait, where's Chiaotzu?
Everyone lowers their heads at the sight of the fallen warriors.
KRILLIN: Oh, he's here...and there...and there...and-
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What?
GOHAN: Too soon!
GOKU: I'm sorry I'm late, you guys. But I brought some Senzu Beans for you!
KRILLIN: Woohoo! Thank you, Ex Machina.
"Oh, they're like instant heal medicine," Levy says as she writes it down in her notepad.
GOKU:(to Vegeta and Nappa)Hey! Which one of you did all this?
NAPPA: That was me, totally calling it.(Goku is shaking in rage over the loss of his friends)I killed every single one of them- except for Chiaotzu. He blew himself up!
(Goku continues to shake in anger and begins to power up)
GOKU:(powering up)HHHHAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!
"I think this is the first time we've seen Goku genuinely angry," Lucy points out.
"Now this definitely reminds me of Natsu," Erza says with a smile.
Natsu doesn't respond, because it's Erza, she's correct, and he's too excited to watch Goku kick ass.
NAPPA: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?
VEGETA:(Takes off his scouter)It's...one thousand and six.
"That doesn't seem right," Levy points out.
NAPPA: Wha- really?
VEGETA: Yeah, kick his ass, Nappa!(turns off his scouter)
NAPPA: YAY!(charges into battle with Goku)
(Nappa gets beaten to pulp while Vegeta, Gohan, and Krillin watch, completely shocked at Goku's beatdown)
NAPPA: (while getting pummeled by Goku) OOOWWW! Ow ow ow ow! Dah! Doh! Dah! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!
VEGETA: Hm, that doesn't seem right...
NAPPA: (faintly in background) My arm doesn't bend that way! My arm doesn't bend that way! (loud crunching sound is heard) Oh, now it does!
Everybody cheers and laughs at Nappa's beatdown. It was a long time coming in their minds.
VEGETA: Wait, wait, wait, wait... Nappa!
(Nappa gets knocked over next to Vegeta)
NAPPA: (in pain) WHAAAAAT?!
VEGETA: I had the Scouter upside down. (once again takes off his scouter) It's over nine thousand. (calmly crushes scouter) Rah.
"I feel like that should've been more dramatic," Lucy says a bit disappointed.
NAPPA: Why do you sound so bored?!
VEGETA: Because, it's still not a threat.
NAPPA: But-
VEGETA: To me. Besides, once we get the Dragon Balls, we'll just wish for immortality! Then no one will be able to stop us.
GOKU: Wait, what? But you killed Piccolo.
"Yeahhhh," Everyone drags out.
VEGETA: And your point is...?
GOKU: Well, if he's dead, the Dragon Balls don't work.
"IS THAT WHY KAMI DIED!?" Levy shouts in shock before swiftly writing down a sh*t load of information.
VEGETA: Wh... what?
NAPPA: Oh, and I totally killed that guy.
"Vegeta's gonna lose it," Gajeel laughs.
NAPPA: Oh well, at least we still had fun getting here, right, Vegeta?(Vegeta growls in anger)Vegeta? Remember the bug planet?(Vegeta continues growling in anger)Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vege-(scene cuts to Nappa getting killed by Vegeta)AAAAAAAAAGH!(gets obliterated in an explosion as Vegeta is last seen staring at the sky and giving an evil smirk)
The audience was placed into stunned silence.
"On one hand killing his partner was wrong, but on the other hand it was Nappa and I'm happy to see him gone," Lucy's voice breaks the quietness.
Nobody wanted to disagree with her.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
Chapter End
Chapter 11: The Punchline
Chapter Text
Chapter 11: The Punchline (Part 1)
VEGETA:(laughs maniacally)He's gone! He's finally gone! I'm so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all!
"Really!?" Wendy asked, full of hope.
KRILLIN: Re-Really?
VEGETA:(laughter dies down)Oh no, you're all thoroughly screwed.
KRILLIN: Awww.
Wendy hides her head in embarrassment of falling for the false hope.
"It was too good to be true," Romeo said.
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, I'll handle Vegeta on my own. I need the both of you to get as far away as-(Krillin is suddenly gone)Where'd Krillin go?
(scene cuts to Krillin screaming flying away and then back to the battlefield where Goku places his hand on Gohan)
"Krillin running away wasn't unexpected," Gray said.
GOKU: Gohan, follow Krillin. Get home to your mother.
GOHAN: Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her?
"Some words of love and reassurance," Erza said, as she nods her head.
GOKU: Yes, Gohan. Tell her...("Coming Undone" by Korn plays as the camera slightly zooms in on Goku's face)to put dinner on...("Coming Undone" plays again with the camera zooming in on Goku's face)because I'm hungry.(plays a third time with the camera once again zooming in on Goku's face)
Erza's face falters for a second before regaining her composer.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to Goku flying down on the battlefield)
VEGETA: Alright, are you ready for this?
GOKU: You bet I am! But first, why don't we take this battle somewhere else?
VEGETA: What's wrong with here?
GOKU: I don't know. Something about it doesn't feel right.
VEGETA: Well, it is a little corpsy.(looks at the corpses of Yamcha, Tien, and Piccolo)
"Nappa," Natsu growls out with suppressed anger.
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, on King Kai's planet.
KING KA"I:(in his thoughts)So, the fight is about to begin. The showdown between the Saiyan elite and the low-class warrior, trained by me.
King Kai's words gets the audience excited for the battle.
"C'mon let's start it up already!" Natsu shouts.
KING KAI:Takin' all bets, guys! Takin' all bets!
"Should we do bets?" Mira asked everyone.
"Aren't we all voting for Goku?" Lisanna asked her sister.
"All money on Vegeta," Gajeel and Gray announced without hesitation. Levy, Lily, and Juvia turned to them surprised.
"Goku reminds me of Salamander/Natsu, so I don't want him to win," Both explained.
"WHAT WAS THAT METAL MOUTH AND ICE STRIPPER!?" Natsu shouted, being held back by a struggling Lucy.
Mira claps her hands loudly drawing everyone's attention.
"We're gonna place bets(100,000 Jewels) and the winner takes all," Mira says happily.
Gajeel, Lily, Levy, Gray, Juvia, and Cana placed bets on Vegeta.
Everyone else placed bets on Goku.
BUBBLES:(subtitled)70,000 zeni on the noble young warrior!
BOJACK:(from inside King Kai's planet)Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one!
GREGORY: Uh, sir, is this really appropriate? If Goku loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed!
"He's not wrong," Lucy said.
"But, bets will give me more booze," Cana said.
(King Kai creates a large hammer)
KING KAI: You were saying?
GREGORY: D'ah, 1,000 zeni on Goku.
NARRATOR:Hey, can I get in on this?
KING KAI: Wait a second. Don't you already know the outcome of the fight?
NARRATOR:N-Noooo...
"Shouldn't the narrator know?" Happy asked.
"He's lying Happy," Lucy tells him.
"Oh."
(scene cuts back to Earth where Goku guides Vegeta to a wasteland to start their battle)
GOKU: This is it!
VEGETA: Ah, yes. A perfect place to mark your grave.
GOKU: Listen, we don't have to do this, you know. If you leave now and promise to never come back, I'll let you go. And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed.
"Goku's talking sense for the first time since we've met him," Gray says in mild surprise.
"It happens once in a while," Lucy said.
VEGETA: Such trite! Where's your Saiyan pride, Kakarot? We are proud warriors! Bred to fight and conquer. This planet has made you soft.
"And it would be too boring," Gajeel added.
GOKU: Are you sure about this? Because even if you're a little sorry-
VEGETA: No! I'm not sorry!
GOKU: Are you absolutely sure you-
"Don't keep asking him," Carla said.
VEGETA: Yes! I am entirely sure!(Goku begins powering up)I'm going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-
GOKU: KAIO-KEN!(charges at Vegeta)
VEGETA: Kaio-what-
"So, that's the Kaioken!?" Levy shouts out, and begins to write it in her notepad.
(Goku punches Vegeta in the face and proceeds to attack him with a barrage of punches before knocking him away. Vegeta however recovers from the attack and kicks Goku in the face)
"THE KETCHUP IS AWESOME!" Natsu and Happy scream out.
"IT'S KAIOKEN!" Lucy screams back at the two.
VEGETA:(breathes heavily)Okay, not bad. But still nothing compared to me. Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite!
GOKU: Elite? What's that mean?
"I need to stop being surprised at this point," Gray sighs.
VEGETA: It means I'm of the upper class. A finer breed! The highest grade of warrior!
(Goku floats there silently, blinking confusedly)
VEGETA:(sighs)Okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I'm filet mignon.
GOKU: Oooh, I like both those things!
VEGETA:(after a short pause)I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop.
"I'm getting a strange sense of Deja Vu from these two," Lucy says quietly to herself. The Celestial mage looks at Natsu then turns to look at Gajeel.
"What?" The two Dragon Slayers ask.
"Nothing."
GOKU: Hopefully before dinner, because I told Gohan to tell Chi-Chi to-
"He's more concerned about dinner than the guy trying to kill him," Romeo says.
"At least he's confident," Carla said.
(Vegeta headbutts Goku)AH!(Vegeta elbows Goku towards the ground)Unh!
VEGETA: Hah! What's wrong, Kakarot? Can't keep up?(throws a fiery ki blast at Goku)I told you, Kakarot. There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here.(Goku removes the torn portion of his shirt)You may as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-
"He's ranting a bit much here," Levy says.
GOKU: Kaio-Ken times three!(once again turns Kaio-Ken and flies at Vegeta)
"So there's levels to it?" Juvia asks.
VEGETA: Times wha-
(Goku punches Vegeta in the face, sending him screaming and flying into a plateau)
"And each level increases his strength and speed," Levy notes.
"Seems overpowered," Lily told her.
"I'm sure there's a drawback, everything has a drawback," Levy tells him.
VEGETA:(in pain)This... proves... nothing.
"Proves you just ate sh*t," Gajeel laughs.
GOKU: Are you okay in there?
VEGETA:(sarcastically)Yeah, I'm fan-f**king-tastic... nothing but gumdrops and ice-cream in here.
"Really!?" Wendy and Asaka shout with excitement.
GOKU:(delighted)Oh, really? Can I come in too?
VEGETA:(short pause)I'm surrounded by idiots.
"The story of my life," Gajeel said.
GOKU: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice-cream.
(Vegeta screams with rage as he destroys the plateau around him)
"At this point, I'm surprised he doesn't have another aneurysm," Lucy said.
VEGETA: I will not stand for this! I will not be humiliated by a low-class wretch!
GOKU: Aww, sounds like somebody's got an ice-cream headache!
"He has to be doing this on purpose," Romeo says in astonishment.
VEGETA: THAT'S IT! EVERYONE DIES!(launches himself into the air with a purple aura surrounding him and begins charging up energy)Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot!
"He's not that insane right?" Macao asked in worry.
"Even if it means dying in space, he just wants to watch everyone die," Erza says.
"Let's just hope Goku can stop it," Mira hopes.
GOKU: Well, that's not very nice.
"No sh*t," Gajeel says.
VEGETA: OF COURSE NOT! I'M F**KING EVIL! GALICK GUN!
GOKU: Oooh, did he say Garlic-
VEGETA:(in distance)AAARRRGH!
GOKU:(powers up to Kaio-Ken x3)Oh man!(cups his hands behind his back for a Kamehameha wave)KA... ME... HA... ME…
VEGETA: FIRE!
GOKU: HA!
(both energy waves clash in mid-air)
"HOLY sh*t!"
"THAT'S SO FREAKING COOL!" Natsu and Romeo screamed at once.
"The power the two of them hold is magnificent," Erza says in awe.
VEGETA: This is the end, Kakarot! You don't stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack!(Goku is seen struggling in the clash)Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world!
"He's losing," Gray says in worry.
"C'mon Goku push through it!" Natsu says as he tightens his fists.
GOKU: Hungh... Kaio-Ken...
VEGETA:(stunned pause)No…
"Yes…"
GOKU: Times...
VEGETA:(as if trying to deter Goku)No, no, no…
"Yes, yes, yes…"
GOKU: FOUR!(Kamehameha overpowers Galick Gun)
VEGETA: Nononononononono-(gets carried away by the blast)FUUUUUUUUUUU…
"YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!" The entire guild cheered watching Vegeta get blown away.
"HE WON!" Happy screamed and flew into Natsu.
"I guess we lost the bet?" Gray mumbled though he was smiling.
"We may have lost the bet, but you've still won my heart Gary," Juvia swoons.
"It's not over yet," Gajeel tells everyone.
"What do you mean metal head?" Natsu asked annoyed.
"Keep watching."
(scene shifts to Kame House)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back at the ranch.
(camera cuts in inside Kame House with Bulma, Chi-Chi, Ox-King, Master Roshi, Oolong, and Turtle)
BULMA: Remember when we used to do stuff? You know, be out there with them? And help?
"They used to help?" Carla asked.
(They all agree. Fortuneteller Baba is seen working her crystal ball.)
OOLONG: And remember the Red Ribbon Army?
"Strange name for an army," Lucy says.
(They all remember)
MASTER ROSHI: And what about King Piccolo?
"Piccolo was a king?" Wendy questions.
"His dad," Levy tells her.
(They all remember, with Bulma saying "Good times. Good times.")
BULMA: Whatever happened to Launch?
"Who?" Everyone asked all at once.
(silence)
MASTER ROSHI: Who?
(scene cuts to a bar with a hungover Launch and a bartender with "The Singing Sea" from "Cowboy Bebop" playing)
LAUNCH:(sighs)
Everyone turned to Cana.
"What?" She asked, confused.
"Nothing."
(scene cuts to the sky)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, back at the plot...
VEGETA:(still getting carried off by Goku's Kamehameha)...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
"HE'S STILL ALIVE!?"
"Told ya!" Gajeel responds with a co*cky grin.
VEGETA:(moves away from the blast and starts breathing heavily)Son of a bitch! This can't be happening! I'm the prince! I'm supposed to be the best by default!(continues to breathe heavily before smirking)I'll show that little bastard! I'll become the mighty Ōzaru and crush him into the-(tires to look for the moon)Where's the moon?(in distance)WHERE'S THE DAMN MOON?!
"Piccolo blew it up," Natsu answered.
"Which will still cause environmental issues!" Levy brought up again though nobody cared to listen.
(cuts to a flashback of Piccolo staring at the moon)
PICCOLO: MOOOOOOOOOON!(fires a ki blast that destroys the moon)
Anyone not concerned about the environment issues laughed or smirked at the scene.
(cuts back to the present where Vegeta lands in front of Goku.)
GOKU: Huh?
VEGETA: Very clever, Kakarot! I'd taken you for a fool but it seems you're far more cunning than you let on! But destroying the moon won't stop me! We've learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary pl-
"They can create what?" Levy regains focus and starts writing it down.
GOKU: Question.
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Are they made of cheese?
VEGETA:(short pause)I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should.
"I still don't blame him," Gajeel says.
(Vegeta creates an artificial moon and shoots it into the sky)
VEGETA: Now watch, Kakarot, as your life becomes inconsequential,(camera slowly pans up Vegeta's body)as I reveal my giant monkey…
(camera stops in front of Vegeta's crotch; scene cuts to a group of viewers gasping in fear over seeing Vegeta's crotch at a jumbotron)
"Gross," The female members said.
VEGETA: ...form.
(camera moves quickly up to Vegeta's face; crowd watching the jumbotron sigh in relief)
PENIS GUY: Thank God, I thought he meant penis!
"Why would he mean that?!" Carla shouted in frustration.
(Vegeta begins transforming into an Ōzaru)
"His clothes grew too," Natsu said.
"Why are you focused on that part?" Lucy asks him
Natsu shrugged.
GOKU:(thinking)He's getting huge. That means he'll only be stronger. That means he won't be as fast-(Ōzaru Vegeta punches a plateau Goku is standing on)
"That is one fast monkey!" Romeo straightened up in alarm.
Levy jolts more things down.
Oh, God, he's still as fast!(dodges a punch and lands on the ground)He's too powerful! I have to come up with a plan! Wait, I know!(out loud)I just have to think like a monkey!(closes his eyes)Hmm...(hears screeching noises)Hey, it's working!
"Is that technically racist?" Lucy asked.
"He's a saiyan, so I guess not," Levy answered.
KING KAI:(telepathically)No, that's just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles!
(a loud thud is heard off screen with Bubbles groaning in pain)
KING KAI: Goku, listen, the only way that you can beat him is if you use the Spirit Bomb!
GOKU:(raises both hands into the sky)On it!
"We get to see the other move now!" Natsu cheered.
KING KAI:And whatever you do, make sure you're very well hidden! It's going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy!
"What's with these techniques that take a long time to charge!?" Erza asked incredulously.
GOKU:(gets hit by Ōzaru Vegeta)Aaaaaaggggghhhh!
(crystal ball goes static)
PHONE OPERATOR: We're sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again later.
KING KAI: Huh.
"That's...not good at all," Wendy said nervously.
Everyone agreed with her.
(scene opens up with Goku getting launched by Ōzaru Vegeta's attack)
ŌZARU VEGETA: What did I tell you, Kakarot? I'm ten times stronger in this form, while you are beaten and weary.
"Unfair," Happy pouted.
GOKU:(thinking)Man, this is worse than that time I was in high school, and all the guys called me "Geeko", and I was Piccolo's slave, I couldn't get Chi-Chi to like me.
"W-what?" Everyone stared in confusion at Goku's words.
GOKU: And...(out loud)Oh wow, I hit that rock harder than I thought.
"At least he's aware of it," Lucy said.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Now, Kakarot, to finish this!
GOKU:(thinking)Oh man, what would Yamcha do?
"Not someone to take reference from," Gray said.
(flashback to Yamcha exploding)
"He wasn't even there for that," Romeo said.
"Wouldn't be difficult to guess that it happened," Cana said with a mouth full of liquor.
GOKU:(thinking)Um... um... What would Tien do?!(out loud)Wait, I know!(jumps in front of Ōzaru Vegeta)
ŌZARU VEGETA: Prepare to die, Kakarot!
GOKU: Solar Flare!(blinds Ōzaru Vegeta and flies away)
"That is a very useful technique," Makarov said.
"I wanna use that!" Happy said.
"Why," Lucy asks him.
"So, I can take any fish without people knowing!" Happy explains to her.
"Don't just openly admit to theft!" She yells back.
ŌZARU VEGETA: AAAAH! My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Frieza in the shower! Wait a minute, Frieza's always naked. AAAAAAGGGGHHH!
"Who is Frieza?" Natsu asks.
Levy ponders his question. "We still don't know yet, but I'm sure we'll eventually find out."
GOKU: Alright, that should buy me some time, now let's see. Planet, give me your energy- everything you can spare!
"I wanna give him energy!" Asaka yells, raising up her tiny hands. Her actions cause everyone else to do the same.
ŌZARU VEGETA:(in background)Kakarot, when I find you you're going to die! And not any sort of good death! You're going to die horribly, terribly, I'm going to eat your...(continues to speak in the background)
"He'd eat a person?" Juvia says with a disgusted look on her face.
GOKU: Oceans, forests, people of the planet, and all the animals that live alongside them!(starts glowing)
ŌZARU VEGETA:(in background)I'm going to hammer you...(continues to speak in the background)
"Someone's creative," Gray said.
GOKU: There, I think I have enough energy- but, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt...
(scene cuts to a large buck groaning and then collapses)
"Oh no…"
BABY DEER: Daddy? Daddy?
(scene cuts back to wastelands)
GOKU:(thinking)Alright, that should do it! All finished.
"Shouldn't give him too much energy.." Lucy nervously chuckles to herself.
ŌZARU VEGETA:(regaining his eyesight)Finally, I can see again. Kakarot, I am going to KILL you!
GOKU:Now, take this! Energy from the entire world!(Ōzaru Vegeta fires a mouth blast at Goku)Well, if that don't beat all...(gets hit with the blast, losing the energy for the Spirit Bomb)AAAAAAAAH!(gets knocked into a plateau and onto the ground)
"REALLY!?"
"This is why you don't get distracted in the middle of battle," Erza reprimands with an irate expression.
"What's he gonna do now!?" Wendy asks worried.
"Maybe he can get the energy back?" Romeo brings up.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Hey, Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
GOKU: Huh?
ŌZARU VEGETA: Christopher Reeves!(crushes Goku's legs)
Everyone winces from the gruesome sight.
"Goku's not using the spirit bomb again," Gajeel pointed out.
GOKU:(in agony)AAAAAAAOOWWW! That was in terrible taaaaaaste!
ŌZARU VEGETA: Don't care; evil! Now, time to crush you like an Arlian.
GOKU: A... what?
"The bug people?" Carla asks.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Exactly, now die!
(Ōzaru Vegeta prepares to squash Goku with his finger, but Goku retaliates by blasting Ōzaru Vegeta's eye)
ŌZARU VEGETA: AAAUGH! Again with the f***ing eye! God... dammit!
"You're the one who leaves them wide open for attacking," Gray points out.
Erza nods in agreement. "Never leave an opening for your opponent."
GOKU: Hah! Now to make my cunning escape.
(shows Goku dodging Ōzaru Vegeta's attacks before jumping into the air)
"Wait, but aren't his legs broken?" Romeo asks.
(Which it turns out to be an imagination in Goku's head)
"Yeah that makes sense," Romeo said.
GOKU: Ah, that would be awesome.
"It really would've been," Natsu agrees in despair.
ŌZARU VEGETA: I've had enough of this.(grabs Goku)I'm going to crush the life out of you, you insolent little...(squeezes Goku)
GOKU: AAAAAARGH!
"That looks extremely painful," Lucy shivered.
(scene shifts to Gohan and Krillin flying away)
GOHAN: Krillin, are you sure my dad's going to be okay all on his own?
"He was until Vegeta turned into a giant ape," Lisanna said.
KRILLIN: Oh, come on, Gohan, you saw how much stronger your dad's become. I'm sure he can take care of-
GOKU:(in distance)AAAAAAAAH!
"Jeez, he's screaming that loud," Gray said in surprise.
KRILLIN: Ah, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.
(scene shifts back to Goku being crushed by Ōzaru Vegeta)
ŌZARU VEGETA: All right, Kakarot, let's hear those bones shatter! (crushes Goku harder, causing him to squeak) What the?
"What the?"
(crushes Goku again, causing him to squeak again)
ŌZARU VEGETA: My God, that's hilarious! (begins to repeatedly crush Goku, who squeaks while doing so) Hahahah! Muhahaha!
The immature members laugh at Goku's squeaks.
"How does a body make that kind of noise," Lisanna asks, trying not to laugh.
GOHAN:(arrives to help his father)Get your filthy hands off him, you damn dirty ape!
"Gohan's here!" Lisanna cheered.
"He needs to be careful," Mira hopes.
"Save your dad Gohan!" Natsu yells.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Oh, very creative. And what exactly will you do if I don't?
GOHAN: I'll make you regret it! Law of mass dictates that the mass of an object dramatically increases the force of impact when said object collides with the ground! And with your size, you'll make an extensively large impact upon your inevitable defeat!
(long pause)
Most of the guild tried to process what Gohan said.
Levy sighs being the main one to understand the nerdy saiyan hybrid.
GOKU & ŌZARU VEGETA: What?
GOHAN: The bigger they are, the harder they fall!(gets into a battle pose accompanied with a bwong sound)
"Then just say that," Natsu complains.
"He did," Lucy deadpans.
GOKU: What?
Levy, Lucy, and Erza facepalmed at the same time.
(Ōzaru Vegeta crushes him again, making him squeak)
GOKU: Argh! Stop that!
"It's lost its humor," Lisanna states.
ŌZARU VEGETA: Listen, kid, you're real brave and all, but your dad's beaten and broken. And neither of you have the skill or energy…
"Where's Krillin?" Romeo asks.
KRILLIN: Kienzan!(fires a Destructo Disc at Ōzaru Vegeta's tail, who dodges the attack by jumping)
"Stop announcing where you are," Erza sighs
"They're never gonna learn that lesson," Gray tells her.
"I know," Erza responds.
ŌZARU VEGETA: ...to take me on.
KRILLIN:(offscreen)Dammit!
ŌZARU VEGETA: You're finished! All of your planet's greatest fighters—all of them—worthless in the presence of a Saiyan elite! None of you can stop me! None of you!(tail gets cut off by Yajirobe)
"WHO IN THE HELL!?"
Levy's eyes light up. "It's that fat samurai who was with the Z-fighters during Kami's training."
"And he was just hiding until now?" Gray asked.
"Well, at least he saved Goku," Erza responds.
YAJIROBE: Running Running Running Running Running!(runs away)
(Ōzaru Vegeta drops Goku)
GOKU: (squeaks as he slams the ground) Ow.
ŌZARU VEGETA: God... God dammiiiiii... (reverts back to his original form)
VEGETA: ...iiiiiit! (starts breathing heavily)
KRILLIN: He's back to normal! Gohan, we can do this! We can beat him! WE HAVE A CHAN- (gets sent flying into a boulder)
(Krillin Owned Count: 9)
"Yeah, that was too good to be true," Lily said.
"At least he can be optimistic," Mira mentions.
KRILLIN:(in pain)Oh God...
VEGETA:(to Gohan, who's whimpering in fear)You know, I thought I'd be angrier, what with the utter humiliation and loss of my tail, or maybe I'm just so unbelievably enraged that I have come full circle.(punches Gohan in the stomach and throws him next to Goku)Oh well. Either way, it's time to put an end to this.
"GOHAN!"
GOKU:(telepathically)G-Gohan, is that you?
GOHAN:(telepathically)Hey, daddy... I'm... really sorry.
GOKU:(telepathically)It's okay, Gohan... You tried your best... At least you got home to your mother and told her to-
GOHAN:(telepathically)Um, actually, I never went home... I came back to save you...
GOKU:(telepathically)Oh…
"He's disappointed?" Lucy is baffled.
GOHAN:(telepathically)D-Daddy?
GOKU:(telepathically)Everyone makes mistakes, Gohan...(reaches out to Gohan's hand)But we have to be strong now, okay?
GOHAN:(telepathically)Daddy...(reaches out to Goku's hand)
GOKU:(telepathically)Son...
"Awwwwww!" The girls cooed at the heartwarming scene.
(Goku gets kneed in the stomach by Vegeta)
"KILL HIM!" Erza and Mira roared.
(eyecatch animation from DragonBall Z plays)
(Goku is seen spitting out blood as Gohan screams in horror)
VEGETA: What now, Kakarot?(stomps on Goku's stomach)You damaged me!(begins kicking Goku repeatedly)You cut off my tail! You've insulted me beyond belief. But you still haven't taken my pride!(gets kicked by Gohan)Ow, my pride!
"SCREW YOUR PRIDE!" Natsu roared.
"KICK HIS ASS GOHAN!" The guild roared together.
(Gohan and Vegeta begin exchanging blows in midair)
GOHAN: I'll teach you to hurt my daddy!
VEGETA: What are you going to do, huh?! You barely have any energy left!(Gohan elbows Vegeta in the eye)UAGH!(thinking while holding his right eye)Gah! My eye! Why is it always the goddamn eye?!
"Because all's fair in love and war," Lisanna chants.
GOKU: K-Krillin, come here. I have something to give you.(Krillin limps over to Goku)
KRILLIN: Your last will and testament?
GOKU: No, its energy from the entire world. It's our last hope.
"So he still had the energy," Wendy says.
"He was just too broken to use it," Romeo finishes.
KRILLIN: And you're giving it tome?
GOKU: I'm kinda out of options...(passes the remaining of the Spirit Bomb over to Krillin)
"Even Goku's nervous about letting Krillin do it," Macao points out.
"I mean it's Krillin, anyone should be nervous," Wakaba says.
KRILLIN: Holy crap! So this is what being important feels like!
"The power of a main character," Levy says.
(Vegeta is seen gaining the upper hand against Gohan, launching him onto the ground)
"Oh no, Gohan!" Mira shouts in concern.
VEGETA:(while walking towards Gohan)Alright, Kakarot. Say goodbye to your son!(begins running towards Gohan)
"THROW THE DAMN THING KRILLIN!"
KRILLIN:(thinking)Wow! Such power, from every living being on the planet. I can feel it all surging inside of me. Every man, woman, and child. This is Planet Earth's very essence!(out loud)BOO-YAH, MOTHERF**KER!(throws Spirit Bomb at Vegeta)
VEGETA:(stops running and notices the Spirit Bomb)Wh-what the hell is-?
KRILLIN: ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HELL!(Vegeta dodges the Spirit Bomb by jumping)Gyaaaah! God dammit!(continues pouting in background)
"STOP SCREAMING IT!"
(Spirit Bomb is seen flying at Gohan)
GOKU:(telepathically)Gohan, listen, you have to bounce it back at Vegeta.
GOHAN:(telepathically)But, are you sure? I don't think energy works like that.
"It shouldn't," Levy says.
GOKU:(telepathically)Don't worry, Gohan, you can do it. You're a good guy.
"Is that how it works?" Levy asks, writing it down.
GOHAN:(telepathically)Oh, okay, if you believe in me then I'll-
GOKU:(telepathically)Or it'll kill you.
GOHAN:(telepathically)What?!
"And there's that," The petite blue haired mage said.
(Gohan puts his hands out, making a spring sound effect from Sonic the Hedgehog, bouncing the Spirit Bomb back at Vegeta)
VEGETA: There's nothing left now- your last hope and you missed. You're all defeated and there isn't a damn thing you can-(thinking)What smells like deer?(notices the Spirit Bomb but gets hit at point-blank)WAAAAAH!(gets blasted into the sky with the Spirit Bomb)CURSE MY HUBRIS!
"YEAH!"
"That had to have beaten him," Lucy says while letting loose a breath of air.
"I've learned to expect the opposite with these people." Carla says.
KRILLIN: All right, Goku. Let's get you and Gohan home. It's been tough, but now, we'll never have to see that rotten Saiyan ever again.(Vegeta lands next to Goku and Krillin).
"Please stop talking Krillin," Lucy pleads.
KRILLIN: Alive again. We'll never have to see himaliveagain, that's what I meant.(approaches Vegeta's motionless body)But at least it's finally over.
"Shut up Krillin," Lucy growls out.
YAJIROBE: You gonna eat that Saiyan?
"Ew," Wendy's face crunches up in disgust.
KRILLIN: Wha-
YAJIROBE: Dibs!
KRILLIN: Rrright. Anyway, it seems the Spirit Bomb's done the trick. And with that, we can all go home and live in peace and-
VEGETA:(wakes up)HUAAAAAAAH!
KRILLIN: WAAAAAAHH!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAHH!
YAJIROBE: UAAAAAHHH!
"WAAAAAAAHHHH!"
KRILLIN: WAAAAAHH!
VEGETA: AAAAAAH!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAH!
YAJIROBE: UAAAAHHH!
(everyone continues yelling in the background)
GOKU:What's going on, guys? We won, right?
Chapter End
(scene opens up with Vegeta recovering from the Spirit Bomb)
VEGETA: You know, at a time like this I really only have one thing to say to you... BITCH SLAP!
KRILLIN: OH SNAP!
(Vegeta slaps Krillin, knocking him down and whining in pain)
(Krillin Owned Count: 10)
"He deserved that one," Lucy said.
VEGETA:(walks up to the remaining Z-Fighters)And as for the rest of you... I'm going to end this, with a Big Bang... kind of attack.
"Will probably be an attack name later on," Levy mentions.
(Vegeta begins gathering up energy)
GOKU: Oh, this isn't going to end well...(closes his eyes)
(Vegeta screams and unleashes an explosive attack, causing Krillin, Goku and Gohan, who gets knocked away, to scream)
VEGETA:(breathes heavily and notices that everyone's still alive)Oh, you have got to be kidding me!
"Either he really sucks at killing, or they're extremely stubborn," Gajeel said.
"I'm hoping for both," Wendy answers.
VEGETA: They're still alive?! Oh to hell with it...(begins floating and lands next to Gohan, with an arrow pointing to his tail)
"Wait, it can grow back?" Levy asked, and wrote that down.
"But, limbs can't just grow back," Carla complains.
"I think it's like hair in a way. The more you cut it, it'll just grow back," Erza speculates.
VEGETA:(thinking)I may not have enough energy to kill you all at once, (begins walking towards Gohan) but I can still kill all of you without any troub-
(Yajirobe comes out of nowhere and slashes Vegeta's armor with his katana)
"Yeah fat man!" Natsu cheered.
VEGETA: You... You cut through my armor! This was a gift from my father!
"Aw!" Lisanna cooed.
YAJIROBE: I'm sorry, I'm sure your father was a great man!
VEGETA: I hated my father!
"Oh," Lisanna responded sadly.
"Then why are you still wearing it," Natsu asks.
"Good armor is good armor," Erza answers him.
YAJIROBE: Well then, I'm sure your father was a total prick.
VEGETA:(punches Yajirobe in the face)How dare you talk about my father like that!
(Yajirobe gets sent flying into a pile of rocks)
"Make up your mind," Gray said.
VEGETA:(while beating up Yajirobe)Finally, I can just sit back and enjoy myself. No cares in the world!(Gohan is seen staring at Vegeta's artificial moon)I can beat these worthless cretins all day long and I-(stops attacking Yajirobe)I think I'm forgetting something...
(Gohan begins his transformation into an Ōzaru)
"Oh sh*t."
"That's not good," Mira said.
VEGETA: Oh dammit, the kid- that's right!(in his thoughts)Oh wait, I'll just become the mighty Ōzaru and... Wait, I don't have my tail!(out loud to Yajirobe)This fat bastard cut it off!
YAJIROBE: Haha-(gets hit)Ungh!
VEGETA:(begins attacking Gohan to stop his transformation)No, no, stop it! Stop it, damn you! WHY?! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST DIIIE?!(Gohan fully transforms into an Ōzaru)
"Because, evil never wins," Wendy gives out her childlike answer.
KRILLIN:(noticing Gohan as an Ōzaru)Yay! Gohan's transformed! He's gonna save us all!
(Ōzaru Gohan roars and smashes rocks)
KRILLIN:(covering his head)Oh no! Gohan's transformed! He's gonna kill us all!
"Probably," Gajeel says.
"Someone do something!" Mira yells.
(Ōzaru Gohan roars and grabs a huge rock)
GOKU:(telepathically) Gohan? This is Daddy... I know you're angry right now, but you have to focus your anger. Re-Remember Icarus?
"Who?" Levy asked.
(shows a flashback of Icarus getting blasted. Ōzaru Gohan is angry)
Everyone stares horrified.
GOKU:(to Vegeta)He did it!
(Ōzaru Gohan roars in anger)
"That's one way to piss off a 5 year old," Gajeel said.
VEGETA: Oh, that's bulls***!(dodges Ōzaru Gohan's attack)I haven't killed a damn thing since I got to this godforsaken planet!(Looks at camera)Not for a lack of trying, mind you.
"You killed Nappa," Lucy mentions.
(Ōzaru Gohan continues to attack Vegeta)
VEGETA:(to Yajirobe)Hey fat*ss, wanna take off this one's tail too?
(cuts to Yajirobe groaning in pain)
"I don't think he can," Lily inputs.
VEGETA: FINE! I'll DO IT MYSELF, THEN!(fires a Destructo Disk at Gohan's tail, cutting it off)Haha! I did it! I'm the best, around!(Ōzaru Gohan begins shrinking in front of Vegeta)No one's ever going to keep me down...(notices Ōzaru Gohan falling right above him)No...(Ōzaru Gohan falls on top of him)NOOOOO!
"And let this be the end of him," Lucy hopes.
(Vegeta gets crushes by Ōzaru Gohan, cuts to Vegeta badly injured with Gohan, naked and unconscious, lying on top of him)
VEGETA:(thinking)Crushed and broken beneath an unconscious naked child... (takes out a small remote control device to call his space pod) Yep, I think I'm done here…
"Again, I don't blame him," Gajeel said.
(cuts to the ruins of East City where a number of radiation-suited investigators are gathered around Vegeta and Nappa's space pods)
KIRK: So Mr. Spock, what do you make, of this... ship?
SPOCK: Well sir, I would have to find it highly illogical to refer to this as a "ship"; the spherical design incorporates no propulsion system. It looks more like an orbiting vessel, or a satell-(Vegeta's space pod becomes active and flies away)Aaah!
KIRK: Suck it, Spock!
(cuts back to the battlefield with Vegeta's space pod landing in front of him)
VEGETA:(thinking while flipping himself over)Alright, I'm just gonna get in my ship...(starts crawling to his pod)I'm gonna fly back to Frieza Station... And I'm gonna sleep this off like a baaad hangover...
"Again with this Freezer guy," Natsu brings up.
"It's Frieza," Lucy corrects him.
KRILLIN:(appears next to Vegeta holding Yajirobe's katana)You're not going anywhere! You think you can kill all of our friends and threaten our lives and just leave?
"You'd be surprised," Gajeel said, thinking back to his own past.
VEGETA: Would you be surprised if I said "yes"?
KRILLIN: I'm going to end this, and YOU, RIGHT NOW! NOW DIE!
"FINALLY!"
(Krillin prepares to kill Vegeta with Yajirobe's katana, but stops short)
"What?"
GOKU: Krillin, wait! Vegeta, are you sorry?
"Excuse me?" Mira asks incredulously
VEGETA: Wh-What?
GOKU: If you say you're sorry Vegeta, then you can leave.
"Goku's compassionate heart knows no bounds!" Erza's eyes sparkle with admiration.
"Goku really is awesome!" Natsu agrees with her.
Everyone else could only stare at the two in bewilderment.
VEGETA: You can't be serious…
"He is," Gray sighs.
KRILLIN: What are you talking about Goku? He killed all of our friends!
GOKU: But Krillin, if he's sorry—truly sorry—then there's nothing we can do.
VEGETA: I'm sorry. Yep, totally sorry. I just feel terrible.
"HE'S LYING!" Lucy yells in aggravation.
GOKU: Let him go, Krillin.
KRILLIN: But-But Goku...
VEGETA:(now inside his space pod)Yes, I am very, very, very sorry...(space pod closes)That you're all still alive! (blasts off into space) SUCKERS! (starts laughing from inside his pod) Ah, it hurts to laugh!
"Goddammit."
NARRATOR:And so our heroes looked towards the sky, their battle finally over and victory on their side. Many lives were lost, many lessons were learned, and I made out with a cool one hundred thou!
"Oh that's right! Everyone pay up!" Gajeel spoke up.
Lucy looks at him confused. "What are you talking about?"
"The bet we made. Goku lost the fight against Vegeta," Gajeel grins evilly.
Everyone who voted for Goku sputters in realization that he was right. Those who voted for Vegeta smile at the free money.
(cuts to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: You cheating son of a-
NARRATOR:Can't hear you, don't care! Now where was I... (cuts back to Earth) how will our heroes bring back their fallen compatriots? What new dangers will present themselves? Has anyone really not seen this show already? Find out in the next season of DragonBall Z Abridged!
"I can't wait!" Natsu jumped up already getting over the bet.
(scene cuts to Vegeta's space pod flying through outer space)
VEGETA:(thinking)They've broken my body... I failed in my mission to find the Dragon Balls... I even lost my tail... but at least... it can't get any worse from here...
?:Vegeta... Vegeeeeetaaaaa...
VEGETA:Wh-What?
NAPPA:(appears as a ghost)I'm haunting you.
(Vegeta's space pod is seen flying off into the distance)
VEGETA:NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"And his torture never ends," Lisanna said.
(credits roll with Ghost Nappa's theme song, a parody of the Ghostbusters theme song, playing in the background)
Mira gets up and stretches, before walking over to the lacrama and deactivating it. Turning to everyone else she smiles brightly.
"So, did everyone have fun?" Mira asks.
The guild exploded into loud noises all ready to talk about the viewing.
"As stupid as most of it was, it was really enjoyable," Lucy comments before Natsu pushes her out of the way.
"THE FIGHTING WAS AWESOME! I WANNA TRY A KAMEHAMEHA OF MY OWN!" The dragon slayer. Happy flies next to his partner. "I wanna try one too Natsu!" The blue exceed joined in.
"Definitely an interesting story and I wanna know more," Levy tells her with a bright smile. Gajeel grunts trying to hide his smile. "If the squirt wants to watch more then I'll sit through more of it." Lily nods his head agreeing with his partner.
"Even though there was a lot of death and sad parts the characters were fun," Wendy says. Carla huffed and turned her head. "The humor was crude and the characters acted like children, but I wouldn't deny that this was sort of fun." Wendy smiles down at her partner.
"Goku reminds me too much of a certain hot-head, but I guess that isn't too much of a bad thing," Gray mutters. Juvia smiles at her beloved. "Juvia enjoyed this as well, especially little Gohan!" Juvia said.
Lisanna turns to her sister. "Well, sis I'd say that this was a success. If only Elf-man was here to enjoy it," Lisanna said. Mira smiles at her little sibling. "Don't worry there's much more where that came from, so he'll have plenty of chances to see it," Mira explains.
"We can watch the rest of it later, we've been sitting here for too long anyway," Makarov tells everyone while standing on his small legs. "THAT REQUEST BOARD ISN'T GONNA EMPTY ITSELF! GO OUT THERE AND MAKE FAIRY TAIL PROUD!" The old man roared to his children.
"AYE SIR!"
Chapter End
Chapter 12: Dragon Ball Z Kai
Chapter Text
Chapter 14: Dragon Ball Z Kai
A Week Later
"You'll really love it Elfman!" Lisanna said as she and her brother sat down in the guildhall next to Mira.
Elfman flexes his muscles and smiles. "If my sisters say it's good then I'd be unmanly to deny!" Elfman yells proudly. His sisters just smile at his usual enthusiasm.
"Shut up, so we can watch already!" Natsu shouts at Elfman. Lucy grabs him by the back of his jacket, sitting him down. "Be quiet Natsu," Lucy shushes him.
Mira gets up and walks over to the lacrama on the stage. Before she starts it up she surveys the current members.
Natsu, Lucy, Happy, her siblings, Wendy, Carla, Erza, Gray, Juvia, Gajeel, Lily, and Levy are the current members for the viewing as everyone else is busy.
"Ok then! Let's start it up," Mira said to everyone.
[Opening]
Vegeta: This is a parody, official release, and supports Akira Toriyama!
[Cut to a spaceship landing near a farmer's home]
"We already saw this," Mira comments.
"It's probably a recap of the previous arc," Levy told everyone.
"That's fine, it just means Elfman gets to see it," Lisanna said.
Farmer: You're an alien!
Raditz: I'm an alien.
Piccolo: Am I an alien?
"Yes," Levy answered.
Raditz: Probably. Where's my brother?
Piccolo: I don't know.
Raditz: Then you're useless to me! [flies away]
[Abridged Kai Credits play quickly]
[cut to Goku and friends on the beach]
Goku: I have a kid!
"A cute kid," Lisanna spoke
Gohan: I'm socially awkward.
"It's not your fault," Mira spoke softly.
Krillin: He's adorable!
[Krillin gets tail-whipped through Kame House and the owned counter goes off the scale]
"And Krillin's already a punching bag," Gray said.
Raditz: I'm here for my brother!
Goku: Am I your brother?
Raditz: Yes!
"Got through that exposition quickly," Lucy said.
[bunch of shocked faces show]
Raditz: I'm taking your son.
Goku: No, you're not! [Raditz hits him and flies away] Ah, he took my son!
"And nobody stopped it?" Elfman asks.
"You get used to it," Lisanna tells him.
"That's not manly at all," Elfman said.
Piccolo: I'm here to help you.
Goku: Aren't we enemies?
"Yes, for some reason," Levy said.
Piccolo: Nobody watched Dragon Ball. Let's go!
"There was a prequel series?" Carla asks.
Goku: Are you a Yoshi?
Piccolo: Hells yeah!
"Hell yeah!" Natsu cheered.
[they catch up with Raditz, who unzips his... area...]
"Still gross," Lucy gags.
Goku: Gross.
[Some random guy shows up in the corner and laughs]
[Raditz proceeds to kick their a**es until Goku gets him in a full-nelson]
"The ultimate technique," Erza compliments.
Goku: Piccolo! Get him!
Piccolo: [stumbles over the attack name]
"He still can't get it right?" Lily questions.
[the blast Piccolo launches pierces Goku and Raditz both]
Some Guy: DOUBLE KILL!
Elfman jumps back in surprise at the sudden gore.
"Yeah, it took us all by surprise too," Mira tells him.
Goku: And now I am the dead.
Krillin: Oh, no! Goku's dead!
"Main character killed off at the start," Levy said.
Vegeta [through the transmitter]: Hey, Nappa, let's go to Earth.
Nappa [through the transmitter]: Ballin'.
"And here's Nappa again," Lucy sighs.
Krillin: Oh, no! More Saiyans!
Piccolo: I'm taking Gohan. [flies off with Gohan]
Mira pouts.
[cut to Mr. Popo]
Mr. Popo: Hi, maggots. I'm training you. I'm terrifying and a potential rapist, but I'll never say it flat-out... BA!
"AAAHHH!" Everyone jumps back at Popo.
[cut to Piccolo teaching Gohan]
Piccolo: DODGE! [kicks Gohan]
"Green bastard," Mira grumbles.
"Is she always like this?" Elfman asks.
Lisanna whispers to her brother. "Only when Gohan is involved."
[cut to Goku in the afterlife]
Goku: Who are you?
King Kai: I'm King Kai. You now know the Kaio-Ken and the Spirit Bomb. F**k off, shut up Bojack.
"So, we skipped all of that?" Gajeel raises an eyebrow.
[cut to Piccolo and Gohan]
Piccolo: 12 months have passed! Let's go find Saiyans!
Krillin: Oh, God, it's the Saiyans!
Vegeta: Hi.
Krillin: Yamcha's here!
"That means nothing," Gray said.
[Yamcha is killed]
"Didn't even last a second," Gajeel laughs.
Krillin: Yamcha's dead!
Vegeta: Nappa, get 'em!
Nappa: I am hilarious and you will quote EVERYTHING I say.
"Yes I will!" Natsu and Happy shout.
Krillin: Tien, get 'em!
Tien: I am the only serious character in this show. That is the joke.
"Sadly he's now wrong," Carla sighs.
[Tien and Piccolo die and Krillin are down for the count]
"Still not as easy the second time," Wendy frowns.
Krillin: Oh, God! Everyone's dead!
Nappa: Hilariously derailing one-liner.
"He had a lot of those," Lisanna comments.
Goku: Goku's here!
Krillin: Goku's here!
"Goku's here!" Natsu shouts.
Vegeta: It's over nine thousaaa-
Nappa: AHHHH-
Vegeta: AHHHH-
Nappa: AHHHH-
Vegeta: aaaaaaaa-
Nappa: AAAHHH-
"AAAHHH!" Natsu and Happy scream.
Vegeta: aaaaaaaa-
Nappa: AHHHH-
Vegeta: aaaaaaa-
Nappa: AHHHH-
Vegeta: aaaaaaaa-
Nappa: VEGETA, WHY!?
"He killed his own partner!?" Elfman is shocked.
"Good riddance," Lucy mutters.
[Vegeta kills Nappa]
Vegeta: Because I'm a monkey!
[Vegeta transforms into a giant monkey]
"He wasn't wrong," Levy said
Goku: Kaio-Ken!
Vegeta: Kaio wha-?
"That's a running joke," Erza sighs.
[gets his tail cut off and reverts back to normal]
Vegeta: Oh, no! I'm not a monkey! OH, NO! The kid's a monkey! [Gohan becomes a giant monkey] DESTRUCTO DISC!
"He just yanked Krillin's move," Natsu points out.
[Vegeta rips off Krillin's attack and cuts off Gohan's tail]
Krillin: The f**k?
Vegeta: Yay! [the giant monkey body of Gohan falls on him] No!
[Vegeta gets crushed]
Vegeta: ...Leaving now. [takes off in a spaceship]
Goku: And we'll never see him again!
"Wrong," The guild said together.
Vegeta [in space]: They'll see me next episode.
[Ghost Nappa pops up]
Ghost Nappa: And I'M a ghost... Or AM I?
[End Credits Play]
Mira turns towards her younger brother. "So, how did you like it?" She asks him.
Elfman jumps out of his seat and begins to flex his muscles. "IT WAS SUPER MANLY!" Elfman yelled out.
"Glad you liked it, because we're gonna watch some more," Mira giggles at the enthusiasm.
Chapter End
Chapter 13: Dead Zone
Chapter Text
Chapter 15: Dead Zone
(cut to Piccolo in a rocky area)
PICCOLO: RAAAAAGH!(blows up giant rock formations with his scream)(thinking)Perfect. Now I have a place to put my castle once I rule the world. And it'll have all the things a castle requires. Like walls...and subjects.
"Wait, isn't Piccolo dead?" Natsu asked, confused.
"This might be something that takes place outside of the main story. A spin-off perhaps," Levy tries to explain.
PICCOLO:Maybe even a tribu- Huh?(notices a shadowy figure heading towards him)(thinking)Wait, are they running on air?(looks behind and sees another shadowy figure behind him)
"That looks really unnecessary," Juvia comments.
"What kind of idiot runs on air," Erza complained.
PICCOLO:That's ridiculous, they're flying! Why would they ever even need to- (a third shadowy figure uppercuts him from below) OH, GOD!
NIKKI: F**k him up!(the three shadowy figures attack Piccolo)From the front!
SANSHO: To the back!
PICCOLO: Oh, you better just KILL me!(sees four shadowy figures preparing to attack)...sh*t.
(The three shadowy figures simultaneously fire a blast at Piccolo, who screams as all three blasts connect. Cut to Kami inside his Lookout.)
"DID PICCOLO JUST DIE AGAIN!?" Natsu and Happy shouted in shock.
"I hope not," Wendy said, concerned.
"Meh," Mira huffed, unconcerned.
KAMI: OH!
MR. POPO:(from outside)You okay in there, Kami?
KAMI: Mr. Popo, I believe...that Piccolo may have been slain!
MR. POPO:(from outside)I think you'd know if he were!
"This is true," Levy said.
"How?" Elfman asked his sisters.
"Piccolo and Kami are connected, so if one of them dies then the other dies with him," Lisanna explains to her older brother.
MR. POPO: You still there?
KAMI: Yes.
MR. POPO:(from outside)Then he ain't dead, is he, Drama Queen?
KAMI: But you don't understand!
"He doesn't care," Gajeel said.
MR. POPO:(from outside)Drama Queen!
KAMI: I think Garlic Junior may have-
MR. POPO:(from outside)Drama Queeeeeeeeeen...(is heard walking away)
KAMI: Mmm... Garlic Jr.'s back.
"What kind of name is that?" Happy asked.
"I don't know, but it sounds yummy," Natsu answered.
("DragonBall Z Abridged: Lord Slug" logo first appears on the screen and then disappears to show the text "Dead Zone")
Levy writes down the name "Lord Slug."
(cut to Gohan in the forest)
GOHAN:(reading "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn")"Miss Watson, she kept pecking at me, and it got tiresome and lonesome. By and by, they fetched the nig-" Huh, that's not a word I've ever heard before. Oh, well. "They fetched the nig-"
CHI-CHI:(from inside the house)Gohan, lunch is ready! Come help me set the table!
GOHAN: Oh, yay! And Dad's gone fishing! Which means I'll get seconds!
"I feel like we just avoided something bad," Lucy comments.
"And Gohan's look here proves this takes place before Raditz appears," Levy tells everyone.
(Gohan closes his book and then cuts to Goku underwater who seems to hear this and immediately jumps out of the water, naked and holding the tail fin of a fish. Cut back to Gohan walking toward his house.)
GOHAN: Huh?
OX-KING: Hey! Gohan!
GOHAN: Grandpa Ox!
CHI-CHI:(walks out the front door)Oh, Daddy! What are you doing here?
OX-KING: I wanted to drop by and see my grandson! Also, money for you guys to live!
"That's sweet," Wendy said.
CHI-CHI: Thank you, Daddy!
OX-KING: I also brought you a gift, Gohan!
GOHAN: *gasps* A puppy!
OX-KING: BOOKS!
GOHAN:(eyes narrowed, in an uninterested tone)Yay…
"I think it's a good gift," Levy and Lucy huff.
"For a 4 year old?" Gajeel looked at them both skeptically.
"I enjoyed getting books as a gift at that age," Levy crosses her arms with a pout.
"Not everyone can be you squirt," Gajeel chuckles, patting her on the head.
CHI-CHI: Oh, I'm sure he'll love them. Won't you, Goha-(a book falls on Gohan's head)Daddy?
GOHAN: Grandpa? Grandpa?(the Ox-King collapses and almost falls on Gohan)Mom.. Mom! MOM!(runs to Chi-Chi)Mommy! Grandpa's having a stroke!
"I don't think that's it," Lisanna said.
CHI-CHI: Huh?(notices a cloaked hooded figure)
GINGER: Hi.
"Oh, it's these guys," Gray added dryly.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, go inside immediately!
NIKKI:(is waiting inside the house)Oh, yeah! Come on in!(eats a bunch of pears)
CHI-CHI:(thinking)Son of a bitch just ate my pears.(out loud)You know we don't have a car, right?! That's like a ten mile Nimbus ride to the nearest city! For pears! You have ten seconds to tell me what you want before I strangle you with that cowl!
GINGER: I want the DragonBall! Give me the kid!
"Why!? Don't you just want the DragonBall!?" Mira yelled.
CHI-CHI: What? You can't have my son. You just want the DragonBall, right?
GINGER: Don't question my f**king methods! F**k it! I'm taking your dad!(lifts up the Ox-King a bit then drops him)He's a f**king fat*ss! Forget it! I'm gonna take your kid!
"These guys might be dumber than Natsu," Gray said.
"Yeah," Natsu agreed without realizing what Gray said.
SANSHO:(off-screen)Yo, Ginger...
GINGER: Oh, right! Dragon Ball, too! Please! ...If you wouldn't mind.
CHI-CHI: I do.
GINGER: Too f**king bad!
CHI-CHI: Enough of this!(charges at Ginger only to get knocked down easily)
"That was anticlimactic," Gajeel said.
"Attacking a woman isn't manly at all," Elfman
GOHAN: Mommy!
GINGER: Ha-ha! F**king what?
(cut to Goku running while carrying the fish and arriving on the scene to find Chi-Chi on the ground)
"Our hero has arrived," Erza said.
GOKU: Chi-Chi! I heard lunch! What happened?!
"Why am I not surprised?" Levy asked sarcastically.
CHI-CHI: Goku, they took-
GOKU: Our lunch?
CHI-CHI: No. They took...our so-
GOKU: Oh, hey. Your dad's here. Hi, Ox-King!
"Let her finish!" Mira and Carla grit their teeth irritated.
CHI-CHI: Focus! They took...Gohan!
GOKU: Aw, man! I can't have him miss lunch! It's the fourth most important meal of the day! Right after brunch...but right before linner. ...Love me some linner, though. So I'ma go get Gohan back. We'll be back in time for linner. Chicken and waffles? Chicken and waffles.(the Ox-King coughs)Oh, and some for your dad.
Natsu nods his head agreeing with Goku's hunger. Lucy stared at her partner with disappointed eyes.
(cut to inside garlic Jr's castle)
GARLIC JR.: So let me get this straight. I sent you sh*tfits off to find me a Dragon Ball, and you bring back a toddler?
"I'd honestly be just as confused," Lily said.
SANSHO: Well, we did bring back the DragonBall!
GARLIC JR.: And a toddler! Did you try, I don't know, taking off the hat?
NIKKI: Well, we thought about it on the way back, but it really brings the whole Chinese Prince look together.
GINGER: And he's your size. You can ROCK that sh*t!
GARLIC JR.: ...Fair enough.
"Hmmmm...Nah it wouldn't work," Lucy analyzed.
GOHAN: My daddy's not gonna let you get away with this!
GINGER: Big f**kin' whoop! We beat Piccolo, and that guy's strong as sh*t!
GOHAN: Yeah? So did my dad!
GINGER: By himself?!
GOHAN: Yeah!
GARLIC JR.:(realizes there's only one man strong enough to defeat Piccolo)Oh God, your father's Goku.OH MY GOD, YOU MORONS STOLE GOKU'S KID?! HOW?! HOW DID YOU STEAL GOKU'S KID?!
"Seems Goku's famous," Erza commented.
"Understandable since he saved the world from Piccolo's dad," Levy said.
NIKKI: Well, first we beat up his wife…
"First step to piss a guy off," Gajeel said.
GARLIC JR.: Oh, my sh*t... Okay, look. New plan: get the last two DragonBalls. NOW!
NIKKI: Oh, yeah! We'll just go off, scour the globe, and be back before linner! *laughs* You know, it's not like they make a radar for this sh*t…
"Bulma probably did," Levy threw in.
(cut to inside Kame House with Goku and the gang looking at the Dragon Radar)
GOKU: Oh, yeah. Someone is collecting the DragonBalls.
"I was right," Levy smirked.
BULMA: Why'd they take Gohan?
GOKU: I don't know. Maybe they just want a good ol'-fashioned Goku fanny-whoopin'!
BULMA: "Fanny"?
GOKU: Chi-Chi doesn't like us to swear.
"Butt isn't a swear," Wendy's face twisted in confusion.
"You shouldn't be saying anything close to it anyway," Carla commanded.
"I'm 14 Carla!" Wendy complained.
BULMA: "Butt" isn't a swear!
GOKU: ...The HFIL you talkin' about?
"It's not a swear!" Wendy talked back after seeing Carla's look.
(cut to Nikki chasing Gohan around the castle)
NIKKI: COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE sh*tPLIN!
GOHAN: No! You smell like hairspray and shea butter!
"I don't want to smell that," Natsu's nose wrinkled at the thought.
NIKKI: Swear to God, I don't know how I got put in charge of babysitting. I need something to take the edge off.(grabs and bites an apple, then gets smacked from behind by Gohan)
GOHAN: You're it!(takes off)
"At least he's having fun," Lisanna said,
"His smile is adorable," Mira cooed.
NIKKI: I will slap FIRE FROM YOU! I swear to God...(walks upstairs and finds Gohan)Oh, good. There you are. Now, be a good little crotch spawn and let's go back to your room!
GOHAN: I'm hungry!
"Me too," Happy agreed.
NIKKI: Ah, well, maybe I can make you a peanut butter, jelly, and ether sandwich, and-(Gohan pulls out an apple from his robe)Where did you get that apple?
GOHAN: In the tree.
NIKKI: Don't eat that apple!
"What's wrong with the apple?" Juvia asked.
GOHAN: I'ma eat the apple.
NIKKI: Don't eat that apple!
"I'm sure it's not that bad," Gray waved it off.
GOHAN: I'ma eat the apple!
NIKKI: DO...NOT...EAT...THAT A-(Gohan eats the whole apple)Oh, balls... Well, I hope you packed your bags, kid. Because you're about to go on a TRIP…
(Gohan goes on a trip that would make Alice's trip in Wonderland jealous before cutting to him spacing out)
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"
"WAS HE HIGH!?"
(cut to Ginger and Sansho returning to the castle)
GINGER: Got the last motherf**kin' balls!
(cut to all seven DragonBalls together and glowing)
GARLIC JR.: Got to say, I'm sort of impressed. How did you find them so fast?
GINGER: Prize in a high stakes poker game!
"I doubt they played and just killed everyone there," Gajeel predicted.
GARLIC JR.: Wow. Never thought you had a poker face.
GINGER: Never said I played!
GARLIC JR.: Once again, fair enough.
(they summon Shenron, the eternal dragon)
SHENRON: I am the eternal dragon. Make your wish, and I shall-
GARLIC JR.: MAKE ME IMMORTAL!
Everyone backed up for a minute.
"So, we're just getting to that point immediately," Lucy said.
SHENRON: OH! R-really? Wow! I can't remember the last time someone actually nutted up and asked for that! Congrats! Can't wait to hear how you f**k this up.
"And I doubt he'll be the last," Gray added.
GARLIC JR.: Wait, the hell's that mean?
SHENRON: It means YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED!(makes Garlic Junior immortal and disappears)
GARLIC JR.: Yes! YES! I can feel it! With this eternal body, I shall enslave the world and rule it with great prejudice and terror! Hail Garlic Jr.! HAIL ME!(starts walking inside his castle)
MINIONS: HAIL GARLIC JR.! HAIL GARLIC JR.!
GOKU: HEY, GARLIC JR.!
"Goku's here!" Natsu, Erza, and Happy cheered.
MINIONS: HEY, GARLIC JR.! Huh?(they all turn around to look at Goku)
GOKU: I am Son Goku! And your name sounds yummy!
"See, Goku agrees," Natsu pointed at the screen.
"Yeah, because you both share one brain cell," Gray mocked.
"WHAT WAS THE ICE-STRIPPER!?"
"YOU HEARD ME FLAME-BUTT!"
"SHUT UP!" Erza shouted, knocking them both back down.
GARLIC JR.: I have been told.
GOKU: So, uh... Did you guys steal my kid?
GINGER: Yup! F**kin' Amber Alert up in here!
NIKKI: Oh, don't worry about him, he's just high in the throne room.
GOKU: Joke's on you! I can fly!
"That rock must've done some extreme damage when he was a baby," Carla spoke in disbelief.
GINGER: ...I think he's f**kin' dumb.
KAMI: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!(drops in from the sky)
GARLIC JR.: And then there's THIS asshole!
KAMI: Oh, hello, Goku. What are you doing here?
GOKU: They stole my kid.
KAMI: Mm.
"Being real casual in this situation," Lily said,
GARLIC JR.: I'm quite surprised you're still alive, Kami! I believe the last time we talked was... Oh, when was that? Oh, right. When you BANISHED my father to another DIMENSION!
"So, it's a revenger plot," Levy rolls her eyes. Honestly it was overused way too much in her opinion.
KAMI: Oh, Garlic Jr.. How awful to see you again. You're looking grotesque as always.
"Didn't know God could throw insults," Gajeel laughs.
GARLIC JR.: Oh, hi there, kettle, name's pot! Have we met?
KAMI: Listen, Goku. Just go after your son. I'll handle Garlic Jr..
GOKU: Thank God!
KAMI: You're welcome.(Goku dashes past Garlic Jr. and heads inside the castle)
GINGER: Catch that bitch!(takes off after Goku)
NIKKI: Slow your roll, champ!(also takes off after Goku)
SANSHO: Hey, yo, wait for me! I'm bigger than y'all!(follows his comrades and takes off after Goku)
(Garlic Jr. and Kami stare at each other before cutting to Goku inside the castle)
GOKU: Man, left in such a hurry, I accidentally skipped lunch! Maybe this place has a cafeteria. No, it's a castle.(stops in the middle of the hall)A meatery?(begins running up the stairs only for Garlic Junior's minions to block his path)
"First save Gohan, then worry about food," Mira reprimanded.
"I finally get to see Goku fight like a real man!" Elfman flexes.
GINGER: You want some food? We can hook you up! How 'bout some motherf**kin' ginger?!
NIKKI: Or maybe some cinnamon?!
SANSHO: I got some pepper for you. You like pepper?
GOKU: Hey, those aren't foods! Those are things you put ON foods!
"It's still making me hungry," Natsu drooled.
GINGER: Like GINGERBREAD?!
NIKKI: Or CINNABUNS?!
SANSHO: I-I got nothin', um...(pause)EEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGS!
"He tried," Gajeel complimented.
(all three minions bulk up)
GOKU: Okay, now you're just making me hungry! And you wouldn't like me when I'm-(gets attacked by the minions)Wait! Ahh!(hits a pillar and then gets back up on his feet)...Hungry!
"Nice save Goku," Lisanna clapped.
(cut back to Garlic Junior and Kami)
GARLIC JR.: So, Kami, you mad that I tried to have you killed?
KAMI: More confused why you target Piccolo instead of me.
"Because they're all idiots," Gray pointed out.
KAMI: Not that it matters; I'm going to put you down for good, not unlike I did your FATHER, you miserable little-
GARLIC JR.: And I will enjoy watching you fail! Because you see, before you arrived, I used the DragonBalls to grant myself immortality!(starts laughing)
KAMI: Wait, so you tried to have me killed,thenused the DragonBalls?
"Not the most thought out of plans," Levy said.
GARLIC JR.:(stops laughing)What? Yeah, why? Oh, sh*t... Wow, I dodged a bullet on that one! Thank God my minions are so incompetent!
(cut back to inside the hall with Goku knocking all three minions to the ground)
GOKU: Now tell me where the meatery is! ...And then the throne room! ...Please tell me the meatery is IN the throne room!(Nikki and Sansho fire a blast at Goku, but their blasts get redirected by two blasts)Huh?
"At least he's winning," Lisanna told her sister.
KRILLIN: HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY! Hey, Goku! Looks like you could use some help!
"Why are you here?" Gray asked.
GOKU: Not really, no. Hey, Krillin! Is that a second power beam?
PICCOLO: 'Sup?
"Piccolo's okay!" Wendy clapped happily.
"Yeeeeaaaahhhh…" Mira drawled out dryly.
(Krillin screams and jumps back)
GOKU: Oh, hey, Piccolo!
GINGER: You alive?!
GOKU: Well, of course he's alive! Kami's alive! I mean, you guys have used the DragonBalls, right?
"And Goku's officially smarter than those henchmen," Gray complemented.
"The henchmen are usually not the brightest," Levy said.
GINGER: ...Oh, wow! Yeah! Thank God we incompetent!
PICCOLO: Not even gonna lie, this is EXACTLY what I'm looking for in a castle. Walls, ceiling, meatery...
GOKU: WHERE?!
Mira didn't bother complaining this time.
PICCOLO:(eyes the minions)..Could do without the spice rack, though.
(Krillin is freaking out, when he feels liquid on top of his head, and he looks up to find that Gohan has wandered out and is now peeing on his head)
Natsu, Gajeel, and Happy laugh at Krillin getting peed on. Everyone else found it disgusting.
KRILLIN: WHY-(begins to gurgle as his mouth fills up with urine)
"That's just disgusting!" Carla recoiled in disgust.
(Cut back to Kami and Garlic Jr. who have begun their battle. Kami tries firing eye beams at Garlic Jr, but he evades them and headbutts Kami to a pillar.)
GARLIC JR.:(punctuates each word with a blow)WHERE...IS...YOUR...GOD...NOW?!(the last punch sends Kami through the pillar, who manages to hold onto an edge to avoid falling)So, Kami, why don't you pray for your life? And then, like every person who's ever prayed to you, I'll ignore it!
"That could piss some people off," Levy laughed nervously.
(Kami begins to glow)
GARLIC JR.: What the-(Kami uses an Explosive Wave to send Garlic Junior crashing into a wall and landing on his face)(muffled)In case you know... This means war!
"It's good to know Kami can hold his own," Wendy said.
(cut back to inside the castle)
GOKU: Gohan!(runs for the stairs, but his path is once again blocked by the minions)Krillin, I take back what I said! Get my son!
"Is Krillin really the right person for it?" Mira asked, concerned.
"I'm sure he'll be helpful," Lisanna reassures.
KRILLIN: Woo-hoo, I'm helping!(starts running up the stairs, but runs into Sansho)
SANSHO: I'ma break your butt!(charges at Krillin, but Piccolo sends a blast through the floor, which causes him to fall)
KRILLIN: Oh, thank God he's on our side!(runs after Gohan)
PICCOLO: I was aiming for the short, bald one, but...you'll do.
"Everyone just hates Krillin," Natsu said sadly.
SANSHO: You mean!(gets blasted him through a wall)
PICCOLO: Not so tough without your two back up dancers, are you, ugly?
SANSHO: Now, why you gotta be throwin' out mean words like that?!
"Because you are ugly," Gajeel answered.
PICCOLO: You know, that's fair. How about I grab a couple of friends and try to murder you instead?
SANSHO: Well personally, I think that would be uncalled for!(Piccolo hits him again, sending him stuck onto a wall)
PICCOLO: You're right. Because unlike you..(finishes off Sansho with a blast)..I don't need help.(starts walking outside)
"Badass," Was the conscious thought throughout the audience.
"I could do better," Mira mumbled.
(deeper inside the castle, Goku is still fighting against Ginger and Nikki, who arm themselves with swords)
GOKU: Oh, come on, you guys! That's not fair! I can't pull swords out of my body!
NIKKI: STAND STILL AND YOU WILL!(he and Ginger gang up and attacks Goku)
GOKU:(while dodging each of their attacks)No, no, no, no, no, no, no!(they cut some of his hair)NO! MY 'DO!(hits block both Nikki and Ginger's attacks with his power pole)STRANGER DANGER!(extends the power pole to send Nikki crashing to the ground)
"MANLY!" Elfman shouts in excitement at Goku's fight.
Erza smiles impressed at Goku's fighting style. "Maybe I should use a staff like Goku's," She inquired to herself.
GINGER: That sh*t gets LONGER?!
NIKKI:(muffled, in pain)OH, YEAH, IT DOES!
GOKU: GOKU KICK!(kicks Ginger in Nikki's direction)Kamehame…
"Just like the Lucy Kick," Natsu and Happy bring up, causing Lucy to blush a bit.
GINGER: You ain't got sh*t!(fires a blast of his own)
GOKU: HA!(fires the Kamehameha wave, which swallows Ginger's blasts and sends him flying in Nikki's direction)
NIKKI:(thinking)Friggin' hell... Last time I take on a guy with a pole that big…
"Ew," Lucy understands the joke.
GINGER: INCOMING!
NIKKI: OH, MY GOD!(they both get caught in the blast)
GINGER:(muffled from underneath the rubble)What a...a douchebag...(groans with his hand becoming limp)
"And we no longer have to deal with those idiots," Gray said in bliss.
(cut Kami and Garlic Jr. now inside the castle, and Kami's not doing any better than he was before)
GARLIC JR.: What's wrong, Kami? Fallen and can't get up? Do I need to push that big, red button for you?(Kami stumbles forward and lands on Garlic Jr.'s shoulder)...Okay, you're making this weird, Kami.
KAMI: We'll see how that immortality works out for you when I've blown us both into bits!(locks his arms around Garlic Jr. and begins charging his attack)
"So...He does know what immortality means right?" Levy asked.
GARLIC JR.: Oh, really? You want to stress-test this? Sure, go ahead! And while my men are scraping little green chunks off the wall, I'll be partying in my throne room with a harem of sexy demon skan*s! Seriously, what part of IMMORTALITY don't you understand?
PICCOLO: Actually, I'm with him. I'm gonna have to ask you not to blow yourself up right now.
"Piccolo's change of heart!?" Wendy looked hopeful.
"It's just to save himself," Carla dashed the teen's hopes immediately. Wendy pouted at her partner.
GARLIC JR.: Well, well... It seems you've eluded my men!
"Yeah, sure we can go with that," Gajeel quipped.
PICCOLO: Yeah, sure. Let's go with that.
GARLIC JR.: Oh God, they're all dead, aren't they?
GOKU: Yup! Thank goodness they were so incontinent!
Carla resisted the urge to correct him.
GARLIC JR.: Looks like if you want someone killed right...you kill them yourself!
"I'm surprised more villains don't use that," Gajeel brought up.
PICCOLO: Ooh, I might use that!
(Garlic Junior bulks up, being ten times his original size)
GOKU: Huh... For a second, there, I swore he was gonna yell out "spaghetti" or something...
"Yeah, I thought so too," Natsu said, just as confused as Goku.
"Why?" Lucy asked.
(Garlic Jr. attacks him and Piccolo and fires a blast, with both of them getting out of the way. Goku grabs Kami and drops him at a safe distance.)
GOKU: Kami! Stay here and don't move!(takes off)
KAMI: I swear if I didn't know you, I'd call you a smartass.
"I wouldn't, because that would be implying Goku is smart," Gray disagreed
(Piccolo throws a punch at Garlic Jr., which does absolutely nothing)
GARLIC JR.:(speaking in a more deeper voice)Been bulking since I installed the meatery!
GOKU:( jumps in front of Piccolo and attacks Garlic Junior)Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
"Just tell him at this point," Lily complained.
GARLIC JR.: I'm sure you can find one in hell!(fires a blast at Goku and Piccolo simultaneously, which causes the castle to start falling apart)
(cut to Krillin running to avoid the falling rocks while carrying Gohan)
KRILLIN:(repeatedly says, "Crap!" to the Tetris theme)Crap, crap-crap, crap, crap-crap, crap, crap-crap, crap, crap-crap, crap, crap-crap, crap, crap, crap.(gets hit by a massive beam on the head, causing him to fall unconscious and drop Gohan, who gets buried under debris)
"For Krillin's sake I hope Gohan is ok," Lisanna whispered to Elfman who agreed. The two siblings turn towards their eldest who's dark aura was starting to come out.
(cut to Goku hiding from Garlic Junior)
GARLIC JR.: TOOT TOOT!(grabs Goku by the head)
GOKU: Aahh!
PICCOLO:(thinking)Ugh, my WRIST.. It doesn't hurt a LOT, but it's DEFINITELY uncomfortable.. Maybe I should get a wrist brace or some-
GARLIC JR.: PAIN TRAIN'S COMING!(grabs Piccolo's head as well)
GOKU: Hey, Piccolo!
"Another casual greet from Goku," Levy points out.
(Garlic Jr. takes both of them outside of the castle by bursting through a wall)
GARLIC JR.: Next stop: ROCK BOTTOM!(crushes them both into the ground)
GOKU:(muffled)I get it!(he and Piccolo get away)
"I get it too," Happy laughs.
GOKU: That's it! Takin' off my clothes!(takes off his shirt)
PICCOLO: Wait a minute, why would you even bring your weighted gi?
GOKU: Why would you?(Piccolo takes off his cape and turban)
PICCOLO: Because I don't have a house to leave them in!
GOKU: Why don't you just buy a house with the Ox-King's money?
"How does he function?" Carla wondered.
PICCOLO: What world do you live in?
GOKU: One with a house...and a wife...and a son!
"So he's just an asshole?" Gray pointed out with a sweatdrop.
PICCOLO: ...I really don't care for you right now.(both he and Goku charge at Garlic Jr.)
GARLIC JR.: Give me your best sho-
(Goku and Piccolo blast him simultaneously, sending him flying away)
GOKU: And that's the way the garlic crumbles!
"He's immortal tho…" Levy said.
KAMI: You DO realize he's immortal.
PICCOLO: Pretty sure you chop garlic.
KAMI: Seriously, he wished for immortality before you showed up!
"Do they not hear him?" Wendy asked.
"It's more like they're choosing to not hear him," Levy told her.
GOKU: Either way, I call this another win for Goku!
"It was a team effort, Gray said, irritated.
"Goku obviously hit him harder," Natsu explained.
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Gray yelled.
PICCOLO: 'Scuse me? That was my kill!
KAMI: He's going to get up at any moment! He's got this technique, too, and it's-
GOKU: Piccolo, it's not a competition! I already won!
"SEE!" Natsu screamed back at Gray.
"ALL I SEE IS YOU BEING A DUMBASS!" Gray screamed back.
"SAY THAT AGAIN!?" Natsu charges, only for Erza to punch him across the room.
KAMI: You can still sense him! He's not-
PICCOLO: I am going to wear your entrails as sweatbands!
KAMI: I can literally see the debris SHAKING!
(Goku and Piccolo ignore Kami and attack each other, and Garlic Junior gets back up)
GARLIC JR.: I AM ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT DONE!
(summons the a dark abyss known as the Dead Zone, which begins sucking up everything, although Goku and Piccolo don't notice until it causes the floor below them crumbles, which causes them to fall)
"IS THAT A BLACK HOLE!?" Levy screamed in shock.
GARLIC JR.: This is the Dead Zone! The SAME dimension you banished my dear father to, Kami!
Levy writes it down in her notepad.
KAMI: So is that how your father receives conjugal visits?!
GARLIC JR.: EAT A DICK, YOU WRINKLED GREEN DUSTBIN!
(the dead zone is starting to suck everything into it, including the castle)
PICCOLO: NO! My castle!(starts flying towards the Dead Zone, but Goku manages to grab him by the foot)
"Priorities," Erza brings up.
GOKU: Hey, Piccolo! He's not dead!
PICCOLO: YEAH, how 'bout that?!
KAMI: YEAH, HOW 'BOUT THAT?!
"God's pissed off," Gajeel said.
PICCOLO: Well, then...this victory is MINE!(fires a blast at Garlic Jr., but it just bounces off)
Mira laughed at Piccolo's fail.
GOKU: ...You want, I should take a turn?
PICCOLO: Shove it, Goku!
(meanwhile, Krillin regains consciousness as he is being sucked toward the Dead Zone)
KRILLIN: OH GOD, NO!
GARLIC JR.: EVERYONE IS GETTING SUCKED TODAY!
"Phrasing," Lucy mumbles.
GARLIC JR.: Demons, humans, and Gods alike! It's even sucking up your children!
GOHAN: LEAVE MY DADDY ALONE!(crashes through the debris he was buried under)
"GOHAN!" Everyone cheered happily to see the boy is alright.
GARLIC JR.: Huh?
GOKU: Gohan?! Krillin, you had one job!
"And he couldn't even do it right," Gray complained.
GARLIC JR.: Oh, how cute! And what is the four-year-old going to do to stop me?(Gohan sends a blast at him which hits him head on)Ah.(flies inside the Dead Zone, which shatters)
"WHAT!?"
(cut to Gohan sleeping in Goku's arms)
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?"
GOHAN:(wakes up and sees Goku)Daddy!
GOKU: Hey, son!
GOHAN: What happened?
GOKU: I don't know! I think I won.
"BULLsh*t!"
GOHAN: You're the best, daddy!
GOKU: Uh-huh! Now, let's go han, Go-home! It's almost time for dikfast!(picks up his power pole and walks away with Krillin and Kami)
"He hit his head again," Carla concluded.
PICCOLO:(watching from above)...I'm gonna steal that kid.
"He does," Mira said, much to her own displeasure.
(shows Goku and Gohan heading home on the Flying Nimbus)
NARRATOR: And so, the brave Son Goku and his son defeated the evil Garlic Jr.! With the help of Piccolo, Kami, and the greatest ally known to man-kind...
KRILLIN: ...The sex master and kung-fu legend-(cut to Kame House)KRILLIN!
"HUH!?"
"SO IT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED!?"
NAPPA:(on the phone)Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna have to stop you right there. First question: WHY would he summon the Dead Zone-the only thing that could defeat him?
"Isn't Nappa dead?" Lucy asked.
"Is he supposed to be some kind of producer?" Levy also asked.
KRILLIN: Okay, you know, I wrote myself into a corner with that whole immortality thing. Pretty much regretted it immediately after.
NAPPA: Second question, I mean no offense: Why exactly were you there?
"I'd ask the exact same question, but with all offense possible," Gajeel said.
KRILLIN: I do bring a certain humanistic edge to the setting...
NAPPA: And WHY did you write yourself getting peed on?
KRILLIN: The better question is: how much will you PAY ME to get peed on?
NAPPA: ...You're gonna go far in this business.
"Really?" Carla asked skeptically.
KRILLIN: Woo-hoo!
[The film, Skygina, was eventually produced.
It grossed 7 billion Zeni in its first week.
Due to Krillin's lack of foresight, however, as well as a convoluted contract, he received no money from the film and was stricken from the credits.
"I was right," Carla said.
"Poor Krillin," Wendy said.
[He now lives, broke as the day he was born, at Kame House.]
("Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring starts playing as the credits roll. Garlic Jr. is shown pounding his fist as he is trapped in the Dead Zone.)
"That was different from the usual episodes," Levy said.
"I hope there's more like these," Natsu pumped his fists out.
"Well, there's only one way to find out!" Mira giggled before starting the next one.
Chapter End
Chapter 14: World's Strongest
Chapter Text
Chapter 15: World's Strongest
(cut over to the icy mountains with a gigantic pillar of light being shown, which causes snow to tumble down as it reveals that the blast came from Piccolo)
PICCOLO:(shivering due to being out in the cold)G-good. Progress on my...ice castle is underway. I'll have to...install central heating. Body is n-ninety percent water... And this CLOAK DOES NOTHING!
"Why is Piccolo always in ice wastelands?" Natsu asked, confused.
"Because he has nowhere else to go," Lucy stated the obvious.
OOLONG: Well, maybe you should have packed more.
(cut over to Oolong and Gohan somewhere else in the icy mountains)
"Gohan!" Mira cheered happily.
"This would be after the Saiyans looking at Gohan's outfit," Levy theorized.
GOHAN: Y-you never said we were going to the Tsurumai-Tsuburi Mountains... Literally the coldest place on Earth... You just told me, "Hey, Gohan! I stole-"
OOLONG: "Found."
GOHAN: "-found the Dragon Radar. Wanna go make a wish?"
"Oolong is definitely not the type of person I'd want around a 5-year old," Levy said.
"Even a 5-year old who could blow up a mountain?" Gajeel smirked at her. Levy crossed her arms.
"Even one who can blow up a mountain," She told him.
OOLONG: How about a little less whining and a little more climbing? They just found the sixth ball!(shows six DragonBalls beeping on the radar)
GOHAN: It kind of seems wrong that we're planning on stealing a wish... Which reminds me. What are you planning to wish for?
OOLONG:(envisions himself leading a Communist-like pig group)Justice.
"That's concerning," Lisanna spoke after a brief pause.
GOHAN: What?
OOLONG: Panties. Gonna wish for panties.
"Good cover," Gray complimented.
GOHAN: Oh, Oolong, you're incorrigible!
OOLONG: Yeah, yeah, just get the lead out before they find the seventh-(the Dragon Radar alerts him that the seventh ball has been collected)Oh, oink me in the alps.
"I wonder who's collecting them," Wendy pondered.
(shows all seven DragonBalls on the snow and glowing)
KOCHIN: Rise, Eternal Dragon! Did I do it right? I hope I did it right.(there is a burst of energy and all seven Dragon Balls fall off of the cliff)Aw, sh*t! Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t! Oh sh*t! Is that bad? Can they break?!
"I hope not," Lucy said.
(there's another burst of energy and Shenron appears)
SHENRON: *sighs* Okay, what do you assholes want this ti-(sees Kochin)Oh. OH! Hmm... I am the Eternal Dragon. State your wish and I shall grant it.
"Someone's cheerful," Juvia mused.
"I would be too if I was always summoned by a group of idiots," Gajeel replied.
KOCHIN: I have scoured the planet for you for the last fifty years. With you lies my only hope... Eternal Dragon, I beseech you, with your bountiful, mystic power... Could you please melt the ice off my front door?
"What?" Everyone paused.
SHENRON: E-excuse me?
KOCHIN: Look, I left to get groceries fifty years ago. Bit of a trek to civilization. Came back, the entire lair was iced over. Went back, got some salt. Pretty evidential real quick that that wasn't going to work. Tried fire, melted it. That just made more ice-try and figure that out. Then I tried, uh... I'm sorry, is this a little unorthodox?
SHENRON: Just a little, yes.
"What a waste of a wish," Lucy's jaw dropped.
"I understand his reasoning," Natsu told her. Lucy slumped further into her seat.
KOCHIN: I'm sorry, I'm not really used to the whole 'magical dragon' thing. I'm an engineer by trade.
SHENRON: Hey, look, it's fine. But, how 'bout-just throwing it out there-I give YOU the power to melt the ice!
KOCHIN: But that's what I have YOU for…
"He knows that, he's trying to grant the wish," Erza explains.
SHENRON: Yes, I know, but I'm trying to-
KOCHIN: Don't you go pawning this off on me!
"He's not," Carla facepalms, feeling her own IQ drop.
SHENRON: I'm not, but if it happens AGAIN, then... You know, fine. Whatever.(eyes glow red and then proceeds to melt the ice)
KOCHIN: Oh, wow! That was fast!
SHENRON: Yeah, well, I just put a massive hole in your ozone layer. What, took you fifty years to find me? Good luck figuring out how long it takes THAT to fix! Shenron, out.
(Shenron disappears and the seven DragonBalls fly up in the sky and scatters)
"Shenron really doesn't give a sh*t," Gajeel concluded.
"More environmental destruction," Levy complained.
OOLONG: No! My Schwein-Staffel!
"I don't wanna know what that means," Elfman said.
KOCHIN: Finally! Now, to reunite with my master, and... Oh, crap. Did I leave my keys at Slump's?
(shows a silhouetted figure of Goku preparing to use the Spirit Bomb by lifting both hands in the sky as it shows a brain in the background as well as the text that reads 'The World's Strongest')
(cut to Gohan and Oolong investigating the newly-uncovered lab)
OOLONG: All right, what the hell is this and why did my wish get wasted on it?
GOHAN: It looks like an...evil lair!
"Gohan sounds excited," Lisanna giggled.
"Of course he's a kid who's probably read stories of superheroes," Mira also giggled.
OOLONG: Oh, no... Nope, uh-uh, no way! I know how this goes!(leaps off Gohan and tries to run off)You can't make me-(gets stopped in his tracks by a blue warrior)Damn it all!
"Is that a saibamen?" Levy asked.
GOHAN: Don't worry, Oolong! I'll save you-
(three more blue warriors appear and proceed to ambush Gohan)
OOLONG: Get 'em, Gohan!
"HELP HIM!" Mira screamed.
(Gohan continues to be beaten up until Piccolo grabs one of the blue warrior's hands)
PICCOLO:(is blue-skinned from head to toe)Hey, Gohan. C-c-c-cold enough for ya?
"Piccolo's here to help again!" Wendy and Happy cheered.
GOHAN: Mr...Piccolo?
PICCOLO: Did we miss some Saibamen?
BIOMAN: We are Biomen.
"So a ripoff of Saibamen then?" Levy mused.
PICCOLO: I feel like we missed some Saibamen.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo...
PICCOLO: J-just watch out for the explodey ones. Don't wanna pull a-
YAMCHA: Hey, guys! I was in the middle of training, and I saw what went down-(a Bioman grabs him and starts glowing)WHY?!(Bioman explodes off-screen)
"Strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it," Levy said.
"It's Yamcha, you shouldn't feel bad about it," Gajeel explained.
PICCOLO: That. Don't wanna pull a that.(shows Yamcha on the ground groaning in pain...and defeat)So...wanna help me build my ice castl-(begins to scream as he's blasted from underground)
Mira laughs a bit before covering her mouth with a tiny blush.
GOHAN: Mr...(Piccolo continues screaming)Piccolo...(passes out as he and Oolong fall through the ice)(later regains consciousness inside a cave)Mr. Piccolo? Oolong! I think Mr. Piccolo's in trouble!
"He can handle himself," Mira dismisses.
OOLONG: Oh, no. I'm fine, Gohan. Thanks for asking.
GOHAN: Yeah, well, sorry, but he was screaming pretty loud, and-
OOLONG: When's the last time you saw a fight where someone didn't scream?
"He has a point," Lucy agreed before shivering a bit. She never believed she would agree with a perverted pig.
OOLONG: Now. We are going to go home, and you are not going to tell your mother about this little outing.
GOHAN: But I-
OOLONG: DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THIS!
GOHAN: Okay! Fine. Why do I feel like I'm going to hear that for the rest of my life?
"Because you are," Everyone said.
OOLONG: Because you are.
(cut to Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: You're seriously not going to talk to him?
GOKU: Why? He came back safe and sound.
(inside, Goku is doing push-ups with his thumb and Chi-Chi is cooking)
CHI-CHI: He was gone for three days, and refuses to tell us where he went or what he did.
GOKU: Oh, come on, Chi-Chi. I lived in the woods for eight years all by myself.
"That explains a lot," Gray said.
"I lived in the woods when I was a kid. I don't see the issue," Natsu frowned in confusion.
"Of course you wouldn't," Lucy shakes her head. Natsu tips his head to the side confused.
CHI-CHI: That's why you're not his role model.
GOKU: 'Course not. Piccolo is.
"Understandable," Gajeel said.
(shift to inside Gohan's room, who's doing his homework)
CHI-CHI: And THAT is a conversation we desperately need to have.
GOHAN:(sighs and sits back on his chair and remembers seeing Piccolo back at the Tsurumai-Tsuburi Mountains along with an explosion with Yamcha screaming)I sure hope Mr. Piccolo's doing alright.
(shifts to a weird dream with Gohan walking on a planet with Piccolo on the peak of a mountain)
PICCOLO:Gohan! Gohan! I'm trying to reach you telepathically! (shows Gohan flying with two animals and a book with Chi-Chi creeping in the background) God, Gohan, they've captured me! (shows a brief shot of Piccolo and then shifts back to Gohan walking on a red planet behind Piccolo, who's also walking) Gohan! They're torturing me! They're forcing things into my brain, Gohan! Gohan! My veins! (shows Gohan alone in a sunset area) GOHAN!
Everyone felt disturbed at the scene in Gohan's head.
"Are we sure Gohan isn't on drugs?" Lucy asked, frightened.
CHI-CHI: Gohan!
PICCOLO:MY VEINS!
CHI-CHI: Gohan!(back to reality where Gohan wakes up)Gohan, what is going on with you?
GOHAN: I... I was dreaming.
CHI-CHI: Well, have you finished your homework?
GOHAN: Oh, Mom! I'm never finished.
CHI-CHI: That is the correct answer.
"Let the kid have some fun geez," Gray complained.
Chi-Chi's strict nature caused Natsu to shiver in freight. Being reminded of Erza's strict teaching from when they were kids. The Scarlet haired knight agreed with Chi-Chi's teaching methods.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, you're not on drugs, right?
GOHAN: It was just the one apple, Mom.
"I thought the Dead Zone didn't happen?" Happy asked confused.
"I guess Krillin based his story on actual events," Levy told him.
(cut over at Kame House)
OOLONG: This is some old bullsh*t! Just because I stole the Dragon Radar means I have to do all the prep work? Where does he even grow this stuff, anyway? He doesn't have a basem*nt...(shrieks as Bulma appears beside him)
"Bulma the ninja," Both Natsu and Happy made ninja hand signs.
BULMA: Best not to ask too many questions. Also, have you checked the oven?
OOLONG: Oh, hell..(opens the oven, which emits black smoke causing him to cough repeatedly before opening his eyes, which is now red)Great, now my entire evening is gonna be spent trying to find something to watch on Netflix!
MASTER ROSHI:(from upstairs)Those better not be my brownies, pig!(coughs and someone knocks on the front door)Oh, geez. Turtle, can you get that? I can not find my feet…
"Great he's high," Lucy rolled her eyes.
"High on what?" Wendy asked before Carla shushed her.
(Turtle goes outside to see who it is)
TURTLE: What up? You got the money?
"The turtle can talk?" Carla raised an eyebrow.
"We're talking cats," Lily gave her a deadpan stare.
"Touché," Carla replied.
(shows the face of a Bioman)
BIOMAN: We want the Roshi!
TURTLE: And WE want the money.
"This is the weirdest drug deal I've ever seen," Gajeel comments.
BIOMAN: Bring us the Roshi, or be destroyed!
TURTLE: How about you get the hell off our island?
BIOMAN: There are six of Biomen and one of Turtle!
TURTLE: I am nine hundred and ninety-nine years old. I don't give a f**k!
"And I'm betting that turtle can kick their asses," Gajeel quips.
(Master Roshi comes out the door coughing)
MASTER ROSHI: Are you the buyer? 'Cause there's gonna be a bit of a delay.(coughs a few more times)Turns out pigs can't cook brownies.
"I'm not surprised," Lisanna giggles.
BIOMAN: You have been forcefully in-vited to the laboratory of Dr. Wheelo!
MASTER ROSHI: I only need one doctor, and that's "Feelgood". Also, my GP to check my prostate every few years; it's important at my age.
"Should make sure the master has gotten his check ups after this," Mira thought to herself.
BULMA:(walks out the front door)Roshi, what the heck is going on-(sees the Biomen)Wait, are those Saibamen?
"SEE!" Levy flaps her arms at the screen.
BIOMAN: We are Biomen. And if you do not comply, we will make you!
MASTER ROSHI: Ooooh, it is a bad time for this...
BIOMAN: Prepare for combat!
(the Biomen attack and are easily defeated by Master Roshi, with one of them landing next to Turtle)
MASTER ROSHI: I do not hold back when I'm toasted.
"To be fair, they were warned," Lily said.
KOCHIN:(starts clapping)Excellent. Exactly to be expected from the world's strongest fighter.
MASTER ROSHI: Eh, I'm not one to brag. *sniffs*
Carla and Lucy rolled their eyes.
KOCHIN: Dr. Wheelo will be humbled to have you as his honored guest. Whether you like it or not.
MASTER ROSHI:(referring to the Biomen he has defeated)Are the bodies not a clear indicator of how this is gonna go down?
KOCHIN: Well, you see, strength is only relative when a little leverage is applied.(points to the front porch to reveal two Saiba-I mean Biomen holding Bulma by both arms, who starts panicking).
"Why was she just standing there?" Erza complained.
KOCHIN: Now, comply, lest I have my Saiba-
BIOMAN: We are BIOMEN!
"YOU'RE NOT!" Levy screamed.
KOCHIN: Yes, whatever! Nobody cares! My creations rip her limb from limb.
MASTER ROSHI: Damn it. And those are some fine-ass limbs, too. All right, I'll go. Turtle, you're in charge!
"Bulma does look nice," Gray pointed out. Next to him Juvia fumes in jealousy.
TURTLE: All right, but if the buyer shows up, I'm taking ten percent.
MASTER ROSHI: Triflin'-ass turtle.
(cut to Oolong at Goku's house speaking to Goku who bathing in a barrel)
OOLONG: Old man Roshi might have been kidnapped.
GOKU: Oh, don't sweat it. Roshi can handle that.
OOLONG: Yeah... They might have also been strong enough to take Piccolo, too. Uh, they said they were looking for the world's strongest fighter.
GOKU: But I'm... Why didn't they...?(cut to him fully dressed on the Flying Nimbus speaking to Chi-Chi and Gohan)There's been a terrible mistake, I gotta fix this!(takes off)
"He actually took offense to it," Levy's face straightened into a deadpan stare.
"Oh Goku," Erza sighed.
"Makes sense, Goku is the strongest," Natsu said. Lucy sighed as well.
"The problem is that he isn't humbled," Lucy told him.
(cut to inside a laboratory with Master Roshi being shown on a monitor)
KOCHIN: There he is... Your new body!
DR. WHEELO: Why is he old?
"Mysterious outside voice," Levy notes.
KOCHIN: He's the world's strongest man!
"Goku is," Natsu replied.
DR. WHEELO: And the world's oldest.(monitor shows Bulma sitting on a chair alongside Master Roshi)Again, Kochin, why not just give me the woman?
KOCHIN: I told you, you can't have a WOMAN'S body! They're not nearly strong enough!
"Wanna test that theory?" Erza frowned, as did the other females in the room.
DR. WHEELO: Sexism aside... I'm really not that picky.
KOCHIN: Also, she doesn't have a penis.
"So you wanna give him the old man penis?" Levy's face twisted in disgust.
DR. WHEELO: ...So you want to give me the old man?
KOCHIN: Yes.
DR. WHEELO: With the old man's penis?
KOCHIN: Listen, you just need a demonstration.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, please no.
(shift over to Bulma, who screams as she gets pulled down into the darkness)
MASTER ROSHI: Oh, come on! This ain't your first kidnappin'!
"Wonder how many times it happened?" Wendy tilted her head to the side.
(the lights come on)
KOCHIN: Feast your eyes on our Bio-Warriors!
DR. WHEELO: Kochin...(monitor changes to show the Bio-Warriors as innocent creatures)What did you do to my creations?! Zap-Zap, Blub-Blub, Burr?!
"Laaaaaame!" Natsu and Happy whined out.
KOCHIN: I made a few alterations this morning. Introducing Electrocutioner! Bouncy Butcher! And Freezer!
"Sort of better," Natsu said.
FREEZER: Bah!
KOCHIN: Fighting someone on the trademark for that last name, though.
DR. WHEELO: They're terrifying!
KOCHIN: Terrifyingly effective!
DR. WHEELO: They were supposed to be cute and cuddly and aid the elderly!
KOCHIN: Now they're cruel and vicious and fight the elderly! Speaking of which, commence the demonstration!
"I kinda feel bad for the mysterious voice," Happy said. The others shared the sentiment.
MASTER ROSHI: Oh man, and I'm comin' down...(begins to fight the Bio-Warriors)
BULMA: Beat their asses!
DR. WHEELO: Woah, where'd she come from?(shows Bulma with shackles on both her hands and feet)And why is she chained up?
MASTER ROSHI: Ka... Me.. Ha... Me... HAAA!
(Master Roshi fires the blast at Bouncy Butcher, who absorbs the blast and deflects it back at him. Master Roshi nearly dodges his own blast and gets punched by Freezer. Electrocutioner proceeds to shock Master Roshi with electric whips, who falls down to the ground, sizzling in defeat)
"Oh sh*t," Lucy breathed out.
"Three on one isn't fair, especially against an old man," Elfman glares.
KOCHIN: Fiddlesticks. I could have sworn he was the strongest fighter in the world.
BULMA: Oh, right. The three hundred year-old man.
DR. WHEELO: Seriously, why is she chained up?
"Fetishes I guess," Levy shrugged her shoulders.
BULMA: Roshi's not even in the top five anymore. As in, I've got at least five friends, all stronger than he is!
"And he'll be going down that ladder as we progress," Levy frowned.
KOCHIN: Is that so?
DR. WHEELO: Oh, do not indulge him.
BULMA: Okay, who else keeps talking?
(Dr. Wheelo reveals himself, who is a brain embedded in a wall)
DR. WHEELO: Hello.
"Woah! Big brain!" Natsu shouted. Everyone widens their eyes at the huge brain.
BULMA: Um... Hi?
DR. WHEELO: My name is Dr. Wheelo. Good to meet you.
BULMA: Wait, Dr. Jonathan Wheelo? The famous biologist and cancer researcher? Your breakthroughs changed the entire landscape of the field!
"Glad to know he wasn't evil!" Levy's face brightens up hearing about Wheelo's achievements.
"Great another nerd," Gajeel groans before Levy elbows him in his sides.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Can I have your body?
BULMA: What? No!
"An expected response," Lucy relates.
DR. WHEELO: Oh, I'm so sorry, not sexually. I-I mean your actual, physical body. To put my brain in.
BULMA: Still NO!
DR. WHEELO: Oh, come on, it's been fifty years! I suddenly got sick one day-lung cancer, ironically-and that one decides to put me in stasis.(Kochin frowns and glares at Dr. Wheelo)Next thing I know, he's gone to get groceries for fifty years. Which is just my father all over again.
"That's really sad," Wendy wishes she could heal Wheelo.
"Feel bad about making fun of his monsters now," Natsu said.
BULMA: Okay, well, I'm sorry and all, but there's no way I'd agree to that. Not that you'd fit, anyway.
DR. WHEELO: Whhyyyy?
"Because your brain is the size of Lucy's fat butt," Happy jokes. The celestial spirit mage did not share the humor.
"MY BUTT ISN'T FAT!"
KOCHIN: Oh, your gray matter seems to have absorbed a little bit of the embalming fluid that you're stored in!
DR. WHEELO: What?! How big am I?!
BULMA: I'd say...a golden retriever.
DR. WHEELO: But a golden retriever's brain is small!
BULMA: No, like, the size of a golden retriever.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, what the hell, man?!
KOCHIN: Oh, calm down, sir...
DR. WHEELO: I can't fit in a body like THIS!
"I'd be pissed too if my assistant screwed me over that badly," Gray said.
KOCHIN: Don't worry about it. Sometimes brain surgery is a little more 'art' than science.
"One way to describe it," Levy said.
DR. WHEELO: You're thinking of baking!
KOCHIN: I might be thinking of baking...
BULMA: Well, Pinky. You picked the wrong guy, anyway. You want Son Goku.
DR. WHEELO: Can I fit in him?
"You can use Natsu too," Gray quipped.
"My head isn't empty!?" Natsu replied annoyed.
BULMA: To be fair, there's probably a vacancy. But you have to get him here first. And good luck kidnapping-
(a warning alarm goes off)
DR. WHEELO: What is that?
(Goku is shown on the screen)
"He showed up on his own," Mira said.
GOKU: Hello. My name is Son Goku. Is anyone home?
KOCHIN: Oh, and the stars align.
GOKU: Someone made a mistake! If you're looking for the world's strongest fighter, I'm here!
KOCHIN: Yes, yes! Son Goku! Please, if you would, join us!
GOKU: A'ight!(jumps off the Flying Nimbus and lands near the front entrance)Sure hope it's warmer inside...(shifts to him running inside shivering his tit* off)It's actually colder! How is it colder?!(enters a room filled with a bunch of giant, floating balls)Oh, cool! He's got a ball pit!(spikes emerges from all the floating balls)Oh, no, he's got a ball pit..(jumps to avoid getting hit by an incoming ball)
"Looks fun," Natsu grins. Lucy just sighs for the 100th time.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin?
KOCHIN: Yes?
DR. WHEELO: WHAT?!
KOCHIN: Oh, the Death Spheres! Quite ingenious, no?
DR. WHEELO: No! Why do we have them?!
KOCHIN: Well, if the Red Ribbon Army hadn't suddenly up and disappeared, they'd have made us a mint.(Goku destroys all of the Death Spheres with multiple blasts)Annd there goes fifty billion Zeni.
"That much money for a useless ball bit? I could use that money to pay my rent," Lucy complained.
DR. WHEELO: HOW MUCH?!
GOKU: That was easily the second-worst ball pit I've ever been in.(Bouncy Butcher comes out of nowhere and punches him in the face, who rebounds and tries to kick him, but gets enveloped in Bouncy Butcher's squishy body)Oh, no. Oh, God. Ew, ew, ew, it's moist. Why is it moist?(gets away)Okay, get it together. Just gotta go in there...and do it. Just like with Chi-Chi.(Bouncy Butcher starts inflating)Just like with Chi Chi...
The girls of the guild faces turned beet red at Goku's implications.
"I wish to do those things with Gray," Juvia swayed side to side.
"HUH!?" Gray jumped back.
GOKU:(charges at Bouncy Butcher again, pulling his torso with him as he goes higher)Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, EWWWW!(uses Kaio-ken to rip a hole through Bouncy Butcher's torso and flies up to the next floor as Bouncy Butcher is shown deflating like a balloon)
"Goku using Ketchup again," Natsu grinds.
"IT'S KAIOKEN!" Lucy yelled at him.
KOCHIN: Good, good! He's already dispatched one of the Bio-Warriors!
DR. WHEELO: Blub-Blub... He was made for hugs…
"Oh," Wendy frowns.
KOCHIN: And combat!
DR. WHEELO: No...
GOKU: I swear, I'ma deck the heck out of the next guy I see!
FREEZER:(appears in front of Goku)Bah!(Goku decks him in the schnoz)AH!(muffled)OW! F**k! sh*t!
The boys all laughed at the scene.
GOKU: Oh! Oh, gosh, I'm sorry!
FREEZER: What the f**k, man?!
GOKU: D-do you need some ice?
"Unintentional on Goku's part,"
FREEZER: Oh, you think you're funny?! Zapps, get in here. I-I need a sec.
ELECTROCUTIONER: I'm the Electrocutioner now!
FREEZER: The electrocutionate him! I don't give a f**k!
GOKU: Who's your buddy?(screams as he gets zapped by Electrocutioner and gets blasted backwards, hitting the stairs as he falls down)
"That looked painful," Lily winced.
DR. WHEELO: ...Wait, can they all talk?
KOCHIN: Of course they can! They're completely sentient.
(cut to Bouncy Butcher face-down on the ground, with a hole in his torso)
BOUNCY BUTCHER: I need a hug…
Wendy's frown deepened.
KOCHIN: With all their own wants and needs, and a crippling fear of death!
BOUNCY BUTCHER: So dark... And cold...(begins sobbing uncontrollably, forming a pool of tears as Bulma watches in stunned shock)
DR. WHEELO: Blub-Blub, no...
KOCHIN: Now, Freezer! Preserve the goods!(Freezer fires an icy blast at Goku which begins to envelop him)
"It is oddly familiar," Natsu brings up. Levy scrunches up in thought.
GOKU: Wait, Freezer? Why does that sound familiar...?(the ice is shown reaching his...family 'DragonBalls')OH, GOD, IT'S LIKE THE WORST PART OF GETTING INTO A POOL TIMES A THOUSAND!
All of the men except Gray cringe at the scene.
KOCHIN: Lay the finishing blow!
(a caped figure appears)
GOKU: Thank goodness! Piccolo's here-(the caped figure is Gohan)Oh. Hey, son.
"Piccolo isn't that small," Lisanna laughs.
"Nor is he adorable in the slightest," Mira adds.
GOHAN: Hold tight, Dad! We've got you!
GOKU: We?
(Krillin appears and lands beside Gohan)
"Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Gray said.
KRILLIN: And the Krill-dog's in the houuuuu-(gets electrocuted)AAAAAHHHH!
GOHAN:(also gets electrocuted)AAAAAHHHH!(both he and Krillin get completely frozen solid by Freezer)
A long pause overtakes the audience.
"Wow," Gajeel said.
GOKU:(lets out a deep sigh)
"HE'S DISAPPOINTED!?"
"I would be too," Gajeel crosses his arms.
GOKU: Kaio-ken.(breaks free of the ice with Kaio-ken and punches Freezer hard in the face and then kicks Electrocutioner before breaking his back and finally lands on the ground while holding Electrocutioner and takes a deep breath)
"Now that's manly!" Elfman yells, seeing Goku easily defeat his opponents.
"Gohan and Krillin really weren't needed," Lucy sighed.
KOCHIN: Man, your new body is gonna be wicked! Completely destroyed the Bio-Warriors.
DR. WHEELO: I just thought of something. Kochin...why didn't you give me one of THEIR bodies?
KOCHIN: Uh, hmm... I guess you're right. See, this is why you're the brains!(snickers)...What, too cheesy?
"Too insensitive," Carla responded.
DR. WHEELO: More insensitive.
KOCHIN: Oh, grow some thicker skin.
"Really?" Levy groaned.
(Wheelo groans in frustration)
BULMA: I thought it was clever.
(cut to Goku, Gohan, and Krillin running through a dark hall)
GOKU: Hurry, guys! We're almost there!
GOHAN: So cold... Still wet!
KRILLIN: Frostbite... So much frostbite!
"I don't see the issue," Gray shrugged his shoulders.
"Same," Natsu agreed.
"Of course you two don't and put on some clothes, Gray!" Erza commanded.
GOKU: Don't worry, Krillin! The cold never killed anyone!
"Maybe not a saiyan, but regular people are a different story," Lucy said.
KRILLIN: Hypothermia would beg to differ!
(back in the main lab, where everything's dark)
DR. WHEELO: Why did you turn out the lights?
KOCHIN: To give us an air of menace!
Carla face palmed at Kochin's stupidity.
DR. WHEELO: Why do we need menace?
KOCHIN: Shh, shh! Here he comes!
(Goku, Gohan, and Krillin arrive)
GOKU: Wow... This place sure is menacing.
"He had to say that," Carla groaned.
BULMA: Goku!
GOKU: Bulma! Don't worry, Bulma! I'll get you out of-(gets shocked by a force field around Bulma and gets thrown backwards)
Fairy tail winces at the shock.
GOHAN: Daddy!
GOKU: Ugh.. I'm gonna have nerve damage after today!(Goku, Gohan, and Krillin are shown behind the monitor)Hey, why didn't you warn me?
"Goku knows what nerve damage is?" Lily asked, shocked.
BULMA: I didn't know it would happen! I haven't tried to break out!
GOKU: Well, why not?
BULMA: I'm chained here!
GOKU: Well, that's sexy.
"HE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS!?" Lucy shouts.
"I know what that is," Natsu tells her.
Lucy screams in confused frustration.
DR. WHEELO: You mean, sexist?
KOCHIN: Well, it's a little sexy.
GOHAN: *gasps* Oh, my goodness! Is that a brain? ...Why is it the size of a Greyhound?
DR. WHEELO: The BUS?!
KOCHIN: This is the magnificent Dr. Wheelo! And we'd like to welcome you to our evil lair!
"YOUR evil lair," Carla corrected.
DR. WHEELO: This is neither a lair, nor is it evil! This is a laboratory! For science!
KOCHIN: Yes...evil science!
DR. WHEELO: No! Neutral science, at worst!
GOKU: I don't care what kind of science you're cooking up! I'm here for two things: to rescue my friends, and correct a mistake! I am Son Goku! And I am the world's strongest!
"At least rescuing his friends is taking first priority this time," Erza sighed.
KOCHIN: Okay, we believe you.
GOKU: Good. Then, if you don't mind, I'ma just grab my friends, and be on my wa-(begins screaming as he's blasted a mysterious red beam)
GOHAN: Pride cometh before the fall, eh Dad?
"To be fair, he had that one coming," Levy points out.
KRILLIN: Come on, Gohan! It's two against-(Piccolo appears in front of him)Huh! Three! Three against one! Ha-ha!
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
"Something's off," Juvia mentions.
"He's more angry than usual," Mira agrees.
DR. WHEELO: Wait, how long have we had him?
KOCHIN: About a week?
DR. WHEELO: Just give me his body!
KOCHIN: Can't. No penis.
"Why does he know that!?" Carla responded in disgust.
DR. WHEELO: Why do you KNOW that?!(Kochin smiles)
"He's the ultimate creep," Lucy shivered.
GOKU: Yo, I broke out of the thingy. Oh, hey, Piccolo! Wow, your eyes are red... You been hanging around Master Roshi?
GOHAN:(runs up to Piccolo)Mr. Piccolo!(Piccolo punches him in the face)
Mira's dark aura appeared.
GOKU: Don't you dare hit my son! ...Unless you're training right now. In which case, Gohan, get back up.
Mira's aura spiked.
Erza sighs at Goku's obliviousness.
GOHAN: Dad, I think Dr. Wheelo's controlling him!
DR. WHEELO: But I am a brain in a jar!
GOKU: So you admit it!
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, please explain...
KOCHIN: KILL THEM ALL!
"That's not what he meant!" Wendy yells frustrated.
DR. WHEELO: WHY?!
(Piccolo comes at them, causing Krillin to immediately scream and dive out of the way. Piccolo screams for a bit and then proceeds to engage Goku in battle.)
GOHAN: Stop this! You are men of science! How could you commit such atrocities?!
KOCHIN: Excuse you, mustard gas would like a word...
GOHAN: Uh, excuse YOU, solar energy has something to say!
KOCHIN: Excuse YOU,anthraxhas an opinion on that!
GOHAN: Excuse YOU,penicillinwould like to chime in!
"Are these nerd insults?" Gajeel face twists in bewilderment. Everyone else wonders the same thing.
Levy shrinks down a bit knowing she's the only one to understand it.
KOCHIN: ...The atom bomb.
(Gohan screams and lets out a shockwave that destroys part of the laboratory)
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, stop antagonizing him!
KOCHIN: You're right. He's incredibly strong! In fact…
"No," Mira seethes.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, he is a child!
KOCHIN: With a penis!
"Kill him," Mira said, incredibly pissed. She wasn't the only one as everyone else shared a look of anger and disgust at Kochin's words.
DR. WHEELO: Kochin, please!
KOCHIN: You're right... I should CHECK!(fires a blast from his cane at Gohan, who deflects by screaming out another shockwave that creates a crater around him, which causes him to slip and fall on his back)Insolent boy... He's in for such a caning...(reaches for his cane, but Krillin kicks it away)
"Krillin does something good for once," Lucy smiles.
KRILLIN: Not so tough without your cane, huh old man?(Kochin smiles and holds out his hand)Um...(the hand transforms into a gatling gun)Ah!(Kochin opens fire...with the bullets harmlessly bouncing off Krillin)Whatever happened to Launch?
"Yeah that was too good to be true," Lucy sighed.
(Master Roshi appears and takes out Kochin)
MASTER ROSHI: And that's for ruinin' my Sunday.
"At least the old pervert did something," Gray said.
(the mind controlling device on Piccolo's head shatters, turning him back to normal)
PICCOLO: Huh?
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: DODGE!(punches Gohan in the face)
GOHAN:(thinking; sighs)Back to normal.
"Greeeeaaat," Mira rolls her eyes.
"I'm happy about it," Wendy says.
"Good for you sweet child," Mira smiled.
DR. WHEELO: Fifty years I was alone... And when I'm finally saved from that loneliness, all I find is horror. In this form, I am powerless; doomed to witness these atrocities. I need a body...I WILL have a body!(breaks free from the wall with Bulma screaming in fear as his brain is revealed to be inside a mechanical body)HOW LONG HAVE I HAD THIS?!
"I really wish I could help him," Wendy pouts.
KOCHIN: Wait, you seriously never noticed the exo-body I left for you? Did you think I'd literally just leave you in a jar? What kind of monster do you think I am?(Dr. Wheelo stomps the floor, sending Kochin falling down into the abyss)Fair enoooooooough!
"And hopefully, that's the last time we see him," Lisanna said.
GOKU: See? Now you got a body.
"Yeah!" Natsu agreed.
DR. WHEELO: This is not a body! This can't taste, or smell, or touch! I am a brain trapped in an exoskeleton!
PICCOLO: Well, when you think about it, aren't we all just-(Dr. Wheelo slaps him)
DR. WHEELO: NO!
"Piccolo wasn't exactly wrong," Levy said.
MASTER ROSHI: A Kame and a Hame and a Send-him-home-to-mommy!
GOKU, MASTER ROSHI, and KRILLIN: KA... ME... HA... ME... HA!
(all three of them fire a combined Kamehameha wave at Dr. Wheelo, which fails to scathe him)
"SO COOL!" Natsu and Happy shout.
MASTER ROSHI: Krillin, you better not have held back!(gets hit by Dr. Wheelo)
KRILLIN: Oh, come on! We both know it was Goku!(also gets hit by Dr. Wheelo)WAH!
GOKU: Yeah, it might have been me.
"Oh Goku," Erza face palmed.
BULMA:(head pops out from the table beside Krillin)Can you take me home?
GOKU: All right, everyone. Stand back. I'ma Kaio-kening.(Gohan attempts to attack with the Power Pole and gets whacked by Dr. Wheelo's tail)That means you too, Gohan.
"He really needs to learn how to listen," Carla huffed.
GOHAN:(as he hits the ground off-screen)Ow...
GOKU: Kaio-ken times three!(transforms and starts charging toward Dr. Wheelo)
DR. WHEELO: Kaio-what?(Goku attacks and removes his right arm)Aah!
"There it is," Levy chirped.
GOKU: Ka... Me... Ha... Me.. HA!(fires a Kaio-Ken powered Kamehameha wave at Dr. Wheelo, who counters by firing a mouth blast, resulting in a beam struggle with Dr. Wheelo having an advantage)(thinking)Kaio-ken...times three...(out loud)AND A HALF!(Kamehameha wave complete engulfs Dr. Wheelo)
"Guess it didn't need full power like with Vegeta," Lily said.
DR. WHEELO: AA-(cut to an outside shot of the laboratory, with the roof blowing off)-AAAAAH!(the laboratory is shown to be completely destroyed)
GOKU:(starts catching his breath)And point...proven!
"Yup! You're the strongest!" Natsu smiled broadly.
KRILLIN: Wow, that was...quicker than expected.
GOKU: Naw, he's alive up there. Plotting like the evil scientist he is.
"I don't think that's right," Wendy pointed out.
"What do you mean child?" Carla asked her. Wendy looked down at her partner.
"Wheelo doesn't come off as a bad person, just misunderstood," Wendy explained.
(cut to Dr. Wheelo in outer space)
DR. WHEELO: Look at this planet. So beautiful. I'll never see it with my own eyes again...(begins sobbing in complete sadness)
"Yeah, Wendy's right," Happy said, his ears flopped down.
(cut back to the destroyed lab)
GOKU: Someone needs to kill him. And by someone...I mean the Earth!(raises both arms up)
"No need for overkill," Gray said.
GOHAN: Wait, this doesn't seem right...
KRILLIN: Yeah! Kill him, Goku!
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy groaned.
GOHAN: I'll be right back.(flies off)
KRILLIN: Yeah! Kill him, Gohan!
"Goddammit Krillin," Gray said this time.
(back in outer space, Dr. Wheelo continues crying when Gohan appears)
GOHAN: Hey, Dr. Wheelo, I... Wait, are you crying?
DR. WHEELO: I physically can't, but I'm just so sad...
GOHAN: You're...not really evil at all, are you?
"He understood just like you Wendy," Mira smiled.
The youngest Dragon slayer blushed at the compliment.
DR. WHEELO: No... I just want a body. Fifty years alone and trapped...(continues crying)
GOHAN: Can you wait one more?
KRILLIN: It's KRILLER TI-(Dr. Wheelo slaps him)
"That's never gonna be a thing," Gajeel spoke as if it's a fact.
DR. WHEELO: I mean, I guess...
GOKU:(from down on Earth)All right! Ready to kill him!
GOHAN: Dad, no, we worked it out! He's not evil!
GOKU: Oh.(is seen holding the Spirit Bomb)Well, I can't just turn this off. Maybe if I just set it down...(an exploding sound is heard and then shows Goku lying among the falling rubble)Good work, team...
"Note to self, don't unnecessarily charge a spirit bomb," Natsu nods his head.
(one year later, everyone has gathered around at Capsule Corp. and Shenron is summoned from the seven DragonBalls)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. State your...(sees the Z-Fighters and sighs)Okay, who died?
"Straight to the point huh?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
GOHAN: Actually, nobody. In fact, we want you to create a whole new body.
SHENRON: ...I'm listening.
GOHAN: We want you to make a human body, and put that brain inside of it.
SHENRON: Huh. Well, at least it's better than that last wish. Who summons the Eternal Dragon to melt some ice?
DR. WHEELO: Hmm...
SHENRON: Your wish is granted.
(eyes glows red and gives Dr. Wheelo a human body)
DR. WHEELO: Thank you, everyone.(shows everyone (minus Goku) giving a horrified look as it shows the crown of his head being humongous in order to fit his already large brain, which is making loud heartbeat sounds)Now I can live a normal life again.
Everyone almost threw up at the disgusting sight.
"Not for long," Gajeel gags.
("Kochin and the Brain", a parody of the Pinky & The Brain theme song by Team Four Star, plays as the ending credits roll)
"I hope Wheelo enjoys his body," Wendy smiles nervously.
"He might not be enjoying it for long," Gajeel whispered to Levy.
Mira gets up and moves to the lacrama. "Onto the next one!" Mira cheered.
"YEAH!"
Chapter End
Chapter 15: Tree of Might
Chapter Text
Chapter 16: Christmas Tree of Might(Part 1)
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, Bulma and Oolong camping in the woods)
NARRATOR:'Twas the week before Christmas, and upon the Earth, Krillin and Gohan were searching for a tree of great worth. They longed for a tree both tall and rare, and for some other reason, Oolong was there. And with eyes full of wonder and faces all grins, this, my dear viewers, is where our story begins.
"Oh, I love christmas!" Happy bounced up and down.
KRILLIN: Alright guys, sleep well. We have an early morning tomorrow to search for our perfect Christmas tree!
BULMA: Hey, did anyone take care of that fire?
KRILLIN: Oolong, you got that?
OOLONG: I'm watching it.
"Bad decision to let the genocidal pig take care of a forest fire," Gray said.
(shows the forest being burned down as the animals flee the area)
KRILLIN: I thought you said you were watching the fire!
OOLONG: I was! It was beautiful.
GOHAN: Poor animals, their Christmas is ruined now...
KRILLIN: Yeah, and now we don't have our tree.
"Is that all you care about?" Lucy rolled her eyes.
GOHAN: I wish there was something we could do for them.
"Such a kind hearted kid," Mira chimed.
KRILLIN:(a ding sound is heard)Wish? I got it! We could use the DragonBalls!
(shows a quick montage of Gohan and Krillin collecting all seven DragonBalls)
KRILLIN: We got the DragonBalls!
GOHAN: Amazing how much easier this became with time.
"It wouldn't if you guys stopped screwing up as much," Levy shook her head.
(Shenron gets summoned)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. State your...(sees Krillin, Bulma, and Oolong)No... No way. No, not you again! HAS IT EVEN BEEN A YEAR?!
"I doubt it," Carla said, plainly.
OOLONG: It's been one year, two months, and fifteen...
SHENRON: SHUT THE HELL UP!
"That's one pissed dragon," Natus whistled.
KRILLIN: Almighty Shenron, we called you forth to help us in this dire time! As you can see, this beautiful land full of trees and life has been burned to the ground.
SHENRON: So you want me to restore life to this desolated forest?
"Yes," Erza smiled.
KRILLIN: Hell no! I want a Christmas tree!
"Goddammit Krillin," Erza looked disappointed.
SHENRON: ...You want...a tree.
KRILLIN: Not just any tree... The PERFECT Christmas tree!
SHENRON: ...Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll give your tree. I'll give you THE BEST DAMN TREE YOU'VE EVER SEEN!(starts laughing sinisterly as he grants Krillin's wish)
"That's not ominous in the slightest," Levy rolled her eyes.
KRILLIN: Thank you!
SHENRON: Oh, don't thank me. 'Tis the season of giving.(vanishes as the DragonBalls scatter away)
(cut to a spaceship approaching Earth)
SLAY: Turles, sir, our navigation system just changed course. We're on route to a new planet, Earth.
TURLES: Does it contain a sufficient amount of joy?
SLAY: According to our sensors, yes.
TURLES: Well then... Merry Christmas.
"GOKU!?"
"It's like a Black Goku!?" Natsu shouted.
"That doesn't seem right," Lucy looks unsure at Natsu's words.
"Another brother perhaps?" Levy scribbles in her notepad.
("Christmas Tree of Might" appears on the screen as "Jingle Bell Rock" plays before switching to "Rock The Dragon")
(cut to Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: You are not allowed to go camping again, young man.
GOKU:(in background)We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas... On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...
GOHAN: But Mom, Oolong's the one who burned down the forest, not me!
"Guilty by association," Erza's serious tone cut through.
"He's five," Mira tells her.
"And learning responsibility at a young age is important," Erza responded back.
CHI-CHI: I don't care whose fault it is, you need to be responsible. Remember, if you don't act like a good little boy, Santa won't bring you any presents this year. Goku, stop that or I will deck you in the halls!
GOKU: Okay!
"Whipped," Gajeel cracks. Levy slaps him in the back of the head, bringing him back down to earth.
GOHAN: He's just gonna bring me books again...
CHI-CHI: He brings you what you like, and what do you like!?
GOHAN: I like books!
CHI-CHI: See, he brings you what you like.
Everyone turned towards Erza. The knight returned their gazes with a confused stare.
"What?" She asked.
"Nothing," They replied quickly.
GOKU: Well, what am I getting for Christmas?
CHI-CHI: The same thing as last year, Goku.
GOKU: Oh, so that thing you do with your mouth-?
CHI-CHI: Not in front of Gohan!
Cue the obvious blushing from all the women.
"Hey, Levy can we-"
"NO!" Levy quickly shushed Gajeel.
(cut to Yamcha and Puar flying inside a car)
PUAR: Yamcha, why did you spend all your baseball money on this car instead of buying Christmas gifts for your friends?
YAMCHA: Puar, the only gift they need is the gift of Yamcha.
"Asshole," Gray shook his head.
PUAR: ...That's a non-refundable gift, isn't it?
YAMCHA: Just like this car.
(there's an explosion from inside the forests that sends the car flying, causing Yamcha and Puar to scream before the car explodes)
"So we can all agree he had that coming?" Gajeel asked everyone.
"Yeah, it's Yamcha," Everyone spoke.
SLAY: It is time. Plant the tree.(short pause)Of might.(another short pause)The Christmas Tree of Might.
(Diaz throws the seed into an abyss)
JINGA & BERU: Oh...
JINGA: Title drop.
SLAY: Now...let the Yuletide celebrations begin.
("Deck the Halls Metal Style!" plays as the Christmas Tree of Might starts growing and destroying the city)
BOY: Mommy?(gets crushed by a car, in which a man is seen getting out and runs off)
That made everyone sad.
(cut to Goku's House)
YAMCHA: So yeah, um, I'm gonna have to crash with you guys for a while.
GOKU: Ha, ha! "Crash" like your car.
YAMCHA: Yes, Goku... Like my car.
MASTER ROSHI: I can't believe the wreckage landed on your house.
"I think Yamcha's life is worse than Krillin's," Happy brought up.
"I wouldn't doubt, at least Krillin didn't die to a Saibamen," Natsu told his partner.
YAMCHA: Neither can I. And since I put all my money into the car, I'm pretty much destitute.
GOHAN: You know, studies say that depression hits worst during the holiday season. That's why the suicide rates are so high.
YAMCHA: ...
(everyone except Yamcha and Bulma start laughing)
"Not sure if I would laugh at the suicide part, but everything else about it is pretty funny," Lily summarized.
GOKU: Like your car.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Hey, are we laughing at Yamcha, cause I'm always up for that.
"Everyone is up for that," Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: King Kai, is that you?
KING KAI:(telepathically)I just want to call you up and wish you a Merry Christmas.
GOKU:(telepathically to King Kai on his planet)Aw shucks, King Kai. You too.
KING KAI: Yeah, also thought I'd tell you about the evil space pirates who are killing your planet.
"Not the type of gift I'd want," Lucy said.
GOKU: Space in the what now?
KING KAI: You see, a group of space pirates have sought out your planet. And with it, are growing an evil, evil tree.
GOKU: How evil?
KING KAI: It's literally sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire planet.
GOKU: *gasp* That's Disney evil!
"Who?" Levy asked.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Well, that's all from here. I'm gonna go spike the eggnog and watch Gregory get smashed. Merry Christmas!
GOKU: Alright guys, group meeting. So, it turns out someone just planted a gigantic tree...
KRILLIN: Hurray! My tree!
GOKU: ...that is sucking the Christmas joy out of the entire world!
KRILLIN: I mean, oh, no! Who would be so dastardly?
"Goddammit Krillin," Everyone said.
GOKU: So, my plan is we get the DragonBalls and wish it away!
KRILLIN: Uuuummmm…
"That's gonna be pretty difficult," Juvia said.
GOKU: I'm kiddin'. We're gonna go blow it up!
(cut to Goku, Krillin, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu blasting the tree, which has no effect)
GOKU: Didn't work.
"Try harder," Natsu advised.
TIEN: Damn. If we don't act soon, Christmas is going to be ruined forever.
KRILLIN: Wait a minute. Tien, Chiaotzu, what are you two doing here? Aren't you Jewish?
TIEN:(now wearing a yarmulke as Jewish music plays)Hey, I'm just trying to be culturally sensitive...you Buddhist ass!
KRILLIN: Well, happy holidays to you too.
"Hmmmmm….Different cultures I guess," Levy mumbled as she wrote down in her notepad.
GOKU: I think the only course of action left...is to reason with it.
Lucy clamped her hand on Natsu's mouth before he could speak.
YAMCHA: Uh, Goku?
GOKU: Big tree! If you don't leave right now, I'm gonna have to beat you up!
"Goku's kind heart extends to even nature," Erza smiled brightly.
"I'm pretty sure he'd eat an entire species out of existence," Gray mumbled
YAMCHA: Goku, trees can't tal-
SLAY:(off-screen)Why don't you come up here and try it?
YAMCHA: Know what? F**k it, I don't care anymore.
(everyone flies up on the tree and confronts the villains responsible, who are chuckling evilly)
KRILLIN: Who the hell are these guys?
SLAY: We are from the planet of Misfit Minions.
REESE: Where all banished servants of Santa Claus are sent.
BERU: We were all lost, hope forsaken.
JINGA: But now Turles has given us a new chance at life.
JINGA & BERU: And at revenge!
"These rhymes are gonna give me a headache," Lucy rubbed her head.
KRILLIN: But why were you banished in the first place?
SLAY: Some of us did things...terrible things.
REESE: Things that some of us regret, and some of us don't.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Carla said wearily.
SLAY: Take me for example. I was but a humble mall Santa trying to bring children joy.
TIEN: So what happened?
SLAY: Well, a young child asked me for a fire truck.
GOKU/Lisanna: Awww!
SLAY: So I dropped one on his house.
GOKU/Lisanna: Awww.
JINGA: Then there was my brother and I.
BERU: We were once elves working at Santa's workshop.
JINGA: Until a robot we made to aid production went out on a murderous rampage.
S.N.O.W.: Fa la la la la, la la, la DIE.
"I don't ever want to fight that," Lucy trembled.
KRILLIN: Yikes.(to Reese)Wait a minute, that doesn't cover you. What'd you do?
REESE: Something so evil, I am forever on Santa's naughty list.
"I'm sure it's not that bad," Gray reassured.
"Compared to the other nutjobs, what's the worst he could do?" Natsu asked skeptically.
YAMCHA: Geez, compared to these guys, what could you have possibly-
REESE: I raped Rudolph.(sounds of Reese laughing along with a reindeer's pained cries are heard)
The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Until the loud sounds of Wendy crying rang throughout the guild. Carla rushed to console the young Dragon Slayer.
TIEN: Dibs on not fighting that guy.
GOKU: We have to save Christmas, guys! Let's go!
(everyone except Goku charges at the Misfit Minions with Jinga and Beru knocking Tien and Chiaotzu out of the air)
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
JINGA & BERU: The great Jinga Beru Brothers!
TIEN: You mean Jingle Bell, right?
"Don't try to make sense of these guys," Mira said.
JINGA: No, Jinga...
BERU: ...and Beru!
TIEN:(slightly annoyed)Noooo... Jingle... Bell.
JINGA: Jinga!
BERU: Beru!
TIEN:(pissed)F**KING WEEABOOS!(uses Solar Flare to blind Jinga and Beru)
(cut to Krillin and Slay)
SLAY: You know, you look like one of the kids I let sit on my lap once. 'Course, he was the cancer patient; asked me if I could get rid of his cancer.
"I feel like I know where this is going," Levy shook her head.
KRILLIN: Oh god, this is going exactly where I think this is, isn't it?
SLAY: So I blew him up! No more cancer!
"That's not a solution," Erza said, angrily.
KRILLIN: God, you are one of the worst mall Santas ever! Right behind those ones that molest kids.
"So, he's the worst mall Santa?" Elfman responded.
SLAY: ...So I'm the worst mall Santa.
KRILLIN: Oh, come on!
(cut to Yamcha using his Spirit Ball technique)
"Let's see how he screws this up," Gray said.
S.N.O.W.: Singing "Yamcha the Scar-Faced Bandit"(said song starts playing)
YAMCHA: Go to hell!(throws Spirit Ball at S.N.O.W., which misses)Oh. Come. On. Come. On. Damn. You.(now having trouble redirecting the Spirit Ball)
"That's just pathetic," Gajeel said.
"LAME!" Natsu and Happy shouted.
S.N.O.W.: Do you require assistance?
YAMCHA: Shut. Up. You. Cowardly. God.(Spirit Ball finally hits)YES! Take that, motherfu-(S.N.O.W. charges at him and rams him to the ground)
"And it did jack all," Gajeel clapped his hands sarcastically.
And if you saw this guy fight
You would even say he blows
S.N.O.W.: Agreed.
(cut to Chiaotzu flying away from Jinga)
JINGA: I'll make you pay, like the rest of them!(fires a blast at Chiaotzu)
CHIAOTZU: Aaaah! I told you, I'm not an elf, I'm just really short!
"Chiaotzu honestly looks like a doll," Lucy was reminded of a doll she had as a kid.
JINGA: Shut up, Claus lover!(fires a barrage of blast)
CHIAOTZU: I don't even celebrate Christmas- Oh, my God!(gets hit)
(shows Gohan charging at Jinga)
JINGA: What the fuuuuuuuuu...(gets headbutted by Gohan)
GOHAN: Did I just smash the Krampus? Oh well, where are the others? If I don't find them soon, it's gonna be too late to go caroling!(bumps into Turles)Hey Dad, what's with the getup? It's not Halloween, it's Christmas!
"Gohan...how would your dad have the time to put on a costume?" Erza questioned.
"Erza, he's five," Mira explained to her.
"He's intelligent for his age," The scarlet knight argued back.
"He's still a child," Mira stressed out.
TURLES: Christmas? I HATE Christmas!
"Monster," Happy whispered.
GOHAN: You're not my dad!(Turles grabs him by the scarf)
TURLES: I hate gingerbread houses. I hate presents and toys. I hate reindeer and all of the good girls and boys. I hate the Whos down in Whoville and all of their songs. I hate their whumpets and blumpets and goobag-for-brawns. I hate carols and sleigh rides and falalalalas. But above all things else...I hate Santa Claus!
"BEAT HIS ASS GOHAN!" Natsu roared.
GOHAN: Don't talk sh*t about Santa!(Turles blocks his punch)
TURLES: You're Saiyan, aren't you? How lucky you were...to never suffer my injustice!(starts crushing Gohan's fist, causing him to scream)However, after my tree is done with this planet, you'll be left with no ale to speak of!(chuckles until his scouter beeps)What? Who's there?(Piccolo arrives)
"Yeah Piccolo!" Natsu cheered.
PICCOLO: Bitch, you look like Goku.
TURLES: And you look like a Yoshi.
PICCOLO: I get that. Now hand over the kid.
TURLES: Oh, you want this kid?
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
PICCOLO: I want him.
TURLES: You want this kid?
"Just give him the kid!" Gajeel yelled.
PICCOLO: I want him!
TURLES: You want, you want?
PICCOLO: I WANT THAT KID!(charges at Turles, who tosses Gohan at him)
GOHAN: Hi, Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Merry Christmas.(gets blasted by Turles)
"Heh," Mira smiled.
TURLES: Yeah, you're gonna stay right there. Now how 'bout I show you a little trick I learned? If I put pressure down on this part of your back...(puts more force on Gohan's back, causing him to sprout his tail)...your tail grows back!
"So, that's how it works," Levy scribbled down.
GOHAN: And...?
TURLES: Look!(throws a fake moon in the sky and kicks Gohan before grabbing him by the eyes, forcing him to look at the fake moon)It's the Star of Bethlehem. You know what it means?
"Oh, that's not good," Gray said nervously.
GOHAN: Jesus is born?
TURLES: Yeah, only instead of Jesus...it's a giant monkey.
GOHAN: I don't see the para-(transforms into an Oozaru)
GOKU: Gohan!(dodges an attack by Oozaru Gohan)Aw man... If Chi-Chi finds out about this, I might not get the mouth present.
Cue more blushing from the girls.
TURLES: Now, what will you do? Son against father; father against son! In a battle to the death!(Goku cuts off Oozaru Gohan's tail, returning him back to normal and catches him)...Well played.
"I guess there wasn't much to worry about at all," Gray said, surprised.
(cut to Goku inside a cave holding Gohan)
GOKU: It's okay, Gohan. You're safe. Now go to sleep, and in the morning, Santa will have brought all of your presents. And by presents, I mean books.
GOHAN: D-dang it.(passes out)
"Gohan still can't catch a break," Gray pitied.
TURLES: Savor this moment, Kakarrot. It will be the last one you ever have with your son!
GOKU: Guh! He knows my Saiyan name... So you... must be Vegeta!
"You couldn't be more off," Lucy said.
TURLES: Wait, you think I'm-
GOKU: Silly Vegeta, it's not Halloween; it's Christmas! Take that costume off!
"It must hurt everyone else for him to be this dumb," Carla sighed.
TURLES: I'm not Vegeta. I'm just another Saiyan who escaped the destruction of our planet.
GOKU: Ohhhhh.(thinking)Man, that means he's like...an evil me! Only he doesn't have a goatee. I'm gonna imagine one!(a goatee appears on Turles' face)So evil!
"It's like imagining Gajeel with a goatee," Natsu shivered.
"HOW!?" The Iron Dragon Slayer yelled.
(Turles groans in annoyance and then cuts to him and Goku now outside on the Christmas Tree of Might)
GOKU: Now it's just down to you and me.
"Wait, something's off," Levy noticed.
TURLES: Yes, me and you. Oh, and my five Misfit Minions.
GOKU: But...what about my friends?
SLAY: We all had eggnog and Christmas fudge.
GOKU: Really?
REESE: Nope! Wasted them like figgy pudding.
"That's what I thought," Levy finished.
"All useless," Gray said, disappointed.
GOKU: YOU NEVER WASTE FIGGY PUDDING!(attacks the Misfit Minion, knocking all of them out)
"THAT WAS FOR RUDOLPH YOU MONSTER!" Wendy roared.
S.N.O.W.:(as he gets hit)DROID.
GOKU: ...Did I just smash the Krampus?
TURLES: This has gone on long enough! You don't even understand why I'm here, do you?
"To kill everyone?" Levy asked, expecting the answer.
GOKU: All I heard was, "Look at me! I hate Christmas, because I'm a big jerk!"
TURLES: And who wouldn't be a big jerk after the injustices I suffered? On planet Vegeta, we heard about all the other planets that Santa would visit. We heard of the joy he brought children! Of the presents! Of the merriment! THAT I WAS DENIED! Planet Vegeta never got Christmas. No, all we got was Freeza Day!
"That has to suck," Natsu felt bad.
GOKU: Well, what'd you get for Freeza Day?
TURLES: He blew our planet up!
"That's not a present I would want," Lisanna shivered.
GOKU: Well, that's sad... But I still can't let you steal the joy from Earth!
(a ding sound is heard from inside Tree of Might)
"Huh?"
TURLES: Hold that thought; Tree's done.(takes a fruit from the Tree of Might)
GOKU: ...What?
TURLES: See, this fruit holds all the joy from Earth. When I eat it, I will gain Earth's joy!
"So, it's an oven," Levy summarized.
GOKU: Why are you so evil?!
TURLES: Deal with it.
NARRATOR:Turles ate of the fruit, and so they say, his power level grew three sizes that day.
(Turles takes a bite from the fruit and bulks up, crushing what's left of the fruit)
"Eat your fruits kids," Mira chimed.
GOKU:(thinking)That's not good...!(gets pummeled by Turles, which ends with Turles stomping on his head)
"That was quick," Lucy said, surprised.
"Must've been some good Christmas fruit," Gajeel said.
TURLES: Now, denounce your faith!
GOKU: N-no!
TURLES: Denounce your faith in Santa Claus!
"NEVER!" Wendy and Happy shouted.
GOKU: Never!
TURLES: Well then... Bah Humbug.(fires multiple blasts at Goku, who screams in pain)
The mages wince at the scene.
TURLES: Well, now that that's over, time to plan a bitchin' New Year's party!(starts flying away)
GOKU:(thinking)N-no... Christmas can't be ruined...! Must...summon up...energy!
?: Goku, it is I, the anointed saint. The spreader of love and peace.
"Wait…" Wendy jumps out of her seat.
"T-that voice…."Happy starts to bounce.
"IT'S SANTA!" Both shout in joy.
GOKU: Oh, wow, it's…
SANTA: Yes, it is I, Santa.(Goku gets up and gasps)You must defeat him, Goku; you are the one who can.
"Main character status," Levy nods.
GOKU:(thinking)But he's got all of Earth's joy. He's too powerful.
SANTA: No, Goku. The joy is within your heart.
GOKU: *gasps* You're right!(raises both hands in the sky)
SANTA: Now kick his ass to the North Pole and back!
"Didn't know Santa curses," Elfman said, confused.
"He shouldn't," Lisanna responds.
GOKU: Yes, Santa!
TURLES:(while calculating Goku's power level with his scouter)What the hell? What is this sudden burst of joy?
"A spirit bomb filled with the Christmas spirit!" Erza replies.
"A Joyous Christmas bomb!" Natsu shouted.
"Something about that doesn't sound right," Lucy whispered.
GOKU: This is Christmas, melon farmer!(hurls the Spirit Bomb at Turles, who gets engulfed in the blast)
TURLES:(thinking)No...so...much...joy!(yells as he dies along with the tree getting destroyed, which showers the Earth with yellow snow)
MAN: Look! It's snowing!
WOMAN: But...it's yellow.
"It's pee snow," Natsu smiles. Lucy bops him in the back of the head.
"Stop being disgusting," Lucy reprimands.
("Let it Snow" starts playing as the animals in the forest start to get back up on their feet)
GOKU:(thinking)It's too bad that Turles was such a Scrooge. We would have happily shared our Christmas with him.
SANTA: You know... The sad part is, I always tried to visit Planet Vegeta. Problem was, they kept trying to shoot down my sleigh.
"Since it's named after Vegeta, I'm not surprised," Gray said.
GOKU:(thinking)Bummer.
SANTA: Now, I'm off to deliver my presents. But thank you...for saving Christmas!
GOKU: Anytime, Santa! Bye!
SANTA: Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Hoooo, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo!
GOKU:(thinking)Wait a second... If that guy wasn't Vegeta, where is Vegeta?
"Yeah, where is Vegeta?" Natus asked.
(cut to Vegeta on Planet Namek)
VEGETA: This is so non-canon it hurts.
"Already had that figured out," Levy said.
GHOST NAPPA:Vegeta... Tonight you will be haunted by three ghoooosts! (appears) And they're all me. (two more Ghost Nappas appear)
"I wouldn't be able to handle that," Lucy shuddered.
GHOST NAPPAS:Hi.
VEGETA: Goddammit, I hate Christmas.
(ending credits roll with what the characters got for Christmas)
"Sucks to be Gohan," Natsu said.
"But, good to be Goku," Gajeel finished.
Chapter End
Chapter 16: Lord Slug
Chapter Text
Chapter 18: Lord Slug
(cut to Piccolo meditating near a waterfall)
"He's finally in a different location," Lisanna pointed out.
"Looks a lot more peaceful," Mira noted.
PICCOLO: (thinking)All right, now. Hear me out. So I fire the Special Beam Cannon with one hand, right?
NAIL:(Yeah?)
"Who is this?" Levy asked. Everyone else showed visual confusion.
"I think Piccolo finally went crazy," Lucy responded.
PICCOLO:(thinking) What if I used...TWO HANDS?
NAIL:(You mean like the Kamehameha?)
"It would look like the Kamehameha," Natsu said, getting over the shock of the new voice.
PICCOLO:(thinking)NO! NOT LIKE THE KAMEHAMEHA! The Kamehameha doesn't DRILL things!
NAIL:(Last time I checked, neither do cannons.)
"I'm liking this new voice," Mira giggled.
PICCOLO:(thinking) That's what makes it "special"!
GOHAN:(arrives riding on Icarus)Hey, Mr. Piccolo! Look what I found! It's a dragon!
"I thought the dragon died?" Wendy asked.
"Not canon," Levy told her.
NAIL:(Who's that?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)It's just Gohan. If you ignore it, it'll go away.
"I've tried that with salamander and it never works," Gajeel said, disappointed.
"HUH!?" Natsu shouted back.
GOHAN: He's a Western-style dragon. I taught him how to dance! Show him, Icarus!(begins whistling)
"That's so cute," The girls cooed at the scene.
NAIL:(So do you just ignore all of your problems?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)No. Some of them I invite to live in my head.
NAIL:(Well, I'm sorry. It's just that there's so much space in here and I didn't think you'd-AAAAAHHH! Oh, my God! What the hell is that?!)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Ah! I don't know! It's like someone's torturing a frickin' cat!
"Seems Namekians are sensitive to certain sounds," Levy scribbled down.
(cut to Mr. Popo on The Lookout watering the "flowers" and humming)
MR. POPO:(ceases humming and looks up)What?
KAMI: Mr. Popo, are you torturing a cat?!
MR. POPO: Oh come on, Kami. I don't torture...cats.
The girls feel a shiver down their spines.
(a long pause ensues as Kami and Mr. Popo stare at each other)
JYNX:(appears behind Mr. Popo's shoulder)Jynx! Jynx!
MR. POPO: Bitch, shut up!
"Still freaks me out," Juvia shuddered.
(cut back to Piccolo and Gohan at the waterfall)
NAIL:(MAKE IT STOP!)
PICCOLO: GOHAN I WILL CARVE YOU LIKE A PUMPKIN!(Icarus flinches)
Mira's glare was that of an angry mother bear.
GOHAN: Ugh! I'm sorry, Mr. Piccolo...(Piccolo does not respond and Icarus makes a noise)
PICCOLO: I'll kill it.
"Don't," Wendy pleads.
(Piccolo and Gohan gasp and look up in the sky, which shows a dark object moving forward from space. Cut to inside Capsule Corporation with Dr. Briefs looking through a telescope)
DR. BRIEFS: Honey, good news! I've isolated the gay gene! Now we'll finally be able to make it through Manhattan at a decent time! I knew this combination telescope-microscope would come in handy. Also, there's a giant meteor coming towards the planet. Quick, get me Bruce Willis, Steve Buscemi and Aerosmith!
"Who are they and what can they do?" Levy asked.
OOLONG: What about Ben Affleck?
DR. BRIEFS: What about bacon?
OOLONG: …
"Damn," Gray lets out.
(cut to Goku and Krillin floating in midair)
GOKU: So, if I blow this meteor up, I get bacon?
"Can I get bacon if they blow it up?" Natsu asks Mira.
"Sure," She replies pleasantly.
KRILLIN: Why am I Mr. Pink?
(Goku and Krillin fire a combined Kamehameha wave at the meteor. Cut to Oolong, Bulma, Chi-Chi, Gohan, and Icarus watching on a hillside.)
CHI-CHI: Did it work?
"Considering the fact that it would be over too soon if they did, I'm gonna say no," Levy responded.
(the combined Kamehameha wave hits the meteor and dissipates)
OOLONG: Nnnnope.
GOKU: NOOO! MY BACOOOOOONNN!(gets blown away by the meteor)
KRILLIN: I'M A VIRGIIIINNN!(also gets blown away by the meteor)
"Weird, but not surprising final words from the both of them," Gajeel said.
("DragonBall Z Abridged: Lord Slug" logo appears on the screen)
(cut to the meteor passing by the Earth and explodes, with its fragments raining down inside the Earth)
BULMA:(gets up and looks at the raining fragments in the sky)Well... Good news is, we're not dead.
OOLONG: And hey. The city's okay, too. Hell, there's even a new building.(shows a mysterious new building)
"That's not a building," Erza said.
GOHAN: That's no building... That's a space station!
"Good observation!" Mira congratulated.
(the building is revealed to be a gigantic space station with a crowd gathered around it)
VOICE 1: What the heck do you think's inside?
VOICE 2: I bet it's Jesus! I'm calling Jesus! You heard it here, folks-I said Jesus!
"I don't think that's right," Lucy said apprehensively.
(a door opens and a soldier walks out of the space station)
VOICE 3: Hi, Jesus!
SOLDIER: Okay, guys, move out. This is easy pickings.(he along with a group of other soldiers walk down the stairs)
VOICE 2: Look, everyone! It's Jesus' death army! ...Something about what I just said doesn't sound right.
"Yeah, I wonder why?" Gray said sarcastically.
SOLDIER: Inhabitants of Earth! Prepare to be conquered in the name of Lord Slug!
VOICE 2:(as the crowd applause)We love you, Jesus!
"They're all idiots," Gajeel's face deadpanned.
SOLDIER: What the hell is going on? Heh, open fire.
(The line of soldiers open fires on the now screaming crowd. Cut Lord Slug inside his ship)
LORD SLUG:(makes a mumbling, crunching noise)
"That's one old Namekian," Happy whistled.
"Can he even speak?" Lily asked.
ZEEUN: Gyoshu! Why is the process of terra-freezing the planet taking so long?
GYOSHU: You can just say "terra-freezing process". "Terra-freezing the planet" sounds redundant.
ZEEUN: Well, why is it taking so long?
GYOSHU: Because apparently, someone needed a f**king English lesson.
ZEEUN: You listen here! King Piccolo is on borrowed time!(Lord Slug growls)We- Uh, oh!(turns around)I-I... Uh... I am so sorry. That was a total slip-up on my part. Please forgive me, King Piccolo... I did it again.(Lord Slug fires a blast at his chest)UAAAARGGH!(falls on the floor)
"That...escalated quickly," Elfman said.
"A little too quickly," Erza said.
GYOSHU: How long will it take? Well, King Piccolo. I believe it will take-(Lord Slug growls)No, wait! I said it because he did! I said it because he did-(gets blasted by Lord Slug)AAAH!(falls on the floor)
"Doesn't matter," Gajeel said.
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)
KAKUJA: Well, Lord Slug. It is my humble opinion, Lord Slug, that it will take three days, Lord Slug. Go Team Slug.
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)
KAKUJA: Thank you, Lord Slug.
"What kiss ass," Gray complained.
"At least he was smart enough to not make the mistake," Lucy said.
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)
KAKUJA: Your Vicodin? In the bowl next to you.
LORD SLUG:(mumbles and munches down on a couple handfuls of pills)
"Is that safe?" Wendy asked, concerned.
"He's an alien, so I guess it's fine," Carla reassured.
KAKUJA: Oh, look at him go.
(cut to outside the space station with Gohan kicking a soldier in the face)
"Yeah Gohan!" Natsu cheered.
SOLDIER: Oh, God! All I see is glass and blood!
(Gohan jumps back and kicks one soldier away, punches another one in the face, and kicks an attacking soldier. Cut over to Chi-Chi running from behind Gohan and two ki blasts are fired at two nearby soldiers. Chi-Chi continues running through the smoke to leaps above Gohan and kick one to the two soldiers in the face, with the scene freeze-framing as she lands behind both of them.)
JAPANESE NARRATOR:主婦!千月経周期の蹴り!(Housewife Style! Kick of a Thousand Menstrual Cycles!)
(both soldiers explode behind Chi-Chi)
"Chi-Chi is a badass," Lucy exclaimed excitedly. All of the other girls agreed with her.
CHI-CHI: You see, just because I'm a woman-(a soldier appears and punches her in the stomach, knocking her out)
BULMA: That actually lasted longer than I expected.
The girls deflated at Chi-Chi's instant defeat.
The guys however laughed their asses off.
GOHAN: Mom!(carries Chi-Chi away from two incoming ki blasts, with his hat flying off)(thinking)Ah, my hat! Oh well. It's a good thing none of these guys know what a DragonBall is.
LORD SLUG:(mumbles and takes the DragonBall off Gohan's hat)A Dragon Ball?
GOHAN: Crapbaskets.
"I won't be surprised if more villains know about the dragon balls at this point," Levy folded her arms.
"Saves the time of constantly explaining them," Gajeel agreed.
OOLONG:(off-screen)Let me go, you crazy bitch!
("Superman Theme" starts playing)
BULMA: Stop right there!(shows her holding Oolong in front of her face)I am King Bacon! Leave now, or I will use my voodoo powers on you!
Everyone laughed(Smirked in Gajeel's case) at Bulma's attempt.
ANGIRA: You look like a twat.
BULMA:(drops Oolong)You're talking to the pig, right?
"Probably not," Gray said.
ANGIRA: I'm talking to you, yes.
BULMA: Oh, I am at least an eight!
LORD SLUG:(mumbles while looking at the DragonBall)
BULMA: What? You know what the DragonBalls are?
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)
BULMA: And you want to collect all seven? Well, tough luck, Jolly Green Jackass, because I'm the only one here with a radar to find them!
(Gohan gives a horrified look at Bulma and Lord Slug gives a big, toothy grin)
Everyone's jaws dropped at Bulma's callous mistake.
"And she's supposed to be the smart one," Lucy face palmed.
GOHAN:(groans while holding his nose in annoyance)Oh, my God.
LORD SLUG:(mumbles and telekinetically pulls Bulma toward him)
BULMA: Oh, God! Get off me! Where's my Rape Mace?! No, no, nooo!
(Lord Slug grabs Bulma's head and knocks her out)
GOHAN:(runs towards Bulma)Bulma!(Angira and Medamatcha appear and knees him in the stomach. Medamatcha puts his hat back on his head)Thank you.(Medamatcha pushes him down to the ground)
"Gohan!" Mira shouts in concern.
"At least they returned the hat," Her siblings try to reassure. They were both met with a glare from Mira.
LORD SLUG:(mumbles while walking towards Medamatcha and hands him Bulma's pouch)
MEDAMATCHA: You want us to find them all in an hour? But it's hot as balls!
"And now you gotta find some," Gajeel said.
LORD SLUG:(mumbles which sounds like "Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.")
(shows the Dragon Radar with all seven Dragon Balls blinking nearby)
MEDAMATCHA: Thank you.(takes a DragonBall from a bird's nest)
ANGIRA:(takes a DragonBall from a man who falls on the ground)Thank you.
DORODABO:(takes a DragonBall from a mountain)Thank you, mountain.
DRAGONBALL SOLDIER 1: I got a DragonBall!
DRAGONBALL SOLDIER 2: I got a DragonBall!
DRAGONBALL SOLDIER 3: I got a DragonBall!
"That did not take long at all," Happy frowned.
"We need to stop being surprised about that too," Levy added.
(cut to Peanuts' "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" Halloween special)
CHARLIE BROWN:(in ghost costume)I got a rock.
"Good for you," Lisanna smiled.
(cut to Lord Slug preparing to summon the Eternal Dragon)
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)(Shenron gets summoned)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. Why have you summoned me?
LORD SLUG:(unintelligible mumbling)
SHENRON: You wish to return to the prime of your youth. Your wish shall be- Wait a second. Hold on. Something seems really familiar about this.
"He's probably talking about Garlic Jr.," Levy explains(She's unaware that King Piccolo made the same wish).
"Wait, he managed to understand Slug?" Natsu asked.
"He's a mystical dragon, so I guess being able to understand multiple languages comes with the job," Lucy explained.
LORD SLUG:(makes an annoyed growling sound)
SHENRON: Ah, doesn't matter. Your wish is granted.(eyes glow red and grants the wish)
LORD SLUG:(laughs as he grows young)(fluently)Lord Slug the Almighty has returned! My youth, my strength, my impeccable singing voice!
("What a Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong starts playing as a satellite files up into space and creates a mist that pollutes the earth, killing plants and wildlife)
LORD SLUG:(singing to "What a Wonderful World", but with his own lyrics)
I see trees of brown and skies of black
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world!
"Someone's happy with their new voice," Lily noted.
"I don't blame him," Gray said.
(cut to Goku waking up)
GOKU: Wh-where am I?
YAJIROBE: That meteor kicked your ass. Turns out it was full of bad guys, too. Who knew?
GOKU: Wow, I must have been out for a while. It's all...snowy.
YAJIROBE: I know, right? It's almost like-
GOKU: IT'S CHRISTMAAAAASSS!
Lucy turned to Natsu to say something, but he beat her to it. "I know it's not Christmas Lucy," He explained. The Celestial mage backs up a bit surprised.
(cut to outside Goku's house with Icarus' skeleton on the front yard)
"Ohhhhhh…." Wendy's famous frown returned.
BULMA:(from inside the house)It's really a shame how hard it is to find food with all the animals dying.
"Aren't you rich?" Gray asked.
(cut to Bulma and Chi-Chi inside)
CHI-CHI: Yes, we just have to make do with what we have. Gohan! Dragon soup's ready! It's finger licarus good!(opens the door to Gohan's room)AAAAH!(runs to Bulma)Bulma! Gohan's missing! And so is the outfit Piccolo gave him! *gasps* And Red Dawn's on Netflix!
(cut to Gohan attacking the soldiers from the sky)
GOHAN: WOOOLVERIIIIIINES!(fires a blast at the screaming soldiers)You can't touch me up here!
"Kid has spirit, that's for sure," Gray smiled.
SOLDIER: We have blasters!
GOHAN: One of those does nothing!
SOLDIER: How about a hundred?(many soldiers are heard co*cking their weapons)
GOHAN:(realizes that he's screwed)...Wolverines?
(all soldiers open fire at Gohan, who grunts and falls on the ground)
SOLDIER: All right! Sh*t stomp on the little kid!
"Back off," Mira spat.
(All soldiers start charging at Gohan and gets blown away by an unexpected ki blast. Cut to a shadowy figure holding up a soldier.)
SOLDIER: Oh, my God. Are you Batman?
(The shadow figure flings the screaming soldier aside into the light, smashing its glass and revealing the shadowy figure to be Piccolo. "Disturbed - Glass Shatters" starts playing)
"PICCOLO!" Natsu, Happy, and Wendy cheered.
Lisanna turned to her sister. Mira looked at her and sighed.
"I'll cut him a break just this once," Mira huffed.
GOHAN:(laughs)Mr. Piccolo!(Dorodabo and Medamatcha appears)
PICCOLO: All right, what's your gimmick?
DORODABO: Gimmick?
PICCOLO: Yeah, like the last guys. They were all Misfit Minions and crap. What are you?
"Looking back at our old enemies...He's not wrong," Lucy brought up.
Gray mulls it over for a bit. "Yeah we have fought some really weird people." He looks at both Juvia and Gajeel.
"What?" They both ask.
"Nothing," The Ice Mage responds.
ANGIRA: We're just here for your planet. Though if I had to choose, I'd say I'm the pretty one.
"Not that pretty," Juvia said.
PICCOLO: Eh, six out of ten.
"Piccolo gets it," Juvia smiled.
ANGIRA: You sassy bitch.
PICCOLO:(to Medamatcha)That makes you the weird one with the freaky power.
MEDAMATCHA: I can spawn mini-mes!
"That says it all," Erza said.
PICCOLO: Spectacular.(to Dorodabo)And that would make you no doubt the big, tough, stupid one.
DORODABO: You take that back or I'll kill you!
PICCOLO: All right, all right. You're not tough.
DORODABO: That's better!
GOHAN: Wait, didn't you…
"Guess we found someone Natsu's smarter than," Gray and the others laughed.
The Fire Dragon Slayer could only blush at the laughter.
PICCOLO: Give him a minute.
(short pause)
DORODABO: Hey! You son of a bitch!(lunges forward and tries punching Piccolo, but rams his fist into the back of a cargo truck)
PICCOLO: Now, now. That truck is not your eating disorder.
DORODABO:(removes his fist from the truck)You're a penis!
PICCOLO: So long since you've seen yours that you don't even recognize one, do ya?
"Piccolo just became my new favorite character," Gajeel burst into laughter.
"I will admit that it was a good comeback," Mira laughs.
(Piccolo leaps off the truck and lands on a roof with Dorodabo following and attempts to punch Piccolo again, but Piccolo catches and crushes his fist, causing Dorodabo to scream in pain, and then grabs his wrist.)
DORODABO: Please don't break mah arm.
PICCOLO: No.(breaks Dorodabo's arm, who screams in pain)
DORODABO: Aaaaaaahhh!
The guild continues to laugh at the exchange.
(Medamatcha spawns four mini-Matchas out of his back, who all fly after Gohan)
MEDAMATCHA: Daddy's little freaks of nature!
GOHAN:(thinking)No... Oh God...! Oh, no! Oh, God! (the mini-Machas fly up into his face) No, no, no, no...!
"Gohan's not doing so good," Lisanna winces.
"Gohan seems to have a lot of trouble in these," Erza comments.
"He's five," Mira reminded Erza again.
(cut to Dorodabo punching Piccolo, but Piccolo block the attack and kicks him off the roof)
DORODABO: He thinks he's so great, I'ma show him!(runs back inside the building, but gets knocked off the roof)Oh, goddammit!(runs back inside the building)Alright! Go for the left! He won't see me comin' from-(gets knocked off the roof again)Ahh! he saw it comin'! Fine! I'll wait down here and catch him off-guard!(runs back inside the building)
The laugher returns 10 folds at the cartoonish scene.
"This...is...too good," Lucy pants.
PICCOLO:(from inside the building)Hey. How's it goin'?
DORODABO:(from inside the building)Oh, hey. I'm just waitin' for that green jerk so I can surprise him.
PICCOLO:(from inside the building)Neat.
DORODABO: Yeah! He'll never see it comin- Oh.
(Piccolo blows him out the windows of the building)
"I don't want this to end," Gray wipes a tear from his eye.
"I don't think I've laughed this much in a while," Levy takes a few seconds to calm herself.
"We should pause for a bit, so everyone can collect themselves," Mira said, still laughing a bit.
A Few Minutes Later
"Is everyone good?" Mira asked the audience.
Everyone either nodded or said yes, allowing the take over mage to resume.
DORODABO: Urgh. All right, look. I know we said some things, but I bet if we just talk to each other a little, we could become friends. What do you say? High five?
PICCOLO: Down low.
DORODABO: Wha-?
PICCOLO: Too slow.(blasts Dorodabo in the face)
"I'm taking that," Gajeel called out.
(cut to Gohan falling down to the ground, with the mini-Matchas still on him)
MEDAMATCHA: All right, babies. Come back to papa!(the mini-Matchas fly away from Gohan)It's daddy's turn to get a shot at him now!(fires a blast at Gohan)
PICCOLO: WHY CAN'T YOU SAVE YOUR OWN DAMN SEEEEEELF?!(moves in and takes the blast to save Gohan)
" .FIVE," Mira stressed out.
MEDAMATCHA: Ha ha! The boss is gonna love this!
(cut to Lord Slug inside his ship)
LORD SLUG: Oh, God. I love this! My skin is so f**king smooth!
"He's too busy enjoying himself," Gajeel said.
"Ew," Levy gagged.
(cut back to the battle)
MEDAMATCHA: Now, to finish them off!(kicks Piccolo off Gohan)
PICCOLO: Ow.
MEDAMATCHA: Papa Medamatcha gonna make you his bitch!(evades an incomingkiblast)Gah!
ANGIRA: Who the hell?
(Goku and Krillin arrive on the scene)
"Took them long enough," Lucy sighed.
MEDAMATCHA:(chuckles)Look! Another couple of putzes to knock around! This should be fu-(Goku turns around and walks over to Gohan)What, bitch?! I'm talking to you! I will smack you with my dick!
The girl's faces crunched up in disgust.
GOKU: Don't worry, Gohan. I'll save Christmas.
GOHAN: But...it's not Christmas.
GOKU: Then why is it snowing, Gohan?
"That doesn't mean it's Christmas," Lisanna said.
ANGIRA: Not to be rude, but we've got better things to do.
MEDAMATCHA: Yeah! We're gonna take your planet, and-
GOKU: Steal Christmas?
ANGIRA: Does he mean Freeza Day?
"Really wondering who this Freezer guy is," Natsu scratches his head.
MEDAMATCHA: What the hell's a Christma-(Goku grabs him with his legs and flings him towards the ship)Aaaaaah!(flies into the ship, which explodes, and gets up from the rubble)Oh, I don't give a s**t what Christmas is now! I just know I'm going to kill it! And then my little Matchas are going to RAPE IT!
Wendy had flashbacks of Reese from the previous movie. Her usually soft expression hardened in fury.
GOKU: Nobody rakes Christmas.
(Angira plants both his arms down on the ground and grabs Goku's feet)
ANGIRA: Medamatcha!
MEDAMATCHA: Suck him dry, boys!(spawns four mini-Matchas, with three of them grabbing Goku from behind and one of them grabbing Goku's face)
"Phrashing," Erza said.
GOKU:(muffled)Hmm, what to do?
(Medamatcha grabs Goku's head and prepares to bite him, but Goku punches him and powers up, throwing the mini-Matchas off)
ANGIRA: You little upstart prick! Yaaah!(shoots a mouth blast at Goku, but Goku fires his own blast that goes inside his mouth and explodes)Uuuaargh!(falls down on the ground)
GOKU:(grabs Medamatcha's body with one hand)And that's how I saved Christmas.(throws Medamatcha's body at the soldiers)Again.
"He saved the day like a real man should!" Elfman flexes his muscles.
Lisanna and Mira sweatdrop at their brother's mannerism.
KRILLIN: Well that was unnecessarily brutal.(see multiple screaming soldiers running back into the ship)What about them?
"It wasn't brutal enough," Wendy's venomous voice cut through the audience. Everyone felt a cold shiver up their spines.
GOKU: They can live.(an explosion erupts from inside the ship)Or not.
LORD SLUG:(walks outside of his ship)God, we go through soldiers here like copy paper.(to Goku and Krillin)If you're with the government or the church, get the f**k off my property. Which, considering I now own this rock, is effectively everything.
"He won't own it for long I'm sure," Erza smiled.
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Goku. Just sit on back and let Krillin handle this one.
"This is gonna be hilarious," Gajeel laughs.
(cut to Vegeta watching the battle from a TV)
VEGETA: Oh, my God. This is going to be amazing. Aaaand, record.(clicks a button on the remote to record the battle)
(Krillin charges at Lord Slug and predictably gets slapped out of the way)
Gajeel bursts into roarous laughter.
"Oh Krillin," Lisanna sighed.
KRILLIN:(as he gets sent flying)What possessed me to do thaaaat?
VEGETA: And the Emmy goes to…
GOKU: Krillin!
(Goku charges at Lord Slug, who leaps away before Goku can reach him. Goku then leaps up into the sky, with Lord Slug reappearing up front and punches him in the face. Goku then falls headfirst into the ground.)
Everyone winced at the rough landing.
LORD SLUG:(walks towards Goku's lower body)You know, there's a certain sport I excel at.(grabs one of Goku's legs)
GOKU:(muffled)What's it called?
LORD SLUG:(pulls Goku out of the ground)Competitive bitch toss!(tosses Goku straight through a truck and inside a building)
"Pretty sure Erza excels at that too," Happy laughs.
"What makes you say that?" Gray and Natsu ask at the same time.
Happy just tries to stifle his laughter.
(cut to Piccolo trying to wake Gohan up)
PICCOLO:(weakly)Hey Gohan... Gohan, you wanna do that thing where you get really mad and start beating the guy up?(Gohan does not respond)Gohan? Gohan?(Gohan still doesn't give a response)Don't you f**king ignore me.
"He's unconscious," Mira tightens her fist.
(cut back to Goku)
GOKU:(thinking)All right. I've just gotta pull myself together. At least he's not shooting laser eyes at me or something. (Lord Slug shoots eye beams at him) He's an X-Man! (dives to the side to avoid the explosion and lands on Iguana Street) Oh great, Iguana Street. Now I'm gonna get mugged. But joke's on them; I have no money- (gets punched by Lord Slug) AAUGH! (his head bursts through the wall of another building) Oh, hey. I should take Chi-Chi here. She'll love this place. (Lord Slug pulls him out of the wall and punches him down the street) AAUGH!
"You ever have some sort of inner monologue while getting beat up?" Levy asks everyone.
"All the time," Everyone responded as if it's normal.
LORD SLUG: This is amazing. I feel like a young strapping lad, beating his meat furiously for the first time!
"Why is that an analogy?!" Lucy's face twisted in disgust.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku! Do you hear me?
GOKU:(thinking)Hey, King Kai. My nipples are rigid right now.
KING KAI:(telepathically)That's... Anyway, I noticed you're having a hard time down there.
"A massive understatement," Juvia adds.
GOKU:(thinking)Yeah, he's pretty really strong. I'm not sure what to do. But if I fail, Christmas is doomed!
KING KAI: But it's not...(a light bulb shines above his head)(telepathically)I mean, yes. Goku, it's Christmas. And you're about to let Christmas die.
"We should motivate Natsu like this more often," Lucy whispers to Erza.
"Agreed," The knight responds.
GOKU:(thinking)But he's so strong! I don't think I can-
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku! You are the only one who can do this. You are the Champion of Christmas.
LORD SLUG:(chuckles)DIIIIIE!(throws another punch at Goku, but Goku catches it with his hand)Huh?
(Goku powers up and gets engulfed in a golden aura)
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Everyone jumps back.
GOKU: HAAAAAAAAAA!(crushes Lord Slug's hand)
LORD SLUG: Son of a bitch! My whittling hand!
GOKU:(in a booming, echoing voice)I AM CHAMPION CHRISTMAS! HYAAAAAAAH!(charges forward and kicks Lord Slug into a building)
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: Holy crap! Where'd this come from? He's become...super-powered. Like some kind of...Super Saiyaman.
"Super Saiyaman….No that doesn't sound right," Levy writes it down into her notepad.
"It's kinda like our Dragon Force," Natsu said to Wendy and Gajeel.
"Hate to agree with you, but it does resemble it a bit," Gajeel agreed.
"It's almost like an incomplete state," Wendy added her piece.
TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES:(Bubbles with a top hat, a monocle, and a moustache)Sir, if I might interject, that sounds positively ridiculous.
KING KAI:(off-screen)Shut up, Talking Movie Bubbles!
"But he's cute," Lisanna pouted.
(cut to Lord Slug flying out of a building and hitting the ground)
LORD SLUG: What the hell got into you?
"He's kicking your ass," Gray smirked.
GOKU:(in a booming, echoing voice)I WILL STOP YOU FROM DESTROYING CHRISTMAS!
LORD SLUG: What are you talking about? It's July!
GOKU:(in a booming, echoing voice)DON'T "JULY" TO ME! IT'S SNOWING!
LORD SLUG: I froze your planet, you mook!
GOKU:(in a booming, echoing voice)Wha?(pupils reappears)Awwww.
"Ah, crap," Everyone lost confidence.
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: Ah, crap.
TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES: Well, that's inconvenient.
KING KAI: Movie Bubbles, I swear to God! In a trunk! Off a cliff!
"I'd save him," Lisanna smiled.
(cut back to Goku on Earth)
GOKU:(normal voice)Well, I still have to defeat you! And you can't win with a broken arm!(Lord Slug tears off his injured arm)(powers down)No, no, no. You're supposed to leave it on. It gets better.
LORD SLUG:(screams and grows a new arm)
"So, Goku didn't realize he's a Namekian?" Juvia asked.
"It's Goku, I'm not surprised he didn't notice," Gray answered.
GOKU: Or, you know...grow it back. Wait a minute... That means your...(Lord Slug removes his other sleeve and his helmet)...jaw is enormous!
(Lord Slug starts growing into a giant)
GOKU:(thinking)Hold on a minute. I know now! I know what he is! He's a-
KING KAI:(telepathically)Do not say Yoshi!
Lucy turned to Natsu with an emotionless stare. The Dragon Slayer turned to look at her.
"It wasn't my first guess," Natsu defended himself.
"What was it?," She asked him.
"A darker green Yoshi," He smiled confidently. The celestial spirit mage just slammed her head on the table.
GOKU: ...I'ma still think it.
KING KAI: Namekian, Goku. Na-me-ki-an.(telepathically)A Super Namekian, mind you, who's here to rule over your planet. Apparently, he is the banished other half of a Grand Elder Namekian who became too old and decrepit to fight. But now he has used the DragonBalls to return himself to his prime.
Levy scribbled down all of the information at rapid speeds.
GOKU: Hold on a second. Now I may not be the brightest knife in the crayon box.
"Understatement of the century," Carla mutters.
"At least he's aware of it," Lisanna defends a bit.
GOKU: But that sure sounds a lot like...(Lord Slug growls and walks forward)Hey! You wouldn't be related to King Piccolo, would you? I hope that doesn't sound racist…
"I kind of does," Levy chuckled nervously.
GOKU: I've gotta be careful about that. We're still on Iguana Street.(Squeals and moves out of the way as Lord Slug tries stomping on him and then destroys a building)(thinking while hiding behind a building)Okay, do Namekians know about sensing energy? I seem to remember they don't- (runs and evades another attack) Oh, God! They do!
"Might be good to assume if they don't have a scouter then they can sense energy," Lily said.
(Goku tries running off in one direction, but Lord Slug blocks his path with his hand. Goku then turns around to run in the other direction and Lord Slug head pops up right beside him.)
LORD SLUG: Hey.
GOKU: Hi.
LORD SLUG: How's it going?
GOKU: Eh, ya know. kinda bummed it isn't actually Christmas.
LORD SLUG: Yeah, kinda sucks.
"This is eerily casual." Lucy chuckled.
(Goku and Lord Slug stare at each other in silence for a few seconds)
GOKU:(quickly cupping his hands together)KAMEHAME-
LORD SLUG: HA!(fires a point-blank mouth blast at Goku, clearing the entire section of the city)
"Yup, there it is," Lucy deadpanned.
LORD SLUG: Ah, there's no kill quite like overk-(sees Goku still standing)Huh? How did I miss him? I shot him point blank!
GOKU:(reveals he blocked the blast with his arms as one of his wristbands fall off)I love you, lucky wristbands.
"I want wristbands like those," Natsu looked down at his own.
"Maybe I should get some like those made," Erza pondered.
LORD SLUG: COME HERE!(stretches one arm at Goku, who leaps up and lands on it)
GOKU:(while running up Lord Slug's arm)Running, running, running, running, FACE!(blasts Lord Slug in the face)
"Nice shot!" Elfman pumped his large fist..
LORD SLUG: Raah!(fall on the ground)Yah!(fires eye beams)
GOKU:(narrowly dodges eye beams)Whoa, hot!
LORD SLUG: GET OVER HERE!(stretches one arm and grabs Goku)
GOKU:(as Lord Slug holds him with both hands)Now, I know what you're thinkin', "Should I crush him?" And the answer may surprise you.(Lord Slug crushes him and squeaks)Aah!
"The squeak is back," Mira giggled.
"The humor in it is back," Lisanna smiled.
LORD SLUG: Huh? What the?(crushes Goku four more times, who squeaks each time)This is amazing!
GOKU: Why does everyone laugh when they do that? That's my ribs crushing my lungs!(squeaks again as Lord Slug crushes him)Augh!
LORD SLUG:(chuckles)
"Because it's funny," Gajeel laughed.
PICCOLO: Hey. (LORD SLUG: Huh?) Name's Piccolo.(is shown on Lord Slug's head grabbing both his antennas)Nice to meet ya. I've got your antennae. Whatcha gonna do now?(Lord Slug grabs him)Aha! I knew you'd do that! Now for part two of my master plan!(rips off both his ears)AAAAAAAUGH!
"That looked extremely painful," Happy winced, reaching for his own ears in confort.
LORD SLUG: The hell is wrong with everyone on this planet?
"They're all insane," Lucy answered.
"Like us," Natsu smiled.
"Yup, just like us," Lucy smiled.
PICCOLO: GOHAN! I NEED YOU TO DO THAT THING THAT REALLY ANNOYS ME!
GOHAN: You mean...talk?
Levy slapped a hand over Gajeel's mouth before he could make a smart remark. He glares at her until she points over at the dark aura emanating from Mira. Gajeel nods his head swiftly and turns back to the screen.
PICCOLO: WHAAAT? YOU KNOW, THAT THING YOU WERE DOING EARLIER TODAY! IT REALLY GOT ON MY NERVES!
GOHAN: I don't recall, Mr. Picco-
PICCOLO: WHAAAT? HE HASN'T LOOSENED HIS GRIP YET, SO YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT DOING IT! REMEMBER? BACK AT THE WATERFALL! YOU WERE DOING IT WITH YOUR MOUTH!(pause)WHAAAT?
GOHAN: Oh. Whistle.(starts whistling the opening theme to "The Andy Griffith Show")
LORD SLUG:(laughs but hears Gohan's whistling)What the-? Oh, my God... Oh, my God...(falls down on his hands and knees)Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aaah! It's like one drill in one ear, and another drill in the other ear, AND THEY'RE MEETING IN THE MIDDLE!
"That same analogy," Carla complained.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Gotta get closer to Goku... Give him my energy... Probably should have stretched my arms... Got it! (grabs Goku's hand and transfers his energy)
GOKU:(wakes up)What...happened?
PICCOLO: WHAAAT?!(falls over)
Cue basic audience laugh track.
LORD SLUG:(gets up and drops Piccolo)That's it! Time for the universal mute button!(tries to blast Gohan, but hits his ship instead)Oh, balls. That was my ship.(turns around and sees Goku)And why are you still ALIVE?!
GOKU: Kaio-Ken!(powers up to Kaio-Ken)
LORD SLUG: Kaio-
Levy raises a finger.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)WHAAAT?!
The Solid Script Mage lowered her finger. "I'll take it," She said.
(Goku flies up and bursts straight through Lord Slug's torso, causing him to scream and fall on his ship)
GOKU: Now I must go. My planet needs me.(flies up through the dark cloud and sings to himself while raising both arms in the sky)Sun, sun, Mr. Golden Sun. Kill my enemies!(finishes gathering energy for the Spirit Bomb)
"Goku's a good singer," Wendy smiled.
"Better than Gajeel," Natsu laughed, until a metal fist bashed him in the back of the head.
The fire dragon slayer jumped up and looked for who hit him. Not seeing any guilty faces in front of him, making Natsu pout angrily as he sat back down.
LORD SLUG:(flies up through the clouds)If I die, I'm taking you with me!
GOKU: SEE YOU IN HFIL!(throws the Spirit Bomb down on Lord Slug)
LORD SLUG: AAAAAAUUUGH!(get engulfed by the Spirit Bomb and hits the satellite)WHY DIDN'T I WISH FOR IMMORTALITYYYYYYYYYYY?!
"Because we don't have Dead Zone to throw you in," Levy answered.
(following the destruction of the satellite, the terra-freezing process is reversed and the dark clouds disappears, restoring the Earth's peaceful atmosphere)
GOKU: Now that I've defeated King Piccolo, I can wish back Chiaotzu, Master Roshi and Krillin.(looks up in the sky and smiles)
"W-what…." Everyone questioned.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)WHAAAT?!
Everyone laughed at Piccolo's scream.
("Stupify" by Disturbed starts playing as the ending credits roll)
NAPPA: Yo, dawg. It's the year 2000! It's time for another Nappa cover, cause this sh*t don't get old! I've been waiting my whole life for just one...
PICCOLO: WHAAAT?!
NAPPA: All I needed was just one...
PICCOLO: WHAAAT?!
NAPPA: How could ya say that I don't give a...
PICCOLO: WHAAAT?!
NAPPA: Find myself stupefied, coming back again.
PICCOLO: WHAAAT?!
NAPPA: I get stupified. I get stupified.
The audience is once again consumed by laughter.
(Screen goes black and reads "6 Months Previous". A letter is shown being written and read by its author)
GURU:(reading his letter)
Dear Slug,
It is I, your other half, writing to you from our home planet. It has been many years since I banished you from it after we split from the same being. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I've got my own servant. Do you have a servant? Mine's name is Nail. He's kind of a tool...for my amusem*nt. By the way, if you're looking for a good time, hit up Earth, I hear they've got DragonBalls there. You could probably take them over, too, their defenses probably suuuck. Well, time for my sponge bath. Keep in touch!
Sincerely,
Your Evil Half.
"Wait...evil half?" Everyone asked.
(looks up)Naaaail! Come and maaaail this for me.
NAIL: Sir, we don't have a mail system.
GURU: Nail, gather the DragonBalls.
"Well, that was a fun one," Lisanna clapped her hands together.
"Watching these are so addicting! It's just so MANLY!" Elfman ripped his shirt off and flexed.
Her elder sister moved up to the stage. "I think that's enough for a while," Mira deactivated the lacrama.
Natsu and Happy groaned in protest. Lucy grabbed the two and dragged them towards the request board. "We can watch more later, for now let's do some jobs," Lucy told them.
"We should get going too," Gajeel, Levy, and Lily moved to exit the guild.
Wendy walked over to Erza. "Would you like to do some jobs with me and Carla," She asked.
Erza smiled and got up on her feed. "I would love to," Erza responded.
"I should get moving too," Gray said as he walked out of the guild butt naked. Juvia rushed after Gray with his clothes in her arms. "My darling Gray! Your clothes!" The water mage shouted.
Chapter End
Chapter 17: Blasting off Again
Chapter Text
Chapter 20: Looks Like The Z-Fighters Are Blasting Off Again!
A Week Later
"So, are you sure this show isn't just stupid," Laxus asked Mira. The eldest Take-Over Mage smiled sweetly at the Lighting Dragon Slayer.
"As you can see from everyone else in the guild, they're clearly enjoyable," Mira told him. Laxus' face still looked skeptical. Mira only sighed and got up from the bar. "Just watch for yourself with the rest of us and find out," She explained to him.
Laxus huffed and looked over to the rest of the Thunder Legion who were conversing with the others. He's unsure of what to make of this show the others are excited for. Him and the Thunder Legion were given a quick summary of the previous saga.
"Don't be such a stick in the mud Laxus and enjoy!" Natsu laughed annoyingly.
"If it'll shut you up then fine!" Laxus barked back.
"Alright everyone! We're about to start it up!" Mira yelled to get the rambocus guild's attention.
The audience is the same as the Saiyan Saga viewing group only with the Thunder Legion now joining.
(scene cuts to Wukong Hospital where Goku is seen in bandages from his battle with Vegeta)
MASTER ROSHI: Hey there, Goku. How goes the recovery?
"Seems we're back to the regular events," Levy noted.
GOKU: Well, the doctors say I should be in here for a couple of months, what with the crushed legs, shattered ribs, and the brain damage. And the brain damage. And the brain damage. Oh, hey Master Roshi. When did you get here?
"As if he needed more brain damage than he already had," Carla huffed.
DR. FIELDGOOD: Mister... San Gaaku? You have another visitor to see you.
GOKU: What? But all my friends are already here.
MR. POPO:(appearing outside a window)Not all of them.
"What the hell is that?" Evergreen visibly shivered.
"The incarnation of every nightmare in existence," Gajeel explained.
GOKU: Uh... uh... uh...
(flashback of kid Goku arriving at Kami's Lookout)
KID GOKU: Yay! I made it to the top! Now I can train with Kami, the strongest, most powerful being on the…
"Aw! He's so cute as a kid," The girls cooed.
KID GOKU:(notices Mr. Popo)Hmm? Who's that?
(both Goku and Mr. Popo stare at each other, with the camera moving back-and-forth on their faces before going back to the present)
GOKU:(starts screaming)GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!(screams)OH, GOD! OH, GOD!(continues to scream while the nurses try and hold him down)
The entire Thunder Legion jumped back in total shock at Goku's reaction.
"What the hell would he have to do to you to cause that reaction?" Laxus asked. All of those who remember Popo choose not to answer him.
NURSE 1: Hold him down!
NURSE 2: Careful, he's injured!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, we've finally been able to sedate him. Took us a while; we had to go through some alternative treatment.
MASTER ROSHI: Oh, really? What did you use?
DR. FIELDGOOD: Something I found under the sink. I think it was... Clorox or something.
(cuts to Goku, who is foaming at the mouth)
GOKU:(gargles)
"You shouldn't be giving your patients bleach!" Wendy yelled angrily.
"Honestly, it probably wouldn't affect him much," Gray pointed out.
DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, page me if you need me.
MR. POPO: Byyyye.
MASTER ROSHI:: Oh, you're still here. Who are you anyway?
KORIN: That's Mister Popo. He lives up on the lookout with Kami.
MASTER ROSHI::(looks at Korin)Did that cat just talk?
"Yeah that is pretty weird," Happy agreed with Roshi.
Everyone just turned to Happy with visible confusion.
MR. POPO: Alright. Everyone listen up if you want to get those other useless maggots back.
KRILLIN: You mean, you can get our friends back?
"Don't talk back, Krillin," Lucy warned.
MR. POPO:(sky turns red)Shut up, maggot!
KRILLIN:(visibly terrified)Yes, sir!
Everyone felt a shiver run through their spines.
MR. POPO:(sky turns blue)As I was saying, the only hope to get your friends back is to use the Dragon Balls on Kami's home planet: Namek.
"We finally get to see Planet Namek!" Levy bounced excitedly.
BULMA: Namek? That's not a planet I've ever heard of.
MR. POPO: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn't know any better. What are the odds?
All of the females felt very annoyed at Popo's words.
KRILLIN: To be fair, Mr. Popo, until recently, I've never heard of that planet either.
MR. POPO: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn't know any better.
KRILLIN: A- ga- god... dammit, I walked right into that one…
"Krillin's a really easy target," Bickslow laughed.
MR. POPO: Anyway, I'm the only one who knows where Kami's old ship is. And the only one with the transportation to get you there, and this is a carpet made for two.
"A lot of info dumped right there," Levy scribbled down.
Freed looked over at her confused. "What are you doing?" He asked her.
"Writing down any important info, so everything can make sense," She explained. Freed nodded his head and proceeded to pull out his own notepad.
BULMA: Well, I think the only way to fairly decide on this is to have a democratic vote-
KRILLIN: Bulma.
MASTER ROSHI: Bulma.
KORIN: Bulma.
GOHAN: Bulma.
YAJIROBE: Bulma.
OX KING: Yoooohooo. Bulma.
"Is it really fair to single her out?" Lisanna asked.
"She is the smart one," Gray countered.
"Doesn't make it right though," Lisanna argued back.
GOKU:(continues to gargle)
"That sounds about right," Gajeel and Natsu said.
"You understood him?" Lucy and Levy asked in confusion. The Dragon Slayers nodded their heads.
"What did he say?"
"He's hungry and suggested Bulma," Both answered.
BULMA:(desperately trying to avoid being along with Mr. Popo)Okay, um... uh... Oh, ha!(takes out a remote)We don't need your help! I've got right here a remote control to one of the crashed Saiyan ships. All I have to do is put in these coordinates and...(pushes some buttons on the remote, promptly causing the Saiyan pod to explode, startling a reporter)
TV REPORTER: YEEEEEEE-(TV shows an off-air color bars screen along with a beeping sound)
VOICE:Critical failure!
"She's the smart one?" Laxus asked skeptically.
"To be fair, it is alien technology," Erza defended.
MR. POPO: Well, well, well. Look who just ran out of options.
MASTER ROSHI: Dammit, Bulma. Stop being such a scaredy-cat and get on the carpet with the scary genie.
BULMA: I swear to God, if anything happens to me while I'm gone, I'm kicking Krillin's ass!(Bulma starts to get on Mr. Popo's carpet)
"Krillin's name should just be the living punching bag," Romeo said.
MR. POPO: Oh, you and I are going to get along just fine.(teleports away with Bulma)
(scene cuts to the highlands of Yunzabit with Mr. Popo and Bulma appearing on Mr. Popo flying carpet)
MR. POPO: Alright, here we are. Yunzabit Heights.
BULMA: Wait a sec... how did we make it here so fast? This is the other side of the planet!
MR. POPO: Yep, this carpet gets about ten thousand miles to the soul.
"Souls?" Wendy shivered.
BULMA: What?
MR. POPO: The gallon.
BULMA: But... if you can make it to the other side of the planet so fast, why didn't you help Goku get to the Saiyans when he arrived on Earth?
MR. POPO: I was preoccupied.
"I'm afraid to ask," Lucy said.
(flashback of Goku at Kami's Lookout)
GOKU: Mister Popo! I need your carpet to get to my friends as quickly as possible!
MR. POPO:(off-screen)Makin' toast!
"And it's something stupid," Lucy sighed.
"I like toast," Natsu told her. Lucy just sighed again.
GOKU: Aw, fine! Nimbus!(flies away on Flying Nimbus)
MR. POPO:(off-screen as a "Ding!" sound can be heard)Butterin' toast!
(back to present with Mr. Popo and Bulma arriving at Kami's ship)
MR. POPO: Here it is; Kami's ship.
"It's really old," Happy stated the obvious.
"No, we couldn't tell," Carla snarked back.
BULMA: It's old and covered in moss!
MR. POPO: I know. Fits, doesn't it? Now, get in.
BULMA: But, how do we-?
MR. POPO: Popo!(floor of the ship drops down)
"What?" Both Freed and Levy blinked.
BULMA: Oh, wow! Your name opens the ship?
MR. POPO: Popo!(both he and Bulma gets lifted up inside)
BULMA: And it closes it, too.
"Stating the obvious as we see it," Gray said.
MR. POPO: POPO!(ship quickly flies into outer space and stops in front of Jupiter)
BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
The dragon slayers fall over with green tinted faces at the sight of the ship flying. Lucy, Levy, and Carla could only sigh.
MR. POPO: No. It just knows better. Welcome to Jupiter.
"So the ship is sentient," Freed scribbled down.
"And it fears Popo's presence, just like everything else," Levy added.
BULMA: My God, we're so far into space! In such a short amount of time! This is wonderful, Mr. Popo! We can finally save our friends! This is terrific! This is-
Everyone smiled at Bulma's optimism.
MR. POPO: POOOOPOOOOOO!(Ships quickly flies back towards Earth)
BULMA: AAAAAAAAHHH!
And the smiles disappeared immediately.
(scene cuts to Wukong Hospital)
The dragon slayers recovered immediately.
BULMA: And we went to Jupiter in just a couple of seconds! We'll be at Namek in no time! And even better, Popo could be our pilot!
"That sounds too good to be true," Juvia said.
KRILLIN: Oh, dear God!
MR. POPO: No.
KRILLIN: Oh, thank God!
BULMA: But... Why aren't you-
MR. POPO: If I was going to do it myself, why would I need you?(shows a startled Bulma)See you when you get back... except... this season... you.
(camera slowly zooms in on Krillin's face)
Popo's words make everyone uneasy.
"What do you think he meant by that?" Lucy asked.
"I'm not sure…" Erza said slowly.
Levy writes down Krillin's name and circles it.
KRILLIN: Heh... Whaddya think he means that? Heh.
CHI-CHI: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn't going anywhere.
"That's correct," Mira smiled.
GOHAN: Actually... Mom, I'm going to Namek.
"What?" Mira's brain stopped for a moment.
Her siblings carefully moved away from her.
CHI-CHI:(sounding strained)As... I... said... my little boy...(now angry)isn't going anywhere!
GOHAN: But Mom! Piccolo died for me! It's my responsibility!
"You're five! Your only responsibility should be being a kid!" Mira protested. Erza shook her head at Mira's words.
"Gohan has already shown to have the spirit of a warrior. If he wants to make the choice to fight then we should let him," Erza said.
"He was forced into that! He was trained as a child soldier!" Mira argued back.
"And he's made the conscious choice to go on his own accord. Have faith that he'll be fine," Erza reasoned. Mira didn't continue pressing the argument, but felt as if something bad will happen.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me, and you will do as I say!
"Let the kid have some breathing room," Laxus said, annoyed at Chi-Chi's voice.
GOHAN: But that's not-
CHI-CHI: Didyoucarry around a baby in you for nine months, with a man who literally thought you had Cinna-Buns hidden in your shirt?!
Lucy side eyed Natsu. The dragon slayer started rubbing his stomach drooling about cinnamon buns.
GOHAN: But I-
CHI-CHI: Now you are going to lay in this hospital bed! Recover like a normal boy! And then, you're going right back to your advanced trig classes, AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL-
GOHAN: SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!
Gohan's explosive anger caught everyone off guard.
"She deserved it," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders. Everyone agreed(Even Mira) that Chi-Chi was going too far.
(awkward silence)
GOHAN:(calmly)I'll be going to Namek, now.
CHI-CHI:(walks towards the door; also calm)You'd best.(slams the door behind her)
BULMA: Well, uh... better get started on that ship!
GOHAN: Please hurry…
"Before she changes her mind," Gray said.
(scene cuts to Bulma and Dr. Briefs working on the Kami's ship)
NARRATOR: With that, Bulma got to work on the ship to prepare it for their travel.
BULMA: Hey, Dad. How are things coming along?
DR. BRIEFS: Well, I'm working on your translator, but all I can get it to do is translate the Namekian into another language I don't understand.
TOILET: Toire de arimasu!
"Why do you need a talking toilet?" Evergreen's face twisted into disgust.
DR. BRIEFS: Damn moonspeak!
(scene cuts to Kame House, where Bulma, Krillin, and Master Roshi are seen in front of Kami's spaceship)
NARRATOR: And in ten days, the remaining warriors were recovered and ready to set out to Namek.
KRILLIN: So, you sure this thing's ready to fly?
BULMA: Yep! I've gotten everything worked out. Well, except for one thing... We couldn't fix the translator for the toilet.
"That's not needed," Carla sighed.
TOILET: Ich bin gefüllt mit pisswasser!
MASTER ROSHI:(notices a twinkle in the sky)Hey, I think I see their car.
(Chi-Chi, Ox-King, and Gohan arrive at Kame House)
KRILLIN: Hey Gohan, how are yo...(notices a blushing Gohan with a bowl haircut)...OH, MY GOD! What happened to your head? You look like a young Moe Howard.
Everyone laughed at Gohan's bowl cut.
"It does look cute on him though," Lisanna smiled.
GOHAN: Well look who's talking, Curly!
KRILLIN: Why, I oughta...!
BULMA:(angrily)Clam it, chowderheads, we gotta get going!
GOHAN: Bye everybody!
CHI-CHI: Now Gohan, don't make any friends with any questionable strangers! That includes you, Krillin!
"At least she cares," Wendy said.
"Someone should care for Krillin at least," Romeo said.
KRILLIN: So Bulma, where do I put my stuff?
BULMA:(angrily)Sit down, strap in, and shut up!
KRILLIN: Uh, alright. So Gohan, how much stuff did you bring?
GOHAN: Well, Mom packed my bags, so there's a lot in there.
KRILLIN: Well, you know what they say, "Always be prepared."
BULMA: Popo.
(Spaceship quickly blasts off into outer space)
"Wendy should do something about their motions sickness," Levy eyes the fallen dragon slayers. "After they've recovered," She added.
KRILLIN and GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Everyone laughed again. The dragon slayers just groan.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cuts to Wukong Hospital with Goku still gargling with foam in his mouth)
GOKU:(while gurgling)Bacon...
Natsu(Having recovered) rubbed his stomach in hunger.
Mira shook her head and turned towards the Thunder Legion. "So, did you guys like it?" Mira asked.
"Me and my babies definitely enjoyed it!" Bickslow and his babies cheered.
"Hmph! It's interesting, so Elfman wasn't completely lying," Evergreen turned her head.
"It has proved to be acceptable, but I'll keep watching if Laxus does," Freed added.
Mira's eyes shifted to Laxus who was looking anywhere but at her. Mira's face twisted into that of a cheshire cat and leaned in towards Laxus.
The Lighting Dragon Slayer scowled before eventually sighing in resignation. "It wasn't that bad," He said. Mira stood back up and giggled.
"Welp, there's more where that came from!" Mira shouted before starting up the next episode.
Chapter End
Chapter 18: A Rose by Any Other Namek
Chapter Text
Chapter 21: A Rose By Any Other Namek
(scene cuts to an outside view of a mirror spaceship, where Krillin and Gohan are inside and surrounded at gunpoint by a group of space orphans)
"How did everything already go to sh*t?" Laxus rubbed his forehead.
CUTTER: So, Freeza sent you to follow us, huh? Looks like he wasn't satisfied with just our planet!
"Frieza?" The Thunder Legion asked, confused.
"He's some intergalactic tyrant that we haven't seen yet," Levy explained.
KRILLIN: Who the hell is Freeza-
CUTTER: Shut up! There's no way we can let you people live! Not after what you did to our planet, our families!
(Space orphans cheer)
CUTTER:(while aiming a gun at Krillin)And now, for you crimes against our people...
KRILLIN: Okay seriously, we have no idea what-
CUTTER: WE SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!
"They're not even letting them explain," Makarov shakes his head in disbelief.
"You have to feel bad for them though," Wendy brought up.
KRILLIN: Uhhh, isn't that a little…
CUTTER: Men! Ready your blasters!
(many weapons are heard co*cking)
KRILLIN: Gohan, this may be it. Close your eyes!
"But, bullets don't hurt you guys…" Lucy said.
CUTTER: Aim! FIRE!
(a shot is fired at Krillin's head, which shows to have no effect)
KRILLIN: Oh... Huh...
CUTTER: Oh, my God! Freeza's men are stronger than we thought! Everyone! Take your cyanide tablets!
"Wait what?" Levy shook her head quickly.
KRILLIN: But we told you, we don't know any Freeza-
(Space orphans drop dead one by one)
"WHY!?" Everyone shouted.
KRILLIN:(completely shocked at what just happened)I... uh... uh…
GOHAN:(eyes still closed)Krillin, can I open my eyes now?
"No," Mira quickly replied.
KRILLIN: Just get back to the ship, Gohan.
GOHAN: But I can't see.
KRILLIN: JUST GET BACK TO THE SHIP!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to the spaceship flying through outer space)
KRILLIN:(in his thoughts)Krillin's log, stardate... uh... November 28th. We've been flying for two weeks now. Starting to feel very pent up. Not just for being trapped on the ship of course, but from Bulma walking around in nothing but her underwear! I would relieve this tension, but I've had no alone time as the toilet(out loud)KEEPS SCREAMING AT ME!
TOILET: Scheiße auf meinem gesicht!
"I already have to deal with Natsu's unintelligible words, I wouldn't be able to take that toilet," Gray said and ducked under a flaming fist.
"SAY THAT AGAIN!" Natsu roared back. Erza quickly forced Natsu back into his seat, so they could continue watching.
KRILLIN:I'm not sure how much longer I can last…
BULMA: Krillin, are you saying something?
The perverts in the guild whistle at Bulma's half nudity.
KRILLIN: Nothing!(under his breath)Goddamn c*cktease.
BULMA: Huh? You guys! You wouldn't believe it, but I see planet Namek!
"Already?" Macao asked.
"Honestly thought this would take longer," Bickslow said.
KRILLIN: Wait, how the hell do you know it's planet Name...(sees a giant neon sign that says "Planet Namek")Huh. Well, what do you know? Bring us in for a landing, Bulma.
"That looks way too suspicious to be true," Freed sighed.
BULMA:(puts on her spacesuit)Yeah, um, about that...
KRILLIN: About what?
BULMA: Did I mention I don't really know how to land this thing?
"And she's the smart one?" Gajeel reiterates.
"Again, it's not like it was properly explained to her," Levy told him.
KRILLIN: Uh... Seat-belts, Gohan!(Gohan quickly straps in his seat-belt)
(The spaceship drops down into the planet, with the word "Fake" briefly lighting up on the neon sign above "Planet Namek")
(scene cuts to the spaceship plowing through a wooded area, with Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan screaming, until it nearly stops short of falling off a cliff)
KRILLIN: See? This is why women shouldn't drive!
The females all glare at Krillin for the rude comment.
BULMA: Oh, right. This coming from the Asian!
"And I'm pretty sure that's racist," Lily said.
GOHAN: Well, I'm half-Saiyan, what does that make me?
"Don't join in, child," Carla sighed.
BULMA and KRILLIN: FIVE!
(the ship tips forward and drops over the cliff, with everyone screaming before the screen goes black)
(scene changes to an outside view of a "Namakian" house with Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan sleeping in a bed)
ZAACRO: Uh, are you sure they're okay? They've been out for a long time.
"So that's what an Namekian looks like," Freed noted.
"They look weird," Evergreen said.
"Kinda racist," Elfman said, before quickly shutting up seeing her glare.
RAITI: Of course I'm sure they're okay! Now just follow the plan!
ZAACRO: We had a plan?
RAITI: Of course we have the plan, stupid! To take their ship, and get off this stupid rock.(Bulma starts to wake up)Oh crap, they're waking up! Act natural, act natural!
"Oh, so they're not actually Namekians," Levy pointed out.
"Well, they do at least look like them," Gajeel told her.
ZAACRO: Hi.
RAITI: Hiii!
ZAACRO: Welcome to Namek!
RAITI: Yeah, Namek!
ZAACRO: Totally.
RAITI: We're totally Namekers.
"They couldn't even get the name correct," Gray said.
BULMA: You mean Namekians?
RAITI: Yeah, those guys. That's us!
"You'd have to be Goku stupid to fall for this," Gajeel said. Everyone in the guild eyes turned to Natsu, but only for a quick second.
ZAACRO: So, uh, what brings you to, like, our planet?
RAITI: Which is Namek.
"You're laying it on a bit too thick," Romeo said.
BULMA: Well, we're here to search for the Dragon Balls.
RAITI: Eww! That's disgusting! Why would you-
ZAACRO: I think they mean the ones that grant wishes.
RAITI: Oh yeah, we totally have those! The wish-granting balls…
"Should've given them away immediately," Laxus pointed out.
BULMA: Oh. Well, if you wouldn't mind helping us look for them.
RAITI: Oh yeah, we'll help you find the ball dragons.
ZAACRO:(off-screen)Dragon Balls.
RAITI: Yeah that one. Hey Zaacro.
ZAACRO: What?
RAITI: We should totally help them find them, and then we'll take them and then we'll make our wish for ourselves!
"But, this isn't actually Namek, so how would that be possible?" Lily said.
ZAACRO: Uh, ours don't actually grant any wishes. I think we made that up. Did we make that up?
RAITI: What? No... Why would we make that up?
ZAACRO: Well, 'cause, like ya told me when we read their minds that we wanted their ship so we could get off this planet.
RAITI: That's... that's... no... that's just no. We would never do that, dude. Come on, not cool.
GOHAN: Krillin, do these two seem off to you?
"The 5-year old noticed something wrong while the two adults didn't," Carla sighed.
"To be fair, Gohan has always been more observant than others," Lisanna said.
KRILLIN: I like 'em!
"Of course you do," Lucy sighed.
RAITI: Time to find the Dragon Balls!
(scene shifts to an outside shot of Freeza Planet 218 and then inside with Vegeta in a healing tank)
"That looks cool," Happy smiled.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, he landed here a few days ago. He was pretty messed up, I'll tell ya what.
RUDY: But, what happened to his partner?
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Well that's the screwed-up part. They say he killed his partner and that his ghost still haunts him to this very day.
"I really don't pity him at all," Lucy said.
RUDY: What? Really?
DR. BIRDENHEIM: No! What are you, stupid? We're doctors! Scientists! Now inject this man with some science! Delicious, magical, science!
VEGETA:(thinking)Gotta... get... out of here... Gotta... get to... Namek... Gotta... get the... Dragon Balls... God... dammit... Nappa!
"We're gonna get more of Vegeta, is that a bad thing?" Lisanna asked.
"For the characters? Yeah probably," Gajeel answered.
GHOST NAPPA:You were saying... saying... saying...
(Vegeta's muffled screams are heard)
DR. BIRDENHEIM: My God! We have to get him out of there! His heart rocket is skyrating!
"You have that backwards doc," Canna said.
RUDY: Uh, don't you mean his heart rate...
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Dammit, man, I'm a doctor, not an English teacher!(fluid drains out of the healing tank)Good to see you're awake, Vegeta. We have to apologize, though. We... couldn't save your tail.
"Weird, considering Gohan's grew back," Mira said.
"I'm guessing it might just do with age," Levy tried to reason.
VEGETA:(putting on his armor)It's alright. I can live without it.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: If you call that living. You'd walk around a shell of your former self, everyone calling you a "tail-less freak"!
"So he wants to die?" Gajeel asked, knowing where the scene is going.
VEGETA: ...You know, I could probably kill all of you and Freeza wouldn't care.
DR. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, but that still wouldn't get your tail back.
"Yeah, he doesn't care," Gray said.
VEGETA:(now smiling)...Tell me something, which is your favorite internal organ?
DR. BIRDENHEIM: What a odd question! But if I had to choose I guess I have to say my liver.(Vegeta's shadow approaches Dr. Birdenheim)
(scene cuts away to two soldiers as Dr. Birdenheim's painful scream is heard off-screen. Vegeta is seen walking past the two soldiers.)
VEGETA:(thinking)You know, it's the simple things in life.
CUI: Hey there, Vegeta.
"He already annoys me," Gajeel stated.
VEGETA: Speaking of simple, what is it, Cui?
CUI: Where are you off to in such a hurry?
VEGETA: Off to plow your mother!
"Creative," Erza rolled her eyes.
CUI: Ha! Shows what you know, Vegeta. We reproduce asexually.
"I didn't need that mental image," Laxus gagged.
VEGETA: Gross, out of my way.(begins to walk past Cui)
CUI:(grabs Vegeta shoulder)Off to Namek are we?
"How would he?" Juvia asked.
VEGETA: ...Come again?
CUI: We heard about the Dragon Balls. We know the Namekians made them and Freeza is way ahead of you.
VEGETA: What?! How?!
CUI: The scouter was on the entire time.
VEGETA: That's impossible! My transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was-(suddenly realizes that there was only one person who accompanied him to Earth)
The guild comes up with the exact same realization at the same moment and promptly burst into laughter.
(cuts to Vegeta in a space pod, how having a scouter, on his way to Planet Namek)
VEGETA: GODDAMMIT NAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(scene shifts to "Planet Namek" where Bulma is seen holding the Dragon Radar)
BULMA: Wow, you guys. We've already found two Dragon Balls.
KRILLIN: Wow! This usually takes us, like... months.
"The last four movies would like to disagree," Levy said.
RAITI: That's because you're on the planet Namek. Everything's better up here. You should totally stay here... forever. While we take your ship.
KRILLIN: What?
RAITI: Oh, look it's another Dragon Ball in the lake. You should go get it!
"Perfect distraction," Bickslow laughed.
(shows the ship flying over a giant skeleton)
KRILLIN: Is that a giant skeleton?
RAITI: Oh come on, dude. What are you, chicken? Don't you want to have awesome adventures? On the planet Namek? With the Dragon Balls? And the awesome musical montage?
("Gotta Find That Dragon Ball!" theme song plays while the group is shown finding five Dragon Balls)
"Good music, but considering the situation…" Lucy dragged out.
RAITI: Hey, wasn't that fun?
ZAACRO: Yeah, it was... woo...
KRILLIN: Hey, um, I've been meaning to ask you guys. Where are all the other Namekians?
"Now you notice," Carla facepalmed.
RAITI: Oh, they're around. Don't even pretend you didn't see them.
ZAACRO: Yeah, we passed them like, three times.
RAITI: Didn't you see Steve?
ZAACRO: He waved!
RAITI: Don't diss Steve.
ZAACRO: Yeah, don't do that.
RAITI: He has social phobias.
"I feel bad for Steve," Wendy frowned.
"He's not real," Romeo told her.
"Doesn't mean I can't feel bad," Wendy shot back.
BULMA: Come on, you guys! We only have one more Dragon Ball left! Then we can wish back our friends!
"Stop being stupid," Evergreen snapped.
"Really making me think Goku's not the only dumb one," Macao said.
RAITI: What? No! We can't let you do that!
ZAACRO: Yeaaah. We- What?
RAITI: See, we can't let you have the Dragon Balls. They're our Dragon Balls! We will take them and we will make our wish for ourselves! And then, you suck our three-foot long Schwanzstuckes!
"What?" Everyone asked.
KRILLIN: Your what?
ZAACRO: Our- our wangs.
"Oh," Lucy wrinkled her nose in disgust.
RAITI: It's funny because "wang" means penis.
KRILLIN/Natsu: Wait a minute! Namekians don't HAVE penises!
"THAT'S WHAT TIPS YOU OFF!?" Everyone shouted at Natsu.
RAITI: What?! What are you talking about?! Of course we do!
ZAACRO: Uhh, actually, I, uh, read their minds... and I don't think we do.
KRILLIN: You guys aren't Namekians at all!
"Liars," The Fire Dragon Slayer glared at the screen.
"I should've expected this," Lucy sighed at Natsu's obliviousness.
(scene shows Raiti and Zaacro in their true forms)
"Ew," Everyone said.
RAITI: Oh look what you've done, Zaacro! Why do you have to go and mess this up? Blow our cover.
ZAACRO: Okay, I did not do that. Did I do that?
RAITI: Well you must have 'cause I would never do anything that stupid.
ZAACRO: Well, there was that one time... when you got mad at those two guys... who just wanted to play a children's card game. And you made us chase after them... then we ended up crashing here... on this planet.
"That makes just as much sense as the plot of this series," Freed said.
RAITI: Why did you have to bring that up? Open those wounds... You know what? Screw it. Just summon the tentacle monsters.
ZAACRO: Oh, all right. Umm, tentacle monsters... heeeere.(roaring sounds are heard from a lake)Okay, I think that did it.
RAITI: Hah! Now soon, you will deal with the many protruding tentacles of the violating tentacle monster.
Lucy was the only one in the audience to shiver.
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Bulma! I'll protect you!
RAITI: I was talking to you, baldy.
KRILLIN: Wait, wha-(tentacle monster grab Krillin's leg)Oh!(tentacle monster grabs Krillin's neck and starts pulling him away)No! No! No not there!(Raiti and Zaacro are seen smiling)Whoa, God! Help me! Help! Aaaaugh-
"Why do I relate to that so much," Lucy whispered to herself.
(scene shifts to Krillin waking up from inside the spaceship, screaming and taking deep breaths)
KRILLIN:(thinking)Oh God... Oh... Oh man... That was... that was terrifying…
"So, it was just Krillin being a freak," Gray summed up.
MR. POPO:(shows up next to Krillin)I'll say.
Everybody screamed in shock.
(scene shifts KaiserNeko waking up, startled and looking around)
KAISERNEKO: Oh, man. I have got to stop editing so late.
(his computer screen goes black, before Popo's face appears on it)
MR. POPO: I'll say.
(KaiserNeko starts screaming)
Everyone promptly screamed again.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
"That was really weird," Levy said. Nobody knew how to explain that last scene.
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to Planet Namek with the camera panning up to Guru's House)
NAIL:(walks up to Guru)Lord Guru.
GURU: Huh?
NAIL: I have terrible news. Someone has attacked the planet.
"Freezer," Natsu said.
GURU: This is very serious. I must put on my war face. Hm! There, now show me yours.
(Nail shows a serious face)
GURU: Needs work.
Natsu and Happy laughed at Guru's judgement.
Chapter End
Chapter 19: Dr. Briefs Made this Episode
Chapter Text
Chapter 22:Dr. Briefs Made This Episode In A Cave... WITHABOXOFSCRAPS!
(scene shows Kami's spaceship arriving on Planet Namek)
NARRATOR:So, after seven hundred and thirty-one grueling galactic weeks of travel—or one month if you never watched "Men in Black"—our *ahem* "heroes" have finally arrived on Planet Namek. Where the sky is green, the grass is blue, and it's boring as s**t.
"It really does look empty as hell," Bickslow complained.
"The planet looks gorgeous," Lisanna countered.
"Doesn't change that nothing is happening," He argued back.
"And I'm sure that'll change in a second," Mira told them.
KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan, check it out. Blue grass. What do you think their favorite kind of music is? Huh? Huh?
GOHAN: R&B...?
KRILLIN: Huh. You're really sheltered, aren't you?
"And that's not a bad thing," Mira argued.
GOHAN: I had to read an entire book about peach farming on the way here. You tell me.
KRILLIN: Well... hey! We're on Namek now! Bulma, got the Dragon Radar?
BULMA: Right here! We're already picking up four Dragon Balls!
KRILLIN: See? Now we just have to find them, wish our friends back, and head on home!
"I wish it was that easy," Juvia sighed.
"We all wish it could be that easy," Makarov agreed.
BULMA: Hey Krillin, is that a Saiyan ship?
(A space pod is seen flying above Krillin)
"Yes it is," Levy answered.
KRILLIN:(notices the space pod)Huh?
GOHAN: I think I sense Vegeta.
"You would be correct," Levy smiled.
KRILLIN:(sounding more frightened)Huh?
BULMA: Oh, and now those four Dragon Balls are on the move.
KRILLIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAA-
"And the plot finally kicks off!" Levy spoke over Krillin's screaming.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts Vegeta's space pod landing on Namek, with Vegeta emerging from the crater and holding a scouter)
KRILLIN:(in background)-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
VEGETA: Ahhh... good to be back at a hundred percent again.(puts on his scouter)Augh, I just got here and this planet's already annoying me.(sees another space pod approaching Namek)Wait a minute, is that Cui's pod?(begins to walk forward)Well, I better go take care of this.
"The range of his lungs," Freed said, astounded.
"He could put Natsu to shame," Laxus added.
KRILLIN: -AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!(gasps for breath)
GOHAN: Ya done, Krillin?
KRILLIN: Yeah... I'm good.
FRIEZA SOLDIER 1: Hey! What's that over there?
KRILLIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAA-(continues to scream in the background)
"And he started back up," Carla sighed.
FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: In the name of Frieza, we demand that you stop!
KRILLIN: -AAAAAAHHHHH! Wait, haven't I heard that name before?
"It's only been said a good handful of times," Levy responded.
FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: Alright, stay where you are and we'll shoot you.
"Wait isn't that the wrong thing to say?" Romeo said.
KRILLIN: Don't you mean "Or we'll shoot you?"
FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: We know what we said!(fires a shot at the spaceship, with Bulma jumping out of the way)
TOILET: Scheiße!
"NO THE TALKING TOILET!" Natsu cried.
(Bulma manages to avoid the explosion, but the spaceship is now immobilized as it has a visible hole, causing the front window to crack)
"And there went their only way home," Lucy said sadly.
"Seemed something went wrong Erza," Mira told
"They'll figure something out," Erza explained. Mira didn't look convinced.
KRILLIN: Huh. Well there goes our ship.
BULMA:(off-screen)What the f**king hell?!
FRIEZA SOLDIER 1: Damn, man, you couldn't hit the broad side of a space barn.
FRIEZA SOLDIER 2: Yeah, well, that's only because I'm too busy hitting the broad side of your mom!(gets punched by Gohan)Gah! My face!
"He had that coming," Gajeel said.
"Go Gohan!" The kids cheered.
(Krillin kicks the other soldier, making him collide with the soldier Gohan attacked and into a lake)
KRILLIN: Hah! Looks like they're all... washed up!(Gohan gives a blank stare)Yeaaaaaaaahhhhh... da da da da da, oh...
(Krillin Owned Count: 11)
"He just needs to not talk," Laxus shook his head.
BULMA: I can't believe this... We're stranded on an alien planet... It's like "Pitch Black" only our Vin Diesel is a total bitch...
KRILLIN: It might be best if we get ourselves out of the open.(notices a cave)Hey, look, a cave!(points towards the cave)See Bulma, isn't this nice? A nice dark, dank... cave?
(the cave is heard making a roaring noise)
"I want nowhere near that cave," Lucy crossed her arms.
BULMA: Who knows? Maybe here I'll finally meet a real man.
KRILLIN: What about Yamcha?
BULMA: A real man…
"Luckily he's dead and didn't hear that," Wakaba said.
GOHAN: Hey, uh, Krillin, do you feel that?
KRILLIN: What? The need to pee? Well they destroyed the toilet so I guess I'll just use a bush or...(sees something flying in their direction)OH, MY GOD, GET IN THE CAVE!
"Wait is it Vegeta?" Freed wondered.
"Can't be, because they would've just said it was him," Levy said.
"I got a bad feeling about this," Carla said.
(a large group of soldiers fly past Krillin and co., who are hiding in a nearby cave)
GOHAN: Krillin! They have the Dragon Balls!
"That's bad," Happy shivered.
KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed.
GOHAN: Did you feel their power levels? They were as strong as Vegeta!
"That's also not good," Wendy said.
KRILLIN: Yes, Gohan, I noticed!
GOHAN: But that one guy at the front, he was like a hundred Vegetas…
That news made everyone uncomfortable.
"And that must've been Frieza," Makarov clutches his staff tightly.
"They're in the worst type of situation," Elfman summed up.
KRILLIN: YES, GOHAN, I NOTICED! On the bright side, I no longer have to pee anymore! Lemme go change in the cave…
"I don't blame him under these circ*mstances," Gray said.
(shows a time card that says "10 Minutes Later". Krillin is seen walking out of the cave and catching his breath)
BULMA: Geez, took you long enough.
KRILLIN: We're going after those Dragon Balls.
BULMA: Whoa, what?
"Not the best idea, but they really have no choice," Lily said.
KRILLIN: We may be outmatched... but we didn't come this far just to give up!
BULMA: What the heck happened in that cave?
"Character development," Macao nodded his head.
KRILLIN: Something I should have taken care of a month ago.(removes his hat)
GOHAN: ...I don't get it.
KRILLIN: Come on, Gohan! Bulma, stay here and call Roshi back on Earth. We may need backup. Stay close, Gohan!
(Krillin and Gohan dash away)
"Backup in the form of Son Goku," Erza's eyes shined brightly.
BULMA: Well, I guess I better set up camp then.(runs inside the cave)OH, GOD, IT'S EVERYWHERE!
"Ew," Evergreen said.
(scene shifts to Kame House with the music "I'm Too Sexy" playing on the radio. A phone rings and Master Roshi answers it.)
MASTER ROSHI: Kame house, where the beaches are fine and the bitches are finer! Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants.
"I need to use something like that," Makarov stroked his chin.
"No," Erza, Mira, and Laxus respond together. The old man slumped down dejected.
(shifts to Wukong Hospital showing Master Roshi, standing next to a nearby nurse, reporting to Goku about the current situation on Namek)
MASTER ROSHI: And not only is Vegeta on the planet, but apparently someone else is there, even stronger than him! So in short, s**t be wack, yo!
GOKU: Fo' shizzle, Master Rizzle! I can't do anything until I'm fully healed though! If only there were a way…
"The situation really be wack Lusizzle," Natsu turned to Lucy.
"Stop talking like that," Lucy cut him off.
YAJIROBE: Hey there, I thought I'd just drop in with these magical Senzu Beans that heal all wounds and restore your stamina.
"That solved that problem," Levy said.
GOKU: ...If only there were a way-
MASTER ROSHI: Take the damn magical beans, Goku!
"No time for his stupidity," Carla huffed.
GOKU: Ooh! Sweet science-y magic!
("Spinach Theme" from "Popeye" plays as Goku eats a Senzu Bean, jumps out of the hospital bed and tears off his bandages)
GOKU: Naked time!(strips and puts on his fighting gi)All right! 'Kay guys, I'm going to Bulma's place!(Yajirobe gives Goku the remaining Senzu Beans)By the way, takin' the beans.
"Glad he's thinking ahead for once," Lucy smiled.
MASTER ROSHI: Krillin?
GOKU: Krillin.
"I'm not surprised," Gajeel said.
MASTER ROSHI: But... Why Bulma's?
GOKU: Well, I need a ship, and Bulma's dad's a scientist.
MASTER ROSHI: ...I'm not even gonna begin to go into what is wrong with that... and just wish you good luck!
"What's the worst that could go wrong?" Wendy spoke the cursed words. The Sky Dragon Slayer cowered behind Carla to hide from the glares she got for saying the cursed words.
GOKU: Niiiimbuuus! Later guys!(jumps out the window)Nimbus? Nimbu- Oh-God-oh-crap-oh-geezus-
(smashes into ground causing a car alarm to go on off-screen.)
GOKU:(in pain off-screen)I'm okay...(Nimbus can be heard showing up off-screen)Oh... There he is.
Erza sighed at Goku's antics.
MASTER ROSHI: *sigh*
(scene shifts to Planet Namek with Cui waiting for Vegeta's arrival)
CUI:(tracking Vegeta with his scouter)Hello there, Vegeta. Fancy meeting you here.
VEGETA: So you followed me? Sure took your sweet time.
CUI: Well, I could have gotten here sooner, but I stopped on my way to plow YOUR mother!
VEGETA: ...My mother's dead.
CUI: I know!
"Dick move," Gajeel said, unamused.
VEGETA: ...You know, I'm having trouble remembering, Cui. What's your power level?
CUI: Ha! You would forget! 18,000. Same as yours, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Funny that. See, I just read my Official Saiyan Handbook(holds up said book and starts reading a page)and it says right here "When a Saiyan is beaten to near death, their power level increases immensely."
Levy shoots up immediately. "THAT WILL EXPLAIN SO MUCH LATER I KNOW IT!" She screamed. Her and Freed wrote the info down quickly.
CUI: Well I don't see what that has to do with anything-
VEGETA: And while I was down on Earth, oh man, I got destroyed!
"Not an understatement," Gray said.
CUI: Ha ha ha! You... What?
VEGETA: Yep. All by a low level warrior, his half-breed son, a midget, and an obese man with a sword. I lost outright.
"Ya know...When you put it like that it really does sound ridiculous," Lisanna said.
CUI: Why are you telling me this? You never tell anyone this!
VEGETA: Easy. Because I know you'll never tell anybody, Cui.
CUI:(bewildered)But... But I hate you! Why would I-(gets blown up by Vegeta)WAAAAAH!
VEGETA: God, I love therapy.
"I would do the exact same," Gajeel said.
(scene shifts to Zarbon's scouter getting destroyed by detecting Vegeta's power level)
ZARBON: Oh my, I seem to have gone off prematurely.
"He's a walking talking innuendo isn't he?" Levy asked.
"Reminds me of Juvia for some reason," Gajeel laughed. Juvia only looked offended at the comparison.
DODORIA: Well, hell. Looks like Vegeta just took out Cui. Poor fish-faced bastard.
ZARBON: Wait, which one was Cui?
DODORIA: You remember. Purple guy hated Vegeta.
"You might need to be more specific," Mira said.
ZARBON: Gonna have to be a little more specific.
DODORIA: Reproduced asexually.
ZARBON: Oh,him. Ew! You know I wouldn't have minded so much if he wasn't all up in my face about it. I can only swallow so much.
FRIEZA: Will you two pay attention?(shows a group of Namekians)These innocent bumpkins won't slaughter themselves.
"That's Freezer?" Natsu asked.
"He doesn't look as threatening as they're making him be," Wendy said.
"Careful, looks can be very deceiving," Makarov told all of them.
ZARBON: Well you might be able to find a way to make them.
FRIEZA: Oooh! That'd be fun! Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!
NARRATOR:Anew evil has revealed its face. Who are these mysterious enemies? (Gohan and Krillin are seen surveying the situation on top of a ridge) And do Gohan and Krillin stand a chance? The answer to these questions will be revealed... right now! Zarbon, Dodoria, Frieza, and (camera shows Krillin) ohhh my, no!
"This is gonna be bad," Mira muttered.
KRILLIN: Wait, what-
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to King Kai's planet in Other World)
KING KAI: Alright, now that you have arrived on my planet we will begin your training. Tenshinhan, Chiaotzu, twenty laps around the planet. Piccolo…
"So this is where they've been," Levy noted.
PICCOLO: Go to hell, I'm meditating.
KING KAI: Keep doing that. Yamcha...
YAMCHA: What is it, King Kai? I'm ready for anything!
KING KAI: Wash my car.
YAMCHA: Oooh! Like in that movie! Wax on, wax off!
KING KAI:(walks into his house)Yeah, go wax off.
Everyone laughed at King Kai's dismissal.
Chapter End
Chapter 20: No Country for Old Nameks
Chapter Text
Chapter 23: No Country For Old Namekians
(scene shows Gohan and Krillin on top of a cliff, overlooking Freeza with his men interrogating a Namekian village)
KRILLIN: Alright, Gohan, keep your power level down.
GOHAN: Well I'm trying, but I can't seem to get it as low as yours, Krillin.
KRILLIN: But I haven't eve- I mean... yeah. Like me.
"Imagine being weaker than the 5-year old," Bickslow laughed.
"Aren't you weaker than Wendy?" Evergreen fixed her glasses.
"She's not five!" Bickslow argued back.
"She's still a child," Evergreen smirked, seeing Bickslow dejected. The mentioned dragon slayer only blushed as her response.
GOHAN: Krillin, look! The Dragon Balls!
KRILLIN: Whoa, those things are huge! AC/DC be damned. Geez. These aliens are scary. Especially that one in the front. Looks like a total F.A.G.
Everyone was taken aback by Krillin's words.
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What? A Freaky Alien Genotype. What'd you think I meant?
"Krillin just saved his own ass," Levy sighed.
"He still could have worded that better," Erza looked disappointed.
GOHAN: Oh, I thought you were calling him a derogatory term for hom*osexual.
KRILLIN: THAT THING'S A GUY?!
"We wouldn't be able to guess if we weren't told beforehand," Lisanna giggled nervously.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shows Dodoria turning his head and looking upward, facing the direction where Krillin and Gohan are hiding)
DODORIA: Hm? What was that?
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy facepalmed.
(Krillin and Gohan are seen ducking; trying not to get spotted)
KRILLIN: Um...(off-screen)Quack!
DODORIA: Oh, it's just a space duck.
"That worked?" Freed questioned.
MOURI: Who are you?
FRIEZA: Hello. Allow us to introduce ourselves. My name is Frieza, and we're a traveling improv group. Here, let me give you a demonstration. My men shall play a group of drunken sailors, and you're a bunch of baby seals. Aaaand, go.(Zarbon murders two Namekians)Aaand, scene.
"Am I the only one feeling that we weren't prepared for him?" Lucy asked.
"Nope," Gray answered immediately.
"Not at all," Levy answered.
MOURI: What do you want from us? Why are you slaughtering our people?
FRIEZA: Well, you see, I was just in the area and I thought this would be a delightful place for a summer home- what the f**k do you think I'm here for?
"Friendship?" Wendy asked, hopefully.
MOURI: ...Our trees?
FRIEZA: ...Zarbon, two or three more.
ZARBON: Two or three more?
FREEZA: Two or three more.
(Zarbon murders two more Namekians)
The guild's anger at Frieza's disregard of life steadily increased.
FRIEZA: Very good, Zarbon. See, why can't you be more like him, Dodoria?
DODORIA: Sorry. Just listening to the space duck.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Quack! Quack!
"He's still going?" Lily asked, bewildered.
DODORIA: What a majestic creature.
FRIEZA: Now, then, all kidding aside... Where's the Dragon Ball?
MOURI: We don't have it.
"Even, I know he's lying," Natsu said, in all seriousness.
FRIEZA: You know, I'd be inclined to believe you if the last village elder didn't say the exact same thing... until we killed everyone and tortured the information out of him, of course. It's the darndest thing, too... You're beginning to remind me a lot of him.
"Starting to remind me of people I'd rather forget," Gajeel said.
MOURI: Please. Do not be upset.
FRIEZA: Oh, I don't get upset. I have people to do that for me. Dodoria?
DODORIA: With gusto.
(Dodoria places the two Dragon Balls he is currently holding on the ground. Both Dende and Cargo cling onto Mouri while Dodoria stands up. Mouri glares at Dodoria, preparing for the worst, before Dodoria's scouter starts beeping.)
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: Stop right there!
(three Namekian warriors arrive at scene)
"Alright! Back up!" Natsu cheered.
"Hopefully they can do something," Lucy prayed.
"I wouldn't be that hopeful," Levy muttered.
FRIEZA: Oh, look, more baby seals.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: We're here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people.
FRIEZA: Ninety-two…
"What?" Erza raised an eyebrow.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: This has gone on for too long. And now, you're going to pay.
FRIEZA: Three hundred and fifty-five…
"I-I don't get it," Wendy stumbled.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: We are... We... What are you...?
FRIEZA: No, go on. Continue. Don't mind me.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: And... We are the ones who will stop you.
FRIEZA: Ooh, wow. Four hundred and nineteen.
"Oh I get it," Freed said. Everyone turned to him.
"He's a tyrannical ruler, he's heard these hero speeches before," Freed explained.
"And he's acting like lives are a game," Makarov tightened his grip around his staff.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: That's... (record scratch) What the hell are you doing?!
FRIEZA: Oh, sorry, it's a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so wearily often. So I've started keeping a mental list of how many times I've heard certain lines.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: You... You insane bastard.
FRIEZA: One hundred and ninety.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: Yeah? Well, uh, we're going... to... F**K YOUR FACE!
FRIEZA: Ohoho, my! Twelve.
"I'm surprised that's only at twelve," Laxus said.
"I'm sure there are some things he's never heard before," Mira added.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR:(growls in anger)
FRIEZA: Zarbon, give the command.
ZARBON: Dodoria, give the command.
DODORIA: Get 'em.
(Frieza's soldiers begin charging at the Namekian warriors. The Namekian warriors seem to have the upper hand as they take down some of Frieza's soldiers one by one.)
"They seem to be winning," Wendy smiled.
"They're fighting grunts, not the actual commanders," Gajeel said, making the young Dragon Slayer frown.
GOHAN: Krillin, we have to help them!
"While I love that heart of yours, that idea will get you killed," Mira frowned at Gohan's eagerness.
KRILLIN: Gohan, we need to stick to the plan. Quack!
GOHAN: What plan? You just keep quacking over and over.
KRILLIN: And we're still alive!
"It has been working, weirdly enough," Romeo said.
(The Namekians warriors continue to fight off Frieza's men)
ZARBON: Sir, they seem to be stronger than we thought.
FRIEZA: Oh, how cute. They can hide their little power levels.
(explosion occurs with the scream of an unlucky soldier)
DODORIA: Kinda killing our guys.
FRIEZA: Oh, we have more of those things back at the ship. It's not like we're losing anything valuable.
"He pisses me off," Natsu's fist is smoking dangerously.
(Mouri destroy Dodoria's scouter along with a scouter lying on the ground and a scouter from a dead soldier)
"Good idea, so that they can't detect others," Freed congratulated.
FRIEZA:(closes his eyes and groans)
MOURI: Hah! Now you can no longer find our villages!
FRIEZA: Dodoria. Kill them.
DODORIA: 'Kay.
"This won't be pretty," Lucy hugged Happy.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: Come on, bring it! There's three of us, and one of you!
DODORIA: Man, you must suck at math even worse than me.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: What do you mean?
DODORIA: There's only TWO of you.
NAMEKIAN WARRIOR: That's not right...(gets impaled by Dodoria)Gaaaaaah!
"HOLY sh*t!" Everyone jumped back at the sudden gore.
(scene shifts to Capsule Corporation with Goku arriving and jumping off Nimbus)
MRS. BRIEFS:(throws a watering can)Goku! It's been too long!
GOKU: Hi there, Mrs. Briefs!
"Bulma's mom looks nice," Gray added, unknowingly irritating Juvia.
MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, Goku, you can call me what everyone else calls me.
GOKU: What's that?
MRS. BRIEFS: MILF. I have no idea what it means, but it's just the cutest little name.
Gajeel shifts his eyes towards Levy and she quickly glares at him.
DR. BRIEFS: Well, you are quite the MILF, honey. Now what are you doing out of the kitchen?
MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, my mistake!
DR. BRIEFS: Remember what I told you, sweetie:
DR. and MRS. BRIEFS: Wives are for kissing, not talking!(both of them start laughing while Goku looks absentmindedly)
"I'm sorry...what?" Evergreen questioned, baffled.
MRS. BRIEFS: Have fun, you two!
GOKU:(entering the spaceship)Wow. Is this the ship?
DR. BRIEFS: Well, Bulma told me to start on it while you were in the hospital. In case anything went wrong.
GOKU: Krillin?
DR. BRIEFS: Krillin. The good thing is it's almost all done.
"Everyone just expects Krillin to get killed," Wendy complained.
GOKU: Wow! This is just the best day ever!
(Scene shifts to Planet Namek with Dodoria headbutting a Namekian warrior into a cliff, killing him. Mouri looks in horror at his fallen comrade.)
"I wouldn't say this is the best day ever," Happy's ears flop down.
DODORIA: Whoops. Looks like I miscounted. I must be having an off day.
FRIEZA: Bravo, Dodoria.(to Mouri)Now, seeing as we have no one left to threaten you with...(notices Dende and Cargo)Oh, wait. What are those adorable little things over there?
"He wouldn't," Erza's glare increased ten fold.
MOURI: You wouldn't...
FRIEZA: They're just so cute, though. I could just pinch their little heads off. Are you going to make me do that? Because at this point I could go both ways.
ZARBON: As could I, Lord Frieza.
"I could go for some of Gray right now," Juvia whispered to herself.
MOURI:(handing Frieza the Dragon Ball)Fine. Here. Take the ball. And leave us be.
KRILLIN:(one of Frieza's henchmen is seen taking the Dragon Ball)See, Gohan? He's handing over the Dragon Ball. Now no one else has to die.
"You opened your mouth Krillin," Carla groaned.
FRIEZA: Oh, just one more question. Could you point us in the direction of the next village? You seem to have destroyed our scouters.
MOURI: That wasn't part of our deal!
"He was never gonna keep it," Lisanna said, angrily.
"The unmanliest of all," Elfman growled.
FRIEZA: And five hundred!(Dende and Cargo start to run away)Dodoria, show them what they've won!
(Dodoria fires a mouth blast at Cargo, killing him. Mouri, Krillin, and Gohan are all horrified at what they had just witnessed.)
"That bastard!" Everyone said at the same time. Watching a child get murdered was never a pleasant thing to watch.
GOHAN: Krillin, he's killing them!
KRILLIN: Happy thoughts, Gohan! Happy thoughts!
"I'm having some very unhappy thoughts right now," Gajeel said.
MOURI: You... You killed my son!
DODORIA: Yeah, sorry about that. How 'bout I do you a favor?(disappears)
MOURI: Huh?(Dodoria appears behind Mouri and murders him by snapping his neck)
DODORIA: There. Now you won't miss him.
The temperature in the guild increases as Natsu's anger grows.
(Gohan is starting to become angry)
FRIEZA: Oh, and while you're at it, could you deal with the rest?
(Dende turns around and starts to run away, but Dodoria easily cuts off his escape. Gohan is seen trying to control his anger)
"They're both gonna snap," Cana says, observing both Gohan and Natsu.
DODORIA: I really do love kids. They don't leave much of a mess.
KRILLIN:(trying to calm Gohan down)Breathe, Gohan. You're a leaf... A leaf in a calm stream...
GOHAN:(pissed)F**K THE STREAM!(leaps from the cliff)
"KICK HIS ASS!" Natsu roared.
DODORIA: The hell was…
(Gohan kicks Dodoria in the face, sending him flying into a Namekian house)
DODORIA: Did I just get hit by a bowl cut?
(Krillin kicks Dodoria in the face and grabs Dende)
KRILLIN: Quack!(both him and Gohan fly away)
"I wanted them to stay and fight," Natsu whined. Lucy rubbed his head to calm him.
"They were outnumbered and outpowered, running away with the kid was the best option," She explained to him. He understood, but that didn't mean he had to like it.
FRIEZA: Zarbon... What the hell was that?
ZARBON: I believe that was the space duck, sir.
"In all of its majestic glory," Freed sang.
(scene shifts to planet Earth with an outside view of a Capsule Corp. spaceship)
GOKU:(walking around inside the ship)This ship is awesome! Now, where's that button that makes blueberry muffins?
"Why would that exist?" Carla wondered.
DR. BRIEFS: There is no button like that. I never even considered that.
GOKU: Are you sure? It'd be really nice to wake up in the morning, push a button, and have muffins. That'd be great. Wink. Wink.
"It would be pretty nice," Lisanna said.
"I could make some muffins as a snack after this," Mira said, making everyone happier after that last scene.
DR. BRIEFS: Dammit, there is no muffin button!
GOKU: Darn. So, is it ready to take off then, Dr. Briefs?
DR. BRIEFS: Goodness no! I still have to install the cappuccino machine!
"That is also unnecessary," Carla huffed.
GOKU: But... But I don't even drink coffee!
DR. BRIEFS: It's not coffee, Goku, it's cappuccino. Now stay here; I need to grab the parts from my shop. Make sure not to touch anything, like the gravity controls. Or the Start button. The Start button. Don't touch... the Start button. Now I'll be right back.(leaves the ship)
"He's gonna press the button," Gray said.
GOKU: Okey Dokey.(after a short pause)I wonder if this is the button.(pushes the Start button, causing the ship to takeoff into space)WHEEEEEEEEE!
"Welp, at least he's going to Namek," Gray sweatdropped.
DR. BRIEFS: No! Goku! He's blasted himself off into space! What has science dooone?! Sweetie, I do not see a sandwich with that beer.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to outer space with Goku's spaceship flying towards the sun)
GOKU:(from inside the spaceship)Mmmm, those muffins smell like they're almost done!
"I should get started on those muffins," Mira said, getting out of her seat.
Chapter End
Chapter 21: Operation Dodoria Drop
Chapter Text
Chapter 24: Operation Dodoria Drop
(scene shifts to inside the spaceship with Dr. Briefs appearing in a small screen)
DR. BRIEFS: Goku!
GOKU: Hi, Dr. Briefs.
DR. BRIEFS: Goku! What have you done? You've blasted off into space! You're incredibly lucky I already set the coordinates for Namek, but you...(notices Goku holding a muffin)you... Where did you get that muffin?
GOKU: Muffin button.
"It exists!?" Lisanna cheered happily, munching on her own muffin.
DR. BRIEFS: But... I... never installed a muffin button...
GOKU: Then where did I get this muffin...?
"I don't know, but can I get more?" Natsu turned and asked Mira. The Take-Over Mage handed him a plate full of muffins.
DR. BRIEFS: Listen very close, Goku. Whatever you do, don't fool with the gravity controls. It goes up to one hundred times Earth's normal gravity.
"Why would you have that installed?" Lucy wondered.
"Probably because space has no gravity, so the ship needs gravity inside," Levy explained.
GOKU: So what you're saying is... if I turn up the gravity, then I can get stronger!
"I never thought of that as a possibility," Erza pondered.
"It could kill you," Levy added with a sweatdrop.
DR. BRIEFS: No! What I'm saying is it will crush your bones! The detrimental effects could be catastrophic! You may never walk again!
"That would be an issue if Goku was a normal human," Gray said.
GOKU: Bored now. Gotta train. Bye-bye!
DR. BRIEFS: Goku, wai-!
(Goku pushes a button to turn off the TV)
GOKU: ...I like his mustache.
"I do too," Happy bit into his muffin.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to Dodoria rubbing his face from Krillin's surprise attack from last episode)
DODORIA:(groans as he gets up)
ZARBON: Are you all right over there?
DODORIA: Yeah. Little bastards just hit me outta nowhere.
ZARBON: Oh, trust me, I know what it's like to take a hard one to the face.
"And they keep on coming," Evergreen sighed.
"I want Gray's hard one to my face," Juvia sighed, dreamily.
FRIEZA: Good to see you're still conscious, Dodoria. Oh, and just so you know, it's not a big deal or anything, you might want to get right onto this one, but THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!
DODORIA:(flies after Gohan and Krillin)RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
(scene shifts to Gohan and Krillin, the latter holding Dende, flying through the sky)
KRILLIN: Not gonna lie, Gohan, not your brightest move.
"He couldn't let the kid die," Natsu argued back.
"And now they have a giant target marked on their backs," Carla said.
GOHAN: Oh come on, Krillin, we have a two mile lead on him. Factoring in our speed and velocity and his mass, there's no way he should be able to catch up…
"I'd agree with him, but knowing how good their luck is," Levy's face showed no confidence.
(Dodoria shoots a blast at them)
KRILLIN: Well, look who's wrong!
GOHAN: There's always room for error!
"Don't feel bad about it," Mira defended.
"They're about to get killed, he should feel bad," Laxus spoke until Mira's terrifying smile was aimed at him.
(Gohan and Krillin dodge all of Dodoria's blasts before he fires another blast that grazes Krillin, making him drop Dende)
KRILLIN:(thinking while diving after Dende)Oh dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, damm-
"Grab him Krillin!" The guild panicked.
DODORIA:(grabs Krillin's ankle)Oh no you don't!
(scene shifts to Frieza and Zarbon in a deserted Namekian village)
ZARBON: How do you think Dodoria's doing up there?
FRIEZA: We're talking about one of my finest soldiers. There's no way that they'll escape Dodoria's grasp…
"If he's one of your finest soldiers then I actually feel bad for your army," Gajeel mocked.
(scene shifts back to battle with Krillin headbutting Dodoria to break free of his grasp)
DODORIA: God dammit!
"Let's go Krillin!" The guild cheered.
(scene shifts back to Frieza and Zarbon)
ZARBON: But what if they have any tricks up their sleeves?
FRIEZA: Come now, Zarbon. We both know Dodoria would never let them out of sight...
(scene shifts back to the battle with Krillin preparing to a Solar Flare)
KRILLIN: Solar Flare!(blinds Dodoria with an image of Frieza taking a shower being briefly seen)
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone covered their eyes in horror.
DODORIA:(covering his eyes)Goddammit!
ZARBON: Still, sir, we have to remember that Vegeta is on the planet.
FRIEZA: Oh, please. Like Vegeta could even lay a hand on Dodoria.
(scene shifts to Dodoria flying in the sky before getting attacked and knocked out of the sky, flying straight into the water)
DODORIA: GOD DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
"Frieza's overestimating his soldiers," Lily sweatdropped.
"I'm actually surprised he has so much faith in them," Lucy said.
(Dodoria falls into the water and comes up gasping for breath, confronted by none other than...)
VEGETA: 'Sup, bubblegum?
DODORIA: Vegeta! You got some serious balls to get the drop on me.
VEGETA: Funny you should mention that. I just happen to be looking for a set.
"He's talking about the Dragonballs right?" Gray asked.
DODORIA: Well, look at you, Veggie. All grown up and out on your own. Trying to move up in the world.
VEGETA: And look at you. Packing away more bacon than Hormel.
"I was expecting the fat jokes," Gajeel laughed.
DODORIA: Very funny. But you won't be laughing when Frieza finds your scrawny ass. So how 'bout I make you a deal? You hand over that pretty red scouter, and maybe I won't point Frieza in the right direction.
"Wrong thing to say," Romeo said.
"It would be better for Dodoria to just give up," Wendy said.
VEGETA:(holds his scouter in his hand)Oh. You mean this scouter?
DODORIA: That's right.
VEGETA: Well, I'd be inclined to give it to you, but, you see, there's a problem with it.
DODORIA: And what would that be?
(Vegeta crushes the scouter with his foot)
VEGETA: It's broken.
"Vegeta's smartassness is growing on me," Gajeel smirked.
DODORIA: Blagh! You fool! Now you're as blind as the rest of us.
VEGETA: Not quite. See, while I was on Earth, I learned a new trick. I can sense energy.
"How hard do you have to get your ass kicked to learn that?" Bickslow wondered.
DODORIA: How the hell'd you do that?
VEGETA: Uuhna.
"Either Saiyan power boost or plot convenience," Levy summed up.
DODORIA: Wait a minute! I get it now! Those little bastards I was chasing were Earthlings! You sent them to lure me away from Frieza!
VEGETA: I'm sorry, but at this point, all I hear is, "Hit me Vegeta! Please kill me! God, this armor makes me look fat!"
"I hear the same thing whenever Salamander speaks," Gajeel smirked.
"SHUT UP YOU CRAPPY SINGER!" Natsu roared. The two dragon slayers fought until Erza intervened.
DODORIA: THAT'S IT!
(Dodoria begins firing a couple of blasts in Vegeta's direction)
DODORIA: MOUTHY! LITTLE! PRICK!
VEGETA:(appears behind Dodoria unharmed)Where ya aimin', dugong?
DODORIA: Uggghhh!(swings a punch at Vegeta, who effortlessly catches his arm)
"At least someone is having fun," Lisanna said.
"Too bad it's the evil saiyan," Lucy finished.
VEGETA:(jumps as Dodoria tries to spin kick him)Upsy-daisy!(grabs Dodoria's other and pulls both of them behind his back)
DODORIA: Aaaaaah!
VEGETA: Any last words, before I take you apart like a pink potato head?
DODORIA: W-Wait! I can tell you what really happened to your planet!
"Frieza blew it up?" Levy spoke.
VEGETA: You mean that Frieza blew it up?
Everyone turned to Levy confused. The Solid-Script mage resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
"It was pretty obvious when you really think about it," She told them, taking a bite out of her muffin.
DODORIA: No, thatFriezablewitup...! What?
VEGETA: Really should have told Frieza to keep off the Twitter.
(shows a shot of Frieza's SpaceTwitter page)
"Wow," Was the single thought going through everyone's head.
(Vegeta begins tightening his grip on Dodoria)
DODORIA: Please. Don't kill me. I beg ya. Don't kill me-e-e.
"The villains always beg," Laxus said, unimpressed.
VEGETA: Look at you, Dodoria. You were always so damn proud. And now here you are, crying like a woman!
DODORIA: I AM a woman!
The entire audience paused, trying to process the new bit of information.
"I-I'm sorry...What?" Carla stuttered out.
VEGETA: Wh- What?
DODORIA: I said I AM a woman.
"I-I don't...huh?" Lucy spoke, baffled.
VEGETA: WHAT?!
(scene shifts to Gohan and Krillin, who is once again holding Dende, in the sky after escaping from Dodoria)
KRILLIN: Well, good thing I was there to get us out of that one.
GOHAN: Well, yeah, but... Why didn't you use your Kienzan?
KRILLIN: Hey, look, I even saved this thing! Can you fly, little guy?
"Way to change the subject Krillin," Said the recovering Freed.
DENDE: My name is Dende.(starts flying in the air)And yes, we all learned when we are children.
GOHAN: You know, you should probably stick with us.
DENDE: Considering it is either that, or going back to meet the same fate as my brother and father... I am weighing my options…
"He'd actually rather choose death," Juvia said, confused.
"Considering the group he's stuck with, I don't blame him," Bickslow said.
KRILLIN: I like you! I'm gonna call you Little Green!
DENDE: My name is Dende.
"Not anymore," Natsu grinned.
KRILLIN: Come on, Little Green, let's go introduce you to Bulma.(everyone starts to fly away)
(scene shifts back to Vegeta, with darkened eyes, listening to Dodoria's speech)
DODORIA: ...And that's why I was considered the most beautiful—and fertile—woman on my home planet. Before Frieza blew it up.
VEGETA: He tends to do that. Also, huuuugh.
"I'm so glad we didn't hear that story," Macao wiped his forehead. Everyone blanched at the thought.
DODORIA: So now you know the truth, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Yes, I do. And now I'm going to start repressing the truth! And the first step is killing you.
"I do not blame him at all," Gajeel said, sounding relieved.
DODORIA: W-w-wait! You and I, w-we could team up against Frieza! Rule the universe as husband and wife.
"Wrong thing to say," Gray almost threw up.
"Kill her," Laxus demanded.
VEGETA: Repressing in 5...(Dodoria is seen being panicked)4... 3...(Dodoria begins to flee)2... 1...(fires an energy wave at Dodoria, obliterating "her")Aaaand repressed.
"The universe is finally balanced," Laxus sighed.
(scene shifts to Gohan, Krillin, and Dende arriving at the cave where Bulma is hiding)
GOHAN: Krillin, that's the cave!
KRILLIN: Hey, Bulma. You clean up in there? We have guests.
(a roaring sound is heard from inside the cave)
"I'm worried," Wendy said, nervously.
DENDE: I do not think I want to go in there.
KRILLIN: Ah, don't worry... That's just Bulma.
DENDE: I do not know what this "Bulma" is, but it sounds needy.
"That's just all women," Macao and Wakaba said. Both getting hit in the head by Cana's liquor bottles.
(the trio are seen in front of a capsule house)
KRILLIN: Hey, Bulma, open up!
(Bulma opens the door)
BULMA: Hm? Well, if it isn't Mr. Super Soaker himself. What happened? Got tired of abandoning me and found something else to abandon?
"Trust me, we all wish we could abandon you," Laxus said.
KRILLIN:(as Dende is seen hiding behind a rock)Bulma! You're scaring Little Green.
DENDE: I am still weighing my options.
"Good kid," Gajeel complimented.
BULMA: Oh, by the way, my dad called earlier. He says Goku's on his way here.
KRILLIN: WOOHOO!
BULMA: Aaand he'll be here in six days.
"That's not good," Mira said.
KRILLIN: WOOHOO- awww... Well, good thing I took out that life insurance policy.
DENDE: Mr. Gohan? Those things on that person's chest.(referring to Bulma's boobs)What are they?
"That's right, they don't have women," Lucy remembered.
GOHAN: Oh, on Bulma? Those are breasts.
DENDE: They look lovely. I wish to nestle between them.
"He doesn't even have male genitalia and he's horny," Lucy sighed.
KRILLIN: ...You are just adorable.
(Scene shifts to an outside view of Frieza's ship. Frieza is seen inside on the Space Skype talking to Captain Ginyu.)
FRIEZA: Oh, no, no, Ginyu. We won't need any assistance. We have this all under control.
"No you don't," Laxus countered.
ZARBON:(from the other side of a door)Lord Frieza, I wish to enter.
FRIEZA: Oh, pardon me. I have to take this. Ta-ta!(shuts down Space Skype and descents to the ground)What is it, Zarbon?
ZARBON: Well, sir, the scout has reported back.
FRIEZA: Good. So Dodoria has eliminated those pests, then?
"It's the other way around really," Makarov said.
ZARBON: Well... that's just it... It turns out... "she's" dead.
FRIEZA: ...The f**k?!
"All of our reactions," Bickslow nodded his head.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(scene shifts to outer space with Goku's ship flying through an asteroid field)
GOKU: Now, before I start training... I need the right music to train to. Let's see here.(pushes a button)
(Paul Stanley's "Live to Win" plays)(Goku pushes the button again)
"Nah," The kids replied.
(Bill Conti's "Gonna Fly Now" plays)(Goku pushes the button again)
"Something different," The kids said.
(Stan Bush "Never Surrender" plays)(Goku pushes the button again)
"Good, but not it," The kids nodded their heads.
(Team America's "Montage" plays)(Goku pushes the button again)
"Change," The kids replied immediately.
(Lazy Town's "Cooking By the Book" plays)
The kids all bob their heads to the music.
GOKU: Yaaay!
(spaceship is seen flying off into the cosmos)
Chapter End
Chapter 22: Van Qan Namek
Chapter Text
Chapter 25: Van Qan Namek
(scene shows a Namekian village with a large group of villager outside)
NAMEKIAN VILLAGER #1: And that's the story of the great drought.(children laugh)
(Vegeta is seen landing in the middle of the village)
"I'm not gonna like this," Wendy shook her head.
"Don't think any of us are," Carla told her.
NAMEKIAN VILLAGER #2: Hey look, a visitor!
NAMEKIAN VILLAGER #3: Oh, boy! We love visitors!
NAMEKIAN ELDER: Now, now, don't crowd the young man. Why, hello, good fellow! Welcome to our fine village! You look like you're not from around here. You have to be careful; word through the grapevine has it that some unruly characters have been going around and attacking our villages. By the way, would you like to see our Dragon Ball? It's our prized possession; sacred on this planet. So, what brings you to our village?
"Why would you say ANY of that to a stranger!?" Evergreen was baffled.
"Namekians might be TOO trusting," Freed sweatdropped.
(Vegeta is seen smirking)
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to Vegeta walking away from a destroyed village, showing many deceased Namekians on the ground and the sound of a fire burning off-screen along with the voice of a Namekian screaming in pain)
"I really almost forgot he was evil for a second," Levy shook her own head. The guild glared at Vegeta's actions.
VEGETA: Life sure has a way of working itself out. I find Cui, I kill Cui. I find Dodoria, I kill Dodoria. I find this Dragon Ball,(throws the Dragon Ball into a lake)I take this Dragon Ball. Let's see what else I can find...(leaves the destroyed Namekian village)
"He might find Krillin," Lisanna said.
"And that would mean he finds Gohan," Mira frowned.
(scene shifts to Krillin)
KRILLIN: Sweet crap! Did you feel that Gohan?!
GOHAN: Uh yeah, but... maybe we shouldn't-
KRILLIN: Man, Vegeta just ended that village!
"Just shut up Krillin," Lucy clenched her teeth.
GOHAN: Krillin, seriously, you-
KRILLIN: I didn't think he needed to kill them either; they didn't even put up a fight.
"You're not helping," Erza stressed.
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What? I-(looks behind himself and notices Dende who is completely shocked)Oh, cripes. Um... Hey, listen. They may be dead now, but they've all gone to a better place... Heaven. Where everyone has their own little house, and everything is wonderful, and we all get along and there's puppies and kitties and-
"Somebody shut his mouth permanently," Laxus growled.
DENDE: This sounds totally asinine.
KRILLIN: It totally is…
"Glad they saw the bullsh*t," Gray mumbled.
GOHAN: Hey guys, I think I might have an idea. Frieza and Vegeta need all seven Dragon Balls, right? So what if we just found one and hid it away? Then neither of them could make their wish.
"The 5-year old again proves why he's the smartest," Mira smiled.
KRILLIN: Hey, good idea! But we also need someone who can help us out. Little Green...
DENDE: Dende.
"Little Green," Natsu corrected.
KRILLIN: ...do you know anyone on this planet who might be able to do that?
DENDE: I know of one... person. He is called the leader of our people; the eldest Namek. It is said long ago when our planet faced a great drought, he led our people through the peril. It is said that it was terrifying.
GOHAN: The drought?
DENDE: No…
"I'm suddenly terrified again," Lucy shivered.
KRILLIN: Well Gohan, looks like this is our only choice. Stay here and protect Bulma.
BULMA: Oh, now you care.
"Yup, definitely needy," Macao whispered to his long time friend.
KRILLIN: I'm gonna follow Little Green to meet this eldest Namek guy. He sounds like he's our last hope.(flies away with Dende)
DENDE: Please do not make jokes.
"Who in the series hasn't made a joke of some kind?" Carla rolled her eyes.
"Pretty sure Tien hasn't," Romeo said.
(scene shifts to Zarbon flying through the sky)
ZARBON: Frieza seems increasingly frustrated... I'd best find Vegeta quickly…
FRIEZA: You know, Zarbon, I'm starting to think my people don't understand what I pay them for.
"You pay them?" Levy raised an eyebrow.
ZARBON: You don't pay us.
"Thought so," Levy leaned back in her seat.
FRIEZA:(stammers quickly)Allow them tolivefor. I mean, first we lose... what was his name?
ZARBON: Kiwi?
"Cui," Freed corrected.
"Why do you care?" Bickslow asked.
"Just accuracy," He replied.
FRIEZA: Eh, Kiwi. Then we lose all of our scouters, and now Dodoria's dead? I'm sorry, but if this sh*t goes any further south, we're going to hit Space Mexico.
"You mean, you aren't already there?" Gajeel asked.
ZARBON: What would you want me to do, Lord Frieza?
FRIEZA: What I want you to do is pull up your frilly stockings, tighten your thong, and stop being such a…
"That's a thong?" Evergreen asked, confused.
"Alien thongs are weird," Lucy mumbled.
(flashback ends abruptly)
VEGETA:(rushes at Zarbon)PANSY!
ZARBON: Wha-?(both he and Vegeta collide in midair)Vegeta, how dare you ram into me while I'm thinking about Lord Frieza and my thong!
VEGETA: Yeah, just going to ignore that one entirely.
"Should do that more often," Gajeel said.
ZARBON: But it is a good thing I found you, Vegeta. Now are you going to come quietly, or do I have to make you scream?
VEGETA: Oh, you mean like Dodoria?
ZARBON: Oh please, never send a woman to do a man's job.
"Again with these," Erza said annoyed.
(Vegeta disappears and reappears behind Zarbon. Zarbon tries to throw a punch at Vegeta, but he easily blocks it by gripping his hand and tosses Zarbon into the sky. Before Zarbon can retaliate, Vegeta appears above him and sends him down to the ground with a kick. Zarbon manages to recover from the attack and notices that Vegeta is gone.)
"Just how much of a boost do Saiyans get?" Levy pondered.
"Has to be one giant leap in power," Freed added.
ZARBON: Where is he?
(Vegeta is seen behind Zarbon and kicks him away. Zarbon is heard groaning as he is sent across the ground)
VEGETA: Facedown with another man beating your ass! Is it Wednesday already, Zarbon?
"I don't get it," Both Wendy and Romeo said.
"Don't worry about it," Carla and Macao quickly covered. The adults who understood the joke laughed.
ZARBON: Very cute, Vegeta. But you have no idea what you're getting into.
VEGETA: Ha! You have got to be kidding me! I may have lost to those fools on Earth, but since I got here, I've done nothing but slaughter you cretins! First Cui, then Dodoria. I'm two for three, and I'm back on top.
"And he just sealed it," Gajeel said, leaving the others confused.
ZARBON: Well, Vegeta, I hope you've enjoyed being on top because I'm about to put you back on the bottom; where you belong. You see, I've been hiding another side of myself...
VEGETA: Where, in the closet?
"I'll give him that one," Wakaba said.
ZARBON: Now prepare yourself...for the beast within! I should warn you though; this form is entirely different from me in every way.
(Zarbon transforms into his Monstrous form)
MONSTROUS ZARBON: IMMA RAPE YA, BITCH!
Everyone recoiled from Zarbon's ugly ass form.
"That is one ugly ass son of a bitch," Gajeel gagged.
VEGETA: To be perfectly honest, you're not that different. You're just a lot less SUBTLEABOUTIT-(Monstrous Zarbon rushes Vegeta, with a train horn sound effect)OH, MY GOD!
(Monstrous Zarbon easily dominates against Vegeta and proceeds to headbutt him multiple times)
"HOLY sh*t!" Everyone screamed.
VEGETA:(while getting headbutted multiple times)POIT! Zort-! Apples…
(scene shifts to Krillin, while holding Dende, flying in the sky)
KRILLIN: Huh. Hey, Little Green, do you believe in Karma?
"He is unaware of what is currently happening, but I have never agreed with Krillin more than right now," Gray said.
DENDE: What is that?
KRILLIN: Well, you see, Karma is where if you do something good...
(shows a shot of Monstrous Zarbon kicking Vegeta in the stomach)
Everyone winced in pain.
VEGETA: OURGH!
KRILLIN: ...something good happens to you. And if you do something bad...
(shows a shot of Monstrous Zarbon knocking Vegeta down from the sky)
VEGETA: GAAAH!
KRILLIN: ...something bad happens to you.
DENDE: So, if I am good enough, then I can have my family back?
KRILLIN: ...Are you still on about that?
"And why wouldn't he be?" Lucy looked offended.
(scene shifts to Monstrous Zarbon holding Vegeta while plummeting towards the ground)
VEGETA: No! No! No! No! No!(Zarbon tosses Vegeta while in midair)NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Vegeta hits the ground, creating a massive explosion forming a huge crater that gets filled with water)
"As painful as that looked, he completely deserved it," Gajeel said. Nobody in the audience disagreed with the Dragon Slayer.
MONSTROUS ZARBON: And that's the end of that.
(Monstrous Zarbon transforms back to his normal, beautiful form)
ZARBON: I'd best hurry back to Lord Frieza. If I take too long, he'llreallylay into me.(flies away back to Frieza's ship)
(a battle-damaged Vegeta is seen emerging from the water, barely surviving Zarbon's attack)
VEGETA:(while gasping for breath)Why did I explode?
"For dramatic effect?" Lisanna offered.
(scene shifts to Krillin and Dende arriving at Guru's house)
DENDE: That is it up ahead.
KRILLIN: So that's where yours lives, huh? On Earth our old Namek lives in a floating castle.
DENDE: You have one as well?
"He died though," Wendy frowned remembering Kami's death.
KRILLIN: Well, he died, but yeah.(both Dende and Krillin descend in front of Guru's house)
DENDE: This does not bode well.
NAIL:(in Namekian/Klingon)Dende... ...What have you brought to Guru's house?
DENDE:(in Namekian/Klingon)Foreigners. They claim they are here to help. Personally, I think we are boned.
"He's smart," Carla appreciated.
KRILLIN: You have such a beautiful language.
NAIL:(in Namekian/Klingon)Ah, seems we must speak the universal language...(in English)English.
KRILLIN: Aww, so you made a friend, Little Green? Ooh, I know, I'm gonna call you "Big Green"!
"YES!" Natsu cheered.
NAIL: Call me that again and I'll snap your neck.
Natsu shimmered down a bit.
KRILLIN: ...With that attitude, I don't think you should be friends with him, Little Green.
NAIL: Listen, I don't care where you come from or who you are, I will not put up with such disrespe-
GURU:(from inside his house)BIG GREEEEN! Get in here…
Natsu's grin returned full force.
NAIL:(irritated)Oh...(groans)goddammit... What is it, Lord Guru?
GURU: I have a bitch of an itch on my left ass chee-(notices Krillin)Nail, there is an albino Namekian standing behind you. Kill it like the rest.
KRILLIN: Uh, actually, sir, I'm from Earth.
GURU: ...Kill it like the rest.
"I think I'm gonna like this guy," Gajeel laughed.
KRILLIN: Uhhh...
NAIL: Ehh, actually sir, I think he has business here about those people attacking our planet.
KRILLIN: Yeah. We came here looking for help. And I see you have a Dragon Ball up there. Well, we're going to make sure that they don't steal it!
GURU: And how is that?
"By guarding it," Wendy smiled.
"Or stealing it," Romeo inputs.
KRILLIN: I'm gonna take it!
NAIL: Learn your place, Earthling! You have some nerve demanding a Dragon Ball from-
GURU:(hands Krillin the Dragon Ball)Here, take it.
NAIL: I... What?
"I don't think Guru gives a sh*t," Gray said.
GURU: Just don't steal the TV.
NAIL: Sir, we, uhh, we don't have a television.
GURU: Nail... gather the rest of the Dragon Balls and wish for a plasma TV.
"Even more pointless than the melting ice wish," Erza frowned.
NAIL: Lord Guru, that would be a grievous misuse of their powers.
GURU: I'm about to misuse my hand upside your heaaaaaad!
KRILLIN: So... I can just take this and go?
"You should've already left," Gray advised.
GURU: Wait. There is something I must first do.
NAIL: You don't mean...
GURU: Yes. I see something within this young man… strength yet untapped… power yet unleashed… Now hold still as I unleash the valley of strength hidden deep withiiiiin!(unlocks Krillin's hidden potential)There. I have unlocked your potential.
The word mages scribbled.
KRILLIN: I don't feel that different...
GURU: It wasn't that much.
KRILLIN: Huh. So this is my full potential?
GURU: Yes.
KRILLIN: So... then it's...
GURU: All downhill from here.
KRILLIN: Like Yamcha...
"I don't think I could continue living if someone said those words to me," Gajeel said.
"Nobody should ever be a Yamcha," Natsu agreed.
GURU: I do not know what this "Yamcha" is, but it sounds disappointing.
"It's a universally accepted fact," Gray said.
KRILLIN: Well, I better get this Dragon Ball back to Gohan. Once we find them all, we can wish back our old Namekian!
"Yeah Kami!" Natsu and Wendy cheered.
GURU: Wait. You said that you were from Earth, correct?
KRILLIN: Yeah.
GURU: So, the son of Katas has passed. Unfortunate.
"He's actually sad," Lisanna widened her eyes a bit.
KRILLIN: We just called him Kami.
GURU: Oh, so he calls himself God. Pretentious prick.
"Ok well, he switched sides fast," Gray said.
GURU: Nail.
NAIL: What.
GURU: I shall henceforth be known as: Super Kami.
NAIL: Yes, Super Kami.
GURU: No wait- Super Kami Guru.
"That's gonna be a running gag, I can feel it," Levy groaned.
NAIL: Can I just call you Guru for short?
GURU: Super Kami Guru allows this.
"Well, not that long of a gag," Levy corrected.
KRILLIN: Well, I'd better hurry up. See you later, Little Green! And thanks for the Dragon Ball!(leaves Guru's house and flies back to Gohan)
GURU: Nail... Prepare to retrieve the Dragon Ball... and the body.
"He has no faith," Lily shook his head.
"I mean...would you?" Carla asked him.
"Not really," Lily answered back.
(scene shifts to Frieza's ship with Zarbon entering Frieza's room)
ZARBON: Lord Frieza, the dirty deed has been done.
FRIEZA: Ah, very good. It's nice to see there's still somebody I can rely on.
ZARBON: Oh, he barely put up a fight after I transformed. Now that he's dead we have very little left to worry about.
"He made a mistake," Laxus brought up.
"What do you mean Laxus?" Freed asked.
"If he killed Vegeta(Which I doubt) then they have no way of knowing where that Dragonball is," Laxus explained.
FRIEZA:(opens his mouth)Zarbon, about an hour ago, a scout informed me that an entire village was completely destroyed. Do you possibly know who could have done that?
"Prince Asshole," Evergreen said.
ZARBON: Ve- Vegeta.
FRIEZA: Aaaand, unlike all the other villages we visited so far, there was no Dragon Ball there. Do you know who could have possibly taken it?
"The Widows Peak Prince," Lucy said.
ZARBON: Vegeta.
FRIEZA: Veeeery good! Now, use your brain for this one, Zarbon. If somebody were to know where that Dragon Ball was, who would it be?
"The Last Prince," Erza said.
ZARBON: Vegeta-
FRIEZA: Vegeta, yes. And you said you... killed him?
"Yup, he's pissed," Bickslow laughed.
ZARBON: Wait, sir! It is possible I just left him unconscious!
FRIEZA: Oh, good. And where did you leave him?
ZARBON: ...At the bottom of a lake...
FRIEZA: ...Minion forty-three, would you come in here for a second? I need an example.
NAMOLE: Private Namole reporting. An example of what, Lord Friez-(gets blown into atoms)AAAAAAAHHHAAAH!
"I didn't like that example," Wendy shivered.
FRIEZA: You see that, Zarbon? That'syouif Vegeta is not in front of me in the nextten minutes.
ZARBON: Uh...uuuhhh...!
FREEZA: Bye.
ZARBON:(flies out of Frieza's ship)AAAAAAAHHHH!
"Do not wanna work for that guy," Macao shivered.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
(scene shifts to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: I have to say I'm very impressed. All of you have been making great strides in your training since you arrived on my planet. Except for Yamcha.
YAMCHA: What the hell?! But I waxed off everything! I waxed off your car, I waxed off your house, I even waxed off your monkey!
"He has fur, is that ok?" Wendy asked.
"I'm sure he's fine," Mira reassured.
PICCOLO: Okay, I just started paying attention,what?
"Are they actually even training?" Erza wondered.
"I'm pretty sure King Kai gave up after Goku," Levy responded.
YAMCHA: Seriously, when are we going to learn the Kayo-ken?
KING KAI: ...What?
YAMCHA: The Kayo-ken, King Kai!
"He's pronouncing it wrong," Natsu shook his head.
"I don't wanna hear that from you," Lucy grabbed his ear.
KING KAI: "Kai"... o-ken.
YAMCHA: What?
KING KAI: KAIO-KEN! It's in my f**king name! Like "King Kai", as in "Kaio-sama"! That is it! None of you are learning any of my techniques! Neither the Kaio-ken nor the Genki Dama!
TIEN: ...Freaking weeaboo...
"Agreed," Natsu said.
Chapter End
Chapter 23: A Lovely Bunch of Dragon Balls
Chapter Text
Chapter 26: A Lovely Bunch of Dragon Balls
(cuts to a darkened sky with Vegeta somehow acquiring all seven DragonBalls and summoning Shenron)
NARRATOR:Last time on DragonBall Z Abridged...
VEGETA: Finally! I've gathered all seven Dragon Balls!
"HOW!?"
"This doesn't seem correct at all," Levy placed a finger on her chin.
SHENRON: State your wish.
VEGETA: Dragon! Grant me immortality!
"NO!"
SHENRON: Your wish is granted.(eyes start glowing red)
VEGETA: Yes! I've done it! I'm finally the strongest in all the universe! WAH HA HA HA HA HA!
(cuts to Vegeta lying on the ground, unconscious and with Zarbon beside him checking his pulse)
"Ok, that makes more sense," Levy leaned back in her seat.
"Thought we skipped ahead for a second," Mira laughed.
"Would've been a weird ass skip," Laxus grumbled.
VEGETA:(groggily)I am unstoppable...
ZARBON: Oh, how cute, he's having a little dream.
VEGETA:(groggily while twitching his left foot)Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
"I'm wondering how many concussions he's got," Wendy asked herself.
"Not enough if you ask me," Evergreen mumbled.
ZARBON: Now let's get you back to Lord Frieza. I need to... probe you for information.
"Ugh," Lucy shivered.
(Zarbon starts flying while dragging Vegeta)
VEGETA:(groggily)My power is maximum…
Laxus' ear twitched. He didn't know why, but felt like those words would come back to haunt him.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to an outside view of Frieza's ship and then inside with Appule playing Dragon Ball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 3 while Vegeta is seen inside a healing tank)
"They have a game!?" Natsu, Happy, and Romeo shouted.
"I wanna play it!" All three of them jumped up.
APPULE:(while playing as himself and beating up Bardock)Take that, you bastard! This one's for Eachpe!
"Isn't that Goku's dad?" Gray asked.
"Yeah it is," Levy replied.
"Wait, that's his dad!?" The Thunder Legion were shocked. The man looked identical to the bumbling idiot.
ZARBON:(entering the room)Report!
APPULE:(turns off video game)Ah... I just... I'm just checking... his vitals.
"Horrible liar," Carla pointed out.
ZARBON: Is he going to make it?
APPULE: Well, it's a good thing you got him to me when you did. Even a little later and we might not have been able to save him.
"Yeah, because that would've been a tragedy," Lucy mumbled sarcastically.
ZARBON: Why isn't he naked?
APPULE: Luckily, we... what?
ZARBON: In the healing tank, I always thought you needed to be nude.
"Why is this a concern?" Evergreen asked, disgusted.
APPULE: Wha- Why would you think that?
ZARBON: You know, to... absorb all the healing juices.
"I don't think that's how it works," Freed said awkwardly.
(Appule gives Zarbon a blank stare and silence ensues)
ZARBON: Well, looks like you have everything under control here!(quickly takes his leave)
APPULE: Freaks me the f**k out…
"Not the only one," Gray side eyed Juvia, who was currently imagining Gray floating in the tank nude with her.
(a whistling sound is heard along with the sound of someone tapping a microphone)
GHOST NAPPA:Is this thing on? (tapping sound of a microphone is heard again) Is it on? (Vegeta gurgles) Okay, there we go. A-Ha-Hem! You are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you while you were unconscious. Have fun with that.
And now everyone in the audience was gagging, because they also started thinking about it.
VEGETA:(starts growling inside the healing tank)
APPULE: You know, Vegeta, I got to admit, it was pretty impressive how you went all manhunter on us. But now, you're all ours. And I can't wait to watch Zarbon break you like a glow sti…
(Vegeta awakens and the healing tank starts to light up with energy)
"This is why you don't talk sh*t," Bickslow advised.
APPULE:(in his thought while getting engulfed by the light)Here I come Eachpe!
(cuts to Frieza's throne room)
FRIEZA:(speaking to Captain Ginyu in the Space Skype)And I want you here in twenty-four hours, understood? And make sure to bring the up-to-date scouters.
CAPTAIN GINYU:Understood, Lord Frieza.
"Captain Ginyu?" Most of the guild thought.
ZARBON: Lord Frieza, I really need to use the Space Skype.
FRIEZA: Zarbon, what could possibly be so important that you need to interrupt me during my call?
ZARBON: Well, I need to call my girlfriend.
The guild did a double take.
"He has a girlfriend?" Lucy was baffled.
"I guess he's just very flamboyant," Levy added, shocked as well.
FRIEZA: Well, I...(glances over his shoulder in shock)Ginyu, I'll call you back.(disconnects Space Skype and drops back down to floor level)Come again?
ZARBON: You see, our one-year anniversary is coming up, and I want to see where she wants to go, so we can make our reservations early.
"You're gonna want to hold off on those reservations," Lily advised.
"Because you have one slippery saiyan prince to deal with," Gajeel said.
FRIEZA: Oh... and all this time I could've sworn you were... never mind.
"We all did," Macao said.
ZARBON: What? You thought I was single?
"Not even close," Gajeel laughed.
FRIEZA: Well, no, I just... I thought you were into... you know, it really doesn't matter.
ZARBON: Well it matters to me, because, frankly it sounds like you thought I was-
ORAN: Lord Frieza! Vegeta's broken out of the healing(gets blasted by Frieza)TAAAAANNNKK!
"That was just uncalled for," Wendy whined.
FRIEZA: Oh no, that minion died. Could you go fix that? We'll continue this conversation never….
"That's one way to change a conversation," Romeo said morbidly.
ZARBON: ...Did he say something about Vegeta?
"Maybe," Natsu replied, as if they could hear him.
FRIEZA: What?
(an explosion occurs off-screen)
ZARBON: Ahhh!
FRIEZA: Zarbon... Who did you leave guarding him?
(cut to the wrecked lab and what's left of Appule)
FRIEZA: APPULE?! YOU LEFT APPULE HERE?!
"Not the best idea honestly," Juvia said.
ZARBON: Well I thought he could handle it!
"You shouldn't be in charge of decision making," Erza shook her head.
FRIEZA: APPULE COULDN'T HANDLE A SHOT OF RASPBERRY SCHNAPPS, MUCH LESS VEGETA!
"Wimp," Canna chugged down more beer.
FRIEZA: Oh, where's the damn phone, I need to make another call.
ZARBON: Yes, sir! I'll go look for Vegeta, he won't get far!(flies out of the ship and searches for Vegeta)
(cuts to Vegeta entering Frieza's room, which shows five unguarded Dragon Balls)
"None of them should be in charge of decision making," Erza corrected.
VEGETA:(thinking)Yes, that's right, search all over for me, Zarbon. Of course you'd never think to check inside your own ship! You know what they say, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.(starts laughing)
"Whatever you're looking for is always hidden in plain sight," Mira said.
RANDOM MINION:(off-screen)Lord Frieza, I found him!
VEGETA:Ah, f**k it.(fires a ki blast, blasting a hole through the ship)
RANDOM MINION: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(cuts to outer space, with five space pods seen flying to Planet Namek)
FRIEZA:(through speaker)Ginyu, hurry up; double time! Zarbon really screwed the pooch on this one!
ZARBON:(through speaker)Lord Frieza, Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!
FRIEZA:(through speaker)I'm coming, Zarbon! Quick, grab my Balls! (turns off speaker)
Everyone started laughing hysterically.
(short pause before the Ginyu Force starts laughing hysterically)
(cuts to Vegeta blasting a hole through the window of Frieza's throne room and starts tossing all of the Dragon Balls out of the ship)
VEGETA:(to the tune of "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts")
I've got a lovely bunch of Dragon Balls, do-do-do-do-do
Here they are, all sitting in a bunch, doo-doo-doo
One star, two star
All as big as my head!
Give them a toss
A planet across
That's how Vegeta wins, bye-bye!(flies out of Frieza's ship)
Levy's eyes briefly turned towards Gajeel.
"His singing could use some work," Gajeel criticized. Levy resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
(cuts to Frieza and Zarbon arriving at the throne room)
FRIEZA: Dammit all to hell, he's gone! And he took off with my Dragon Balls!
ZARBON: Lord Frieza, I've found a note!(holds out a note)
FRIEZA: Let me see that!(sees the note)It just says "Dear Frieza", and it's a picture of a butt.
"Yeah, sounds like something I'd do," Gajeel laughed.
ZARBON: ...Can I see it, Lord Frieza?
"Why?" Carla asked.
FRIEZA: Vegeta. Dragon Balls. NOW!
ZARBON:(flies out of Frieza's ship)Yes sir!(thinking)Dammit, he's up here somewhere! I just need to spot the bastard!
(cuts to Vegeta's head sticking out of a lake)
"You should start looking down more," Lily advised.
VEGETA:(in his thoughts)Later, bitches.
(sinks into the water, making submarine noises while doing so)
(cuts to Goku inside his spaceship)
GOKU: Whew! It's taken me five whole days, but I'm finally up to a hundred times gravity! It's a good thing that I brought along all these Senzu. Aww, man, it looks like we only have four left. Oh well, we won't need that many on Namek.(eats one Senzu Bean)Om nom nom! Mmm, tastes like healing!
"By all means and logic he should be dead," Levy looked bewildered.
"It's Goku, we should expect him to defy logic," Lisanna smiled.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Hello, Goku? Do you hear me? I swear to God, if this is George Takei again, I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's ass.
GOKU: King Kai?
KING KAI:(telepathically)Ah, there you are, Goku.(cuts to King Kai observing Goku's spaceship from his planet)I see you're on your way to Namek.
GOKU: I'm gonna beat someone up!
"That's the best plan," Natsu smiled.
"That's your only plan," Lucy sighed.
"And it's never failed!" He retorted, still smiling. His large grin caused her to smile as well.
KING KAI: Of course you are. But listen! There is someone on Namek that you must absolutely stay away from. You hear me?He's even stronger than Vegeta, and he-
GOKU: I know!
KING KAI: What?
GOKU: I'm gonna beat him up!
KING KAI: Goku, no. This is nothing like Vegeta; it is much, much worse.
"Trying to convince him is pointless," Makarov sighed, getting Deja vu of Natsu.
"No matter how much you try to convince him it's a bad idea, he'll charge in anyway," Gray said smiling briefly.
"Because he'll always make sure things will be ok," Lisanna smiled.
"And when he's beaten and broken he'll just keep getting back up," Erza smiled.
"HE'S A REAL MAN WHEN IT COMES TO ACTION!" Elfman roared proudly.
"He's a numbskull who's default emotion is stupidity," Laxus chuckled to himself.
"He's a dumbass," Gajeel received a slap from Levy.
And there's nothing wrong with that," Happy and Lucy smiled at Natsu. The dragon slayer smiled at everyone's words.
GOKU: Uh-huh...
KING KAI: He is known throughout the galaxy as the most terrifying and evil person there is!
GOKU: Really?
KING KAI: He's conquered hundreds of planets, and slaughtered billions of people!
GOKU:(excited)Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Don't think you should be excited at killing billions of people part of the warning," Lucy was unsure.
KING KAI: STOP IT! Stop—getting—excited! Now promise me you will not fight him!
"Again, that won't work well," Makarov said.
GOKU:(telepathically off-screen)Ooo, I can see Planet Namek! (neon buzzing sound is heard) Naw, wait, naw, it's fake.
"At least he didn't fall for it," Lucy sighed.
KING KAI: Goku! Seriously! Promise me that under no circ*mstance will you go anywhere near Frieza!
GOKU: But King Kai, I...
KING KAI: PROMISE ME!
GOKU: Aww, all right. I promise I will absolutely not... Click.Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
"Uh…" Everyone looked confused.
"I need to do that more," Natsu was taking mental notes.
KING KAI: What the...
GOKU:(gasp for breath)Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...(continues telepathically off-screen)
KING KAI: He... He hung up on me! How the hell did he even do that?! Dammit, I'll call him back!(tries to contact Goku but no avail)Goku, I swear to God, I will ride your ass on this one!
"Oh my~" Canna(Completely drunk) cooed.
GEORGE TAKEI:(telepathically)Oh my...
KING KAI: DAMMIT, TAKEI!
(cuts to Vegeta emerging from underwater and gasping for breath)
VEGETA: All right. They should be here somewhere. Aha! They're here! They're all here! Perfect. Now I have six, counting the one I have hidden near the village. All I have to do now is stay under the radar and not fly around like a jackass saying...
KRILLIN:(flying while holding a Dragon Ball)I've got a Dragon Ball!(flies past Vegeta's location)
"Goddammit Krillin," Everyone sighed.
VEGETA: I was gonna say "Come and get me, Frieza," but that works too!(starts to purse Krillin)
"And now they're in danger," Mira sighed.
(cuts to Zarbon desperately looking for Vegeta)
ZARBON: This is useless! I'm never going to find him like this! I might as well hide under a rock. Maybe Lord Frieza won't find me if I just lay low and don't fly around like a jackass saying...
VEGETA:(flying after Krillin)Come to papa, you bald bastard!
"And you're also stupid," Carla summarized.
ZARBON: I was going to say "Come and get me, Frieza," but that works too!(starts to pursue Vegeta)
"These guys think alike more than they would willingly admit," Levy noticed.
(cuts to Bulma reading a magazine and humming the ending theme from Dragon Ball before Krillin lands in front of her)
BULMA:(stumbles and falls on her back)(quickly speaking)SON OF A BITCH!
KRILLIN: Huh. I thought you'd be back in the cave.
BULMA: Well, I would if I didn't keep finding puddles of-
"I really don't want to know," Lucy gagged.
KRILLIN: Yeah, yeah, I know, in the cave, get over it. Besides, I brought us a Dragon Ball.
BULMA: Oh, wow. They're much bigger than the ones on Earth.
"I wonder how heavy they are," Wendy pictured herself struggling to lift it(She easily could tho. She's just weird).
KRILLIN: Yeah, Gohan and I were pretty surprised too when... we...(notices Gohan is missing)Wait, where is Gohan?
BULMA: Oh, he took the Dragon Radar. We found a Dragon Ball that was all on its own.
"Highly irresponsible," Carla disapproved.
"Why would let him go on his own?" Mira was upset.
"Honestly what could she possibly do to help?" Gajeel asked.
KRILLIN: Wait, what?
(cuts to Gohan flying in the air and holding a Dragon Ball)
GOHAN: I've got a Dragon Ball!
"Awww!" Lisanna and Mira cooed.
KRILLIN: You let Gohan go out on his own?
BULMA: Yeah... What's the big deal?
KRILLIN: Do you have any idea what Chi-Chi will do to me if he gets hurt? I like my penis where it is, thank you.
Some of the men remembered Chi-Chi's threat from the previous saga.
BULMA: I still don't see how this is my problem.
KRILLIN: Uh... Oh, we'll just have to wait for him here, then. At least we have a Dragon Ball!
(Vegeta lands on the scene, finally catching up to Krillin)
VEGETA: Hi there. I'm taking your Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN:(terrified)Uh... Care to trade for one of yours?
"Highly unlikely," Gajeel shook his head.
VEGETA: How 'bout NO.
KRILLIN: You drive a hard bargain…
(Zarbon appears on the scene)
ZARBON: Who drives it hard now? Hmm.(flicks his long hair behind him)
"Hopefully, Gray does," Juvia drooled.
VEGETA: Oh, I thought I smelled body glitter...
ZARBON:(to Krillin)You, the short one over there. Give me the Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Um…
"Don't do it," Natsu warned.
VEGETA: Not so fast, he's handing the ball over to me!(to Krillin)Right, baldy?
"Don't do that one either," Natsu warned again.
KRILLIN: Uh... Bulma? A little help here?
BULMA:(referring to Zarbon)Oh, my God, he's so hot! I just wanna grab him and…
"Trust me, he's not worth it," Erza said.
(cuts to Goku doing upside down curl ups in his spaceship)
GOKU: ...sixty-nine, seventy, seventy-...
(cuts to back to Vegeta on Namek)
VEGETA: ...one time you've defeated me, Zarbon. And that's one time too many!
ZARBON: Nothing's changed, Vegeta. The last time we fought you were barely alive when I retrieved your body.
"Seems he doesn't know about Saiyan power ups," Freed said.
VEGETA: That... reminds me... Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?
ZARBON: Did...(narrows his eyes)Did I what?
VEGETA: Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?
"He's really desperate to know," Lisanna mused.
"I would be to, if I wasn't conscious around Zarbon," All the men shivered.
ZARBON:(in shock)What?! No! God, no!
VEGETA: Oh, thank God! I j...(eyes widen)Wait, what do you mean by that? Am I not good enough for you?!
"He's actually offended?" Gray was shocked.
ZARBON: All right, Vegeta, I'm going to be totally honest with you. This is sounding reallygay.
"And the tables have turned," The guild snickered.
VEGETA: What, I... What are you...
ZARBON: Not that there's anything wrong with that.
VEGETA:(seen totally defeated and embarrassed)Just... Just transform, damn you.
"Yeah, just get it over with," Laxus agreed.
BULMA: We're going to have a penthouse suite...(Zarbon starts to transform)...and he'll drive a Corvette, and we'll make love every single-
(Zarbon fully transforms into his monster form)
BULMA:(in complete shock)KILL IT WITH FIRE!
"Women," Macao thought, but he didn't dare say it out loud.
MONSTROUS ZARBON: You've made a huge mistake, Vegeta! Now prepare to die!
(Zarbon starts charging at Vegeta, the latter responding by punching a hole in the former's stomach)
"That was not long at all," Everyone was momentarily stunned.
MONSTROUS ZARBON:(groans in pain)
VEGETA: What was that? I couldn't hear you over that hole I made in your stomach!
MONSTROUS ZARBON: But... Vegeta, please... Just give me a chance... We could work together…
"Blah blah blah," Gajeel drowned it out.
VEGETA: Yeah, yeah, I've heard that bit already. Now let me put this in a way you'll understand: I'm about to blow my load all over your insides.
"And that is the last gay joke," Levy closed her eyes.
MONSTROUS ZARBON: What... the...
VEGETA: No hom*o.
(Vegeta blast a hole through Zarbon's stomach, sending the latter flying and falling into a watery grave)
VEGETA:(narrows his eyes)Freaky Alien Genotype…
"And that bit should finally be over," Lucy thanked.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cuts to inside Guru's house)
DENDE: Guru, sir, I have a question.
GURU: Ask away.
DENDE: You've been around for so long. Just how old are you?
GURU: I am this many.(does not move)
DENDE: You didn't raise your hand.
GURU: That's how old I aaaaaaaam!
"That's how old you are, right Gramps?" Natsu asked Makarov.
"I'M NOT THAT OLD, YOU BRAT!" He enlarged his hand and smacked Natsu with it.
Chapter End
Chapter 24: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad. Mad Saiyan
Chapter Text
Chapter 27: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad. Mad Saiyan
(cut to Zarbon's corpse falling into a lake, Vegeta killing him in cold blood)
KRILLIN: Wow. You really took care of that guy.
VEGETA: Yeah, didn't even know I could pull that off. But... you know us Saiyans, we get stronger every time we almost die.
KRILLIN: Well... that seems... incredibly unfair.
"For anyone that isn't a saiyan," Levy said.
"I really feel bad for humans in the show," Lily said.
KRILLIN: So, um... you seem like a busy man, so...
VEGETA: Oh yeah, killing people, and I'm about to become immortal.
"Feels like we've been escalating too quickly," Freed brought up.
"Considering we just watched someone get their back blown out, I'd agree," Bickslow added. The adults stared at him incredulously, wondering if he knew what he just said.
KRILLIN: Well, we don't wanna keep ya, so I guess we'll be seeing ya!
VEGETA: Yep! And I still got a lot to take care of and I... Ohohohoho! Ohhh, wait a minute, nice try. Gimme the Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Aww...(gives Vegeta the Dragon Ball)
"Krillin almost had it," Natsu shook his head.
"Would've ended with him dying," Lucy told him.
VEGETA: Ya know, I could kill both of you right now, but after killing Zarbon and getting this last Dragon Ball, I'm in a good mood; I mean a REALLY good mood. But just remember this: next time you see me, I will be immortal... Not that you stood a chance to begin with. I'm just... Saiyan.(canned laughter plays in the background)Wakka wakka!(flies off)
"Any cool points he may have had are lost, because of that joke," Gajeel grumbled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Krillin and Bulma after Vegeta has taken off with the DragonBall)
BULMA: Well, congratulations. You've single-handedly doomed us all.
"You didn't do sh*t," Laxus said.
"To be fair, she isn't a fighter," Mira told him.
"Doesn't mean she hasn't contributed sh*t since they've got there," He responded.
KRILLIN: I didn't seeyoudo anything.
BULMA: What exactly did you expect me to do?
KRILLIN: Well I dunno, maybe you could've bitched at him, how 'bout that? That's all you appear to be good for these days! Huh? Used your bitch-fu on him? "Bulma, the Mistress of Bitching", that's what they should call you…
"Years of dealing with her have led to this," Macao understood all too well.
"Probably some other issues he's releasing here as well," Lisanna said.
(cuts to Vegeta and Gohan, each of them holding a DragonBall, flying in the sky)
VEGETA & GOHAN:(both of them singing in their thoughts in the tune of "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen)
"Aw! Gohan's singing!" Mira swayed. Elfman was going to remind her Vegeta was singing too, but was quickly stopped by Lisanna.
Don't stop me now, having such a good time
I'm holdin' this ball
Don't stop me now...
(both Vegeta and Gohan senses each other and stops singing)
VEGETA & GOHAN:What the...?!
"Crapbaskets," Mira frowned.
GOHAN: That's Vegeta...(in his thoughts)Uh, I know! (flies down and hides behind a cliff) If I just hide here and lower my power level, he shouldn't find me!
"The plan would work, if Vegeta couldn't sense energy," Lucy frowned.
VEGETA: Okay, what the hell is going on? I know I just sensed something down there.
GOHAN:(thinking)Good! Now just go on and…
"Really wish your lives were that easy," Juvia sighed into Gray's side.
VEGETA: Hey! Show yourself before I turn this place into a barren wasteland! So basically the same, only on fire.
Everyone's eyes shifted to Natsu for a quick second.
GOHAN:(thinking)Crapbaskets!
VEGETA:(begins charging a ki blast)Three... Two... One...
(prepares to blast the area before...)
GOHAN:(pops his head up)Hi! Um... hello... Mr. Vegeta... sir.
VEGETA: Oh, well if it isn't Moe Howard.
Eyebrows were raised in question.
GOHAN: How do you even...
VEGETA: Space Hulu.
GOHAN: Figures.
VEGETA: So what are you doing here?
GOHAN: Oh, you know, just... flying around.
"He needs to learn how to lie better," Romeo said.
"Considering who his parents are, I'm not surprised this is the best he could do," Gray said.
VEGETA: Flying around?
GOHAN: Flying around.
VEGETA: Thwarting my plans?
"Yes," Natsu answered.
GOHAN: Thwarting your plans?
VEGETA: Are you?
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Good, 'cause that'd be bad.
GOHAN: How bad?
VEGETA: I'd have to kill you.
"Does Vegeta seem unhinged to anyone else," Lucy asked.
There were lots of agreements from the audience.
GOHAN: That's bad.
VEGETA: Indeed.(notices Gohan holding the Dragon Radar)Stupid-looking watch you got there.
GOHAN:(hiding the Dragon Radar)Yes... it tells time... and nothing else.
"His lying reminds me of yours, Wendy," Carla frowned.
"I'm not that bad at lying...right?" Wendy asked. The silence she was greeted with caused her to lower her head embarrassed.
VEGETA: Well, yeah, that's what a watch DOES.(rolls his eyes)...Dumbass.
"You're being tricked by a 5-year old, so who's the actual dumbass?" Gajeel shot back.
GOHAN:(thinking)Jackass.
GOHAN: So, uh, can I... help you?
VEGETA:(gently puts his hand on Gohan's face)No... but maybe I can help you.
"What the hell," Mira's face darkened as her evil aura flared instantly. Everyone backed away from her in fear.
GOHAN: Uh... I need an adult...
VEGETA: I am an adult.(knees Gohan in the stomach)
GOHAN: UNNGH!(falls over and holds his stomach in pain)
"He's a dead bitch," Mira's smile sent chills down everyone's spines.
VEGETA: By the way, I only hit you because I have pent-up aggression against your father. Take that.(flies away)
"That doesn't excuse attacking a 5-year old," Erza frowned, while trying to hold Mira back from the lacarma.
GOHAN:(thinking)Don't... stop me now... I don't... wanna... stop at... allllll...(stumbles and falls off cliff)
"SIS TURN OFF YOUR MOTHER BEAR MODE!"
"NO!"
(cuts back to Krillin continuing his rant on Bulma)
KRILLIN: ...Seriously, five ancient sages of Bitchdom all gathered together one day on the peaks of Mount Bitch to proclaim your birth! And a hundred years later, when all the bitch stars had aligned, you were born and made everybody's life around you a living hell, because YOU ARE SUCH ABITCH! Uhh…
"He ran out of things to say," Lucy sweatdropped, then dropped down as Erza's body flew into the bar. The knight recovered immediately and charged back at the She-Devil.
"SOMEBODY CALM HER DOWN!" Gajeel screamed, standing protectively in front of Levy.
BULMA: Ya done?
KRILLIN: Yeah... yeah, I guess.
BULMA: Good.(hits Krillin off-screen)
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Ow!
"He should've seen that one coming," Gray sweatdropped, making protective ice barriers for everyone else.
"Shouldn't we pause until she calms down?" Romeo asked, terrified.
"We might as well finish it now, and calm her down after the episode," Makarov explained to everyone.
(Gohan arrives with the Dragon Ball)
GOHAN: Guys!
KRILLIN: Gohan!
GOHAN: You guys, I think we should find a new location.
KRILLIN: Why? What's wrong with this place?
"A very angry saiyan prince will want your heads on spikes," Levy answered.
GOHAN: Because we have 10 minutes before Vegeta finds out that I just stole this.
KRILLIN:(high-pitched)Uh-...! Uh...! Aah...!(Gohan smiles sweetly as Krillin is exclaiming)
(cuts to Vegeta jumping inside a lake to retrieve the last Dragon Ball he had taken from a Namekian village)
VEGETA:(thinking)God, I love it when a plan comes together! Took some time, effort, and lots of bodies, but now it's mine. Immortality is my bitch! Now, it should be right here... riiight here. (searches around for the missing Dragon Ball) Where the hell is it? It couldn't have gone anywhere.
"It left with the 5-year old you attacked for petty reasons," Carla answered.
"Maybe if you're nice enough, it'll come back." Wendy smiled.
VEGETA:Alright, I'm going to close my eyes, (closes eyes) and when I open them up, it's going to be right here... (opens his eyes) it's not here. Why isn't it here!? I don't get it! Who could have-! (remembers that Gohan was near the place where he hid the Dragon Ball) The kid! But... how could he have found it!? He would... Wait! (remembers Gohan holding the Dragon Radar) That watch... That watch was no watch at all! It was some kind of Dragon Ball locator. (starts clenching his fist) Which means... Which means…
"You got played by a 5-year old who sucks at lying," Gajeel laughed.
"It doesn't get anymore insulting than that," Gray added.
(Ghost Nappa appears with a ping)
GHOST NAPPA:(deadpan)He tooook the Dragon Ball.
(cuts an outside shot of the lake with Vegeta bursting out of the water, blasting off into the distance after Gohan)
VEGETA:(eyes are seen bloodshot)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH...!
"And he's completely lost it," Lucy said, taken aback. Mira and Erza stopped their fighting at Vegeta's rage.
(cuts to Gohan and Krillin flying in the sky)
GOHAN:(hears Vegeta's scream)Uh, Krillin. Do you hear that?
KRILLIN: Ifeelthat.
"And that's a good sign that you need to run faster," Lily motioned his paws forward.
(cuts to Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA:(hears Vegeta's scream)What the devil is that noise?
"Pure unadulterated rage," Gajeel answered.
(cuts to Goku, in his ship, still flying through space to Namek)
GOKU:(going through a fridge)Ahh, time for a delicious sports dri-(takes out a sports drink and hears Vegeta's scream)Huh? What the heck is that?
"He's screaming that loud!?" Makarov was astonished.
"But, sound can't exist in space!" Levy was shocked.
"These saiyans keep defying logic," Lucy said, shocked.
(cuts to Earth's Check-In Station in the afterlife)
KING YEMMA:(flipping through a book)Purgatory... Hell...(hears Vegeta's scream)Denise? Denise, do you hear that? Oh, God, is that my wife? LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU ALREADY TOOK THE KIDS; WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!
"Even in the afterlife," Evergreen's glasses falter a bit.
"So, we're ignoring the divorce part?" Lisanna asked.
(cuts to the 20 years later in a ruined future in an alternate timeline)
TRUNKS: Alright, mom. Once that time machine is done, I can go back into the past, to save Goku, and my father-(hears Vegeta's scream)Daddy?
"I'm just gonna save that for later," Levy and Freed both wrote it down.
(cuts to Krillin, Gohan, and Bulma finding a new hiding place from Vegeta)
KRILLIN: Alright, I don't think Vegeta will find us here. Gohan, I need to get you to Guru's.
GOHAN: What? Why?
KRILLIN: So the old man can touch you and pull things out of you that you never knew you had.
"You could've explained that so much better," Mira grumbled, finally calmed down enough to sit in her seat. The other mages all sighed in relief.
GOHAN: ...I need an adult?
KRILLIN: I am an adult.
"You're a midget," Gajeel corrected.
BULMA: Oh, no! No, no, NO! I am not letting you abandon me here again! Those bitches on Lifetime might put up with it, but not me!
"You're useless no matter where you are on this planet, so just stay there," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Bulma, you're right. You have been very helpful and very patient with us. So in return... we're letting you watch the Dragon Ball. Bye!(flies away with Gohan)
BULMA: I WILL KILL YOU BOTH IN YOUR SLEEP!
"Gonna have to deal with an angry Chi-Chi," Lisanna chuckled.
(cuts to Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA:(thinking)As soon as the Ginyu Force arrives, all of my problems will officially be over. Soon, immortality will be mine and the entire universe will be under my foot. I wonder what I should do first? I guess I should start with what I WON'T do when I become immortal: Die!
"There are other alternatives, just ask Garlic Jr," Levy responded.
ACAI: Lord Frieza, the Ginyu Force is scheduled to arrive in five minutes.
FREEZA: Thank you, Acai.
ACAI: Also, after rising concerns with our personnel... exploding, we decided to form a union!
"Let's see how well that goes for you," Canna said.
FRIEZA: ...Adorable.(fires an eye blast at Acai)
ACAI: RRRAAGGGH!
"About as well as I expected," Canna downed more beer.
FRIEZA:(thinking)Oh! First thing I'm going to do is go up to Cooler and slap him right in his smug, prick face!
Levy decided to write the name down.
(cuts to Krillin and Gohan flying in the air)
GOHAN:(notices Guru's house from a distance)Hey, Krillin!
KRILLIN: That's it! We're going to make it. We're finally gonna-(hears Vegeta scream and stops flying)...die. We are going to die.
"Stop jinxing it, Krillin!" Lucy yelled.
GOHAN: Krillin, what is that?
KRILLIN: Pure rage, Gohan. Pure rage.
"I can relate to the pure rage part," Laxus mumbled.
GOHAN: What do we do?
KRILLIN: Run, Gohan. Run as fast as you can!
GOHAN: But I-
"Stop questioning it!" Mira yelled.
KRILLIN: DO AS I SAY, FOR I AM THE HEAVENLY BUDDHA!
"He does resemble a buddha," Freed stroked his chin.
GOHAN: ...What-?
KRILLIN: Just go!
(Gohan flies away to Guru's house)
(cuts to Guru's house)
NAIL: Guru, sir, we have another traveler from Earth.
GURU: Oh, tell me you didn't let him inside.
GOHAN: Hello, Mr. Guru.
"So polite," Mira gushed.
"Crazy how she was ready to kill a few moments ago," Gray mumbled.
GURU: Oh, goddammit!
GOHAN: Mr. Guru, sir, my friend Krillin told me that you could help us by... touching me.
GURU: Do I look Catholic to you?
"I should've expected that joke," Lucy sighed.
"We all should've expected that joke," Levy shook her head.
NAIL: Sir, I think he means he wants you to release his hidden potential.
"Catholic priests can do that too," Gajeel joked and Levy elbowed him.
GOHAN: Yeah, that.
GURU: Fine, stand still.(places his hand on Gohan's head)It's your first time, so I'll be gentle. Now relax as I reach deep inside you and grab hold of your essence.
GOHAN: I... need an adult?
"And you will never be surrounded by a responsible adult," Carla said.
"What about his mom?" Wendy asked. Carla responded with a deadpan stare.
GURU: I AM AN ADUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-(unlocks Gohan's hidden potential)
(cuts back to Krillin)
KRILLIN:(thinking)Huh, that's odd. I don't feel anything anymore. Wonder if we lost him?
"Too much wishful thinking Krillin," Lily answered.
"They really need to stop doing that," Freed said.
(Vegeta dashes past Krillin and stops in midair. His eyes are bloodshot as he has gone crazy from his blind rage.)
VEGETA:(delirious)I am here for it...
KRILLIN:(scared)For what?
VEGETA: Dragon... Ball. I... need... that Dragon Ball. Give it to me. The one you took. I need my wish…
"He actually broke," Erza was speechless.
"This is why you should never allow your rage to take control," Makarov advised.
"At least not to the point of insanity," Laxus added.
KRILLIN: Are... you OK?
"He's not," Gray answered.
GHOST NAPPA:I think your rage broke, Vegeta.
VEGETA: SHUT UP, GHOST OF NAPPA!
"I'm guessing he's just been broke for awhile and this was his tipping point," Canna explained.
KRILLIN: What was that?
VEGETA: I'M NOT CRAZY! YOU'RE CRAZY! ESPECIALLY YOU, NAPPA!
"You're definitely crazy," Evergreen huffed, slightly unnerved.
GHOST NAPPA:(slightly insulted) Eeeeey.
KRILLIN: Who are you talking to?
VEGETA: Dragon Ball! Hand now, please.
KRILLIN: Um, I don't... really... have it.
(a blood vessel bursts in Vegeta's right eye, making it turn red)
Everyone leans back from the screen a bit.
VEGETA: No...
KRILLIN: What?
VEGETA:(right eye starts dripping blood)Noo...
KRILLIN: Uh…
"RUN KRILLIN!" Natsu shouts at the screen.
VEGETA:(slowly starts approaching Krillin; both eyes now bloodshot red)Noooo...
KRILLIN:(whimpers in fear)
(Vegeta continues approaching Krillin, then suddenly feels Guru powering up Gohan and snaps out of it)
VEGETA: Huh, wait, what? Where am I?(to Krillin)Why are you here? Where's Nappa?
"At least he's back to normal," Lisanna chuckled nervously.
"Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Gray responded.
KRILLIN: Didn't you kill him?
VEGETA: Yes. Of course I did. He's dead... forever.
"Hm…" Carla hummed.
KRILLIN: So, uh...
VEGETA: Where's that immense power coming from?
KRILLIN:(quickly)Oh, that's probably Gohan over in the hut with the creator of the Dragon Balls is. You know, the guy who can unlock your potential by putting his hand on top of your head- Oh, God, I cannot shut up when I am scared...
"You really need to work on that," Macao tipped.
VEGETA: Interesting. I'm gonna pay him a... What do you call it?
KRILLIN: A visit?
VEGETA: Beating! That's it. I'm gonna go pay him a beating.
"Sounds like something Gajeel would say," Juvia brought up.
"She's not wrong," The Iron Dragon Slayer shrugged his shoulders.
KRILLIN: Aww!Crapbaskets.
(Vegeta flies off and lands in front of Guru's house)
NAIL: Hello? Can I... help you with something?
VEGETA: Yeah, the first thing you can do is go die, save me the trouble.
"One way to greet a person," Levy said.
NAIL: Ooh! Ooh! Is this really happening? 'Cause I really hope it is.
VEGETA:(laughs)Trust me, you don't want any of what I am now.
NAIL: Then come on, bring on all four feet of you. Or should I count your stupid hair?
"Damn," Some members whistled at the comeback.
VEGETA: Pretty big talk coming from a bipedal slug.
NAIL: Big talk coming from a bipedalbitch
"I'm using that," Gajeel smiled to himself.
VEGETA:(laughs)Oh, I gotta admit, you are the best challenge I've gotten out of your people yet... Then again, I have to compare you to those villagers I slaughtered.
NAIL: Oh, you are DEAD!
GURU: Naaaaaail! Stop making out with your boyfriend! I can hear it from here! It sounds like,(makes gagging and slurping noises)
"He's an old-man child," Lucy sighed.
"And that makes it funnier," Natsu told her.
NAIL:(sarcastically)Thank you, Lord Guru!
VEGETA: I'm not here for any of you idiots anyway. I'm here for the old man.
GOHAN:(walks out of Guru's house)Oh no, you don't! With this power-up, I'm now as strong as you were when we fought on Earth.
"That really doesn't help you," Levy sighed.
"Oh, Gohan," Mira sighed.
VEGETA: Congratulations! You're still weaker than the last three guys I killed.
GOHAN: Wow... I now know what it's like to feel like Krillin.
"A fate worse than death," Romeo pitied.
"No, being Yamcha is a fate worse than death," Gajeel corrected.
"Being Krillin is like dropping your food on the floor, going back to get more, only for it to fall on the floor again while everyone eats their favorite food in front of you," Natsu explained.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Sucks, doesn't it?
VEGETA: Look, it doesn't matter how strong you get, kid. Besides Frieza, I'm the strongest thing on this planet! Bar none.
"He's about to eat his own words," Gajeel said.
GURU: Hey! Just thought I would inform you all. I detect several high power levels coming towards the planet.
"That's convenient," Levy said.
VEGETA: What? Several high power levels?
GURU: There are five of them in total.
VEGETA: Five of them!?
GURU: And they're all incredibly flamboyant!
VEGETA: Oh, God, it's them!
Gajeel just kept a self satisfied smirk to himself.
KRILLIN: What are you talking about?
("Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai!" starts playing in the background)
"Why do the bad guys always get a theme song?" Natsu pouted.
VEGETA: We're doomed... Don't you understand? We're all going to die here!
KRILLIN: Who? Who is it?
VEGETA: It's... the Ginyu Force…
"We finally get to see this Ginyu Force, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing." Levy said nervously.
(The Ginyu Force's space pods are seen arriving on Planet Namek, producing a huge explosion making the screen red)
GINYU FORCE: We're heeeeere...
JEICE: ...mates.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Goku wearing boxer shorts with a towel around his neck opening a refrigerator)
GOKU: Whew! Alrighty! Time for a post-workout drink.(takes out a beer)Nah, it's too early to get crunk.(puts beer back and holds up a Powerthirst energy drink)Nah, energy drinks just don't do it for me anymore.(puts sports drink back and takes out a bottle of peanuts)I can't drink these! These are nuts!(puts peanuts back and holds up a Team Four Star Soda)Oooh, what's this? It looks delicious! And it's high in calcium!
GOKU & SINGERS:Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Team Four Star soda!
"Did he really just promote a brand?" Levy questioned.
"Wonder if he got paid for it," Lisanna added.
Chapter End
Chapter 25: 到着を恐怖! 敬礼, ギニュー特戦隊!
Chapter Text
Chapter 28:到着を恐怖!敬礼,ギニュー特戦隊!
(cuts to the Ginyu Force's space pods slowly opening up with the Ginyu Force flying up in front of Frieza)
CAPTAIN GINYU: Men, Introductions.(does a pose)Ginyu!
JEICE:(poses)Jeice!
BURTER:(poses)Burter!
GULDO:(poses)Guldo!
RECOOME:(poses)Recoome!
CAPTAIN GINYU: And together, we are...
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
"They actually took over the opening," Levy was stunned.
"The bad guys even get the opening!?" Natsu shouted in shock.
(short silence as the Ginyu Force holds their pose in Front of Frieza)
"The poses are interesting though," Erza looked intrigued.
"They seem really committed to it," Wendy smiled.
FRIEZA:(thinking)Sure is Zarbon in here…
"Do you mean flamboyant or how they're dressed?" Gray asked.
"I'm pretty sure he means both," Evergreen pushed up her glasses.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Lord Frieza. Thank you for this chance to serve you.
RECOOME: AND BUST SOME HEADS!
"I'm always in that manly mood when facing enemies!" Elfman flexed.
"Just remember what side you're on big bro," Lisanna sweat dropped.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Quite. But before we go down to business, Jeice?
JEICE: Yes sir, cap'n. Here you go, Lord Frieza. The new up-to-date scouters.
"That accent," Juvia looked perplexed.
"What about it?" Gray asked.
"Just seems off," Juvia muttered.
FRIEZA: Good. And they have the ringtone I wanted?
CAPTAIN GINYU: Yes, sir.(presses a button on his scouter)
(Frieza's scouter starts playing "F" by Maximum the Hormone with a text that reads "Incoming Call From: Ginyu")
"The bad guys always have cool themes!" Natsu threw his hands up in exasperation.
FRIEZA: Glorious. Now, as you have been informed, Vegeta and a few other pests have taken my Dragon Balls.
RECOOME: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Vegeta?
BURTER: Little Veggie?
"Little Veggie?" Everyone snorted at the nickname.
GULDO: What's a Dragon Ball?
"Large orange orbs that have stars on them and grant wishes," Levy answered.
RECOOME: Recoome can't believe he had it in him.
BURTER: I know, right?
GULDO: What's a Dragon Ball?
"So, nobody is gonna answer him?" Lisanna asked.
"I did," Levy replied.
"Yeah, but he can't hear you," Lisanna smiled.
FREEZA: Yes. It turns out Zarbon and Dodoria weren't enough. I've called you five here to get them back.
"Are they gonna be enough?" Gajeel looked skeptical.
"Considering how scared Vegeta was, I'll say they're a threat," Erza answered.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Easy enough. Would you rather them dead or alive?
FRIEZA: Either or.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Dead it is! Ginyu Force, assemble!
"It's always 'dead' with bad guys," Lucy complained.
"It's almost as if bad guys are uncreative," Happy told her.
(the Ginyu Force huddles up and perform a warm up routine)
BURTER: Speed of light and strength of all...
RECOOME: The Ginyu Force shall make them fall!
JEICE: Lord King Cold's army's strongest force...
GULDO: We'll rid them all, secure the course.
CAPTAIN GINYU: If trouble meets us as we pass...
GINYU FORCE: We'll shove our fists right up their ass!
"It was going so good, until that part," Carla groaned.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Ginyu Force...
GINYU FORCE: Move out!
(the Ginyu Force flies away while the camera cuts to Frieza, who puts on his scouter and starts playing "F" by Maximum the Hormone again while smirking)
Natsu was still sulking.
(cuts to outside Guru's house)
VEGETA: We're dead! We are dead! All dead! All gonna die! Dead Men Be We! A cornucopia of pain and despair is coming our way to ensure our demise! We are SO going to die-e-e! Why-y-y-y?!
"Stop complaining and do something already." Laxus raised his voice in irritation.
GURU: Naaaail. Slap him.
(a slapping sound is heard)
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Ow!
GURU: Thank you.
"Wrong person, but that works too," Laxus leaned back in his seat.
VEGETA: Every fiber of my being wants to puke at once when I say this... but I need your heeeeh... I need your heeheeeeh…
"He physically can't bring himself to say it," Carla deadpan.
"I can relate to that feeling when dealing with Salamander/Natsu," Gajeel, Gray, and Laxus replied together.
"SAY THAT AGAIN!?" Natsu screamed.
"Quiet," Erza commanded.
The fire dragon slayer sat down immediately.
GOHAN: You need our help?
VEGETA: That, yes.
KRILLIN: All right. But if we're gonna be a team, we need a name!
VEGETA: No, we don't.
"Yes, you do," Natsu and Happy countered.
KRILLIN: Ooh, I know, how about "Team Three Star"?
"Why do I feel like this was on purpose?" Levy wondered.
VEGETA: ...What?
KRILLIN: Well, we're a team, and there's three of us, and the Dragon Balls have stars on them. "Team Three Star"!
"That is too dumb," Carla stated.
"I like it," Wendy disagreed with her partner.
"Of course you do," Carla rolled her eyes.
VEGETA: That just makes me want to kill you even more. And you're still only the second most annoying bald person I've ever had the displeasure to work with.
"You'll hurt Nappa's feelings," Lisanna frowned.
"He's dead," Mira told her.
"Doesn't mean it can't hurt," Lisanna argued back.
KRILLIN: Team Three Star, move out!(flies away)
VEGETA: I swear to God...(flies after him)
(cuts to Bulma sitting in a chair and taking a nap before a blast comes out of nowhere and nearly hits her, causing her to wake up. camera goes to Vegeta slowly walking up to her, eyes glowing red in anger)
VEGETA: Hello, Earth woman...(Bulma stammers in fear)You know what I want... Now give it to me!
"What in the actual hell…" Everyone stared at the screen confused.
BULMA:(scared and pointing to a Dragon Ball nearby)The... The Dragon Ball's right there.
VEGETA: Oh, I'm not here for the Dragon Ball...
BULMA: Wh... What?
VEGETA: Spread 'em…
Every woman in the guild would shatter at least one object later that day.
(Bulma closes her eyes and prepares for the worst, but suddenly, the camera cuts to her falling down from her chair, showing Krillin untying the Dragon Ball from her leg)
"Bulma's a freak," Is all Gajeel had to say after that scene.
KRILLIN: Taking the Dragon Ball; bitch at me later!
"We'll bitch at you now," Evergreen said.
VEGETA: Your hair looks stupid.(he and Krillin fly off)
GOHAN: Sorry, Bulma.(flies off)
BULMA: ALL OF MY HATE!
"Doesn't amount to sh*t," Bickslow said.
(cuts to Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan flying at top speed in midair)
GOHAN: Vegeta...? If you don't mind me asking, what are we in for?
VEGETA: You ever watched Power Rangers?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: Ninja Turtles?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: Sailor Moon?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: Beetle... Borgs?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: V.R. Troopers?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: Samurai Cyber-Squad?
GOHAN/Wendy: No.
VEGETA: ...Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills?
GOHAN: Oh, yeah!
"That sounds fun!" Wendy clapped her hands.
"Why does Gohan have to watch the least interesting one," Natsu complained.
"An overbearing mother is my guess," Lucy answered.
VEGETA: Goddammit!
(the trio lands in the area where Vegeta has stolen the five other Dragon Balls)
VEGETA:(runs up towards the five DragonBalls)Yes! We made it here before the Ginyus. Come on, let's get this over with and...(notices Gohan and Krillin standing far away from him, Krillin still holding a Dragon Ball, glaring)What the hell are you two doing?
KRILLIN: We don't think we can trust you. You still haven't pledged your allegiance to Team Three Star!
"Now is not the time for this, Krillin!" Erza warned.
"Just hand him the damn ball!" Lucy shouted.
VEGETA: What are you, dense? The Ginyu Force could be here any second and then we're-
CAPTAIN GINYU: Hi, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Hi, Ginyu.
"Wow," Is all everyone could reply with.
VEGETA: And then we're...(stops himself and notices that the Ginyu Force has arrived)Son of a *Scouter beep* *beep*ing *beep* beast! Why the *beep* does all this *beep*ing s*beep*t happen to me?(in background while Ginyu and Jeice speak)Well as far as I care these, miserable *beep* can have a *beep* *beep*gy…
"Vegeta has a very colorful vocabulary," Freed said.
"Considering the situation you can't blame him," Macao said.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice, please.
JEICE:(pressing a button on his scouter, causing it to beep the moment Vegeta "curses")Sorry cap'n, the scouter's acting a bit chunky...
VEGETA: ...with a goddamn pig!
"Oolong is probably sneezing right now," Lisanna said.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Are you done?
VEGETA:(exhales)Yeah.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Very good. Now, to cut straight to the point: I want those two Dragon Balls you have there.
GULDO:(off-screen)Oh, so THAT'S a Dragon Ball.
"I wonder what he thought it was?" Wendy asked.
"You don't want to know," Levy answered.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Supposedly there are seven in total, if my report is correct. And the other five are…
KRILLIN:(scared)Right behind you!
"WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!?" Everyone yelled at Krillin.
VEGETA: My God, man. You just cannot...
KRILLIN:(still running his mouth quickly)Shut up when I'm scared, I know. I once had a crush on a little Indian boy that I thought was a girl.
"Please shut him up," Laxus begged.
"Make Krillin, not talk please," Gajeel begged as well.
VEGETA: Please kill him... Seriously, he won't be missed…
"I'll miss him," Natsu, Happy, and Wendy said.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Well, I do believe that accounts for everything. Before I take these Dragon Balls and leave my associates here to clean up, is there anything you'd like to say to me, Vegeta?
"Leave the planet?" Wendy hoped.
"Be friends?" Lisanna hoped.
"Make me a theme song?" Natsu hoped. Lucy smacked him for that.
VEGETA: As a matter of fact, there is. Look at your men, and now back to me. Now look back at your men, back to me. I am not your men, I'm flipping you off. Now look at the ground, back to me. Where's the Dragon Ball? It's gone!(shows a Dragon Ball flying off in the air)I threw it! And THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN...
BURTER:(lands with the Dragon Ball)Here you go, boss.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Thank you, Burter.
"Why...did he think that would work?" Lily questioned.
"Nothing but hopeful thinking," Levy answered.
"They need to stop that," Gajeel said.
BURTER: It's what I do.
VEGETA: But- But I chucked that son of a bitch as hard as I could!
BURTER: Oh, you can't beat my speed, I'm the fastest in the universe.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)That's what she said!
"Somebody punch him," Gajeel pleaded.
VEGETA: We're all going to die, anyway. So...(looks at Krillin)Baldy, break the ball!
"They can do that?" Lucy asked.
KRILLIN: What the-? I...
VEGETA: Punch the damn thing!
KRILLIN: AAAAAA...(tries punching the Dragon Ball, only to injure his hand)OW, my hand!
VEGETA: Hit it harder!
KRILLIN: But I...
VEGETA: Harder!
KRILLIN: YAAAAA...(punches the Dragon Ball again and screams in pain)
(Vegeta continues to demand Krillin to hit the Dragon Ball harder off-screen, only for Krillin to do so and groan in pain)
"I can work with this," Gajeel and the guild laughs.
RECOOME: Uh, Guldo. Don't you think you should...
GULDO: Oh? Oh right, that thing I do...(VEGETA: Break it or I'll break you!)stopping time, yeah. One sec.
"So, I'm just gonna guess they all have gimmicks," Levy starts writing down.
KRILLIN: WAAAAA...(prepares to hit the Dragon Ball again but it suddenly disappears)What? I...
VEGETA: What? Where did it go?
(Guldo is seen holding the Dragon Ball)
GULDO: See this, Vegeta? This is for all the times you used to embarrass me!
(flashback of Vegeta and Guldo's last meeting)
GULDO: Hey, Vegeta. How's it going?
VEGETA: Oh look, it's Guldo! You want a biscuit, boy? You want a biscuit?
GULDO: ...Do you think I'm a dog?
"Yes," Natsu answered seriously.
VEGETA: Have a biscuit!(throws a dog biscuit at Guldo's head)
Everyone smirked or laughed at the scene.
GULDO:(growls in anger)
(back to present)
GULDO: And now, it will be YOU who rolls over and plays dea-(gets hit in the head with a dog biscuit, causing him to growl in anger, eyes shown being bloodshot red)
Cue the full blown laughter from the audience.
CAPTAIN GINYU: All right, everyone settle down! Before I take these Dragon Balls to Lord Frieza, it's time for everyone's favorite game…
"Hide and seek?" Happy guessed.
JEICE, BURTER, GULDO, & RECOOME: WHEEL... OF... DEATH!
(a wheel appears on the screen with a city background)
CAPTAIN GINYU: Now, for the folks viewing at home, the rules are simple. One of my men will spin the wheel, and whoever it lands on, he kills!(wheel spins and lands on Vegeta)
"That's not a very fun game," Happy's ears flopped down.
"What kind of maniacs play that anyway?" Erza was disgusted.
VEGETA: What the-? When did you have time to set this up? And... is that a camera?
"So this is being broadcasted, but to where?" Freed wondered.
(cuts to inside Frieza's throne room, with Vegeta's face shown on the monitor)
VEGETA:(from monitor)What kind of sad*stic retard watches this crap?
FRIEZA: Love this show.
"That answers that question," Freed rolled his eyes.
"Both of those questions," Levy added.
(cuts to Captain Ginyu)
CAPTAIN GINYU: All right, first contestant...
(wheel starts spinning)
GULDO: Come on, Vegeta! Come on, Vegeta!(wheel lands on "Kid with Stupid Hair & Bald Guy")AAARGH! Re-spin, re-spin, re-spin!
RECOOME: Lucky little bastard got two of 'em…
"They're having too much fun with this," Makarov glared.
BURTER: Alright, let's give this sucker a spin.
(wheel starts spinning and lands on "Vacation")
CAPTAIN GINYU: Congratulations! You've just won a free all-expense-paid trip to Space Australia!
"So...is it like Australia, but in space?" Romeo asked.
BURTER: Oh, you've got to be freaking kidding me...
JEICE: Oh, hey, Space Aus'! That's me home planet!
"Never would've guessed," Juvia said. She was still put off by the accent.
KRILLIN: Wait, hold on. You're from Australia?
JEICE: Space Australia! Or more specifically, Space Brisbane.(holds up a small flag)Go Space Broncos!
KRILLIN: So... it's like... Australia…
JEICE: In space. Gotta be careful though, Burter. Space dingo will eat your space baby... Like me sister... Poor Sheila.
"Eating babies?" Wendy blanched.
"Remind me to never go there," Juvia shook her head.
VEGETA: Can we please get on with this?
JEICE: Oh, right, let's have a go then.(wheel starts spinning and lands on "Bankrupt")Ohh, piss off, ya great blooming pinwheel!
BURTER: Oh great. That means Vegeta goes to...
RECOOME: Yes!(to Guldo)In your face!(to Vegeta)Vegeta, your time is coming! Soon, you will face the End-All, the Be-All, the Plead-All... REEEECOOOOME!
"I know that they're the enemies, but he's just TOO MANLY!" Elfman jumped up and flexed.
"Good for you big brother," Lisanna patted his arm.
GOHAN: I swear, I don't even know what's going on anymore…
"I'm pretty sure we've all lost track," Levy sighed.
CAPTAIN GINYU: All right gang, it's time for me to head off. Try not to mess up your uniforms and be back by 05:00!
JEICE, BURTER, GULDO, & RECOOME: Yes Captain!
CAPTAIN GINYU: Ciao!(flies away with all seven Dragon Balls)
KRILLIN: So, uh, I guess we are fighting the little green guy over there?
VEGETA: Yeah, that's Guldo, have fun with him.
KRILLIN: Any strategies?
"Don't die," Laxus said.
VEGETA: Throw dog treats at him.
KRILLIN: How would that help?
VEGETA: I'll find it hilarious.
"Same," Gajeel agreed.
KRILLIN: Well, come on, Gohan. We're strong enough to take this guy! Just keep your guard up!
GULDO: That's right, keep on your guard. Don't drop it... not even for an instant! ZA WARUDO!
Levy looked unamused.
KRILLIN: What are you...(screen pauses, goes inverted, then goes back to normal)...going on about-?(gets crushed by a steamroller)
"Why do I suddenly feel annoyed?" Levy squeezed her pen.
GULDO: You see that? That was just a taste of my power-!(Krillin is seen lifting the steamroller)...Huh?
KRILLIN:(tosses the steamroller away)GAH-HA! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
"A very annoying joke," The blue haired word mage said.
GULDO:(dumbfounded)That...was supposed to crush you.
"You are aware that they're super powered right?" Romeo asked.
KRILLIN: Gohan... Did you see it? His power. He can...
GOHAN: Stop time?
KRILLIN: ...summon steamrollers!
"Stop talking," Gajeel said, flatly.
GOHAN:Y... You're sure about that?
"Gohan, don't listen to him," Mira sighed.
KRILLIN: Positive! Go for him!
(Krillin and Gohan start charging at Guldo)
GULDO: You fools... WAAH!(freezes Krillin and Gohan in midair and starts laughing)
Everyone got nervous seeing Gohan and Krillin struggling.
GULDO: My psychic powers are unrivaled in all the galaxy! You stood there and mocked me... The whole world stood there and mocked me! But now, you find yourselves slaves to my whim! Feel the earth fall out from under you, your world shatters! As I... AM... YOUR... why can't I feel my everything?(camera zooms out to show his head on the ground)Oh…
"Huh?" Everyone blinked in surprise.
(Guldo's body topples on the ground after being decapitated by Vegeta)
GULDO:(thinking)This is the end of the road... The end for me... I-I wonder... Will I dream...?
"We're crossing into some deep territory here," Lucy said nervously.
(Guldo gets hit in the head with a dog biscuit)
"And Vegeta ruined the moment again," Lucy said, flatly.
GULDO:(to Vegeta)I f***ing hate you.
VEGETA: I know.(blasts Guldo's head)
"Brutal," The guild whistled..
["TOKUSENTAI!" ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: Son of a gum-chewing funk monster! Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me? Forget my life! Always surrounded by miserable failing clods! Like this whole world just likes to bend me over and find me in the Alps! Like I'm some sort of schlock receptacle! Well as far as I care, these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue with a Goddamn pig!
"He really didn't say anything inappropriate," Freed said shocked.
"That just makes it funnier," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders.
Chapter End
Chapter 26: Namekimania 2011
Chapter Text
Chapter 29: Namekimania 2011
(cuts to Namek where Vegeta had just executed Guldo from the previous episode)
GOHAN: You really saved us, Vegeta.
"I doubt it was intentional," Gajeel said.
"He really hated Guldo," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Yeah... You totally pulled our butts out of the fire there. Really showed that Team Three Star spirit...!
"That name is dumb, stop," Carla frowned.
VEGETA: They'll never find your body...
GOHAN: I feel a little sorry for those guys. They just lost their teammate. They must be devastated.
"I also doubt that," Gajeel added.
JEICE: So... when was the last time you had to.. you know?
RECOOME: Three weeks.
JEICE: Bloody hell! Three weeks?
BURTER: I did it on the trip here.
RECOOME: Recoome didn't even have enough room in his pod.
"I don't even want to know what they're talking about," Lucy gagged.
JEICE:(notices Guldo's corpse)Oy...! Oy, is that Guldo over there? Is he dead?
RECOOME: How tragic…
"Aw, they are sad," Lisanna frowned.
"Wait for it," Mira told her.
(short pause)
BURTER:(extremely quickly)Not telling the captain! 1-2-3, not it!
RECOOME: Not it!
JEICE: Not it... Aww, wankers…
Lisanna frowned at their lack of empathy. Mira patted her little sister's back.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Vegeta staring at Recoome, who is the next in line to fight Vegeta)
VEGETA: So, are we gonna do this or wha-
RECOOME: HIT... RECOOOOOME'S MUSIC!
("Hangarmageddon" by Evil Horde starts playing)
Natsu grumbled something about bad guys and music.
RECOOME: Vegeta, you think that just because you're the Prince of all Saiyans you're the best there is at what you do... But let Recoome tell you something, brother: you ain't no Wolverine! And you ain't got what it takes to step up to a five... time... champion!
"Is he treating this like a wrestling match?" Erza asked.
"SO MANLY!" Elfman ripped off his shirt.
"I no longer mind him having his own theme music!" Natsu's mood recovered.
VEGETA: Champion of what?
JEICE: This fight right here is gonna be a bloomin' slobberknocker it is.
BURTER: You can just feel the intensity!
"Yeah, they're treating this like a wrestling match," The girls thought collectively.
The boys looked on in interest and the girls stared passively at the screen.
VEGETA: Who are you talking to?
BURTER: The audience.
"Isn't it just Frieza?" Freed asked.
JEICE: We're doing commentary, mate.
RECOOME: You see, Vegeta, you sit here and brag about how the Saiyans are the mightiest warriors in all the universe; how they're the most ruthless. Well, look at where they are now: DEAD!
"Weird flex, but ok," Romeo looked confused.
RECOOME: You talk about your legends, and your warrior race, and your pride, but that doesn't mean a damn thing to this man! Because the name's Recoome, and it rhymes with doom, and you're gonna be hurting... all... too... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
(does a fighting pose, accompanied by the audience cheering, which dies down as the camera cuts to Krillin and Gohan, shown to be terrified, and Vegeta, who continues to glare at Recoome)
"THAT WAS AWESOME!" The fighting addicts shouted.
"It was alright," The girls thought.
VEGETA:(narrowing his eyes)Wrestling's fake.(the audience starts booing, with a slight embrance of "you su-diddly-uck" being heard)
"He had to ruin the fun," Natsu pouted.
"Well, they are fighting for their lives," Lucy reminded him.
"But, he ruined the fun," Natsu pouted at her. Lucy just sighed at him.
VEGETA: Oh, go to Hell, all of you! And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to kill your ass! Now hit... MY music!("Step Into The Grand Tour" from DragonBall GT starts playing)
"Not as good as the other songs," Gajeel criticized.
"I think it's nice," Gray mumbled.
"I agree with Gray!" Juvia leaned on him.
VEGETA:Oh, the f**k with this!(powers up and charges at Recoome, punching him into a mountain, removing his scouter in the process, and then charges up two energy blasts on each hand)SUCK IT, JABRONI!
(Vegeta puts both energy blasts in front of himself and fires it at Recoome, causing a huge explosion. Krillin and Gohan are seen ducking their heads due to the magnitude of the attack. The smoke eventually clears out.)
"That was one big explosion," Evergreen gaped at Vegeta's power.
"The damage an attack like that could do to a city," Makarov stared wide eyed.
"That had to have done some damage," Erza spoke.
VEGETA: Well... everything went better than expected-
RECOOME:(does a pose while slightly scathed, having lost his armor)You talking more smack, Vegeta?
"HOW!?" Everyone shouted.
VEGETA: What?! How could you possibly get up after a hit like that?!
RECOOME: Silly Vegeta, The only thing Recoome sells... is merchandise!
(a bunch of Recoome-themed merchandise pops up on the screen, including a pixelated Recoome-vibrator, which starts vibrating)
"Disgusting," Everyone's faces twisted in disgust.
JEICE: Oy, Burter, bet you Recoome don't even leave a body.
BURTER: Please... you already owe me a space soda from our last bet.
"Really makes you wonder how long they've been doing this," Freed shakes his head.
"Killing, selling planets, and treating it like a game," Erza glared.
"Not the best type of role models," Lisanna said.
JEICE: Well, you still owe me a space burger from the one before that.
(cuts to a Spacey's food commercial)
COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: And where can you find all this spectacular space food? At Spacey's. Now with our new Raditz Menu. Spacey's. It's good food, in space.
"I feel like anything in space uses 'In Space' as an advertisem*nt," Gray pointed out.
"Magic guilds, but in space!" Happy laughed.
(cuts to Captain Ginyu delivering all seven Dragon Balls to Frieza)
CAPTAIN GINYU: And one more makes seven!
FRIEZA: Ahh, Ginyu, I should have called you from the beginning.
"Logically speaking, yeah you should've," Levy said.
"But, then it wouldn't be interesting," Lucy says.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Thank you, sir. Now, in celebration, I shall commence the Dance of Joy!
FRIEZA: Oh, no, no, that won't be necessary.
CAPTAIN GINYU: It is entirely necessary!
"Totally necessary," Natsu agreed.
"Completely necessary," Gajeel also agreed/
"Dew it," Happy said, sinisterly.
"Yes joy!" Wendy wanted to join, but Carla stopped her.
FRIEZA:(desperately trying to avoid watching Ginyu's dance)Ah, no, really... you don't have to-
CAPTAIN GINYU: Actually, I do. I am contractually obligated under your father to dance the Dance of Joy post every successful mission.
"Must be one loving father," Erza smiled.
FRIEZA: Ugh... Proceed...(Captain Ginyu starts dancing)
(cuts back "NAMEKIMANIA 2011" showing two monitors on the screen, the upper left one showing a recap of Reccome preparing an attack while the bottom right one showing Vegeta attacking Recoome, the latter blocking out all the former's punches and kicks)
"It's a one-sided beat down," Gray winced.
"Vegeta's holding his own, but…" Erza leaves it hanging.
"Reccome is an immovable force," Laxus finished.
JEICE: And we're back, mates!
BURTER: While you were gone, Recoome caught Vegeta off-guard with his patented Recoome Knee.
(Recoome is shown kneeing Vegeta in the face on the upper left monitor. The monitor at the bottom right expands onto the screen.)
Everyone in the guild winced at the blow.
JEICE: It was absolutely devastating, Burter! And now he's back on the offensive. But, he can't seem to land a single hit!
RECOOME: Recoome... ELBOW!(elbows Vegeta into a lake below)
"That really has to hurt," Lisanna winced
"Don't want to be on the receiving end of that," Elfman rubbed his own neck..
JEICE: Ohh, and Recoome follows up with a vicious Recoome Elbow!
BURTER: It looks like Recoome is just too fast for Vegeta, and that's coming from the fastest guy in the universe!
JEICE: ...Not really relevant, Burter.
"Do you think he mentions that constantly, because he has nothing else?" Levy asked.
"Yeah, probably," Gajeel answered her.
(cuts to Captain Ginyu continuing the Dance of Joy)
CAPTAIN GINYU:(finishes his dance)And that ends the Dance of Joy.
"I wanted to see it," Wendy leans down.
FRIEZA:(relieved)Uggh... thank God. Now, let's wish me some immortality.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Not quite yet, Lord Frieza. Lastly, I must complete the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance.
"The what?" Lucy blanched.
The guild was laughing at the name of the dance.
FRIEZA: My father would command no such thing!
CAPTAIN GINYU: You are correct, Lord Frieza.
FRIEZA: Very well...
CAPTAIN GINYU: It was your brother.
FRIEZA:(lets out a frustrated yell)
"Sounds like something an asshole brother would do," Gray said, thinking about his brother(As a student of the same teacher) Lyon.
(cuts back to "NAMEKIMANIA 2011", once again showing two monitors on the screen)
JEICE: And we're back with the fight!
BURTER: Here's what you missed!
(the monitor at the bottom right expands at the screen and Vegeta is still in the water)
"Oh, so nothing changed," Levy was mildly surprised.
JEICE: Boy, did we time that commercial right or what?
(Vegeta burst out of the water and double punches Recoome in the stomach)
BURTER: Ohhh, sneak attack from Vegeta!
JEICE: But it looks like it didn't do jack s**t!
"The words you never really wanna hear," Wakaba said.
(Recoome smirks before grabbing Vegeta and lifts him over his head)
"No…." Lily's eyes widened.
"He wouldn't.." Even Natsu gasped at Recoome's next attack.
BURTER: Wait! He's setting up the...
(Recoome and Vegeta plummet towards the ground)
VEGETA: AAAAAAAAHH!
JEICE: PILE DRIVER! PILE DRIVER!
Some of them looked away from the screen to avoid seeing the brutal hit. Others could only wince right before impact.
(Recoome slams Vegeta onto the ground. Vegeta is seen implanted on the ground, face first. Recoome chuckles and plucks Vegeta from the ground)
"Holy sh*t," Bickslow gaped at Vegeta's condition.
"Might be worse than Zarbon's beatdown," Lily shook his head.
KRILLIN: Hey! Hey Gohan, look! He picked Vegeta... like a-
GOHAN: Like a vegetable, yes.
"His name is vegetable," Freed said.
KRILLIN: Ha!
RECOOME: You see, Vegeta. You don't seem to comprehend where you stand right here. Because the name's Recoo-
VEGETA: RHAA!(blasts Recoome right in the face, knocking him down and freeing himself)
"Sneak attack!" Happy shouted.
"The best attack!" Lucy shouted with the cat.
BURTER: Oh, look at that!
JEICE: He might have just taken Recoome's bleedin' head off! This would be a huge loss for sport entertainment!
RECOOME:(quickly jumps back on his feet)As Recoome was sayin'... the name's Recoome... it rhymes with doom... and you're gonna be hurtin' all... too... SOOOON!(does another battle pose)
"HOW TUFF IS HE!?" Lucy shouted. Then she glared at Natsu who posed with Recoome and Lisanna did the same to Elfman.
"I couldn't help it," Both chuckled nervously.
"There has to be a limit to how durable you can be," Makarov said.
BURTER: He's setting up for the Recoome Eraser Gun!
JEICE: This is vintage Recoome right here!
RECOOME: Recooooome... Eraserrrrr...(puts both his hands above his head)
(Vegeta is seen panting, too exhausted it move)
Wendy covered her eyes. Everyone braced for the worst.
BURTER: This could be the end!
RECOOME: GUUUN!(fires an energy blast, but gets nailed in the back of the neck by Krillin)Oomph!
GOHAN: Vegeta!(grabs Vegeta and avoids the blast, causing it to collide with a mountain, obliterating it)
"GOHAN AND KRILLIN TO THE RESCUE!"
JEICE: Oh, last-second interference from Team Three Star!
"So, the name's official now?" Evergreen raised her eyebrow.
VEGETA:(to Gohan after being rescued by him)You idiot! I'm already one foot in the grave! You should have attacked Recoome!
"Because Gohan's too good to let someone die," Mira said, in obvious distress.
KRILLIN: Come on, Vegeta. We couldn't lose one of our most valuable Team Three Star members. You carry the stable!
"That's not important right now Krillin," Erza stressed.
"And I thought Gohan would, because he's Goku's son?" Lisanna wondered.
VEGETA: If there is any solace to all of this, it's that you will die along with me...
"At least you found something," Gajeel shook his head.
RECOOME:(his mouth is all messed up from Krillin's earlier attack)Could Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth.
"He's even more ugly than before," Evergreen cringed.
"Didn't think it was possible," Bickslow gagged.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Dear God, what happened to your face?!
"You happened," Gray said.
BURTER: According to the rules in reg, he's allowed to take on both of these new challengers!
RECOOME: Sounds good to Recoome! Recooooome...
KRILLIN: Does every move you have start with-
"SHUT UP AND MOVE!" Everyone shouted.
"AND YES IT DOES!" Levy decided to answer the question.
RECOOME: KICK!
(Recoome kicks Krillin in the face, sending him sprawling as he bounces on the ground)
(Krillin Owned Count: 12)
"And only Gohan is left," Levy frowned deeply.
"Please don't let anything bad happen," Mira hoped.
KRILLIN:(while getting knocked away)GAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh...
GOHAN:(leaps over to Krillin)KRILLIN!
(shows a replay of Recoome kicking Krillin)
JEICE: Oh, and a devastating Recoome Kick there! Let's see that again, in slow motion! Brought to you by... Space XXXX. Space XXXX, because Space VB is piss!
"Not the time for an ad," Freed frowned.
"It was Krillin, so it's kinda fine," Gajeel reassures.
(replay is shown once again)
RECOOME: Recooooome...
KRILLIN: Does every move you have start with-
(slow motion of Recoome kicking Krillin in the face)
RECOOME:(in slow motion)KICK!
(Krillin is shown getting knocked away at regular speed)
KRILLIN: GAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhh...
"That's true wrestling fashion," Elfman winced.
"Watching Krillin get his sh*t kicked in?" Bickslow asked/
"The replaying brutal hits part," Elfman explained.
JEICE: What a ripper!
(cuts to Gohan checking on Krillin, who's immobilized by Recoome's attack)
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN:(in a higher pitched voice)Hello, Gohan, have you done your homework? 'Cause if you don't, Chi-Chi will KICK my ass…
"I think his homework is the least of the worries right now," Lucy sweatdropped.
"He's delirious now," Juvia shivered.
"As if his brain wasn't always somewhere else," Gray leaned back a bit.
GOHAN: A... Are you okay?
KRILLIN:(in a higher pitched voice)Yeah. Seems he threw my nervous system out of whack there... Can't quite feel the pain...(short pause)There it is... Owwww...
"I wish I could heal him," Wendy clutched Carla to her chest.
"Hate that feeling," Natsu scratched his own chest.
(cuts to Guru's house)
GURU: Naaaaaail! Our visitors from Earth require your assistance. You must go help them.
NAIL: Lord Guru, that would leave you totally unguarded.
GURU: No, I would have Dende...
DENDE: Please don't leave me alone with him.
"Nail is alone with him everyday," Happy said.
"And it's a surprise he's still sane," Lucy added.
GURU: He is the third strongest of our kind.
NAIL: Lord Guru, there are... only three of us left...
GURU: Dende, how does it feel to be the bronze medal?
DENDE: Like everyone I know and love is dead.
"Can't blame him for feeling this way," Levy said.
GURU:(monotone singing)Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.
"He's a fat old man child," Lucy reiterated.
(brief pause)
NAIL: Lord Guru...
GURU: WHY ARE YOU STILL HEEEEEE…
"To make sure you don't die," Romeo laughed a bit.
(cuts back to "NAMEKIMANIA 2011" showing a replay of Recoome knocking out Krillin with a Recoome Kick)
"They kept showing it?" Lisanna was confused.
"That is good entertainment," Laxus shrugged his shoulders.
JEICE: And welcome back to the fight, ladies and gents!
BURTER: Last we left, we had two new contenders!
JEICE: We now have one!
GOHAN: I'm not going to back down. I might be younger than you, smaller than you, weaker than you, and much less experienced, but I learned more about peach farming than you...(realizing his mistake)I think this was a horrible decision…
"You need to run," Mira advised.
"Running was never an option in this situation," Erza said, in a worried tone.
"You want him to die?" Mira questioned.
"I want him to live, but there's no chance running would help," Erza told her.
RECOOME: Recoome agrees.(proceeds to beat up Gohan)
"He's a kid, why do people in this show not hold back against children!?" Mira's rage increased.
"Because there are just sick people out there," Laxus sighed.
JEICE: This fight's turning into a regular piss-kicker!
BURTER: Poor kid doesn't stand a chance!
JEICE: How old is he? Like, five?
BURTER: Six, five-and-a-half?
"Does it matter!? He's a child!" Makarov tightened his fist around his staff.
JEICE: But the real question is... What do the fans think?
(the audience cheers loudly)
"Sadly, there are people who enjoy watching child violence," Freed looked appalled.
GOHAN:(struggling to get up)You...you talk about who you are all the time. "Recoome" this, "Recoome" that. But... you are nothing... compared to my dad.(slowly walking up to Recoome)
"Show your guts Gohan!" Natsu encouraged through the screen.
"Make a comeback!" Romeo added.
GOHAN: I... am the son of Son Goku. The man who will come... and kick your...(starts charging at Reccome, with tears coming out of his eyes, only to get his neck snapped by swift kick from Recoome and falls limply to the ground)
Pure silence takes over the guild as everyone had watched the 5-year old get his neck broken.
JEICE: My God...(the audience starts cheering)
BURTER: That was incredible! This seems like the end, folks. Recoome looks like he's got this one in the bag!
(Recoome walks up to a nearly-dead Gohan and chuckles. Camera shows Krillin's knocked out body and then pans over Vegeta, who's too damaged to move.)
JEICE: It doesn't look like there's anyone left who can stop Recoome!(notices Goku's ship flying in from the sky)Wait... Who's that?
(Goku's spaceship lands in the distance, causing a massive explosion. Camera cuts inside to Goku getting up from his seat, walking around and tying a bag of Senzu Beans on his belt, and standing in front of an opening door, all while Rick Derringer's "Real American" song plays in the background)
"FINALLY!" The guild shouts.
["TOKUSENTAI!" ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cuts to Captain Ginyu doing the "Daddy's Little Princess" dance)
CAPTAIN GINYU: All done.
FRIEZA: All right, so... you're done with all your dances?
"Probably not," Levy answered.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Yes, sir!
"Oh," She was surprised.
FRIEZA: We can wish for my immortality now?
CAPTAIN GINYU: Of course!
FRIEZA: Fantastic. Now, Dragon Balls, grant my wish! Make me, Lord Frieza, immortal!(Frieza waits but nothing happens)
"You have to summon the dragon first," Levy spoke.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Umm... I don't think it worked.
FRIEZA: But... But why not? Those Village Elders explicitly told me there were only seven balls that I needed merely to bring them together to grant my wish! So, what the hell!?
CAPTAIN GINYU: Perhaps there's a password.
"Yes, there is," Levy agreed.
FRIEZA: A password? But... I... killed them all... There's no one left to tell me! I've lost my wish!
"Screwed himself over," Gajeel laughed.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Might I suggest the "Dance of Cheering You Up"?
"Knew it!" Levy pumped her fist.
FRIEZA: Ugh... Proceed...
(shows a picture of Australia (or in Jecie's case, Brisbane))
JEICE: Good day! Jeice of the Ginyu Force here with a public service announcement. We've got no worries up in Space Brisbane right now, but your Brisbane's been hit hard by floods. So, if you want to donate to the relief effort, follow the link in the description to the Queensland's Government website. Cheers, mates; every donation would be appreciated!
Nobody really had anything to say about this.
Chapter End
Chapter 27: Goku's 100x Fitness
Chapter Text
Chapter 30: Stop! Celebrate and Witness, Goku's Back From 100x Fitness!
(cuts to Goku flying in the sky, finally arriving on Planet Namek)
GOKU: Finally, I'm on Planet Namek.
"Good, now go save your son and friend," Mira commanded.
"What about Vegeta?" Lisanna asked.
"What ABOUT Vegeta?" Mira asked, she was still peeved about Vegeta's earlier actions.
KRILLIN:(in distance)Help uuuuussssss!
GOKU: So serene.
"Are you choosing to not hear?" Evergreen asked, impatiently.
"Not the time to be a dumbass," Laxus spoke.
KRILLIN:(in distance)Oh, God, he's killing us! Heeeeeelp!
GOKU: I think I hear a duck. But this far out in space? That doesn't make any sense!
"What goes through these people's heads?" Carla looked bewildered.
KRILLIN:(in distance)Quaaaaaaaack...
GOKU: Oh, no! That sounds like Krillin! Imma comin'!(powers up to Kaio-ken)
"He just mistook Krillin for a duck," Erza facepalmed.
"Can't blame him," Natsu said.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(shows Burter's face on the screen along with an ad on Team Four Star soda and Spacey's, accompanied by an announcer speaking in Japanese)
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the Space Boonies for nothing! Seriously, I'm surprised we didn't hear banjos on the way in because everybody's inbred and looks the f**king same! Not to mention I lost Dodoria and Zarbon, the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long-distance calls to his girlfriend, who I am convinced is named Chuck!
"I'm convinced to honestly," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders.
"Zarbon just doesn't seem straight," Gray looked unconvinced.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Lord Frieza...
FRIEZA: WHAT?!
CAPTAIN GINYU: There may still be a few holed up somewhere. Perhaps you should check your scouter.
"A character using their brain? Weird," Levy faked a shock look.
(Frieza pauses for a brief moment and then checks his scouter)
FRIEZA: Well, would you look at that? Three in that direction.(gets in his bubble car)Good work, Ginyu.
"That's not good at all," Wendy frowned.
"About as good as Natsu emptying the food supply," Erza's seriousness seeped out.
CAPTAIN GINYU: All in a day's work sir.
(Frieza flies off)
CAPTAIN GINYU: And now... the Dance of Solitude!(Captain Ginyu starts dancing, with "Vouge" playing in the background)
"Does he just dance to everything?" Lucy asked.
"I do," Lisanna shrugged.
(cuts to Burter and Jeice as they watch a red dot approaching the battlefield)
BURTER: So are we just waiting for this thing or wha-
(Goku quickly flies into the battlefield)
JEICE: Holy doolie!
BURTER: Jesus, that was fast! I-I mean not as... not as fast as me considering I'm the fastest in the... in the universe. But compared to the average person…
"Someone's insecure," Freed commented.
JEICE: We get it, mate. It's cool.
(Goku starts shaking a nearly-dead Gohan, who makes snapping noises while doing so)
"STOP SHAKING HIM!" The mages shouted in distress.
GOKU: Gohan. Hey, Gohan. Gohaaaan... Gohan?(Gohan doesn't respond, with his neck limply falling down)Maybe he'll wake up if I shake him some more…
"STOP YOU IDIOT!" Lucy shouted.
"JUST GIVE HIM THE BEAN!" Mira's dark aura flared 10 fold.
KRILLIN: Goku, just give him a Senzu!
GOKU: Oh, right.(starts getting a Senzu Bean)Eat up, Gohan.
RECOOME: Hey! Recoome was in the middle of a match here! So how 'bout yo-
GOKU: Sir... I am talking to my son.
RECOOME: Oh, Recoome apologizes.
"Apologize for breaking his neck," Carla huffed.
"And for breaking Krillin," Wendy adds.
RECOOME: Wait, what am I apologizing for? RECOOME'S GONNA KILL YOU!
"You gotta learn to be polite!" Lisanna huffed, annoyed.
(Gohan gets fed a Senzu Bean, making a Final Fantasy sound effect along with a green 9999 appearing over his head, and wakes up)
"Finally," Everyone sighed in relief.
GOHAN: Dad...? Dad!(clutches Goku's shirt)Oh, my God, you're here! I love you, Dad!
GOKU: That's right, Gohan. I am here.
"Wow," Gray was speechless.
"I'm not surprised," Bickslow said.
GOKU:(walks up to Krillin)Hey, Krillin! Ya hangin' in there?
KRILLIN: Oh, I've had worse. Ya know... when I died... This is definitely a close second, though.
"Krillin's died before?" Wendy asked, concerned.
"When you look at how he acts, I can definitely believe he died before," Levy answered.
RECOOME: Recoome will not be ignored!
GOKU: Sir. I am trying to talk to my friends!(to Vegeta)Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?
VEGETA: F**k off.
"Yup, the best of friends," Natsu smiled.
"Only an idiot like you would think so," Gajeel said. Natsu charged at Gajeel causing the two to fight each other. The fight only lasted for a minute before Erza separated them both.
"Yeah, they're dynamic is way too similar," Levy sighed.
GOKU: The best. So have a magic bean!(tosses a Senzu Bean at Vegeta, who catches it)But make sure you chew it, or else you'll grow a beanstalk in your belly!
"Is that true!?" Wendy's eyes showed innocence.
"No," Carla quickly dashed the light out of Wendy's eyes.
KRILLIN: Goku, it was terrible! We landed here, and then there were these really strong guys, and then there was even more strong guys, and then our ship blew up,(voice starts breaking down)and then there was even more strong-
"Feels like that's a recurring theme...even for us…" Levy's mind slowed down a bit.
GOKU: Bored now. Reading your mind.
"Wait what?" Levy's head snapped back at the screen.
KRILLIN: Wait, what?
(Goku places his hand on Krillin's head and reads his mind)
"WHEN!?" The mages were shocked.
GOKU: Haha! That thing was a guy.
"Freezer," Natsu said.
KRILLIN: Goku, did you just read my mind?
"Yes, he did," Freed answered.
GOKU: Yuh-huh.
KRILLIN: But how could you-
GOKU: Muffin Button.
"What?" Laxus was baffled.
"Don't think hard about it," Mira told him.
KRILLIN: What?
GOKU: Huh?
RECOOME: THAT'S IT! Recoome has had enough! Feel the strength of the Reeeecoooome Ultra Fighting Miracle...(starts charging up energy)
GOKU: Sir!(elbows Recoome in the stomach, knocking him unconscious)I will fight you in a minute.
"WHAT!?" Cried out the shocked mages.
"YEAH! GO GOKU!" Natsu cheered.
"How strong did he get?" Lucy was baffled.
"Enough to get Recoome to look like a complete joke," Makarov laughed.
VEGETA:(thinking)This... This is impossible! Kakarrot was nowhere near that same level when we fought on Earth! The only way he could have attained this strength is... No! It can't be! The legend says it only happens every 1,000 years! Has he become... a Super Saiyan?!
"Is he referring to the form Goku had when he fought Slug?" Levy thought to herself. She wrote it down and circled it.
GOKU: So, anyway... Vegeta, what happened to you? Did you get beat up by this guy?
"Yes," Natsu answered immediately.
RECOOME:(groans in pain)
VEGETA: Uhh... n-no... I um... Uh…
"Aw! He's embarrassed," Lisanna giggled.
GHOST NAPPA: You fell down some stairs.
VEGETA: I fell down some stairs.
"I don't think stairs can do that to a person," Happy laughed.
KRILLIN: No you didn't, you-
VEGETA: Shut up before I throw you down a flight!
"Way too similar," Levy mumbled under her breath.
(cuts to Guru's house)
GURU: So, Dende... Sucks about your family.
"Not how you should start a conversation," Lucy sweatdropped.
DENDE: We've gone over this...
GURU: But do you know who also lost his family...? Batman.
"No idea who that is, but he sounds cool," Romeo smiled.
DENDE: I don't know who that is!
GURU: See? This is why we need TV!
DENDE: Why?
GURU:(singing in the style of the Batman theme song)Nananananananana Dende. Nananananananana Dende. Dende...
Some of the mages swayed to the melody.
DENDE: Guru.
GURU: Dende...
DENDE: Nail's here.
GURU:(as Nail enters via an elevator, showing a dark bruise on his head)Naaaaaaaiiiiiiilllllll. Why are you back?
NAIL: I never left, sir. I was outside hitting my head against the wall for 20 minutes.
(Flashback to sounds of Nail hitting his head against the wall four times, with Guru flinching everytime he does so. Cuts back to present.)
"I guess that's how he stayed sane all these years," Lily pitied him.
GURU: So that's what that was... Why have you ignored my order?
NAIL: Because, Lord Guru, I can't leave you unguarded no matter what-
(Guru coughs up mucus, which drips down on Nail's face)
"That's just disgusting," Evergreen almost puked.
GURU: Clean that up!
(Shows a Batman-style transition with Dende's logo. Cuts back to the battlefield.)
JEICE: What the bleedin' hell?! We were havin' a right ripsnorter here, and then this piker shows up and just like that it's "Goodnight, Irene"!
Juvia was just baffled by the accent.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)We get it, you're from Space Australia!
BURTER: He's making fools out of us, Jeice!
JEICE: You're bloomin' right he is! We'd better bust out our special technique...
BURTER & JEICE:(both start powering up)Seizure Procedure!
(The two combined into a whirling blue and red vortex, as the screen starts flashing red and blue, with "Sandstorm" by Darude playing in the background. Goku is seen silently glaring at the vortex.)
"The name 'Seizure Procedure' is an appropriate name," Levy sweat dropped.
GOHAN: Krillin, whatever you do, don't look directly at it! Krillin?
(Krillin is seen with his eyes rolled back in his head, foaming at his wide-open mouth, and moaning unintelligibly)
(Krillin Owned Count: 13)
"He would look directly at it," Gray sighed.
Lucy made sure Happy and Natsu were ok, before turning back to the screen.
JEICE: No way! No one resists the Seizure Procedure!
BURTER: Plan B!
(Burter and Jeice lands next to Goku; Burter landing from behind while Jeice lands in the front)
JEICE: Alright, you bastard. Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu-(Goku punches Jeice in the face)Argh! Gah! You goddamn wanker! You punched me in the-(Goku punches Jeice again)Argh! Gah! Ya did it again!(Goku punches Jeice yet again)Daah! Stop it! Stop it!(Goku punches Jeice a fourth time)Ah! PISS!
Everybody in the audience was too busy laughing to comment.
JEICE:(thinking)Oh, what did the cap'n tell us to do in this situation?!
(shows a flashback with Captain Ginyu's face)
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to-
(Goku punches Jeice a fifth time, ending the flashback)
JEICE: Gahhh! Ow! He cut off the cap'n!
The laughter grew even louder.
GOKU: So, aren't you gonna dodge any of these?
JEICE: Oh, that's what the cap'n-(Goku punches Jeice a SIXTH time)Ahh!(to Burter)BURTER! SUPPORT!
"Why...is this...so funny!?" Lucy tries to regain her breathing.
"Because they're idiots!" Happy said, through laughter.
BURTER: Well, you've got very nice hair, you're a beautiful shade of red, and honestly, you're the only guy I can rely on on this team.
"Just take him on a date at this point," Bickslow laughed.
JEICE: I meant punch him, ya daft bastard! Argh! Oh, but thanks, you know? That did really cheer me-(Goku punches Jeice... you know what? You get the point)Ahh! God, I think he broke something that time!
"Piccolo would be disappointed at the lack of dodging," Romeo said.
(Burter and Jeice attack Goku, with Goku easily blocking both their attacks. Goku then counter attacks by sweepkicking Burter off his feet and then gets back up and holds his hands near his face, all while "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer plays, the music pausing at word "Stop:".)
GOKU: Goku time!(blasts Burter and Jeice away simultaneously with a Ki blast)
Natsu mimics Goku's movements.
"Natsu Time!" The Dragon Slayer extended his arms, shooting out fire. He almost burned Lucy in the process.
"WATCH IT!" The celestial mage cried.
"Your dodging skills are poor Lucy," Natsu sounded disappointed. The celestial mage bashed him on the head.
JEICE: Alright, this is just bloody stupid!
BURTER: Calm down! We gotta come up with a plan! Listen, if you use your Crusher Ball on him, I can rush him the moment he tries to dodge. He may be fast, but he's not faster than the fastest guy in the universe!
"Shut up about it," Laxus was annoyed.
JEICE: Okay, mate, we need to talk. About this whole "fastest in the universe" thing. First off, the Cap'n's got a higher power level than you.
BURTER: Yeah, so?
JEICE: Well then, correct me if I'm wrong, but a higher power level means he's faster, yeah?
BURTER: Well okay... Maybe...
JEICE: And Lord Frieza's got a higher power level than all of us...
BURTER: Okay, that's just not fair...
JEICE: And, if ya think about it, Guldo can stop time, so that technically makes him faster than-
BURTER: NO, NO, NO! OKAY?! I AM NOT SLOWER THAN F**KING GULDO!
"It's like being weaker than Yamcha," Gray shivered.
"A man's worst nightmare," Gajeel said.
JEICE: Burter, calm down.
BURTER: NO, SHUT UP! YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID RED FACE!(doing a Jeice impression)"Oh, don't worry, mate, you're just slower than Guldo!"(off-screen during Goku's thought transition)I don't wanna hear it! You! Don't! Get it!
GOKU:(thinking)I wonder if there's a Denny's on this planet... I could really go for a Grand Slam…
"I am hungry right now," Natsu rubbed his stomach.
"I can cook something up after this," Mira offered, which everyone agreed.
BURTER: You don't know what it's like! Everyone has something special! I don't! What am I? The big blue snake guy. That's all I've got!(voice starts breaking down)That's all I've go-o-ot...
"He really was insecure," Wendy felt bad.
"Meh," Carla rolled her eyes.
JEICE: Geez, mate. I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
BURTER: I just... I just wanna be special. Something to call my own, you know?
JEICE: Mate, mate. Ya do got something special: You're me mate.
"Aw!" The girls cooed at the nice moment.
BURTER: Ahh, dude...
JEICE: No, no, really. Remember when I had to move me piano into me flat and Recoome was too busy with his match and Guldo, well, he was Guldo, but you! You got those ivory keys up those five flights in no time at all. You're me best mate!
"I'm sure Burter wants to be more," Lisanna giggled.
BURTER: Thanks, Jeice. You're my best friend too... Ya know, after all this is over, whaddya say we head off to Spacey's and just have a good ol' time?
"That's not gonna happen," Gray shook his head.
JEICE: Sounds good, mate.
BURTER: But remember, you still owe me that space soda!
JEICE: Haha! You're right I do. Now, let's go show that bloke what for-
(Goku attacks Burter by kicking him the back, sending him flying towards the ground, only to be caught by Goku, who throws him onto the ground, rendering him unconscious)
"And Goku wins," Erza smiled.
"He also ruined the moment," Lucy threw in.
"I'm honestly surprised he let the conversation go on for that long," Lily said.
GOKU:(to Jeice)Say, do you know where there's a Denny's around here?
JEICE: Burter! No!
GOKU: Butter! That'll go great on my Grand Slam!
"And he's only thinking about food," Levy sighed.
"Reminds me of someone," Lucy's eyes bore into Natsu's skull.
JEICE: You just killed me best mate! I'm... I'm gonna get the cap'n. And he's gonna beat you up!(charges up energy and flies away)CAAAPTAIIIIIN!
GOKU: Well, that was fun. Now where are the fighters? I really wanna deck that Freezer guy!
"He also calls him Freezer…" Lucy facepalmed.
"That is his name," Natsu looked at Lucy as if she was the dumb one.
"It's not you idiot!" Lucy yelled back.
VEGETA: You've got to be kidding...Thisis a Super Saiyan?
"Disappointing isn't it?" Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: A Super what?
VEGETA: Nothing. Just... lamenting my crushed dreams...
KRILLIN: Goku! I can't believe you're so strong!
GOKU: Well, I did train at 100x normal gravity…
"Need to try that," Natsu gains an evil glint in his eyes.
VEGETA:(eyes widen)FUU**********...(continues cursing in the background)
KRILLIN: Man, no wonder you killed them so easily.
VEGETA: ...UUCK!
GOKU: Krillin, I'm not gonna kill them... They're hardly even a threat.
"Sparing his enemies, proof of his golden heart," Erza's eyes shined brightly.
(The renegade icon from Mass Effect 3 appears at the bottom right of the screen. Vegeta grins before killing Burter by breaking his neck and then fires a blast at Recoome, killing him as well)
"And then that happens," Everyone was shocked at Vegeta's instant kills.
GOKU: Vegeta...! That was not very Paragon!
VEGETA:(spits)Renegade for life.
"Taking that one too," Gajeel said.
["TOKUSENTAI!" ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: You think that's bad? Seriously, if you hit him hard enough you can play a song.
(Vegeta repeatedly stomps on Burter's neck, causing the latter to groan repeatedly in the tune of "Tetris")
Wendy cringed at the scene.
VEGETA: Ahahahah! I don't even know what that's from.
KRILLIN: I think that was Tetris.
VEGETA: Isn't that what you get when you cut yourself with something rusty?
GOKU: Nope. That's rabies.
GOHAN: Actually, Dad, you contract rabies when you're bitten by an animal with the disease.
GOKU: Silly Gohan. Animals don't eat people... People eat animals. Silly Gohan.
"I still believe Goku would eat an entire species out of existence," Gray said, flatly.
Chapter End
Chapter 28: The Good, The Bad, The Purple
Chapter Text
Chapter 31: The Good, The Bad, and The Purple
(cuts to Guru's house)
GURU: And so I tell him, "I don't care who you are! Now clean my jowls!" And that was Nail's first day on the job.
"I continue to pity Nail," Macao said.
"A real toxic relationship," Evergreen disapproved.
NAIL: Yes, sir... I remember, I was there. That also doesn't have anything to do with what we were talking about.
"You were talking?" Levy's eyebrow rose.
"You sure it wasn't just him insulting you?" Gray was skeptical.
GURU: What were we talking about?
NAIL: That ungodly POWER headed our way!(shows Frieza flying his way to Guru's house)
"That is a gigantic issue," Wendy shivered.
"Someone should really do something about that," Gajeel said.
GURU: Oh yeah... that.
NAIL: You know, perhaps you should give someone else that power-up. You remember, the one you gave the Earthlings?
GURU: You are correct. It is time for me to unlock your hidden powers... Dende.
"Why Little Green?" Natsu asked, confused.
"And I'm sure Nail didn't mean Dende," Lucy sweatdropped.
(Guru unlocks Dende's hidden potential)
DENDE: Ahh, what the hell?!
GURU: And now, your power has been awakened.
DENDE: I noticed!
NAIL: Sir, I was referring to ME-!
"Nail would've made more sense," Levy sighed.
GURU: Now listen to me, Dende. With these powers, you garner a huge responsibility. I need you to run as fast as you can to the Earthlin-
NAIL: Sir, he left you the moment after you gave him the power-up.
(shows Dende flying away from a window)
GURU: That slu*t!
Everyone laughs at Dende's retreat.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship with Jeice reporting to Captain Ginyu about what just happened)
JEICE: Then out of nowhere, this stupid guy in this stupid outfit starts beating us up, and I lost me best mate, and-
"You guys have no right to feel as if you're the victims," Laxus growled.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice! You'll speak to me professionally and dutifully.
"At least somebody is professional," Carla felt a bit relieved.
JEICE:(now calm)Oh, um... Sorry, cap'n.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Now, Jeice, back from the field. Full report.
JEICE: Well, see, at first it was going fine... but next thing we know, Guldo... well...
CAPTAIN GINYU: Oh lord, he's dead, isn't he...?
"He's feeling remorse over Guldo's death?" Lucy was shocked.
"Well...he is the captain, so it makes sense," Levy pieced together.
JEICE: That he is, sir...
CAPTAIN GINYU: Well... in our line of work, our lives can be compromised at any moment. This is something we must live with. On the plus side, Burter owes me 50 Raditz.
"Good luck with that," Bickslow laughed.
"Gonna have a very difficult time getting that," Gajeel snickered.
JEICE: About that, cap'n... he's probably not gonna pay up.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Really? He's usually such a good sport about that.
"I would say 'was' a good sport," Cana spat drunkenly.
JEICE: Thing is, he's come down with a sudden case of death, sir.
CAPTAIN GINYU:(sincerely upset)Oh... that's... wow. That's a rather hefty loss.
"I do find it sweet that Ginyu cares for his men," Lisanna smiled.
"A nice change of pace from the usual assholes," Bickslow commented.
JEICE: Yes, sir. He was a valued teammate. Strong, fast, and-
CAPTAIN GINYU: And blue!
JEICE: Pardon, cap'n?
CAPTAIN GINYU: Blue! And tall! And you're so red! And short! It was the perfect little yin-yang thing we had going!
"Kinda like Natsu and Gray," Lucy mused.
Both mages cried out in disagreement at the stupid(Their opinon) comparison.
JEICE:(muttering)Not that short, cap'n.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Oh, don't go all Vegeta on me. Now, where are we going to find another blue recruit? Perhaps Recoome knows someone.
"He knew someone," Gajeel corrected.
JEICE:(lets out a disappointed sigh)
CAPTAIN GINYU: He's dead too, isn't he...?
JEICE: Yeah...
CAPTAIN GINYU: Well, did he at least die with dignity?
(Shows a shot of Recoome lying face down on the ground, his naked ass in the air. Buzzing flies are heard.)
"No, no he did not," Gajeel laughed.
"Honestly he got off too easy," Mira grumbled.
JEICE: Define "dignity", sir.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Uhhh... Well, Jeice, I believe the next step is obvious. We, as professionals, cannot allow this act to go unabated. We have a job to finish, and we shall see it through.
JEICE: Yes, sir!
CAPTAIN GINYU: Ginyu Force, away!
(Captain Ginyu and Jeice fly off in the distance)
(cuts to the battlefield showing Goku, Gohan, Krillin, and Vegeta)
GOKU: Sure is nice to see you guys again. But I sure can't help but feel that someone's missing.
"Bulma?" Levy threw in.
GOHAN: What do you think she's up to?
KRILLIN: Probably something girly…
"Sexist," Most of the women glared.
(cuts to Bulma in a mech suit fighting a giant crab underwater, with "Crabplosion" playing in the background)
Killing crabs... in the ocean
Kill it fast... pain explosion
Yeah!
"At least Bulma's having her own little adventure," Mira smiled.
"Where did she get the mech though?" Romeo wondered.
"Better not to ask questions," Levy replied.
(cuts back to Krillin and Gohan)
KRILLIN: ...like her hair.
VEGETA: Your idiotic banter is charming, but if you haven't noticed, we're pretty much screwed here.
"How?" Happy didn't see how.
GOKU: What? Why?
VEGETA: Frieza has the Dragon Balls, you dolt! Which basically means we're already dead.
"Oh yeah, Vegeta doesn't know the full facts of the Dragonballs," Levy reminded everyone.
KRILLIN: Actually, not really.
VEGETA: Oh? Something you know that I don't?
KRILLIN: A lot of things, actually.
"You wanna word that better?" Lucy chuckled, nervously.
"Congrats on having the balls to say it, Krillin," Gajeel clapped.
VEGETA: ... You have five seconds to rephrase that. 4... 3...
KRILLIN: Actually, what I meant to say was, when you make a wish on the Dragon Balls, the sky turns darker than the blackest void…
(cuts to Mr. Popo on Earth)
MR. POPO: Hm?
Everyone shivered.
(cuts back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: And out of the balls... rises a giant dragon! So yeah, none of that.
VEGETA: ... 2... 1…
"He was still counting?" Carla raised an eyebrow.
"He really doesn't like Krillin," Lily sweatdropped.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Hi, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Hi, Ginyu-(realizes that Captain Ginyu and Jeice has arrived)Ugh…
"He keeps falling for it," Lisanna giggled.
JEICE:(referring to Goku)That's him, cap'n! That's the one who beat us up!
"Why does he sound like a spoiled kid who called his brother for help?" Romeo asked.
"Because that's exactly what he is," His father answered.
CAPTAIN GINYU: What? Just look at his hair! He looks like he just got out of bed! For goodness sakes, Jeice, he's even wearing pajamas!
"You're not even wearing pants," Canna pointed out.
"And who are you to judge his appearance?" Erza looked offended.
JEICE: I swear it, sir. He picked us apart one by one. We never stood a cha-(Goku punches him in the face again)Aaah! Oh, that's just not fair!
"You'd think he'd be more on guard," Lily smirked.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Jeice, what have I told you?
VEGETA: You know, I'm surprised you're here, Ginyu. I thought you'd be busy polishing Frieza's boots.
CAPTAIN GINYU: First off, Lord Frieza doesn't wear boots. Second, if he did, I'd have already polished them. Third, he's off chasing some leftover Namekians.
"Why does he remind me of Freed?" Laxus muttered, terrified.
VEGETA: Wait, so Frieza's not at the ship...
CAPTAIN GINYU: Correct.
VEGETA: And you're here...
CAPTAIN GINYU: That's right.
"Vegeta's entire attention has been placed somewhere else," Freed commented.
"Giving Vegeta exactly what he wants has been the theme of this sage," Levy noticed.
VEGETA: And the average power level of Frieza's soldiers is...
CAPTAIN GINYU: Two thousand.
"I feel like that should be lower," Lucy frowned.
VEGETA: I-i-i-interesting...!
GOKU: Krillin! Gohan! Get out of here and find Bulma. Vegeta and I can handle this on our own.
"Correction, YOU can handle it on your own," Laxus spoke.
KRILLIN: Oh, no! I mean, I'd really hate to leave you on your own, you know, but if you say so, LET'S GO, GOHAN!(flies away with Gohan)
"I don't blame Krillin for wanting to leave," Wendy said.
"None of us do...this time," Gray told her.
GOHAN: Be careful, Dad!
GOKU: All right, Vegeta. We have to put our differences aside for now, and take these guys as a team.
VEGETA: Yeah, that's fantastic and entertaining and all that... but first, if you don't mind me... I need to use the restroom.
"What terrible lie," Lucy sweatdropped.
GOKU: Oh, okay.
"Don't fall for it!" The Celestial mage yelled.
VEGETA: About a hundred miles away.(flies off)
GOKU: ...He has a very nervous bladder.(gets elbowed in the face by Captain Ginyu)
"Cheap shot," Wakaba booed.
(cuts to Frieza flying to Guru's house in his bubble car)
FRIEZA:(thinking)So, for the first century, I'll go easy on them, lure them into a false sense of security, and then when they think I'm not so bad, BAM! I'll go full tyrant on them in the second century. After that, I'll disappear for a millennium and make them wonder if I ever existed to begin with... just to come back and kill them all.
"He probably daydreams about his own plans a lot," Levy said.
(Frieza flies past Dende, who's travelling in the opposite direction. Dende gives Frieza a nasty glare)
FRIEZA: Good afternoon.
DENDE: It's morning.(in Namekian/Klingon)Douche.
"How can you even tell when there's no night at all?" Lucy complained.
FRIEZA: Cute kid. Seems familiar.
"I'm really grateful he doesn't remember Dende," Lisanna sighed.
(Frieza speeds up and arrives at Guru's house, his bubble car making a Jetsons' sound effect while descending to ground level. Frieza then gets out of his bubble care and gets confronted by...)
NAIL: What doyouwant?
FRIEZA: Ah, good sir, I suppose you could say I'm looking for technical support.
"If you wanna call it stealing their property and then using it for yourself, then sure yeah it's pretty accurate," Gajeel said, sarcastically.
GURU:(from inside his house)Naaaaaaiiiiil, do we have a visitor?
NAIL: Yes, sir.
GURU:(from inside his house)Naaaaiiil, take his coat.
FRIEZA: I don't have a coat.
"He does have armor," Natsu added.
NAIL: He doesn't have a coat, sir. And I believe this is the man who basically killed our entire race.
GURU:(from inside his house, sounding a bit annoyed)Naaaiil, don't take his coat.
"At least he recognized the threat," Lucy was a bit grateful.
FRIEZA: You see, I recently acquired what you people refer to as "Dragon Balls"... but I'm having trouble getting them to do what I want.
NAIL: Did you try working the shaft?
"Ha! That was a good one," Gajeel laughed.
"I don't get it," Wendy's face scrunched up. Working her brain to understand the joke.
FRIEZA:(lowers his head)Classy.
GURU:(from inside his house)Naaaail, what does he want?
NAIL: He's asking how to use the Dragon Balls.
GURU:(from inside his house)Did you tell him to work the shaft?
NAIL: Yes, Lord Guru.
GURU:(from inside his house)Good work, Nail.
"It's amazing how they're on the same wavelength all of a sudden," Gray laughed.
"It's called screwing over Frieza. It'll bring everyone together," Cana laughed loudly.
FRIEZA: I have the distinct impression you're going to be difficult.
"They have no reason to help you," Makarov said.
NAIL: Well, sir, if you're having a problem with our customer support, you can call 1-800-eat-a-d**k.
"I'm using that," Levy called it before Gajeel did. The Dragon Slayer slumped back and pouted. The word mage giggled into her hands.
GURU:(from inside his house)We don't even HAVE those!
"Them find one," Natsu said, nonchalantly. Lucy turned towards him in disbelief.
FRIEZA: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. What IS that?(shoots eyes laser at Guru's house, blowing up the top part and revealing Guru)
GURU: Oh, God, NATURAL LIGHT!
"Yeah, it's the worst," Makarov nodded his head in agreement.
FRIEZA: Good lord! I was led to believe your species survived entirely on water. How is he so FAT?!
"Rude," Lisanna glared.
GURU: Oh, hello, I'm Super Kami Guru, and I'm the guy who's NOT judging you on your appearance.
"Exactly! Proper introductions are a must!" Erza said, sternly.
FRIEZA: Well, my name is Frieza; ruler of most of the known galaxy. I'm here to offer you a deal. You give me the information I require, and I'll let the sporting young man live.
"Suddenly sounding like a good deal," Romeo said.
GURU: Please. Nail isn't afraid of you... He is the strongest of our race!
FRIEZA: Oh, really?
NAIL:(nervously)Uh, sir?
GURU: Yeah, Nail's gonna destroy your sorry ass. They wouldn't be able to air it on the news because it'll be so BRUTAL!
"Oh...he's just sending Nail to his death," Levy realized.
"Maybe Nail can buy some time for the others," Lisanna hoped.
"He's gonna die," Gajeel crushed Lisanna's hopes. Earning him an elbow to his sides.
NAIL:(desperately trying to get Guru's attention)Sir, seriously-!
GURU: Hush, Nail! I'm speaking for you.
"Sending him to his death," Erza glared.
FRIEZA:(puts on his scouter)Well, then, If this is the only course of action available to me, I accept. I'll dispatch this worm and then I'll be back for you,slug.
GURU: Leave my brother out of this!
"Your brother is dead," Lily said.
NAIL: Sir, his power is overwhelming! I can also sense it's only a fraction of what he's capable of!
"Something you never wanna hear about your opponent," Erza frowned.
GURU: Nail, listen to me... You are Namek's number one son. A prodigy child. You have been trained in the ancient ways... I believe in you.
NAIL: You... mean that, Lord Guru?
"He's marinating you," Macao pointed out.
GURU: Yes, Nail... Now show him the staggering spirit of Namek... and waste his smug ass!
NAIL: Yes sir!(to Frieza)Follow me!(leaves with Frieza to a different location to do battle)
GURU: Fool... If I had trained him in the NEW way, he might have stood a chance.
"He's a bastard," Laxus growled.
(cuts to Goku and Ginyu fighting in the air)
CAPTAIN GINYU: You have an interesting form and a surprisingly well-honed technique.
GOKU: And you're purple!
"Chill the racism Goku," Levy advised.
(both Goku and Captain Ginyu jump back)
CAPTAIN GINYU: I'm sufficiently impressed. You've held your own very well. But your form and grace will never compare to that of the illustrious CAPTAIN GINYU!(strikes a pose)
GOKU:(mimicking Captain Ginyu's pose)You mean, like this?
CAPTAIN GINYU:(blushing)Oh, God! Is that what I look like? Jeice! That isn't what I look like, is it?
"Have you never looked in a mirror?" Gray questioned.
"If they did this entire situation would be completely different," Lucy answered.
JEICE: No, cap'n! You look amazing!
GOKU: No offense, but this is boring... Like, really boring... Like, listening to Gohan's piano recital boring…
"That recital would be cute," Mira gushed.
"Nah, sounds pretty boring to me," Natsu shrugged his shoulders. Mira's chilling smile made the dragon slayer hide behind Lucy.
CAPTAIN GINYU: I realized these poses in an effort to invigorate my men and raise morale! How DARE you mock them?!
GOKU: Well, I mean, it's just.. I'm not even using half my power right now.
"That's a recurring theme in this show," Levy rolled her eyes. The petite woman decided to count how many times someone says that.
CAPTAIN GINYU:: Aha, quite a substantial bluff. But a bluff, and nothing more. I've witnessed your abilities firsthand and I assure you that you're-
"Underestimating saiyans," Freed finished the sentence.
(Goku powers up in Kaio-ken, causing both Captain Ginyu and Jeice's scouters to start beeping rapidly. Goku powers down)
"Also missed a kaio-what joke," Levy sighed.
CAPTAIN GINYU: A hundred and eighty thousand... Hunh.
"Told ya," Freed formed a smug smile.
JEICE: Oy, cap'n, isn't your max power level only one hundred and-
CAPTAIN GINYU: DAAAUUUUGGHH!(holds his head and dives into the water)
JEICE: Yeah, one hundred and twenty thousand, that's what I thought.
GOKU: Is he gonna be okay?
JEICE: Eh, the cap'n? Yeah, he just does that sometimes.
"And you're not concerned?" Evergreen asked.
(Ginyu comes back out of the water and holds his head)
CAPTAIN GINYU: GAH! Alright, I'm back.
JEICE: How ya going, cap'n?
CAPTAIN GINYU: How do youthink?
JEICE: Well, cap'n, if you're getting stressed, you could always... you know.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Oh, Jeice! This is hardly the time or the place. Besides, I did it in the pod on the way here.
"Gross," The females said at once.
JEICE:(surprised)Uh... I meant switch bodies, sir…
"HE CAN DO WHAT!?" Everyone jumped up.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Ah, yes! Of course!(throws his scouter at Jeice, who catches it with one hand)Hold my scouter.
GOKU: Hey, what are you doing with your hand?
(Captain Ginyu punches a hole in his own chest)
"OH GOD!" Most of them blanched at the gore.
GOKU:(completely shocked)Um, sir...? You're supposed to do that to me...
CAPTAIN GINYU:(in pain)Oh-ho, but you see... I DID do it to you.
"I don't understand…" Natsu's brain worked overtime.
GOKU: I don't understand...
CAPTAIN GINYU: CHANGE NOOOWWWW!
(Captain Ginyu switches bodies with Goku, laughing evilly while doing so. Camera shows a blurry vision of Goku in midair.)
GOKU:(thinking)Oh, wow... what happened? Everything seems... weird. (regains his vision and sees himself) Oh, hey! There's another me over there! I wonder if- (starts moving forward but suddenly stops) Ahh! Ow! My chest! What in the... (looks down and sees Captain Ginyu's hand) Oh..
(camera reveals Goku in Captain Ginyu's body)
GOKU:(out loud in a different voice)Oh... ohhhh...
"Oh crapbaskets..." Everyone said.
["TOKUSENTAI!" ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cuts to Gohan and Krillin arriving back at the cave)
KRILLIN: Hey, Bulma... We're back.
GOHAN: How ya doing?
BULMA: I FOUGHT A GIANT CRAB!
"Good for you," Happy smiled.
KRILLIN: ...They make a special shampoo for that, I hear.(screen goes black as a punching sound is heard)Ow!
"Not the time Krillin," Gray sighed.
Chapter End
Chapter 29: Grand Theft Goku
Chapter Text
Chapter 32: Grand Theft Goku
(cuts to Goku, now in Captain Ginyu's body)
GOKU:(in Ginyu's body)What happened? I'm all purple...and horny! Chi-Chi's gonna hate this…
"It's definitely a repulsive new look," Erza frowned, agreeing with Goku.
"She might like the horny part," Cana giggled.
GINYU:(in Goku's body)What's mine is yours, and yours is mine, as they say.
"I'm pretty sure that's not correct," Levy crossed her arms.
"It's Grand Theft Goku!" Happy screamed.
GOKU: G-Gimme back my body!
GINYU: I'm sorry, you can't have your body anymore. It's mine, now. Jeice, shall we?
JEICE: Right, cap'n.
(Ginyu and Jeice fly off)
GINYU: Goodbye! Enjoy bleeding to death.
"Bleeding to death doesn't sound enjoyable," Natsu gagged.
"That's the point Natsu," Lucy told him.
GOKU:: I won't...! Man... I'm a jerk now…
"No, Ginyu is the jerk," Wendy said, fiercely.
"But, he's Ginyu now," Romeo said. The usually sweet girl glared in his direction, making the boy close his mouth.
["SANJOU! GINYU TOKUSENTAI!" OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Krillin and Gohan flying in the sky, searching for the Dragon Balls)
GOHAN: The radar says we're getting close!
KRILLIN: Yeah... Who woulda' thought Bulma woulda' been so compliant?
"Did you sell your soul?" Gajeel raised an eyebrow,
"Bulma isn't a demon," Levy told him.
"No, she's definitely a demon in human skin," Gray said.
(flashback of Krillin and Gohan's last conversation with Bulma)
BULMA: Why? Why would you leave me alone here? I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE!
"Because they had to fight some space rangers," Bickslow explained.
"To be fair, they really haven't explained anything to Bulma," Freed said.
"I'd doubt it would stop her bitching," Laxus furrowed his brows.
KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma... let's just calm down. Why are you upset?
BULMA: Why? Because I...am always alone.
"Get laid," Gajeel gave his answer. Everyone stared at him in bewilderment.
"What?" He asked.
"Sex doesn't solve every problem," Erza looked disappointed.
"It'll solve hers," He leaned back in his seat.
KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma- if we were to stay here...what would that accomplish?
"Krillin raised another good point," Lucy acknowledged.
"He seems to have been doing that lately," Lisanna smiled.
"Guess Recoome's kick knocked something straight," Juvia sweatdropped.
BULMA: ...Just take the f**king radar.
KRILLIN: Thank you, Bulma. Say thank you, Gohan.
GOHAN: Thank you, Bulma.
BULMA: No problem, Gohan.
KRILLIN: And no problem...
BULMA: Shove it!
"At least she appreciates Gohan," Lisanna sweatdropped.
"As everyone should," Mira nods proudly.
KRILLIN: I'll take it. Let's go!(Gohan and Krillin leap away)
(cuts back to present)
KRILLIN: Well, if you ask me, all she needs is a little bit of wink wink, nudge, nudge, *tsk*, *tsk*, *whistle*
"For once I'm agreeing with Krillin," Gajeel sighed.
"A cruel world indeed," Levy shook her head.
"He's still five tho," Juvia reminded. Her and the other girls had a look of disapproval on their faces from Killin's implications.
GOHAN: Still five.
KRILLIN: Right.
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: It's called the Wilhelm Scream, man. It's like the one in Star Wars where the Stormtrooper falls.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Aww, yeah! I love that scream. Uh, doesn't it sound like...(tries to imitate the scream)
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Nah, dude, it's more like...(also tries to imitate the scream)
"I think I've heard the scream before," Romeo scratched his head.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Naw, that wasn't it either.(gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream)
"Yup, that's it," Romeo nodded his head.
FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Dude, that was totally it!(also gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream as well)
(The first soldier's corpse is seen dropping on the ground, and then all the other soldiers get blasted to their deaths, resulting in a huge explosion. Vegeta is seen descending towards Frieza's ship and lands near hole in the center.)
VEGETA:(jumps down the hole in Frieza's ship)Wheeee!
"Wheee!" Happy copied.
(cuts to Ginyu (in Goku's body) and Jeice flying in the sky)
JEICE: How's the body, sir?
GINYU:(looking at Goku's body through a reflection in the water)Fantastic, a little too pink and hairy in odd places, but I'll grow into it.
"What places?" Erza's face turned red as her mind raced frantically.
JEICE: So, what's the plan, cap'n?
GINYU: Well, first off, we have to touch on Frieza's balls.
"Really?" Evergreen lowered her brows.
"They couldn't miss the joke," Carla sighed.
JEICE:(after an awkward pause)Uh, sir...
GINYU: Yes, yes. Realized the moment I said it.
"Then don't make the mistake again," Evergreen commanded.
(cuts to Vegeta washing his face inside Frieza's ship)
VEGETA:(thinking)Alright, get your act together. Hundred times gravity? That's for puss*es. The only reason he took those jokers out was because I loosened them up for him.
"Vegeta's showing his insecurities again," Lisanna sang.
VEGETA:Like a jar of Space Pickles. Ugly, stupid Space Pickles! (puts on new armor) I just gotta get those Dragon Balls. And if it's anything like that jockstrap incident, Ginyu probably buried them somewhere around here…
"Do we want to know about the jockstrap incident?" Gray asked.
"No," Everyone's immediate answer arrived.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Hey Gohan, I think they're buried somewhere around here.
VEGETA:(thinking)Well...at least I'll have something to put back in the hole.
"Team Three Star already disbanded?" Wendy frowned.
(cuts to outside Frieza's ship)
KRILLIN: Dig like there's no tomorrow!
VEGETA:(thinking)Okay, the second they summon the dragon, I'll swoop in and break the bald one's neck! Totally gonna yell "Team Three Star" when I do it, too. Oh, I can see it now... TEAM THREE STAR! (a splattering sound is heard along with Krillin crying out in pain) Amazing.
"Actually would be hilarious," Laxus said.
"Again, a lot of hate generated towards Krillin specifically," Lisanna sweatdropped.
(Gohan and Krillin had just finished digging up the Dragon Balls)
GOHAN: We found them! Krillin, we really did it!
KRILLIN: Finally! Now let's hurry up and wish back Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu.
GOHAN: What about Yamcha?
"What ABOUT Yamcha?" Gajeel asked.
KRILLIN: WhataboutYamcha.
VEGETA:(thinking)I don't know what this "Yamcha" is, but it sounds just like Raditz.
"A giant disappointment," Gajeel agreed with the comparison.
KRILLIN: Eternal Dragon... Rise up and grant our wish!
(nothing happens)
"What?" Everyone was confused.
GOHAN: It's not working. Is that what you're supposed to say?
KRILLIN: Honestly, that's always been pretty vague. Usually just gather 'em together and then out pops the magic dragon.
"Maybe it's something different on Namek?" Lucy wondered.
GOHAN: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls.
KRILLIN: Huh. Maybe if I sing to it. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...
"I'll snap his neck," Laxus said nonchalantly.
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language.
"So, that's Dende's purpose," Levy realized.
KRILLIN: I don't speak German! And the only person I know who does was the toilet... And it's dead... God rest his seat.
"May he rest in peace," Natsu prayed.
(Vegeta then senses Ginyu and Jeice approaching Frieza's ship)
VEGETA:(thinking)Agh! What? Oh, you can't be serious...!
GOHAN: Huh? Hey Krillin, I feel two power levels coming this way. You don't think my dad failed, do you?
"He got caught off guard," Erza said, sadly.
"I still don't understand why these people don't just dodge?" Evergreen couldn't grasp it.
KRILLIN: No way, Gohan, your dad's the best! But on the off-chance, HIDE YOURSELF!(takes Gohan and hides behind a rock)
"Nice faith ya got there," Levy was sarcastic.
(Ginyu and Jeice arrive at Frieza's ship)
JEICE: Oi! Cap'n! Someone's dug up the balls!
GINYU: Well then, someone's in for the beating of their life.
"Sounds so off putting with Goku's voice," Natsu frowned.
"There was Turles, but this is just more weird," Lucy agreed.
KRILLIN: Hey, Goku! Check it out, we dug up the Dragon Balls! How ya doin'? D'you win that fight against the Ginyu guy? Why's that Space New Zealand guy here?
"So you're blind and deaf," Laxus summed up.
JEICE: Aw, what the fu-
KRILLIN: And what's up with the scouter? Do you happen to know anybody who speaks German?(gets bitch-slapped by Ginyu)AHAGH!
(Krillin Owned Count: 13)
KRILLIN: Augh! And what was that about?
"That isn't your friend, Krillin," Lily warned.
GOHAN: Krillin, that's not my dad!
"Someone gets it," Lily was thankful for Gohan.
(Ginyu smirked evilly)
KRILLIN: Gohan, of course it's your dad. Goku, what's your favorite food?
GINYU: Waldorf salad.
KRILLIN: See? Double Baconator- Oh, s**t.
"GOKU DOESN'T EAT VEGETABLES YOU IMPOSTER!" Natsu pointed at the screen.
GINYU: You see, I've acquired the body of your former associate... "Goku", was it? And with that, I've gained his power level of one hundred and eighty thousand.
"Can't wait to see how you screw this up," Gajeel said.
"That's...really all we're doing isn't it?" Levy asked.
KRILLIN: That's... that's horrible!
GINYU: Quite. I'm sure you understand now the situation you're in...
KRILLIN: That is identity theft! We're gonna sue the crap out of you!
"Yeah!" Natsu agreed.
GINYU: You can't sue me if I kill you...
KRILLIN: No; then, you'll get put on trial for murder. Ha!(gets hit)Gah!
GOHAN:(gets hit)Aah!
"I don't think the court is gonna solve this problem," Lucy sweatdropped.
(Ginyu is seen beating down both Krillin and Gohan in the air. Jeice's scouter suddenly starts beeping)
"Fight back!" Gray shouted.
"He looks like Goku, but it's not Goku! So, fight back!" Natsu yelled.
JEICE: Huh?(notices Goku arriving at the scene)Uh, cap'n? You're here...
GINYU: What the devil are you...?(notices Goku's arrival)Oh. Aw, look what the space cat regurgitated!
"And he's here to kick ass!" Natsu shouted.
"Gonna be difficult with the hole in his chest," Lucy sweatdropped.
GOKU: Hey, Gohan. Hey, Krillin. Hey, Goku.
GOHAN: D-Dad?
GINYU: I'm surprised you're still kicking. How's that wound treating you?
"Jackass," Bickslow grumbled.
GOKU: This is easily the second-worst hole I've ever had in my chest. It's gonna take, like, a million mommy kisses to make it better…
"Second?" Levy wondered what the first one was.
KRILLIN: Gohan, we may have a chance now, but you'll have to give it your all. Remember, he may look like your dad, but you can absolutely not hold back...
GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!(charges forward and starts beating up Ginyu)Abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body!? YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMORE!
Everyone was shocked at Gohan's sudden outburst.
"To be fair, he didn't send you to space and the situation with Piccolo was out of his control," Levy defended.
GOKU: I don't know where he getsthatfrom.
"His mother," Mira answered.
GINYU: Uagh! This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on?
"You don't know how to use that body," Erza smirked.
"And it must still suck to be weaker than a 5-year old," Gray smirked.
GOKU: Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques!
GINYU: What techniques? Tell me!
GOKU: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken!
GINYU: Kaio-wha-?(gets kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time)UAGH!
"Ah, it's been a while," Levy smiled, blissfully.
GINYU: Uah! Jeice! (JEICE: Huh?) If you're not too busy standing there like a slack-jawed idiot, I could use your help!
GOKU: Wait... If I'm Ginyu now, does that mean you have to listen to me?
"Yeah!" Happy raised a paw.
JEICE: No.
"Aw…" He lowered his paw.
GOKU: Oh... Well then, what about him?
(Vegeta appears behind Jeice)
VEGETA: Good day, mate.(Jeice looks at Vegeta and starts whimpering)
"And Vegeta joins the fight!" Lisanna sang.
(cuts to Frieza and Nail flying in the sky)
FRIEZA: So... We've been flying for about twenty minutes now... Got any family...? Because if so, I probably killed them.(Nail does not respond)Really? Nothing to that...? You're no fun.
"Shouldn't have killed everyone then," Erza folded her arms.
(cuts to Vegeta and Jeice exchanging blows in the air)
VEGETA: Hey Jeice, I've killed every single one of Frieza's flunkies I've gone up against so far, six in total! How would you like to be number seven?
"Just realized Vegeta has the highest body count out of any other character," Freed said.
"Didn't Frieza blow up a planet?" Bickslow brought up.
"Ok, the 2nd highest count," Freed corrected.
JEICE: Piss off, you bloody monkey!(lands a punch on Vegeta, sending him flying a few feet back)
VEGETA:(doesn't seem that harmed)Thank you, sir. May I have another?
JEICE: What the hell happened to you? You were not this strong when you fought Recoome!
"Saiyan power boosts!" Levy grinned.
VEGETA:(holds up the Official Saiyan Handbook)Looks like YOU have some required reading to do.
JEICE:(heard flipping pages through the handbook)Alright, let's see here... Okay, full moon...lose your tails...stronger every time you...(stunned pause)Oh.(lowers the book)Well, I'm right f**ked, aren't I?
VEGETA: Right in the down-under.
(Vegeta kicks Jeice into the air and then chops him in the ribs. Vegeta then puts his hand in front of Jeice's face.)
JEICE:(thinking)Clever girl...(Vegeta obliterates him with a huge ki blast)
"I get the 'down-under' part now," Lisanna realized.
GINYU: NO! JEICE! All of my men...I'm the only one left... Please, all of you...just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.
VEGETA:(first heard faintly but gets louder)MinemineminemineminemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!(hits Ginyu to the ground)
"It was a moment," Lucy smiled, nervously.
"A very brief moment," Juvia sweatdropped.
VEGETA: Hahaha! The best part about this? I get to kill both Ginyu AND Kakarot at the same time!
GINYU: Wait, who's Kakarot?
VEGETA: You're Kakarot.
"But, he's Ginyu," Wendy was confused.
GINYU: I thought his name was Goku.
"It is Goku," Erza said.
KRILLIN: His name is Goku!
VEGETA: No, it's Kakarot.
"No, it's Goku!" Natsu countered.
GINYU: But he just said Goku.
KRILLIN: Yeah, I did.
VEGETA: I know what he said, but he-
GINYU: So what is it? Kakarot or Goku?
VEGETA:(simultaneously)It's Kakarot!
KRILLIN:(simultaneously)It's Goku!
VEGETA: No, no, no! Just...look. His Saiyan name is Kakarot, but he changed it when he landed on Earth as a baby. So they kept calling him by his Earth name, and I am calling him by his real name!
"Could've just said that a first," Laxus groaned.
GOKU: ...So does that make me Ginyu?
Cue massive facepalming.
(Vegeta screams and starts charging full speed at Ginyu)
GINYU:(thinking)Yes... YES...! PERFECT!(out loud)Change.. NOW!
(fires an energy blast at Vegeta)
VEGETA: Gah!
GOKU:(leaps in the way of the blast)No! I'll save you, Goku!
(Goku gets hit with the beam, changing both sides back to their original bodies)
"At least everything worked out," Lisanna shrugged her shoulders.
GOHAN: What just happened?
KRILLIN: I don't know.
"Everything is back to normal," Erza explained.
GOKU:(weakly, back in his own body)Yay...! I'm me again...!
KRILLIN: Wait, Goku... What is your favorite food?
GOKU:(confused)Favorite?
KRILLIN/Natsu: HE'S HIM AGAIN!
CAPTAIN GINYU:(back in his own body)This is ridiculous! But, at least I'm not trapped in some useless body.(notices Goku's crippled body)
(Vegeta appears behind Ginyu)
"You're about to be," Gajeel smirked.
VEGETA: Gimme a minute...(gives Captain Ginyu a vicious beatdown)
GOHAN: So, I'm confused... Ginyu took my dad's body, but then he tried to take Vegeta's body... And now he's back in his own body, my dad's back in his own body, and Vegeta's…
"Still a massive asshole," Gray said.
KRILLIN: Still a prick, yeah.
VEGETA: Now, to switch your body to a CORPSE!
(Vegeta throws Captain Ginyu into the sky and then charges after him. Captain Ginyu manages to recover in time and prepares his Body Change technique.)
"Might need to dodge that one," Lily said.
CAPTAIN GINYU: Chaaaange...
VEGETA:(thinking)Ah crap, kinda walked into this one.
CAPTAIN GINYU: ...NOW!
(Captain Ginyu fires a beam at Vegeta, the latter being unable to dodge in time. Goku is then seen holding a frog in his hand.)
GOKU:(speaking in slow motion)Ewwww, a frog!
(Goku throws the frog towards Vegeta. The beam connects at the frog, causing both sides to switch bodies.)
FROG:(in Ginyu's body)Ribbit. Ribbit. Croak.
"And Goku unintentionally saves the day again," Lucy smiled.
"Not gonna be last time," Carla guessed.
VEGETA: The hell just happened?
GOKU: A frog got on my hand. It was gross, so I threw it.
"Such a simple reason," Lisanna giggled.
GOHAN: So then, is it over? Are they all gone now?
VEGETA:(placing his foot on top of frog Ginyu who croaks a few times)They will be in a second.
GOKU: Vegeta, no! He can't hurt anyone anymore! Stop!
"Yeah, no point in killing him," Natsu smiled.
VEGETA: Oh, alright. Fine!
GOKU: See? He really can be a nice guy!
VEGETA: Psyche! Eight-for-eight!(crushes frog)
GOKU, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: Awww!
"Yeah...it was too good to be true." Gajeel shrugged his shoulders.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Frieza and Nail still flying in the sky)
FRIEZA: Oh, I know. How 'bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a light bulb? The whole race! One to screw in the light bulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too.(no response from Nail)Stop ignoring me.
"It wasn't funny at all," Lucy frowned.
"A very poor attempt at a joke," Erza said.
Chapter End
Chapter 30: Plans of Saiyans and Nameks
Chapter Text
Chapter 33: The Best Laid Plans of Saiyans and Nameks
(cuts to Nail and Frieza arriving at a deserted area)
NAIL:(removes his vest)This is my people's sacred battle ground.
FRIEZA: We flew over an hour for this? It looks exactly the same as everywhere else on this godforsaken rock!
NAIL: Hmph. Racist.
"Frieza is the ultimate racist," Levy nods her head.
FRIEZA: Well, maybe so... but I can't quite be a racist against a race that doesn't exist.
"Yes you can," Carla argued.
FRIEZA: Like the Clorfors. Dirty, money-grubbing Clorfors. Tried to clorf me right out of my money... Blew those little bastards up is what I did.
"You really are evil!" Happy frowns.
"You're just figuring this out?" Carla's deadpan stare dug into him.
NAIL: HYAAAAAH!
(Nail does a karate chop at Frieza's neck... which has no effect on the tyrant)
"That's very very bad," Juvia looked worried.
"And expected," Gray looked disappointed.
FRIEZA: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know we were starting. Here, allow me.
(Frieza grabs Nail's arm and rips it off)
NAIL: AAAAAAAH!
The audience wince at the scene.
FRIEZA: Looks like someone's going to be missing this!(drops Nail's severed arm)
NAIL: No, not really.
FRIEZA: Hm?
NAIL: HRRRAAAAAH!(regenerates his arm)
"I almost forgot they could do that," Gray said.
"A very useful ability to have," Evergreen complimented, though she was still disgusted.
FRIEZA: Ooh, that looks like it hurts a lot. Are you okay?
NAIL: I'm fine...!
"He's not," Laxus corrected.
"And he will continue to feel worse," Bickslow said.
FRIEZA: Good to know. Yoink!(rips off Nail's arm again)
"That has to hurt a lot," Wendy winced.
"Maybe not as much as his pride right now," Lily spoke.
NAIL: URRRGG...
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Frieza's ship, where Goku is placed inside a healing tank)
GOHAN: So, what exactly is this?
VEGETA: It's a healing tank. This will bring the idiot back to full strength.
"With another power boost to add to the table," Levy mused.
GOKU:(thinking)Heh heh, the bubbles tickle... Heh heh, ow...! It hurts to laugh... Heh heh, ow...! Heh heh, ow...! Heh heh, ow...!
"The best medicine doesn't always feel good," Mira said.
VEGETA: It'll take a while, though. This is the only other model the ship has... And it's kind of an old one.
KRILLIN: What happened to the newer model?
"Mr. Widow's Peak happened," Lucy answered.
VEGETA: Blew it the f**k up.
KRILLIN: What, did it have an opinion?
"Unlike the toilet it couldn't talk," Gajeel said.
VEGETA: Eat me. Now both of you...(in a deep voice)STRIP.
"Ummmmm…" Everyone felt awkward.
KRILLIN: Ummmm...
VEGETA: I've got body armor for you.
"Ah ok, that's better," Mira sighed in relief.
KRILLIN: Less awkward...
(shifts to Gohan and Krillin removing their regular clothes and putting on the Battle Armor)
KRILLIN: You know, Gohan, it just occurred to me.
GOHAN: Yeah, Krillin?
KRILLIN: We're still on Namek.
GOHAN: What do you mean?
KRILLIN: Well, I mean, it feels like we've been here for like, a year.
GOHAN: But we've only been here for six days.
"It's been a week!?" Everyone was shocked by this news.
"You're telling me they almost died multiple times in the span of a week…" Levy's jaw dropped.
"Namek is freaking weird," Laxus mumbled.
KRILLIN: I know, right? Hey, by the way, don't I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name again? Hey, Vegeta. What was that one guy's name? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
"Please stop," Lucy begged. The flashbacks of Happy and Nappa reappeared in her mind.
(Krillin's head turns into Nappa in Vegeta's imagination)
NAPPA:Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?
VEGETA: Goddammit, Nappa.
KRILLIN: Oh, right! Good ol' Goddamnit, Nappa.
"And he's dead and never coming back," Lucy smiled.
GOHAN: Krillin, we should probably focus on finding a way to use the Dragon Balls.
KRILLIN: Well, there's always Little Green, but...
GOHAN: But what?
KRILLIN: That's a really long flight…
"Krillin.." Erza sighed.
"Stop being lazy!" Carla reprimanded.
GOHAN: Krillin...
KRILLIN: Plus, I think I sense some hostility…
"I wonder why?" Lucy said, sarcastically.
"Why would he be upset?" Natsu's genuine question caused Lucy to sigh for the upteenth time.
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: Fine, fine! I'll go get him. Enjoy your company.(leaves the ship)
VEGETA: Try not to get yourself killed. God forbid you make me happy.
"Vegeta's never really allowed to be happy," Lisanna frowned.
"If he is happy, then pain will come to him immediately after," Gajeel said knowingly.
GOHAN: You know, you seem like you're in a bad mood. Maybe you should take a nap.
VEGETA: Maybe YOU should... Eh, actually, that sounds good.
"A good nap always helps me," Natsu smiled.
(shifts to Vegeta and Gohan outside Frieza's ship)
VEGETA: You keep guard out here. Make sure not to go too far; I like my meat shields within bullet-blocking distance.
"But, bullets can't hurt you," Wendy was perplexed.
"It's just a figure of speech," Carla explained to the blue dragon slayer.
GOHAN: I didn't think bullets could hurt you.
VEGETA: Shut up, I'm sleepy.
(shifts to Goku inside the healing tank)
GOKU:(thinking)Heh heh, ow...! Heh heh, ow...! Heh heh, ow...! Heh heh...
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku! Goku, are you there?
GOKU:(thinking)Oh, hey, King Kai. I'm in a healing pod.
"Yes, you are," Happy said.
KING KAI:(from his planet)I noticed, I wasn't paying attention.(telepathically)What the hell?
GOKU:(thinking)Well, when I got down I ran into some really weird guys. One was really big and muscly; he went down real easy. Then these two guys double teamed me, one of them took it really hard in the back, but the other didn't seem that interested, so he went and brought this really horny guy!
"Oh my~" Canna smirked. The other girls in the audience blushed at Goku's "interpretation" of the Ginyu Force.
GEORGE TAKEI:(telepathically)Oh my...
GOKU:(thinking)Who's that, King Kai?
KING KAI: It's George Takei. Somehow he made this into a three-way…
"Oh my~" Canna's smirk grew.
"Canna please," Lucy begged.
GEORGE TAKEI:(telepathically)Oh my...!
KING KAI: CALL! THREE-WAY CALL!
(cuts back to Planet Namek with a splattering sound being heard off-screen)
NAIL: AAAAAAAAAUGH!
(camera shows an exhausted Nail and Frieza, with a pile of Nail's severed arms in the middle of the ground)
"He should just give up at this point," Evergreen blanched at the arms.
"Don't give up till you die!" Natsu responded to her words.
"Then you'll just die faster," Evergreen countered.
FRIEZA: How many arms do you think we're up to...? I think we're up to twenty-four.
NAIL: HRAAAAAAHHHHH!(fires a ki blast directly at Frieza)
FRIEZA:(shown completely unscathed)Tell me.(Nail gasps)Have you ever heard of the planet "Vegeta"?
"Yes," Levy answered.
NAIL: N-No?
FRIEZA: Funny. Because I expect to hear the same from the next person when I ask them about Namek.(punches Nail in the face, causing him to fall down in pain)
"Forgot how much of a sad*stic bastard he is," Gray glared.
FRIEZA: Oh, was that your nose? That was your nose. I've had a worse time, you know. It's not often I dirty my own hands with this sort of grunt work. There's always a certain amount of satisfaction I get out of doing it myself.
"No way in hell have you experienced a worst time," Bickslow said.
"For a space dictator, this might as well be a bothersome chore," Freed spoke.
(Frieza begins laughing with Nail joining in, who's still covering his face)
"Has Nail lost it?" Romeo asked, slightly shocked.
FRIEZA: Ah... It is kind of funny, isn't it?
NAIL: Aha. I'm... I'm laughing at something else, actually.
FRIEZA: Eh, heh, heh, heh. What?
NAIL: The earthlings have the password.
"Good old Dende," Levy smirked, gleefully.
FRIEZA: ... What?
NAIL: Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru's? On his way to the humans with the password. By now, he's probably already there and they're about to summon the dragon. Haha!
"That is pretty funny," Gajeel starts to laugh. Natsu, Bickslow, and Canna join in the laughter.
(Frieza is seen grunting, barely concealing his rage)
NAIL: Yeah, if I had to guess your biggest mistake, it would be not stopping him. That, or the purple lipstick.
The laughter increased.
FRIEZA: I WILL F**KING MURDER YOU!
NAIL: Whatever.
"He doesn't care at this point," Macao smirked.
"Seems Frieza isn't as great as he thought," Mira wagged her finger.
(Frieza flies off towards his ship)
FRIEZA:(checks his scouter, which starts beeping)Why aren't the Ginyus showing up!? Oh, they're dead. WHY ARE THEY DEAD!?
"Two saiyans and a half, along with a bald monk," Levy answered.
(cuts to Dende flying in the sky)
KRILLIN: Stop right there, Namekian scum!
DENDE: AAAAAAAAAAH!
KRILLIN: Haha! You should see the look on your face! Oh, I'm just kidding, it's me, Krillin!
"Not reassuring in the slightest," Lucy sweatdropped.
DENDE: AAAAAAAAAH!
KRILLIN: Haha! You're killing me, Little Green! Now come on, we gotta go summon the dragon.
DENDE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
"Keep screaming and maybe someone will save you," Carla grunted.
(cuts to Gohan waiting in front of Frieza's ship, sitting on a Dragon Ball)
GOHAN:(thinking)You know, it's not so bad... I mean sure, I've seen more people die than most people my age, or really, most people in general. Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26-year-old dwarf and a giant green alien who constantly hits me. Still, better than my dad; at least they're AROUND! Huh... Where did that come from?
"While all of that is true, the last one still isn't your dad's fault," Levy said.
"He's five, he needs someone to blame," Gajeel said.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Hey, Gohan!
GOHAN: Huh? That sounds like Krillin.(flies up to Krillin and Dende)Wow, you made it in no time at all!
KRILLIN: Yeah... Little Green here was on his way back from Guru's. He said he can help us summon the dragon!
GOHAN: Great! I'll go get Vegeta and-
KRILLIN: No, no, no, see? That's the best part! We're not gonna TELL Vegeta!
"So you DO have a death wish?" Carla asked, looking dumbfounded.
"That is a terrible plan," Lily facepalmed.
GOHAN: That sounds like a very dangerous idea that could very easily backfire...
KRILLIN: Well, we can either take the wishes for ourselves or give them to Vegeta. And I'm not gonna lie, I don't think he's dedicated to Team Three Star at all.
"What gave you that idea?" Juvia's voice dripped with sarcasm.
GOHAN: You know, I've been meaning to tell you. That name... really doesn't sound very good.
Wendy frowned at these words.
KRILLIN: Well, why didn't you tell me sooner? I thought it was stupid from the beginning, but nobody said anything!
Her frown deepened even more.
GOHAN: Let's just go summon the dragon and go home.
KRILLIN: Yeah, fine. Whatever.
(shifts to Gohan spying on Vegeta, who is sleeping)
VEGETA:(talking in his sleep)First immortality... then the bitches…
"Immortality isn't that good," Lisanna disagreed.
"Yeah, just ask Garlic Jr.," Levy added.
(Gohan carefully climbs down the ship and nods at Krillin and Dende, with Krillin nodding back. The three then take all seven Dragon Balls and carefully fly away from Frieza's ship, all while "Minnie The Moocher" plays in the background.)
KRILLIN: We did it...! Again! For real this time, though! Now we just can have Little Green summon the dragon, and we'll finally have our wish!
GOHAN:(senses something heading their way)Hey, is that Frieza?
KRILLIN: No...
GOHAN: I think that's Frieza.
"Yeah, so hurry up!" Natsu rushed.
KRILLIN: No, it's not!
GOHAN: Yeah, that's definitely Frieza.
"Not very reassuring Gohan!" Lisanna's arms made an x.
KRILLIN:(to Dende extremely quickly)Summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit...!(continues saying "Summon it! faintly off-screen)
DENDE:(in Namekian/Klingon)Rise, grand Porunga, and grant our wish!
KRILLIN: Dammit, stop speaking gibberish and summon the-
(Porunga gets summoned out of the Dragon Balls)
Those who have seen Shenron were impressed by the sight of Porunga.
"HE LOOKS SO MUCH COOLER!" Natsu shouted.
KRILLIN: Holy crap. Your dragon's on steroids.
PORUNGA:(in Namekian/Klingon)I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-(notices Krillin)…Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!
DENDE:(in Namekian/Klingon)Actually, they are earthlings.
PORUNGA:(in Namekian/Klingon)God, they're ugly.
DENDE:(in Namekian/Klingon)And annoying.
"Hey!" The humans took offense to that.
PORUNGA:(in Namekian/Klingon)Whatever. Let's get this over with. I will grant you any three wishes!
"Three!?" Levy wrote it down.
"He's definitely better than Shenron," Natsu grinned.
KRILLIN: All right! We can finally get our wish!
DENDE: The dragon says he'll give ya three.
KRILLIN: Wait a minute, we get three wishes? That's awesome! I want a three-foot-
"Shut up!" Lucy yelled.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Stop screwing around and wish these idiots off my planet!
KRILLIN: Holy, crap! I can hear a voice in my head!
"That's just King Kai, you'll get used to it," Gajeel waved his hand.
DENDE: Is it telling you my name is Dende?
KRILLIN: Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me.
(shifts to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: This is King Kai.(referring to Piccolo, Tien, Yamcha, and Chiaotzu)Wish these guys back to life before I kill myself.
"You're already in the afterlife. You wouldn't go anywhere," Carla looked annoyed at the mental capacity of the characters.
KRILLIN: Wait, can gods kill themselves?
KING KAI: I'M ABOUT TO TRY!
KRILLIN: All right, Little Green, use our first wish to bring our friends back to life!
DENDE: Porunga can only bring back one person at a time.
"Nevermind he's lame now," Natsu frowned.
"Then I guess we'll bring back everyone, but Yamcha," Romeo summed.
"Seems about right," Gajeel agreed.
KRILLIN: Oh... King Kai, he says it can only bring one person back at-
KING KAI: I heard him!
TIEN: Which means, one of us gets left behind.
PICCOLO: Just wish me back.
"I guess," Mira groaned.
KING KAI: I guess we should ask Yamcha what he thinks.
YAMCHA:(inhales)
PICCOLO/Gajeel: No one cares what Yamcha thinks!
PICCOLO:(telepathically)Listen, if you wish me back, then that wishes Kami back. Then you can use THOSE Dragon Balls to wish these morons back.
"Then we get more wishes!" Natsu's light bulb turned on.
"Now you're using your brain!" Gray 'complimented.'
"Yea-HEY WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" Natsu roared.
KRILLIN: Which leaves us with two more wishes! Let's wish him to Namek!
GOHAN: Wait, what?
PICCOLO: Wait, what?
"Wait, what?" Mira did a double take.
KRILLIN: Little Green, wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek!
PICCOLO: Hold on a minute...(Porunga's eyes glowing)Don't do that! That is a terrible i...(gets transported to Planet Namek)...dea!(off-screen)AUUUUUUUUUGH!
DENDE: He is on Namek.
"Where is he?" Happy couldn't see the Namekian.
GOHAN: Wait, where is he?
DENDE: On Namek.
PICCOLO/Mira:(to Krillin, off-screen)YOU DUMBASS!
KRILLIN: Why didn't it bring him here?
DENDE: You must be specific.
"Damn you monkey's paw," Levy sighed.
GOHAN: Oh, so it's a sort of monkey's paw. You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)NERRRRRRD!
(shifts to Vegeta sleeping next to Goku inside the healing tank. Vegeta suddenly wakes up and gets up on his feet)
VEGETA: I have to pee!(starts running but stops and looks out a window)Jesus, I overslept. It's already night... For the first time since I got here... on a planet with three suns…
"I can hear the gears turning in his head," Levy and the audience waited for the explosion.
(animation of an alarm clock appears in Vegeta's head, ringing when the big hand teaches twelve)
VEGETA:(realizes that the others have summoned Porunga without him)Oh, you MOTHERFU...
(shifts back to Gohan and Krillin)
VEGETA:(off-screen)...UCKERS!
"And there's the scream," Levy laughed, nervously.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)OW, MY EARS!
GOHAN: So, what do we do with the third wish?
"Instantly heal Goku?" Erza suggests.
"No, that requires them to be competent," Levy dismissed the idea instantly.
KRILLIN: Well, if nobody else has any ideas, I want my three-foot-
"He really wants that sandwich," Gray noticed.
"I can go for a sandwich," Natsu rubbed his stomach.
VEGETA:(shows up, visibly furious)Hey! What's up, guys?!
KRILLIN: I'm never gonna get my hoagie.
VEGETA: So what are you doin'?!
GOHAN: What am I doin'?!
VEGETA: What are you doin'?!
GOHAN: Nothin' much!
VEGETA: Thwartin' my plans?!
GOHAN: Thwartin' your plans?!
VEGETA: ARE YOU?!
GOHAN:(bluntly)...Yes.
'Wrong answer," Lisanna winced.
"Any answer, would make him kill them," Mira replied.
VEGETA: ...I'm gonna f**king kill you!(walks up and grabs Dende by the scarf)But first... you are going to give me my wish for immortality, or I will snap his neck!
"Way too quick to murder a child," Lucy glared.
KRILLIN: Wait! He's the only one who can ask the dragon to grant wishes!
VEGETA: Then I've got nothing to lose!
"Because either way he wins in some regard," Levy explained
DENDE: Whatever.
VEGETA: Good answer!(throws Dende to the ground, who grunts)Now get to wishing.
(shifts to Guru inside his house)
GURU:(thinking)I feel that they have finally summoned the dragon... Would be a real dick move do die right now... Huuurr!
"He wouldn't…." Makarov stared in disbelief.
(shifts back to the group and Porunga)
DENDE:(in Namekian/Klingon about to make a wish for Vegeta to become immortal)Grant him immor-
(Porunga suddenly disintegrates and all the Dragon Balls turn to stone)
"HE DID!" Everyone's jaws dropped.
"At least Vegeta didn't get immortality," Lisanna tried to find the bright side.
VEGETA: Is... I-Is that normal?
DENDE: No... It's dead. And that means Guru is too.
KRILLIN: I'm so sorry for your loss.
"Someone has to be," Lucy said with an irritated expression.
DENDE: Someone has to be.
VEGETA: That doesn't matter! Don't you understand?! If it didn't grant me my wish, then I'm not immortal! And Frieza's going to... g-going to...(starts stammering in fear)
(Krillin looks up and starts whimpering in fear. Frieza has finally arrived at the scene)
FRIEZA: Ohohoho, no, don't mind me. By all means...give me some ideas.
"Ah crapbaskets…" Everyone's worry increased 10 fold.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cuts to Mr. Popo humming and watering plants on Kami's Lookout)
KAMI:(gets poofed back on the Lookout)Fan-freaking-tastic, we're back here again...
MR. POPO: Oh, you're back. Hi, Kami.
KAMI: Mr. Popo, what are you watering?
MR. POPO: Pot.
KAMI: Pots of what?
MR. POPO: Pot... I'm not getting rid of it.
KAMI: Are you kidding? That s**t's great for my glaucoma.
"At least someone has found the good of this situation," Makarov sighed.
Chapter End
Chapter 31: Nail is Piccolo
Chapter Text
Chapter 34: Nail Is Piccolo, and So Can You!
(cuts to Piccolo on Planet Namek)
PICCOLO: Urgh, what was that idiot DOING bringing me here!
"Extra help?" Gray suggested.
PICCOLO: It's... Wait a minute, I can feel it... This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters, the wind brushing past my... GOD, THIS IS BORING!
"So, it's exactly like you?" Mira guessed, rudely.
"Don't be rude," Lisanna pouted at her sister.
PICCOLO:(groans)No wonder I feel at home.
Mira smirked and Lisanna facepalmed.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Frieza confronting Vegeta, Gohan, Krillin, and Dende)
FRIEZA: Well, Vegeta. You've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely. With some help, I see.
KRILLIN: Quack!
"Your defense mechanism will not help here," Levy shook her head.
GOHAN: Krillin, seriously, not helping!
"When has he?" Gajeel asked.
KRILLIN: I can try.
FRIEZA: I'm very curious. Where exactly are you from?
KRILLIN: We're from Ear-
GOHAN: Krillin, no!
"Oh that god for Gohan's existence," Lucy released a breath of relief.
KRILLIN: Oh right... Thanks for stopping me, Gohan. 'Cause I can't shut-
DENDE: They're from Earth.
"WHAT THE HELL!?"
KRILLIN: Little Green, why?!
DENDE: Because my name is Dende.
"That little green sh*t," Laxus glared.
FRIEZA: Oh good. I'll stop by there on the way home. Pick up some space eggs, some space milk.
"Again with the space stuff," Romeo noticed.
FRIEZA: And BLOW IT THE F**K UP! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit ABSOLUTELY LIVID.
"He's walking talking red flag," Carla paled.
"Not somebody you'd want to purposely anger," Lucy shivered.
VEGETA: Oh, Frieza. Quit being such a woman. I lost my chance at immortality too and you don't see me crying about it.
"You went crazy over the fact that you got tricked by a 5-year old. Don't go acting high and mighty," Gajeel rolled his eyes.
FRIEZA: Yes, Vegeta. But you see, the difference between us is I'll live long enough to regret it.(charges at Vegeta and engages him in battle)HYAAAAAAAAH!
(cuts to Piccolo flying through the sky)
PICCOLO:(in his thoughts and sighing)Everything looks the goddamn same on this goddamn planet! (sees something) Wait a minute, a body!(out loud)SOCIAL ACTIVITY!(Piccolo flies down and lands next to a body, which is Nail's)Please tell me you're not dead!
"He found Nail!" Wendy smiled.
"Somebody else he can bore to death," Mira said.
NAIL:(speaks in Namekian/Klingon)
PICCOLO: Ah, crap. I find the only living thing for miles- and he's so broken he can't even talk right.
"You don't know your own language?" Freed raised an eyebrow.
"Well, Piccolo was raised on Earth," Levy told him.
NAIL: I was speaking Namekian, you idiot. Don't you know anything about your own people?
PICCOLO: Well, we're demons, right?
NAIL: Eh, more like slug people.
"Lame," Natsu booed.
PICCOLO: Ah, dammit! I liked it better when I was a demon.
"Yeah, you were way cooler," Natsu agreed.
NAIL: And I liked it better when I had proper bladder control. Nobody's perfect.
"You guys can use the bathroom?" Gray was confused.
"Don't make me think about it," Lucy blanched.
PICCOLO: Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that. What happened?
NAIL: Let's just say our world elder's kind of a giant green asshole.
"He WAS a giant green asshole," Gajeel corrected.
PICCOLO: Preachin' to the choir on that one. Well, it's been fun, but I have to go DIE again...(turns to leave)
"I'm happy to see the low faith you have," Mira said, sarcastically.
"At least he's realistic," Laxus pointed out.
NAIL: Wait. I might be able to help you.
PICCOLO: Look, buddy. If you want to add me on MySpace, I switched to Spacebook a while ago.(turns to leave again)
"Poor Tom," Lisanna lowered her head.
NAIL: No, no, no, no. Listen. I think I know something that might work out for both of us. I don't wanna die and you seem pretty lonely.
"Both of you seem pretty lonely," Erza observed.
PICCOLO:(loudly)DESPERA-(normal tone)I mean, go on.
NAIL: There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.
PICCOLO: And we're just going to abuse it?
"Hell yeah!" Bickslow shouted.
NAIL: Oh, maliciously!
PICCOLO: Bitchin'! How we do?
NAIL: Well, first you put your hand upon me.
PICCOLO: 'Kay.(places his hand on Nail's elbow)
NAIL: Yes. Like that. Now lower.
PICCOLO: Uh-huh.
NAIL: Lower.
PICCOLO: Hmm...
NAIL: Little lower.
"I see where this is going," Levy rolled her eyes.
PICCOLO: Hmm...
NAIL: Ah! If we had junk, you'd be gay right now.
"Was it really the time for it?" Carla groaned.
"Yes it was!" Mira laughed.
NAIL:(Piccolo groans)Fusing!
(Piccolo fuses with Nail)
PICCOLO: Wow. Unreal. My gosh. This is amazing! I feel INCREDIBLE! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I can win! I feel great! I-can-do-this! HAAA…
Everyone started laughing at Piccolo's moment. With Mira laughing the hardest.
NAIL:(heard inside Piccolo's head)(What are you doing?)
PICCOLO:(stammers quickly)Nothing.
"Wait...NAIL WAS THE VOICE IN HIS HEAD!?" All of those who were present for the Lord Slug movie realized.
"What are you talking about?" Those who weren't there were confused.
"In one of the movies, Piccolo had a voice in his head and turns out it was Nail, but that doesn't make sense since it takes place before Namek," Levy was running her hands through her hair.
"Don't think about it too much," Gajeel rubbed her back. Making the petite word mage to sigh.
NAIL:(Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself.)
PICCOLO: Are you in my head?
NAIL:(Yup. Don't worry; supposedly I should fade away into your subconscious. Sooner or later.)
"I doubt it," Romeo smiled.
"He's gonna be there forever," Wendy giggled.
PICCOLO: Okay. So, what now?
NAIL:(By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bastard who killed our people.)
PICCOLO: And?
NAIL:(Well, let me put this in terms you'll understand: You can win! You feel great! You-can-do-this!)
"And suddenly Nail became my favorite character," Mira giggled.
PICCOLO: Oh, ha-ha!
(cuts to Vegeta and Frieza in a brawler lock)
FRIEZA: Impudent... little...(scouter shows "F**K THIS I'M OUT" before exploding)Guh!
(Vegeta and Frieza both back off, producing a small crater due to their power)
"Vegeta's actually equal to him!" Gray was shocked.
"I feel like that's not gonna last long," Carla said.
"Oh, it won't," Levy answered.
FRIEZA: I'm impressed, Vegeta. When did you graduate from pull-ups?
VEGETA: About the same time you got off the rag.
"And their dialogue is already mixing well," Macao laughed.
FRIEZA: Cute. But bear no false hopes, Vegeta. You're a mere paper tiger in front of a storm. You have no idea what true power I possess.
VEGETA: It's that you can transform, right?
"Of course he can," Carla facepalmed.
"Would be more disappointing if he couldn't," Juvia said.
FRIEZA: I can transform... Okay, when and how?
VEGETA: Guldo told me.
(flashback of a conversation between Vegeta and Guldo)
GULDO: So... Did you know that Frieza can transform?
"Why say that so casually?" Evergreen asked.
VEGETA: Huh. That right?
GULDO: Yeah. And Burter's gay.
"I'm actually not surprised," Gajeel said.
"None of us are," Levy leaned into his side.
VEGETA:(genuinely surprised)Really!?
(back to present)
VEGETA: And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story.
"I only believe it, because of the dog treat," Natsu said.
FRIEZA: Right. But if you are so aware, why do you persist in goading me?
"Because he's an arrogant fool," Erza groaned.
VEGETA: Because Frieza. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore. I am a Super Saiyan!
"But, what exactly does a super saiyan entail?" Freed asked.
FRIEZA: Oh, here we go!
VEGETA: That's right, Frieza. I've arisen beyond the limits of a normal Saiyan, and into the realm of legend- the legend that you fear. The legend known throughout the entire universe as the most powerful warrior to ever exist!(Frieza starts speaking faintly at this point)I, Prince Vegeta, have become a...(voice completely trails off)
"How hard can you stroke your own damn ego?" Laxus was annoyed at Vegeta's antics.
FRIEZA: ...Super Saiyan. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I get it. Then you slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia.
"He's heard it before," Makarov wasn't shocked.
"I wonder what he hasn't heard before?" Wendy asked herself.
VEGETA: Go ahead and mock me, Frieza, but I'm not afraid of you. So why don't you doll yourself up and get ready for a night on the town, because I'm about to take you to a ballroom blitz.
"Did he just quote a song?" Bickslow asked.
"They've been quoting songs the entire time," Lucy answered.
FRIEZA: Fine. I'll indulge you, Mr. Super Saiyan. But before I do I have a funny little story I'd like to tell you.
VEGETA: Funny how?
FRIEZA: I like to call it, "I killed your dad".
"So low brow funny," Gajeel said rather than asked.
VEGETA: So "ha-ha" funny.
FRIEZA: You see, thanks to a rogue lower-class warrior, your father caught wind of my plans...
(flashback to planet Vegeta)
BUTAREGA: King Vegeta, I have urgent news!
KING VEGETA: Speak, Butarega.
BUTAREGA: Bardock has gone absolutely mad, sire!
BARDOCK:(off-screen)Friezaaaaaa!
"Isn't that Goku's dad?" Wendy asked.
"I wonder why he went crazy?" Lisanna asked.
KING VEGETA: What's all the commotion about?
BUTAREGA: He's been telling everyone that Frieza plans to destroy Vegeta!
"How would he know that?" Levy asked.
"And why aren't you listening to him?" Erza looked perplexed.
KING VEGETA: Wait, my son, the planet, or me?
BUTAREGA: ...Yes.
(King Vegeta blasts Butarega away)
"He wasn't wrong though," Lily said.
KING VEGETA: Freakin' smartass.(shows Nappa wearing Jafar's headdress)Counselor Nappa, what do you think?
"I'm sorry, he's a what?" Lucy did a double take.
NAPPA: Let me tell you what you need to do. You need to sit him down...
KING VEGETA: Uh-huh.
NAPPA: ...you look him dead in the eye...
KING VEGETA: Yes.
NAPPA: ...and you say, "Don't blow up my planet."
"That will work," Natsu agreed.
"No it won't," Lucy gripped his ear.
KING VEGETA: And you think that will work?
NAPPA: He'd have to be aaaaaaawfully evil if it didn't. And I'm not gonna lie, I like the cut of his jib.
"Nappa was wrong," Makarov frowned.
"Frieza is pretty damn evil," Wakaba said.
KING VEGETA: All right, but I want you to take my son, the Prince, off-planet just in case things go south.
NAPPA: Don't worry, sir. You'll do juuuuuust fine.
(shifts to King Vegeta approaching Frieza, Zarbon, and Dodoria)
KING VEGETA: Frieza, can I sit down and have a word with-
FRIEZA: SHORYUKEN!(uppercuts King Vegeta in the jaw, causing the latter to fall back while producing with an echoing scream)
"That went as well as I expected," Freed said.
"I didn't think he'd get a word in," Levy was shocked a bit.
STREET FIGHTER ANNOUNCER: K.O.! YOU WIN!
FRIEZA: Yatta.
(back to present)
FRIEZA: And then I blew the planet up. The end.
VEGETA: How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?
"Plot convenience," Levy offered with a shrug of her shoulders.
(Frieza gives a blank stare at Vegeta and then proceeds to transform)
GOHAN: Krillin, do you feel that?
KRILLIN: I taste that!
"I think we can taste it too," Lucy said, fearfully.
(Frieza finishes transforming into his second form)
"Holy sh*t, he went through puberty," Macao jumped back.
FRIEZA: All done. And judging by the expression on your face, so are you.
VEGETA: What...? How?
FRIEZA: Let's be practical and put a number to that feeling, shall we? Last time I clocked this form it was at... one million.
The temperature in the room dropped.
VEGETA: You're lying!
"I wish he was," Erza said.
FRIEZA: Am I? Am I really?
(Frieza raises his hand and explodes the island that everyone is currently standing on, making an explosion so big that it can be seen from the planet. Frieza is shown standing on what's left of the island.)
"Holy sh*t they're f*cked," Gajeel cursed.
VEGETA:(off-screen)Not impressed! I can do that, too!
"Then why didn't you?" Lucy asked.
GOHAN: Krillin, are you okay?
KRILLIN: Yeah, and I've got Little Green right here!
"And thankfully they're still alive," Lisanna was relieved.
FRIEZA:(sings to "My Favorite Things")
Peaceful young races with fires on their houses
Millions of voices all silenced like mouses
Watching the cowards bow toward their new king
These are a few of my favorite things
"That's not terrifying at all," Wendy was shivering.
KRILLIN: Is it just me, or is he singing to himself?
(Frieza charges at Krillin and impales him with one of his horns, causing Krillin to drop Dende)
(Krillin Owned Count: 15)
KRILLIN: Gah!
"KRILLIN!" Everyone was shocked at the sudden attack.
GOHAN: Krillin!
VEGETA:(thinking)Well, he's dead.
KRILLIN: This is... the worst... pai-i-i-in!
FRIEZA: Really? Sure it isn't this?(looks up and starts shifting his head up and down)Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this?(Krillin Owned Count: 16-21, with two 1Ups coming up in the last two ones)
"sad*stic bastard," Makarov growled.
GOHAN: Krillin, stop! You're making him stronger!
KRILLIN:(while getting tortured by Frieza)I-can't-help-it!
"He really can't help it!" Happy said, panicked.
(Krillin Owned Count: 22-25)
FRIEZA: One down!(throws Krillin off his horn and towards the lake)Ah, I think impalement is my favorite way to kill a person.
Gray growled remembering Juvia impaling herself.(Alvarez Arc)
GOHAN: You condescending... sad*stic... callous... MOTHERF**KER!
The guild's attention is brought back at Gohan's loud cursing.
FRIEZA: Pardon?
(Gohan attacks Frieza by kicking and punching him in the face before knocking him upward with an uppercut and finally kicks him towards the ground. Gohan then starts charging up an energy blast.)
"GO GOHAN!" The guild chants.
GOHAN:(thinking)GOHAN SMASH EFFEMINATE ALIEN! GOHAN STRONGEST THERE IS!
(Gohan launches a ki blast directly at Frieza, causing a massive explosion. Gohan is then seen in midair catching his breath. Frieza is seen lying face down on the ground, covered in sand from Gohan's assault.)
"That had to do something!" Natsu shouted.
"I feel like we're getting too optimistic again," Levy brought up.
VEGETA: Yeah, how's that feel, Frieza? Now if you can, why don't you pick your sorry ass up and take on a REAL(Frieza is seen getting up)Saiyan...(voice trails off)
"Ah..crapbaskets," The mages gulped.
FRIEZA: Huh. That happened. Vegeta, mind sitting right there for just a moment, I need to go play babysitter.
"This won't end well," Mira looked concerned.
GOHAN:(thinking)Think! What would Dad do in this situation?
(flashback of Goku wearing a backpack)
GOKU: Bye, son!
(back to present)
"Very helpful," Gajeel said, sarcastically
GOHAN:I'm beginning to think I have issues...(gets punched by Frieza)AAAH!(hits the ground and tries to get up, but gets crushed by Frieza's foot)AAAH! GAH!
"HELP HIM!" Mira shouted.
FRIEZA: So, Vegeta. Does this get you angry?
VEGETA: Not really. Kind of a smartass.
"Doesn't excuse the death of a 5-year old," Laxus growled.
FRIEZA: Well then, why am I even bothering?
VEGETA: Because you get off on it?
FRIEZA: Oh, unbelievably... Huh?(tail gets cut off by a Kienzan)Alright, who has the balls?!
"Krillin!" Natsu and Mira cheered.
(Camera zooms on Krillin, who is the one responsible for cutting off Frieza's tail. Krillin then turns around and starts repeatedly spanking his butt.)
KRILLIN: Kiss my ass, bitch! I'm immortal!
"Who told him that?" Levy asked.
(Frieza growls angrily and flies after Krillin)
KRILLIN:(imitates Curly's whooping sounds while flying away)Suuuck myy diiii...
(shifts to Vegeta)
VEGETA:(thinking)How the hell did he get up? Oh, my God, I swear if he used that wish of immortality on himself, I am going to murd...(stops himself and opens his mouth in shock. Speaks out loud after a short pause.)That... bastard.
"He didn't, but it wouldn't stop Vegeta anyway," Gray said.
(shifts to Dende healing Gohan)
DENDE: Come on... You can't leave me alone here; you're the only one I can talk to!
GOHAN:(regaining consciousness)I... you... healed me.
DENDE: You are the only one I respect.
"He's the only one who has treated him nicely," Mira smiled.
GOHAN: Then why did you heal Krillin?
DENDE: The better question is: why did I tell him he was immortal?
"Why do people keep trying to kill Krillin!?" Lisanna huffed.
(Krillin flies back to the battlefield)
KRILLIN: Holy crap! Thank God I'm immortal!
DENDE:(off-screen)Actually, I healed you, you idiot!
KRILLIN: Wait, so I could have died back there?
VEGETA: Yeah, and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it.
"Still calling bullsh*t," Bickslow brings up.
KRILLIN: Hax! I call hax!
GOHAN: How did you escape?
KRILLIN: Oh, it was awesome!(flashback of Frieza chasing Krillin)See, he was gaining on me there for a minute, but then I managed to lose him in some crevices, but he kept cutting me off at every pass.
(back to present)
VEGETA: He didn't just blow it up?
"Kinda weird," Bickslow agreed.
KRILLIN: I thought the same thing, but no!(flashback of Krillin using the Solar Flare on Frieza, showing Dodoria in lingerie for a brief moment)So I thought fast and I used the Solar Flare on him!
Everyone blanched at the image.
(back to present)
GOHAN: And then you used your Kienzan to cut him in half?
"You know he didn't," Levy sighed.
KRILLIN: Um...
FRIEZA:(flies back to the battlefield, angrily)I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!
KRILLIN: To answer your question, Gohan. No, I did not do that.
VEGETA: Douse this bitch!
(Vegeta, Gohan, and Krillin fire a barrage of energy blasts at Frieza, covering him in smoke)
KRILLIN: Did we get him?
"You can sense energy," Laxus facepalmed.
GOHAN: Krillin, we can feel his energy. Why do you bother asking?
KRILLIN: I'm an optimist.
VEGETA: You're an idiot.
"He's both," Gray answered.
"Stop being optimistic!" Levy yelled.
FRIEZA:(unfazed by the blasts)You're both wrong. You're dead.
GOHAN: You know what? I'm sick of this. If I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna go out the same way Piccolo would!(moves in to attack Frieza head-on)
"NO!" The mages shouted in protest.
KRILLIN: Gohan, no!(flies after Gohan)
VEGETA: No, goddamn it!(also flies after Gohan)
(A new figure surrounded by light appears in front of the trio. The light clears, and the figure is revealed to be Piccolo, arriving at the battlefield, as "Battle with Magus" from Chrono Trigger Resurrection plays in the background)
"PICCOLO!" The guild cheered.
"I'm not complaining," Mira says after seeing Lisanna's look.
GOHAN: M... Mr. Piccolo!
FRIEZA: Well, well, well! I'm legitimately surprised I missed one of you. But that's just fine because I've been working on some jokes. Now tell me if you've heard this one: How many Namekians does it take to-(gets sent flying by a punch from Piccolo)DOAH!
PICCOLO: Just one.
"Badass," Natsu's and Wendy's eyes shined in respect.
"At least Piccolo answered it," Happy smiled.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(Super Mario Bros. theme song plays in the background as Frieza is seen under a ? Block from the Mario series and headbutts it, revealing a Super Mushroom. Frieza touches the mushroom and "powers up" into his second form.)
"Pretty cool," Levy said.
Chapter End
Chapter 32: Alien vs Piccolo
Chapter Text
Chapter 35: Alien vs Piccolo
(cuts to Piccolo and Frieza exchanging blows in midair)
FRIEZA: To think your race had the ability to produce such capable fighters. I'm surprised I hadn't destroyed you sooner.
"Well, they are meant to be a more pacifistic race," Levy said.
PICCOLO: And to think your race has the ability to produce such whiny bitches. I'm surprised anyone can take you seriously.
"That's Nail's sas coming through," Gajeel smirked.
"And Nail's power is gonna kick Frieza's ass!" Natsu pumped his fist.
(Piccolo kicks Frieza in the face)
VEGETA: Wait a damn minute, something's wrong here.
GOHAN: Huh?
VEGETA: Back on your planet, the Namek couldn't even stand up to Nappa. Yet here he is now, taking on Frieza. In his second form!
"Yeah, these things are better if you don't try to explain them," Levy sighed.
GOHAN: What do you think happened?
VEGETA: Well, either Frieza hit me so hard I'm in a delusional coma, or...
GOHAN: Or?
VEGETA: Power levels are bulls**t!
"And this entire series has been summed up in one sentence," Levy laughed.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cuts to Piccolo charging at Frieza and engaging him in a brawler lock)
NAIL:(Wow, you're really kicking his ass.)
"Nail has a better seat than us," Natsu grumbled.
"Well, he's seeing everything through Piccolo's eyes...so I'm not sure if that's actually better," Lucy reassured him.
PICCOLO:(thinking) Oh, you're still here.
NAIL:(Yeah, I've just been watching you knock this guy around. Kinda bored...wishin' I had something to do. You got any ideas?)
"Could talk to Tom," Lisanna offered.
"You're pretty obsessed with Tom," Elfman told her.
"He was pushed to the side too early," Lisanna complained.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Now is not the time!
(Piccolo fires an eye blast at Frieza, stunning the latter for a brief moment, and then kicks him in the face before punching him in the stomach)
"Piccolo's so cool!" Natsu and Wendy cheered.
GOHAN: Piccolo's actually standing up to him, Krillin!
KRILLIN: I don't believe it... We may actually win!
"And just like everything else, Krillin ruined it," Carla facepalmed.
VEGETA: Yeah, that's just, uh, great... If you'll excuse me, though, I've, uh, gotta... Bye!(powers up and flies off)
"Don't be a coward!" Some of them booed.
FRIEZA:(thinking as he sees Vegeta flying away)Oh, for the love of...
PICCOLO:(charges at Frieza)GAAAAH!
FRIEZA: Time out.
"Is he allowed to just call timeout?" Lily asked.
"Is anyone really gonna tell him otherwise?" Carla said back.
"Good point," Lily answered.
PICCOLO:(stops)Huh?
FRIEZA: Would you hold on for a moment, please? I'll be right back.(starts powering up)
VEGETA:(thinking)All right, I've just gotta find one of the Ginyu's ships, and get the hell out of here! I'll just go to Frieza Planet 419. No one ever goes to Frieza Planet 419. Not since its species miraculously repopulated.
(cut to shot of "Frieza Planet 419, A.K.A. Kanassa")
KANASSAN 1: I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
KANASSAN 2: BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KID!
KANASSAN 3: THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!
KANASSAN 4: CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FORM!
KANASSAN 5: GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUY!
KANASSAN 6: GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAP!
"I didn't catch any of that. Can we replay that?" Levy asked Mira.
"No," Mira smiled sweetly. Levy slumped over in dejection.
(cuts back to Vegeta flying in the sky before getting cut off by Frieza)
FRIEZA: So, Vegeta, where are you going?
VEGETA: Oh, you know... Places.
"Any place away from Namek," Lucy added.
"And these people in general," Laxus said.
FRIEZA: Places, hm? Like that mountain over there?
VEGETA: Actually, that looks more like a pla-(gets punched by Frieza)-TEAUUUUUUUUUU!(gets smashed into a pile of rocks)
"And that kids is why you don't run from a galactic alien warlord," Erza advised. The kids in the guild nodded at her words.
FRIEZA: Sorry about that. Where were we?
PICCOLO: Last time I checked, I was planting my foot firmly somewhere between your lungs and colon.
"Piccolo's a runner-up for good one liners," Gajeel smirked. It's more material for him to insult people.
FRIEZA: An admirable feat for a lowlife such as yourself. I have a question for you, though.
PICCOLO: What's that?
FRIEZA: Die.
"How is that question?" Juvia asked, perplexed.
PICCOLO: That's...not...a...question.(gets punched by Frieza into the ground)Aaaah!
FRIEZA: That's because I don't do requests.
"Oh," Her eyes widened.
VEGETA:(barely conscious)Well, that didn't last real f**king long.
"I didn't expect it to, sadly," Carla muttered.
(Piccolo is seen climbing out from under the rocks)
FRIEZA: Oh, come on, now, that was just a love tap.
"If that classifies as a love tap, then I'd hate to see the full force," Lucy shivered.
PICCOLO: Don't think you have the upper hand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armor.(removes his cape and turban and then cracks his neck and knuckles)
KRILLIN: Oh man, that sounded good, now I have to do my neck.
"DON'T DO IT KRILLIN!" Wendy and Romeo shouted.
KRILLIN:(cracks his neck)Oowww! My neck!
(Krillin Owned Count: 26)
"Poor Krillin," The children sighed.
FRIEZA: Weighted armor. How quaint. And how much does it weigh?
PICCOLO: Same as it always does. One hundred kilo-(Frieza is seen smirking)Oh…
"That lost meaning didn't it?" Gray asked, already knowing the answer.
"And it won't be the last thing to lose relevance," Levy swung her arm with a smile plastered on her face.
FRIEZA: That's just cute!
PICCOLO: That...concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?
"Ever since Goku came back to life," Levy summed up.
FRIEZA: True. But I have one that's nice, fresh, and ripe for abuse. Transformation. And spoiler warning: it's not getting old anytime soon.
"Didn't expect it to," Levy said.
"You just expect everything from this don't you?" Cana asked her.
"I just see the used tropes," Levy answered.
PICCOLO: You can't be serious!
FRIEZA: Oh, but I am. See, I'm merely...
(Frieza continues speaking in the background as Nail's voice cuts in, talking to Piccolo)
NAIL:(Hey, man. Can I talk to you about something really quick?)
"As much as I love you Nail, now isn't the time," Mira disapproved.
PICCOLO:I'm seriously in the middle of something right now.
NAIL:(Yeah, I know, but I've been looking around and you've got like no apps in here. I have already played the crap out of Minesweeper.)
"What is Minesweeper?" Ran through everyone's heads.
PICCOLO:Could you just- Wait, I have apps? I have Minesweeper!? I just thought I could connect to the internet with my antennae.
NAIL:(I didn't even know we could do that.)
(Frieza starts powering up)
"And that looks like an issue," Evergreen sweatdropped.
"Now would be a really good time to start paying attention," Erza added.
PICCOLO:Well, you learn something new everyday. Now could you let me focus-?
NAIL:(Hey... You wanna play me in Minesweeper?)
(Frieza begins to transform)
"I'm really uncomfortable with this one," Wendy hugged Carla.
PICCOLO:You can't play someone at Minesweeper; that's a single-player game!
NAIL:(Nah, see, first I go then you go and try to beat my time and... hey, is he transforming?)
"NOW YOU NOTICE!?" The mages screamed.
PICCOLO: Huh? DAMN IT!
(Frieza finishes transforming into his third form)
FRIEZA: So Namekian, what do you think of my third form?
The mages of Fairy Tail were disturbed by the form.
"That's it's absolutely repulsive," Laxus gagged.
Juvia clung to Gray's arm in an effort to look away from Frieza's form(And just to touch her lover).
PICCOLO: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.
"Ah, so it was copied," Levy took note.
FRIEZA: What are you talking about?(an alien tongue pops out of his mouth and starts jabbering before retracting)Let me touch your skin!
"AHHHHH!" The mages flinched back.
PICCOLO:(seemingly disturbed)Ahh!
GOHAN: Oh, no! This is horrible! How could this happen?
"You all being idiots," Evergreen pointed out.
VEGETA: He's going to kill us all!
KRILLIN:(neck still stuck)HELP ME!
"You shouldn't have done it in the first place," Lily reprimanded.
(Piccolo charges at Frieza and tries to attack him with a flurry of punches, but Frieza easily dodges each of his attacks. Piccolo then tries a head-on attack, but Frieza blasts him away.)
"And he's immediately outclassed," Gray frowned.
"Does anyone else have any new power they wanna show off?" Lucy asked, impatiently.
FRIEZA: Poor little Namekian. Can't touch me anymore. How about this? Let's play a game. Ever heard of "paintball"?
"Paintball is pretty fun," Romeo smiled.
PICCOLO: Yeah...
FRIEZA: Just remove the "t".
"Oh…" He frowned.
PICCOLO: I don't get-(Frieza shoots him in the knee)OH-HO! I get it!
FRIEZA: Now, for your other glubok!(shoots Piccolo in the other knee)
The mages winced at Piccolo getting hit.
PICCOLO: You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?
"To be fair, none of us are," Levy spoke.
FRIEZA: It doesn't matter! I'll hit your glubok somewhere.
(Freeza starts bombarding Piccolo with a barrage of finger beams)
Team Natsu wince in phantom pain remembering their fight with Hades on Tenrou.
GOHAN: Piccolo, no!(charges towards Frieza)
"Not again!" Mira cried in distress.
KRILLIN: Ah, not this crap again!(tries to fly after Gohan but Vegeta grabs his leg)
"Don't stop him!" The Take-Over Mage cried out.
VEGETA: Hold on! I Have an idea- and I don't want to hear any of your stupid crap.
KRILLIN: I only promise to try.
VEGETA: I need you to–and follow me on this one–almost kill me.
"I understand the plan, but how long did he plan this out?" Freed questioned.
KRILLIN: Almost... kill you.
VEGETA: Yeah.
KRILLIN: And there's no repercussion for this...?
VEGETA: I will not punch you.
"The boldest lie he's told this entire time," Gajeel pointed out.
KRILLIN: Oddly specific.
VEGETA: Now, I'm going to need a moment to prepare myself, otherwise I might go into-(Krillin blasts him in the chest)-SHOOOOOO...!(starts falling towards Dende)You are so punched!
"Told ya," Gajeel smirked.
(shifts back to Piccolo, now badly damaged, still getting repeatedly blasted by Frieza)
"He hasn't stopped!?" Wendy shouted in distress.
PICCOLO: Aaaah, ga-ha-ha! Why is this still happening?
"Just dodge!" Mira shouted.
GOHAN:(flies behind Frieza)Circling around, Mr. Piccolo! Hey Frieza! The human body is composed of 75% water! I am 100% death! Have some!(fires a blast at Frieza)
"Not the best time to bring up biology," Levy said.
"So, we're ignoring the 5-year calling himself death?" Macao asked.
FRIEZA: What? Gyahhh!(gets hit by the blast)Oh, no! The invincible Lord Frieza defeated by a mere child! What dramatic irony!(while laughing)Oh, no, just kidding.(reverses the blast back to Gohan)
"What was the plan there Gohan?" Bickslow questioned.
GOHAN:(thinking)Crapbaskets!
(Piccolo intercepts the blast, saving Gohan)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo! You saved me again!
"He did," Mira grumbled.
"It'd be better if you stopped putting yourself in situations that require it," Erza reprimanded.
PICCOLO: "Saved" is sort of subjective here.
FRIEZA: So, we're all well aware that that all basically equated to a game of Hot Space Potato, right? Well, then, I say we get a move on. Who here's tired of my third form?
"Me."(Lucy)
"Me."(Gray)
"Me."(Wendy)
"Me."(Erza)
"Me."(Natsu)
"Me."(Happy)
"Me."(Carla)
PICCOLO: Me.
GOHAN: Me.
KRILLIN: Me.
FRIEZA: Alrighty then, final form it is!
"I'd trade back for the first form honestly," Macao said.
"Second form wasn't THAT bad," Elfman added.
KRILLIN: Personally, I was a bigger fan of the first form.
PICCOLO: I'd settle on second, really.
FRIEZA: HYAAAAA...(begins transforming)
(Gohan carries a beaten Piccolo in the sky)
GOHAN: Come on, Mr. Piccolo.
PICCOLO: Ugh...(Gohan places him on the ground)
GOHAN: Don't worry; we have Dende! He can heal you!(Krillin lands next to Gohan)Krillin, where's Dende?
"Probably healing Vegeta," Levy answered.
KRILLIN: I dunno, but Little Green's over there with Vegeta.
GOHAN: Why?
KRILLIN: I blew a hole in his chest.
GOHAN: Why?!
KRILLIN: Because he asked for it.
"Ya know without context it sounds really stupid," Lisanna said.
"Even with the context it's really stupid," Laxus corrected.
(shifts to a badly wounded Vegeta approaching Dende)
VEGETA: Guah! You...green thing...heal me.
"He has a name," Lucy glared.
"Yeah, it's Little Green!" Natsu yelled.
"No...that's not it either," Lucy sweatdropped.
DENDE: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time hearing you over the smell of my people's blood on your hands.
"Now is not the time for this," Freed said.
"To be fair, it isn't undeserved," Bickslow said.
VEGETA: Oh, no... Do not be that guy right now...
DENDE: Oh, I'm going to be that guy right now.
VEGETA: I am literally going to die...
"And even in this situation it would be karmic justice," Gajeel folded his arms.
DENDE: Well, how about this? I'll heal you, on one condition.
VEGETA: And that is...?
DENDE: Say my name.
"Little Green," Natsu did as told.
VEGETA: Oh... Uh...
DENDE: You don't even know my name.
VEGETA: Oh, uh, I do. It's, uh...um, uh...Little...Green?
"I will not blame him considering he's only heard Krillin refer to Dende by that name," Lily said.
DENDE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! No. No, it's Dende. Say "Dende".
VEGETA: Dende.
DENDE: Now say, "Please heal me, Dende".
"He's a sad*st," Lucy stared at the little green boy with wide eyes.
VEGETA: Please heal me, Dende.
DENDE: Well, since you asked so nicely...(flies away)
VEGETA: Come back, magic man...(collapses onto the ground)Ugh…
"And that's bad," Makarov said, gravely.
(shifts to Dende healing Piccolo)
DENDE: And you, my friend, are a subject of nepotism.
PICCOLO: Ugh. Thank you, magic man.
"Magic Green Man," Romeo sang.
DENDE: It's good to have you back, Nail.
PICCOLO: I'm not Nail.
"Technically you are," Levy smiled.
NAIL:(Technically, ya kinda are.)
PICCOLO: Shut up, Nail.
DENDE: Why are you talking to yourself?
PICCOLO: No reason. Now go heal Vegeta.
DENDE: Why would I do that?
(Frieza is still seen transforming)
FRIEZA: ...AAAAAAAAAA…
"Because you'll all die otherwise," Laxus reminded.
PICCOLO: Because THAT.
DENDE: Oh yeah, that's happening right now.
FRIEZA:(still transforming)HYAAAAAA...
GOHAN: Krillin, why aren't you using your Kienzan?
"Because the plot likes showing itself," Levy answered.
KRILLIN: Eh, you know, I keep forgetting to do that.
GOHAN: And?
KRILLIN: Well, I kind of used all my energy to mortally wound Vegeta.
GOHAN: Seriously, what did I miss?!
"A lot," Natsu stretched his arms out to represent a lot.
(shifts to Dende healing Vegeta)
DENDE: *sigh* Twist my arm a little bit more, why don't ya?
VEGETA:(gets up)You...healed me.
"He had no other choice," Freed pointed out.
DENDE: Of course I did. I'm a nice guy.
"You're not," Gray disagreed.
VEGETA: And now what's to stop me from kicking your face in?
DENDE: Because you touch me, and you're not getting back up again. That's right, I'm your White Mage. And nobody f**ks with the White Mage.(gets blown up by Frieza)
Silence overtook the guild once more at Dende's quick death.
FRIEZA: Oh, I feel REAL good about my life right now.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
KRILLIN: Little Green! NOOOOOOOO!
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, his name was Dende.
KRILLIN: Huh, that's funny. Never spoke up about it.
Everyone(Minus Natsu) facepalmed at Krillin's words.
(screen goes black and then shows a shot of Gohan and Dende in a Horribleville-style comic strip frame)
DENDE: Jesus Christ, how horrifying.
"Yeah, death is pretty horrifying," Wendy agreed.
"I don't think that's what he meant…" Levy sweatdropped.
Chapter End
Chapter 33: The Saiyan Formerly Known as Prince
Chapter Text
Chapter 36: The Saiyan Formerly Known as Prince
(cuts to an an outside shot of Frieza's ship and then shifts to the inside where Goku is still seen recovering in the healing tank)
GOKU:(thinking while inside the tank) You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up
You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up...
"He's singing while his friends are dying?" Evergreen's eyebrow raised in disbelief.
"Not much else he can do," Bickslow told her.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku, come in!
GOKU:(telepathically)Oh, hey, King Kai!
(shifts to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Your friends are in trouble, Goku.(telepathically)Are you healed yet?
"I wish he was," Wendy frowned.
GOKU:Uh... Nah, I don't think so.
KING KAI: Well, how long do you think it's gonna take?
GOKU:Well, I think the machine will tell me when I'm done.
"You mean you're unsure?" Levy's eyebrow rose in question.
KING KAI: Okay, youthinkor youknow?
GOKU:(after a brief pause)You put the lime in the coconut and...
"And he's completely unsure," Levy sweatdropped.
KING KAI: Goku!
GOKU:Aw, come on, King Kai, they don't need my help. I bet they're doing just fine on their own.
"You wanna bet?" Gajeel snarked.
(shifts to planet Namek)
VEGETA: Healer's down!
KRILLIN: Need a rez!
GOHAN: Out of mana!
VEGETA: AAAAAAAH!
KRILLIN: AAAAAAAH!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAH!
"Yeah...they're not looking too good," Lucy said, nervously.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
FRIEZA: It's been so long since I've had to use this form. It feels like an old suit I never have an occasion to wear.(disappears and then reappears behind the group)Unfortunately, whenever I put it on...(looks over to Dende's corpse)...someone dies.
"Did he get more sad*stic?" Lisanna asked.
"I think this form brings out the worst of him," Levy explained.
"And by worst she means best," Gajeel re-explained.
GOHAN: Dende... no!
FRIEZA: Oh, don't cry for the poor thing. I've saved him the fate of seeing what I'm about to do to you.
"Quick deaths are kind of a mercy," Laxus said, gravely.
VEGETA: Joke's on you; he hated the bald one.
KRILLIN: Hey, that's not fair!(looks at Piccolo)He just met Piccolo!
"Wrong bald guy," Lily sweatdropped.
(Frieza shoots a Death Beam aimed directly at Gohan, who just stands there paralyzed in shock)
"MOVE GOHAN!" The mages shouted.
VEGETA: Get down!
(Vegeta rushes in and pushes Gohan onto the ground, evading the Death Beam. The attack then hits an island in the distance, obliterating it in a flash of light.)
"WHAT THE HELL!?" The mages were shocked. There's usually a warning(Like shouting the name of the attack) before the attack happens.
"If you blinked even for just a second, you would've missed the attack," Erza spoke with visible distress.
"If Vegeta was millisecond late…" Mira shivered.
KRILLIN: I couldn't even follow that attack...! It was almost instantaneous!
VEGETA: Yep. Just gonna stand here and keep bein' awesome.
"And he only did it to stroke his own ego…" Carla sighed.
"Sounds about right," Gajeel sweatdropped.
PICCOLO: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power!
VEGETA: Uh, hello? Awesome, right here.
"Yes, we see you," Freed rolled his eyes.
GOHAN: We're all gonna die!
VEGETA: You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left, and I don't wanna smack you with my dick.
"Ew!" The girls were disgusted.
"Taking that too," Gajeel smirked.
FRIEZA: Oh, look at you, Vegeta. You're really going to fight me. Well, not- not really "fight", more like, "flailing angrily".
"Sounds like how Natsu fights," Gray remarked.
"SAY THAT AGAIN ICE-BOY!"
"YOU HEARD ME FLAME-NUTS!"
"QUIET!" Erza slammed them both into the ground.
VEGETA: Make your jokes while you can, Frieza. Because I can now see the peak of your power, while I'm only beginning to tap into mine…
"Is he repeating himself?" Juvia wondered.
FRIEZA: I feel like we've been here before. Have we been here before?
VEGETA: You see, I have finally realized the legend…
"Oh, my god, he's repeating himself," Freed facepalmed.
FRIEZA: Oh, my God, this IS happening again!
VEGETA: That's right, you're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore, Frieza... I, Vegeta, have finally become... the legendary Super Saiyan!
"You don't look very 'super'," Carla noted.
"Good thing the planet is empty, so it can fit Vegeta's entire ego," Evergreen rolled her eyes.
"I cannot believe someone can be THIS full of themselves, and we've met a lot of arrogant people," Erza crossed her arms.
FRIEZA: Okay, seriously, first off, "Super Saiyan". What is that? What evenisthat?
"I have a pretty good idea," Levy mused.
"You wanna share with the class, squirt?" Gajeel asked her.
"Nope," She smiled sweetly.
FRIEZA: I'll tell you what it is, it's just some stupid legend passed by your filthy monkey ancestors around a campfire like it was their own dung. Let me tell you, Vegeta, I don't deal in legends, I deal in facts. And here's a fact: by the end of this, you are going to be crying, like a little...bitch.
"Gonna need a Dende to heal that one," Macao whistled
"They used to have a Dende," Romeo frowned.
(Short pause...)
VEGETA: Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan swagger.
FRIEZA: Oh, for f**k's sake.
Everyone laughed.
(Vegeta dashes at Frieza and tries to attack him, but Frieza disappears and avoids the attack. Frieza then reappears in front of a rock and dodges another attack from Vegeta. Vegeta then goes on the offensive and starts attacking Frieza rapidly, causing the latter to go on the defensive.)
"He's just attacking widely without a plan," Makarov shook his head in disapproval.
"So he's Natsu," Everyone said, rather than ask.
"I have plans!" The fire dragon slayer defended himself.
"Attacking headfirst is not a plan!" Lucy swatted him in the back of the head.
VEGETA:(thinking)Yes! I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me!
"Are...are we watching the same fight?" Levy asked.
FRIEZA:(thinking)God, Zarbon's dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyus are dead... This has been one giant mess. It's just like that jockstrap incident only now I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes.
"And Frieza's not even thinking about him," Laxus scoffed.
"Really shows you who is actually on the ropes," Lily said.
VEGETA: AAAAAAA...(tries to perform a double axe handle on Frieza, but he disappears again)Huh? Wha...?
FRIEZA:(is seen on an island)This may be a little off-topic, but how good are you at digging holes?
"Pretty good, when you take a look at everything he's done in this arc," Levy said.
VEGETA: What the...
FRIEZA: I mean, besides the one you've already dug yourself into.
VEGETA: Rrgh... Don't you mock me!(charges up energy)
"He has every right to mock you," Erza didn't look pleased.
FRIEZA:: Oh?
VEGETA: YAAAH!
(Vegeta fires an energy blast at the island but Frieza leaps away and flies off in the sky. Vegeta proceeds to fire a Super Energy Wave Volley after the tyrant.)
VEGETA:(while firing each blast)Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
KRILLIN: I don't get it, why can't Vegeta hit him?
"Because he's just attacking like a wild animal," Freed criticized
"Really embracing his inner Natsu," Gray joked. Natsu tried to charge at him, but was held back by Erza's strong glare.
(Vegeta is seen blasting while saying "Daka, daka, daka!")
PICCOLO: Because he keeps aiming where he is instead of where he's going to be!
(Frieza appears in front of Piccolo, Krillin, and Gohan)
"Crapbaskets!" Everyone cursed.
GOHAN: Ahh!
PICCOLO:(thinking)Oh, crap.
KRILLIN: So, does this mean we should...?
"YES!" The guild screamed.
PICCOLO: DODGE!(grabs Gohan and Krillin and flies out of the way)
"He made sure to grab Gohan, because...well you guys know," Levy trailed off, seeing everyone was more focused on the "fight."
VEGETA: Daka, daka, daka, daka, daka!(Frieza appears in front of Vegeta)Aah!
FRIEZA: So, are we done playing children's games, Vegeta, or do I have to tickle you?(wags his tail in front of Vegeta's face)Eh, eh? Kitchy-koo. Kitchy-kitchy-kitchy-koo.
"This fight is essentially dealing with an angry toddler," Makarov compared.
"So Laxus then," Natsu managed to say something clever(Reference to Laxus' behavior in Battle of Fairy Tail arc). Natsu felt a chill up his spine courtesy of Laxus' glare.
VEGETA:(starts stammering in anger)Stop it or I'm gonna blow you up!(flies up and starts powering up)We'll see how you stand up... to everything I've got! Take... my Super Saiyan WRATH!(fires his ultimate technique, the Final Burst Cannon, at Frieza)
"Doesn't really sound that cool," Romeo's thumb pointed down.
"Even I admit that it doesn't sound that cool," Wendy shook her head.
FREEZA:(thinking)Oh, and I should probably send the Ginyus' families something... Perhaps some wine, a gift basket. (kicks Vegeta's Final Burst Cannon into outer space) Or maybe gift baskets with wine.
"I could live with that," Canna said, ignoring the tension in the room.
VEGETA:(falters and starts trembling)Wh-What? How... How is that...? Gah...
"And the prince realizes that the world doesn't revolve around him," Gajeel said, uncaringly.
"We've all been through that revelation at some point," Gray said.
FRIEZA: See, it's like I told you, Vegeta. Like a bitch.
VEGETA:(voice cracking down, trying to hold back tears)Shut up!
FRIEZA: Oh, my God, you actuallyarecrying!(shows Vegeta actually crying like a little bitch)
VEGETA:(hoarsely)I'm not crying! I'm not...!
"I really wanna feel bad for him," Wendy lowered her head.
"Don't," Both Gajeel and Laxus answered. Wendy looked at them confused.
"It's a waste of time and energy to feel bad for idiots," Laxus explained.
FRIEZA: Honestly, now I just feel bad. Usually, I just blow up whatever's in my way, but with you I've gotten kind of attached. It's sort of like putting down an old Space yeller.
"Why is that a thing?" Carla wondered.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)How is that athing?
FRIEZA: It's sad, really. But before we part ways, Vegeta, let me tell you a tale.(swats Vegeta with his tail)
VEGETA: Ahhh!
FRIEZA: The end.
"I'm a fan of short stories," Gajeel shrugged.
"I know you are," Levy snuggled closer to him.
(Vegeta flies straight into the water. Frieza lands on a rock and pushes the water away with telekinesis. Vegeta is seen on the ground, with a Namekian crab walking on his back.)
FRIEZA: See that, Vegeta? Now for my next trick: I'm going to make an asshole disappear.(begins walking up to Vegeta)
"You could phrase that one better, especially with your positions," Juvia blushed, imagining Gray holding her in the same way.
ORPHEUS: Wagwan, brethren Vegeta? Me be a spirit animal. And me here tell you how to mash up that bumbaclot Frieza. All ya gotta do is...(Frieza eats half his body)Aaah!(Frieza eats the rest of him)Aaah!
"But, I wanted to know!" Lisanna cried.
FRiEZA: *gulp* Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Wha-What?(Frieza punches him in the back)Ahhh!
FRiEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
(Frieza punches Vegeta again)
VEGETA: Ugh!
FRIEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
(Frieza punches Vegeta again)
VEGETA: Augh!
FRIEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
(Frieza punches Vegeta again)
"But, you're the one hitting him!" Wendy cried out.
VEGETA: Ah-hagh!
(Frieza drops Vegeta onto the ground)
VEGETA:(muffled)You're the one hitting me!
FRIEZA: Au contraire, Vegeta, you brought this upon yourself.
"Geez that was a good one," Gray couldn't help but compliment. Usually you don't want to compliment the bad guy.
(Frieza kicks Vegeta twice, sending him into the sky with the second kick, and then elbows him in the stomach before striking him toward the ground with his tail, who falls down in front of Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin.)
KRILLIN:(looks at Vegeta's beaten body)Should... we... help... him?(Frieza appears in front of everyone, shocking them)
"For the safety of your own personal beings, this time DO NOT help," Mira stressed.
FRIEZA: Oh, go ahead. Pool's open; the water's fine.(everyone is terrified and does not move)
"Don't think I'd be able to move either," Lucy shivered.
FRIEZA: Hmm, no? Just going to stand there like a bunch of piss-ants? Thought so.(starts grabbing Vegeta with his tail)Now, where were we? Oh, right, I believe it was... kidney punch.(repeatedly punches Vegeta in the back)Kidney punch, kidney punch, kidney punch, and pause... kidney punch.
Everyone even if they were reluctant to, started to feel bad for the fallen prince.
(cuts to Goku inside the healing tank)
GOKU:(thinking)Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat...(continues singing refrain)
Natsu, Happy, and Lucy join the singing.
KING KAI: Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Wendy, Romeo, Gray, and Juvia join the singing
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat...(continues singing refrain)
The Strauss siblings join the singing.
TIEN: Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Canna, Macao, and Wakaba drunkenly sing along.
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream
Row, row, row your boat...
YAMCHA/Gajeel: *gasps*
(a beeping noise is heard)
GOKU:Pod's done!(destroys the healing tank and flies out of Frieza's ship)
Gajeel starts to silently fume at losing his chance to sing. Levy pats him on the back with a sweatdrop.
(Cuts to Vegeta getting thrown into a cliff and knocked down onto the ground. Frieza is seen walking up to Vegeta's now incapacitated body.)
FRIEZA: It seems our game is over, Vegeta.(grabs Vegeta by the armor)Now that we're done here, it's time to send you crying home to mommy.
"Isn't his mother dead?" Happy asked.
"Yeah," Lucy pulled Happy into a hug.
VEGETA:(with tears flowing in his eye)My mother's dead..
FRIEZA: I know. HYEEEAAAAAA...(prepares to deliver the finishing blow to Vegeta but Goku arrives just in the nick of time, much to the surprise of everyone)
"And the hero is late as ever," Levy smiled.
"YEAH GOKU!" Natsu screamed.
FRIEZA: Who...?
GOKU: Hey guys, how's it going? Piccolo, when did you come back?
"It's as if the tension in any situation just defuses when he appears," Carla was baffled by Goku's ability.
"Kinda like Natsu huh?" Lucy smiled. The dragon slayer responded with a grin of his own.
PICCOLO: Uh, Dragon Balls.
GOKU: Oh, neat. Hey, Krillin. That armor looks funny on you.
GOHAN: Hey, Dad!
GOKU: Hey.
Erza facepalmed here.
GOKU:(to FrIeza)So, are you that "Freezer" guy?
FRIEZA:(hesitantly)I am Lord Frieza, yes.
GOKU:(cheerfully)Awesome! I'mma deck you in the schnozz!
(Frieza stares blankly for a second, then drops Vegeta)
"Goku actually did it," Levy started to laugh. Soon everyone started laughing along with her.
"Goku actually surprised the galactic warlord," Laxus barked loudly.
VEGETA: Ow...
FRIEZA: I'm sorry, that's a new one. Uh, who are you, exactly?
GOKU: I'm Goku... I'm insane... from Earth.
"He means "Saiyan," Erza corrected.
(Freeza gives off a blank stare)
VEGETA:(weakly)He means "Saiyan".
"Neither one of those are incorrect tho," Lucy replied, trying to hold in her laughter.
FRIEZA: Ugh, between you and the Namekian I think I've lost my touch at genocide.
GOKU: What's wrong, Vegeta? Did Freezer do this to you?
"Who else could've?" Gray asked.
FRIEZA: Oh look, he's all concerned. I'm impressed, Vegeta; you managed to make a friend.
VEGETA:(weakly)Hate you. Hate you both.
"I can relate to that feeling," Gajeel looks directly at Natsu.
FRIEZA: Unfortunately, Vegeta and I were having a disagreement. He wanted himself to live, and, well... I didn't.
GOKU:(confused)Why do you want to die?
The guild bursts into laughter.
FRIEZA: What-? No, I... I-I mea- I meant I wanthimto die.
GOKU: Is it 'cause you look weird?
FRIEZA:(eyes widen)...WHAT?
The laughter within the guild got so loud, that the people in Magnolia were highly confused at the noise.
"It's slightly racist tho," Levy choked out between fits of laughter.
GOKU:Well, you know, you got that big head, those weird lips, and that tail...(Frieza gets angry and fires a beam at Goku. Goku swats the blast away.)...and you don't have ears...
FRIEZA: Okay,no.(Frieza shoots multiple beams that Goku swats away effortlessly. The last beam Goku defects hits the ground covering him in smoke.)
GOKU: ...and to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk.
"He really is a jerk," Natsu said, remembering all of the death Frieza caused.
FRIEZA:(shocked)And apparently,thisis now happening. Vegeta! Explain!
(Vegeta laugh weakly on the ground)
FRIEZA: What are you...?
VEGETA:(weakly)You see, Frieza, you aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore…
"He takes solace in the fact that those words piss Frieza off immensely," Bickslow laughed.
FRIEZA:(getting angrier with each word)OH, MY GOD.
VEGETA:(weakly)He has risen above and become a legend... the legend that you fear... He has become... a Super Sai-(Frieza blasts him in the chest with a Death Beam. Vegeta gasps, then collapses.)
"Expected it, but holy sh*t," Gajeel spoke. The entire guild also recoiled a bit.
GOKU: *gasps* Vegeta!
FRIEZA: No, seriously, you have no idea how old that got.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA: Laugh while you can, Frieza. Because I'm about to rock you... like a hurricane.
"And the song puns continue in great earnest," Levy said.
("Rock You Like A Hurricane" by Scorpion plays as Vegeta levitates a rock and punches it at Frieza. Frieza easily breaks the rock.)
VEGETA: Huh. I should've known that was only a one-hit wonder.
"Kinda like how that's the hit you get on him," Gajeel quipped.
Chapter End
Chapter 34: Leave it to Freezer
Chapter Text
Chapter 37: Leave it to Freezer
(shows Vegeta on the ground, with a sizzling hole in his chest from where he was pierced by Frieza's Death Beam)
GOKU: Vegeta, no!
GOHAN: Vegeta, no!
"Vegeta, no!" Natsu joined in.
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Little Green'll…
"You just forgot didn't you?" Carla asked, sarcastically.
KRILLIN:(notices Dende's corpse)Oh. Vegeta, no!
PICCOLO:(after a short silence)Meh.(rolls his eyes)
"Meh," Both Laxus and Gajeel responded.
GOKU: Are you all right?
VEGETA:(weakly)I have a f**king hole in my chest. Why didn't you blockthatone?!
GOKU: I thought you had it.
"HOW!?" Lucy was baffled.
Erza facepalms in embarrassment and irritation.
VEGETA:(weakly)NO!
FRIEZA: It's funny how he's still talking, I could have sworn I hit a lung.(Vegeta coughs blood)Oh, there it is.
"Usually takes a while," Gajeel shrugged his shoulders. Levy looked at him concerned.
"I've had a fractured lung before," Gajeel replied. That didn't make her feel better.
VEGETA:(weakly)Kakarot, if you're ever going to listen to anything I have to say, do it now.
"He has listened to you before, he's just too stupid to comprehend sh*t," Gray said.
GOKU: What is it, Vegeta?
VEGETA:(weakly)I've lived my entire life under Frieza's rule. My entire kingdom, my race, was enslaved to his bidding.
The mages started to feel bad hearing Vegeta's words. Erza especially, thinking back to her own past for a bit.
GOKU: I understand now. If it weren't for Freezer, you wouldn't be-
VEGETA:(weakly)Dying? No.
GOKU: I was gonna say evil.
VEGETA: Oh, no. I'd definitely still be evil. If this situation were reversed, this conversation would never have happened. You'd be dead, and I'd be laughing.(laughs weakly)Oh, it hurts to laugh.
And they stopped feeling bad for him immediately.
"So, what's the point of telling him this then?" Mira asked.
GOKU: So, why are you telling me this?
VEGETA:(weakly)Because, Kakarot, you are our race's last hope. You are the last remaining Saiyan.(opens both eyes in shock)Oh, God, you're the last remaining Saiyan.(makes a final wheeze and goes limp)
"And even before he died, reality preceded to kick him one last time," Makarov sighed.
"I'd be pretty scared if Goku was the last remaining member of my race," Gray said.
"What about Gohan?" Mira asked.
"Half saiyans don't count," Levy replied.
GOKU: Vegeta... you...
(Goku blasts a hole in the ground with a Kiai and then picks up Vegeta's corpse)
GOKU: Come on. You deserve a proper burial.
"Really?" Many of the mages raised an eyebrow.
FRIEZA: Oh yes, a proper burial: an unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space. Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him.
"It is too good for him," Laxus begrudgingly agreed.
(Goku buries Vegeta inside the hole)
GOKU: I'll make sure to give Freezer one for you, best buddy.(stands up)Goodbye.
"Guess even Goku can be the sentiment type," Freed observed.
"Even to someone like Vegeta he shows his compassion," Erza;s respect grows even more.
FRIEZA: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place.
"Are we talking about the same prince?" Lucy was skeptical.
FRIEZA: Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell.
"Without question," Lily agreed.
GOKU: I don't know. I went to Hell once. The only real bad parts were these two-oiled up German guys trying to wrestle me.
FRIEZA:(stares blankly)...Are you real?
"I've asked that same question when I first met Natsu," Laxus' face twisted into an annoyed expression.
"HEY!" The dragon slayer took offense.
GOKU: But now, I know what I have to do. I have to stop you! You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way... even children!
"That's right! Show Freezer how it's done Fairy Tail style!" Natsu shouted. The other members agreed wholeheartedly.
FRIEZA: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children. I already tried leaving them alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge. Usually both. Really, killing them is a kindness. I can retract that kindness if you wish. Butthenwho's the villain?
"Y-you?" Natsu, Happy, and Wendy replied confused.
GOKU:(totally lost)Y-You.
FRIEZA: N-No. That was a rhetorical question.
GOKU: And I gave you a rhetorical answer.
"I have never been more thankful for him being an idiot," Gajeel laughed.
FRIEZA: Good lord, I traded Vegeta for this.
"At least with Vegeta, he was able to make snarky comebacks. But, with Goku it's physically impossible," Levy sweatdropped.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, Piccolo, get on out of here! I'll take Freezer myself.
GOHAN: But Dad-
GOKU: No buts! Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.
Lisanna turned to her sister, but was cut off.
"As long as he gets Gohan away from that monster then I don't care," Mira told her youngest sibling.
PICCOLO: So, keep doing what I've been doing, then?
"Being an uncle? Yes," Erza folded her arms, satisfied.
GOKU: Yuh-huh!
PICCOLO: Yeah, I figured. Let's go!(flies off)
KRILLIN:(while flying off)Oh, thank God!
"Yeah! You're safe now Krillin," Wendy smiled.
GOHAN: Dad, beat him within an inch of his life... and hang him up by his entrails!(flies off)
"He's been around Piccolo too much," Mira sweatdropped.
GOKU:(thinking)Wow, he sounds like he's had a hard time. Piccolo should really have a talk with him.
"Having a talk with any of you might do more harm than good," Lucy sweatdropped.
FRIEZA: I see. Sending your friends off to fight me all on your own. How gutless.
"In what world?" Makarov asked.
GOKU: What? How is that gutless?
FRIEZA: Because, suicide is the coward's way out.
Erza growled at Frieza.
GOKU: Can we fight now?
"Yeah, can you fight now?" Natsu asked impatiently.
FRIEZA: Son of a... Yes!
(Goku charges forward and swings at Frieza, who dodges and swipes at Goku with his tail. Frieza launches a Death Cannon at Goku)
GOKU:(thinking) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!
(Goku launches himself out of the ground with a Kamehameha, causing Frieza's Death Cannon to hit the ground and produce a huge explosion. Goku is seen floating inside the smoke while Frieza tries to shoot him with multiple eye beams.)
GOKU: Hey, wait a minute... They're all missing! He can't sense my energy. Ha-ha! You can't sense my energy!
"He'll find you if you keep shouting, you dumbass!" Evergreen yelled.
FRIEZA: No, but I can hear you, moron!(appears behind Goku)
GOKU:(thinking)*gasp*He has bat-vision!
"You're just stupidly loud!" The mages shouted.
(Frieza starts to chase Goku down while continuously firing eye beams at him. Goku then dodges an eye beam, which hits the ground and shows a small visible hole.)
GOKU: Ha! You missed!
FRIEZA: Or did I?
"Yeah," Natsu nodded.
GOKU: Yeah, you did.
FRIEZA: Well, no, I really did-
GOKU: You see? Not a hole on me!
"He wasn't aiming for you," Lily tried explaining.
FRIEZA: I wasn't trying to-
GOKU: You should really work on your aim.
"He honestly makes it difficult," Lucy messaged her forehead.
"Just like Natsu, huh?" Happy laughed.
"Too much like him," Lucy sighed.
FRIEZA: You know what? I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to let this next part be a surprise.
GOKU: What part-(lava erupts from the ground)WAH! Hot lava!
"I doubt it's as hot as my flames!" Natsu ignited his fist.
FRIEZA: Ha!Nowwhat do you have to say?
GOKU: MY BUTT IS FLAMING!
"This is our hero," Makarov sighed in acceptance.
FRIEZA:(shorts silence before looking down to the side)I miss Zarbon...
"You can go join him," Gajeel remarked.
GOKU: Wow, that was close. I was almost out of the frying pan and into the... lava.
FRIEZA:(completely dumbfounded)How do youfunction?
"Like a broken record with a mouth," Laxus groaned.
"Funny you say that," Levy chuckled nervously.
GOKU: Hey, I'm just like any other guy. I pay my taxes one leg at a time.
"You pay taxes?" Everyone was baffled by this.
FRIEZA:(stares at Goku with loathing)... I'm going to drown you. I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.
"Why would you drown puppies!?" Lisanna and Wendy shout, horrified.
GOKU: What? Why would you drown puppies?
FRIEZA: Because they're cute and cuddly.
GOKU: Are... you coming on to me?
"I would hope not," Erza frowned.
"Of course you would," Canna smirked. Erza glared at the drunken mage.
FRIEZA: Grrr...!
(Frieza kicks Goku down into the water. Goku is seen underwater with his head stuck in a hole but manages to free himself and swims upward before crossing his arms)
GOKU:(thinking)Ah, man. This guy's strong! I've gotta catch him by surprise.
"Attack him with a drop kick!" Natsu pumped his fist.
"No...he'd definitely see that coming," Lucy sweatdropped.
GOKU:(remembers Frieza's earlier assault in the air) Wait, he can't sense my energy. I know! Kamehameha! (charges up two ki waves: his Twin Dragon Shot) This is the best idea I've ever had. Second only to the double baconwich; a sandwich with bacon instead of bread.
"Wait did Goku just use his brain?" Lucy asked, while she gave Natsu her sandwich(Mira made snacks).
"I doubt he has one," Evergreen looked defiant at the thought.
"I mean...he had to at some point," Levy shrugged her shoulders.
FRIEZA:(floating above the water, waiting for Goku)Come now, I've waited long enough! I know it's something new to you, monkey, but it's called a bath.
"He's bathed before," Erza defended.
GOKU:(thinking)Go, my children. (launches the first blast)
FRIEZA: What?(dodges the first blast)That's just distracting!(dodges the second blast)Gah! And that's justannoyinglydistracting!
GOKU:(in distance)Geronimo!(hits Frieza with a dropkick, launching him into a pile of rocks)
"OH YEAH! HE GOT HIM WITH A DROP KICK!" Natsu jumped up, and laughed.
"I can't believe he actually pulled off a drop kick," Lucy said, baffled.
GOKU: 'Bout time someone kicked you to the curb! Nice work, brain.
BRAIN:You're welcome.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Evergreen was in complete shock. Elfman giggled to himself until he felt Evergreen's chilling glare directed at him.
(Frieza breaks out of the rubble with an explosion and starts exercising his neck, with Orpheus falling out of his left ear)
ORPHEUS: Hey, man!
"Hey crab," Happy greeted.
(Frieza jumps onto a cliff while Goku lands on the ground)
FRIEZA: You're a cheeky little monkey, what with your silly martial arts. But you know what the difference between you and I is?
"Are we talking about race?" Lisanna inquired.
FRIEZA: You can punch a board and it will break in half. I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race.
A slight chill ran through the audience.
GOKU: But can you block?
And that chill vanished very quickly.
FRIEZA:(stares at Goku with a deadpan expression)... I'd like you to meet my friend.
GOKU: A friend? Is he nice?
"I like making friends," Wendy smiled brightly.
FRIEZA: Rock solid.(Frieza raises a giant rock out of the ground using telekinesis)Filthy monkey, meet General Mountain!
"I don't know about that friend though," Wendy chuckled nervously.
GOKU: Hi, General Mountain! My name's Go-(gets hit by the giant rock and crashes into a wall)
GOKU:(muffled)I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain.(bursts out of the mountain and then takes a breath before Frieza appears above him.)
FRIEZA: Want to play a game?
"Against his better judgement, he'll accept," Lucy said.
GOKU:(slowly)Yes.
(Frieza traps Goku inside an energy sphere and proceeds to knock him around back and forth, making pinball sound effects, before launching him to the ground, emitting a huge explosion.)
"That didn't look very fun," Happy looked displeased.
"I doubt it was painless," Carla said.
(shifts to an outside shot of Planet Namek and shows a high score screen (which is just everyone's power levels), with Frieza being on top. Frieza enters his name as "ASS".)
"I agree, he's a giant ass," Gajeel said.
FRIEZA:Ha!
(cut back to the battle where Frieza is seen floating above a sandy wasteland)
FRIEZA: So how did you like that game, monkey?
GOKU:(flies back to Frieza, unharmed)Eh, it was okay.
FRIEZA: Wha...? You...?
"Goku's the first person to make him like this," Erza took pleasure in that.
"I'm surprised he hasn't had a brain aneurysm yet," Gray was a bit shocked.
GOKU: It's not Donkey Kong, though. That has a pie level.
(Frieza gives off a wide-eyed stare and then leans forward, making a creaking sound)
"And he's officially broken," Levy laughed.
(cut to Bulma drinking seawater from a lake)
BULMA: Oh, God, that was so refreshing. Too bad it was all saltwater, though.(falls over)
"WHY!?" Everyone shouted.
(cut back to the battlefield where Goku and Frieza land in another area)
FRIEZA: Alright then, how about this for another game? I'll fight without using either of my hands.
"Arrogant," Erza scoffed.
GOKU: Okay. Then I'll fight without using my shirt.(starts to remove his shirt)
"And he's just dumb," Evergreen said.
FRIEZA: I think you're missing the point.
GOKU:(drops his shirt)Fight time now!
(Goku and Frieza fight for a bit, with Frieza only using his legs to attack Goku. Frieza then tries to hit Goku with his tail, but Goku manages to grab it.)
GOKU: Ha-ha! Got your tail!
"That can be a weakness," Levy noted.
"It was for saiyans," Gajeel added.
FRIEZA: What are you-? Do you think this is a game?
GOKU: Well you... yousaidit was a game.
"He wasn't being literal," Laxus groaned.
FRIEZA: I was being coy, you imbecile! I'm trying to kill- Aaaah!(Goku starts screaming and begins to swing him around)What are you doing?! Stop it! Stop it now or I'm going to... to... ugh... guh…
(cut to Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin)
FRIEZA:(in distance)(makes a retching sound)
KRILLIN:(as he sees something approaching his face)Huh. What's that?
(Frieza's puke flies directly at Krillin's face. Cut to an outside shot of Planet Namek.)
Everybody blanched at the puke hitting Krillin's face.
KRILLIN:GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!
(Krillin Owned Count: 27)
(cut back to the battlefield)
GOKU: Yah!
(Goku throws Frieza in the distance, but Frieza disappears)
GOKU:(thinking)Ah! He's gone! I'll have to keep on guard. All my vital areas. (Frieza reappears and grabs Goku's neck with his tail) Oh, no! My neck! My most vital area!
"You guarded everywhere, but the neck," Makarov criticized.
FRIEZA: Oh, what's wrong? Don't have anything cute to say this time?(Goku starts choking and drops down on one knee)Adorable!
The guild frowned at Frieza's smugness.
GOKU:(thinking)He's gonna choke me to death! Quick, Goku, use your instincts!(bites Frieza's tail)
Some members laughed at Goku's idea.
"When in doubt, just bite em!" Natsu agreed.
FRIEZA:(shows Frieza's left eye as the screen cracks)GAH!(releases Goku)Son of a... Mother... F*CK!(punches Goku, knocking him back a few feet)
GOKU: Augh! You punched me in the face!
FRIEZA: You bit my tail!
GOKU: Youpunchedme in theface!
"Yes, those both equate to the same thing," Mira giggled.
FRIEZA: YOUBITMY F*CKINGTAIL!
GOKU: Yeah, well, I still haven't used my shirt! Does that mean I win?
"In Gray's case yeah," Canna laughed. Gray looked down and realized he's missing his clothes.
(pause)
FRIEZA:(going insane)...Yes. Yes! You win!
GOKU: *gasps* What do I win?
FRIEZA: Another bath!
"But, he's not dirty," Wendy said, confused.
GOKU: But I'm not dirt-
(cut to Frieza drowning Goku underwater with his foot)
"Oh," Her frown deepened.
FRIEZA: Just tell me when you need to come up for air.
GOKU:(thinking)Crap. Lungs... filling with water. Muscles... hurting. Brain, status report!
BRAIN:(makes mumbling sounds) ...Frozen peas…
"Yeah, that was a lost cause," Evergreen sighed.
GOKU:Well, that's not good. That's not... good... at all...
(the camera completely blacks out as Goku loses consciousness)
VEGETA:(in a ghostly voice)Kakarot... Kakarot..
"Wait Vegeta?" Everyone was shocked.
VEGETA:Kaka- (in normal voice) Ah, you know what? Screw this. Wake up, dumbass!
GOKU:(suddenly wakes up)Huh? Ve-Vegeta?
VEGETA:(appears as a ghost)You're failing your race, Kakarot. Frieza's unlike any opponent you've ever faced. You need to embrace your heritage; become the Saiyan that you were meant to be-
"Why is he naked?" Natsu asked. All of the mages were confused by Vegeta's nudity.
GOKU:Why are you naked?
VEGETA:What?
GOKU:You're naked. (shows Vegeta fully naked with his tail) Why?
VEGETA:Idiot, you don't take your clothes with you when you die.
"I'm pretty sure everyone took their clothes with them when they died," Levy sweatdropped.
GOKU:Well, I did.
VEGETA:What?
GOKU:Yeah. even had my weighted clothes on too. And I didn't even die in those. Huh
VEGETA:That lying red motherf*cker!
Everyone laughed at Vegeta's anger.
VEGETA:Anyway listen, Kakarot. Inside you is the primal burning fury of the Saiyan race. Like a wild raging Ōzaru, you must unleash it, Kakarot!
"That was kinda poetic," Lisanna loved it.
GOKU:So... Do I gotta throw my poo at him?
"I would hope not," Lucy's face turned green.
VEGETA:Oh for God's-! Just use your stupid Kaio-whatever!
"That counts!" Levy smiled.
GOKU:Oh, okay! Thanks, Vegeta!
VEGETA:F**k off. I'm gonna go get my clothes back.(disappears)
(cut back to Frieza above the water still drowning Goku with his foot)
FRIEZA: So, any last words, monkey? You know, besides "gurgle, gurgle"?
(Goku bursts out of the water, startling Frieza)
GOKU: Yeah!(powers up to Kaio-Ken)Kaio-Ken!
FRIEZA: Kaio-what-?(Goku punches him away)Gah!
"Two in one episode!" Levy cheered.
GOKU: Ka... Me... Ha... Me... HA!
(Goku launches a huge x.20 Kaio-Ken Kamehameha at Frieza. Frieza blocks the attack head-on by extending his hand. The blast connects and causes an enormous shockwave, turning the whole area into sand dunes. Goku is seen in midair catching his breath.)
"THAT WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME!" The guild were amazed by Goku's attack.
FRIEZA: No seriously, Kaio-what?
"And that's three in one…" Levy said less enthusiastically.
GOKU: Kaio-crap...!
FRIEZA: I thought so.(blasts Goku away)
The guild winced from the hit.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Earth's Check-In Station in the afterlife)
BLUE OGRE:(off-screen)Attention! Any sin you commit before being judged will be used against you.
KING YEMMA: Next... strip. Next... strip. Next... strip.(stops and leans forward)Nice!
RECOOME:(off-screen)Recoome thanks you.
"Is he allowed to do that?" Lucy asked.
"I mean, who's gonna stop him?" Gray responded.
Chapter End
Chapter 35: Freeza Burn
Chapter Text
Chapter 38: Freeza Burn
(cut to Goku getting knocked down to the ground)
GOHAN: That last attack drained all of his energy. We gotta help him!
KRILLIN: You're right, Gohan. It's time to get in there and throw down!
"Really?" Lucy was skeptical.
GOHAN: Really, Krillin?
KRILLIN: Ha-ha! F**k no!
"That's what I thought," Lucy sweatdropped.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Cut to Goku getting knocked by a lake, his head falling into the water. Frieza is seen approaching Goku as the latter gets up and starts coughing and sputtering before Frieza grabs him by the undershirt.)
FRIEZA: Now what do you have to say for yourself, monkey?
"Uh, can we make up and be friends?" Lisanna answered, hopefully.
(Goku coughs up water on Frieza's face, who proceeds to kick Goku repeatedly on the ground after a brief pause)
"Yeah, I thought so," Lisanna sighed.
GOKU: Oh! Yike! Ugh! Ah! Ow! Sonofa!...
(cut to King Kai's planet)
YAMCHA: You know what? This is totally bogus.
"Never use that word again," Gray cringed.
"And just never talk again," Gajeel said.
TIEN: I'm going to do my best to ignore that you just used the word "bogus".
YAMCHA: King Kai hasn't taught us crap since we got here! And what's worse, Piccolo didn't even have to train with us. He just sat and meditated all the time.
"Because what's the point of you guys learning if you're just gonna become obsolete," Levy said with no remorse.
"And screw Yamcha," Gajeel added.
"Can't you two have a bit more faith?" Erza asked.
"I'll have more faith when one of them actually contributes," Levy folded her arms.
"And screw Yamcha," Gajeel repeated.
TIEN: You're just jealous.
YAMCHA: No I'm not- Okay, a little.
"At least he admitted it," Laxus said.
"Unlike some people," Evergreen huffed.
RECOOME:(faintly in the distance)Recoome…
"Well, this is unexpected," Freed looks a bit surprised.
"I actually didn't expect to see these guys again," Levy said.
CHIAOTZU: Hey, do you guys hear that?
RECOOME:(now more loudly)DIVE!
(Recoome crashes head first into the planet)
RECOOME:(muffled)Hello.
"Hello," Some of the mages waved.
BOJACK: Yargh!
(Burter, Jeice, Guldo all appear above Recoome)
BURTER: I've got his left leg!
JEICE: I've got his right!
GULDO: I've got his middle!
"What are you grabbing exactly?" Carla's brow raised.
(all three of them pull Recoome out of the ground, who shakes his head)
RECOOME: Hey, what's up?
"Just us watching you," Happy answered.
TIEN: So... are you guys-
GULDO: We're under attack!(telekinetically slams a tree into King Kai's house)
"Rude," Juvia points her finger at the screen.
BURTER: Whoa, little quick to the trigger there, Ace.
GULDO: Sorry, I kinda lost my head there.
"It's funny you say that," Bickslow laughs.
GULDO: After I... lost my head.
(King Kai opens his door and walks up to the Ginyu Force)
KING KAI: Hey, I was just inside, taking a crap- I'm old, takes me awhile- come out, there's a tree in my living room. What's up?
"The most nonchalant way to address that," Lucy laughed a bit.
YAMCHA: We were just standing around and talking about your awesome training and then these guys showed up.
"Kiss ass," Gajeel sighed.
CHIAOTZU: Look like a bunch of queers.
TIEN: Chiaotzu! We don't even know them. We shouldn't make such rash judgments about-
"No, he's very correct," Gajeel said.
"Still, you shouldn't judge people," Erza added.
("Tokusentai" clip plays and the four deceased Ginyu Force members make a battle pose)
TIEN: Well... we shouldn't think less of them for it.
"Glad you agree, Tien," Erza smiled.
JEICE: Good day, mates. How ya going? We're here to take control of your planet in the name of Lord Frieza. Sorry about that.(cracks his knuckles)
"But you're dead? What's Frieza gonna do with a tiny planet in the afterlife?" Levy was confused.
"Brag about it?" Gray suggested.
KING KAI: Heh! Hahah! Ah yeah, good luck with that. Alright guys, show them who's boss.
TIEN: That'd be you.
YAMCHA: Yep. All you, man.
CHIAOTZU: You're the boss.
KING KAI: What?!
"I'll give it to them. Best way to reverse it on an asshole teacher," Laxus laughed.
RECOOME: What? Recoome has to fight this? He doesn't even come up to Recoome's knee caps!
"You can't even fit through a door," Lucy said.
JEICE: Probably can't even handle a gut full of piss.
"The only thing you have going for you is Space Australia, you one dimensional side character," Levy threw in.
BURTER: I bet you can't even run a mile.
"You're insecure hom*osexual alien who's only personality trait is being fast," Evergreen folded her arms.
GULDO: You're blue!
"And you're just a racist small green alien," Erza finished.
"Who has an attraction for dog treats!" Happy added.
"No...I don't think that one is by his own choice," Lucy sweatdropped.
KING KAI: Yeah, all of you can just go straight to Hell.
"They should be, I don't understand why they aren't," Romeo said.
RECOOME: Oh, yeah? And who's gonna make Recoome?
(Cut to the Bloody Pond in Hell with the camera moving to Goz, who is seen picking his nose while singing in German. A hitting sound is heard off-screen and all four deceased Ginyu Force are seen falling into the Bloody Pond.)
The guild erupts into laughter.
GOZ: Mez, we have visitors! Prepare ze camps.
(cut back to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Well, that takes care of that! Hmm, that reminds me. Wonder how Goku's doing.
(shows Frieza headbutting Goku, sending him tumbling)
The guild winces at the hit.
"That looks about right," Gray winced.
KING KAI: That's about right.
GOKU:(struggles to get back up on his feet)No...! I can't lose! I have to beat you! You're evil, and you have to be stopped!
"You tell him!" Wendy pumped her fist.
FRIEZA: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand!(lightning strikes Frieza, which doesn't even harm him)
"So, God's pretty useless," Laxus was unimpressed.
"Don't be mean to Kami," Natsu frowned.
"The point still stands," Laxus responded.
FRIEZA: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game! Anyway, back to-(sees Goku raising both hands in the sky)What are you doing?
"Spirit Bomb!" Those who knew what the move was cheered.
Those who didn't were confused.
GOKU:(thinking) I have to use the Spirit Bomb! It's my only chance!
FRIEZA: Seriously, what... What is this all about? Are you trying to tell me you once caught a fish that big?
"I'm sure he has," Lucy said.
GOKU: I'm just... stretchin'.
FRIEZA: In the middle of a fight?
"Nothing wrong with proper stretching," Lisanna started stretching himself.
GOKU: Yes.(thinking)I have only one chance, but this planet barely has enough energy left as it is. Wait, I'll just draw from the surrounding planets!(starts drawing energy from nearby planets for the Spirit Bomb)
"So, he needs energy from other people?" Freed asked.
"Specifically he needs energy from anything living, and it takes a while to charge," Levy explained.
"What good is a move if your enemy kills you before it goes off," Laxus scoffed.
(cut to Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin watching the fight from an island)
PICCOLO: What's going on? He's just standing there with his hands up.
KRILLIN:(thinking to himself)Wait a second... (extremely loudly)HE'S USING(off screen)THE SPIRIT BOMB!
"WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN KRILLIN!" The mages shouted at him.
FRIEZA: The Spirit what's-it-now?
"Ah, crapbaskets," Everyone said.
GOKU:(thinking)Oh, no...
PICCOLO: Would you stop screaming?
KRILLIN: THE SPIRIT BOMB IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN(off screen)KILL FRIEZA!
"Shut up!" Gray shouted.
"Krillin, please stop!" Wendy begged.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Shut up!
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Too scared!
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Damn it!
"Just punch him!" Gajeel stressed.
FRIEZA: What is that fool yammering on about?
GOKU: He's talking about... ghosts.
"Really?" The intelligent members deadpanned.
FRIEZA: Ghosts?
GOKU: Yeah, you know. Spirits. Ghosts
"Well, we now know where Gohan's bad lying comes from," Mira giggled.
FRIEZA: What do ghosts have to do with this?
GOKU: Everything.
FRIEZA: That's stupid. You're stupid! STOP BEING STUPID!
"That's like asking Natsu to stop breathing," Gray laughed...until he got punched in the face.
"Say that again!" Natsu roared. Gray rushed him back and the two scuffled until Erza punched them back into their seats.
GOKU: Or, maybe I'm just being rhetorical.
FRIEZA: NO! No, you're not! God, it's like you just try to use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!
"Pretty sure that's how Natsu learned how to speak," Laxus quipped. The fire dragon slayer did nothing, so he could avoid Erza's wrath.
GOKU: Huh. Well now you're just acting transcendent.
FRIEZA: Hrgh!(angrily knees Goku in the face)
KRILLIN: Oh, no! If Goku can't focus on the Spirit Bomb he doesn't stand a chance!
"He also needs to be alive to use it," Lily said.
"So, now would be a perfect time to help him," Lucy urged.
PICCOLO: I think the issue is less about him focusing and more about staying alive!
KRILLIN: I don't get it, though. Where's the baaaa...(notices the Spirit Bomb)holy balls!
"THAT'S HUGE!" Everyone shouted.
"Wait, so it's not always that size?" Freed asked.
"N-no it's usually the size of a beach ball," Levy stammered.
GOHAN: Wow! Is that... the Spirit Bomb?
PICCOLO: It's massive!
KRILLIN:(extremely loud)Oh, my God, that thing's gigantic! It's gonna kill Frieza for sure-
PICCOLO: SHUT UP!(punches Krillin)
KRILLIN: Aaah!
"Finally," Gajeel sighed.
(Frieza punches Goku, knocking him back but continues to hold his hands in the sky)
FRIEZA: There you are again, throwing your hands up in the air like you just don't care. Care, damn it!(swats Goku away with his tail, knocking him into the water)
"Should be really thankful villains don't just look up," Romeo was relieved/
"It's a good thing Frieza's too pissed off to care," Macao agreed.
PICCOLO: Damn it, this is bad!
GOHAN: Dad...
(Goku is seen climbing halfway onto shore and gasping for breath)
FRIEZA:(lands in front of Goku)I believe I'm done. As entertaining a punching bag you make, I find there is no more enjoyment to be found here.
"You're only just realizing this?" Evergreen asked.
GOKU: Wait, we could always play a game of 20 questions.
"Oh! I love that game," Happy prepares to play. Lucy tapes his mouth shut.
FRIEZA: Alright then, first question: Are you about to die?
"No…" Natsu answered, sweating a bit.
GOKU: No.
FRIEZA: Ah-ah-ah.(points a finger at Goku, preparing to finish him off)No lying.
"Ah, crapbaskets," The mages looked in worry.
GOKU: Damn!
FRIEZA: Say goodbye, monkey-(notices a flare in the lake)
"Ah, crapbaskets," Everyone muttered again.
FRIEZA: Ugh. Wh-What... What is that glare? That's not a sun. It's not a moon and it's certainly not a space stati- What is that?(looks up and notices the Spirit Bomb)What... is... that-?(looks down at Goku)What is that?!
GOKU: Are we still playing 20 questions?
"Not sure if it would help you," Lucy spoke, nervously.
FRIEZA: You were planning on using that on me, weren't you?!
"No," Natsu lied.
GOKU: Yeah…
"You're not still playing 20 questions! Keep lying!" Lisanna urged.
FRIEZA: I don't know where you got that much power from, but it doesn't really matter now, does it?
"Can't he just throw it now?" Romeo asked.
"If he throws it now Frieza would just dodge it, and it would all be for nothing," Levy explained. The situation didn't look good for the Z-fighters.
(Goku leaps from the water and tries to launch a surprise attack at Frieza but Frieza catches his fist)
GOKU: Ah, nuts...
FRIEZA: Looks like that whole "Super Saiyan" thing didn't really pan out after all. When you see Vegeta, tell him I said, "Like a bitch."
"Will someone help already!?" Wendy yelled.
FRIEZA:(charges a Death Beam aimed between Goku's eyes)What the-FAAAAHH?!(Piccolo kicks him in the face, sending him far into the lake)
"Alright Piccolo!" The mages cheered.
"Good job," Mira smiled a bit.
GOKU: Piccolo, what are you doing here?
PICCOLO: No talk time. Plan, now!
GOKU: Well, I still got the Spirit Bomb, but I still need both arms to charge it.(puts both arms in the sky)You'll have to distract him while I gather energy.
PICCOLO: Oh, that's not so bad-
GOKU: For five minutes. And considering how bad he was kicking my butt... Ah, I'm sure you can handle it.
Everyone who was there for the fight with Raditz were slacked jawed by Goku's words.
"Did he just hold a grudge?" Carla was shocked.
"I didn't think it was physically possible…" Lucy watched in surprise.
PICCOLO: Did you just hold a grudge?
(Frieza rises back up from the water, visibly furious)
FRIEZA: AND I JUST KEEP GETTING REMINDED OF MY FAILURES!
PICCOLO: You mean your failure at killing me or just in general?
"Oooooooh," The childish members laughed.
(Freiza growls in anger and proceeds to give Piccolo a massive beatdown)
GOKU:(in his thoughts; singing the tune of "Mahna Mahna")Mahna Mahna
do-doo be-do-do
Mahna Mahna
do do-do do
Mahna Mahna
do-doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do I'ma chargin' my attack
Everyone laughed at the scene.
"He definitely held a grudge," Gajeel laughed.
PICCOLO:(faintly in the background)No, no, no, no-(a snapping sound is heard)Oh, God, my glubok!
"Seems Frieza finally found it," Freed winced.
PICCOLO:(gets knocked down to the ground next to Goku)DARN IT!
FRIEZA: You know, I think I have an insta-fix for this situation: I'm going to blow you and this whole miserable planet to nothing!(begins charging a Death Ball)ISN'T THAT FUN?!(starts laughing manically while rising in the air, holding the Death Ball with his finger)
"He's finally gone insane," Erza said. The mages were taken aback by Frieza's craze.
PICCOLO: Gah! Goku, just throw the damn thing!
GOKU: Can't. Not done yet.
"HOW!?" Everyone yelled.
PICCOLO: What?! How?!
GOKU: It's only been four minutes and fifty-eight-(a "ding" sound is heard)Done!
"NOW THROW IT!" Everyone was ready for the end.
(Goku launches the Spirit Bomb at Frieza. Frieza is shown rising in the air while laughing madly until he stops and forgets something...)
FRIEZA: What?(looks behind and notices the Spirit Bomb)Oh, somehow I completely forgot about that.
"Weird how that happens sometimes," Gajeel laughed.
SPIRIT BOMB: Om, nom, nom.
FRIEZA:(extends both arms out)Oh, my God.
"I'd be pretty scared if that was coming at me, but I have my darling Gray to protect me!" Juvia cooed.
"Get off me!" Gray yelled, trying to push her off.
(Frieza tries to stop the Spirit Bomb with his hands, groaning while doing so, but is slowly getting pushed back)
FRIEZA:(thinking)If I had any single regret for the countless horrific events that have transpired in my wake, it's that I'm dying. (screams as he gets pulled in into the Spirit Bomb)
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Laxus leaned back in his seat.
(the Spirit Bomb explodes, with the explosion being so enormous that it can be seen from outside Planet Namek as the camera fades to black)
"That's...the biggest explosion we've seen so far," Levy gapped at the scene.
(cut back to Planet Namek where there's an enormous crater and then to Krillin climbing onto a rock)
GOHAN: Krillin! You're okay!
KRILLIN: I think I swallowed a trout.(Gohan helps him onto shore)So, Gohan, think he's dead?
"Has to be dead," Gray said.
"I have another bad feeling," Carla muttered to herself.
GOHAN: Krillin, right now I'm more worried about my dad.
KRILLIN: Who did you think I was talking about?
"Freezer," Natsu answered.
GOHAN: *gasps* Krillin, look!
(shows Piccolo emerging from the water)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Alright, come on you heavy bastard. No, no one actually helped me, that would be a little too much. (heaves Goku onto shore, who gasps for breath)
"Well, you're both alive and that's what matters," Lisanna was happy.
GOHAN: They're both alive!
KRILLIN: Neat.
GOKU: Grandpa, I don't want any more baths today. I'm clean now.
"And his brain is waterlogged, great," Evergreen rolled her eyes.
(Gohan and Krillin land on the island)
GOHAN:(starts running up to Goku)Dad!
GOKU:(wearily)Hey, Gohan.
(Gohan laughs and hugs Goku)
"Awwwww!" The girls cooed at the scene.
The guys smiled at the reunion of father and son.
KRILLIN: You know, I gotta admit, after what happened with Vegeta, I was pretty sure the Spirit Bomb was gonna be a dud.
"Stop talking Krillin," Carla muttered again.
GOHAN: But we showed him what for!
GOKU: Yeah, you could say he suffered a bad case of "Freezer burn".
"Never tell a joke again," Gajeel looked serious.
(Everyone starts laughing until Krillin suddenly shrieks and look up in horror at Frieza is seen standing on top of a rock, surviving the Spirit Bomb)
"HOW!?" Everyone was shocked at Frieza still being alive.
"I knew it…" Carla looked upset.
FRIEZA: By the way, not dead. 'Kay, thanks,die.(blasts Piccolo in the chest)
"NO!" Screamed Wendy.
PICCOLO: ...F**k you.(collapses on the ground)
GOHAN:(walks up to Piccolo and drops to his knees)No... No...!(raises his head to the sky and screams)NOOOOOOOOOOOO!(echoes)
"Gohan…" Mira felt worried for him.
KRILLIN: Whoa! For a moment there I thought that was gonna be me.
"Not the time Krillin!" Lucy screamed.
FRIEZA:(smiles)Oh-ho-ho!(frowns and points at Krillin)You're next.
Levy looked down at her notepad and remembered Popo's words from earlier.
"Ah sh*t.." She said softly.
KRILLIN: W-W-Wait! What did I do to you?
FRIEZA: Remember mytail?
"OVER THAT!?" Natsu roared.
KRILLIN: Can't you take a joke?
(Frieza gives an ugly stare at Krillin while Krillin gives an innocent, cute smile. Cut to Krillin being shot into the sky.)
KRILLIN:WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAA-(explodes to smithereens as Goku and Gohan watch his remains fall from the sky)
Everyone's faces mirrored Goku and Gohan's shocked expressions.
(Krillin Owned Count: 28)
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Mr. Popo at on Earth with the camera zooming in on his face, with dramatic music playing, before eventually stopping)
MR. POPO: Called it!
"Yeah, you did..." Lucy whispered.
Chapter End
Chapter 36: The Final Cut
Notes:
This is all three parts together, that's why chapter numbers look weird.
Chapter Text
Chapter 39: Freeza: The Final Cut
NARRATOR:Last time, on DragonBall Z Abridged...
KRILLIN:WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAA-(explodes to smithereens as Goku and Gohan watch his remains fall from the sky)
Even though Krillin could be annoying at times, nobody wanted to watch the bald monk die.
FRIEZA: Oh, out of all the people I've blown to bits,thatone will hold a special place in my heart.
The guild glares intensely at Frieza for mocking Krillin's death.
(Goku is seen shaking in anger)
FRIEZA: Oh what's wrong, monkey? Come on now, give me something funny.
GOKU:(enraged)You... killed my best friend!(continues trembling in anger)
Smoke starts emitting from Natsu's body as he recalled all the times his friends almost died or did die(Future Lucy).
FRIEZA: Ha! Thatispretty funny. Hilarious, actually.
(thunder and lightning starts striking around Namek as Goku's hair briefly turns gold and his eyes briefly turn green)
Everyone did a double take at the changes happening to Goku. Even Natsu paused in his own rage to watch Goku.
GOKU: RRAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!(transforms into a Super Saiyan for the first time)
"WHAT!?" Everybody screamed in shock.
"Wait a minute...," Levy searched through her notes and remembered the Lord Slug movie.
"So, this is what King Kai was alluding to, and what Vegeta was going on about," Levy's face broke into a grin.
"You mean?" Lucy left the question open for Levy to answer.
"Goku has become a Super Saiyan!" Levy cheered brightly.
"That incomplete form he had before was foreshadowing this then," Lucy concluded. The entire guild turns back to the screen with excitable expressions formed on their faces.
"KICK HIS ASS GOKU!" Natsu roared with a feral grin.
FRIEZA:What?!
GOHAN: Dad?
(Goku, now a Super Saiyan, turns around and sets his sights on Frieza)
FRIEZA:(stunned by Goku's transformation)That's... that's not funny.
"It's gonna be fun for us though, jackass," Gajeel smiled.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: I don't believe it! Goku has truly done it! He has become the one and only Super Saiyan!(small pause)Right?
"Why was there a pause?" Carla raised an eyebrow.
NARRATOR:(hesitantly)Ye-Yeah…
"Why did you hesitate?" Lily asked.
KING KAI: You hesitated there for a second.(small pause)What?
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Namek where Super Saiyan Goku is angrily glaring at Frieza)
Natsu bounces excitedly in his seat as he awaits the brutal beatdown.
FRIEZA: What the hell is all this about? What's up with your hair? What's up with your eyes? Answer me!
GOKU: Gohan, take Piccolo, find Bulma, get back to the ship.
"Wait, what just happened?" Lucy blinked rapidly.
GOHAN: But what about you?
GOKU: If Piccolo dies, then all this was pointless! Take him, get to the ship, and get out of here!
"He's actually being smart for once…" Gray looked in disbelief.
"It's like a blue moon," Laxus was shocked.
"If only Salamander could be like this," Gajeel expected Natsu to attack him, but the fire dragon slayer was too focused on the screen.
GOHAN: This is surprisingly well thought-out for you.
GOKU: Gohan, where should you be right now?
GOHAN: The ship?
GOKU: THE SHIP!
"He's being a parent and it makes me happy," Mira wipes a tear away.
GOHAN: Okay!(takes Piccolo and flies away)
FRIEZA: Oh, real cute. But at the very least, I do love a moving target.(starts aiming at Gohan in the sky)
"Sto-"
(Goku quickly appears in front of Frieza and grabs his hand)
"-p him…." Mira was shocked by how fast that was.
Erza grinned at Goku's amazingness. Her eyes gazed around at her fellow guild mate's shocked looks and her grin grew 10 times bigger.
"It's about time everyone recognized Goku's amazingness," Erza spoke to herself.
FRIEZA:(struggling to break free of Goku's grasp)Gah! What are you-? Let go of me!
GOKU: I'm going to break you.
"Oh!" Wendy blinked.
FRIEZA:(meekly)What?(Goku crushes his hand)Agh!
GOKU: Like a Kit-Kat bar.
"Hm," Her eyes stopped blinking.
Natsu was still grinning like a mad man.
FRIEZA:(small pause)...What?
(Goku punches Frieza in the face, sending him flying across the sky)
FRIEZA:(thinking) What?!
(Goku grabs Frieza and breaks his back)
Natsu's grin kept growing at every hit Goku landed.
FRIEZA: Aaaaaaah!(recovers and starts firing a barrage of Death Beams at Goku)Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
(Goku easily dodges all the shots, with the last one destroying a small island)
"Looks like Frieza needs to work on his aim still," Freed jokes.
"Was that an attempt at a joke?" Bickslow looked disappointed.
FRIEZA: You... you're different. What happened? What the hell are you?
"You haven't figured it out yet?" Erza questioned.
GOKU: Can't you tell, Freezer? It's just like Vegeta said.
FRIEZA: No, you f**kingdon't!
"YES!" Most of the guild shouted excitedly.
GOKU: I am the hope of the omniverse! I am the light bulb in the darkness! I am the bacon in the fridge for all the living things that cry out in hunger! I am the Alpha and the Amiga! I am the terror that flaps in the night!(starts powering up)I am Son Gokū! and I am a Super...
(Frieza shoots Goku in the face with a Death Beam and growls)
GOKU:(leans forward unharmed)...Saiyan.(Frieza growls angrily)
"Badass," The guild thought at that moment. Their opinion of Goku has grown immensely.
(cut to King Kai's planet with King Kai is stammering in utter surprise)
YAMCHA: King Kai, what's going on on Namek right now?
KING KAI: You know, you could always just grab my shoulder and watch.
"They can do that?" Levy wrote it down.
YAMCHA: Yeah, but, you kinda... smell?
"I'm not surprised by that," Lucy said.
KING KAI: That's my natural musk. Musk... Musk…
"Stop saying that," Evergreen looked unamused.
TIEN: Stop saying "musk".
KING KAI: Stop eating myfood.
KAMI:(telepathically)King Kai, do you hear me?
"Oh Kami!" Wendy was happy.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Oh. Hey, Kami. How's everything going along?
KAMI:(telepathically)Well, I sent off Mr. Popo to collect the Dragon Balls like you asked.
"Guess, he did that offscreen," Levy mused.
KING KAI: Good. The whole plan is coming together.
YAMCHA: I don't think you ever told us your plan.
"He doesn't have to tell you," Gray said.
KING KAI: I don't have to tell you everything! I don't have to tell youanything!
TIEN: And that just about sums up our time spent here.
"He told you all to piss off," Laxus corrected.
KING KAI: Ha-ha.
(cut back to Namek with Gohan carrying Piccolo through the sky)
GOHAN:(notices Goku's ship)Huh? It's the ship!(takes Piccolo inside the ship)See Mr. Piccolo, we're halfway home. I mean, not literally but... just don't bleed out, okay?
"He'd bleed out before you guys even reached earth," Freed said.
GOHAN:(thinking while noticing the ship's controls)God, so many buttons... I forgot, I don't know how to fly the ship. I could have sworn somebody did that for...(out loud)Oh, my God, Bulma!
"He already forgot about her," Lisanna looked disappointed.
"In his defense, this is a very stressful situation," Mira defended the boy.
(cut to Bulma hanging on a cliff)
BULMA: Help...! Somebody...?
(cut to Goku and Frieza)
FRIEZA: I have to admit, this is new, monkey, this is definitely new. But a monkey is still a monkey; and I've killed plenty in my day. Millions, literally millions.
"Is that all you brag about?" Makarov looked unimpressed at this point.
"I'm starting to think that for a galactic emperor, he really doesn't have much," Juvia said.
"If he had anything, then he's lost it thanks to a dysfunctional group of idiots," Laxus said.
FRIEZA: What's the matter, run out of quips? Cat got your tongue? No more words to fail? You think now that you're this so-called "Super Saiyan" that you're better than me, Lord Freeza?!
"It is better," Romeo huffed, proudly.
"Goku's unbeatable now!" Wendy huffed alongside him.
FRIEZA: Well, you're not! I own you! I own your planet! I ownthisplanet! In fact...(charges up a large orange energy sphere)F**K THIS PLANET!(throws energy blast directly at Namek)
"HUH!?" The mages didn't expect that.
GOKU: Wait, I was zoned out there for a second, what?
(Frieza's blast hits Namek's core, emitting a humongous explosion that seemingly destroyed Namek)
"IT CAN'T END LIKE THAT!" The mages shouted.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: No... No, no! Son of a bitch!Gah!
YAMCHA: What's wrong, King Kai?
KING KAI: You dumb assholes are gonna be here forever.
"That's what he's upset about," Lucy sweatdropped.
TIEN:(scoffs)Yeah, real funny, King Kai.(King Kai remains silent)Oh, God, you're serious.
"He's always serious when it comes to you guys being on his planet," Lucy pointed out.
KING KAI: I had this whole plan ready to go, but as it turns out, Frieza's a sore loser and just...
CHIAOTZU: Blew himself up along with his opponent?(Tien and Yamcha are seen giving blank stares)What? It's what I do.
"You did do that," Romeo said.
KING KAI: Yeah, only this time it worked. And now Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, everyone's dead! And I'm stuck with you idiots for the rest of my life!
"Ok, anyone else feel like they're all alive?" Levy asked, raising her hand. Everyone raised their hands in agreement.
KAMI:(telepathically)Should I call you back when you're done screaming, or is that just not happening?
KING KAI: And then there's this cu...(telepathically)Kami?
"You didn't even bother to check if he was alive," Gajeel shook his head.
KAMI:(telepathically)Yes, I wanted to inform you that Mr. Popo has acquired the sixth Dragon Ball and...
KING KAI:(telepathically)You're alive?
"No sh*t," Gray replied.
KAMI:(telepathically)So this is what counts for omnipotence these days, hmm?
KING KAI: But if you're not dead, then that means Piccolo's not dead, and Namek is still there.
(shows an outside shot of Namek, which is still there but is now detonating due to its core being destroyed)
GOKU: Did... did ya miss?
"His aim really sucks," Lisanna laughed.
FRIEZA: How could I miss?
GOKU: I dunno, how did ya?
"And now he's getting mocked by Goku," Bickslow laughed.
"That's the worst low you could reach.
FRIEZA: I know I hit the core... God, this always happens when I try to perform under stress.
GOKU: Seems to me like you just couldn't go through with blowing us both up.
FRIEZA: That's not the problem, you idiot. I can breathe in space.
"That's good and bad to know," Levy said, writing it down.
GOKU:(gasps)But space is a vacuum!
"Glad to see he's still the same old Goku," Lucy smiled.
FRIEZA: Honestly, I'd say you only have... I don't know, five min... is it five? Ye-yes five- five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
"I'll keep note of that," Levy said.
GOKU: Oh. Well then, I'll just have to kill you in four.
"YEAH!" The guild mages were ready.
FRIEZA: Wait, hold on! I'm only at half my full power.
GOKU: I don't see how that's my problem.
"Good, just focus on beating that evil monster," Lucy was happy.
FRIEZA: No listen! If you let me power up... I'll give you a pizza.
"That's not gonna work again," Laxus smirked.
GOKU: You killed my best friend, Freezer. That's not gonna work anymore!
"Avenge Krillin!" Happy, Wendy, and Romeo yelled.
FRIEZA: Two pizzas!
GOKU: I said I'm done!(starts charging at Freeza)HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!
The mage's respect for Goku grew immensely.
FREEZA: With stuffed crust.
(Goku immediately stops on a dime)
That respect died out immediately for everyone, except for Erza and Natsu who were blinded by their own images of Goku.
KING KAI:(telepathically, sounding both insistent and scolding)Gokuuuu...
GOKU:(telepathically)Now hear me out, King Kai. (Frieza starts powering up) If I let him power up to 100% and beat him then, it'll demoramalize him. And he'll never threaten anyone again.
"While that is sort of sound, just finish it now and go home," Makarov scolded.
"I should've known better that he'd make the dumbass choice," Laxus regretted getting excited.
KING KAI: Goku, that is retarded!
"Yes it is," Carla agreed.
GOKU: Stuffed crust, King Kai! You can eat it in reverse.(inside Goku's eye is an actual stuffed crust pizza being ripped apart)
"I can't believe this conversation is happening," Gray looked unamused.
"I can," Lucy speaks, turning her eyes towards Natsu.
KING KAI: I-I can't even believe we're having this conversation.
GOKU:(telepathically)Me either.
FRIEZA:(now at 100% full power)Thanks for waiting, by the way.
"Someone got BULKY!" Elfman couldn't help but flex.
GOKU:(telepathically)Hold on a second, King Kai.(out loud to Frieza)What was tha-?
(Freeza punches Goku in the stomach)
The guild winced at the sudden punch.
GOKU: OOH!
FRIEZA: SMASH MONKEY!(starts pummeling Goku) SMASH MONKEY!
"FIGHT BACK!" Natsu roared.
(cut to Gohan flying in the sky, searching for Bulma)
"GET BACK TO THE FIGHT!" Natsu continued to scream, until Lucy slapped him.
GOHAN: Bulma, where are you?
(Bulma is heard making Taz snarling noises, which catches Gohan's attention and spots her on top of a cliff. Cut to Gohan flying Bulma back to the ship.)
BULMA: Oh, well how nice of you to finally come and get me... only you left me stranded on my own to fend for myself! Planet's going to hell, I almost die, and I'M FREAKING THE F**K OUT!
"Someone slap her out of it," Laxus pleaded.
GOHAN:(while giving an annoyed look at Bulma)Bulma, how high would you have to fall from to hit terminal velocity?(Bulma glares at Gohan and gives no reply)I thought so.
"Good job kid," Laxus praised.
(cut to Frieza kneeing Goku in the stomach)
FRIEZA: I just love how easy it is to get away with this sh*t with you people. I want to transform, you just sit there and let me. I want to blow the planet up, you just sit there and let me. I want to reach 100% power,and you just sit right there and let me!
"That's true, they really do just let that happen," Gray said.
"To be fair, we make the same mistakes," Erza said. Everyone thought back to their previous fights and realized she was right.
GOKU:(not really fazed by Frieza's assault)So, can I get a Meat Lover's?(Frieza knees him in the face) UNGH!
"He's still focused on the food," Lily shook his head.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: And that is my star pupil. I don't even know why I bother…
Makarov looks at Natsu before turning back to the screen.
KAMI:(telepathically)King Kai, are you there?
KING KAI:(telepathically)Oh Kami, do you have an update for me?
KAMI:(telepathically)Apparently, it's all I'm good for anymore. I wanted to tell you that Mr. Popo has acquired the final Dragon Ball and is ready to summon the dragon.
"That didn't take long," Freed said.
"Really don't have the time for a dragged out quest," Bickslow told him.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Awesome, now let me talk to him.
KAMI:(telepathically)Heh, if you insist.
KING KAI: Alright, now Mr. Popo-(antennae explodes, knocking him down)Gah!(telepathically to Kami)How the hell do you work with this guy?!
"I hope I never have to work with him," Wendy shivered.
"You and me both, kid," Gajeel agreed.
KAMI:(telepathically)It's easier than you think.
(cut to Mr. Popo on Earth with all seven Dragon Balls)
MR. POPO: I'm so f***ing high right now!(summons Shenron, the eternal dragon)
"Just get him high I guess," Macao shrugged.
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. Speak your wish and I shall...(notices Mr. Popo)Oh, it is you, my master. Is it time to lay waste to this world?
"Wait what?" Everyone did a double take.
MR. POPO: Eh, not yet. Give 'em a couple hundred years, see if they can clean this up.
SHENRON: Then how might I be of service, Lord Popo?
MR. POPO: Good question. Kami, The f**k am I doing?
KAMI:(telepathically)Good question. King Kai, the f**k is he doing?
"He didn't explain it to either of you?" Carla looked unamused.
KING KAI:(gets helped up by Tien)Ah, my head.(telepathically)Okay, listen, I want you to bring back everyone Frieza and his men have killed.
"So, bringing back all of the Namekians!" Wendy looked happy.
"And Vegeta," Gajeel added. Nobody felt like acknowledging that part though.
KAMI:(telepathically)Why?
KING KAI:(telepathically)Are you questioning God?
KAMI:(telepathically)Areyou?
"Too many gods," Natsu looked confused.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Not in the mood, Kami!
KAMI:(telepathically)Fine! Not my problem anyway. Mr. Popo-
"Technically it is your problem," Levy corrected.
MR. POPO: I heard. Dragon, bring back all the worthless maggots that were killed by Frieza and his men or, whatever.
SHENRON: As you command, so it shall be.(eyes start glowing)
(cut to Porunga emerging from the water, now back to life, before shifting to Guru's house)
GURU:(wakes up)Aaaah! Oh. Oh... right. I stopped my heart for a couple minutes there.
"Dick," Gajeel looked in disbelief.
GURU:(notices the destruction of Namek)Oh, God, global warming? NAAAAAIIILLLL!
"He's in Piccolo now," Mira said, completely aware of what she said.
"You could word that better," Gray gagged.
(cut to a Namekian village where all of Namekians are waking up, being brought back to life by Shenron)
MOURI: Ah, why is my neck so stiff?
Wendy frowned, remembering how he died.
(cut to Vegeta's grave)
VEGETA:(makes muffled noises as he emerges from his grave)When there's no more room in hell, VEGETA SHALL WALK THE...(turns around notices the destruction of Namek)...other hell, what the hell?
"Welcome back to the world of living, sweet prince," Freed greets.
"Now we gotta deal with more of his sh*t," Laxus grunted.
VEGETA:(thinking)Well, I have my clothes back- so at least that's a start. Am I alive?(punches himself in the ribs)Argh! Augh!(falls on the ground)Yay! I'm alive!(coughs blood at the ground)
(cut to Dende)
DENDE:(wakes up and gets on his feet)I'm alive? I'm alive! And...(notices Porunga in the distance)And I have an idea.
"Welcome back Little Green!" Natsu and Happy cheered.
(cut to Frieza ramming straight into Goku and burying him in a hole hundreds of feet underground before jumping out of the hole, which explodes with lava)
"That had to hurt," Lucy winced.
FRIEZA: Well, now you're Super Saiyan soup, high in vitamindumbass!(laughs and looks up at the sky)Huh? Oh, God, what's up with the sky? This planet really is about to blow. I give it like... two minutes tops.
"Why do I feel like Frieza can't tell time?" Erza asked.
"Because five minutes have already passed," Levy answered.
FRIEZA: I better get to my ship and-(gets kneed in the face by Goku)Stop that! Stop not dying! You think you're better than me? You're nothing but an overgrown monkey!
"And you're the biggest racist I've ever seen," Lily glared.
GOKU: And you're nothing but an overgrown that thing Chi-Chi keeps in her drawer!
"With you as a husband, I completely understand why she has that," Evergreen pushed her glasses up.
GOKU:(thinking)Man, Freezer's stronger than ever at a hundred percent. I'll have to stratergize. I know, a distraction!(out loud to Frieza)Hey look, Freezer! A giant dragon!(referring to Porunga)
"You dumbass," The intelligent members of the guild facepalmed at once.
FRIEZA: What?(looks and sees Porunga)Well, I'll be damned! Immortality is mine!(Flies off)
GOKU:(thinking)Oh, I am become error.(flies after Frieza)
"You've been one," Carla muttered.
(Goku manages to catch up to Frieza and once again engages him in battle)
FRIEZA: Will you just piss off already!?
GOKU: I don't have to use the bathroom!
"I do," Happy raised his paw.
"We didn't need to know that, Happy," Lucy sweatdropped.
(cut to Vegeta flying in the sky)
VEGETA:(thinking)All right, I know one of the Ginyu's ships must be around here somewhe- (sees Goku and Frieza battling it out) Yeah, I think I'ma stay away from that one.
"Best idea you've had this entire season," Gajeel said.
VEGETA:(sees Porunga) That, however. Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine...
(cut to Frieza dodging Goku's attacks and proceeds to kick him in his *ahem* "Gotens")
The men winced at the hit.
GOKU: Ah, my Gotens!
FRIEZA: Filthy wish dragon, grant me immortality as so I may rid myself of these vile creatures, and secure myself as ruler of all creation!
"He can't speak Namekian," Levy shrugged.
"And thank goodness for that," Lucy smiled.
PORUNGA:(in Namekian/Klingon)Your wish has been granted.
(Namekians start disappearing)
FRIEZA: What? No! This isn't what I wished for! What's going on?!
DENDE:(off-screen)Down here!
(Frieza looks down and sees, Dende, who's beaming proudly)
"LET'S GO LITTLE GREEN!" The guild cheered loudly.
FRIEZA: You! No... No, you didn't!
DENDE: So what if I did? What are you gonna do about it, huh? Come at me, bro!
FRIEZA: Hyah!(fires a blast at Dende, but the latter poofs away before it hits)
The guild laughed at the short exchange.
VEGETA: Hey Frieza! Hope you're ready to party, because it's Vegeta clo-
"You've had enough screen time," Gajeel said.
(Vegeta disappears before he can attack Frieza. It then shows Guru, Piccolo, Bulma, and Gohan, disappearing before Porunga rises in the sky and vanishes in the sky.)
FRIEZA: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOOOOO...(all seven Dragon Balls rise in the sky and get separated)What just happened? Where did they all go?
"Like all my hopes and dreams, they just vanished," Macao shook his head.
GOKU: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I'm actually just as lost as you.
"Why didn't you teleport away?" Levy asked.
(cut to Earth)
BULMA:(thinking)Huh? Are we...?(out loud)Huh?
"You're home!" Wendy was happy.
(Gohan appears on a tree)
GOHAN: Bulma!
BULMA: Gohan! What do you think happened?
GOHAN: I don't know. We just disappeared all of a sudden.
DENDE:(thinking)Ahhh, it's good to be the king.
"He can be as smug as he wants, he saved everyone," Bickslow said.
"But, Goku's still there," Freed reminded.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Hello? Who am I speaking to right now?
"Little Green," Natsu answered.
DENDE:(telepathically)My name is Dende.
KING KAI:(telepathically) Dende? Are you the one who made the wish on the dragon?
DENDE:(telepathically)I am.
KING KAI:(telepathically)How the hell did you know my plan?
"Because screw Frieza," Laxus answered.
DENDE:(telepathically)What plan? I just wanted to screw over Frieza.
"I'm really starting to like this kid," Laxus smirked.
(cut back to Namek)
GOKU: You know, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not immortal, either. And I'm okay with that.
"And thank God you aren't." Lucy was relieved.
"The universe can only take his stupidity for one lifetime," Carla muttered.
(Frieza looks at Goku and starts growling in anger)
GOKU: Are you just mad cause I'ma outlive you now?
"He unknowingly said something clever," Evergreen complimented.
FRIEZA: GRRR!(punches Goku into the ground)Aaaaaahhh!(starts charging up a 100% Death Ball)Bigger!(Death Ball grows bigger)Bigger!(Death Ball grows more bigger)BIGGER!(Death Ball grows even more bigger)(thinking)Perfect!
(Frieza throws the Death Ball at Goku. Goku manages to catch the Death Ball with both hands.)
GOKU: Yaaaah!(punches the Death Ball away from Namek, which blows up a nearby planet)
The guild looked in shock at the destroyed planet.
GOKU: Nice try! But you won't be destroying any more planets!(shows the floating rubble of the destroyed planet)Um... except, you know... that one... Hm.
"YOU DID THAT!?" The mages shouted at him.
(Frieza grabs Goku from behind with a bear hug, causing Goku to squeak)
"Not again!" Lisanna awaited the squeaking.
GOKU: Ah! Bad touch! Kidney shot!(elbows Frieza in the ribs, causing the tyrant to whimper in abject pain)Kidney shot, kidney shot, kidney shot.
"Oh!" Lisanna was surprised.
"Seems Goku's learned from the last times," Erza was pleased.
GOKU: And pause... stomach punch!(punches Frieza hard in the stomach, causing him to cough up blood and fall to the ground)
The guild cheered at the hard hit.
FRIEZA:(weakly)Gonna wiz red...
(cut to Earth where Dende heals Piccolo)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Wha...?(out loud)Wha...?
DENDE: Welcome back, Nail.
"He's not just Nail, but ok," Levy said.
"Technically…"
"I'm aware, Gajeel," Levy glared at him.
PICCOLO: Where... am I?
DENDE: May I hug you?
PICCOLO: No!
DENDE:(looks down sadly)Oh.
"Don't be a jerk," Mira reprimanded.
"Yeah! Give him a hug," Wendy protested.
PICCOLO:(gets on his feet and looks around)Gohan!
GOHAN:(runs up to Piccolo and Dende)Mr. Piccolo! And Dende? But, I thought that-
DENDE: Turns out we're all alive!(snigg*rs)Except Krillin. How unfortunate.
"That's right! Krillin didn't come back," Wendy was sad.
"Why didn't he return?" Natsu asked Levy.
"Remember that Krillin said he died before, so that means the earth's dragonballs were used to bring him back before. And the earth's dragonballs were used to bring back everyone Frieza and his men killed, so Krillin couldn't be brought back," Levy explained.
GURU: Naaaail. Naaaaaaail! Naaaaaaaiiill!
"He misses him?" Happy asked.
"More like he misses making fun of him," Carla explained to him.
PICCOLO:(thinking)I think he's looking for you.
NAIL:(Do not tell him I'm here.)
"He can't hurt you anymore," Lisanna reassured.
GURU: Nail, I can sense you…
"Ok, maybe he can get to you still," Lisanna sweatdropped.
NAIL:(Do not make eye contact!)
GOHAN: You know, looking around, it seems like the only people who were brought back were those killed by Frieza and his men.
PICCOLO: Huh. That's convenient.
"You're telling me," Levy replied, dryly.
(a Namekian is seen walking up to Mouri)
NAMEKIAN 1: Sir, we cannot find the Tagrok tribe.
NAMEKIAN 2: Wait, you mean that one guy who really liked showing off his Dragon Ball?
"Oh yeah, Vegeta killed them," Gajeel remembered.
"Guess, not everyone got their happy ending," Gray said, sadly.
NAMEKIAN 1: Yeah, that dumbass.
VEGETA:(appears in front of the Namekians)Oh, I wonder what sort of handsome, dashing rogue could have been responsible for their deaths. Oh wait, it was me.
"Stop being a smug prick," Gajeel looks irritated.
GURU: Ha! Nice.
"Dude what?" Romeo looks offended.
NAMEKIAN 3: He massacred an entire village!
GURU: Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you... I don't really like any of you. Except him.(refers to a Namekian child)
"I got the feeling, he was a massive dick for no reason," Gray said.
(the Namekian Dragon Balls, now turned to stone, all land on Earth, with one of them crushing the one Namekian child Guru liked)
GURU:(starts laughing but suddenly gags)Oh, God, I'm actually dying this time...
Nobody expressed any sad thoughts about it.
Not even Wendy and she feels bad for everyone.
NAMEKIAN 4: Lord Guru! You can't leave us!
GURU: I'm sorry, my children, but I must leave you now. My time is at an end. But before I leave, I must confess my sins.
"Oh God," Lucy felt the headache coming.
NAMEKIAN 4: What do you mean?
GURU: Do you remember the great drought that befell our planet?
"Yes, we heard about it," Freed answered.
MOURI: The one that nearly wiped out our race?
GURU: Yeah.
NAMEKIAN 5: The one caused by those filthy albinos?
GURU: Yeah...
For those in the guild who actually have a brain they realized what Guru was talking about.
"f*cking asshole," Gajeel looked disgusted.
NAMEKIAN 3: The ones we purged as per your instruction?
GURU: YEAH... See, I might have shifted the blame on that one.
Makarov looked appalled. For someone to do that to their own children disgusted him.
MOURI: Youwhat?
GURU: Remember when I said they were the ones responsible for the disappearance of our precious water?
NAMEKIAN 4: We slaughtered thousands!
GURU: It was me.
"That's just evil," Juvia said, astonished.
"He's actually worse than Frieza," Freed was disgusted.
NAMEKIAN 5: How?
GURU: I drank it.
NAMEKIAN 3: Wha...?
"THAT'S WHY HE'S SO FAT!?" Natsu shouted.
GURU: How do you think I got sofat?(shows Mouri and a group of Namekians staring at Guru in stunned silence)And now, I can die with a clear conscience.
The mages were upset at the thought of Guru not paying for his crimes.
GURU:(groans but does not die)Uh...(groans again, but is still alive)Uh-oh.
MOURI: Kill him!
GURU: NO! NAAAAAAAAAAAIL!(the mob of angry Namekians bring Guru to the ground and brutally murder him off-screen)
Nobody felt bad about Guru's death.
(the camera shows Gohan, Bulma, Piccolo, and Vegeta's shocked expressions while this going on, with Vegeta even doing a jaw drop in utter surprise)
"It probably does look disgusting though," Lucy gagged.
GURU:(while getting slaughtered)Choke on them! Choke on them...!
(Cut back to Namek where Goku and Frieza continue their fight inside a Namekian house. Goku punches Frieza out of the house, knocking him down to the ground.)
FRIEZA:(thinking)Rrrrgh! Dirty monkey-!(turns around but Goku is already gone)Huh? Where-?(turns and looks directly at Goku's abs)Oh, my God, you could grind meat on it-
Erza agreed with Frieza. She didn't voice this thought.
FRIEZA:(realizes it's Goku)AAH!(steps back)
(small bit of silence as Goku looks at Frieza with loathing)
GOKU: ... I'm done.
"Huh?" Everyone paused for a second.
FRIEZA: What?
GOKU: I'm done fighting you... I'm bored... You're boring me.
"Boring fights are never fun," Natsu, Gajeel, and Laxus agreed with Goku's thinking.
"Hm...Never thought I'd hear Goku speak those words," Erza looked shocked.
FRIEZA: Wha-? Oh, I get it. You'rescared,aren't you? Afraid knowing that this planet only has one minute left before it explodes.
"Can you not tell time!?" Levy raised her voice. Honestly, it's like these characters only pick the stupid option.
GOKU: Question.
FRIEZA: Huh?
GOKU: Do you have a watch?
FRIEZA: No, why?
GOKU: Do you know what a minute is?
FRIEZA: What? Of course I do!
"No, you don't." Levy corrected.
GOKU: I don't think youdo.
FRIEZA: Uh, but, uh-
GOKU: Anyway, I'ma leave now.(powers down to his base form)Try not to blow up any more planets. Else I'ma hafta kill ya.(flies off)
"Goku really up and left?" Lisanna was confused.
"Well, Frieza doesn't have much left anyways. His pride is destroyed, he's been humiliated by saiyans, an earthling, Namekians, and the top men in his army have all been killed," Freed summarized.
"Frieza's just pathetic at this point," Laxus concluded.
FRIEZA: You can't just... We're not...You little...!(growls and charges up a Death Saucer)Hey monkey, you forgot yourpizza!
"He just yanked Krillin's move!" Natsu was angry.
GOKU: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me-(almost gets cut by the Death Saucer)That's not a pizza...! THAT'S NOT A PIZZA AT ALL!(transforms back into his Super Saiyan form)
"Never tell bad puns about food," Natsu glared.
FRIEZA: Now, to end this!(tries to guide the Death Saucer at Goku but misses)I... uh, huh? Oh, come on now, I... Ugh, this blasted thing!(starts to have trouble controlling the Death Saucer)
"Reminds me of Yamcha and his spirit ball," Levy sweatdropped.
GOKU: What are you doing down there? You trying to swat a bee? 'Cause I don't like bees.
"Nobody does," Lisanna agreed.
FRIEZA:(still struggling to control the Death Saucer)No, don't worry, I'm just... Oh, what is going on? What are these,inverted controls?Who even uses-
"Krillin does," Mira answered.
"And he uses it better," Lily said.
FRIEZA:(gains control of the Death Saucer)AH! GOT IT!(Goku avoids the Death Saucer, disappearing in an Afterimage)DAMN IT!
GOKU: So, are you just stealing Krillin's attacks now?(is shown getting chased by the Death Saucer)Or should I watch out for the Tri-Beam? Or the Garlic Gun? Or the Makakapotamus?
"I'd be confused if Frieza knew any of those moves," Lily said.
"And Goku got those names wrong," Levy decided to point it out.(Tien doesn't say "Tri-Beam" in the abridged).
FRIEZA: HYAH!(hits Goku with the Death Saucer)Gotcha, bitch!(Goku is seen vanishing)Huh?(Goku completely vanishes)URRRGH!
"Your aim just sucks," Natsu insulted.
GOKU: Don't feel bad, Krillin never hits anyone with it, either. Anyway, you done?
FRIEZA: Oh, far from it.(charges up another Death Saucer)I just remembered, I promised you TWO pizzas!
"Still a bad joke," Natsu was still upset.
(Goku flies away, being chased by two Death Saucers, and then flies right through them and towards Frieza)
FRIEZA: Really? You seriously think that that pathetic million-year-old trick is going to...
"Yeah, you'd have to be a complete idiot to fall for that," Gray said.
FRIEZA:(Goku fires an energy blast directly in front of Frieza's feet, covering the area in smoke)(thinking)Clever dick! (avoids the Death Saucers by jumping into the sky) Where'd that flying monkey go?
GOKU: HYAH!(kicks Frieza in the stomach)
FRIEZA:WAAAAAAAH!
GOKU: Now say you're sorry!(Repeatedly slaps Frieza in the face. The camera even plays in slow motion in front of Frieza's face to show his reaction in each hit.)Are you sorry yet?!
The guild laughed at Frieza's facial expressions.
FRIEZA:(thinking)I think I peed a little…
"Ew," Lucy said.
GOKU: YAAAH!(spikes Frieza to the ground, who forms a small hole upon landing)
FRIEZA: I am DONE.(jumps out of the hole)
"So are we with your sh*t," Laxus added.
GOKU: Freezer, look out behind you!
FRIEZA: I already told you, that trick won't work!(one Death Saucer is seen approaching Frieza)
"Get down stupid!" Natsu shouted.
GOKU: No, seriously, get down!
FREEZA: Oh, ha-ha! Keep going, you STUPID INBRED MONKEY-!(gets split in half by his own Death Saucers, losing his left arm and the lower half of his body, along with most of his tail) (meekly)Daddy, I don't want to be on Namek anymore...(body parts fall to the ground)
The guild was shocked by Frieza being done in by his own move.
"Well...I guess he's the idiot," Gray chucked, nervously.
(Cut to Namek where Frieza's severed body falls to the ground. Cut to King Kai's planet.)
KING KAI: Oh, my God...!
"My exact reaction," Happy agreed with the Kai.
"That was all of our reaction," Carla rolled her eyes.
"I still can't believe he did himself in," Lucy gasped.
"I can, he was an arrogant bastard," Laxus grunted.
TIEN: You know, you keep reacting, trying to prompt us to ask what's going on. You could just tell us.
"He probably won't," Romeo figured.
KING KAI: All right, fine. Frieza got cut in half.
YAMCHA: Whoa!
"Oh, guess he finally caved in," Romeo's eyes widened slightly.
TIEN: Wow, I didn't think Goku had it in him.
"He doesn't," Erza replied, gravely.
"Frieza f*cked himself over," Gajeel grunted.
KING KAI: He doesn't. Frieza did it to himself.
(cut back to Namek)
FRIEZA: Aaaah! My organs! Stay in there-stay in your home-daddy needs you!
GOKU: Wow Freezer, you really were acutabove the rest.(Frieza groans)
The guild groans at Goku's insensitive joke.
GOKU: But too bad you didn't make thecut.(Frieza groans harder)
The groans get louder.
GOKU: Guess you could call this asliceof life.
"He knows exactly what he's doing," Lucy groaned at the puns.
"Make him stop," Gajeel pleaded, his hands covering his face.
"If I hear another pun…" Levy threatened.
FRIEZA: Please stop!
GOKU: All right then, I'llcutyou a break. I'm gonnasplit.(turns around and starts to walk away)
The petite word mage punched Gajeel in his ribs in frustration. The dragon slayer barely flinched from the hit, but patted Levy on the head to calm her down.
Laxus growled at the puns. "Better had been the last one."
FRIEZA: Wait! Wait! Wait! I... I know I've done a lot of terrible things, killed quite a number of people, some of which you liked, but may I ask you as one neighbor to another, can you spare a cup of energy?
"After everything you've done…," Natsu was infuriated by Frieza's actions. For somebody as horrible as him to beg for forgiveness disgusted the entire guild.
GOKU: Well...
"Don't even think about it," Lucy warned.
"Goku..for the love of all that is holy…" Mira begged.
KING KAI:(telepathically)NO! NO! NO!(spoken from his planet)NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" The guild was screaming. Not a single one of them wanted Goku do something kind for Frieza.
TIEN: I'm not even asking anymore.
GOKU: Yaaah!(gives Frieza some of his energy)
"NO! WHY!?"
"The one time I wished you weren't such a good person," Erza sighed.
"Why does he have to be such an idiot?" Lucy sighed into her hands.
Natsu grunted a bit, but didn't say much more.
GOKU: Now be responsible with this energy-don't use it to hurt anymore people, or on the drugs.
"He's not gonna listen to you, the bad guys never change," Romeo barked.
Gajeel, Juvia, and Laxus glared in Romeo's direction. The boy slumped down in his seat in fear.
FRIEZA:(wakes up)What, but why?
GOKU: I'm gonna go now, got a long trip home. I'd ask if I could take one of your legs with me, but you're probably hungry too. Bye!(flies away)
"He insinuated cannibalism," Freed deadpanned.
"We're ignoring the fact that he wanted to eat Frieza?" Bickslow asked.
"It's Goku," Was everyone's answer.
FRIEZA: Huh?(thinking)He's... really just leaving me here. He gave me his energy and left me. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I should change.
"Yeah! Maybe Frieza can change! " Wendy smiled.
"I don't think that's going to happen Wendy," Carla sweatdropped.
"3..2.." Levy counted down with her fingers.
FRIEZA:Maybe this is my second and last chance. Maybe... I was wrong.
"And 1," Levy lowers her finger.
FRIEZA:(out loud)NAH!(clenches his fist and fires one last energy wave, the "I'm The One Who Will Kill You!" Energy Wave, at Goku)
"Oh…." The young dragon slayer frowned deeply.
Everyone else expected it, but were sad to see Frieza waste the opportunity.
GOKU: God dang it, Freezer, now I have to give you more!(fires an Angry Kamehameha, which overpowers Frieza's attack)
FRIEZA: No, no, no, no, no, no, no-!(gets hit by Goku's Angry Kamehameha)YAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!
The guild broke out into laughter at Frieza's funny face.
(the blast explodes, leaving an enormous crater in the water with Frieza nowhere to be seen)
GOKU:(thinking)Huh. Don't see him anymore. Guess he took the energy and left. Speaking of which, where am I going?
"He unknowingly killed a person," Evergreen raised an eyebrow.
"It's Frieza and it was completely justified," Laxus shrugged his shoulders.
"And I don't think Frieza should count as a person," Bickslow spoke.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Ooh! Aaah! Huah! Aaah!
"Just tell them," Lucy sighed.
YAMCHA: Ahh-
"No," Lucy cut him off.
TIEN: Don't you dare.
KING KAI: Huah! (...) Okay, you win! Goku blew Frieza up.
TIEN: See, was that so hard?
KING KAI: Well, not as hard as it's gonna be to get off Namek.
"Don't worry, he can just get in his ship," Lisanna spoke with little worry.
"Might be easier said than done, sis," Mira pointed back to the screen.
(cut back to Namek where Goku is trying to find his ship)
GOKU:(thinking) Where am I? Where's my ship? Everything looked the same before, now it looks all the same but on fire!
"Is that still racist?" Levy asked, nobody had an answer though.
GOKU:(notices Frieza's ship) Ah, a ship! (lands inside Frieza's ship and starts running) All right, gotta find it!
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku, hurry
"Yeah! Hurry!" Happy shouted.
(Goku is seen running inside Frieza's ship. Cut to Earth where Gohan is looking up in the sky, worried about his father.)
"Your dad will be fine Gohan, don't worry," Erza reassured. Though the boy couldn't hear her of course.
(Cut back to inside Frieza's ship where Goku destroys a door and reaches the control room.)
GOKU: The controls! Where is it, where is it?(lava erupts nearby Frieza's ship)
KING KAI: It's about to blow!
The entire guild watched anxiously at Goku's impending doom. Hoping that Earth's saiyan makes it out alive.
GOKU:(thinking)Come on, come on! (finds a button) There!(presses the button, and out comes... a muffin)
The guild pauses in disbelief.
"Is that…" Lisanna's jaw dropped.
"It is…" Natsu's and Happy's faces break out into bright smiles.
"MUFFIN BUTTON!" Natsu, Happy, Lisanna and the kids shouted in unison.
GOKU: Yes!(keeps pressing button and more muffins pop up)
KING KAI:(lowers his head in total disbelief)Oh, my God…
"My exact same reaction to this," Laxus shook his head at the stupidity.
"I can't even…" Makarov dropped his staff in disbelief.
GOKU:(continues pressing the button, spawning more muffins)YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...!(Namek explodes, vanishing completely from the face of the galaxy)
"Aaaaaaannnnnnddddd he died via the muffin button," Levy's face showed no emotion.
"I can't feel bad, because he died surrounded by muffins," Gray placed his face within his hands.
"The dumbest way to go out," Evergreen sighed.
"At least he went out smiling," Erza tried to find the positive.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: It's... it's over.
YAMCHA: What?
KING KAI: Goku could not escape the explosion. Namek is gone, and so is he.
There were some somber thoughts at Goku dying again from all, but one person.
YAMCHA: No... Goku, no...! NOOOOO!(drops to his knees and starts sobbing)
"Why do you care?" Laxus' face showed no caring.
"What do you mean!?" Natsu looked offended. Laxus folded his arms not feeling threatened in the slightest.
"They have Dragonballs, so why do you care?" The lightning Dragon Slayer's simple answer made everyone think about if death actually mattered in this show.
TIEN: Why do you care?
YAMCHA: Ah, what?
TIEN: Why do any of you care? Are you forgetting the whole reason that they went to Namek in the first place? Now we have two sets of Dragon Balls.
YAMCHA: Well, yeah, but you make it sound like death has no consequence.
"Yeah, I mean it still hurts to see someone you love die," Lucy tried to defend the saddened feelings.
"Even though they'll just come back immediately after. This show has no consequences," Freed copied Laxus and folded his arms.
TIEN: It really doesn't. We're literally waiting to go back. Hell, this is Chiaotzu's second time.
CHIAOTZU: Next time I get a free sundae!
"Aw! That's nice!" Lisanna clapped her hands.
"I don't know about the dying part though," Elfman sweatdropped.
YAMCHA: Huh.
KING KAI: Huh.
TIEN: Yeah.
(small pause)
KING KAI: So, who wants to tell Bulma?
YAMCHA: Let me do it. Bulma's my girl.
"Ok, I'm gonna need some popcorn for this," Gajeel grinned like a maniac.
"I think we all will," Macao agreed with the dragon slayer.
KING KAI: Heh! Yeah, okay. Go ahead, stud.
(cut to Earth where Mouri is seen with purple blood on his face)
"I almost forgot they ate Guru," Levy blanched.
"The old bastard deserved it," Gray grunted.
MOURI: And now that I have devoured Guru, I have become the new grand elder!
"Is that how it works?" Freed asked.
BULMA: Huh, seems legit.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Hey, Bulma! It's me, Yamcha.
BULMA: Oh, hey, hold on a moment, my ex is calling me.
"It's about to get hilariously depressing for Yamcha," Juvia mused.
"I do feel slightly bad for the guy," Lisanna said.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Hey, girl. It's good to... Wait, ex? What's that about?
BULMA: Yeah, I'm breaking up with you.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Wha-? But why?
"Because, you don't match her needs," Juvia answered.
"And you're not that much of a man either," Gajeel laughed.
BULMA: You haven't called me in months.
"To be fair, he's been dead and they didn't know they could communicate via King Kai," Erza decided to defend Yamcha a bit.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)I have been dead!
BULMA: Oh, well, that's not stopping younowis it?
"They have important information to give you," Carla explained.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Do not do this right now!
BULMA: Hey, you wanna know how this is ending?(to Vegeta)Hey, Vegeta. Wanna come live with me?
"Oh...she did not just.." Lucy's jaw dropped.
Gajeel fell out of his seat laughing. Others were either shocked by Bulma's actions or were also laughing at Yamcha's misfortune.
VEGETA: Only if it's got a pool.
"She's rich, I'm sure there's multiple pools," Lily responded.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)He's the reason I'm dead!
BULMA: Well then, I guess he's just more of a man then you, isn't he?
Gajeel's laughter increased ten fold.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Oh, you dirty BITCH!
KING KAI: Yeah, okay, I'm gonna take over- this isn't going anywhere.
"It was never moving in the first place," Laxus added.
"Honestly, them talking was a mistake," Lily sighed, looking back at Gajeel catching his breath.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Now you listen here...
KING KAI:(telepathically)Tenshinhan. (a snapping sound is heard)
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Aaah! My good leg!
"How did he break a dead guy's leg?" Levy questioned, but she had no answer.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Okay listen, Gohan's fatherless and the Namekians are homeless so... that's a thing. Have fun delivering the message, now I gotta go cast up Yamcha's leg.
"Just dump the information on her, shouldn't have expected a heavy discussion from him," Erza glared.
YAMCHA:(telepathically)Why!?(a hanging up sound is heard)
BULMA: Huh. Well, uh, Gohan, Goku's dead.
GOHAN: Damn it!
"Not the reaction I was expecting from him," Erza looked surprised.
"He has been through this before," Mira told the knight.
"Still, he should show some sadness," Erza sighed, in relectuance.
BULMA: Namekians, your planet blew up.
"She really doesn't care, and at this point I don't blame her," Evergreen pushed up her glasses.
"They have dragon balls," Laxus told her.
NAMEKIANS:(in unison)Damn it!
BULMA: So, until we can use the Dragon Balls, who wants a big ol' sleepover?
"I do!" Happy raised up his paw.
"We can have a sleepover with Lucy afterwards Happy!" Natsu told his best friend.
"HELL NO!" Lucy screamed at the two.
MOURI: You think you can accommodate the entirety of my people?
BULMA: My dad's a billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist.
"That's gonna keep being an answer to everything isn't it?" Levy asked.
(a ship is shown flying over to their are, with '"Back in Black" by ACDC 'playing inside)
BULMA: Speak of the devil.(the ship lands on the ground)
GOHAN: Wait, I feel a dark presence in the ship.(the hatch opens with Chi-Chi running out of the ship and stopping in front of a group of Namekians)
CHI-CHI:(in a demonic voice)WHERE'S MY BABY?!
"And Chi-Chi makes her return!" Lisanna clapped her hands. Her guild mates however weren't sure if they should share that sentiment.
(cut to the ship taking everyone to the Capsule Corporation in West City)
NARRATOR:And so, the Namekians were relocated to the Briefs' compound.
DR. BRIEFS:(referring to the group of Namekians)So honey, you say all of these are your friends from high school?
"Why would they all look the same?" Evergreen looked at the screen in confusion.
BULMA: Yes, Dad.
DR. BRIEFS: Tell them to keep out of my scotch!
"He bought it, and I actually believe it," Carla facepalmed.
(cut to the Mouri playing golf)
NARRATOR:The Namekian adults learned golf.
Makarov stroked his beard in thought. "I should do some golfing once we finish this."
GOLF ANNOUNCER:(silently)Tricky bit of putting here. Very difficult read from this angle and the greens have been running rather fast today. Mouri looks like he's aiming slightly to the right of the hole and...(Mouri makes the shot)good for par.
"Good job!" Wendy gives a golf clap.
(cut to Dende and two Namekian children playing cards)
NARRATOR:The Namekian children learned strip poker.
"I'm sorry what!?" The adult members did a double take.
DENDE: All right, sprouts, lay 'em on the table.
"That's just wrong," Erza was furious with whoever allowed those kids to play the game.
Macao and Carla turned to their respective kids. "Don't ever play that game!"
Wendy and Romeo only nodded their heads quickly.
(cut to Gohan studying at his house)
NARRATOR:Gohan caught up with all his studies.
"I'm so sorry Gohan," Natsu mourned for the kid.
"It's not that bad, Natsu!" Erza reprimanded the dragon slayer.
"It is with you," Natsu mumbled under his breath.
CHI-CHI: You read it, you learn it, you love it!
Erza nods her head, agreeing with Chi-Chi's methods.
GOHAN: But Mom, I've already read Huck Finn.
CHI-CHI:(holds up an "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" book)Yes, but this one had the n-word taken out!
The guild wonders what that word could be.
(cut to Piccolo meditating)
NARRATOR:Piccolo... did his usual thing; only with company.
"Yeah! He's no longer alone," Lisanna pumped her fist.
"Someone else can still bore to death," Mira huffed.
NAIL:(So, uh, you wanna go hang out with our race?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)No…
"That's mean!" Wendy pouted.
NAIL:('Cause, you know, this maybe the last chance we'll ever get.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)No.
NAIL:(Well, you're boring.)
"Nail's my favorite for a reason," Mira giggled.
PICCOLO:(thinking)And you're ruining my meditation.
NAIL:(You're not meditating, you're napping-I know the difference!)
"Ooooohhhhh!" The childish members laughed at the exchange.
(cut to Vegeta standing next to a Capsule Corporation spaceship)
NARRATOR:Vegeta did what he does best...
VEGETA: Sayonara, bitches!(steals spaceship and launches into space)
"And he's gone now," Lucy deadpanned.
"Eh, I'm sure he'll be back," Levy spoke, unsure if that would be a good thing.
DR. BRIEFS: Son of a bitch took my scotch!
"I'd kill any man that tried to take my booze," Canna gurgled.
BULMA: Call me!
"She really wants Vegeta, like how I want my Gray," Juvia dreamily sighed. Her body swayed into Gray's side softly. The ice-mage decided to give her the moment.
NARRATOR:And soon four months-or one Namekian year-passed, and the Namekian Dragon Balls became ready for use.
"Alright, time for more wishes," Romeo grinned.
(cut to Dende, Bulma, Master Roshi, Piccolo, Dr. and Mrs. Briefs, Mouri, and the rest of the Namekians standing in front of the now functional Namekian Dragon Balls)
DENDE: During our time squatting here on Earth, we taught the Dragon how to speak English.
"Highly convenient," Levy raised an eyebrow.
"Language barriers are a bitch," Gajeel grunted.
BULMA: Oh, well, that's convenient.
DENDE: Rise Porunga!
BULMA: Wait a second, I just thought of something, maybe we shouldn't do this out in the middle of the...(sky turns dark and Porunga rises out of the Dragon Balls)
"Too late for hindsight now," Carla deadpanned.
"They really need to start planning these things out better," Makarov pinched the bridge of his nose.
WOMAN:(notices Porunga in the sky)Aaah! Gojira!
(crowd starts frantically screaming "Gojira", "Godzirra", or "Godzilla")
"And there's the mass panic," Lucy expected.
"Nothing screams giant monster, like mass panic," Mira sighed, blissfully.
POLICE OFFICER:(holding up a megaphone)Attention everybody. *clears throat* Godzirra, Godzirra. Godzirra, Godzirra, Godzirra. Godzirra, Godzirra.
(most of the crowd sigh in relief and continue to say "Gojira", "Godzirra", or "Godzilla" in mild interest and go back to their own business)
"No idea what just happened, but at least everyone calmed down," Wendy sighed in relief.
PORUNGA: You have summoned the great Porunga. Make your wish and I'll-
DENDE: Okay listen, I'm sure you get this a lot, but can we just get like six wishes? 'Cause we're just gonna bring you back again in four months and do this crap again. Plus, we're just bringing some schmucks back to life.
"A little rude," Lisanna frowned.
"Being rude can help get the point across better sometimes," Gajeel explained.
PORUNGA: Well, that is unconventional, but considering the ease of these wishes, I will accommodate.
"Give it a second," Levy told everyone.
DENDE: And a planet.
PORUNGA: Oh, that's just a dick move!
"And there's the unsuspecting kicker," Levy smiled.
"We're not shocked that he can just wish an entire planet to life?" Lily asked.
"At this point, I'm not shocked these dragon balls can do almost anything," Carla answered, dryly.
DENDE: All right, let's get the hard one out of the way. Dragon, build the Namekians a new Namek!
PORUNGA:(eyes glow red)Donezo.
"That was incredibly fast," Lucy said.
DENDE: Sweet! All right, you guys do whatever you want.
BULMA: First, Tien and Chiaotzu!
(Porunga's eyes glow red and Tien and Chiaotzu get brought back to life)
CHIAOTZU: Oh, hey...! We're back! Kinda want that sundae, though.
"You wanna die again?" Carla asked, baffled.
"It's free ice cream though," Happy told her. Carla stared at the blue cat dryly.
TIEN: Chiaotzu…
CHIAOTZU: I'll wait.
"That's better," Lisanna smiled.
BULMA: Next,(in disdain)Yamcha.
"Ugh," Gajeel groaned loudly. Levy smacked him in the arm.
YAMCHA:(falls inside a pond)Aah! There's water in my cast! I'm gonna get gangrene! Aaaah!
The guild laughed at Yamcha's plight.
DENDE: And I guess you want to wish back your dad now, huh?
GOHAN: Actually, we want to save him for last.
(brief pause between the two)
DENDE: Yeah, like I said, you want to wish your dad back, right?
"He really doesn't want to bring Krillin back," Erza shook her head in disapproval.
"Krillin hasn't been the most welcomed company for Dende," Gray chuckled.
GOHAN: Dende, we have to wish Krillin back.
DENDE: Ugh, fine. We wish back... Krillin.
KRILLIN:(gets brought back to life)WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH!
The dragon slayers all covered their ears at Krillin's loud screaming.
"Somebody shut him up!" Gajeel yelled.
"Krillin you're alive! Stop screaming!" Wendy shouted as well.
"Ahhhhgggg!" Natsu screamed.
GOHAN: Krillin, you're alive!
KRILLIN: WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH! WAAAH!
"SHUT UP!"
"God, he just came back and is already annoying again," Lucy sweatdropped as she rubbed Natsu's back.
GOHAN: Eh, just give him a minute. And now, last but not least, bring back my dad!
Everyone started paying better attention to the screen in anticipation for the hero's return.
DENDE: Bring back his dad!
(Porunga's eyes start glowing but suddenly stops)
PORUNGA: I cannot do this.
"What?"
GOHAN:(laughs but stops)What?
PORUNGA: The one called Goku is still alive.
"HUH!?" Everyone looked equally shocked by the revelation.
"H-how!? Pretty sure we watched him blow up in a pile of muffins!" Levy questioned.
"Maybe the dragon will explain it?" Lily hoped.
GOHAN: Wh-What? He is?
BULMA: That's great! Then just wish him here.
GOHAN: Dragon, will my father here!
"Yeah bring him back!" Natsu shouted.
(Porunga's eyes start glowing but stops again)
PORUNGA: Uh, sorry. Can't do that either.
"Ok, I want an explanation as to why the all powerful wish granting dragon can't bring back the deadbeat dad," Levy huffed, annoyed.
"Seems we found something he can't do," Lily turned to Carla.
"Guess we have, no matter how asinine it is," Carla sighed.
GOHAN: Okay, what?
PORUNGA: The one called Goku wishes not to return.
"EXCUSE ME!?" The ladies of the guild shouted in unison.
"What the hell could be more important than going home to your friends and family!?" Lucy looked the most upset. The Celestial mage thought back to her own father for a second.
"Typical dads," Canna shook her head, also thinking back to her own father.
GOHAN: Pardon?
DENDE: He said your father wishes not to return.
GOHAN: I heard what he said. I want an explanation!
"We all want a damn explanation," Laxus grunted. He started taking a liking to Gohan and pitied the kid.
"Knowing Goku...I could think of one," Gray thought to himself. He didn't think it would be safe to say it outloud.
PORUNGA: Well, I'm sorry. Wishing all your other friends back to life and building a planet has left me a little worn out! He doesn't want to come back, end of story. Now, if you have another wish for me, I can try that. Otherwise, bite me.
"Turns out all wish granting dragons can be bitchy," Bickslow laughed.
DENDE: Gohan, I... I know it must be hard, but maybe your dad is off somewhere else, doing something really important.
"I HIGHLY doubt this," Evergreen sunk into her seat.
DENDE: I just want you to know that... that I'm here for you and... and that... I... I love you.
"Awwwwww!" The girls' hearts melted at the confession.
GOHAN:(completely stunned)Wha-? What?
"And just like his father, Gohan is completely oblivious," Lisanna smirked.
"He's still young," Mira defended.
DENDE: Wha... What did I-? Did-did I say it too soon?(starts freaking out)Oh, God, I said it too soon! OH, GOD, I F**KED IT UP! DRAGON, TAKE EVERYONE FROM OLD NAMEK AND PUT THEM ON NEW NAMEK!
"There's always next time Dende!" Juvia smiled as the supporter for love.
"Don't run away from love!" Lisanna yelled.
(All the Namekians get teleported away to New Namek and the sky light up. Bulma places her hand on Gohan's shoulder while everyone else looks up toward the sky.)
DR. BRIEFS: What a fa-
"Not appropriate,"Erza glared at the screen.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Vegeta's spaceship flying off in space)
"Oh, do we get to see where he's heading to?" Freed questioned.
VEGETA: This ship will take me where I need to go. Now I can train without anyone bothering me.("Ghostbusters" ringtone starts playing)
The familiar chime brought back a memory for certain mages in the guild.
"Noooo…" Lucy's face morphed into mortification.
"Yeeeeesssss!" Happy bounced up and down.
VEGETA: What the hell is that? A phone?(turns on phone, revealing the caller to be Nappa)
NAPPA: Hey, it's me. Don't ask me how I got this number, I've got people.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucy collapsed further into her seat.
"NAPPA'S BACK!" Happy cheered bouncing around Lucy's fallen body.
"How is he back?" Romeo asked, shocked.
"I'm sure he's going to explain," Levy felt the headache coming.
VEGETA: What the hell is going on?!
"The question we're all asking," Erza agreed with the prince.
NAPPA: Okay listen, I figured out that they used the Dragon Balls to wish back everyone that was killed by Frieza's men. Technically, you worked for Frieza when you killed me, so BAM, Nappa's back, baby! Woo-whoo!
"That does make sense," Levy acknowledged.
"But, what about all the people he killed?" Juvia pondered out loud.
VEGETA: What about all the ones you killed?
NAPPA: Well, technically I worked for you, but that has changed. I'm in Hollywood now!
"That...again makes sense," Erza looked astonished. Nappa never seemed like the brightest of people beforehand.
"At least Nappa's no longer killing people," Lisanna brought up.
VEGETA: What, are they doing a live adaptation of Mr. Clean?
NAPPA: Ha! That's hilarious. Find me the guy who writes your material and give me his number, because I'm a producer now.
"Dead Zones' epilogue suddenly makes more sense now," Levy smiled.
"And I totally want to know the guy who writes Vegeta's lines," Gajeel wanted more material to insult people(Specifically Natsu).
VEGETA: Of course you are. What do you even do?
NAPPA: Actually, I'm in charge of this new project- wrote it myself. It's about this one guy who's killed tragically by his best friend, but then comes back as a ghost and haunts him. I call it: "Citizen Nappa".
"That sounds awfully familiar," Juvia said.
NAPPA: Merchandising rights alone are gonna make a f**king mint. We just signed on this great new actor, too. Name's Mark Satan.(shows Vegeta a picture of Mark Satan)Need to work on the first name, thinking "Hercule". What do you think?
"That Vegeta should sue, but that would just end badly for him," Macao said.
VEGETA: I...
NAPPA: Why do I care? You're not on my board.
"True, but advice from others doesn't hurt once and awhile," Lucy said, thinking about the times Levy helps her with her book.
VEGETA: But I...
NAPPA: Listen, I'll see you around, and when you're back on Earth, give me a call. We'll do lunch! Ciao!(hangs up)
"I think we can all agree Nappa is 100 times better as a movie producer!" Romeo said to the guild. Everyone was happy to see Nappa using his second chance at life to be a better person. Unlike a certain prince of all saiyans.
VEGETA: God... damn it... Nappa.
"Aw! He still cares!" Wendy cheered.
(Vegeta's spaceship is seen flying off into the cosmos)
[CREDITS PLAY]
[BONUS SCENE]
(cut to the floating rubble and debris of old Namek, where Freeza's mutilated body is floating around in space)
"HOW IN THE HELL!?"
"HOW DO YOU JUST SURVIVE A PLANET EXPLOSION!?" Levy screamed.
"Not to mention that he was cut in half and blasted by Goku. He should be dead by all rights," Makarov stared in disbelief.
If there was one thing the guild was learning throughout this entire saga is that Frieza is one tenacious bastard.
FRIEZA:(weakly)Dragon Balls... Dragon Balls...
"And he's still focused on the dragon balls," Freed shook his head.
(What's left of Frieza's body continues to drift off in space until it was founded by another spaceship arriving at the scene, which is his father's, King Cold. Frieza immediately gets taken on board and put in a healing tank before being put back together with several cybernetic parts by King Cold's men, being reborn as a cyborg.)
"HE'S ALIVE! ALIVE!" Happy screamed.
FRIEZA: What happened to Namek? What happened to the Dragon Balls?
"That's the least of your concerns at the moment," Carla sweatdropped.
KING COLD: It seems, my little princess, in your anger, you destroyed them both.
FRIEZA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Smells like a reference," Levy thought to herself.
(camera shows an outside view of the cosmos before fading completely black, with the word "PLTLH" appearing at the bottom right of the screen)
"Whelp, that's the end of that viewing," Mira jumped up on the stage to turn off the lacrama.
"That's my cue to headout then," Laxus said, getting up out of his seat. The lighting dragon slayer headed to the doors of the guild.
"Ah! Wait for me Laxus!" Freed chased after him. Evergreen and Bickslow also rushed to follow Laxus out of the guild.
"My darling Gray, my legs fell asleep! It would be great if you could carry me home," Juvia said, dramatically. Gray looked at the water mage leaning into his side and sighed in defeat. Getting out of his own seat, Gray picked Juvia up bridal style and left the guild with a gushing Juvia.
"C'mon Wendy, time for us to go home," Carla commanded, sprouting her wings. Taking a look at her dragon slayer, Carla noticed that Wendy didn't hear her. "Wendy...WENDY!" Carla shouted, startling the girl.
"Sorry, I was thinking how useful it would be to have our own dragon balls to help people," Wendy told her partner. Carla couldn't help but smile at Wendy's wishful face.
"Well, maybe one day someone could find some wish granting object that could fulfill that purpose," Carla responded as the two left.
"Can't wait to watch more huh Gajeel?" Levy asked her lover. The dragon slayer grunted looking down at Levy as the three walked out of the guild.
"What makes you say that?" He asked back.
"You really want more of Vegeta's lines," Levy stated, smugly.
"Vegeta seems to be your favorite character," Lily laughed.
"Shut up! He's far from it!" Gajeel blushed.
"Something wrong Natsu?" Lucy asked the dragon slayer. She noticed Natsu had been quiet for awhile now. He turned to her and got out of his seat.
"Yeah, you ok Natsu?" Happy asked.
"Goku's really cool. Don't you guys agree?" Natsu smiled brightly. The celestial mage's face morphed into a similar smile like his.
"Yeah, I guess he really is cool," Lucy replied.
"Aye Sir!" Happy laughed.
Chapter End
Chapter 37: The Father of Goku
Chapter Text
Chapter 42: The Father of Goku
"C'mon Gajeel! You're being slow as hell!" Natsu yelled at the other dragon slayer. The pink haired idiot was munching on a stack of meat Mira had cooked.
"Shut the hell up, Salamander!" Gajeel yelled back. He sat down next to Levy and crossed his legs. The blue word mage placed her book down as Lily sat in her lap.
"Are you sure it's ok to watch without the majority of the audience here?" Levy asked Mira. The eldest Strauss sibling stood on the stage, getting the lacrama ready to go.
"I'm sure they won't mind," Mira dismissed with a wave of her hand. Once she was finished she made her way back towards her siblings.
"I for one hope that it's nothing too chaotic like the last stuff. I could use a bit of a breather," Lucy sighed, leaning into her seat.
"Don't be such a baby, Lucy," Happy teased as he laid on the table. The blue exceed munched happily on a fish as Lucy fumed at the small feline.
"Don't call me a baby, cat!" Lucy shot back at Happy.
Juvia hugged Gray tightly, forcing herself into his seat. "As long as I have my Gray here, nothing will be too much!" Juvia gushed.
"You're being a bit too much right now," Gray tried to remove her from his person. Juvia stuck to him like gorilla glue, making the ice mage eventually give up.
"Wendy, you're bouncing around too much," Carla informed the excited dragon slayer. The young teen looked down at her partner and smiled, embarrassingly.
"S-sorry, Carla, I'm just excited to watch more," Wendy explained herself. The young dragon slayer wanted to see more of Gohan. Since the two are the youngest of a certain special group, she felt a certain kinship with Gohan(No, it's not romance).
"It's about time we got started everyone," Erza announced, so everyone would calm down.
"Alright guys, it's starting up!" Mira started the viewing.
(shows an outside shot of Planet Vegeta with the sound of an infant crying being heard)
"This is different," Lucy noticed.
"Oh, are we getting what I think we're getting!?" Levy looked excited.
NARRATOR:Long ago, on a planet long forgotten by time...a young hero was born. A righteous Saiyan warrior who would bring peace to the galaxy. This...is not his story.
"Baby Goku looks so cute!" The girls gushed.
NARRATOR: This is the story of another Saiyan warrior, who slaughtered millions of innocents and brought terror to those who heard his name. And that name is...
("Bardock: Father of Goku Abridged" appears on the screen)
"We are getting a flashback!" Levy shouted, excited.
"Finally getting more of a look into Goku's dad! I bet he was a badass!" Natsu grinned, excitedly.
"I wonder how similar and different him and Goku are," Erza pondered.
"So, we're ignoring the part where it said he murdered millions?" Gray asked. Apparently nobody heard him.
(Cut to Bardock and his crew in their Ōzaru forms causing a rampage on Planet Kanassa with "Dare" by Stan Bush playing in the background. By morning, all of the Kanassans have been exterminated and shows everyone but Bardock laughing.)
Silence overtakes the guild at the bloodshed they just witnessed.
"Completely forgot that saiyans weren't good people," Wendy shuddered.
PUMBUKIN: And then I tell the guy, "Don't be angry, I'm just Saiyan!"(everyone but Bardock started laughing)And then I tore out his throat.
(silence)
"Way to kill the mood fat*ss," Gajeel insulted.
"The mood wasn't the only thing to be killed," Lily muttered.
TOMA: Hey, Bardock, heard you had another kid. Congrats. Who's the mom?
"I completely forgot that Raditz existed," Gray sweatdropped.
"Don't worry, we all did," Lucy told him.
"But, he did bring up a good question. Who is Goku's mom?" Levy looked ready to find out the news.
PUMBUKIN: I bet it's Selypa. I see the way you two look at each other.
Levy's ears perked up.
BARDOCK: Nah, it'd never work out between us.
Her ears drooped down at the dismissal.
TOMA: Why not?
BARDOCK: Are you kidding? She's a raging dyke.
"I wouldn't use that term to describe people," Erza glared at the saiyan.
SELYPA: I'm right here, you asshole!
BARDOCK: And?
SELYPA: God, this is why I hate men.
"You're on a team full of men. Who's the actual idiot here?" Gajeel deadpanned.
BARDOCK: Point proven.
PUMBUKIN: So, uh, why did we attack this rock in the first place?
"Don't you guys wipe out planets for trade?" Levy asked.
BARDOCK: I dunno. The mission briefing said this planet was full of psychics.
"So, shouldn't they have seen the attack coming?" Lisanna asked.
TOMA: Wait a second. Doesn't that mean they can see the future? Don't you think they should have seen us coming?
BARDOCK: Just because they're psychic doesn't mean they're smart.
"Hindsight is a mysterious thing for most," Levy spoke.
"It does tend to go over people's heads time to time," Lily agreed.
"Isn't that kinda like you Carla?" Wendy asked the white feline.
"I was way more intelligent with it than those people," Carla huffed at the comparison.
TOMA: But, aren't psychics supposed to have unbelievable mental-
(a surviving Kanassan warrior emerges from the rubble)
"At least one lived," Wendy sighed in relief.
KANASSAN: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE!
"Why...does that sound familiar?" Levy asked herself.
"It does feel like we've heard this before," Mira pondered.
PUMBUKIN: Hey, look! One survived.
KANASSAN: Oh no, they can see me! I have to stop you from destroying my race... in the futuuuure!
"They...already did that though," Elfman replied, sadly.
BARDOCK: We already did that.
KANASSAN:(silence)I knew you'd do that! Now I have to kill you!
"I extremely doubt you'll succeed," Gajeel said.
KANASSAN:(rushes at Bardock and hits him in the back of the neck)Now you too can see the futuuuure!(gets blasted by Toma)WAH!
"Can it be explained how he did that?" Lucy asked.
"They did state these people ar-WERE psychic," Levy answered.
(camera pans over the burning Kanassan, moment of silence)
KANASSAN: I'M ON FIIIIIRE!(gets blown up by Bardock)AH!
"I could've eaten that fire," Natsu said as he observed the scene.
TOMA: Well, that was...odd.
PUMBUKIN: Hey, Bardock. What do you think he meant about you seeing the future? Bardock?(Bardock collapses on the ground)Bardock? Bardock?
"Help him!" Lisanna yelled at the screen.
"Do saiyans just not care about their comrades!?" Erza questioned.
"Pretty sure Vegeta has already answered that question," Gray said. The ice mage flinched as Erza glared in his direction.
PUMBUKIN: Say nothing if you want me to eat the remains of that alien.(is heard making munching noises as the screen goes black)
"fat*ss didn't even wait for him to answer," Gajeel grunted.
(cut to Freeza)
The mages gagged at the sight of the space emperor.
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, the reports are saying that Kanassa has been seized.
"I did kinda miss Zarbon. Wonder how his girlfriend is doing?" Juvia wondered.
"I still doubt his girlfriend is a she," Gajeel said.
FREEZA:(sounding like an old hag)Thank you, Zarbon.
"Grandma voice Frieza!" Natsu and Happy called out.
FREEZA: That's very good to hea-(starts coughing and then speaks in his normal voice)Ah, sorry about that. I had something in my throat. Continue, Zarbon.
"That's better," Everyone sounded relieved.
ZARBON: The reports say that it was overtaken by a group of low-level Saiyans led by Bardock.
DODORIA: Yeah, that Bardock's a pretty cool guy.
"I could've gone my whole life without ever seeing you again," Gajeel wanted to throw up.
"Dodoria is a poor sight for already sore eyes," Lily shuddered.
ZARBON: He conquers planets and isn't afraid of anything.
FREEZA: Hmm... isn't afraid of anything, indeed…
"He has something evil schemed up," Lisanna scrunched her face in thought.
(cut to Bardock inside a healing tank)
BARDOCK:(thinking)What...? What's going on? (sees Planet Vegeta exploding) Is...that my planet?
"The future visions are turning on now," Carla said as she reminisced.
BARDOCK:(sees his son as an infant and then as a kid) Wait, who is...? Is that my son?
"Do you not know what he looks like?" Erza asked, offended.
"He never felt like the caring parent type," Lucy sweatdropped.
BARDOCK:Where is he? Hold on... Is he befriending that alien race? Oh, I get it. He must be earning their trust before he slaughters them all.
"I would really hope not!" Mira exclaimed.
"Yeah! Goku doesn't have an evil bone in his body!" Happy defended.
"He only has stupid ones like Natsu," Gray insulted. Natsu almost charged if not for Erza's glare in his direction.
BARDOCK:(screen goes black) Wait...now everything's gone dark. Is...is it over? Am I...? (Mr. Popo's face appears on the screen)
A wave of fear passed through the audience.
MR. POPO: Hi.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Everybody screamed.
(Bardock lets out a muffled scream as the water in the healing tank drains down)
SCIENTIST: Bardock, are you all right? Your heart rate skyrocketed.
"He just saw the living incarnation of every death and nightmare," Lucy gasped.
BARDOCK: *gasps* I'm okay! I'm okay. It's just...eyes. Where am I, anyway?
SCIENTIST: Well, you're on Freeza Planet 692.
"Is Frieza just not creative in the slightest?" Levy raised an eyebrow.
BARDOCK: Man, you'd think with all his free time he'd come up with better names for his planets.
"His arrogance takes up the entire universe," Erza hissed.
(cut to Freeza inside his ship)
ZARBON: So Lord Freeza. Now that we have Kanassa under our command, what shall we-
FREEZA: 419!
ZARBON: Right, right…
"Even Zarbon can see the bullsh*t," Lily sighed.
(cut back to Bardock)
BARDOCK: Anyway, where's my team? Are they already on a new mission?
SCIENTIST: Yes, well, it seems that Freeza passed down a new mission just two hours ago.
"Suspicious," Lisanna whispered.
SCIENTIST: By the way, while you're here, would you like to see your son, Kakarrot?
BARDOCK: Kaka-wha?
Erza shattered a table. The other mages wisely scooted away from the scarlet knight.
BARDOCK: Oh right, his name. Nah. Think I'll pass. Didn't pay attention to Raditz when he was growing up.
"That explains everything," Gajeel's eyes widened at the revelation.
SCIENTIST: Oh, yes, and we both know how he turned out…
"Dead," Lily answered.
(Bardock pauses for a brief moment and then cuts to him standing in front of a nursery with Kakarrot crying inside.)
"Awwww!" The girls cooed at baby Goku.
"He's loud even as a baby," Gajeel grumbled.
"Hmph! I'm louder!" Natsu puffed his chest proudly.
"We know," Lucy answered.
BARDOCK: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy!(thinking)Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... (scouter starts beeping) All right... Whoa...! 10,000! That's my boy!
"Strong even as a baby!" Erza looked proud.
"That's our Goku!" Natsu pumped his fists.
BARDOCK:(sees name plaque) Wait...Broly?
"Huh?" The two stop their cheering.
"Eh, I'm sure that'll be important later...maybe," Levy said.
BARDOCK:(shifts over to Kakarrot's plaque) Ah, here we go. (scans Kakarrot with his scouter) Kakarro- (starts groaning in dismay) Two?
"Two? Well...he's still a Super Saiyan! So, who's the actual weaking! Huh!?" Erza blushed in embarrassment at being proven wrong.
"Aw, Goku was weak at a baby," Natsu complained.
"Well, the strongest warriors don't exactly start as the strongest," Lucy reassured him.
BARDOCK:Crap!(out loud)There is no possible way this day could get any more disappointing...(runs off)
"Jinx," Levy whispered.
(cut to another planet with Toteppo getting killed)
The guild jumps back in total shock.
TOMA: Bardock's going to be so disappointed.
"I KNEW IT!" Lisanna screamed at the screen.
DODORIA: I think Bardock is the least of your concerns.
TOMA: Why? I don't understand. We've served Freeza loyally.(Dodoria picks him up)
"Doesn't matter how much dirty work you do for a scum bag, they'll always stab you in the back in the end," Gajeel spoke, glaring at the screen.
DODORIA: Seems Freeza wants you dirty Saiyans out of the picture... And I'm just willing enough to oblige him.
TOMA: Don't you get it? Chances are someday he's just going to kill you, too.
"Vegeta beat him to it," Levy thought back to Dodoria's death, before shuddering at the memory.
DODORIA: Yeah, well, see... I'm more of a "in-the-now" kinda guy. Like, what am I gonna eat now? What am I gonna kill now? And in this regard, you're probably gonna be both.
"What is with you aliens and eating dead bodies?" Lucy gagged.
TOMA: You... You won't get away with this.
DODORIA: Oh, yeah? Well tell me something... What looks like crap, feels like crap, and probably ain't gonna wake up in the morning?
"You in like 20 years," Levy answered.
TOMA: Is... Is it me?
DODORIA: And that's the punchline.
"A horrible punchline," Happy's ears dropped.
(Dodoria throws Toma in the air and punches him in the jaw before cutting to Bardock arriving at the planet)
BARDOCK:(sees multiple corpses of the planet's inhabitants)Whoa, looks like I'm late to the party. Where's the gang-(sees the corpses of his crew)Oh... Oh. Oh, God! Guys... Tell me you're just resting in the blood of your enemies! Selypa... Totepo... Pumbukin? Toma?
"He really does care for them," Lisanna smiled.
TOMA:(weakly and coughs a few times)P-present...
BARDOCK: Toma! Oh, thank God Toma, you're okay. I'll be honest, you're the only one I really cared about.
"Nevermind," Lisanna's smile dropped.
BARDOCK: Everyone else was kinda bland. 'Cept for Selypa, she was the only one here with a decent pair of t-
"Of course that's what you care for," Erza rolled her eyes.
TOMA: Bardock...listen. Freeza's...turned on us. He's afraid of the Saiyans. He sent someone to...to take us out.
BARDOCK:(terrified)Oh, God! He sent the Ginyu Force?
"That's a bit overkill," Lucy said.
TOMA: No...
BARDOCK:(less terrified)Zarbon?
"Would've been a cleaner job," Juvia answered.
TOMA: No...
BARDOCK:(disappointed)Dodoria?
"Even I'm disappointed," Gajeel shook his head.
"Seems Bardock held his team in high regards at least," Lily said.
TOMA: Sorry…
"You don't need to apologize," Wendy frowned.
BARDOCK: Listen, it won't end like this! We're not too far from a healing planet. We're gonna get you fixed up. We'll get you better, we'll warn everyone else, and then we'll-(Toma closes his eyes and dies)
Everyone lowered their heads in respect for Toma's passing.
BARDOCK:(thinking)My best friend just died in my arms, didn't he? Yep... Yeeep... (removes Toma's handkerchief and cleans the blood off his fallen comrade's face) All right, Plan B.
"Plan B?" Lucy asked.
"Break everything in your path!" Natsu's face broke into a feral grin.
BARDOCK:Don't worry, my friends. You shall all be avenged! (clutches Toma's handkerchief, which starts turning red with blood)
"Fight for your friend's honor like a real man!" Elfman flexed his muscles.
"For once I agree with ya, big guy. Time to kick some Frieza force ass!" Gajeel laughed menacingly.
BARDOCK:If Freeza's afraid of us, I'm gonna give him something to be afraid of. (starts tying the bloody handkerchief on his forehead) Then I'll know why I'm still alive... And I'm gonna rain hot vengeance down upon every single one of those sons of bi-
(Eachpe fires a bunch of ki blasts at Bardock)
"You can be his first victim in his vengeance," Gajeel laughed.
EACHPE: All right guys, let's hit the show-(scouter beeps as Bardock appears above him)Tell my brother, Appule, I love him!(Bardock hits him hard on the skull)Aaah...(starts falling to the ground)
"Now that Appule thing makes sense," Levy realized, before giving the fight her full attention.
MANGO: Eachpe, no!(he and his comrades fire a ki blast at Bardock, who vanishes before all three blasts connect)Where the hell is he?
LEMI: Keep sharp! These Saiyans can pull off all kinds of tricks! You have to be very careful-
"There's the ape transformation and Super Saiyan. I don't know what else they got," Happy munched on his fish.
MANGO: Got him!(fires a ki blast through the smoke, accidentally shooting down his teammate)Pierre, no! You dirty monkey!
"That was you!" Gray called out.
LEMI: You're the one who killed him, you ass!
MANGO: Oh, gee Lemi, I never thought of it like tha- Shut the f**k up!(both of them start charging at Bardock)
BARDOCK:(thinking)Man, I can't believe they lost to these guys! What a bunch of- (starts having another vision) Oh, sweet crap, not again!
"Poorly timed vision...I hate those," Carla muttered.
KAKARROT (GOKU):(through vision)Kaio-ken!
BARDOCK:Kaio-wha-(gets kneed in the face)Ugh!
"Didn't expect it and I'm happy to see it," Levy clapped.
(Lemi grabs Bardock from behind as Mango proceeds to punch him in the stomach. Bardock starts having another vision.)
BARDOCK:(through vision)For years, you've kept us under your foot...
BARDOCK:(thinking as he's getting pummeled in reality)What? Is that me? That's it!
"What did he figure out?" Wendy asked and nobody answered.
MANGO: NOW, DIE!
(Bardock manages to flip over, causing Lemi to get in the way of the attack)
LEMI: What the f-(gets punched in the back by Mango, coughing up blood)Guah!(Badrock breaks free and fires a ki blast)Goddamn it, Mango, you team-killing f**ktard!(both he and Mango scream as they get disintegrated by the blast)
"He's a really talented fighter," Erza complimented.
"He's Goku's dad of course," Natsu states, proudly.
BARDOCK:(thinking)I understand what I have to do now. I'm going to raise an army. We're going to rebel against Freeza. And nothing is going to stop me.
"Do you have to keep jinxing yourself?" Levy complained.
BARDOCK:(scouter starts beeping) What the-?(turns to see Dodoria charging up a mouth-beam)(out loud)USELESS-ASS PSYCHIC POWERS!(screams as he gets engulfed by the blast)
"Now you know how those psychics felt," Mira giggled.
"Karma really is a bitch," Gajeel sighed.
DODORIA:(singing "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen)
Do-do-do, another one bites the dust
Dodo-do-do-do, another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone(flies off)
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust...
"Please shut up," Gajeel face palmed.
BARDOCK:(muffled while under his teammates' bodies)Oh, God! It's true! You really do soil yourself when you die!
"That's...didn't need to know that," Lucy blanched.
BARDOCK: Ah, it's everywhere! It's in my Dodoria wounds!(frees himself from under the pile and starts coughing)
"Ew," Everyone blanched.
BARDOCK: Oh, well, uh, later guys. Off to raise that army. Vengeance... Yada, yada…
"You already did the whole speech, so just leave," Gray sweatdropped.
(cut to Kakarrot inside a space pod)
"When he leaves for earth," Levy said.
"The start of a wonderful adventure," Lisanna smiled.
OPERATOR 1: All right, little guy. Time to send you to planet "Ee-arth."
OPERATOR 2: I think it's pronounced "Earth."
OPERATOR 1: That sounds stupid.
OPERATOR 2: You're stupid!
"You're both stupid," Gajeel insulted.
(cut to Freeza's ship)
FREEZA: So... how did the mission go?
DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.
"Nope!" Lisanna grinned.
ZARBON: Where are your men?
DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.
"That part is true," Juvia said.
FREEZA: So, you're absolutely sure you killed every single living thing on that planet?
DODORIA: Complete...Annihilation.
(Bardock's space pod is seen flying by Freeza's ship)
"Complete annihilation, huh?" Lucy raised an eyebrow.
ZARBON: So, "Complete Annihilation," huh?
DODORIA:(stammers a few times before speaking)I'm sorry, Lord Freeza. I'll go take care of it right away.
FREEZA: Oh, forget about it. He's already on a direct course for Planet S.O.L.
ZARBON: Planet what?
"He forgot to number it," Levy explained.
FREEZA:(groans)Planet...
(cut to Bardock)
BARDOCK:(thinking)Vegeta! I've gotta warn King Vegeta.
"If he's named Vegeta, then he won't listen," Gajeel said.
(cut to a bar with many Saiyans socializing as George Thorgood's "Bad to the Bone" plays in a radio)
BARDOCK:(enters inside from a door)You guys! Freeza's going to...(hit a table)Augh!(falls to the ground)Who put that table there?
"You need medical attention," Mira's voice showed concern.
"And you'll get a free power boost," Levy winked.
SAIYAN 1: Dude, Bardock, are you wasted?
BARDOCK: Nooo. But my crew is...
SAIYAN 2: You smell like poo!
"He crapped himself," Gajeel answered.
BARDOCK: Listen to me! We don't have much time. Freeza's on his way here and he plans to kill us all! We have to raise an army and-
SAIYAN 3: You're mom's an army!(Saiyan crowd starts laughing)
"W-what? How does that even make sense?" Carla asked, flabbergasted.
BARDOCK: What are you, stupid?! Do you-
SAIYAN 4: You face is stupid!(Saiyan crowd starts laughing again)
"Do they not want to live!?" Gray asked, shocked.
"Maybe it was too hopeful to think they'd believe him," Mira sighed.
BARDOCK: Augh! Do you idiots even get it? Freeza's about to commit genocide on our entire race!
(short pause)
SAIYAN 5: Cool story, bro!(Saiyan crowd starts laughing once more)
"I really can't blame Frieza for killing them," Gajeel said. Everyone couldn't believe how stupid the saiyans were.
BARDOCK: You know what? F**k it! I'm done! I hope you all die and go to hell!(runs off)
SAIYAN 6: Wow, that guy's a douche.
"He isn't, you guys are," Gray shook his head.
BARDOCK:(thinking)Screw them! I don't need an army. I took on those elites, I can take on this tyrant! Freeza must be stopped...no matter the cost!
"You couldn't even beat Dodoria. Frieza is way out of your league," Lucy made an x with her arms.
("You Got The Touch" by Stan Bush starts playing as Bardock flies off towards Freeza's ship)
"This will not end well," Erza frowned.
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, Bardock is approaching from the planet-
FREEZA: Waves of Freeza-soldiers…
"He's a man on a mission. Those soldiers don't stand a chance!" Elfman proclaimed.
(multiple Freeza soldiers start flying down from the ship)
DODORIA: It's raining men!
ZARBON: Hallelujah!
"Love that song," Mira swayed as she hummed the melody.
BARDOCK: FREEZA!
(soldiers simultaneously fire a ki blast at Bardock)
SOLDIER 1: Yeah, take that-(Bardock rushes forward and elbows him in the face)
"OOF!"
BARDOCK: FREEZA!
(Bardock flies through the multiple soldiers, killing a few of them in the process)
BARDOCK: FREEZA!(gets dogpiled by multiple soldiers)FREEZA!
SOLDIER 2: Ah, yo, Bardock, I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but-
(Bardock launches a blast to free himself and continues flying forward, ramming through multiple soldiers. It then shows the onslaught through a monitor at Freeza's ship.)
"BARDOCK IS SO FREAKING COOL!" Natsu's and Elfman's eyes shift into stars.
"A little too brutal for my tastes," Lucy chuckled, nervously.
"The right amount of brutal for my tastes," Gajeel smirked.
ZARBON: Sir, I think he wishes to have words.
FREEZA: Oh, whatever gave youthatimpression?
"Don't be a smartass," Gray groaned.
ZARBON: Well, he does keep on shouting your name.
BARDOCK:(over the speaker)FREEZA!
"You remind you of anything, shorty?" Gajeel nudged her. Levy smacked his arm hard, sputtering with a red face.
FREEZA: Just get my freaking bubble car.
ZARBON: Too bad. That Bardock was such a dashing rogue...
DODORIA: What?
"He's gay, let's move on," Carla rolled her eyes.
(Freeza emerges from inside his ship on his bubble car, which makes a Jetsons mobile sound effect)
BARDOCK: There you are, Freeza! I've been looking for you.
FREEZA: Well, I'm not exactlyhard to find!
"He's not wrong," Lisanna agrees.
BARDOCK: We've had enough of this! We're done working for you, Freeza!
SOLDIER 3:(off-screen)Uh, just so you know, that man does not speak for us!
"You can't exactly blame them. I'd be freaking out too if some random guy was about to get me killed," Levy pitied.
BARDOCK: We're here to kill you, and take our planet for our own!
SOLDIER 3:(off-screen)Seriously, we're not with him!
"Then just move away from him," Lily advises.
BARDOCK: For years, you've kept us under your foot...(continues speaking inaudibly under Freeza's thoughts)
FREEZA:(thinking)Oh, lord, these heroic types with their speeches. "Blah, blah, blah, injustices. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny. Blah, blah, blah, Freeza, stop killing me!"
"Gotta remember this is still before he met Goku," Erza smirked.
FREEZA:God, does he have any idea how hard it is to run an empire? I've got other things to do today, you know... Like deciding what wine I will have for dinner tonight. White wine, red wine, or dare I say...rosé?
"Someone's a bit classy," Lisanna giggled a bit.
FREEZA:Oh, perhaps I should give Cooler a call; his birthday's coming up. Nah, he's a prick.
"Brothers, the age old rivalry," Gray sighed.
FREEZA:Wait a second, where was I? Oh right, mass genocide.(starts charging a Supernova)
The guild braces themselves for the incoming death.
BARDOCK: ...end your miserable life, once and for all!(starts charging up a ki blast)Now... Take this, Freeza! The power of the Saiyan race!(hurls his blast at Freeza)Hyah!
(Bardock's blast is seen flying towards Freeza and his growing Supernova and gets swallowed by the tyrant's blast. Freeza starts laughing madly and fires his now massive Supernova directly at Planet Vegeta.)
"The saiyan race doesn't mean sh*t does it?" Gajeel clapped his hands.
BARDOCK:(thinking)Well, I'd say I should have seen this coming, but that would be ironic…
"Then it's a good thing that you thought it and didn't say it out loud," Gray chuckled a bit.
(Bardock gets engulfed by Freeza's Supernova, with many pieces of his armor falling off)
"We all saw coming, doesn't make it any better," Lily shook his head. The mages looked downcast as Bardock died.
BARDOCK:(thinking)I see it... My son. He... He's facing Freeza! He's gonna do it! He's going to avenge our people!
"He does...kinda," Erza sweatdropped.
BARDOCK:But, wait... Wait, there's more... He fights...a giant green bug...man. And then a...giant...pink...man-child.
"W-what kind of future is he looking at?" Carla questioned.
BARDOCK:Oh, no. It's dark again! Where...? What is...?
"Please don't let it be Popo," Wendy prayed.
PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara...
PARAPARA BROS.: Bonpappa!
PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!
PARAPARA BROTHER 2: I'm gonna lay this one down thick like whole milk!
PARAPARA BROTHER 3: Raise the cane, ra-ra, ra-ra-raise!
Not a single word was spoken as the scene played. Only the sound of Erza banging her head on a table resonated through the guild.
BARDOCK:(thinking)And I now welcome the sweet embrace of death... (Supernova falls and collides with Planet Vegeta)
"I will never blame him," Gajeel closed his eyes.
(cut to Cooler in his spaceship)
SAUZA: Monsieur Cooler! It seems that your brother is destroying ze Planet Vegeta!
"Jeice?" Juvia questioned.
"Nah, too different," Levy dismissed.
COOLER: Very impressive, killing off a bunch of monkeys. Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo…
"I'll admit that's a good line," Gray complimented.
SAUZA: Wait, sir! It seems he has missed one ship. We are within range to intercept-
COOLER: No, let it go.
SAUZA: But, why?
COOLER: Because, I'm a prick.
"Wow, if he wasn't a prick, then Goku would be dead," Lucy gulped.
(cut to Planet Vegeta getting destroyed)
NARRATOR: And so, Planet Vegeta was destroyed, along with all its inhabitants. Save a lone Saiyan child...and his brother...and a space pirate...and a renegade monster and his father...and, of course, Prince…
"I'm sorry who were those last two?" Levy asked.
(cut to kid Vegeta and Nappa)
"Kid Vegeta is kinda cute," Mira mentions.
NAPPA: Vegeta!
VEGETA: What is it, Nappa?
NAPPA: Well, I've got good news...and bad news. The bad news is...reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by a gigantic meteorite along with all its inhabitants.
"After all we've seen that lie honestly seems unbelievable," Carla said.
VEGETA: Aah... But, what about-
NAPPA: Aaand your father.
VEGETA: My whole family...! My race!
"Didn't think you cared," Gajeel looked surprised.
NAPPA: But the good news is, we're going to Dairy Queen!
"How is that good news?" Lucy asked.
"Because it is," Happy answered. The blonde gave him an unimpressed stare.
VEGETA: My entire race is go-
NAPPA: DAIRY QUEEN!
VEGETA: Just take me to the damn queen, Nappa.
NAPPA: Yaaaay! This seems the beginning of a beauuuutiful friendship…
"Yeah, we can go with that," Gajeel snickers.
(cut to planet Earth with Kakarrot being heard crying...again)
GRANDPA GOHAN: Oh look, someone threw out a perfectly good baby. Aren't you just adorable? I think I'm gonna call you...Clark. Heeeey, Claaarrrk.(thinking)Nah, that sounds stupid.
"Aw, Goku meeting his grandpa!" Lisanna gushed.
"I agree that Clark is a stupid name," Gajeel grunts.
GRANDPA GOHAN:(speaking again)Oh! How about...Goku?(Goku starts laughing)Yes, Goku! You like that, huh? Yes, you do! Whee! Wheee! Wheeeee! Whoops!(Goku is seen landing hard on his head)Uh, oh.
"THAT'S HOW HE FELL!"
"YOU'RE THE REASON HE'S SO STUPID!"
(credits roll)
Chapter 38: Episode of Bardock
Chapter Text
Chapter 43: Episode of Bardock
(cut to Bardock confronting Zarbon, Dodoria, and Freeza in space outside planet Vegeta)
NARRATOR:A familiar scene plays before you. A lone renegade stands at the precipice of global annihilation. The grim punctuation to his warrior race.
The mages widened their eyes in surprise. Not expecting Bardock to reappear on the screen.
"Wait? We're continuing with Bardock?" Lisanna asked.
"What more could there be, he died?" Carla asked, perplexed.
"Guess there's only one way to find out," Gray responded, turning his attention back to the screen.
FREEZA: You know, the funny thing is, Bardock, even if you had seen this coming, there's nothing you could have done about it.(begins charging a Supernova from his finger)
BARDOCK: You don't... You have no goddamned idea.
"The dialogue is different," Lucy noticed.
"It's a recap, so not everything will be exactly the same," Levy explained.
ZARBON: Mmm, and even if you told every single Saiyan, none of them would have even believed you.
"He did tell every single saiyan," Erza groaned.
"He was screaming it all over the planet," Gajeel groaned equally.
"And not a single one of those idiots believed him," Carla groaned a bit louder.
BARDOCK: Just...please stop talking.
"Don't we all wish they would," Lily said.
DODORIA: And you never even got a chance to say goodbye to your son.
BARDOCK:(thinking)I have one of those? *gasps* Oh, God, I have two of those!
"I understand forgetting Raditz, how did you forget Goku? Ya know, the one you've been having future visions about?" Gray raised an eyebrow at Bardock's revelation.
FREEZA: Consider this downsizing on a global scale! You can pick up your unemployment checks wherever you end up.(Bardock charges up an energy blast)
"I'm still confused, as to why this recap is needed? They're all just going to hell, this doesn't make much sense," Levy scratched her head.
BARDOCK: GO TO HELL!(throws the energy blast at Freeza)
FREEZA: See, that was my first guess.(fires the Supernova, which absorbs Bardock's blast)
"Still did nothing," Gajeel commented.
BARDOCK:(thinking as multiple soldiers scream in terror)Ah, crapbaskets.(gets engulfed by Freeza's Supernova)
"I see it runs in the family," Wendy smiled at Bardock's last words.
NARRATOR:And so, with a macabre flash of blinding light, the howling laughter of a blood-parched tyrant echoing through his mind, so ends the tragic fate of Bardock. (Freeza's Supernova collides with Planet Vegeta, causing it to explode into nothingness) ...Or so you'd think, if you didn't know a thing about merchandising! Hit it!
"That...explains why we're still seeing Bardock," Levy shrugged.
"I'm all up for more Bardock!" Natsu replies.
("DragonBall Z Abridged: Episode of Bardock" logo appears on the screen as "Time Warp (Rocky Horror Picture Show)" by Richard O'Brien plays in the background)
BARDOCK: Uah!(wakes up and finds himself on a bed)(thinking)Am I in a bed? Does hell have beds?
"It has a fountain," Natsu answered.
"And two weird wrestler guys," Lucy added.
BARDOCK:You'd think they'd have beds of spikes. Or spiders. Or spiky spiders. ...Spikers.
"Don't even mention bed with spiders," Juvia shivered at the thought. She tightened her hold on Gray and yes she has been hugging him this entire time.
BARDOCK:(gets up and looks outside a window) Wait, this looks like Planet Vegeta. Only...even sh*ttier. Which is and isn't weird, considering the last time I saw it, it was blowing up.
"It still looked sh*tty, even before it was blown up," Gajeel said.
DR. DRAY: Hi-ho!
"Uwah!" The audience jumped back a bit.
BARDOCK:(turns his head around)Uggh!
DR. DRAY: We found you unconscious and near-death in a valley not too far from here. We helped bring you back to health with our magical healing S.P.U.G..
"What kind of name is that?" Carla's feline face scrunched up.
"I like it," Wendy huffed.
"You like any silly name child," Carla rolled her eyes. Wendy pouted in response.
BARDOCK: Ugh!
DR. DRAY: Super Polymorphic Unleashing Gel. We brought you to our town on our pleasant, serene little planet. My name is Dray. And this is my child Twopock. Say hi-ho, Twopock.
"What parent names their kid 'Twopock'?" Gajeel frowned. He definitely didn't want his kid to have a name like that.
"Somebody with a very active imagination," Levy giggles and rubs her stomach.
TWOPOCK: Hi-ho!
"Can't surprise me this time!" Natsu grinned.
BARDOCK: Ugh!
TWOPOCK: Where are you from?
BARDOCK: There is nothing about this whole scenario that doesn't make me so disgusted I want to violently vomit out my own internal organs. I despise you both so intensely that I can't tell if my vision is blurry from my near-death experience or from my unforgiving rage. If allowed, once I am back to full health, I will gut you with an honest-to-god smile on my face, and then proceed to paint the home I build with your bodies with your very blood.
Silence overtook the guild as everyone allowed Bardock's rant to sink into their minds.
"Well...you don't have to be a jerk about it," Lisanna smiled nervously.
"Saying 'jerk' is putting it mildly," Erza was not happy at Bardock's threat.
DR. DRAY: You hear that, Twopock? You made a friend.
TWOPOCK: YAAAAAY!
"I think you guys should recheck your definition of friend," Lucy sweatdropped.
(explosion)
DR. DRAY: That came from my village!
"I hope nobody was hurt!" Wendy said, worried.
(cut to inside the village with two soldiers destroying the villager's homes)
TOOBI: Hello there, inhabitants of Planet Plant. We are here on a diplomatic mission on behalf of your new emperor, Lord Chilled.
"Chilled?" Levy questioned.
"There are other space emperors besides Frieza?" Happy munched on more fish.
TOOBI: Pamphlets will be passed around to introduce you to your new, exciting lives as slaves to his Almighty Horniness.
"I wouldn't want to be a slave to someone with that as a title," Lucy shivered.
"Being a slave period is already awful enough," Erza thought back to her own childhood.
BARDOCK: Really? This is how you intimidate a village? Blow up a house or two? I don't even think you kill anyone with those peashooters. Speaking of which, what models are those? They look ancient.
"Hmm...ancient and someone named Chilled?" Levy mumbled to herself.
KAYABIRA: Hey, we were gonna kill one of the sick ones if they didn't comply.
"So, you're not denying the insults towards your weapons?" Lily asked.
BARDOCK: Oh, kill one of the sick ones. What are you gonna do next? Waterboard the elderly?
Gajeel had to stifle his laughter as Levy glared at him laughing.
KAYABIRA: Look, buddy. We didn't come here to be judged by you.(fires a blast at Bardock, who evades it and punches him hard in the stomach)
"Nah, but you will get a major ass kicking," Natsu grins.
TOOBI:: Holy-(Bardock kicks him in the face, sending him to flying into a wall)
BARDOCK: Pfft. Amateurs.
"That was way too easy," Lily commented.
"Grunts aren't worth the extra effort," Gajeel explains.
VILLAGER: Hooray! Everyone give praise to our new violent savior!
(the villagers come out of hiding and start approaching Bardock)
VILLAGERS:(singing "Welcome Christmas" from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas")Bahoo dores bahoo dores…
"NO!"
BARDOCK:(extends his hand to stop the villagers' singing)NO! None of that! Shame on you!(flies away and lands near a cave)Who needs villagers, with their soft beds and S.P.U.G.? Rocks are soft enough to sleep on, right?(sits on a rocks)...I've made a terrible mistake.
"Yeah, so go back and sleep in a bed," Mira commanded.
(cut to a spaceship in outer space)
SOLDIER: Lord Chilled! The vital sensors in the blasters of the two scouts you just sent-
CHILLED: Shshshshshshsh...(pause)Continue.
"What is his voice?" Juvia frowned, deeply.
SOLDIER: Have ceased transmission. We believe they're dead!
CHILLED: *gasp* Outraaageous! In honor of their deaths, my men shall now and forevermore be given the names of fruits! Pineapple! Bring us to Planet Plant!
"Wait...that.." Levy's brain slowly started putting the pieces together.
SOLDIER: ...So am I Pineapple?
CHILLED: YES!
"IT'S MIDGET FRIEZA!" Natsu and Happy yelled into Lucy's ears.
"SHUT UP!" She roared back at the two.
(Chilled's spaceship is seen flying into Planet Plant. Cut to Bardock inside the cave)
BARDOCK:(thinking)All right, I think I might have figured this out. This looks like a younger Planet Vegeta. Those two guys were using older models. Maybe... This is the-
TWOPOCK: Hi-ho!
BARDOCK: Aaand I lost my train of thought.
"No! We need to know what you meant!" Lisanna waved her arms in distress.
Levy sunk into her seat as came under the same realization Bardock almost reached.
TWOPOCK: Hello, violent savior. I have brought you bread and fruit.
BARDOCK: I don't want your bread, or your fruit. But leave the basket.
TWOPOCK: But violent savior-
BARDOCK: LEAVE THE BASKET!(Twopock leaves the basket on the floor and runs off crying)
"You don't have to be a meanie about it!" Wendy glared.
BARDOCK:(thinking)I swear to God I'm gonna eat his entire race.
"Why do saiyans have to constantly eat people!?" Lucy screamed.
BARDOCK:(cut him doing one-armed pushups inside the cave on a rainy day as Twopock places another basket of food on the ground and runs off with the empty basket)Dammit, I filled up on bread!
(cut to Twopock bringing another basket of food to Bardock)
TWOPOCK: Here you are, violent savior. I have brought you more food that you detest.
"Is your goal just to piss him off more?" Gray asked.
BARDOCK:(takes a bread from the basket)Seriously, kid. If you don't start bringing me meat, I am literally gonna sh*t bricks.(Twopock grunts and drops something else near the basket)That is a rock!
"Now you can sh*t rocks," Gajeel jokes.
(cut to Dr. Dray healing a villager (Rizza) in another busy day at the village)
RIZZA: Thank you, Dr. Dray. Your S.P.U.G. has cured my syphilis.
"I'm glad you're all better!" Wendy smiled.
DR. DRAY: You are welcome, Rizza.
RIZZA: Well, back to what I was doing before.
DR. DRAY: Oh, you are just incorrigible.
(cut to a bunch of cloaked figures approaching the village)
PAPAYA: Hello. We are the Space Police.
AICE CUBE:(off-screen)Man, f**k the police!
"That's certainly one way to get the police attention," Carla sweatdropped.
DR. DRAY: Not now, Aice Cube!
PAPAYA: We are here to catch evil space criminals and various other ne'er-do-wells.
"Then why are you on this barren planet of all places?" Gray asked.
DR. DRAY: I can assure you that we have already exiled Khris of the clan Brown from our planet.
CHILLED: We are looking for the man who assassinated two emissaries from the Frost Planet.
"I wouldn't call the way Bardock beat them 'assassination'," Mira quoted with her fingers.
"And they weren't being peaceful at all," Erza added with a glare.
DR. DRAY: You mean the violent savior?
VILLAGER: All hail the violent savior!
VILLAGERS:(once again singing "Welcome Christmas" from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas")Bahoo dores…
"NO!"
CHILLED: NO! None of that! Shame on you! I wish to meet this man so that I may reward him!
"Reward him with death!" Happy lifted his paw. Carla and Lily stared at the blue cat with confusion.
DR. DRAY: I thought you said you wanted to arrest him.
CHILLED: I CHANGE MY MIND A LOT!(pause)Execute them.
"And that's where things escalate too quickly!" Lucy panicked.
(shows Twopock's horrified expression as Chilled's soldiers attack the villagers off-screen. Cut to Bardock outside the cave)
BARDOCK: Sweet. Back to a hundred percent. I'd go out and eat that whole village right now if I hadn't already filled up on rocks.
"He actually went and ate the rocks," Erza facepalmed.
TWOPOCK:(runs up to Bardock)Violent savior! My village needs you!
BARDOCK: Ah, Space Christ, what now?
"There's a space Christ?" Carla asked, baffled.
TWOPOCK: Our people are under assault by villains from another planet.
BARDOCK: Why is this place so popular?
"That's honestly a fair question," Levy said.
TWOPOCK: You don't understand. This could be the extinction of the entire Saiyan race!
"Oh"
"My"
"Kami"
BARDOCK:(pauses and looks at Twopock)What?
TWOPOCK: My people, the Saiyans!
"WHY AND HOW IS THIS A THING!?" The mages screamed at the screen.
"I just need them to say it outloud and I'll be satisfied," Levy sighed.
"I don't get it. The saiyans don't look anything like those guys," Natsu looked confused. Lucy facepalmed at Natsu's words.
BARDOCK: Oh, no... But if you're Saiyans. And those old-ass lookin' blasters. And this looks like Planet Vege-(explosion)Dammit! There it goes again!
"You almost had it!" Lisanna cried out.
BARDOCK:(kicks Twopock)Hell with this.(takes his headband and flies off)
"Meanie!" Wendy repeated.
TWOPOCK: I am now bearing your child. YAAAAAAAYY-
"HUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH!?"
"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!" Lucy screached, blushing. Her hand was already placed firmly on Natsu's mouth.
"Definitely not how it works," A blushing Gajeel and Levy mutter.
(cut to Chilled and his soldiers destroying the village)
CHILLED: That's right! Continue to blow up the houses! We will avenge my men and take control of this planet! Also we want your healing medicine.
"Now that I think about it, their healing medicine is most likely the liquid for the healing tanks," Levy said.
DR. DRAY:(backs up and hides his S.P.U.G.)How did you hear about our S.P.U.G.?
CHILLED: Because of Raisins! ...Raisin is my intel guy.
"He's really sticking to the food name thing," Gray whistled.
PAPAYA: Now give us your S.P.U.G. or we'll beat it out of ya.
CHILLED:(holds up a video camera)And I'll record the whole thing!
"Bastard," Natsu growled.
(Dr. Dray closes his eyes in fear when Bardock arrives and kicks one soldier in the face and grabs the other one's neck and snaps it off-screen)
BARDOCK:(drops the soldier on the ground)I'm sorry I had to step in, but that was just getting obscene.
"Bardock for the save!" Happy cheered.
"Still, a bit brutal though," Lucy winced.
CHILLED: So you must be the one who killed my men.(removes his hood and reveals his face)
BARDOCK:(thinking)Freeza?! (sees the resemblance) Freeza!(out loud)FREEEEZAAAA!
"I'd call him a more well-mannered Frieza," Mira said.
(Bardock charges at Chilled and punches him, knocking his cloak away. Chilled growls and retaliates by kicking Bardock, knocking him face-down to the ground)
"I expected it to be a bit more of a fight," Gray sweatdropped.
"It's fair to consider that Chilled is at least as strong as Frieza," Levy explained.
"So, how is Bardock gonna get out of this?" Juvia hugged Gray tighter.
CHILLED:(as Bardock struggles to get up)You wish to wrestle with the great Lord Chilled? Yet you have not brought your own leotard?!(plants Bardock's face on the ground with his foot)
"I'm sure Zarbon has one," Gajeel said.
CHILLED: Worthless whelp! You make a mockery of Wrestle Wednesdays! You see, they both start with "W"s! It's alliteration.
"I don't think explaining that was needed," Lily deadpanned.
BARDOCK:(muffled)Freeza! Freeza! *muffled growling noises*
"His vocabulary sure is wide," Calra muttered.
CHILLED: I don't know who this "Freeza" is, but he sounds like a classy lady!
"Well, you're not wrong," Mira giggled.
DR. DRAY:(runs up to help Bardock)Release our violent sav-(Chilled bitch-slaps him with his tail)Oh, God!
"And that's why you don't help," Gajeel shook his head.
CHILLED: These people seem to have a sincere affection for you. What is your secret?
BARDOCK:(muffled)Maybe because I don't look like a giant purple and orange tampon.
"OOOHHHHH!"
CHILLED:(quickly)I have lost interest!(kicks Bardock away)And now...YOUUUU DIIIIIIIE!(starts charging up an energy blast)
TWOPOCK:(tearfully running up to Bardock)I must protect the father of my unborn child!
"Still not how it works!" Lucy raised a finger.
CHILLED: Congratulations... It's a corpse!(fires a shockwave that knocks Twopock away)
Levy subconsciously places her arms around her stomach.
TWOPOCK:(collides with a wall and starts falling down)Ow ow. Ow. Ow.(hits the ground)Owww.
DR. DRAY: No, Twopock! Damn you...big...small guy!
"You definitely hurt his feelings this time," Gajeel spoke with sarcasm.
CHILLED: And now, to finish off the Saiyan race!
"Really feeling some dejavu right now," Lisanna sweats.
BARDOCK:(thinking)Wait, hold on... Now I remember what I was thinking about. They call themselves Saiyans... And the freakin' blasters... And Planet Vegeta... And his name is Chilled... And... And…
"His big stupid brain is finally putting it together. Just say the words to satisfy me!" Levy leans forward.
BARDOCK:(out loud to Chilled)Hey! You! What year is it?
CHILLED: 2222.
BARDOCK: B.C. or A.D.?
CHILLED: The hell are those?
BARDOCK:(deepan)I'm in the f***ing past.
"FINALLY!" Levy jumped up.
"WAIT THE PAST!?" Natsu and Happy shriek in shock.
"NO DUH IDIOTS!" Lucy smacks them both.
BARDOCK: Of all the STUPID!(slams his head on the ground, causing lightning to erupt)ASININE!(punches the ground, once again erupting lightning)
"This looks oddly familiar…" Erza trails off.
"It's almost like we've seen it before, but I can't place my finger on it," Mira narrowed her eyes.
BARDOCK: SHARK-JUMPING BULLsh*t!(slams his head on the ground again and screams as he undergoes a shocking transformation)
"WHAT THE!?"
"HELL YEAH!"
CHILLED: What the?!
(Bardock finishes screaming and is now seen as a Super Saiyan)
The guild gaped at Bardock's sudden transformation into a Super Saiyan. Natsu was jumping in his seat at seeing his second Super Saiyan transformation.
"The literal stupidity of the plot is what made him go Super Saiyan," Levy gaped.
Erza sputtered seeing Bardock become a Super Saiyan. Blushing slightly at the resemblance between Bardock and Goku.
CHILLED: Oh, I'm sorry. I only fightnaturalblondes.
BARDOCK: I...am the legendary Super Saiyan.
"The 2nd Super Saiyan. Though technically you are the first," Mira mentioned.
VILLAGER: Yay, we're all Super Saiyans!
"You're not," Carla corrected.
BARDOCK: I will eat you!
"Again with the eating," Lucy gagged.
(Chilled fires multiple blasts at Bardock, leaving the area in smoke)
CHILLED: And that, ladies, gentlemen, and those of unspecified gender, is how you split a bananaWAAA?
("Ninth Symphony" by Beethoven starts playing as Bardock walks out of the smoke with parts of his clothes and armor destroyed, but is far from being defeated. Chilled attempts to punch Bardock, but the Super Saiyan catches both his fists.)
"He's so badass!" Natsu grins, excitedly.
CHILLED: Please don't break my butt.
BARDOCK: Okay.
CHILLED: Truly?
BARDOCK: No.
"GO BARDOCK!" The mages scream in excitement.
(Bardock starts pummeling Chilled, which ends with him kicking Chilled high into the air)
CHILLED: You petulant, impudent, contemptuous whoooooore!
"Always the sore losers," Natsu laughs.
"A very articulate sore loser," Lisanna adds.
BARDOCK:(starts charging up an energy blast)You mad, bro?
CHILLED: A little, thank you for asking!(fires a Death Ball at Bardock)
BARDOCK: Then maybe you should CHILL!(fires his energy blast)
"Boooo!" The guild yelled.
CHILLED: I'm always chilled! ...Ooohhh, I get it(gets hit by the blast and is shot into outer space)NOOOOooooooo…
"It's always the last minute huh?" Gajeel asked no one in particular.
(cut to inside Chilled's spaceship with Chilled in a medical bed and on life support surrounded by a few of his soldiers)
CHILLED: Before I die, I have one...one more decree. All of our most elite warriors must learn dance...choreography.(takes off breathing mask)Got to style...all over...our opponents'...forrrce...(dies with the electrocardiogram showing a horizontal line)
"And that explains the Ginyu Force," Levy nodded.
PINEAPPLE: Well, call it, Blueberry.
BLUEBERRY: Do I still have to call myself Blueberry?
"Yes!" Happy said.
RAISIN: Well I'm gonna keep calling you Blueberry.
BLUEBERRY: Shut up, Raisin!
(cut to Twopock looking on as Bardock walks off in the sunset)
"He's so freaking cool!" Natsu gushed.
NARRATOR: And so, with the evil Chilled put to rest, the unlikely hero made his way. And that is the story of how...
(cut to Goku inside his house)
GOKU: ...how your grandpa Bardock became the legendary Super Saiyan.
"HHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!?"
"GOKU WAS TELLING THE STORY!?"
"NO WONDER IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"
GOHAN: Okay, a couple questions.
"I do too," Levy huffed.
GOKU: Sure.
GOHAN/Levy: Why did Freeza's Death Ball send him back in time?
GOKU: I dunno.
GOHAN/Levy: And what happened to his psychic powers?
GOKU: I dunno.
Levy smacked her own forehead. "Why was I expecting an actual straight answer from him?" She asked.
GOHAN: And why did all the little Saiyans sound the same?
GOKU: I couldn't remember which was which, honestly, so I just went with it.
"The only actual answer he's actually given," Levy sighed.
"I think we're all missing the actual big question," Mira pointed out. Everyone turned to her to explain.
"How does he even know any of these events?" Mira asked. The mages paused in thought and started wondering the same thing.
GOHAN: Well I'm sorry, it's just...none of this makes any sense.
GOKU: Of course it doesn't. None of this is actually happening.
"Wait what?"
GOHAN: ...Huh?
GOKU: None of this is real.
GOHAN/Everyone: What are you talking ab-(suddenly wakes up)Huh?(sees Piccolo staring at him from outside the window)
PICCOLO: Go back to sleep, Gohan.
"So, Gohan dreamt all of that?" Lucy asked.
"At this point we should stop trying to make sense of this," Levy spoke.
("Back in Time" by Huey Lewis and the News starts playing as the credits roll)
BARDOCK: Seriously, you wanna learn how to traumatize a village? Okay. See that kid over there?(fires a blast at the kid)
"DUDE WHAT THE HELL!?"
VILLAGER:(off-screen)Odieby! Noooo!(starts bawling)
BARDOCK: Hear that mother? That is distraught.
"Gotta teach em somehow," Gray chuckled nervously.
KAYABIRA: You should write a book. You're like a brilliant scientist!
BARDOCK: Well, I am working on this fake moon thing.
"Oh, so that was him too," Levy said as Mira hops onto the stage and stops the lacrama.
"Aw! I wanted to watch more!" Natsu complained.
"Sorry, I think it's better to wait for everyone else before we continue watching this, and we can all use a break after this one," Mira explains. Natsu slumps in his seat in defeat. Lucy grabs his hand and drags him over to the request board.
"I know a way to take your mind off of it and that's taking a few jobs!" Lucy's suggestion made the Dragon Slayer jump up.
"AH YEAH! I'M ALL FIRED UP!" Natsu roars, blasting fire out of his mouth. Not paying attention to where he shot it.
"AH NATSU WATCH IT! YOU'RE GONNA SET ME ON FIRE!" Lucy smacked him.
"Hahaha! Your hair is on fire Lucy!" Happy laughed. The blonde celestial mage started panicking and running around screaming while everyone else watched with various sweat drops.
Chapter End
Chapter 39: DragonThing Z Kai
Chapter Text
Chapter 44: DragonThing Z Kai
Erza beamed at her mini group in front of her as she boasted about a Goku to her friends.
Jellal and Kagura were steadily trying to not shatter the cups of tea in their hands as Erza praised Son Goku. Silently swearing to kill the bastard if they ever met him. Minerva on the other hand yawned as she listened to Erza preach about Goku. She was only here, because Sting and Yukino dragged her along. However, Millianna had something on her mind as she squeezed Happy between her breasts(The other four managed to escape).
"He sounds just like Natsu," Millianna brought up, not knowing the consequences of those words.
And just like that both Jellal and Kagura swore to kill Natsu later. The fire dragon slayer shivered as a chill went up his spine.
"You ok Natsu?" Sting asked, his idol.
"Eh? O-of course I'm ok! I'm all fired up to watch more!" Natsu pumped himself up.
"Then, I'm fired up to watch with you Natsu!" Sting copied Natsu's exact motions. Yukino and Lucy sweatdropped at the two hyper dragon slayers.
"I'm glad you could make it, Yukino. I'm not sure if I would've been able to handle two of them," Lucy smiled at her fellow Celestial mage.
Yukino clasped her hands with Lucy. "I'm glad I could be of help, Lucy. Still, I'm excited to watch this show with you guys. You've made it sound so exhilarating," Yukino exclaimed.
On the other end of the guild Gildarts is hugging Cana tightly, crying his eyes out. "My sweet daughter! I'm so happy you're willing to invite me!" Gildarts cried out.
"What do you mean invite!? You could've just shown up on your own!" Cana shouted back at him. The loving father just cried harder, and the equally loving daughter slapped him.
Gajeel and Rouge looked at one another, nodding their heads, and turned towards the screen. Levy just sweatdropped at the weird greeting the two slayers had.
"Meredy, I'm so happy you could join us!" Juvia exclaimed and hugged the pink female.
"I'm happy to be here with you guys too!" Meredy hugged the water mage back. Gray hanged back to avoid the hug, until one of Juvia's water tendrils grabbed and pulled him into it.
"It's good to see you too, Meredy," Gray smiled, as he struggled in Juvia's embrace. The water mage, smiled blissfully at all the hugging.
The quad of Exceeds all sat on a table, happily ignoring Happy's pleas for help. "So, you guys said, this show is good right?" Lector asked the Fairy Exceeds.
"Frosch, wants to know too!" The pink one raised his paw.
"It's...something special," Carla phrased. She didn't exactly want to praise it too much.
"You'll just have to watch it for yourselves," Lily said.
"Fine, but it better be worth it," Lector pouted.
"Frosch, thinks it will!" Frosch patted Lector.
"Ok everyone! I'm starting it up!" Mira announced, and jumped back towards the audience. Those who were new were a bit anxious to see what everyone else was so excited for as the lacrama activated.
[DISCLAIMER]
FREEZA: This is a parody-BUY THE F**KING SHOW!
The newcomers were taken aback by the sudden foul language. Turning their heads to see everyone else wasn't so shocked by it.
Minerva however smiled gleefully. "I might actually like this."
(cut to Goku in Wukong Hospital staring at the people staring at him)
P.A.:(faintly)Paging Dr. Bender... Dr. Bender...
KRILLIN: Let's go to space!
"Oh, it's another recap. Well, this will at least show you guys the previous arc," Levy explained.
"And we get to see that Super Saiyan thing, Natsu was talking about!" Sting replied, happily. Jellal's and Kagura's faces turned serious at the realization of seeing Goku's "Coolest moment".
(Kami's ship is seen flying off into space)
[KAI OPENING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Dragon Soul!
(cut to Krillin, Gohan, and Bulma flying through space)
KRILLIN: Going to Namek!
"You've done it already," Romeo said.
(shift to the spaceship floating in front of Fake Namek)
GOHAN: Is that Namek?
"No, Gohan we're not going there again," Lucy gagged. Yukino looked at her friend confused.
"Did something bad happen there?" Yukino asked.
"Just...very weird and questionable things," Lucy gave the vague answer.
KRILLIN: No.
(shift to the spaceship floating in front of a mystery ship)
GOHAN: Is that Namek?
"That's a spaceship," Erza corrected.
"He's five," Mira reminded Erza.
KRILLIN: No.
(shift to the spaceship floating in front of Namek)
GOHAN: IsthatNamek?
"YES!"
KRILLIN: Boo-yah!(the trio land on Namek)This place is boring!
"It looks really beautiful though," Meredy noted.
"I agree," Lisanna gave a thumbs up.
GOHAN:(notices a space pod)Is that a Saiyan pod?
KRILLIN: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!
(cut to Vegeta arriving on Namek. Krillin's screaming can be heard faintly in the background.)
"Is he always so annoyingly loud?" Minerva's eye twitches.
"Yes, yes he is," Laxus answered.
VEGETA: I'm on Namek now!
"We can see that, oh glorious one," Evergreen rolled her eyes.
CUI: Hey, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Hi, Cui.(blows up Cui)Bye, Cui.
"He's gonna be, trouble isn't he?" Jellal asked.
"You don't even know half of it," Erza sighed.
(cut to Freeza)
FREEZA: Hello. I'm Space Napole-Hitler. Give me the thing.
"Don't know who those two are, but those names fit Frieza perfectly," Levy said.
MOURI: No!
FREEZA: Give me the thing.
MOURI: No!
FREEZA: Kill his kid.(Dodoria fires a mouth blast at Cargo, who dies and gives off a Wilhelm scream)Give me the thing.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" The newcomers glared harshly at Frieza for his actions. Deciding that they don't like Frieza at all.
Gildarts tightened his hold on Cana, bringing forth more protests from the alcoholic woman.
MOURI: Here.(hands Freeza a Dragon Ball)
FREEZA: Good. Kill him.
MOURI: But the thing!(Dodoria snaps Mouri's neck, killing him)
"Monster," Kagura spat, venomously. Millianna squeezed Happy for comfort, making the poor exceed plead for mercy.
FREEZA: Other kid.
GOHAN: NO!(kicks Dodoria in the face while Krillin grabs Dende)
KRILLIN: Quack!(they both fly off)
"Gohan my pride and joy!" Mira clapped, joyously.
"And Krillin," Elfman added.
"Yes, and Krillin," Mira responded.
FREEZA: What the space fu-
(cut to Krillin and Gohan fleeing)
KRILLIN: Think we're in the clear!
"Krillin! What did we say about talking!" Lucy shouts, frustrated.
KRILLIN:(Dodoria appears behind them)We're all gonna die!
GOHAN: Use your Solar Flare!
"Son Gohan, the voice of reason," Gray smirked.
KRILLIN: Oh, I do know that.. SOLFLAH!(blinds Dodoria with an image of Lanipator dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter being briefly seen)
"WHAT WAS THAT!?"
DODORIA: UGH! BITCH!(gets knocked to the water)UGH! DOUBLE BITCH!
"Didn't know she was describing herself?" Gajeel jokes.
"WHAT THAT'S A WOMAN!?" The newcomers gagged.
VEGETA: 'Sup, Chubbs McKenzie? Any last words before I kill you?
DODORIA: I have a thick... meaty... vagin*…
The guild becomes dead silent as Dedoria's words sink into their minds and a cursed image starts taking shape. Majority of the mages almost threw up and Minerva would've left immediately if Erza didn't pin her to the seat.
(Vegeta is shown with darkened eyes, deeply disturbed by this revelation, and kills Dodoria. Vegeta then closes his eyes and begins to heave.)
"Did the universe a favor, and that better be the last time Dedoria appears," Gajeel said, deeply disturbed.
(cut to Gohan and Krillin)
GOHAN: We're alive!
"Frosch is glad!" The frog exceed, smiled.
KRILLIN: But they have the thing!
GOHAN: We have a thing.
DENDE: My name is-
KRILLIN/Natsu: Little Green!
(shows Dende with a Borderlands-style intro screen, showing the text "White Mage" and "Little Green")
"Is it really?" Rouge asked Gajeel and Levy.
"No, it's Dende," Levy replied.
DENDE: MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!
(cut to Freeza)
FREEZA: Dodoria's dead?!
"Completely eradicated," Bickslow laughed.
ZARBON: Mmm.
FREEZA: Vegeta! Get him!
ZARBON: Mmm!
(cut back to Krillin, Gohan, and Dende)
KRILLIN: We're stayin' here! Gohan, look after Little Green!
DENDE: Hey.
KRILLIN: Bulma...! Do not do anything for this entire trip!(Bulma nods)Good!
"Bulma was way out of her comfort zone here," Lucy pointed out.
"Doesn't change the fact that she did nothing, but complain the whole time," Laxus responded.
(cut to Vegeta holding a Dragon Ball)
VEGETA: Found me a thing!(throws Dragon Ball into a lake)Time to get more things!
"In hindsight, the Namekians should've made the dragon balls harder to find," Levy realized.
(Vegeta flies off only to get cut off by Zarbon)
VEGETA: Hey, it's the gay one.
"Is that an issue?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.
"No, sexuality isn't an issue at all," Erza patted Kagura on the head. The swordswoman blushed slightly at the affection.
ZARBON: Maybe I'm gay, or maybe stereotypes are bullsh*t. Mmm!(transforms into his monster form)puss*!
VEGETA: Oh, no!(gets attacked by Zarbon and the scene cuts to him inside a healing tank)
"Not the last words you ever want to hear before getting knocked out," Gajeel shuddered.
(cut to inside Guru's house)
KRILLIN: So who are you?
GURU: I am Guru.
The Fairy Tail members all visibly flinched when Guru appeared on screen.
KRILLIN: Oh, okay, well-
GURU: But you can call me Super Mega Ultra Alpha Omega Hyper Turbo…
"How about something shorter," Meredy pinched her fingers to emphasize her point.
"Just call him Guru," Gray told her.
NAIL:(gives Krillin a Dragon Ball)Just take the thing. He'll be at this for a while.
"Love ya Nail!" Mira winked, making her siblings sweatdrop.
KRILLIN: Woohoo!
(cut back at Freeza's ship where Zarbon and Appule watch Vegeta, who's still recovering from inside a healing tank)
ZARBON: Mmm.(Leaves the room, being promptly followed up by an explosion)Mmm!
"Mmm." Juvia copied, squeezing Gray and Meredy harder.
VEGETA:(tosses all of Freeza's previously-acquired DragonBalls out the ship)GRAB ALL THE THINGS!(laughs maniacally and leaps out the window)
"I forgot he lost his mind here," Freed sweatdropped.
(cut to Krillin and Bulma)
KRILLIN: I got a thing! Where's Gohan?
"Stealing another thing," Natsu answered.
(Vegeta appears, still laughing maniacally, and Krillin screams. Zarbon appears.)
ZARBON: Mmm.(transforms into his monster form)Mmm!(Vegeta puts his fist in Zarbon's stomach)MMM!
(Vegeta blast a hole through Zarbon's stomach-still laughing maniacally-and takes off with Krillin's Dragon Ball, still laughing)
Vegeta's laugh caught everyone off guard. Even those who knew how crazy the prince got couldn't help, but feel a bit afraid.
"Not sure if I've ever seen anyone more insane than him," Jellal watched the scene in shock.
"His crazy doesn't stop here," Gray responded.
KRILLIN:(stops screaming)No, seriously, where's Gohan?
"Did that entire scene not bother you!?" Yukino gasped.
(cut to Gohan, who has had the misfortune to encounter Vegeta)
GOHAN: Oh, hi, Vegeta-(Vegeta knees him in the stomach and begins laughing again as he takes off)
Fairy Tail all turned to Mira afraid that the She-Demon would snap again. Surprisingly, Mira sat in her seat calmly while humming a soft tune.
"U-ummm...You ok there sis?" Lisanna asked, hesitantly.
"Oh, of course. I'm just happy knowing what's going to transpire next," Mira smiled, chillingly. Everyone nervously shifted away from her again.
GOHAN: Still got his thing.
(Cut to Vegeta-still laughing mad-jumping into the water where he hid a Dragon Ball Gohan had just taken. Vegeta then bursts out of the water, screaming his lungs out.)
VEGETA:FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-(crashes the Adobe Flash plugin, which he then smashes through and flies off) -UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
The mages burst into laughter at Vegeta's rage induced scream.
(cut to Freeza)
FREEZA: Zarbon's dead!
MINION: Zarbon's dead.
FREEZA: F**k! Call the Ginyus.
"The who?" Jellal asked.
"The equivalent of the old Oracion Seis," Erza answered him.
"So a massive danger then?"
"Yes, just less serious."
MINION: 'Kay.(heard leaving the room)
FREEZA: Seriously, though, what is today?
"On a planet with three suns it is very hard to tell," Levy agreed.
(cut to Guru's house)
GURU: ...Bigger, Longer, and Uncut Guru.
"He was still going!" Meredy gaped.
"He does that," Juvia explained.
GURU:(sees Gohan)Oh, hello.
GOHAN: Why am I here?
DENDE: Why amIhere?
"Your safety is very important," Yukino nods her head.
"I guess his sanity doesn't really matter then," Rouge added.
GURU: Power up!(unlocks Gohan's hidden potential)
GOHAN: Will this actually matter?
"Not at all," Gajeel and Levy answered simultaneously.
GURU: Pro'ly not.
(Vegeta shows up and grabs Gohan by the scarf)
VEGETA: Hey, guys! You remind me of some assholes I'm gonna kill!
"Says the bigger asshole," Minerva rolls her eyes.
"Takes one to know one," Laxus muttered.
VEGETA:(Krillin freaks and Vegeta drops Gohan)There's no time for that, because the Ginyus are coming!(grabs Krillin)
KRILLIN: Okay, what?
"All of our reactions the first time," Lucy said.
(the Ginyu Force appear)
VEGETA: Right now!
CAPTAIN GINYU: Ginyu!
JEICE: Jeice!
BURTER: Burter!
GULDO: Guldo!
RECOOME: Recoome!
CAPTAIN GINYU: And together we are...
GINYU FORCE: THE GINYU F-(they are crushed beneath a spaceship)
"Not exactly what happened, but I'll take it," Lucy laughed.
"Aw, I wanted to see them pose more," Millianna pouted.
"I rather not," Minerva disagreed.
GOKU:(weakly)Hey guys, I made it!
"Goku's here!" Erza and Natsu cheered.
"Goku's here!" Sting and Frosch joined.
"Goku's here," Jellal's and Kagura's faces darkened.
(shows the wreckage of Goku's spaceship)
KRILLIN: Goku's ship killed the Ginyus! And he's out of commission. What are the odds?
"Very very high odds," Levy answered.
VEGETA: Put him in...the pod!
(dramatic music starts plays while the camera zooms on Vegeta face before cutting to Goku inside a healing tank)
GOKU:(thinking)I wonder if this will become a trend?
"It might," Lily guessed.
KRILLIN: Where's Freeza?
"Why would you want to know that?" Evergreen asked.
(cut to Freeza ripping off Nail's arm)
NAIL: AUUUUUGH!
The newcomers flinched, not expecting the quick gore.
(cut back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: Team Three Star!
VEGETA: That's not funny. It's never been funny! IT'S NEVER GONNA BE FUNNY!
"I still like the name," Wendy pouted.
VEGETA:(gives armor to Gohan and Krillin)Put on these clothes. Imma nap.
(cut to outside Freeza's ship where Krillin and Deande are right next to all seven DragonBalls and Gohan is on Freeza's ship)
KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan, I found the things! Wanna do the thing?
GOHAN: Sure, but when did Dende get here?
"I didn't think they'd say his actual name, but I forgot Gohan is actually a good child," Levy smiled.
DENDE: Hey.
(they summon Porunga)
GOHAN: So, what are we-
KRILLIN: Bring Piccolo back!
PICCOLO:(on King Kai's planet)YEAH!
KRILLIN: And bring him to Namek!
PICCOLO: NOOO-(gets transported to Namek)-OOOO!
The mages laugh at Piccolo's scream.
(cut to Piccolo finding Nail on the ground)
NAIL: Oh, hi!
PICCOLO: 'Sup?
NAIL: Wanna see something cool?
"Yes," Romeo answered.
PICCOLO: Eh, why not?
(Piccolo fuses with Nail)
PICCOLO: BWAHHHH!
(cut back to Krillin and Gohan)
KRILLIN: And for our last wish...
VEGETA:(appears and grabs Dende by the scarf)You'll give me immortality, or I'll murder his parents!
"About that part," Lucy chuckled, awkwardly.
DENDE: Joke's on you.
(Porunga's eyes go black and suddenly vanishes with all the Dragon Balls turning to stone)
VEGETA: Wait, am I immortal?
FREEZA: I don't know.Let's see…
"Did it suddenly get cold in here for anyone else?" Yukino shivered.
"Nah, I feel fine," Gray answered, making the Celestial mage deadpan at him.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Hoo-hoo-hoo, he's pissed!
VEGETA: Ha! I'm not afraid of you!
"His attitude this entire season," Gajeel pointed out.
(Freeza transforms into his second form, making a power-up sound effect from Super Mario Bros.)
FREEZA: How about now?
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Ha! Horny!
"You couldn't resist, huh?" Carla rolled her eyes.
(Freeza spears Krillin with one of his horns and proceeds to torture him, using Super Star theme from Super Mario Bros., before throwing him towards the lake)
"I didn't need to see that today," Kagura deadpanned.
FREEZA:(flipping the bird)All right, who's ne-(Piccolo sends him flying with a punch)
PICCOLO: I'm two guys now!
NAIL:('Sup?)
"Piccolo!" Wendy and Romeo cheered.
"Nail!" Mira cheered for the other green man.
GOHAN: Krillin, no!
KRILLIN: I'm okay!
GOHAN: What? How?
"Little Green healed him up good!" Natsu grinned.
DENDE:(appears next to Gohan)Hey.
(Freeza, now in his final form, fires a blast and kills Dende)
"I forgot that happened," The Fairy mages winced.
FREEZA: And this is my fourth and final form.
"Why did you skip the third?" Lector asked.
"Because it wasn't as cool," Lily answered.
KRILLIN: What happened to the third form?
VEGETA: I don't care what happened, because I'm a Super Saiy-
(Freeza takes Vegeta out in two blows and knocks him into the ground)
"Not feeling so 'super' are ya?" Gajeel laughed.
VEGETA:(starts getting choked by Freeza's tail)No, Freeza-dono, yamete!
FREEZA: I'm sorry, what were you on about before?
VEGETA:(in pain)I'm a Super Saiy-(Freeza punches him twice in the face)
"It's even more pathetic than the first time," Laxus observed.
FREEZA: Apologies, still can't make it out.
VEGETA:(hoarsely)I'm a Super Saiya-(Freeza throws him against a cliff and grabs him by the armor)
"Is it still wrong that I feel bad?" Wendy asked.
"Yes," Was everyone's reply. The blue slayer frowned at the responses.
FREEZA: And now to finish the-
GOKU: Hey, let that Vegeta alone!
"Is this where Goku gets cool, Natsu?" Sting asked.
Natsu slapped Sting in the face. "Fool! He's always cool!" Natsu huffed at him.
"You're right! Sorry, Natsu!" Sting apologized.
FREEZA: And what the hell is he?
VEGETA:(weakly)He's a Super Saiyan-(Freeza blasts him through the chest)
"He really was a broken record," Freed spoke.
"Emphasis on the broken part," Bickslow laughed.
GOKU: Oh, no! You...(Vegeta coughs up blood)
"Ok, now he's dead," Lily spoke.
GOKU: ...You killed Vegeta! You are so decked!(Goku charges at Freeza)
"Yeah! Go Goku!" Natsu and Sting cheered.
"Did flamebrain forget what happened last time?" Gray asked Lucy.
"Just let him have this," Lucy told him.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
YAMCHA: Hey, King Kai, can you teach us the-
KING KAI: NO!
"Sounds about right," Gajeel laughed.
"Really?" Rouge asked.
"Yes," Gajeel replied back.
(cut back to Namek with Freeza knocking Goku to the ground)
The mages(Except for two) winced at Goku getting beaten.
GOKU:(thinking)Dang it, nothing's worked. Better use that thing that always works!(raises both hands in the sky)
"It only worked twice," Levy thinks back to the movies.
FREEZA: Stop it.
GOKU: No.
FREEZA:Stop it.
GOKU: No!
FREEZA: STOP. IT.
(Goku blows a raspberry)
"He really is Natsu," Gildarts laughs at the comparison.
FREEZA: That's it, stopping it myself!(Begins charging up a Death Ball, with Piccolo's head popping up. Goku launches the Spirit Bomb at Freeza)What the-?
UNREAL TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCER: DOMINATING!
FREEZA:(extends both arms out)Eep.
"Cute noise," Millianna giggles.
(Shows an outside shot of Namek, with a white flash appearing on the planet. Cut to Goku, Gohan, Krillin, and Piccolo in Namek on an island)
GOHAN: You won, Dad!
"Gohan...don't you start too," Lucy shook her head.
GOKU: And we didn't even lose Krill-(Krillin screams and gets blown up)
"You guys keep speaking too soon!" Lucy whined.
GOKU: Aw, swizzlesticks.
FREEZA: JK, not dead. LOL.(blasts Piccolo in the chest)
PICCOLO: Augh! Right in the tit!(collapses)
"Do Namekians have boobs?" Millianna wondered.
GOHAN: P-Piccolo...(drops to his knees)Why... didn't... you... DOOOOOOOODGE!
"Gohan got payback. Just wished it was under better circ*mstances," Mira winced.
GOKU: This ruffles my jammies...! (transforming into Super Saiyan) HRRRRAU-! (squeaks, leaving GOHAN in shocked silence)
"That...was underwhelming," The newcomers all agreed.
"I-it was cooler in the actual episode!" Natsu and Erza blushed, a bit humiliated.
GOKU: Take Piccolo and leave.
GOHAN: 'Kay.
FREEZA: Okay, so what's going on here?
GOKU:(powers up)I AM A SUPER SANDWICH!(socks Freeza in the face)
"SUPER SANDWICH!" Natsu roared.
FREEZA: Ahh! Prick!(fires a huge blast into Namek's core)
GOKU: Uh-oh, spaghetti-(explosion)
Some of the mages laugh at Goku's reaction.
(cut to King Kai's planet)
KING KAI: Well, Goku's dead.
TIEN: Really?
"Nope," Levy replied.
KING KAI: Probably not.
KAMI:(telepathically)King Kai, we have the things.
KING KAI: DO THE THING!
"DO ALL OF THE THINGS!" Natsu shouted.
"Will you stop shouting, flamebrain!" Gray yelled.
"HUH!?" YOU SAY SOMETHING, ICE-STRIPPER!?" Natsu roared back.
"Both of you shut up now!" Erza commanded.
"Yes, ma'am," Both fire and ice calmed down.
(cut to Goku and Freeza on Namek, which is detonating around them)
FREEZA: Well, that didn't quite work like I-(notices Porunga)Wait, is that a dragon?
GOKU: Yeah.
"Why would you…" Carla stopped, before she got a brain aneurysm.
FREEZA: Bye!(speeds off towards the dragon)
GOKU: Wait!
FREEZA: Make me immortal!
PORUNGA: !nogard a m'I !uoy kcuF (During this, subtitles appear reading 'Or maybe you learn to speak goddamn Namekian')
The guild bursts into more laughter.
(everyone starts disappearing)
VEGETA: And I'm here, too-(disappears)
"And you're outta here!" Lisanna giggled.
FREEZA: What the goddamn sh*t just happened?
DENDE: Hey.(disappears as Freeza tries to kill him again)
"Your aim still needs work," Freed shook his head.
FREEZA: You f-(dog bark)-ked me! You f-(chicken sound)-ked me, you monkey f-(monkey screech)-k!
"The racist Frieza is back," Cana gurgled.
"He left?" Macao asked, skeptically.
GOKU: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.(Freeza bear-hugs him from behind)No, Freezer-dono, yamete!
"Goku keeps getting bear hugged," Lisanna huffed.
(cut to everyone else on Earth)
PICCOLO: Well, I'm confused.
GOHAN: It looks like the dragon brought every person on Namek to Earth!
"My smart, child," Mira cooed.
PICCOLO: All of them?
GURU: Hey, guys. Dying.
NAMEKIAN: Do you have any last words, sir?
GURU: I am hilarious.. and you will quote... everything...(starts vanishing)I... say...(completely vanishes)
"He's not wrong," Gajeel replies. He looks over to the children of the guild who are conversing about something.
NAMEKIAN: Ha. He'll be missed.
"Really?" Kagura asks.
"No," Was everyone's immediate reply.
(back on Namek with Freeza being seen getting knocked away)
GOKU: And bored. See ya!(flies off)
FREEZA: What?! Get back here! Kien-structo Disc!(throws Destructo Disk and immediately gets split in half)
"He misses everything, but himself," Freed sighed.
GOKU: So... which way's your ship?
(Freeza's severed hand lands next to him and points)
FREEZA:(weakly)That way...
(cut to Goku on Freeza's ship, repeatedly pushing the muffin button and laughing until Namek turns into a giant muffin)
….
"What..."
GOKU:(giggles)Yay!
(giant muffin explodes into millions of muffins)
"MUFFIN BUTTON!"
[KAI ENDING SEQUENCE]
GOKU: Dragon Soul!
(cut to a silhouetted figure in front of a computer with the DragonBall Z Kai Abridged logo on the monitor)
NAPPA: Aaaand... (click) unsubscribed.
"I thought it was pretty good," Millianna huffed.
"It was...satisfactory enough," Kagura replied, tsundere-like.
"I could stay to watch a bit more," Jellal answered, much to Meredy's delight.
"Thank you Jellal!" Meredy hugged him.
"It was enjoyable right guys?" Sting asked his guildmates. Minerva scoffed as her response, but her body language suggested she didn't mind watching more.
"I'll watch only if Frosch wants to," Rouge answered.
"Frosch wants to watch more!" The little exceed jumped.
"And I'll continue since Sting wants too," Lector folded his small arms.
"Then, that decides it! We'll continue to watch with you guys!" Yukino told Mira.
"With that decided, I'll press play," Mira told everyone.
Chapter 40: Something about Marron
Chapter Text
Chapter 45: There's Something About Marron
(cuts to a rainy area where the Spice Boys are approaching a group of innocent people)
OLD MAN: No! Please! Leave us alone! We were just renting this house! We never meant to-
(everyone get killed by the Spice Boys, who all bow down to Garlic Jr.)
"GARLIC JR!?" The mages from the first movie viewing shouted.
"Who?" Everyone else asked.
Levy cleared her throat to explain. "Basically he's this immortal demon child who is hell bent on killing Kami to avenge his father. In the first movie he used the Dragon Balls to become immortal and opened up this portal to the Dead Zone where his father was sent. He was defeated by Gohan and tossed into the Dead Zone," Levy breathed a bit heavily after her long winded explanation.
"Why would he open up the portal to the only thing that could defeat him?" Jellal asked.
"We...don't know," She told him.
GARLIC JR.:(thinking)Yes! Though this rain may wash these fools away, the blood that soon shall flow no storm shall meet the task! I will cover this world in a darkness so thick and chilly, the only rival shall be the hell in which I spent all those years. (shows a flashback of Garlic Jr. falling into the Dead Zone) Brace your bitter selves, you worms, for I, Garlic Jr., shall soon rule you all!
"Seems he learned how to become a poet in the Dead Zone," Lisanna giggled.
"Villains always seem to have a rhyming sense to their words," Millianna agreed.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to underwater)
DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR:In the great lakes near Mount Paozu, there is a breed of Pauzu tuna clinging at life in its saltwater habitat. Fished near to extinction by the inhabitants, they are slowly making headway back to a sustainable population. (shows Gohan swimming underwater and punching one fish out of the water, along with three more following suit) Oh, sweet salty Christ, no...
"He takes after his father in that regard," Erza sweatdropped.
"Eating an entire species out of existence," Gray agreed.
"Fish always taste good after fishing it yourself. Right Happy?" Natsu asked his partner. The blue Exceed was released by Millianna.
"Aye Natsu!" Happy replied.
(Gohan emerges from the water)
KRILLIN: Hey, Gohan! Goin' fishing?
GOHAN: Yep! With Dad gone, I'm the breadwinner now!
"Your dad made money?" Lucy raised an eyebrow.
"More, like Goku went hunting for a lot of their meals," Makarov explained.
GOHAN: What's with the weird clothes, Krillin?(shows Krillin wearing a fancy white suit)
KRILLIN: Ah-ah-ah! My name is no longer Krillin. My new name is Juan Sanchez.
"I don't want to question this. I really don't," Gajeel facepalmed.
GOHAN: I'm compelled to ask why.
"You really shouldn't," Laxus sighed, disappointed.
KRILLIN: Well, before we left for Namek, I took out a huge life insurance policy on myself, and left it all to my twin brother.
"You don't have a twin though," Wendy said, confused.
"He's lying, Wendy," Romeo tells the blue girl. Wendy's mouth formed an "O" shape in understanding.
GOHAN: But you don't have a tw- Wait, your last name's Sanchez?
"Guess, I can add that to the character log," Levy wrote the name down.
KRILLIN: And it paid off in triple because I died off-planet! They said, "Don't worry, there's no way you're gonna die out in space!" Showed them!
"But, you're alive?" Sting mentioned.
"He did say 'twin brother' just to trick the officials," Rouge told his partner.
GOHAN: Well, I'm still gonna call you Krillin.
"So, are we," Freed nodded his head.
KRILLIN: So, what do you think of my new ride?(shows a red car on top of a hill)
"You can fly. It's so unneeded," Romeo looked uninterested in the vehicle.
GOHAN: Eh, it's a nice car, I guess?
KRILLIN: Not what I was referring to.(Maron is seen stepping out of the car)
MARON: Juan! I broke a nail. Can I have a thousand dollars?
"Oh that motherf*cker," All of the women thought simultaneously.
"Anyone gonna mention that she looks exactly like Bulma?" Gray asked.
"Must be a throw away character," Levy answers, regaining her composure.
KRILLIN: You can have two! Gohan, I am an excellent boyfriend.
"More like an excellent tool," Kagura glared.
GOHAN: Krillin, how did you meet this woman?
KRILLIN: We met at the bank. I was there picking up my life insurance money, and she was there depositing her money from her night job. I think she's a waitress or something, because she was depositing a lot of fives and ones.
"That should've been a warning sign," Yukino stressed, messaging her temples.
"I don't get it," Romeo and Wendy said(Still too young to get it).
"And you shouldn't get it," Carla and Macao told the teens.
MARON: And me and my dear sweety little chestnut fell deeply, truly in love!
KRILLIN: She says I have a very rich personality…
"Emphasis on the rich part," Bickslow muttered.
MARON: And a wealth of knowledge!
"More like a wealth of fortune," Lucy rolled her eyes.
KRILLIN: And her boobs are as big as my head!
The women all glared at Krillin's perverted words, and all the perverts in the guild agreed with Krillin's assessment.
Wendy just frowned, looking down at her own "breasts".
GOHAN: I had made the comparison.
"And he's six now. Why are you talking about that around him?" Mira disapproved of Krillin's actions.
KRILLIN: So, you going to the party tonight?
GOHAN: I dunno. Mom wasn't a huge fan of that Walking Dead theme party.
WALKING ZED NARRATOR:Previously, on TFS' The Walking Zed...
(shows Yamcha biting Piccolo's neck, the latter screaming out in pain)
"THE HELL!?"
"Hm, seems like my type of party," Minerva smirked.
(cut back to Gohan)
GOHAN: But I think I can make it.
KRILLIN: See you later, Gohan!
MARON: Goodbye, Gonad! See you at Master Hoashie's!
"This woman…" Erza's eyes twitched in anger.
"How dare she get Gohan's name wrong," Mira seethed.
Both women's murderous aura started seeping through, making everyone sweat nervously in worry.
(Krillin and Maron drive off, with "Gold Digger" by Kanye West playing from inside the car)
GOHAN: Eh, say what you want. They're a good couple.
"No Gohan! They're a shame to all couples everywhere!" Mira shouted.
"They do say idiots flock together," Laxus pointed out.
(cut to Piccolo standing in the middle of a deserted wasteland)
NAIL:(You ever think about buying a house?)
"Doesn't he just live with Goku's family or a random wasteland?" Lisanna asked.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Oh yeah, let me get right on that with all that money I don't have.
"I've missed his smartassness," Gray chuckled.
NAIL:(Well, you ever thought about getting a job?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)I'm a green slug man. No amount of affirmative action is going to get me a job.
"If they refuse you, then they're racist. I'm sure you have some work ethics," Kagura reasoned.
"He beat up a 5 year old for half a year."
"His other half is God."
"He trained with another God.
"He died."
"Ok, anything not abnormal?" Kagura deadpanned.
NAIL:(If you say so. By the way, that old guy's been standing there for like fifteen minutes; maybe you should say something.)(shows Kami standing behind Piccolo)
"Kami sure has patience," Rouge said.
"It's Piccolo, so you gotta have lots of patience," Mira pointed out.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Ugh, fine.(out loud to Kami)What do you want, Kami?
KAMI: Mr. Popo's kicked me off the lookout for the night. Apparently he has a "booty call".
"Oh, lord," Lucy groaned.
(cut to Kami's Lookout at nighttime, with bed rocking sounds being heard inside)
JYNX: Jynx! Jynx! Jynx!
MR. POPO: Shut up, bitch- you love it.
Those familiar with Popo felt chills up their spines. Those who weren't familiar with Popo could only watch the scene with mild uncomfortableness.
(cut back to Piccolo and Kami)
KAMI: Last time he did this I found five corpses. He laughed when I said "five".
Millianna attached herself to Kagura in fright. "How could such a being exist!?" Kagura questioned, instinctively reaching for her sword.
"Wait till you've actually seen him," Levy shuddered.
PICCOLO: Well, what do you want from me?
KAMI: I was hoping I could stay at your house.
"He doesn't have one," Mira informed.
"I'm sure Chi-Chi will allow you to stay," Lisanna brought up.
PICCOLO: I don't have a house!
NAIL:(See? What'd I tell you?)
PICCOLO: Shut up, Nail!
KAMI: Is someone in there?
"The other Namekian that loves annoying Piccolo," Laxus said.
NAIL:(Hello, Kami!)
PICCOLO: He can't hear you.
KAMI: Actually, I can.(telepathically to Nail)Hello, there. Who are you?
"Forgot he was telepathic," Makarov mused.
NAIL:(I'm Nail. I'm a Namekian Piccolo fused with on Namek.)
KAMI: You do know that technique is forbidden, Piccolo.
"Why?" Levy inquired.
PICCOLO: Your FACE is forbidden!
"Nice comeback!" Natsu smiled.
NAIL:(Sadly, that was the best one up here.)
PICCOLO: SHUT IT, NAIL!
The mages laughed at the Namekians.
(cut to Kame House, with the radio playing "American Woman" by Lenny Kravitz)
BULMA: So, nice of you to bring your new girlfriend here, "Juan".
"You guys are really sticking with this shtick," Gajeel said.
YAMCHA: Yeah, not gonna lie, at first we kinda thought you brought home a hooker.
"He did," The guild spoke, unanimously.
BULMA: Yamcha!
YAMCHA: Well, we did.
KRILLIN: I can assure you that my darling beautiful Maron is no hooker.
MARON: Well, that depends. Sometimes I take extra cash in the back room, but those were always under the table, so I don't think they count.
"I want her to get every STD possible," Minerva growled.
YAMCHA: How much extra?
"Burn in the deepest parts of hell," Kagura glared.
MARON: How much ya got?
YAMCHA: Well, I am a professional baseball pla-(gets knocked aside by Bulma)Ahh!
"Thank you, Bluma!" The women cheered.
BULMA: Okay, first off, no one screws Yamcha but life.
"True," Gajeel agreed.
BULMA: Second of all, blue hair? Real original.
"Tell her my blue hair, sister!" Levy clapped.
BULMA: Third, Juan, don't you have any other friends you can take Maron to meet?
KRILLIN: Well, we saw Gohan earlier, but he was busy pounding the tuna.
"Please word that very differently," Mira stressed.
KRILLIN:(everyone minus Maron stares at Krillin)What? With Goku gone, Chi-Chi needs someone to do it.
"PLEASEword that differently," Mira stressed even more.
KRILLIN:(Master Roshi starts chuckling off-screen)We also stopped by Korin and Yajirobe's, but...
(cut to Korin's Tower)
KRILLIN: This brunch is delicious, Yajirobe!
YAJIROBE: Thank you, I cooked everything myself.
MARON: So, if you two had babies, would they be little fat men or kitties?
"WHY IS THAT A QUESTION!?"
"I do wonder though," Natsu ponders. Lucy smacks him in the head for even thinking about it.
KRILLIN: And we are leaving!
KORIN: Probably fat kitties.
"And Korin gave us an answer," Natsu said.
(cut back to Kame House)
KRILLIN: I don't think I'll be taking her back there again.
"You should just leave her all together," Yukino advised.
(cut to later and the gang is celebrating while "Happy Birthday" by Weird Al Yankovic plays on the radio)
EVERYONE: Happy birthday!(everyone clinks a drink in the air)
TURTLE:(tearfully)Thank you! Thank you all so much for remembering my one thousandth birthday! And for this marvelous cake!(shows a gigantic cake on the table ignited with at least one thousand candles at once)
"Happy Birthday!" The guild shouted for Turtle.
MASTER ROSHI: Isn't that thing kind of a fire hazard?
"Roshi's asking the real questions," Romeo said.
GOHAN: Well, of course, Turtle. You're our very best friend!
OOLONG: My birthday was last week, and I didn't get a party…
"I'm sorry, Oolong," Wendy apologized. Nobody's birthday should be forgotten.
YAMCHA: You've been there for us from the very beginning!
OOLONG: Anyone remember when I saved the world from Pilaf...?
"You did what from who?" Levy asked.
CHI-CHI: Like a member of the family, I say!
OOLONG: Seriously, I live upstairs…
"I guess the pig is just dinner," Gildarts said.
MARON: Oh, my gosh, someone got whoever's birthday it is a turtle! Can I have a turtle?
"Wendy, stay in school," Carla advised, sternly.
"Uhhh...sure?" Wendy didn't understand the concern.
KRILLIN: Sure!
MARON:(sees Turtle)Oh, can it be this turtle?
KRILLIN: Of course!
TURTLE: Wait, what?
KRILLIN: Turtle, be my wingman on this one. If I get some, I swear to God I will send you pictures.
"I'll be damned if Krillin loses his virginity to a woman so hot," Wakaba said, to himself.
TURTLE: Deal.
MASTER ROSHI:(still worrying about the burning cake)Seriously, maybe we wanna blow this out before something catches on-(fire ignites his beard off-screen)Ahhh! My beard! My glorious beard! No!
"Not the beard!" Makarov held onto his own beard protectively.
(Cut to nighttime where everyone is sleeping upstairs. Krillin is seen on the front porch looking up at the sky.)
TURTLE: Hey, Krillin. What are you doing out here? Why aren't you upstairs sleeping with your girlfriend like everyone else?
"That does say a lot," Meredy mutters.
KRILLIN: Oh... Hey, Turtle. I'm just up thinking to myself.
TURTLE: What'cha thinkin about?
KRILLIN: It's just... I'm not sure if Maron loves me for who I really am. It's all presents and traveling and caviar and…
"Why are you now realizing this?" Mira sighed.
"I do feel bad for Krillin. I'm sure there's a woman out there who could truly care for him," Lisanna said.
TURTLE: Beluga?
KRILLIN: No, Paozu tuna.
TURTLE: Wow, that's rare.
KRILLIN: And it's just... I just don't know if she loves Juan... or Juan's money.
"Definitely Juan's money," Evergreen answered.
TURTLE: How much moneydoyou have?
KRILLIN: About 5.7 million.
"HHHHHUUUUUUHHHHH!? THAT'S SO UNFAIR! I COULD PAY OFF ALL MY RENT WITH THAT! HOW COME I DON'T HAVE ALL THAT MONEY!?" Lucy ranted, stomping angrily.
"Because of Natsu," Happy answered.
"I KNOOOOWWWW!" Lucy sobbed into the table.
TURTLE: Didn't you get me a gift card from the Gap?
KRILLIN: Not what we're talking about!
TURTLE: Okay, look. If she really does love you for who you are, then you have to tell her the truth. Open up to her, it's the only way.
"That's right, Turtle," Erza nodded her head.
"If she doesn't like you for who you are then dump her into the middle of the ocean to drown," Minerva advised.
KRILLIN: Are you sure that'll work?
TURTLE: Well, if it doesn't, you could always get her a giant pearl.(music stops)What? Bitch is a gold digger.
"He's not wrong," Macao sweatdropped.
(cut to Krillin and Maron walking in a city, with Krillin carrying a ton of presents)
MARON: Okay, first we're gonna go buy Lush because all of their soaps look like cakes and I wanna eat them!
"Please choke on one," Evergreen threatened.
MARON: Oh, and I hope you remembered to make those reservations for L'Anus Serré at 7:30; I hear they're very uptight.
"Heh..anus," Natsu giggled.
KRILLIN:(thinking)Man, can I really go through with this? She seems so happy... (looks at Maron's butt)
"Damn she has a nice ass!" Gildarts complimented. Cana smacked him in the head.
"Shut it you old perv!"
KRILLIN:No! No, Krillin! Stop focusing on that perfect, heart-shaped pillow of an ass! Tonight, you will tell her; and then you will tap that! Please tap that...!
"You won't," Gajeel stated.
(cut to Krillin and Marron walking in a beach at sunset)
MARON: Oh, my God, I just love nice walks on the beaches. Oh, do you think if I swim out far enough, I'd reach Australia? Oh, my God, can we go on a Sandals vacation?
KRILLIN: Listen, Maron... I need to talk to you.
MARON: Oh, don't worry, Juan-Ton, I made the reservations for you, so you don't have to worry about it.
KRILLIN: Actually, I... need to come clean. See, my name isn't actually Juan Sanchez. It's... Krillin.
"Way more unique than Juan," Wendy huffed.
MARON: That is a silly name. *gasp* I'll call you Krilly-Billy!
KRILLIN: That's not everything... You see, all this money I own is actually from my own life insurance policy. From when I died. On another planet. Blown up by an evil space emperor but was then brought back to life by a magical dragon.
"Ya know when you say it like that, I'm surprised his agents believed him," Freed said.
MARON: Uhhh-huh.
KRILLIN: But what I really want to ask Maron is... do you love me for me, or do you just love me for my money?
MARON: Ohh, Krilly-Billy. Of course I don't just love you for your money.
"Huh?"
KRILLIN: Y-You really mean that?
MARON: I never loved you at all!
"And that makes a lot more sense," Juvia sighed.
KRILLIN:(falls over to the ground)Oh...(gets up)Well, can we at least still try the sex stuff?
"Really?" The women deadpanned.
MARON: No, Krillin, you don't understand! I was never really your girlfriend. See, I'm with the States Fraud Bureau and you just confessed to a LOT of insurance fraud; which I recorded.(Krillin's jaw drops on the ground)
"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?"
"I never saw this twist coming," Levy's jaw dropped.
KRILLIN: Wait, you have a recorder on you? Where?
MARON: In my boobs!
"Dammit! The one place men are never meant to reach!" The pervs cursed.
"I've touched Lucy's boobs all the time. I don't see the issue.," Natsu shrugged his shoulders. The blonde celestial mage slapped him in the head.
"DON'T WORD IT LIKE THAT!"
KRILLIN: Curses! The one place I couldn't reach! I'm going to prison, aren't I?
MARON: Well, normally you would, but do you have any idea what they'd do to guys like you? No, you'll just have to pay back everything you owe.
"Krillin would be the strongest in the prison though," Romeo said.
"Physically? Yes, but personality wise…" Macao coughed into his hands.
KRILLIN: Wait, what about all the money I spent on you?
MARON: You'll just have to pay that out of pocket!
KRILLIN: BUT I DROPPED OVER 500 GRAND ON YOU!
"And that's why you spend your money wisely kids," Mira looked towards the two teens.
"Yes Mira!"
MARON: Honey, I work for the government. I never claimed to be a good person.
Erza side eye'd Jellal and he had the decency to look away embarrassed.
(Krillin Owned Count: 29)
(cut to an outside shot of Kame House)
KRILLIN: And that's why I need a place to stay.
MASTER ROSHI: Heh, I'll go blow up the air mattress.
KRILLIN: I do have to admit though, it's nice being a free man again. No women nipping at my heels... Know what I mean?(a plane arrives at the island with Chi-Chi jumping out)
"You keep doing this thing with your mouth, Krillin. Stop talking too soon!" Lucy yelled.
CHI-CHI: All right, I demand to know who has been spreading rumors that I've been forcing Gohan to, and I quote, "Pound my tuna"!
"Run Krillin!" Happy yelled.
KRILLIN: Look, Chi-Chi, if it really upsets you, we'll all take turns pounding your tuna, okay? But only if we get to eat it together.(Master Roshi chuckling loudly off-screen)
"She's married...to an idiot, but she still married," Erza responded.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Kami's Lookout where Mr. Popo is humming and watering pot)
MR. POPO: Hm?
(The Spice Boys start wreaking havoc all over the lookout, laughing and even destroying the pot Mr. Popo was watering, before stopping in front of the entrance and kneels down to Garlic Jr., who's walking outside the entrance.)
"I completely forgot about them," Levy blinked in surprise. Everyone else agreed about forgetting Garlic Jr.
GARLIC JR.: *chuckles* The view hasn't changed a bit!
MR. POPO:(unfazed)Clean that up.
"Oh...no…"
GARLIC JR.: I beg your pardon? Have you any inkling in that simple little head of yours who you're speaking to?
"You might want to stop," Lisanna pleaded.
MR. POPO: Oh, please, do go on.
GARLIC JR.: I am the usurper of this proud throne your worthless guardian holds so dear. I am Garlic Jr., returned from the wretched abyss known as the Dead Zone. And I have come for what's rightfully mine-(a black substance starts wafting up into his face)What's going on? I don't remember releasing the Black Water Mist just yet- Oh, god! No! Augh, get it off me!
(Garlic Jr. and the Spice Boys all scream in terror as the camera zooms up to Mr. Popo's eyes and Garlic Jr. is last seen falling into a dark abyss. Kami arrives at the lookout.)
All of the mages freeze in terror at the scene in front of them. All of the newcomers have all agreed that Popo is the most terrifying creature in existence.
KAMI: Mr. Popo, I'm back, and I- oh, my me! What happened to the lookout?
MR. POPO: Oh, don't mind this, Kami. I just had a bit of Italian for dinner.
KAMI: What does that have to do with-
MR. POPO: 'CAUSE IT WAS NOTHIN' BUT GARLIC!
"A very anticlimactic ending," Freed chuckled, nervously.
Chapter End
Chapter 41: Dragon Fool Z Kai
Chapter Text
Chapter 46: Dragon Fool Z Kai
(cut to Kame House, where Master Roshi, Yamcha, Bulma, Oolong, Puar, Krillin, and Maron are standing back as Gohan is consulting with Chi-Chi)
GOHAN: Mom...(camera takes shots of each of the characters' shocked faces)This is an intervention. We love you. We all support you, but your manner of raising me has been too strict, and too harsh.
"Oh my god, he said it," Lucy gaped.
"I think she's been raising him just fine. I taught Natsu the same way she raises him and he turned out just fine," Erza justified.
The mages turned their heads to the shivering Dragon Slayer, and doubted Erza's words.
GOHAN: Like my new tutor.
(cut to flashback)
TUTOR:(while cracking whip at Gohan's back, while Gohan is studying)LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! ARE YOU LEARNING YET?
"WHAT KIND OF MOTH-" Lisanna and Elfman quickly cut their sister's rant off.
GOHAN:(turns around)I don't know. Did Caligula get his comeuppance?
TUTOR: GOOD! IT'S WORKING!
(the Tutor continues to whip Gohan's back more)
TUTOR: LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! LEARN!
Mira's muffled screams of rage terrified most of the mages.
"Sis, it's not actually hurting him!
"He's too MANLY to be hurt by some whip!"
She listened and heard her sibling clear enough to calm down. However, she still wanted to rip the "tutor" apart.
(Gohan sighs)
GOHAN: I know that you love me. But it seems your only way of expressing it, is theoretical math, and organic chemistry.
Lucy sympathised with Gohan. Remembering how her father was before he changed.
GOHAN: So please, put the tiger mom back in the cage, and then maybe, Dad will come home.
"I think he'll come home if he smelled her cooking," Gray said.
(Chi-Chi slaps Gohan, knocking him out)
"WHAT KIND OF MOTH-"
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(however, the opening sequence is immediately cut by a caption displayed in white on a black background, displaying "DBZ ABRIDGED KAI II.9")
(scene changes to Kami's Lookout)
KRILLIN: And that's why we're on The Lookout, but it kinda seems like you've got another thing going on.
(camera shows the Spice Boys)
"Wait, I thought Po-I mean the scary creature of darkness beat these guys," Millianna questioned.
"Must be a type of what-if," Freed shrugged.
SPICE: We are the Spice Boys. So stop, and move over. Because we are about to spice up your life! I am Spice.
"Very creative," Gajeel said, sarcastically.
VINEGAR: Hey. Name's Vinegar.
"Just like Garlic Jr.'s last henchmen. They're named after things that you put on food," Natsu thought back to the other guys.
TARD: And my name is...(pauses, face morphing to an embarrassed expression)...is Tard.
"Um...You wanna repeat that?" Rouge raised an eyebrow.
KRILLIN: Excuse you?
TARD: Like "mustard"! Come on, guys! Please don't make a big deal out of this! It's cultural, okay?
"You could just say "Mustard" and avoid all of the confusion," Sting pointed out.
VINEGAR: Pfft, I shorten Vinegar all the time, but you don't hear me calling myself N-
"WOAH!"
SPICE: Vinny! Dammit, you're going to get us all in trouble again. Don't make us kick you out like we did with Baby Spice.
(flashback to Baby from Dragon Ball GT, AKA Baby Spice)
BABY SPICE: Whenever I get out of town on business, I like to do my research on where I'm going. What are the local hot-spots, the bar scene, the age of consent; make the best of my time, y'know?
"He looks like some evil baby doll," Yukino described.
"I think I had one like that before," Lisanna thought back to her childhood.
(cut back to present)
ENEMA: And I'm Enema.
(cut to a scene from the movie Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi)
ADMIRAL PIETT: It's an older reference, sir, but it checks out.
"Too old for me to understand," Romeo said.
(cut back to Kami's Lookout, to where a figure is walking out of the building)
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Wait. Is that...?(figure reveals to be Garlic Jr.)Garlic Jr.! Weren't you trapped in another dimension never to escape?
"He was, and still no answer to how," Levy frowned.
GARLIC JR.: Yes. I escaped.
"Yep, that explains it all," Levy gave up.
KRILLIN: Oh no!
GARLIC JR: Quite. And now, I've captured Kami, and released the Black Water Mist upon the planet.(holds up a glass container containing Kami)
"At least they didn't kill him," Juvia sighed in relief.
"That means, Piccolo is all good!" Wendy cheered.
KAMI:(muffled)It's actually something Popo's been fermenting for a couple hundred years. He says it's great for vape pens and butt chugging.
Visible disgust rolled throughout the guildhall.
"I didn't need to know that information," Laxus glared.
"None of us did," Makarov gagged.
GARLIC JR.: Ew.
"Even the villain agrees," Makarov said.
SPICE: And now, with the help of the Makyo Star, we're going to wipe out all of the Earth's defenses.
GOHAN: Please, we got Piccolo, and he'd beat up Second Form Frieza. What are you gonna-?
(camera views Piccolo struggling with Spice, growling like a dog)
"PICCOLO ISN'T OK!?" Wendy screamed in worry.
"He looks worse than usual," Mira tried to hide her smirk.
"Is he on some type of drug?" Gildarts asked, confused at the sight.
GOHAN: Oh great. He's on bath salts too.(Piccolo continues growling like a dog)
"So he is on drugs!" Gildarts, cheered at being right.
"We should be way more concerned about that," Rouge sweatdropped.
ENEMA: Time to get the sh*t out!(tackles Gohan, knocking him out)
"GOHAN!"
KRILLIN: Gohan!
(Tard punches Krillin in the gut, long moment of silence)
KRILLIN: f*ck!(passes out)
"KRI-Yeah that seems normal," Lucy sighed.
TARD: You and I are gonna have a realgas.
KRILLIN:(recovering)The long-term effects of mustard gas on soldiers in World War II was horrific. Why would y-?
"I don't think he meant something as awful as that," Carla winced.
(Tard grabs Krillin's head, then slams it into his knee, then the other, then the other, eleven times before kicking his face, knocking him down)
"You were that offended by the joke!?" Yukino gasped, horrified.
KRILLIN:(grunts in pain)AW, FINALLY!(lands on the ground)
TARD: By the way, it was World War I.
"Yeah, but the sequels are remembered more," Levy brought up.
KRILLIN:(recovering)Right, I know. You just, like, you start saying "World War", and you kinda want to say "II". Y'know, it's like withTerminator. Everybody knows there's a first one but everybody's always talking about the seq-
(Tard fires an energy wave at Krillin, electrocuting him)
"Thank god, somebody cut him off," Laxus smiled.
KRILLIN: WAUUUUUGH!(faints)
GOHAN: Krillin! Oh my God, are you okay?
"He's been through worse," Gajeel, waved the concern off.
KRILLIN: Man. I'm glad we skipped this the first time.
"Oh, so this is an extra," Levy realized.
GOHAN: Well where's Vegeta? He can help us.
"He's in space and he would help kill you," Lily explained.
KRILLIN: Apparently, he went out to space to find your dad.
"He was that lonely," Gajeel mocked.
(cut to Vegeta on another planet)
VEGETA: Alright. I've checked everywhere except for the planets Yardrat and Vampa. Wait a minute... Am I floating in space? Man,(chuckles)it's a good thing I'm in a part of the galaxy where there's air.
"THAT EXISTS!?" Levy shouted.
(cut back to Kami's Lookout)
ENEMA:(towards Tard)So I told the bitch, "Don't worry! Once I'm all up in your guts, you're gonna feel fresh and clean!"
"Ewwww!" Meredy gagged.
GOHAN: HAAAAH!(fires an energy wave at Enema)
ENEMA: HOLY sh*t! UUUUUUUGH!
(Gohan's energy wave catches Enema, who disintegrates)
"Good kill, brat," Minerva laughed.
TARD: Enema! Noooo!(turns to Gohan)I mean, we actually hated him, so I'm not really heartbroken over it, but I've been using his HBO Go account, and while I'm not intoGame of Thrones, I'm really enjoyingSilicon Valley-
GOHAN:(fires an energy wave from midair at Tard)HAAAUGH!
(Gohan's energy wave catches Tard)
TARD: f*ck!(disintegrates)
"And you can watch your shows in hell," Bickslow laughed, maniacally.
KRILLIN: Holy sh*t, Gohan. Did you just kill two people?
"I'm pretty sure he's killed Frieza soldiers. This shouldn't be a surprise," Laxus shrugged.
"Yeah, he was going to kill an enemy at some point," Freed agreed with his idol.
"That doesn't make it right," Erza disagreed.
GOHAN:(fiercely, powering up)I now have a taste for blood!(flies down to Garlic Jr.)
"Don't you always, my sweet child," Mira supported Gohan's bloodlust.
GARLIC JR.: Why are you like that, though?
VINEGAR: Spice, release the co*kehead.
"Please, don't do that," Lucy begged.
SPICE: Sic 'em, boy!(releases Piccolo)
PICCOLO: RAUGH-!
(fourth wall break, as the "video" pauses)
(camera pans a view over Kaiserneko sitting at his computer, working on the script for "Garlic Jr Kai")
The mages were unprepared for the sudden fourth wall break. Taking in the appearances of the show's writers
KAISERNEKO:(turns to his cast crew)Guys, what should we do with this scene?
LANIPATOR:(rises from his seat, high on cocaine, speaking rapidly and growling)We-should-do-a-"Dodge!"-joke! We haven't done one in forever. People f-f-f-f*cking love them, and we made the goddamn shirt! WE f*ckING DO IT!(slams his fist on his cocaine, spraying white powder all over him)
"Is that cocaine!?" Carla shouted.
"Everything suddenly makes sense now," Freed laughed a bit.
"Back up a minute...they made shirts? I want one," Natsu whined.
"I can make you one," Mira offered and the dragon slayer bounced happily. Mira was then bombarded by other offers for shirts to be made(Which she happily agreed to).
KAISERNEKO:(shakes head)Maybe? I don't know. Kurt, what do you think?
(Kaiserneko and Lanipator turn to Takahata101, who is drinking wine from its box. Takahata101 puts a thumbs-up in agreement)
The mages laughed at the scene.
KAISERNEKO: Alright. "Dodge!" joke it is.
LANIPATOR:(cheering)f*ck YEAH!(knocks the wine box from Takahata101's hands, who retaliates by slapping Lanipator across the cheek)DAUGH!
The laughter increased even more.
(cut back to the Lookout)
PICCOLO: DODGE!(punches Gohan in the face)
Mira's laughter ceased immediately.
"That's the third time he's been hit in the face this episode," Lisanna whispered as to not draw her sister's attention.
GOHAN:(flying from the blow)AUGH!(lands on hard ground)
(Gohan is hardly able to recover)
GARLIC JR.: Good. Now choke him. Choke the sh*t out of him!
"No! Don't choke the sh*t out of him!" Wendy refused.
"Language!" Carla reprimanded. Wendy puffed her cheeks in defiance, which made the white cat glare at her.
(Piccolo grabs his hands around Gohan's neck)
GOHAN:(straining)Harder...!
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah!"
"Woah….I don't get it," Natsu shrugged. Everyone forgot their shock to facepalm at his words.
PICCOLO:(surprised)Woah!
GARLIC JR.:(surprised)Woah!
VINEGAR:(surprised)Bro!
SPICE:(surprised)What?!
KRILLIN:(surprised)Jesus, what?!
"Our reactions exactly," Gajeel responded.
GOHAN:(straining)Fight it... harder, Mr. Piccolo...!
"Oh, thank God," Everyone released a breath of relief.
PICCOLO:(relieved)Oh. Thank Kami.
GARLIC JR.:(relieved)Oh good, good. Back to the choking, then.
"No no, that's still pretty bad," Levy said.
PICCOLO: Nah. It's weird now. You made it weird, Gohan.(releases Gohan, then kicks him away)
"He has been around Krllin a lot," Gray pointed out.
PICCOLO: Now I'm hungry.(picks up Krillin)
"Stop eating people!" Lucy screamed.
KRILLIN: Wait. Wait! WAIT!
(Piccolo chomps on Krillin's back)
KRILLIN:(sexually aroused)Mmmm...!
The mages burst into laughter at Krillin's face.
KRILLIN:(gets thrown out of the Lookout by Piccolo, falling)Yeeeeeeeeeeeee...t!
GOHAN: Please, Mr. Piccolo! Don't let the Black Water Mist control you!
"It's not. He's just on drugs," Macao said.
SPICE: No, no. We gave him cocaine. Did you not hear us?
"No, he didn't," Juvia answered.
GOHAN: ...Wha-?
SPICE: It's a spice.
VINEGAR: Spice of life.
"He's not wrong," Wakaba agreed.
"Don't do drugs kids," Everyone looked at the fourth wall at the same time before turning back to the screen.
KAMI:(muffled)Mr. Popo leaves it lying around. I made French toast the other week, and it was a bad time. Well at first, it was a good time. Very productive day, but then... it wasn't.
"Sounds like every sunday morning for me," Gildarts responded.
"Sounds like every hangover for me," Cana downed more beer.
GARLIC JR.: ...I want some co*ke-toast.
(Piccolo swats Gohan in front of Spice and Vinegar)
GARLIC JR.: Alright, Piccolo. Make like an anti-vaxxer and murder this child!
"Aaaaaannnnnndddddd he ruined it. He ruined it and I'm no longer interested," Minerva spat.
SPICE: Getting a little heavy-handed with the social commentary, aren't we?
VINEGAR: Art should be controversial, man.
PICCOLO: Actually, hold on. Wanna see something gross?
"Yes," Romeo answered.
GARLIC JR.: I don't really do gross.
"Your face is gross," Meredy said.
(Piccolo squeezes his neck, spurting purple fluid)
"Ewww! Is that his blood!?" Yukino gagged.
"Yes, that's his blood," Lucy answered, also disgusted.
GARLIC JR.: Oh God, guy, what are you-?
(Piccolo squeezes his neck more, spurting out more purple fluid)
GARLIC JR.: Oh-Oh no-No-No don't-I-I can't-I can't do gro-
(Piccolo does two hard squeezes to his neck, squirting out a lot of purple fluid)
GARLIC JR.: I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up!
"You and me both," Lucy's face turned green.
(a stream of purple fluid is bursting out from Piccolo's neck, having Garlic Jr. vomiting)
GARLIC JR.: Blaaaagh!
SPICE: Hey, Vinny? I think the co*ke's worn off-(gets kicked by Piccolo, being knocked back)
"And that means Piccolo is back!" Wendy pumped her fists.
PICCOLO:(growling)More! I need more!
"Or maybe not," The girl chuckled nervously, lowering her arms.
SPICE: Alright, man. Jesus. I-I'm sure there's more around here somewhere-
(Gohan tackles Spice to a horn on the wall, impaling him)
"JEEZ GOHAN!"
"Suddenly, I'm interested again," Minerva grinned, happily.
PICCOLO: NOOOOOOO! MY COCAIIIIIINE!
"There are more pressing matters than your co*ke addiction," Mira said.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, I've had one intervention today, and I will NOT have another!
"And that one ended very well," Lily said.
VINEGAR: Ugh. Okay, this place is killing my high. I'm out.(stands up to leave)
"He may be the smartest henchman ever," Gajeel laughed.
(camera shows Garlic Jr.'s disappointed face, as sounds of footsteps and a door opening and closing can be heard)
GARLIC JR.: ...Are you f*cking me right now?!(fists soften)You know what? Fine. I'm a strong independent demon who don't need no henchmen.
"Then why have them in the first place?" Evergreen asked.
(Garlic Jr. powers up with a Mario power-up sound effect, then jumps in front of a surprised Krillin)
GARLIC JR.:(deeper, more fierce voice)Imagine my shlong in this form!
"NOPE! I DON'T NEED THAT IMAGE!" Lucy screamed.
KRILLIN:(aroused)Mmmmm...!
"STOP GETTING AROUSED!" Lucy screamed at Krillin.
GOHAN: Oh, God. He's giant and immortal! There's literally no way to defeat him!
"Unless he summons the one thing that can beat him," Jellal said.
GARLIC JR.: That's right, f*ck-boys! Now behold...
(a huge spot in the sky, revealing an abyss in the rift)
GARLIC JR.: ...the terrifying abyss that is the Dead Zone!
The sounds of multiple facepalming could be heard.
GARLIC JR.: For banishing me before, you shall suffer that same gruesome fate forever! And...(eyes widen)Wait... Did I...? I just did it again, didn't I?
"Yes! That's why you think before doing it!" Erza directed her eyes in Natsu's direction. The Dragon Slayer shivered in fear at the feeling of irritation aimed at him.
GARLIC JR.: I literally just did the exact same thing that got me an L last time! What am I doing? This is exactly what my therapist told me not to do!
"I'm really happy to hear you got therapy," Lisanna clapped.
KAMI:(having somehow escaped)We're very happy of you for seeking help.
GARLIC JR.: I'm doing it for me, but I appreciate the support.
"Good job," Wendy smiled.
GARLIC JR.: Anyway, nobody move. Nobody do anything. I'm going to close it up, and then I'm going to let my immortality wear you down, and-
(Garlic Jr. gets a bullet lodged into his forehead, causing him to faint and become sucked into the Dead Zone again. Camera pans to reveal Alucard, who is holding his two guns)
"WAIT WHAT!?"
ALUCARD: Kept you waiting, huh?(roster shows Alucard posing with the caption "Alucard Goes For a Walk!" with the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate theme playing)
"SO COOL!" The immature members yelled. Rouge admired Alucard's attire and presentation.
(cut to Goku's house, where Gohan is sleeping at his desk)
"Huh...are we sure that apple didn't have permanent effects?" Levy asked, concerned.
GOHAN:(wakes up)Uhh!(sits up at his desk)What did I just watch-I mean... dream? Wow. I certainly wouldn't like and subscribe to that. Or hit the bell icon to stay updated with notifications. Definitely wouldn't check out any either.
"Woooooow."
(Gohan is suddenly lashed in the back by a whip)
TUTOR: NO SLEEPING DURING YOUR LESSONS!(continues lashing at Gohan)LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! LEARN! LEARN!
"WHAT KIND OF MOTH-"
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
CARLEEN MORRIGAN: Hello. You're listening to ZPR. I'm Carleen Morrigan, and tonight, we're joined by Vinegar, author of this year's bestselling novel:The Fault in Our Makyo Stars. Now, in this book, you refer to yourself as "The Big Dumb Stupid One". Why is that?
"Ooohhh! Book interviews!" Lucy and Levy squeal.
VINEGAR: Because at the time, that's the role I made for myself, y'know? Or rather, allowed other people to make for me. Too often, we fall into the preconceptions laid out by society, because we don't know anything else, right? That's what this book is about. It's about changing who you are, and hopefully, those around you.
The Fairy Tail mages all smiled at Vinegar's words. It was always nice to see a villain turn over a new leaf.
CARLEEN MORRIGAN: And do you feel bad about all the people you massacred in your conquest throughout space?
VINEGAR:(sighs)To paraphrase Alexander Pope, if I may: "To err is demon; to forgive, divine." And I believe we are not the sum of our past mistakes, but rather the direction of our future.
Gajeel, Minerva, Laxus, and Jellal took those words personally. Gildarts thought back to when he didn't know Cana was his daughter. Unhappy over the years that he missed, but happy to be here for her now. Lucy thought back to her dad and how much he changed before his passing.
CARLEEN MORRIGAN: Wise words from not a big dumb stupid man. Thank you, Mr.(bleep).
VINEGAR: Oh wow. Um... It's "Vinny", actually.
"Vinny is a great guy," Makarov spoke, and everyone else agreed with him.
Chapter End
Chapter 42: Battlefield Ee-arth
Chapter Text
Chapter 47: Battlefield Ee-arth
(cut to Capsule Corporation in West City)
BULMA: Hey, Yamcha. Thanks for coming by and picking up the rest of your stuff.
"Finally kicking the waste out huh?" Gajeel perked up.
"Be nice! This is a delicate time for most people," Levy slapped his arm.
YAMCHA: Hey, no problem. I mean, didn't have to, you know, throw out most of it…
"You were dead," Cana spoke, nonchalantly.
"Is that really a good excuse to dispose of someone's belongings?" Meredy asked.
"If it concerns weak willed men? Then, yes," Cana answered.
BULMA: Eh, you were dead and it was taking up space.
OOLONG: Much like your corpse.
"Just setting the guy ablaze," Sting winced.
"They don't really act like friends," Lector said.
"Frosch thinks so too!" Frosch frowned.
YAMCHA: Ha-ha. Ah, where did you bury me anyway?
BULMA: Bury?
(shows a shot of Yamcha's corpse, still decaying in the pit he died in, with buzzing sounds being heard off-screen)
"They are definitely not friends," Yukino finalized, folding her arms with a huff.
"Even for me that's a bit harsh," Minerva shook her head.
OOLONG: So, Bulma. How's the single life treating you?
BULMA: It's been nice, actually. Had a dream about Vegeta last night…
"Sounds sweet...even though it's Vegeta," Mira said to her sister. Lisanna nodded her head in agreement.
"Bulma and Vegeta do seem like a perfect fit," Lisanna responded.
"True love in the making!" Juvia agreed.
YAMCHA: You slu*t!
"Why are you offended? You guys aren't even dating anymore," Gray said, not understanding.
"Even extinguished love burns within the broken hearts," Juvia spoke, sagely.
BULMA: We were walking in a park...
YAMCHA: You slu*t!
"Calling her that is rude and disrespectful," Erza glared.
"Especially since you cheated on her and ruined your relationship in the first place," Lucy added.
BULMA: Okay, first off, we're not even dating. Second of all, I don't even like him. (Vegeta's spaceship is seen falling in the distance).
"She's lying," Mira and Lisanna said, simultaneously. The Take-Over sisters could smell love from a mile away.
BULMA: Third, he's probably running out of fuel soon, so God knows if he'll ever make it back here.
"Well, you're right about one of those things," Carla sweatdropped.
(Vegeta's spaceship crash-lands in Capsule Corporation)
VEGETA: I'm back, bitches!
"Get ready to meet Gajeel's favorite," Levy whispered to Rouge. The Shadow slayer's ears perked up at the info.
"He's not my favorite!"
Levy ignored him and continued talking. "I'm kinda jealous, because Gajeel just spends a lot of the time in front of the mirror quoting Vege-"
"SHUT IT LEVY!"
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Bulma, Yamcha, Puar, and Mrs. Briefs in front of Vegeta spaceship)
MRS. BRIEFS: Sweetie, roll out the cot! I think we have a visitor!
"And I doubt he'll be leaving again," Mira smiled to herself.
(Vegeta begins to exit the spaceship)
DR. BRIEFS: (off-screen) Is he colored?
"Ignoring the racism, he is part alien," Jellal answered.
MRS. BRIEFS: I'm not sure, I never open my eyes!
"I've glued my eyes shut before," Natsu thought back to his childhood.
YAMCHA: Hey! You've got a lot of nerve coming back here!
"Could say the same about you, but Bulma's already made that apparent," Freed shot back.
VEGETA: Oh, a valet. Neat. I'm not tipping.
"Seems space hasn't lessened his asshole tendencies," Macao sweatdropped.
YAMCHA: Don't you remember who I am? We fought when you landed on Earth!
"You died to a Saibaman. This is the first time the two of you have ever conversed," Levy deadpanned.
"So, he didn't even fight the main opposition?" Minerva asked.
"No, he didn't even get to fight. He died the exact moment he arrived," Erza explained.
"Hmph, pathetic," Minerva chuckled.
VEGETA: No, I fought Kakarot- Nappa fought everyone else. Well, except for that one scrub who got killed by a Saiba-(stops himself and remembers who Yamcha is and begins to laugh hysterically)
Minerva joined in on the laughter.
YAMCHA: Oh, yeah!? I dare you to come over here and laugh at me!
(Vegeta lands right in front of Yamcha's face)
"Not so tough now, huh?" Gajeel snickered.
"Don't bite off more you can chew," Makarov shook his head in disappointment.
VEGETA: Ha. Ha. Ha.
YAMCHA:(nervously)Yeah, see, now we can laugh together.
"Don't piss yourself now," Bickslow giggled with his babies.
BULMA: Okay, seriously, we have enough to clean up without a pool of Yamcha's urine. You, come with me.
"Ooooo!" Mira, Lisanna, and Juvia giggle together.
VEGETA: What? Why?
BULMA: Becauseyouneed a shower; I could smell you from East City.
"Probably smells like Natsu everyday," Lucy grumbled.
"I don't smell that bad Lucy," Natsu whined.
"You smell worse than a burning corpse in expired fish, Natsu," Happy responded.
"WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SMELLS LIKE!?"
VEGETA:(starts muttering to himself)...smellyoufrom East City...(continues muttering)
"I'm sure Bulma smells wonderful," Wendy imagined.
YAMCHA:(thinking)Yeah, you better run…
"Say it to his face why don't ya?" Macao laughed.
"Preferably with clean pants!" Wakaba joined his friend.
(cut to Vegeta taking a shower at Bulma's place)
BULMA: Hey, I'm setting out some new clothes for you and I'm gonna wash your armor!
"Oh come on! Show us more!" Cana drunkenly throws a bottle at the screen. Wendy, Lucy, Juvia, Yukino, Lisanna, and Meredy blushed; Turning their eyes from the nude saiyan male. The other women looked at the scene either used to seeing naked males or were perverted enough.
The men were unbothered besides the perverts who wanted to see naked women.
VEGETA: Fine, but be careful! Those are dry-clean only!
BULMA: Whatever!(puts Vegeta's jumpsuit in the washer)
"You have to give armor the proper care or else they become unusable!" Erza berated Bulma's carelessness.
VEGETA: No, seriously! They lose their elasticity!(Bulma is already gone)Hello?
(cut to the balcony)
KRILLIN: So, Vegeta's living here now? That's neat.
"Where do you live?" Meredy asked.
"With a perverted turtle hermit," Gray answered.
YAMCHA: The man single-handedly responsible for murdering most of the entire gang is taking a shower in the other room. "Neat" is not the first word that comes to mind.
"Again, that was Nappa. Vegeta didn't kill anyone on Earth," Levy corrected.
BULMA: Okay, so I just got a look at Vegeta's ass, and besides being surprisingly nice.
"Another point for Vegebul!" The love trio shouted.
"You guys are really committed to this," Evergreen sweatdropped.
"Of course! Romance is always a beautiful subject!" Mira swayed.
"Just like the romance between my Gray and I," Juvia hugged Gray tighter.
BULMA: he's got this weird hole.
"His butthole?" Natsu asked, aloud. His question disgusted everyone around him.
"No dumbass! The spot his tail used to be!" Gray yelled.
"What did you call me, Ice-sh*t!"
"You heard me, Fire-Crotch!"
"If you two don't shut up, then I'll break you in half!" Erza threatened. Making the boys sit down.
YAMCHA: Uh, yeah. Even boys have those, Bulma.
BULMA: No, you idiot! I mean a hole above that one!
YAMCHA: ...You mean he's a chick?
"Dumbass," Laxus insulted.
VEGETA:(from inside the shower)Earth Woman! Where's the cleansing powder?
"The what?" Romeo asked.
BULMA: We don't have that here. We have soap.
VEGETA:(from inside the shower)The hell is soap?
"How do you not know what soap is?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.
"Seems not everyone in space uses the same terminology as us," Jellal answered.
BULMA: It's that yellow block there made of animal fat.
VEGETA:(from inside the shower)That sounds awesome !(takes a bite and then splutters)This tastes nothing like what you just said!
"Why was eating it your first instinct!?" Lucy was baffled.
"I did that," Natsu told her.
"Nobody is surprised and I'm sure Goku did the same," She deadpanned.
YAMCHA: Okay, I changed my mind, this is pretty neat.
VEGETA:(from inside the shower)Is that the beta-male?
Everyone spat out their drinks in laughter.
BULMA: No, Krillin just got here!
"Damn, she doesn't hold back," Sting whistled.
VEGETA:(from inside the shower)Oh, God, they're breeding! I swear, the only thing I hate more than weaklings is the color pink!(is heard turning off the shower and getting out before noticing the new set of clothes Bulma left for him)AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
The laughter increased even more at Vegeta's screaming.
(cut to King Cold's ship approaching Earth)
KING COLD: There it is; the home of the brute who dared laid hands on my darling little angel.
"Oh! We're finally advancing with the plot," Levy grinned.
FRIEZA: Yes, daddy.
"Frieza's looking more metal than before," Gajeel observed.
"Yeah! Like, a Mecha-Frieza!" Natsu exclaimed.
"That's the dumbest thing I've eve-
"Mecha-Frieza it is then!" Levy wrote down the name into her notes. Gajeel pouted from being cut off.
KING COLD: What a pretty little blue pearl it is. What was it called? Ee-arth?
"Ee-arthland," Millianna copied, giggling.
FRIEZA: Actually, it's pronounced Earth, daddy-daddy-daddy-daddy.(shorts out on one ear)
"That's some patchy work there, Mecha-Frieza," Sting mocked.
KING COLD: Really? But there's an "a" in it. I'm just going to keep calling it Ee-arth.
"But you added two e's," Wendy pointed out, confused.
FRIEZA: It doesn't really matter anyway. Soon, it will have a brand-new name: Vacant Lot.
"Because he plans to kill everyone," Happy said.
"Yeah, we totally couldn't guess that," Carla, rolled her eyes.
(cut back to the balcony on Earth)
VEGETA: Son of a bitch!
YAMCHA: What, still ticked off about the shirt?
"Without a doubt," Gajeel responded.
VEGETA: No, I'm-well, yes actually, I'm absolutely livid-but that's not the point! That idiot Kakarot failed! Frieza's still alive!
"And I'm still asking how he survived a planet explosion while being half-dead," Levy huffed.
(cut to Tien and Chiaotzu in the wilderness)
TIEN: Chiaotzu, do you feel that? There are two enormous power levels approaching the planet!
CHIAOTZU: Yeah, see... Last time this happened, I blew myself up.
"Try not to do that this time," Lisanna warned.
TIEN: Yeah, I was gonna ask you to hold off on that this time.
(cut to Piccolo destroying some glaciers)
NAIL:(See, now we just have to carve out an area, and then we'll start building the- hey, do you feel that?)
PICCOLO: Frieza?! NOOOOOOOOOO!
"Gonna have to hold off on that house construction," Lily said.
NAIL:(Okay, I'm right here- please stop yelling!)
"Stop hurting Nail's ears," Mira frowned.
(cut to Gohan at his house on the phone with Krillin)
KRILLIN:(over the phone)Oh, God, Gohan, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him, it's him!
"PTSD is a real pain for most," Jellal sighed.
GOHAN: Krillin, calm down! Now, are you sure it's him?
"Gohan, you've fought the guy. You should definitely recognize his energy," Erza spoke.
(shifts to Krillin on the phone at Kame House)
KRILLIN: Gohan, once you've had a man inside of you, youknowwhen he's coming!
"Change your phrasing!" Lucy yelled and Cana laughed loudly.
(shifts back Gohan at his house)
GOHAN: Mom, where's my Saiyan suit?
(cut to Vegeta at Bulma's place)
VEGETA: Woman, where is my Saiyan suit?
(back to Gohan's)
CHI-CHI:(off-screen)It's under your bed!
GOHAN: Thank you!(puts on his armor)
(back Vegeta)
BULMA:(off-screen)It's in the wash!
VEGETA: You bitch!
"Why did you expect her to listen to you?" Gray asked, the Prince.
"Bulma is a free spirited woman!" Kagura supported.
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, Vegeta, Yamcha, Tien, and Chiaotzu all flying off and arriving at the spot where Freeza is expected to land)
VEGETA: All right, judging by how quickly his power level is closing in, he should be here in about...
YAMCHA: Hey, so I need to talk to you about Bulma.
"This is not the time," Yukino frowned.
VEGETA: You cannot be serious!
YAMCHA: Look, we're not dating anymore, but still, she's a really close friend and-
"Time and place, Yamcha!" Makarov disapproved.
"You're all about to get killed, there will be a better time for this," Gildarts also disapproved.
VEGETA: You are actually doing this right now?
(Bulma arrives at the area)
BULMA: Hey, guys!
"Why is she here?" Laxus said, exasperated.
"You'd think she'd learn from Namek, but she's stubborn as a bull," Freed sighed.
"Just like Vegeta!" Juvia sang.
VEGETA: Oh, great, and she's here, too! Why don'tallyou idiots just start showing up?
KRILLIN: Hey, Vegeta!
VEGETA:(off-screen)I was f**king kidding!
"That's why you should watch what you say," Lucy wagged her finger.
(Tien and Chiaotzu arrive at the area)
YAMCHA: Tenshinhan! Chiaotzu!
TIEN: Huh. Looks like we got here in time. Oh, hey. Vegeta.
VEGETA: What?
TIEN: Nice shirt.
"Hm...now that I think about it. That is a nice shirt, I'll get you one Gajeel," Levy smiled, evilly.
"Huh!? I don't need something like that!"
"Gajeel in a pink shirt would be hilarious!" Natsu laughed.
"You have pink hair, you dumbass!" Gajeel roared back.
"IT'S SALMON YOU ASSHOLE!"
VEGETA: And there it is! Now all we need is the Namekian and we'll have the whole Potpourri of Pathetic.
"Then what does that make you?" Lisanna asked.
"A 'bad man'," Cana smirked.
PICCOLO: Uh, been here the whole time, actually.
VEGETA: Oh, what do you want, a medal?
PICCOLO: Nice shirt.
VEGETA: Kiss my ass, green man!
"I can see why he's Gajeel's favorite," Rouge tries to stifle his laughter.
"He's not my favorite!"
PICCOLO: Yeah, it's the kind of shirt that really screams- *gasps* He's coming!
"Is that supposed to be an innuendo or…?" Macao trailed off.
(Frieza's ship is seen arriving on Earth, flying above the group, and starts landing a far distance away from everyone)
KRILLIN: He's landing over there!
(the ship is seen backing up)
PICCOLO: Wait, now he's pulling back!
(the ship is seen moving forward)
"Parking troubles, every adult's nightmare," Wakaba rubs his forehead.
"They're in an open wasteland. Why are they having issues?" Romeo questioned.
KRILLIN: No, now he's...going back that way...(the ship keeps going back and forth)What's he doing?
(cut over to the ship landing in an area)
FRIEZA: Daddy, we can park anywhere we want!
"Agreed!" Romeo exclaimed.
KING COLD: Now, son, if this is anything like that jockstrap incident, we don't want to get boxed in.
"I still don't want to know," Lucy gagged.
(back over at the group)
KRILLIN: So has anyone else noticed that there are two power levels around the same strength on that ship?
VEGETA: Yeah, it's probably his dad.
YAMCHA: He has a father?!
"Everyone has a father," Makarov said.
PICCOLO: Makes sense. Everyone has a dad... 'Cept me.
"Oh," Wendy felt bad for the Namekian.
VEGETA: Ha! Your dad's dead!
"So, is yours," Erza said, disgusted at the behavior.
"He doesn't care," Laxus told her.
PICCOLO: So's yours.
VEGETA: Ha!
GOHAN: So, essentially, we have two opponents of equal strength that my father could only beat after fulfilling an ancient alien prophecy. Does anyone in particular know exactly what they're doing here besides trying not to LOSE IT?
"Unless Vegeta goes Super Saiyan or Goku suddenly appears, then yeah you're all dead," Freed spoke, gravely.
"Why not Gohan going Super Saiyan?" Mira asked him.
"I doubt he's strong enough," Freed answered. He regretted those words as he felt Mira's dark aura directed at him.
YAMCHA:(completely loses it)Guys, we are so screwed! I don't know what we're gonna do! I mean, this is completely crazy! Why did I come here again? We're going to die!(continues breaking down off-screen while the camera goes over to Gohan, Krillin, and Bulma's )I'm gonna die again! I don't wanna die again! Once was bad enough! Oh, my God...!
"Krillin's died twice, and he's not freaking out. Get a grip man!" Gray yelled, annoyed with Yamcha's rant.
KRILLIN: You know, if he weren't doing it, I would.
"At least you aren't," Laxus was thankful.
VEGETA: We don't need Kakarot or anyone else. You have enough badass Saiyan on your team as it is.
"Can you go Super Saiyan?" Freed asked, already knowing the answer.
VEGETA: Now, if you'll excuse me, you can all just sit on your hands while I go up there and take care of business.(the back of his pink shirt says "Juicy")
"Did his shirt just change words?" Kagura pointed.
"Wish my shirts could do that," Gildarts grumbled.
GOHAN: Or, maybe we could hide our power levels, sneak closer to them, survey the situation from up close, and perhaps catch them by surprise?
"My smart little boy," Mira cooed, happily.
VEGETA: (faces away from Gohan) Y'all are bitches.
"Says the little bitch himself," Gajeel called back to Namek.
(cut over at King Cold's ship)
KING COLD: Well, son, is this what you were expecting?
FRIEZA: My God, this is droll. We're so far out in the space sti-ti-ti-ti-ticks... There's not even a Space Radio Shack... Much less a Space Best Buy-Buy-Buy-Buy-(shorts out)Circuit City.
"Seriously, somebody needs to fix him," Sting said.
KING COLD: Are you all right?
"He's never been all right," Bickslow responded.
FRIEZA: Yes, daddy. Just processing.
KING COLD: And wouldn't you know it, no place to buy more RAM!
FRIEZA: But I won't lie, daddy. I'm absolutely ecstatic. When that filthy monkey arrives back on the planet, he'll return not to the smiling faces of his dear friends and family, but a total, unadulterated genocide!
Natsu growled at Frieza's words.
FRIEZA: Speaking of which, soldiers, the scavenger hunt will proceed as such: normal human heads are worth one point, Namekian heads are worth twenty, filthy half-Saiyan brats- fifty. And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate, full-blooded monkey garbage...you win! Well, off you go!
The mages all felt disgusted at Frieza's willingness to turn genocide into a sport.
KING COLD'S MEN: Yes, sir!
(a couple of King Cold's soldiers move out only to get cut down by a mysterious young man who floats down and lands in front Frieza, King Cold, and the rest of King Cold's men before sheathing his sword)
YOUNG MAN: So, how many points are those?
The entire guild sits in stunned silence at the scene before them before erupting into noises.
"THAT WAS SO FREAKING COOL!" Natsu, Sting, and Romeo cheered.
"That's not Goku," Freed pointed out the obvious.
"The question remains of who this young man is," Levy pondered.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
YAMCHA: Oh, my God, guys! I don't know what we're gonna do here! I-I-I can't do anything! This is completely insane! I can- I'm talking completely, totally out-of-your-MIND insane! I mean, look at the- look at those guys! I mean, I can't see them, but I can know they're there, and that's bad enough! I, I, d- oh, g- there it goes- there it goes, my pants! I can't believe- my pants are moist now! I mean, no, no, no, I'm a man. I'm a ma- OH GOD, I'M NOT A MAN ANYMORE! What does it matter if I'm a man, a woman, a monkey... *laughs* I'm talking nonsense right now…
"I'd wish you shut up," Minerva growled, annoyed.
FAULERRO: That literally dissolved into nonsense.
"Everything he says is nonsense," Laxus grumbled.
Chapter End
Chapter 43: Cold Cuts
Chapter Text
Chapter 48: Cold Cuts
(Cut to the gang on their way to Frieza and King Cold's location. The back of Vegeta's pink shirt currently says "Dum Cumpster".)
"Hehehehe," Canna laughed to herself.
VEGETA: All right, Frieza's just over this next formation. Now, before we move in, we need a plan. So here it is: all of you will attack from the front, and while you're being slaughtered, I'll flank him, taking him from behind and securing the kill! Ready? Break!
"At least he was realistic about part of that," Gajeel said.
"Who in their right mind would follow this plan?" Jellal said, unimpressed.
PICCOLO: No.
TIEN: Yeah, no.
"Thankfully, everyone isn't stupid enough to follow," Kagura spoke, relieved.
YAMCHA: Personally, I don't think Bulma should be here- a battlefield is no place for a lady!
VEGETA: And yetyou'resticking around.
"BURN!" The kids shouted.
YAMCHA: I'm serious! I worry about her safety! And as my close personal friend-possibly even bestie.
"You need to stop trying," Lucy said, exhausted from Yamcha's ass-kissing.
"It's not even funny anymore, Yamcha," Gajeel sighed.
YAMCHA: I think we need to consider...(Bulma grabs his ear)Ahhh!
"Thank you, Bulma!" Mira giggled.
BULMA: Anyone want to explain to Yamcha here what ten pounds of torque does to a human ear?
GOHAN: Rips it off?
BULMA/Mira: Very good, Gohan!
(Gohan, Krillin, Chiaotzu, and Puar all start laughing)
KRILLIN: Oh, we're gonna f**king die…
"At least he's not being optimistic this time," Lucy said, nervously.
"Just accepting death," Freed said.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Frieza and King Cold being confronted by the young man)
KING COLD: So is this him, sweetie? Is this the man who hurt you so?
FRIEZA: No, Daddy. This is a new one.
"Speaking for all of us here...besides the 'daddy' part," Macao said.
YOUNG MAN: So, you must be Frieza!(pronounces it as "Fry-za")
"Huh?"
"That's not how his name is pronounced," Levy said.
FRIEZA: Actually, it's Lord Freeza.
"No, that's still wrong," Natsu frowned.
"H-how?" Lucy questions.
"It's pronounced 'Freezer'."
"Shut up."
YOUNG MAN: Really? Then why is there an "i" in it?
"There isn't," Freed answered.
"Then, how come the author writes us saying the name with an 'i'"? Milianna asked.
"Huh?"
"What?"
FRIEZA: There isn't.
YOUNG MAN: Huh. Gonna have to fix that one when I get back, then.(Levy notes that)Anyway, I'm here to kill you!
"Wishing you the best of luck, young man," Makarov says, strongly.
FRIEZA: *chuckles* My, my. Not five minutes on this wayward rock and we already have a volunteer-teer-teer(shorts out)dead man!
"His own system corrected him," Gray noticed.
FRIEZA: Soldiers! Do your jobs!
STRAW: Lord Frieza, with all due respect...
FRIEZA: This sounds like insubordination!
"No, it sounds like he's using his brain," Evergreen said.
STRAW: He just turned an entire squad into a pile of limbs!
FRIEZA: And that sounds like it's not my problem!
"I mean they are your henchmen. So, it kinda is your problem," Lily responded.
"I'm sure they have more henchmen, but still the exceed isn't wrong," Jellal said.
CHAYOTE: Man, move your bitchin' bitch ass over, bitch!
"What an extensive vocabulary you have," Carla said, sarcastically.
CHAYOTE:(walks past Straw and scans the young man with his scouter)What, power level of five? sh*t, ain't nobody got time for that!(fires a shot at the young man who deflects it into a plateau)Well, that ain't right…
"No sh*t, dumbass!" Laxus yelled.
(the young man rushes forward and elbows Chayote in the face, knocking him into King Cold's ship)
YOUNG MAN: Consider that a warning! Either leave now or die!
"Being assertive, I like him," Gajeel smirked.
"Have to let your enemies know you're serious," Jellal agreed.
FRIEZA: Ooo, is that an ultimatum? I love ultimatums! Here's mine: either die to him or die to me!
"So, either way you guys are dead," Bickslow laughed, manically.
(King Cold's soldiers start rushing at young man before the camera goes black, with a couple of sword slashes being seen, and the young man is now seen standing in front of King Cold's men, who are all immobilized)
"Nothing happened," Wendy said.
"Give it a moment," Kagura tells the young Dragon Slayer.
FRIEZA: What... What just happened?
YOUNG MAN: Give it a second.
FRIEZA: No, really, they're just…
"Wait for it," Kagura speaks.
YOUNG MAN: No, no, hold on...(sheaths his sword and all of the minions keel over)
"SO COOL/MANLY!"
"He's really impressive," Erza and Kagura both noted the young man's sword skills.
"Quick and decisive, as to not let his opponents gain any necessary ground. Almost like a shadow," Rouge spoke with respect.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah, took me a whole three months to get that one down. They make it look a lot easier than it really is.
"I agree with him. Erza makes many techniques look very easy," Kagura nodded.
"It did take me a while to get many moves under control," Erza blushed, at the complement.
YOUNG MAN: Real hard part was that guy's armor.(the last minion standing gapes as his scouter breaks and some of his armor falls off)I ended up going through a dozen mannequins before I cinched that one.
"Should he really be having civil conversation at the moment?" Jellal frowned.
"He looks rather young, so I'm not surprised he's busy talking. Kids these days like to talk more than anything," Makarov explained.
"Us?" The mages of Fairy Tail turned to him.
"Yes you!"
FRIEZA: You missed a spot...(impales the minion with his hand)
"Yeah, he's pissed," Sting winced.
MINION: Lord Frieza... The f**k?(drops to the ground as Frieza takes his hand out)
"An accurate reaction," Lily said.
KING COLD: You know that was our last minion, right?
FRIEZA: Who cares? We have more at home.
KING COLD: No, I mean now we have no one to fly the ship!
"Are you that pompous that you can't fly yourself?" Carla said, with an eye rolled.
FRIEZA: I can fly it!
KING COLD: Son, we do not fly ourselves- flying is for the help!
"Boooo!" Happy yelled.
YOUNG MAN: So, uh, curious, what's with all the spare parts sticking out of you?
FRIEZA: Impudent little... These are not spare parts! What you are looking at is the ultimate culmination of science and nature!
"I've seen better," Laxus scoffed.
"And if you're the 'ultimate culmination of science' then science has really suffered in space," Levy replied, sarcastically.
YOUNG MAN:(looks away sarcastically)Oh, wow... I've... never seen that before…
"Hm?" Levy and Freed questioned.
FRIEZA: You know, the only reason you continue to breathe is because I need something to entertain me until the Super Saiyan arrives.
YOUNG MAN: Oh, really? Because if it's a Super Saiyan you're looking for... I can fill the part.
….
….
….
"WHAT!?" The entire audience did an entire double take.
"H-HOW!? The only Super Saiyans are Goku and Bardock! So, how are you one!?" Levy questioned.
"I think we're skipping over the fact that this kid admitted to being a saiyan. Which means that unless he's Turles' love child, then Frieza is terrible at extermination," Gajeel reminded everyone. The mages turn back to the screen in anticipation to see what happens next.
FRIEZA: What?!(the young man gives off a small smirk)*laughs* Oh, you hear that, Daddy? "I can fill the part." It's like a five-year-old trying to play police officer.
"Romeo made an adorable police officer as a kid," Macao thought back.
"DAD!"
"Or when Laxus would always dress up as me and pretend to be Guild Master," Makarov exposed.
"OLD MAN!"
KING COLD: Or like how you play Pretty Pink Princess?
FRIEZA: Daddy, not in front of the malcontent!
The dads in the guild all snort at the interaction.
KING COLD: But it's so cute when you do it!
(the young man begins powering up, undergoing a familiar transformation)
The anticipation increased as the young man started to power up.
"Come on...come on….come on," Natsu bounced with excitement.
FRIEZA: I haven't done that since I was eight-eight-ei-eight-(shorts out)my quinceañera.
"The ultimate science," Freed rolled his eyes.
(the young man starts yelling)
FRIEZA: What?!
KING COLD: Zounds!
(cut to Piccolo and Vegeta feeling the young man's power)
GOHAN: That's... that's my dad!
"Wrong blonde, but the power isn't far off," Lisanna said.
KRILLIN: Are you sure, Gohan?
GOHAN: Either that or we just felt Frieza's mom...
KRILLIN: Who here just thought of Frieza with boobs?
"Me," Natsu raised his hand and everyone looked grossed out at the thought.
"Dude, really?" Gray replied in disgust.
KRILLIN:(silence)Really? I'm the only one?
VEGETA: Yes!(thinking as the camera zooms in on him)He must never know…
The mages laughed at Vegeta's self-secret.
(back to the battlefield where the young man had just transformed into a Super Saiyan in front of Frieza and King Cold)
Mira paused the episode to allow everyone to take in the new Super Saiyan. Levy added the mysterious young man into her notes as the third Super Saiyan. Everybody else examined the features of the young Super Saiyan.
"Seems all Super Saiyans get those handsome green eyes," Evergreen observed with a smirk.
"Hey, Natsu! Another Super Saiyan is pretty cool right!?" Sting asked his idol.
"Hell yeah! Goku was so awesome as a Super Saiyan and Bardock was pure badass! Seeing another one is getting me ALL FIRED UP!" Natsu shouted.
"Welp, Mecha-Frieza and his dad are done," Laxus leaned back into his seat.
"Right! Nothing can stop a Super Saiyan!" Wendy and Romeo cheered.
FRIEZA: Those- those eyes... They're the same as...
(flashback of Goku as Super Saiyan on Namek)
GOKU:(distant whisper)Pizza…
"Even the galactic warlord gets PTSD," Jellal said.
(back in the present)
FRIEZA: No. No! NO!NO!(rises up and begins to create a huge energy blast)NO! Kill!(shorts out)Murder!(shorts out again)Destroy!(shorts out once more)EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
"That's a bit too much, don't you think!?" Lucy squeaked.
(Frieza throws the blast at the young man, which falls on top of him and digs into the Earth's surface. Frieza starts laughing crazily.)
"He's officially lost his mind...again," Levy sweatdropped.
"Bold of you to assume he was ever sane," Gajeel retorted.
KING COLD: All right, get down here. I'm going to call Space AAA and have them tow us, thank you very much!(Frieza lands and starts walking away from the blast, which suddenly stops descending)What?
"SUPER SAIYAN POWER!"
FRIEZA:(turns around)What!?
(Frieza's blasts starts rising up into the sky, with the opening lyrics of "The Circle of Life" from "The Lion King" being heard)
KING COLD: Frieza, what did you do?!
FRIEZA: Daddy, not now!
(the young man is revealed to still be alive and walks out of the crater while holding Freiza's blast above his head, causing Frieza to growl in anger)
"Mecha-Frieza really sucks at killing Saiyans," Gajeel laughed.
YOUNG MAN: Well, Frieza, looks like you dropped the ball!(Frieza glares at the young man and twitches)Dropped the ball.
"Don't keep making the joke," Minerva looked disappointed.
YOUNG MAN:(Frieza continues to glare angrily at the young man)Drrrropped the ba-
FRIEZA: Hrgh!(shoots a small blast into the huge one, causing it to detonate and create a humongous explosion. The gang nearby screams and ducks for cover)
"Trigger happy to a whole new level," Gildarts whistles at the damage/
(The camera then shows what's left of the area, which is now a humongous crater with the young man nowhere to be seen. King Cold lands next to Frieza.)
KING COLD: You almost destroyed the whole planet there.
"All because of his temper tantrum. No surprise there," Carla muttered.
FRIEZA: Sorry, I got a little bit carried away. Doesn't matter now, though. Our little Super Saiyan is dead-dead-dead-(shorts out)cadaverific.
(the camera shows the young man on top of a cliff and prepares another attack)
"You might want to check again," Kagura smirked.
YOUNG MAN: Hey, Frieza!
FRIEZA: What?
YOUNG MAN: You should split!(fires a blast at Frieza and King Cold, who both jump out of the way)
"They did split up!" Wendy cried, in surprise.
FREEZA: If you're trying to be clever, you're sorely lacki-(hears someone screaming and looks up in the sky)Huh?
(shows the young man above Frieza, holding his sword above his head while descending)
"OH! That's what meant," Wendy realized.
YOUNG MAN: Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!
FRIEZA: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!
FRIEZA: Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Aaaaaaahhhh!
FRIEZA: Aaaaaaahhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Aaaahhhh!
Natsu and Happy join in. "Aaaahhh-"
"DON'T START!" The mages yell at the two. Both partners slump dejected.
FRIEZA: Aaaahhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Aaaahhhh!
FRIEZA: Aaaahhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Aaaahhhh!
"Ok, this is taking too long," Evergreen sweatdrops.
FRIEZA: Aaaahhhh!
YOUNG MAN: Hi-yah!(attacks Frieza with his sword)
FRIEZA: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!
"Finally!" The Fairy Queen yelled.
(the blue screen of death appears on the screen before showing a diagonal cut, revealing that Frieza, with the BSOD in his eyes, has been cut in half by the young man)
The mages cheered at the sight of Frieza in two.
"Seems like Mecha-Frieza just couldn't make the cut," Gildarts jokes, which earned him a slap from his daughter.
KING COLD:(witnessing what just happened to his son)My baby boy!
"Your baby boy has once again tasted defeat," Rouge stated, with confidence.
(cut to the gang arriving near the battle)
KRILLIN: We're finally here! Where's Frieza-?(notices the young man, Frieza, and King Cold in the air)Oh... There he is...
(the young man proceeds to slash Frieza into tiny bits with his sword before obliterating him with a ki blast)
"And hopefully that's the last of Mecha-Frieza," Lucy hoped. Levy wrote in her notes of Frieza's defeat.Died against the Mysterious Super Saiyan Youth.
KRILLIN: And there... And there...(gets hit in the face by one of Frieza's organs)And here...(looks down at the organ)Is that his brain?
"Surprised it didn't disintegrate," Freed spoke.
(the young man spins and sheaths his sword)
GOHAN: Guys, I think that person is a Super Saiyan!
VEGETA: Like hell he is!
"Aw, look at him trying to protect his fragile ego," Minerva laughed.
KRILLIN: Spiky gold hair, incredible power...
VEGETA: You don't know that he's a Super Saiyan! Maybe he's Super Human, huh? Maybe you slackers just haven't been trying hard enough!
"There's only so much you can say to lie to yourself," Gajeel laughed, hysterically.
TIEN: Says thenon-Super Saiyan.
VEGETA: F**K OFF!(flies towards the battle)
The mages all burst into laughter from the exchange.
(cut back to the young man landing on the ground along with King Cold)
KING COLD:(angrily glaring at the young man)You murdered my princess...!(calmly)Oh well, you win some, you lose some.
"Excuse me?" Makarov asked, gripping his cane tighter.
YOUNG MAN: Children?
KING COLD: Yeah!
"A real father loves all of his children, no matter what," Makarov said.
"Exactly! That's why I love my Canna so much!" Gildarts hugged his daughter.
"LET GO, DAMMIT!"
YOUNG MAN: Okay, sorta thought you'd be a little more pissed...
KING COLD: Oh, blindingly so. Mind if I see your sword?
"No," Erza and Kagura answered.
YOUNG MAN: What? Why?
KING COLD: I just wish to hold it.
YOUNG MAN: No!
"Good answer," Erza smiled.
KING COLD: Oh, come on, be neighborly!
"You came to Earth to kill everyone. Out of everybody there YOU are the one who needs to be neighborly," Yukino said, angrily.
YOUNG MAN: I'm not your neighbor. I also think I hate you.
"We all hate him," Sting agreed.
KING COLD: Look, after what you did, I can fit what's left of my son into a meat pie- let me see your stupid sword!
YOUNG MAN: Eh, fine.(lobs his sword at King Cold, who catches it)
KING COLD: See? Nothing nefarious- I just wanted to inspect the craftsmanship... Admire the temper... Test its edge on you, you insubordinate hick!(attacks the young man with his own sword, who stops it easily with just one hand and starts powering up)
"And at that moment, King Cold realized he f*cked up," Gajeel said.
KING COLD: Uh... Still not sure if you hate me?
YOUNG MAN: Actually, that pretty much sealed it.(blasts a hole through King Cold's chest, knocking him next to a cliff)
"DAMN THAT WAS FAST!"
KING COLD: No! No, wait, please, I... We can make a deal! If you spare my life, I'll give you a planet! Three planets! Two and a half?
"Five planets and you have a deal," Minerva argued.
"Minerva!" Erza looked astonished.
"I'm just joking, Scarlet," Minerva waved her off.
YOUNG MAN: You just went down.
KING COLD: I'm a haggler...?
(The young man fires a blast at King Cold, obliterating him into atoms, and then fires another blast at his ship, destroying it. The gang is seen watching the explosion from afar.)
"And with that Frieza's family is no longer an issue," Levy said, while writing down King Cold's fate.
"I feel like we're forgetting something," Lucy wondered.
"Nah, I think we're pretty much cleared up," Levy answered.
KRILLIN: Good work, team!
"You guys were spectators, so yeah good job at not getting killed again," Romeo gave a thumbs up.
(the young man sheaths his sword and reverts to his normal form before looking over to the gang)
YOUNG MAN: Hey, there, guys!
VEGETA:(off-screen)F**k this guy!
Some laughed at Vegeta's greeting.
YOUNG MAN: I'm about to go meet Goku! Just follow me!
"Wait, he knows Goku," The mage's expressions turned into confusion.
"So, that's why he knew about Frieza coming," Freed realized.
"Maybe, Goku trained this guy to become a Super Saiyan while in space," Lisanna theorized.
"If that's the case, then why didn't Goku come back himself?" Natsu asked/
"Guess, we'll just have to continue watching," Jellal said.
GOHAN: Wait, did he just say my dad?
KRILLIN: Wait, Gohan! We don't know if we can trust this guy…
"You can trust him, though I'm happy you're talking sense for once, Krillin," Lucy smiled.
YOUNG MAN: I also brought snacks!
KRILLIN: ...but the Bible does say "love thy neighbor"!
"Nevermind," She sweatdropped.
GOHAN: You're a Buddhist.
KRILLIN: AhungryBuddhist.
"I agree with Krillin," Natsu rubbed his stomach.
(The gang flies off after the young man. The young man is seen flying and looking at a GPS system on his watch.)
GPS: Fly 300 meters northwest, then land near Idiot Rock.
"Sounds like your type of place, Natsu," Gray said to the Dragon Slayer.
"Huh? How come?" Natsu asked, confused.
"Because you're an idi-" Before he could finish, Juvia covered his mouth to prevent another fight.
YOUNG MAN: So that's what they called it before Idiot Crater…
"Wait, how would you know that?" Levy asked.
YOUNG MAN:(he lands along with everyone else)Now, I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here.
KRILLIN: Snacks!
YAMCHA: To kill us!
VEGETA: To kill snacks!
"Neither of those three," Freed answered.
YOUNG MAN: Goku is going to land near here in approximately three hours. Until then...(throws a capsule at the ground, revealing a mini fridge)let's all have a drink.(takes out a can of Hetap)I've got soda, beer, and Hetap.
TIEN: Isn't it a little early to start drinking?
BULMA: Hey, 5 o'clock was twenty hours ago!(chugs down a beer)
"PREACH SISTAH!" Canna downs more beer as well.
KRILLIN: So, stranger, what's your name?
YOUNG MAN: Can't say.
KRILLIN: Well, Mr. Can't Say, I'm Krillin!
YOUNG MAN: That's not funny.
"Agreed, it's not funny," Minerva deadpanned.
"I thought it was funny," Millianna muttered.
"Well, we all can't be special like you, sweety," Minerva responded. She was smacked by Erza. "Be nice," Erza hissed.
KRILLIN: What isn't?
"Yeah, he's just stupid," Laxus said.
GOHAN: So... you know my dad, right?
YOUNG MAN: Well, sort of. Really, I've just heard a lot about him.
This threw Lisanna's theory out of the window completely. Taking the guild by surprise completely.
"Wait, if you don't even know Goku, then how did you know about Frieza?" Jellal asked.
"And how did you know where and when Goku would land?" Erza asked as well.
YOUNG MAN: It's kind of-
BULMA: So, hey, like, just gonna throw this out there... You're really cute!
YOUNG MAN:(uncomfortably)Well, you know, my mom always said I was a cute kid...
BULMA: Oh, a mama's boy, huh? I'll be your "mommy~"(winks at the young man)
"I'm pretty sure he's underaged, Bulma!" Lucy sat up alarmed.
"Please tell me Bulma's just joking," Yukino hoped.
YOUNG MAN:(internally while giving off a smile)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
"I know she's a grown woman, but there's no need for that reaction," Juvia said, confused.
"This kid is way too mysterious," Gildarts said.
KRILLIN: Can I have another Hetap?
YOUNG MAN:(hysterically)Yes! yes you can!
BULMA: By the way, that jacket is awfully familiar...
YOUNG MAN: Um...
BULMA: Yeah. I even made it myself-(notices the logo on the young man's jacket)Capsule Corp. logo?
"How did I not notice that?" Levy writes it down in her notes.
"Just adds to the whole mystery," Lucy said.
BULMA: Even cut it short to show off my midriff!(the back of Vegeta's shirt reads "Pull my hair")
"I do~" Canna purred.
VEGETA:(thinking)If he's never met him before, how the hell does this kid know where Kakarot is going to land?
YOUNG MAN:(heard faintly during Vegeta's first inner monologue)I love everything about Capsule Corp.!
"Not suspicious at all," Lily said, sarcastically.
VEGETA:(still thinking)And he can't actually be a damn Saiyan. Either he's a liar or... Maybe…
"He's a Saiyan or else the last 10 minutes were complete bullsh*t," Gajeel said.
"Wait, what conclusion is, Vegeta drawing?" Levy needed to know.
YOUNG MAN:(heard faintly during Vegeta's second inner monologue)Yup, love storing things...
VEGETA:(still in his thoughts)Wait a second!(out loud, the back of his shirt now says "Pull my hair")Did someone drink the last Hetap?! I'll kill you!(Krillin imitates Curly's whooping sounds off-screen)
"And he dropped it," Levy slumped in her seat.
(time card reads 2 hours, 45 minutes later)
(cut to everyone waiting for Goku's return)
CHIAOTZU: Tien, I'm bored...
TIEN: Chiaotzu, we only have to wait a little while longer. We'll say hello to Goku and then we'll go home.
CHIAOTZU: Can we get McDonald's?
TIEN: Only if you're good.(Chiaotzu whines)
"Like, father and son," Macao laughed a bit.
(cut to the young man looking at Vegeta)
VEGETA:(notices the young man staring at him)What? What areyoulookin' at? What, do you like what you see?(the young man looks away)Yeah, that's right, eyes to yourself! I don't swing that way- I'm a real man!(the back of his pink shirt now says "blowj*b Princess")
"Definitely need to get Gajeel a shirt like that," Levy muttered, so Gajeel couldn't hear her. Sadly for her, he did.
"NO WAY IN HELL!"
"But, you'd look so cute in it!"
"NO!"
GOHAN: Hey, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO: Yeah?
GOHAN: I was wondering... Why didn't you go with the rest of the Namekians to your home planet?
"Because he's an antisocial weirdo," Mira answered.
PICCOLO: Oh, I don't know, why don'tyoujust go to Vegeta with the rest of the Saiyans?
VEGETA:(off-screen)Hey, I've already got one hitting on me over here, I don't need another!
"Chill, princess," Gildarts said.
(the young man's alarm goes off on his watch)
YOUNG MAN:(thinking)Oh, thank God.(out loud)All right, everybody, Goku should be landing any moment now.
"Alright!" Natsu cheered.
"Finally getting to see him again," Erza sighed, happily. Much to the chagrin of Jellal and Kagura.
(Gohan gasps excitedly, but nothing happens)
"Huh?"
VEGETA: Well, I don't see him, so you're wrong. I think you've been lying to us the whole time! There's no way you could-(a space pod whizzes by the gang and crashes not too far away from their location)That could be anyone…
"Just face reality for once," Laxus sighed.
(the gang gathers around the crater and watches as the door of the space pod opens slowly with Goku quickly emerging from inside)
GOKU: GUYS, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME! FREEZER'S HERE AND-
"You're 2 hours late," Lucy giggled.
(everyone standing around the crater starts cheering)
GOKU: Yay...(laughs nervously)Wha-?
"Welcome back, Goku," Erza smiled.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
BULMA:(eyeing the young man while waiting for Goku)So... Do you think the carpet matches the drapes?
"Oh my god…" Yukino facepalmed.
KRILLIN: I dunno. Doyours?
BULMA: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What? It was a leginamate question... I mean, a legitimate quest... Whatever.
"He's not wrong," Gildarts said.
BULMA: It's just very personal! I mean, doyours?
KRILLIN: Yeah.
BULMA:(baffled)What?
KRILLIN: It's called manscaping.
"What's that?" Wendy asked.
"Something you don't need to know!" Carla huffed.
BULMA: It's weird.
KRILLIN: It's hygienic!
"Again, he isn't wrong," Gildarts shrugs.
Chapter End
Chapter 44: News of Future Past
Chapter Text
Chapter 49: News of Future Past
(cut to the group cheering at Goku's return to Earth)
KRILLIN: Yay! Yeah! Goku!
YAMCHA: All right! This isawesome!
"I know, right!" Natsu agreed.
GOKU: Wow, I can't believe you guys are all still alive. I mean, I swore Freezer was gonna Yamcha at least one or two of you. Speaking of which...Hi, Yamcha!
"Are we making that a thing?" Levy asked.
"Of course we're making that a thing!" Gajeel laughed.
YAMCHA:(sweat drops)Hey...
GOKU: So, which one of you guys ixnayed the old Freezer-fray?
"The mysterious purple kid," Gildarts answered.
VEGETA:(the back of his pink shirt shows a rainbow)Well, Kakarrot, whileyouwere off bumming around in space,Itook charge of the situation. Gathering up your planet's measly excuse for fighters, and spear-headed an assault on-
BULMA:(referring to the young man)Right over here.
VEGETA:(off-screen)I was getting to that!
"Sure you were," Lucy giggled.
"They're a match made in heaven," Juvia said, with hearts in her eyes.
"More like a match made in hell," Gray muttered.
GOKU: Oh, if it ain't you, you old so-and-so! It's been so long since I, uh... I... I mean you...
YOUNG MAN: We've never met before.
"Yeah, can we get more of an explanation?" Levy asked.
GOKU: Oh, thank God, or... Kami, or King Kai...I don't know.
"They're both God, so there shouldn't be that much of an issue," Laxus said.
GOKU: thatwhole thingis screwy.
"Agreed," Freed spoke.
YOUNG MAN: Actually, if it's okay with you... I'd like to talk to you in private.
"Alright! Time for some answers!" Levy cheered.
GOKU: Oh, okay! One minute, guys.
GOHAN: But Dad, it's been almost two years!
"You guys can catch up soon. Don't worry," Erza reassured.
GOKU: I know, but I gotta go talk to this purple stranger.
"Wording it like that just makes it worse," Gildarts sighed.
GOHAN: But I-
GOKU: Yeah, cool.
(Goku and the young man fly away from the others)
YOUNG MAN:(thinking)Okay, Trunks, don't be nervous. He's just a normal guy- just introduce yourself.(out loud)So, you're Sun Wukong, right?(thinking)DAMN IT!
"Why would you think that's his name?" Natsu questioned.
"It does sound a bit like 'Son Goku', but still different," Freed thought.
GOKU: I'm Son Goku, yes.
"And he just accepts it," Carla facepalms.
TRUNKS:(thinking)Roll with it.(out loud)I'm Trunks! Nice to meet you!
"Alright we got a name," Levy reworte "Mysterious Youth" to "Trunks".
"I like his name, but who picks the name "Trunks" for their kid?" Yukino questioned.
GOKU: Trunks, huh? So you're the one who whomped Freezer.
TRUNKS: Yes. I was actually wondering... How did he survive Namek?
"Yes, please tell us," Evergreen folded her arms.
GOKU: Well...(slowly)...I kinda maybe sorta kept letting himgo…
Simultaneously everyone in the guild(Even Natsu) all facepalmed. A spectacular sight to behold for sure.
GOKU: Yeah,probablya bad call.
"YA THINK!?"
TRUNKS: If I hadn't shown up, all your friends would be dead.
"And it would've been all Goku's fault," Kagura said, spiteful.
GOKU: Hoo boy, the dragon wouldn't be happy aboutthatone!
"Don't be nonchalant about your friends and family dying," Jellal responded.
TRUNKS: Also, I'm curious... When you fought Freeza, you were a Super Saiyan, correct?
"The strongest Super Saiyan!" Natsu said.
GOKU: A SuperDuperSuper Saiyan!
TRUNKS: Well, can you show me?
GOKU: I barely know you, but... I guess!(transforms into a Super Saiyan)Ha-ha-ha-ha!Still kinda tickles…
"Frosch likes Super!" Frosch enjoyed the scene.
"Super Saiyan seems to give off a tickling feeling or that's just a Goku thing," Levy observed.
TRUNKS: Yep, that's a Super Saiyan, all right! So, now that you've shown meyours,I'll show youmine.(transforms into a Super Saiyan as well)
"Sounds kinky~" Canna wiggled her eyebrows.
"Canna stop!" Lucy yelled.
GOKU:Whoa...!What happened to your hair? It'syellow!
"How did you not know your hair turns yellow?" Romeo questioned.
"Well, I didn't know my Dragon Force turned my hair pink until I saw my own reflection. Goku may have just never looked in a mirror," Wendy explains to the boy next to her.
"I guess," He responded.
TRUNKS: So is yours...
GOKU:It is?!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the group observing the both Goku and Trunks' Super Saiyan transformations)
BULMA: Blonde, spiky hair...
GOHAN: Incredible aura…
"Vegeta's spirit shattering into pieces," Minverva crackled.
KRILLIN: Well, Vegeta, now that Goku's here to compare, we can finally say for sure that that kid's a Super-
VEGETA: Utter one more word, andno dragon alivewill be able to fix what I do to you!
"I'll give him a point for being able to intimidate cowards," Minverva compliments.
"How do you hurt someone enough that a magical dragon can't fix them?" Lisanna wondered.
"I don't think you want to know sis," Elfman sweatdropped.
KRILLIN:(quickly changing the subject)So, Tien, uh, have you been lifting? 'Cause you arejacked!
"HE'S SO MANLY!" Elfman flexed his muscles.
TIEN: Yeah, who knows? MaybeI'llbe the next Super Saiyan.
(Vegeta turns to Tien and starts making growling, muttering sounds of annoyance and stifled anger)
"Triclops just became my favorite character," Minerva laughed.
(cut back to Goku and Trunks)
GOKU: So, a Super Saiyan too, huh? That's cool... took Krillin dying for me to become one... Wait, did something happen to Krillin while I was gone?
(Trunks unsheathes his sword and attacks Goku with multiple strikes, with Goku blocking all his attacks with one finger)
The audience gapes at Goku blocking the sword that cut down Frieza with one finger.
"He really did get stronger," Erza smiled, proudly.
Sting turned to Rogue in excitement. "Rogue! We should try that when we get back to the guild!"
"ARE YOU INSANE!?" Yukino and Rogue yell at him.
TRUNKS:(gasps, completely shocked by Goku's power)
GOKU: No, butseriously,how's Krillin?
"You just saw him a minute ago," Makarov sweatdropped.
"He's doing fine as well," Mira answered.
(Trunks jumps back and reverts to his normal form)
TRUNKS: It's just like my mom said; you're absolutelyamazing,Goku!
"Who's your mom?" Everyone thought.
TRUNKS:(Goku also reverts to his normal form)Now I know that I can reveal to you my secret.
GOKU: A secret? I love secrets! I'm awful at keeping them, though- like, the worst!
"I'm awful at keeping them too! Like, that secret about Lucy spilling juice on Erza's clean ar-" Lucy's hands shut Natsu's mouth closed.
"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!"
"What was he talking about, Lucy?" Erza's dark aura manifested. The celestial mage shivered in fear, got on her knees, and started apologizing.
TRUNKS: Uh...
GOKU: Oh, but don't worry- I'll totally keep this one, though. I promise on Krillin's life.
"Poor choice of words," Gajeel winced.
"Might wanna pick someone less likely to die," Macao said.
TRUNKS:Umm...
GOKU: Okay, you're right. I promise onBulma'slife.
TRUNKS: You promise on my mother's life?
Jaws dropped at the revelation of the boy's mother. For Levy and Freed the pieces of the boy's existence started to form together. For the shipping trio they started to think about the boy's father. Everyone else was too shell shocked to say anything else. What could be even more shocking?
GOKU: BULMA'S YOURMOM?!
TRUNKS:(thinking)DAMN IT!
"You're horrible at keeping secrets," Laxus huffed, regaining his composure.
GOKU: I can't believe it! I was only gone for a year and a half- and already a Super Saiyan. Kids grow up so fast these days.
"I-I don't think that's it. The only possible explanation for him being her kid and this old is…" Levy's eyes widened as she pieced it together. The petite mage kept her mouth shut, wanting to let Trunks explain it himself.
TRUNKS: No, wait, you don't understand...
GOKU: And what, next thing you're gonna tell me is that Vegeta's your daddy?
TRUNKS:(blushing)Mmm…
"HE'S WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!?"
"YYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSS! VEGEBUL IS REAL!"
GOKU:(puts on an embarrassed expression)...Oh, my Gamikai...
PICCOLO:(from the distance)HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
VEGETA:(from the distance)What's so funny?
PICCOLO:(from the distance)Your shirt!
Minerva laughed with the green man.
VEGETA:(from the distance)ARRRRRGH!
GOKU: Man, good for them! I'm gonna go over there right now and congratulate 'em!(turns around to walk back over to Vegeta and Bulma)
TRUNKS:I'm from the future!
"And the big secret is revealed," Levy said.
"That would top it off with the other two secrets he kept," Yukino sweatdropped.
GOKU:(turns back to Trunks)...For realsies?
TRUNKS: For...realsies...
GOKU:Whoa.
TRUNKS: Listen, three years from now on the 12th of May at approximately 10 a.m. on an island nine miles off of South City, two creatures will appear.(a pair of figures with red eyes appear and start battling with each-other)A pair of man-made monstrosities; half-human, half-machine! Crafted by a mad scientist from the now-defunct Red Ribbon Army.
"This...this is sounding way too familiar," Lucy whispered. Her mind shifted back to the eclipse gate event during the GMG with her future self and future Rogue.
"Half-human and half-machines...cyborgs," Laxus groweld.
GOKU:(gasps)Androids?
"No, that's only if they were 100% machines," Freed answered.
TRUNKS: Actually, the technical term is Cyborgs.
GOKU: Androids!
"And he's dead set on androids," Lily sighed.
TRUNKS: Look, my point is, they're dangerous. Each of them on their own dwarf evenFreezawith their power!
A chill swept through the audience at that revelation. That two man made creations managed to surpass Frieza in strength is a terrifying thought.
GOKU:(not really surprised)...And?
TRUNKS:And...they killeveryone!As in Vegeta, Krillin, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, Chiaotzu...(shows all of the characters Trunks described getting killed)
"Ok...this is way too familiar," Lucy curls into herself a bit. Happy and Natsu sees Lucy's worries. Happy flies over to hug Lucy and Natsu holds her hand to help sooth her nerves.
TRUNKS: The only ones that survive are myself, my mother, and Gohan.
"How horrible," Makarov tightens his grip on his cane.
"Just when everything started looking up, it all came tumbling down," Gildarts spoke, mournfully.
Jellal frowned in anger as to this was what he fought to prevent. To hear another similar event to the Eclipse happen fueled him to try harder to protect peace.
GOKU: Oh, wow...! Wait, you didn't mention Yamcha.
TRUNKS: Oh, um, I mean, he dies, but... See, after he found out that my mother was pregnant with Vegeta's child, hesortof...
(shows a shot of Yamcha having hung himself in a dark room, possibly at Kame House)
A deathly quiet filled the entire guild hall at seeing Yamcha's suicide. Nobody ever thought the guy would kill himself and looking back, the mages realized he had every reason to do so. His life was absolute crap.
"I..don't think I'll rag on Yamcha as much anymore," Gajeel spoke.
GOKU:Dark.Wait, what about me?
TRUNKS: I don't how to tell you this, but... you don't make it to the battle either. You die of heart failure the year before.
Most gasped in shock at the news of Goku's death. Though this revelation sunk in instantly for two specific individuals.
"THAT's BULLsh*t! HOW DID GOKU LOSE TO A HEART ATTACK!?" Natsu roared.
"To be felled by an illness instead of in battle is an unfitting end for a warrior," Erza said, saddened.
"But..couldn't they just bring him back with the Dragon Balls?" Sting asked.
"No, the Dragon Balls can't bring someone back if they died from an illness and with Piccolo dead then that meant nobody was coming back," Levy's explanation depressed everyone further.
GOKU: What?Why?!How?!
TRUNKS: High cholesterol.
"Diabetes killed him," Gray jokes, trying to lighten the mood.
GOKU: Fromwhat?!
TRUNKS: According to the coroner, too much bacon.
GOKU:(transforms into a Super Saiyan)You take thatback.
Goku's reaction seemed to have made some of the mages laugh, lightening the mood in the guild.
TRUNKS: But listen! In the future, my mother has developed medication that will help level your cholesterol.
"Future Bulma to the rescue!" Happy and Milianna cheered.
GOKU:(now in normal form)Is it grape flavored?
TRUNKS: I don't know. Yes?
GOKU: 'Cause I don't like grapes.
"What's more important, taste or your life!?" Yukino asked, flabbergasted.
TRUNKS: Then it'sbaconflavored!
GOKU:(excited)Yay~!
"Well, at least he'll take it and all will be well," Erza sighed, relieved.(Won't she be surprised lol)
TRUNKS: Well, now that we have all that settled, I'd better get back to the future. It was... interesting to meet my mom and dad. As I said before, I really need you to keep that a secret! One little slip-up, and I suddenly may not exist!
"The pains of time travel," Jellal muttered.
GOKU: Wait, but if you don't exist, then you don't come back in time, but then you could never tell me, which means I'd never know, you'd still be born... and... why does everything smell like copper?
"That's your mess of a brain trying to think," Evergreen pinched the bridge of her nose.
TRUNKS: I tentatively leave this in your hands, Goku! Train well! Until we meet again!(starts running off)
"You've done a good thing Trunks, farewell," Makarov spoke, sagely.
GOKU: Oh, okay! Goodbye, Trunks!(Trunks flies off)What a nice young lady! Now, to get my story straight…
"Funny how you called him a girl and said straight in the same sentence," Gajeel chuckled.
(cut to the group running over to Goku and Piccolo, who is beside him all of a sudden)
KRILLIN: Goku! What was that all about?
GOKU: You guys... Androids!
KRILLIN: Yeah... And?
GOKU: Um... On Mar-
"You already forgot!?" Lucy shouted.
PICCOLO: May.
"Oh thank Kami for Namekian hearing," Lucy sighed in relief.
GOKU: May! 20-
PICCOLO: 12th.
GOKU: May 12th! At 10 p.m.-
PICCOLO: a.m.
GOKU: a.m...! Nine miles?
PICCOLO: Nine miles.
GOKU: Nine miles off of... North-
PICCOLO: South.
GOKU: South City! Two Androids will appear on May 12th at 10 a.m. nine miles off of South City!
"Nailed it!" Wendy pumped her fist.
PICCOLO: In three years, I heard everything.
"And thank you for that," Lucy said.
GOKU: Please don't tell everybody!
PICCOLO: Oh-ho-ho, I won't.
NAIL:(I will.)
PICCOLO: Shut up, Nail!
"He can't tell anyone anyway," Mira said.
GOKU: 'Kay.
PICCOLO: According to the kid, we all die to these Androids in the future. We have three years to train before they arrive.
VEGETA: Well, maybe they'll kill all of you... but I'm not afraid of any over-touted washing machines. By the time they show up, I'll crush them without a thought, andthenwe'll see-!
GOKU: Oh, hey, Vegeta! Nice shirt!
VEGETA:I... you...
"He's got you tongue tied huh?" Minerva smirked.
GOKU: Pink is a good color for you!
"Told ya!" Levy winked at Gajeel. The iron dragon blushed and turned away.
VEGETA:(thinking)Just take the compliment.
"Best choice in the situation," Gray nodded.
GOHAN: Ah!
YAMCHA: Hey, there he is!
(camera move up Trunks inside his time machine in the sky)
TRUNKS: Well, it's time for me to leave... I'll see you all again in three years your time- but hopefully you won't need me... Father, I hope to get to know you a little better next time. Mother... I hope to get to know you a littleless.
"Yeah, your mother is very questionable, and your dad's an asshole," Gray said.
VEGETA: Get the helloutof here!
"Point proven," Gray chuckled.
(Trunks waves goodbye to the group and disappears)
GOKU: By the way, I can teleport.
"What?"
KRILLIN: What?
GOKU: Yup!(disappears and then reappears wearing a pair of familiar sunglasses)Checkit!
"THAT'S SO AWESOME!"
"And conveniently useful," Freed said.
KRILLIN: But aren't those...
(at Kame House...)
MASTER ROSHI:(inside Kame House)GOKU JUST DONE STOLE MY GLASSES!
(back at the group)
YAMCHA: Master Roshi's on the whole other side of the world!
"That's such a far reach," Levy gaped.
GOKU: Yup, yup! I just got to imagine him, and POOF! There I go! I learned it out in space!
"So, you could've gotten here at any point?" Carla raises an eyebrow.
KRILLIN:(now wearing Master Roshi's sunglasses)Oh, yeah... sort of forgot the obvious question there, but HOW DID YOUSURVIVE?!
GOKU: Mmmmmuffin But-!
GOHAN: Don't say Muffin Button!
"But, he did use a muffin button!" Lisanna protested.
GOKU: But itwas!There's science and stuff!
"Please explain the science," Freed asked. He already knew that there wasn't any.
GOKU:(flashback to Goku at Freeza's ship trying to escape the explosion)See, while I was on Freezer's ship...
GOKU:(in flashback)There! (presses the muffin button and a muffin appears) Yes! (keeps pressing the button and a bunch of muffins starts appearing around him) YAAAAAAAAAY-! (Namek explodes)
"Need to get my hands on a muffin button," Lisanna planned to create one.
GOKU: But when the planet exploded, the muffins actually formed a seal around me; both protecting me and feeding me all the way to Yardrat!
(shows an explosion and then a cluster made out of muffins floating around in space)
"There was no science. The universe just loves you," Levy responded.
(back to present)
GOHAN: And that is...?
GOKU: The place where I crashed.(flashback of the muffin cluster crashing on Planet Yardrat with Goku falling down)The Yardies were awfully nice.(shows Goku surrounded by a group of Yardians)They nursed me back to health, and even made a ship for me to come home in!(back to present)They also kept feeding me their sick... so now, I can teleport!
"STOP EATING PEOPLE!" Lucy screamed.
YAMCHA: So, if you could teleport, and you knew Freeza was coming... Why didn't you teleport to Freeza's ship and stop him?
GOKU: I kinda wanted to give you guys a chance.
"Do NOT make that habit," Makarov sweatdropped.
PICCOLO:Pleasedon't make a habit of that.
GOKU: No promises.
TIEN: Looks like we'll have to put ourselves through the training of our lives if we hope to stand a chance against these Androids.
"Or you could hunt down Gero," Levy suggested.
BULMA: Wait, we don't have to do any of that! Hear me out: we just have to gather the Dragon Balls, have the dragon tell us where to find the guy who's making the Androids, find him, then murder that son of a bitch in cold blood!
"See, Bulma agrees!" Levy said.
VEGETA: As much as I love the phrasing of that, I'm gonna have to say no. And by no, I meanhell no!
"Don't be stupid! Your lives depend on it," Erza disagreed with the prince.
"But, that's so boring," The dragon slayers(Not Wendy or Rogue) complained.
"Would you rather die!?" Lucy yelled at the idiots.
BULMA: Are you kidding me?! You heard Piccolo...noneof you survive!
"Exactly! Listen to the smartest woman in the room!" Levy yelled.
VEGETA: And I, as a Super Saiyan,relishthe challenge!
"Become one first," Gildarts said.
GOKU:(gasps)You're a Super Saiyan, Vegeta? Show me!
VEGETA: I... well yeah, I just... I…
"Got caught on your bullsh*t, huh?" Gajeel laughed.
TIEN: Don't tell me, you're not in the mood.
VEGETA: What, does that third eye make youpsychic?
TIEN: No, but itdoeshelp me see BULLsh*t.
"Tien has been on fire lately, goddamn!" Gray compliments.
VEGETA: Hey, you know what?...(pauses, then narrows his eyes)F**k you.(flies off)
"And that's how you know you've won the argument," Laxus said.
GOKU: You know, to be fair, I'm with Vegeta on this one. I wanna fight me some Androids! I haven't had a good fight since Freezer!
"You would choose the fight option," Lucy sighed.
"They'll be fine Lucy, they'll give those Androids a beating they'll never expect," Natsu grinned. The blonde celestial mage relents and smiles back at her friend.
GOHAN: Wait, so, the first thing we do after you get back-after being gone for a year and a half-istrain?
"Sadly, you don't have a choice," Erza said.
"And it's not like you have to start immediately," Meredy added.
GOKU: I know, I'm excited too!
GOHAN:(calmly while closing his eyes)Yeah, okay.
KRILLIN: Well, guess that settles that! I'm off to go fire Kamehameha's at the ocean over and over.
"That's not training," Kagura said.
TIEN: See you all in three years. Good to have you back, Goku.
"Hope Chi-Chi feels the same," Lisanna said, nervously.
CHIAOTZU: We're gonna go get McDonalds!
YAMCHA: Suppose we'll get moving on, too. Come on, Bul-
GOKU: Wait. Yamcha?
YAMCHA: Yeah?
GOKU: You're myfriend.
"He needed to hear that. Good job Goku," Erza said, proudly. The other mages agreed that those words would be Yamcha's life saver.
YAMCHA:(touched)Oh, uh, heh, thank you, man.
(Bulma's ship takes off)
GOKU:(looks over to Piccolo)Soooo... Wanna go drive cars?
PICCOLO:Bitchin'.
"They're best friends," Yukino smiled.
(cut to Goku driving a car, with an old man as an unlucky passenger, causing havoc on the road)
GOKU:(singing to "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC)
I'm on the Highway to HFIL
On the highway to HFIL
"Goku has a really nice singing voice," Mira compliments.
(cut to Tien, Krillin, and Yamcha's training montages before shifting to Goku's house)
NARRATOR:And thus, they went their separate ways to prepare for the upcoming threat. However, a few of them would find... road blocks...
(shift to Chi-Chi, looking furious)
"That's the most dangerous road block," Macao shivered.
CHI-CHI: LIKE HELL YOU WILL!
GOKU: Oh, come on, Chi Chi!
CHI-CHI: Don't you "Come on, Chi-Chi" me! (Goku laughs nervously) You're gone off in God-knows-where space, refuse to let the dragon take you home, and the first thing you ask for when you get back? "Oh, hey, Chi Chi, mind if I take our baby boy to go train to FIGHT SOME MONSTER ROBOTS?!"
"Her anger is understandable. I'd be pissed beyond belief too," Erza said.
"But, the world is at stake, so there's not much of a choice," Kagura imputed.
GOKU: Androids. And the first thing I asked about was dinner.
CHI-CHI: THE ANSWER IS NO!
GOKU: No to dinner, or no to Gohan?
CHI-CHI: BOTH!
"Unfair," Natsu grumpled. Though not sure if he's upset at no dinner or Gohan fighting.
GOKU: Aww, but Chi-Chi... don't be like that! Be a pal! (attempts to pat Chi-Chi on her back, but due to his prodigious strength, slaps her WAY too hard and sends her flying out of the house, through a tree, and into a boulder) OH MY GOSH!
"OH MY KAMI!
"RUN GOKU RUN!"
"YOUR WIFE WILL KILL YOU!"
GOHAN: Dad, run!
GOKU: What?!
GOHAN: The worst she can do is ground me! Now, RUN!
"Listen to the boy!" Makarov yelled.
(cut to Capsule Corporation)
NARRATOR:Meanwhile, Vegeta found ways to innovate his training.
DR. BRIEFS: 500x Earth's gravity? That's insane; you'd be crapping out your own spine!
"He wants to surpass Goku's 100x gravity training. Though, 500 is too far," Gildarts said.
VEGETA: I know; the challenge excites me. Look at my nipples.(sends out a shockwave)LOOK AT THEM!
"I'm looking~" Canna licked her lips.
DR. BRIEFS: Fine, I'll build you your ship. What's the worst that could happen, anyway?
(cut to Vegeta inside the newly built gravity chamber in front of the controls. He presses a button and there's an explosion, which startles Dr. Briefs and Scratch is heard saying "Meow".)
VEGETA:(from inside the gravity chamber)AAUGH! MY NIPPLES!
The guild laughs at Vegeta's nipples.
(Cut to Gohan sparring with both Goku and Piccolo at the same time, with Gohan being on the defensive. Gohan then gets kicked in the stomach by Goku before getting uppercutted by Piccolo and lands on a cliff.)
GOHAN:(as the cliff crumbles, causing him to fall down)YAHHHHH...!(Gohan hits the ground, indicated by a distant crash)
"GO EASY ON HIM!" Mira exclaimed in worry.
GOKU: Wow... he really needs to learn how to do-
PICCOLO: Yeah, I know. Still working on that. By the way, how'd you convince your wife to let him train with you?
"Good question," Lector said.
GOKU: We're on a field trip to the Ozarks... Please never tell her we were here.
PICCOLO: What are youtalkingabout? We're juststudying.
"They are best friends!" Millianna cheered.
GOKU & PICCOLO: Uhhhhhhhhh...!
PICCOLO: Let's go drive cars again.
GOKU:Yaaaaaay!
(cut to Vegeta training under 400x Earth's gravity, spinning counterclockwise, when Bulma appears on a digital holographic screen)
BULMA: Are you f**kinginsane?!
"The answer is yes," Jellal answered.
VEGETA:(stops upside down)No, butyou'reupside down!(starts spinning again)...Now, you'renot.
BULMA: You know, it would be easier to count the amount of your ribs thataren'tbroken!
VEGETA: Work through the pain…
"Agreed," The males, Erza, and Kagura said.
BULMA: And exactly how are you going to work when your body collapses?
VEGETA:(stops spinning)Please, the Prince of all Saiyans does not coll...AAAAAAAAPSE-!(collapses and falls on the ground)
"And down ya go!" Happy said, laughing.
BULMA: Oh, look at that... The prince of alltwoSaiyans on theground!
VEGETA:(struggling to get up)Three and a half-(grunts angrily)SHUT UP!
"This is adorable," Juvia giggled.
BULMA: Oh, no, the Prince is getting all huffy! What are you gonna do, try to blow up Earth again? Because I have Goku on speed dial.
VEGETA: You must be as stupid as he is if you thinkheknows how to work a phone!
"Natsu can't use a communication lacrama," Gajeel laughed.
"SHUT UP!"
BULMA: Don't you call me stupid!
VEGETA: Okay, then how aboutBITCH?!
BULMA: Arrogantdick!
VEGETA: Spoiledsow!
BULMA: F**k you!
VEGETA: F**kyou!
BULMA:F**k YOU!
(pause... Bulma suddenly gets an idea...)
BULMA: My room, ten minutes…
"Kids, cover your ears and close your eyes," Mira commanded immediately.
"Wh-"
"NOW" Mira's demonic aura flared and the two teens did as instructed instantly.
(Cut to the exterior of Bulma's house. From inside the complex, both Vegeta and Bulma are heard making loud, pleasured moaning noises, clearly indicating they are having sex. Vegeta continues pounding Bulma)
BULMA:Oh, yeah, that's it! Keep going! Right there, right there! Yes, yes, yes...!
The adults all blushed either out of embarrassment or pleasure.
VEGETA:GALICK... GUN...FIRE!
BULMA:YES!
(A distinctive fuchsia-colored Galick Gun is fired from inside the house as Vegeta climaxes inside Bulma, leaving a trail of smoke behind, coming out of the hole the Galick Gun created. From inside, Vegeta and Bulma are both heard panting in exhaustion.)
"Holy sh*t," Elfman gasped.
"I was not prepared for that," Yukino's face flushed deep red.
"I wish I could've seen it," Canna said, disappointed.
BULMA:Oh... wow!
VEGETA:...Yup!
BULMA:Got to admit, even with the broken ribs, you really...Wait.
VEGETA:What?
BULMA:Where's your condom?
The adults paled at her words.
VEGETA:...The f*ck's a condom?
They paled even more at the realization that this was Trunks' conception.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Goku and Piccolo once again driving cars and racing each other)
PICCOLO:(singing to "Move, Bitch" by Ludacris)
DODGE, bitch! Get out the way!
Get out the way, bitch! Get out the way!
(cut to Gohan, who was left behind by Goku and Piccolo, lying face-down in the snow and groaning in pain)
"THEY JUST LEFT HIM THERE!?"
"Can...we uncover our eyes and ears now?" Wendy and Romeo asked.
Chapter End
Chapter 45: Revenge of Cooler
Chapter Text
Chapter 50: Revenge of Cooler
(cut to an outside shot of Cooler's spaceship in space and then inside showing Freeza killing Bardock and destroying Planet Vegeta on the monitor)
"Ugh! We're still not done with Frieza!?" Lucy complained.
"Guess we still had some loose ends to tie up with his family," Levy sweatdropped.
SAUZA: Monsieur Cooler! It seems that your brother Freeza is destroying ze Planet Vegeta!
"Jeice," Juvia mumbled.
COOLER: Very impressive. Killing off a bunch of monkeys. Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo…
"So, the whole family is racist. Nice to see a connection," Kagura spat. Her attention turned to Erza who had shivered a bit when Cooler talked.
"Something wrong, Erza?"
"N-nothing."
SAUZA: Wait, sir!(the monitor shows a single spacepod in space)It seems he has missed one ship. We are within range to intercept-
"Is that Goku?" Freed asked.
"Yes."
COOLER: No, let it go.
SAUZA: But, why?
COOLER: Because if he's going to whine to our father for control over the entire system like a spoiled little brat, then he's going to accept the responsibility. If this comes back to bite him, that's his fault.
"It did in fact bite him in the ass. Twice in fact," Gajeel said.
(The monitor shows Planet Vegeta exploding. Cut to an outside shot of an unknown planet with a text reading "27 YEARS LATER" at the bottom. Cut to inside the planet, which is shown to be a deserted wasteland and Cooler's spaceship is seen on the ground.)
SAUZA: Monsieur Cooler!
COOLER: Hmm?
SAUZA: Your brother, Lord Freeza! He has been...le killed!
"Shocking!" Sting made a shocked face.
COOLER: Oh, is that right? And who Sauza killed him?
SAUZA: It was a...Saiyan!
"A very Natsu-like Saiyan," Lucy responded and Natsu grinned triumphantly.
COOLER: Well, I sure hope somebody picks up that phone.(gets up from his chair)
SAUZA: The what?
COOLER: Because I f**king called it!
"I wanna use that," Laxus admitted.
(Screen zooms in on Cooler's face and turns black and white. "DragonBall Z Abridged" logo appears on the screen and then disappears to show "Revenge of Cooler".)
(cut to Kirllin, Gohan, Oolong, and Icarus in a camping area on Earth)
KRILLIN: I can't believe your mom's letting you go camping with us after that whole Namek thing.
"I can't believe you're camping when you should be training to fight two cyborg terrors," Erza brought up.
"There's nothing wrong with taking breaks now and then," Mira said to the knight.
"I'm aware, but that doesn't mean you should be too lax," Erza responded.
GOHAN: Well, I have to make the excuse that I'm studying fauna. I have to chart down twelve different species of fern.
Romeo made a disgusted face. "I would hate to do homework while camping."
"I've never had to do that," Wendy told him.
"Because, you've never gone to school."
OOLONG: Wow! That smells fantastic! What's in there?
KRILLIN: Oh, you know. Just some essentials: carrots, potatoes, pooor...poise.
"You are the worst," Yukino was appalled.
(cut to a outside shot of a lake with a giant fish emerging, being held in the tail by Goku)
FISH: Halt stalwart stranger! If you let me go I shall grant you one wish.
"A wish granting fish!?" Happy drooled.
GOKU: I wish for you to be my dinner.
"Yes, be my dinner!" Happy danced around.
FISH:(in background as Goku punches it off-screen)Help! Help! Help! Heeelp! Heeeeelp!
"You think all fish scream for help when caught?" Natsu asks.
"I rather not think about it," Lucy answered.
GOHAN: Huh?
KRILLIN: Who-hoah! Sounds like Goku caught a big one this time.
GOHAN: Actually, something feels...off.(a green figure appears standing behind him)
"Gohan! Watch out!" Mira cried.
KRILLIN: Gohan! Look out! It's the Hul-(gets knocked out)lololololo…
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy swore.
GOHAN: Krilli-Uh?!(gets his tail grabbed)(thinking)Goodbye, muscle control.
"Wait his tail? When did his tail grow back!?" Lisanna cried.
DOORE:(revealed to be the person holding Gohan's tail)Hey! Look what I got right here. Cute little thing, innit?
"Put the boy down," Mira glared harshly.
SAUZA: As a space Frenchman("Like a Space Australian?" Juvia wondered), I must say I find this food completely detestable! Ze pork is completely overcooked!
OOLONG:(as Doore swings a screaming Gohan by his tail)Rot in hell, Krillin! I almost ate that!
"Screw that pig! That big lump is treating Gohan like a plaything!" Mira shouted.
GOKU: Hey! You get away from my food, my friend, my two emergency foods, and my son! In that order!
"Goku's here!"
"With his priorities not as straight as they should be," Jellal sweatdropped.
"We're gonna ignore that he sees his friend and his son's pet dragon as emergency food?" Lector asked, concerned.
SAUZA: Well, well. I believe zat is ze monkey we are looking for.
GOKU: Wait, what did he just say?
DOORE: Oi! He said you're the monkey we're looking for!
GOKU: I-I don't-
NEIZ:(speaks unintelligible gibberish)
"Yeah they're all idiots," Laxus said.
GOKU: ...Alright, just tell me who you are.
SAUZA, DOORE & NEIZ:(with Neiz speaking unintelligible gibberish)Cooler's Arrrrmored Squadron!(all three of them strike a pose)
"So, a bootleg Ginyu Force," Lily deadpanned.
"That's just what we needed," Carla said, sarcastically.
GOKU: I am having the worst case of déjà mustard right now.
"You're not the only one," Natsu said.
(Cooler's Armored Squadron all charge at Goku. Goku ducks to avoid a punch from Sauza, leaps over a punching Doore, and evades an incoming kick from Neiz.)
SAUZA: Le suck it, bitch!(fires a ki blast at Goku, who blocks it and redirects it towards Neiz, who barely dodges it by ducking his head)
"Yeah! Kick their butts Goku!" Sting cheered.
"That retracting head thing was weird though," Wendy grimaced.
NEIZ:(roars and then shrieks)(he along with Sauza and Doore land on the ground)
SAUZA: Monsieur Cooler! We have zis under control!
COOLER: It took us three months to get here. I am not staying in the ship.
"I feel the same about long quests," Laxus grumbled.
(Goku turns around and gasps upon seeing Cooler)
GOKU: Freezer!
"Wrong," Levy said.
SAUZA: Hah! You zink zis is Freeza? No. He is Cooler!
GOKU: Cooler than Freezer? You must be ice cold.
"He had to have done that on purpose," Carla said.
COOLER: No, that would be my father.
"Not even perturbed by the joke," Rogue said, astonished.
GOHAN:(from the sky arriving to the battle)Daaaaad! We're coming to help!
"You will get in the way, child!" Makarov warned.
COOLER: Oh! Is that your son?
GOKU: Yeaaah.
COOLER: I'ma kill it.
"Nononononono!"
GOKU: Don't you do it.
COOLER: I'ma do it.
GOKU: Don't you do it!(Cooler fires eye beams at Gohan)Dang it!(flies up and protects Gohan by taking the blast, and then falls into a lake and down a waterfall)
Both relief and concern coursed through the audience as Goku and Gohan descended down the waterfall.
COOLER: So, who thinks he's dead?
"I hope not," Sting said.
SAUZA: Dead.
NEIZ:(speaks unintelligible gibberish)
"Going take a guess that he said, dead," Gildarts chuckled a bit.
DOORE: That boy's dead as mud!
COOLER: Well, too bad. I sign your paychecks. Search the forest.
SAUZA: Qu'est-ce que f**k.
"What did he say?" Levy questioned.
"He said, What the f*ck," Juvia translated.
(screen goes black as licking sounds can be heard)
KRILLIN: Oh... Yeah...(shows him getting licked in the face by Icarus)That's right, Maron... Lower... Lower...(wakes up and Icarus makes a sound)Wha?! ICARUS?!... I didn't say stop.
The audience shows visible disgust at Krillin's actions.
"I don't think I should've heard that," Romeo blanches.
"Me too," Wendy agrees.
(Icarus makes a confused noise)
"You're not the only confused one, dragon," Kagura heaves.
(cut to Goku and Gohan inside a cave)
GOHAN: Dad! Wake up! Please!
"Gohan…" Mira's heart hurt seeing the boy desperate.
"I'm sure your dad will recover," Yukino hoped.
GOKU: Oh. Hey, Gohan. Do you have Icarus? 'Cause I'm staaaaaaaarvin'.
"Food should be the last thing on your mind at the moment," Gray said.
"No way! Food always helps recover my strength when I'm down!" Natsu told the ice user. Gray rolled his eyes, not wanting to start a fight at the moment.
"Proper rest and a meal is good for recovery. I'm not too sure how good dragon meat tastes," Mira said.
GOHAN: Uuuuuhhhh...
GOKU: Where are we anyway?
GOHAN: We're hidden in a cave. No one can find us, so we should be safe-(Cooler's Armored Squadron fires multiple ki blasts at the forest, with the falling rocks trapping him and Goku inside the cave) (muffled)Ah, crapbaskets.
The guild watches in horror as the father and son are under fire.
"Guess that proper rest won't be happening anytime soon," Romeo chuckled, nervously.
"Those poor animals," Lisanna mourned.
(shows the entire forest being destroyed)
SAUZA: And now, ze perfect place for a shopping mall! It will have a cigarette shop, a baguette restaurant, ze Napoleon Museum, and a movie theatre only showing films starring Jean Reno. Ho ho! I'm French!
"I really hate deforestation," Lisanna huffed. Too many forests were being taken down for stores and roads nowadays.
COOLER: Ah, I see a bunch of idle hands just standing around. So,(clears throat)where's the body?
SAUZA: Well, Monsieur Cooler. He has most likely been vaporized, much like a good portion of ze forest.
"The laziest answer to give your boss. The Ginyu Force would've done a much cleaner job," Laxus complained.
"I hate that you're correct about that," Erza groaned into her hands.
COOLER: Really? Because until I see a body, I believe my brother did a better job at killing him than you.
"Frieza would make sure to kill with his own hands rather than shooting up a forest," Makarov said.
COOLER: By the end of this I'll have someone's corpse tied to the bumper of my ship.
(Cut to nighttime with Doore flying in the sky to search for Goku. Krillin, Oolong, and Icarus are seen at ground level.)
KRILLIN: Move!(he and Oolong run ahead but Icarus suddenly stops and sniffs a rock and cries out to alert the others)Icarus, if this is another dead rabbit, I swear to God I'm gonna kill you.
"Don't hurt Icarus!" Wendy protested.
OOLONG: He's saying they're trapped under the rocks.
"Guess pigs can understand dragons," Gajeel shrugged.
KRILLIN: Gohan! Goku! Are you in there?
GOHAN:(from the other side)Krillin! We're trapped under the rocks! We're running out of air! Help us!
KRILLIN: Wait, why do you need my help? Can't Goku bench press a planet?
GOHAN/Mira:(from the other side)Krillin, move the damn rocks!
(cut to everyone outside the cave)
KRILLIN: Alright Gohan, here's the plan. Take Icarus to Korin's Tower so you don't alert their scouters. Pick up some Senzu Beans for Goku and hurry back!
"Good plan, Krillin," Macao gave a thumbs up.
"Magic bean fixes everything!" Happy cheered.
GOHAN: Wait, why am I going?
KRILLIN: Because last time I hung out with him I totally forgot what his name was and just kept calling him Whiskers the Wonder Cat the whole time. It was really awkward.
Gajeel and Levy both stared at Lily with mischief gleaming in their eyes. The warrior cat shivers as their gazes pierces through him and shifts further away from the two.
(Gohan takes off to the skies riding on Icarus)
GOKU: Krillin, what smells like a dragon's breath?
KRILLIN: Shame, Goku. Lots and lots of shame.(he and Goku are now hiding inside the cave with a few of the forest animals)
"Krillin just went up on the gross-meter," Lucy's face turned green.
(Cut to Gohan and Icarus in the sky. Icarus is panting with exhaustion.)
GOHAN: Come on, Icarus. Not much longer.(sees the path up to Korin's Tower)Ah! The tower! I wonder how Yajirobe and Korin are doing.
(cut to Korin and Yajirobe in the middle of an argument)
YAJIROBE: I told you to use the brush before you got in the shower! Your hair clogs up the drain!
Gajeel shifts nervously in his seat as Levy's piercing gaze directs itself at him.
KORIN: And I told you to stay out of my kitty treats! Seriously, they're for cats! Why do you eat them?!
"Natsu…"
"It was one time, Lucy!"
"That pet store kicked us out and we didn't get paid for helping!"
"It wasn't my fault the treats smelled like meat!"
"You need to have more self-control!"
"And you need to understand that I have needs!"
"THE NEEDS TO BE AN IDIOT!"
"Uh...guys…?" Wendy chimed in and flinched when the two turned to her. "C-can we get back to the movie?"
The two mages blinked at the question and looked at everyone else staring at them impatiently. Both sat back down embarrassed.
(cuts to Gohan looking at Yajirobe when he speaks and Korin when he speaks)
YAJIROBE: I swear, the only reason I live here is because it's rent free!
KORIN: The only reason I let you live here is because you give the best belly rubs for a hundred miles.
"Frosch likes it when Rogue gives belly rubs," Frosch ran over to its partner for a belly rub. Which the dragon slayer complied.
GOHAN: Ummm...
YAJIROBE: Don't say that in front of the kid!
"He's heard worse by this point," Freed said.
KORIN: What? You should be proud. You know how to rub this puss* real good.
"Aaaaand this is where the conversation needs to end," Sting blushed.
GOHAN: Can...I have my Senzu Beans?
"Please hurry so the boy can save his dad," Makarov said.
"And get away from the lovers quarrel," Gildarts added.
YAJIROBE: Sure, fine. Here.(throws Gohan a bag of Senzu Beans)
KORIN: Hey! Those are my Senzu Beans! You can't just-
YAJIROBE: Hey, here's another one.(throws one more Senzu Bean at Gohan)
"Ha! Just to piss him off," Bickslow grinned.
KORIN: You prick! That's it! I'm done! Grab your stuff and get off my tower!
GOHAN:(thinking)Just keep moving, Gohan.(flies off)
"Wisest choice you've made today," Erza nodded.
KORIN: Dah! Ahh, ya scared him off!
YAJIROBE: You were the one screaming your head off.
KORIN: ...I want one.
YAJIROBE: I told you. I'm not ready for kids!
KORIN: Well when WILL you be ready?
YAJIROBE: I don't know, okay?!
"I'm still wondering if they can reproduce," Millianna wanted to see cat/human babies.
(cut to inside the cave where it's now dawn and Krillin wakes up)
KRILLIN: Huh? It's morning?! Goku, are you-
GOKU:(talking in his sleep)Ah, yeah. That's right Chi-Chi. Pour that maple syrup...all over my breakfast. You beautiful lady who lives in my house.
"You think that's their foreplay?" Gajeel asked.
"GAJEEL!" Levy smacked his arm, blushing at the thought. Everyone else with any sex knowledge blushed thinking about Goku, Chi-Chi, and maple syrup in a bedroom.
(cut to Gohan riding Icarus in the sky, with Icarus flying at full speed)
GOHAN: You know, Icarus. I know you like flying fast, but maybe we should be more careful now just to-
SAUZA: Well hello, Diddy. Where's Donkey?(Gohan turns around and sees Cooler's Armored Squadron behind him and blasts Icarus, sending it flying down to the ground.)
"ICARUS!"
GOHAN: Icarus!(dodges a punch by Neiz, but he gets sent flying by another punch by him and then gets his head grabbed by Doore)
"DAMMIT!"
"GOHAN!"
"FIGHT BACK GOHAN!"
DOORE: Hey, boys! Remember when I said I once popped an ape's skull with me bare hands?
"Don't you even…" Mira curses angrily.
DOORE: Check this out.(starts crushing Gohan's head with his hand, but gets hit from behind with a ki blast and releases Gohan)Bloody hell?(the person who shot the blast is revealed to be Piccolo)
"ALRIGHT PICCOLO!"
"Oh thank god," Mira felt relieved to see Gohan safe.
"Makes me wonder where Vegeta is," Levy questions.
PICCOLO: Okay, I think I got this one.(to Sauza)Pretty one.(to Doore)Stupid one.(to Neiz)One with weird powers.
DOORE: Oi! I appreciate that but I say I'm more handsome than pretty.
SAUZA: And my powers are not zat weird!
NEIZ:(roars)
"Again, they're all stupid," Laxus groaned.
PICCOLO: ...Okay, I take it back. You're all stupid.(removes his turban)
DOORE: Someone check the clock! 'Cause I believe it's go time!(charges and tries punching Piccolo, but all he hits is his cape)
PICCOLO: ¡Olé.(elbows Doore, sending him flying past Gohan, and then starts fighting Neiz)Gohan! You know what to do!
GOHAN: Yes sir, Mr. Piccolo!(flies off)
DOORE: I got the little bugger!(chases after Gohan)
PICCOLO: I meant back me up!(fires a ki blasts at Niez, who evades it by ducking his head)
"You can handle it," Mira said, waving off any concern.
NEIZ:(makes a taunting noise)
SAUZA: You babbling fool! He was aiming for Doore!(Piccolo kicks Neiz away)
DOORE: Huh?(sees the incoming ki blast)Oh, no. No,no,no,no, no.(tries moving away from the blast, but it keeps following him)No,no, no. No, no, no, no, no.(tries blocking the ki blast with his hands)No, no, no, no, no, NO!(gets obliterated by the blast)
"One down! Two to go!" Meredy clapped her hands.
NEIZ:(speaks unintelligible gibberish and paralyzes Piccolo with an electric attack)
"Seriously!?" Kagura gasped.
SAUZA: Zat is right! I forgot you could do zat! Brilliant! I'm going to go get zat child! You finish him off and bring ze body back to Cooler! You know how he likes zat!
"Piccolo, get your green butt in gear and stop them!" Mira yelled.
NEIZ:(speaks unintelligible and approaches Piccolo)
PICCOLO:Gotcha, bitch!(grabs Neiz's face and frys him with his own attack and then fires two ki blasts at Sauza)
"A reversal? Nice touch, green guy!" Gildarts smirked.
"Now, it's just one-on-one! Piccolo's got this," Gray smiled, confidently.
SAUZA: Huh?(sees the incoming blasts and deflects them)Ha! Bon mon ami, but not bon enough.(Piccolo suddenly appears and kicks him in the face)Merde!
"Was that a good enough kick for ya?" Juvia asked, smugly.
(cut to Sauza and Piccolo flying through a forest with "The Forest Battle" from Star Wars playing)
NAIL:(Hey, know what this reminds me of? That scene from Return of the Jedi.)
"I wonder what that is?" Romeo wondered.(No, they will not watch Star Wars. Don't even think of asking.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Not now, Nail.
(Sauza fires a ki blast that destroys a small portion of the forest and takes a moment to catch his breath while standing on a tree)
SAUZA: Huh?(dodges a couple of attacks from Piccolo, who's now attacking by stretching his arms)
NAIL:(Wow, I didn't know we could do that.)
"You were too busy losing your arms to Frieza," Levy responded.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Yeah, I forget about them sometimes too.
"Depends on the situation, I guess," Yukino said.
(Sauza lights up an energy blade on his hand)
NAIL:(Oh, man. Speaking of Star Wars, check that out. Lightsaber.) (Sauza cuts Piccolo in the gi)
"I have to agree, that is pretty cool," Sting comments.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Lightsabers don't stick out of people's arms!
NAIL:(It's totally making the same sound; you can't make that up.)(Piccolo grabs Sauza's arm with both hands)
"Now headbutt him!" Natsu said.
SAUZA: If you strike me down I will only become-(gets punted into the air and above the forest)Ugh!
"That's what you get for making a reference we don't understand!" Romeo yelled.
"And for being annoying!" Juvia yelled as well.
NAIL:(And it's good!)
SAUZA: You insolent slug! You may have killed our men, but "He" won't let you get away with this.
PICCOLO: Oh, really? And who's he?
COOLER:(off-screen)That's "He" with a capital H by the way.(blasts Piccolo in the chest)
"OH COME ON!"
"PICCOLO WAS WINNING! DAMMIT!"
(cut to Krillin and Goku inside the cave)
KRILLIN: Goku, you okay?
GOKU: I've got...a fever.
"Oh no!" Yukino gasped, worried.
KRILLIN: Oh, no! what should I-
GOKU: And the only prescription...is Icarus.
The celestial wizard's face morphed into a blank stare.
KRILLIN: What?
GOKU: Dragon meat is yummy and I really want it in my tummy.
"I'm actually scared he might eat, Icarus," Carla said.
GOHAN: Dad, I'm back.
KRILLIN: What took you so long?
GOHAN: I...lost Icarus halfway here, but I have these Senzu Beans!
"Magic medicine!"
GOKU: Ahh, but those are bland and tasteless!
"Just take your medicine, Goku. Has he taken his medicine for the heart virus at all yet?" Erza wondered to herself.
GOKU:(the bag of Senzu Beans gets blasted and ignites on fire on the ground)You know, in my experience, cooking actually makes them worse.
"Aw! Really?" Natsu groaned, disappointed. Erza's metal hand smacked him in the head.
"We have more pressing matters at hand!" Erza reminded him.
SAUZA:(standing outside of the cave)Oh, I'm sorry. I saw you risking your life for those and I thought "Wow, those must be important". Please tell me they were important.
"Fricking prick!" Gray hissed.
KRILLIN: Those were our only hope, you bastard!(charges at Sauza)
GOHAN:(as Krillin is heard getting beaten up by Sauza off-screen)Krillin, no! I probably should have mentioned I still had this one.
"Yeah, but this is more entertaining," Gajeel said.
GOHAN:(takes a Senzu Bean from inside his obi)Here, Dad. Eat up.
GOKU: Why does this one smell weird?
"Because of where Gohan had put it," Lisanna explained.
(Sauza knocks Krillin through a rock)
GOHAN: Krillin! Don't worry, Dad! You take Cooler and I'll take the small fry-(Sauza kicks him away)Dad, help!
"Just stay out the way Gohan…" Lucy sweatdropped.
SAUZA: And now to lay the coup de grâce to the King of Kongs.(scouter goes off)What? Whose power level is that? It's going off the scale, but the only one in there was the dying monkey and the pig. Sacrebleu...! Could it be...the Legendary Super Swine?!
"Oolong with Super Saiyan hair!" Happy laughed.
"He'll be the one to defeat Cooler and save the world," Lisanna giggled.
"Frieza was really scared of the Super Swine, not the Super Saiyan," Romeo said.
SAUZA:(scouter blows up)Ze hell?(gasps and sees Goku fully recovered and standing outside the cave)
GOKU: So. I really don't think I appreciate you beating on my friends and family.
"Time for Goku to clean house!" Natsu's feral grin appeared.
COOLER: So, wait. Which one does this constitute? Friend or family?(shows him in the sky holding Piccolo's body)I'm going to guess friend, considering.
"Nothing wrong with green!" Evergreen yelled, offended.
"I don't think he was insulting the color," Elfman told her.
"Shut up!"
GOKU: *gasps* Piccolo! You give him here.
COOLER: Oh, I wouldn't go anywhere near him if I were you. He seems to have come down with a terrible case of explosions.(drops Piccolo)
"I've never heard of that illness before," Wendy said, confused.
GOKU: What?(Piccolo blows up and land on the ground)
"PICCOLO!"
"T-that's what he meant…" Wendy gasped.
GOKU: *gasp* Is that contagious?(gets punched in the face by Sauza, who snickers but gasps when he sees it has no effect)Seriously, I don't want to catch that.
"Sucks doesn't you Jeice rip-off!" Juvia insulted.
COOLER: Unfortunately, after I kill you, I'm to give the whole planet a terrible case of explosions. So basically I'm going to blow up the planet.
"Frieza tried it and failed," Freed said.
GOKU: Goku, attack mode activate!
(Goku powers up, knocking Sauza away, and proceeds to punch Cooler in the face and launches him with a kick. As Goku attempts to attack with another punch, Cooler stops him by grabbing both his wrists.)
COOLER: I see how you handled my little sh*t brother so easily.(he and Goku fall into the water and later resurfaces near a waterfall)And that is the history of my family.
"WHAT!? I WANT TO HEAR THAT!" Levy yelled, outraged.
GOKU: Wow, I'm sorry about your dad.
COOLER: Oh, don't even get me started again.
"Dads," Camna huffed.
"My sweet Canna," Gildarts moves to hug her, but Canna's foot holds him back.
GOKU: Well I assure you, if I ever have a son I'll treat him better.
"But...you...ugh…" Kagura slumps into her seat.
COOLER: Really. It's my brother's fault, pissing and moaning if he didn't own every galaxy. And didn't he just ramble on,(in a whiny voice to imitate Freeza)"'Dirty monkey' this, 'dirty monkey' that."?
"You nailed Frieza's entire character exactly!" Levy claps her hands.
"Brothers know each other best," Gray said.
GOKU: Oh, that is just him! That is exactly him! To a P.
COOLER: See, now. That's the difference between him and I. He liked to talk. I, on the other hand...(roars and transforms into his Final Form)(speaking in a voice resemblant to Bane from The Dark Knight)Tonight I dine on monkey soup.
All of the mages looked in shock at Cooler's terrifying transformation. A new form that neither Frieza or King Cold had. "This..will be an issue…" Erza said, nervously.
"Time to turn blonde, Goku!" Sting yelled.
COOLER:(covers his mouth with a mask and charges at Goku, who manages to escape by disappearing into the sky)
GOKU: Why do I let people do that?(Cooler dive kicks him, sending him across the ground, and then punches him into a wall)
The entire guild winced at the impact between Goku's body and the mountain.
COOLER: I'ma plant me a dumbass tree!(plants Goku inside the ground, who reappears between the separated water)
"If this wasn't such a bad situation, I'd totally want to take that line," Gajeel winced.
COOLER: That all you got, monkey?
GOKU: Haaaaiiiii...(turns Kaio-Ken X20 and prepares a Kaio-Ken X20 Kamehameha wave)
"Why aren't you going Super Saiyan!?" Lucy questioned, desperately.
"Now is the perfect time to go Super Saiyan!" Yukino agreed.
COOLER: Oh, this is gonna be great...!
"Yeah! For us when the kamehameha beats you!" Natsu retorted.
GOKU:(fires the X20 Kamehameha wave)...yaaaaaaaaaaah!
COOLER:(flies through the Kamehameha wave and appears in front of Goku)Avon calling!(punches Goku into a wall and kicks him in the stomach)
The mages gape at the absolute beating Goku received from Cooler. The Saiyan from earth was outclassed in every way possible.
GOKU:(as he gets kicked)Aaaaaggghh! Ugh.(drops his head)
"GET BACK UP!"
"DON'T LET THAT KNOCK OFF FRIEZA WIN!"
COOLER: Look at you, wasted and gasping for air. But you don't get to go, yet... When your planet is in ashes... then, you have my permission to die.
"Stop trying to look cool! It's not working!" Rogue spat.
"It's kinda working," Sting mumbled.
GOKU:(falls out of the wall and yelps as he hits two rocks and hits the ground with a bird landing near him)Oh, hello birdie. I'm gonna call you...Toriyama.(Toriyama appears to die)
"No! Toriyama!" Lisanna cried.
"That poor birdie," Wendy sniffled.
GOKU: Toriyama, no! You were taken before your time. No. No... NOOOOOOOOOO!
COOLER: The Devil!?
GOKU: Go Toriyama...and teach a dinosaur to ride a ball.
"He healed him!" Lisanna cheered in happiness.
"Maybe ki works like healing magic?" Wendy pondered.
GOKU:(heals Toriyama, who flies off, and is now seen as a Super Saiyan and glares at Cooler)
"FINALLY! NOW IT'S SUPER ASS-KICKING TIME!" Natsu shouted.
"Avenge Toriyama! Even though he isn't dead anymore…" Lisanna said.
COOLER: I see. This must be the power you used to kill my brother. Well don't think that I'll-(Goku suddenly grabs his arm)Aaahhh!
"You talk as much as your brother," Laxus rolled his eyes at Cooler.
GOKU: Not going anywhere for a while?
COOLER:(breaks free and punches Goku in the stomach, which has no effect)Huh?
"Those abs of steel," Minerva licked her lips. Erza glared silent daggers at the sabertooth mage next to her.
GOKU: Grab a Snickers.
"He's dead," Gildarts leaned back in confidence.
COOLER: I can't help but feel we're both missing some context here.
"He did say something similar when he broke Frieza's hand," Levy responded.
COOLER:(groans as Goku knees him in the stomach)My gas pocket!
GOKU: Now get off my planet!
"Yeah! They have bigger fish to fry than you!" Lector said.
"FISH!?" Happy shouted, looking around for his favorite food.
"N-no there's no fish," Lector sweatdrops.
"Oh…"
COOLER: Well alright, if you insist. Ha!(fires a Death Flash at Goku, which does nothing to him, and is seen holding a Supernova after the smoke clears)Technically I can't be on a planet if there IS no planet!
"This entire family is filled with sore losers," Bickslow commented.
GOKU: Now you're just arguing semetics!
"Semantics," Carla corrected.
COOLER: By the way. Before I throw this thing, did my brother do this?
GOKU: Yeah but his was smaller.
COOLER: Knew it!
"Comparing sizes now?" Canna grew a sly grin.
COOLER: Ha!(throws the Supernova at Goku, who screams and grabs it, struggling to hold onto it)See, this is the difference. My brother would have stood around postulating and claiming his victory, like some haughty green horn child.
"So, exactly what you're doing right now?" Freed asked.
"Envy runs strong within Cooler's soul," Makarov said.
COOLER: I know what it takes to get the job done. Which is why father should have…
"Yup, just pettiness," Gray shook his head.
GOKU:(starts lifting the Supernova)Ka... Me... Ha... Me...
COOLER: Oh, that's fine. Go ahead, lift it up. I'll just make another one and-
"Then do it instead of running your mouth," Laxus spat.
GOKU: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(fires a Kamehameha wave to send the Supernova back at Cooler)
COOLER: Oh, that's getting really clo...OOOOOOOOSE-!(grabs the Supernova and gets launched into space)
"Alright! I knew a kamehameha would defeat him!" Natsu pumped his fist in excitement.
COOLER: I know there is some kind of hubristic irony to consider here, but I'm far too distracted by the coldness of space!
"I don't get it," Natsu said.
"His name is Cooler," Lucy told him. The dragon slayer's mouth made an "O" shape in understanding.
COOLER: Wait...(turns to see a light in the distance)...no, now it's actually getting sort of toasty.(sees that the light in the distance is the Sun)Oh, sh*t! Now it's REALLY getting toasty!(collides with the Sun)AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! EVERYTHING IS BURNING!
"Looks like Cooler is now roaster…." Millianna tried to joke.
"Just stop before you hurt yourself, sweetheart," Minerva sighed.
COOLER:(shivers in pain)I really am just like my brother...
(in flashback)
COOLER: Because if he's going to whine to our father for control over the entire system like a spoiled little brat, then he's going to accept the responsibility. If this comes back to bite him, that's his fault.
"He's accepted that he and his brother are alike while also realizing that his mistakes will always come back to hurt you. Maybe, if he realized this all sooner he could've won this battle," Levy finalized her notes on Cooler.
(in the present)
COOLER:(thinking)But at least I know I'm still...Cooler.
"Had to get that last one in," Gajeel snickered.
"His is definitely cooler than Frieza," Romeo said.
"I just hope this is the last of Frieza's family," Lucy prayed.(She REALLY needs to watch what she says.)
COOLER:(screams and blows up with the sun, which cause the Earth to completely black out)
MR. POPO: Huh, hold on a second.(the sun flickers back into existence and lights up the Earth)
"..."
GOKU:(is shown lying on the ground)Sun, you grow my food. You kill my enemies. You're totally worth the skin cancer.
"I don't agree with that last part," Wendy said.
KRILLIN: Goku! You're okay!(lifts Goku up)
"Of course he's ok! He's Goku," Natsu stated as a fact.
GOHAN: You won!
GOKU: Yep, and we all pitched in.
"You mean you and Piccolo did everything," Laxus corrected.
"Gohan got the senzu beans," Mira defended the half-saiyan.
"He got beat multiple times, so he didn't do anything in my book," Laxus retorted. Mira would've attacked if her siblings didn't hold her back.
"Nobody even tried to defend Krillin," Yukino sweatdropped.
GOKU: Except Icarus.(Icarus squawks)Come here! Goku's hungry!
"At this point…" Carla huffed, annoyed.
GOHAN: Wait, what are you...
GOKU: I wanna eat your dragon!
"NO!"
(the credits start rolling but suddenly stops)
"Huh?"
SAUZA: Hold ze f***ing frog legs!
"I forgot about him," Kagura said.
"We all did," Erza coughs into her hand.
SAUZA:(is seen heavily damaged and laughs evilly)You may have defeated Monsieur Cooler, but now you face the wrath of Sauza!(gets impaled by a Special Beam Cannon)
"AND THAT'S THREE FOR THREE FOR PICCOLO!" The guild cheered at the defeat of Sauza.
PICCOLO:(thinking)I will see you in space hell, cousin Jeice.(collapses on the ground, dead)
"I knew they were related!" Juvia shouts at the screen in victory.
GOKU: Seriously, give me your dragon.
("There's Always Someone Cooler" by Ben Folds starts playing as the credits roll, with the background image zooming out to reveal Icarus' skeleton)
Wendy starts crying at seeing Icarus' skeleton as Carla tries to console the affectionate girl. Everyone else(Even Natsu and Erza) could only stare disapprovingly at Goku's need to eat that poor dragon.
Chapter End
Chapter 46: The Island of Dr. Gero
Chapter Text
Chapter 51: The Island of Dr. Gero
(cut to Chi-Chi, Goku, Gohan, and Piccolo outside Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: All right, I packed you all some lunches for your field trip.
"Huh? Seems like we're not getting another training arc," Levy mused.
"Good, then we can get right to the action!" Gajeel's feral grin appears.
GOKU: We're going to Urgay!
Erza face palmed.
GOHAN: Uruguay.
"Thank you, Gohan," Erza sighed.
CHI-CHI: Make sure you're safe now, okay?
GOKU: Well, I don't know how safe we can be... We're gonna be fighting androids.
"Why is he the one talking and not Piccolo?" Kagura asked.
"Because, she's his wife," Erza answered.
CHI-CHI: Uh, wha-?
GOKU: But make sure you don't tell Chi-Chi-(stops and realizes who he's talking to)
"Natsu's done this with Erza," Gray sighed.
"Have not!" Natsu countered.
"Nobody believed him of course.
GOHAN: Three years, Dad. Three years you almost had it.
"That's right, it has been three years. Gohan must be nine now," Mira said.
(short pause)
GOKU:(quickly)I'm taking Gohan, bye!(vanishes with Gohan and Piccolo)
(cut to Goku, Gohan, and Piccolo flying in the sky with Chi-Chi screaming with fury behind them)
The guild erupts in laughter from Chi-Chi's screaming.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Goku, Piccolo, and Gohan flying towards the island where the androids are expected to appear)
PICCOLO: So what do you think? How ready are we to take on these androids?
"Hopefully a 10," Wendy prays.
GOKU: On a scale of one to ten? My chest hurts…
Erza's ear twitched.
PICCOLO: Huh?
GOKU: Uh, seven or eight
"Not very reassuring," Evergreen said.
"But, it's a realistic take from Goku," Laxus responded.
GOHAN:(notices Krillin flying in front of them)Hey look, it's Krillin! Hey, Krillin!
"You'd think he would've grown some hair in three years," Evergreen said.
"I think he just prefers being bald," Lisanna guessed.
KRILLIN: Oh. Hey, Gohan! You've barely grown since the last time I saw ya, huh?
GOKU: It's funny. I think that every time I see you.
Ripples of laughter erupted in the guild once more at Goku's burn.
KRILLIN: Ha-ha...(looks down and sighs)
"The life of short people," Makarov understood Krillin's plight.
GOHAN:(notices an island up ahead)Hey, that must be the island!
(cut the the group floating above the island)
KRILLIN: Holy crap! This city is huge!
"How are they supposed to find the androids?" Romeo asked.
"I'm sure they'll be able to sense their energy," Levy answered.
GOHAN: And this island's so tiny... What do these people do here?
KRILLIN: Apparently, prostitution is legal.
"I...ok," Kagura decides to not argue.
EVERYONE: Ohh...
PICCOLO: So, the prostitutes…
"Why would you of all people care?" Mira asked, confused.
YAMCHA:(on a cliff with Tien)Hey, guys! Down here!
(everyone lands near Yamcha and Tien)
Tien looks about the same, but Yamcha got a haircut at least. So, there's some differences," Wakaba observed.
KRILLIN: Hey Yamcha! Tenshinhan! Bulma! Bulma's ba-ba-ba...(camera pans up showing Bulma holding a baby)Bulma has a baby?
"BABY TRUNKS!"
"HE'S SO CUTE!"
BULMA: Ya damn right!
YAMCHA: Yeah... and you won't believe who the father is.
"Vegeta," All of the adults answered.
KRILLIN: Vegeta.
GOHAN: Vegeta.
PICCOLO: Vegeta.
GOKU: Vegeta.
YAMCHA: Well, it could have been mine!
"I'd believe it if Vegeta didn't exist. Speaking of which, where is Vegeta?" Levy asked.
BULMA: It's Vegeta.
"That just confirmed it," Canna smirked.
YAMCHA:(disappointed)I'm just gonna walk over here...(starts walking away)
"At least you didn't kill yourself. So, there's some positives for you," Wendy smiled, nervously.
BULMA: He's my baby boy! His name is Trunks.
"And he's adorable!" Levy gushed. She looked down at her stomach, wondering if her baby would be a boy or a girl.
GOKU: *laughs* That's a girl's name!(baby Trunks shyly hides his face)
"No...that doesn't sound like a girl's name," Lucy sweatdropped.
PICCOLO: So, then... where's daddy?
BULMA: Unfortunately, our last conversation was...
(flashback to Bulma and Vegeta's last conversation showing an outside shot of Capsule Corporation)
BULMA:(from inside the house)You are such an unbelievable asshole!
"And it's already starting off perfect," Gajeel said, sarcastically.
VEGETA:(from inside the house)You know, you're being bitchier than usual today; and not in a hot way.
BULMA: You got me pregnant, you idiot!
"That's how sex works," Canna jokes.
VEGETA: How is thatmyfault?
BULMA: You said you were wearing protection!
VEGETA: I was wearing my armor!
"Gotta remember he's an alien, but still there has to be some space condom out there," Meredy said.
Juvia sighed at the lovers' quarrel on the screen. "I know my darling Gray would use protection!"
"HUH!?"
BULMA: *sighs* You're a moron.
VEGETA:(glass shattering is heard from inside)Well, what do you expect me to do about it?
BULMA: What you're going to do is go out, get a job, and help me raise our child!
(brief pause and then shows a Capsule Corporation spaceship blasting off into space)
Those that are still getting used to Vegeta's personality couldn't believe that he up and abandoned Bulma and Trunks. Those who are used to Vegeta's personality expected him to be an ass about it. Not just abandon Bulma and Trunks.
(back to present)
BULMA: That was a year and a half ago. So, you know, you tell me.
"I'll be better," Gajeel thought as took a look at Levy.
KRILLIN: Well, on the plus side, your boobs look amazing!
"That is a plus side!" Macao and Wakaba agreed wholeheartedly.
"Don't my boobs look amazing, Gray!?" Juvia asked, frantically.
"Don't ask questions like that!" Gray yelled at her.
BULMA: I... you... Ugh.(thinking)Just take the compliment.
"I always take the compliment," Canna downed another bottle of beer.
TIEN: If you guys are done acting out your favorite chick flick, we've got incoming.
(shows Yajirobe arriving at the cliff in a hovercar, with the song "Cat Loves Food" being heard)
YAMCHA:(thinking)Oh, God, not my song…
"You have a song!?" Gajeel started laughing.
"It's honestly not that bad of a song," Millianna said.
"Maybe for the first three times you hear it. Then, afterwards it just gets annoying," Carla told the Cat obsessed female.
(Yajirobe lands in front the group and jumps out of his hover car)
GOKU: Oh, wow! Yajirobe! I can't believe it! You came all this way to help us fight the-
"That fat*ss isn't gonna help fight," Bickslow mocked.
YAJIROBE: Yeah, no. Korin sent me. Take your beans.(hands Goku a bag of Senzu Beans)Bean Daddy out.
"Thank you, Bean Daddy!" Happy yelled, much to the disgust of the other Exceeds(Not Frosch) next to him.
GOKU: Bean Daddy?
"Kourin's nickname for him," Freed explained, though Goku couldn't hear him of course.
YAJIROBE: It's what I call my burrito shop. Or at least I would... if Korin would let me have one!(flies off in his hover car, with the same song playing as he leaves the group)
KRILLIN: So, that song...
YAMCHA: I was desperate and needed the money- and no, it wasn't worth it.
"I'm proud that you regret the decision," Gajeel nods his head.
GOKU:(after an awkward pause)Cat Loves Food, Y-Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...(Yajirobe's hover car suddenly gets shot down from the sky, with a screaming Yajirobe falling into the water)Oh hey, we've never wished him back before…
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?"
PICCOLO: Look! In the sky!
GOKU: Is it a bird?
"No you dumbass!" Lucy yelled.
"It's the androids!" Wendy pointed at the scream.
"But, how come nobody saw them coming!? If they're strong enough to kill everyone then shouldn't their power levels be really high!?" Sting asked, worried.
PICCOLO: It's the androids!
GOKU: My second guess was plane…
"My second guess was Gray," Natsu mumbled. Lucy smacked him on the back of the head.
"Now's not the time idiot!"
(the androids fly down into the city)
TIEN: Damn! They flew into the city.
YAMCHA: I can't sense their energy!
"WHAT!?"
"But, that should be impossible...unless…" Levy trailed off.
GOKU: Neither can I...! And that's my specialty!
GOHAN: It must be because they're androids- we only know how to sense life energy!
"But, even machines infused with magic are still able to be sensed. So, how come androids with ki are different?" Bickslow asked.(I am bullsh*tting this)
"You can implant actual magic into machines. However, that mad scientist must've figured out a way to mimic ki and mask it's presence," Freed explained.
"Making fighting these androids even more difficult to fight," Laxus growled.
PICCOLO: Then we'll have to hunt them down the old-fashioned way... Search the city!
YAMCHA:(whining over Krillin)What?! Oh, come on, really?! Do we have to?! I mean, I just wanna go home!
KRILLIN:(whining over Yamcha)Oh, I don't wanna go in the city!
"Stop being puss*es and fight!" Canna yelled at the two.
GOKU: All right gang, split up and search for clues. Gohan, go grab Yajirobe.
"Yes! Stay as far from the carnage as possible, Gohan," Mira agreed.
"And go save, Yajirobe...right, sis?" Lisanna eyed her elder sister.
"Yeah yeah, that too," Mira waved off.
GOKU: Bulma, hold the Senzu Beans- they'll only weigh us down.(throws the bag of Senzu Beans at Bulma)
"That sounds like a horrible idea. Why is he the leader?" Rogue questioned, incredulously.
BULMA: Hold on, what?
GOKU: Break!(everyone flies off into the city)
"Well, we're off to a great start!" Sting huffed, sarcastically.
"Let's just hope that things get better," Yukino tries to calm him down.
(cut to inside the city where two mysterious figures, presumably the two Androids, landing on the ground and start walking away before shifting to Goku landing on top of a building)
GOKU:(thinking)All right now, if I were an android, where would I be? Well, I guess I'd be right here, because being an android wouldn't really change where I am, just what I am.. If you think about it…
"Stop thinking. It will not help you," Evergreen comments.
(cut to another part of the city where a stoner is seen riding a hoverboard and falls off as Krillin lands in front of him)
KRILLIN: All right, time to find me some androids!(to the stoner)Hey you, have you seen any androids?
"I don't think he'd know," Lucy sweatdropped.
STONER: I don't know. Areyouan android?
"I don't think I am. OH! It would be really cool to be a cat-droid!" Millianna meows cutely.
KRILLIN: No...
STONER: Then, no. But I did see a flying dude- landed right in front of me, man! Looked a lot like you...(short pause)You holdin'?
(cut to another part of the city with two guys talking)
TOM: Hey, Jerry. You see that car explode?
JERRY: Yeah. I'll bet you it was a terrorist attack.
"Then don't go near it," Erza avised.
TOM: Jerry, you always think it's terrorism; you think your house gettin' TP'd is terrorism!
JERRY: You're what's wrong with this country. What do you think, inconspicuous old man and mime?(referring to the two Red Ribbon Androids nearby, with the white one walking up to him)
The mages take in the look of both androids. Definitely not what any of them expected.
"Aw man! They look so lame!" Natsu whined.
"Looks can be deceiving, Natsu. Remember in a different future these two kill everyone," Erza told the pink dragon slayer.
JERRY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Marcel Marceau! Ifthat'swhat you're lookin' for... it's gonna be thirty dollars an hour. Fifty if you want it weird.
"T-that's...definitely not what it wants," Kagura blushed.
(The white Android headbutts Jerry and punches Tom in the face, sending him crashing into a building. The old Android looks on before an angry driver blows his horn from inside his car.)
"HOLY sh*t!"
"0 to 100 real quick!" Romeo shouted.
ANGRY DRIVER: Hey you old jackass, get out of the road! You wanna beat up prostitutes do it on your own damn time!
"RUN YOU IDIOT!"
(the old Android walks up and rips the engine from inside the car)
ANGRY DRIVER: Please put that back... I kind of need that to flee from you…
"You should've ran beforehand!" Gildarts shouted.
(The old Android walks up and lifts the angry driver through the roof of his car and starts to choke him. A woman nearby sees this and starts screaming.)
"Oh man, things are really looking bad," Gray said.
(cut to Yamcha, who hears the scream)
"And it's about to get even worse," Freed grimaced.
YAMCHA:(thinking)Huh? Oh, man... that was close. Surely someone else heard it, right? I mean, I don't have to- (woman screams again)
"It's time to clutch up, buddy," Wakaba frowned.
YAMCHA:Ah, this isn't fair! (runs off and arrives at the scene and notices Tom and Jerry's bodies on the ground) Huh? Oh, God, oh man, oh jeez, oh crap…
(unknown by Yamcha, the two Androids are watching him from above)
ANDROID 20: 19, identify.
ANDROID 19: Orange jumpsuit, black spiky hair, higher than average power level. Son Goku: 94%.
"Why is the percentage so high?" Levy asked.
ANDROID 20: I don't remember him having a scar...
ANDROID 19:(re-configures)87%.
"That's good enough," Levy shrugged.
ANDROID 20: Close enough.
(back to Yamcha)
YAMCHA: I am totally in over my head here... Maybe... maybe I should call for help…
"Yes! That way you have a better chance at winning!" Kagura agreed.
YAMCHA: No, no, no, that's exactly what they'd expect…
"Now is not the time for dignity or pride!" Kagura yelled.
YAMCHA:(looks towards the androids standing right next to him)Isn't that right, inconspicuous old man and-(Android 20 grabs him by the face and picks him up in the air)
"This is not good at all!" Lector panicked.
"Frosch is scared!" The little exceed hugged Rogue tightly.
(a large truck appears driving towards the three of them, also blasting Yamcha's "Cat Loves Food" song)
"If that isn't an insult to injury…" Rogue groaned.
YAMCHA:(muffled)Oh, come on!
TRUCK DRIVER: Huh? Jesus Chriiiiii-
(the truck driver swerves to avoid the three of them and crashes into a gas station, making a humongous explosion)
"WHY DID EVERYTHING GO BAD SO FAST!?"
(cut to Goku)
GOKU:(still debating on the topic Androids vs. Humans—or rather, Saiyans—in his thoughts)I mean, really, an android is just a human with wires instead of veins and oil instead of blood... I wonder if they dream of electric sheep?
"He's actually gotten this far with a thought and that terrifies me," Evergreen shivered.
GOKU:Mm, techno lamb.(out loud)Huh?(notices an explosion)
TIEN:(sees the explosion)Whoa.
KRILLIN:(also witnesses the explosion)Whoo-hoo! Not me!
"It really was a debate of which of the two got screwed over first, huh?" Lily sweatdropped.
(cut back to Yamcha, who is still in Android 20's grasp)
ANDROID 20: Now Son Goku, I shall extract my long-awaited revenge forthwith!
"Again, you have the wrong guy," Kagura said.
YAMCHA:(muffled)I'm not Goku...! I am Yam...
ANDROID 20: Forthwith!(jabs his hand straight through Yamcha's chest)
"YAMCHA!"
YAMCHA:(muffled in pain)...cha...!
(Tien flies down and arrives at the scene)
TIEN:(sees the hole in Yamcha's chest)Oh, come on! Really, man? You couldn't last, like, thirty seconds?
"To be fair, he had no idea it was them," Levy said.
(Piccolo, Krillin, and Goku all arrive at the scene)
ANDROID 20: Ah, we have company...
ANDROID 19: Correction: new target identified as Son Goku. 100% match.
"This time you're correct...wish it didn't cost Yamcha's life," Wendy's eyes lowered.
ANDROID 20: Well, then, looks like I don't need this anymore.(throws Yamcha on the ground)
GOKU: *gasps* Oh no! Yamcha's been Yamcha'd! Quick, Krillin, give him a Senzu!
"Goku," Erza facepalmed.
PICCOLO: Goku.
GOKU: Oh, right. Quick, Krillin, take him to Bulma!
KRILLIN: Ha! Looks like there's two kinds of fisting in this city now!
"Not the time for terrible jokes!" Carla huffed.
(shows Yamcha's nearly-dead face)
PICCOLO: Pretty sure he's bleeding out…
"He's still alive!?" Meredy shouted in shock.
KRILLIN: All right, fine.(flies away carrying Yamcha)Bulma'll get it...
GOKU: Man... seeing that hole in his chest kinda makes my chest hurt... like, a lot. Anybody else?
Erza's ear twitched again.
PICCOLO: So, then. You two must be the Androids.
ANDROID 20: What? Impossible! How did you know we were Androids?!
ANDROID 19: Scanning probabilities... Scanning... Scanning... Analyzing... Processing…
"You couldn't make it anymore obvious if you tried," Gajeel sweatdropped.
PICCOLO: Could not tell you off the top of my head.
ANDROID 19: Processing complete. They are psychic. 92.4%(in a Kanassan accent)They can see the future!
"Woah! That's a callback! Actually...wait how do they even know that?" Levy questioned.
ANDROID 20: Psychic, eh? Well, then, bet you won't expectthis!(begins rapidly firing eye beams in every direction, reducing the city to a fiery ruin)
GOKU/Natsu: Stop it!
ANDROID 20: Never!
(Goku rushes forward and punches Android 20 in the face, causing the latter to drop his hat. Android 20 proceeds to lean down to pick up his hat and puts his hat back on.)
"His brain is in a jar!" Happy pointed out.
"Pretty disgusting," Yukino blanched.
ANDROID 20: Ah, I see you have discovered that the off switch to my Ocular Vapo-Beams is in my cheek.
"Sounds like a design flaw," Lisanna sweatdropped.
ANDROID 20: But you are too late! The entire population of the city has been reduced to ash! Now no one shall interfere with my revenge!
"What would those random people have done anyway!?" Erza growled.
(shows a shot of Yajirobe, Krillin, a restored Yamcha, Gohan, and Bulma holding baby Trunks watching the destruction of the city from the cliff)
"Well...they can interfere and it's good to see that Yamcha's ok," Lucy said.
GOKU: Actually, I'm pretty sure you only-
PICCOLO:(interrupting)Yes! The entire population!
"Thank you for stopping that idiot," Kagura said.
GOKU: Oh, right. You are most unkind!
TIEN: We really should move this, though. Hey, Piccolo, know any good wastelands around here?
PICCOLO: Why are you asking me?
"You live in wastelands," Mira rolled her eyes.
TIEN: You know why.
PICCOLO: *sighs* Northwest, about 100 miles. It's actually kind of nice.
GOKU: Then it's a date!
"A date to the death!" Natsu grinned.
PICCOLO: I could think of worse places. Nice rock formations, neat cacti...(Goku and the androids fly off)Oh, fine!(flies off after them with Tien)
"Nobody cares for your preferences," Mira said.
(cut to Yajirobe, Krillin, Yamcha, Gohan, and Bulma on the cliff watching Goku and co. taking the androids out of the city)
KRILLIN: Hey, look! Goku and the others are leaving with the androids!
YAMCHA: Oh, no! We have to warn them! When the old man was holding me, I could feel my life force draining!
"He did stab you through the chest," Rogue said.
KRILLIN: You were losing a lot of blood.
YAMCHA: No, it was coming out of my mouth!
"Spitting out blood tends to do that," Sting responded.
KRILLIN: Gross...
YAMCHA: I'm telling you, they can absorb energy!
"WHAT!?"
"So, they can not only keep their energy undetectable, but can absorb energy as well?" Freed noted.
"Makes them the perfect counters to the Z-Fighters," Jellal said.
GOHAN: Then we have to go now!(flies off with Krillin following suit)
YAMCHA: You know... might just sit this one out.
"Best choice," Gajeel shrugged.
KRILLIN: Oh yeah, I getcha. I never have any energy after I get a handjob either. BA-DA-BA-BA-DA-BYE!(flies off after Gohan)
"But, who gave you the handjob...unless you count Frieza running you through with his horns," Canna shook her head.
BULMA: Well fine, If you're not going anywhere, I need help with the baby. How are you at diapers?
YAMCHA: Hold on, Krillin, I'm coming!(flies off after Krillin)
"The words that make any man run away," Levy snickered.
KRILLIN: Ha ha!
BULMA: So, how you feelin'?
YAJIROBE: My car got blown up. Well, to be more specific, it was Korin's car. puss* Wagon ain't no more.
"With that name...it may have been for the best," Macao sweatdropped.
BULMA: Well, then, are you gonna fly after them?
YAJIROBE: No.
BULMA: Is it because you're fat?
YAJIROBE: Yeah.
"He's honest about it," Laxus shrugged.
(cut to the androids and Piccolo, Tien, and Goku landing at a wasteland area)
PICCOLO: All right, now that we're away from the city, we can-
GOKU:(while breathing heavily)Heh... Does it feel hot out here to you guys? 'Cause it's hot...!
"You're in a desert area, so I guess that's understandable," Lisanna said.
"Something feels off and annoyingly stupid," Erza's ear twtiched again.
PICCOLO: As I was saying... we can finally get this underway. But first, who are you? And what do you want?
ANDROID 20: You don't need to know why, just know that I despise every one of you. Especially him.(looks at Goku)
"But, why?" Levy asked.
GOKU:(still breathing heavily)Hey, does anyone have any bacon? I sort of ate all of my pocket bacon on the way here…
"Bacon killed you in the future! Stop eating it!" Lucy yelled.
ANDROID 20: But allow me to shed a little light for you...(shows a flashback of an insectoid nanoborg surveying Goku's battle against Tien)For the last 14 years, ever since the 22nd World Martial Arts Tournament...
GOKU: Oh, I remember that one! I got hit by a car!
"What?"
ANDROID 20: Indeed. Since then, my insectoid nanoborg has been surveying and processing every battle you have fought, rating them on a scale of one to ten.
"So, you're a stalker?" Evergreen grimaced.
TIEN: Out of curiosity, how was ours?
ANDROID 19:(scans)Average - 6.5 out of 10.
"Damn," Gray winced.
TIEN: That's fair, I guess…
PICCOLO: How 'bout mine?
ANDROID 19:(scans)8 out of 10.
"Too high," Mira whined.
PICCOLO: Ha ha!
ANDROID 20: I have utilized this information to calibrate ourselves appropriately. We are now powerful enough to kill Son Goku, and take revenge for what he did to myself and the Red Ribbon Army!
"Very petty revenge that ends up destroying the world," Makarov glares.
PICCOLO: Wow, so you even followed him all the way to Namek, huh?
ANDROID 20: Of course I did! 19, what is Namek?
"Oh...well this changes everything!" Levy smiles.
ANDROID 19:(scans)Data not found.
"Then that means they don't know about Super Saiyan!" Sting grinned.
ANDROID 20: What do you mean "data not found"?!
ANDROID 19: Insectoid nanoborg destroyed during Saiyan attack.
"Probably, Vegeta's fault...or Nappa," Gajeel said.
ANDROID 20: Bugger all!
PICCOLO: So... I guess you've never seen a Super Saiyan, then?
ANDROID 20: 19?
ANDROID 19:(scans)Data not found.
ANDROID 20: Then, no.
PICCOLO: Goku?
GOKU: Oh, yeah, okay.(powers up and transforms into a Super Saiyan)
"THE COOLEST TRANSFORMING SEQUENCE YET!" Natsu roared loudly.
ANDROID 19: Power output exceeds projected parameters.
ANDROID 20: I don't care if you're Super Saiyan or a soup-or-salad! 19! Kill him! Kill him proper!
"Good luck with that. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan anymore," Levy smiled, confidently.
"Really?" Gajeel eyed her. Levy stuck out her tongue as a response.
ANDROID 19: Executing . Loading... 10%... 20%... 40%... 70%... 65%...
"Another failed machine. I've seen way better ones than this," Laxus mocked.
ANDROID 20: Wait, what?
ANDROID 19:(crashes)A fatal error has occurred. This program will now shut down. Would you like to send a report?
ANDROID 20: No, don't send a report!
ANDROID 19: Sending report.
The mages laughed at the banter.
ANDROID 20: Son of a whor*! Now to wait five minutes to do absolutely nothing!
"Please don't tell me they'll do that," Freed hoped.
(Goku punches Android 19 into a plateau)
"Oh, thank goodness," He sighed in relief.
ANDROID 20: Oh, bollocks…
"YEAH!"
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
"NO DAMMIT!"
[STINGER]
(shows an advertisem*nt for Puarina Cat Chow with Yamcha's "Cat Loves Food" song playing in the background)
"Absolute dog sh*t," Gajeel gagged.
Chapter End
Chapter 47: Super Saiyan Swagger
Chapter Text
Chapter 52: Super Saiyan Swagger
(cut to Goku as a Super Saiyan giving Android 19 a beating, the latter being heard constantly saying "Ow." over and over again)
"Well, this is surprisingly easy. Feels like there's nothing to worry about," Romeo shrugged.
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch, son. Anything can happen in battle," Macao told his son.
ANDROID 20:(to Piccolo and Tien)Are you afraid...? It's okay, you know... to feel that creeping, seizing fear- not everyone faces their deaths so openly.
"You wanna save the villain speech for when you're winning," Gajeel remarked.
ANDROID 20: I'll admit, your composure is admirable... even in the face of your inevitable demise, death's gaze squarely on you. You still keep calm, cool, and-(looks towards Android 19)Oh, for God's sake, 19, throw a f**king punch!
"It's still rebooting!" Levy said.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, and Yamcha arriving at the battle)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo, what have we missed?
"Nothing much really," Natsu answered.
PICCOLO: Well, your father is currently handing the Pillsbury Doughbot its generous, white ass.
"That's a better way to word it, then I would've," Gray laughed.
ANDROID 20: Yes, well, your feeble understanding of our abilities would lead you to believe such. But 19 has yet to truly demonstrate his full killing proficiency. 19! Attack from the left!
ANDROID 19: Higher.(screws up the attack and gets elbowed in the face)Ouch.(continues saying "Ow." in the background)
"It was a good plan. If the robot had any semblance of intelligence," Laxus commented.
ANDROID 20: No,myleft!
"That confuses me sometimes too," Natsu said.
"Learn to pay attention to directions better, flame-butt!" Gray yelled.
"Be more clear next time, Ice-Stripper!" Natsu shot back.
ANDROID 20: As I was saying... 19 is merely lulling your comrade into a false sense of security. And once we... 19, dodge!
ANDROID 19: Beginning dodge protocol...(Goku knees him in the face)Ow.(continues saying "Ow." in the background)
ANDROID 20: Why is dodging a subroutine? It's not that complex!
"Why am I getting deja vu?" Mira asked.
(Piccolo turns around and stares at Gohan)
GOHAN: What? What?!
"Oh, yeah that's right. And Gohan tries his best!" Mira shouted.
"He could try harder," Laxus mumbled.
ANDROID 20: Regardless, once we've secured our vantage point, Android 19 will move in for the kill, and your precious Son Goku will feel the full sting of my vengeance!
"Goku's not really giving him any openings at the moment. And I'd prefer if it stayed that way," Lucy said.
(Goku punches Android 19 in the face, who responds by saying "Ow." and gets knocked into the ground)
ANDROID 20: Hmm... a moment. 19, would you stop messing around?!
"How about you fight yourself, old-man!" Sting called out.
GOKU:(begins charging up a Kamehameha wave)Ka... Me…
"And a Kamehameha will end this fight!" Natsu grinned. He was upset that the fight was so-one sided, but at least everyone will live.
ANDROID 20: Oh, that's distressing...! 19, respond immediately!(Android 19 is seen standing still and staring at Goku in the sky)
GOKU: Ha... Me…
"Nope, it's game over," Romeo leaned back in his chair.
ANDROID 20: 19, what are you in, safe mode? Start responding this instant, before I shove my boot up your ass!
ANDROID 19: Reboot completed.
"That's one way to get your subordinate in gear," Gildarts chuckled.
GOKU: HAAAAAAAAAAA!
"It won't matter at all! It's Goku's win!" Natsu shouted.
(Goku fires the Kamehameha wave, which 19 then absorbs through the energy-absorbing device in his hand)
ANDROID 19:(in a deep voice)fully online.
The entire guild froze at seeing 19 absorb Goku's attack. Just now remembering that these androids were capable of doing so.
ANDROID 20: Oh... Bully!
GOKU:(breathing heavily)Huh... Didn't seem to work. Don't worry, guys, I'll try again... Double strength!(begins charging another Kamehameha wave)Ka... Me…
"No! Don't pull a Natsu!" The Fairies all scream.
"HEY!"
YAMCHA: Goku, don't! They can absorb your energy!
PICCOLO: Hold on a sec... Did you know?
"Yes, he knew...and he should've told ya when he arrived," Rogue sighed.
YAMCHA: Well, yeah... I felt it when the old man was holding me earlier.
TIEN: And you couldn't have said anything before, because...?
"To be fair. Yamcha was dying earlier," Gildarts defended the bandit.
YAMCHA: Hey, give me a break...! I've already been through enough crap today, and if I wanted to be bitched at, I would've stayed with Bulma and the baby!
"True, she is the Queen of bitching. No wonder her and Vegeta hit it off," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Yeah, guys, lay off him! He needs this like he needs a hole in the chest. Eh? Eh?
"I get it!" Natsu yelled.
GOKU:(off-screen)I get it!
ANDROID 20: And he's got you!
GOKU:(to Android 19, who's right in front of him)Oh, hey...! Can I have that energy back-?
"It would be really kind of you to do so," Wendy pleaded.
(Android 19 starts attacking him)
GOHAN: Dad!
GOKU:(gets knocked down to the ground by Android 19)Guys... don't wanna make a scene... but I'm pretty sure I'm dying.
"How!? The fight just started and it shouldn't have taken that much energy!?" Sting shouted, shocked.
GOHAN: What's going on? He hasn't used that much energy!
GOKU: Krillin! Senzu bean!
"Yeah! Senzu beans always work!" Lisanna said.
KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN!(throws a Senzu Bean at Goku, who catches it)
GOKU: Thanks, buddy!(eats Senzu bean and collapses on one knee)Oh, God, it made it worse!
"HOW!?"
"You couldn't be feeling worse unless...oh..my...god…" Levy facepalmed.
"What?" Gajeel asked.
"You guys will find out."
PICCOLO: Goku, what's wrong?
GOKU: Chest hurts...! Hard to breathe...!
"Is he…? Noooo…" Jellal grimaced, figuring it out.
"I cannot for the life of me believe he's this stupid. Not even Natsu would be this dumb," Makarov felt a headache coming.
PICCOLO: How's your arm?
GOKU: Don't know; can't feel it... Is that normal...?
PICCOLO: So, Goku's having a heart attack.
The guild erupted into loud sounds of confusion and protests at Goku having a heart attack. Which shouldn't have happened since Goku was given the medicine to prevent it.
GOHAN: Dad, you took the medicine, right?
GOKU: Yeah...! Well, I mean... I started to…
"S-s-s-started to…." Erza's face twitched in contained anger.
GOHAN: Started to- what? You mean you stopped? Why did youstop?!
GOKU: Because it was grape-flavored...!
Three tables were shattered into bits from Erza's anger and annoyance at Goku's persistence of being a goddamned idiot.
"HOW MANY TABLES DOES SHE PLAN TO BREAK!?" Everyone thought in fear.
(Android 19 delivers a swift kick at Goku, knocking him away and reverting him back to his normal state)
"Things went bad, so fast!" Lucy screamed.
"All because that dumbass hates grapes!" Evergreen yelled.
KRILLIN: Did he just knock the Super Saiyan out of him...?
"Yes, and that makes things even more serious!" Freed spoke, hastily.
GOKU: Piccolo, tag in!
(Piccolo moves in to help Goku, but Android 20 fires an eye beam laser through his chest, making him fall to the ground)
"HOW!?" Mira yelled.
"PICCOLO GET BACK UP!"
GOKU: Gohan, tag in!
"NO!"
(Android 19 drops onto Goku, who writhes in pain)
ANDROID 20: Well, boys, I can't say it hasn't been fun. In fact, if I still had a penis, it would be quite auspicious that we are wearing baggy pants.
"Gross!" Some of the girls yelled out.
ANDROID: But enough about hypothetical erections... 19, suck him dry!
"You really didn't want to miss that chance did you?" Gray asked, rolling his eyes.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Ha ha!
"Not the time!" Lucy said.
(Android 19 proceeds to drain Goku's energy)
GOHAN: No! Dad!
(everyone stops and listens as a faint repetition of "Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine" can be heard off-screen and starts growing louder)
"Is that….?" Levy trailed off.
"Yes it is," Erza sighed.
"I would've preferred it if we didn't have to rely on him," Makarov pinched his nose.
KRILLIN: Does anyone else hear that?
YAMCHA: Yeah, and it's getting closer.
TIEN: And it sounds an awful lot like...
ANDROID 19:(gets kicked in the face and sent flying)Ouch.
VEGETA: Mine.
"And the great Prince makes his return," Gajeel smirked.
PICCOLO:(eyes fly open)And the prodigal asshole returns!
"Wait you were faking!?" Mira flinched in surprise. That stupid green bastard making her worried...wait she was worried?
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: I wanted to wait for an opening on the androids, so I faked my injury. But now he's here.
"Could've acted a bit sooner and Prince asshole wouldn't have mattered," Laxus pointed out.
GOHAN: Wait, so you weren't actually wounded?
PICCOLO: No, but I got a better question: Where wasmySenzu Bean?
KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN!(throws a Senzu Bean at Piccolo, which bounces off Piccolo's face and responds by giving an stern look)
The mages laugh at Krillin's running gag.
GOKU:(weakly)Hey, Vegeta...
VEGETA: Kakarrot, you idiot, what are you doing?
"Is that all you gotta say after three years?" Lisanna grumbled.
GOKU: Dying... mostly. Little help?(Vegeta kicks him to Piccolo's direction)Thanks, best buddy...!(gets caught by Piccolo)
"Could've been gentler, but he does deserve a good kick in the ass," Erza glared at the screen.
"Do you want to cuddle the oaf or kick his nuts in?" Minerva asked at the scarlet knight. Making Erza's face match her hair.
GOHAN: Come on, Dad. We'll get you home and give you the medicine.
YAMCHA: No, let me do it! Let's be honest, if I stay, I'll probably just get in the way.
"Yes," Minerva answered, bluntly.
"Be nice," Erza chasated.
"He lost first. He gets no sympathy from me," Miverva told the knight.
TIEN: Yep.
PICCOLO: Probably.
GOHAN: No offense.
VEGETA: Why are you even here?
"I ask that whenever I see, Gray," Natsu snickered, until a block of ice smacked him in the head. The fire mage snapped his head around to find who did it, before grumbling at everyone looking "innocent."
(shows Yamcha looking hurt from everyone's response)
KRILLIN: SENZU BEAN!(throws a Senzu Bean at Yamcha, which hits him on the cheek)
"He needed a senzu bean for that one," Wakaba laughed.
YAMCHA: You know what? Have fun.(flies off holding Goku over his shoulder)
ANDROID 19: Primary threat escaping. 2 kilometers... 3 kilometers...
VEGETA: Excuse me, but your primary threat is right here.
ANDROID 19:(looks over to Goku's direction)6 kilometers... 7 kilometers…
"Not even considered a target? Must be a blow to his mighty ego," Minerva chuckled.
VEGETA: Am I being ignored?
"Wouldn't be the first time," Freed answered.
ANDROID 20: Don't mind him, he's programmed to only respond to my command. 19, forget about Son Goku... we can finish him at our leisure. For now, focus on... who are you, again?
"He really isn't a primary target," Gray said.
"Frieza must be laughing in his grave," Laxus said.
ANDROID 19: Scanning...(beeps)Vegeta. Prince of all Saiyans.
"So, he was in the system. The old man just didn't care to remember, since he wasn't Goku," Levy wrote down.
ANDROID 20: Oh, of course! How could I forget? 19, take care of him.
ANDROID 19: Understood.
VEGETA: *laughs* This is precious! You expect to beat me with this Automa-Ton Of Fun?
"He's bringing back the fat jokes. Haven't heard those since…" Gajeel paused, as if his brain tried to remember something it deleted for self-preservation.
ANDROID 19: Registering insult.(beeps)Retort: You are short and your hairline is receding.
"I wouldn't say it's that bad," Juvia responded.
"He looks about the same as he did three years ago," Lisanna scanned the prince.
VEGETA: *chuckles* Scathing.
ANDROID 20: Your confidence is noted, Vegeta... but Son Goku was able to achieve a form far beyond anything we'd ever seen before and we still beat him! And 19 has extensive knowledge of all your techniques!
VEGETA: Oh, is that right? Quite the cutting edge piece of tech you got there. But I'm curious... can it feel fear?
"He seems weirdly overconfident. And Vegeta's always overconfident," Levy pointed out.
"You don't think he managed to do it?" Freed asked.
"I don't know. He trained in space for something," She told him.
ANDROID 19: Scanning...(beeps)Processing...(buzzes)Results inconclusive.
VEGETA: Let's fix that, shall we?(begins powering up undergoing a similar new transformation)
The guild looked on in shock at Vegeta's hair flipping from black to yellow. Before erupting into hype for the Prince's Super Saiyan transformation.
ANDROID 20: Seriously, what the f**k is Namek?!
"A very long arc," Levy answered, pausing in her excitement to write down Vegeta's ascension.
(Vegeta yells and transforms into a Super Saiyan)
GOHAN: But how? I thought you had to have a pure heart to become a Super Saiyan, like my dad!
"Well, there's more than just pure good in the world, young man," Makarov gave his old man words.
VEGETA: Oh, trust me... there's more than one way to realize the legend...
(flashback of bloodified Vegeta with tears streaming down his eyes on some other planet)
VEGETA: I wanna! I wanna be a Super Saiyan! I wanna!(begins pounding the ground like a spoiled child)I wanna! I wanna! I wanna! I wanna! I wanna!...
The guild laughed loudly at Vegeta's story of becoming a Super Saiyan.
"The lamest way to achieve the form, yet it fits him so damn well," Gajeel's laughter brought tears to his eyes.
(back to present)
VEGETA: Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice.
"Please keep telling yourself that," Minerva smiled, maliciously.
VEGETA: And besides, my heart is pure. Pure, unadulterated badass…
"I wouldn't have said that," Makarov mumbled.
TIEN: Yeah, more like pure, unadulterated ego.
"Tell him, Triclops!" Canna drunkenly shouted.
VEGETA:(off-screen)I heard that, Triclops!
TIEN:(in a taunting voice)Is that okay?
VEGETA: As a matter of fact, go f**k yourself!
"I'll do it for him," Canna smirked.
"Canna, please!" Lucy chasated the drunk.
VEGETA: Now, where was I?(Android 19 punches him in the face)Hmm, what a shame... Looks like you just initiated your self-destruct sequence. Let me give you a countdown... Five!(kicks Android 19 in the chest so hard, his foot is seen through the android's back)
"HOLY sh*t!"
"How hard do you have to hit someone for that to happen!?" Jellal wondered.
ANDROID 19:(gets hit)Ouch.(gets knock away)Ow. Ow.
ANDROID 20:(thinking)Did I just see his foot?
"Yes, and how durable is 19?" Levy chewed her pin in thought.
VEGETA: Well, well, well... looks like I'm a size nineteen.
"Boo!" Wendy and Romeo down voted the joke.
VEGETA:(Android 19 gets up and rushes forward)Four!(ducks down and double kicks the android into the air)
ANDROID 19:(recovers from Vegeta's attack)Ahhh!
VEGETA:(appears in front of Android 19)So, have you rusted your pants, yet?(dodges an eye beam attack from the android)Three!(knocks the android to the ground with a double axe punch)
"Now this is an ass-kicking I can get behind!" Natsu cheered on the prince.
"You got that right, Natsu!" Sting cheered along.
ANDROID 20:(thinking)Damn it! No, don't panic... Everything will turn out dandy as long as Android 19 can grab Vegeta and steal his energy.
"That's right, there's still the energy absorption issue to work around," Jellal frowned.
(Vegeta lands inside the crater standing in front of the downed Android 19)
VEGETA: You know, I'm sure there was an advantage to building a fat robot- but for the life of me, I just don't see it.
"Don't get co*cky! We all know what happens when you get co*cky!" Lucy shouted in worry.
(Android 19 grabs Vegeta's arms)
"NO!"
ANDROID 19: Proximity breached. activated.
ANDROID 20: Yes! That's it, 19- do not let go of him, no matter what! Drain him until he's a shriveled-up prune of a corpse!
"No! Don't suck him off!" Wendy shouted and Carla stared at the Sky Slayer in horror.
ANDROID 19: Parameters recognized.(tightens his grip)Grip locked.
VEGETA: Locked, huh? Well, guess I'm not going anywhere for a while...(jumps up and puts his feet on Android 19's face)How's about I get a workout in?(starts pushing his feet down the android's face)That's right, I'm gonna do squats all over your face!
"Why is he treating this so nonchalantly!? If 19 gets his energy then it spells bad news!" Jellal yelled, annoyed.
ANDROID 19:(while his joints are heard creaking under the pressure)Initiating... energy... drain...
VEGETA: Aww, how adorable! So you want my energy, then? Tell you what, take as much as you want! In exchange, I'll take your hands! Two!(rips off Android 19's hands, causing him to stumble into a wall)
"I don't think the energy drainy thingy is gonna be an issue anymore," Millianna told Jellal. The blue-haired mage gaped comically at Vegeta's actions.
"But, how did he not get his energy taken away?" Rogue asked.
"Hn, because of his Super Saiyan Swagger," Gajeel replied.
"Please, never say that again," Levy shook her head in disappointment.
ANDROID 19:(as blood leaks from his dismembered arms)Error. Error. Error. Error. Error.
VEGETA: So then, before I put down the clown, let's put it to bed, shall we? Do you feel fear, android?
ANDROID 19: No, please. Get away. Leave me alone.(climbs out of the crater and starts running away)
"He actually managed to install fear into a machine," Lily gaped.
"Everything can feel fear, no matter what they are. I'm actually impressed by the Prince now," Laxus smirked in excitement.
VEGETA: All I needed to hear.
ANDROID 19:(while running away for his life)No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
VEGETA:(flies up and powers up)One. Big Bang Attack!(fire a ki blast at Android 19)
"It did make a comeback!" Levy perked up in happiness.
"Big Bang Attack?" Minerva snorted.
ANDROID 19: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO...
(The blast connects and produces a humongous explosion. Android 19's head is then seen bouncing off the ground before rolling a short distance forward.)
"THAT WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME/MANLY!" Natsu, Sting, and Elfman danced in joy.
ANDROID 19: Your 30-day trial has expired. Would you like to... purchase... Win... Rar...?
KRILLIN:(off-screen)SENZU BEAN!
(a Senzu Bean is seen hitting Android 19's face followed by a dog treat, which was thrown from Vegeta)
Those who understood the dog treat joke laughed at its comeback.
VEGETA: Ah, now that we have Chuckles the Ass-Clown out of the picture, how 'bout we tend to the elderly?(looks at the ground and notices that Android 20 is gone)The f**k did he go?!
"COWARD!" Natsu shouted angrily.
"How did he get away….oh yeah undetectable energy," Gray realized.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
VEGETA:(now in his normal form)*sighs* Whatever. Baldy, pass me a Senzu Bean!
KRILLIN: What, do you think I'm just giving these away?(Vegeta looks at him in silent disbelief)'Cause I'm not...
"Do you want him to kill you?" Lucy sweatdropped.
Chapter End
Chapter 48: Catch me if you Can-droid
Chapter Text
Chapter 53: Catch me if you Can-droid!
(cut to Vegeta catching a Senzu Bean and starts eating it)
"So, he did give him the Senzu," Wendy smiled.
"It was either that or die and they have enough on their plate at the moment," Lucy said.
VEGETA: When a goddamn Super Saiyan asks you for a senzu bean, bald man, you say "how many"?
"Is that because you get your butt kicked a lot?" Levy wondered.
VEGETA:(gulps down the Senzu Bean and transforms back up into a Super Saiyan)Ah, that's better. Count yourselves lucky to be in the presence of a shining, golden god such as myself!
"Do you guys think a Super Saiyan God exists?" Happy asked his fellow Exceeds.
Lily and Carla looked at one another before turning back to Happy. "That sounds completely ridiculous," Carla shook her head in disbelief.
"I doubt they could achieve the power of a God," Lily answered.
VEGETA: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go kill the other android! You peons may stay here and erect a statue in my honor.(flies off)
"Achieving Super Saiyan did wonders for his ego," Freed muttered.
"I'd erect a statue of him. One made completely out of sh*t," Minerva snickered at her own joke.
KRILLIN: So... Vegeta's a Super Saiyan.
TIEN: Yeah, whatever. Did you catch the name of his attack, though?
PICCOLO: I know, right? "Big Bang Attack"?
"Silliest name every," Minerva agreed.
"What is with your massive hate for him?" Kagura asked.
"He's prideful and arrogant. It gets annoying ya know?" Minerva answered, completely missing the irony.
"Yeah, we know," Erza, Kagura, and Millianna, sweatdropped.
NAIL:(Uh, I don't know. This coming from Mr. "Special Beam Cannon"?)
"True, it's not the most impressive name," Levy said.
"Coming from the woman who's magic attacks are just common words," Gajeel jokes. He kept laughing at Levy's pouting face.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Hey, why don't you try coming up with a better name for an attack?
"Devil's Piercing Lance?" Rogue suggested.
"Giga Death Drill?" Sting threw in.
"Fire Dragon Cannon?" Natsu suggested, confidently.
"No, Natsu. That's an attack you would have," Lucy sweatdropped.
NAIL:(How about... "Devil Drill Beam"?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)What about "Spiral Death Beam"?
NAIL:("Doom Laser"!)
PICCOLO:(thinking)"Rail Beam"!
NAIL:("Nail Gun"?)
"That's the best suggestion so far," Gajeel smirked at the name. He thought about using the name for a new attack.
"Always trust that Nail has the best ideas," Mira's glee was obvious.
PICCOLO: sh*t, that's good.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Vegeta flying after Android 20)
VEGETA:(thinking)So, just because he's a machine I can't feel his energy? That doesn't make any sense! Energy sensing's bullsh*t.
"Thought you came to this conclusion last arc?" Levy co*cked an eyebrow.
VEGETA:(lands on a rock, out loud)Hey, why you hidin'? You scared 'cause I blew up your friend? I'd call it your sex-bot, but as you're currently demonstrating, you don't have any balls!
Some of the members laughed at Vegeta's comparisons. Carla rolled her eyes at the Prince. "Does everything he says have to be so crude?" The white cat saw Wendy laughing as well. "Don't laugh at those words, Wendy! They are very inappropriate!"
"He's too funny, Carla!" Wendy disregarded her partner's worries.
(cut to Android 20 hiding nearby behind a rock)
ANDROID 20: Yes, he's desperate to find me. I'll just have to wait him out…
"He has a tendency to blow up everything that even becomes a slight annoyance. I don't suggest this strategy," Makarov said.
VEGETA: Aw, man... sure do feel winded after blowing up your robo-sexual life partner! Sure would suck if you jumped me and took my energy! Oh, no! Some dust in my eyes! This is the worst!
"Seems someone didn't take a Space Acting class," Erza giggled.
"She has no right to judge him." Everyone thought after hearing her.
VEGETA:(nothing happens)GET THE F**K OUT HERE!(prepares an energy blast)
Makarov rolled his eyes at being proven correct.
KRILLIN: Hey, Vegeta! We finally caught up an-(sees Vegeta charging the blast)Oh, God, no!
(Vegeta fires the blast at the cliffs, causing Android 20 to jumps out of his hiding place and absorb the blast)
"Goddammit, Vegeta." Freed sighed.
"No! Wait! This might actually work in their favor," Levy told him.
ANDROID 20: And now your energy is mine!
VEGETA: But that's exactly what I was planning on. I knew you couldn't resist jumping out to suckle on my Super Saiyan teat!
"PLEASE rephrase that!" Carla frowned.
VEGETA: And now you're mine! All mine, you old le-(Android 20 retreats by bouncing off some cliffs, making a spring noise from Sonic the Hedgehog)Hey! Get back here, I wasn't done!
"You gave him ample opportunity to run away," Laxus shook his head.
VEGETA:(bounces off after Android 20, making the same spring noise, and lands on another rock)This tactical sh*t's getting really old! Now you get out here and fight me blindly like a man! Or a man-droid...
(camera pans up to reveal Android 20 standing upside down from a cliff)
ANDROID 20:(thinking)Yes, you may be a Super Saiyan, Vegeta, but you're still just an arrogant little brat, aren't you?
VEGETA: Olly olly oxen bitch!
"The machine isn't wrong," Yukino chuckled a bit.
ANDROID 20:(lands on the ground, thinking)Well, while you continue to prattle on, I shall make my escape and- (sees Gohan on top of a cliff) Oh, they followed me... No matter, I'll just head the other way and- (sees Tien searchin in that area) Okay, fine. I'll just maneuver back where I came fro- (sees Krillin in another area) WHY THE HELL IS HE EVEN HERE!?
That made everyone burst into laughter.
ANDROID 20:Then again... (notices Piccolo in the sky) at my age, I could use more greens in my diet.
"No way this will work," Sting said.
PICCOLO:(thinking)All right, what about "Regicide Blaster"?
"You guys are still going? Thought you settled on one already?" Romeo asked.
NAIL:("Doomsday Crush"!)
PICCOLO:(thinking) "Anarchy Barrage"!
NAIL:("Taco Tuesday"!)
PICCOLO:(thinking) "Hellzone Grenade"!
"That's cool!" The males agreed.
"Ehhhh…" The girls felt iffy about it.
NAIL:(Ehhh...)
"Nail agrees," Mira smiled.
PICCOLO: Screw you, I'm keeping that one.
"And Piccolo kept it," Laxus smirked.
(Android 20 catches Piccolo off-guard and grabs him from behind)
ANDROID 20: Hello there!
"IT WORKED!?"
NAIL:(I'm... gonna leave you two alone for now.)
PICCOLO:(muffled)NAIL!
ANDROID 20: Shhhhhh... Oh, don't struggle. Just lie back and think of... Namek.
"Does that count as racist?" Lisanna looked confused.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Damn it! I have to contact Gohan...!
"Gohan to help save the day!" Wendy cried, with glee.
PICCOLO:Gohan, do you hear me?!(tries to reach out to Gohan telepathically and instead gets Vegeta)
VEGETA:(thinking)Oh, God, this feels amazing. First thing I'm gonna do when I get home is step in front of a full-length mirror, strip down, turn Super Saiyan, and…
"PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME THAT IMAGE!" Lucy shouted, her face beat red.
"PLEASE GIVE ME THAT IMAGE!" Canna yelled, drool dripping from her mouth.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Ugh! Gohan, Gohan, Gohan!(tries again, but gets Tien)
TIEN:(thinking) Cat loves food, y-yeah, yeah, yeah. Cat loves…
"Triclopes just went down on the cool meter," Minerva grumbled.
"Cat loves food, y-yeah, yeah, yeah!" Millianna sang, much to Minerva's annoyance.
PICCOLO:(telepathically)Uh...
TIEN:(out loud)You heard...nothing.
"We heard all of it," Millianna giggled.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Damn it! Gohan, this old man's got me from behind, you have to-
"Didn't need that mental image," Mira wanted to vomit.
GEORGE TAKEI:(telepathically) Oh my...
KING KAI:(telepathically)Seriously, how do people keep getting on this line?
"Been awhile since we've heard that gag," Levy smiled.
PICCOLO:(screams in a muffled rage)
(Piccolo is seen losing his strength while Android 20 laughs evilly when Gohan suddenly attacks the android from behind, making him release Piccolo, and gets sent flying into the ground)
"Gohan to the rescue!" Wendy and Romeo cheered together.
ANDROID 20:(his hat is seen falling into a crevice)No! My head cylinder!
PICCOLO:(catching his breath)Gohan... How did you...?
GOHAN: You two were hanging in the middle of the air. How could Inotsee you?
"Watch the sass, boy," Laxus warned.
PICCOLO: Don't you... sass me...
ANDROID 20: Huh?
VEGETA: Well, look who finally installed a pair!
(Vegeta, Krillin, and Tien arrive at the area and surround the android)
ANDROID 20: Well, uh, this is a little awkward. Maybe we could have a little dialogue and work this out-
"No," Erza said.
VEGETA: No.
ANDROID 20: Okay. Then how about I fight the bald one first?(looks at Tien)
"Are you sure?" Rogue lifted an eyebrow.
TIEN: Anytime, old man.
ANDROID 20: No! That one!(looks at Krillin)
"That makes more sense," Rogue shrugged.
KRILLIN: Yeah, I'ma opt out.
PICCOLO: How about this one?
ANDROID 20: Oh, please... As if you're in any condition to fight me...!
PICCOLO: Krillin, Senzu Bean.
KRILLIN: Senzu Bean?
PICCOLO: Senzu Bean.
KRILLIN: Senzu Bean!(throws Piccolo a Senzu Bean)
"Piccolo gets his Senzu bean," Lisanna remembers the last episode.
(Piccolo catches the Senzu Bean and eats it down before descending and removing his weighted clothing)
PICCOLO: Call me the can opener, 'cause I'm about to bust open your metal ass.
Levy expected Gajeel to say something, but he oddly didn't, so she turned back to the screen.
VEGETA: Yeah... how 'bout you just leave the one-liners to me?
"He's the Prince of all One-Liners after all," Gildarts jokes.
VEGETA: Besides, the old man is mine, Namekian.
PICCOLO: I just figured you wouldn't want to sully your Super Saiyan hands on such a weak opponent.
VEGETA: You know, the funny thing is, I know you're playin' me, but you're right. He's all yours.
"It's way too easy to convince him by saying that," Lucy sweatdropped.
"Let's just hope it doesn't come back to bite them in the butt," Yukino told her blonde friend.
ANDROID 20: Ah, yes, pit me against your little green man. I've already consumed enough energy from him to munch him twice-(Piccolo rushes forward and knees him in the face)Ahhh!(gets knocked past Vegeta into a plateau)
"Is Piccolo equal to a Super Saiyan?" Natsu asked.
"Probably," Bickslow answered.
VEGETA: Hah!
(cut to Trunks, who's come back from the future again, arriving at the previous battlefield)
The audience perked up in surprise at Trunks' appearance. Not expecting the time traveler to make a return.
TRUNKS:(looks at Android 19's head)Oh, my God, Chiaotzu's dead!
"Wrong doll looking vampire," Kagura said.
TRUNKS: And he really let himself go... And he's an android... That's not Chiaotzu.(realizing what it must mean)*gasps* Oh, crapbaskets.
"What? What's wrong?" Levy wondered. The Z-Fighters were beating the Androids, easily, but that should be fine. So, what had the time traveler concerned?
Jellal wondered the exact same thing. Sensing that something was wrong with the situation.
(cut to Bulma and Yajirobe holding baby Trunks in a plane, flying towards the ongoing battle between Android 20 and the others)
Laxus facepalmed at the sight of Bulma. "She has a baby with her. Why is she going to an active battlefield?"
YAJIROBE: There's a long list of bad ideas, and this one is at the top. You know that, right?
BULMA: I absolutely refuse to sit around and not be part of the action anymore. Do you know I never even saw Freeza? Not once?
"That's a good thing! I rather have never seen him at all!" Lucy whined.
YAJIROBE: I'm pretty sure no one ever complained about not meeting Hitler. I mean, some people do, but they're weird.
"Don't know who that is, but I agree completely!" Carla disagreed with Bulma's decision greatly.
BULMA: This isn't up for debate!
"It should be! For you being an irresponsible parent!" Wendy yelled.
YAJIROBE: You do know your kid is in the plane, right?
BULMA: Oh, he doesn't know what's going on.
"That doesn't excuse sh*t!" Levy retorted. She'd never put her child in harm's way, no matter how curious she got.
YAJIROBE: Yeah, I don't think that's the point! Also, he keeps trying to feed off me.
"That's weird. Babies are weird," Natsu stated, simply.
BULMA: Don't worry, he'll give it up when he realizes it's a dry well.
YAJIROBE: Yeah, about that... Have you ever seen what an all-Senzu Bean diet does to a man?
BULMA: What?
YAJIROBE: Korin likes it.
"None of us needed to hear that," Gray gagged.
(cut back to the battlefield where Android 20 charges at Piccolo only to get knocked into another plateau)
ANDROID 20:(emerges from the rubble)Okay, first: WHAT?! Second: THE F**K?!
"Been there a lot in life," Sting thought back to the GMG.
PICCOLO: You know, I did spend three years training with Goku.
ANDROID 20: Oh, so what? Are you a Super Saiyan now, too?
PICCOLO: Well... more of a Super Namekian, I guess.
"Goku really does bring the best out of others," Natsu grinned. Erza silently agreed, still pissed at the Saiyan idiot.
ANDROID 20: Wait, I thought you were a demon.
PICCOLO: Nope. Slug man.
ANDROID 20: Wow. That's... significantly more mundane.
"Totally less cool!" Natsu folded his arms with a pout.
PICCOLO: Ugh, I know! By the way, what's that brain case made out of?
ANDROID 20: Oh, well, it's a poly-carbonate, thermo-plastic, laminated-(Piccolo rushes forward and elbows him into the mountains below)AGHHH!
VEGETA: Anyone else feel like we over-trained for this?
"Better overtrained than dead, I always say!" Natsu puffs out his chest.
"When have you ever said that?" Gajeel questioned.
"Just now," Natsu gives a thumbs up to the Iron Dragon Slayer. Gajeel sighed at the idiot in front of him.
KRILLIN: Tell me about it.
VEGETA: No, shut up!
"Still upset at him, huh?" Evergreen smirked, slightly.
(Android 20 zooms up through the dust and charges at Piccolo with an outstretched hand in an attempt to absorb his energy again, which gets obscured by more dust)
GOHAN: MR. PICCOLOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooh, never mind.(Piccolo is seen grabbing Android 20's attacking hand in a firm grip)
"You can sit back and relax, Gohan. The Green man has it covered," Bickslow leaned back.
PICCOLO: You know, I never understood why you would even bother installing pain receptors. Kind of comes off as an intentional design flaw, if you ask me.
"That is a really good question. Some people are just dumb," Lector shrugged.
ANDROID 20: Don't you criticize my methods like you understand the neurosystem! Pain is imperative to recognize when you are in peril, to get the human mind con-(Piccolo severs his forearm)-TEEEEEEEXT!
"That was for Yamcha's chest!" Lisanna roared.
PICCOLO: So contextually speaking...(crushes and drops the android's arm)how f**ked are you?
"100% screwed," Gajeel chuckled.
ANDROID 20: You lime-colored son of a bitch! It's going to take me at least two hours to program a new hand! No, wait, I'm right handed... Three hours! You miserable reprobates! What have I ever done to you?
"Vaporized a city, almost killed Yamcha and Goku. You've done enough to warrant an ass-kicking," Gray rolled his eyes.
PICCOLO: Pretty sure you vaporized half a city.
ANDROID 20: I meant recently!
PICCOLO: That was an hour ago.
ANDROID 20: Semantics!
"Still recent!" Meredy points out.
(Trunks arrives on the scene)
TRUNKS: I'm sorry I'm late! The time machine's a little imprecise in terms of hours and-(looks at Android 20)What the hell is that thing?!
This caught everyone's attention. Why wouldn't Trunks recognize the android? Isn't he the one who killed everyone and brought the world to ruin?
"Unless…" Jellal sweats, nervously.
PICCOLO: Trunks, what are you doing here?
VEGETA: Ha! That's a girl's name.
"That's your son's name! You dolt!" Carla yelled.
KRILLIN: Wait, isn't that the name of your kid?
VEGETA: What, are you trying to imply that this wannabe Super Saiyan from the future is my soooooooooo…
"And the truth is now out. Doesn't matter, since the baby has already been born," Levy said.
(continues in the background)
TRUNKS: Well, guess that cat's out of the bag... But seriously, what is that?
"That's the android," Natsu answered.
PICCOLO: That's the android.
TRUNKS: No, it's not.
"What?"
PICCOLO: Yes, it is.
TRUNKS: No, it's not!
ANDROID 20: Yes, I am!
"See! He agrees!" Natsu pointed.
TRUNKS: You stay out of this!
TIEN: Wait, so you're saying that that's not the android that kills us?
TRUNKS: No, I don't even-
KRILLIN/Freed: But you said two androids, right?
"And they've been fighting two this whole time," Elfman said.
TIEN: And we've been fighting two.
TRUNKS: Yes, I said two, but that's not one of them!
"THEN WHO THE HELL HAVE THEY BEEN FIGHTING THIS WHOLE TIME!?"
VEGETA: Why didn't you tell us what they looked like, then?
TRUNKS: I only ever met the two!
VEGETA/Laxus: Well, look at that, so did we!
"Wait, what does this mean then?" Lucy asked, nervously.
"It means that Trunks and Bulma didn't understand how time travel works. They created a butterfly effect. Which means that we've still yet to meet the actual threats to the world," Jellal frowned after his explanation. The others look back nervously at this realization.
(Bulma arrives at the scene in her plane)
BULMA: Hey, guys!
"THE WORST TIMING, BULMA!"
VEGETA: And now the woman's here!
GOHAN: Bulma, NO!
TRUNKS: Did she bringme?!
ANDROID 20:(thinking)And there's my door...(launches a huge blast that engulfs most of the area, including damaging Bulma's plane, which causes everyone to scream)
"NO! BULMA! TRUNKS!"
"And Yajirobe," Wendy added, since nobody else did.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
PICCOLO:"Wind Scar"!
"Not that one," Wendy said.
NAIL:("Spirit Gun"!)
"Sounds cool!" Lucy and Yukino smiled.
PICCOLO:"Bankai"!
"Sounds like it requires a sword," Kagura and Erza agreed on.
NAIL:("Rasengan"!)
"Nice! But, doesn't fit Piccolo," Gray said.
PICCOLO:"Gum Gum Pistol"!
"Fire Dragon: Iron Fist!" Natsu shouted.
NAIL: (...That sounds dirty.)
"How?" Natsu tilted his head, confused.
Chapter End
Chapter 49: Dr. Gero or How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Androids
Chapter Text
Chapter 54: Dr. Gero or How I learned to stop worrying and Love the Androids
(cut to Bulma's destroyed plane falling down inside a crevice with the camera panning over to Trunks, who saved Bulma and his infant self from the explosion)
"Oh, thank Kami!" Levy released a breath and eased her stress.
"Trunks is a good boy," Erza smiled.
BULMA: Uh... Oh, wow, pretty sure I was about to be a wish there…
"Because you're a damn idiot!" Levy yelled.
"Hopefully, this teachers her to not be so reckless," Makarov frowned.
BULMA: Oh, God, the baby!(looks to her right and grabs baby Trunks, who is crying heavily, from Trunks' arm)
"Now, you're concerned with his well-being," Levy scowled.
"You ok, squirt?" Gajeel asked her.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit miffed," She answered.
BULMA: Ah, there you are... Aww, don't worry, Trunkie. It was just an explosion. You'll get used to those, those happen a lot around mommy.
"Sadly she isn't wrong. Especially with Vegeta as a lover," Evergreen sighed.
TRUNKS: I could have sworn I saw somebody else in the car with you.
BULMA: Hmm?
(cut to Yajirobe who's stuck under a pile of rocks)
"IS HE OK!?"
YAJIROBE:(reminiscing an earlier conversation with Korin)"Hey, Yajirobe." "What is it, Korin?" "Why don't you go help out the gang?" "Oh, sure, Korin, why not? What's the worst that could happen?"(a tiny rock falls and nails him in the face before crumbling into pebbles)I got a rock up my butt…
"I've had that happen before," Natsu answered. Those near him looked at him in concern and disgust.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Vegeta floating in the sky)
VEGETA: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! He got away again?! And not a nut or bolt to be found! Not that you had any nuts to begin with!
"Are you NOT concerned about your wife and child?" Gildarts asked, angry.
(Trunks angrily glares at Vegeta and flies up into his path)
TRUNKS: Look, I don't mean to tell you how to be a father.
"I AM!" Makarov, Gildarts, and Macao shouted at once.
TRUNKS: But why didn't you try and save your wife and son?
VEGETA: My what and my son?
"Please tell me Saiyans know what the term "wife" means," Erza's eyebrow twitched.
TRUNKS: Wait, you mean you two never got married?
VEGETA: What is that, some kind of food?
The sound of facepalming rang all around the guild at Vegeta's answer. Even Natsu knows what a wife is.
"Why do I get the feeling Goku made the same mistake?" Erza said, apprehensively.
"Because he would make that mistake," Lucy sweatdropped.
TRUNKS: No, just, listen... When two people love each other...
VEGETA: Oh, wow, I'm just f**king with you.
"OH THANK KAMI!" Everyone sighed in relief...somewhat.
"Goku's still an idiot," Minerva shrugged.
VEGETA: My God, who doesn't know what marriage is? Also, love each other? Making a lot of assumptions here.
"Not true! You guys definitely love each other!" Juvia shouted, defiant.
"If he loved her, he would've saved her," Gray explains to the water mage. Juvia pouts at her one-and-only.
"There's no way two people could share a night of such passion and not be in love! Vegeta just hasn't realized it yet!" Juva told him. Gray didn't have the heart to say anything back as Juvia continued to pout.
TRUNKS: Grr...
(back down on the ground with the others...)
BULMA: So, I thought you guys were fighting androids? Why was Dr. Gero here?
"Who?" Freed perked up, since it seemed Levy didn't want jot notes.
(everyone gasps like it's some big revelation)
KRILLIN: Who dat?
BULMA: Scientist. Worked for the Red Ribbon Army. Adequate with robotics.
"So, he's the mad scientist. Then, how come Trunks never told anyone his name?" Jellal questioned.
"A lot of things aren't adding up here," Laxus stated.
KRILLIN: Oh... Hey, Mr. Can't Say! You may wanna hear this!
(later)
VEGETA: You f**king failure!
"He's that kind of dad," Laxus mumbled, tightening his fist.
TRUNKS: Hold on a second, I-
VEGETA: You told us... two androids... May 12th... 10 a.m. South City!
TRUNKS: Well, by nine miles off of...
VEGETA: And what happens? We waste our time on the wrong f**king androids!
"And there's the confirmation needed," Freed jots down.
"So, what happens now?" Sting asked.
"They need to stop Gero from getting to the actual androids and killing them all," Rogue explains to his partner.
TRUNKS: Look, I was...(looks over to Bulma)Uh, how old is that baby?
BULMA: 'Bout ten months.
TRUNKS: Ten months old at the time!
"Even still, shouldn't Future Bulma have known about this?" Lucy questioned. Though, she remembers how her future self didn't know about Future Rogue following her through time.
VEGETA: How about next time you come back to give someone a heads up, you give them a goddamn photo?!
"Look, the kid made a mistake. Get off his back already," Gildarts said, irritated with the Prince's attitude.
"A mistake that could've gotten them all killed," Jellal responded.
TRUNKS: Just, listen... I think traveling back in time may have caused a butterfly effect. The androids that kill you in the future could still appear!
"Exactly as you said, Jellal," Erza smiled. The criminal mage smirked at the compliment from Erza.
VEGETA: I don't give a sh*t about butterflies! With all this time we've wasted, Dr. Gero has probably made it back to his lab already! And God only knows where that is!
BULMA: I know where that is.
"Why have you been sitting there and not saying, sh*t?" Levy questioned.
VEGETA: You do?
TRUNKS: Youdo? Why didn't you tell me!?
BULMA: Because this never came up before.
"Future Bulma would give him the exact same response," Lucy sweat drops.
TRUNKS: No, I meant in the future...(shows Bulma's blank expression)Never mind. How do you know?
BULMA: All scientists know where other scientists' labs are. Dr. Frapp, Dr. Wheelo…
"Haven't heard from in a while. I wonder how he is," Wendy wondered.
TRUNKS: Who?
BULMA: Long story. Last time I checked, Gero had a secret lab right outside North City.
VEGETA: Well then it's time for round goddamn two!(powers up and starts flying away)
TRUNKS: Wait!(flies in front of Vegeta again)You can't just take off on your own!
"Wrong person you're talking to," Gajeel said.
VEGETA: Are you giving me orders?
TRUNKS: No, I'm trying to help you!
VEGETA: Ohohoho, well, I'm sorry, but...(flies up in Trunks' face)I don't listen to bastards.(flies off, leaving Trunks speechless)
The entire guild sits in silence at Vegeta's words and the only emotion flowing through each one of them is anger.
"He's a sh*t father. He doesn't deserve to be a father and nothing will change that," Laxus growls, lighting coursing off of his body.
Juvia trembles a bit at Vegeta's words and feels doubt about if Vegeta actually cares for anyone other than himself. Gray holds her hand to help her feel better.
Gajeel trembles in anger. Yeah, him and Levy weren't married and that would make their kid a bastard. But, he'd never even think about saying something like that to his own child.
Lucy sees steam flowing off of Natsu's body and sorta places a hand on his hot shoulder. "Natsu…"
"Trunks has waited his whole life to talk to his dad, but all he gets in return is nothing, but disrespect and insults. Igneel would never…" Natsu growls.
PICCOLO: Gohan?
GOHAN: Yeah?
PICCOLO: You're a good kid.
"He is and we're all thankful for that," Mira agreed.
"Goku and Chi-Chi need to tell him that too," Lisanna
GOHAN: Oh... Thanks?
TRUNKS: No! We have to stop him!(flies off after Vegeta)Dad! Wait!
"And he still can't help, but care for the asshole," Minerva sighs.
BULMA: Wait, "dad"?
PICCOLO: Oh yeah, by the way, that kid's your son. No harm telling you now. Damage already done.
BULMA: Oh, wow, he grows up to be a cutie! And...(remembers her last interaction with her future son)Oh, my God, I solicited my son for sex…(Krillin bursts into laughter off-screen)WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?
The mages laugh at Bulma's realization, and it lightens the mood a bit within the guild.
KRILLIN: Because it's hilarious!
"True," Minerva agreed with the midget.
PICCOLO: You just learned about it.
KRILLIN: Anditishilarious.
PICCOLO: Anyway... Gohan, I think Bulma and the baby need to go home.
"Good idea," Mira agrees, with sending Gohan away.
BULMA: We do?
"Yes! Now leave!" Levy yells.
PICCOLO: You do.
GOHAN: Well, it would be nice to check in on my dad.
"Yeah," Erza was still miffed a bit.
YAJIROBE: Actually, I kind of need a ride, too.
GOHAN: But I-
BULMA: Actually, I'd like you to take me home first.
"So damn needy," Laxus complained.
"She does have a baby with her," Mira reminded him.
GOHAN: But you-
PICCOLO: Stop worrying, Gohan. I'm sure Goku's fine.
(cut to Goku, who is screaming and writhing in agony)
"Yes, he's totally fine," Sting said, sarcastically.
(cut to Dr. Gero running away from the Z-Fighters and heading toward his hidden laboratory)
DR. GERO:(thinking)All right, made a miscalculation... a couple miscalculations. Lost an android, and a hand... And I think my brain case is loose.
"I feel like that should be your bigger concern," Romeo blanched.
: But there's no way they could follow me and none of them know where to find my lab- Huh? (takes shelter under a rock and he sees Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin fly by) That's funny... they're all flying right toward my- Oh, find me in the alps! No, there's no way they could have secured the location of my secret lab. Unless they know a scientist, like Wheelo or Frapp. Or any of the Brief-(remembers shooting down Bulma's plane earlier, out loud)sh*t!(a few crows are seen flying up into the air in distress)
"Bet you feel stupid now!" Bickslow laughed.
(flashback of Trunks talking to his mother his own timeline)
FUTURE BULMA: Oh... Your father, huh?
TRUNKS: Yeah, you never talk about Dad. What was he like?
FUTURE BULMA: He was... a loner? Had a lot of trouble making friends- very abrasive.
"Sugarcoating everything about the man," Makarov said.
TRUNKS: Am I a lot like him?
FUTURE BULMA: You have his gender.
"And that should remain as the only thing you two share," Kagura said.
(back in the present where Trunks is flying behind Vegeta)
VEGETA: You know, if you really wanted to help out, you could stop following me around and start searching these mountains.
TRUNKS: I'm trying to save your life! If you just stop and listen to me...
VEGETA: The hell do you care?
TRUNKS: Oh, come on! We both know I'm your son!
VEGETA: And are you as disappointed as I am?
"I'm disappointed in you. Does that count?" Minerva asked.
TRUNKS: Argh!
(cut to Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin, who have reached the outskirts of North City)
PICCOLO: All right, we've got a lot of ground to cover.
KRILLIN: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say.
PICCOLO: We should probably...
KRILLIN: Here it comes...
PICCOLO: ...stick together for safety.
"For Krillin's safety? Right?" Lucy asked, concerned.
KRILLIN: Oh. Thank our green God on the Lookout-!
TIEN: I don't know... Probably cover more ground if we split up.
"Shut up, Tien!" Lucy yelled.
KRILLIN: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
PICCOLO: Nah, he's got a good point.
"He was gonna run out of good ideas at some point," Mira deadpanned.
KRILLIN: Ah, green goddamn it!
(all three of them fly off)
KRILLIN: Why am I so scared, anyway? There's like a sextillion mountains around here. The chances of me running into him are-(Dr. Gero grabs his leg from below and throws him towards a bolder)Ahhh!(Dr. Gero runs up and elbows him in the face and then proceeds to knee him in the stomach)
Everyone winced as Krilin got his ass kicked very easily. "Well since, Yamcha's not here you get the short end this time," Yukino laughed, nervously.
DR. GERO: 540,000 to 1. Lucky you. Ta-ta.(flees the scene)
(Krillin is seen left on the ground and moaning in pain)
(Krillin Owned Count: 30)
"Poor Krillin," Wendy frowned.
(cut to Dr. Gero arriving at the entrance of his lab)
DR. GERO:(thinking)Ah, there's no place like home... And the only person who even got close is currently incapacita-
KRILLIN:(is seen floating right in front of Gero's lab)Hey, guys! I found Dr. Gero... And his lab! I found Dr. Gero's lab!
"Wait, how did he?" Lector asked.
DR. GERO: Inconceivable! How are you a-
KRILLIN: Senzu Bean.
"That's right! He is the one carrying them," Lucy remembered.
DR. GERO: I don't know what I was expecting... Please, if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment, uh, Tien.
"Not sure if that counts as an insult or compliment," Bickslow said.
Dr. Gero: I have something I'd like to show you.
KRILLIN: Okay!(starts humming but stops)
The mages stared at Krillin with dumbfounded expressions.
KRILLIN: Aw, crap... It's the androids.
"NO sh*t!"
(cut to Dr. Gero inside his lab)
DR. GERO:(thinking)I literally can't believe that worked…
"You'd be surprised with this group," Freed rolled his eyes.
DR. Gero:(the lab lights up, playing a Mac startup sound) I also can't believe I may have to resort to 17 and 18. I should measure my choices... I can't be too careful with i-
KRILLIN:(from outside the lab's door)Piccolo, over here! I found Gero's lab!
PICCOLO:(from outside the lab's door)Hrah!(tries to break down the door)Ahh, my wrist!
Mira burst into laughter from Piccolo's failure.
"What is that door made of!?" Everyone else wondered.
DR. GERO: Caution to the wind, then.
(opens Android 17's pod, who wakes up and steps out of the pod)
The mage's faces turn serious at the sight of the actual androids or at least one of them.
"Looks younger than I thought...cuter too," Evergreen noted.
ANDROID 17:(in a robotic voice)Hello, Dr. Gero. How are you today?
DR. GERO: Well, that's new... I-
ANDROID 17:(normal voice)I'm just messin' with ya, man. What's up, Doc?
"Reminds me of teenagers," Makarov grimaced.
DR. GERO: Oh, there it is. Good morning, Android 17.
ANDROID 17: Man, according to my database, it's been a while since you last turned us off.
DR. GERO: You mean, since you tried to destroy me…
"Destroy? They've tried to kill you and you didn't try to fix them?" Freed raised an eyebrow.
ANDROID 17: Yeah, Doc. And I'm real broken up about that. It's just, every time you talked, all I heard was "Kill me, kill me, kill me".
"That's usually a warning sign for most scientists," Yukino shivered.
ANDROID 17: Something with my auditory. Think it's gone now, though.
DR. GERO: Well, suppose you just needed to be turned off and on again.
"What is he? A light switch?" Romeo asked.
ANDROID 17: Hmm, how 'bout that? You gonna wake my sister up, too?
DR. GERO: Indeed. I require both of your assistance.(pushes a button to open up Android 18's pod)
ANDROID 17: Wow. Must have gotten yourself in some sh*t.
"Some real sh*t," Gajeel nodded.
TIEN:(from outside the door)Here, let me get in on this.(tries to break down the door)AUGH! Now, MY wrist!
"How are you still having trouble!?" Lucy shouted.
(Android 18 wakes up and gets out of her pod)
Some of the members couldn't help, but acknowledge the beauty of Android 18.
"She has a big forehead," Romeo pointed out. His dad bonked him on the head for the comment.
"Brat! You don't insult a woman's looks!"
"She's a killer android! Why do you care!?"
ANDROID 18:(in a robotic voice)Hello, Dr. Gero. How are-
ANDROID 17: I already did it.
ANDROID 18:(normal voice)Ugh, you dick! We were supposed to do that together!
"Siblings," Gray shrugged.
ANDROID 17: I know, but I couldn't help myself.
ANDROID 18: Whatever.(to Dr. Gero)What do you want?
DR. GERO: Well, Son Goku's comrades are currently knocking at a door!
PICCOLO:(is heard from outside once again trying to break down the door)Ah, my other wrist!
"JUST BLAST THE DOOR!"
KRILLIN:(from outside the door)Jesus, use your shoulder!
DR. GERO: After a bit of an... incident earlier today, I lost Android 19, and my a-
ANDROID 18: Wait a sec, you built another android?
ANDROID 17: Wait, wait, wait. Was it that fat clown thing? I thought that was a joke!
"To Vegeta, it was a joke," Rogue said.
ANDROID 18: Well, clearly it was- it's dead.
DR. GERO: And so are we if you don't-
ANDROID 17: Whoa, slow down. Are you an android? Holy sh*t, you're an android! How did you even do that?
DR. GERO: I took my brain out and put it into this body.
ANDROID 18: How?
DR. GERO: I... Huh. HowdidI do that?
"You don't even know!?"
(Cut to outside the lab, where Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin are still trying to break down the door. Tien attempts to break down the door with a shoulder tackle.)
TIEN: Ah, now my shoulder!
KRILLIN: It's like it's made out of some kind of metal…
"And these are the protectors of Earth. I'm still shocked they all aren't dead yet," Minerva deadpanned.
VEGETA: So, we having a party?
(Vegeta and Trunks arrive in front of Gero's lab)
PICCOLO: Must be, 'cause you're late.
"Gotta be fashionably late," Lily said.
VEGETA: Only because of this brat's constant backchat!
TRUNKS: Because you flew 200 miles past North City!
(cut to back inside Dr. Gero's lab)
VEGETA:(from outside the door)And I'm about to put my hand 200 miles upside your head!
TRUNKS:(from outside the door)That doesn't make any sense!
Romeo eye'd his own dad, before turning back towards the screen.
ANDROID 18: Jesus, they're loud.
"Agreed," Evergreen said.
DR. GERO: Great, and now Vegeta's here. 17! 18! You two are charged with eliminating them!
ANDROID 17: You know, I'll get right on that- but first we gotta talk about these trust issues, because I get this strange feeling that after we kill them, you're just gonna turn us off again. And I don't even know how...
DR. GERO:(while holding a remote)Why, with this remote, of course.
"And he's dead," Levy said.
"Scientists are idiots," Gajeel shrugged.
ANDROID 17: Oh...(swipes the remote from Gero's hand)You mean this remote?
DR. GERO: Uh, but, you see, that's just the decoy remote. I wouldn't show you the real thing, ha... But, uh, I do need that remote back. It was my mother's.
"Why would your mother need that?" Wendy questioned.
"He's lying, Wendy," Carla told the girl.
"Oh."
ANDROID 17: Oh, don't you worry. I'ma hold onto it real tight...(crushes the remote)Whoops.
ANDROID 18: Did your hand just malfunction, bro?
ANDROID 17: Think it did, sis.
"Starting to see why he turned them off," Lucy shifted, uncomfortably.
(cut to back to outside Dr. Gero's lab)
VEGETA: Enough of this! I'm sick of standing around!(prepares to blast down the door)
"I'm upset that he decides to do so," Minerva said.
TRUNKS: No! We can't do this without Goku!
VEGETA: Why? It's a goddamn door!
"Because you will without a doubt find a way to get everyone killed," Laxus answered.
TRUNKS: That's not what I-
VEGETA: Gah!(fires an energy blast which blows down the door with the group standing face to face with the androids)All right, so where are the real androids?
TRUNKS: That's them.(shows a shot of Androids 17 and 18)
VEGETA: Wow, you are just the Grand Central Station of disappointment, aren't you?
"He is your son soooo…." Bickslow quipped.
TRUNKS: How are these people friends with you?!
"That is a giant assumption," Lily spoke.
TIEN: Making a lot of assumptions right now...
ANDROID 18: Wow... you got a whole hot mess of these guys over here.
DR. GERO: And you need to get rid of them!
ANDROID 18: I don't know... we might need some help...(walks up and looks at another unactivated pod)Oh, what's this? Your secret project?
DR. GERO: No, he's in the base-
Levy and Freed co*ck their eyebrows.
Dr. GERO: I mean, yes! Very secret- don't touch!
ANDROID 18:(takes a better look inside the pod)Wait a second, did you build a ginger android? Man, there's a Soulless Machine joke there, but that's beneath me.
"You kinda just made one," Kagura mentioned.
TRUNKS:(completely shocked)Wait, what!?
"Another change caused by the butterfly effect," Jellal frowned.
VEGETA: So, I'm pretty sure that's three androids you've missed? Do I hear four?
TRUNKS:(thinking)No, no, no, no, no!
"I think standing around time has ended," Makarov said, seriously.
DR. GERO: Do not activate Android 16! He's not properly programmed!
"That's an even bigger warning sign," Lily said.
ANDROID 17: Oh, and how many of us are?(in a southern accent accompanied by banjo music)Howdy, folks, I'm Android 13, look at my trucker hat.
"You'd have to be an idiot to make that," Gajeel snickers.
DR. GERO: I was going through a phase!
"HE ACTUALLY DID!?"
ANDROID 18: Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend.
DR. GERO: Don't you dare! I am your master and you will do what I say!
"That's always the one thing you don't say," Lisanna said, afraid for what's about to happen next.
ANDROID 17: I... I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back.
DR. GERO: I said I am your master and you will do what I-(Android 17 impales him the chest with his hand)
"OH sh*t!"
ANDROID 17: Sorry, doc.(decapitates Dr. Gero with a kick, with his head rolling towards Krillin)Just following orders.
The mages remember that these androids are dangerous and things just went from bad to worse.
DR. GERO:(as his head stops directly in front of a whimpering Krillin)So... could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu-(Android 17 crushes crushes his head under his foot)
"I was right to be afraid," Lisanna shivered.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Gohan carrying Bulma, baby Trunks, and Yajirobe on their way to Bulma's house)
GOHAN: Bulma, are you sure it's safe to hold the baby like that while we're flying?
BULMA: Well, what do you expect me to do?
GOHAN: Give him to Yajirobe?
BULMA: I'm afraid he'll either drop him or eat him out of spite.
YAJIROBE: I am pissed and hungry. She is right to fear me.
"Don't eat baby Trunks, please," Wendy pleaded.
Chapter End
Chapter 50: Blood, Sweat, and Gears
Chapter Text
Chapter 55: Blood, Sweat, and Gears
(cut to Android 17 smashing the head of Dr. Gero and everyone minus Trunks looking appalled. Android 17 smiles and begins to walk towards Android 18)
KRILLIN: So does this mean they're on our side?
"I wish, they were," Lucy trembled.
(Trunks yells and transforms into a Super Saiyan before firing an energy blast at the androids, making Krillin scream and dive for cover, and blowing up the mountainside)
"HOLY sh*t!" The guild jumped back by Trunks' sudden reaction.
"An overreaction...an understandable one, but still," Yukino said.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to an outside shot of Dr. Gero's lab being decimated from Trunks' blast)
KRILLIN:(he along with everyone else has escaped the blast)Well, that settles that. You're definitely Vegeta's kid.
"Blowing up things in anger? Yes," Gajeel agreed to that point.
VEGETA: So, you done throwing a hissy fit?
TRUNKS: At least I did something instead of just standing there staring at them!
KRILLIN: We do do that a lot.
"At least you're aware of it," Freed spoke.
"We tend to do that too," Lucy sweatdropped.
(the androids appear unharmed through the smoke of the explosion and are standing on top of a cliff with Android 18 holding the pod over her head)
"And it proceeded to do nothing. Just like daddy dearest," Canna said, sarcastically.
TRUNKS: What? They're still alive? But that was my strongest blast!
VEGETA: So you just assumed they were destroyed, then?
"To be fair, you guys can't sense them," Lily defended.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)We do that a lot, too.
"That's why you shouldn't be too optimistic, Krillin," Lucy spoke.
VEGETA: Besides, what exactly changed from you in the future and now?
TRUNKS: More than I thought, less than you think…
ANDROID 17: Man, mystery kid up there sure is cranky. I think someone needs a nap.
"There is a baby version of him,"Lisanna thought of Baby Trunks.
ANDROID 18: Whatever.(throws the pod on the ground)Let's just pop this bad boy open.(presses a button to open the pod)
"This still seems like a bad idea," Jellal frowned.
POD: Initializing update one of one thousand four hundred thirty...
ANDROID 18: Yeah, screw that.(kicks the lid off the pod)
(Android 16, a green android with a red mohawk, awakens and emerges from his pod)
"Geez! He's one huge machine!" Gildarts said, surprised by the height.
ANDROID 17: Man, you are a tall bastard. So, fire-crotch, what's your name?
"Couldn't resist the ginger joke?" Evergreen rolled her eyes.
ANDROID 16: I am designated as Android 16.
ANDROID 17: What are the odds?
ANDROID 18: The old man did always have a one-track mind.
"Like Frieza and his horrible planet naming sense," Levy brought up.
ANDROID 18: What's your deal?
ANDROID 16: I am programmed with the sole purpose of murdering Son Goku.
"Yeaaaahhhh...could you not do that?" Natsu asked.
"Yeah, killing Goku seems like a bit much," Wendy said, nervously.
ANDROID 18: See? This is what I'm talkin' about.
ANDROID 17: I'm glad I killed him.
ANDROID 16: You killed Son Goku?
"Thankfully, he did not," Erza responded.
ANDROID 17: No, Dr. Gero.
ANDROID 16: Oh... May we go and murder Son Goku?
"Can that also be a no?" Lucy pleaded.
"Also, the zero concern for Gero's death?" Sting brings up.
"He is only programmed to kill Goku," Rogue answered.
ANDROID 17: Well, ain't got nothin' better to do.
ANDROID 18: So if the name of the game is kill Son Goku…
"Sounds like a really terrible game to play. I'd rather never play it," Happy munched on his fish, slowly.
ANDROID 17: Let's play.
(the three androids levitate into the air)
ANDROID 17: Hey, we should grab us a car.
ANDROID 18: The hell do we need a car?
ANDROID 17: Because I want one.
"Sounds like a spoiled brat," Makarov grumbled.
(the androids fly off)
VEGETA: Are-Are they flying away? Get back here! I am sick and tired of being ignored!
"Everyone wishes they could ignore you," Minerva deadpans.
TIEN: I wish we could ignore you…
"Triclops has the right idea," Minerva smirks.
(Vegeta transforms into a Super Saiyan)
TRUNKS: No, Dad! Stop!(flies in front of Vegeta and speeds his arms out, blocking his path)
"Trunks, sweetheart. For your own safety and health, please just let the idiot charge off," Mira pleaded.
VEGETA: Are we really doing this again?
TRUNKS: I wish you'd understand...! There's no way we can fight them without Goku!
VEGETA: And I wish you'd understand who you're talking to! I am Vegeta! Why would I ever need that gibbering fool's help!?
"Because you are 90% guaranteed to get your ass kicked," Laxus answered.
"And there's nothing wrong with accepting help from friends!" Wendy added.
"Really should redefine the "friend" word," Minerva said.
TRUNKS: Because you're not as strong as-
(Vegeta punches Trunks in the stomach, causing the latter to wheeze in pain, and flies off. Krillin and Tien fly up to Trunks.)
"Asshole," Everyone thought at the sametime.
KRILLIN: You pushed the Goku button. You shouldn't a did that.
"That button is nothing, but insecurities and failures," Minerva scoffed.
(cut to Goku's house, where Goku is still screaming his head off)
"How strong are his lungs?" Yukino gaped.
YAMCHA: Uh, Chi-Chi, you might wanna come in here...
CHI-CHI:(from the kitchen)Sorry, hon; cooking up a storm in here.
YAMCHA: This is looking kind of bad... He's screaming up a lot of blood.
"Heart failures tend to do that," Makarov touched his own chest.
CHI-CHI: I'll make sure there's plenty of iron and protein in the meal.
"Not sure if he can eat solid food in this state," Wendy replied.
"I'm sure he can inhale it," Erza told the teen.
YAMCHA: And I can't really remember the last time he inhaled. And while that's sort of impressive, I don't think it's healthy. Goku doesn't have a ton of brain cells to work with as it is.
"Just like Natsu," Gray imputed.
"SAY THAT AGAIN!"
"SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!"
"Yes, ma'am."
CHI-CHI: Look, to be honest, it's just nice to have him in the house for a change.
"That explains why she's so calm about the situation," Erza said. While she agrees that Goku should be around more often, she wishes it was under better circ*mstances.
(Goku stops screaming and takes a deep breath)
"He's winding back up!" Happy shouted.
YAMCHA: Oh, good, he took a b-
(Goku starts screaming again)
"Just put a muffle on him," Laxus snarked.
(cut to the androids landing on a roadside somewhere in the mountains)
ANDROID 17: Alright, here's my idea: first car that comes our way, we appropriate it.
"The killer android's first offence is stealing a car. Unless they kill someone, then they'll seem more evil to me," Minerva folded her arms.
"I'd rather they steal vehicles than start going on a murdering rampage," Kagura countered.
ANDROID 18: Ugh, and all the way out here in the boonies. It's probably gonna be a Semi.
ANDROID 17: *gasps* Oh, I hope it's a truck. What do you think, 16?
ANDROID 16: Will it assist us in murdering Son Goku?
"No." Erza answered.
ANDROID 17: I don't know. I guess you could hit him pretty hard with it.
"I'd doubt it would do anything to him. Well considering his current condition, it would probably kill him," Levy theorized.
"Levy," Erza called.
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
ANDROID 16: Then I too hope it is a truck.
(Vegeta lands in front of the three androids)
VEGETA: Well, well, well. If it isn't fa*ggoty Andy and On-The-Raggedy Ann.
The guild paused as Vegeta's words sunk in and they all decided once again that Vegeta's an A-class asshole to the max.
"I really hope they break his arm or kill him. Either one works for me," Minerva said, displeased by the Prince.
ANDROID 18: I'm going to break his arm.
"Go for it," Minerva completely supported 18.
ANDROID 17: Kinda proving his point, ain't-cha, sis?
ANDROID 18: Shut up, Ann.
"Which Ann? Because he did call you both a name with "An" in it?" Lisanna questioned.
VEGETA: So... Which of you children wants to tangle with the Saiyan elite?
ANDROID 17: Eh, I don't know... How 'bout you, 16?
ANDROID 16: No. He is not Goku.
"But, he's the same species as Goku. So, technically it should count," Levy tried to counter.
ANDROID 17: Man, we need to get you a hobby...
ANDROID 16: Acquiring hobby.(looks up and scans a nearby bird)Hmm.
"Oooh! Bird watching is fun!" Wendy agreed with the hobby.
"Wendy! No being happy for the killer machines!" Carla yelled. Wendy pouted in dejection at being told off.
ANDROID 17: Well then, 18. Guess he's all yours. I'm on car-watching duty.
ANDROID 18: Ugh, thanks. Make me fight the troll-doll.(walks up)
"He really does look like those creepy troll dolls you see in toy stores," Lucy shivered at the thought of the dolls.
VEGETA: So ladies first, then? Well, just to warn you... I'm not afraid to hit a woman.
ANDROID 18: That's fine... Neither am I.
"HA!" Gajeel and Minerva laughed at 18's comeback.
(Android 18 goes on the offensive and tries to attack Vegeta but misses, punching a wall on the third strike. Vegeta takes advantage of this by grabbing her arm and throws her into a nearby rocky wall. The noise caused by the both of them causes the bird Android 16 was watching to fly away along with two other birds.)
ANDROID 16/Wendy: Aww...
ANDROID 17: Hey... So was Vegeta always blonde or…
"It's a transformation," Freed answered.
ANDROID 16: The birds flew away.
ANDROID 17: Oh, yeah?
ANDROID 16: Ilikedthe birds.
"Birds are pretty cool. I like to just fly next to them sometimes," Wendy shared her feelings.
ANDROID 17: Good for you, man.
(cut back to the battle where Vegeta punches Android 18 in the face, knocking her back in midair)
VEGETA: Ha! First blood! You may as well give up now and-(Android 18 flies away)Goddamn it! I was kidding!(flies after her)
"Well, next time you shouldn't be so literal," Canna chuckled.
(cut to an outside shot of a busy freeway before focusing on two guys in a truck. Two sounds are heard from the cargo.)
CLEM: Huh?
MITCH: What is it, Clem?(Clem looks out the window)
CLEM: Well, you ain't gonna believe this... A couple o' Europeans are fighting on top of the truck!(camera zooms out to show Vegeta and Android 18 on top of the cargo of the truck)
MITCH: Huh, that is weird. You know what else is weird?
CLEM: Aw, damn it, Mitch! Put that away!(Mitch starts laughing)
"Gross!" Evergreen looked revolted.
(cut to Trunks, Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin flying towards Vegeta and the androids)
TRUNKS:(thinking)I can't believe he's taking them on alone! He has no idea the kind of destructive force they pack... The androids are humanity's greatest threat!
"If only you had a better understanding of time travel," Jellal sighed.
(cut to back Vegeta and Android 18 duking it out on the freeway. Vegeta tries to punch Android 18 but she jumps out the way and he jumps after her, resulting in an upcoming black car skewering and exploding. Android 18 then jumps on top of a yellow car passing by and giggles while Vegeta powers up in anger and chases after her, exploding another upcoming red car behind him. Vegeta then tries to punch Android 18, but she jumps out of the way resulting in Vegeta planting his fist inside the roof of the yellow car 18 was on, startling the driver.)
"And of your father," Jellal sweatdropped.
"Yeah...Vegeta seems like the bigger threat," Yukino frowned, deeply.
VEGETA: I will kill as many people as I have to as long as you are one of them!
"At least he's aware of what he's doing," Lily said.
(Vegeta jumps off of the car, which crashes onto a wall. Cut to Androids 16 and 17 back on the roadside.)
ANDROID 17: Oh, hey, 18! You're back! No cars yet.(Android 18 lands on the roadside)
ANDROID 18:(while Vegeta also appears back on their original area)You know, there is a freeway over there, right?
ANDROID 17: Oh, I know... This is just funner.
"That is not a word," Levy responded.
"Now isn't the time, squirt," Gajeel deadpanned at her.
VEGETA: So, android, are you done running?
ANDROID 18: I don't know. Is your mouth?
"Frieza tried shutting him up and the guy still rose from the dead," Laxus explained.
VEGETA: Well, aren't you f**king clever? But wait, I have a retort!
"Does it involve blowing something up?" Makarov asked, already knowing Vegeta's answer.
(a truck is seen moving towards the ongoing battle from behind Android 18)
ANDROID 17: Aw, yeah! A tru-
(Vegeta fires an energy blast at Android 18, who jumps out of the way, so the blast blows up the truck instead)
ANDROID 17: Aww... Dick!
"I kinda feel bad for him. He really wanted that truck," Natsu said, feeling pity for 17.
ANDROID 18: Be honest... Is this just a short-guy thing?
"No, I don't think so. Krillin doesn't have anger issues, just really bad luck. It's just a Vegeta thing," Lucy responded to the question.
VEGETA: You talk a lot of sh*t for a washing machine. And no, I'm not just saying that 'cause you're an android. I'm saying it because you're a wom-(Android 18 headbutts him hard in the face, drawing blood under his right eye)
"How many sexist comments has he dropped?" Yukino asked, not liking a single one of them.
"Eh, I've lost count over the course of the Namek debacle. But, he's been getting his ass kicked for each one of them. So, it's a fair trade," Levy told the Celestial user.
VEGETA: You know what? Just for that... I'm not gonna take it easy on you anymo-(Android 18 palm punches him into the side of a mountain)
Minerva laughed her ass off at Vegeta getting his sh*t wrecked.
"At this point, I think it's her taking it easy on you," Gajeel smirked.
Jellal found it weird how everyone seemed to be on the Android's side of the fight, but considering how Vegeta's behaved up to this point he's not surprised.
ANDROID 17: Hmm.
(Trunks and the others arrive on the scene)
"Aw! I wanted the Prince to get his ass kicked more," Minerva whined.
TRUNKS: Father, are you in there!?
VEGETA:(slurred from inside the mountain)Did anyone get the number of that bitch?
ANDROID 18: 18.
"Ah, good one," Mira giggled.
KRILLIN: You okay in there, Vegeta?
VEGETA:(slurred)Eat a dick.
"At least he's conscious enough to recognize Krillin," Lucy sweatdropped.
KRILLIN: Oh, okay, he's fine.
ANDROID 17: Oh, hey. Vegeta's little pals showed up. How 'bout it, 16, wanna go knock some heads?
ANDROID 16: No.
"Because they aren't Goku," Erza guessed the obvious.
ANDROID 17: Whatever, man.(starts walking up towards everyone else)
(Vegeta is seen walking out the side of the mountain)
TRUNKS: Father! Oh, thank God you're still alive! We have to get out of here now!
VEGETA: Are you kidding me? I have her right where I want her!
"How many concussions did she give you?" Erza gaped a bit. Even some of the most prideful mages she knows would admit they're beaten at this point.
TRUNKS: Do you live in your own little world?
"Yes he does," Everyone answered.
VEGETA: Yes. But unfortunately, I have to share it with all of you.
ANDROID 17: Actually, Vegeta, you don't have to share at all. You two seem like you're having fun, so I'd hate to have to interrupt. But if any of you decide to jump in and help MC Widow's Peak over there, I will personally introduce you to the ground. And trust me, your relationship will be intimate.
"Wait? Didn't Trunks say this is where they all get killed? They don't stand a chance if Vegeta can't beat one!" Lucy's words seem to bring the tension back into the room.
PICCOLO: Yeah, not exactly in a rush to help out Vegeta. I mean, maybe if it were Goku...
ANDROID 16:(off-screen)Did he say Goku?
"NO!"
ANDROID 17: Calm down, 16, he's not here.
ANDROID 16:(off-screen)But I heard him mention Goku.
"Your sensory things are just messed up!" Millianna said, hastily.
ANDROID 17: Just focus on your birds, buddy.
ANDROID 16:(off-screen)Acquiring birds.(scans for birds off-screen)
ANDROID 17: He likes birds now.
"I like birds too," Wendy said.
VEGETA: Can we stop talking about Kakarrot for just a minute?! I mean, for God's sake, he's never even around!
"For once I wish he was wrong," Erza massaged her temples.
PICCOLO: Sad thing is, he's not exactly wrong...
VEGETA: Now, if you'd like to continue this fight, I can finally get around to disassembling you, you smug c**t.
Silence takes over the guild as Vegeta drops the "C" word without hesitation. All together the women of the guild scream together.
"KICK HIS ASS!"
(shows Krillin, Piccolo, Tien, and Android 17's shocked reaction to Vegeta's insult. Android 18 is seen giving off a cold, flat stare.)
ANDROID 18:(sighs and brushes her hair with her hand)Yup.
(Android 18 charges at Vegeta and punches him into the air. Vegeta counters by headbutting her in the stomach and then knocks her into a mountain)
VEGETA: Let's see how you handle this!(fires a huge energy blast at her)
(The blast connects and blows up a chunk of the mountain. When the smoke clears, Android 18 is seen standing unharmed, but her clothes are all tattered up.)
The perverts of the guild wish that more of her clothes got burned off.
VEGETA: Does that ruffle you, android?
ANDROID 18: Well, you've managed to destroy my favorite slash only jacket and ruin my leggings. So, yeah... Ruffled's a good word.
"I feel her on such an emotional level," Lucy thinks back to all of the clothes that she lost in the past(Natu's fault most of the time).
VEGETA: Well, that was only a taste of my power. Now experience my Super Saiyan WRA-
(Android 18 cuts off Vegeta mid-sentence and proceeds to beat him up before sending flying into a boulder, causing him to gurgle in pain)
"So much for Super Saiyan wrath," Minerva mocked Vegeta's bravado.
ANDROID 18: How quickly bravado goes out the window when you're flat on your ass. That's pretty sad...
VEGETA:(powers up)Sad for YOUUUU-
(Android 18 flies forward and does a swift kick at Vegeta's left arm, causing him to squeal in pain as his left arm falls limply downward. Vegeta walks a few feet forward while holding his broken left arm and drops down to his knees.)
The only sound that could be heard in the guild is Minerva's loud laughter. Everyone else sat in silence at Vegeta's most humiliating defeat. Though, not one of them felt that bad about it. The Saiyan Prince had it coming big time.
VEGETA: FUUUU-
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut back to Goku's house with Goku still screaming in agony)
YAMCHA: Forty-nine... Fifty... Fifty-one... Fifty-two... Fifty-(Goku stops screaming)Damn, so close to a new record!
"Gotta stay busy somehow," Gray shrugged.
CHI-CHI:(from the other room)How's he doing in there?
YAMCHA: He's doing fine...(Goku resumes screaming)He's doing fine! Four... Five... Six...
"Let's hope for a world record!" Mira shouted.
"I bet I could beat it!" Natsu geared up to scream until Lucy shoved Happy's head into his mouth to shut him up.
Chapter End
Chapter 51: 16, 17, and 18 Things I Hate About You
Chapter Text
Chapter 56: 16, 17, and 18 Things I Hate About You
(cut to Vegeta screaming over his broken arm)
KRILLIN: Holy crap! Okay, things are looking a bit dicey, but-
TRUNKS: FATHER!(transforms into a Super Saiyan and rushes to help Vegeta)
"Krillin! What did I say about speaking too soon!" Lucy berated the monk.
"To be fair! Trunks was going to rush in either way," Levy told her book friend.
KRILLIN: Okay! Okay, Trunks can handle this. I mean, that sword cut Freeza in ha-
(Trunks swings his sword at Android 18, where it shatters upon contact with her arm)
The mages comically gape at Trunks' sword being shattered into pieces. Erza and Kagura both shuddered at the sight of a good sword breaking.
"They are all going to die," Minerva stated flatly.
KRILLIN: Oh, no...
ANDROID 17: Hey, Bright Eyes!
(Trunks turns his head and receives a blow from Android 17 knocking him down to the ground)
KRILLIN: Okay, we need a plan. We need to-(Piccolo and Tien rush ahead to help Vegeta and Trunks)Run away! Oh, my God!
"Why is Krillin the only sensible one!?" Yukino shouted, in panic.
"He's always been the only sensible one. Mostly due to how scared he gets," Lucy explained to her panicking friend.
(Piccolo prepares to attack 17)
ANDROID 17: What did I tell them?(kicks Piccolo away and dodges a punch from Tien before putting him in a headlock)So, if you can explain to me in one sentence why you thought this was a good idea, I might just let you go.(Tien makes a choking sound)Yeah, see, I don't get it either.
"You didn't exactly give him a chance to explain," Millianna pointed out.
"That's the point, Millianna," Kagura patted her guildmate's head, making the cat girl purr.
VEGETA: If you think breaking my arm is enough to defeat me("It was enough to make you scream like a bitch," Minerva mocked), android, I'll show you how wrong you can-(prepares to rush towards Android 17, but Android 18 grabs his leg)Damn it, woman! Would you let me finish a goddamn sen-(Trunks rushes towards Android 18)Ahh!(Android 18 throws him at Trunks, knocking both of them to the ground and causing Trunks to revert to his normal form)
"She defeated two Super Saiyans at the same time…" Rogue's mouth dropped in shock.
"Just how crazy was Gero to make these things so strong!? Especially to match Super Saiyans!" Jellal hoped that there were no scientists in their world to be as insane as Gero.
KRILLIN: See? This sh*t right here, this is why we don't group up. I'm just gonna do what we usually do and wait for Goku.(Android 16, who is programmed to respond to commands involving Goku, turns to look at Krillin)
"While that is a sound plan, Krillin. I wouldn't have name dropped Goku," Bickslow said, as Krillin attracted 16's attention.
KRILLIN: Aah! Uh... uh... quack?
(Android 16 eyes turn red and start scanning Krillin. The results show "Subject: Krillin, Status: Goku... NEGATIVE, Bird... DUCK?")
"A-A duck?" Rogue questioned.
"Hm, I didn't expect the Space Duck joke to make a return," Levy hummed.
"That was a thing!?"
ANDROID 16:(smiles at Krillin)Hmm.(a bird lands on his hand)Hello, bird. What is your name?(bird tweets)Toriyama?
Lisanna and Wendy both gasped in happiness at Toriyama's return.
ANDROID 16:(bird tweets again)I would love to see your dinosaur.(bird tweets once more)It does WHAT?
"How does a bird have a dinosaur?" Romeo questioned the absurdity.
"Because Toriyama can do whatever he wants!" Wendy adopted a dark aura, directing it at the boy next to her. Romeo quickly apologized, making Wendy smile again.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Piccolo on the ground regaining consciousness)
NAIL:(Hey, uh, you okay down there?)
"He's not dead, so I would say he is," Cana said.
PICCOLO: Ugh... Yeah, what did I miss?
NAIL:(Well, both the Saiyans are down, one of the bald guys is getting choked out and the other one is quacking.)
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Quack!
"Krllin's best defense!" Happy cheered.
PICCOLO: All right, I've got this.
"No you do not!" Mira spoke with doubt.
"And if you die then the Dragon Balls are gone!" Lisanna waved her arms in concern.
NAIL:(Whoo, no, you don't.)
PICCOLO: You wanna bet?
"I don't want to bet on your life," Erza disagreed with the Namek.
NAIL:(Not really...)
(Piccolo attacks Android 17, but Android 17 dodges the attack and delivers a heavy blow to Piccolo in the stomach, sending him flying back down to the ground)
Mira blinked rapidly at Piccolo's quick defeat. "He lasted longer against Freiza…" Her shock was huge.
NAIL:(All right, so what do I win?) (Piccolo does not respond) (Hello?)
"He's either dead or unconscious and considering the fact that we haven't switched to a dying Kami. Means that Piccolo is still alive, thankfully," Levy eases the worries of others.
VEGETA:(quickly gets up and fires an energy blast at Android 18)ELEMENT OF SURPRISE!(Android 18 avoids the attack and knocks him back on the ground)
"Are you an idiot?" Laxus asked, stupefied.
"That's definitely something Natsu would've done," Lucy sweatdropped.
VEGETA: Uhh... Why do I yell things?
"Because you were born loud," Carla answered.
ANDROID 18: Hey... So, who's got two broken arms and is a total bitch?
"Vegeta," Was the unanimous answer.
VEGETA: You stupid bint. You only broke one of my-(18 steps on his good arm, breaking it and causing him to squeal in pain)
ANDROID 18: This guy...
(Vegeta continues squealing and reverts to his normal form)
ANDROID 17: Huh, that's cool. He can turn off the blonde.
ANDROID 18: Yeah, and unlike you, he doesn't need a bottle.
"Still makes me wonder if Salamander dyed his hair," Gajeel thought out loud.
"I DIDN'T DYE IT!" Natsu roared back.
ANDROID 17: You're just mad 'cause I wore it better.
ANDROID 18: If by "wore it better," you mean people kept mistaking you for me…
"An issue that only twins can run into," Mira humms.
ANDROID 17: I'm sorry, does that make me girlish or you mannish?
"Nothing wrong with being manly!" Elfman flexes.
ANDROID 18: That's hilarious. You talk like he fights.
"Just burning Vegeta even while he's unconscious," Sting winced.
"Eh, Frieza's said worse things," Gajeel shrugged.
KRILLIN: Um...(Androids 17 and 18 lock their eyes on him)
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy sighed.
KRILLIN:(thinking)Why do I do things?
"I would like to know that too," Lucy pleaded.
(both Androids fly up and land near him)
KRILLIN: Okay, now listen. I believe that if we were to come to blows, I would, uh, come up short... No pun intended.
ANDROID 18: Heh, he's funny.
"I think that's the first time a woman ever said that to him," Wakaba chuckled, lightly.
ANDROID 17: Roll it back, pint-size, we're not gonna fight you. You're about as threatening as a co*cker spaniel.
KRILLIN: You bring up a fantastic point. So I shall continue to stand here and do nothing.
"If only the others would listen to you from time to time," Lisanna mentioned.
"Where's the fun in standing around?" Natsu asked, confused.
"Do you want to get pummeled constantly?" Lisanna shot back. The Fire Dragon Slayer flinched back, obviously agreeing with her.
ANDROID 18: Sounds good. We're gonna go kill Goku.
KRILLIN:(starts stuttering)Damn it, you can't kill Goku!(runs up to the three Androids)
"Yeah! Defend your best friend!" Sting shouted in agreement.
ANDROID 17: Yeah, pretty sure we can.
KRILLIN: Okay, but you shouldn't!
ANDROID 16: He makes a fair point. But I insist we still kill Son Goku... On the grounds that I want to.
"The fact that 16 even acknowledged that it would be morally wrong to kill Goku is surprising," Jellal said, astonished. Maybe there's more to these androids than just being killers.
ANDROID 17: Well, you heard the man-droid; hands are tied.
KRILLIN: If...that's your answer, then I will...be forced to stop you!
ANDROID 18:(laughs)That's cute.(kisses Krillin on the cheek)You're cute. Have fun living to not fight another day.
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD….
The sounds of jaws dropping to the floor rang throughout the entire guild. Krillin got a kiss from a woman. KRILLIN the bald monk who is probably the most questionable midget(Erza would argue with Ichiya) any of them have ever laid their eyes on was kissed by a woman. A beautiful cyborg woman who was designed to kill his best friend.
"Krillin...you goddamn son of a bitch," Gajeel smirked.
ANDROID 17: The hell was that? You got a thing for dwarves now?
ANDROID 18: What if I do? Societal definitions of beauty are BS anyway.(the Androids fly off)
"I've never agreed more with anyone else until this moment," Cana gaped.
ANDROID 17: Look, if this is about pissing off Mom and Dad, you could just date a black guy.
ANDROID 18: Oh, my God.
"Something racist I guess," Levy thought.
ANDROID 17: Oh, right-they're dead.
ANDROID 18:Oh, my God.
KRILLIN: Wow...(thinking)Oh, man, I gotta tell everybody!
"Nobody is going to believe you," Macao said.
"I'm still having a hard time believing it happened," Wakaba agreed with his friend.
KRILLIN:But first, Dr. Senzu Bean.(reaches inside a bag and takes out a few Senzu Beans)(out loud)Huh? The hell happened? I had like fifteen of these.
"You kept handing them out like coupons," Carla told the bald monk.
KRILLIN: Eh, should be enough... Man, they are not gonna believe this!
(cut to everyone back on their feet)
TIEN: I don't believe you.
TRUNKS: I can't believe you.
PICCOLO: I don't care.
KRILLIN: Dang it. What about you, Vegeta?
(Vegeta screams and flies off)
"All of those reactions sound about right," Bickslow laughed.
"Especially Vegeta," Freed added.
KRILLIN: See? He believes me... And he's jealous.
"He had sex with Bulma. He has no reason to be jealous of you," Gildarts said.
TRUNKS: Damn it, not again!(prepares to fly after Vegeta)
PICCOLO: Trunks.
TRUNKS: Huh?
"Just give it up, kid. Your father's a giant asshole and with the mental state he's currently in, you would just get more hurt," Makarov spoke, eyes downcasted.
PICCOLO: Just give it up.
TRUNKS: Argh.(dissipates his energy)Mom said that he was stubborn, but this is just asinine.
"Is that really all she told you?" Lucy wondered.
PICCOLO: Yeah, but at least he's not trying to kill us all again.
TRUNKS: He tried towhat?!
"SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU!?"
KRILLIN: Jesus, future Bulma, what the sh*t?
TIEN: Not to belabor the point, but we just got crushed- they were way stronger than any of us could have prepared for.
"That's true. Even with the extra three years they had to prepare, they still were absolutely crushed," Levy bit her pen in frustration.
"Which makes all of this even weirder. Trunks said that when they fought the Androids in his time, all of the Z-fighters were killed off. But, here they were all beaten and left alive. I know Trunks' butterfly effect caused changes, but what could've prevented their deaths?" Jellal explained his thoughts to everyone.
"The androids also seem very 'human'. Trunks described them as monsters, but they only seem as if they'd rather be doing something else. Besides the killing Goku thing," Erza added onto Jellal's theory.
TRUNKS: Yeah... And somehow, they're even stronger than in my time.
"That kinda explains why a three year training Super Saiyan Vegeta and Super Saiyan Trunks were single handedly beaten so easily," Levy wrote down everything said so far.
PICCOLO: What?
TIEN: Are you kidding?
KRILLIN: Jesus, future Trunks, what the sh*t?
"Well...he wouldn't know until he got his ass kicked," Laxus defended the time traveler.
PICCOLO: Fantastic. So even with two Super Saiyans...
TIEN: We're all just the north side of useless.
Levy remembered when she called them useless and regrets it. Seeing them try so hard and get beaten made her feel bad.
KRILLIN: Well, if Super Saiyans won't cut it, then maybe what we need is a Super Namekian? Eh?(Piccolo says nothing and glares at Krillin)
"What would a Super Namekian even look like?" Wendy imagined a Namekian with glowing green hair.
KRILLIN: Too bad those don't exist, eh? Hey, Piccolo?(Piccolo continues to glare at Krillin)Right? Super Namekian?
PICCOLO: Oh, my other me, shut up!("Kami or Nail?" Levy questioned)(fires an energy blast at Krillin, Tien and Trunks, who all jumps out of the way, and then flies up into the air)You can all kiss the greenest part of my ass!(flies off)
TIEN/GrayThere are greener parts of his ass?
"I don't want to know," Mira frowned.
TRUNKS: Wait, where is he going?
KRILLIN: Eh, looks like he's flying out to Kami's. Or whatever else is in that direction; could be a lot of things.
"So that was Kami. Wonder what he wants with Piccolo," Freed questions.
TRUNKS: Wait, so I'm confused... Is it Kame House or Kami House?
KRILLIN: No, no, no, listen. Kame house is the place with the turtle...
(cut to Piccolo flying in the sky)
NAIL:(So, uh, gonna tell me what that was all about?)
PICCOLO:Look, just... You might be getting a new roommate.
Eyes widened at Piccolo's statement.
"Piccolo and Kami are going to fuse back together!?" The mages shouted.
"Alright! Those androids are toast now!" Natsu cheered.
NAIL:(Do I have to move the pool table?)
PICCOLO:When did you get a... I almost fell for that.
(billiard balls clacking together can be heard)
Fits of laughter burst forward in the guild.
NAIL:(Fell for what?)
PICCOLO: Hrm...
(cut to Bulma's house, where Mrs. Briefs is humming and reading a book)
MRS. BRIEFS: Huh?(sees Bulma with baby Trunks, Yajirobe, and Gohan flying in)
BULMA: Hi, Mom!
MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, Bulma! If it isn't my beautiful daughter and my even more beautiful grandson! Oh, and Gohan! Long time, no see!(Gohan is seen being bashful)
"So adorable!" Mira and the other women gushed.
MRS. BRIEFS: And...(pauses on Yajirobe)Um... I'm not sure I'm familiar.
YAJIROBE: I am Yajirobe and I am here for your pantry.
MRS. BRIEFS: I see. Honey, we have a food stamper!
DR. BRIEFS:(from inside the house)Tell him I have a gun because I pay taxes!
YAJIROBE: Challenge accepted.
"He wants to get shot?" Romeo wondered.
MRS. BRIEFS: So Gohan, would you like to come in for some cake and tea? And those little hard candies no one ever actually eats?
GOHAN: No, I kind of have to go make sure my dad's not dead.
"A regular day for you," Gray said.
MRS. BRIEFS: Okay. Well, you have fun.
(Gohan flies off)
BULMA: Hey, Mom... Why do you never seem to age?
MRS. BRIEFS:(laughs)Oh, your father won't let me…
"Weird...that's a bit weird…" Kagura leaned back.
(cut to Piccolo flying up Korin's Tower)
KORIN: Hey, Piccolo, have you seen Yajirobe? Has he called or texted...(Piccolo flies past him)Aw, damn it…
"You two should really invest in a communication device," Yukino spoke.
(Piccolo arrives at Kami's Lookout, reequipping his weighted clothing, and stands in front a shocked Mr. Popo)
PICCOLO: Hey, Mr. Popo.
MR. POPO: HELLO, YOUNG KAMI!
"Is he ok?" Wendy asked.
"He's never ok," Carla answered the young Dragon Slayer.
(Kami appears behind Mr. Popo)
KAMI: Ah, hello, Piccolo. Good to see you again.
PICCOLO: Cut the crap, Kami! you know what I'm here for.
KAMI: Well, that didn't last long.
"It's Piccolo, what do you expect?" Laxus raised an eyebrow.
MR. POPO: All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle.(continues repeating this phrase during Piccolo and Kami's dialogue)
The mages all blink repeatedly at Popo's doings.
PICCOLO: Okay, what's up with him?
KAMI: Don't mind him; he just got through dropping a gallon of LSD.
"A GALLON!?"
PICCOLO: Agallon?
KAMI: A literal gallon... Out of a milk jug. I don't even know where he got it from... He never leaves the-
MR. POPO: KAMI? I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CAN LEAVE THE LOOKOUT IF I WANT TO!
KAMI: Mr. Popo, you may leave the lookout if you-
MR. POPO: BITCH, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!(after a short pause)All these squares make a circle.(continues repeating the phrase again)
"Cana?" Lucy looked at her drunk friend.
"Yes Lucy?"
"Don't get that drunk...ever."
"Sure."
KAMI: Quite. As you were saying?
PICCOLO: I'm here for your body.
"Could word that better," Juvia blushes at the thought. Whereas Mira turns green at the thought.
NAIL: *scoffs*(Could at least take him out to dinner first.)
"Exactly!" Lisanna agreed.
PICCOLO:(thinking)First, we don't eat. Second, shut up.
KAMI: And what makes you think that I'm just going to give it up that easy?
PICCOLO: Because if you were half the guardian of this dirtball that you should be, then you'd know that we don't have any time to waste!(Mr. Popo's chant can no longer be heard)
KAMI: It is true... A great evil has risen. Unlike anything this planet has ever seen before.
"The androids must be stopped for peace to be restored!" Erza shouted.
"That...was so cheesy it hurt," Minerva insulted, making the knight blush in embarrassment.
PICCOLO: Then you know what I'm talking about! You know exactly how dangerous these Androids are!
NAIL:(Am I the only one who just noticed a huge tone shift here?)
"No you are not," Levy noticed it too.
KAMI: The Androids are a threat, yes... But they are paltry to what I fear comes next.
(cut to a shot inside a hidden laboratory where a small fetus is seen floating inside a tank and the screen goes black with something laughing evilly)
Everyone sat frozen in their seats at the sight in front of them. As if they were slowly scratching the surface of what the Z-Fighters were about to face. A nightmare even greater than Frieza was slowly approaching.
MR. POPO: Well, that's f**king ominous!
"Aaaaaaannnnnddddd all tension was killed in a moment. Thanks, Popo," Levy deadpanned.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(a phone ringing can be heard)
KORIN: Hello?
YAJIROBE: Hey, Korin.
"Oh, so Korin did have a phone," Yukino was pleasantly surprised.
KORIN: Oh, my God, where are you? Where have you been? Why haven't you called?
YAJIROBE: I'm at Bulma's place, and I haven't called because my cell phone has been destroyed.
KORIN: What happened to your cell phone?
YAJIROBE: It was blown up with the car.
KORIN: What happened to the puss* Wagon!?
YAJIROBE: It was blown up!
KORIN: By who!?
YAJIROBE: By Dr. Gero!
KORIN: Who the hell is Dr. Gero!?
YAJIROBE: I don't know! Some scientist?
KORIN: Well, did you get his information?
"That's gonna be pretty difficult, considering Gero is now dead," Lucy sweatdropped.
YAJIROBE: Well, he didn't exactly hit me with a car, okay?
KORIN: Jesus Christ...! Look, all right, just come home.
YAJIROBE: You're mad.
KORIN: I'm not mad, I'm just concerned. Now, come home.
"Aw!" The women gushed at how much Korin cared.
YAJIROBE: Yeah, I need you to pick me up.
KORIN: *sigh* I'll see what I can do.
YAJIROBE: I love you.
KORIN: I love you, too.
"They're so sweet together!" Juvia gushed. She was happy that there was at least one relationship that wasn't a hot mess.
Chapter End
Chapter 52: The Trouble With Time Travel
Chapter Text
Chapter 57: The Trouble with Time Travel
(cut to the androids flying through a snowy landscape)
ANDROID 18: Seriously, can we speed this up? It's cold as tit* up here.
Lucy jumped back a bit at Natsu's flame covered fist next to her. "Um, Natsu, what's this for?"
"Thought you were cold," He answered.
"Ah, thank you," Lucy smiled.
ANDROID 17: You know, maybe if you stopped whining and helped me look, we'd... Oh! Oh, look! There's one! There's...(sees it's a pink van with the words "LUCKY FOODS" written on the side)Actually, second thought, we don't have to steal the first one we see...
ANDROID 18: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't hear you over your welching.
"Ha! Got him!" Cana laughed.
ANDROID 17: Ugh, whatever.(flies down)
(cut to the owners of the van outside getting coffee)
CHUCK: So, Jones, uh, how's the wife and kids?
JONES: Still dead, Chuck. Been four months.
Some of the members winced at the answer.
"Awkward…" Sting whispered.
CHUCK: Oh... I am terrible at small talk.
"Yes you are," Evergreen remarked.
JONES: Yes, you are. Huh?(notices the androids in front of the van)
ANDROID 17:(opens the back of the van)Huh... Lucky Foods. Kind of ironic.
JONES: Uh, young man? Need you to stay out of our van!
"Just let them take it. It'll extend your lifespan," Minerva said.
ANDROID 17: All right, guys, we're takin' the van.(Android 16 picks up the van)No, buddy, we're gonna drive it.
ANDROID 16: Oh.(puts the van back down)Sorry.
"You'll get it eventually!" Wendy wanted to make 16 feel better.
ANDROID 17: It's cool. Now you have a place to sit.
ANDROID 16: Affirmative.(gets inside the back of the van)Shotgun.
"Not exactly what that means. But, you're still learning," Romeo commented.
"If only we could teach him to NOT kill Goku," Erza sighed.
ANDROID 17: Not quite what that means, but hey, keep tryin', man.(he gets inside the van alongside his sister and starts the engine)Bitchin'. Next stop: Casa de Goku.
ANDROID 18: How 'bout no. New clothes first, Goku's casa second.
ANDROID 17: *scoffs* Women. Am I right, 16?
"I know, women, am I right?" Cana scoffed. All of the other females looked at her weirdly.
ANDROID 16: Confirmed. She is female.
ANDROID 17: *laughs* She is...(the androids drive off)
"They're like a little family. I like it," Lisanna smiled. Of course it would be better if they weren't on a mission to kill Goku.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Krillin, Trunks, and Tien flying in the sky)
KRILLIN: You know, I should have brought this up earlier, but we should probably move Goku before the androids get to his house.
"Good idea, Krillin," Natsu grinned.
TRUNKS: It's been pretty non-stop here, so I'm a little out of the loop. What happened to Goku?
KRILLIN: Oh, uh, he didn't take his medicine. Grape flavored. Go figure.
TRUNKS: Yeah... Go figure.
"Makes you wonder why did Future Bulma make it grape flavored?" Levy pondered the thought.
TIEN: Actually, I really need to go pick up Chiaotzu. Left him over at Kame House.
(cut to Kame House with Turtle, Master Roshi, and Oolong eating ramen)
CHIAOTZU: So, how do you like my Chashu Ramen?
OOLONG: Wow, that is frickin' tasty! What's in this?
CHIAOTZU: Little bit of saké, soy sauce, bean sprouts,(looks at Oolong)pooooooooooooooooooooor...k…
"You guys just can't stop making him commit cannibalism. Super unmanly," Elfman frowned.
OOLONG: I'm delicious...!
"And I guess he doesn't care anymore," Lisanna said.
MASTER ROSHI: HOW OLD ARE YOU?
"Good question," Freed said.
(cut back to Tien and the others)
TIEN: So I'm gonna go grab him before things get... weird.
"He's with Roshi, things are already weird," Macao told him.
KRILLIN: Later, Tien!(Tien flies off in another direction)I can never read that guy.
"Mystogan gave us all the same feeling," Erza peered at Jellal for a brief moment.
(Trunks and Krillin land in front of Goku's house)
KRILLIN: Wait, before we go in, uh, I wanted to ask... You ever think that Android 18 is, uh, kind of... cute?
"You're asking the guy who has suffered 17 years of hell from those two," Freed deadpanned.
TRUNKS:(gives Krillin a long stare)No.
KRILLIN: All right, then- dibs, by the way.
"Wow...she's completely captured his heart," Juvia giggled.
KRILLIN: Quick warning: be super-nice to Goku's wife. She can be a total-
(Chi-Chi flings open the door, smacking Krillin in the face)
CHI-CHI: Gohan! Oh... It's you.
"You can feel the waves of disappointment rolling off her," Yukino sweatdropped.
KRILLIN: Yeah, fine, I pretty much asked for that one.(head starts swelling up)
(Krillin Owned Count: 31)
YAMCHA: Huh? Hey, guys! How is it?
TRUNKS: Oh, uh, Yamcha, right? How's it hang- I mean, how are you doing?
"Real subtle there, Trunks," Gajeel face palmed.
YAMCHA: Oh, you know. Hanging in there.
Everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably.
TRUNKS: Ah...
YAMCHA: So, what happened? Did Vegeta clean up the androids?
"More like the androids cleaned up Vegeta and everyone else," Rogue commented.
KRILLIN: Not quite.(flashback of the androids defeating the Z-Fighters and Piccolo flying off)Turns out there were three more, Vegeta got his arms broken, they beat everyone up, Piccolo flipped out, and I got kissed by the cute one!
YAMCHA: The clown?
Some of the mages laughed at Yamcha's guess.
KRILLIN: No, no, no. There's a girl now.
YAMCHA: I don't believe you.
"Tough luck, Krillin," Lucy sighed.
TRUNKS: You know, we should probably continue this conversation after we've moved Goku.
YAMCHA: Move Goku? But he finally stopped screaming.(Goku is heard from the other room taking a deep breath)Okay, w-well, he's petering out.
"His 15th wind is coming," Lily said.
KRILLIN: We'll take him to Kame House! They'll never look for him there!
YAMCHA/Levy: That is literally the second place they'll look.
KRILLIN: Look, we're short on time and options. And who knows what those dastardly androids are doing?
(cut to Android 17 and 18 standing outside the van as a police car comes up and stops next to the van with two policemen coming out)
"Getting a speeding ticket. The definition of evil," Laxus rolled his eyes.
ANDROID 18: Wow. You actually pulled over.
ANDROID 17: No, no, no, this is gonna be great. Shut up.
"Please don't kill the guy," Yukino hoped.
TEX: You two- this vehicle has been reported as stolen! You are under arrest!(places handcuffs on the androids)
AVERY: Sir, I have checked the vehicle and I have identified another male. And he is f**king big!
ANDROID 16: You cannot sit in the back. I called shotgun.
AVERY: He has a weapon!
"You're an idiot," Gajeel shrugged.
TEX: Cuff him!(handcuffs Android 16 who promptly snaps them apart like a twig)
AVERY: Do we have any bigger, stronger cuffs?
TEX: Yeah, they're in the car!
"Seems odd, that you're prepared for a situation like this," Sting said, slightly surprised.
(Android 18 picks up the police car and throws it at a cliff, blowing it up)
ANDROID 18:(snaps the handcuffs apart)All right, I take it back. This is fun.
"Well...at least the officers weren't inside of the car," Wendy released a thankful breath.
(cut back to the others at Goku's house preparing to take refuge from the approaching androids at Kame House)
YAMCHA: So where's Vegeta during all this anyway?
KRILLIN: Oh, I'm sure he's off somewhere...
(cut to Vegeta)
VEGETA: GODDAMN IT! SHIIIIIIII...(destroys the mountains he's standing on)
"That seems about right," Everyone nodded in agreement.
(cut back to the others now inside the plane)
KRILLIN: ...coping.
CHI-CHI:(sees Gohan coming from the sky)Gohan!
GOHAN:(thinking)Oh, good…
"Be more excited to see your mother," Mira told the young saiyan.
CHI-CHI:(runs up and hugs Gohan)Oh, I swear, I am never letting you get away from me again! We're gonna get that GPS tracking chip installed in your neck by the end of the week!
"Ok! That's a bit too excessive," Mira sweatdropped.
"There's overprotective and then there's Chi-Chi," Lucy said.
GOHAN: Uh, little help?
KRILLIN: Androids are comin'! Gotta move your dad! Get on the ship!
GOHAN: Where are we going?
KRILLIN: Kame House.
GOHAN: Isn't that literally the second place they'll look?
"You guys don't have any better hiding spots to be honest," Carla brought up.
"What about Kami's Lookout?" Wendy suggested.
"Popo would kick Goku off for all the screaming," Levy answered.
KRILLIN: Less lip, more ship!
(cut to outside Kame House where Tien arrives and opens the front door and everyone shuts up)
TIEN: I'm here for Chiaotzu. We need to train.
CHIAOTZU: But Tien... the doctor said if your shoulders get any bigger-
TIEN: That's why we don't see him anymore.
"I wouldn't mind them being bigger," Cana purred.
MASTER ROSHI: Wait, so you didn't beat the androids?
TIEN: Well, they broke both of Vegeta's arms... So, you know, that was pretty fun.
"Agreed," Minerva nodded.
TIEN: Otherwise, it was a total wash.(he and Chiaotzu take off)
OOLONG: I can never read that guy.
MASTER ROSHI: Well, you heard the man. Pig, fetch my laptop. We're gonna buy us a submarine!
"Why?" Gray asked.
"In case everything still goes to sh*t," Gajeel answered.
OOLONG: All right, but you're not allowed to name it after your junk.
MASTER ROSHI: Bitch, I'm buyin' it, I'm namin' it!
"Ew!" Lucy shouted.
(cut to Piccolo, Kami, and Mr. Popo on the lookout with Popo being heard whimpering)
KAMI: Mmm...
PICCOLO: Hmm?
KAMI: Hmm?
PICCOLO: Hmm?
KAMI: Hm-mm!
PICCOLO: Mmm!(stands up)
KAMI: Hmm.
PICCOLO: Mmm.(sits back down)
NAIL/Everyone:(annoyed)(Oh, just fuse already!)
(cut to the others flying inside a plane)
YAMCHA: So, both arms, huh?
KRILLIN: Both! She was beautiful with a capital B- I-I mean, brutal! Uncomfortably brutal! I wasn't distracted by her eyes…
"You were totally distracted by her eyes. Just as I am whenever I look at my charming Gray!" Juvia gripped Gray tighter.
"Get off!"
"Gray, your clothes!" Cana yelled out.
"Gah!"
GOHAN: So, wait... Trunks, I'm curious. If you came back in time again to help us, does that mean we already failed?
"Not exactly," Jellal answered.
TRUNKS: Actually, turns out that's not how time travel works.
KRILLIN: So you're saying I can't just take your time machine, go back in time, and tell myself not to date Maron?
"That would do us all a favor," The women all agreed.
TRUNKS: I don't know who that is. But no, you couldn't. I mean, you could, but it wouldn't be the same you. You see, when I travel back to the past, I'm technically going to a different universe…
Levy was thankful that they actually decided to explain something for once. Her brain and pen moved at insane speeds.
GOHAN: Oh, you mean multiverse theory?
TRUNKS: Wait, what?
GOHAN: Yeah.(cuts to a chalkboard and it shows what Gohan is explaining)With every decision, it creates a branch in the timeline. Whenever you travel back in time, you're actually entering another parallel universe.
"Just like Future Rogue and Future me. Both came from identical futures, but weren't aware of each other," Lucy brought up.
"Trunks going back in time created a completely different timeline where things didn't go exactly like his. His timeline stays intact and still exists with its own version of the Androids," Jellal explained.
"Wait, doesn't that mean that this Trunks could be a completely different Trunks?" Levy's question made everyone turn to her confused. "What I'm saying is that Trunks traveled back in time to stop the androids, but who's to say that there aren't multiple versions of Trunks who do this exact thing."
"Wouldn't that mean that there is an original Trunks and that he's a copy? Along with everyone else?" Laxus asked the small bluenette.
"Well I'm not 100% certain on this, but alternate timelines are spawned in by a singular choice and time traveling multiple times can cause major differences," Levy finished her explanation.
TRUNKS: How could you possibly-?
GOHAN: I've been studying theoretical physics. Although, at this point, I guess it's just physics.
"Chi-Chi's strict nature came in handy for once," Happy said.
CHI-CHI: Good. Then if that's all out of the way, we can start your review on cellular biology!
GOHAN: Aw, but cells are boring!
Natsu's ear twitched. He felt weird and he didn't know why.
YAMCHA: I don't get it. If it doesn't affect your timeline, why even come back to ours and tell us anything in the first place?
TRUNKS: Well, besides wanting to make at least one timeline without the world being destroyed... my mother didn't tell me until after I'd already done it once.
"So she was just experimenting!?"
KRILLIN:(in a singsong voice)And then she tried to bang you...
(phone suddenly starts ringing with the call being from Bulma with a country ringtone)
"Well speak of the devil and she'll answer to possibly hit Krillin," Bickslow said.
TRUNKS: Huh?
KRILLIN: Oh, speak of the devil, that's her ringtone.
TRUNKS: What is that?
YAMCHA: What is what?
TRUNKS: This music.
"You don't know country music?" Wendy asked, shocked.
KRILLIN: You mean country music?
TRUNKS: Oh! This is country music?
KRILLIN: What, you don't have country in the future?
TRUNKS: No. Shortly after I was born, it all just vanished. Nobody knows exactly what happened...
"I feel like two cyborg twins might be responsible for that one," Levy theorized.
YAMCHA: So, someone wanna get that? Kind of flying the plane!
KRILLIN: Oh, fine.(answers the phone)Krillin spea-
BULMA: Shut up, I've got some important news.
"At least she gets right to the point," Yukino chuckled.
KRILLIN: Good or bad news?
BULMA: It depends... Is Trunks there?
KRILLIN: Is this a booty call?
"You want her to smack you?" Lucy raised an eyebrow.
BULMA: KRILLIN!
KRILLIN: Right behind me!
TRUNKS: Hi, Mom.
BULMA: Hey…
"Awkward…" Sting mused, before Yukino elbowed him in his sides.
(an awkward silence occurs between the two, which suddenly gets broken down by a gunshot on Bulma's side of the phone shocking Krillin and Trunks)
"What the hell?" Makarov questioned, startled.
YAJIROBE:(through the phone)You missed me, four eyes!
(cut to an outside shot of Bulma's place)
DR. BRIEFS:(heard from inside the house)That was a warning shot, fat*ss! Now put down the fridge!
"Natsu…" Everyone thought.
(cut back to the others inside the plane)
YAJIROBE:(through the phone)Viva la Honey French Ham!(three more gunshots are heard)
BULMA: Yeah... Anyway, I just got the strangest call from some farmer in the countryside 50 miles out of Ginger Town; said he found one of our vehicles out there.
"Sounds like a subplot," Freed said.
KRILLIN: Wow, this is so interesting. Does it have anything to do with the androids we're fighting?
BULMA: Shut up and it might. I'm faxing over the picture he took.
KRILLIN: You have a fax machine?
TRUNKS: What's a fax machine?
KRILLIN: You see, that one makes sense.
BULMA: Just shut up and show it to Trunks!(faxes over a picture to the others inside the plane)
TRUNKS:(looks at the picture)What? No, this can't be right! This is my time machine!
The mages all stared in shock at the image just as Trunks was. Taken back by how similar the machine looks to Trunks'.
"Ok...maybe Levy wasn't far off," Freed acknowledged.
KRILLIN: Maybe you misplaced it.
TRUNKS: That's impossible! I put it away in its capsule!
GOHAN: Are you sure?
TRUNKS: Of course I'm sure! Here, just let me show you.
"NO!"
KRILLIN: Wait, no!(Trunks pushes a button on his capsule)
(cut an outside shot of the plane, which loses its balance due to the weight of Trunks' time machine which causes Chi-Chi to scream)
TRUNKS: Oh, no...!
KRILLIN: Oh, my God!
YAMCHA: It's on top of Goku!
GOHAN: Dad!
"WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA!?"
KRILLIN: Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!
(Goku begins to scream in agony)
"Great…" Minerva said, sarcastically.
YAMCHA: Oh good, that's back...
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to the androids driving on a highway)
ANDROID 18: So, I've been thinking about it... What do we do after we kill Goku?
ANDROID 17: Whatever the hell we want. Who's gonna stop us?
"I sure hope it wouldn't involve mass murder," Gildarts hoped.
ANDROID 16: Not Goku.
ANDROID 17: Exactly. Speaking of which, 16, what's our ETA?
ANDROID 16: We are currently 2,544 miles from our destination.
"Flying would be more efficient," Kagura sweatdropped.
ANDROID 18: Oh, my God...
ANDROID 17: Hey, come on, sis, it ain't so bad. Let's turn on our good old friend the radio.
(turns on the radio which plays a country music version of "Cat Loves Food")
ANDROID 18: Oh, that is ten pounds of nope in a five pound bag!
ANDROID 17: Right, right, sorry... Forgot we were out in the sticks.
ANDROID 18: You know what? I think I know the first thing we're gonna do...
"SO IT WAS THEM!"
Chapter End
Chapter 53: Fear and Loathing in Ginger Town
Chapter Text
Chapter 58: Fear and Loathing in Ginger Town
(cut to Android 17 inside the van waiting for his sister, who's inside a clothing store)
ANDROID 18:(wearing a western-styled outfit and looking at a mirror)This is... the best... you've got?
"I think Bisca would like that outfit," Lucy said, thinking about the gun mage.
STORE OWNER: That is our top-of-the-line! How do you like it?
ANDROID 18: "Like" is a strong word. So is "tolerate". "Hate's" actually lookin' a little weak right now.
"If she says that then you know that the outfit is terrible," Minerva said.
STORE OWNER: Oh, but darlin', you look like the most beautiful rose in a rose garden! I'm sure if I came home with you, my daddy might even love me again!
"And now you just sound down right desperate and pathetic," Bickslow shook his head.
ANDROID 18: And that is my cue to leave. Later, cowboy.(begins to walk out of the store)
STORE OWNER: Uh, sweetheart, you gotta pay for those...(stutters as Android 18 leaves the store)Cash or credit!(runs up to the van as Android 18 gets inside)The register's on the inside! You are getting into your car! You are drivin' away!(the androids drive away)And I have been robbed... You blonde bimbo, you get back here this instant!
(the van stops and then begins to reverse back in the store keeper's direction)
STORE OWNER:(while running back inside)Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
The mages either smirked, giggled, or outright laughed at the scene.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Trunks and Gohan flying towards the mystery time machine)
TRUNKS: All right, we should be getting close to the site.
GOHAN: Um, Mr. Trunks?
TRUNKS: What's up?
GOHAN: If you don't mind me asking... you know me in the future, right?
TRUNKS: Yeah. Actually, you were my mentor.
"I bet Gohan grew into a handsome young man in the future," Mira smiled at the thought.(NOT Romantic)
"Gohan as a mentor huh? Wonder what kind of teacher he's like," Natsu tilted his head.
GOHAN: Oh, wow! What is adult me like?
"Yeah! Let's hear the details!" Levy snapped her fingers.
TRUNKS: Well, I suppose you take a lot after your father…
Mira's heart almost broke at those words.
Erza smiled in glee at Gohan taking after his father.
Everyone else was indifferent or horrified as well.
GOHAN:(not really happy about that comment)In what regard?
TRUNKS: You're the strongest, bravest warrior on the planet.
"ALRIGHT GOHAN!" Natsu and Sting jumped up in unison.
"Now that's MANLY!" Elfman flexed. His eldest sister sighed in relief as that was the only thing Gohan took after.
GOHAN:(relieved)Okay, good. By the way, why do you keep staring at my arm?
TRUNKS: Oh, uh... Hey, what's that?(notices a mossed up time machine)
"Writing that down for later," Levy scribbled it down.
GOHAN: Oh!
(they land near the mysterious time machine)
TRUNKS: Well, this definitely looks like my time machine... but it also looks like it's been here for ages.
"Someone else travelled through time, but who could it be?" Levy wondered.
"Could it be another Trunks?" Lily asked.
"Can't be, because he'd have no reason to hide from everyone else," The bluenette answered.
"W-What if it was one of the androids from Trunks' time?" Happy asked, scared at the thought. Happy's words made everyone shiver at the thought.
GOHAN: Ooh, a mystery! I never get to solve mysteries! Like Sherlock Holmes or Batman! Usually we're just busy fighting people. Like Bruce Lee... or Batman.
"That's how I solve mysteries," Natsu didn't understand Gohan's problem.
"And that's why we no longer take requests like that, Natsu," Lucy told the fire dragon.
(Bulma shows up in a plane)
BULMA: Hey!
GOHAN: Oh, look, your mom's here!
TRUNKS: Oh, good…
"More awkwardness!" Meredy shouted, giggling.
(Bulma lands her plane near both of them and gets out)
BULMA: Hey there, Gohan! And... son...
TRUNKS: Mother…
(awkward pause between the two)
"And this is why you don't hit on every cute face you see, Bulma," Kagura said.
BULMA: So, is that your time machine?
TRUNKS: Well, it looks like mine, but it can't be mine!(takes out a capsule and throws it near the mysterious time machine, which transforms into his own time machine)This one here is the one I used to travel back in time with. If you'll notice, it has the word "Hope!" written on the side.(starts removing the moss of the side of the mysterious time machine)So, unless this one has it written in the same place, we...(sees the word "Hope!" written on the mystery machine)Oh... Crapbaskets.
The mages gasp in shock from the confirmation of the mysterious time machine being Trunks'.
"So this has to prove it's from a different timeline. As in, somebody took Trunks' time machine and travelled to the past. The part that still confuses me is why or how?" Jellal said.
GOHAN: Oh! You say that, too.
"Had to get it from someone," Mira smiled.
BULMA: Wait... Why "hope!"?
TRUNKS: Because you called me our last hope.
BULMA: Holy crap, that's so cheesy! What, do I have, like, a ton of cats, too?
"I think it's pretty fitting," Lucy frowned at Bulma's teasing.
GOHAN: Hey, anyone else notice the hole on the top?
BULMA: Huh... weird. Do you think whoever was piloting it was attacked?(Gohan and Trunks hover above the hole on the time machine)
GOHAN: Actually, I don't think so. Considering the curvature of the melted glass, combined with the lack of any glass or damage in the co*ckpit, we're safe to assume... whatever shot the canopy came from the inside!
Many of the mages tilted their heads in confusion at Gohan's science words. Freed sighed in exasperation and decided to answer. "He's saying that something shot from inside the machine." Everyone's mouths turned into the shape "O" in understanding.
TRUNKS: And what does that tell us?
GOHAN: Um., that the blast came from the inside...?
TRUNKS: Here.(opens the glass canopy and jumps inside)Huh.(finds two pieces of a purple shell)So, any idea what these are?
"Ew! It's like someone kind of bug egg," Millianna flinched back in disgust.
GOHAN: Ah, I think I kicked an alien that looked like that once!
"It does resemble Dedo-GACK!" Gajeel rubbed his head at the headache he got from mentioning that name.
BULMA: Hey, let me get a look at it! I wanna help, too!(Gohan gives her the purple shell)As the daughter of the world's leading class scientist with doctorates in both bioengineering and evolutionary biology, I can only deduce...that this is a mutant coconut. Either that or an egg.
"Wow. We totally couldn't figure that out," Laxus rolled his eyes.
"Wait...it's not a mutant coconut!?" Natsu reeled back in shock.
GOHAN: An egg!? *gasps* I know! Trunks! Whatever made that hole hatched from this egg! You keep examining the time machine, I'm gonna go search for clues!(runs off off-screen)
TRUNKS: Well, at least one of us is having fun with this...(sees his mother playing with the purple shell)Two of us...(Bulma closes the purple shell again, making a sound from Pac-Man)
"Gohan looks so cute when he gets excited," Mira gushed at the little boy.
"Bulma is also enjoying herself," Lisanna giggled.
"All while Trunks is going through an existential crisis," Freed face palmed.
(cut to Kame House where Krillin is finishing relaying his story to a new audience)
KRILLIN: ...and then they flew off! God only knows where they are now! Thanks for letting us keep Goku here, by the way.
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah, that's nice... So there's a hot one now?
"Of course that's all he cares about," Lucy glared.
KRILLIN: Oh, yeah, like you wouldn't believe! Her eyes are this beautiful, piercing blue, her confidence is stunning, and she does this adorable little thing with her hair where she brushes it out of the way-
"Awwww! Krillin really is infatuated with her!" Juvia smiled at Krillin's words.
MASTER ROSHI: Fantastic, how's the rack?
The water woman's smile faded at Roshi's pervertedness ruining the moment.
TURTLE:(from up the stairs in another room)Uh, Master Roshi? Goku's sweating purple. Is that normal?
MASTER ROSHI: Did he eat grapes?
TURTLE: I... don't know?
MASTER ROSHI: That boy can't handle his grapes.
"Wait, is Goku allergic to grapes?" Rogue asked. Everyone blinked repeatedly as Rogue's question sunk into their heads and all collectively face palmed.
"That makes way too much sense," Levy said.
"Why didn't Goku tell anyone he was allergic!?" Erza yelled.
"I think the better question is why didn't anyone tell Goku he was allergic to grapes," Makarov pinched the bridge of his nose.
MASTER ROSHI:(to Krillin)Speaking of fruit, what are we talkin' here? Apples, oranges, melons?
"You perverted old geezer!" Kagura blushed in embarrassment.
KRILLIN: Is that really important?
MASTER ROSHI: YES!
"NO!"
(cut to Gohan humming to himself as he continues "searching for clues")
GOHAN: Oh, hello. And what are you? Hey, Trunks! I think I found a clue! Either that or a record-setting cicada... I'm okay with both, actually.(Trunks is seen running up to Gohan)
(Trunks and Bulma both scream at the sight of a hideous cocoon of a monster)
The mages looked horrified at the oversized cocoon laying on the ground. It looked like something out of a horror film.
BULMA: Oh, my God! Is that thing alive!?
GOHAN: No, pretty sure that this is just a mold.
BULMA: Something crawled out of that?
"Something large and bug-like and something I never want to come into contact with," Yukino shivered.
GOHAN: Hey, if you guys don't want it, mind if I take it home with me?
Most of the mages looked at Gohan in disgust, even Mira questioned the boy's decision.
"I'd eat it," Natsu shrugged. Lucy smacked him, reminding him that not every dead thing was edible.
TRUNKS:(thinking while reaching his hand inside the cocoon)Whatever was in here might just be the creature that came out of that she-(touches something and takes his hand out to sees it oozing with a purple fluid)(out loud)Oh... Oh, no... Oh, really wish I hadn't...!
"WHY!?"
GOHAN: Considering how fresh this mold is, it's likely that whatever shed its skin did so very recently, meaning that it might very well still be here!
TRUNKS:(in the background during Gohan's dialogue)Oh, it's all over my hands! Oh God, it's sticky! And now it's starting to harden! Oh, no!
"I'm happy that I'm not Trunks right now," Macao said.
BULMA:(panicked and speaking quickly while hopping into her plane)Trunks, it was good to see you again! And Gohan, say hello to your mother. I'll call you later, okay? Bye!(takes off)
"I don't blame her. Any sane person would've done the same thing as her," Minerva said.
TRUNKS: Long shot, but you wouldn't happen to carry hand sanitizer on you, would you?
GOHAN: D-do you not?
"Chi-Chi is sometimes a Saint," Mira was happy that Gohan is a very sanitary child.
(cut to Bulma flying away in her plane)
BULMA: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew...(sees an incoming call from Kame House)Ew.(over the speaker as the scene shifts to Krillin at Kame House)What?
KRILLIN: So you guys are by Ginger Town, right?
BULMA: We were... Why?
KRILLIN: 'Cause there is some major sh*t going on down there.
"Are the twins attacking?" Is what everyone feared.
BULMA: sh*t of what variety, exactly?
KRILLIN: The not-good kind.
(on the television set)
FLASH: This is Flash Stormwood reporting live for CQTV here on location in Ginger Town.
HAL: Well, thank you, Flash. What's the situation down there?
FLASH: Mass, unadulterated panic, Hal. Just moments ago, screams erupted throughout the streets, only to be followed by deafening silence. Now there seems to be nothing left but a ghost town, littered with the clothes of its former inhabitants. We have yet to find out the reason why.
A chill swept through the guildhall in a flash. As if a never-ending nightmare has finally begun.
HAL: Do you have any speculations, Flash?
FLASH: Well, Hal, I cannot say for certain... However, recreational marijuana use was recently legalized in the region. So I believe we can all come to the same conclusion... Just a moment, someone is approaching!(a silhouetted figure starts approaching him)Excuse me, you terrifying-looking gentleman, what are your opinions on the legalization of- OH MY GOD, NOOOOOOOO!
(static is seen on the TV and then shows the empty clothes of the floor)
The guild froze in horror at the scene that had just taken place. All they knew was that whatever the hell is happening isn't caused by the Androids, but something even worse.
KRILLIN: Wow... Someone should probably go check that out.
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah, my stash is runnin' a little low.(starts laughing but soon begins to wheeze)
"I'm pretty sure Krillin didn't mean that," Gildarts sweat dropped.
(Gohan and Trunks appear at the front door)
GOHAN: Hey, guys, we're back!(sniffs inside)What's that smell? Is there a skunk in here?
KRILLIN: Oh, hey, Gohan. You like mysteries?
GOHAN:(eyes are seen sparkling)Do I?!
"I do!" Wendy raised her arm.
(cut to Piccolo, Kami, and Popo all on the lookout)
PICCOLO: Hmm? Okay, so you felt that one, right?
KAMI: I did...
PICCOLO: And you're still just going to put this off?
KAMI: I might…
"And let more people die!? Whatever the hell happened between you two isn't more important than the loss of innocent lives!" Jellal snapped at Kami.
PICCOLO: All right, I've had enough of this. I have literally been sitting here meditating...
NAIL:(Dozing.)
"Not the time," Laxus said.
PICCOLO: ...meditatingfor the last- Uh...
MR. POPO: Three hours!
PICCOLO: Thank you, Mr. Popo. Three hours! So either sh*t or get in my body.
"Uhhh…" Mira blinked at Piccolo's phrasing.
NAIL:(I...)
PICCOLO: No!
KAMI: Listen, I still need to feel the situation out.
"Feel out what!? People dying!?" Makarov yelled.
PICCOLO: What the hell is there left to feel out? Between your cryptic warnings and jerking me around, I'm pretty sure an entire city is either missing or DEAD! You're the guardian- start acting like it!
KAMI: Yes, I am the guardian- the guardian of this planet! And you wish to take that title from me?
"A title doesn't matter if you just sit on your ass the whole time while Goku and the others fight to protect Earth! You fusing back with Piccolo will let you continue doing your job by fighting for the Earth!" Yukino explained.
PICCOLO: Are you kidding me? This can't be about the job! The first chance you had to drop this gig, you tried to hand it off to Goku!
"WHAT! KAMI ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" The Fairy Tail mages didn't want to imagine Natsu being in charge of an entire planet.
PICCOLO: GOKU! He doesn't even look after his own kid! I look after his kid more than he does!
"Sadly can't disagree with this one," Erza sighed.
KAMI: But it's still my job! My responsibility!
PICCOLO: And that's really good and all... but if you don't fuse with me, the entire world you're guarding might be destroyed!
KAMI: MAYBE I'D RATHER IT BE DESTROYED THAN EVER HAVE BE A PART OF YOU AGAIN!
Silence overtook the guild as Kami finally let out his feelings of the situation. They couldn't help, but feel bad for Kami. While they wanted him to fuse, so that the Earth could be protected, none of the mages took Kami's feelings into account.
(short silence)
NAIL:(Mom? Dad? Please stop fighting.)
"I want them to stop fighting too," Wendy curled up in her chair.
PICCOLO: So that's what this is all about, huh?
KAMI: No, no, that's not what I-
PICCOLO: No, no, it's fine. I was kind of a dick; I get that.
"Yeah...your relationship was never on the healthy side," Levy said.
KAMI: Listen, Piccolo... I've been the guardian for over three hundred years. I've seen wars, sickness, death, and worse. All the while trapped on this lookout...unable to interact with the outside world for more than moments at a time. Now, the only chance I have left is giving up my free will to someone else. It's just another prison…
Some of the girls were shedding some tears from Kami's monologue. The men all respected Kami for all of the pain he had to experience for three hundred years. The Strauss siblings related the most as to not let the souls they take-over to not over-take their own souls. To be able to keep control over themselves.
PICCOLO: Wow, I...I didn't-
KAMI: It's fine... I'm done, anyway. You're right. If I don't do this now, we are likely to lose everything. But know this Piccolo: once I fuse with you, the DragonBalls will be no more.
"WHAT!?"
"So, this fusion does come at a price," Lily frowned.
"Even though Piccolo and Kami didn't die here, the Dragon Balls are still going inactive," Levy wrote down.
PICCOLO: Ah, that's not a problem, we've got a whole planet of our people just waiting to make us more.
"That's also true. I'm sure they can go to Namek..if they all don't get killed off," Freed said.
KAMI: What do you mean, "our people"?
PICCOLO: Stop being a smartass and let's just do this already.
KAMI: Well, then, Mr. Popo... I suppose this is goodbye. It's been...a trip.
MR. POPO:(starts laughing)YES!
"And he's still on one," Gajeel rolled his eyes.
KAMI: Well? I'm sure you're already familiar with the technique.
PICCOLO: Right.(places his hand on Kami's chest)
KAMI: All right, now... Lower.
"Not this again," Lucy frowned.
PICCOLO: Yeah, not falling for that.
"Thank Kami," The Celestial Mage sighed, relieved.
KAMI:: Hmph. I didn't think so.
(Kami powers up and proceeds to merge with Piccolo)
MR. POPO: Oh, my God! I'm coming doooooooooown!(the light clears up on the lookout)Ooh, that was crazy! So, did you actually eat Kami, or was that the acid?
"What in the hell did he see?" Gildarts questioned.
PICCOLO:(thinking)So this is who we were, huh? (hear nothing) Hello? Got real quiet... Holy crap, are they finally-(hears Nail snickering inside his head)(out loud)Ugh, Of course not…
The immature members laughed with Nail and Kami at Piccolo's reaction.
NAIL:(Isn't this the part where you chant to yourself?)
"I FEEL GREAT! I CAN WIN! I CAN DO THIIIISSSSS!" Romeo had coerced Wendy into chanting along with him.
PICCOLO: Shut up.
KAMI:(Come now. We should do whatever feels right.)
PICCOLO: Oh, please, no...
NAIL & KAMI:(You can win! You feel great! You can do this!)
More laughter appeared in the guildhall.
(Piccolo groans as he flies off the lookout)
KORIN:(from inside his tower)Hey, Piccolo, could you pick up Yajirobe? He doesn't have a car...(Piccolo flies right past him)...crap! Well, I know someone who's not getting invited to Sunday brunch. Oh, who am I kidding? We like him.
"That's nice of Korin," Lisanna smiled.
(cut back to the lookout where Mr. Popo is looking down into the sky after Piccolo's departure)
MR. POPO: Well, only one thing to do...(picks up Kami's staff)
(shows an outside shot of the lookout as it starts bouncing up and down to the beat of "Turn Down For What" while fireworks go off in the background)
"Really?" Many rolled their eyes at Popo.
(cut to Kame House as the others are still watching the news)
BRUSH: Now, now, now, now. Now the Libs are surely gonna shout racism over this one, but this is just what happens when you elect a dog as king!
GOHAN: So you think this is whatever came from that egg, Trunks?
TRUNKS: Definitely. This isn't the work of the androids, that's for sure.
"We came to that conclusion already, but glad to see you guys have too," Levy said.
KRILLIN: Not unless they're starting the world's first mandatory nudist colony.
"If it was just all women, then I'd join," Gildarts and the other perverts wished.
TRUNKS: I'm going to go down there and check it out myself. I'll admit, after everything that's happened, I'm a little bit worried I'm responsible for these events…
"Time travel does cause more issues rather than solve," Jellal agreed.
YAMCHA: Wait, are you sure you should go alone?
TRUNKS: The only other person strong enough to help us right now would be my father. And even if I knew where he was-which I don't-I'm not sure he would help us...
(cut to Vegeta in an area filled with mountains)
VEGETA: No. You see, I didn't f**k up. I just underestimated her! I went in a little too overconfident. But of course I was a little overconfident! I mean, have you ever met me? I'm me! I'm a big deal! And you know who's really at fault here? The boy.(impersonates Trunks' voice)"Oh, the future is sooooo bad!"(normal voice)Well, maybe it wouldn't be if you weren't such a pansy-ass!(powers up)Now once I get back in the game, and destroy those metal brats...(cut to Ginger Town)...there will be nothing left to get in my way.
"Well that was both hilarious and chillingly ominous," Minerva said.
(Piccolo is seen arriving at Ginger Town and sees several the clothes lying on the ground)
NAIL:(*snigg*rs* Well, this is classic. The moment God disappears, suddenly the rapture happens.)
"It is pretty ironic," Freed agreed.
KAMI:(Yes, the irony is not lost on me.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Could you guys stop talking for a minute?
NAIL:(Oh yeah, don't wanna distract you. Might get hit by one of these abandoned cars...)
"I do think you should be taking the situation more seriously," Makarov disapproved of Nail's behavior.
KAMI:(I've always wanted to drive a car, but by the time they were invented, eyes weren't so good for it anymore. (a singing voice is heard faintly in the background)
"Does anyone else hear that?" Natsu asked.
"Um...not really," Lucy answered.
"No, I hear it as well," Gajeel noticed.
"I do too," Wendy spoke.
"I can hear it," Laxus pointed out.
"Me too," Sting looked at Natsu.
"Me as well," Rogue said.
KAMI:(Piccolo, you've driven a car, right? How was it?)
PICCOLO:(hears the voice)Wait, seriously, shut up. What is that?
?:(singing "Mr. Sandman" by The Chordettes)
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen
Give him two lips, like roses and clover
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over
(a monstrous creature confronts Piccolo while holding an innocent, unconscious man by his shirt)
CREATURE: (speaking in a slithery, snake-like voice) Hello...friend.
All of the mages could only stare in chilling silence at the co*ckroach-like monster standing in front of Piccolo. Each one feeling the on coming sense of dread that had slowly been building up over time. The Dragon Slayers were the most stiff out of anyone else in the audience. It was as if they could feel the creature's presence through the Lacrama. Their senses kept screaming at them repeatedly.
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
DEATHDEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH
SURVIVE SURVIVE SURVIVE SURVIVE SURVIVE
(scene ends with the creature exhaling creepily)
All of the Dragon Slayers release a long winded breath none of them thought they were holding. It felt as if something was choking them when that creature appeared.
Natsu leaned over on the floor drenched in sweat as Lucy and Happy rushed to his aid to see if he was alright. He looked at them both and could only ask one thing.
"What the hell was that thing?"
Chapter End
Chapter 54: Return of Cooler
Chapter Text
Chapter 59: Return of Cooler
Each one of the Dragon Slayers were breathing heavily. Makarov made his way over to Mira with a concerned expression on his face.
"Mira! Do you know what happened?" Makarov asked.
"Not at all, Master. The note that came with the Lacrama never said anything like this would happen," Mira explained. She peered over to Laxus where he was being tended to by the Thunder Legion.
"Laxus! Are you ok?"
"Do you need to rest!?"
"Do you need us to get anything!?"
"What I need is for you three to give me space," Laxus grumbled. The Lightning Slayer managed to get to his feet and sit back down into his chair. His hands rubbed his forehead in irritation. "What the hell was that creature? The only time I've felt this was when we first fought Acnologia. What the hell is that Lacrama…"
Levy and Lily were fretting over Gajeel. Lily had transformed into his buff form to help his partner off the ground. "Gajeel are you ok?" Lily asked.
"I'm fine, Lily, no need to stress," Gajeel smirked. His eyes softened as he looked at Levy's concerned gaze. "I'm fine, Levy. I just wasn't expecting something like that to happen," Gajeel embraced her in a hug, and she hurriedly returned.
"Just don't scare me like that again, you looked as if death was coming to take your soul," Levy said, into his chest. Gajeel frowned and glanced back at the Lacrama. Wondering what the hell actually happened.
Minerva, Yukino, and the Exceeds were at Sting and Rogue's sides immediately. Frosch was crying as he practically glued himself to Rogue's face. The Shadow Dragon Slayer gripped his partner's body and pulled him off. "Frosch!"
The Exceed continued to cry and looked at Rogue. "Rogue was in pain..a-and Frosch couldn't help!"
"I'm not hurt anymore, Frosch. I promise you that I'll be fine for now on," Rogue spoke softly and held his partner in his arms.
"R-Really?"
"Yeah."
Yukino and Lector rounded on Sting. Both of them embraced Sting for dear life, afraid he'd go into another panic attack.
"Y-Your going to be alright? Right, Sting?" Lector tried to hold back his tears. Sting smiled softly at his partner.
"I'm going to be just fine, Lector. Nothing can keep me down! You know that!" Sting's smile grew wide, which helped ease Lector's worries. He then turned to Yukino who was awaiting him. She placed her hands on his face to check him over.
"I'm going to be just fine, Yukino," Sting softly held her hands.
"I know, but it doesn't stop me from worrying," Yukino replied.
"As if you two would be hurt by some bug's presence," Minerva scoffed. Even though she put up a tough act, the other Sabertooth mages knew she was glad to see the Dragon Slayers were fine.
"I'm going to be just fine, Carla. I don't feel sick to my stomach anymore," Wendy hugged Carla closely.
"I want to make sure of that with my own eyes. You looked as if you wanted to throw up," Carla replied, rubbing her paws on Wendy's arms.
COUGH COUGH
Everyone in the guild turned towards Mira. The eldest Strauss cleared her throat. "Does everyone think they can continue watching?" She received nods and reluctant nods from the audience. Giving them her own nod and smile in return, she turned back to the Lacrama. As she began to reactivate it, everyone thought the same thing together.
"We need to hurry and find out what that bug thing is."
(cut to a spaceship flying in space with GOKU, GOHAN, KRILLIN, MASTER ROSHI, and OOLONG inside. YAJIROBE is munching down on a rice ball)
"HUH!?" The guild all comically fell to the ground at the sudden difference in scene.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Why is Goku not in bed and why are they in space!?" Lucy voiced everyone's thoughts.
"Might be another movie, since there's such a sudden shift in scenery," Levy guessed.
"But why!? When we got left on such a big cliffhanger with so many questions!?" Lucy continued to scream, comically.
"I don't know! But, I'm grateful to not have to see that bug thing at the moment," Levy replied and leaned back into Gajeel.
Some agreed that they didn't want to see that bug anytime soon while some others wanted answers immediately.
GOHAN: So Dad, what's the first thing you wanna do when we get to Namek? Maybe go fishing? Camping? Anything that doesn't involve training?
"You're talking to the wrong person," Macao replied to the boy.
GOKU: I'm gonna be first in line to try some old-fashioned Namekian cooking!
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure they don't eat, Goku. So, that's going to be pretty difficult for you," Wendy giggled.
GOHAN: I don't see that happening.
GOKU: Not with that attitude!
"I've missed the sound of his voice," Erza sighed, happily. Jellal and Kagura both flinched at her words.
"I'm just happy to not hear him screaming anymore," Makarov messaged his poor ears at the memory.
KRILLIN: I'm looking forward to a relaxing vacation! This will be the first time that I've been on Namek where I haven't been beaten up...or stabbed...or exploded.
"That brings up a good question. Why are they going to Namek?" Lily asked.
"Oh! Maybe to visit Dende?" Wendy hoped.
"That shouldn't require an entire movie though," Carla said.
MASTER ROSHI: I'm looking to get with some sexy Namekian ladies!
"Who's gonna tell him?" Romeo asked, pointing at the old pervert.
KRILLIN: I... don't see that happening.
MASTER ROSHI: Not with that attitude!
"No, it's just impossible," Evergreen sighed, annoyed.
YAJIROBE: I'm just looking forward to getting some time away from Korin.
KRILLIN: Are you two fighting? Because I notice a distinct lack of cat hair on you.
YAJIROBE: Yum!(continues shoveling down on his food)
"They're fighting," Lisanna and Juvia said, simultaneously.
GOKU: Hey, Piccolo! What's your favorite Namekian dish?
(cut to Piccolo in the other room isolated from the others)
GOHAN: Dad, I hate to break it to you, but Namekians don't eat.
GOKU: That's weird. They're weird.
"I know right! How could somebody not like eating?" Natsu was still flabbergasted by Namekians.
NAIL:(telepathically)So, haven't been home in a while, eh Kami?
KAMI:(telepathically)About 500 years, give or take.
PICCOLO: Eh, you're not missing much.
"Yeah, it's just trees and water. With less Frieza," Lisanna agreed.
KAMI:(telepathically)Oh, please. Unlike you, I remember the halcyon days of our planet. Beautiful blue landscapes, a thriving culture. Our beautiful kinship with our Albino brothers.
"Hm," Freed raised an eyebrow.
NAIL & PICCOLO: Oooooh...
KAMI:(telepathically)What?
(shows the spaceship approaching New Namek)
OOLONG: Uh, guys? Can a planet get cancer?
"That's an odd question. I would hope not," Yukino said, worried.
KRILLIN: That's a weird question. Why do you-(sees a giant grayish piece of matter on New Namek outside the window)Whoa, wow!
"WOAH!"
"What happened to Namek!?" Sting asked, astonished.
MASTER ROSHI: If it needs some inspectin', I'm your man! I've done my share of mammograms in my day, if you catch my drift!
"Ewwww…"
OOLONG: When I do them, they're called hammograms.
YAJIROBE: That'll do, pig.
"Yeah, no more pig jokes," Romeo crossed his arms.
GOKU: Oh, boy. Someone should probably go tell Piccolo.
PICCOLO:(appears behind Goku)Someone should go tell Piccolo WhaAAAAAH...(sees the grayish piece of matter on New Namek as the ship enters the atmosphere)
("Team Four Star presents" text appears on the screen and then shows "Cooler 2: The Return of Cooler's Revenge – The Reckoning")
"COOLER!?"
"Didn't he literally get tossed into the sun!? How is he alive!?" Sting questioned.
Lucy on the other hand melted in horor. "No more of Frieza's family!"
(Cut to New Namek with a bunch of Namekians handcuffed and walking in a line. Two Cycloids are heard beeping.)
KEEL:(thinking)That's it. Enough of this. (destroys his handcuffs) Time to f*ck some face!(starts charging at a Cycloid)
CYCLOID: Beep.(grabs Keel by the face)
KEEL:Oh no, my face!(the Clycloid tosses him to the ground)
"Welp, you got face f*cked," Laxus commented.
MOURI: No, please! He's but a boy! He knows not what he does!
"Reminds me of someone," Macao eyed his son. Romeo whistled nervously and looked away from his father.
CYCLOID: Beep.(prepares to attack Keel)
MOURI: You're so cruel...
CYCLOID: Beep.
(The Cycloid fires a blast, but Gohan appears and deflects it to the ground. Goku and Krillin appear when the smoke clears.)
"Z-Fighters to the rescue!" Happy and Lector cheer.
GOKU: I don't want to have to solve this with violence, but I also really wanna punch you.(more CYCLOIDS appear)And your friends.
"Then that means violence is the only answer!" Natsu pumped his flamed fist.
CYCLOID: Beep.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)That one's askin' for it!
"What did it say?" Meredy asked.
GOKU: What are you even doing on New Namek?
CYCLOID: Beep.
GOKU: A what? Well, I think we have one on the ship, but the sodas aren't cold yet.
META COOLER: (off-screen) I believe they're referring to me.(appears in front of the CYCLOIDS, who all proceed to start beeping in applause)
"Woah! Cooler's got an upgrade!" Bickslow exclaimed.
"Yeah! He's now Cooler than Cooler!" Sting said, much to the embarrassment of his guildmates.
"What is he? A Metal Cooler?" Gray asked.
"No, that was Frieza," Freed responded.
META COOLER: Thank you, thank you. You're too kind.(one Cycloid beeps again)And you're just brown-nosing.
Laxus gave Freed a quick glance.
GOKU: So, you return once again, Freezer.
"How could you even…" Lucy deadpanned.
GOHAN:(off-screen)Cooler.
GOKU: Cooler.
META COOLER: Yes. I have returned, dumbass.
GOKU: Goku.
"No no, he was correct," Minerva spoke. She ignored the glare she received from Erza.
META COOLER:Dumbass. With the help of the Big Gete Star.(Krillin laughs off-screen)
"Yes, Krillin, we get the joke," Lily shook his head.
META COOLER: Thanks to it, I have been reborn with this new dynamic, metal form. With it, we have entrapped this planet. And now... we are going to f*ck it. Both figuratively...
(cut to scenario of Big Gete Star drilling into New Namek; cut back to present)
META COOLER: (slowly) And... very literally.
There was a brief moment of silence from the audience in response to Cooler's actions.
"There's a thing called "consent". Give it a try sometime," Gajeel said.
"I still want to know why he chose Namek of all places," Levy desired to know.
KRILLIN: ...You know, just because it can't reject you, doesn't imply consent.
META COOLER: Now, what say you?
PICCOLO: Freeza did it.
"And there's his reason," Levy added to Cooler's character page.
META COOLER: Excuse you?
KRILLIN: The robot thing. Freeza did it. When he came back to Earth.
META COOLER: But that's not the same, I-
"Different circ*mstances, but overall still copying your baby brother," Bickslow mocked.
PICCOLO: After he took over Namek, like you are now.
META COOLER: Wait... He destroyed Namek!
"He still took it over before throwing a hissy fit and destroying it," Gildarts countered.
GOHAN: Well, this is New Namek.
META COOLER: So it's completely different!
"Aren't you literally draining the life from Namek. Which would be the same as destroying it, just like Frieza?" Erza raised an eyebrow at Cooler's ignorance.
PICCOLO: Yeah, about as different as you are from Freeza.
KRILLIN/Romeo:(off-screen)Shots fired!
META COOLER: Kill the bald one.
"Which one? You are talking about Piccolo, right?" Mira asked.
(the Cycloids starts charging at the Z-Fighters)
CYCLOID: Beep.
KRILLIN: Freeza did it.
"He's not wrong," Lucy remembered Krillin's death.
(One Cycloid punches Krillin into a plateau. Another Cycloid tries attacking Gohan, but Gohan evades the attack.)
CYCLOID: Beep.
GOHAN: Eep!
PICCOLO:(fighting three Cycloids at once)Stop being a bunch of pansies!
"Piccolo handling three like a real man!" Elfman yelled.
(cut over to Yajirobe, Oolong, and Master Roshi)
OOLONG: I'm gonna die on an alien planet! Dammit, I'm becoming Krillin!
"Why are you guys even here?" Rogue asked.
"Comedic relief, most likely," Levy answered him.
YAJIROBE: Calm your tit*, scrabo-breath. Master Roshi's got this one.
MASTER ROSHI:(standing in front of an army of Cycloids)I have many things... A best friend who's a turtle, an island... Chlamydia…
The adults in the guild all did a double take at that one.
MASTER ROSHI: This... is not one of 'em.
YAJIROBE: Oh... Well then what are we-
(shows the Cycloids dragging off Master Roshi, Yajirobe, and Oolong after capturing them)
OOLONG: Hey, Master Roshi! What if you try giving 'em the clap, you jackass?!
"Can robots even get that?" Gildarts wondered, until Cana slapped him for thinking about it.
(cut to Goku attempting to attack Meta Cooler with Kaio-ken, but it has no effect and Meta Cooler retaliates by kneeing Goku in the face and punches him)
"Aw! No "Kaio-What" joke?" Levy whined.
GOKU: So, I keep punching you, but you ain't budgin'.
"The story of all of Natsu's fights," Gray remarked.
"Hey! Not all my fights are like that!"
"Name one."
"Every time I fight you," Natsu smirked at Gray's shocked expression.
META COOLER: That would be my new metal body.
GOKU: Which you got from the Spaghetti Star, right?
"Natsu don't call it that," Erza stopped the pink haired mage before he even opened his mouth.
META COOLER: ...Not dignifying that. Look, why don't you just turn Super Saiyan? Then we can get serious.
GOKU: But I don't wanna end the fight yet-we just started. I mean, why don't you use that little mask thing?
"Yeah, that form was awesome. Scary, but awesome!" Lisanna agreed.
"We're not acknowledging the fact that he's that confident? No? Ok," Gajeel noticed everyone was paying more attention to the movie than his comment.
META COOLER: Good question, but I've got a better one, though. What's that thing on your face?
GOKU: What's what thing on my-
META COOLER: MAH FIST!(punches Goku in the face)
"Gotta try that one next time," Gajeel turned his hand into iron.
GOKU: All right, fine! I'll go Super Saiyan. But I'm doing this for me.(transforms into a Super Saiyan)
This transformation had to be the prettiest one they've seen yet. Not much to say other than that.
(cut to Piccolo attacking a Cycloid and fails to make even a dent)
"You can hit harder than that, Green man!" Mira shouted.
CYCLOID: Beep.
PICCOLO: F*ck!(thinking while removing his cape and turban)Dammit, I gotta find a way to break these things.
NAIL:(Have you tried hitting them harder?)
"That sounds like something Natsu would say," Fairy Tail all said, collectively.
PICCOLO: That sounds like something Goku would say.
KAMI:(Yes... And remember that time you've never beaten him?)
PICCOLO: RAAAGH!(drives his fist straight through a Cycloid)
"That's one way to motivate him," Mira smiled.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Huh... It worked.
"Told you it works, Lucy."
"Shut up!"
(cut back to Goku vs. Meta Cooler)
GOKU: HIYAH!(hits Meta Cooler really hard and sever his right arm)Hey, it worked!(Meta Cooler regenerates his right arm)Wow, the Big Ghetto Star ain't no one's fool.
"Don't even think about it," Erza once again stopped Natsu.
META COOLER: That's right, monkey. With the power of the Big Gete Star, I can recover from any injury, no matter how intense. But enough about me, let's kill you!(punches Goku in the stomach and begins to choke him)
"GOKU!"
(cut back to the others)
CYCLOID: Beep.(knocks Gohan to the ground and then smacks him away, who then struggles to get up)
"GOHAN!"
KRILLIN: My God!(lands on Gohan and they both get up, back-to-back)Any ideas?
GOHAN: Well, our opponents are mechanical...
CYCLOID: Beep.
GOHAN: ...which means they'll have structural weak points we can exploit. Likely their joint areas. I suggest-(Piccolo lands beside him)Huh?
PICCOLO: I figured it out. We just need to hit them really, really hard.
"Yeah! No nerdy science stuff needed!" Natsu agreed with Piccolo.
GOHAN: ...That sounds like something my dad would say.
PICCOLO: Right!(starts attacking the Cycloid with Gohan following suit)
KRILLIN: I've prepared my whole life for this.. It's KRILLER TI-(Cycloid elbows him in the face)It's never gonna be a thing...(falls to the ground)
"Anyone could've told you that," Gajeel laughed.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Just use your friggin Kienzan, Christ!
"He really needs to use it more," Freed said.
(Meanwhile, Cooler is still choking Goku)
META COOLER: My God, you take an eternity to choke.
"Considering the fact that he can scream for hours on end, I'm not surprised," Minerva agreed with Cooler.
GOKU: Is that...all you...got?
"You're in no position to antagonize him," Erza facepalmed.
META COOLER: As a matter of fact...(sends a wave of power through his arm and chokes Goku harder)
GOKU: Ah! Regret! Regret!
(Vegeta comes out of nowhere and kicks Cooler in the face, causing him to release Goku)
"VEGETA!?"
"Oh great. The royal ass is back," Minerva grumbled.
GOKU:(kinda raspy)Oh hey, Vegeta. When and how did you get here?
"I would like to know, but I'd doubt he'd answer," Levy said.
VEGETA: Apologies, but if anyone's going to kill Kakarrot...(transforms into a Super Saiyan)...it's me.
"You're not that good at it," Erza said.
GOKU: You're not even that good at it.
The knight blushed at her and Goku saying the same thing.
VEGETA: Shut your hole, Kakarrot. Anyway, We meet at last... Cooler.
META COOLER: Yes, we do... y-you...?
"You don't know him? Isn't Vegeta the Prince of Saiyans? How do you not know him?" Evergreen asked.
"Cooler wasn't in charge of the Saiyans, Frieza was. So, that probably explains it," Levy answered.
VEGETA: Wait, do you not know who I am?
META COOLER: Should I?
VEGETA: I am Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans!(continues speaking as Meta Cooler looks around in a bored expression)Last of my royal blood, bringer of death, destroyer of worlds, and wrecker of your sh*t.
Minerva was laughing at Cooler's disregard of Vegeta's speech.
"God, can he sound more full of himself?" Laxus rolled his eyes.
META COOLER: Saiyan? Forgive me, I was under the impression there was only one of you.
VEGETA: Oh, trust me. There is ONLY one of ME.
META COOLER: Then my eyes must deceive me, because I believe I see TWO dead monkeys.
"Gotta give it to Frieza's family. They have really good comebacks," Gajeel acknowledged.
(Vegeta charges forward, but gets sent flying away by Meta Cooler. After one second, Vegeta once again charges forward, but gets thrown back again. Not one to admit defeat, Vegeta proceeds to charge again, only to get sent flying again. Vegeta comes back and charges again.)
The guildhall was filled with laughter at Vegeta getting sent flying repeatedly.
Laxus pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought back to his fight with Gajeel and Natsu. Only that Natsu was in Vegeta's position.
(Shifting over to Piccolo ripping apart the Cycloids one by one, who all beep as they explode)
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo!(is being carried off by four Cycloids)
"No, Gohan!" Mira and Lisanna cried out.
"Kid couldn't even last long enough to beat one," Laxus grumbled. He felt a chill up his spine as Mira sent a death glare in his direction.
PICCOLO: I'm coming!
KRILLIN: Phrasing!("Really?" Lucy deadpanned) I mean, help!(is also being carried off by four Cycloids)
"I'm not surprised about Krillin," Gildarts said.
PICCOLO:(a Cycloid grabs him in the arm)Nice try, but you're not just gonna pull me away like-(a Cycloid sticks its gatling gun in his face)Huh?(the Cycloid proceeds to open fire on his face)Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Dicks! Dicks!
"Stop crying!" Mira shouted.
NAIL:(They're just bullets, they're hardly even...) (several Cycloids form arm cannons) (Oh, cool. Cannons! Those'll hurt.)
PICCOLO:(under siege)They dooooo!
"Hang in there, Piccolo!" Wendy said.
(cut back to Vegeta once again getting knocked back by Meta Cooler)
META COOLER: He's quite persistent.
"You couldn't begin to imagine," Fairy Tail sweatdropped.
GOKU: You have no idea.(Vegeta charges forward and gets knocked back)He's actually a really nice guy after you get to know him.
META COOLER/Everyone: I doubt that.
(Vegeta charges forward again)
VEGETA: Son of a bitch, I got you this ti-(attempts to kick Meta Cooler only for him to crush his leg)AAAAAAHHHH!(Meta Cooler mutes him by grabbing his mouth)
META COOLER: You want to know what death tastes like?
"Not exactly," Yukino replied.
(Vegeta's lets out muffled screams as Meta Cooler prepares a blast)
GOKU: Hi-yah!(kicks Meta Cooler off Vegeta)
VEGETA:(growls)Would you just-(Meta Cooler disappears)What!? Where did you-
GOKU:(pins Meta Cooler down behind Vegeta)Don't worry! Saved you again, best buddy!
"Goku always comes to the rescue!" Erza and Natsu cheer together.
VEGETA: That's it! Killing you both! BIG BANG ATTACK!
(Vegeta fires a blast at both Goku and Meta Cooler, but they vanish before the blast can connect. In the smoke, Meta Cooler appears and kicks Vegeta in his 'DragonBalls', which causes him to squeal in pain in slow motion before Meta Cooler punches him in Goku's direction)
Every male in the audience all tense up in phantom pain at what they just witnessed. Feeling extreme sympathy for Vegeta at the moment. As taking a super strength kicked to the nuts from something even stronger than metal had to be extremely painful.
Most of the women winced at the hit, but didn't feel the exact same pain as the men did. Cana and Minerva were laughing at Vegeta's pained face and squeal.
"At least Trunks was already born," Lucy chuckled, nervously.
GOKU: Huh?(catches Vegeta)Aww, he's all tuckered out.
"It's more than that," Gray released a ragged breath.
(cut back to Piccolo as the Cycloids have finished firing cannons at him)
PICCOLO: All right, you get that out of your system?
CYCLOID: Beep.
PICCOLO: Okay, just wanted to make sure.
CYCLOID: Beep.
PICCOLO: Okay, good.(fires a explosive wave that destroys all of the Cycloids, who beep as they go down)(thinking)All right, better go save Gohan.
"Why did it take him so long to do that?" Rogue wondered out loud.
KAMI:(What about the others?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)What ABOUT the others?(flies towards the Big Gete Star)
"Exactly, only Gohan matters," Mira agreed. Her siblings stared at her in horror at the dismissal of Krillin and the rest.
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, Master Roshi, Yajirobe, Oolong and the Namekian prisoners inside the Big Gete Star)
D.V.E.D.: Hello, meatbags! Let me be the first to congratulate you on your selection to have your life juices power the Big Gete Star! I hope the amenities are to your liking!
YAJIROBE: They're not!
D.V.E.D.: Then good news! You won't be staying long!
"Because you'll all be dead," Happy added.
"Thanks, Tom-Cat. We couldn't have figured that out on our own," Carla replied, sarcastically.
YAJIROBE: You're damn right!(punches D.V.E.D., which has no effect)
"He tried," Kagura acknowledged.
D.V.E.D.: Splendid! A volunteer!(grabs Yajirobe's arm)Quick, everyone! To the de-organer!(starts dragging Yajirobe away as Gohan, Krillin, Master Roshi, Oolong try to pull him away)
Some giggles and snorts were heard in the guild.
(cut to Meta Cooler advancing towards Vegeta and Goku)
VEGETA: He keeps kicking me in the dick. Why? Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?
"Cooler's only been going for nut shots and now he's my favorite villain," Minerva felt great all of a sudden.
GOKU: Wait, I think I might have a way to beat him...
VEGETA: If you say hit him really hard. I swear to God, I will kick YOU in the dick!
"Better not," Erza grumbled.
GOKU: I guess we could hit him...really hard.(Vegeta growls)Together?
VEGETA: ...Whatever.
(Goku and Vegeta charge at Meta Cooler full force and ram into him simultaneously, severing the upper part of Meta Cooler's body)
GOKU: Hey, Vegeta! What works? Teamwor-
VEGETA: Finish him off, you gibbering oaf!
(Goku and Vegeta simultaneously fire a blast at Meta Cooler, which finally destroys him. Goku and Vegeta fall to the ground and revert to their normal state while catching their breath)
"ALRIGHT! That's the end of Cooler!" The guild cheered at the Saiyan's victory.
"Ya know, those two really remind me of Gajeel and Natsu," Lucy laughed.
"Almost like their alternate counterparts," Levy joined Lucy's laughter.
"Tch, I wouldn't work with Salamander if he was the last guy on earth," Gajeel scoffed.
"And I wouldn't work with Gajeel, since he's the most annoying Dragon Slayer," Natsu retorted.
"THAT'S YOU!"
GOKU: See? We can do anything by working with each other.
VEGETA: Just shut the f**k up, Kakarrot.
"For once I agree with him," Minerva said.
GOKU: Hey...we beat him, right?
"Yeah, you guys vaporized him," Sting answered.
VEGETA: Yeah, he turned into smoke.
GOKU: Then who's that guy?(reveals Meta Cooler on top of a cliff)
"HUH!?"
"That's right! The Big Gete Star!" Levy reminded everyone.
META COOLER: Hello, buddy!
GOKU: Oh, right. The Serengeti Star.
Natsu didn't say a word as Erza's gaze turned to him in an instant.
(shows a TON of Meta Coolers on the cliff)
The mages gaped at the amount of Coolers standing on the cliff.
"That has to be over 500 Coolers," Jellal spoke.
"How do you beat that if just beating one took so much effort!?" Lector panicked.
META COOLERS: That's right. I am Legion. For we are-
VEGETA: A pain in my ass.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Laxus said.
(the Meta Coolers descend from the cliff to attack Goku and Vegeta)
GOKU: Well, Vegeta, you take the five hundred on the right, I'll take the five hundred on the left.
VEGETA: Screw you, I'll take five hundred and one!
"That's right. As long as you guys give it everything you got, you'll come out the winner!" Erza believed.
"Just give them another good beat down!" Natsu shouted.
GOKU: That's the spirit!(screams and goes Super Saiyan)
VEGETA:(screams and also goes Super Saiyan)
"YEAH!"
(cut to Goku and Vegeta captured and covered in wires)
The cheers died instantly at the sight of Goku and Vegeta covered in wires. Guess 1,000 really was too much for them.
GOKU: Wow. I can't believe every single one of them kicked you in the dick…
"All 1,000 kicked him in the nuts!?"
It was a real good thing that Trunks was already born.
VEGETA:(whines in a high-pitched voice)
"He can't even talk," The men winced in sympathy.
GOKU: So, where the heck are we, anyway?
COOLER: You are inside...of me.
"What?"
GOKU: *gasps* Vegeta! He shrank us!
COOLER:(his face is shown to be connected with the BIG GETE STAR)What? No. No! I'm part of the Big Gete Star!
"How did that happen!?" Air blew out of Levy's nose in interest.
GOKU: Oh, you're a head. Well, that's neat. Probably don't punch as hard as you used to, though.
"He doesn't have a body, so yeah," Lector said.
COOLER: I'm sure you're dying to know the story.
GOKU: I'm really not interested-
"I am!" Levy rebutted.
COOLER: You see...
(cut to outer space, showing the remains of Cooler's head rolling around when a small chip lands on it)
COOLER: What the fu-
(cut to present)
COOLER: And that's how it happened.
"I'm done," Levy closed her notebook and leaned back into Gajeel's side.
COOLER: And now, with the help of your energy, we shall have everything we need to fuel the Big Gete Star, as well as rebuild myself even better than before.
"Why didn't you just rebuild yourself a new body?" Sting asked, confused.
"That would require proper planning, which Cooler seems to have lost the ability to do along with his body," Levy snapped. Gajeel rubbed her head to calm the petite woman down.
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.
COOLER: Shut up, baby, I know it.
(Vegeta and Goku scream as their energy gets drained)
"Fight back! Don't let Cooler win!" Natsu pounded the table in front of him.
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.
COOLER: Oh, yes. To the last drop.(Goku and Vegeta are shown completely drained)Ah, delicious. Now, to dispose of the two-(Goku and Vegeta grab onto the wires and send more of their energy to the Big Gete Star)What?! Impossible! You were bone-dry!
"They're overloading the Big Gete Star!" Freed said.
"Ha ha! Knew they weren't done yet!" Natsu and the rest cheered in hype.
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.(the Big Gete Star begins detonating)
COOLER: I know, but I can't stop them! Where are the mes? Send in the mes!
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.
COOLER: What do you mean, I'm exploding!
(cut to outside of BIG GETE STAR, showing several META COOLERS exploding; cut back to inside)
"Guess your legion wasn't all that after all," Jellal smirked.
COOLER: Ahh, f-
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.
COOLER: -mes!
(cut to YAJIROBE, about to be cut into two)
YAJIROBE: No, please! You can't kill me! There's someone at home that I love!
"Kourin would be sad," Juvia said.
D.V.E.D.: Beautiful. What's her name?
YAJIROBE: H-h-he's a cat named Korin
"When you say it out loud, however…" Lucy said, but Juvia slapped her with a water tendril.
"We don't judge love, Lucy!"
D.V.E.D.: I am no one to judge. But I do decide your fate. Kill him(starts malfunctioning)slow... slow... slow... slow...(in a deep voice)Drop the bass.(explodes)
GOHAN: Everyone, follow me!(leads everyone out of the room and into an incoming crew of Meta Coolers)Aw, crapbaskets.
KRILLIN: I AM NOT DYING HERE AGAIN!
"Would be best if you didn't," Lector said.
"Frosch thinks so too!" Frosch added.
(All the Meta Coolers blow up and Piccolo appears from the smoke)
PICCOLO: Come with me if you want to live.
GOHAN: Eh, wrong sci-fi, but it'll do.
"At least he's here," Mira shrugged.
(cut back to Cooler)
COOLER: How? It literally doesn't make any sense! It took everything you had to defeat a single me, yet you had enough power to overload the Big Gete Star?! How?! How did you do this?!
"You underestimated Saiyans. The biggest mistake you could ever make," Makarov smirked, satisfied.
GOKU: It looks like you underestimated our power. Just like...
COOLER: DON'T YOU DA-
GOKU/Natsu: ...you did on Earth.
COOLER: Oh. Fair enou-
VEGETA/Gajeel: And just like Freeza.
(Cooler begins screaming and grows a body and Goku proceeds to transform into a Super Saiyan and starts charging an energy blast, but Cooler punches him and grabs him with wires)
"GOKU!"
COOLER: Did Freeza ever do THIS?!
GOKU: Beginning to feel like you have something against your brother.
"Took you this long to figure it out?" Cana asked.
COOLER: Die...(starts squeezing Goku with the wires, causing him to scream)DIE!(screams as his arm gets sliced by a blast shot from Vegeta)
VEGETA: That...was for...my dick... ahh...(collapses)
"The Prince got his shot in. Now finish it, Goku," Laxus said.
GOKU:(breaks free of the wires and prepares a blast)Time to put you...ON ICE!(throws the blast at Cooler's chest)
"You could've tried so much harder," Gajeel was disappointed at the pun.
COOLER: ...Really?(sighs, then explodes, showing his remaining organic skin rolling around in the dust)
"And with that Frieza's family is finally gone for good," Lucy smiled at a job well done.(Cough"Eradicate The Saiyans"Cough)
(cut to outer space, with the BIG GETE STAR about to burst)
BIG GETE STAR: Beep. (explodes)
KRILLIN: Huh. Well, Goku's dead again. Any of you guys got DragonBalls?
"Why is that the immediate conclusion?" Erza asked Krillin.
GOHAN: Wait, look!(sees Goku and Vegeta falling from the sky)
KRILLIN: Wait, is that Vegeta?
(Goku and Gohan laugh like little insanos until Goku crash-lands on the ground which produces an enormous explosion)
"They could've caught them...no reason to let them hit the ground," Romeo said.
GOKU: Thanks for bringing those Senzus, Bean Daddy!
YAJIROBE: It's what I do.
"Yajirobe was useful," Lisanna smiled.
GOKU: You know, I learned something today. In the end, when all is said and done, Freezer was Cooler. And Cooler was Freezer.
"Did he just say that Frieza is cool?" Gajeel asked.
"I still believe he's confusing the two," Kagura said.
GOHAN: ...So, now that it's over, we should probably go find Dende.
"Yeah? Where has Little Green been? He's usually jumping in joy to see Gohan," Natsu said.
KRILLIN: Yeah, where is Little Green? He's the one who invited us to vacation here in the first place.
MOURI: Oh wait, you thought... But he... Oh, my. I think you may have misinterpreted his message.
(cut to Mr. Popo and Dende on The Lookout back on Earth)
DENDE: WHERE THE F**K IS EVERYONE?!
"Why is Dende on the lookout?" Everyone wondered.
("Monkey Vs. Robot" by James Kochalka Superstar starts playing as the ending credits play)
[STINGER]
(shows a space pod in space with Vegeta inside and holding a small microchip)
BIG GETE STAR: Beep.(Vegeta promptly crushes the microchip)
VEGETA: Flawless victory.
"Hn, better than nothing I suppose," Laxus said.
Chapter End
Chapter 55: Super Android 13
Chapter Text
Chapter 60: Super Android 13
(cut to the mountains outside of Dr. Gero's lab during the episode "Dr. Gero or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Androids". The dialogue is faintly heard.)
ANDROID 17:(offscreen)Howdy folks! I'm Android 13, look at mah trucker hat!
DR. GERO:(offscreen)I was going through a phase!
"Are we rewatching an episode? Pretty sure we've already seen this," Lisanna asks her sister.
"Hmmm...no. Pretty sure it's set to only go forward and not backwards," Mira responds.
ANDROID 18:(offscreen)Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend.
DR. GERO:(offscreen)Don't you dare!(cut to Dr. Gero inside the lab)I am your master and you will do what I say!
ANDROID 17: I... I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back.
DR. GERO: I said I am your master and you will do what I-(Android 17 impales him the chest with his hand)
ANDROID 17: Sorry, doc.(decapitates Dr. Gero with a kick, with his head rolling towards Krillin)Just following orders.
DR. GERO:(as his head stops directly in front of a whimpering Krillin)So... could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu-
(cut to Android 17 smashing the head of Dr. Gero and everyone minus Trunks looking appalled. Android 17 smiles. Dr. Gero's oil/blood leaks into a crack on the floor leading down to the sub-lab. The episode "Blood, Sweat and Gears" continues from there as Android 17 begins to walk towards Android 18)
KRILLIN:(offscreen)So does this mean they're on our side?
"Nope," Happy answered.
(Trunks yells and Krillin screams, as the shot stops at Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Well, guess it's a good thing I backed myself up into the super-computer. Have to thank Wheelo for that.
"Wheelo wasn't a fan of the whole brain inside of a computer thing and how did you even manage to do that?" Levy questions.
"It's like the brain inside of a jar thing. He has no idea on how," Lily said.
DR. GERO: Now, what to do with the twins going rogue... How is progress with Plan B?
(cut to Cell as an embryo, clearly not ready to be released yet.)
CELL:(makes a little squirming moan)
Each of the Dragon Slayers felt a slight chill that nobody else in the audience seemed to have noticed.
(Cut back to the super-computer)
DR. GERO: That's another 17 years out, at least.(cut to three pods holding the new androids for this movie)Ugh... Well, guess it's time for Plan C…
"More androids? Just how unprepared was Trunks?" Jellal asks, shaking his head in disbelief.
(the TeamFourStar logo materializes and the words "Team Four Star presents" appear as "Dueling Banjos (Orchestra Cue)" plays. Fade to an icy background as the words "Android 13" appear on screen before the title "SUPER Android 13" crashes on the screen as footage from the movie plays behind it)
"I thought the Android 13 thing was just a one-off thing. Surprised to see that Gero was serious about it," Freed said.
(cut to the city as pedestrians walk about in their everyday lives. Cut to the mall where Goku (holding a stack of packages) and Gohan (right in front of Goku and holding bags ride an escalator to Chi-Chi, fighting with other women to grab at some items)
"Aw! A little family outing," Mira said. The Barstress mentally planned a little family shopping trip with her siblings after this.
Rogue looked confused at the scene. "Didn't this start with them facing the Androids? Why are they shopping?"
"Maybe the Androids are doing some family shopping of their own," Lector guessed.
"Frosch thinks so too!" The frog said.
CHI-CHI: Touch those Thai silk curtains and I'll turn one of those hoop earrings into a septum ring!
GOHAN: Wow, mom sure is set on filling out Korin and Yajirobe's wedding registry.
"THEIR WHAT!?" The guild shouted in unison. Millianna hugged Kagura in excitement.
"IT'S A KITTY WEDDING!" Millianna shouted.
"Yes yes, Millianna. It's a kitty wedding," Kagura tried to remove her friend.
Juvia and Mira bounced excitedly in their seats at the revelation. "A wedding! A wedding is happening soon!" Both sang.
"Oh Gray! Let's get married soon!" Juvia grabbed Gray's head and hugged him into her breasts. Only Gray's muffled cries could be heard.
GOKU: But why do they need 6 crock-pots? And why all these(thinking)delicious looking(out loud)bath bombs? I don't even think they have a bathroom; Korin always just told me to go over the side.
"Ok...gross and don't eat soap," Lucy said. She looked towards Natsu and wondered if he ever tried to eat soap. Though considering the fact that he grew up in the woods, then he probably has.
(scene switches to a bunch of people standing around. Suddenly an explosion starts and other pedestrians run for their lives screaming. Androids 14 and 15 walk toward Goku's direction)
Erza noticed something as she observed the new Androids. "Gero seemed to have some very artistic sense of design when it comes to his creations."
"More like childlike imagination as he got off on thinking about killing Goku," Laxus growled in annoyance.
ANDROID 15: S'cuse me. Pardon me. Comin' through. Watch the suit.
(several cars stop abruptly and crash into each other as 14 and 15 cross the street)
ANDROID 15: Man, everyone actin' a fool. Like they have never seen a purple dwarf before?
"You are the ones walking through moving traffic. Race has nothing to do with it," Yukino said.
"Do robots even have races?" Sting questioned.
ANDROID 14:(only makes an indiscernible static noise as subtitles appear below him)They do not understand our struggle.
The Dragon Slayers covered their ears to block out the pain from Android 14's voice.
"WHAT IS THAT!?" Natsu screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE! I'M CRUSHING THAT LACRAMA!" Laxus' body began to generate lightning, until Mira held him back with her Satan Soul.
ANDROID 15: I know, right? Racist as sh*t…
"Is it though?" Lisanna wondered.
(cut back to the mall as Goku, Gohan and Chi-Chi eat at a restaurant, Goku being especially noisy with his eating)
GOKU:(mouth full)Man, shopping makes me hungry!
"Me too!" Natsu rubbed his stomach.
GOHAN/Lucy:(sarcastically)Really? Shopping makes you hungry. Only shopping…
"Yes!" Natsu grinned at the face palming Lucy.
GOKU: Mm-hmm!(swallows)Speaking of, how'd your search go, guys?
(scene pans to Krillin, Master Roshi, Oolong and Trunks at their own table)
"It's Trunks!" Wendy was happy to see the Time Traveller.
KRILLIN: Not great. Turns out Master Roshi's banned from over 500 Victoria's Secret locations. I don't get it. How are you not on some sort of list?
"He's banned from 500 stores? What were they, a store for Women's underwear?" Minerva scoffed.
MASTER ROSHI: You think Master Roshi's my real name?
"It's not!?" Happy gasped.
GOHAN: Doesn't Victoria's Secret specialize in women's underwear?
Minerva and the other women all face faulted and felt disgusted at Roshi once more.
GOHAN: Why would Korin and Yajirobe-(Chi-Chi elbows Gohan, and he soon makes a realization)Oh. Ohh…
The more mature adults understood as to why Yajirobe and Korin would want to use the Women's underwear for.
The least mature members which consisted of the children, two of the Exceeds, and Natsu didn't understand at all.
(cut to Android 15' point-of-view as they find Goku through the other floor)
GOHAN:(offscreen)But which one wears them?
"Not something you should be concerned with, Gohan," Mira frowned.
ANDROID 15: So what do ya think?
ANDROID 14:(static; subtitled)Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
The Slayers silently hoped that 14 wouldn't talk much.
ANDROID 15: Nah.(14 and 15 combine energy blasts)But we can...
(the building starts to shake and everyone looks around confused)
GOHAN: Hey, so, not to point out the obvious, but the restaurant's shaking.
" It means that there's either an earthquake or you guys need to be ready for a fight," Gajeel responded.
GOKU:(looks up from his food)Huh?(pause)Eh.(looks back down to eat again)
"And he's only concerned with his stomach," Evergreen sighed.
(everyone is forced up off the floor by the energy blast building up beneath them)
GOHAN, KRILLIN, & TRUNKS:(simultaneously)Ohh, crapbask-
(the restaurant explodes. Cut to Gohan carrying Chi-Chi in the air while she's holding a ton of bags)
"Good multitasking Gohan," Mira complemented.
"His mother would be quite upset if those were lost," Macao sweatdropped.
CHI-CHI: Why can't we go anywhere as a group without something blowing up?
"Blame the man you married," Levy said.
(cut to Goku lowering most of the people to the ground safely, everyone else being held by Krillin and Trunks in the background)
GOKU: Probably not my fault this time... Maybe...(flies back to the group)
"Are the Androids still technically Goku's fault?" Meredy questioned.
"Considering they were built to kill him, then yes. By technicality he shares some of the blood they spill," Jellal answered.
(cut to Androids 14 and 15 preparing to attack again with energy blasts (which they don't seem to do, what?))
GOKU:(gasps)Terrorists! Wait, I can't sense them. Androids! Android-orists! Terror-roids! Guys, we got a bad case of terror-roids!
"Oh no! How dangerous is the sickness!?" Wendy gasped.
(Gohan flies off, forcing Chi-Chi to drop one of her bags)
GOHAN: C'mon, Mom!
CHI-CHI: No! One of the crock-pots!
"Your life is more important!" Gray sweatdropped.
(Krillin and Trunks fly the other people away as Goku faces the "terror-roids". The androids fly up to Goku.)
GOKU: So, you guys aren't org*smic.(cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Goku, stopping once at Goku's crotch as the words "Potential Weak Point" appear before continuing on)
Erza felt uncomfortable with that "Potential Weak Point" being scanned.
GOKU: Who are you? Red Ribbon? I mean, you got it on your red "Red Ribbon" ribbon. But you know what they say about assuming...(cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning)It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "ming".
"Close enough," Carla shrugged.
ANDROID 15: Scan complete.(takes out a flask and takes a few swigs from it before lowering it)This guy's dumb as bricks…
"Trust me, you didn't need to scan him to figure that out," Gildarts said.
ANDROID 14:(static; subtitled)Perhaps introductions are in order.
GOKU: Say wha...?
ANDROID 15: Oh, right. Your unrefined meat-bag ears probably don't understand him.
"More like his voice box needs to be fixed," Levy rubbed Gajeel's back as he hissed in pain.
ANDROID 15: He's introducing himself as Android 14. I am Android 15. And you...(smiles)are Goku.
(Android 15 fires a blast at Goku as Android 14 charges at him. Goku deflects the blast just fine, but gets kicked by 14 clean through a building into another building. The smoke clears to reveal Goku stuck to the wall in a Goku-shaped crater. Androids 14 and 15 fly to Goku as 15 prepares another blast.)
ANDROID 15: And now you're dead!(fires the blast)
(another blast appears from below and blows both blasts up before it could hit Goku, forcing the androids to reel back)
ANDROID 15: Okay, rude!
TRUNKS:(flies up from the streets)Goku, move!
GOKU: Oh, right.(forces himself out of the wall)
"You mean he was planning on taking that shot?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.
(Android 15 prepares three more blasts to hit Trunks, who dodges each one as they explode on the building behind him)
TRUNKS: You know-(dodges the third blast)-maybe we shouldn't do this here.
"Innocent people and casualties. Which is why you brats need to learn to stop destroying public property during your jobs!" Makarov yelled at his kids. More specifically he looked directly at Natsu who was fidgeting in his seat.
GOKU:(fights Android 14)Ooh, ooh!(punches Android 14 away)I know a place!(flies out of the city. Trunks follows along with the androids)
"Piccolo must've shown it to him," Mira assumed.
(cut to Gohan and Krillin as they watch the four fly away)
GOHAN: Krillin, we should go after them!
KRILLIN: Should we?
"You shouldn't. Just let the Super Saiyans handle it," Mira didn't want Gohan getting hurt.
GOHAN: Yes!
KRILLIN: Okay, but must we?
GOHAN: Well, you can come with me or you can stay here with my mom.
(cut to Chi-Chi charging as she screams like a banshee)
"RUN KRILLIN!"
KRILLIN:(flies off with Gohan)We must! WE MUST!
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Update complete. Now activating Number 13.
(13's pod opens up revealing Android 13 in the shadows)
ANDROID 13:(speaks in a southern accent)Mighty kind of ya, Doctor.
Juvia shivered in terror at the sound of 13's voice. "Not another accent."
DR. GERO: For crying out loud, we just finished patching that!
(Android 13 walks out of his pod)
ANDROID 13: Doc... Ya can't fix what ain't broke. Now... where's my trucker hat?
"I thought 17 was just joking," Juvia clutched Gray tighter.
(a robotic arm lowers a trucker hat onto Android 13's head as a country version of "Imperial March" plays. Cut to the Arctic as Goku and Trunks fly into the scene and stop as they face the androids)
TRUNKS:(offscreen)No offense, Goku, but... why the Arctic?
GOKU: What? You're fine. You got a jacket.
"Exactly, besides it's not that cold," Gray said.
"The arctic isn't that bad," Natsu agreed.
"Of course it isn't that bad for you two," Lucy barked.
(cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Trunks)
TRUNKS: Well, yeah, but there are more deserts than we can count and you chose the Arctic.
"Change of scenery?" Romeo shrugged.
(cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning)
GOKU: Uh, y-you got a jacket...
ANDROID 15: My database says...(smiles)You's a bitch.(disappears)
TRUNKS: I doubt that's what it actually sa-(Android 15 reappears in front of Trunks and kicks him, forcing him to bounce against the ice walls three times before crashing to the ground)Ugh…
"Ya know...Vegeta would agree with that assessment," Gajeel said.
GOKU: Trunks! Your jacket is weighing you down!(turns around)Huh?
(Androids 14 and 15 punch Goku into the wall, and he soon flops onto the ground. Trunks gets up from the crumbled ice)
TRUNKS: Hey, Goku, if and when we make it out of this...(Goku gets up as well)Please don't tell my father that there were two more androids…
"I'm sure your dad will appear at some point. So, there's no point in hiding it," Bickslow disagreed with Trunks.
(everyone looks up as Android 13 speaks from afar)
ANDROID 13:(offscreen)Ah, to be fair... you'd 'ave been wrong, anyway! 'Cause there's three!
TRUNKS: Aagh!(flies up with Goku to find Android 13 on the cliff of an iceberg)
ANDROID 13: Howdy there. I'm Android 13. Look at my trucker hat…
"It's an alright hat," Natsu spoke.
GOKU: Lookie, Trunks. More 'roids.
TRUNKS: You're kidding me! Are there any more of you that we don't know about?!
ANDROID 13: Nah, just us. Plus the green one in the sub-lab.
"That bug creature," Levy assumed.
TRUNKS: Enough! I have had it with these monkey-fighting androids in this Monday-to-Friday timeline! Hah!(charges at the androids, only to volley with 14 and 15 as they kick him a couple times)
"Trunks…" Makarov sounded disappointed.
ANDROID 13: Well, son. Looks like 13 is your unlucky number.
GOKU: I don't believe in stuper-stitions.
ANDROID 13: ...How in the blazes did Gero have so much trouble killing you?
GOKU: I'm very stubborn.
"That defines Fairy Tail perfectly. We're too stubborn to give up!" Natsu grinned from ear to ear.
ANDROID 13: Hm.(fires a huge finger blast at Goku, who catches it only to find himself slowly being overpowered)
GOKU: Oh, hey, he's actually really strong.(screams as the blast sends him flying into the icy ground straight into the water, where he continues screaming)
"What else did you expect?" Kagura asked.
ANDROID 13: Careful, son! You might catch your death o' cold!
(Goku resurfaces with a giant iceberg)
GOKU: Catch this cold!(throws the iceberg at Android 13, but as he dodges the iceberg seems to hit 13's hat as it flew off of his head)
ANDROID 13: My trucker hat!(flies up to Goku and grabs his leg)Ya plum done gone dad-gum did it now, son!
"W-W-What…?" Juvia tries to process 13's words.
GOKU: Who in the wha- Aah!
(Android 13 drags him into the water again)
GOKU:(thinking)Huh. Hope Trunks is having better luck.
(cut to Trunks swing his sword at Android 14, only for him to catch it between his fingers)
"Trunks needs to learn how to handle a sword better. A swordsmen never allows their blade to be caught so easily," Erza said, disapprovingly.
TRUNKS: Ugh! Why did I even bring this?!(thinking)Wait. Why DID I bring this? We were shopping before-(out loud)Ah!(dodges Android 14's punch and prepares to blast him until Android 15 blasts him in the back straight into a cliff)
"Not the time to be thinking about that, Trunks," Sting said.
ANDROID 15: A'ight, 14, give it back.
(Android 14 tosses Trunks's sword back at him, narrowly missing his head as he gets up forcing him to shriek a little. Cut to Android 13 sending out a red energy blast at Goku, who tries to fly away only to find it following him.)
"Why haven't they gone Super Saiyan yet?" Lucy asked, confused. The fight would be going much easier if they did.
ANDROID 13: Ya can't dodge my T.H. Death Bomb!
GOKU/Natsu: Does the T.H. stand for-
ANDROID 13: "Trucker Hat"! Yes!
GOKU: Not my first guess.(the T.H. Death Bomb presses into Goku, forcing him against the ice wall)
"I was gonna guess Tappy Happy," Natsu said. The blue Exceed got up and started tapping his little feet in response.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Yes... Yes!(cut to Goku struggling with the T.H. Death Bomb)This is the moment!
(a small blast comes up from a crevice and forces the T.H. Death Bomb into the air before it explodes. Android 13 is stunned)
DR. GERO:(offscreen)Oh, what now?!
(the glacier behind Goku splits in half, and Goku flies away as something emerges from within, revealed to be Vegeta)
"I was right," Bickslow grinned.
VEGETA:(offscreen)For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my-
GOKU: Hey, best buddy!
VEGETA: Oh, it's you. Explain, idiot.
"I wonder if Vegeta was spending his time in the glacier preparing that," Millianna giggled.
"I'm just confused as to why he was in the glacier," Lisanna brought up.
"Because it's manly to make a grand entrance!" Elfman replied to his little sister.
TRUNKS: No, no, no!
GOKU: We found three more androids.
"Goku once again proves he can't keep secrets," Yukino giggles.
TRUNKS:(offscreen)Dammit!
VEGETA: Three whole androids, huh? Pretty sure that makes eight. Hm, never letting the boy live this one down.
ANDROID 13:(sarcastically)Well, if it ain't the prince. Good day, Your Majesty. I'd tip my hat to ya,(angrily)but I lost it!
"He's really torn up about losing that hat," Meredy sweat drops.
VEGETA: Look, I'm a little late to the game here. What's your deal?
ANDROID 13: See here. The kind Dr. Gero deemed us, in his own words, "defective", leaving us on the proverbial shelf until, well... He gone plum run out of options.
"Which again brings up where are 17, 18, and 16?" Freed asks.
GOKU: So, what's your detective?
"Defective," Carla corrected on reflex.
ANDROID 13: He could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular, and my particular method of...(pronounced)articulation.
"I can't stand it either," Juvia muttered.
GOKU: Also, you talk funny.
"That's what he-nevermind," Kagura gave up.
GOKU:(cut to Android 14)What about him?
ANDROID 14:(static; subtitled)The drivers for my sound card are corrupted and Dr. Gero could not find them online.
"SHUT UP!"
VEGETA: Alright, well what about the small one?(cut to Android 15)Is it 'cause he's purple?
"Ok, that's racist," Sting said.
ANDROID 13: Okay, racist! If you must know-(cut to Android 15 taking a couple swigs from his flask)-it's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.
(cut back to Android 13)
ANDROID 15:(offscreen)Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!
"PREACH!" Cana downed more beer.
ANDROID 13: We don't like to talk about it. Now, I believe we have some business to attend to! Id est,(cut to Trunks, Goku and Vegeta all ready for a fight)laying three corpses upon this here glacier!(cut to Androids 14 and 15)14! 15!
ANDROID 15:(walks forward)You got it, boss-man!(falls shoulder-deep into the snow)...You forget you saw this.(flies out and exchanges volleys with Vegeta)
Some of the mages laughed.
(cut to Goku and Android 13 circling each other in the air)
ANDROID 13: Round 2, fleshlights!
(Goku and Android 13 exchange volleys as well. Cut to Trunks sending a blast at Android 14, who merely jumps over it, pins Trunks against a wall, and reels his head back as he delivers multiple head-butts to the poor half-Saiyan time traveler. Cut further away from the fight as Krillin peeks out, along with Gohan)
KRILLIN:(sarcastically)So, we just needed to be here, didn't we?
GOHAN: Yeah, okay…
"Realizing that you're out of your depth is always a good step in the right direction," Gildarts remembered his fight with Natsu on Tenrou.
KRILLIN: Couldn't even stop for a jacket. Just had to beeline it for the Arctic!
GOHAN: Okay, Krillin! I get it! We're not helping. I just... needed some space from my mom.
An uncomfortable air washed through the guild at Gohan's admission.
KRILLIN: Eh, it's alright...(pause)Wanna have a snowball fight?
GOHAN: Probably not a good time.
KRILLIN: Nah, nah, you're right...
"Still a bit awkward," Sting winced.
(cut to Vegeta and 15 falling to the ground and, from the crash, Android 15 surfs Vegeta straight into a wall before jumping off and preparing to punch him. Unfortunately, Vegeta caught the punch before it could hit)
VEGETA: Hey!(closes his face up to Android 15)Wanna see something cool?!
"Yes!" The childish members shouted.
ANDROID 15: ...Yeah okay.
(Vegeta screams as he powers up in front of Android 15, forcing his hat to fly off of his head and burst into flames revealing a similar glass dome to Dr. Gero's, and the right lens of his sunglasses to shatter revealing his robot eye. He's immediately pushed back as Vegeta becomes a Super Saiyan.)
(cut to Trunks as he's being punched repeatedly by Android 14)
TRUNKS:(thinking)Oh, right. Super Saiyan. (dodges another punch and screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan)
(cut to Goku as he's pushed into a glacier wall by Android 13)
GOKU: Oh, right. Super Saiyan.(screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan, crumbling the glacier around him)
"How did you forget that, Trunks? We can understand Goku forgetting, but not you," Gray questioned.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Oh, sh*t. Super Saiyan.(screams as he realizes how f**ked he is)
"Seems your plans will be stopped once more," Erza smirked.
(cut to Gohan and Krillin)
GOHAN: Uh, why did it take them so long to do that?
KRILLIN: You know, I stopped asking that question a long time ago.
"Pretty sure we should all follow Krillin's lead on this one," Levy said.
(Super Saiyan Trunks charges up to Android 14. Cut to Vegeta.)
VEGETA: So...(cut to Android 15 taking out his flask)...are you ready to die, android?(Android 15 starts drinking as Vegeta watches)A-Are you-(Android 15 raises a finger to Vegeta to wait)...Does that even do anything for you?
ANDROID 15:(puts away the flask)Not anymore.
"Relatable," Cana looked inside of her cup to see the liquor gone.
(after a moment, Vegeta punches Android 15. "Ohgod!" Cut to Android 13 charging at Goku as Goku blasts at 13. 13 throws a blast at Goku, who dodges and throws another ki blast at 13.)
KRILLIN: That's right, Goku! Send him back to Arkansas! (pronounced Ar-kan-saw)
ANDROID 13:(offscreen)It's pronounced "Ar-kan-sas", you idjit!(a blast is sent out at Krillin, who falls down in a panic as it flies past him)
"Lucy dodge, Krillin," Lucy chuckled, nervously.
GOHAN: And consider my pet peeved!(sends a Masenkoha out which hits Android 13 on his back as he and Goku are fighting. After a moment, he then sends a blast out to Gohan)Piccolo, help!(yet another blast from the ground sends the first blast away)Holy cow, that worked!
Mira grumbled at Gohan's need to get involved, and felt gratitude for Piccolo's save.(Who else would it be, but Piccolo?)
(the ground crumbles towards Goku and Android 13 as Piccolo crashes up and grabs the android's legs)
PICCOLO:(offscreen)For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my- (Mira's face flushes in embarrassment)(nonchalantly)Oh, hey, Goku. What's up?
GOKU: Androids.
PICCOLO: Neat. Mind if I take a spin?(spins Android 13 around and sends him flying away with a goofy holler)
"Nice one!" Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: Ha. Because you spun him around.(Android 13 crashes offscreen. "Ow!")Clever.
PICCOLO: Thanks, I was practicing that one under the ice for the last half...(Android 13 re-enters and Goku powers down to normal)You know what, never mind.
"So, you WERE practicing? I bet Vegeta was doing the same thing," Gajeel said.
ANDROID 13: Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.
PICCOLO: You know, it feels like it's about BOTH those things when you end it with the word "boy".
"The racism is strong today," Lisanna sighed.
(cut to Vegeta flying back-first into a glacier wall. Android 15 stands on one foot ready to give Vegeta another)
ANDROID 15: Come on, short-stack! That the best you got?
"He's taller than you," Sting mentions.
(Vegeta charges at Android 15; the latter does the same. Both deliver a punch as they fly past each other, with Vegeta falling to the ground and powering down to normal. Android 15 turns to mock the fallen prince)
"No way Vegeta just lost that fight," Gajeel gaped along with the rest of the mages.
ANDROID 15: Ha-ha!(Vegeta turns to 15 angrily)Super Saiyan or not, you're still just a-(head falls off his neck into his hands)...Bitch!
"That makes more sense," The Iron Slayer smirked.
ANDROID 15:(a dog biscuit flies into his face, bouncing off and falling to the ground)...Did you just throw a motherf**king dog-(explodes, sending the dog biscuit flying away)
The mages who understood the joke laughed at its return.
(cut to Trunks flying down to Android 14, the latter flying up as both clash in the air. Trunks lands on the ground with his sword out, blood dripping from his forehead as he powers down. Android 14 lands in the opposite direction)
"That's how you use a sword, Trunks," Kagura smirked, proudly.
ANDROID 14:(static; subtitled)By metal, my life was given. By metal, it has been stripped away. No dreams before, nor after. Only the end.
(Android 14 explodes and Trunks sheaths his sword, the exposed metal torso of the fallen machine crashing in front of him. Cut to Vegeta flying up to join Goku and Piccolo against Android 13)
"FINALLY THE PAIN IS GONE!" The Dragon Slayers celebrated.
VEGETA: Looks like the countdown's just about over, you redneck... Um...
TRUNKS:(appears next to Vegeta)Hey, guys! I did that thing again where I slice my opponent in two and they don't react until-
VEGETA: I did it first, you're not special!
(cut to Android 13)
TRUNKS/Kagura:(offscreen)B-But you don't even have a sword...
ANDROID 13: 14 and 15 have been destroyed?!...(smirks)Gooood…
"I don't like the sound of that. I really don't like the sound of that," Wendy panicked.
(parts of 14 and 15 separate from their remains and fly up to 13, being absorbed into his body one by one)
PICCOLO: I feel like we should be stopping this…
"You should," Lucy said.
(Cut to Android 13 as more parts are assimilated)
GOKU:(offscreen)Nah, I want a good fight.
"And there's the reason why you aren't," Lucy frowned.
"It's not fun if it's easy, Lucy," Natsu whined.
"Is it fun to get killed!?"
(Android 13 slowly starts to buff up, starting with his arms)
KRILLIN: He's 'roiding out!
DR. GERO:(offscreen as 13 transforms, his legs buffing up as his boot straps snap off) Excellent. (13's skin turns blue, his hair turns orange and spiky, and his irises disappear as his eyes turn yellow) Android 13 has reached his ultimate final pinnacle form! (His Red Ribbon vest rips off as his chest expands while he screams) Unstoppable! Blue! And completely taciturn. (He then glares at our heroes with a murderous intent. Android 13 has become Super Android 13) PERFECT…
"HE STOLE VEGETA'S HAIR!" Natsu shouted.
GOKU: Vegeta, he stole your 'do!
VEGETA: I'll kill him!(becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and punches him in the chest. It's not very effective. The blue 'roid grabs Vegeta by the arms)Oh no…
"Oh no…" Happy gulped.
(Super Android 13 flies down to the ground as Vegeta screams)
TRUNKS:(flies towards Super Android 13, ready to slice him in half)I got you!(gets blasted away by Super Android 13)Ohgod!(crashes into a glacier wall)
(Vegeta laughs hysterically as Trunks falls to the ground, until Super Android 13 slams him into the ground; the android then gets up and reaches his palm to Vegeta)
VEGETA:(laughs weakly)...Idiot.(gets blasted away towards Krillin and Gohan)Someone stupid get in my way!
KRILLIN: What the-(Vegeta crashes into Krillin)
The guild couldn't help, but laugh from the entire exchange.
(Piccolo repeatedly punches and kicks Super Android 13 to no avail)
NAIL & KAMI:(Boom-chicka-ah! Boom-chicka-ah! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Green dick-)
"What are they doing?" Mira questioned with a snort.
PICCOLO:(thinking)What are you doing?
KAMI:(We're trying to amp you up.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Well, it's distracting- (gets blasted away by Super Android 13)
PICCOLO, NAIL, & KAMI:(Oh ,sh*t, motherF**KA!)
Mira shrieked at her boys getting knocked away.
GOKU: My turn!(becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and repeatedly punches him, and kneeing him once, also to no avail)
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Weakness... identified!
(Super Android 13 grins as he grabs Goku's leg and reels his fist back...)
GOKU: Hey, what are you-(gets a huge punch in the dick and screams)
"GAH!" All of the men flinched in phantom pain once more from the nut punch delivered by Android 13.
Erza felt something in her mind break as Goku got punched in the nuts.
(the scene slows as it whites out to the future, where teenager Gohan and Goten are out in a field with a pile of small rocks nearby)
"Is that...Gohan…?" Mira asked as she observed the teenager. Her face brightened at seeing how handsome the boy became. "Aw! My little boy becomes a lady killer!"
Erza's mind snaps back to reality and looks at the little boy in front of Gohan. The boy looked eerily familiar to a certain full blooded Saiyan. "Could...Could that kid be…" Erza thought in her mind.
GOHAN: Alright, Goten, it's your job to chuck these as hard as you can so I can be all trained up to face off against Dad in the tournament!(draws a line in the ground with his foot)Now stand behind that line and-(sees Goten start to disappear in front of him)Goten?(Goten fully disappears; Gohan looks confused)(thinking)What was I doing here?
FLASH
A bright flash of light was suddenly produced by the large Lacarma in front of the audience. All of the mages and Exceeds cried out, rubbing their eyes in pain.
"W-What were we looking at again?" Levy asks, confused.
"I-I don't know..I feel like we just forgot something important," Erza frowned. The Scarlet Knight tried her best to remember what happened before the flash. However, her mind drew a blank, so she put her attention back to the Lacrama.
(I don't want to hear a single one of you bitch about them not remembering Goten).
(flashback to the present as, after punching Goku in the dick hard enough to erase his future son out of existence, Super Android 13 chucks him down a crevice as he screams weakly and high-pitched as he crashes into the ground)
"Oh yeah! Goku just got punched in the nuts," Wakaba winced.
GOKU:(high-pitched)He punched me in the dick... Why...? Why did he punch me in the dick...?
VEGETA:(gets up from under Krillin's legs)Not so funny now, is it, Kakarrot?
"No...nut punches aren't funny," Rogue said.
"They're funny to me," Minerva disagreed with the Shadow Slayer.
KRILLIN:(weakly)Is Goku gonna be okay?
VEGETA: Get the f**k off me!
(Goku gets up to find Super Android 13 standing in front of him)
GOKU:(weakly)N-Now, I know what you're think-(gets blasted back by the Android, then repeatedly punched and kicked as he's sent flying until he's punched into the ground again. He gets up again)And the answer... may surpri-(13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb)
GOKU:(thinking)Oh man...
(Goku gets sent flying out of the glacier)
GOKU: Wheeee-(falls into the water)
"Welp, he's gonna drown," Minerva shrugged.
GOHAN: Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size?(13 turns to him)Uh... Well, clearly not me…
"Gohan…" Mira growled. Her siblings tried to calm her down.
(cut to Goku who's upside-down underwater)
GOKU:(thinking)Well... if you can't beat 'em... (raises his hands up) ...bomb 'em.
"Hey! He's using the thing that always works!" Natsu pointed out.
(cut to Super Android 13 walking towards Gohan as he backs away)
GOHAN: Uh-maybe one of those Battleball players? I mean not that I watch sports, I have better things to do in my life. Ha-ha... I feel like this is a one-sided conversation…
"It's gonna be a one sided beatdown if you don't leave," Laxus growled.
(13 growls, and Goku rises from the ocean with his hands stretched out. Gohan notices and looks behind 13.)
DR. GERO:(telepathically)13, if you'd kindly turn around... (13 does so) ...and eliminate Son Goku.
(13 growls in disbelief and anger, then unleashes a blast at Goku. Gohan flies around to block it)
GOHAN: Dad, no!(screams as he takes the hit)
GOKU:(obliviously)Good job, son.
"SHOW MORE CONCERN!" Mira roared.
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Hmm, unexpected, but not altogether unpleasant. Let's try again, shall we- (a ki blast flies past 13 and arcs around to hit Goku)
GOKU: Ow!
(cut to Vegeta)
"That makes sense," Freed sighed at Vegeta's pettiness.
VEGETA: Nobody's killing that idiot but me!
GOKU:(offscreen)Aw, you do care!
"Yeah, he cares to kill you," Bickslow remarks.
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Ugh, fine! Finish off Vegeta, then Son Goku!
(Vegeta screams and charges at 13, delivering a few punches and a kick (which makes a squeaky noise) until 13 grabs his arms and twists them behind him, forcing Vegeta to scream. The screen freezes and turns black-and-white with a slow zoom-in as a Western narrator speaks)
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the prince realized that when you grab a bull by the horns…
"W-What?" Carla looks baffled.
(Cut back as Vegeta continues screaming. 13 lifts Vegeta over his head and-)
WESTERN NARRATOR: ...sometimes, he'll take you for a ride.
(-throws him onto his knee, nearly breaking his spine in half as he screams some more)
Gajeel winced at the back breaker used on Vegeta.
GOKU: Keep it up, guys! You're doing great!
"Well, they are buying you time," Levy figured.
(Cut back to Vegeta as his face is covered by 13's hand, his spine still being bent in two by the Android)
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Yes, good! Now hurry and get back to Son- (a ki blast hits 13 on the back, forcing him to drop Vegeta) Oh my non-existent God... (13 turns to find Trunks)
"How did he know about Kami?" Romeo asks.
TRUNKS: Hey! You big blue bastard! I'm a time-traveller from 17 years in the future! And you don't exist there! You know why? Well, besides Multiverse Theory...It's because you die! Right here! By my sword!(draws his sword and turns Super Saiyan, charging at 13 and slashes at him, only for his sword to break and 13 to grab him-)
Erza and Kagura both face palm at Trunks getting his sword broken for a 2nd time in a row. They figured that it's better if Trunks stopped using a sword.
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the time-traveller realized that his sword was about as useless...
(-punch him in the gut-)
WESTERN NARRATOR: ...as a screen door on a submarine.
Both Swordswomen groan in mental pain.
(-and send him flying with another ki blast. Meanwhile, Goku is whistling "Mahna Mahna" as he's chargin' his attack. The Spirit Bomb is enormous at this point)
"It made a return," Levy hummed.
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Good! Great! Now stop playing around with the battle- (13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb) -and focus your efforts on killing- (Piccolo appears behind him and grabs him by the waist, lifting him up and throwing off his T.H. Death Bomb) -SON OF A whor*!
"PICCOLO!" The Strauss siblings cheered.
(Super Android 13 elbows Piccolo's face and punches him into the ground. He then stomps Piccolo's face and-)
"OOOOoooo…" Their cheers decreased.
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the green man realized that when you suplex a robot... you'd better...(the music stops and the screen returns to its normal position as he crumples up some paper)Ah, what the hell am I doin'?(walks away, and after a few seconds...)
"Can the narrator just give up?" Romeo asked Wendy. The Sky Slayer shrugged her shoulders in response.
(-powers up in anger. Goku finishes his Spirit Bomb and turns Super Saiyan)
KRILLIN:(wakes up)Oh right. Spirit Saiyan.(sees Goku ABSORBING the Spirit Bomb)...What?
"Spirit Saiyan sounds awesome, right Yukino?" Sting asked the Celestial mage next to him.
"Hmmm...I guess," She answered.
(Super Android 13, still standing on Piccolo, turns to Goku as the glaciers crumble around him while Goku takes in the Spirit Bomb)
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Kill Son Goku! KILL SON GOKU! KILL SON GOKU BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
"Guess someone's a bit cranky," Cana mocked.
(It's too late as Goku takes in all the energy from the Spirit Bomb... and screams as his force blows away all the glaciers until a crater of water and a pillar of ice with 13 on it remains)
"NOW THAT'S MANLY!" Elfman shouts.
"KICK HIS ASS GOKU!" Natsu jumps up and down.
DR. GERO:(telepathically)Oh, this bodes poorly...
(the pillar crumbles away as Goku flies up to 13. Cut to Goku's terrifyingly disproportionate face as flashes of his terrifyingly disproportionate skull appear as well)
"HOLY sh*t THAT'S AWESOME/TERRIFYING!"
DR. GERO:(telepathically)JESUS CHRIST!
(13 screams as Goku punches a hole into his chest-)
WESTERN NARRATOR 2: And that's when the robot realized that he was as dead as a... robot, because...(flips a page as the music stops)robots are technically... not alive by the traditional definition of... D'these people even give a damn anymore? I swear they stopped trying after Season 2!
"Nah, I feel like they got better," Romeo disagreed with the narrator.
(-and launches him into the air, as his arms and legs are blown off before he completely explodes. As the explosion clears, a single glacier floats by. 13's trucker hat is seen being carried off by the wind)
"And I'll never have to deal with that accent again," Juvia smiles in satisfaction.
(cut to the hospital with an ass-shot of the nurse walking by Goku and his friends; Gohan and Krillin are bandaged in beds while Chi-Chi, a bandaged Goku, Trunks, Oolong, Master Roshi gather around them)
"Wait why is Krillin hospitalized? He didn't do anything," Lucy asked, confused.
MASTER ROSHI: Hello, nurse!
KRILLIN: Man! Catching Vegeta really f**ked my sh*t up! How about you, Goku? You seem fine.
"That explains it," Lucy deadpans.
GOKU: Yep! Senzu beans healed my nuts up good!
CHI-CHI/Erza: Thank God!
KRILLIN: Ha-hey, that's great! So, you got any to share?
GOKU: I kinda needed a few…
"I wonder how many Vegeta needed?" Cana wondered.
TRUNKS: I'm glad you're all fine. But it does concern me that there are apparently more androids out there.
"Where are 16, 17, and 18?" Freed asked once more.
KRILLIN: Actually, I had a thought about that.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer, now mostly inactive)
DR. GERO: Well, that was a total bust. I suppose I'll just continue nursing Plan B. What's another 17 years? I'm not going anywhere.
"Yeah about that," Gajeel smirked.
DR. GERO:(Trunks and Krillin are faintly heard outside (a la "Cell Reception") as the doors open)Wait. What is that noise?
KRILLIN:(offscreen)Wow. "Danger, Will Robinson."
(cut to the remains of Dr. Gero's main lab)
TRUNKS:(offscreen)Who's Will Robinson?
DR. GERO: Oh no...(he, along with the sub-lab, explodes)
"And that's the end of Dr. Gero," Levy wrote down in her notes.
(Ending credits roll on the side of a Red Ribbon truck driving through a snowy background)
(the truck drives by after the credits to Vegeta and Piccolo sitting on a lone block of ice in the ocean, backs turned against each other)
PICCOLO: Is it over?
VEGETA: Not 'til the fish jumps.
PICCOLO: ...(coughs a little)
VEGETA:(coughs a little)
PICCOLO: ... So... What were you doing in the Arctic?
VEGETA: What were YOU doing in the Arctic?
PICCOLO: I don't have a place to live. What's your excuse?
VEGETA: Look, green man, if you must know, I was just trying to find a place where I can be alone for a little bit and have some "me" time. Turns out, the Arctic wasn't the best solution.
"Yeah, you ended up fighting three more killer robots," Gildarts chuckled.
PICCOLO: Yeah, it would, uh... seem that way.
VEGETA: Yeah. Yeah. It would.
PICCOLO: ...So what do you do for fun-
FISH:(jumps)Fin!(splashes into the water as the scene cuts to the word "FIN" on a black background)
"Piccolo almost made another friend," Mira realized.
PICCOLO: Oh, I get it.
VEGETA: It's 'cause he's a fish…
"Fish for the win!" Happy cheers
Chapter End
Chapter 56: History of Trunks
Chapter Text
Chapter 61: History of Trunks
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Hello. My name is Trunks. And this is my story.
"A Trunks flashback!?" Levy shouted, surprised.
"We finally get to see what his world is like," Jellal said.
"And we'll see how handsome Gohan becomes!" Mira swayed, happily. Her siblings sweatdropped at her actions.
TRUNKS:(shows Gohan running while everyone else is at Goku's house; Trunks is a baby and is crying)I mean, I was a baby during this part, so...the details are a little unclear.
(Gohan opens the door inside his house)
GOHAN: Mom, what happened?
CHI-CHI: Your dad is dead! For good!(Goku is on a bed with his eyes closed)
The mood in the room decreased several degrees at the reminder of Goku's death.
"I forgot that Goku died from heart disease here. Nothing can bring him back," Erza spoke, sorrowfully.
GOHAN: NO!
TRUNKS: Dad dead! Dad dead!
TRUNKS' NARRATION: I'm told those were my first words.
"What a poor choice of first words," Sting winced.
VEGETA: Son of a bitch!
TRUNKS: Son of a bitch!
TRUNKS' NARRATION: And those were my second.
"I would laugh if this wasn't such a heartbreaking moment," Gajeel said.
GOHAN: But he just got back from his training! After getting back from Namek! After getting back from his training! After being dead!
"I'm sorry, Gohan," Mira wanted to give the boy a comforting hug.
GOKU:(as his image fades into the sunset)Bye, son!
"And those are his last words," Makarov sweatdrops.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: And with the death of Goku, his family and friends were left to mourn...for approximately 6 months.
(cut to Piccolo, Vegeta, and Tien getting attacked by the Cyborgs, who all groan upon being hit)
"They didn't last long at all," Sting said, surprised.
"To be fair, we didn't get to see the whole fight," Rogue told his partner.
KRILLIN: Hey girl, how you-(gets shot in the eyes simultaneously by the Cyborgs)WAH! MY EYES!
"Krillin never got a chance in this world!" Juvia cried at the loss of potential romance.
"Is that really the part you should be caring about," Gray sweatdrops.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Leaving the fate of the Earth with little hope.
"Trunks and Gohan can beat them. Once Trunks returns from the past of course," Natsu stated, confidently.
(shows the 'DragonBall Z Abridged' logo on the screen and then the logo 'The History of Trunks')
(cut to a bustling city)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Over the next thirteen years, the Androids would destroy small town after small town, working their way up. Maybe that's why we reacted the way we did…
Natsu looked confused at Trunks' words. "Of course you guys would want to fight them. They've been destroying your home for too long." He didn't understand what was so wrong about fighting back.
TJ: And welcome back, folks, to TJ...
WOMBAT: And the Wombat! Wombat! Wombat.
WOMAN: Me so horny.
"Didn't need to know that," Lucy said.
TJ: Starting us off this hour with sports. The College BattleBall Association has had to disband entirely...
WOMBAT: As most of its players and associate colleges have been destroyed by the Cyborgs!
VOICE:(laughter)Wipeout…
"I don't get how that's funny," Yukino said, confused.
"It's depressing humor, a way to deal with all that's happening," Rogue told her.
TJ: Speaking of which, in Cyborg News...(Terminator theme plays with the moan of a woman at the end)
(the city is under attack by the Cyborgs)
WOMBAT: As we currently speak, Paprikaburg is under siege by the mechanical threat!
The mages growled and glared angrily at the destruction the androids were causing.
TJ: But on the brighter side, Wombat's getting married!(wedding song plays with the moan of a woman playing again at the end)
"Congratulations!" Wendy cheered.
WOMBAT: That's right! Unfortunately, my beloved fiancé resides in Paprikaburg, and is probably most certainly dying as we speak.(funeral music plays with another moan of a woman at the end)
"Oh…" Her cheering stopped, immediately.
(cut to Bulma and Trunks riding in a car)
WOMBAT: But, silver-lining: I'm single again!
AUSTIN POWERS: Oh, behave!(Austin Powers theme intro plays until Bulma changes the station)
BULMA: *sighs* I miss country.
TRUNKS: Mom...do you believe in destiny?
"Destiny is a fickle thing. It either leads you down a path of gold or leads you down a path of jagged rocks," Jellal answered. He remembered believing that his destiny was to resurrect Zeref, but thanks to Natsu and Erza, he was stopped.
BULMA: I'm a scientist, so no.
"Destiny is something I'd rather never think about," Lucy said, remembering her Future self's death.
TRUNKS: Paprikaburg is only thirty miles from here! If I hurry, I could save someone!
BULMA:(stops the car)Or you could die like your father!
TRUNKS: Why do you say that every time I want to go fight them?
"Because you would die like your father," Gajeel answered.
BULMA: Because you are 13, I'm 37, and I am all alone.
"That's true as well. If he died, Bulma would have nobody left," Lisanna said, frowning at the thought. Thinking back to when she was stuck in Edolas, while her siblings believed that she was dead for years. Then there's the Edolas versions that did lose their Lisanna.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: My mother had been 37 for ten years…
"So, she's just in constant denial," Laxus shook his head.
BULMA: No means no. End of discus-(Trunks flies off)Oh, no! Just-just fly away! That's fine!(thinking)God...bless him.
"He'll be fine, don't worry," Levy said.
(cut back to Paprikaburg where 17 is chasing screaming civilians in a car)
A huge amount of bloodlust burst into life within the guild from seeing 17 mow down innocent people.
CYBORG 17: Hey, 18! You keepin' score?
CYBORG 18: Why would I be doing that?
CYBORG 17: *sighs* You said you would!
CYBORG 18: No, you said, 'Hey, check this sh*t out!', then jumped in a car.
"Well...their personalities are consistent at least," Carla muttered.
CYBORG 17: Aw, come on, sis. Is this about the shop earlier?
(flashback of 18 walking toward a car holding a couple of new clothes)
CYBORG 18: Oh, man. You wouldn't believe this haul. This is why I love these little inner-city shops. They always have the best brands...(17 destroys the shop with a finger blast)What the hell?! Why did you blow it up?! They were giving me free clothes!
"Free clothes, because you'd kill them if you didn't," Kagura glared.
CYBORG 17: Didn't give me nothin'.
CYBORG 18: It was a woman's clothing store!
CYBORG 17: Hey, I'm perfectly secure.
"Well...isn't that something," Gray said.
CYBORG 18: Is that why you dye your hair?
CYBORG 17: Tch, don't hate.
(cut back to the present with Trunks flying over to Paprikaburg)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do anything at all, but I had to at least try to stop their chaos... Unfortunately, I was too late.
TRUNKS:(sees the wreckage)Damn it! I'm too late!
"Trunks…" Their hearts went out to the young Saiyan.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: But, as I walked the ruins of that demolished city...
TRUNKS:(walks and picks up a toy bear and begins grieving until he senses someone coming)Huh?(the person who arrives is Gohan)
"GOHAN!" The Fairy mages shouted, excitedly. Mira being the loudest of the bunch.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: A hero appeared! The hero of my time, Gohan!
"He really did become a handsome young man!" Mira felt like a proud parent.
"He looks SUPER MANLY NOW!" Elfman shouted.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: And face-to-face with him, all I could say was...
TRUNKS:(barely coherent)Gohan, they keep destroying cities and I don't know how to stop them! And now everybody's dead!(continues whining)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: I believe it was profound.
"He got that from his dad," Gajeel snickered.
(cut to Capsule Corp.)
TRUNKS: You remember a time before this, Gohan... What was it like?
GOHAN: Well...when I was a toddler, my uncle showed up, kidnapped me, and then Mr. Piccolo killed him and my dad. Then Mr. Piccolo kidnapped me, the Saiyans showed up, and killed a bunch of people, including Mr. Piccolo. Then we went to Namek, and a bunch more people died. We came back, then my dad died again, then all my friends died. And now everyone else is dying.
"It's...moments like these where you remember that Gohan was robbed of a normal childhood," Levy said.
"He witnessed more death than any child his age should ever see," Mira wanted to hug the bo-No the young man.
TRUNKS: ...But it was better, right?
GOHAN/Makarov: ...No.
TRUNKS: Well, I can help! I'm half-Sayin, just like you!
GOHAN: ...I've got one, Mr. Piccolo.
"This is when Trunks becomes Gohan's student!" Natsu smiles in anticipation.
TRUNKS: What?
GOHAN: I said, from now on, you shall be my pupil. And you will call me Mr. Gohan!
"Mr. Gohan!" Natsu and Happy shouted.
"Don't call him that," Lucy sweatdropped.
TRUNKS: Oh, okay. Would you like to stay for dinner, Mr. Gohan?
GOHAN: Mr. Gohan would!
"He's so happy. It's adorable," Lisanna giggled.
(Bulma comes in carrying groceries)
BULMA: Trunks, are you home? Or should I change my dating profile from 'single mother' to just 'single'? Because one gets more hits…
"Why is that the most prominent thing on your mind?" Levy asked.
BULMA: Oh!(sees Gohan)Gohan... Long time, no see.
GOHAN: Bulma.
BULMA: So, Gohan... You staying the night? We got plenty of room here, but, you know... No extra beds, so...we'll have to share.
Erza quickly subdued Mira before she could transform and smash the lacrama in pure fury. Lucy coughed nervously and looked at the screen.
"Bulma...you've known him since he was 4 years old. Do NOT cross any lines," The Celestial Mage said.
(Gohan looks bewildered and Trunks looks shocked)
GOHAN: ...I'm good.
"Thank Kami," Everyone sighed.
BULMA: ...Well, worth a shot. Who's hungry?
(cut to Gohan, Trunks, and Bulma in the kitchen, with Gohan and Trunks sitting in a table filled with food)
BULMA: You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get produce nowadays. Luckily, we have our own greenhouses. Don't ask me where I get the protein from, though.
"Where?" Happy asks anyway. Nobody wanted to answer the blue Exceed though.
GOHAN: Can't talk! Eating!(begins shoveling down on his food)
"He's just like his dad," Erza said, proudly.
BULMA: Oh, you are just like your father!
GOHAN:(immediately stops eating)In what regard?
BULMA: Well, you're strong and brave, and look at you in that gi!
GOHAN: It was the only thing he left me…
"Not even the power pole? Or the Nimbus?" Lily asked, skeptically?
BULMA: Aw, that's sweet...
(cut to Trunks and Gohan training)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Over the next few weeks, Gohan would begin training me, focusing on making me a Super Saiyan like him. His methods were...dodgy.
"Cool we'll get to see Trunks become a Super Saiyan," Natsu grinned at the epic transformation Trunks would have.
GOHAN: DODGE!(kicks Trunks down into the water)
"This has to be cathartic for him in some sort of way," Gray said. He thought back to his and Lyon's training with Ur.
TRUNKS:(struggling in the water)Help me, Mr. Gohan!
GOHAN/Laxus: FLY UP!
TRUNKS: The whirlpool's too strong, I-I can't swim!
GOHAN: I said, 'FLY UP'!
TRUNKS: Maybe I could build a raft!
(Gohan lets out a frustrated scream. Cut to Trunks out of the water, coughing and spluttering.)
Laxus also wanted to scream at Trunks being an idiot.
ORPHEUS JR.:(falls out from Trunks' mouth)BUMBA!
"He returned!" Lisanna shouted.
GOHAN: Here. (TRUNKS: Huh?) Clean yourself up.(hands Trunks a towel)You know, if you think I'm rough, you should have trained with Mr. Piccolo.
TRUNKS: You really looked up to him, didn't you?
GOHAN: Yeah. He was like the father I never had.(I hate this line with a passion).
"You had a father and his name was Goku," Erza corrected.
"Yeah, Piccolo was always like a caring/strict uncle," Lucy agreed.
TRUNKS: You know, speaking of dads, Mom never talks about mine. You knew him, right? What was he like?
(Gohan smiles and looks up in the sky. Cut to Vegeta whaling on a child Gohan.)
VEGETA: So what? You think having a dad as a Super Saiyan makes you better than me?!
GOHAN:(barely able to speak)No!
VEGETA: WRONG ANSWER!(continues to pummel Gohan)
"I'm glad he's dead," Mira said, uncaringly. Her words freaked out her siblings once more.
(back in the present...or alternate future, if you will, Gohan now has a stern look in his face)
GOHAN: ...He had a lot to prove.
"To himself more than anything else," Gajeel said.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Gohan would never talk much about his family. Apparently, his mother and grandfather lived alone in the woods.
"Oh! They're still alive?" Bickslow asked, shocked.
(cut over to Gohan's family home)
OX KING: I'm home! And I've got groceries! How are you doing, sweetheart?
CHI-CHI: I should be a grandmother, you know…
OX KING/Everyone: Oh...
CHI-CHI: I should be a grandmother, with a Nobel Prize-winning son. But what am I? A widow. With a son who never talks to me, and is possibly dead.
"I can see why he refuses to talk to you. He should though, because you are his mother," Erza felt bad for the ruined relationship Gohan has with his parents.
OX KING: You... Y-y-you, uh...
CHI-CHI: So I'm just gonna sit here and knit this baby sweater..
OX KING: So, uh, is dinner happening?
CHI-CHI: Will dinner bring my husband back?!
"Knowing Goku, it would bring him back," Gray sweatdropped.
OX KING:Maybe?!
(cut to Trunks training at night while Gohan looks on)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Gohan would continue pushing me harder and harder, day and night, to become a Super Saiyan.
GOHAN: That's it. Look at him, Mr. Piccolo.. He's almost ready. What do you think?
PICCOLO:(I think only real training you'll ever get in this world is on the battlefield.)
(Trunks fails to become a Super Saiyan and collapses)
GOHAN: ...You're right!
"S-Should we be concerned about Gohan's mental state?" Lucy asked, nervously.
"I'm just surprised it took him this long to go crazy," Gajeel said. Levy elbowed him in the sides for the comment.
(cut to the next day at SuperWorld)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: The next day, the Cyborgs would attack SuperWorld.
P.A.: Hello, and welcome to SuperWorld! Slogan pending! Please stay behind the line!
SUPER WORLD ATTENDANT: Huh?(notices 17 & 18 getting into the roller coaster)E-excuse me, you two. You can't cut the line!
CYBORG 18: Do...you not know who we are?
"Either that or he just doesn't care. Also, why is an amusem*nt park open when there are literally two killer cyborgs on the loose?" Carla asks, confused.
SUPER WORLD ATTENDANT: If you'd like to get on the rides faster, we do have a fast-pass system that's only 7,900 zeni-(18 puts her hand toward the attendant)Huh?
CYBORG 18: This is why I hate theme parks.(fires a blast at the attendant, with the crowd screaming as she and 17 ride the roller coaster)Whee!
CYBORG 17: Yeah! Alright!
(the Cyborgs are now seen riding the teacups)
"Them having fun makes me want to puke," Laxus gagged.
CYBORG 18: Whee!(the surviving patrons are seen fleeing for their lives as the Cyborgs are now on the swing rides)Whee!
CYBORG 17: Woo-hoo!
(cut to the Cyborgs about to get on the Merry-Go-Round)
CYBORG 18: Yeah, you know, when you can fly, these rides don't really seem that fun.
"When you commit mass genocide it's also less fun," Lily added.
(Gohan and Trunks appear)
GOHAN: Well, if you're already bored, why not try taking a ride on my fist?
"Rephrase that one, Gohan," Mira pleaded.
CYBORG 17: Wow, you, uh, want a minute to rephrase that there, chief?
GOHAN: Nope! I'd rather take that minute to kick your ass!
"That's better," Gajeel smirked.
CYBORG 18: Okay, now see? That's better.
GOHAN: Now Trunks, I want you to just sit back and spectate... Unless they team up on me, in which case, jump in.
"Time to see what Future Gohan can do!" Natsu couldn't wait for the fight to start.
TRUNKS: I can't help but feel like I'm woefully unprepared for this.
"That's how Gohan was when the Saiyans arrived," Carla said.
GOHAN: And that's exactly what we prepared for!
"And that's how Piccolo answered," Lily followed up.
(17 fires a blast at the ground and starts attacking Gohan, who transforms into a Super Saiyan and engages in battle against 17)
The mages shouted excitedly at seeing Future Gohan go Super Saiyan.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: This would be my first real battle, and I'd never seen anyone fight so fiercely. Gohan had always told me stories about the fights of the past, but those had a lot more screaming and posturing.(Gohan is seen gaining the upper hand against 17 as he manages to knock him away)But as soon as Gohan gains the upper hand...(18 appears in Gohan's way and palm punches him into the window of a restaurant)
"What kind of assholes jump in the middle of someone else's fight?" Natsu grumbled.
Sting and Rogue looked at each other silently, knowing they mainly fight as a duo more than anything else.
CYBORG 17: Damn, he's pissed today!
CYBORG 18: You think it's his time of the month?
CYBORG 17: Ha! Ah, it's funny 'cause you're a chick.
"Not a single one of you guys make a joke about it," Erza glared at the male population in the guild hall. Who were all smart enough to not say anything back.
TRUNKS: Gohan!
(both Cyborgs attack Gohan and easily overpowers him)
TRUNKS:(rushes into the battle to help Gohan)STOP IT!
(18 fires a blast at Trunks, who hit by the blast but manages to get back on his feet and then jumps a ferris wheel along with 18)
CYBORG 18: I can't believe he brought a kid to a battle! Super irresponsible.
"Piccolo is sweating in the afterlife right now," Macao said.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: She wasn't wrong.
TRUNKS: I'm not afraid of you! I can take care of you myself!
TRUNKS' NARRATION: I however was.
(18 punches Trunks then grabs him by the shirt)
CYBORG 18: Now what do you think?
TRUNKS: You hit like a girl…
"Well...he's not wrong," Levy shrugged.
CYBORG 18:(scoffs)Well...you're not wrong.(prepares a blast to kill Trunks)
GOHAN: TRUNKS!(kicks 18 and saves Trunks)Oh sh*t! Oh sh*t! Oh sh*t! Oh sh*t!(leaps away while holding Trunks)
CYBORG 18: Oh, no you don't!
(the Cyborgs fires multiple blasts that destroys a good portion of the theme park while it shows Gohan with Trunks hiding behind a debris)
"Good they're not too injured," Mira sighed, relieved.
CYBORG 17: Well, sh*t. Think he got away?
CYBORG 18: I don't know... We can't sense life energy...
CYBORG 17: Seriously, what was the POINT of not giving us that ability? Seems like an intentional design flaw, if you ask me.
"Gero had the tendency to include large design flaws, which is a good thing," Levy said.
CYBORG 18: Oh, well. Scorched Earth?
"I don't like the sound of that at all," Wendy feared.
CYBORG 17: Scorched Earth.
GOHAN:(thinking)Aw, crapbaskets!
(18 fires a blast that demolishes the entire theme park)
GOHAN:(regains consciousness)Ow! Pain! Oh, everything's in pain... Ah, everything but my left ar-(looks to his left and notices he has no arm)
Gildarts gripped his prosthetic arm in sympathy. Relating to Gohan instantly. "Losing a limb really sucks, huh kid?"
Mira shook in rage, but didn't lash out at all. Gohan was down a limb, but he was alive. All that mattered was that he and Trunks were alive.
Everyone else either showed pity for Gohan's lost limb or were angry at the Androids.
GOHAN: Oh, man.(begins to crawl to Trunks, who is unconscious)Too bad I'm not a Namekian... Be really handy right about now. *sighs*(thinking)But I'll just settle on the next best thing and use the Senzu Beans.. (opens the bag and only one Senzu Bean falls out) Bean. Singular. Ah, well, that's disappointing…
"I really don't like this future," Wendy muttered. She wished she could help Gohan and Trunks.
(cut to Bulma inside a dark room working on her dating profile)
BULMA: Looking for...male, mid-to-late 30's...black, spiky hair...not too tall, loves to work out…
"You're gonna have some tough luck there, Bulma," Yukino laughed a bit.
TRUNKS:(walks in)Hey, Mom?
BULMA: *sighs* What is it, Trun-(sees Trunks carrying Gohan who is bruised and missing a limb)OH, MY GOD!
TRUNKS: What do you know about reattaching arms...that I can't find?
"That it's basically impossible," Romeo answered.
BULMA: Oh, sweetie...(fast forward to Trunks watching over Gohan who's now placed in a bed and is covered with bandages)So, have you learned anything today?
TRUNKS: ...The only good Cyborg is a dead Cyborg?
BULMA: *sighs* You really are your father's son.
"Is that still a good thing?" Sting asked.
"It never was," Minerva told him.
(cut to Trunks continuing his training in becoming a Super Saiyan)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Now stronger and more motivated than ever, I was back to training as soon as Gohan was able again. Though, I think he was still a little...sore.
GOHAN: Come on, Trunks! Just imagine losing someone or something close to you! Like your arm! 'Cause trust me! That really friggin' sucks!
"He's 'sore' about the arm? I couldn't tell," Gajeel said, sarcastically.
GOHAN:(Trunks collapses and vomits)...All right, take five.
TRUNKS' NARRATION: Unfortunately... I wouldn't transform in time.
"What..? What does he mean by that?" Mira asks. Nobody could answer as they were also confused by Trunks' words.
Jellal had a sinking suspension, though he hoped to be wrong.
(cut to Gohan and Trunks sitting on a large rock in the middle of a wasteland)
TRUNKS: So, Gohan. Do you...usually hang out in wastelands?
GOHAN: What do you mean? This is where I live.
"He really adopted that Piccolo mindset," Lisanna giggled.
TRUNKS: Oh! ...It's nice.
GOHAN: I think you're really close, you know? *sighs* You just need something to push you over the edge…
"Maybe losing his arm?" Natsu suggested. Lucy smacked him for suggesting that.
TRUNKS: Well, you always tell me to use the pain of loss, but I've never really lost anyone.
GOHAN: For me, it's my greatest source of anger. I just think about losing Krillin, or Mr. Piccolo-
TRUNKS: Or your dad?
GOHAN: Uh, yeah, sure.
"There was that time when you headbutted Raditz," Erza wanted to remind Gohan.
GOHAN: And then it just builds up inside, until finally...it explodes.(there's an explosion in the distance)Yeah, like that. Only metaphorically.
TRUNKS: The Cyborgs! Mr. Gohan, we have to go!
"No! You are not going," Rogue disagreed with the son of Vegeta.
GOHAN:(transforms into a Super Saiyan)No, Trunks. You stay here this time. We both know you're not ready.
TRUNKS: Mr. Gohan, you only have one arm! What can you do with one arm?
GOHAN: ...You know what? You're right. What can I do with only one arm?
TRUNKS: Thank you, Mr. Gohan! I will not let you d-(Gohan knocks him unconscious)
"He can do that," Gildarts sighed. He and Makarov understood Gohan's plan.
"What the!? Why not let Trunks fight!?" Natsu shouts.
"Because Trunks isn't ready, Flame for brains!" Gray retorted. The two growled at each other, before Lucy pulled Natsu to look back at the screen.
GOHAN: That. I can do that with one arm.(thinking)Now, what can I do to the Cyborgs with one arm?
PICCOLO:(Use the Makankosappo!)
"Wait, he pronounced it correctly? That is not Piccolo," Levy said, bewildered.
GOHAN:(thinking)You never taught me that.
PICCOLO:(Uuuuuuuuuse iiiiiiiiiit.)
Some of the mages giggle.
(cut to another city with 17 causing more destruction while 18 watches on)
CYBORG 17: You know what? I'm bored.
CYBORG 18: Well, we could find another city.
CYBORG 17: No, I mean, like...bored of this whole 'great destroyer' schtick, you know? Destroying things, killing people...(fires another blast at an off-screen civilian)It's just boring.
"I hate the fact that they're coming to this conclusion after thirteen years of killing off most of humans," Laxus frowned.
"At least they're realizing that there's no enjoyment out of mass genocide," Makarov replied.
CYBORG 18: Yeah, it's kind of lost its luster.(a surviving civilian is seen emerging from behind her)After you wipe an entire genre of music off the face of the earth, what's left?
CYBORG 17: You know what I always wanted to do? Like, since before all this? Be a park ranger.
"You want to range a park?" Evergreen raises an eyebrow.
CYBORG 18: You wanna range a park?(fires a blast at the surviving cilillian)
CYBORG 17: Hell, yeah! Livin' outdoors, communicating with nature, shootin' poachers... Yeah, I think I'ma do tha-(gets kicked by Gohan into a building)YOU GODDAMN CHEATIN' SON OF A BITCH!(hits the ground)
Majority of the guild burst into laughter.
CYBORG 18:(laughs)He slapped your sh*t!
CYBORG 17: Okay, you know what? That's it! I'm killin' every human! Every...one. ...Then I'm gonna range the sh*t out of that park.
"Well...Gohan ruined it," Wendy chuckled, nervously.
"At least he still wants to take care of a park," Lisanna added.
GOHAN: Neither of you are leaving here alive! I'm stronger than I was before!
CYBORG 18: Yeah, also lighter! Looks like you dropped some weight since last time. 5, 10 pounds? I don't know. How much does an arm weigh?
"Assholes," Natsu growled.
CYBORG 17: Gotta HAND IT to you though, pretty ballsy comin' after us all asymmetrical like that. But FOUR hands are better than ONE. Long story short: You're gonna die.
GOHAN: No! This isn't where my story ends!(powers up)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: This is where Gohan's story ends.
"He just means that Gohan gets critically injured, right? That Gohan wouldn't be capable of fighting anymore, right? He's not saying what I think he's saying...right?" Mira asks, afraid. Majority of the mages hold the same thoughts as Mira, not believing that Gohan will die here.
Makarov, Gildarts, and Jellal all clench their fists, having a sinking suspicion that seems to be coming true.
(cut to Gohan getting knocked to a building and then the cyborg start firing multiple blast from above)
GOHAN:(thinking)Ah... Well, this is it, Mr. Piccolo. But at least we still have Trunks. I trained him just like you wanted.
"Nonononononononononononono…."
PICCOLO:(You know I'm not actually here, right?)
GOHAN:(thinking)Aw...crapbaskets.
(cut to Trunks)
TRUNKS:(regains consciousness)-down! Huh?(gets up and sees smoke from the sky)Oh, no...
(cut to Trunks flying over the ruined city looking for Gohan. He gasps as he looks down and finds Gohan's corpse and starts walking towards it as it shows brief flashes of Gohan's battle against the Cyborgs)
Mira stared at the lifeless body of the boy she got so attached to since the beginning. She didn't have the energy to even get angry. All she could do was cry, hand covering her face. Lisanna was at her sister's side, her own tears flowing down as well. Both girls felt large arms wrap around them, Elfman embraced them.
Wendy cried, seeing how Gohan's story tragically ended. The boy she had been able to relate to died in a puddle, down an arm, and alone. She hugged Carla close to her for comfort.
Levy leaned into Gajeel's side and started crying. The Iron Slayer didn't have any sort of smartass comment or anything. He just held her close and lowered his own head in honor of Gohan.
Millianna cried out tears, burying her face into Kagura's chest. The swordswoman embraced her friend, rubbing circles around her back to comfort her.
Laxus lowered his head, cursing the fate that had befallen this timeline. Cursing the ending that Gohan received, because it wasn't the one the boy deserved.
Sting held Yukino and Lector, as they were crying. He lowered his head in respect for Gohan. Sting held Frosch and did the same thing as Sting, lowering his head. Gohan died a hero, a hero who deserved respect. Minerva didn't cry, because she wasn't super attached to Gohan. But, even she knew that he didn't deserve to die that way.
Makarov's grip grew too strong for his cane, the wooden staff shattered. The pieces falling to the floor. As he watched each episode, he grew attached to the boy; If he ever met Gohan he'd invite the boy to Fairy Tail. Seeing him die in such a way filled him with grief and fury.
Gildarts and Cana both sat in silence, giving respect to Gohan. The young man can now rest, and leave it all to Trunks.
Gray held a crying Juvia, and released a few tears himself. Neither of them ever thought the kid would die, at least not in such a tragic way. The little boy they watched fight off space pirates and tyrants fell to human made monstrosities. A thought that made you want to direct all your anger towards humans.
Erza wanted nothing more than to put down 17 and 18 for everything they did. All of the violence, deaths, and trauma they caused. All for some sick amusem*nt and games. There was no purpose to their killing, no purpose at all. It even took away Gohan, which hurt more than any stab wound.
Lucy cried, hugging Happy tightly into her chest. The blue Exceed had flown to her immediately in tears. Tears that she tried to hold back at first, but this was all too familiar to her. Lucy turned her eyes onto Natsu and froze as the Fire Slayer got out of his seat.
Natsu Dragneel slowly walked towards the Lacrama, hands clenched tightly into fists. His hands burst into flames, and without hesitation he pulled it back.
"FIRE DRAGON: IRON FIST!"
He shattered the Lacrama without a second thought. Sending the pieces scattering all over the guildhall without a second thought. However, the Lacrama soon rebuilt itself as if Natsu hadn't hit it at all.
In blind fury he repeated the process repeatedly, shattering the Lacarama each time it rebuilt itself. Not a single soul moved to stop him, figuring it was best to let him release all the built up anger. Eventually he stopped and fell to his knees.
"He didn't deserve it. Gohan didn't deserve that…" Punching the floor, a snarl escaped his lips. "They need to pay. 17 and 18 need to pay for everything they've done," Natsu said.
They took a very long break to allow everyone to collect themselves, before starting the viewing back up.
TRUNKS:(turns Gohan's head around and sees his face)Gohan? Gohan?!(hugs Gohan's face)GOHAN!(begins screaming in grief over the loss of his first and only friend, allowing him to finally transform into a Super Saiyan and punches the ground in fury)
"He achieved Super Saiyan, but at what cost," Jellal muttered.
(THREE YEARS LATER)
(cut to Trunks, now a young teenager, walking inside Capsule Corp.)
TRUNKS: Alright, Mom. I've got the rest of the supplies for the time machine. It's too bad grandpa isn't here to help you build it.
BULMA: Yeah... Unfortunately, he's still off searching the cosmos for New Namek.
(cut to Dr. Briefs' spaceship approaching a planet)
DR. BRIEFS: By God... Is that it?!(shows a planet with 'NEW PLANET NAMEK' lighting up)After all these-(the 'FAKE' text between 'NEW' and 'PLANET NAMEK' lights up)GODDAMN IT ALL!
Some laughter broke through the heavy atmosphere.
(back at Capsule Corp.)
BULMA: So, until your grandpa returns, just me.
RADIO: Hello! This is an emergency broadcast from Cuminopolis! The Cyborgs are attacking, and they are sparing no one! NO ONE IS SAF-(the line loses its connection)
TRUNKS: That's close to here…
"Don't even think about it," Erza warned.
BULMA: Trunks... I know what you're thinking, but let me just finish the time machine!
TRUNKS: We don't have time for that!
BULMA: That's what the MACHINE is for!
"Wow," Levy giggled.
TRUNKS: Listen, I'm stronger now!(Vegeta's scream from back in episode 23 can be heard)I'm a Super Saiyan!
"I remember that scream," Levy mentions
BULMA: So was Gohan! And look how that turned out!
"Is it too soon?" Lucy asked.
"For us? Yes. For them? Probably not," Freed answered.
TRUNKS: Oh, so now you're just replacing Dad with Gohan?!
BULMA: Trust me, I TRIED!
And awkward silence entered the guild.
(awkward silence through which Vegeta's rage-breaking scream is extremely audible for two whole seconds before it dies out)
"There goes Vegeta," Levy said, breaking the tension.
TRUNKS: ...I'm going now.
BULMA: Be safe.(Trunks leaves)
"I'm getting some deja vu right now," Erza mentions.
(cut to Trunks flying off towards Cuminopolis and transforms into a Super Saiyan)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: And so, armed with the sword given to me by Tapion…("WHO!?" Levy asks)which is a whole other story,("DAMMIT!" Levy screamed)I raced off to fight the Cyborgs...one last time.
(cut to the what's used to be in Cuminopolis with 18 seen walking on top of a wrecked car)
CYBORG 18: We all wrapped up, then?
CYBORG 17: Yep. Looks like we're out of people to kill here.
(Trunks appears behind them)
TRUNKS: Why don't you try me?
"D-Did you just ask them to kill you?" Romeo asks.
CYBORG 17: Wait, did you just ask us to kill you?
TRUNKS: N-no! A-as in fight me!
CYBORG 18: I'm sorry, do we know you?
"They couldn't even bother to remember," Natsu spat angrily.
TRUNKS: Yes! You murdered my master-
CYBORG 18: Oh, wait, hold on... I don't care.(appears in front of Trunks and punches him in the face)
TRUNKS' NARRATION:(the battle continues, with Trunks appearing to have trouble against the Cyborgs)To this day, I'm still not sure why I did what I did. ...Maybe it was grief. ...Maybe it was puberty. Maybe...I just had something to prove. A young, half-blood Super Saiyan, armed with nothing but a sword and his guts.(Trunks appears to now have the upper hand against the twin terrors)Unfortunately, half-human and half-Saiyan might just be analogous to half-brave...and half-stupid.
"Both Chi-Chi and Bulma would agree with that comment," Lucy said.
(the battle appears to have come to a close as the Cyborgs are nowhere to be seen)
TRUNKS: I...(collapses)I did it!
"Trunks...if it was that easy then Gohan wouldn't have died," Gildarts said, disappointed in Trunks' early celebration.
CYBORG 18: Hey! Doesn't he kinda remind you of you-know-who?
CYBORG 17: Now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance.. But, unlike good ol' Righty, he's still got both arms!
"So, they did remember," Lily glared.
CYBORG 18: Yeah, but not for long.(a building erupts right beside Trunks as 17 appears)
TRUNKS: Oh... crapbas-(17 punches him through the building he appeared from and lands behind 18's feet)
CYBORG 18: You lost, little boy?
TRUNKS:(looks up and sees 18)Oh...(18 kicks him out of the building, where he lands face-first into the ground as the Cyborgs land in front of him)
"You're in over your head kid. You should've just left it alone," Gildarts shakes his head.
CYBORG 17: Hey, sunshine.(lifts Trunks' head up with his foot)Cough if you're still alive.(Trunks coughs)
CYBORG 18: Good boy.
TRUNKS: Why...? Why are you doing this?
CYBORG 17: The question isn't why, kid. It's why not?
CYBORG 18: I mean, who's going to stop us?
CYBORG 17: Not those guys seventeen years ago.
CYBORG 18: Not 'Ol One-Arm.
CYBORG 17: And certainly not you.
"Just you wait, Trunks WILL kick your asses. Maybe not now, but one day; You'll pay for everything you've done," Natsu swore. He wished he could kick their asses himself.
TRUNKS: You... YOU... YOU evil bunch of jerks!(throws a punch at 17, who easily dodges it)I'll kick your...(starts landing punches on the Cyborgs, which has absolutely no effect as it fails to even make them flinch)
Some of the mages couldn't watch Trunks' pathetic attempts to fight.
CYBORG 17:(laughs)This is hilarious.
TRUNKS: ...you killed my master...
CYBORG 18: Yeah.
TRUNKS: ...you killed all those people...
CYBORG 18: Although now it's kind of annoying.
TRUNKS: -WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?-
CYBORG 18: Now it's sad.
TRUNKS: -WHY? WHY?-
CYBORG 18: And now it's annoying again.(trips Trunks with her foot and punches him away as 17 appears and kicks Trunks towards a building followed by 18 punching him down to the ground (with Trunks making pinball noises as he collides with the building) and Trunks slides over near 17 and reverts to his normal form)
"If we didn't know he survived this, then I'd be scared for him," Gajeel said.
CYBORG 17: Wait a sec... This kid look familiar to you, sis?
CYBORG 18: Yeah. He was at the amusem*nt park with Stumpy!
"And they now remember Trunks," Lily said.
CYBORG 17:(begins smashing his foot into Trunk's face)Aw, who's a little survivor? You are! Yes, you are!(raises his hand)Let's fix that, shall we?(prepares charging a blast until 18 suddenly appears in front of the blast)
CYBORG 18: Dibs!
CYBORG 17: SIS, GET OUT OF THE-(too late as the blast detonates)
CYBORG 18: Did you just friggin' blast me?
CYBORG 17: You stepped in front of it, what is wrong with you?!
CYBORG 18:(stutters in indignation)That's it! We're leaving!
CYBORG 17: Oh, come on, sis! Sis, get back here!
TRUNKS' NARRATION: I still have no idea how I survived…
Everyone couldn't help, but laugh at that whole bit.
(cut to Capsule Corp. where Trunks on a bed patched up and regains consciousness)
BULMA: Trunks, sweetie? You waking up?
TRUNKS: Mom? Am I alive? How long was I out?
BULMA: Well, I finished the time machine.
TRUNKS: Oh... Is that long?
BULMA: Yeah... Which means you have two options: you take another swing at the cyborgs...(Trunks groans)...or you use the time machine to go save Goku.
TRUNKS:(mumbling)I wanna save Goku...
BULMA:Trunks...?
TRUNKS: I wanna save Goku!
BULMA/Erza: Good boy.
(cut to Trunks getting ready to use the time machine to travel back in the now-finished time machine)
TRUNKS' NARRATION: After recovering a few months, I was finally ready.
BULMA: Aw.. my jacket looks so good on you! All the girls in the past are just gonna love it!
"Yeah...you did," Lucy's face blanked at the memory of Bulma hitting on Trunks.
TRUNKS:(blushing)Thanks, Mom.(receives the medication from Bulma that will help Goku with his cholesterol problem)So, this is it! I can't believe I finally get to meet history's greatest hero!
"I...wouldn't go that far," Levy coughed into her hands.
BULMA: Yeah... Goku might not be exactly how you think, so do temper your expectations?
TRUNKS: And Dad! I finally get to meet Dad!
BULMA: Oh, sh*t. You do…
"Good job preparing him for that asshole by the way," Everyone glared at the Future Woman.
TRUNKS: Huh?
BULMA: I mean, just be yourself, sweetie! And everything will turn out okay.
"Wow, you really did a poor job on preparing him for the Z-Fighters," Bickslow laughed.
TRUNKS:(jumps into the time machine)Alright Mom, I'm off! Next time you see me, this'll be a Cyborg-free world!
BULMA: Yep!(the time machine begins to take off)Unless this actually operates on multiverse theory, in which case…
"It does, so this entire trip had no purpose besides saving a different timeline," Jellal answered.
TRUNKS: Can't hear you, Mom. Time machine!
BULMA: Bye, sweetie!(the time machine fades)Aaand multiverse theory it is. sh*t!
The mages laughed at Bulma's cursing.
('Doctor Chala' plays s the ending credits roll and shows Trunks traveling through space and time via the time machine)
(cut to an inside shot of Kame House, which is deserted and then outside with a periscope surveying the house)
"What?" Carla wondered.
OOLONG: All right, they haven't been back in two days.
MASTER ROSHI: I can't believe they took my house...
OOLONG: I'm going in for a food run. All that's left is the spam and the pork rinds...
PUAR: We both knew this day would come, Oolong.
OOLONG: I have long since made peace with this. I'm just glad we're still alive...
MASTER ROSHI: All thanks to my submarine: the USS M'Dick!(shows a submarine with the same name printed on the side)
"THAT'S WHAT THE SUBMARINE WAS FOR!?"
"AND WHY DID HE NAME IT THAT!?"
MASTER ROSHI: Speakin' of which...
OOLONG: Oh, no...
MASTER ROSHI: I've been meanin' to ask...
OOLONG: Knew it! I friggin' knew it!
MASTER ROSHI: How does it feel ridin' M'Dick?!
"GODDAMMIT!"
OOLONG: Seventeen years! Seventeen years you've been holding on to that one!
MASTER ROSHI: You don't know the patience I have. Didn't answer my question, either.
OOLONG: It's tight and damp.
"Grosss…" Lucy squirmed in her seat.
(Master Roshi begins to laugh like a psycho)
PUAR: We're gonna die in here...
"How have they survived that long without oxygen anyway?" Romeo asks. Which nobody had much of an answer for.
Chapter End
Chapter 57: Cell Service
Chapter Text
Chapter 62: Cell Service
"Before we start this next part, I want to say something," Jellal announced.
"Hm? What is it, Jellal?" Erza asked.
"I know that we're all angry about what happened to the alternate version of Gohan, but we shouldn't let that affect how we view the Present versions of 17 and 18," Jellal stated.
"Hmph! We already know that Jellal. 17 and 18 haven't done anything wrong, besides hunting down Goku," Natsu replied. His mind thought back to how he couldn't cast judgement upon Rogue for the things his future counterpart had done.
Everyone else in the guild shared the same sentiment as Natsu, which made Jellal smile. As if he already knew how they would all answer.
"Of course," He said.
"If that settles everything, then let's start it up," Mira reactivated the lacrama.
(cut to Piccolo confronting the mysterious creature responsible for the disappearance of nearly all of the population at Ginger Town)
Instantly all of the Dragon Slayers reeled back at the sight of the bug. Their stomachs feeling uneasy just at the sight of the creature.
"Great, we're back at this point," Gajeel grumbled.
PICCOLO: What the hell is going on here?
CREATURE:(laughs)Let's answer your question with another question…
"I-I don't like the sound of that," Wendy trembled.
PICCOLO: Yeah? And what's tha-
CREATURE: WANNA SEE ME DRINK THIS GUY?!(sticks his tail into the man, who starts screaming)
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the creature absorbing the screaming man)
"THAT IS WRONG! THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS!" Sting cried out.
Rogue covered Frosch's eyes so that the little frog Exceed wouldn't see.
NAIL:(Ugh, oh God... I-I think I'm gonna puke.)
"Lucy already started puking," Happy watched as the Celestial mage released her lunch into a bucket.
"I think I'm gonna be next," Yukino covered her mouth. Her face turned green at the sight.
PICCOLO:(thinking)You can't puke, you're in my-
(the sound of vomiting is heard)
KAMI:(Oh good lord, it's everywhere!)
"Do they have some sort of spirit bodies in there?" Levy questioned.
"That's not something to be focused on right now, Levy," Gajeel responded to her question.
CREATURE:(finishes absorbing the guy)Ah... So, Piccolo... What brings you to my neighborhood?
PICCOLO: I sensed a disturbance.
CREATURE: Well I am pretty disturbing! Remember that time I drank that guy? That was f**king weird.
"There are many words to describe what we just witnessed, and weird is not at the top of that list," Wakaba said, weakly.
PICCOLO: So I take it you're the one who exterminated this entire city, then?
CREATURE: Oh, no, no, that wasanotherguy. His name was "sh*t Sherlock", first name "No".
"Why did that sound like a Vegeta response?" Macao asked.
PICCOLO: Why? Just, why?
CREATURE: Well, three reasons: first, I was asleep for like, four years, and I am understandably hungry.
Natsu didn't want to agree with the weirdly terrifying bug man about being hungry. Seeing as the thing drank somebody.
CREATURE: Two, there's nothing more satisfying than the rush I get from watching a person disappear. And three, and I need you to pay attention on this one...(lets out a huge blast)
(cut to Kame House)
GOHAN: Huh? Why does it feel like my dad is fighting Mr. Piccolo? And Vegeta is fighting Mr. Piccolo?(sounding confused now)And Mr. Piccolo... is fighting Mr. Piccolo?
"That's weird, there's no way for that to be possible...unless.." Jellal's eyes widened as an idea popped into his head.
KRILLIN: That's weird, it even feels likeI'mout there.
GOHAN: It feels like everyone we know is fighting Mr. Piccolo!
KRILLIN: Except for Yamcha.
"That confirms it," Jellal said.
"Hm? Confirms what?" Erza asked him.
"That creature must be made up of everyone's energy. Kinda like how you can fuel a machine with different people's magic. You'd be able to sense the mixture of magic. This creature must be like that," Jellal explained.
"Fascinating! I need to know more!" Levy reopened her notebook.
"That makes it more creepy to me," Millianna shivered.
YAMCHA: Well, duh, that's because I'm right here.
KRILLIN: Yeah. That's gotta be it.
(cut back to Piccolo and the creature)
CREATURE: Ah... Andthree...that is how I power the beautiful temple that is my body.
"By drinking other people it gets stronger? That's...unsettling," Levy responded.
The Dragon Slayers agreed more than anyone else, actually being able to sense just how creepy the strength of that thing is.
PICCOLO: You... You're amonster!
CREATURE: (mocking Piccolo)Oh, I'm a monster!Like I haven't heard that one screamed at me today. Of all peop-(He spits out something on the ground, which is a pacifier. The creature stands there looking surprised.)
Everyone in the audience froze at the sight of the pacifier, and the implications that it meant.
Lucy promptly threw up in the bucket again.
CREATURE:...Oh, that is justembarrassing!It's not even the right hole...
PICCOLO: As much as it disgusts me to admit, you and I at least have one thing in common..
"You're both green?" Romeo guesses.
CREATURE: More than you know... But continue.
PICCOLO: We both get a significant power up when we absorb someone.
CREATURE: Ominous!(Piccolo lets out a huge blast)
"YEAH! PICCOLO!"
(cut to Android 17 and 18 standing out in a frosty wilderness)
ANDROID 18: I can't believe you screwed up the van.
ANDROID 17: Honestly, I don't know what you were expecting. I didn't even get my license before Dr. Gero went all Blade Runner on us.
"That's a bit morbid," Lisanna said.
ANDROID 18: Excuses. Hey 16, how's that tranny coming along?
ANDROID 16: I don't believe the car identifies as either male or female.
"Can't tell if that was on purpose or he was genuinely confused," Bickslow said.
ANDROID 18:(after a short pause)So, what do you think that explosion was?
"They actually felt that? Wow, Piccolo really did get stronger," Mira was surprised a bit.
ANDROID 17: Eh, who cares? It's probably just Vegeta throwing a hissy fit or some-
ANDROID 16: Wait. Did you mean the transmission? Because it's fixed.(starts up the van)
"Technically she wouldn't be wrong," Minerva said.
(Cut back to Piccolo and the creature, with Piccolo having just leveled the surrounding area of Ginger Town. The creature is seen emerging from a small rubble.)
CREATURE:(thinking)Oh, so he fused with Kami? So that's a thing-(Piccolo spins and kicks the creature)
"That kick was awesome!" Sting and Natsu enjoyed the creature getting kicked.
"How did it know about Kami?" Freed questioned.
KAMI:(Did you just spin kick him?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)I know, right? I've always wanted to do that.
NAIL:(Please don't do it again.)
"No! Spin kicks are awesome!" Natsu shouted.
PICCOLO:(thinking) MY body, MY rules!(the creature dodges his spin kick)DAMN IT!
"DAMN IT!" Natsu shouted at the same time.
CREATURE:(thinking)Huh, faster than me... That could be a slight pain in the ass... But—(Piccolo kicks the creature from behind) (out loud)OWW! MY "ASS BUTT!"
"Ass butt?" Wendy tilted her head, confused.
(the creature goes flying but manages to suspend himself in the air right in front of Piccolo)
CREATURE: Wanna see something cool?(flies higher up in the air and raises two fingers up to his forehead)
"It even knows Piccolo's moves!?" Elfman shouted in shock.
PICCOLO:(thinking)What is he doing?
KAMI:(That looks like your technique.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Well, it's not.
"There's only so much denial a person could possess, without being Vegeta," Mira said.
NAIL:(He's doing the finger thing.)(the creature's fingers are now teeming with power)
PICCOLO:(thinking)So? Goku does that when he telepo-
CREATURE:Makankōsappō!(fires the Special Beam Cannon)
"It even said it correctly!" Levy called out.
PICCOLO:(thinking)Oh, crap.
KAMI:(So that's how you pronounce it.)
(Piccolo deflects the blast and proceeds to fly up towards the creature. The creature turns to attack Piccolo, but it turns out to be an afterimage and turns around to see Piccolo face-to-face.)
CREATURE:(thinking)He's gonna kick me again, isn't he?(Piccolo kicks the creature, sending him flying down to the ground)
Some of the mages laugh at Piccolo doing exactly that.
CREATURE:(out loud)All right, I'm gonna need you to do me a solid and not kick me anymore.
"No," Laxus answered.
PICCOLO: Start by telling me how you know my technique, and maybe I'll consider it.
CREATURE: Well, what can I say? Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Speaking of which...(the creature crouches into the Kamehameha wave stance)Ka…
"Even the Kamehameha!?" Natsu cried out.
"How many of their moves does this thing know!?" Erza questioned, glaring.
PICCOLO:(thinking)No! That's impossible! The only one who knows that technique is Goku!
"Really?" Levy couldn't help but ask sarcastically.
CREATURE: Me...
PICCOLO:(thinking)And Gohan..
CREATURE: Ha...
PICCOLO:(thinking)Annnnd Master Roshi... And Krillin…
"Piccolo! Now is not the time for this!" Mira shouted.
CREATURE: Me...
PICCOLO:(thinking)And Yamcha. And me, that one time I tried it just to see if I could-
CREATURE: HAAAAAAAAAAA!(fires the blast directly at Piccolo)
"PICCOLO!"
(cut to Trunks flying to Ginger Town)
TRUNKS: Damn it! A duplicate time machine, a monster on the loose, and now an entire city gone missing! And I still don't know where the androids are…
"Just one problem after another," Makarov sighed.
KRILLIN:(suddenly flying right beside Trunks)I know, right? A total fuster-cluck.
TRUNKS: Ah! When did you...? I didn't even feel you!
KRILLIN: I affectionately refer to it as Stealth Mode.
"You should use that more," Freed said.
KRILLIN: So, what are we lookin' at?
TRUNKS: I have no idea... It could be a giant cicada monster for all we know. Hopefully Piccolo will be able to hold his own until — Ah!(stops as he sees a huge blast in the distance)
"Your first guess wasn't off. Let's just hope your second one stands true," Gildarts said.
KRILLIN: So was that Piccolo or Piccolo-Piccolo?
"Bug Piccolo," Natsu answered.
(cut back to Piccolo and the creature in Ginger Town. Piccolo is seen appearing in the sky)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Eh... This thing's just full of surprises...
CREATURE: SURPRISE!(grabs Piccolo from behind)
"You just had to say something," Lucy said, groggily.
NAIL:(Oh, hey, he's behind you.)
"Damn sh*t, never noticed," Laxus responded, sarcastically.
CREATURE: Howdy, neighbor.(sticks his tail in Piccolo's left arm, causing the Super Namekian to scream)Oh, it must be your first time because you are TIGHT! And unfortunately for you...it's also your last.(starts absorbing Piccolo's arm)
"NO! BREAK OUT, PICCOLO!" Some of the audience members screamed.
NAIL:(Uh, he's drinking your arm!)
PICCOLO:(thinking) I KNOW!
KAMI:(Well, then, do something!)
"Yeah! Do something!" Happy screamed.
PICCOLO:(thinking) I AM!(headbutts the creature in the face and breaks frees of his grasp)
CREATURE: AGH! My beak-mouth!(Piccolo and the creature land on the ground, with Piccolo's left arm now all shriveled up)Oh, God... You're even starting to look like Kami.
KAMI/Makarov:(Dick.)
CREATURE: You sure you don't want me to do the other arm? Even you out? 'Cause that's just distracting.
PICCOLO: Listen, I've obviously lost this fight. Without my arm, I'm finished.
"Wait, but can't he regenerate?" Natsu asked.
NAIL:(Wait, can't you regrow your ar—?)
KAMI:(Shut up, Nail. He's doing the thing.)
"Oh! He's trying to get info out of the bug creature!" Levy realized.
CREATURE: Ah, submission. A second favorite to futile resistance.
PICCOLO: But before you finish me off...(the creature snigg*rs)...how about you tell me everything about you?
CREATURE: Oh, weeellll…
"Oh, so it's also an idiot," Macao said.
PICCOLO: Unless you don't have anything important to say.
CREATURE: No, no, it's just...you're the first person to ask me who or what. Normally they just ask...why. Well, to start us off, then: I'm sure by now you're more than familiar with my father, Dr. Gero.
Everyone in the audience groaned at the reveal. None of them should be surprised by the Mad Scientist by this point.
PICCOLO: Oh, goddamn it.
CREATURE: Oh, but wait, there's more. I am purely biomechanical, unlike my brother and sister, Cyborgs 17 and 18.
"Finally, someone properly explains things," Levy muttered as she wrote down the info.
PICCOLO: We call them Androids.
CREATURE: Well, good for you. You're wrong.
"Smartass isn't it," Bickslow remarked.
CREATURE: As I was saying, our father created me with the sole purpose of becoming...perfect. Infused with the genetic makeup of the galaxy's strongest warriors, collected over several decades.
"So that's how it knows their techniques. Gero had been collecting their DNA for years," Jellal reaffirmed.
"Though, what's this whole concept of becoming perfect? Sounds way too ominous," Erza wondered.
PICCOLO: So that's how you know our techniques!
CREATURE: Oh, but I know much more than that. I know that in this timeline, there lies the secret to my true, perfect form. A secret I had all but conceded was lost to me.
PICCOLO: This timeline? So you're from the future. But how?
CREATURE: Oh...(shows a flashback of the creature killing Trunks and stealing his time machine)I found a way. All you need to know is that I am here now, and I will stop at nothing to achieve my perfection.
Everyone stared in shock at the flashback of Trunks' death.
"It killed Trunks," Yukino gasped.
"An alternate version of Trunks, but still," Gildarts clenched his fist in anger.
Even though the creature freaked out the Dragon Slayers, each one felt a growing sense of anger towards the creature for killing Trunks.
PICCOLO: Well, then. I guess I know your story...
CREATURE: You're welcome!
PICCOLO: ...but I don't know your name.
CREATURE: Ah, truth is, I don't reallyhaveone. But all things considered, I think I'll go with...Cell.
"Cell…" Wendy felt a weird chill as she said it's name. She didn't know why, but she felt a weird sense of foreboding.
PICCOLO: That's kinda boring…
IMPERFECT CELL: Coming from the guy named after a woodwind instrument. You know what? Doesn't matter anyway. I'ma drink you now.
PICCOLO: Wait! Before that... Do YOU wanna see something cool?
IMPERFECT CELL: Now I know you're playing me...and I do.
(Piccolo rips off his ruined arm and grows a fresh one)
"NOW KICK IT'S ASS!"
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, that is HARDCORE! Also, not good for me.(Trunks and Krillin land next to Piccolo)Alsonot good for me!(hops backwards onto a destroyed foundation of a building)
KRILLIN: What the hell is that?!
TRUNKS:(Imperfect Cell breaths raspily)And why is it giving me the most ominous sense of déjà vu?
"Because it killed a different version of you," Levy answered.
IMPERFECT CELL:(flies up)Sorry, kids, not telling the story again!(flies in front of the sun)But I will leave you all enlightened! SOLAR FLARE!(blinds everyone and leaves while laughing evilly)
The Lacrama flashes brightly showing everyone a horrific image of Lucy's Landlady completely naked.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"OH GOD MY EYES!"
"WWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!?"
"SOMEONE FIND THE BLEACH!"
KRILLIN: But that's Tien's thing!
PICCOLO: I F**KING KNOW!
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Vegeta in midair)
VEGETA: Okay,whatthe hell am I sensing? Is that the Namekian? Is thatme?Is that mestrongerthan me?!I'LL F**KING KILL ME!
Everyone would've been laughing if they weren't still reeling in pain from that horrid image of Lucy's landlady.
Chapter End
Chapter 58: Cell Reception
Notes:
I did a thing in this chapter, you'll see why.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chapter 63: Cell Reception
(cut to Imperfect Cell running through a forest until he reaches a highway)
IMPERFECT CELL:(reading a road sign)All right. So South City is to the North, North City is to the West, and East City is...also to the North. ...Where the f**k am I?!
"That does sound way too confusing," Cana muttered.
(a bus with Jeepers Creepers on the radio appears on the road and crashes as the driver swerves to avoid Imperfect Cell)
COACH ROGER: Sir, I need to ask you to move off the road. We have a very important game today against the West City Southerners and we're already running late.
"D-Do you not realize what that thing is?" Minerva asked, baffled.
IMPERFECT CELL:(in his thoughts while reading a billboard)Aww, East City has a Panda Sanctuary, that's cute.
"Please don't drink the pandas," Lisanna prayed.
COACH ROGER: I am now going to start applying the horn.(honks the horn)I am now going to use it again.(honks the horn twice)I will now continue to use the horn until you politely move.(honks the horn six times, causing Imperfect Cell to turn his head and stare at the coach)
(after a brief pause, the coach honks the horn again)
"This is stupid. There is nothing remotely intelligent about this," Laxus facepalmed at the idiot coach.
IMPERFECT CELL: Beep.(the coach honks the horn again)Beep!(the coach starts honking the horn repeatedly)Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! BEEEEEEEP!(turns his head away after another pause, thinking)Now, I just need to find my brother and sister before-
BUCKO: Hey, you giant green pylon, you ain't no car, so get off the road! Else me and the boys are gonna have to make your face look like your ass, and your ass look like your face!
"Well, its ass and face already resemble each other. You wouldn't be doing much," Sting mentioned.
IMPERFECT CELL: Mmm...(inhales)Hey, you. I wanna make a joke about your team. What's its name?
BUCKO: The East City Westmen!
EAST CITY WESTMEN: Hoo-Hah!
IMPERFECT CELL:(thinking)...Oh, I am too hungry for this sh*t.(starts to absorb Bucko and does the same with the rest of the football team off-screen as the coach tries to make a getaway)BEEP! BEEP!(reaches through the glass and takes the coach)
The mages stared horrified by Cell's rampage of the football team.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Piccolo, Trunks, and Krillin in the ruins of Ginger Town)
PICCOLO: Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!
"Guess he's the new Vegeta now," Gajeel snickered.
"Oh please no," Mira's face darkened at the thought.
KRILLIN: Wow, Piccolo's pulling a your dad.
VEGETA:(just arriving)Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!
"Now this headache is here," Minerva grumbled.
KRILLIN: Oh, yeah. See?
TRUNKS: And now we have this...
VEGETA:(lands and walks up to Piccolo)You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!
"What? Are you jealous?" Bickslow laughed at Vegeta.
TRUNKS: He fused with Kami so he could become stronger.
VEGETA: The f**k's a Kami?
KRILLIN: Basically God.
VEGETA: But I'm still here!
TRUNKS/Rogue: Do you really believe your own hype that much?
VEGETA: I AM THE HYPE!
None of the mages could hold back the laughter from Vegeta's face and response to Trunks' question.
(Tien arrives)
TIEN: Hey, finally found you guys. Just followed Vegeta's screaming. What'd I miss?
"Green creepy bug man with a drinking fetish," Gray answered.
KRILLIN: Piccolo fused with Kami.
TIEN: Oh, that finally came full circle.
"Yeah, it took a while," Levy said.
PICCOLO: More importantly, there's a new threat: another android created by Dr. Gero!
(Krillin, Trunks, and Tien are shocked to hear this)
VEGETA: DO I HEAR FIVE?!
"He won't let Trunks live this down," Romeo said.
(cut to Kame House)
CHI-CHI: Everyone! You have to come quickly!
GOHAN: Aw, but we were about to drink our lima bean and lentil smoothies.
"That sounds disgusting," Natsu blanched.
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah, they taste like vomit, but they keep me regular. I'm like a soft-serve ice cream machine in the mornin'!
"Didn't need to know that," Lucy said.
CHI-CHI: No time for those! Come upstairs!
(upstairs in another room...)
MASTER ROSHI:(is heard running up the stairs)I'm comin', I'm comin'...(arrives at the door)I came. Heh!
Cue groaning from the audience.
CHI-CHI: Look! Look at Goku!
(Goku smiles in his sleep)
OOLONG:(sarcastically)What a miracle we have witnessed. Allow me to go call the local news.
CHI-CHI: I've had to deal with him screaming bloody murder for the last three hours, I'll take what I can get.
"I guess the medicine is finally working on him," Levy smiled.
"Good, the better he gets the faster he can help fight Cell and the Cyborgs," Erza sighed, relieved.
MASTER ROSHI: I wonder what he's dreamin' about...
(in Goku's dream)
WIZARD GOKU:(dressed like NATSU DRAGNEEL)Yay! I'm Wizard Goku! Are you ready for an adventure, Ice-Guy Piccolo?
"What..."
"The..."
"f*ck!?"
ICE-GUY PICCOLO:(dressed like GRAY FULLBUSTER)Uh, actually, I think you need to wake up. The androids are-
PIRATE GOKU: Wait, look! It's Fire Goku!
FIRE GOKU:(dressed like SHINRA KUSAKABE)Hey, Wizard Goku! Let's go fight some fire monsters!
WIZARD GOKU: Yeah!
(cut back to Goku sleeping)
GOKU:(in his sleep)Yeah…
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Natsu screamed, pointing at the Lacrama. Nobody really knew how to answer him, that was the single strangest thing that's happened this entire viewing.
"Maybe...maybe it's trying to tell us something," Levy guessed.
"Tell us what, exactly? That Goku is aware of us or something?" Lily asked.
"I don't know! But, that entire dream has to be important! What other reason would that Lacrama show it to us!?" Levy responded.
"I think it'll be better to come back to this discussion for another time," Makarov said. The old man was equally freaked out from seeing Goku dressed as Natsu and Piccolo dressed as Gray.
"Master's right. We can talk more about this later," Mira resumed the episode.
(cut to Piccolo, Trunks, Krillin, Vegeta, and Tien)
PICCOLO: So yeah, that's basically it in a nutshell.
KRILLIN: You mean a nut-CEL-
PICCOLO, TIEN, TRUNKS, & VEGETA/Everyone: SHUT UP!
TIEN: So if Cell manages to find whatever he's missing, he'll become even stronger?
"A terrifying thought," Wendy said.
PICCOLO: I guess? He was pretty vague about it. No matter what, though, if he and the androids join forces, none of us will stand a chance.
VEGETA: Says you.
Minerva and Erza both messaged their foreheads at the on-coming headache.
TIEN: And here we go...
VEGETA: I don't care how many people you fuse with, you'll never be as strong as a Super Saiyan.
"Android 18 proved you wrong not that long ago," Kagura countered.
PICCOLO: Not really much of a milestone anymore.
"That's really true. We've seen multiple Super Saiyans," Levy responded.
VEGETA: As for me, I will find a level beyond a Super Saiyan.
TIEN: ...So what? Like a Mega Saiyan? Ultra Saiyan?
VEGETA: ...You're mocking me.
TIEN: Maximum Over-Saiyan?
VEGETA: F**K OFF, TRICLOPS!(flies off)
Minerva burst out laughing from Tien's taunts.
KRILLIN: Why do you antagonize him like that? You know he can kill you, right?
TIEN: At this point, it's a game. If he gives in, I win. And he knows that.
"Playing at his pride? I like it," Gildarts laughed.
TRUNKS: Crazy thought... If that Cell's from another timeline, then there's gotta be one in this timeline, too.
TIEN: Pretty sure that emotional episode you had earlier leveled Gero's lab.
KRILLIN: Well, he was a mad scientist. Shot in the dark: maybe he's got a basem*nt?
"We saw the sub-lab in the Android 13 movie, so Krillin's on the nose here," Freed said.
TRUNKS: Aw, crapbaskets.
KRILLIN: Oh, you say that, too?
"He got it from Gohan," Mira said.
PICCOLO: All right, then. Trunks, you go back to Gero's lab. I'm going after Cell.
KRILLIN: I'm going with Trunks to go after Cell.
TIEN: And I'm going with Piccolo to...go after...Cell?
KRILLIN: ...Break!(he and Trunks depart)
"That wasn't confusing at all," Carla rolled her eyes.
PICCOLO: So, now that I have the chance to say this, um, sorry my dad killed Chiaotzu.
(Tien gives a quite glare at Piccolo)
"Did you have to make it awkward?" Mira asked.
NAIL:(Annnd you made it awkward.)
(cut to Cell at the outskirts of Nicky Town)
IMPERFECT CELL: Hey, there, cherry. What's your name?
"NICKY TOWN":(Imperfect Cell speaking in a feminine-like voice)My name is Nicky Town. Who are you?
IMPERFECT CELL: Name's Cell.(licks his beak-mouth)And you are lookin' fine.
"NICKY TOWN": Well, thank you, Mr. Cell, but you're just saying that.
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, I don't say that to every town I come across.
"NICKY TOWN": Mr. Cell, please absorb me!
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, don't worry, I'll get around to it.
"NICKY TOWN": Why don't you do it now, Mr. Cell?!
IMPERFECT CELL: Ok-ok-okay, I'm in the middle of something right now...
"NICKY TOWN": No, right now, Mr. Cell! Right NOW!
IMPERFECT CELL:(loses his temper)BITCH, I DO WHAT I WANT!
If they didn't think Cell could get anymore creepy, the bug just proved them all wrong.
(cut to Trunks and Krillin exploring the ruins of Dr. Gero's lab)
KRILLIN:(starts shivering)Oh, my God, was it always this cold? We were here at noon, it was not this cold!
TRUNKS: Well, if you need to warm up, start looking.(begins to shoot ki blasts at various ruins)
KRILLIN: You know, I sometimes complain about our lifestyle, but honestly, shooting lasers is fun!(starts making laser noises as he fires off blasts)Pe-chew! Pe-chew! Pe-chew!
"I want to shoot lasers," Natsu shoots some fire at Lucy's feet. Making the Celestial mage move her feet out of the way.
She smacked him in the face. "STOP DOING THAT!"
TRUNKS: Are you...making laser noises?
KRILLIN: All the time in my head. Why is that weird?
TRUNKS: ...(begins making laser noises with his blasts as well)Pe-pew!
"It's cute when Trunks does it," Lisanna giggled.
KRILLIN: Pe-chew!
TRUNKS: Pew!
KRILLIN: Pe-chew!
TRUNKS:(sees a broken ladder leading beneath the rubble)Hey, there it is!
KRILLIN: Well, we can't climb down that, it's broken.
"Fly," Laxus said.
TRUNKS: Just come on.(both of them float down inside)
KRILLIN: Whee!(they land)Wheehee...
TRUNKS: I need to ask you a favor...
KRILLIN: What's that?
TRUNKS: If we find any more androids down here... Please don't tell my father.
KRILLIN: I swear on my life. Unless he threatens my life, in which case...(Trunks opens the door to the basem*nt, revealing a super-computer)Wow. Danger, Will Robinson.
TRUNKS: Who's Will Robinson?
KRILLIN: The future is no fun.
"We don't know either. Does that mean we're no fun?" Romeo asked.
"Nah, we're pretty fun," Natsu replied. His answer brought a smile to the boy's face.
TRUNKS: It's really not... Huh?(notices a tank)Hey, so, if I were a gambling man...
KRILLIN: Huh? Oh, my God... It's adorable!(reveals to be present Cell's fetus inside the tank)Well, time to waste it.
"No hesitation in killing an infant," Yukino sweatdropped.
"To be fair, we all know what that will become," Lector told her.
TRUNKS: No, wait!
KRILLIN: Aw...
TRUNKS:(finds some papers on a table)These... These are the schematics for the androids! We could use these to find a way to turn them off!
"That's not as fun as beating them in a fight," The male Dragon Slayers sighed. Wendy started looking at her brothers worryingly.
"W-Was I supposed to agree with them?" She asked Carla.
"No, don't agree with them, Wendy," Carla answered.
KRILLIN:(thinking)Don't ask how to turn them on. Don't ask how to turn her on. Don't ask how to turn Android 18 on! (out loud)How do you turn Android 17 on?(thinking) sh*t!
"Dumbass," Gajeel said.
TRUNKS: Also, it lists their real names! Lapis and Lazuli... And apparently, Android 16 was modeled after Gero's son!
"Interesting," Levy wrote the names and info down in the character bios.
KRILLIN: ...Are you making that up? It sounds like you're making that up.
TRUNKS: No, it's all here! Really!
KRILLIN: Well, okay. Grab those and let's kill Cell!
TRUNKS: Hold on, I-I've been thinking... Technically it's never done anything wrong... So...doesn't it have the right to life?
"Yeah? Doesn't it?" Yukino asked.
"No," Laxus gave his immediate answer.
KRILLIN: This isn't about a right to life! It's about making a choice... A choice we both need to make. A choice between a terrible mistake that can ruin lives and f**k it, I'm dropping the pretenses. We're aborting Cell!(fires a blast at fetus Cell's tank, destroying it as the basem*nt starts caving in)Boo-yah!
"He didn't sugar-coat that at all," Lucy sweatdropped.
TRUNKS: All right, let's get out of here before this place comes down on our heads.
KRILLIN: Sorry, just a little caught up in gloating.(they both flee)I KILLED CELL!
"He's going to ride on that achievement for years," Gajeel laughed.
KRILLIN:(both of them managed to make it outside)Hasta la vista, baby!(fires one last blast at the basem*nt, creating an enormous explosion)Probably should have backed up first...(starts coughing before cutting to him, covered in soot, and Trunks flying away)That was fun. We should hang out more.
(cut to Piccolo and Tien investigating the bus Cell dealt with earlier)
PICCOLO: Nothing but clothes with stab marks; Cell's calling card.
TIEN: Aw, damn it. He killed my star battle back. My entire fantasy team just went straight to hell.
"Is that your main concern?" Erza asked.
PICCOLO: Are you serious?
TIEN: What? I have hobbies.
"Really?" Bickslow asked.
PICCOLO:(scoffs)No, you don't.
(cut to Nicky Town)
TJ:(is heard from a radio)Hey there, Nicky Town. This is your local station 98.5, The Nick, where TJ-
WOMBAT:(also heard from a radio)And the Wombat-Wombat-Wombat.
"Hey! It's those radio guys again!" Wendy pointed out.
WOMAN: Me so horny.
TJ: What's the weather looking like out there, Wombat?
WOMBAT: Wombat Weather Forecast! We're in the middle of an impossible heat wave, a balmy 104 degrees, so make sure you stay hydrated! Real hydrated!
(Imperfect Cell starts absorbing a man in Nicky Town)
TJ: And in local sports news, many of our listeners are still waiting at the stadium for the East City Westmen, who are becoming increasingly late to the game. Probably hit some traffic on the turnpike…
The atmosphere in the guild turned grim.
WOMBAT: Or maybe they're just scared!
(a woman is seen screaming in terror)
TJ: Oh, looks like we got our first call-in of the segment! Hello there, caller. What can TJ...
WOMBAT: And the Wombat!
TJ: ...do for you?
IMPERFECT CELL:(through the speaker of a phone)Hello there, I-(man screams)Okay, hold on, hold on...(kills the man and relishes it)Ah, there. Okay. Could you play "Video Killed the Radio Star"?
"I don't like this," Lucy shivered.
TJ: Wow, uh, we usually only do the top 20...
WOMBAT: But today, we'll make an exception for you, killer!
"You have no idea how right you are," Makarov said.
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, shucks. Thanks, fellas.(song begins)I'll be right in.
TJ: Wh-what? What'd he say?(a door is heard breaking open)Oh, God...! Oh, God! WHAT IS THAT THING?! NO! NO, GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM WOMBAT! NO! PUT HIM DOWN! NO! WHY, GOD?! OH GOD, I LOVED YOU, WOMBAT! I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!(screams and dies as it shows the clothes of all of Cell's victims scattered in Nicky Town)
A chilling silence washed over the guild once more.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
IMPERFECT CELL: Hey, welcome back to 98.5, The Cell. We have another caller making a request...
CALLER: Please don't kill me!
IMPERFECT CELL: Sorry, that's not in the lineup.(is heard absorbing the guy)Speaking of the lineup, in the next half-hour, we've got "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran, "Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Lauren Hill, followed by "All By Myself".Now, don't touch that dial…
"Ya know...I'm no longer upset at Krillin for killing baby Cell," Yukino shivered.
Chapter End
Notes:
Fire Force and Fairy Tail run in the exact same Magazine, so that's why Goku was dressed as Shinra instead of Naruto.
Chapter 59: Celloween
Chapter Text
Chapter 64: Celloween: A Flight Out of Cell
(Open on an outside shot of a hanger and then shows a man named Jackie Englund inside holding a gun and panting, surrounded by a bunch of bullet casings on the floor)
WES: And here's George to tell us about the situation in Nicky Town!
GEORGE: Thank you, Wes! It is a regular invasion of the Body Snatcher down here! In this Land of the Dead, who knows what Psycho is causing this massacre?
"I have a pretty good guess, and it's big, tall, and horrifying," Lucy answered.
GEORGE: From Dusk Till Dawn from Crystal Lake to Elm Street, nobody is being Left Behind! If this Hellraiser slithers into your town, we suggest you Run Like Hell, find a Cabin in the Woods...and if anyone comes knocking, make you let the right one in...or you'll be Dead By Dawn!
"Why would you run towards a cabin in the woods? Sounds like a dumb plan if you ask me," Romeo said.
"These citizens haven't been known for being the brightest of people," Macao said.
(Cell crashes in through the ceiling, causing Jackie to scream and begins to open fire on the bio-android, with the bullets merely bouncing off of Cell's chest. This goes on until Jackie runs out of ammo and Cell is not directly in front of him.)
"This is like some sort of horror story. Freaks me out just imagining if Cell existed here in Earthland," Levy shivered at the thought. Never knowing where that bug would appear, living in a constant state of fear, and knowing that fighting would only end in failure.
JACKIE ENGLUND: Oh, shi-(Slips on the bullet casings on the floor and falls down)
(Cell stomps on Jackie's chest and stabs him with his tail)
GEORGE: Though there have been no eyewitnesses of the monster so far, here is a composite sketch of what our top experts believe the monster to look like!
"That is a really good drawing, but couldn't be more off base of what Cell looks like," Rogue said.
"Yeah, it's as if they combined all the horror stories that they could think of and went with it," Sting agreed with his brother.
(The tv shows a very Freed/Jason-like picture before Cell puts his foot through the screen)
"And the actual creature itself is way worse than what that image could've conveyed," Lily said.
CELL: Goddamn 24-hour news cycle.(The camera shows a mother and son, Erin and Damien respectively hiding nearby under a table, with the mother whimpering in fear)Hmm?(Turns around towards the table) I want to play a game!
"Not a game that I would want to play!" Wendy shook her head in fear.
"Aye sir!" Happy agreed with the Sky Slayer.
("Celloween: A Flight out of Cell" appears on the screen)
"Not sure how to feel about Halloween after all this," Yukino said.
(Cut to Erin and Damien running away for their lives while Cell calmly walks after them. Damien then trips and falls on the floor.)
"Why do people always trip and fall in horror stories!?" Lucy cried in fear.
DAMIEN: I twisted my ankle!
(Cut to Erin, now carrying Damien, running outside of the hanger until she trips on a slab and falls on the floor.)
ERIN: I twisted MY ankle!
"WHY!?" Lucy cried once more.
"For tension," Freed answered.
"WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT TENSION!?" She replied back.
(Seeing an open opportunity, Cell jumps into the air and prepares to drop down with his tail, while Erin and Damien helplessly prepare for the worst…)
KRILLIN: Not today!(Erin and Damien suddenly disappear before Cell's tail hits the ground. Cell looks up and sees Krillin holding Erin and Damien in the air.)
"Never thought I'd say these words, but I'm happy to see Krillin," Gray sighed in relief.
"Would've been cooler if it was Piccolo or Tien," Romeo mentions.
CELL: Ah, Krillin! My arch-nemesis!
"Ok, pause. Did we miss something?" Levy asked.
"Either this is Krillin's dream or Cell somehow found out Krillin killed it," Laxus answered.
"I'm betting on the former," Lucy sweatdrops.
KRILLIN: Cell, you fiend! We meet at last! Again!
ERIN: Thank you for saving me! You're so brave and attractive!
"Has to be a dream. There's no way any woman would say those things," Wakaba said.
"18 thinks Krillin's attractive," Juvia defended.
"A one time case that will have absolutely no pay off," Wakaba responded back.(Ain't they gonna be in for a SHOCKER)
DAMIEN: Will you be my new daddy?
"Ok, that's pushing it," Evergreen said.
KRILLIN: Listen, I know you both just lost a husband and a father, and you need to fill that void, but I have eyes for another! Now, go!
Juvia smiled at Krillin's willingness to keep pursuing 18. A person should always pursue their true love, no matter how many barriers or lines they have to cross. That's how she claimed her Gray.
ERIN: Okay!
DAMIEN: I love you, new daddy!(Both he and Erin run off)
CELL: Now, we shall battle!
(Cell starts attacking Krillin, with Krillin dodging every one of his attacks.)
"Wow, he's actually putting up a decent fight," Lisanna said.
"This is his dream. I'm not shocked that he's doing good at the moment," Laxus comments.
KRILLIN: It's no use, Cell! I've studied all of your moves!
"How?" Erza asked, skeptical.
CELL: Curse you!
KRILLIN: Now, for my ultimate technique! SOLAR FLARE!
(Blinds Cell with the Solar Flare technique as an airplane takes off in the sky, with Krillin hanging onto the bottom.)
"The image wasn't as bad as the others. I mean it was still disgusting, but not as disgusting," Freed mentions.
DAMIEN: We on a plane, mama!
KRILLIN:(Thinking)Wait, that's not my ultimate attack. I thought the Kienza-(Out loud)Aw, goddamn it! Every time!
"Even in his own dream, he manages to screw it up," Gajeel snickers.
(Inside the airplane, Cell's tail suddenly stabs through the ceiling and causes Erin to scream.)
KRILLIN: I said not today!(Flies forward and tackles Cell, pushing the bio-android back on the wing of the plane) How did you best my penultimate technique?
CELL: ...I blinked.
….
…
…
…
"...I never thought of that...holy sh*t I never thought of that," Levy's brain shut down for a moment.
"HOW HAS NOBODY EVER THOUGHT OF THAT!?" The mages scream.
KRILLIN: Oh, that'd do it. Well then, let's see how you handle my uti- Ah!(Cell punches him straight through the wall of the plane, with his head sticking out on the other side.)
"Never gonna happen," Gajeel said.
DAMIEN: Are you okay, new daddy?
KRILLIN:(Speaks gibberish)
"Yeah, he's fine," Lucy replied.
DAMIEN: What'd you say?
KRILLIN: I said…(Speaks gibberish) (Halloweened Count: 1)
"Damn...even the holiday screws him over," Bickslow said.
(Cell is seen landing on the other wing of the plane and starts approaching Krillin)
CELL: Well, Krillin…. It seems that even in your wildest dreams...you still can't measure up.
KRILLIN: Wh… What are you saying?
CELL: I'm saying…wake up.
KRILLIN: Wh… What?
"WAKE UP!"
CELL:(Grabs Krillin's head)I said…
(Cuts over to Kame House)
PICCOLO: Wake up!
"Oh! Piccolo!" Wendy exclaimed. She was happy to see the Namekian appear.
KRILLIN:(Wakes up)Ah! Oh, man… I had the craziest dream; Cell was there!
"We know. We just saw it," Rogue said.
PICCOLO: Well, the androids are here!
"WHAT!?" Everyone screamed.
ANDROID 17: Yo.
KRILLIN: Aaaaah!
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Happy and Natsu screamed with Krillin.
Chapter End
Chapter 60: Hyperbolic Plot Device
Chapter Text
Chapter 65: Hyperbolic Plot Device
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH-"
"STOP SCREAMING!" Lucy slapped them both, shutting them up.
(cut to Bulma's house where she, Dr. Briefs, and Krillin are reviewing the schematics Krillin brought back from Dr. Gero's hidden lab)
BULMA: Wait, so you're saying he had a sub-lab?
DR. BRIEFS: Of course he had a sub-lab. We all have sub-labs. Where do you think I keep your mother's clones?
"Wait what?"
BULMA: Mom'swhat?
DR. BRIEFS:(quickly)Don't go in the basem*nt.(looks through the schematics)Oh look, there's bombs in the androids! I could probably make a detonator for that.
"Ignoring what he just said earlier, please go and make those detonators," Levy said.
"But, I thought we didn't want 17 and 18 dead?" Happy brought up.
"We don't want to kill the present time ones. The future ones can burn in hell," Gajeel responded.
KRILLIN: I don't know, do you really have to blow them up?
"Wait? Wasn't Krillin at Kame House? Why is he at Bulma's?" Wendy asked.
"I think we're being shown what happened before and during Krillin's dream," Levy answered the teen.
DR. BRIEFS: Why do you care? They're mostly just machinery at this point. Whoops, 'cept for the lady. Babymaker's still intact; guess she's still useful for somethin'!
"Ignoring the obvious sexism in that statement. Weird how that was left untouched," Kagura mentions.
"Do you think 17's extension still works too?" Cana asked with a perverted grin. Her question makes some of the other females blush at the thought.
KRILLIN: So you're saying she still has a-
DR. BRIEFS: vagin*, yes.
KRILLIN: ...Just went from a nine to a ten.
The perverted men all agreed with Krillin, silently.
BULMA: Ugh. Anyway, where's everyone else right now?
KRILLIN: Well, Piccolo and the others are searching for Cell...
(cut to Piccolo and Tien in a ravaged theme park)
PICCOLO: How are all these rides still running?
TIEN: Why are the clothes still on them?
PICCOLO: This is supposed to be a place of fun
"Exactly and Cell ruined it!" Wendy and Romeo screamed. Staring tragically at the ruined attraction park.
(back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: So, hopefully that's going well. And Trunks went off to find Vegeta...
(cut to Trunks sitting a considerable distance away from Vegeta)
TRUNKS: NOTICE ME!
VEGETA: ...NOOOO!
Some of the mages couldn't help, but laugh at the interaction.
"I'll admit, that was a bit funny," Gildarts said.
(back to Krillin)
KRILLIN: Best of luck there...
BULMA: And any update on Goku?
"Probably still screaming and having weird dreams," Minerva answered.
(cut to Chi-Chi getting some water in a bucket at Kame House)
KRILLIN: Oh, he's just resting at Kame House. Probably still asleep.
(there a loud rumbling that causes Chi-Chi to fall on the floor)
CHI-CHI: Ah! The androids are here! Bring it on, you robotic sons of- huh?(rushes upstairs and opens the door to see that Goku is gone)Oh, no! They've already got him!(looks out the window)Ah!
MASTER ROSHI: Did I miss somethin'?(looks out the window and sees the ocean splitting apart)Well, either Goku's awake or Moses has brought the Jews. Either way, my pantry's not full enough.(Chi-Chi looks down and gasps)Hmm?
(Goku is seen fully awake and standing in front of the splitting ocean)
"He's awake!" Erza gasped at the sight of the Earth Saiyan. Jellal grumbled a bit at the look of pure happiness in her eyes.
CHI-CHI: Goku!(jumps out the window)
GOKU: Oh, hi!(Chi-Chi runs up and hugs him while laughing)Aw, hugs are nice.
It was a heartwarming scene for the mages to witness. Especially nice since Goku and Chi-Chi didn't have many scenes just showing them being a happy couple.
"Bet you wish that was you," Minerva grinned. The Scarlet Knight sputtered with a red face at Minerva's teasing.
CHI-CHI: Oh, tell me you're finally okay!
GOKU:(picks Chi-Chi up)Yeah-huh! Never felt better! Wanna see?
CHI-CHI:(as Goku starts swinging her around)Hold on-(Goku accidentally throws her into the sky)AAAH!
GOKU: Huh... Wonder when she'll come back do-
(shows Chi-Chi getting launched into outer space, catching on fire as she leaves the atmosphere, which causes Goku to become pale with shock)
"Oh...you might want to run," Macao paled.
"Hehe, reminds me of Lucy and Natsu," Mira giggled.
"Ah!? I-It's nothing like us! Right, Natsu!?" Lucy turned to the son of Igneel.
"Huh? What are you talking about, Lucy? I spin you around like that all the time!" He laughed at Lucy's red face.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the androids driving through a lush forest)
ANDROID 18: I can't believe you took this thing off-roading! This thing barely handled on the freeway!
ANDROID 17: Oh, come on, 18. Where's your sense of adventure?
ANDROID 18: About 15 miles back with the shocks!
"Always gotta complain," Macao thought back to his ex-wife.
ANDROID 16: I personally enjoy this alternate route. It is dense with foliage and wildlife, and...(Android 18 fires a blast that destroys the entire forest)...and spending time with you. But clearly, you disagree.
"I agree with 16. There was no reason to destroy the forest," Lisanna huffed.
ANDROID 17: Won't lie, sis... Kind of a dick move.
ANDROID 18: Aw, come on. We'll take him to a zoo after this. How's that? You wanna hit up the zoo, 16?
ANDROID 16: ...I want to see the parrots.
"The zoo doesn't compare to the actual forest," Lisanna grumbled.
(cut back to Kame House with Goku putting on his gi)
MASTER ROSHI: Goku, you have missed a hell of a day!
GOKU: Oh, I knew everything. I learned it in my Wizard dream. I was having a Firefighter dream, too, but it felt like I was being watched, so it ended.(Goku's head turns to the screen. Almost as if he's looking at something...or someone. Quickly he turned to look back at his wife.)
The uncomfortable feeling from before crept back into the guild. As if Goku really was aware of them or at least had a faint idea of their existence.
But...wouldn't that mean that these events aren't fictional and actually have happened….?
CHI-CHI:(somehow surviving her expedition to outer space)All right, now listen, I know you just woke up, so...
GOKU: Yeah, I was out of permission for a while. I really oughta get back to training.(Chi-Chi growls angrily)
"Strike one," Gajeel held up a finger.
GOKU: So I can fight Cell!(Chi-Chi growls louder while shaking angrily)
"Strike two," Gajeel held up two fingers.
GOKU: What? If- if you're worried about Gohan, I'll bring him along with me.
CHI-CHI: *sighs* Fine.
"Hm...seems he's learning," Gajeel smirked.
GOKU:(dumbfounded on what he had just heard)Huh?
CHI-CHI: Go ahead, go train, take Gohan, fight your evil android bug-monster! But I want you to promise me one thing...
GOKU: Okay... What's that?
CHI-CHI: I want another baby!
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD
Multiple jaws hit the ground at Chi-Chi's request. None of them saw this coming at all. All of the fathers in the guild were sweating nervously, thinking about when they either found out they had a kid(Gildarts) or when they're child was on the way. Being told by your wife that she wants another always brings a sense of nervousness.
Gajeel and Levy looked at one another. "We'll wait to see how this one turns out," They both decided.
"GRAAAAYYY! LET'S HAVE LOTS OF BABIES!" Juvia hugged the ice user tightly. Pink hearts appear around the two.
"W-W-WHAT!?" Gray's entire face was red at the proclamation of Juvia.
Erza blushed madly at the thought and coincidentally her gaze met Jellal's. Both powerful mages who went toe-to-toe with the King of Dragon's himself were blushing like a couple of teenagers.
Yukino and Sting refused to make eye contact with one another, both blushing at the thought of having a child.
"Hmmm...Ya know…" Mira started.
"I wouldn't exactly mind…" Laxus started.
"Having a child…" They looked at each other for a second, before shrugging and turning back to the screen.
Natsu sat still and turned his head to look at Lucy. When she looked back he quickly turned his attention back to the screen, his head stuck deep in thought. Lucy could only at him confused.
GOKU: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye!(teleports out)
"One way to scare off a man," Macao huffs.
MASTER ROSHI: Uh... Was that a yes?
CHI-CHI: It wasn't a no…
"She's getting it one way or another," Minerva observed the red faces of Erza and Jellal. Laughing her ass off.
MASTER ROSHI: Hmm... Hmm... 'Kay, bye!
(cut to Krillin, Yamcha, Piccolo, Tien, and Gohan flying in a plane)
KRILLIN: Thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
YAMCHA: What were you doing at Bulma's house, anyway?
KRILLIN: Oh, just dropping off the bluegina- I mean, vagprints- I mean, thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
"Nice save," Bickslow commented.
PICCOLO: This is bad. We can't just keep running after Cell. Every time he slips away, we lose another city!
TIEN: Don't be so melodramatic. Worst case scenario, we wish people back with the DragonBalls.
"Who's gonna tell him?" Romeo asked.
PICCOLO: Uh...
KRILLIN: Oh God, what?
PICCOLO: So, remember how Kami and I fused?
TIEN: No...
"Yeah…" Lily winced.
PICCOLO: And remember how we used to have DragonBalls?
TIEN: Holy sh*t...
KRILLIN: Wait, I'm still confused.
"No more DragonBalls, Krillin!" Lucy yelled.
TIEN: The DragonBalls don't exist anymore, Krillin!
KRILLIN:(in an extremely high-pitched voice)Oh. Okay...
YAMCHA: Dude, don't worry. I still have the bunker.
"Yeah, that's gonna do wonders against Cell," Laxus scoffed.
KRILLIN: WHY DON'T WE HAVE GOKU?!
(Goku teleports in)
GOKU: I'm taking Gohan, bye!(teleports out)
GOHAN: What?(teleports out with Goku, leaving everyone else surprised on what just happened)
"Welp, you have a Goku!" Lisanna giggled.
PICCOLO: Good news, we have Goku.
KRILLIN: Bitchin'! Let's go hang at Kame House!
"That explains that part of the story," Levy said.
KAMI:(Oh, good. We'll have to see if he's carrying.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Carrying what?
KAMI:(I'm asking if he's got any grass on that island.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Well, yeah, but it's mostly covered by that house.
"Does...he not know about drugs?" Mira asked.
NAIL:(He's asking if he has any pot.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)I don't know, probably. I mean, he knows the Mafūba.
KAMI:(Oh, my God.)
NAIL:(The what?)
"Yeah? The what?" Levy wanted to know.
(cut to Trunks still watching Vegeta from a distance as Goku and Gohan appear behind him)
TRUNKS: Huh?
GOHAN: What just happened?
TRUNKS: Goku? And Gohan?
GOKU: I'll fill you in later, Gohan. Hey, Trunks! How's the training coming?
TRUNKS: I don't know, let's see. Hey, Dad, do you want to train with me?
VEGETA: F**K OFF!
"That says it all, honestly," Makarov sighed.
TRUNKS: About that well.
GOKU: Ooo, only on two words, huh? I'll go talk to him.(heads over to Vegeta)Hey, 'Geets!(Vegeta growls)I heard you lost your fight pretty bad.(Vegeta growls again while shaking in anger)
"Doing a good job at talking to him," Minerva laughed.
GOKU: But you know what they say, Vegeta... When you fall off that horse, you get right back up...and you eat that horse! Come eat that horse with me, Vegeta!
VEGETA/Everyone: What the hell are you on about!?
"I get it," Natsu stated.
"Of course you do," Gray rolled his eyes.
GOKU: Oh, I just found a place where we can do a whole year's worth of training in a day.
The fight obsessed members all perked up at the information.
VEGETA: ...I'm listening.
GOKU: It's up on Kami's Lookout! Although now I guess it's just The Lookout. Either way, they call it the-
(cut to Mr. Popo on The Lookout)
MR. POPO: Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
VEGETA: WHAT THE F**K IS THAT?!
Everyone laughed at Vegeta's screaming.
(cut to Goku's house where the androids have arrived)
ANDROID 17: So, 18, what's it look like in there?
ANDROID 18:(inside looking at one of Chi-Chi's clothes in a mirror)It looks like Goku's wife is a Chinese princess. Seriously, I'm glad she's my size, but who wears this junk?
"I'm sure Chi-Chi looks great in those dresses," Erza huffed. She wanted to see if she could wear those outfits. Maybe she can find someone to make them for her.
ANDROID 17: I mean, is Goku there?
ANDROID 18: Oh, no, the place is empty. Devoid of both people and taste.
ANDROID 17: Huh. Didn't figure Goku for a runner.
ANDROID 18: Well, if I were a guessing girl, I'd say they're at Kame House.
ANDROID 17: But that's like the second place we'd look!
"And they're dumb enough to take him there," Freed said.
ANDROID 16: Confirmed. That is the second place we shall look.
ANDROID 17: Hmm, but it's on an island, so we can't take a van...
ANDROID 18: Oh, thank God.
ANDROID 17: So we'll find a boat!
ANDROID 16: No!
ANDROID 17: ...Pardon?
ANDROID 16: We have done it your way. Now we do it my way; the bird way. We fly...!
"I wanna do it the bird way!" Wendy giggled.
ANDROID 18: He's finally speakin' my language. I mean, kind of.
(cut back to The Lookout with Mr. Popo leading the four Saiyans—Saiyan-Hybrids in Gohan and Trunks' case—to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
MR. POPO: Here it is, maggots, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
GOKU: Wait, I thought it was called the Room of Spirit and Time?
MR. POPO: I said that 'cause you kept mispronouncing it.
"I can believe that," Levy shrugged.
"I doubt Salamander can pronounce it," Gajeel said.
"I CAN TOO!" Natsu shouted.
"Then say it," Gajeel tempted.
GOKU/Natsu: Naw, I can do it. Hypebola Mime Chamber.
MR. POPO/Gajeel: No.
GOKU/Natsu: Hyperglycemic Crime Chamber.
MR. POPO/Gajeel: You get one more.
GOKU/Natsu: ...Hypebonics Rhyme Chamber.
"Nope!" Gajeel laughed until Natsu attacked him with a flame fist. Erza intervened immediately to break up the fight.
MR. POPO: Hmm.(opens the door)Inside time moves at 365.24 times that of this dimension. In Goku terms, one day out here, one year in there. And only two of you maggots can enter at a time.
Levy scribbled down the information.
GOHAN: Wait, how long have you known about this?
GOKU: Since I was a kid.
GOHAN: Then why didn't Krillin and the others use it to train against the Saiyans? Why didn't we use it to train against the androids?!
"That's...a good question. Popo probably didn't care," Levy figured.
MR. POPO: They had...other training. Besides, they most likely would not have survived. I threw Goku in there once when he was a kid.
GOKU: I almost died.
Eyes widened at Goku's admitting that the room almost killed him. How dangerous is this training room?
"Is it safe for Gohan?" Mira wanted to know.
MR. POPO: Hmm.
VEGETA: Then the boy and I will go first and save you two the trouble. Move it, boy!(Trunks starts walking inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
TRUNKS:(while walking past Goku)Help me…
"Think of it as father-son time. Hopefully he doesn't kill you," Gildarts said.
GOKU: Have fun, Trunks! You too, best buddy!(Vegeta and Trunks enter the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)Huh... You know... You don't really seem like yourself today, Mr. Popo.
(from Mr. Popo's vision, an image of Kami is seen behind Goku)
MR. POPO: Hmm.
"Awwwww! He actually misses Kami!" Wendy smiled.
(cut to Kame House where the news channel is on while Krillin, Yamcha, and Tien are sleeping)
REPORTER: ...find a cabin in the woods, and if anyone comes knocking, make sure you let the right one in, or you'll be dead by dawn.
KRILLIN:(talking in his sleep)Not today…
"Krillin's stupid ass dream," Laxus mentions.
NEWS ANCHOR 1: The death toll keeps rising as...
(the channel changes)
NEWS ANCHOR 2: ...the unknown creature continues its...
(the channel changes again)
NEWS ANCHOR 3: ...terrifying siege across our nation.
PICCOLO:(watching the news)I GET IT, HE'S ABSORBING PEOPLE! I'M TRYING TO STOP IT!
"You're doing your best, Piccolo!" Wendy cheered on the Namekian.
KAMI:(Maybe you should get some sleep like everyone else.)
PICCOLO:(starts walking to a window)I'll sleep when I'm dead!
"Watch what you say…" Minerva said.
ANDROID 17:(off-screen)I can help with that!
"Because you might just regret it," She finished.
PICCOLO: WAKE UP!
KRILLIN:(wakes up)Ahh! Oh, man... I had the craziest dream; Cell was there!
PICCOLO: Well, the androids are here!
ANDROID 17: Yo.
KRILLIN: AAH!
"AAH-"
"DON'T! You two start," Lucy warned her companions.
ANDROID 17:(as Piccolo walks outside)We're here for Goku.
PICCOLO: Son of a bitch!
ANDROID 16: Son Goku is not here.
ANDROID 17: Son of a bitch!
PICCOLO: You heard him, Goku's not here.
ANDROID 17: Oh, I heard him. We're just not very happy about it. Right, 16?
ANDROID 16: (looking furious) Son Goku...is not here!
"Ah yeah...his whole kill Goku thing," Erza remembered.
ANDROID 17: Exactly. And we came all the way out here to kill somebody... So you've got one of two choices: you can either tell us where Goku is, or, well...
PICCOLO: Or what?
ANDROID 18: Or we kill you!(closes her eyes in frustration)Oh, my God.
KRILLIN: Hey, 18! You... You come around here often?
ANDROID 18: Nope.
KRILLIN: Hmm.
"You know this is the first time she's been here, but good try anyway," Juvia gives a thumbs up.
MASTER ROSHI: Uh, excuse me, androids? If you're gonna fight, could you please move it off the island? It's quite literally the only thing I own.
ANDROID 17: That's fine, but when I win, I'm blowing it up for funsies.
"Dick move," Romeo cursed.
MASTER ROSHI: Hmm.
PICCOLO: All right then, follow me. There's a series of uninhabited islands over there.
ANDROID 17: How do you know that?
"Because he lives there," Mira answered.
PICCOLO: You three stay here. I'll handle this...(starts flying away with the androids)
KRILLIN: Oh, okay, I'll SpaceBook you later!
YAMCHA: So, if he fails, we're all gonna die, right?
"You have Goku. You'll be fine," Natsu replied.
TIEN: Basically. And we have no DragonBalls.
YAMCHA: ...Hope training's going well.
(meanwhile, inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber up on The Lookout...)
The mages were shocked by the design of the Chamber...or lack of therefore.
TRUNKS: Uh... uh... Holy... This place...it's...nothing but a white void! I can't see where it ends! Or even where it begins! It's...overwhelming. I need time... Time to adjust! Time to-
VEGETA: TRAINING BEGINS NOW!(smacks Trunks in the face)You weren't ready.(Trunks groans in pain)
"That's the only sense of care he's ever shown towards Trunks," Laxus said.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to a shot inside a sub-lab where a baby version of Mrs. Briefs is seen floating inside a tank)
DR. BRIEFS:(walks up and observes the tank)Hmm... Soon...(starts chuckling)
The mages were all horrified by what they just witnessed from Dr. Briefs. Natsu on the other hand just remembered something he was thinking about earlier.
"Hey Lucy! Let's have a baby!"
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!?"
Chapter End
Chapter 61: Percussive Maintenance
Chapter Text
Chapter 66: Percussive Maintenance
Natsu laid on the ground with a bruised and bloody face as Lucy turned her back to him. Her face as red as Erza's hair, the Celestial Mage huffing at the craziness of it all. Behind them their friends were either laughing or blushing at their little scene, causing her to grumble all the more.
"Stupid Natsu! Why did he have to say something like that!? He never thinks these things through!" Lucy screamed in her head.
"Do you think that was a yes?" Lisanna leaned over to ask her sister.
"It wasn't a no," Mira giggled.
Lucy heard both of them and turned to scream at them both. "Can we just start the damn thing already!?" Her yelling just made the sisters laugh harder.
Natsu slowly sat up on the floor. "You hit too hard, Lucy," Natsu complained.
"You deserved it!" She shouted back. She would've strangled him again if Yukino hadn't stopped her.
"I think he's had enough, Lucy. We should continue watching the episodes," Yukino said. Lucy would've taken her friend more seriously if the woman wasn't still trying to hold back her own laughter.
"Fine, but we'll talk about this later, Natsu," Lucy sat back in her seat.
(cut to Piccolo and the Androids arriving at a desolated island)
ANDROID 17: All right, sis. Since you had all the fun last time, why don't you sit this one out?
ANDROID 18: Already on it. I'll just hang out with 16 over here.
ANDROID 16: I have spotted a pelican. So majestic-(pelican squawks off-screen)So majes-(pelican squawks again)Maje-(pelican squawks once more)That is a big bird.
Wendy laughed at 16 getting interrupted by the bird.
ANDROID 17: Now, are you trying to buy time, or are you just looking to throw your life away? Because if I remember correctly...(shows Android 17 effortlessly taking out Piccolo twice in their last fight)This did not go well for you last time.
"Well, last time he wasn't fused with Kami. He's a more manly Namekian now!" Elfman responded.
PICCOLO: Oh, I'm not the same Namekian you faced before.(removes his cape and turban)
ANDROID 17: Oh. Oh sh*t, are you talking metaphorically? Because if not, I'm gonna start feeling like a racist, because you look exactly the same.
"To be fair, Piccolo's the only Namekian they've ever seen," Levy said.
(Piccolo begins to power up)
(cut to The Lookout)
GOKU: Huh. I'm feeling a whole lot of Piccolo right now. Either he's showing off...
GOHAN: Or he's fighting an Android! We have to go help him!
"Sweet child, you're not allowed to go nearanyandroids for the foreseeable future!" Mira remembered Future Gohan's death.
"Then what's the point of training him?" Laxus asked. Mira pretended that she didn't hear the Dragon Slayer.
GOKU: No, Gohan. We have to wait for Vegeta and Trunks to come out of the Hypertonic Lion Tamer!
MR. POPO:(off-screen)That one was on purpose!
GOKU: Coulda been.
"Could this be another case of Goku feigning stupidity just to annoy people?" Lily questioned.
"I can do the same thing!" Happy replied.
"No, you're just stupid," Carla caused a sad cloud to appear over Happy's head.
GOHAN: Well, how long do we have left?
MR. POPO: Four hours.
"Wait what? How? Didn't they just go into the room? You're telling me that they've been sitting there for 20 hours? That Piccolo and the Androids were flying to that one island for 20 hours?" Levy questioned, baffled by how time works for them.
GOHAN: We've been here for 20 hours?! When? I mean, how?
GOKU: That's what makes it Hypersonic, Gohan.
MR. POPO: Goku?
GOKU: Yeah-huh?
(shows an outside shot of The Lookout as a screaming Goku is seen getting knocked off)
The mages laughed at Goku's excited scream of getting kicked off the Lookout.
"He was definitely doing it on purpose then," Lily sweatdropped.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Piccolo still powering up for his fight against Android 17)
ANDROID 17: Man, he has been at this for like twenty hours.
ANDROID 16: It has been five minutes.
"Oh thank goodness," Levy sighed.
ANDROID 17: It's called hyperbole, big guy. Also, I can't sense power levels. What's going on over there?
ANDROID 16: Dodge.
ANDROID 17: Dodge what-?(gets punched in the face by Piccolo)You know, 16, yelling dodge is more distracting than helpful.
"Piccolo would disagree, but considering that Gohan still hasn't figured it out yet…" Gray brought up.
ANDROID 16: He has fused with Kami.
ANDROID 17: Kami? What-?(Piccolo kicks him in the face, knocking him a few feet across the ground)Seriously, what the hell's a Kami?
PICCOLO: It means God. Now bow.(fires a blast at Android 17, which emits a huge explosion)
"Ok! When did he get so cool!?" Mira questioned.
"Don't you mean manly!?" Elfman grinned at the eldest sibling.
"Yeah, we can go with manly," She smiled at him.
(cut to Capsule Corp.)
DR. BRIEFS: Aw, there's my sweet little half-breed grandbaby. So, how's the detonator coming along?
"You ask that while holding the baby," Rogue sweatdropped.
BULMA: It's coming. But did you look at Dr. Gero's notes? As it turns out, he only attributes model numbers to his successful projects. The crazy bastard was kidnapping dozens of orphaned teenagers and experimenting on them!
That made all the mages hate the bastard doctor more than they already did.
"To think there were so many children who lost their lives to that bastard's experiments," Jellal growled in anger.
"When you think about it, 17 and 18 really are the lucky ones," Sting said.
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come now, you can't kidnap an orphan; they weren't wanted in the first place. That aside, that's kind of brilliant.
Their opinions of Bulma's father just decreased even more.
BULMA: Interesting that he set explosives in their chest like this, though... Must have been a fail-safe, for in case they went rogue.
"He failed to use it in two different timelines. Guess, the doctor isn't as great as he believed," Laxus said.
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, he does that to strangers and it's fine, but I want to do it to my own children, and your mother gets all uppity!
BULMA: ...Dad, any more talk like that and you don't get to hold Trunks anymore.
DR. BRIEFS: Hmph! Wouldn't be talking so mighty if you had a bomb in your chest.
"And I'm glad he's not my dad," Cana replied.
"Aren't you glad to have me as a father, Cana!?" Gildarts asked, happily.
"Eh? You're ok," She answered. Her answer caused the man to have a dark cloud form over his head.
(cut back to Piccolo and the Androids)
ANDROID 17: Too bad, Jolly Green Giant. Looks like you missed! Try again for a zeni?
(Piccolo starts firing a bunch of ki blasts at Android 17, who merely dodges them while humming. However, Piccolo still continues to fire more ki blasts...which are still missing despite 17 no longer attempting to dodge them.)
Piccolo's actions confused some of the mages.
"Uhhh….does he know that he's missing?" Millianna asked.
"Just keep paying attention," Erza and Kagura told her.
ANDROID 17: Umm, I stopped dodging! Seriously, are you even trying to hit me?
PICCOLO:(still firing off still more ki blasts)No!
ANDROID 17: The hell do you mean no?(looks around and realizes he's surrounded by a bunch of dormant ki blasts)
"Oh…" Millianna realized what the green man was doing.
ANDROID: Oh. Oh... Oh, sh*t.
PICCOLO: Hellzone Grenade!(makes all the ki blasts rain down on 17)
"THAT'S SUCH A COOL NAME!" The men thought.
"Eh." The women shrugged. Though, they liked the idea of Piccolo's move.
ANDROID 17:(thinking)Oh man, it's even got a cool name!(there's a large explosion before the whole area gets covered in smoke)You know something I don't get?(he is seen unharmed from the attack due to emitting a barrier, surprising Piccolo)("Creating a KI shield is a good idea. Should be used more," Freed noted.)You try to kill Goku and that's fine; we try to kill Goku and suddenly you get all uppity!
"I like to believe there's a difference," Erza said.
PICCOLO: True. But when I did it, it was for revenge. You're just doing it for sh*ts and giggles.
"And there it is. While revenge is never a good thing it's a reason at least. But, killing a man who has never caused you any harm for just fun is wrong," Erza spoke.
"To be fair, Goku indirectly caused them to get kidnapped and turned into cyborgs," Levy responded. The blue woman squeaked when Erza turned her glare onto her.
ANDROID 17: Tell you what? You live a few years in stasis with your creator repeating the words "Kill Goku." over and over again in your subconscious, then you can ride that high horse all day long.
Levy wanted to bring up her point being correct, but figured Erza would get angry at her again, so she settled for being quiet.
"Well, this does continue to prove just how crazy Gero was. What reason would he have to want to kill Goku?" Freed said.
PICCOLO: Wow.
ANDROID 17: What?
PICCOLO: Nothing, just...nostalgia.
(cut over to Kame House)
KRILLIN: Man, that is some serious power being thrown around.
TIEN: Damn it, we shouldn't just sit here like a bunch of cowards, we need to help!
"What would you do exactly?" Minerva asked.
YAMCHA: And do what, get rag-dolled again? No, thank you.
TIEN: Of course you'd say that.
"He does have a point, surprisingly enough. You guys haven't been much help lately, besides Krillin. Krillin's always been around," Gajeel said.
KRILLIN: Hey, he's actually got a point. I mean, between the Super Saiyans, the Super Namekian, the Androids, and whatever the hell Cell is...
TIEN: Oh, don't you start.
"Krillin has every right to speak. After getting your skeletal system broken, stabbed, and blown up on an alien planet. It kinda opens your eyes," Makarov states.
"Doesn't mean they should stop trying," Natsu replied.
"What's the point of trying if every time you go up a level, everyone else just moves up 15 more? Honestly, stopping might be the best for them," Laxus told Natsu.
"Just because you're weaker than someone, doesn't mean that you're completely useless. There's always something that even the smallest of ants can accomplish that not even an elephant can," Erza explained.
KRILLIN: Hey, I was on Namek, okay?! sh*t got crazy! I got stabbed! And blown up!
YAMCHA: I've been stabbed and blown up, too! And dumped by the only girlfriend I ever had!
KRILLIN: Same. But you know the difference? When mine left, she took all my money. When yours left, she took all HER money.
The guild was shocked into silence by Krillin's bomb drop.
(Yamcha is seen being left speechless as everyone)
MASTER ROSHI/Macao: ...Gonna need a Senzu for that one.
(cut back to Piccolo and the Androids now on another island)
ANDROID 17: Not that this hasn't been fun and all, but I'm going to give you one last chance to tell us where Goku is, or I'm going to have to start taking this seriously.
"Looks pretty serious to me," Gray remarked.
PICCOLO: Be a nice change of pace.
(Android 17 merely sighs and flies over to Piccolo, landing in front of him)
ANDROID 17: Hi.
PICCOLO: Uh, hi-(Android 17 punches him in the jaw, but he stops himself from losing balance by backflipping away from Android 17)
NAIL:(Why are you backflipping?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)To gain some distance!(Android 17 punches him in the jaw again)
"Dude! You can fly!" Romeo shouted.
KAMI:(YOU CAN FLY!)
(Piccolo recovers from the attack and both he and Android 17 charge at each other)
(cut to The Lookout)
GOHAN: Dad, do you think Piccolo can win?
"Yes," Lucy answered.
GOKU: No.(Android 17 elbows Piccolo in the back)But maybe...(Piccolo kicks Android 17 in the face)Then again...(Android 17 punches Piccolo in the face)Although...(Piccolo headbutts Android 17)
GOHAN: Why do you keep stopping short?
"He does that too!? Master Makarov does that so much!" Mira cried out, surprised.
"I don't do it that much," The old man denied.
"Yes, you do," Each of the Fairies countered. Makarov grumbled at his "kids".
GOKU: Oh, I'm sorry, Gohan. Were you saying something?
(cut to Capsule Corp.)
BULMA: I SAID the detonator's almost finished!
DR. BRIEFS:(he's currently holding Baby Trunks, who's bawling)Sorry, hard to hear you over the baby. He sure does cry a lot. Do you think he gets that from his monkey side?
"Really?" Freed raised an eyebrow.
BULMA: Dad! No racism in front of Trunks!
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come on, I'm using monkey unironically here. I-I mean, mostly. Half and half? Kind of like the baby.
YAJIROBE: You know, it's kinda hard to enjoy my meal with your brat screaming.
DR. BRIEFS: Where did you get that food? You've already cleared out our kitchens!
YAJIROBE: Not the fridge in the basem*nt.
"Wait..but the only thing in their basem*nt is…oh…" Levy blanched when she realized what Yajirobe was eating.
DR. BRIEFS: I don't have a fridge in my- Oh, my God.
BULMA: Done. We effectively have a detonator for the androids. Bulma: Kills 'Droids Dead. Now, if you'll excuse me.(takes baby Trunks from her father, and puts his face in left breast, who immediately stops crying)
YAJIROBE: Wait, are you breastfeeding?
BULMA:(Trunks starts making low, but noticeable sucking sounds as he suckles out Bulma's milk from her nipple )Yeah. Why?
"In front of other people? Not sure about that…" Levy looked at her own breasts for a moment. Thinking about when she'll have to breastfeed.
YAJIROBE: Awesome.
(cut back to Piccolo and Android 17 screaming at each other and in a brawler lock)
ANDROID 18: Ugh, my God. This is so dumb. This cannot get any dumber.
"Agreed, this is a fight only idiots would enjoy," Minerva agreed with the sole female cyborg.
"This fight is awesome!" Natsu screamed.
"Go Piccolo! Kick his ass!" Sting screamed alongside Natsu.
"Like I said, idiots," Minerva watched the Dragon Slayers.
ANDROID 16: Agreed. Sure is a lot of not killing Goku going on right now... You know what would fix that?
ANDROID 18/Erza: Is it killing Goku-?
ANDROID 16: A good ol' rousing round of killing Goku.(both Piccolo and Android 17 unleash an energy burst)
"Need to do something about his killing Goku thing," Lisanna chuckled, nervously.
(cut to Kame House with Tien listening to Krillin and Yamcha's argument)
YAMCHA: Yeah? We-well at least I slept with Bulma!
"He's still trying to argue?" Cana rolled her eyes.
KRILLIN: Yeah? Well, unlike Vegeta, you can't prove it!
YAMCHA: Can too! We'll just ask her!
"You really think that she'll even acknowledge it?" Evergreen sighed.
CHI-CHI: Bulma's on the phone!
YAMCHA: On second thought, never mind.
"Avoided his 2nd death right there," Gildarts whistled.
TIEN:(thinking)You know, in hindsight, I'm so glad I'm here right now.
"Seeing Yamcha lose an argument? Always the best feeling," Gajeel agreed.
KRILLIN: Krill-master speaking.
DR. BRIEFS:(in the speaker)I WILL MURDER YOU!
KRILLIN: Whoa, hostile.
BULMA: Never mind that. Listen, I have the detonator for the Androids.
KRILLIN: Wow, that was quick.
BULMA:22 hours isn't quick.
"I'm still questioning how time works for these guys!" Levy shouted.
KRILLIN: 22 HOURS?! When? I-I mean, how?How long did we sleep?!
"Krillin did sleep earlier. Don't really know for how long," Sting said.
BULMA: Look, I'm on my way over, try not to die in the meantime.(hangs up)
KRILLIN: All right, so where were we?
(cut back to Piccolo and Android 17, now punching each other in the gut)
"And it got dumber," Minerva shook her head.
"MANLY/AWESOME!" The immature members were cheering on the fight.
ANDROID 18: I was wrong. This got so much dumber.
(both Piccolo and Android 17 punch each other in the gut two more times before they both kick each other in the face, both of them spinning away and landing on the ground)
"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"
ANDROID 17: Damn it, green man, you are hard to put down.
PICCOLO: Yeah, not gonna lie, actually beginning to enjoy myself here.
NAIL:(Uh, man, we have a problem.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Yeah, I know, I'm bluffing. I'm kind of at my limit.
"That's an issue," Erza agreed.
KAMI:(No, another problem.)
"What could be worse than that at the moment? Right Wendy….Wendy?" Romeo noticed that the Sky Slayer was frozen in her seat. Sweat was pouring down her face and her eyes showing fear. The teen boy looked around the guild to see the rest of the Dragon Slayers were also in the same state as Wendy. Their friends trying to make sure that the Dragon Slayers were functioning fine.
PICCOLO:(thinking)What, the other Androids?
NAIL:(No, another, 'nother problem!)
"Gajeel...Gajeel...GAJEEL!" Levy screamed. Her boyfriend was gripping his heart, trying to keep it steady. Her brain was moving quickly to figure out what could've made him and the other slayers like this, but remembering the words of Nail and Kami made her realize.
"Oh...sh*t…"
PICCOLO:(thinking)What, I- (looks to the right and gasps) Oh.
ANDROID 17:(also looking at the direction Piccolo's looking)What the f**k is that?!
(it reveals that Cell himself has arrived at the battlefield)
CELL: Hello, boys. Room for one more?
The mages at that moment remembered why the Dragon Slayers were under such a state of effect. Cell has finally made its move.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STRINGER]
(cut to an outside shot of Capsule Corp. with Yajirobe being heard running inside)
DR. BRIEFS: You run pretty good for a fat man!(a gunshot is heard, shattering a pane of glass)
YAJIROBE: Why are you so mad? They weren't even that good!
DR. BRIEFS: Most of those weren't even meant to be eatenthatway!
"F-Funny...right?" Romeo hoped the scene lightened the mood, but it didn't. Everyone had grim looks on their faces at seeing Cell reappear in the middle of the fight. He guessed now wasn't exactly the time for jokes, especially since Mira had immediately started up the next episode.
"N-Natsu?"
Everyone turned to see the Fire Slayer on his feet, heat radiating off his body as he glared at the lacrama in front of him. "How…"
"N-Natsu, what's wrong?" Happy asked.
"How many people…" He clenched his fists. All of the other Slayers understood what he meant, as they also felt the extreme power coming off of Cell.
"How many people did that bastard kill!?" Natsu roared.
Chapter End
Chapter 62: Family Reunion
Chapter Text
Chapter 67: Family Reunion
(cut to the island where Piccolo and Androids 16, 17, and 18 are staring at Imperfect Cell, who was previously spectating the battle between Piccolo and 17 from a cliff)
ANDROID 17: So what is this? Spearmint, your inbred mutant cousin or something?
"If only," Mira said, worried.
PICCOLO: Wait... I thought he was onyourside.
ANDROID 17:What?Why wouldIknow him?
"That brings up a good point. If Gero designed Cell to absorb the twins, then they wouldn't know about him," Jellal said.
"How come?" Erza asked him.
"If he had so much trouble trying to get the two under his control, why would he tell them of a bug creature that was essentially designed to kill them," Jellal explains to her.
IMPERFECT CELL: Hello...brother...
ANDROID 17: Come again?
"Don't, because it actually might," Cana mentions, much to everyone's disgust.
IMPERFECT CELL: In a moment…
Everyone felt uncomfortable.
IMPERFECT CELL:(to Android 18)And hello, mybeautifulsister.(starts wagging his tongue in an indecent manner)
ANDROID 18/Lucy:(disturbed)Oh,f**kno!
IMPERFECT CELL:(to Android 16)And... um...
ANDROID 16: I am designated as Android 16.
CELL: ...Cool. Anywho…
Wendy would've felt miffed at 16 being ignored if she wasn't busy trying to calm down her own heart.
CELL:(jumps down from the cliff to ground level)You have my sincerest gratitude, Piccolo. Without power levels, I would have been left searching for them blindly. But thanks to your little skirmish, I have been reunited with my family. And we haveso muchcatching up to do!(begins to power up)Haaaah...!
ANDROID 17: Okay, so am I alone, or did thatnot explain ANYTHING?!
"It explains how the thing found you, but not where it comes from. Whichweknow, but you don't really know," Levy confused herself for a moment.
PICCOLO: He calls himself Cell. He's one of Dr. Gero's creations; he's from the future.
ANDROID 17: Oh, sure, he's from the future. Yeah, and I'm a park ranger.
"He's telling the truth! You really need to run!" Lisanna yelled.
ANDROID 16: That sounds nice.
ANDROID 18: Can we FOCUS?!
"The only one with any form of sense!" Minerva face palmed.
(Imperfect Cell lets out an enormous blast)
(cut to Kame House)
TIEN: Guys, is that who I think it is?
KRILLIN: Yeah, oh yeah... Yeah…
"Getting some Frieza flashbacks," Bickslow mentioned.
MASTER ROSHI: Damn it! And we still don't have that detonator!
KRILLIN:(indecisive sounding)Yeah, no! Yeah! Yeah, no!
"Your horniness is the last thing that matters Krillin!" Sting shouted. Cell scared the crap out of him and no matter how much he found the present androids enjoyable to watch, it was better to stop Cell from reaching its perfect form.
TIEN: We're out of time! We need to do somethingnow!
KRILLIN: Yeah!
CHI-CHI: Here's a thought... How about one of you who can fly faster than the speed of sound go meet Bulma halfway?
(pause...)
KRILLIN: ...Chi-Chi, you beautiful woman who lives in Goku's house!
"Oh, so that did make a return," Levy realized.
"And Chi-Chi is pretty cool, right Erza!?" Millianna asked.
"Right! Chi-Chi is really cool," She agreed with her childhood friend.
CHI-CHI: That is what I do.
MASTER ROSHI: Well, then, which one of you-?
KRILLIN: DIBS! Woo-hoo!(takes off)
"Any chance to see 18, huh?" Juvia smirked.
MASTER ROSHI: Well, that works. Guess this is all we can do until Goku and Vegeta get ba-
TIEN: ENOUGH! I AM NOT A SPECTATOR! I AM AWARRIOR!(flies off to the battlefield)
"At least someone has balls," Laxus brings up after getting his composure back.
MASTER ROSHI: I can never read that guy…
"I feel the same way about Lily," Happy said, shocking the transforming male Exceed. "Aren't I right, Natsu?" Happy looked at his best friend.
However to his disappointment, Natsu was still glaring at the screen as if glaring at it enough would take him directly to Cell.
CHI-CHI: Aren't you going to help, too?
MASTER ROSHI: No.
CHI-CHI: Is it because you're old?
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah…
"Good enough excuse at this point," Makarov agreed. He was getting too old to keep up with these kids nowadays.
CHI-CHI: Where's Yamcha?
(a toilet is heard flushing inside Kame House as Turtle looks at the front door)
YAMCHA:(from inside the house) Hey, Master Roshi, you're out of toilet paper! (the toilet is heard backing up) Oh, no... Oh, geez... Oh, God...!
"Yamcha's fighting his own opponent while Piccolo and the androids are in mortal peril. Yeah, this seems about right," Freed spoke with a hint of disappointment.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Cut to the battlefield where Imperfect Cell leveled the area he's standing on with his power alone, leaving Piccolo shocked and speechless)
The Dragon Slayers staggered at the immense power that Cell was emitting. However, they kept their gazes on the screen, trying to fight through the fear their instincts were screaming. They fought the king of all dragons and won...they can handle a creepy bug monster all the same.
KAMI:(All right... He's grown just a bit stronger since last time. No big deal. We've got this.)
"The last time someone thought this Krillin got stabbed and blown up," Levy rebuttals.
(Imperfect Cell starts walking forward)
NAIL: (He's going to kill us! He's going to kill Piccolo-and by extension us!)
"Finally! Someone being realistic!" Carla screamed.
KAMI:(I'm trying to boost his morale, you idiot.)
(Imperfect Cell walks past Piccolo and stops just after passing him)
IMPERFECT CELL: Is it hard to bear, Piccolo? My overwhelming power? Its weight? Its...girth?
"...Kinda…" Wendy mumbles, hoping nobody heard her. However, Romeo did hear her and gave her a very bothered and puzzled look.
PICCOLO: How... HOW MANYPEOPLE?!
IMPERFECT CELL:...Enough.
Flames came to life around Natsu.
Bright light of energy illuminated around Sting.
Shadows loomed around Rogue.
Lightning surged around Laxus.
Wind encompassed Wendy's space and if anyone paid close enough attention, they would notice her hair quickly turn into a hinge of pink before turning back to blue.
Gajeel's skin turned into iron on instinct.
"Uhhh...guys…?" Yukino's voice broke the slayers out of their trances. Each one looked embarrassed for being taken in like that. They looked at each other and came to an agreement to not let Cell get to them too much. No matter how much it set them off.
(Imperfect Cell starts walking forward and stops a few feet in front of Android 17)
ANDROID 17: Look, I don't know what you're on about with this family nonsense, but if you're here because of Gero, I 86'd him myself. So why don't we cancel these family matters, shelve the photo album and-(Imperfect Cell lunges at Android 17 with his tail, but the cyborg narrowly dodges)WHA-?!(The Bio-Android grabs Android 17's arm and slams him to the ground, pinning his other arm with his foot and aiming his stinger at 17's chest)(surprised)...Come again?
"I warned you," Cana spoke.
IMPERFECT CELL: If youinsist!(begins laughing until Piccolo kicks him in the face, causing him to let go of Android 17. Imperfect Cell recovers, still chuckling, and wipes some spit and blood from his lip)
ANDROID 17: Okay, future bug-man, let's say I, uh, believe that now... Where do we go from here?
IMPERFECT CELL:Insideme.
"STOP!" Lucy shouted.
ANDROID 17:(thinking Imperfect Cell is just being crazy)Stop it.
PICCOLO: He's also a walking, talking petri dish of the galaxy's strongest fighters!
IMPERFECT CELL: No need for flattery, Piccolo... You're already inside me.
"NO!" Mira was equally disgusted.
PICCOLO:(equally disturbed)Stop it!
ANDROID 17: Scared to ask, but anything else?
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, tell him about the part where I took an entire Battle Ball team at thesame time!
ANDROID 18:Wait,is he kidding?
"No." Erza replies, reluctantly.
PICCOLO: No.
ANDROID 18: Ugh.
ANDROID 17: That's fun, but it really doesn't answer the big question: Why is he here?
IMPERFECT CELL: You know, it's rude to talk about someone when they're right in front of you.
ANDROID 17: Okay, why are you here?
IMPERFECT CELL: Because,bitch...I drink people.
A cold chill ran through the audience once more.
(pause)
ANDROID 17: ...Yeah, f**k that!
"My exact thoughts," Gajeel said.
(Android 17 charges at Imperfect Cell but gets elbowed to the ground. Piccolo attempts to kick the evil cicada-like adversay, but the synthetic serpent catches his foot and punches him in the face, causing the Super Namekian to tumble across the ground while yelling incoherently)
"Piccolo was so much stronger than him before! Absorbing that many people actually got Cell that much more powerful!?" Jellal couldn't believe what he was seeing.
ANDROID 16: ...You should leave.
ANDROID 18: What? Why?
"Because if you don't then you, along with the rest of the planet, are dead," Evergreen explained.
ANDROID 16: Neither of them can stand up to this Cell. If he defeats them, you may not be safe.
ANDROID 18: I can't justrun.I'mwaytoo curious to see how this plays out.
"And I thought you were the smart one," Minerva sighs, disappointed.
ANDROID 16: I believe that is a poor decision.
"Turns out 16 is the smart one!" Much to Wendy's joy.
ANDROID 18: Maybe. But it's mine to make.
"True. It may be a dumb decision, but it's her's to make," Kagura said.
(shows Piccolo landing on his face)
KAMI:(I believe this is what the young people call "getting wrecked".)
NAIL:(Yeah, man. If you have any techniques left up your sleeve, now's the time.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Yeah, I think I got one...
NAIL:(Really? Since when?)
PICCOLO:(thinking)About now-ish...(puts his hands together and starts charging up a blast as Imperfect Cell starts walking up to him)
"Come on, Piccolo! Kick Cell's ass!" Natsu cheered on.
ANDROID 17:(realizes what Piccolo is about to do)Nope!(gets on his feet and starts running away)
PICCOLO: LIGHT GRENADE!
"THAT'S SUCH A COOL/MANLY NAME!"
(Piccolo launches the blast at Imperfect Cell, which causes a massive explosion)
ANDROID 16: He never stood a chance.
ANDROID 18:See? And you were so afraid of the big bad bug.
ANDROID 16: That is not who I meant.
"No…"
(shows Imperfect Cell laughing and emerging from the ocean, unharmed by Piccolo's attack and glowing with a gold Super Saiyan-like aura)
"OH sh*t!"
PICCOLO:(thinking)OH...
ANDROID 17:(thinking)...sh*t.
(Imperfect Cell hovers forward and lands on the ground and starts walking up to Piccolo again)
"Is there a plan C!? Because plan B ended in pure failure!" Happy shouted.
"Maybe, something will happen! I mean, Piccolo can't die here...right?" Mira asked.
NAIL:(Okay, last-ditch effort didn't work.)
KAMI:(Any last-LAST-ditch efforts?)
(Imperfect Cell is now standing face-to-face with Piccolo)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Just one...(yelling)NAIL GU-!
(Imperfect Cell punches Piccolo HARD in the face, breaking his neck and sending him flying to the ground. The imperfect being then picks the incapacitated Namekian up by the shirt)
All of the mages cringed from the sound of Piccolo's neck breaking. Fear for Piccolo's life is starting to rear its ugly head. Especially since they had no Dragonballs.
IMPERFECT CELL: Any last words, my big green friend?(Piccolo gurgles as his head falls limply to one side)Well said. Good game.(blasts a hole through Piccolo's chest)
"PICCOLO!"
Mira's breath hitched from seeing Piccolo get "killed".
(on The Lookout, Gohan and Goku feel the blast)
GOHAN: OH!
GOKU: WHOA! That ain't good!
(On the battlefield, Imperfect Cell tosses Piccolo into the ocean)
KAMI:(Well... That's it, then, isn't it?)
NAIL:(Gentlemen, it's been a privilege fighting with you.) ("Nearer My God To Thee" plays as what's left of Piccolo sinks into the ocean)
"I'm gonna miss those three," Lisanna comforted a distraught Mira.
(cut to The Lookout)
GOKU: You know, funny thing is... Either way, we still wouldn't have Dragon Balls-
GOHAN:(begins to run off The Lookout)MR. PICCOLO!
GOKU: Gohan,NO!(grabs Gohan from behind, who strains to get loose)
GOHAN:(enraged)I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL F**KINGKILLHIM!
"DO IT! KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!" Mira raged with Gohan. As she was held back by her siblings once more.
GOKU: Youcan't!Cell is too strong for you!
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo would let me go!
"NO HE..he...wouldn't…" Mira sighed as she relaxed and sat back down in her seat.
GOKU: No, he wouldn't! And he'ssmarterthan me!
GOHAN: I...(freezes, seeing Goku's point)Wow. O-okay, that's...actually a good point.
GOKU: And besides, the moment you leave, that door is going to open.
"True," Gildarts agreed.
MR. POPO: He's right, you know.
GOKU: Every time.
"Weird how he's right...dammit…" Lucy cursed.
(Back on the battlefield)
IMPERFECT CELL: Ah, Piccolo... He died as he lived.
ANDROID 18: Drowning?
IMPERFECT CELL: Alone.
"Jokes on you! He had Kami and Nail with him," Romeo countered.
ANDROID 16: That is sad...
IMPERFECT CELL: Yes. Such isolation. I know his pain. So, my siblings... Why don't you come with me, and you'll be in a world of truly pure perfection…
"STOP IT!" Millianna cried out.
ANDROID 18:(totally creeped out by Cell and his tone)STOP IT!
ANDROID 16: 17! We need to go!
ANDROID 17: No. I'm gonna play this one out.
"WHY ARE YOU ALL SO BRAIN DEAD!?" Minerva shouted.
ANDROID 16: I believe that is a poor decision!
ANDROID 17: Probably. But it's mine to make.(charges at Imperfect Cell, but get punched in the stomach and elbowed to the ground)
"Yeah, you dumbass," Laxus grumbled.
IMPERFECT CELL: You know, he wasn't wrong.(picks up Android 17 and enlarges his tail)
ANDROID 17:(looks up as the monster's enlarged tail starts lowering down on him)This is...the grossest thing!
"Is that what it looks like!? EWWWWWW!" Millianna was grossed out.
IMPERFECT CELL: Aw, come now, don't be so scared. Once you're a part of me, you'll be reunited with our sister in... I don't know, give me 5 minutes-10 tops. And once I have achieved my perfection...(Android 17 grabs the tail and strains to keep it off of him)...I'll take my time killing every person on this planet.Even the mighty Goku.(starts cackling until a hand touches his shoulder: 16's hand)
ANDROID 16: Would you care to repeat that, you son of abitch?!(punches Imperfect Cell in the face, causing him to drop Android 17)
"16!" Wendy cheered, happily. Seeing 16 punch Cell like it was nothing made her love him more.
IMPERFECT CELL:(wipes some spit from his lip)Got another one in ya?
"Stop it," Erza gritted her teeth.
ANDROID 16: Stop. It.
ANDROID 17: Damn, 16... where the hell did that come from? And what took you so long?
ANDROID 16: I was waiting to see how things played out.
"Was...was that sarcasm he just used?" Carla asked, shocked.
"I'm so proud of him," Lisanna wiped away a tear.
ANDROID 17: Wait, was that sarcasm?
ANDROID 16: I am not programmed for sarcasm.
ANDROID 17: I'm proud of you.
ANDROID 16: Now if you'll excuse me, I will eliminate Cell.
ANDROID 17: I thought you were only programmed to kill Goku.
ANDROID 16: This Cell is comprised of 10.78 percent of Son Goku's DNA. These parameters...are acceptable.(charges at Imperfect Cell)
The mages cheered on for 16 to kill Cell.
IMPERFECT CELL: Oh, okay, I guess we're doing THIS now!(He and Android 16 bash heads with each other before he punches 16 in the face and sticks his tail into his neck. He chuckles)Oh, an admirable attempt by the red-headed stepchild! But don't feel too disappointed. For now, you shall be a part of me...!(tries to absorb him, but it doesn't work)(?) ...Of me...!(tries to suck him again, but still gets nothing)Ah...!OF MEEEEEEE...!(tries to drink him AGAIN, but still nothing happens)GOD, GUY!WHAT ARE YOUMADEOF, PURE METAL?!
ANDROID 16:(grins and removes Cell's tail from his neck)Affirmative. I am Android 16.
IMPERFECT CELL:Oh...Errors have been made.
"Eat sh*t you stupid bug man!" Bickslow and his babies laughed.
IMPERFECT CELL:(Android 16 leaps in the air while holding Imperfect Cell's tail and throws him to the ground. He then stomps on his tail and starts tugging on it.)N-n-now, I know what you're thinking, "Should I rip off his tail?" And the answer might surprise-(Android 16 completely rips off his tail) (screams like a girl) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HA-HAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAH...!
The Dragon Slayers laughed at Cell's reaction. Seeing the bug man get what it deserved was a pleasure.
ANDROID 17:(astounded, though disturbed)...I was not ready for today.
ANDROID 18:(also both astounded and disturbed)I don't thinkanyof us were.
"Can't really prepare yourself for Cell," Levy said.
IMPERFECT CELL:(starts getting back up on his feet, breathing heavily)Do you know... how long it's gonna take to regrow my tail?
ANDROID 16: ...Pardon m-?
IMPERFECT CELL:Boop.(grows a new tail)Thanks to Uncle Piccolo's cells, an ultimately fruitless effort. But if it's any consolation,that hurt like hell.
ANDROID 16: My mistake was starting at the wrong end. My next attempt will be on your head.
"Ok, 16 is now my favorite," Minerva smiled in malicious intent.
"He was my favorite first!" Wendy barked back, surprisingly. Minerva quickly raised up her hands to get the younger Dragon Slayer to back off.
IMPERFECT CELL:(chuckles)And your second mistake is assuming I'll give you another chance.
(Imperfect Cell powers up and charges at Android 16, punching him in the face and sliding across the ground. The Bio-Android then starts charging at Android 16 while he's still down.)
ANDROID 16:(quickly gets up and aims his fist at Imperfect Cell)Rocket Punch!(his fist flies off directly at the bestial foe)
IMPERFECT CELL: WHAT?!(16's fist hits him in the face) Blehhhhhhhh...!
ANDROID 18:(thinking)Wow... really?
ANDROID 17/Wendy/The Males:(thinking)THAT IS SO COOL!
"Wendy!?" Carla looked surprised.
"What? It was," Was Wendy's simple response.
(Android 16 reattaches his hand and punches Imperfect Cell to the ground, then he picks the synthetic serpent up and throws him into the ground, creating a crater)
IMPERFECT CELL:(from inside the crater, sounding extremely agitated) Ahhhh...! WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?! WHERE IN THE F**K AM I?! (Android 16 detaches both of his hands and begins to charge a Hell's Flash) Wait, what's that noise? Hold on... Now I see a light...
ANDROID 16: Walk towards it!(fires his Hell's Flash cannons into the crater)
IMPERFECT CELL: WHAT THEHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...?!
(shows an outside shot of the island, now filled with craters with smoke coming out)
"16 IS THE MANLIEST OUT OF THEM ALL!" Elfman screamed.
ANDROID 18: Oh, my God... He actuallydidit.
ANDROID 16: Why are you still here?
ANDROID 17: Oh, come on, we can't just leave you here! We're the Three Amigos!
"Three Amigos!" Frosch copied.
ANDROID 16: You do not understand. I do not know if I am entirely capable of eliminating this Cell. And should he absorb the two of you, he will wreak havoc upon this world.
"Cell is even stronger than 16!? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS GERO'S BRAIN!?" Levy screamed.
ANDROID 17: Well, yeah, but,wewere gonna do that, too.
"They did. In another timeline," Jellal grumbled.
ANDROID 16: Yes, but Ilikeyou.
ANDROID 18/The Women:(blushing)Aww...
ANDROID 16: Over the last few days, I have come to feel a great adoration for this planet. From its trees...to its birds...to its people...to its birds.I do not wish to cause any more destruction.
ANDROID 18: Actually, 16...(smiles, a sign of turning over a new leaf)I think you've got the right idea.
ANDROID 17:(equally moved by Android 16's words)Yeah, you know what? Screw that noise, man! Forget destroying everything, forget killing people, and you know what?(spits)Forget killing Son Goku!
ANDROID 16:(not wanting to abandon the notion of fulfilling his primary programming)Let's not get crazy!
(Imperfect Cell suddenly rises out of a hole behind Android 17)
IMPERFECT CELL: TOO LATE!
"WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT YOU DICK!"
ANDROID 17: Huh...?
(Android 17 turns around as Imperfect Cell descends his tail down on him and catches him)
ANDROID 17:(muffled as he is getting absorbed)Oh, God, this is totally disgusting! This isn't how this is supposed to work!(begins to be pushed into Imperfect Cell's tail)I'm not supposed to die like this! I'm too cool! Someone pull off the tail! I'm too cool for this!I'M TOO COOL-!(gets swallowed up completely)
The guild watched in shock as the absolute worst possible scenario finally happened.
(Imperfect Cell starts glowing and begins to transform. In a flash of light he morphs dramatically and transforms into Semi-Perfect Cell. The now semi-perfect being smiles in satisfaction in the wake of his brand new transformation. As Android 18 stands completely still, horrified at 17's seeming "death", Semi-Perfect Cell, his body crackling with electricity, sets his sights on her...)
The Dragon Slayers cursed under their breaths as Cell's power began to pulsate through their senses. But, this time was different. There wasn't any fear, but something else pulsating within them. Something that usually Natsu would feel whenever he'd enter a battle. A sense of excitement and fear fused together.
Natsu opened his mouth and released smoke out of his mouth. "I'm getting fired up and I don't even know why…" He trembled.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(shows Imperfect Cell "evolving" into Semi-Perfect Cell in a Pokémon-style evolution sequence)
"Huh? They did the same thing with Frieza's first transformation," Levy remembered.
Chapter End
Chapter 63: Advanced Geometry
Chapter Text
Chapter 68: Advanced Geometry
(cut to Krillin flying in the sky looking for Bulma's plane)
KRILLIN: Huh?(sees a twinkle in the distance)Oh, hey! It's Bulma! HEY, BULMA!
(from inside the plane, Baby Trunks starts babbling incoherently, catching Bulma's attention)
BULMA:Huh?What is it, Trunks?(Baby Trunks is seen pointing forward, trying to say something)
"Aw! He's trying to speak!" The women cooed at the baby.
KRILLIN: Bulma!
BABY TRUNKS: Krilli! Krillin!
"He's speaking words!" Yukino said.
"Why does it have to be Krillin's name though?" Sting questions
"Because he sees Krillin," Lector said.
BULMA:(not noticing Krillin approaching the plane)Whatcha pointing at, little guy?
KRILLIN: ...Bulma?
"Move, Krillin!" Lucy shouted.
BULMA:(finally notices)Huh?
KRILLIN: BULMA, STOP THE-(WHAM! Krillin hits the windshield of Bulma's plane and groans)
Everyone winced at Krillin getting hit by Bulma's plane.
BULMA: OH, MY GOD!
KRILLIN:(muffled)Found ya...
"At least there's no blood…" Yukino winced.
"Sadly there's no blood," Minerva said.
(Krillin Owned Count: 32)
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Cell, having just achieved Semi-Perfect Form, his body crackling with electricity)
"It went from creepy to down right ugly," Laxus spat. The rest of the audience agreed with Laxus' statement.
ANDROID 16: Come with me if you want to live.(starts running towards Android 18)
ANDROID 18: Did you just-?(Android 16 grabs Android 18's arm and tries to make a run for it, but Semi-Perfect Cell flies ahead of them and blocks their path. Android 16 lightly pushes Android 18 behind him.)
"Crap! They can't get away now!" Happy said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(walks up to the ocean and looks at his reflection in the water)(speaking in a deep, baritone voice)Hmm... Sothisis what lips feel like…
"What is that voice!?" Juvia did a mental backup.
"Not sure if I prefer this one or the old one," Gray said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(begins playing with his new lips by making blubbering sounds, then chuckles)Oh, that'sfun!
"Pretty damn childish," Gajeel said.
"And just weird as all hell," Bickslow added.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(starts making motor-boating sounds with his mouth until Android 16 punches him flatly in the face, which does nothing. Cell responds by making a muffled motor-boating sound and then blasts Android 16 with a close-range Big Bang Attack, sending him flying.)
"NO, 16!" Wendy cried out in concern.
ANDROID 16:(as he gets sent flying by Cell's attack)AGGGGGGGH!
ANDROID 18: 16! Are you okay?!
ANDROID 16:(gets up as it reveals a part of his head being completely destroyed)My cranial structure has received serious damage.(head sparks)How are you?
"He needs a healer! If I was there maybe I could heal him!?" Wendy shouted, frantic.
"Can you even heal machines?" Romeo asked.
"I'LL TRY!" A dark aura emitted from around her, scaring the poor boy.
Mira watched the scene with a proud smile, happy that Wendy has taken her teachings well.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I'd concern yourself less with him and start focusing on what's important...(gestures to himself)Me…
"I'd rather never focus on you," Evergreen spoke with disgust.
ANDROID 18: You! Give me back my brother, you fish-lipped asshole!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Now, now, being hurtful isn't going to bring him back.
ANDROID 18: You're amonster!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Andhewasdelicious!
"You could actually taste him!? Actually...I don't want to think about that," Macao gagged at the thought.
ANDROID 18: And you honestly think I'd let you do the same to me?
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: To be honest, your compliance isn't a factor.
"She doesn't have much of a chance if neither 17, Piccolo, or 16 could kill Cell," Jellal said. The criminal mage had to admit that if anything like Cell ever appeared on Earthland, he nor the Crime Sorciere would be able to stop it.
ANDROID 18: Well, then...(holds her hand over her chest)I'll just have to dothis!
(pause...)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(sounding confused)...Give yourself a boob exam?
"No, I'm pretty sure she means that she's going to blow herself up," Freed corrected.
"But, what about Krillin!? And their love!?" Juvia asked, concerned.
"It was never gonna be a thing," He said looking at the water woman.
"You believe in their love, right Gray!?" Juvia looked towards her love.
"Uh, s-sure?" The ice mage sounded very unsure.
ANDROID 18: No. Explode mybomb.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(looking even more confused)In yourboob?
ANDROID 18: No, in my chest-
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(puts on a rather amused expression)Booby bomb!
"Did it regress in mental age when it transformed? Or is that the Krillin talking?" Levy questioned.
"Do you really think Krillin would say something like that?" Lucy asked. All Levy did was give her a look and Lucy sighed in defeat.
ANDROID 18:I'm serious!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(chuckling)Okay, okay.(regains composure)But before we do something we're all going to regret... let's see what ourbrotherthinks.
"Wait what?" Meredy raises an eyebrow.
ANDROID 18: W-What?
(an image of Android 17 appears above Semi-Perfect Cell)
ANDROID 17: Yo, shiggy-diggy, what's up, my sizzle?
"Lord no…" Kagura trembled.
ANDROID 18:(stares in disbelief)Oh, my God...
ANDROID 17: Yo, don't blow your tit*, sis, that's whack! You gotta chill yourself before you kill yourself!
"As much as I find this absolutely hilarious, it doesn't know them very well," Gildarts says.
"To be fair, it just met them," Makarov responded.
ANDROID 18: This can't actually be real.
ANDROID 17: Oh, it's real. And it'shappenin'!So what you need to do is calm down, and get all up in Cell! It's downrighttubularin here! We got candy and puppies and-
ANDROID 18: You know absolutely nothing about us, do you?
"And who says tubular?" Natsu questioned.
(the image of Android 17 disappears)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, to be fair, Ijustmet you.
"It's treating this entire thing like a game!" Erza growled.
ANDROID 18: This isn't a game!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, but itis!All you have to do is kill yourself before I catch you! It's like tag...for keeps.
"Not the type of tag that I'd ever like to play," Lector shivered.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And now with both Piccolo and 16 out of the way...we can play.(begins to advance towards Android 18, who tightly clutches her boo- I mean breas- chest! Yeah, that was it.)
?:NOT YET!
"TIEN!?"
"That's right, he was flying over to the fight. But, what does he even plan to do?" Levy asked.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Huh?(looks up and sees Tien Shinhan floating above) (chuckling)Oh, my God! It'sTien!What, wasKrillinbusy?
"Actually yes, he is," Sting answered.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(Tien angrily clasps both his hands together. The semi-perfect being looks up at him)Come on, buddy, youcan'tbe serious. Withyourpower level? You're no Android, you're no Namekian, and you'recertainlyno Super Saiyan! You're justhuman.
"And what's so wrong about that?" Jellal glared. Humans may be greedy and selfish, but they're also compasonite and headstrong. It was the power of humans that brought down Acnologia's Dragon form and it was also a guild of humans that brought down Tartaros, a guild full of demons. "Never underestimate humans."
TIEN: Yeah?(puts his hands together by the tips of his fingers, forming a triangle in the center)Well, you know what? F**k power levels!(the "triangle" zooms on Semi-Perfect Cell)F**k Super Saiyans!ANDF**K YOU!(the "triangle" is now locked on to his adversary)SHIN-KIKOHOU!(fires a Neo Tri-Beam at the synthetic serpent)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, that's adora-(gets hit by the blast)SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
The guild erupted into cheers and shouts of applause of Tien blasting Cell into the ground. Jellal smiled proudly at Tien's fighting spirit.
(The force of the blast throws Android 18 to the ground. From above, it reveals a crater in a shape of a square being formed on the ground)
TIEN:(looks over to Android 18)YOU!
ANDROID 18: Huh?
TIEN: BLOW YOURSELF UP OR LEAVE; I DON'T CARE WHICH!
"He's pissed," Romeo whistled.
ANDROID 18:(nods while stammering quickly)Yeah, okay.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(starts flying out of the hole)UPSTART! TRICLOPS!BITCH!
TIEN: KIKOHOU!(blasts Cell back down into the hole with another Neo Tri-Beam)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: GODDAMN-!(blubbers incoherently)
They laughed at seeing Cell get blasted back once more.
ANDROID 18: Come on, 16, we have to go!
ANDROID 16: Where is 17?
ANDROID 18: He's gone, buddy.
ANDROID 16: That is sad... I am sad…
"I'm sorry," Wendy apologized. To her this really cemented the fact that these androids are different from the future ones. 17 didn't deserve to be killed by Cell.
ANDROID 18: We both are.(a flash of light is shown as Tien repeatedly blasts the Bio-Android down into the crater)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(tries flying out of the hole)Stop it! (gets blasted) STOP IT! (gets blasted again) ANGRYYYYYYY!
TIEN:KI! KO!HOOOOOOOOU!
"He's still going…" Levy gasped at the sight. It felt as if they could feel the raw energy that Tien was emanating into his blasts as if all of his hatred and frustration towards the world was being thrusted into his attacks.
(cut over to Kame House with Chiaotzu walking outside)
CHIAOTZU:Tien...
MASTER ROSHI: Jeez, I think I can hear that...
TIEN:(from far-off)KIKOHOU!(explosion)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(from far-off)FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
"How much power is he putting into those blasts!?" Meredy gaped.
"Clearly enough to keep Cell back," Jellal answered.
(cut to The Lookout)
GOKU: Oh, boy...
GOHAN: Is that...Tenshinhan?!
GOKU: Yeah. And he isnettled.Super-nettled.
"That's one way to say that Tien's beyond pissed off," Freed answered to everyone's confusion.
GOHAN: Uh...
MR. POPO: He's gonna die.
"Why!?" Yukino shouted.
"Tien's attack consumes his life energy. By spamming it this much against Cell is literally killing him," Levy explained.
"Why!? Distracting Cell shouldn't require him to kill himself!" Yukino protested.
"Because he no longer cares," Laxus answered. The celestial mage turned to look at him. "You heard what Tien said prior to blasting Cell into the ground. He no longer cares if he dies distracting Cell, just as long as he can make some difference."
GOKU: Probably...
(back on the battlefield, Tien continues to barrage Semi-Perfect Cell with Neo Tri-Beams)
TIEN:(fires a blast with each syllable as the Semi- Perfect being groans with each syllable)KIKOHOU!(slows down)KIKOHOU!(now shouting very slowly, a sign of exhaustion)KI! KO! HOU!
Levy thinks back to what she said prior about the humans basically being useless. Tien and Krillin have proved to be useful whenever help was needed and if their speculation of the Z-Fighters being real was true. Then, she'd apologize if she were able to.
(Tien stops firing Neo Tri-Beams and there is a moment of silence)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(from inside the crater)(panting)Are yadone?!Because I'm coming out... and I swear toGod,if you do thatagain...I will be SO FREAKINGNETTLED!(starts flying out of the crater)
TIEN:(calmly)Kikohou.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:AWW, DAMN IT! (The ultimate Android is slammed into another crater by another Neo Tri-Beam)
"YEAH! GO TIEN!"
"MANLY FIGHT TIEN!"
"KICK CELL'S ASS!"
(cut to Kame House)
YAMCHA: He's really going all-out...
CHIAOTZU: His body won't last long... The Kikohou just takes too much energy!
YAMCHA: Yeah, didn't he do that when you, uh...? When you...?
CHIAOTZU:(feigning amazement)Died, yes...(now sounding annoyed)Jesus, we've literallyalldone it!
"Everyone therehasdied before," Levy remembered.
CHI-CHI:Ihaven't.
"Oh right, Chi-Chi," Levy said.
CHIAOTZU: Give it some time, you're hanging with the right crowd.
"I would hope that she doesn't die," Erza said.
YAMCHA: What should we even do now? I feel sohelpless...!
"That's exactly how Tien felt just a few moments ago, but unlike you he decided to get off his ass and risk his life to do something," Gajeel nodded his head disapprovingly.
MASTER ROSHI: Listen! Sometimes you gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em. And right now, it's foldin' time...
(cut to inside Kame House)
MASTER ROSHI:(from outside)Pig! Grab M'Dick!
"Goddammit," Lucy sighed.
OOLONG:(appears from behind the couch)Please tell me you mean the submarine!
MASTER ROSHI:Heh!
(cut back to the battlefield as it shows a large explosion)
TIEN:(thinking)Huh... Not dead yet. That's weir- Ahh, there we go...(drops down from the sky and collapses on the ground as an enraged Semi-Perfect Cell starts emerging from the crater)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: You know, if you want my personal opinion,Kikohouis a pretty sad choice of last words. But to be fair,(prepares to kill Tien with a Big Bang Attack)it'sfarfrom theworstdecision you've made today.
"Dammit! There's nothing Tien can do!" Natsu grunted.
"I know he was prepared to die, but that doesn't mean Iwanthim to die!" Lisanna shouted.
"I would rather not have him die. He's my favorite," Minerva grunted.
TIEN:(weakly)Kiko-f**k yourself...!
"Those are a better choice of last words," Gildarts said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Aw, see? That's the spirit.
(cut to The Lookout)
MR. POPO: HE DEAD!
GOHAN:No!Wecan'tjust let him die like this!(to Goku)You gotta save him!
GOKU: But I can't get him in time! There's no way I could move fast enough to grab him, get out, and-(pauses for a moment... and then disappears using Instant Transmission with a popping sound)
Erza felt like slapping herself in the face 100 times for what she just witnessed. Maybe she'll just slap Natsu 100 times as a punishment next time he does something stupid.
GOHAN: ...Did he just remember he can do that?
MR. POPO: Your father's an idiot.
"Understatement of the century," Lucy said.
(back on the battlefield, another popping sound is heard and Semi-Perfect Cell's eyes grow wide in surprise)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Huh?Goku?
GOKU: Hey, sorry, I just-I'm just here for my buddy! I'll be gone in a second! Let you get back to your business.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Hold on,what?
"That's right! Cell doesn't know about Goku teleporting!" Levy realized.
GOKU: Oh hey, Piccolo's alive, too!(shows Piccolo washed up on the side of the island and gurgling)
Mira felt her body go limp in her seat as she saw Piccolo gurgling in the water. A sense of relief passed through her body, happy to see that Piccolo survived.
GOKU: Ooh, little water-logged there, buddy?(runs up to Piccolo)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I blew aholein him! How durableishe? ...How durable amI?Questions for later…
"How about I eradicate your body with electricity and we see just how durable," Laxus grunted.
"Or I burn you to a crisp," Natsu grinned.
GOKU:(grabs Piccolo and Tien)Okay, I'm about done here! See you tomorrow! Oh, and, uh, by the way, Cell?(sounding extremely dark)...You're gonna die.(disappears, making the same popping sound as before)
Goku's words unsettled everyone in the audience.
"Has he ever been that dark before?" Carla asked.
"The last time would be when he fought Frieza, but that was just unbridled fury. Not cold and empty," Erza answered.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(looking completely perplexed and surprised)Huh? What-? How-? Why-? (screaming)I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!
"You know how I feel now," Levy said.
(cut to Krillin and Bulma)
BULMA: And you're sure you're okay?
KRILLIN: Bulma, you know what I've been hit by-I'm fine! Now, you got the detonator?
BULMA: Yeah, right here!(hands Krillin the remote)Now listen, its signal is weak, so you'll have to be within ten meters of the Androids.
KRILLIN: So what you're saying is I have to get close…
Juvia couldn't stop the devious grin that came onto her face.
BULMA: Eh, thirty feet isn't THAT close...
KRILLIN: Oh, I'm gonna get all up in that.
BULMA: Well, you could use some protection, then.
"Excuse me?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.
KRILLIN: Pardon?
BULMA: I made you all battle-suits, like Vegeta's!
"Oh thank goodness that's what she meant," Kagura sighed in relief.
KRILLIN: Oh! Well, thanks, but I probably won't need it. I'm pretty good about pulling out before I get into trouble. Besides, I tried one on Namek, but I got a huge hole in it.
Lucy didn't bother to comment, her deadpan stare gave it all away.
BULMA: ...Okay, then! I'll just hand them out to everyone else. See you later!
KRILLIN: Thanks, Bulma!(Bulma takes off)Huh. This, uh...this remote's a lot heavier than I expected... Huh…
"Wait but that's really small. How is it heavy?" Romeo questioned.
"Because Krillin just realized that he has to kill 18. The woman he fell in love with," Jellal answered. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room grew tense.
(cut to The Lookout)
GOHAN: Are you two okay?
TIEN: Yeah. We may not have Dragon Balls, but I guess Senzu Beans are a close second.
GOKU: It's a good thing I showed up when I did. Cell was about to 69 ya!
GOHAN: 86, Dad. 86.
GOKU: I'm not good with numbers.
"We can tell," Minerva cut in.
PICCOLO: I'll admit, that was pretty ballsy, but all you did was stall him! Now he's alone to hunt down Android 18, and we don't have anyone with the strength to stop him!
"It's funny that you say that. Because there is a certain Saiyan Prince and his half-breed son who are going to emerge from that chamber soon," Levy smirked.
GOKU: Huh?
MR. POPO: Your worthless maggot friends are coming out!
GOHAN: Ordowe?!
GOKU: No, Gohan,wehaven't gone in yet.
"N-No..he...was...AGH NEVERMIND!" Carla gave up.
PICCOLO: ...Wow. Really, Goku?
(shift over to the door of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber opening with Trunks walking out along with Vegeta, with both of their clothes being tattered)
"Aw! Trunks looks so handsome. A dashing prince charming!" Mira gushed.
GOKU: Hey, Trunks! Wow, neat hair!
TRUNKS:(thinking)Oh, my God. First piece of positive reinforcement in over a year! Respond appropriately!(out loud)Thank you, I grew it myself.(thinking)DAMN IT!
"I actually wonder what Vegeta was saying to him, but then again we can all guess," Gajeel said.
GOKU: Huh. That's funny.
TRUNKS:(thinking)...Roll with it.
"Just like when they first met," Freed said.
GOKU: And hey, Vegeta! Wow, you guys sure got strong, huh?
VEGETA: That's right, Kakarot. And you wouldn't believe just how much. You see, while I was training in the depths of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, I looked deep within myself, and-(through Goku's POV)Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pride, blah, blah, prince of all, blah, blah, blah, Super Saiyan. Blah, blah, blah.
The guild burst into laughter from Goku's perspective of Vegeta.
"If this is how Goku sees Vegeta, then I find it pretty cute," Lisanna giggled.
VEGETA:(in reality)And through all of that, I haveascended!That's right, I have reached a new level! Do you hear me, Kakarrot? I am finallystrongerthan you!
GOKU: Neat!
VEGETA:F**K YOU!
The laughter increased by 10 fold at Vegeta basically getting dissed.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(shows Semi-Perfect Cell still making motor-boating sounds with his new lips)
"Ew," Juvia said as she watched Cell.
Chapter End
Chapter 64: Group Therapy
Chapter Text
Chapter 69: Group Therapy
[DISCLAIMER]
BULMA: The following is a...
BABY TRUNKS: Fan-based parody!
BULMA: That's right! DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by...
BABY TRUNKS: FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama!
BULMA: Very good!
BULMA & BABY TRUNKS: Please support the official release!
"That was so cute!" Most of the women gushed at Baby Trunks saying the disclaimer.
(cut to Semi-Perfect Cell floating above an archipelago reflecting on recent events)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(thinking)So I'm a hair's breath from perfection, and then Triclops shows up and decides, "I'm just gonna turn triangles into f**king squares!"
"PFFFTTT! He did do that!" Millianna laughs.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:Then Goku shows up-apparently he can teleport-gotta look into that later! But at the very top of this long list of stupid questions is(out loud)WHERE...ARE YOU... 18?!
"Hopefully she's far enough away from you," Erza said. The last thing needed was Cell reaching its perfect form.
(shift over to Androids 16 and 18 on an island, hiding from the Bio-Android)
ANDROID 18: We got lucky. With all these islands, it'll be tough for him to find us.
"How are you not further away!?" Jellal yelled.
"To be fair, she is carrying 16 with her," Kagura pointed out.
ANDROID 16: Technically, it's an archipelago. Noun: A group of islands.
"Hm, I didn't know that. Thanks, 16!" Natsu gave a thumbs up.
"Did 16 get downgraded into a dictionary?" Romeo asked.
"If anything it just adds more to him," Wendy huffed.
ANDROID 18: Thank you, 16.
ANDROID 16: You are welcome.
ANDROID 18: Well, we could sneak away if we could get underwater. 16, are you waterproof?
ANDROID 16:(electricity buzzes from the hole in his head)Iwas.
"That's just great!" Mira pouted.
"As long as Cell doesn't do something drastic like blowing up the islands, they should be fine," Lily said.
"You do remember it has Vegeta's DNA, right?" Levy spoke.
ANDROID 18: ...sh*t.Then all we can do is wait and hope he just moves on...
(cut back to Semi-Perfect Cell, who is still hovering over the archipelago)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE COULDBETOGETHER?! WE COULD BEPERFECT!
"Why do you sound like an Ex-Boyfriend?" Cana questioned.
"Please don't give me that image…" Lucy whined.
MAN:(calling out from one of the islands)Dude! I know you're having issues with your girl-trust me, I get it-but you're making a scene, man!
"I'm sorry...who are you?" Minerva asked.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Can I help you, uh...?
MAN: My name's Tom!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, well,hi, Tom! I'll try to make less of a scene while I LIQUIFY YOUR INSIDES AND PROCEED TODRINKYOU!
"Thought we moved past that part already. Shouldn't be any more reason to keep drinking people," Lisanna said.
TOM: Hey, no need to be hostile, man!
WOMAN: Do you people mind? My child is trying to nap!
TOM: I'm just trying to help this guy out with his lady problems!
"I don't think I'd describe this situation as Lady Problems," Macao said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I don't need your help, Tom! But thank you?!(a baby is heard crying)Rgh...
SALLY: Well, now you've done it!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, ma'am... FIRST of all...!
"This is gonna be a while," Laxus grumbled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Bulma in her plane flying towards Korin's Tower)
KORIN: Hm?(walks over to the side and looks down)Oh, it's Bulma! Hey Bulma, did you bring back Yajirobe-?(Bulma's plane flies right by)OOOOOOOOF... course you didn't! *sighs* I miss my Bean Daddy…
"He'll be back to you soon," Juvia said.
(Bulma's plane is seen arriving at The Lookout)
BULMA: Huh. So it does just kinda float there.(lands her plane on the ground and opens the door)Hey! Anyone here?
GOHAN: Bulma!
GOKU: Hey, Bulma!
BULMA: Hey, guys!(Gohan runs up and shakes Baby Trunk's hand while Bulma looks up and notices Trunks).
Mira squeals at the cuteness of Gohan and Baby Trunks.
BULMA: Huh? Oh my gosh, Trunks! Your hair! It looks good! Platonically, of course.
"Still traumatized from soliciting him for sex, huh?" Gajeel jokes.
TRUNKS: It's okay, Mom. I literally just spent a year with Dad in the Time Chamber. I'm over it.
BULMA: Wait, you spent an entire year with Vegeta? EvenIhaven't managed that.
"It's a wonder that Trunks is even still alive," Wakaba said.
"I think Vegeta may have warmed up to Trunks in there, if he was willing to spend the year with him," Romeo said.
"We'll see," His dad responded.
TRUNKS: Wouldn't recommend it. All he does is scream at you.
"Sounds like Gramps," Natsu said and he was whacked on the head by a wooden cane.
"That's because you don't listen!" Makarov yelled.
BULMA:(gives a suggestive look at Vegeta)Yeah, he does. Speaking of, how about you? Why didn'tyourhair grow?
VEGETA: Because unlike a half-breed, a pure-blooded Saiyan's hair does not change from the day we are born... with the exceptions of beards and moustaches.
"That's actually a nice little fact to know about Saiyans. No wonder Gohan's hair grew and Goku's didn't," Levy said.
GOKU: Boy. Now I can't stop thinking about Vegeta with a moustache.
(Vegeta is seen with a moustache through Goku's vision)
VEGETA:Moustache…
"Eh, makes him look lame," Mira shrugged.
GOKU: Hee..
BULMA: Oh! Before I forget...(pushes the button on a capsule and throws it at the ground, revealing a white container)I brought you guys some armor for your fight against the Androids!
(Goku, Gohan, and Trunks all put on the armor)
"I like it, but it doesn't really fit Goku or Gohan," Erza said as the male Saiyans put the armor on.
"But, it fits Trunks?" Gray sounded skeptical.
"He's Vegeta's son. It's more or less a requirement for him," Erza told him.
VEGETA: This is easily the greatest thing you've ever produced.(Baby Trunks makes a noise)Yes, even you!(Baby Trunks whines)
"Ah see, he does care. Or he learned to, I'll take it either way," Yukino hoped that Vegeta learned to care.
BULMA:(to Piccolo and Tien)Aren't you guys going to try them on, too?
PICCOLO:No.
TIEN:No.
BULMA: Any reason?
"Besides being killed by Nappa and then getting outclassed by Saiyans? Then no, they don't have any reasons," Levy said.
PICCOLO:No.
TIEN:No.
GOKU: Hey, look, Vegeta! I'm you! Paragon 'til death!
VEGETA: ...You ruined it. You ruined it, and I'm leaving.
GOKU: You want, I should teleport you, buddy?
VEGETA: I hate you.(flies off)
"And he was just getting along with others too," Minerva rolled his eyes.
TRUNKS: I should follow him.
"That's all you've been doing," Minerva snarked.
GOKU: Oh, before you go, you'll probably want these.(gives Trunks two Senzu Beans)Just in case.
TRUNKS: Thanks, but...hopefully, we won't need them.
GOKU/Everyone: Yeah, but...Vegeta.
TRUNKS: Father.
BULMA: You should really hurry up. Said father has a head start on you.
"And that's the last thing anyone needs," Makarov sighed.
TRUNKS: Yeah. And who knows what atrocity Cell is committing as we speak...
(cut to Semi-Perfect Cell STILL arguing with the islanders)
SALLY: My husband and I go to couple's counseling every Tuesday, and it's really helped us!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Yes, and I'm happy to hear that, Sally, but my situation isn't exactly-
TOM: Well, if you love something, you have got to set it free!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Okay, that's... That's not-
RICHARD: You can't be so clingy! It's kinda creepy!
"Yes, this is 100% an atrocity and I want it to end," Minerva growled.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: But it's-
SALLY: Do you think it's inadequacies in the bedroom?
"And this is where we draw the line," Laxus rubbed his temples.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(thinking)And... we're done.(out loud)18!You have until the count of five! Show yourself now, or I'm wiping out these islandsone by oneuntil I find you!
Levy looked down at Lily and the Exceed sighed in defeat.
HARRY: Don't you think that's a little extreme?!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: You're not involved in this anymore, Harry!
HARRY: I think I'm pretty involved!
"I feel like all of them are pretty involved in this," Wendy spoke, now nervous.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: FIVE!
ANDROID 18: This is bad! This is really bad!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: FOUR!
ANDROID 16: Do not fret. You are too valuable.
"Ireallydon't think Cell is bluffing here," Gildarts disagreed with the injured android.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(in the distance)THREE!
ANDROID 16: He would not risk destroying you.
ANDROID 18: And you're sure about that?
"35% sure," Freed answered.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: TWO!
ANDROID 16: Trust me.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(smirks evilly)...one.(fires a Big Bang Crash [a modified version of Vegeta's Big Bang Attack] at the nearest island)
RICHARD: CAN WE PLEASE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THIS?!
(the islanders scream as the blast connects and the island is destroyed)
"I'm suddenly getting Namek Vegeta flashbacks," Levy's mind flashed back to when Vegeta started blowing up islands to find Gohan and Krillin.
ANDROID 18: YOU WERE SAYING, EXACTLY?!
ANDROID 16:(looks down at a squirrel)This is a fluffy bird…
ANDROID 18: ...Yeah. Guess that one's on me…
"Should've realized he was too broken to think rationally," Millianna purred sadly.
(cut to The Lookout)
MR. POPO: All right, you maggots ready yet?
GOKU: Yup! Sorry for the wait!
GOHAN: I can't believe you wasted half an hour on EATING! There's food INSIDE!
"Honestly, I expected him to eat longer," Erza sighed.
"I've eaten for twice as long," Natsu bragged.
"Heh, I've spent 5 hours eating metal and food, Salamander. Guess you can't compare to me," Gajeel bragged.
"What was that metal mouth!? Want to have an eating contest right now!?" Natsu got in his face.
"Ah, I wanna join in, Natsu! You're joining us, Rogue!" Sting looked at his partner.
"WHY!?" Rogue screamed in protest.
GOKU: Oh, come on, Gohan, what's half an hour?
GOHAN: 7.6 days.
GOKU: *gasps* But that's half a fortnight!
MR. POPO: ...Okay, I'm done with this. You get in.
"Someone's finally done with the bullsh*t," Cana laughed.
(Mr. Popo opens the door to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, with Goku and Gohan entering inside. Inside, Gohan takes a few steps forward and looks around.)
GOKU: Well, here we are. You know, it was awfully nice of you to come join me, Gohan.
GOHAN: I never really had a choice... You basically kidnapped me.
"You are his kid. Be happy to spend some time with your father," Erza gave a pointed glare.
"God, you really do sound like a mother," Minerva rolled her eyes.
GOKU: Oh, come on, Gohan, you can't kidnap your own kid!
GOHAN: I don't know if that's true... I'll have to read up on that.
"If you don't have custody over the child, then yes it's kidnapping," Macao answered.
GOKU: Sorry Gohan, no books here...or internet. Only this room...and the void.(the word "void" echoes two more times)
"Void!" Happy and Frosch copied.
GOHAN: Uh, does it do that all the time?
GOKU: Oh, yeah! But only if you say the word "void".(the word "void" echoes two more times again)
"That's...oddly specific, and annoying all at the same time!" Lucy said.
GOHAN: Okay. Well, we're gonna avoid that word for now.(the word "void" echoes two more times once again)...Why?!
"Why!?" Lucy also exclaimed.
GOKU: All right, Gohan, the first thing we're gonna do is focus on getting you Super Saiyan.
This tidbit of information made the mages excited, since they never saw how Future Gohan became a Super Saiyan. They were looking forward to seeing this Gohan do it.
GOKU: Now, it won't be easy, because Krillin's not here to die for you.
"When did that become a requirement for anyone?" Lucy questioned.
GOKU: But I think with some crunches, pull-ups, and plenty of milk, you'll find your way.
"Vegeta is growling right now and he won't even know why," Gajeel snickered.
GOHAN: Oh! Well, if you really believe in me...
GOKU: Also, we're gonna fight! A lot!
GOHAN:(sounding a little depressed)...I need an adult.
GOKU: Iaman adult-!
GOHAN/Almost everyone:(sounding disappointed)No. No, you are not.
"Though, I do wonder what Gohan was expecting them to do? They're in there to train to fight Cell, so of course they're going to fight each other," Erza wondered.
"I'm pretty sure he just wants reasons to complain about his dad. Not even bothering to really care about the reasons for his dad's choices," Laxus answered.
(cut to Semi-Perfect Cell destroying more islands in his search for Android 18)
ANDROID 18: Well, I'm pretty sure that was the last island. You know, besides this one.
ANDROID 16: Island. Noun. Island. Noun. Island. Noun.
"Someonereallyneeds to fix him," Wendy said, worried.
ANDROID 18: We have got to get you fixed up, buddy.
ANDROID 16: Have you tried turning me off and on again?
"Won't that kill you?" Romeo asked.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(floating above the island the Androids are currently inhabiting)(thinking)That's the last island. She's either there, or I've killed her...(out loud while preparing to destroy the island)Oh well, in for a penny!
"Might as well flip the coin at this point," Rogue said.
(Semi-Perfect Cell starts charging up his most powerful Big Bang Crash as Android 18 shields herself from impact. Cell slowly forms a grin while laughing until he feels a presence, which is Super Saiyan Vegeta, who flies directly in front of the synthetic serpent. The semi-perfect being is left speechless and merely stares at Vegeta in surprise.)
VEGETA: Ah, warming up by destroying some islands, huh? I can dig that-more of a planet guy, myself.
"You'd destroy anything if it evenslightlyinconveniences you," Makarov corrected.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: *groans* People all day today. Hello, Vegeta!
VEGETA: Hello,ugly!
"He's going to be difficult. But, I'll cut him some slack, since it's Cell he's fighting," Laxus spoke.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Ugh, now we're doing this. Okay!(descends with Vegeta to ground level)
ANDROID 18: Wait, is thatVegeta?Well, bright side, we get to watch Vegeta bite it first.
"I love that we think the same sometimes," Minerva smiled.
ANDROID 16: That bird has very sharp hair.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: So, can I help you? 'Cause if you're looking for another broken arm, you could always help me find Android 18.
"Vegeta just brings out the feistiness out of everyone," Levy realized. Strangely being reminded of Vegeta's dialogue with Frieza.
VEGETA: Nope, I just heard how ugly you were, and I had to see it for myself.
TRUNKS:(lands a fair distance behind Vegeta)Also, I'm here.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And that explains thebravado. You broughtJunior!
"Gotta show off in front of the kids," Gildarts smirked. Always loved being showered in affections by the younger mages.
VEGETA: Nope, he's only here because he'd cry otherwise. Because he's a child. Also, you're ugly.
"Really driving in that ugly point. Which isn't wrong," Bickslow said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:Riveting. Listen, Vegeta, I'm in the middle of something more important than whateverthisis... So if you just want to run along and bring back someone substantial, say, I don't know...Goku?(Vegeta stops smiling)That'd begreat.
Everyone knew exactly what was coming next after Cell spoke those words. And most of them couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect of Vegeta kicking Cell's ass.
VEGETA:(inhales)Hmm...(starts powering up)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, what's wrong, Prince? Did I touch a nerve?
TRUNKS/Levy: You pressed the Goku Button.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Excuse me, thewhat?(gets punched HARD in the gut by Vegeta, who has now become Super Vegeta)*gasp!*
VEGETA: Ya shouldn't a did that.
"Ya know what, I'm actually looking forward to Cell getting its ass kicked," Minerva allowed a confident smirk to grace her lips.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(shows Vegeta singing the "Moustache" song while wearing a variety of moustaches)
VEGETA:
Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou-
Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou-
Moustache, Moustache, Moustache, Mou-
Moustache, Moustache, Moustache
The Exceeds started dancing to the short song about Vegeta's moustache.
Chapter End
Chapter 65: A Raging Semi
Chapter Text
Chapter 70: A Raging Semi
(cut to Goku and Gohan in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, with Gohan trying and failing to become a Super Saiyan)
"You can do it, Gohan! Don't give up!" The Strauss siblings cheered on the Demi-Saiyan.
GOKU: Good try, Gohan, but you can't just power up and become a Super Saiyan. It comes from pure, raw emotion! You know where I was when I became a Super Saiyan?
"On Namek," Everyone answered.
GOHAN: Yes, you-
GOKU:(starts reminiscing about the battle with Freeza on Namek)I was on Namek! I thought I'd finally defeated Freezer with the Spirit Bomb, but as it turns out...he was still alive!
"Really!?" Natsu shouted in surprise.
"Why are you acting surprised!?" Lucy yelled.
GOHAN: Dad, I was the-
GOKU: He killed Vegeta, and he killed Krillin.
"He's aware. Gohan had a front row seat to all of that," Carla said.
GOHAN: I saw everyth-
GOKU: Piccolo...tripped, or something…
"How you confuse getting shot through the chest with tripping, I'll never know," Rogue pinched his nose.
GOKU: It was pretty bad for everyone. Then, he threatened to do the same to my son!(realizes that Gohan was there)Oh, hey, you were there! ...Why didn'tyougo Super Saiyan?(Gohan lets out a sigh)
Most of the members either sighed with Gohan or facepalmed.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Vegeta inserting his fist inside Cell, who's groaning in pain)
CELL: Stop fisting me!
"I can see the sexual innuendos didn't disappear with the first form," Levy sighed.
VEGETA: Okay.(pulls his fist out of Cell's stomach)
CELL:(screams and takes a few steps away from Vegeta)Not all at once! Ah! Just...can I...have a minute?
VEGETA: Sure you can.
"Real-"
CELL: Well, thank you. That's appreci-
(Vegeta uppercuts ("shoryuken"s) Cell, sending him flying into the air, and then proceeds to knee him in the back and punches him in the face)
Levy was cut off by Vegeta's attack on Cell. "Wow...he actually gave Cell a full minute. I'm pleasantly surprised."
"Nobody gonna comment on the 'sure you can' and the 'Shoryuken'? No, just me?" Gajeel was not answered.(I universally believe everyone knows what a Shoryuken is. That was too good to just ignore.)
VEGETA:(grabs Cell by the leg)C-C-C-COMBO!(throws Cell down to the ground, severing the cliff Trunks was standing on, who merely sighs and rolls his eyes)
"Your dad is having fun. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Freed said.
"For now it's a good thing," Laxus told him.
(shift over to Android 18, pondering on what she had just witnessed)
ANDROID 18: Wait, so I beat Vegeta...
ANDROID 16: Data not found.
"I'm sure we can rewind to that beat down," Minervareallywanted to watch Vegeta get his arms broken by 18 again.
ANDROID 18: But now Vegeta is wrecking Cell…
"He had enough time to grow stronger from your last encounter. Saiyans evolve at a very fast pace," Jellal said.
"Also, 18 nor 17 can sense power levels. Especially when you look back at 17 and Piccolo's fight, 17 couldn't tell how much stronger Piccolo had gotten. However, 16 could read power levels, though I doubt he can now," Kagura explained.
ANDROID 16: Data not found.
ANDROID 18: Okay, do you have anything substantial to add to this?
ANDROID 16:(looks over to 18)Do YOU?
"He has you there. Just sit back and enjoy Cell getting a beat down," Sting smirked, leaning back in his seat.
ANDROID 18: ...Data not found.
(shift back to the battle, with Cell attempts to hit Vegeta)
VEGETA:(approaching Cell while dodging his attacks)You know, maybe if you'd actually trained instead of gorging yourself on a worthless species, your punches might actually hit a little closer to home.
"Ignoring his insult towards humans, Vegeta has a point. All the power in the world doesn't matter if your opponent's skills can maneuver around them," Erza said.
(Vegeta hits Cell, sending him flying down to the ground)
CELL:(speaking out of his groin in his Imperfect voice)*laughs* Ah, this is an unfortunate turn of events.
There was a mental pause in everyone's heads from Cell literally talking out of its ass.
"Suddenly, everything Cell's ever said finally makes sense. It was talking out of its ass," Minerva jokes.
"You're just not concerned over the fact that it has two mouths? One placed on its ass," Rogue asks her.
"After seeing the bug drink people? Not really," Minerva replied.
VEGETA:(legitimately disturbed)Did you just...talk out your ass?
CELL: Well, to be fair, Vegeta, you are part of my DNA.
"DAMN!"
VEGETA: Ooh, that is the closest thing you've done to damage since I've gotten here.
CELL: Allow me to fix that.(starts powers up)
(shift over to Krillin floating above the island where the battle is taking place)
"Not sure if this is convenient timing or just plain unlucky," Lucy said, worried.
KRILLIN: Is that Cell or Vegeta? Doesn't matter. Steerin' clear of that... Except, if I were a bettin' boy, that's...probably where the Androids are. Stealth mode, don't fail me now.
"Stealth! Like a ninja!" Natsu and Happy pretend to be ninjas.
(shift over to Cell, who just finished powering up)
CELL: There we are. Now...do you understand, Vegeta?
VEGETA: What I understand is I'm about to pound you so hard, the boy's mother is going to be jealous.
"He really couldn't resist that joke, could he?" Erza groaned into her hands.
"To be fair, when has Vegeta resistedanything?" Gajeel replied.
"He hasn't killed Krillin yet," Gray told him.
TRUNKS: OH, CAN WE NOT?!
VEGETA: But, if it makes you feel any better, I'll give you one free shot. But I'm warning you, if you waste it-(gets punched in the face by Cell, but starts laughing and wipes away the blood from his mouth)You're gonna regret it.
Minerva felt a chill at the fact that she said something similar to Vegeta earlier, when the Androids appeared at Kame House.
CELL:(now frightened and starts taking a few steps back from Vegeta)HOW? HOW? HOW DID YOU GET THIS STRONG?!
VEGETA: I trained all day yesterday.
"A smartass comment, but not incorrect," Gajeel said.
CELL: Oh, you think you're being CUTE?!(slams his tail on the ground)
VEGETA: Bitch, I'm adorable.
"It's been a while since I've said it, but I'm taking that one," Gajeel smiled.
"Vegeta always had fantastic comebacks, but it's like he can just sense Frieza in Cell and it elevates the level of verbal comebacks," Levy giggled.
CELL: FINE!(leaps back on a cliff)Then how about this?! Galick Gun...(charges up a blast between his hands)
"Been a minute since we've seen this one," Gray said.
VEGETA: Oh ho ho, and that's just precious!
CELL: FIRE!(fires the Galick Gun Vegeta's way, who doesn't even move and takes the blast full-on, emitting an gigantic explosion that Krillin witnesses from above the island)
(cut to Piccolo and Tien on The Lookout, surveying the battle on the lower realm)
TIEN: So we're actually rooting for Vegeta?
"To be fair, we're rooting against Cell. Vegeta just so happens to be fighting it and winning," Makarov said.
PICCOLO: Let's be honest, we're rooting against Cell.
TIEN: What do we do if he wins?
PICCOLO: Which one?
TIEN: Which one is worse?
"On one hand you all die. One the other hand Vegeta gets a giant ego boost. I'm not sure which one is worse," Freed contemplated.
"I would rather die than watch Vegeta gloat over his victories. No matter how much I want Cell to die," Laxus grumbled.
BULMA: You know, Vegeta might be...isa total ass, but he's not that bad.
"We're talking about the same Vegeta? The same man who throws a temper tantrum anytime he's evenslightlyinconvenienced," Lily questioned.
TIEN: Says the woman he left a single mother.
BULMA: Please. I'm rich. It's hardly the same.
"Hm, she's not wrong. She has every essential need for raising a baby," Yukino said.
"Still, having both parents is better for the kids mentality," Lucy thought back to her own family.
PICCOLO: Really, him leaving was probably for the best.
BULMA: Wow.Really?
PICCOLO: What, would you really trust Vegeta with a baby?
BULMA: Well, not MY baby.
"And there you go," Kagura said.
TIEN: And there you go.
(cut back on the battlefield with Cell emerging from under a pile of rubble, although Vegeta is nowhere to be seen)
CELL:(thinking in a mocking tone)Look at me, I'm Vegeta, I'm the prince of all Saiyans, and I both wear and am a unitard!
"He still makes it look good," Cana replied.
VEGETA:(appears out the smoke, completely unharmed)You call that a Galick Gun? Dear God, get it together.
CELL: I WILL END YOU!(charges at Vegeta)
VEGETA: You'll die trying.
(Cell tries striking Vegeta with his tail, but Vegeta evades and appears behind Cell and kicks him in the face, sending him flying. Vegeta then quickly moves in the direction Cell is flying and kicks him into the sky and then kicks him down into the ocean.)
KRILLIN:(has now moved closer to the island and surveying the battle from above)(thinking)Yeesh, somehow I actually feel kinda bad for Cell... Oh well, should probably start lookin' for the Androids. (spots Android 16 and 18) And found 'em. Man, I am really good at this! (descends down to ground level) Okay, Krillin... Mission... *gulps* start.
"Krillin's ultimate trial of love. Will he kill the love of his life for the safety of the planet or will he make the choice to protect his love, risking everyone's lives in the process? Find out next time on Dragon Love Z!" Juvia announced, dramatically.
VEGETA:(lands on a rock and looks over the ocean)I know I kicked him into the water somewhere... Damn it, he's pulling a bald one on me and hiding his energy! *sighs* If I were a disgusting bugman, where would I-
"It does have Krillin's DNA," Gajeel said.
CELL:(emerges from the ocean)SURPRISE!(attacks Vegeta with his tail and grabs him by the leg)Lookie what I caught! A walking, talking Napoleon complex!(attempts to stick his tail into Vegeta, but Vegeta evades and traps it under his arm)Argh!
"You really need to watch that tail," Happy laughed.
VEGETA: And lookie what I caught!
CELL: Oh, no...! Not again!
"Just like with 16!" Wendy spoke up.
VEGETA: So, what do you do with this...thing?
CELL: I drink people!
VEGETA: Were you trying to drink me?
CELL: N-no!(tail starts wagging up and down as if it's nodding "yes")...yes.
(Vegeta elbows Cell in the chest causing Cell to start to falling over, but Vegeta catches him in the chest with his hand)
VEGETA: You feel that? That's what honesty feels like.
"They do say honesty feels like a punch in the gut," Bickslow and his babies laughed.
(Vegeta kicks Cell through a rock, who starts tumble across the ground before landing on his face)
CELL: This... This is all wrong! You can't be this strong! Nothing about this makes sense!
"I'm getting a weird sense of deja vu…" Levy muttered.
VEGETA: Well, if that's racking your brain, try drinking this in. It may pain me to say it, but the boy over there is actually almost as strong as I am. Then again, unlike you, he's half me.
"Still can't resist pumping himself up," Sting shook his head.
"At least he's acknowledging Trunks," Yukino looked at the plus side.
CELL: Wh-what?!
VEGETA: Of course, the other half is his mother. I mean, look at that hair.
"I think Trunks has really nice hair," Lisanna huffed.
TRUNKS: I-
VEGETA: You look like a fruit!
"Uhhh…"
TRUNKS: Y-You-
VEGETA: And not like a hom*osexual, I mean like a literal, walking fruit!
"Eh, he saved it."
TRUNKS: ...
VEGETA: ...Eggplant!
CELL: DAMN IT! I WANT TO BE PERFECT! I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA! WANNA!(gets kicked in the face by Vegeta and falls flat on his face)(muffled in a whiny voice)I wannaaaaaaaaaa…
"The Vegeta isreallypeaking through here," Meredy laughed.
VEGETA: Excellent. I've broken both your body and your spirit. Time to die.
"This seems too easy…" Jellal whispered to Erza.
"Yeah...unfortunately," She replied.
CELL: If only you had shown up just a minute later... I would have had 18! Then nobody could have stopped me!
VEGETA: ...Oh, really?
"No...he wouldn't…" Lucy's face morphed into one of horror.
"This is the same guy who letbothZarbon and Frieza transform, not even acknowledging the fact that they could be stronger. His dumbass absolutely would," Gajeel replied.
TRUNKS: No...
CELL: Vegeta... I would have destroyed you without a second thought.
"And you've completely gained his interest…" Makarov glared
TRUNKS: No...!
"Trunks! Just knock your dad out or something!" Happy yelled.
VEGETA: ...Go on.
"The absolute idiot! Does he not see that Cell could surpass him!?" Jellal questions.
"The only thing Vegeta ever sees is his own f*cking ego," Laxus scowled.
"I mean, there's still Trunks and Krillin! Cell can still be stopped!" Yukino said.
"Something about Krillin is making me feel very worried," Lucy mumbles.
TRUNKS: NOOOOOOO-!
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
"All in favor of never leaving the fate of the world in Vegeta's hands again, say aye!"
"AYE!"
[STINGER]
(cut to Goku and Gohan inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber enjoying a relaxing, hot bath)
GOKU: Ah...
GOHAN: Ah... You know, Dad, it's almost even kind of nice training with you.
"See? Your dad is a good guy," Erza smiled.
GOKU: Right? I like training, too!
GOHAN: Mmm…
"Welp, that sent them another few feet back," Gray sweatdropped.
GOKU: But even though we're taking a nice, soothing bath, we can't hold back. We have to stay training at all times. So...splash attack!(splashes Gohan)
GOHAN: All right, then, here I go!(he and Goku begin splashing each other and laughing warm-heartedly)
"Aw! That's so cute!"
GOKU: Got you there!(a blue light starts shining from inside the bathhouse)KAMEHAME...
GOHAN: Dad, no!
GOKU: No holdin' back! HA!(fires the blast and destroys the bathhouse as Gohan screams)
"And he ruined it. It's like he can't just not look at everything as training!" Lucy complained.
Chapter End
Chapter 66: The Perfect Guy
Chapter Text
Chapter 71: The "Perfect" Guy
(cut to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with Goku carrying Gohan on his back)
GOKU:(singing to "Giant Woman")
All I wanna do is see you turn into a Super Saiyan, a Super Saiyan
All I want to be is a dad who gets to see a Super Saiyan (shows Goku and Gohan's training montage)
All I wanna do is see you turn into a Super Saiyan, a Super Saiyan
All I want to be is a dad who gets to see a Super Saiyan
Oh, I know that it'll be great, and I just can't wait! To see your hair golden, spiked and glowing
If you let out your rage, just break out of your cage! Because you are at least half Saiyan
Your power will rise like never before! Just tap into the power deep in your core
It's waiting for you, for you to turn into a Super Saiyan! A Super Saiyan
All I want to do is see you turn into a Super Saiyan
(Goku now places Gohan down on a bed and pulls a blanket over him)
"That song was so sweet!" Millianna meowed.
"He has a lot of faith in Gohan, doesn't he?" Gildarts smirks.
"A father always has faith in his children. Their true potential is always there, it's just a matter of helping them reach it," Makarov explained.
GOHAN:(breathing heavily and then wakes up)I'LL WRECK YOUR WHOLE WORL-
"And Gohan was just angry that entire time," Yukino sweatdropped.
"Anger helps me fight better," Natsu shrugged. Which was true, he defeated the majority of his enemies by getting extremely angry.
GOKU: Hey, son!
GOHAN: Were you...watching me sleep?
GOKU: Like a papa hawk! I don't wanna miss the moment you go Super Saiyan!
"Well, at least he's watching," Erza muttered.
"But, how is he supposed to go Super Saiyan in his sleep?" Happy wondered.
"There's always nightmares?" Wendy wasn't too sure about her own answer.
GOHAN: Wow, it's been nearly three months in here, and you still think I can do it?
"Of course you can do it! The other you did it, so it shouldn't be too hard for you," Lisanna said.
"Yeah! Only those with a MANLY drive can go Super Saiyan! And Gohan has the MANLIEST of drives!" Elfman shouted.
GOKU: Well, yeah! If you don't, the whole world will be doomed!
"No pressure there," Minerva muttered.
GOKU: Or not... Maybe I can handle it. So don't sweat it! And get some sleep, son!
"Of course you can handle it. You're Goku," Natsu said as if it was a fact.
GOHAN: Uh...yeah, okay..(lays back on the bed and goes to sleep)
GOKU:(thinking)'Cause tomorrow, I'ma get you Super Saiyan!
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to The Lookout)
PICCOLO: No, see, I'm definitely going with Krillin. Call it a safe bet, but I think his history speaks for itself.
"When was the last time Krillin choked under pressure?" Gray asked. He heard multiple gasps, getting ready to speak. "Nevermind don't answer that," Gray deadpanned.
TIEN: You haven't known him as long as I have. Sure, he can be a little... *sighs* Well, he's a total bitch.
"So we're finally admitting it?" Gajeel asked.
TIEN: But when we really need him, he's always stepped up. Vegeta, on the other hand…
"That's true. Even though he gets scared, Krillin always manages to step up in some sort of way. He may not be the strongest, but his heart tends to be in the right place," Lucy said.
BULMA: Hey, uh, what are you two talking about?
PICCOLO: Oh, we're just making a bet to see who screws this up.
"Oh Vegeta already has," Minerva said.
"Cell hasn't reached its Perfect Form, so he technically hasn't failed yet," Kagura countered.
"Are you seriously defending Vegeta?"
"No, I'm just saying that he hasn't truly screwed up yet. Though that completely depends on what Trunks and Krillin do next," Kagura answered.
"And considering how conflicted Krillin is on the matter of 18. Everything is riding on Trunks' shoulder at the moment," Erza added.
TIEN: See, he's betting on Krillin, but I'm betting on Vegeta...
BULMA: Oh... I'll get in on that action.
PICCOLO: Okay, Vegeta or Krillin?
BULMA: Both.
Everyone had a brief moment of silence at Bulma's answer.
"You know...that's a huge possibility," Levy said.
PICCOLO: Wow.
TIEN:Damn.
BULMA: *laughs* Please, I've been in this longer than the both of you. Although, if I had to pick who's gonna screw up first...
(cut to Krillin, who's feeling skeptical about shutting down Android 18)
"Oh Krillin…" Lucy mumbled.
TRUNKS:(in the background)...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
"He's still screaming no," Levy noticed.
KRILLIN:(thinking)Okay Krillin, pull yourself together... She's right over there, standing there like a...mechanical angel.(Juvia could be heard squealing.)And all I have to do is push this button and...watch her explode...everywhere. Little bit of blonde hair here...her blue eyes there...and then it's done.
"As much as I want to give Krillin slack, this isn't a situation that I'd want to be in," Gajeel said. He didn't know what he'd do if he was forced to have to kill Levy.
Both Gray and Juvia thought back to their fight with Invel. The Ice-Mage remembered the emotions that ran through him when he thought that Juvia had killed herself for his sake. He really sympathized with Krillin here, losing someone that you love. He looked down at Juvia who had small tears building up in the corners of her eyes. "Maybe...maybe I should…" Gray shook his head, saving that thought for later.
KRILLIN:I-I mean, she probably won't even feel it, or even know what happened, just her life...ended in an instant...by me...with no DragonBalls to wish her back when Cell dies... Oh, come on, Krillin! Be strong for one second in your worthless life, and push the stupid button! IF YOU DON'T, EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND LOVE IS GOING TO DIE! INCLUDING HER! (realizes what he had just thought and slowly drops the detonator) Oh…
Everyone who has been watching Krillin from the Saiyan Saga to now were shocked by Krillin's proclamation and admittance of his love for 18. Usually there'd be a sarcastic remark to make about Krillin not having the balls to go through with something, but there was only silence within the guild.
(shift over to Vegeta and Trunks)
TRUNKS: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
VEGETA: Quiet, boy!(Trunks shuts up)Now, continue.
CELL: Thank you. You see, my dear prince...
VEGETA: Don't push it.
"You'repushing it," Laxus glared.
CELL: Uh, you see, Vegeta, this is only my second form. I am merely Semi-Perfect.
VEGETA: Wait, how can you be Semi-Perfect? You're either perfect or you're not me-there's no gray area.
"And if you thought that the Prince of all Assholes couldn't get any more full of himself…" Minerva spat.
CELL: My point is that this form was achieved by absorbing my brother, Android 17. And the only way I may obtain true perfection...
VEGETA: Is to absorb the bitch. So, in summation, you get the Android, and I get a proper challenge!
"Is a proper challenge really worth the risk of the entire planet!? If you want a challenge then just fight Goku, but don't risk the lives of other people for your own selfish desires!" Jellal shouted.
CELL: Oh, I promise you, Vegeta, you're going to get everything that's coming to you.
"Well, that's not ominous," Gajeel muttered.
VEGETA: Oh ho ho! Ominous!
(cut to the Androids listening to Vegeta and Cell's conversation)
ANDROID 18: He wouldn't...! 16, he wouldn't, would he?!
"Considering the fact that you broke both his arms, humiliated him, and he's a selfish prick? Yeah, he is definitely going to do this," Gray answered.
ANDROID 16: Wouldn't you?
ANDROID 18/Everyone:No!
ANDROID 16: ...I'm sorry, what are we talking about again?
"Oh 16," Wendy mumbled.
KRILLIN:(off-screen to the Androids)Hey!(Androids 16 and 18 look over at Krillin)
ANDROID 18:(thinking)Whoa, it's the cute one.
"She really does find him cute!" Juvia squealed.
"At least it wasn't a one sided thing," Meredy told her water friend.
ANDROID 18:Was he hiding there? Wait, what's that on the gro-?(sees the detonator on the ground)(out loud)Oh, my God.
"Realizing that she was that close to dying in two different ways," Lily said.
KRILLIN: Uh, hi...
ANDROID 18: Uh, hey...
KRILLIN: Look, I just... Can I ask something of you?
Juvia and Meredy both held their breaths, expecting Krillin to confess.
ANDROID 18: S-Sure?
KRILLIN:(stammers)Please don't kill anyone!
Both of the women felt a bit disappointed from Krillin not confessing.
"Well, that's alright. I guess," Meredy chuckled.
ANDROID 18: Wait, are you-?
ANDROID 16: No deal!
ANDROID 18/Wendy: 16!
ANDROID 16: Son Goku is a person! Therefore, he is part of "anyone"! Therefore, no deal!
"Come on, 16! Just this once!" Wendy pleaded.
"Yeah, the fate of the world is at stake!" Happy shouted.
"You won't be able to kill Goku if Cell kills everyone!" Millianna shouted.
ANDROID 18: 16, calm down! I will get you a Goku!
ANDROID 16: Do you promise?
ANDROID 18: Yes!
ANDROID 16: ...Proceed.
Multiple sighs of relief were heard.
ANDROID 18: Okay! Now listen, we weren't planning on killing anyone!
ANDROID 16: Except Goku!
ANDROID 18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far! In fact, the only thing we want dead right now is Cell!
"She's correct by the way. The only bad thing they've done is stealing vehicles, burning down a forest, ransacking Goku's home, kicking all of your asses, and destroying country music. Other than all of those things they are completely innocent," Levy listed off.
ANDROID 16: Also Goku!
KRILLIN: Oh... Thank God, that makes this so much easier!(destroys the detonator with his foot)
"HE CHOSE LOVE!" Juvia jumped out of her seat, taking both Meredy and Gray with her. The rest of the guild weren't sure how to feel exactly.
"On one hand Cell can still absorb 18, but on the other hand I can't stay angry at Krillin," Erza said.
"Krillin followed his heart and his heart believed this was the right choice. It's all up to Trunks now to stop Cell," Lucy said.
(cut to The Lookout)
PICCOLO: Ha! And you owe me some zeni!
TIEN: Oh, no...
BULMA: All right, what did Krillin do?
PICCOLO/Gajeel: He crushed the remote.
TIEN: He did WHAT?!
BULMA: That was twenty hours of my life! That dick!
"He chose LOVE! KRILLIN DID NOTHING WRONG!" Juvia roared.
PICCOLO: And possibly the rest of it if Vegeta follows suit…
"Oh he will follow suit. Trust me," Minerva said.
TIEN: I don't understand! All he had to do was push the button and blow up the...the girl.
BULMA: Oh, that makes sense.
"If it was 17, then we'd probably wouldn't be in this situation," Rogue guessed.
PICCOLO: I don't get it.
TIEN: He really did it... He actually risked every life on the planet just for...forcyber sex! I didn't Kikohou myself half to death so he could get LAID!
"If you look at it like that. Then yes, what Krillin did was stupid," Levy winced.
"If Krillin had killed her, I don't think I'd have been able to forgive him. Destroying the remote was the right decision," Natsu explained his view.
"I agree, Natsu. What's the point of living if it means hurting the people you love," Lucy smiled at him.
"Hehe! Right on, Lucy!"
PICCOLO: Oh... Gross.
"Because you don't have a penis," Gildarts and Cana said simultaneously.
(cut to Krillin and Android 18)
ANDROID 18: Oh... Oh, wow. Well, I mean, that was really sweet and all, but...maybe you should have kept that around.
KRILLIN: What?Why?
"Because Vegeta," Laxus answered.
(shift over to Vegeta and Cell)
CELL: Vegeta, this is the only chance you're going to get! If she slips away now, you'll never get the opportunity to fight me at my full potential. And let's be honest, do you really think Goku can give you the challenge you deserve?
VEGETA: You know, the funny thing is, I know you're playin' me... But you're right. She's all yours!
"TRUNKS DO SOMETHING!"
CELL: Oh, thank you, Vegeta! Trust me...great things are about to happen!
"More like a nightmare," Makarov growled.
(cut to The Lookout)
PICCOLO: Oh, no...! Goddamn him!
BULMA: Okay, now what did Vegeta do?
PICCOLO: He's letting Cell absorb 18!
TIEN: Well, looks like nobody wins…
"Bulma wins," Levy replied.
BULMA: Well, I technically do.(in a singsong tone)You guys owe me zeni..
PICCOLO: CELL IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!
"Not if Trunks stops Cell!" Mira hoped.
(there's a short pause and then baby Trunks begins to cry)
MR. POPO: Geez, bring down the whole mood, why don't you?
(cut back to the battlefield with Cell flying away from Vegeta)
VEGETA: Make it snappy! The boy's gotta be in bed by seven or he gets cranky!
(as Cell takes to the sky, his path gets blocked by Trunks, now in his Super Saiyan form)
TRUNKS: Yeah, so, I'm gonna be the only voice of reason here and say ABSOLUTELY NOT!
"FINALLY!" Everyone felt relieved to see Trunks finally intervene.
TRUNKS:(Cell growls)Don't you get it?! He's just been feeding you everything you want to hear! He's playing you!
"Your Dad is aware. He's just too full of himself," Erza said.
CELL: To be fair, I haven't lied since I got here.
"That...is also true," Sting said.
TRUNKS: You're not involved in this anymore!
CELL: I'm feeling pretty involved...
VEGETA: Boy, don't make me come up there and be a parent!
"First time you've bothered to care," Laxus spat.
TRUNKS: First time for everything!
VEGETA: Oh ho ho!
CELL: Wow Vegeta, are you just gonna stand there and take the-(stops talking as he looks down to the ground and starts groaning)
TRUNKS:(thinking)Huh? Why is he doing that-? (looks at the direction Cell is looking and spots the Androids) Oh... Oh, no... (sees Krillin) W-wait, but there's Krillin! Does he have the- (sees the smashed detonator) No...! But why?! He... Why?! But, the Android! Krillin... Crushed remote! But...could turn...perfect! Crushed! Why?! Krill-? But...twenty hours!(out loud at the top of his lungs, catching Krillin and the Androids' attention)WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
"Future Bulma has filled this boy's head with stories of these people. Telling him how great and heroic they all are. When the boy finally gets to meet the legends of those stories he is left standing shocked by how incompetant and dysfunctional each and everyone of them are," Makarov explained.
"Never meet your heroes, kids. Because heroes are people and people are sh*t," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Oh, hey! It's Trunks!
"RUN AWAY!"
(Cell makes a break for 18, causing Krillin to scream)
TRUNKS: I said ABSOLUTELY NOT!(intercepts Cell and kicks him)
CELL:(thinking)Huh... Vegeta was right! He is almost as strong as-(gets hit by Trunks again and flies down into the ground)
"Which means he can very much kick your ass," Bickslow laughed.
VEGETA: Look, if this is about getting your own turn in, just wait until I'm done with him!
"Turns don't matter at this point anymore! Just kill Cell!" Lucy shouted.
TRUNKS: Just ignore him. Krillin, get the Androids out of here now!
KRILLIN: Don't need to tell me twice! Or at all, actually. Let's go!
ANDROID 18: Right! 16, let's move!
ANDROID 16: But I just got comfortable.
ANDROID 18/Wendy: 16!
ANDROID 16: More importantly, Cell is only after you. I will slow you down. Now, go!
"You aren't a liability to me, 16," Wendy said, sorrow in her voice.
ANDROID 18: Fine, but I'm coming back for you!(turns around and runs off)
KRILLIN:(approaches 16)You're doing a brave thing.
ANDROID 16: As are you.(Krillin runs off after 18)You are way out of your league, tiny duck.
"Nope! Krillin totally got the girl!" Juvia smirked.
KRILLIN: So, hey, I know this isn't the best time, but, um, are, uh, you seeing anyone right now?(an explosion erupts ahead, knocking him and 18 back)
CELL:(emerging from underground)She is…
"Not you!" Juvia cried out.
TRUNKS: There you are!(powers up and charges towards Cell)
CELL: Vegeta, Trunks is picking on me!
VEGETA: Learn to share, brat!(kicks Trunks into a plateau)
"WHY ARE YOU HELPING IT!?"
CELL: That's better. Now, 18, I'm not sure I like you hanging around with other men. Or, in this case...half of one.
"Still making short jokes, huh?" Makarov sweatdropped. Levy also fumed at the short joke.
KRILLIN: Oh, yeah, another short joke. Yeah, sure, fine.
ANDROID 16: How about you leave the girl alone?(stands in front of Krillin and 18)
CELL: Come on, 16, don't be so jealous. This is meant to be, and she knows it. Just look at what she's wearing... She's practically asking to be absorbed!
"Prick!" Kagura cursed.
KRILLIN: Okay, that line has been crossed! You wanna go, big guy? LET'S GO-!(springs forward to attack Cell, only to get tail-whipped into a wall)(Krillin Owned Count: 33)
"He tried. He should get points for trying," Evergreen sighed.
CELL: Oh, no, who would have seen that coming? Anyway-(gets hit in the head by 16's fist)...Really?(16 starts punching Cell repeatedly)Oh, you precious little cinnamon bun. Never change?(elbows 16 down to the ground and then 18 comes after him)(thinking)A oney and a twoey and a you-know-what-to-doey!(blasts 18, knocking her at a cliffside)
"Let me at Cell! I'll kick it's ass!" Natsu was held back by Macao and Wakaba from charging at the Lacrama again.
(Trunks emerges from the ground and powers up)
TRUNKS: That is it! I am stopping this now!
VEGETA: Oh, what are ya doing?
TRUNKS: What am I doing?!
VEGETA: Thwartin' my plans?
TRUNKS: Thwarting your plans?!
VEGETA:Are you?!
TRUNKS: ...You know what?! YES!(fires a massive blast at Vegeta, who screams as he gets carried into the sky, disappearing with a twinkle)
The mages cheered at Trunks finally having enough of his father's bullsh*t and standing up to the man.
"And that gag made a return!" Levy clapped her hands.
KRILLIN:(sits up from under a pile of rubble)(thinking)Oh, God... If I had a nose, I'm pretty sure it'd be broken.(sees Cell approaching 18)(out loud)Ah! Oh, no... You leave her alone, or I swear I'll...
ANDROID 16: No, little duckling! It is not your time!
"Yeah, Trunks is on his way! It'll be fine!" Wendy shouted.
(Cell starts humming as he approaches 18 and opens the funnel of his tail. As Android 18 looks in utter shock and fear, Cell starts laughing.)
TRUNKS: FUTURE KICK!
CELL: Wha-?(gets knocked away by a kicked in the face from Trunks)
"YEAH, TRUNKS!"
TRUNKS:(stops in front of 18)BLOW YOURSELF UP OR LEAVE; I DON'T CARE WHICH!(takes off after Cell)
"Tien said the same thing to her a bit ago," Levy mentioned.
ANDROID 18: ...Yeah, okay.
CELL: I hope you know, this means war-!(gets repeatedly punched in the face by Trunks)
"Garlic Jr. said the same thing when Kami knocked him under rubble," Levy remembered.
CELL: Where's Vegeta?(Trunks kicks him in the face)
"Sent flying by his future son," Gajeel answered.
(18 runs over to 16 and puts his arm around her shoulders to carry him off)
ANDROID 18: Come on, 16, move it!
ANDROID 16: Why...are you...still here?
ANDROID 18: It's like 17 said, remember? The three amigos? Well, I guess more like...dos compadres, now…
"That's sad. I am sad now," Happy curled into Lucy's side.
KRILLIN:(reaches his hand out to 18)Here, uh, allow me. I might not be good for much, but I can lift!
ANDROID 18:(thinking)...If we make it through this, I am going to rock his four-foot world.
Jaws dropped from 18's proclamation, all while Juvia and Meredy were dancing hand in hand. Both of them chanted about love.
(cut to Vegeta floating on the surface of the ocean)
VEGETA: Huh. This is a new feeling...pride in someone else.
"Did he knock some sense into your ass?" Laxus asked.
VEGETA:(wipes his face with his glove and sees he's bleeding)Unfortunately, it's overshadowed by all this UNYIELDING RAGE!(shoots out of the water)
"Nope, still the same old angry Prince," Laxus said.
(shift to Trunks pulverizing Cell and then kicks him away)
CELL:(thinking)Okay, THIS obviously isn't working!(sees Krillin, 16 and 18 preparing to make their escape and then looks at the sun)Wait, Tenshinhan got me into this... And now, he's going to get me out!(starts flying downward)
"What's it planning now!?" Yukino cried.
TRUNKS: Uh, hey!(chases after Cell)
(Cell flies in front of the sun)
"Oh no! EVERYONE COVER YOUR EYES!"
CELL: I've been so close for so long...and I can't take it anymore! 18, I'mcoming!(Vegeta is seen flying back to the battle, growling)SOLAR FLARE!(blinds everyone)
Thanks to being extra prepared this time, everyone managed to avoid getting blinded by the Solar Flare.
VEGETA:(thinking as he gets blinded)AH, MY RAGE HAS BLINDED ME!
"Pfft!" Millianna snorted.
CELL:(flies down to the ground, passing a blinded Trunks)Now...for the climax!
KRILLIN:(runs in front of the Androids, acting as a shield)I won't let him touch you! Just stay behind m-(gets sent flying by a blast from Cell)GAAH!(Krillin Owned Count: 34)
(18 shrieks and turns around as Cell approaches her and opens the funnel of his tail)
"Nononononononononononono!"
ANDROID 18: 16!
ANDROID 16: Yes?
ANDROID 18: ...Look after the little guy.
ANDROID 16: ...Confirmed.
(18 dashes forward, only for Cell's tail to drop down and let out a terrified scream. Trunks lands on the ground, regaining his eyesight and sees Cell undergoing his final transformation.)
The mages watch in horror as Cell begins to transform, their worst fears bearing fruit once more.
TRUNKS:(thinking)NO!
ANDROID 16: (thinking)NO!
KRILLIN: (thinking)NO!
VEGETA: (thinking)YES!
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"
(Cell lets out an enormous shockwave that can be seen from the island)
The large Lacrama began to shake roughly, before emitting a powerful shockwave that knocked most of the mages out of their seats. An enormous gust of wind burst forward, but Wendy regained her senses quick enough to reel the wind in.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING!?" Lucy cried out, holding onto Natsu.
"We're f*cked…" Laxus answered.
(cut to The Lookout)
BULMA: Hey, so, I can't sense power levels, but I can feel THAT! Does that mean anything?
PICCOLO: WE'RE F**KED!
(back at the battlefield, Cell completes his Perfect form as everyone minus Vegeta looks in shock)
PERFECT CELL:(lands on the ground and looks up in the sky)
"P" is for "priceless", the look upon your faces
"E" is for "extinction", all your puny races
"R" for "revolution", which will be televised
"F" is for how "f**ked" you are, now allow me to repriiise
"E" is for "eccentric", just listen to my song
"C" is for "completion", that I waited for so long
"T" is for the "terror", upon you I'll bestow
(chuckles)My name is Perfect Cell, and I'd like to say...hello
Something was different, entirely different. Cell's entire demeanor no longer screamed creepy or freaky. There was nothing, but a chill that entered the guild. Everyone felt that chill of overwhelming hopelessness that the Fairy Tail mages had only experienced once before.
The chill of death created by Acnologia on Tenrou Island absolutely paled in comparison to Cell's endless stream of death. A God of Destruction has been born into the world.
[DBZA ALTERNATE SCENE- "...WHOOPS..."]
ANDROID 18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far! In fact, the only thing we want dead right now is Cell!
ANDROID 16: Also Goku!
KRILLIN: Oh... Thank God, that makes this so much easier!(accidentally hits the button of the detonator with his foot)
ANDROID 18: Huh?(her head explodes)
KRILLIN: AAH!
(I hate this awkward deleted scene. Ruins the atmosphere. But, people would've complained about me leaving it out.)
Chapter End
Chapter 67: Flashpoint
Chapter Text
Chapter 72: Flashpoint
(cut to Goku and Gohan inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
GOKU: All righty, Gohan. I hope you got plenty of sleep. 'Cause today, we're gonna do some special training!
"I'm a big fan of special training, right Happy?" Natsu asked.
"Yeah, like all that training we did before!" Happy replied.
"But, nothing about you changed, Happy," Lucy sweat dropped.
GOHAN: This is going to be utterly terrifying or completely silly, isn't it? There is no in-between with you.
"If there was then everything would be easier," Erza sighed.
GOKU: Naw. We're just gonna focus on a little bit of basic combat training that Piccolo told me you've been struggling with…
Mira froze at those words, knowing exactly what Piccolo had to have told Goku. "He wouldn't…"
"You know he will, Sis," Lisanna replied. The youngest sibling could only sigh as her sister kept twitching in agitation.
GOHAN: ...No, you aren't...
GOKU: Today, I'ma teach you...how to dodge.
" !" Mira spoke through gritted teeth.
GOHAN: I really don't think you-
GOKU: YAH!(powers up into his Super Saiyan form, which knocks Gohan back)Now, this is gonna be a Super Saiyan blast! As a non-Super Saiyan, you have no option but to dodge it!
"He really carries that "I don't give a sh*t" energy," Laxus said.
"This is irresponsible and stupid! All at the same time!" Yukino pointed out.
"I don't see what you guys are so worried about. Gohan is going to be fine!" Natsu replied, shrugging. He felt a deep chill up his spine, turning his head to see Mira glaring at him.
"For your sake, he better be fine, Natsu. Or I won't feed you for the next 10 weeks," Mira threatened. The Fire Dragon Slayer gulped in fear, hoping that Gohan really will be fine.
GOHAN: Dad, you really need to listen!
GOKU: Because if you don't dodge this, you'll almost certainly, probably, definitely die!
"I'm going to kill him!" Mira shouted.
"T-There's gotta be better ways for Gohan to become a Super Saiyan. This shouldn't be necessary, right?" Wendy asked. Though, nobody answered her question.
GOHAN: Dad, I'm serious!
"So is he," Makarov sighed.
GOKU: Ready? And...(begins charging a blast)
GOHAN:(thinking)Damn you, Pavlov…
"That certainly made a return. Though, not in the way that I would've expected," Levy mentions.
GOKU: HA!(releases the blast at Gohan, who manages to catch it, but struggles to hold it)
"GOHAN!" Multiple people cry out for the young lad.
GOHAN:(thinking)Mr. Piccolo! Krillin! Anyone! No... Nobody is here to save me this time. To save me like always. I can't run from this. I can't dodge this. Well, if I can't dodge... If I can't dodge... Then...!(transforms into a Super Saiyan for the first time and shoots the blast back at Goku)
The worry held within the mages instantly turned into one of cheer and celebration at Gohan finally achieving Super Saiyan.
Levy popped open her notebook to add the scene to Gohan's entry. "Gohan realizes that he can't rely on other people to always save him. This realization and his father's willingness to push him finally brought forth the Super Saiyan within him."
GOKU: Whoa!(narrowly dodges the blast, which explodes in the distance, and looks at Gohan with really excited eyes)Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!(lands near Gohan, who is struggling to maintain his new form)Well, look at you. And for a moment there, I thought you were actually gonna dodge.
"CAN YOU CALM HIM DOWN!?" Mira screamed, seeing that Gohan was struggling to even maintain the form.
GOKU: Good thing that was only half-strength, or...(Gohan is still seen struggling)Yeah, the first time is pretty intense. My first time was with Freezer.
"Oh my~" Cana wiggles her eyebrows.
"Cana please!" Lucy whines.
GOKU: And, boy, was that rough!(Gohan is once again shown struggling)...So, who wants a haircut?
"I think a haircut is the least of Gohan's problems right now," Sting chuckled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the battlefield where Perfect Cell is testing out his new strength by throwing a few punches in the air as Vegeta, Trunks and Krillin, who has tears in his eyes, watch on)
Now that the scene was back on the situation outside of the Time Chamber, the mages felt that chill from earlier return.
"Ugh, I really wanted to ignore this," Yukino shivered.
PERFECT CELL: So, who's first?
KRILLIN: GIVE HER BACK!(fires his Kienzan at Perfect Cell, which hits him directly in his neck, but shatters after it passes through)
"The one time he actually remembers to use it...it doesn't even work," Levy gaped at the scene.
"Huh? Really makes you wonder if it would've worked any of the previous time if he did remember," Gray said.
Juvia was trying not to cry, finding it tragic that Krillin lost the love that he was finally looking for and that 18 was forcefully taken from 16 and her true love.
PERFECT CELL: Ah...(turns his head around)A volunteer.(kicks Krillin hard in the neck, sending him flying through a plateau and several feet across the ground)(Krillin Owned Count: 35)
TRUNKS: Krillin! Are you okay?!
"No, he is not ok," Carla answered.
"Why would you even need to ask that?" Lector asked.
KRILLIN:(whines)
TRUNKS: Do you need a Senzu Bean?!
"What a dumbass question," Laxus pinched his nose.
KRILLIN:(whines again)
TRUNKS: You're right, that is a stupid question.
(Trunks rushes off to help Krillin while Perfect Cell throws a few more punches in the air to clear the smoke and looks over to 16)
PERFECT CELL: Hey.
ANDROID 16: Hello.
PERFECT CELL: So, are we cool?
"No! You are not cool! You took his family from him, you asshole!" Wendy shouted. Everyone did a double take from Wendy's cursing, not knowing just how much this affected the young Dragon Slayer.
ANDROID 16: You ate my family!
PERFECT CELL: Hey, don't lose your head! They were my family, too.
"No they weren't! Family wouldn't absorb each other or try to kill each other!" Wendy refuted. Her attention was so focused on the Lacrama that she missed the nervousness from all the other Fairies.
VEGETA:(lands next to Perfect Cell and crosses his arms)So you broke the bald one's neck. Bravo, I hope you're not too proud of yourself.
"I hope you're proud of getting everyone killed," Erza glared.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, Prince... I am proud. Not of that, no. But of you. It takes a big man-not necessarily a tall one-to do what you did. Sticking to your guns and just throwing everyone's lives away.
"Agreed, out of everything Vegeta has ever done since he first showed up this is thedumbestthing! Like, you'd think he would've learned after Frieza transformedMULTIPLEtimes and even killed him. But, no he didn't. It's like any progress he may have made got regressed the moment he went Super Saiyan," Levy ranted. Levy couldn't believe she was agreeing with Cell, but at this point they all were agreeing with it.
PERFECT CELL: And for that, I tip my- Huh! What is that on my head? Would you call it a crown? 16, would you call this a crown?
ANDROID 16: I hate you.
"I hate it too," Wendy agreed with 16.
PERFECT CELL: We'll call it a crown.
"It kinda does look like a crown," Romeo mentions.
(cut to Krillin gasping for breath after getting fed a Senzu Bean from Trunks)
TRUNKS: Oh, good, the Senzu worked! You know, it's too bad you don't have Saiyan biology. At this point, you'd probably be unstoppable.
"Never thought about it that way," Natsu began thinking about Krillin as a Saiyan. Though, Krillin was still bald as a Super Saiyan.
KRILLIN: I know, right?! Also, Vegeta's gonna die.
"Hallelujah!" Minerva cheered. While she celebrated the thought of Vegeta dying, everyone else was curious about Krillin's statement.
TRUNKS: What? How do you-?
KRILLIN: Trunks, do you have any idea how many times I've been hit by someone stronger than me since I became an adult?
"Raditz."
"Nappa."
"Vegeta."
"Recoome."
"Frieza."
"Cell in that dream of his."
"Then the real Cell."
TRUNKS: How would I know that?
KRILLIN: Every time! Barring your mother and Chi-Chi... Literally, every time!
TRUNKS: ...And?
KRILLIN: And I know when someone's holding back...Trunks.
"What?" Everyone paused at Krillin's claim.
TRUNKS: Okay, I can explain.
"Yes, please explain how you could've preventedallof this from happening!" Kagura yelled.
KRILLIN: I don't think you can.
"He really can't. Nothing is going to explain not just killing Cell when you had the chance!" Yukino yelled.
(cut over to Vegeta and Perfect Cell)
VEGETA: All right, "Perfect Cell"...
PERFECT CELL: Mmm, love the ring to that…
"Guess we're going with that then," Levy wrote the name down.
VEGETA: I'm going to enjoy wearing down the knuckles on these gloves.
"I could make a joke, but I'm better than that," Gajeel snickered.
PERFECT CELL: Okay, I know that wasn't supposed to sound sexual, but...
VEGETA: Now, if you don't mind, it's time to turn your little coming-out party into a funeral.
PERFECT CELL: And, time's up. Prince, while there's absolutely nothing I'd rather do than stand here and listen to you bluster at me until the heat death of the universe, I literally have a million better things to do. So, here's the deal. I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
"I do that to everyone. I don't see how that changes anything," Natsu said.
VEGETA: Oh, is that righ-?
PERFECT CELL: Now, hold on. You might have misheard me.(Vegeta scoffs)Not half as hard, not some arbitrary percentage... I want you. To hit me. As hard. As. You. Can.
"I think that's the first time I've ever heard a bad guy genuinely ask to get punched in the face. It's usually the other way around," Gildarts mentioned.
VEGETA: And if I don't play along?
PERFECT CELL: Well, then, I guess your father was right about you.("If you wanted him to hit you, then that'll do it," Laxus muttered.)(Vegeta lashes out and kicks him hard in the head, which has absolutely no effect on him)Ooh... Consider that nerve touched!
VEGETA: Wha-?(leaps back)Ugh! How?!
"And this is where the Prince's mighty castle falls," Minerva felt like she was going to enjoy what happens next.
PERFECT CELL: Because, Prince. Like a soon-to-be broken man once said, "You're either perfect...or you're not me."(kicks Vegeta in the stomach, sending him flying through a couple of plateaus before he manages to stop himself in midair)
Minerva broke into a fit of laughter, enjoying seeing Vegeta's words getting turned on him so quickly.
"Does that count as a callback? Though it was in the last episode?" Levy questions.
VEGETA: ...I'm okay! I'm, uh...(now sounding a bit slurred)I'm, uh...(stops glowing)Fuuuuuu...(collapses down into the water)
(cut over to Krillin and Trunks)
KRILLIN: You've been holding back this entire time!
TRUNKS: Okay, you're right! When I was training in the Time Chamber, I found a way to surpass my father. But he doesn't know! And if he found out…
"What? He'd throw a hissy fit? The fool throws a temper tantrum if he doesn't get his milk and cookies before bed!" Makarov shouted.
"I understand that he wants his father's love. That ever since he met the man, he's received nothing but animosity from him. And it's only recently that Vegeta has seemed to have warmed up to him even if it's just a bit. But, at the end of the day saving the world comes first. You can deal with Vegeta's temper tantrum after everything is said and done," Laxus said.
KRILLIN: Then he'd be mad at you?! Listen, I like the guy, but his default emotion is angry!
TRUNKS: It's more than anger, it's pride! It would shatter him!
"I think you lying to him would hurt his pride more," Gajeel said.
KRILLIN: And because ofthat, 18 had to die?!
TRUNKS: What does itmatter?! That was your plan the entire-(sees tears forming in Krillin's eyes)
Juvia hugged Gray tighter, feeling Krillin's pain. She was a bit shocked when his arm wrapped around her torso, but she didn't say a word or make any movement.
TRUNKS: Oh... sh*t. ...Wait, where is my father?
"That's never a good question to ask," Lucy said.
(cut to Vegeta resurfacing on shore)
PERFECT CELL: See, Prince? That's what you get for not listening. But, since I know you have trouble following directions, I'm gonna give you one last chance. You. Me. Hard as you can. Are we clear?
VEGETA:(visibly pissed)Crystal.(begins to float up)
"He's gonna do something. That's Vegeta's "I'm gonna blow things up" face!" Happy shouted.
KRILLIN: Maybe you should tell him before he does something completely reckless!
TRUNKS: There is literally nothing left that he could do to make this situation worse. Save blowing up the planet.(cut to Vegeta screaming and outstretching both his arms to begin charging an extremely powerful attack).
"You guys really need to watch what you say," Minerva growled.
TRUNKS: He is going to blow up the planet!
KRILLIN: BUT I LIVE HERE!
There were some giggles from Krillin's outburst.
(cut back to Vegeta charging up energy as Perfect Cell watches on with an unimpressed look. Vegeta then thrusts both his arms forward, with lightning striking out between his palms)
Once more the Guildhall began to shake and rumble, a giant surge of power was sent radiating through the guild. Everyone could feel the energy that Vegeta was building up, like a volcano about to erupt.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, that's much better! I can actually feel that!
VEGETA: In mere moments... All you'll be feeling is OBLIVION!
"He's really lost his mind at this point. To resort to blowing up the entire planet just to win," Jellal shook from the pulsating energy from Vegeta.
"It's Vegeta after all, he's always resorted to extremes whenever he was pushed to his limits. In his battle with Goku, with Recoome, and Frieza. Launching a giant attack to beat them, but this feels like a completely different level," Erza explained.
PERFECT CELL: That, or disappointment. Go ahead...flip that coin. (cut to Vegeta forming an energy ball in palms)
"Tempting him will only end badly! The thing is, I just don't know for who at this point," Freed was reminded of Laxus whenever the Dragon Slayer charged up his attacks. The raw power that was being charged up was too large to be ignored.
TRUNKS: Father! Your pride isn't worth destroying the planet! Come on!
KRILLIN/Lucy: Way past the bargaining stage here...
VEGETA: FINAL FLASH!(fires a massive blast directly at Perfect Cell)
PERFECT CELL: Aw, how cute! He named it-OH, sh*t!(gets engulfed by the blast as it's seen travelling straight on into outer space)
Nobody could make a move as they watched in shock all by the enormous amount of energy that Vegeta released at Cell. That attack surpassed anything they've ever seen in their entire lives.
"If Acnologia was hit by that, he'd be incinerated in an instant. Not even an atom would be life," Jellal gaped.
"To think Vegeta was holding that much power...that had to have done something to Cell. If not hurt, then kill it!" Erza said.
KRILLIN: Ah, cool. He missed the planet.
"And that proves that Vegeta is sane enough to not just kill himself in the process," Freed agreed.
TRUNKS: Thank God he's not completely insane. "Completely" being the operative word.
VEGETA: *panting* Hard enough for you?
(as the dust clears, Perfect Cell is now seen missing his right arm and a portion of his torso from Vegeta's attack)
"HOW DID IT NOT KILL IT COMPLETELY!?" Everyone asked, shocked.
"Cell must've dodged the blast at the last second. It seemed to have realized that the attack was way more dangerous than it originally realized," Freed guessed.
"That explains Cell's reaction after he tried to make fun of the attack," Kagura said.
"Tch! I-It was nothing impressive!" Minerva spat angrily. She didn't want to admit that Vegeta's attack had scared her.
KRILLIN: Bonus! It actually did something!
TRUNKS: See? Everything worked out! I mean, he's not dead, but, it's a start!
"I...I feel like they're all forgetting that Cell has Piccolo's regrenation," Lisanna mentioned.
"Or, maybe they just don't know?" Elfman guessed.
(Vegeta begins laughing)
"Yeah, Vegeta just didn't know," Gajeel said.
PERFECT CELL: You... You think this is funny?(Vegeta continues laughing)YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!(Vegeta carries on with his laughter)It's not...as funny...(smiles)as your face.(regenerates his right arm, causing Vegeta to stop laughing and look in horror)
TRUNKS: Holy...
KRILLIN: sh*t!
"Vegeta is gonna die," Levy stated and nobody could disagree with her.
PERFECT CELL: You know, it might sound weird, but I kinda liked the old arm better. Oh, well. I'll just have to break it in!
(Vegeta starts firing multiple blasts at Perfect Cell)
VEGETA: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!
PERFECT CELL: Prince...has this ever worked?(walks straight through the blasts and punches Vegeta across the island)Don't need to answer that.
"I'm gonna answer it anyway! The answer is no!" Natsu replied.
KRILLIN: Okay, Trunks, you're out of excuses now! He's gonna kill your dad!
TRUNKS: Y-You don't know that! He could just knock him unconscious, and then I'll-
KRILLIN/Everyone: WE DON'T HAVE DRAGONBALLS, TRUNKS!
(Vegeta is seen standing up and wiping his face with his hand as Perfect Cell stands directly in front of him)
PERFECT CELL: Some advice, Prince. For the future. Next time, why don't you remember your place like the rest of them? ...And wait for Goku.
"If you didn't break his pride by surviving that Final Flash, then that right there absolutely shattered the man's spirit," Rogue said.
PERFECT CELL:(launches Vegeta into the sky with a kick and then appears in the direction Vegeta is flying and delivers the coup de grâce by elbowing him hard in the back, sending him crashing down to the ground, rendering him unconscious and out of his Super Saiyan form)
Everyone in the guild winced at the impact of Cell shattering Vegeta's spine. Even Minerva winced from the hit, seeing just how devastating it was.
PERFECT CELL: K.O.!(lands near Vegeta)I win!(holds out his hand to finish off Vegeta)Perfect! Hm?(looks up in the sky and notices Trunks is powering up)Oh... Here comes a new challenger.
"Finally! Trunks' real power is on it's way!" Natsu cheered.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
GOKU:(singing to himself as he rummages around in the fridge)
I like food 'cause it is yummy. I will put this in my tummy...(outside, Gohan is seen training in his Super Saiyan form)Gohan! Grub's up! Now, I might've gotten a little ahead of myself and already finished, but I made sure to save you this.(holds up the meat)So cook her up, son!(throws the meat into the air)
GOHAN: Hiyah!(fires a blast at the meat, cooking it through, and Goku catches it)
"I love doing that with my flames!" Natsu exclaimed.
GOKU: Mm, yeah! Charred meat with no seasoning, just how Grandpa used to make-(the meat suddenly bursts into flames in front of his face and gets incinerated, with his hair getting caught on fire)Gohan... What did I tell you about controlling your power level?
"Wow, he actually sounds like a father," Evergreen rolls her eyes.
"Nobody gonna bring up that his hair is on fire?" Kagura asks.
GOHAN: I'm sorry, Dad. I'm just not used to my new strength yet...
GOKU:(the flames are now seen spreading through his hair)No excuses, Gohan! You have to eat. And just because the fridge magically restocks, doesn't mean we can waste valuable food!
GOHAN:(notices the fire on Goku's hair)Uh, Dad, I think your hair is on fire-
"I wouldn't bother telling him," Gajeel replied.
GOKU:(the flames now cover a larger portion of his hair)Don't change the subject, Gohan!
GOHAN: ...(watches silently as the fire flares up and begins to burn Goku's entire face)
GOKU: *sniffs* Who's cooking pork?
"You are," Wendy giggled.
Chapter End
Chapter 68: My Body is a Temple
Chapter Text
Chapter 73: My Body is a Temple O'Trunks
(cut to inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber with multiple ki blasts being seen flying about and Goku as a Super Saiyan managing to dodge one)
GOKU: Boy, I'm glad you're a Super Saiyan now; I've needed a good training partner!(dodges some more blasts and backs into a wall)
"So, you're admitting that anyone beforehand wasn't good enough?" Gajeel asked.
GOKU: I don't know Trunks very well, and Vegeta's always so busy...and angry.(leaps out of the way to dodge another incoming blast)And I'm not gonna lie... Sometimes, I think he doesn't like me.
"Noooo...What honestly gave you that impression? Was it the constant screaming, his sarcastic attitude, the insults, or the glare that never leaves his face? Honestly, who knows?" Minerva rolled her eyes.
GOKU:(destroys three incoming blasts with a single blast of his own)I mean, who wouldn't like me?
"Frieza is currently screaming in hell," Freed said in response.
GOHAN:(lands on Goku's shoulders)Maybe you're just too good!
GOKU: Nah, I'm just Goku.
"And Goku is awesome!" Natsu grinned.
GOKU:(reverts back to his normal state)And speaking of Goku, it's lunch ti-(a clock falls off the wall and lands on the ground, making him and Gohan, now in his normal state, look at the damage they have done to the Time Chamber)
GOHAN: Well, guess we don't know what time it is anymore, huh?(starts laughing but stops when he hears Goku muttering)
GOKU:(quietly)Don't break Popo's stuff. Don't break Popo's stuff. Don't break Popo's stuff.
Everyone felt a dark chill, a familiar sinister laugh can be heard faintly in the background.
GOHAN: ...Dad?
GOKU:(much louder)Don't break Popo's stuff. Don't break Popo's stuff.
GOHAN: ...What are you muttering?
GOKU: SIXTH RULE OF POPO'S TRAINING!
"Welp...hopefully they can fix that clock in time," Levy chuckled nervously.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Trunks screaming as he powers up)
PERFECT CELL: Good lord, the lungs on that boy.
"Yeah, it seems to be a trait they all share with Natsu," Gray agreed.
Instead of taking it as an insult, the Dragon Slayer just puffed out his chest. "HELL YEAH I'M LOU-"
"SHUT UP!" Erza smacked him into the ground.
KRILLIN: You okay, Trunks? You, uh, doin' good on air, there?(gets zapped by a spark of electricity from Trunks' aura)AGH!
"No counter for that one?" Freed asked.
(cut to The Lookout)
PICCOLO: And there's the twist!
BULMA: Not to be a broken record, but...
PICCOLO: Right! So, uh, no worries, your, uh... Huh, I was gonna say husband, but... Well, I was gonna say boyfriend, but-
TIEN/Laxus: Your baby daddy is still breathing.
PICCOLO: Yeah, barely.
BULMA: Well, that's a relief.
"Really? Is it really?" Carla didn't understand why Bulma would be relieved.
PICCOLO: On the other hand, Trunks is about to fight Cell.
BULMA: What?! But he's just a baby!(silence)Oh, right...the future one. But he's just a baby!
"How would you confuse them? The infant is in your hands," Kagura pointed out.
"It just shows how much she loves her son!" Millianna smiled.
"Yeah...a little too much," Minerva mumbled.
(cut back on the battlefield)
KRILLIN: Okay, you done?
TRUNKS: Yeah, yeah! I-I'm so sorry about that!
KRILLIN: Hey, man, it's fine.
TRUNKS: My power was rising, I-I couldn't control it!
"That could be an issue if you can't keep your power under control. Don't want to cause anymore damage to the planet as is," Jellal said.
KRILLIN: No, it's good! Go kill him!
TRUNKS: Definitely didn't do that because you spared the Android or anything.
"That makes more sense, Krillin did screw up alongside Vegeta," Rogue said.
"Juvia still has no issue with it! Love is always the right answer!" Juvia argued back.
"Juvia, while we all sympathize with Krillin's choice to not kill 18. It was the wrong choice at the end of the day, since Cell still absorbed her," Erza explained, frowning. Erza hated to say that, since Fairy Tail has always followed their hearts in the choices they make. Thinking back to the Tower of Heaven and how Natsu refused to let her sacrifice herself, Krillin's actions weren't that unbelievable.
"If choosing love is wrong, then every choice Juvia's ever made was wrong! Krillin followed his heart whether or not 18 felt the same way! The androids deserved to live their own lives!" Juvia protested.
KRILLIN: Well, obviously! ...Right?
PERFECT CELL: You know, if I had a watch, I'd be looking at my wrist really condescendingly right now!
"No, Natsu. You don't have a watch," Lucy said after seeing him looking at his wrist.
"Oh, right," He laughed.
TRUNKS: Krillin, take this.(tosses Krillin a Senzu Bean)Give it to my father.
KRILLIN: You sure you won't need it?
TRUNKS: No. This battle was over before it began.(starts descending to the ground)
"So, cool!" The kids replied.
KRILLIN: Bad! Ass!
PERFECT CELL: Also accurate!(looks at Trunks as he lands on the ground and dissipates his aura)
ANDROID 16: Trunks, Senzu beans heal physical damage. Only therapy will aid emotional trauma.
"There is NO amount of therapy that will heal that trainwreck," Gajeel replied.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, please. There's not a shrink qualified enough to deal with that hot mess!(Vegeta is heard mumbling facedown on the ground)And, speaking of shrink…
"More short jokes," Levy growled.
KRILLIN: Here it comes...
PERFECT CELL:(starts walking up to Trunks, who also does the same)Krillin, go kiss the prince's boo-boos. The big boys need to talk.
"Trunks is pretty big," Lucy noticed.
"Oh my~" Cana wiggled her eyebrows.
"NOT LIKE THAT!" Lucy screamed.
KRILLIN:(picks up Vegeta)Fine, whatever. Leave you to it. Say goodbye, Vegeta!
VEGETA:(gurgling, barely audible)I hate all of you.
"The feeling is very much mutual," Minerva replied.
(shift over to Trunks and Perfect Cell now standing a considerable distance away from each other)
TRUNKS: I'm going to make you pay in blood for what you did to him!
PERFECT CELL: Oh, don't lie, boy scout. That must have been catharsis by proxy.
"I'd be shocked if it wasn't. Trunks just has a very strong sense of Justice," Gildarts said.
PERFECT CELL:(chuckles as it shows Krillin carrying Vegeta out of the battlefield)He's gonna be waking up for the next five years in a cold sweat remembering today.(starts laughing)
TRUNKS: I'm not a psychopath like-
PERFECT CELL: Kind of likeyou!
"How's Trunks a psychopath? If anything he's a hero fighting for peace," Romeo countered.
TRUNKS: Like me?
PERFECT CELL: Does Gohanknow, by the way?
TRUNKS: Does he know what?
PERFECT CELL:...That you let him die.
A dark atmosphere overtook the guild, every last one of the mages glaring daggers at Cell. The scene of Trunks finding Gohan's dead body replaying within their minds.
"How dare...Trunks had no control over what happened that day!" Erza growled.
"Kill it!" Mira spat.
(waves crash in the background)
TRUNKS:...I'm going to power up now.
PERFECT CELL:(winks at Trunks)I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
"I'm just disappointed that you aren't dead yet," Laxus said.
(Trunks starts to power up, which is so intense that it can be felt from up on The Lookout)
TIEN: That's Trunks?
PICCOLO: Yeah, pretty astonishing, isn't it?
TIEN: It's infuriating!
"I agree, if Trunks had all this power in the first place then he could've just killed Cell from the start," Jellal pointed out.
"He also had every opportunity to kill 18, but he never did. He just kept fighting Cell and Vegeta, hoping that 18 would get away," Gildarts added.
"I think it's because Vegeta would've prevented any chance he had from killing 18. Seeing that his father was so willing to work with Cell," Levy tried to explain.
"If he was stronger then it shouldn't have mattered. He easily overpowered his father's attack beforehand, the only thing that was stopping Trunks were his own feelings towards Vegeta. He just wanted his father's recognition," Sting frowned. If you have the power to change something, then change it and nobody will have to be hurt.
PICCOLO: Why? Because the gap keeps widening?
TIEN: Because he could have A: killed Android 18, B: killed Cell, or C: killed Vegeta!
PICCOLO: Why Vegeta?
TIEN: Because I deserve SOMETHING today!
We ALL deserve something today," Lily said.
(cut back on the battlefield with Trunks still powering up with his muscles bulking up)
PERFECT CELL: That's right, keep it coming, boy! I want a real fight this time!
"It sounds a lot like Goku," Yukino noticed.
"Considering it has Goku's DNA, it makes sense," Rogue answered her.
TRUNKS: Don't you worry! I'll show you just how much stronger I am than my father!
PERFECT CELL: Your father-? Oh, no, I'm sorry, I wasn't being specific. I'm referring to the last time we met. Of course, you wouldn't remember, because you weren't there.(laughs)I mean, you were, but…
Levy flipped through her notes and looked back at Imperfect Cell's page. "That's right! I completely forgot about that!"
"About what?" Lucy asked.
"It'll explain," Levy told her.
TRUNKS: Get to the point!
PERFECT CELL: All right, kiddo, tell me. What do you know about time travel?
TRUNKS: Less than I should.
"Which is why you shouldn't mess with things you don't understand," Jellal scolded.
PERFECT CELL: Well, how do you suppose I got here?
TRUNKS: Well, my time machine, obviously.
PERFECT CELL:(nods)Yeah-huh. And how do you think I got said time machine?
Suddenly Levy's outburst earlier made sense in everyone's heads. Cell knew Trunks, because he stole Trunks' time machine.
"Trunks also said he had a weird sense of deja vu when they first saw Cell back when it fought Piccolo. But, our Trunks never met Cell before," Levy explained.
"And your point is?" Gray asked.
"Multiverse theory's a bitch."
TRUNKS: ...I don't wanna answer that.
PERFECT CELL: Here's the thing: multiverse theory's a bitch. Fact is, you-or at least, another you-traveled to the past, saved the world, came back to your future, and finally defeated the Androids! Congratulations, son! You won!
"Yay! Trunks won!" Millianna cheered. She stopped when she saw that nobody else was cheering with her.
TRUNKS: But, wait. Then when did you-?
(flashback to Perfect Cell's timeline with Trunks in that timeline preparing to go back to the past in his time machine)
PERFECT CELL: So you decided to celebrate! Head back to the past, get your hair ruffled, and finally get that thumbs-up from daddy dearest! But you made one. Fatal. Mistake... You took away what. Was.Mine.(shows him in his Imperfect form emerging from the shadows and proceeds to kill Trunks and then steal his time machine).
"Holy sh*t…"
"Can you even imagine the pain that Bulma has to be going through. Just moments earlier her son was perfectly fine, just saved the world, and was going to tell everyone. Only for her to eventually go outside and find her son's dead body lying on the ground," Yukino held her hands close to her chest.
"And she'll never know. She'll never know what took her son away from her," Lucy felt her heart break for that Bulma. She's pretty much lost everyone she's ever known and will spend the rest of her life alone.
Natsu didn't think he could ever hold so much hate for another being as much as he does Cell. There was nothing redeemable about the bug creature, not a single thing at all.
PERFECT CELL: Unfortunately, I couldn't fit in your time machine, so I had to revert to my larval state, made the trip to a year before you showed up, burrowed underground for four years, and, well...the rest is history!
TRUNKS: Then... You're here…
PERFECT CELL: Because of you!
"To learn that you're responsible for not only the death of a different you, but also the reason for so many deaths is painful. Trunks just wanted to be a hero, to make his mother and Gohan proud, not this," Lucy wanted to console the young Time Traveler.
PERFECT CELL: But please, don't beat yourself up.(chuckles)You're just a child playing hero...complete with spandex.
TRUNKS: And you are just another mistake that I have to correct.
"That's right! Don't let Cell get into your head, Trunks!" Natsu yelled.
"You can still be a hero! Save the world!" Lucy yelled alongside him.
(Trunks powers up once more, bulking up his muscles again, and then rushes forward, landing a punch on Perfect Cell. However, Perfect Cell manages to rebound himself on a wall and appears behind Trunks to kick him away. Trunks stops himself in midair and proceeds to dash up behind Perfect Cell and kicks him in the back. Trunks then flies down in front of the direction Perfect Cell is flying and punches him away. Trunks and Perfect Cell then proceed to engage blows with each other before they both fall back.)
PERFECT CELL: I'm impressed! Behind all that angst and ridiculous hair, there's a real fighter!
TRUNKS: And behind all that insufferable smarm is a dead man!
PERFECT CELL: Trunks...you couldn't fathom the amount of dead men behind me.
The Dragon Slayers all stiffened, remembering the horrible feeling of all the souls that Cell had taken.
(Perfect Cell and Trunks power up and lock arms with each other, with their hands electrifying with power in the center.)
ANDROID 16: Go, unreasonably buff bird!
"Everyone is just a bird to you, huh?" Bickslow questioned.
(Perfect Cell headbutts Trunks in the face and then kicks him downward. Fortunately, Trunks stops himself in midair and returns the favor by headbutting Perfect Cell, pummels him around for a bit and then fires a ki blast that sends Perfect Cell to the ground and hits a cliffside. As Perfect Cell gets up, Trunks hovers above him while proudly crossing his arms.)
TRUNKS: Now, that might not have done a lot of damage, but damn did it feel good!
"Watching Cell get its ass kicked is something I've been needing for a minute," Wakaba agreed.
PERFECT CELL: Oh ho ho! Am I sensing an iota of pride? Guess the apple doesn't fall far if you shake the tree hard enough!
"Must be one sturdy tree," Cana shrugged.
TRUNKS: That snark isn't going to save you while I'm taking you apart. If you haven't noticed, I've literally got you against the wall!
PERFECT CELL: And don't think I don't appreciate the effort. By a wide margin, you're packing more of a wallop than daddy ever did! However... you will never, ever defeat me with that form.
GOHAN/Wendy:(voice over)But why? It's so strong!
"Huh?" The female Dragon Slayer gasped.
(cut to inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
GOKU:(in his bulked-up Super Saiyan form)Oh, yeah. In raw power, it can't be beat. But the amount of concentrated energy causes an extreme expansion in mass. The body can't compensate!
"Wha-?"
"I get it!" Natsu smirked.
"HOW!?"
"Goku and I are just that much in sync!" Natsu giggled to himself.
GOKU: And while you'll see a fifty percent power increase, you'll see a seventy-five percent decrease in speed and mobility! You'd never hit your opponent!(powers down to his normal state)
"Tch! It's only because Trunks is doing it wrong. If you know how to balance your power, then it doesn't matter how big you are," Laxus countered.
"I agree! My MANLY muscles don't get in my way at all! Trunks just went in the wrong direction with it!" Elfman agreed.
GOHAN: D-Did you..? What just...?
GOKU: Whoop! Sorry, was thinkin' about fightin'!
"And suddenly unlocks another part of his brain," Freed sweat dropped.
GOHAN: I'm not sure what just happened.
GOKU: Silly Gohan! In a lame-man's terms...
(cut back on the battlefield)
PERFECT CELL: You. Can't. Hit me.
TRUNKS/Yukino: Then what do you call the last five minutes?!
PERFECT CELL: ...Pity.
TRUNKS: RRGH!
ANDROID 16: Trunks, do not worry. He is just playing you.(Trunks charges to attack Perfect Cell, who laughs and easily dodges all his attacks)Correction: he's been playing you.(Trunks tries to punch Perfect Cell once more, but he merely dodges it and lands on the ground)
"Cell was never taking the fight seriously from the start. All it wanted was to test its new body and humiliate Trunks," Jellal glared at the bug man.
TRUNKS: RRGH! Why?!How?!
PERFECT CELL: Because you're green!
"Like, Piccolo green?" Wendy asked.
TRUNKS: ...Wait, you mean-?
PERFECT CELL: No, not like me, you idiot. As in, you're a novice, an amateur. You're surrounded by fighters who have seen more action in a week than you've seen in your entire life! Hell, at your age, Goku had defeated an entire army, several demons, and sent a rabbit to the moon!
"Is...is that last one made up?" Levy asked.
TRUNKS: Did... Did you make that last one up?
PERFECT CELL: And the worst part of it is, that form isn't even new. Watch.(bulks up just like Trunks did and imitates him in a whiny voice)Look at me, I'm Trunks! Please love me, Daaad!(changes back to normal)See? Anyone can do it.
TRUNKS: ...That's a terrible impression.
ANDROID 16/Gajeel:(off-screen)But not inaccurate!
TRUNKS: Why are you still here?!
"Where else would he go?" Happy asked.
PERFECT CELL: For God's sake, I bet even your father can do it-he's just not stupid enough to try! And as we've seen today, that threshold is vast.
"The entirety of space doesn't compare to the size of Vegeta's ego," Gajeel added.
PERFECT CELL: Now, how 'bout you come on down, stop using that useless form, (scowls) andquit wasting everyone's time.(Trunks powers down to his normal state and slowly descends down to the ground)Jeez, I can't tell which is more shattered. Your father's body or your spirit.
"He failed...He couldn't be a hero," Lucy mumbled. She felt a masculine hand on her shoulder, looking to her side she saw Natsu giving her a determined look.
"Trunks has always been a hero. Him giving everyone a chance to live and fight is pretty heroic if you ask me," He smiled.
"Yeah...Trunks has always been a hero," Lucy smiled.
TRUNKS: Just get it over with and kill me already.
PERFECT CELL: Whoa, and spirit it is! Seriously, bucko, way to bring down the mood.
"Is this nothing but a game to you!?" Makarov roared.
TRUNKS: Is this all just a game to you?!
PERFECT CELL: A game? Hardly. If this were a game, I'd be having fun...or killing Goku. Now that sounds like a good time!
ANDROID 16: That still doesn't make us friends!
PERFECT CELL: I'M TRYING, 16!
"THEN SPIT OUT HIS FAMILY!" Wendy yelled.
TRUNKS: Fine, go ahead! Fight Goku. But when he wins, and when you die, nobody is going to remember you!
PERFECT CELL: ...Huh. All right, change of plans! Turn that frown upside down, boy scout. You're not dying today!
TRUNKS: What in the- Why?!
"If Cell has even a monochrome of Vegeta's DNA in it, then you just hit the ego spot," Freed answered.
PERFECT CELL: Careful, junior, don't want that gift horse to bite you! You've just given me an idea, is all. What would I accomplish killing you here? No... The whole world needs to see what it's created.
"That...that wasn't ominous at all," Yukino shivered.
TRUNKS: Oh, what the hell are you planning now?!
PERFECT CELL:My revolution. Go take care of your daddy. And make sure to check the news!(flies off)
ANDROID 16:(off-screen)What channel?
16's question sparked some laughter from the mages.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Krillin and an unconscious Vegeta on an island with Krillin preparing to give Vegeta a Senzu bean)
KRILLIN: Well, time to see how well Senzu Beans do with a broken spine.(places a Senzu Bean inside Vegeta's mouth, who swallows it and wakes up)
VEGETA: Where am I? What happened? Uh…
"You doomed the planet and got exactly what you deserved," Gildarts answered.
KRILLIN: You may have blacked out a little bit.
VEGETA: But I'm still alive! He must have realized his mistake and run away!(laughs nervously)
"Dude, there's only so much you can deny," Gray frowned.
KRILLIN: Dude, come on. It's just me.
VEGETA: I... I don't get it. I trained so hard... I reached a new level... And yet…
"You were stronger than Cell. In that one year you managed to reach a new level of strength that would make Frieza piss his pants, but when glory was in your grasp you let it go. You let it go for the sake of your own illusions of being the strongest, something that you've never been since the start. Sometimes to achieve victory you have to be willing to look past yourself, and see the bigger picture," Makarov explained.
KRILLIN: Trust me, man, I get you. I mean, my neck's still stiff from earlier!(Vegeta sniffs and starts laughing)I mean, if I had a dime for every time I had my ass kicked, I might not be in crippling debt!(he and Vegeta share a laugh).
"I think this is the first time the two of them have ever been in close proximity and Vegeta hasn't threatened Krillin's life," Lucy smiled.
KRILLIN: But-But if I had gotten a beatdown like that, man, I would have hung up my gloves, my blue spandex, my ridiculously pointy hair!(starts laughing again, but Vegeta is seen no longer amused)You're not laughing anymore…
"And you ruined it," Lucy deadpans.
KRILLIN:(screams in pain as he gets punched in the face by Vegeta)(Krillin Owned Count: 36)Could I get a dime for that?
"You could get another punch to the face," Gajeel suggested.
Chapter End
Chapter 69: Tiles and Tribulations
Chapter Text
Chapter 74: Tiles and Tribulations
(Cut to Super Saiyan Gohan continuing his training inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber by throwing multiple ki blasts at the ground. As he lands on the ground and struggles to maintain his Super Saiyan form, the door suddenly flies open, and Chi-Chi walks inside.)
"Wait what?" Lucy blinks at the weirdness.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, where are you?!
GOHAN: Huh?
"Even he's confused," Yukino pointed out.
"I'd be confused too if my mother somehow entered a room with intense gravity inside of a palace high in the sky," Sting replied.
"Yeah, this definitely a dream," Levy figured out.
CHI-CHI: You've been slacking on your maths!
"Does math really matter when the world is in danger?" Natsu asked.
"Education is always important, Natsu," Erza answered.
"Even if everyone dies?" Lucy questioned Erza's answer.
"Maybe not as much as that."
GOHAN: Mo-Mom?! What are you doing here?
PICCOLO:(standing on the side)I-I'm sorry, Go-chan. She overpowered me!
"Go-chan?" Mira looked appalled hearing Piccolo say that.
GOHAN: Go-wha...?
CHI-CHI: If you fall behind on your vector calculus, how are you going to do your taxes?! We don't have the money to pay people for that!
GOHAN: Mom, I'm trying to help save the world, here.
CHI-CHI: What world is there if you have no idea how to prove or disprove the Riemann hypothesis?!
"Someone shut her up, please!" Laxus groaned.
"What is she even talking about?" Lisanna asked.
"In simple terms it's a very difficult math equation that 10 year olds shouldn't be having to answer," Freed answered.
"Just adding more to the "Chi-Chi is one over-bearing mother" pile," Bickslow said.
GOHAN: The same one we live in now? I guess?
CHI-CHI: If you wanted to squander your potential and disappoint everyone, you should just become apolitician!
Erza's eyes trailed over to Jellal for a split second, her eyes shifted back to the lacrama when he noticed her.
"Anything you want to say, Erza?"
"No."
Chi-Chi: Now, where's your father?
"Yeah, where is Goku?" Natsu asked.
PICCOLO: Yeah, where is he?
PERFECT CELL: Yes...(suddenly appears behind Chi-Chi)Where's Goku?
"W-What!?" Wendy gasped.
CHI-CHI: Huh?(turns around and gets slapped in the face by Perfect Cell and falls on the ground)
GOHAN/Yukino: Oh, thank God-I mean, OH, MY GOD!
(a snapping sound is heard and then shows Piccolo falling down on the ground)
The Strauss Siblings flinched at Piccolo's neck(I'm assuming) getting snapped again.
PERFECT CELL: My dear Gohan.(steps on Piccolo's head and crushes it, causing Piccolo to groan, and then floats up and lowers his foot above Chi-Chi's head)There's something you should know...(crushes Chi-Chi's head with his foot)I...
(Perfect Cell turns around is shown with Goku's face and speaks in Goku's voice)
GOKU: ...love you, son…
Every last person was disturbed to their very core by the scene that just transpired in front of them.
"Gohan needs a f*cking therapist," Laxus released a breath. Nobody in the audience disagreed with him.
(shift to Gohan sleeping in a bed with Goku standing right next to him)
GOHAN:(in his sleep)OH, MY GOD! AHH!
GOKU: Why are you tripping, Gohan?
GOHAN:(opens his eyes)A nightmare...(gets up on the bed)A terrible nightmare!
"Something that will continue to haunt me for the next couple of months," Lucy shivered.
GOKU: Oh. Was it the one where your mom and Piccolo come in, then Cell shows up and kills them, and suddenly he has my face, and it's all like "Wha...?"
"I-Wha-How-I-WHAT!?" Carla screeches.
GOHAN: Yes...
GOKU: Aw, it's all good! I've been having that one for a week!
"They need to leave that chamber now," Erza and Mira said in unison.
"But, the training!" Natsu and Elfman whined. However, two harsh glares shut them both up instantly.
GOHAN:(lies back down on the bed)I think we've been in here too long.
GOKU: Eh...(looks at the wall, which is covered in red writing that reads "All training and no play makes Gohan a dull boy")Maybe just a little…
"Goku also needs a therapist," Gajeel added.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Piccolo and Tien on The Lookout)
PICCOLO: So, a development: Cell's gone.
BULMA: Wait. So, Trunks won?
"Sadly, no," Lucy frowned.
TIEN: No, he split. As in, grabbed his metaphorical sh*t and flew off.
BULMA: After killing Trunks?!
PICCOLO: No.
BULMA: Vegeta?!
"I only wish," Minerva said.
PICCOLO: Nobody's dead!
TIEN: Yet.
PICCOLO: I think he just got bored and left.
BULMA: So...we won, then?
"NO!"
PICCOLO: No!
TIEN:(rolls his eyes)Oh, my God!
(cut to Trunks on the islands)
TRUNKS: HYAH!(transforms into a Super Saiyan lets loose a burst of energy, emitting a bright light from high above the clouds as Vegeta and Krillin arrive and sees him down on his hands and knees)
"He got that from Vegeta," Makarov sighed.
KRILLIN: Aw, geez. He's taking it pretty rough.
VEGETA: It's pathetic. Find some honor in defeat, for God's sake!
"If that isn't the most hypocritical thing he's ever said…" Gajeel muttered, remembering every time Vegeta threw a tantrum whenever he lost.
KRILLIN:(under his breath)View must be great from that glass house of yours.
VEGETA: Hrm?!
"Don't get punched again, Krillin," Lucy said.
KRILLIN:(quickly)We should go check on him!
(shift to Vegeta landing in front of Trunks with his back turned away from him)
TRUNKS:(reverts back to his normal form)I... I'm sorry.(Krillin lands near Vegeta)I did my best, but...he just toyed with me! I couldn't do anything! And in the end...I wasn't even important enough to kill!
"Oh, Trunks," Lucy's heart went out to the boy.
VEGETA: Sucks, doesn't i-I mean, sucks to be you!(under his breath)Yeah, that was it.
KRILLIN: Again, guys. Come on. It's just me, Krillin. Everyone's friend.
"He really is everyone's friend. You just can't really hate Krillin," Lisanna smiled.
"I mean...I can try," Minerva muttered.
ANDROID 16: I would like more friends...
KRILLIN & TRUNKS: Huh?
ANDROID 16: I seem to have misplaced mine when Cell... Oh.
"16, I'll be your friend!" Wendy wanted to hug the robot.
TRUNKS: You've got to be kidding me! I would never be friends with you!
ANDROID 16: I was not speaking to you! I was speaking to the duck.
"I thought he was a bird," Romeo said.
KRILLIN: Well, quack, quack, big guy! Any friend of 18 is a friend of mine! Let's get you all patched up.
ANDROID 16: You are the pluckiest duck. Together we shall be the Bird and the B. The B stands for…
"Blast me through the skull," Minerva drawled, earning an elbow from Erza.
KRILLIN: Brobot!
ANDROID 16: Yes.
"AW! Krillin made a new friend!" Lucy smiled.
TRUNKS: What am I watching?
VEGETA: I don't know, but I hate it.
"We agree on something," Gajeel said.
TRUNKS: Well, hopefully he doesn't try to screw this one.
VEGETA: Ha! No robo.
"Ha! I get the joke," Bickslow laughed.
(Cut to Perfect Cell landing near a peaceful countryside with a man coming near a sink to splash water on his face and two birds drink water from a pond. Perfect Cell proceeds to level the entire area, causing the man to scream, and then telekinetically lifts a big rock from the ground and cuts it into a large white marble and then divides the marble into multiple tiles. Perfect Cell then thrust one arm forward and made all the tiles fall on the floor, making a giant ring.)
"W-Why did it make a ring?" Levy questioned.
"Maybe for a fighting tournament!?" Natsu guessed.
"No, that sounds too Goku-like," Levy rejected the idea.
PERFECT CELL: Ahhh, yes. The perfect place for my Cell Ga-(a short pause as it sees that one of the tiles is green)Son of an emerald whor*, STARTING AGAIN!(flies off)
"The Perfect being likes to have everything perfect. Makes sense," Freed shrugged.
(cut to outside Capsule Corp. with Mrs. Briefs watering some flowers when Vegeta and Trunks lands behind her)
MRS. BRIEFS: Vegeta! It's been so long! How was space?
VEGETA: Hello, MILF.
"I'm sorry, did he actually just…" Romeo gaped.
"What?" Wendy asked.
"N-Nothing…" He responded, nervously.
"Tell me, I wanna know!" Wendy pouted.
"It's not something you need to know about," He continued to deny.
MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, Veggie. I'm a grandmother now! Call me GILF.
"Can I at least know what that one is!?" Wendy asked.
"No," The boy continued to deny her.
VEGETA: Your culture is so confusing.
MRS. BRIEFS:(notices Trunks)Oh. And who is this lavender-haired gentleman you've brought with you?
"Wow, both his mother and Grandmother have hit on him," Gildarts laughed.
"Trunks has the worst luck," Yukino sighed.
"I don't know, I'd say that's pretty lucky in my book," Cana shrugged.
TRUNKS:(awkwardly)Umm...
KRILLIN:(arrives while carrying 16)Grandkid from the future. Leave the swinging for the park.
MRS. BRIEFS: Phooey.
KRILLIN: Now, where is Bulma at? We got an Android in desperate need of repair.(a bell rings)Huh?
DR. BRIEFS:(comes in riding a bicycle)Why come to the acorn when you have the mighty oak! I taught Bulma everything she knows! Except the dangers of miscegenation, apparently.
"Why would you even need to teach her that last thing?" Kagura asked.
KRILLIN: Heck, if you're volunteering to help, we won't say no.
DR. BRIEFS: Just try to keep the house guests to a minimum. We just got rid of Yajirobe, and we barely have enough food to accommodate anyone…
"That happened before, when I forgot to leave the fridge locked and Natsu somehow managed to sneak in," Mira sighed.
"And it was all delicious!" Natsu grinned.
"And when Erza ate all of the Strawberry cake that I had left in the freezer."
"T-That wasn't my fault! It smelled too delicious and tempting!" Erza blushed.
"Then that time when Cana drunk all the liquor in the storage."
"I got so drunk that I didn't even remember the previous month!" Cana laughed.
(a Capsule Corp. plane arrives and lands nearby)
MASTER ROSHI:(from inside the ship)What up, bitches?! Where my GILF at?!
DR. BRIEFS: ...else.
(cut to Trunks, Vegeta, Krillin, Mrs. Briefs, Chi-Chi, Chiaotzu, Master Roshi, Oolong, Puar, and Yamcha inside as Dr. Briefs begins working on 16)
"That is a lot of people," Mira giggled.
DR. BRIEFS: Alrighty, I'm going to hook your internal OS up to my system. There may be some involuntary oil release-that's natural. And...(boots up 16's memory on his PC, which shows a screen filled with multiple birds as "Surfin Bird" by the Trashmen plays on the monitor)Good God! How long has this been running?!
"I knew the guy liked birds, but that is just ridiculous!" Minerva exclaimed.
"I think it's adorable!" Wendy pouted.
"Of course you do, sweetie," Minerva replied.
ANDROID 16: How long has what been running?
DR. BRIEFS: We're just going to close that for a moment...(closes the bird-infested file, with the monitor changing to a flaming image of Goku with the words "KILL" popping up on the screen while Dr. Gero's voice is heard saying "Kill Son Goku!" over and over)
"Gero needed a therapist, not revenge," Levy said.
DR. BRIEFS: ...Well, bird's the word!(reopens the bird-infested file)
"A lot more interesting," Lisanna let out a sigh of relief.
TRUNKS: ...And then he just flew off. Now we don't know where he is, or what he's planning.
KRILLIN: Well, plus side, you're alive.
TRUNKS: Oh, thanks for the consolation.
"Honestly that is a consolation. I don't think your mother would appreciate you dying," Lucy said.
KRILLIN: Hey, don't knock it. Sometimes you ain't so lucky.
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah.
YAMCHA: Yuh-huh.
VEGETA: Mmm-hmm.
CHIAOTZU: Yup-yup-yup.
TRUNKS: Wait a second. Have all five of you died?!
"Ah, that's right you wouldn't have known that," Levy winced.
"Jeez, Future Bulma, what the sh*t!?" Sting quoted Krillin from earlier.
KRILLIN: Oh ho ho, yeah! Chiaotzu and I twice. First round was basically just Piccolo's dad being a dick.
"It's funny, because Namekians don't have penises," Gajeel laughed.
"Wait, they don't!?" Rogue was shocked.
CHIAOTZU: Yep. Second time, I blew myself up trying to kill Vegeta's dumbass friend. Now he's out there making movies or some sh*t.
"I wonder how Nappa's doing in that business?" Natsu wondered.
"Hopefully he's succeeding," Lisanna hoped.
TRUNKS: Oh, wait. So how did Yamcha die?
YAMCHA: Ah... Um...
VEGETA: Oh, yes. Go ahead. Tell us how you died! I'll fact check.
"I'll fact check as well," Gajeel laughed.
YAMCHA: On my feet, like a man!
VEGETA/Gajeel: Well, you're half-right.
MASTER ROSHI: If you're finished picking on Yamcha...
VEGETA/Gajeel:Never!
MASTER ROSHI: ...we've got bigger fish to fry. Cell's out there, and we have no idea what insidious plot he's brewing.
(cut to Perfect Cell floating above a circular ring)
PERFECT CELL: How did all these squares make a circle?!
"PFFT!Y-Yeah! Definitely evil!" Levy and most others had to keep themselves from laughing at Cell. Remembering when Popo was tripping balls.
PERFECT CELL: I just-! ...No, no. It's fine. It's fine. It doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me... It bothers me, it bothers me a lot!(the screen zooms out to reveal one tile in the ring still colored green)AND THAT ONE'S STILL GREEN!
Full blown laughter erupted at that point from Cell's OCD.
(cut to Dr. Briefs scanning 16's skeletal structure inside his lab)
DR. BRIEFS: Thanks to the schematics Bulma brought me, I should be able to repair you! However, after rooting around in your system for a bit, I've discovered that you're missing an extensive portion of data.
"Probably due to the giant hole in his head," Meredy pointed out.
DR. BRIEFS: Unfortunately, Gero's server was destroyed with his lab, so...
ANDROID 16: That is fine. I am my own Android. I will live my life accordingly. Faults and all.
DR. BRIEFS: I could always give you a sick gatling gun.
ANDROID 16: Appreciated, but unnecessary.(notices Dr. Briefs' cat on his shoulder)What is that creature on your shoulder?
DR. BRIEFS: This? Oh, this is my puss*cat!
ANDROID 16: May I touch your puss*?(Dr. Briefs' cat meows)
"Cana, no!" Lucy stopped Cana quickly.
"But…"
"NO!"
DR. BRIEFS: As long as you don't crush it.(16 takes his cat from his shoulder)
ANDROID 16: Hello, puss*cat.(Dr. Briefs' cat licks his face)It is licking me now. Should I lick the puss*?
"NO!"
"LET ME MAKE THE JOKE, LUCY!"
CHI-CHI:(voice over)Absolutely not!
"Chi-Chi agrees!" Lucy crossed her arms.
"I'm sure she's talking about something else," Erza sweat dropped.
(cut to everyone else outside Capsule Corp)
TRUNKS: But Chi-Chi, if and when we have to fight Cell again, we're going to need Gohan!
CHI-CHI: What you need is to get it through your heads! I told Goku he could train with Gohan. I never said anything about letting him fight!
"Then you and Goku have twoverydifferent understandings of training," Gajeel said.
"I agree with Chi-Chi, Gohan shouldn't be fighting," Mira said.
"Mira…" Whatever Erza was going to say was cut off by Mira.
"I'm serious! He's a child! Since the age of 5 he's been thrusted into life or death battles left and right! No child, no matter their heritage or desire should be thrusted into things like that!" Mira argued her point.
KRILLIN: You cannot keep him out of this-he's a fighter!
"Exactly! Gohan's taken on an alien warlord! He can handle a fight with Cell!" Natsu argued back.
CHI-CHI/Mira: He's ten!
KRILLIN: And he's the third strongest fighter I know!
VEGETA:(glares at Krillin)Who's the fourth?
"Seems you already know that answer to that," Minerva laughed.
KRILLIN: Umm...
CHI-CHI: I'm a fighter too, you know! How do you think I landed the strongest man on the planet?
"Food," Almost everyone answered.
VEGETA: Arguably.
CHI-CHI: Do not make me come over there! I will rip your world a-f**king-sunder!
VEGETA:(nervously looks away, and groans)
"Smartest decision he's ever made," Gajeel said.
CHI-CHI: Look, I might be books in and books out, but that's because I want something better for my son, instead of surviving off prize money and welfare. Now, I know that I can't stop him. But if he fights and gets hurt, or God forbid dies, and any of you could have stopped it...there's no dragon in this universe that will save you from me.
"I get it. She's just scared of losing her son, that's where all of her obsessiveness stems from. A parent's worst fear is their child dying before them and being unable to prevent it," Makarov said. Any other parents in the guild understood Chi-Chi's feelings of wanting to protect her child.
VEGETA:(muttering under his breath)Don't make me come over there...
(cut to Perfect Cell floating above his now complete ring)
PERFECT CELL: Finally! It is complete! Perfectly square, a fine marble white, and a full twenty-four by twenty-(notices a half-tile on the ring and stares at it).
The laughter came back in full.
PERFECT CELL: ...Let it go, Cell. You have sh*t to do.(flies off)
(cut to inside Capsule Corp with a Hetap commercial on the TV)
ACTOR 1: Hey, man. Is that the last Hetap?
ACTOR 2: Yeah, and it's all mine!(a gunshot is heard while it shifts to Krillin, Trunks, Yamcha, Puar, and Vegeta watching the commercial)Ahh! Ahh! Oh, God! Oh, Jesus! Why?!(another gunshot is heard)
"Uh? W-What's going on?" Lector asked.
"Frosch finds that commercial weird," Frosch said.
NARRATOR: Hetap. Come on, you've killed for less.
VEGETA:(thinking)That's not untrue…
"Yeah, I'd believe it," Gajeel said.
KRILLIN: Hey, so not that I mind a good ol' veg sesh, but do we need everyone for this?
TRUNKS: You guys can go ahead and take off. I'll stick around and watch for Cell. It's been kind of neat to watch old TV shows. I checked out the country music channel earlier. Did you know that country is actually awful?
"That's why the androids destroyed all traces of it in your timeline," Bickslow said.
YAMCHA: Well then, if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna hit the gym. Make sure I'm ready for if Cell comes back.
KRILLIN: Oh, can I join you? We'll make a day out of it, get some FroYo after. It is my cheat day.
VEGETA: Oh, that sounds like fun. Mind if I join? Maybe we can see a movie, too.
KRILLIN: Sure! That sounds awesome! I've been waiting for-you're being sarcastic, aren't you?
"How did you almost fall for that?" Kagura sighed.
VEGETA: Careful! It's learning.
YAMCHA: You know, if you're going to skulk around, you could at least try to not be a total dick about it!
VEGETA: Oh, you're right. Allow me to try again. *clears throat* Hello, earthling. How's that gaping chest wound?
YAMCHA: Just fine! How's your spine?
"Yamcha's growing balls! Let's see where this takes him," Gajeel laughed.
VEGETA: ...I'm giving you a five minute head start.
YAMCHA: Thank you. I'm going to need it. You're very fast.
"Didn't take him far," Laxus pinched his nose.
BULMA:(quickly runs inside the room)Where is he? I heard he's here! Where's my baby?!
MRS. BRIEFS: You're holding him, darling!
BULMA: No, the big baby!
MRS. BRIEFS: Well, Vegeta's right over there, across from Trunks!
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
BULMA: Oh, thank God!(appears in front of Trunks, causing him to stumble back)You okay, sweetie? I heard about everything! Do you need a snack? Maybe a juice box?
TRUNKS: Mom, I'm eighteen.
BULMA: Oh, right. Um, stiff drink?
TRUNKS: Mom,stilleighteen.
"At 18 she was probably drinking," Lucy sighed.
"I know I was," Cana smirked.
(shift to Master Roshi watching an aerobics show on TV)
AEROBATICS INSTRUCTOR: Work your body! Work your body! Make sure you don't hurt nobody!
OOLONG:(approaches Master Roshi and sits next to him)You know there's actual p*rn on the Internet, right?
MASTER ROSHI: Pig, you've gotta be able to appreciate the classics! It's what separates the perverts from the connoisseurs.
"I agree, there's always something great about looking at the old school," Macao and Wakaba smirked.
AEROBATICS INSTRUCTOR: One! Two! One-(light starts erupts from the ground)Huh?(the floor explodes and shows Perfect Cell rising up from below the instructor)Ahh!
"CELL!?"
(Master Roshi and Oolong both scream and huddle back from the TV, which also catches Vegeta, Trunks, Bulma, and Chi-Chi's attention)
AEROBATICS INSTRUCTOR:(falls down to the ground as Perfect Cell ascends to the next floor)Ahh! You have great glutes!
"Cell has a butt?" Happy asked.
(everyone minus Vegeta is seen gathered in front of the TV)
KRILLIN: Roshi! Change the channel!
(Master Roshi changes the channel and shows Perfect Cell rising in a cooking show in one channel, a soap opera in another channel, and then shows an anime movie)
CHIAOTZU: Oh, wait! I love this movie! Leave it here!
KRILLIN: Chiaotzu.
CHIAOTZU: Fine, whatever.
(Master Roshi changes the channel to a news reporter on WHN news)
NEWS REPORTER: And as you can see, every dog has its-(Perfect Cell erupts underground right beside him)Aaahhhh!(Perfect Cell grabs him by the neck and lifts him into the air)
PERFECT CELL: The following contains violence, coarse language and adult situations not suitable for minors. Viewer discretion is advised.(snaps the news reporter's neck off-screen while everyone at Capsule Corp minus Chiaotzu watches in horror)
"That...that was just unnecessary," Sting growled.
CHIAOTZU: Whoa! Brutal!
PERFECT CELL: Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, and that technicolor rainbow in between, I am Cell. You may remember me from the following cities.(shows a quick scroll down of all the cities he has visited)Of course if you lived in those cities, you won't remember because you are now part of my biomass as I absorbed you. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Today, I'm making an announcement!
KRILLIN: Please be leaving the planet forever. Please be leaving the planet forever. Please be leaving the planet forever!
"You're being hopeful again, Krillin! Stop being hopeful!" Lucy shouted.
PERFECT CELL: I am leaving the planet forever.
KRILLIN: WOO-HOO!
PERFECT CELL: After I blow it up!
KRILLIN: OH, NO!
PERFECT CELL: Unless!
KRILLIN:(wheezes)
"STOP!" Lucy shouted again.
PERFECT CELL: One of your planet's(takes an aside glance)"champions" can best me in one-on-one combat!
BULMA/Everyone: So Goku, then.
VEGETA:(off-screen)Shut up!
PERFECT CELL: I am officially hosting a once-in-your-lifetime event! A tournament so grand, it will leave you breathless! I hereby dub it...the Cell Games! Be part of the conversation on Twitter at #CellGames!
"TOLD YOU!" Natsu celebrated.
"Wow...Cell really has embraced its inner Goku," Levy wrote down the Cell Games.
YAMCHA:(looking at his phone)Annnnnd he's already trending.
PERFECT CELL: For all of you familiar with your adorable little World Martial Arts Tournament, I'll be borrowing the rules. No brackets this time, however. Yours truly will be your only opponent. And much like Vegeta's mother,(winks)I will accept all comers.
"Even I have to admit that was a low blow," Minerva winced.
VEGETA: How dare...?
KRILLIN:(off-screen)...Why'd you take off your shirt?
"Gray, your clothes!"
"GACK!"
(shift to The Lookout with Piccolo, Tien and Mr. Popo watching the news on a TV)
PERFECT CELL: The location of this marvelous event is 28 KS Point 5. If you don't know where that is, blame the cartographers. The games will start at noon one week from today. That should give you plenty of time to prepare. Or for those not participating, time to connect with loved ones, get your affairs in order, or maybe just kill your boss! Get a purge going! Live a little! Because in one week's time...(chuckles and raises one hand at the back of the studio)Well, to give you an idea...(fires a blast through the back to the studio that destroys many buildings and a mountain)So, keep that in mind, and I'll see you next Sunday! Also, feel free to pray to your God. But spoilers-I won't be listening.
"A game to decide the fate of the world…" Jellal grit his teeth.
"Sounds like fun!" Natsu grinned.
"Heh, it'd be boring if it was just a straight brawl! This at least is adding some flare!" Gajeel agreed.
"I'd blow that damn bug away with my lighting!" Laxus grit his teeth.
"Rogue and I would win these Cell games no problem, right partner!?" Sting grinned.
"Heh, undoubtedly, Sting," Rogue fist bumped Sting.
"I-I'd help too!" Wendy didn't want to be left out.
"Of course you guys would be excited about it," Lucy sighed.
(Perfect Cell flies out of the hole in the studio as the gang over at Kame House look in shock and fear at the static in the TV...until it abruptly changes to a p*rn channel.)
KRILLIN: Roshi, what the hel-
MASTER ROSHI: He said one week! I'm usin' it!
"Goddamn pervert…" Kagura sighed.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
("Someone is Calling" ringtone starts playing before someone picks up the phone)
?: Hello?(someone speaks over the phone)Oh yeah, I saw it. I've already got my promo team on it. We'll have you on a plane tomorrow. You just do some pushups, sit ups, and pull plenty of buses...(the person on the phone is revealed to be Nappa)...champ.
"What is Nappa planning?" Levy wondered.
Chapter End
Chapter 70: If It's been a Year it's been a Day
Chapter Text
Chapter 75: It's Been a Year If It's Been a Day
(cut to The Lookout with Piccolo, Tien and Mr. Popo watching the news on TV showing millions of people fleeing from Cell)
NEWS REPORTER: Over the last thirteen hours, more than two dozen evacuation orders have been issued all over the globe. Thousands upon millions head countryside-including the endangered saskatoad t-rexes-while others seek shelter. The world has never seen terror as real as it has today.
"Kinda like when Tartaros tried to wipe magic off the face of Earthland, except we had mages all over the globe to assist us during that time," Erza remembered.
"They don't have that luxury against Cell, it's a problem they'll have to figure out on their own," Jellal followed up.
PICCOLO: You're kidding me...!
TIEN: Yeah, right? Dinosaurs are still a thing. It's odd how we never talk about it. At least not since we drove them out of the cities.
"We have talking cats. Is that equally as weird?" Lucy asked.
"Hey! We're not weird!" Lector shouted, offended.
"I wasn't calling you weird, just saying people weren't used to you guys at first," Lucy explained.
"I think someone randomly stripping everyday is weirder," Mira said. Everyone turned to look at Gray, who was sitting there in his underwear, uncaring for the stares.
PICCOLO: I'm talking about terror! Never seen, my ass! My dad released every murderer out onto the streets, and overthrew the world government!
"Didn't know that tidbit of information, and I'm happy to add it," Levy wrote it down.
TIEN: Oh, right. And the king of the world is a blue cairn terrier.
"I'm sorry what?" Levy blinked, confused.
"You're finding that weird?" Gajeel asked.
"No. Just didn't expect it is all," She shrugged.
PICCOLO: It's bullsh*t!
TIEN: I think it's pretty progressive.
VEGETA: Aw, look at the poor Namekian lost and forgotten to time.
NEWS REPORTER: Even the attack of the Saiyans five years ago pales in comparison to this overwhelming threat. As if comparing a cataclysm to a rampaging toddler.
"They aren't wrong when you look at Vegeta," Freed said.
VEGETA: Bullsh*t! We turned an entire city into a glass floor!
PICCOLO/Minerva: Aw, look at the poor Saiyan lost and forgotten to time.
VEGETA: Watch it, Namekian! Unless you wanna go right now! And I think we both know how our last fight went.
"Are we remembering the same events, because you didn't kill Piccolo," Gray pointed out.
"Well, there's being guilty by association," Meredy said.
PICCOLO: And I think we don't because we've never fought.
VEGETA: I... Wait, yo- Really? But then how did you?
PICCOLO/Cana: Your dumbass friend.
VEGETA: Riiight! Wow! We've never actually fought! That's so weird!(to Mr. Popo)Isn't that weird, black man?
"I feel like Vegeta just touched a line. Not sure why though…" Freed muttered.
MR. POPO: Yeah... Almost as weird as what's gonna happen if you call me that again.
VEGETA:(thinking while gawking at Mr. Popo)What IS he?
"I'm still trying to figure that out," Levy said.
(Trunks and Tien both gasps while Piccolo grunts and they all look at the room towards the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
"They're finally getting out of the Hyper Sonic Fhamber!?" Natsu gasped.
"You still can't say it right!" Lucy shouted at him.
GOKU:(from inside)All right now, Gohan. When we get out there, try not to brag.
GOHAN:(from inside)About what?
GOKU:(from inside)That's it, son. And don't let slip just how much stronger we are. Otherwise Vegeta will be all,(imitates Vegeta's voice)"Oh, but my pride! Grr, I wish I were a carrot!"
The mages laughed from Goku's imitation of Vegeta, agreeing how spot on it was.
"Just reaffirming the point of Goku being aware of everyone's behavior," Levy snorted.
GOHAN:(from inside)That's not inaccurate.
GOKU:(from inside)Piccolo will probably just growl and grumble. Really, it's too bad we're out of Namekians for him to absorb.
"Can't they find New Namek?" Romeo asked.
"I'm sure they just don't want to drag the Namekians into this. Not after the whole ordeal with Frieza," Macao answered.
GOKU: Then he'd be as strong as Vegeta.(Vegeta growls in anger)
"And Piccolo wouldn't have f*cked up," Minerva added.
GOKU: Speaking of, did you know they never fought?(he and Gohan walk out the room, both of them in damaged armor and in their Super Saiyan forms)Crazy, right?(sees everyone else out front)Oh, hey, guys. What'd I miss?
"Let's see...Vegeta, Krillin, and Trunks screwed up, Cell absorbed 18, achieved its perfect form, and gave the world 10 days to live. So, yeah you didn't miss much," Gildarts shrugged.
VEGETA:(in anger)Mock my pride…
"Everyone mocks your pride," Laxus rolled his eyes.
GOKU: Huh, what'd I tell ya? He's like a See 'n Saiyan!
VEGETA:(off-screen)I'MA KILL HIM!
The mages laughed at Vegeta's continued routine with Goku.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Goku and Gohan gorging on all the food placed on the floor as Tien, Trunks, Piccolo, and Mr. Popo watch)
"Great! Now I'm hungry!" Natsu complained. Mira placed a huge bowl of meat in front of him, he gazed at the food with delight.
"I figured everyone must've been hungry by now and was preparing food in between episodes," Mira smiled.
TIEN: So…
GOKU:(pauses eating a bowl of ramen and looks up)Hmm?
TIEN: Was there enough food in there?
"Without a doubt, but you have Goku in there. There's never enough food for him," Gajeel answered.
"And it seems Gohan picked up some of his habits. He usually has manners," Mira sighed.
"To be fair, Gohan is eating at a much neater pace," Lisanna said.
GOKU:(looks at Gohan with his mouth full)Hmm...
PICCOLO: Did you get stronger?
GOKU:(with his mouth full)Mm-hmm!
TRUNKS: Stronger than Cell?
GOKU:(looks back at Gohan with his mouth full)Hmm…
"Swallow your food!" Lucy shouted.
PICCOLO: For the love of... Swallow! Now!
GOKU:(sucks the rest of his noodles in for five seconds and swallows)I'm not pooping tonight.
"Same," Natsu agreed, much to the other's disgust.
PICCOLO: ARE YOU STRONGER THAN CELL?!
GOKU: I'ma need my threads first! Yo, Mr. P! Hit me up!
"Why is he ignoring the question?" Erza mumbled.
MR. POPO: Bitch, you're lucky you're endearing.
GOKU: Hee!
(cut to inside Capsule Corp. with Bulma working on 16)
ANDROID 16: Another reason I want to kill Son Goku? He is so orange. It's like, "Come on. there are other colors." Am I right?
"How long has this been going on? I kinda want to hear this list," Sting said.
"Considering that it's 16, probably for hours," Rogue answered.
BULMA:(not paying attention to 16)So we'll have to machine the skull ourselves...
ANDROID 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku, you ask? His stupid face. Have you seen it?
"His face doesn't look that stupid," Erza defended.
"So you admit that he does look stupid?" Minerva sweat dropped.
BULMA: Yep.
ANDROID 16: That's a face even a mother could kill.
BULMA: Now luckily Dad has enough synthetic skin to patch that area...
ANDROID 16: Another reason to kill Son Goku is...
BULMA:(tired of hearing 16's reasons for wanting to kill Goku)Hey. So, how 'bout we talk about something else?
"Like birds! Let's go back to the birds!" Wendy exclaimed.
ANDROID 16: Very well. What is your favorite type of bird?
BULMA: Oh, um, penguins.
ANDROID 16: WRONG!
"Penguins are pretty ugly," Natsu said.
(cut back to The Lookout with Goku now in his trademark orange gi)
GOKU: Ah, good ol' orange. Really brings out my stupid face.
Erza resisted the urge to punch Natsu. She didn't know why she wanted to punch him, but she resisted it to the best of her ability.
MR. POPO: I have them washed for you.
GOKU: Aw, man. Now they don't have that Goku smell. Hey, Gohan. We'll have your mom make you a new gi when we get home. You're probably too big for your old one now.
"Aw, that's right! Gohan did get taller," Mira gushed.
GOHAN:(walks up to Piccolo)I've got it covered. Uh. Mr. Piccolo. Could you, uh...
PICCOLO: What, you want me to make you a gi like your dad's?
GOHAN: Actually, I was hoping to get one like yours.
"He's growing up!" Mira cried. Lisanna and Elfman hurried to console her as quickly as possible.
PICCOLO:(eyes widen)Oh.
NAIL:(Did our heart just skip a beat?)
KAMI:(That is precious.)
PICCOLO:(while gritting his teeth)Shut...the f**k up!
"He's also growing up!" Mira continued to cry.
PICCOLO:(to Gohan)Yeah, sure, I guess. CLOTHES BEAM!(materializes a new gi for Gohan based on his own attire)
GOKU: Wow. You know, that works on you. I mean...if you don't like orange.
"Are you jealous?" Erza gaped.
PICCOLO: Quick rundown: doors are gonna be a little difficult at first. I suggest a 45-degree angle. Also crowds. But I don't really deal with them.
TRUNKS: Look, I don't mean to be that guy…
"Because that's accidental," Laxus rolled his eyes.
VEGETA:(off-screen)Oh, that's accidental.
TRUNKS: ...but there's a green cyborg elephant in the room. Goku, are you or are you not stronger than Cell?
GOKU: Good question. I'll go check!
TRUNKS/Everyone: I'm sorry, check wha-(Goku disappears with a pop)
"Oh lord…"
(The scene shifts to Perfect Cell at his Cell Games Arena. The perfect being is standing in the middle of the ring and is talking with someone on a small earpiece. He is speaking to a Hetap manufacturer about sponsors.)
PERFECT CELL:(talking on the phone through the headset)Look, I understand that you sponsor all forms of sporting events, but just so we're clear, you do realize that everyone dies if I win, right?(phone chatter)Yes?(more phone chatter)Yeah, I guess that is a win-win for you, isn't it? Alright then, it's officially the Cell Games-presented by Hetap!
"Of course someone would sponsor Cell. A good minute of publicity before the planet gets erased," Freed sighed.
GOKU:(appearing out of nowhere)I'd kill for a Hetap!
PERFECT CELL:(quickly turns his head around and causes his earpiece to fly off)WHOA! JESUS!
GOKU: No, actually. It's Goku.
"I'm sure people get those confused a lot," Happy said.
PERFECT CELL: Need to put a bell on you.
GOKU: Huh?
PERFECT CELL: Nothing! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you for another week.(chuckles)Must look a mess. I just got done finishing the ring, patching a hole... Speaking of which, what do you think of our glorious battleground?(chuckles)
GOKU: Eh, it's alright. Kinda small, innit?
PERFECT CELL: I prefer intimate.
GOKU: Well, I'm not intimidated either.
"Wrong wor-Why am I still trying?" Carla asked.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, but you should be! Because in it, we shall decide the fate of not only this boring blue ball of dirt and water, but the entire galaxy! So you best bring your A-game, Son Goku. Because the stakes have never been higher.(chuckles as Goku lets out a happy gasp)And before you say it, the prize isn't actually steak.
GOKU: I wasn't thinking that.
PERFECT CELL/Everyone: Yes, you were.
GOKU: Then what is the prize, you monster?!
PERFECT CELL: Living! ...Also a lifetime supply of Hetap.
"I'd rather take the stake," Natsu shrugged.
"You want everyone dead!?" Lucy smacked him.
GOKU: You know, they say "lifetime", but they never consider the DragonBalls. Anyway, I just came to measure you up. And I gotta say...nice.
PERFECT CELL: Baby, you know it.
GOKU: I've seen all I need. Now, I'm up to go and have a...high-fiber dinner. See ya in a week!
PERFECT CELL: It's a date.
"Are...are they flirting?" Lucy gagged.
"They're fight flirting," The guys answered.
"Do you guys do that too?" She asked. None of them answered her question
GOKU: Yeah, I know. That's howdayswork.(disappears with a pop)
PERFECT CELL: ...I'm gonna miss him when he's dead.
"The only one dying is you," Makarov glared.
(cut back to Trunks, Piccolo, Mr. Popo, and Gohan on The Lookout)
GOHAN: So the Androids took my arm?
TRUNKS: Yeah... You lost it saving my life.
"He took Cell's advice and is telling Gohan about Future Gohan," Levy said.
"I guess it's kinda sweet," Mira guessed.
GOHAN: Well, did it at least look cool?
TRUNKS: Oh man, it was the coolest! You were always the first to jump into battle, and you never backed down, and you saved my life so many times!
GOHAN: I died, didn't I?
TRUNKS: ...Brutally.
"Skimmed over my heart breaking into pieces pretty fast," Mira dead panned.
GOKU:(appears with a pop)Wow. Okay, yeah. He's pretty strong. Also really handsome. Like, why didn't none of you warn me he would be this handsome?
"Is Goku…?"
"We can touch that subject on a different date," Erza said.
PICCOLO: But is he stronger than you?
GOKU: If he's as strong as he is handsome, then whoo-boy! I mean, I'd never cheat on Chi-Chi, but...
GOHAN: Dad...
GOKU: So handsome!
"Considering what Cell is, I'm not sure if that would be ok," Gray said.
"I think Goku just has an attraction towards those who he deems as strong. When you consider how he views Vegeta, it would make sense," Levy tried to explain.
PICCOLO: Well then, if it's all the same to you, I'ma take my turn inside the chamber.
GOKU: Hey, maybe after you're done, you and 'Geets can finally have a go.(quietly to Vegeta)Go easy on him, best buddy.
PICCOLO: You know, I was stronger than you yesterday.
GOKU: Yeah, but that was a year ago. We've all grown! Like Gohan! Just look at him! All super and Saiyan…
"He's growing up!" Mira's tears didn't end.
TRUNKS: About that... You've been Super Saiyans since you came out. What's up with that?
GOHAN: Well, after extended exposure and focus, our bodies acclimated to the elevated state. We can sustain it without literally any loss in stamina.
"Wow! They basically treat it as their base form. There would never be a need to not be in Super Saiyan," Freed said.
VEGETA: WHAT?!
GOKU: Yeah-huh. Also, we kinda forgot how to turn it off.(nervously laughs)
"And there's the punchline," Yukino sighed.
GOHAN: Truthfully, it's very concerning.
GOKU: Yeah...for Cell! And, uh, also doors…
"You broke the door handle didn't you?" Erza sighed.
MR. POPO: What did you do?
GOKU:(quickly as he and Gohan fly off The Lookout)See you at the Cell Games-presented by Hetap!
VEGETA:(thinking)That hollow-skulled bastard! Now I'm angry and thirsty! Boy!
TRUNKS:Huh?
VEGETA: We're going back to the chamber and fixing this immediately!
"Well, they'll spend more time together," Lisanna shrugged.
TRUNKS: Yeah, Piccolo just went in.(the door to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber slams shut)
VEGETA: What? Then what the hell am I supposed to do for 24 hours? Hang out with you two idiots?(sees that Trunks and Tien are gone)Fine, your literal humanity disgusts me, anyway.(to Mr. Popo)Guess it's just you and me now, black man.
MR. POPO:(stares at Vegeta, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath)
(cut to Korin inside his tower with Vegeta being seen whooshing down. Mr. Popo obviously threw him.)
VEGETA: ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!
The entire guild erupted in laughter from seeing Popo toss Vegeta off the Lookout.
"It was going to happen at some point, I'm just shocked it took this long," Levy laughed.
YAJIROBE: See? I told you it would happen.
KORIN: 'Twas never a matter of "if"...(takes a sip from his cup as the tower vibrates due to Vegeta hitting the ground off-screen)Only "when".
(cut to Goku's house)
KRILLIN: Crazy. So you're like a year older now, huh?
GOKU: Yeah-huh. Which means he'sTeenGohan now.
"Isn't he eleven?" Lisanna looked confused.
"Yes, which means that he's a Pre-Teen," Lucy answered.
GOHAN: Actually, I'm eleven, so that means I'm a pr-
GOKU:(cuts Gohan off)That means you need a birthday party!
"HE'S GROWING UP SO FAST!" Mira's tears burst forward once more.
KRILLIN: Ooh! Can it be Super Saiyan themed?
GOHAN: *gasps* With little spiky pieces of yellow frosting?
"THAT WOULD BE THE CUTEST THING EVER!" Mira continued to cry.
GOKU:(amazed by his son's brilliant idea for a cake)That sounds amazing~!(to Chi-Chi)Chi-Chi! Super Saiyan cake me!
(There is a slight, but dangerous silence...)
"Oh...oh he's in trouble…" The men with actual experience with women shook in fear.
CHI-CHI: Goku...
GOKU: Yeah?
CHI-CHI: Did you take our son into a magical reality outside of space-time for an entire year, bleached his hair without my consent, and suddenly come back home demanding a birthday cake?
"Wait...has she never seen a Super Saiyan before?" Yukino asked,
"Wow, I don't think she has. Goku never transformed around her, so she had no idea what it was," Erza realized.
"Could've saved a lot of trouble by just showing her, and she did give Goku consent to train Gohan. I'm not sure why she's so pissed," Gray said.
GOKU: If it makes you feel any better, it's...not bleach.
CHI-CHI: It doesn't.
GOKU: Are you upset?
CHI-CHI: No...because I know how you're going to pay me back.
GOHAN: Mom, what do you mean?
CHI-CHI:(opens the front door)Krillin, would you take Gohan out for a few hours?
Mira gained enough sense to realize what Chi-Chi was talking about. "Kids, cover your eyes and ears again!" This time the kids listened without fault to avoid Mira's anger.
KRILLIN:(quickly)Gohan, we're going to Kame House.
GOKU: Wait, what does she mean? Guys?
CHI-CHI: He said one week...(the door slams shut)...and I'm using it.
All of the adults paled at her words.
GOKU: Wh-what are you...?
(cut to an outside shot of Goku's house at nighttime, with the sounds of a bed rocking sounds being heard. In short, Chi-Chi is forcibly using Goku for sex as "punishment.")
GOKU:(heard from inside the house moaning as Chi-Chi is heard grunting)KA... ME... HA... ME...(the bed stops rocking for a few seconds and then a Kamehameha wave suddenly bursts through the roof)HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
"Well Erza, I guess this confirms that Goku's a bottom!"
"SHUT UP!"
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Piccolo sparring with himself inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
KAMI:(Seriously, you can materialize clothing from your very being.)
NAIL:(You wouldn't have to spend anything on supplies, manufacturing...)
"This is true, Piccolo could start his own business!" Lucy smiled.
"What should he call it!?" Lisanna wondered, excitedly.
"Juvia believes it should be named after Gray!" Juvia exclaimed.
"No...that wouldn't make any sense," Lucy sweat dropped.
PICCOLO:(thinking) I am focusing on training.
KAMI:(You should be focusing on what you're going to do after Cell's defeated.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Fine, but what would we even call this hypothetical clothing line of ours?
NAIL & KAMI:(Big Green Threads!)
"Work on that a bit," Yukino said.
PICCOLO: We might need to Workshop that.
PERFECT CELL:(appears as a giant image in front of Piccolo)I think it has a perfect ring to it.
"Wait what?" Everyone paused.
PICCOLO: Yeah, well you're big and green! You have a bias!
NAIL:(Wait, are we hallucinating?)
KAMI:(How long have we've been in here?)
PERFECT CELL:Three days.
"Yeah, that's the perfect cue to get the hell out," Gajeel said.
PICCOLO: ...(cut to him emerging out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)I'm out.
VEGETA:(off-screen)I CALL DIBS!
"Hopefully you go crazy," Minerva hoped.
Chapter End
Chapter 71: Deities, Devils, and Doing the Dirty
Chapter Text
Chapter 76: Deities, Devils, and Doing the Dirty
GOHAN:(with bed rocking noises are heard)The following is a...fan-based parody. Uh, DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and, uh, DragonBall GT...are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and, uh, Akira Toriyama. Please support the...official release. *sighs*
"A-Are they…?" Macao asked nervously.
"Yes...Yes they are…" Mira answered.
"Holy sh*t…"
(cut to Goku and Krillin near a lake)
KRILLIN: Man, it feels like years since you and I just went fishing and chilled out. And, of all times, right before a tournament to decide the fate of the world. Weird how stuff works out, am I right?
"How many times has this happened?" Levy wondered.
GOKU: Nobody knows, Krillin.
"Excuse me?" Erza was taken back by Goku's mood.
KRILLIN: Huh?
GOKU: Nobody knows the weight on my shoulders. I feel it every day. Before I go to bed, when I wake up in the morning... Sometimes, I wonder... "Can I do this?"
"Wow...I never knew Goku had thoughts like these. Do you feel like that too, Natsu?" Lucy asked him.
"I don't know, I just always feel like I have to protect my family, ya know?" He answered.
KRILLIN: Wow, I, uh, I had no idea this Cell stuff was getting to you so badly.
GOKU: Cell stuff? I'm talkin' about Chi-Chi.
"What…"
"Oh my god…"
KRILLIN: Chi-Chi?
GOKU: She's been non-stop! Ever since I got out of the chamber, in and out, day in and day out! She'll send Gohan for groceries five counties over in the middle of the day just to get him out of the house!
"No wonder he's so damn tired! She's been sucking him dry!" Wakaba shouted. He was whacked in the head by Mira.
"THERE ARE KIDS PRESENT!"
KRILLIN: You know you can say no, right?
"Consent does go both ways," Levy mentioned.
GOKU: Well, duh! But it's a challenge, Krillin!
"You heard that Eraz! It's a challenge!" Minerva teased.
"You get one more…" Erza growled.
GOKU: And I never back down from a challenge! Also, it feels really good! Have you ever tried it?
"Yeah, Erza, have you ever tried it-"
BAM!
"That was your last one," Erza punched Minerva across the guild. The Sabertooth mage winced as she tried to get back to her feet.
"W-Worth it…"
KRILLIN: Like...with a real person?
"I shouldn't be surprised," Gajeel said.
GOHAN: Hey, Dad? Mom sent me to tell you to come home. She also told me to pick up a lot of peanut butter..?
GOKU: Krillin?
KRILLIN: Look, if you're asking me to tag in, I'm willing, but-
"DUDE!"
"KRILLIN!?"
"I've heard of 'thirsty', but…" Bickslow trailed off.
GOKU: What? NO! Catch more fish while I'm gone!
KRILLIN: Oh, duh! Of course! Like, that'd never work...
GOKU: Yeah, no! It-(stop and pauses)But if you had a wig…
"DO NOT!" Erza growled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Yamcha, Gohan, and Krillin inside Kame House watching TV)
PRESS RELEASE ANNOUNCER: And now, introducing your World Martial Arts Champion, the strongest man on the planet, Mr. Satan!(Mr. Satan walks up on the balcony as the crowd cheers)
"He looks stupid," Gajeel said.
"I don't know, I kinda like his afro," Natsu grinned.
"I think this is who Nappa was talking about earlier. When he mentioned "champ"," Levy reminds everyone.
"For what purpose?" Romeo asks.
"Money."
YAMCHA: Wait, Martial Arts Champion? I- Did we miss a tournament?
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah.. There was one last month.
KRILLIN: Damn it, we were busy training for the Androids!
"Saving the world is more important than a tournament," Freed said.
"And they can't even do that right," Laxus added.
MASTER ROSHI: What do either of you care?
KRILLIN & YAMCHA: Prize money.
"I can relate to that," Lucy mumbled.
PRESS RELEASE ANNOUNCER: Mr. Satan, what do you have to say to your opponent?
MR. SATAN: Now you listen here, Cell... I know why you gave everyone a week to prepare for your little tournament! It's so you could spend the last seven days on Earth prayin' that MR. SATAN wouldn't show up!(the crowd cheers)So, after I eat my Jimmy Johns, and drink my Hetap, and F**K MY HOT ASIAN WIFE...I'm gonna squash you. Like the bug you are.
"I hope he dies. Is that ok for me to say?" Minerva asks.
"Eh...might be a bit too much," Yukino responds.
PRESS RELEASE ANNOUNCER: Mr. Satan, everybody!
YAMCHA: So, do they know what's going on with his name, or...?
CROWD: Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
"Yeah, they're aware," Mira answered.
YAMCHA: Okay, yeah, they know.
GOKU:(pops in)Guys, I need help with my hot Asian wife!
CHI-CHI:(walks up to Goku)Who told you, you could leave the bedroom?!(grabs him by the collar)
"Not a word!" Erza glared at Minerva.
"I wasn't going to say anying
GOKU: ...Guys, don't tell her I'm here...!
"Don't worry, Goku, I won't," Natsu responded.
"I can't tell if you're joking or not…" Gray sweat dropped.
(cut to Perfect Cell standing in the middle of his ring with a TV crew approaching him)
REPORTER: This is bullsh*t, man... This is suicide!
CAMERAMAN: Dude, pull your balls out of your purse, and do your job.
"Sexist," Kagura glared.
REPORTER: Okay, that's sexist as hell!
CAMERAMAN: Yeah. It's sexist. And do you know what's standing out there? A Pulitzer! Now go get it!
(the reporter lifts his microphone up to Perfect Cell)
REPORTER: U-um, um... Hello!
PERFECT CELL:(opens his eyes and looks at the reporter)Hello, there!(turns his head around to face the reporter)How may I help you?
"That's not creepy as all hell," Sting said, sarcastically.
REPORTER: W-well, M-Mr. Cell...
PERFECT CELL: Oh, please now, don't be so formal! Call me Perfect Cell!
REPORTER: Uh, okay. Perfect Cell-
PERFECT CELL:Mr.Perfect Cell!
"When are you kids gonna start showing me that kind of respect?" Makarov asked.
"Huh? Did you say something, Gramps?" Natsu asked.
"...Nevermind…"
REPORTER: M-M-Mr. Perfect Cell! Can you tell the audience where you are and who you came from? Uh, I-I mean-
PERFECT CELL: No, actually, an apt choice of words! As for the where, this is the immaculate Cell Games arena! As for who, well, *laughs* let me weave you the tale of my origin! Though, I must preface that it does drag on in places, so I'll try to minimize the filler. Now...our story begins as many stories often do... With a young girl shooting a little boy in the face..
"What kind of story is that!?"
(cut to inside Goku's house with Goku yawning)
KRILLIN: You, uh, okay, buddy? You look exhausted.
"Of course, the poor guy's been forced to have sex for days on end," Wakaba said.
"I've been there," Gildarts mentioned.
"Gross! I didn't need to know that!" Cana smacked him.
"Don't be like that, Cana! You're here because of those passionate times!"
"DON'T TELL ME THAT!"
GOKU: Uh-huh. I didn't get a wink last night! Chi-Chi keeps trying to break my record of nine times! "Go for ten," she yells. "GO FOR TEN!"
"Go for ten...go for ten...Go...ten…" Something inside of Erza's brain suddenly clicked. A memory that had been misplaced reappeared in her mind.
"Alright Goten, you're gonna help me train to go against Dad in the tournament!"
"Oh my god…"
KRILLIN: I feel like a man dying of thirst watching another man drown.
GOKU: Well, you know what they say... A Saiyan gets stronger every time he comes...
"HHHHHMMMMMMM!?"
GOKU:(yawns again)...back from the brink of death.
"Oh, thank god!" The adults were relieved.
"I don't get it," Wendy and Romeo were confused by everyone's concerns.
"We'll explain when you're older!" Macao, Carla, and Mira answered.
"Frosch doesn't get it either," Frosch looked at Rogue.
"Uh...I'll explain it when you're older," Rogue quickly answered.
KRILLIN: Well, where is she now?
(cut to Chi-Chi in the other room looking through a cabinet)
GOKU: She's looking for something in the other room.
CHI-CHI:(thinking)Come on, I know we had another bottle of it somewhere around here! I will use canola oil if I have-(gets hit in the head by a flying book)Ow!(out loud)Damn ghosts!
"Hate it when ghosts randomly appear!" Millianna whined.
"W-When has that happened!?" Kagura looked frightened at the idea.
(cut back to Goku and Krillin)
KRILLIN: Then why don't you just...I don't know, strategically withdraw?
GOKU: No can do! She said she needs all of it!
"Levy says that same thing."
"GAJEEL!" Levy screeches, her face red.
"NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT!" Lucy yelled.
KRILLIN: I meant just disappear for a little bit to recharge your...batteries.
GOKU: Well, it is strategy... But we can't use the back door. Chi-Chi says I'm not allowed to anymore.
"I...I'm not sure how much more of this I could take…" Yukino covered her face, embarrassed.
(cut to Piccolo, Mr. Popo, and Trunks on the lookout)
KAMI:(referring to Trunks)(...You should talk to him.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)What? Why would I?
NAIL:(Because you could both use more friends.)
"All of Trunks' friends died," Happy said.
"You didn't have to remind us," Carla slapped him.
PICCOLO:(thinking)I am terrible at small talk.
KAMI:(And you're never going to get better unless you try. Now, go on.)
"Exactly! Get your antisocial butt out there!" Mira commanded.
PICCOLO: So, uh...
TRUNKS: Huh?
PICCOLO: ...Do you hate your dad?
"WHA-HOW-YOU-WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS!?" Mira screamed.
"Even Elfman wasn't that bad at talking to people," Lisanna shook her head.
"Yeah, but Laxus still is," Mira added, snickering.
"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Laxus yelled at her.
TRUNKS: Uh...
KAMI:(Wow... You were not wrong.)
PICCOLO:(thinking)See?!
TRUNKS: Eh, you know, I wouldn't say I hate him... I guess I'm mostly just disappointed. He's the single most frustrating man I've ever met! Heh, but you know dads, right?
"Yup," Majority of the mages agreed with the Future Warrior.
PICCOLO: Goku killed mine.
"To be fair, yours was evil," Levy said.
"And Vegeta isn't?" Lily looks at her.
"I'd say he's more of an anti-hero than villain," Levy answered.
TRUNKS: Oh! Jeez, uh, sorry, I...
NAIL:(Oh, perfect! He's just as bad as you are!)
"When you remember how he grew up, it makes sense," Gajeel said.
(Goku pops in with Gohan and Krillin)
GOKU: Please tell me nobody here wants a piece of me.
TRUNKS: Uh, well, when dad's out of the chamber, he'll probably want a swing at you.
GOKU: ...I knew it!
"NOT LIKE THAT!"
GOHAN: Why did you bring us both along?
GOKU: Because if your mother questioned you, you'd talk.
"If Erza questioned any of us, we'd talk," Gray said. All of the Fairies agreed with him, nobody likes lying to Erza.
GOHAN: Yeah, I would...
KRILLIN: So, Piccolo, how was the Time Chamber?
PICCOLO: I don't want to talk about it.
"He went crazy," Lisanna answered.
KRILLIN: Yeah, probably not gonna bother going in myself. At this point, either you guys can beat Cell or you can't. No use risking my life without the reset button on hand!
"Krillin finally realized that it just isn't worth continuously getting his ass kicked at this point," Macao smiled.
"At this point it really is just 'Leave it to the Saiyans'," Freed said.
GOHAN: Wow! I hadn't even thought about that! We live in a world without DragonBalls now!
TRUNKS:(sarcastically)Oh, yeah! That sounds terrible! I'm so sorry!
GOHAN: It's alright! We'll manage!
TRUNKS: ...I can't be mad at you.
"It's really hard to be mad at him," Mira said.
"I find it pretty easy," Laxus shrugged.
"I will curse you!" Mira glared at him.
GOKU: I don't get it. Why can't you just make us some new DragonBalls, Piccolo?
PICCOLO: Because, Goku, I'm from the Warrior Clan, Kami was from the Dragon Clan! One punches people, the other makes DragonBalls.
"Wait, but weren't you two the same person?" Levy asked, while writing that information down.
GOHAN: Wait, but, you two come from the same perso-
PICCOLO: So, if you want DragonBalls, you need another Namekian.
KRILLIN: What about New Namek? I bet there's a whole gaggle of Namekians who can make us a new set!
PICCOLO: We'd have to find New Namek first, and who knows where that is?(Goku pops out)Also, "gaggle"?
"It's Krillin. Are we really gonna question it?" Lucy asked.
KRILLIN: Well, what would you call them? A pod of Namekians? A pride?
PICCOLO: A cornucopia. What do you call a group of humans?
MR. POPO: An infestation.
...Well that unsettled everyone in the room...
PICCOLO: Point is, without a Namekian from the Dragon Clan, we aren't getting any DragonBal-(Goku pops in with a terrified, squealing Dende)
"DENDE!" All of those who saw the Namek saga were happy to see the little guy again.
GOKU: Is this a Dragon-whatsit?
DENDE: WHERE AM I?! WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!(sees Gohan accompanied with some sexy music and immediately calms right down)Hey.
"Seems his crush hasn't gone away," Juvia giggled.
(cut to Perfect Cell talking to the reporter about his origins)
PERFECT CELL: And so it turns out, he was an alien the whole time!
"Wait...has it been telling the reporter the story of the Z-Fighters?" Lucy asked.
REPORTER: Whoa! I did not see that coming!
PERFECT CELL: Right? So, two more Saiyans show up a year later-
"And that confirms it. This entire time Cell's been telling him the entire story up to this point," Levy said.
"Then doesn't that mean that the girl and boy from the start were Goku and Bulma. Since, Bulma's known him the longest?" Wendy asked.
"If so then that means that Bulma shot Goku in the face with a gun."
"Why doesn't that surprise me?"
REPORTER: Wait, what about Goku's brother?
PERFECT CELL: Oh, he died. Anyway, enter Vegeta. Now, *laughs* strap yourself in for THIS cartoon character…
"Couldn't describe that jackass better myself!" Minerva laughed.
(cut to inside Capsule Corp. laboratory with Dr. Briefs working on 16 and Bulma on the computer)
BULMA: Hey, Dad? Can you come take a look at this?
DR. BRIEFS: What is it, pumpkin? Find Gero's p*rn stash?
"What kind of p*rn do you think he looks at?" Sting asked.
"Why are you asking me that question?" Rogue looked disgusted.
BULMA: No! I mean, ugh, maybe? I found this hidden folder... It was completely inaccessible to him, and it's full of incomplete and corrupted files, but there's one undamaged video here...
DR. BRIEFS: Well, then, open her up! Also, five thousand Zeni says it's interracial?
BULMA: Ugh.
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, now you find it gross!
"What you have in mind is gross. What Bulma experienced was love!" Juvia retorted.
(Bulma opens the file and it shows a silhouetted man)
?: May 12th, 750, 4:30 P.M. Red Ribbon H.Q.
Everyone paused and took a minute to analyze the silhouette in the video. It looked familiar...almost too familiar.
"Doesn't that look like 16?" Wendy asked.
"It looksEXACTLYlike 16," Lisanna answered.
BULMA: Wait, why does that date sound familiar?
?: Hey, Dad! I, uh, I'm here at headquarters, getting everything put away. No bunkmate, so, room to myself. Which is good for a guy my size...(laughs quietly)Well, uh, I just wanted to, you know, record something for you, since you and Uncle Frappe are busy building robot guys and stuff. I know you're calling them "artificial humans" now, but...that name is way too long. I mean, what about cyborgs? Like from that movie we saw? Hmm. Well, uh, just wanted you to know that I, uh, miss you, Dad.
"Dad...wait...HOLY sh*t!" Levy almost flew out of her seat.
"What's wrong?" Gajeel asked her.
16 is Gero's son!" Levy told them.
"WHAT!?"
?:(alarm sounds)What the..?
SOLDIER: Hey! Get your ass moving! Something's tearing its way through the compound! We gotta go!
GOKU:(faintly in background)KA ME HA ME…
Erza's eyes widened in horror. "...Is that…?"
?: Uh... Okay, sorry about this, Dad. Gotta run! Love you! Good luck with your cyborgs-
GOKU:(faintly in background)HA!
(the video cuts out and goes static)
Everyone sat in stunned silence after the video ended, absolutely shocked by the new discovery that was revealed.
"That...that explains it…" Levy began speaking. "It explains everything Gero has done. Why he went and created 7 Deadly Androids plus Cell just to kill one single man. Goku killed his son."
"He was a father mourning the loss of his son and his desire for revenge drove him crazy," Makarov sighed, understanding the mad scientist.
"Does this make Goku a bad guy?" Wendy asks.
"Of course not!" Natsu disagreed. "Goku may have done something bad, but that doesn't mean he's a bad guy!"
"Exactly, you have to remember that the Red Ribbon Army was an evil organization, like a dark guild. Goku and his friends defeated them for a reason, but who would have guessed that his actions all those years ago would have such disastrous consequences…" Erza tightened her fist.
"While we may be able to sympathize with Gero, that doesn't excuse his senseless and reckless need for genocide. His creations being too powerful to stop and basically wiping out the human race in Trunks' timeline. His desire for revenge has doomed the entire world and maybe even the universe. He was a tragic man, but not a good one," Jellal explained.
It took a while for everyone to gather themselves back together to resume finishing the episode.
BULMA:(turns around and looks at 16)...Jesus.
DR. BRIEFS: Yeah, that's a hell of a bomb to drop.
BULMA: Oh! That reminds me... I also found this.(brings up a new screen showing a bomb hidden in 16's chest)
"Does all of his creations have a freaking bomb!?" Bickslow yelled.
"I think they were just in cases of the androids being incapable of beating Goku. If you can't kill him in a fight, then just blow him up," Freed said.
DR. BRIEFS: Huh... At least Gero was consistent.
BULMA: ...By the way, you owe me five thousand Zeni.
DR. BRIEFS: Ah, daughter of a bastard!
"At least he's aware," Evergreen muttered.
(cut back to The Lookout)
PICCOLO: And that's why we need you, Dende.
DENDE: Okay, let me just clarify what has happened.(referring to Goku)That asshole...
GOKU:(off-screen)Name's Goku!
"No he was correct," Minerva said.
DENDE: ...literally kidnapped me from across the entire galaxy, with neither my knowledge or consent. Just so you could make me mystic you up a new set of DragonBalls, because you are all a cavalcade of f**k-ups. Did I miss anything?
"No...no you pretty much summed up everything about them," Gajeel said.
PICCOLO: Well, we missed you...
DENDE: Good. No, great, that's great! And what do I get out of this? Gonna make me your king?
KRILLIN: Well, can't do that. King's a dog. But we can make you God, though!
DENDE: The f**k's a God? I mean, the f**k's a dog?! I mean, what the f**k?!
"Namekians don't have Gods?" Romeo asked.
"They have a Guru," His Dad answered.
MR. POPO: As the creator of the DragonBalls, you shall assume the throne of Kami, guardian of this planet. Nobody is thankful, there are no days off, and no one ever visits.
DENDE: Ugh, sounds like being a parent. Fine! I graciously accept the position of your almighty God.
"LITTLE GREEN GOD!" Natsu and Happy danced.
TRUNKS: So then you'll help us?
DENDE: No, bowlcut! I'm going to help Gohan. Speaking of whom...lovin' the new 'do, Gohan. Rockin' that blonde!
GOHAN: Oh! Uh, thanks! Super Saiyan style, you know?
DENDE: De-hee-lightful! And, uh, have you been hitting the gym? 'Cause, uh... *whistles*
"As adorable as the crush is, I doubt Gohan returns his feelings," Lisanna said.
"I doubt Gohan even understands whatever signals Dende is sending him," Lucy added.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Ow!
DENDE: That hurt me more than it hurt you!
PICCOLO: Okay, I'm all for awkward reunions, but we are on a timetable here. How long will it take to make a new dragon?
DENDE: Uh, depends. Do you have the original sculpture around?
MR. POPO:(hands Dende a sculpture of Shenron)Here it is. We were using it as a paperweight. Which reminds me. We'll need to go over the contract later.
"There's a contract?" Levy raised an eyebrow.
DENDE: Wow, that's your dragon? Our dragon would literally wear him like a scarf! Okay, before I get started, any alterations?
PICCOLO: Can we get three wishes?
DENDE: Not if you want multi-res! I can give you two, though.
"It's better than one," Kagura shrugged.
PICCOLO: Seems like an...awkward number.
DENDE: It's a magical wish-granting dragon, Nail!
"I wonder if he can sense Kami inside of Piccolo?" Freed wondered.
DENDE: I don't make the rules! Now...let us begin.(holds out both hands over the sculpture)
KRILLIN: Man, all this lore we're learning today! And we even get to see a new dragon being made! This is gonna be awe-
DENDE: Hey, dragon!Wake the f*** up!It's already past noon, get yourlifetogether!(a light erupts from the sculpture, which splits into seven streams and flies off from The Lookout, with one of them being seen landing on a stone, turning it back into a DragonBall)By the way, two wishes means I had to nix immortality. Better that way-nobody pulling anymore of that Freeza sh*t.
"Immortality is overrated anyway," Natsu remembered his brother.
GOHAN: Huh, I wonder if that'll upset Vegeta? Wait, did you say he's still in the chamber?
TRUNKS: Yeah, why?
GOHAN: It's been three days!
"Ohhhh...this is not good…"
MR. POPO: Oh. I muted the time dilation in the chamber. One day out here is now one day in there.
GOHAN: You can do that? Why did you do that?
MR. POPO: Because f**k 'im.
"Vegeta really pissed him off with those comments from before," Sting said.
"I would also like to think it's because it's Vegeta," Lily said.
"I find this absolutely hilarious!" Minerva laughed.
"Agreed," Laxus and Gajeel said.
DENDE: You really like screwin' with people, don't-cha?
MR. POPO: Hmm. Of course, his first mistake was going in alone.
PICCOLO: Why, is that bad?
"Technically you weren't alone," Mira said.
(cut to inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber)
VEGETA:(losing his mind from being alone in the chamber for three days)They called me crazy... They all called me crazy for letting him achieve his perfect form! Well, guess what? I'm gonna get out of here, I'm going to be so much stronger! NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO STOP ME! ESPECIALLY CELL! RIGHT, NAPPA?!(shows a volleyball with a crude drawing of Nappa's face on it holding on a broom which falls down)How... HOW DARE YOU?!(screams and turns Super Saiyan)(cut to him exiting the chamber all bloody with his clothes tattered)...Showed him.
"He absolutely lost his mind within three days," Freed sweat dropped.
"I like to think he lost it within 30 minutes of the first day," Bickslow said.
(cut to Perfect Cell STILL talking to the reporter about his origins)
PERFECT CELL: So after everything, he just starts crying!
REPORTER: Wow. Like a bitch!
PERFECT CELL: And that's what Freeza said! Before he killed him. But, sadly, Vegeta does come back.
"WAIT! VEGETA CRIED LIKE A BITCH AND I MISSED IT!?" Minerva cried out.
REPORTER: DragonBalls, right. By the way, does the fat green one come back? 'Cause he's funny.
PERFECT CELL: *scoffs* I wish!
"No more Super Kami Guru," Romeo sighed.
(cut to Goku's house)
GOKU: Hey, Chi-Chi. Please don't be upset, but...
CHI-CHI:(sweetly)What is it, sweetheart?
GOKU: I'm throwing in the towel. I am tapped. Like, boned dry. You know in those cartoons where the guy in the desert finds a faucet, and it just comes out like, PFFFFF!(dust comes out his mouth)That is me. That is my balls. And speaking of balls, I need to go find the dragon's.
CHI-CHI: Oh, Goku, darling, that's fine! I took a test this morning. I'm already pregnant!
"OH MY GOD! SHE KEPT HER WORD!" Lucy yelled.
"When are you gonna keep yours, Lucy?" Cana teased.
"SHUT UP!" Lucy blushed, remembering Natsu's proposal.
Erza's mind went back into processing the new information she had remembered, she noticed that nobody else had come to the same conclusion she had. And she hoped that she remained the only one.
GOKU: ...HOW?
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HOW!?"
(cut to inside Capsule Corp. laboratory with Bulma working on 16's cranial structure)
DR. BRIEFS: So I told him, "Pull your pants up, man! I'm not that kind of doctor!"
(Goku pops in)
GOKU: Bulma! Sex makes babies!(baby Trunks coos)
"IT DOES!?" Natsu shouted, absolutely shocked.
"YOU ASKED ME THAT f*ckING QUESTION AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!" Lucy wanted to kill him.
BULMA: ...I'm well aware.
GOKU: Also, I need the Dragon Radar.
BULMA: Tool cabinet in the back, third drawer.
GOKU:(checks the cabinet and grabs the Dragon Radar)Awesome! Bee-tee-dubs, we have DragonBalls again. Bye!
BULMA: Wait, we didn't have DragonBalls?!
"Guess she didn't know that," Levy shrugged.
(Goku pops out, and after a pause, Bulma goes back to work on 16. Goku suddenly pops back in.)
GOKU: Oh, and Chi-Chi's pregnant!
BULMA: Oh, my God! Congratulations!
Lucy continued to glare at Natsu, while the Fire Dragon Slayer apologized repeatedly.
(cut to Dende, Gohan, and Krillin on The Lookout)
GOHAN:(while working on his homework)Okay, so Article Five says that atrocities can and will be committed in your name, but you can't do anything about it.
DENDE: Awesome. But, question: Do I have to answer ALL of these prayers?
"No," Laxus answered.
GOHAN: Well technically, you don't have to answer any of them.
DENDE: Thank God! Or, I guess I should start saying...me!
GOHAN: That does raise the question... Which do you prefer? Kami, God, or Dende?
DENDE: Oh, Gohan...(narrows his eyes)...you can call me whatever you like!
"I'll just call you Little Gre-" Natsu was bonked on the head by a large book. "What the!?" He looked around for who had hit him. He was confused when he saw that everyone else was also confused.
MR. POPO: Well, I'm going to call you Little Green.
DENDE: Your funeral.
MR. POPO:(literally cracks a smile)I like you.
"Aw! Popo found a new friend!" Lisanna smiled.
"I don't think we should be happy about that…" Elfman told his little sister.
KRILLIN: Don't feel bad, Mr. Popo. I'm his best friend, so that means only I can call him Little Green. Right, Little Gree-(Dende smacks him in the face with a cane)OOH!
DENDE: You will call me Dende! DENDE! SAY IT! SAY MY NAME...
KRILLIN:(terrified)Dende! Dende!
DENDE: No...(grins evilly and looks up)Super Kami Dende.
Almost everyone backed away afraid, now seeing as to why Natsu couldn't call Dende by Little Green.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut to Perfect Cell finishing up his story to the reporter)
PERFECT CELL: So, after I finished humiliating the entire Saiyan royal bloodline, I made my newsroom debut, delivered my immaculate address, and now, here we are. Any more questions?
REPORTER: Yeah, um, were the parts about Fake Namek and that Maron girl really necessary to the story?
PERFECT CELL: It's called worldbuilding.
"More like a pain in my ass," Gajeel muttered.
REPORTER: Right! ...Um, last question: how did you know about the parts you weren't there for?
"Which was the vast majority of that story," Levy said.
PERFECT CELL: Ah, that's a story for another time, I'm afraid! But for now, I must bid you adieu.
REPORTER: Oh. Well, thank you for your time, Perfect Cell.
(Perfect Cell frowns and fires a finger beam at the reporter, who screams)
PERFECT CELL:Mr.Perfect Cell.
"Shouldn't have gotten comfortable," Gildarts shakes his head.
Chapter End
Chapter 72: The Legendary Super Saiyan Broly
Chapter Text
Chapter 77: The Legendary Super Saiyan Broly
(shows the South Galaxy being destroyed)
NARRATOR: The south galaxy...has been obliterated.
"WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!?"
"WHY THE SUDDEN JUMP TO THIS!?"
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)Holy sh*t!
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: Okay, first of all, calm down.
"I don't think telling someone to calm down like this should be your first response," Lucy sweat dropped.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)I was in the bathroom for five minutes, and now it's all gone! HOW?! WHO?!
KING KAI: Could have been Beerus.
"Who?" Levy raised both of her eyebrows in anticipation.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)Oh, you know that motha's still asleep!("Still doesn't answer my question," Levy sighed)This is my ex, man! She told me she would hurt me in a way I'd never see comin'! WHY, EAST KAI?! WHY?!
"I don't think Kais have those kinds of abilities," Jellal said.
"And even if she did, I don't think it would've been responsible of her to do this," Kagura adds.
"Do you think it was Cell?" Lisanna asked.
"I doubt it. It seemed way more interested in the Cell Games to do that," Mira answered.
KING KAI: South Kai, listen.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)I thought she meant like steal my Blu-Ray player, man.
KING KAI: South Kai! We are going to figure this out.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)We need to get whoever did this, North Kai.
KING KAI: Alright then, listen. I got a guy.
"I wonder who it is?" Millianna wondered.
"It's Goku, Millianna…" Kagura sweat dropped.
"Oh."
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)What's his name?
(cut to Earth)
CHI-CHI: Goku! I'm gonna show you!
GOKU: Show me what?
"He's not a Super Saiyan?" Gray questioned.
"I'm sure there's a reason for it," Rogue said.
CHI-CHI: How to act like an actual adult.
"Aren't you about...how old is Gohan again?" Evergreen turned to Mira.
"He's 11," The demon answered.
"Aren't you about 11 years too late to do that?" Evergreen finished her earlier thought.
GOKU: But Chi-Chi, we're missing the wedding reception. We sat through that boring talk about love and junk for 40 minutes just waiting for the banquet. I learned how to count up to 40 because of that. That's ten fours, by the way.
"Natsu-"
"Yes, I can count to forty, Lucy," Natsu smirked in pride.
"Thanks to my teaching of course," Erza also smirked in pride. Her voice caused Natsu's smirk to vanish and be replaced by fear instantly.
Juvia was the only one in the audience who wasn't focused on Goku's ability to count. "Did...did he mention something about a wedding?"
CHI-CHI: And that is exactly why we're here. I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functioning man-child you are.
"Says the woman who married him," Laxus shook his head in disappointment at Chi-Chi.
"Really makes you wonder how they're still together," Evergreen pinched the bridge of her nose.
CHI-CHI: And I made sure to schedule this college interview on the same day as the wedding, because as we both know, getting you into a suit is like trying to give a cat a bath.
"HEY!" All of the exceeds to offense to that.
GOKU: But I like baths.
(cut to everyone else having a picnic in a different area)
KRILLIN:(signing a really bad cover ofDon't Stop Believing)
Dooon't stop Belieeevin!
All of the Dragon Slayers gripped their ears in pain from Killin's singing.
"PLEASE STOP!"
"SOMEONE KILL HIM AGAIN!"
Hold on to that feeeeeliiiiin'!
Streetlight! Peeeeopleee-aa-aa-aa-olhuuuull-aaaaaahaaaaa!
MASTER ROSHI: Yeaaaaah! Sing it, girl! Ha ha!
"And he's already drunk," Lucy sighed.
"Yeaaaaah! Sing it, girl! Ha ha!" Cana drunkenly cheered with Roshi.
"And so is she…" Lucy sighed again.
OOLONG: Are you drunk already? The reception just started.
MASTER ROSHI: Pig, I am the pre-gaming master.
KORIN: Aw, sweetheart, I'm so sorry your best man had to skip out on the reception.
"IT'S THEIR WEDDING!?" Everyone screamed at the screen.
"JUVIA IS SO HAPPY! GRAY LET'S HAVE OUR WEDDING AFTER THIS!" Juvia began crushing her lover in a very powerful hug.
"GAH! J-JUVIA! STOP!" Gray felt his bones cracking from the pressure.
"They're going to have so many kitty babies!" Millianna clapped her hands.
"I'm not sure if that's possible," Kagura replied.
YAJIROBE: That's okay. I have my real best man right here.
KORIN: Daww, save it for the honeymoon.
YAJIROBE: Ho ho, that's not all I'm savin'...
KORIN: Is it a turkey?
YAJIROBE: You know me so well.
VEGETA: I came here for a banquet, and I find out it's a potluck, you cheap f**ks!
"I'm just shocked that you're even there," Freed said.
"He's a Saiyan, food is all you need to convince him," Levy responded. She took out a piece of metal out of her purse and tossed it into the air. Gajeel immediately bit down on it and ate it, she petted his head in satisfaction.
MRS. BRIEFS: Well, I'm surprised you came, sweetheart. An interspecies, hom*osexual marriage?
DR. BRIEFS: I just wanted to see what the gay agenda looked like in person. Frankly...not impressed.
"I mean, it's a wedding like any other wedding. I'm not sure what you were expecting," Kagura frowned.
DR. BRIEFS:(a spaceship lands nearby)Oh, great, and now immigrants-truly a liberal wonderland around here!(an army of soldiers run out of the spaceship)
"That looks like trouble," Happy said.
VEGETA: Do you fools have any idea whose planet this is?
SOLDIERS:(all of them kneel and raise their fists)All hail Lord Vegeta!
"Nooooo…." Minerva groaned in fear. Something was telling her that whatever was coming next was going to give her a headache.
VEGETA: Well good. Glad we're clear on that.
PARAGUS: It has been too many years, Prince Vegeta. Or should I say...(kneels)...KingVegeta.
VEGETA:(eyes widen as the words "King" echoes in his mind)Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it.
"He's going to be insufferable, isn't he?" Makarov sighed.
"When is he not?" Gajeel asked, sarcastically.
(cut to Goku and Chi-Chi going through a college interview for Gohan)
INTERVIEWER: This is rather unorthodox. Your son is 11-years-old and homeschooled, but you say he's at a 12th grade level?
"He's a very smart boy!" Mira beamed at Gohan's achievements.
CHI-CHI: I'm a teacher first, and a mother second. Also a wife.
"Being a mother should be your first priority over being a strict teacher," Erza scoffed.
Everyone in the guild gave her an 'Are you serious?' look after she spoke those words. "What? What did I say?" Erza questioned.
"Nothing, just keep that thought in your head when you become a mother," Minerva told her.
INTERVIEWER: I see. Uh, speaking of your husband, Mr. Son Goku, was it?(Chi-Chi moans and looks at Goku)Can you tell us anything interesting about yourself?
GOKU: Oh, sure. Well, uh, I'm a Saiyan.
"He's being honest," Gray said.
CHI-CHI: Goku?
INTERVIEWER: Oh, so you're a minority! Because that could favor your child for enrollment!
"And Goku's immaculate talent with luck strikes again!" Yukino giggles.
CHI-CHI: Oh, uh, yes! Definitely a minority. There are only two and half more like him that are...
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku!(GOKU: Huh?) Are you there?
GOKU: Oh, hey, King Kai! Long time no talk. How's Bubbles?(Chi-Chi gasps)Eh, not much. Just a silly school thing. No, not for me, for Gohan.(as Chi-Chi speaks her dialogue)Oh wow, an entire galaxy?
"And Gohan just lost his chance to get into that school," Macao laughed.
"School is overrated anyway," Romeo shrugged.
"What is school like?" Wendy asked him.
"It's a prison. Be happy you've never had to go," Romeo explained.
INTERVIEWER: Um, excuse me, uh, Mr. Son?
GOKU: Hold on, talkin' to God.("Every Priest in the world," Gajeel laughed)Wait, there are other Kais?(as Chi-Chi speaks her dialogue)When were we gonna talk about this?
CHI-CHI: Uh, he's very religious. We both are. Did you know my mother was Jewish?
"That's a tidbit of information that I didn't know. I'll add it to the notes," Levy said.
GOKU: One sec. I-I gotta take this.(pops out, which causes Chi-Chi to gasp and get up from her chair)
INTERVIEWER: Ma'am? Is-is your husband a magician?
CHI-CHI: Um...yes!(laughs)And for his next trick, he will convince you to enroll our son.
INTERVIEWER: Well, if he's as "in touch with God" as you say he is, perhaps he could work that miracle.
"Come on! When have you ever seen a man just disappear like that!?" Elfman complained.
CHI-CHI:(groans)
(cut back to the picnic area)
VEGETA: So you're telling me that you've acquired an entirely new Planet Vegeta for me to rule over?
PARAGUS: That is...exactly what I said, yes.
VEGETA: Ah, well then, it's official. Attention everyone! Your planet is a mudhole for entitled weaklings. And you're all worthless.(Baby Trunks is seen cooing)I'm going to claim my birthright.
"But, what about Cell!?" Yukino shouted.
TRUNKS: But Dad, what about Cell?
VEGETA: F**k 'em.(walks past the mysterious man, with Trunks running after him, but gets stopped by the mysterious man)
"This counts as running like a bitch!" Minerva shouted as if the Prince could hear her.
PARAGUS: Ah, so, you must be...
TRUNKS: My name is Trunks.
PARAGUS: Hello, Princess Trunks.
Everyone laughed at Trunks' being mistaken for a girl.
TRUNKS: I'm not a-
VEGETA: As my first decree, you shall only call her Princess Trunks!
The laughter skyrocketed after Vegeta made 'Princess Trunks' an official nickname.
SOLDIERS: All hail Princess Trunks!(all soldiers raise their fists)
"All hail Princess Trunks!" Natsu and Happy copied.
TRUNKS: Nooooo!
VEGETA: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MASTER ROSHI: Yeah! Let's go find some space strippers!(tries to get on-board the ship, but gets pulled away by Gohan, Krillin, and Oolong)
"Someone get him sober please," Lucy complained.
"SPACE STRIPPERS!" Cana shouted in drunken joy.
"And her too."
OOLONG: This isn't part of the reception!
KRILLIN: How is he this strong?!
"It's called drunk strength. Never underestimate it," Gildarts laughed.
BULMA: Sure, just go back into space again. At least I'm not pregnant this time. sh*t, I hope.
TRUNKS:(as he runs past Bulma)I'll drag him back by his non-existent tail if I have to!(flies up into the ship)
BULMA: *sigh* Don't try too hard...(the ship blast off)
"Seriously, don't try too hard," Laxus agreed.
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: Wait, "take this" where? Goku? Goku?(Goku pops in)SUPREME KAI ALMIGHTY! What is up with that monkey suit you're wearing?
TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES: That's highly offensive, sir.
"TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES!" Lisanna jumped for joy.
"IT'S A TALKING MONKEY!" Millianna jumped with her.
KING KAI: I'm a God, Bubbles, I don't see race, you filthy macaque.
TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES: Aw...
GOKU:(jumps out of the monkey suit and into his trademark orange gi)Ah... Alright! Who do I gotta beat up?
"I'm sure it's the only reason he agreed," Gajeel said.
KING KAI: That's what you're going to find out. Now normally I don't involve myself in the matters of other galaxies, but South Kai bought me my car, so I owe him a favor. Have you seen it? It's only got 63 miles on it.
GOKU: She's a Buick.
KING KAI: Chevrolet Bel Air, actually. Now, it's up to you to find out who destroyed South Galaxy.
GOKU: Okey-doke! I'll go look for clues!
"Wait, you don't even know where!" Lily yelled.
KING KAI: Uh, wait, look where?(Goku pops out...and pops back in after three seconds)
GOKU: *gasp* S-s-so-ho-ho! I can't breathe in space, apparently!
Almost everyone felt their brain cells decrease due to Goku's stupidity.
KING KAI: You're the salt of the Earth, Goku.
(cut to the spaceship arriving on a mysterious planet and then shifts to Vegeta with the mysterious man on a hover car)
PARAGUS: And now, my lord. Behold! Your magnificent new kingdom.
"It looks like sh*t," Minerva shrugged.
VEGETA: Pretty sure when you rule over a planet, the planet is your kingdom.
PARAGUS: How wise you are, my lord. How about we take a tour of your beautiful new palace?
(shift to Gohan, Master Roshi, and Oolong riding on the trunk)
MASTER ROSHI: Somebody get me a raw egg, two shots of Tabasco, salt, pepper, and a gun to shoot myself.
Lucy looked over to see Cana currently puking into a barrel after finally reaching her drinking limit for the day. The Celestial Mage shrugged and turned back to the screen.
OOLONG: You know what they say, liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Liquor before intergalactic travel, feel your insides unravel.(Master Roshi vomits)
"Who has ever said that?" Carla questioned.
(cut to Perfect Cell standing in the center of his ring when Goku pops in)
GOKU: Cell...
PERFECT CELL: Hm?
GOKU: Did you destroy the South Galaxy?
PERFECT CELL: There's aSouthGalaxy?
"Oh my Kami…"
GOKU: Forget you heard that.
PERFECT CELL: No.(Goku pops out)Our talks are nice.
"Well, that solidifies that it wasn't Cell," Levy said.
(cut to Vegeta's palace in New Planet Vegeta)
VEGETA: You call THIS a palace worthy of King Vegeta? First of all I demand more towers. Second, I demand more towels. And third, I demand more trowels. The brick-work on this place is a sh*t-show.(referring to a tall, scrawny figure)And who's this scrawny puke?
SCRAWNY PUKE: I'm a foot and a half taller than you, but, whatever…
VEGETA: What was that?!
SCRAWNY PUKE: I said I can't hear you from down there…
"Ha! Short joke!" Minerva giggled to herself.
VEGETA: Speak up, boy, I can't hear you from up there!
"Was that an insult towards your own height or his, because it honestly goes both ways," Gajeel said.
PARAGUS: Uhm, that is my son, Broly, my liege. Forgive him, he's a very...(Broly looks down)passive boy.
Wendy tilted her head in confusion as she stared at Broly. Something about him felt off to her, she didn't know what, but the boy's aura spoke of anything butpassive.
VEGETA: Beta male. Got it. But, for the sake of the Saiyan race, he has my blessings to bed Princess Trunks.
Laughter erupted once more at the implications that Vegeta spoke of.
TRUNKS:Excuse you?!
VEGETA: Shut up, boy, think of the bloodline.
"Th-That's not how it works," Yukino said, trying to gather herself.
"Don't think Vegeta cares," Sting said.
TRUNKS: Do you even know what you're doing?!
VEGETA: I don't need to. I'm king.
"And there's the insufferableness," Makarov said.
TRUNKS:(as Broly approaches him)Huh?
BROLY: Your hair looks like lavender but smells like strawberries...
TRUNKS: Daaad!
GOHAN: Something seems really fishy.
"Wait! Gohan followed after...of course he did," Mira sighed.
KRILLIN: Yeah, Trunks doesn't even have a womb.
GOHAN: I say we investigate.
KRILLIN: Ha! Not that curious!
"Krillin…" Lucy shook her head in disappointment.
GOHAN: The planet...
KRILLIN: Yeah, yeah, I know…
"Then shut up with the dumb jokes," Laxus grumbled.
(cut back to Earth with Mercenary Tao screaming in horror at Goku's presence)
MERCENARY TAO:(screaming)
GOKU: I just wanna make sure if it was you who destroyed South Galaxy. Stop screaming if it was.
MERCENARY TAO:(continues screaming)
"Hmph, Guess it wasn't him," Natsu shrugged.
GOKU: Okay... I'mma let you go then. Good luck with your ass-assing!(pops out, cut to King Kai's planet)Man, King Kai, I'm stumped. I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao, Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and that monster, Pilaf, and none of them destroyed the South Galaxy.
"Wait, why did you ask Tien and Piccolo?" Bickslow asked.
"Well, they were his enemies at one point before," Freed said.
"But, they aren't now," Evergreen responded.
"It's Goku, don't even bother questioning it at this point," Laxus interrupted them.
KING KAI: Goku... I've been trying to tell you for the last two hours!(points to a direction)Go to New Vegeta!
GOKU: *gasp* There's another Vegeta?! I wonder if he's stronger than normal Vegeta... Eeeeee-(pops out)
"I'm pretty sure normal Vegeta would hate hearing that," Gajeel snickered.
"Which is why I hope he says it to him," Minerva said.
KING KAI: That man is going to be the death of me.(epic foreshadowing)
(cut to Gohan, Krillin, and Trunks investigating New Planet Vegeta)
KRILLIN: This place looked a lot better as a skyline.
TRUNKS: What happened here?
"It looks so barren and devoid," Sting said.
"There's something fishy about all of this and it isn't Happy chewing on a fish right now," Yukino added.
GOHAN: And why does it look like the day after tomorrow was yesterday?
KRILLIN: Hey, over there! Maybe we can ask one of these fine, indentured servants what's going on.(shows a group of servants working as slaves)
"Krillin, those are slaves…" Erza, Millianna, and Jella both frowned at the sight of it.
TRUNKS: Aw, crapbaskets...
(one servant falls down and starts coughing)
SHAMO: Grandfather!
Erza, Jellal, and Millianna stared at the screen silently, remembering scenes like this from their past happening frequently.
CONDI: Worry not, podling... I just inhaled a little bit of rust...(continues coughing as Gohan lands)
SHAMO: No, please! If you are angry, use your whip on me. I can take it…
"Poor child," Juvia frowned.
GOHAN: No, don't worry, we're not with them. We won't hurt you.
SHAMO: Oh. Whatever.
"Wha-"
GOHAN:(as Condi continues coughing)So, uh, you guys slaves, or...
SHAMO: Oh, yeah! A couple of Saiyans landed on our planet a few months ago, and transported us here against our will. And if we step out of line, well...(a soldier appears and kicks him)AUGH!
"Bastard!" The mages yelled, seeing the kid get kicked.
SOLDIER: Surprise, you worthless runt! It's time for your hourly beating!(whips Shamo)
SHAMO: Ugh! Oh, God, daddy!
"WOAH!" Everyone shouted in pure shock. Any tense from before was replaced by a very uncomfortable air.
KRILLIN: Whoa!
DAH DI: Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no. That's my name. It's actually pronounced "Dah Di".(whips Shamo again)
SHAMO: Huaa! Harder, daddy!
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!"
DAH DI: Now, that one was what you thought it was.(whips Shamo once more)
SHAMO: Ungh, yeaaah...(gets whipped for a fourth time)Ughh!
"STOP!"
CONDI: Please, I beg you! He is but a boy! Let me take it! It's MY TURN.(WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!)
"WHAT THE f*ck IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!?" Erza and Jellal shouted(Millianna is too innocent for the F-word).
DAH DI: Only after you lick my boot!
CONDI: Oh, you "monster"!
"NOOOOO!" Lucy started thinking about Virgo. She really hoped none of her spirits were watching right now.
"Is this why you keep asking Lucy to punish you?" Loke asked. He and the other Spirits had been watching from the very start. They just didn't want to overcrowd the guild.
"Yes, I take great joy in punishment. It only makes sense for my master to punish me," Virgo nodded her head.
"Hot," Loke started imagining Lucy in S&M gear.
GOHAN: Stop that!(attacks Dah Di)
DAH DI: Huagh!
"Thank you, Gohan," Mira smiled.
GOHAN: Leave these...odd people alone.
SOLDIER: Ha ha ha... We've been beating up children all day long. What makes you any different?
"Considering everything this kid has gone through and he's a Super Saiyan, I'd say you guys are screwed," Gajeel smirked.
KRILLIN: Because he's with me!(starts punching the air)Hii ya! Ha! Hua! Whacha-cha!
SOLDIER: Okay, kinky we can handle, but we're not being paid for crazy. We're out.(he and another soldier runs off)
"Good job, Krillin!" Happy laughed.
"Yeah, you're now deemed as crazy by an alien race," Lucy sweat dropped.
KRILLIN: Wawawawawawa!
GOKU:(pops in)-eeee-
KRILLIN: WAATAA!(accidentally punches Goku in the face)
GOKU: Aaaagaaghhh! Agh... And I just bit the inside of my cheek earlier. Augh…
"This is why you watch where you're punching, kids," Mira turned to the teens.
"Yes Ma'am!"
KRILLIN: Goku? What the heck are you doing here? Also, sorry.
GOKU: Oh, just looking for the New Vegeta. I followed old Vegeta's energy here and I found you guys.
TRUNKS: Uh, Goku? New Vegeta is actually just a planet.
GOKU: Aw,nowyou tell me! Who names their planet after themselves?
VEGETA: A goddamn idiot!
"He said it, not me," Minerva shrugged.
GOKU: Huh?
(cut over to Vegeta walking toward the ship he and everyone else arrived in with Broly behind him)
VEGETA: That's what I am for buying into this garbage heap.
"So, he's finally realized it was a sham from the start," Levy said.
"About time," Gajeel said.
PARAGUS: Please, my liege!
VEGETA: I'm not your "liege" you brown-nosing toad. You promised me a kingdom, but I have no subjects, no infrastructure, and a throne made of wood! What am I, the Space Pope?!
"At least there are no Popes here to get offended," Freed muttered.
PARAGUS: I beg of you, King Vegeta, please stay! For roughly...three-maybe three and a half hours?
"Why so specific?" Erza questioned.
VEGETA: And continue wasting my time? Oh, and tell your creepy brat to stop following me!
BROLY: What's your power level?
VEGETA: And stop asking that! NO ONE CARES ANYMORE!
"After Namek it really became irrelevant," Levy agreed.
BROLY: Mine's pretty big…
"How big is it?" Cana asked, staring down at Broly's crotch.
"Cana…" Lucy got sick of her horniness.
GOKU:(lands in front of Vegeta and Broly)Hey 'Geets!
PARAGUS: Oh, sh*t, it's Kaka-
BROLY: Hng!
Wendy flinched back from the sudden spike in Broly's aura. Her brown orbs scanned over to her fellow Dragon Slayers, only to see that none of them had sensed what she did. Which confused her as to why she was the only one who felt off about Broly.
PARAGUS: -ku! Goku. Hello, Goku. Have you come to join the rest of your marvelous race?
VEGETA: Or did you just come to see my new palace? It has six towers! Like apeasant!
"Six towers seems very grand to me," Lucy muttered.
BROLY: Hello... What is your power level?
GOKU: Eh, dunno. Pretty big, though.
BROLY: Mine too…
"Don't turn into another flirt fest," Minerva gagged.
GOKU: Cool! So, 'Geets, I'm actually looking for the person who blew up a galaxy.
PARAGUS: But who would blow up South Galaxy?
"Why do you sound so suspicious?" Freed asks.
BROLY: Probably someone with a really big power level...
GOKU: That's a good point. You've got a good point! What's your name?
BROLY: Broly...
GOKU: Good point, Broly!
BROLY:(smiles)Mmm…
"That just feels unnatural," Wendy felt a chill go up her spine.
TRUNKS:(arrives)Father! It's all a lie!
VEGETA: I know, a queen-sized bed? Paragus, you squalid f**k.
"This spoiled little sh*t," Laxus grumbled.
TRUNKS: No, Paragus has been fabricating this entire planet. From its palace to its people!
PARAGUS: Princess Trunks, hrn, perhaps...
TRUNKS: Okay, I'm putting a moratorium onthatright now.
"But, I like that nickname," Lisanna whined.
TRUNKS: Father, this psychopath has been enslaving races from other planets to build your kingdom.(shows Gohan and Krillin landing with a group of slaves)Even the greenery is manufactured!
VEGETA: Paragus...is this true?
PARAGUS: My liege... Yes, it is.
VEGETA: My God... You're not the sh*tstain of a Saiyan I thought you were!
Nobody was shocked by Vegeta's reaction, they were just disappointed.
PARAGUS: Thank you, my liege.
TRUNKS: Oh, goddammit, Dad.
"What did you expect from the Prince of Assholes?" Minerva stared at Trunks.
VEGETA: You are now my Royal Grand Vizier!
"He is so infuriating!" Jellal gripped his hair.
PARAGUS: Ah! Big shoes to fill...
TRUNKS: Father! What this guy has done... It's in-human!
VEGETA: Yes, but it's not in-Saiyan.
"He's...not wrong," Levy sighed.
SHAMO: Actually, we much enjoy the slavery.
"And then there's this," Erza sighed.
GOHAN: Say wha'?
SHAMO: Yes. Being enslaved and exploited by another...stronger, strapping race,(puts on a seductive face)fulfills us completely.
"I never want to meet these people," Lucy decided right then and there that she would never participate in any S&M for as long as she lived.
KRILLIN: You know, I...actually kinda get it.
"With how much you get hit, I'm surprised you do," Gray said.
SHAMO: Although, it is strange he would force us to build a kingdom on a doomed planet.
"What?" Everyone questioned.
PARAGUS:(thinking)Oh, goddammit.
VEGETA: Explain, sh*tstain.
PARAGUS: To hell with this, I'll leave the bootlicking to the Shamoshians. Well then! You have finally unravelled my plan, King Vegeta!
"He...he didn't, the jackass completely fell for it," Gildarts said, stupefied.
"It was the race of masoch*sts that revealed your plan," Sting added.
VEGETA: Okay...?
PARAGUS: This whole wretched planet will soon be encompassed by the cataclysmic comet, Camori. Wiping it, and you, out with it.
"So, this was a revenge plot against Vegeta. But, why exactly?" Levy wondered. She hoped that Paragus would explain it.
VEGETA: I'm confused. Am I being pranked? Cause I don't do jokes.
"Yet you are one," Minerva quipped.
PARAGUS: This is no joke!This...is my revenge!
GOHAN: But why?
PARAGUS: Because that bastard Vegeta left us both to die.
VEGETA: Sounds like me but that doesn't sound familiar.
PARAGUS: Not you, you self absorbed, blue-blooded snot! Your father. The true king.(shows Broly as a baby in the maternity ward)Mere days after my son was born, they realized his immense power level. A whopping 10,000!
"10,000!?" Everyone gasped.
"Wait a minute…" Levy's brain suddenly thought back to a previous event. She flipped through the pages of her note book.
VEGETA: Pff, yeah, well I was like, 20,000 as like a sperm, so, y'know.
"So, did it keep going down the older you got or…" Gajeel quipped.
PARAGUS: And so, threatened by the magnificence of my prodigy, the king ordered for him to be executed.
(shows a younger Paragus entering the throne room)
YOUNG PARAGUS: This is insane! Freeza's got us paying rent under his boot-heel, and you're just going to murder our Saiyan baby with a power level of 10,000?(gets grabbed by two Saiyans as King Vegeta approaches him)He's like a trump card, if the card literally flipped the table over and shot the other player! He would be of great use to Vegeta!
"He's right though, why the hell would you kill your greatest asset?" Romeo questioned.
"Well, considering that his name is Vegeta we can assume two things," Freed said.
"Either he's so self-absorbed that he doesn't want to get usurped by an infant or he's afraid that they won't be able to control Broly," Jellal finished.
KING VEGETA: My son, the planet, or me?
YOUNG PARAGUS: Yes!(King Vegeta blasts him)HUAAAAAAAAAAGH! GAHBHOOHUAAHYEAB HYUNNOBHUHA-(crashes off-screen)
Levy paused from looking through her notes. "Didn't expect that one to make a return," With that said she went back into her note book. She growled, realizing she had made too many notes.
KING VEGETA: Grand Vizier Nappa. I require your treasured guidance once more.
NAPPA: Stab the baby.
"He didn't even hesitate," Rogue said.
"Ugh...Nappa…" Lucy felt a headache coming.
KING VEGETA: Are...you sure?
NAPPA: Look, we've got a meeting with Freeza in one hour. So either stab the baby, or we have to cancel your 6:00.
"Should've cancelled that 6:00," Bickslow said. He remembered that King Vegeta would be killed by Frieza at that meeting.
(cut to the maternity ward with a silhouetted figure of King Vegeta picking up baby Broly, who's next to a crying baby Goku, by the foot)
"Wait, he was next to Goku? Why does that feel familiar?" Erza wondered.
"That's because it is," Levy announced. Everyone turned to her direction. "Remember when we watched Bardock's movie and he mentioned a baby with 10,000 power?"
"Oh, that was Broly wasn't it?" Erza said, knowing the answer.
"Yeah, I should've figured it was going to be important," Levy said.
PARAGUS: He then saw to my son's execution himself. With, well, less than success.
(shows King Vegeta attempting to kill baby Broly by stabbing him with a dagger, only for the dagger to break when it comes in contact with baby Broly's body, who shrieks upon getting hit)
"How tuff is that baby!?" Minerva shouted.
"We should be thankful that he didn't kill a baby," Kagura sweat dropped.
KING VEGETA: Son of an Arlian whor*... Someone fetch me a better dagger so I may properly stab this baby!(baby Broly starts crying)Oh, good, now it's crying. To hell with this!(drops baby Broly to the floor with a splat)Just dump him in a hole with his father
(shows Paragus and baby Broly being left for dead in a garbage heap)
PARAGUS: Luckily, the king was as half-assed at murdering us as he was at raising you, Vegeta.
"Damn."
PARAGUS:(shows Freeza's Supernova colliding with Planet Vegeta and then shows baby Broly creating a force field to protect himself and Paragus from the explosion)And with Broly's magnificent power, we survived the extinction of our race.
"So, how many Saiyans overall survived Frieza's half-assed way of killing?" Gajeel asked Levy.
"Huh, surprisingly it's the number 7," Levy answered.
"Isn't that ironic," Gajeel chuckled.
GOKU: Wait, wait, wait, wait. So does this have anything to do with South Galaxy? Cause that's kinda why I'm here.
PARAGUS: Actually, yes. You see, one night while I was discussing the son of Bardock..
VEGETA: The scientist?
"Huh? He was everything but a scientist!" Erza proclaimed.
"Didn't he create the moon sphere for the Saiyans to turn into Great Apes?" Mira brought up.
"If that's all it takes to become a scientist on Planet Vegeta, then I'm not surprised Frieza decided to kill them," Laxus said.
PARAGUS: The very same. That night, I uttered a single word that triggered Broly. And he suddenly went wild! In his furious rage he exterminated the South Galaxy in its entirety.
Wendy gulped, her feeling about Broly being correct, she saw everyone else were finally seeing what she had been seeing the entire time.
"Wait, but I'm confused about something," Natsu brought up.
"What is it, Natsu?" Lucy asked.
GOKU/Natsu: What was the word?
"Why do you want to know!?" Gajeel barked at him.
"Aren't you curious about what set him off?" Natsu asked.
"HELL NO!" Everyone yelled at him.
PARAGUS: I... Why would I-?
GOKU: Is it "non-fat"?
PARAGUS: No! Why would it be-?
GOKU: "Diet"?
PARAGUS: This is ridiculous. Stop trying to trigger my son!
GOKU: "Freezer" with an "i"?
"Goku, stop trying," Erza begged.
PARAGUS: For God'ssake...
VEGETA: First of all, Paragus, your seed couldn't compare to my own. And he's a filthy half-ling.
"It's a compliment...I guess," Yukino sighed.
TRUNKS: Love you too, Dad.
VEGETA: And second, I couldn't care less about any South Galaxies, or lack thereof. So, if you're done wasting everyone's time... Grab your friends, grab your sh*t, AND GO HOME, KAKARROT!
BROLY: Unnghh!
"Ohhhhh…." Everyone came to the realization of Broly's trigger word.
PARAGUS: Please do not say that again.
GOKU: It was "friends", wasn't it?
VEGETA: I said shut it, Kakarrot!
"Shut up, Vegeta!" Sting yelled.
BROLY: Agghhh!
PARAGUS: Please, stop saying that name!
"That's like asking him to stop breathing," Jellal said.
TRUNKS: Father, just call him "Goku"!
VEGETA: And disrespect my heritage? I will address him with the name given to him by the glorious Saiyan race! Kakarrot, Kakarrot-
"SHUT UP-"
BROLY: KAKARROOOOOOOOOT!
Everyone was suddenly blown back by Broly's scream. A wave of green energy blew its way into the guild, taking everyone off guard.
VEGETA: See, he's slow, and he gets it.
PARAGUS: I suggest we all run.
BROLY: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(screams and explodes, transforming into a mysterious Super Saiyan form)
All of the mages could only gape at Broly's transformation, surprised to see him transform into a….Super Saiyan(?).
"W-What happened to him?" Freed questioned.
"H-He's like some kind of Super Saiyan...but-"
"SO MUCH COOLER!"
Everyone turned to see Natsu and Sting standing super close to the lacrama. Both of them gushing like fanboys over Broly's transformation.
"Natsu! Do you see how cool he looks!?" Sting pointed at the humongous Saiyan.
"Hell Yeah! This has to be the coolest Super Saiyan yet!" Natsu pointed out.
"DON'T GET EXCITED OVER THE BAD GUY!" Lucy and Yukino slapped the both of them away from the lacrama.
"What do you think, Gajeel?" Rogue asked the Iron Slayer.
"I think he looks pretty wicked, but I'm not gonna get all giddy like those idiots," Gajeel pointed at the two numbskulls.
"Agreed," Rogue answered.
"What about you, Laxus?" Freed asked. He and the Thunder Legion watched their leader.
"I don't like it. Brings back bad memories," Broly's angry face reminded him too much of his old self. The Thunder Legion understood and sat back down.
"Wendy? Are you ok?" Carla looked up at her partner. Wendy hadn't moved from her spot, the female Dragon Slayer kept her eyes glued to the lacrama.
VEGETA: This power... Wha... What is he?
PARAGUS: He...is the Legendary Super Saiyan.
"Wait, but what makes it Legendary?" Romeo asked.
VEGETA: Oh, that's so cool.
"I know right!?" Natsu and Sting agreed with the prince.
GOKU: But why is it kinda...green?
PARAGUS: Because it's legendary.
"THAT'S SO COOL!"
VEGETA:(off-screen)AAAAAHHHHH!
BROLY: Hey, Kakarrot. You said your power level was pretty big, right?
GOKU: Yuh-huh... Why?
BROLY: Because my power IS MAXIMUM!
GOKU: ...Prove it.
"I would rather he didn't," Lucy shivered.
BROLY: HUUUAAGH!(sends out an energy burst)
GOHAN:(as Goku flies him out of the vicinity)Why?
TRUNKS: I woke up this morning for a gay wedding... I did not expect this.(flies off towards the battle)
"Who would've thought that a gay wedding would lead to a battle to save the universe?" Gildarts said.
VEGETA: H-how... How is he this strong? How many pushups did he do?! How many sit ups?! WHAT KIND OF JUICE DID HE DRINK?!
"Another callback," Levy quickly said.
"Is Vegeta sh*tting his pants over Broly?" Minerva was smiling too widely for Kagura's comfort.
"Because, Broly's just that cool!" Sting replied.
PARAGUS: This is not the result of paltry training...this...is destiny. For you see, Prince Vegeta. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore.
VEGETA: Nooooo...
"Came back to bite you in the ass didn't it!?" Gajeel was laughing his ass off.
"Frieza is laughing in his grave right now," Laxus laughed.
GOKU: Gohan! Trunks! Haaaaa!(turns Super Saiyan)
GOHAN: Hu!(also turns Super Saiyan)
TRUNKS: Huuuu ahhh!(turns Super Saiyan as well, shredding his mother's jacket)Wha?! Aw, dammit, my jacket! I only had the one! Augh, mom is gonna kill me!
"I think she'll be more happy for you to come back alive," Lisanna said.
(Broly charges at Goku, Gohan, and Trunks and knocks all of them away with one blow)
"That was so MANLY!" Elfman couldn't help but say it.
GOKU: Listen Broly... I don't wanna tell you how to be the Legendary Super Saiyan, but...you're not supposed to start all-out. You're supposed to start off small and then work up to it.
BROLY: Iamstarting small.
"Oh…"
GOKU: Oh. Good for you. Holy crap...
KRILLIN: Hey Goku! I brought the Shamoshians!(shows the Shamoshians in a big group)
"WHY!?"
GOKU: Why?
SHIMO: There's no way we're going to miss sadism like this!
GOHAN: Dad, what is sadism?
GOKU/Mira: Ask your mother.
BROLY: Yeah, you know your place. Under your master's feet!
SHIMO:(with a horny face)Oh, God, yes!
"Nooooo…" Lucy whined.
BROLY: You want the ultimate punishment?
SHIMO:(with a more horny face)Mmm, yeah!
BROLY: Then I'll just blow up your planet!
"That...might be going too far…" Lily winced.
SHIMO:(now with a horrified face)Guys? What's our safeword?
SHAMOSHIAN #1: Uhh, I think it was "banana"?
SHAMOSHIAN #2: No, "pineapple".
"How did you forget it!?" Evergreen cried out.
SHAMOSHIAN #3: It wasn't a fruit, it was a vegetable.(Broly fires a blast at the Shamoshians' planet)
SHAMOSHIAN #2: "Brussel sprouts"?
CONDI: "Broccoli"! It was "broccoli"-
(the blast destroys the Shamoshians' planet)
"Do you still think he's cool?" Rogue asked Natsu and Sting.
"Kinda…" Was their answer.
SHIMO: Why did we not know our own safeword...?
CONDI: It was lost to time...
BROLY: Princess Trunks…
Wendy shivered.
TRUNKS: Please, no...
BROLY: You lied to me.
"Run…" She spoke softly.
TRUNKS: I did no such thing!
BROLY: You dirty boy.
The Sky Dragon's face paled greatly at the implications messing with her brain. The teenager didn't know how to handle what was happening.
TRUNKS:(with dawning horror)Goku, get me off this planet right now! I'm serious! Instant Transmission!(Broly grabs him with his arm)Agh!(Broly rams him into a wall)Gah!
GOKU: Okay, Gohan. I was gonna save this for Cell, but I'm gonna need you to let go, and...
GOHAN: Got it. Leaving.(flies off)
"Best decision you've made all day," Mira felt thankful.
GOKU: Gohan? Where'd you go, Han?(Broly kicks him in the face)HUAAAA!(flies into a wall)
GOHAN:(thinking)It's okay, Gohan. You just find that ship we came here on, grab everyone else, and...
BROLY:(appears straight through a building)AHAHA!
"GOHAN!" The Strauss siblings shouted in concern.
GOHAN:(thinking)I should apologize to Mom if I get home.(Broly grabs his face and throws him through the wall of a building until he hits another building)
GOKU: Gohan!(starts running towards Gohan)
"SAVE HIM!" Mira roared.
BROLY:(appears in Goku's path)RAAAGH!
GOKU: Huaaoouu!
BROLY: RRUAGH!(fires a blast that hits Goku dead-on)
GOKU: Ahhhhh!
"AHHHH!" Natsu screamed.
BROLY:(prepares another blast)What's wrong, Kakarrot?! Don't you care if I kill your son?!
GOKU: Ugh... I'd rather you not? We have DragonBalls, but that's like a whole day.
"Are you f*cking serious?" Mira felt like killing him. Her siblings flinched from her cursing.
GOKU: Oh! He's never met King Kai. Hey Gohan! You're gonna meet King Kai!(get sent flying upward by Broly's blast)Eeeeeeeeeee!(hits a building, causing a big explosion)
"He deserved that," Mira said.
(cut over to Paragus and Vegeta)
PARAGUS: You are probably wondering where this unfettered hatred for Kakarrot stems from.
"I am," Levy answered.
VEGETA: Not...really? Hating Kakarrot kinda gives me life, so-
(flashback to baby Broly getting mentally traumatized by baby Goku's constant crying in the maternity ward)
PARAGUS: It all began...
VEGETA: Oh, being ignored.
"Finally someone does it," Minerva smirked.
PARAGUS: ...when they were but newborn babies. Their cribs in the maternity ward were right beside each other. And Kakarrot cried. Terrorizing my son.
(back to present)
VEGETA/Everyone: And...then...?
PARAGUS: That's it.
"..."
VEGETA: Didn't my father stab him?
PARAGUS: Indeed.
VEGETA: Then why doesn't he hate me?
PARAGUS: Oh, no,Ihate you. Well, I hated your father, and therefore you. Broly hates Kakarrot. Because he cried. A lot. For like three hours.
VEGETA/Natsu/Sting: But...that's really dumb. B-but he's so cool! But that's so dumb!
"And if Natsu's calling something stupid, then you know that it's dumb," Gray said.
BROLY: My power... My power is...MAXIMUMER!(fires multiple blast that destroys Vegeta's palace and the spaceship)
"Welp, there went their only chance at escaping," Freed said.
GOHAN: Dad...
GOKU: Yeah, son?
GOHAN: Holy f*ck, he's strong.
"That's an understatement. He utterly destroyed you guys," Gajeel said.
GOKU: Yeah...and to make things worse...I think we blew your college submission...
GOHAN: Man, this just isn't my day.
GOKU: Eh, don't worry. I think it's your movie next.
"Really!?" Mira gasped in happiness
POOF!
A folded piece of paper poofed to life in her hands. Mira unfolded the paper and her face went blank at the large bolded word on it.
NO.
BROLY: But now is Broly! NOW BROLY!(fires a blast at Gohan)
GOHAN: Piccolo, help!(Broly's blast gets blocked by another blast and Piccolo (once again) rescues Gohan)
"Wow, that still works," Lisanna blinked.
PICCOLO:(gives Gohan a Senzu Bean)Gohan, are you okay? Do you need some juice? Did you get into that school you wanted?
GOHAN: Doesn't look like it.
PICCOLO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Yeah, I blame Goku," Mira said after she burnt the small piece of paper.
GOHAN: How did you get here?
PICCOLO: I came when I heard you call.
GOHAN: ...How?
"Super hearing, but how did he get there?" Levy wondered.
(cut to Krillin, Oolong, and Master Roshi inside a ship, which flies past Comet Camori)
KRILLIN: Thanks for the ship, Piccolo!
MASTER ROSHI: We're taking this bitch to Space Vegas!
OOLONG:(simultaneously)Yeaaaaaah!
KRILLIN:(simultaneously)Wooooooo!
MASTER ROSHI:(simultaneously)He he he he haa!
"Well...that explains it," She shrugged.
BROLY: You! Green man! You're new. What is your power level?
PICCOLO: I dunno, give me a minute.
BROLY: BROLY DOES NOT LIKE TO WAIT!
"But, you'll do it anyway," Gajeel said.
PICCOLO: Goku, can we beat this guy?
GOKU: Uh! I dunno. I'm sure I'll pull something out my butt.
BROLY: AND IT WILL BE BROLY'S FIST!
"Kinky," Cana waggled her eyebrows.
TRUNKS: Probably…
"Kinkier!" She waggled them faster.
PICCOLO: Let's see how you fare when it's four-on-one, monster!(he along with Goku, Gohan, and Trunks fly up to confront Broly)
BROLY: Monster? Broly is not a monster. Broly is... Durh…
"A horrific nightmare?"(Lucy)
GOHAN: A genuine demon?
"Lucy's naughty underwear?"(Happy)
"HEY!"
GOKU/Natsu: A true freak?
BROLY: The devil!
VEGETA:(off-screen)OH, MY GOD, HE'S SO GODDAMN COOL!
Minerva couldn't contain her laughter and burst into a fit of hyena laughs.
(Goku and Piccolo charge forward to attack Broly accompanied with awesome music, which immediately cuts out as it shows Broly evading all of Goku and Piccolo's attacks, in which you can hear Goku and Piccolo grunting along with slapping sound.)
Everyone soon joins Minerva in her laughing fit from the clapping noises that were being made.
(This goes on for six seconds until Broly grabs both Goku and Piccolo)
GOHAN & TRUNKS: Masenko!
(Broly releases Goku and Piccolo and takes the combined Masenko before landing on the ground. Piccolo tries to attack Broly from above, but Broly headbutts and sweep kicks him. Gohan and Trunks try to attack together, but Broly manhandles both of them while running towards Piccolo and kicks him away and sealing the deal by firing an energy blast, which sends the Namekian flying all the way to a cliff nearby Vegeta's location and causes a big explosion.)
There wasn't much for anyone to say as they were engrossed in the action.
PICCOLO:(groans as he climbs up the cliff)What the f**k are you doing back here?!
"Good point, out of everyone I didn't expect him to be the one sitting on the side lines," Laxus said.
"Just proves that he's a really big baby," Minerva said.
VEGETA: I don't know what's going on anymore. He's so cool but he's so...goddamn dumb!
"That's how I describe Natsu," Gray quipped.
"SAY THAT AGAIN ICE-FREAK!"
"YOU HEARD ME FLAME-NUTS!"
"SHUT IT!" Erza smacked them both away. She sighed in exasperation, the two had gone a good couple of hours without arguing.
PICCOLO:(grabs Vegeta by the hair)Okay, Vegeta. While you're here having this "crisis", we're out there getting beaten into a bloody paste!
VEGETA: But you don't understand, the Legendary Super Saiyan, is motivated by acrying infant! He is a literal giant f**king baby!
PICCOLO: So, kind of what you're being right now?
"Call him out, Green Man!" Minerva shouted.
VEGETA: You're just mad you're not the Legendary Super Namekian.
PICCOLO: Alright, bye Vegeta.
VEGETA:(as he falls to the ground)Byyyyyye...(lands on a building below)
(cut to Broly walking through smoke with booming footsteps)
GOKU: Hey Broly! Ka... Me...(Broly grabs him by the hair)Ah! Oh wah!
"No fair! You're supposed to wait for him to finish saying the line!" Natsu shouted, angry.
BROLY: You were sayin'.
GOKU:(muffled)I am Saiyan! Hu hu hu!(Broly sends him flying with a punch)Ah aughh...(hits the ground and shifts to the ground crumbling around Vegeta)
BROLY: This all you got, Kakarrot? Broly is disappointed. Kakarrot killed Freeza. Kakarrot's supposed to be strongest. But now Broly's strongest. And now YOU DIE!
VEGETA: Excuse you.
BROLY: Excuse Broly?
VEGETA: You've been ignoring someone this entire time.
BROLY: Broly's wife?
"Well, he was the one who killed Frieza," Levy said.
TRUNKS: Well, technically, I was the one who killed Freeza.
BROLY: That's hot.
Wendy stiffiend.
VEGETA: No, you mouthbreather! You have been ignoring your king!
BROLY: What is a king to a God?
"Honestly a good comeback," Gajeel had to hand it to Broly.
VEGETA: And what is a God...TO A NONBELIEVER?!(turns Super Saiyan)HEAAAAAAAAAAA-(Broly shuts him up by lariating him into a wall, which creates a massive crater)
The entire guild erupted into laughter at Vegeta's failed attempt at fighting back.
BROLY: Do you believe now?
VEGETA:(muffled)Uh-huh.(Broly lets go of his face)So cool...(turns back to normal and falls)
BROLY: Now, Kakarrot... KAKARROT! KAKARRROOOOT!
"And now he can only speak one word," Freed said.
PARAGUS: He has devolved into only saying a single word.(thinking while getting inside a space pod)Time to hit the ol' cosmic trail…
"You're really gonna run after starting all of this!?" Makarov roared.
BROLY: KAKARROT?
PARAGUS:(thinking)Oh.(sees Broly approaching the space pod)Hi son.
BROLY: KAKARROT.
PARAGUS: N-no, i-it's your father. I was just prepping this pod to leave, before the comet hits.
"A pod that only fits one person?" Rogue raised an eyebrow.
BROLY: KAKARROT.(grabs the space pod)
PARAGUS: Yes, true... It's a pod meant for one person, but...
BROLY: KAKARROT!(crushes the space pod)
PARAGUS: Broly! Be a good boy and show daddy the love he has shown you.
BROLY: HUG. HUUUUUUUG.(crushes the space pod)
"Oh, he could still say other words," Levy acknowledged.
PARAGUS:(as he gets crushed inside the space pod)Oh, nonononono!
BROLY: HEAAAAUNGH!(hurls the space pod at Comet Camori, which explodes upon contact with the comet)
Nobody felt bad for Paragus, he had started this entire conflict and got exactly what he deserved.
BROLY: Kakarrot.
GOKU: Okay, guys... Be real with me... Is this the worst, or what?
"Honestly yeah," Natsu agreed. The whole cool thing with Broly had started to wear off after a while.
"At this point just end it already," Sting said.
PICCOLO: Frankly, at this point...I wish we could open up the Dead Zone and bring back Garlic Jr..
"He'd be a lot more tolerable than Broly screaming Goku's name," Laxus agreed.
TRUNKS: Can't believe I'm saying it, but I'll take some more Androids, please.
"Juvia would rather deal with another Android 13 than Broly," Juvia sighed.
VEGETA: And I'd rather get kicked in the dick...a thousand more times, than hear that idiot scream Kakarrot's name again.
"And I'd rather watch you get kicked in the dick a thousand more times, than hear that idiot scream Goku's name again," Minerva said.
BROLY:(off-screen)KAKAROT!
VEGETA:(groans in frustration)
GOHAN: I'd even take Turles. And he was just an evil version of my dad.
"His hatred for Christmas was a lot better," Wendy agreed.
VEGETA: Wait, that guy with the tree? Is he alive?
GOKU: Not anymore. Also that Wheelo guy. He was nice...
GOHAN: Oh yeah... Too bad he died of brain cancer…
Everyone who knew about Wheelo lowered their heads in respect for a short period.
GOKU: Cool... Then I'll cut to the chaste... Give me all of your energy. Right now. I'll end it in One Punch, man.
PICCOLO:(sends his energy to Goku)Done.
TRUNKS:(sends his energy to Goku)Doing it.
GOHAN:(sends his energy to Goku)Please make it end.
GOKU: Now Vegeta... I know you're probably not going to-
VEGETA:(sends his energy to Goku)F**k it. You have it, just go.
"JUST END THIS ALREADY!"
GOKU: Thanks, best buddy!
VEGETA: No.(collapses).
(Broly screams and charges at Goku, who does the same. Broly prepares to throw another punch at Goku.)
GOKU: HEY, BROLY! SAY MY NAME!(lands a clean punch at Broly's abdomen)
BROLY: HUUNGH?(shows a brief flashback of baby Broly getting tormented by the cries of baby Goku and then back to the present with Goku delivering the deadly blow to Broly)KA...KAA...ROOOOOOOOOTTT!
Natsu smirked at the ending, remembering how his final fight with Acnologia ended.
GOKU: Victory for Go-(get caught in the explosion by Broly)Huaaaaa!
(cut to New Planet Vegeta getting obliterated by Comet Camori and then to the far reaches of space with a Capsule Corp. spaceship popping in)
"Oh thank Kami!" Everyone sighed in relief.
KRILLIN: HOLY sh*t!
SHAMOSHIAN: Ohh, it's so tight!
"Noooo…"
PICCOLO: Okay, just gonna drop this one out there, but, earlier, nobody brought up Slug and I feel that's kind of racist.
"You didn't mention him either," Mira said.
OOLONG: What are these things and why is one grinding on me?
SHAMOSHIAN: Step on my genitals!
"GET RID OF THEM!" Lucy screamed.
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI: There you go, South Kai. Your galaxy has been avenged.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)...But it's still gone.
KING KAI: Sorry, but ain't no DragonBalls that'll bring that back. ...I think.
"Yeah, that does suck. That's how Trunks feels," Levy said.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)But what about the Otherworld Tournament coming up?
KING KAI: Well, now you have a lot more options.
SOUTH KAI:(telepathically)...That's f**ked up, man.
"Yeah, but at this point…"
("Broly Chronicles" plays as the ending credits roll)
Broly's legend first began in 1993.
With biceps bigger than Goku's head and a heart that longed to be free.
Broly, Broly, Broly... Why are you so strong?
Your power level is twice as high, as your Saiyan hair is long.
Broly was a motherf**ker.
Stronger than that robot trucker.
"But is he stronger than Cell?" Natsu asked.
"Let's not open that can of worms," Lucy told him.
Broly's enemies are done!
BROLY POWER MAXIMUM!
Yeah!
That's it, everybody! That's Broly!
When Broly, Broly done!
Don't even-don't even ask anymore.
Ju-just subscribe and enjoy!
And I'm out!
"Well, that was weird," Gray said. Everyone agreed with him, but the song was good.
(cut to Goku popping in with Gohan outside near their house)
GOKU: Alright. Let's see if we can just sneak into the house and...
CHI-CHI:(emerges from behind the hanged laundry)(to Gohan)ROOM, NOW!
"Oh, she's pissed," Macao winced.
GOHAN: Okay!(runs inside)
GOKU: Oh, hey, Chi-Chi! Gohan not make it in?
CHI-CHI: Oh, no, he made it in! After a sizable donation from my father!
"Oh, thank goodness," Mira released a breath of relief.
GOKU: Good! Man, I'm glad we come from money!
CHI-CHI:Icome from money, Goku! YOU come from a race of idiots!
"Ok, that's kinda racist," Freed said.
GOKU: I sure do, Chi-Chi. I sure do.(screen slowly zooms in on Goku's face)
CHI-CHI: I want a divorce.
GOKU: Me too, I'm starving!
"Let's hope they don't get a divorce," Erza sighed.
Chapter End
Chapter 73: The Plan to Eradicate Christmas
Chapter Text
Chapter 78: Plan to Eradicate Christmas
(cut to an outside shot of planet Earth with a dark sphere-shaped cloud approaching it and releasing a dark gas)
?: War. Greed. Pollution. Destruction. The world has been overcome by naughtiness.(cut to inside a city with many citizens coughing from engulfing the dark gas)It cannot be saved.(the dark gas forms into a mysterious alien)It can only be culled. Christmas...is ho...ho...over.
(the text "Plan to Eradicate Christmas" appears on the screen)
"Christmas is over!?" Natsu and Happy gasped, horrified.
"Christmas can't be over! Santa can't let this happen!" Wendy cried out.
"So, did she miss the 'ho ho' part or is she purposely ignoring it?" Levy whispered to Gajeel.
"Probably the latter," He answered.
(cut to outside Capsule Corporation with Goku and Gohan popping in inside to meet Bulma and Trunks)
GOKU: Merry Christmas Eve, Bulma!
GOHAN: And Happy Holidays, Mr. Piccolo!
PICCOLO: You know, I actually do celebrate Christmas.
"Really? I wouldn't think it to be a Namekian thing," Lisanna said.
"Well, I mean, KamiwasGod, so…" Mira shrugged.
GOHAN: Really?
PICCOLO: Yeah; if you think about it, I'm basically the son of God.
"He did fuse with God, and used to be one of the sums of God," Freed said.
"One of multiple Gods at this point," Elfman responded.
"Still a technicality," Freed said.
KAMI:(Oh, Jesus Christ...)
PICCOLO:(Kinda.)
NAIL:(Wait, so does that make me the Holy Spirit?)
PICCOLO & KAMI:(Kinda.)
"Aw! They're the Trinity!" Mira clapped her hands.
BULMA: Um, have any of you seen the news today?
GOHAN: The only thing my Dad watches on Christmas is the Rankin Bass Rudolf movie on loop.
"I wanna watch that!" Wendy shouted.
"Wendy, don't you remember what happened last Christmas? Ya know, the thing with Rudol-" A feminine hand found its way to Romeo's mouth.
"What happened, Romeo?" Wendy's empty stare bore into his soul. The boy shook his head frantically in pure fright of her wrath, not wanting to be hurt by her.
"Good," Her happy demeanor returned with full force.
BULMA: Well...(turns on the TV, which shows a news report from the ZTV channel)
MAY: May McStand here, live from West City, where a toxic miasma has the local townsfolk collapsing en masse.
"Why does something bad always happen on Christmas?" Lucy sighed.
GOHAN: Good thing we Instant Transmissioned.
MAY: In unrelated news, several machines have been descending from the skies via dark ungodly orb in the outer atmosphere.(shows several machines falling from the sky from the dark sphere until Bulma turns the TV off)
"H-How is that unrelated?" Yukino asked, confused.
TRUNKS: I don't think that's unrelated.
GOKU: Someone or somethingis trying to ruin Christmas again. And that's got me Chris-miffed.
"I'll give him that pun," Gajeel said.
"Please don't tell Juvia that this will be filled with Christmas puns…" Juvia whined. The only Christmas puns she found funny were the ones that involved her darling Gray.
GOHAN: Solid pun, Dad.
GOKU: Thanks. I've been waiting for someone to try and ruin Christmas again.
"Why would you hope for that!?" Sting shouted, baffled.
"Of course he was waiting for that," Erza sighed.
BULMA: Those machines are the ones expelling the gas. It's some kind of aerosolized coal particulate, but...something's weird about it.
TRUNKS: So what? Is someone trying to kill the whole world with Miner's Lung?
GOKU: *gasps* Be careful, Gohan! You're a minor!
Levy flinched back in shock. "I'm surprised that he knew that."
GOHAN:(taken aback)I'm...surprised you knew that-
GOKU: So, is Piccolo...and Bulma!
GOHAN/Levy:(disappointed)Oh... You meant character.
GOKU: And Vegeta!
VEGETA:(walks in from the other room)The f**k I am!
Some of the mages laughed at Vegeta's reaction.
GOKU: Oh. Hey, Geets! When'd you get here?
VEGETA: I live here, you dolt.
BULMA/Lucy: Could've fooled me...
TRUNKS: What's up, Dad? You're looking...uncharacteristically wistful.
VEGETA: Well, it's just... Every Christmas Eve—before it was replaced by Freeza Day—I'd sit out on my porch and fire into the night sky, hoping to kill Santa.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Evergreen shouted.
"So, he's the reason Santa never visited Planet Vegeta. You know I shouldn't be surprised," Levy wrote in her notebook.
GOKU: *gasps* Oh no! You never hit him, did you?!
VEGETA: I thought I did once, but it was actually just a pod carrying my brother, Tarble. They never found it...or the body. What I'm saying is it's Christmas Eve and something needs to die. So I'm feeling a little nostalgic.
"You had a brother?" Levy asked.
"Hehada brother," Gajeel answered.
TRUNKS: I have an uncle?
VEGETA: Youhadan uncle.
(cut to the Z-Fighters outside in the sky)
GOKU: There it is. One of the machines that's ruining Christmas. First, we blow'em all up. Then we find the Grinch that made them, and send that grimacing green monster straight to HFIL!
"You're still not allowed to say 'hell'?" Lucy questioned.
PICCOLO: Um…
GOHAN: Not you, Mr. Piccolo.
"I wouldn't describe him as a grinch," Lisanna said.
"I would," Mira shrugged.
GOKU: Who wants to blow it up? 1-2-3-
VEGETA: Mine!(fires a blast at the machine)
GOKU: Aw, dang it.
(the blast hits the machine, which causes an explosion)
VEGETA: Ha ha! And that's how Vegeta saved C-(the machine appears unaffected as it's protected by a barrier)-rrrrrrrrap.
"And that's how Vegeta looked like a dumbass on Christmas," Minerva giggled.
GOKU: Want I should take a swing at it?
VEGETA:(off-screen)Go to hell, Kakarrot!
FREEZA: Oh please. Do go to hell.
"FRIEZA!?" The Fairies shouted. Nobody expected to see the Galactic Tyrant again after such a long time.
"Whyyyy!? I thought we were done with you!" Lucy whined.
FREEZA:(Goku gasps)It's wonderful, this time of year...I should know.
GOHAN: Freeza!
FREEZA: That's right, monkeys! We have returned for our revenge!
"We?" Rogue asked.
GOHAN: Is that like the royal "we", or...
FREEZA: Yes! Also, no. Come forth, villains of Freeza Day past!(three fogs forms around the Z-Fighters, one of them forms into Cooler)
"COOLER!?" The Sabertooth Guild shouted.
"NO! Not the other one!" Lucy kept whining.
COOLER: Brother, we agreed on villains ofChristmaspast.
VEGETA: Cooler!
LORD SLUG: Okay. So like, I showed up in July. I-I'm just here for revenge. You know...more or less-
"SLUG!" The Strauss Siblings shouted.
PICCOLO: SLUUUUG!
TURLES: And I'm more than happy to take another crack at this nut!
"TURLES!"
"DARK GOKU!"
Everyone stared at Natsu like he was a giant dumbass.
GOKU: Dark me!
"Dammit…" Erza face palmed.
TURLES: Dark yo-(baffled)You remember me, right?
GOKU: Of course. Every time I look in the mirror.
"To be fair he's not wrong," Gildarts said.
TURLES: No, I'm-
VEGETA: Turles, right?
"How do you-"
TURLES: Yes!(looks back and sees who he's talking to)Oh my God; Prince Vegeta?
VEGETA: How's the tree doing?
TURLES: ...Destroyed.
VEGETA: And this is why we don't let the lower class have nice things.
"That's what I'm saying!"
Everyone stared at Minerva like she was a giant dumbass.
GOHAN: And herrrre we goooo with the politics...
FREEZA: So, monkeys!
"Yup, seems Hell did nothing to curb his racism," Lily shook his head.
TURLES: Dude!
GOHAN: ...And the racism.
FREEZA: We're here to make this your last Freeza Day on Earth.
COOLER: Seriously, it's always got to be about you, doesn't it?
"Oh, and now we gotta deal with this," Makarov sighed.
"Letting them argue sounds like it'd be funny," Gildarts argued.
FREEZA: Well, that is what father said.
COOLER: He also said he loved us both equally.
FREEZA: Well, you know how fond father was of jokes!
COOLER: And that's why he had you second, punchline!
"DAMN!"
TRUNKS: This is really uncomfortable.
GOHAN/Mira: Yep. That's Christmas.
GOKU: Alright, guys!(turns Super Saiyan)Let's jingle these bells!
VEGETA: I refuse to fight to that.
(The villains of Freeza Day past charge at the Z-Fighters, with Goku fighting Cooler, Trunks fighting Freeza, Gohan fighting Turles, and Piccolo fighting Lord Slug. The Z-Fighters managed to defeat their opponents, but they merely turn into fog and reform)
"So, they basically don't have physical forms. That'll make it difficult to put them down," Freed said.
GOKU: Killing them isn't working!(evades a punch from Cooler)
GOHAN: It's something in the air, Dad! *coughs*
"NO! Gohan's getting sick!" Mira cried.
"T-That's the least of his worries, Sis," Her siblings sweat dropped.
COOLER: That's right, fools! Let's just say you're getting a little more than coal for Christmas.
FREEZA:(off-screen)Freeza Day!
COOLER: F**K...OFF!
"Just kill each other!" Cana shouted.
GOKU: You know, Christmas is a time where we should all come together-(he along with Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan, and Trunks get knocked into a wall)
"Well...you came together…" Yukino winced.
"Right into a wall," Sting finished.
TURLES: You're right. So, let's all come together...so you can alldietogether!(he and the rest of the villains of Freeza Day past prepare a blast to finish off the Z-Fighters)
FREEZA: God rest ye, Monkey gentlemen.
"So, you just forgot Piccolo was there," Rogue pointed out.
("Christmas In Hollis" by RUN-DMC plays with Bulma appearing from the sky in her plane and flies past the villains of Freeza Day past)
"BULMA!?"
"Don't let this be another Android incident," Lucy begged.
LORD SLUG: Woah!
TURLES: Holy!
FREEZA: What the deuce!?
COOLER: Jesus!
BULMA: Hey, everyone!(releases multiple capsules from her ship)I ran a bunch of tests on the gas, and I discovered that it's not just coal, but pure, concentrated naughtiness!(the capsules drop into the machine)So I took some of baby Trunks' blood and synthesized enough niceness to destroy the-
"MAGIC BABY BLOOD!" Natsu, Happy, Wendy, and Millianna cheered.
"Frosch thinks Magic Baby Blood is cool!" The little Exceed cheered.
GOKU: Magic baby blood. Cool.
BULMA: Right? Now, I'm off to go destroy the other machines. Also, visit some African warlords.(flies off)
FREEZA: Did...did nobody shoot her?
"Thankfully all of you are incompetent," Minerva said.
LORD SLUG: Why didn't you?
FREEZA: Because I haveyou fools!
COOLER: I'm sorry, dear brother, but I thought it was all about you.
FREEZA: Oh stop being a prick!
"Says the biggest prick," Laxus rolled his eyes.
(Vegeta fires a blast that destroys Cooler, Gohan fires a blast to destroys Turles, Piccolo obliterates Lord Slug with his blast, and Trunks blast Freeza, with Goku following up with a blast that destroys the villains of Freeza Day past and purifies the dark skies)
"And that's how the Z-Fighters and Bulma saved Christmas," Wendy smiled.
PICCOLO: Cathartic as that was, I don't think this is over.
GOHAN: That did feel more like a symptom than a cause.
"What!? You mean Christmas is still in danger!?" Wendy gasped.
GOKU: Hold on! Let me check with the big guy upstairs.(telepathically)Hey, King Kai!
KING KAI:(telepathically)Oh, hey Goku! Merry Christmas!
GOKU:(telepathically)Merry Christmas, King Kai! Quick question: Do you know if anyone is attacking the Earth, right now?
KING KAI:(telepathically)Oh yeah! Real suspicious-looking mini-moon sitting around in your upper atmosphere. I was gonna tell you tomorrow since, you know, it's Christmas…
"That seems like something you should talk about immediately," Jellal brings up.
GOKU:(telepathically)But it's Christmas Eve, though.
KING KAI:(telepathically)Not in this time zone. Anyway, that thing is overflowing with naughty energy. So, whatever you do, be careful. Or don't. Whatever, I'm like, 5 eggnogs in.
"I've lost count on how many beers I've drunk," Cana burped.
(cut to a mysterious place with the same mysterious alien from the beginning of the special)
?: I see. You have failed me, my dark ornaments.(The defeated villains of Freeza Day past are seen screaming in agony from inside the orbs)But...it is of no concern. Soon...the whole world will know the true meaning of Christmas.
GOKU:(off-screen)Not on our watch!(he along with Gohan, Trunks, Piccolo, and Vegeta land and confront the mysterious alien)
"Yeah! They'll stop your evil plans!" Wendy pumped her fist.
?: Oh, good! You're right on time! Welcome to my workshop... The Star of Death-lehem!
PICCOLO: Wait, "workshop"? Like... "Santa's... Workshop"?
?: Yes...Myworkshop.
"SANTA!?"
"Ok, do we have to do the whole screaming thing every time?" Laxus asked, irritated.
GOKU:(lets out a long, excited gasp)SANTA!
GOHAN: Dad, he is the one trying to destroy Christmas.
GOKU: Huh? But...that would make him...evil!
"B-But...Santa can't be evil! He helped save Christmas from Turles!" Wendy shouted in denial.
"Evil Santa," Natsu glared at the old man.
SANTA: I'm the one with the lists here. I decide good and evil. And you'reallat the top of my naughty list! Piccolo, you tried to subjugate the entire planet!
PICCOLO: Pft. Sins of the father, much?
"Don't I know it," Both Minerva and Laxus grumbled.
SANTA: Trunks, you've completely destabilized the space-time continuum, with your reckless time-travel!
TRUNKS: That's absurd!(cuts to the 1993 version of the special, with Trunks speaking in a classic TV sound)I have no idea what you're talking about. The space-time continuum is fine.
(cut back to reality)
"Reality would like to differ, Trunks," Jellal grumbled.
"But, Trunks' time travelling allowed him to save everyone. Why is that a bad thing?" Natsu asked.
"You gotta remember, Natsu, that due to Trunks time travelling he created multiple timelines as a result. Some of which ended with worse outcomes than his original one," Erza explained.
"Still! Not all of them could've ended up bad!" Natsu protested.
SANTA: And you, Vegeta... Jesus Christ, I- ...I mean just...wow! There's not enough time in the day... But how about we start with the hole you put in my sleigh?!
"So, he did hit him!" Gajeel responded.
VEGETA: HA! I did hit him!
SANTA:(looks at Goku)And yoooouuu!
"Goku!? What could Goku have possibly done?" Natsu yelled.
GOKU: Um...
SANTA: Your ceaseless lust for battle has endangered not only your family...but yourentire planet! TIME, and time again! You are a danger to theentire universe!
"Is...is that true?" Lucy asked.
Erza hesitated a bit before answering. "I-I mean, yes, Goku toyed with Frieza too much, which led to Namek being destroyed. Then, he allowed Frieza to power up to 100% just so he could beat him.
"There was also him allowing Vegeta to escape, which then led to Vegeta massacring a whole bunch of Namekians that never came back," Levy added.
"He's also the reason as to why the Cyborgs and Cell exist in the first place. His actions influenced Gero's madness," Jellal said.
"He also decided to wait and see if his friends could handle Frieza and his father, because he wanted to see how things turned out," Freed added.
"And he and Vegeta decided to not go with Bulma's plan of killing Gero before he could finish the Androids. All for the sake of them wanting a good fight," Makarov threw in.
"OK! We get it!" Natsu shouted. "Goku's made mistakes, we're all aware of that! But, that doesn't make him perfect! None of us are perfect either! We've all made mistakes!" Natsu argued.
"Natsu's right! We shouldn't call him a danger to the Universe when he's saved everyone's lives so many times. And most of those situations were out of his control, we can't blame the guy for all of that," Lucy helped defend Goku.
"Right, I mean, it's not like Goku could somehow make any worse decisions other than those," Mira said.
GOKU: Whaat? That's crazy. How couldIever endanger the whole universe?(an advertisem*nt for Dragon Ball Super's Universe Survival Saga appears at the bottom of the screen)
"Obviously that's a reference to something, but I don't know what," Levy shrugged.
GOHAN: Wait- But, what about me?
SANTA: You're actually on the nice list.(forms a wrapped present)Merry Christmas, Gohan.
"YES! MY PURE BOY IS GREAT!" Mira jumped up and down.
GOHAN:(receives present)Oh wow. Thank you so much, Santa! I wonder what it-(unwraps present)Oh, it's Moby Dick... *gasps* In French! Merci beaucoup, Père Noël!
SANTA: But for the rest of you, and this unsalvageable planet...the only present I have is-
VEGETA: FINAL FLAAAAAASH!(fires a massive blue blast at Santa)
SANTA: GWAAAAHHH!(gets engulfed by the blast)
"HE KILLED SANTA!" Wendy screeched in shock.
"Welp, that was kinda anti-climactic," Minerva sighed.
VEGETA: GOT HIM! MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR VEGETA!
GOKU/Wendy: Vegeta, noooo!
VEGETA: Vegeta, YEESS!
"And there's his ego," Laxus scoffed.
PICCOLO: Okay, so did we just...save Christmas? ...Again?
"You killed Santa! How is that saving Christmas!?" Romeo pointed out.
GOKU: No. It's ruined.(crying)We killed Santaaa!
SANTA: You fools! You cannot kill Santa!(a green orb begins forming)
"SANTA!?"
"WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!" Laxus roared at everyone.
GOKU: I knew it!
(the orb forms into a red humanoid monster)
"Oh...Santa's jacked!" Natsu shouted.
SANTA: Prince of the Saiyans... "Yule" regret your actions against the mighty Claus!
"Ugh, puns…" Juvia winced.
VEGETA: Ah, "yule". Like the log, right-?(Santa charges at him)Oh, holy night-! AARRRGGH!(gets punched *hard* by Santa and is sent flying away)
"The joke shouldn't have been your main focus," Jellal sweat dropped.
SANTA: What you destroyed was merely a leftover shell from my...Christmas Eve-olution.("Whyyyy!?" Juvia whined)You see, Saiyans...you're not dealing with the average Father Christmas, anymore.
"That line really refuses to stay dead," Levy said.
GOKU: Oh my God, he's gone Super Santa!
SANTA: And I'm a right grumpy old elf!
(Santa proceeds to punch Goku and Trunks in the face with both of his fists, slams Gohan to the ground with his foot and headbutts Piccolo and then kicks him away)
PICCOLO: Oh! I'm out!(crashes into a wall)
VEGETA: Eat your milk and cookies in Hell!(fires a ki blast at Santa)Yippee-ki-yay...(the smoke clears and Santa appears unaffected)MOTHERf*ckER!
"Oh, that went uncensored," Levy pointed out.
SANTA:(turns around to face Vegeta and begins charging up his attack)You better watch out.
"Uhh…" Gajeel muttered.
VEGETA: Umm...
SANTA: You better not cry.
"Oh, this song's pretty nice," Natsu smiled.
GOKU:(thinking)Aw, this is my jam!
SANTA: You better not pout, but you're gonna die.
"...Nevermind…" He took back his previous statement.
GOKU:(thinking)I don't like this version…
"Neither do I," Wendy agreed.
SANTA: Santa Claus is taking you down. Garland Gun...
VEGETA: U-WOT-M8?
SANTA: FIRRRREEE!(fires a green blast at Vegeta)
VEGETA: sh*t!
(A massive explosion is seen outside Santa's workshop. Vegeta is seen injured and upside-down in a wall.)
"WHY DID HE STAND THERE!?"
TRUNKS:(approaches Vegeta)Why did you just stand there?
VEGETA: Haha, it is the last thing he'd expect.
"Which is true. Nobody ever really expects people to just stand there and take it," Freed shrugged.
TRUNKS: Merry Christmas, Dad.
(Gohan lands on the ground and Santa approaches him)
GOHAN: I got you, so-!(Santa punches him)WAAH!
SANTA: What child is this, who laid to rest on Santa's lap, is bleeding?!
"NO, SANTA, HE'S A GOOD BOY!" Mira shouted.
(Slams Gohan into the ground, who lets out a painful scream. Santa fires another blast to finish him off, but the blast is deflected by another blast shot from Piccolo.)
PICCOLO: Not really feeling the "goodwill towards men", up in here.
SANTA: I'm all out of goodwill, but here's a stocking-stuffer for you!(prepares another blast)
PICCOLO: Starting to get real sick of these Christmas pu-(Santa blast him)UH-BUH-BA, BUH-BA!
"Stop standing there!" Mira shouted.
"But, Sis, real men take attacks head on!" Elfman argued.
"Not when it can kill you!" She yelled back.
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo! I'll punch your Christmas lights ou-!(Santa elbows him in the face)GAH-UUHG!
(Santa punches Trunks and proceeds to pummel him and Gohan simultaneously)
GOKU:(thinking)Oh man, this is bad! They're getting parum-pum-pum-pummeled up there!
"The puns…" Juvia whined.
"HELP THEM BOTH!" Mira roared at Goku.
GOKU:Think, Goku. How do we save Christmas? Wait... that's it! I see now!(out loud)Guys! I figured out his weakness!
"Wait, really?" Levy was confused.
"He's using his brain!" Happy cried in fear.
SANTA: Ho ho... oooh?
(Goku engages Santa in combat, which ends with Santa once again charging his signature attack)
GOKU: You see, Santa? Christmas isn't about the presents...!(evades Santa's blast)It's not about the figgy pudding...!(gets hit by another blast shot by Santa)Or the pretty lights...or the obnoxiously catchy music. And most of all... It's not about you!
Wendy gasped at Goku's speech, allowing his words to process in her mind. "Goku's right! Christmas isn't about Santa at all!"
"That's right! Christmas is more than just all of the pretty aesthetics!" Natsu agreed.
GOKU:(Santa groans)KAAAAAA...(begins charging a Kamehameha Wave and powers up)
SANTA:(charges up one more Garland Gun)Fools! I'll crush your Christmas spirits, and then I'll send this naughty world to oblivion!
(Trunks and Gohan land next to Goku)
PICCOLO/Gray: Goku's right!(starts charging a Special Beam Cannon)Christmas is about the bonds that bring us together!
TRUNKS/Lucy: It's about friends!(prepares to use Burning Attack and powers up)
GOHAN/Erza: And family!(prepares to use Masenko and powers up)
VEGETA/Minerva: And killing Santa!(prepares to use Final Flash and powers up)
GOKU/Natsu/Wendy: And that's the true meaning of Christmas! HAAAAA!(ki his blast)
VEGETA: HAAAAA!(ki his blast)
TRUNKS: HAAAAA!(ki his blast)
PICCOLO: HAAAAA!(ki his blast)
GOHAN: HAAAAA!(ki his blast)
SANTA: Ho! HO! NOOOOooooooooo!(gets engulfed by the blast and destroys his body, his spirit, and his workshop—which is starting to explode)
"And that's the end of Santa Claus," Natsu huffed.
GOKU: And now... He's Feliz Navi-dead.
GOHAN: And that's the last Christmas pun.
"Thank Kami," Juvia sighed, relieved.
(Goku pops everyone out of Santa's workshop, which detonates and destroys the Star of Death-lehem and evaporates the fog around the Earth)
(Cut to outside Goku's house with silhouettes of Krillin and Chi-Chi's heads appearing inside the house. Goku, Vegeta, Trunks, Piccolo, Gohan, and Piccolo's all heads pop inside.)
GOKU: Woah! Hey guys!
KRILLIN: Hey Goku, Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Trunks!
"Why-Why is Krillin at Goku's house?" Erza asked, concerned.
CHI-CHI: Gohan, where have you two been?
GOHAN: We went to go see Santa.
CHI-CHI: Awww.
VEGETA: And we killed him!
CHI-CHI: Ohhhh.
"Don't worry, he was evil," Bickslow responded.
KRILLIN: Huh. Guess you had to be there. Anyway, who wants eggnog?(credits begin to roll)
GOKU: Ooh, me!
TRUNKS: Honestly, this is the best Christmas I've ever had.
"No cyborgs to ruin this Christmas!" Romeo said.
"Though, I do wonder what Cell is doing right now," Levy hummed.
VEGETA: Damn right. A proper Saiyan Christmas!
PICCOLO: You know, a lot of people probably died in that smoke.
"Dragon Balls," Was the unanimous answer.
GOKU: Oh. Well, we can wish them all back...tomorrow!
VEGETA: YES! BOXING DAY!(a punching sound is heard)
KRILLIN: Ahh! My 'nog!
"Of course it was Krillin," Lucy sighed.
GOKU/Natsu: Merry Christmas to all! And to all, a good fight!
(In memory of Hiromi Tsuru, March 29, 1960-November 16, 2017)
Everyone lowered their heads in respect to the words that appeared on screen. "May she rest in peace."
Chapter End
Chapter 74: Cell Vs
Chapter Text
Chapter 79: Cell Vs
PERFECT CELL: Here it is! The final days before the end of the world. ( chuckles ) I should probably take in the calm before…
"Before the sh*t storm sets in?" Gajeel inquired.
"I guess we're going to see what Cell has been up to while the others were fighting Broly, having a gay wedding, and killing Santa," Levy said.
KUWABARA: Ho-Holy crap! Urameshi, look at this guy's head!
"And there's the sh*t storm," Gajeel said.
"What is his voice? Did he struggle through puberty?" Minerva laughed.
PERFECT CELL: Oh thank god, I was getting bored.
YUSUKE: ( Jumps onto Cell Games arena ) Hey bug man! What's your deal? Are you a demon, a monster or just some dickhe*d in a costume?
"It's a bio-android," Freed answered.
"I don't think he was serious, Freed," Evergreen sweat dropped.
PERFECT CELL: Hmm, technically all of the above. ( turns to face Yusuke ) But more importantly I'm the dickhe*d who's going to murder a couple of street thugs for daring to approach my arena for the Cell Games!...presented by Hetap.
"Had to throw in that last part, didn't you?" Yukino sweat dropped.
"You can never forget to mention your sponsors, Yukino," Sting told her.
"Does it matter that if he wins everyone will die?" The Celestial Wizard responded to him.
"Well...it'll matter to Cell I guess."
YUSUKE: ( Throws away his jacket ) Well excuse us, chin strap, we were under the impression that your little tournament was an open invite. And between you and me, I don't like to pass up invitations on tournaments or to kick evil guy's asses.
"co*cky teenagers...my greatest annoyance," Makarov sighed.
KUWABARA: Yeah! Even when they're threatenin' to destroy the world!
"Wanna take a second to fix tha one or…?" Gajeel laughed at Kuwabara.
KUWABARA: Wait, I mea-I meanespecially!Especially when!You know, I think Hiei might have saved the other one.
YUSUKE: Don't hurt yourself man.
"He's not very bright is he?" Lily pointed out.
"So, he's just like Natsu," Gray jokes.
"SAY THAT AGAIN! I'M 100 TIMES SMARTER THAN THAT GUY!" Natsu roared in disagreement.
PERFECT CELL: I see. It seems my tournament has attracted some unintended participants! Then tell me, my ferocious teenage combatants: What do you bring to the table?
"I can burn down a town."
"That shouldn't be an accomplishment, Natsu!"
YUSUKE: With a single blast from my finger, I can turn an S-rank demon into a pile of ash! ( points his finger towards Cell ) Or shoot little potshots between the goalpost on your head.
"In what world does that sound remotely impressive?" Laxus looked bored.
KUWABARA: And I have a sword! (Creates a spirit sword) It can cut through dimensions and stuff!
"See! That is a lot more impressive than a finger gun!" Laxus exclaimed.
"How much of a chance do you think these two have against Cell?" Lucy turned to Levy.
"Give it a second," The Word Mage responded.
PERFECT CELL: ( Hmm's twice ) Very impressive, kids. Now. Which one can blow up the planet?
YUSUKE: I, uhh...What?
"Yup, and there it is! The power scaling making its return! Kinda…" Levy exclaimed.
"I mean, I'm sure that dimension sword could be pretty useful against Cell. But, I doubt that Kuwabara guy is smart enough to use it correctly," Gildarts said.
PERFECT CELL: The gun or the sword! Which one could literally erase the planet from existence? Because I can do that with a finger. (Points out a finger as it sparks).
"But, considering that you're part Frieza, would it take five minutes?" Lisanna asked.
YUSUKE: (Lunges a bag over his shoulder) Kuwabara, grab your crap. We're going to Genkai's.
KUWABARA: Yeah! Whatever! You're not even worth it, bug man! Heh!
"And you're not worth the extra brain cells," Minerva shrugged.
YUSUKE: ( Whispering ) Pompous green asshole, I'll show you what my middle finger can do…
PERFECT CELL: They're going to have to take the bus home. 'Cause they're kids.
"Do I have to take the bus?" Natsu asked.
"No, Natsu. No you don't," Lucy answered.
Cell Vs. Yami Yugi
(Scene opens with Cell sleeping as he stands, with Yami Yugi walking towards him.)
YAMI YUGI: Perfect Cell!
"WOAH! What is up with his hair!?" Minerva exclaimed.
"It's so pointy!" Millianna gasped.
PERFECT CELL: Zzzzz- Oh, wha-mm-wha-who, what?
"Hate it when my naps get interrupted," Millanna pouted.
YAMI YUGI: I've come to duel you! And end this madness!
"Uh, sorry to break it to you, hun. Unlike the last two, you're kinda on the scrawny side," Cana pointed out.
"But, all help is welcomed!" Lucy added.
"Unless you die! Then you should've just stayed home…" Gray said.
PERFECT CELL: Good lord, with hair like that, I bet you've never lost a game of "Who's the protag?"
Natsu scanned around the crowd, then touched his own hair for a moment. Lucy noticed his weird behavior and got closer to him.
"What's wrong, Natsu?" She asked.
"Nothing, just making sure of something," He shrugged.
YAMI YUGI: I hail from ancient Egypt. ( A flashback to Yami's origins ) A long since buried Pharaoh, I once ruled over the land. Commanding magicians, dragons,( Flashback ends ) the very ground beneath your feet!
"He commanded dragons!? That's awesome!" Natsu and Sting yelled.
"Oh! I wonder what kind of dragons he has!" Wendy bounced in her seat.
PERFECT CELL: ( Uncrosses his arms ) Alright! I'm actually getting a little excited now!
"I know, right!?" Romeo shared the bug's excitement.
YAMI YUGI: I was unrivaled in my time. ( Slides deck into his duel disk ).
Cana raised an eyebrow at the deck of cards. "Does he use magic cards too?"
YAMI YUGI: And now I stand here in modern day as King! So, Perfect Cell… Do you accept my challenge? Or do you bow to the whims of my majesty?
"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"
PERFECT CELL: Finally, someone who getsit!Ebb forth your divine providence, mighty Pharaoh! And let us upheave the land with our battle!
"I didn't expect something so big so soon, but this has even got me excited," Jellal mused.
YAMI YUGI: Then it's time to d-d-d-d-d d-d-d-d-d-duel! Wh-Where's your deck?
"W-What? Why would he need a deck to fight? If you use Card Magic, then only you would need a deck," Cana was actually baffled by Yami's reaction.
PERFECT CELL: My d-d-d-d-d-d-d-deck?
YAMI YUGI: Yes, your deck! Also, the hologram projectors! What, are we gonna do this analog? ( Shuffles his deck of cards randomly ) Because I mean I can, but we're gonna have to get a little closer.
"...What…?"
PERFECT CELL: Is this a prank? Which one is it? Ashton or Jamie? Oh, please, don't tell me it's Bam Margera…
"No idea who any of those people are," Freed said.
YAMI YUGI: I'm trying to duel you! (Pulls out a card) in Duel Monsters…
"ARE YOU TRYING TO PLAY A GAME!?"
PERFECT CELL: "Duel...Monsters"?
YAMI YUGI: It's a children's card game! Ancient Egyptians loved it!
"It's called the "Cell Games", but you didn't have to take it literally…" Rogue sweat dropped. He felt embarrassed about getting excited over it.
PERFECT CELL: F***. I'm down. How do we play?
"Of course it agreed to the game," Lucy sighed.
(Time skip to the middle of the fight)
YAMI YUGI: What do you mean, I can't use Monster Reborn!?
PERFECT CELL: ( Holding up the rule book ) Yup, right here, the rulebook you gave me: "Monster Reborn has been tournament illegal since 2004." I mean, it's been off and on since then, but it's...it's currently forbidden, so…
YAMI YUGI: But, this isn't a tournament…!
"I mean it is. Not a standard tournament, but it is a tournament," Levy responded.
PERFECT CELL: Isn't it? Is it not?
YAMI YUGI: Fine. I play Pot of Greed!
PERFECT CELL: Also banned!
YAMI YUGI: What!?
"How do you not know these rules!?" Erza questioned.
"Yeah, from all the bragging you did earlier, you made it seem like you were the "King of Games" or something," Minerva mocked Yami.
PERFECT CELL: 2005.
YAMI YUGI: Then Brain Control!
PERFECT CELL: 2010~!
YAMI YUGI: Silfer the Sky-!
PERFECT CELL: Oh, come on! All God cards are banned.
YAMI YUGI: F**k you!
"Don't be upset just because you don't know the rules!" Happy laughed.
"This is just embarrassing," Cana sighed.
PERFECT CELL: Also its' eight thousand life points, not four. No idea where you got that from.
YAMI YUGI: You're full of sh*t!
"Sounds like a loser to me," Laxus shrugged.
YAMI YUGI: ( Walks away from Cell ) I'm taking my Millennium Puzzle and teenage boy's body and going home!
"Repeat that last part again?" Levy did a double take.
PERFECT CELL: Also, it's cheating to have some else help you during the game. Byeee~! That's a deep voice for a 14-year-old, my god!
"HE WAS 14 YEARS OLD!?"
Cell Vs. Ryu & Ken
(Scene opens with Perfect Cell looking at his arms weirdly with Ryu and Ken standing behind him).
PERFECT CELL: Hm. I feel different.
"I'm more concerned about the two muscular men behind you," Yukino said.
"Mama likes!" Cana gave a thumbs up.
KEN: Hey, ugly! ( Cell ignores him ) Hey, I'm talkin' to you!
"It knows. It just doesn't care," Rogue said.
PERFECT CELL: Me? I'm sorry( Turns to face Ken and Ryu ) I heard "ugly" and assumed you MUST be talking to someone else.
"No, you are pretty f*cking ugly," Laxus disagreed.
RYU: Beauty is in the fight of the beholder.
"I like this guy," Natsu smirked.
KEN: Name's Ken Masters, and this is Ryu. You're the six and a half-foot tall pain in our butts who's threatening to destroy the world, aren't you?
"I mean...who else would look like Cell and just build a stage in the middle of nowhere after threatening the entire planet with destruction?" Levy rolled her eyes.
"He was being sarcastic, Levy…"
"So was I."
PERFECT CELL: 6' 8", actually. By your get-ups, I'm assuming you're here to challenge me.
RYU: The truth lies in the heart of battle.
"Is he just a walking muscle basket of quotes?" Minerva asked.
KEN: Eh, d-don't pay attention to that; it's just how he communicates/
"You should get that checked out," Carla said.
RYU: The only way warriors can TRULY communicate is with our fists!
"AGREED!" Natsu shouted.
PERFECT CELL: What about our...MOUTHS?
"To talk or to…?" Cana was cut off by Lucy's shoe hitting her face.
KEN: Stand back, Ryu...I'm gonna take the first and ONLY round.
"Can't wait to see how he gets his ass kicked," Gajeel smirks.
PERFECT CELL: Ho-oh boy, excellent! Then let us begin!
(A pair of health bars appear above the screen with MR. P. CELL on the right side, and WIERDFACE KEN on the left side.)
ANNOUNCER: Are you ready? Go!
KEN: ( Dashes towards Cell ) Shippu Jinraikyaku! ( Ken launches four kicks and a knee at Perfect Cell, only to receive no damage )...uh, hey Ryu? Uh, you wanna-
PERFECT CELL: Shoryuken! ( Uppercutting Ken into the sky ).
The mages burst into a loud fit of laughter at seeing the co*cky fighter get his ass kicked.
KEN: AAAAAGH-!
RYU: Ken, no! ( Purple mist starts emitting off Ryu as he falls onto his knees ) The...the Dark Hado! It's coming out!
"W-What is that?" Yukino asked, fearfully.
"It kinda looks like Rogue's abilities," Sting makes the connection.
"No, this is a lot different from me," Rogue responded.
KEN: I...can't...control it! It's going to...overtake me!
PERFECT CELL: ...Have you tried praying it away?
"Not sure if that'll work…" Levy said.
RYU: Consciousness...losing...consciousness...Fading into...darkness.. ( His body goes limp ).
PERFECT CELL: Well, at least someone finally threw a punch…
"Yeah, the last couple of guys have been disappointments-" Laxus started.
(Ryu suddenly transforms into Evil Ryu, surprising Cell)
"WHAT THE f*ck!?"
EVIL RYU: EEEEEGH!
PERFECT CELL: AAAAGGGGHHHH!
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
(Evil Ryu charges at Cell as the screen goes black with punching sound-effects and sparks are only showing. Then it shows Perfect Cell standing over Evil Ryu's defeated body).
PERFECT CELL/Everyone:...WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
ANNOUNCER: YOU WIN!
KEN: ( Falling down from the sky ) AAAAAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-!( Smashing into the ground )
ANNOUNCER: PERFECT!
"It would say that…" Freed rolled his eyes.
Cell Vs. Sonic & Knuckles
(Scene opens with Perfect Cell humming the song 'Escape from the City' as something zoomed behind him).
"What the hell was that?" Laxus questions.
PERFECT CELL: What in the blue blazes? (Sonic appears in front of Cell).
"Is that a blue hedgehog?" Kagura asked.
"Happy, look! It's you!" Natsu pointed at Sonic.
"HAPPY ISN'T A HEDGEHOG!" Lucy slapped him.
SONIC: Hey there! Sonic the Hedgehog's my name, speed's my game! ( Then knuckles fell from the sky and landed next to Sonic ).
KNUCKLES: And I'm the Echidna, Knuckles.
"Knuckles? You mean like chuckl-" A hand slapped itself over Millianna's mouth.
"Don't finish that," Kagura warned.
PERFECT CELL: ( Quietly ) Say his name and he shall…
KNUCKLES: And unlike him, ( Points at Sonic ) I don't chuckle.
"Dammit!" Kagura swore.
PERFECT CELL: Ha!
SONIC: NOw, ya big bad BeetleBorg, we'll give you one chance to high-tail it before we have to take you down!
KNUCKLES: Yeah! Either cut the crap, or we'll beat it out of ya!
PERFECT CELL: Really? What's the hedgehog gonna do? Give me Rabies?
"Did Dr. Gero give you anything to combat rabies? Because, it's a pretty dangerous thing to catch," Mira said.
SONIC: I challenge you to a race, Cell! If you lose, then you gotta leave the planet, and NEVER come back!
"Welp, this is only going to end in one way. And it won't end in the Hedgehog's favor," Freed frowned.
PERFECT CELL: Ah, a test of speed, then… ( Another Cell appears behind Sonic )
SONIC: Ah!
CELL CLONE: Don't mind me, I'm just occupying multiple spaces at once.
"Yup...definitely not terrifying at all…" Lucy shivered.
SONIC: H-how are you-
CELL CLONE: With MY speed. There's also a third one selling chili dogs outside the ring. ( Points towards the hot dog stand with another Cell Clone selling chili dogs and Knuckles eating one right next to it ).
SONIC: That's impossible.
"We've been saying that since we started watching these guys. You get used to it at some point," Levy said.
CELL: No, ( Flicks Sonic's ear ) You're too slow. What's impossible is how anyone could mistake THAT thing for an echidna.
"Damn."
KNUCKLES: Oh, I am gonna stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry now- (Cell Clone slams Knuckles into the ground, hitting his head) OW!
SONIC: Knuckles! I have no choice now… I'll have to use...the EMERALDS! (He reached behind him only for the Chaos Emeralds to not be in his hand).
PERFECT CELL: ( Chuckles ) You mean these Chaos Emeralds? ( The Chaos Emeralds start circling Perfect Cell with Sonic stammering in disbelief, looking at Knuckles struggling to climb up from the ground, and back to Cell who's staring at Sonic with an evil grin. The blue Hedgehog sped off in fear. )
"Why do I feel like Cell having those is a horrible idea?" Makarov asked.
"Probably, because anything having any source of power near Cell is a bad idea," Gildarts answered.
"Frosch feels bad for Sonic," Frosch said.
"His fault for getting involved," Lector shrugged.
KNUCKLES: Wait, hold on! You're my ride! Aww, man! ( Nervously giggling ) Sorry, I'm, uh...not as...fast as him. Uh, hang on! Huahh! ( Jumps in the air and glides ) Hu! ( He jumps again and glides ) Gah! I...really. D'oh! ( He jumps again and glides again ) I wish I could do more than glide!
"That was just pathetic," Laxus sighed.
PERFECT CELL: ( Throwing away the Chaos Emeralds and breaking the fourth wall ) Kids, there's nothing cooler than being hugged by someone you like.
"Is...is it talking to us?" Wendy asked.
"I would hope not. Goku was bad enough," Romeo said.
Cell Vs. Kenshiro
(Scene starts with Kenshiro walking towards Cell)
PERFECT CELL: Oh goody! It's...this guy! ( Kenshiro stops in front of Cell ) So then, Road Warrior, how can Mr. Perfect Cell help you? ( Kenshiro starts cracking his fists ).
"Seems like my type of guy," Laxus smirked.
"I didn't know you were into guys, Laxus!" Mira gasped.
"I'M NOT YOU DAMN DEVIL!"
PERFECT CELL: So, a man of few words. I can respect tha-
KENSHIRO: Hey!
PERFECT CELL: Okay just cut me off.
KENSHIRO: Bugman.
PERFECT CELL: Homeless Man.
"Pfft! Ok, that was a good one," Romeo chuckled.
KENSHIRO: The meat part of you, your muscles, is that bug meat? Or man meat?
"Are you going to eat it!? WHY!?" Lucy gasped, disgusted.
PERFECT CELL: Are we talking percentage? Because at LEAST thirty percent if we include-
KENSHIRO: I don't care for man meat.
"At least we know you aren't a cannibalist," Lucy sighed, relieved.
PERFECT CELL: Look, you clearly got off at the wrong bus stop, so why don't you-
KENSHIRO: HurrrrRAGH! ( His shirt rips off )
Most of the women in the guild blushed at Kenshioro's muscles.
"MANLY!" Elfman rips his shirt off too.
PERFECT CELL: Okay, but WHY, though?
"BECAUSE IT'S MANLY!" Elfman responded.
KENSHIRO: Sho! ( He rushes at Cell, striking him numerous of times ) Rrata-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TAA!( Cell just smiles at Kenshiro's attacks ) Atoh! Awa-wa-wa-wa-wa.
PERFECT CELL: My God, how did you know I was deathly allergic to TICKLING? ( Laughs )
Laxus sighed at the screen. "Seems like another disappointment-"
KENSHIRO: You're already dead.
"Wait wha-"
PERFECT CELL: ( Still laughing, then screams as his body explodes, only for it to regrow back ) AUGH! CHRIST! DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE ALREADY AN ASSHOLE!?"
Everyone laughed at seeing Cell get its ass handed to him. It was cathartic to see the Perfect being get humbled by a homeless man.
KENSHIRO: Are you going to…( Points towards Cell's severed arm ) eat that?
"Gross…" Lucy whined.
PERFECT CELL: No. No, I am not.
KENSHIRO: Well...may I?
PERFECT CELL: Sure...make it your last meal. Because after that, you're dead!
KENSHIRO: No, you are, already. Again.
"Wait wha-"
PERFECT CELL: ( Screams as his body, unexplainable, explodes again, covering Kenshiro with his green blood ).
"The only one who wasn't a total disappointment," Laxus smiles.
Cell Vs. Light Yagami
(Scene starts with Light Yagami and Ryuk walking towards Perfect Cell).
"What's with the crazy abundance of teenagers wanting to walk towards their deaths?" Gildarts asked.
"Young and stupid," Makarov answered.
PERFECT CELL: Oh...what am I hearing right now and can I buy it on Amazon?
LIGHT YAGAMI: "Perfect Cell", huh? What a joke.
"Considering the high body count this bug man has, I wouldn't call it a joke," Freed responded.
PERFECT CELL: Well, hello there, young man! Do you need help with your thesis? Well, here's a hypothesis for you. ( Light Yagami starts writing in his notebook ).
"Uh? What's the notebook for?" Levy asked.
"Yeah! Get to punching or something!" Natsu shouted.
PERFECT CELL: "Cell will kill me if I don't turn my men's wearhouse-looking ass around and march out of his ring!" For evidence: I provide this squirrel. ( Cell fires an energy blast, obliterating the squirrel's head ).
"ANIMAL ABUSE!" Happy shouted.
"EVIL!" Lisanna also shouted.
"It wasn't a kitty, but a poor squirrel," Millianna moured.
PERFECT CELL: The conclusion is: Yes, I will kill you. ( Light finishes writing Perfect Cell's name in his notebook ) Did you get that one down?
"What's the point of writing Cell's name?" Lucy asks, confused like everyone else.
LIGHT YAGAMI: I am no mere schoolboy. You're speaking to the God of this new world.
"Does this kid not have friends or…?" Cana questioned.
Natsu grumbled at Light's pretentious claim. It reminded him of Mard Geer and Acnologia.
PERFECT CELL: Wow! OK! And I thought it was a little gaudy whenIsaid it. (chuckles) Then suddenly Justine Timberlake straddles up with his tie too tight and locks so luscious. That for the ladies, or do you go to an all boys school and meet with the other students behind the bleachers?
"To be fair, "Perfect Cell" is a little gaudy," Freed said.
"Anyone referring to themselves as the "Perfect Lifeform" is gaudy," Gajeel said.
LIGHT YAGAMI: Hrmm…!
PERFECT CELL: Naw, but seriously, why are you here?
"To kill you I guess," Sting responded.
PERFECT CELL: Taking photos for Snapchat? "Well, come here, fam, let's get lit! Get in here, we'll take some selfies!"
"Cell should never talk like that again," Romeo cringed.
"Agreed," Wendy nodded her head.
PERFECT CELL: "First one will be serious! Second one we'll make a funny face and put a sweet filter on it! An-" ( Cell's face twists into a panic ) Did you-did one of my hearts just stop?
"You have multiple hearts!?" Levy gasped.
"Wait, how did its heart even stop?" Carla asked.
LIGHT YAGAMI: ( Chocked gasp )
PERFECT CELL: Did you just use a magical notebook given to you by a Death God to give me a heart attack?
"Oddly specific, but it's the only thing that makes sense at this point," Levy shrugged. She didn't feel like questioning it at this point.
LIGHT YAGAMI: ( Looks at Ryuk ) Ryuk? ( See's Willaim Dafoe's face smiling creepily, upon its face as it explodes, taking Light Yagami with him ) AAAAAAAAGHH!
"And that's another teenager dead," Laxus said.
"Really shouldn't be too relaxed about that," Lucy sweat dropped.
PERFECT CELL: Ah, damn it, I should have said "Zac Efron".
CELL VS. Saitama & Genos
PERFECT CELL: (Thinking) I cannot believe we're making more of these instead of episodes…
"Exactly! Just get to the Cell Games already!" Natsu complained.
PERFECT CELL: (Gasps) A theme song, that's what I need! A BADASS theme song for MY Cell Games: Presented by HETAP! I wonder, could they get me JAM PROJECT?
"Who? And of course he had to mention Hetap," Levy rolled her eyes.
"Sponsors!" Happy shouted.
PERFECT CELL: Well, on this short of time frame...What day is it anyway?
(Genos starts falling from the sky, performing a 'superhero landing'. While Saitama floats down and lands safely).
"These guys look...interesting," Gildarts shrugged.
"ROBOT MAN!" Natsu and Happy shouted, staring at Genos.
"What's with the plain looking baldy?" Minerva questioned.
GENOS: Master, I believe we have arrived.
PERFECT CELL: ( Out loud ) Oh my Go-I'm a sundial for pests!
"You're at fault for making it an open invite. We know you mainly sent it out towards the Z-Fighters, but did you really think nobody else would appear?" Makarov said.
"To be fair, I think he expected normal humans being idiots. Not everything we've seen so far," Levy said.
"Theywereidiots. Except for that Kenshiro guy, he was the only good one," Laxus cut in.
SAITAMA: I'm surprised you even found this place, Genos. The heck does 28KS.5 mean?
PERFECT CELL: I need to be specific. I needed to be WAY more specific with my message.
"If you want more weirdos near you then sure, go ahead," Bickslow said.
SAITAMA: Hi, I'm Saitama, Hero for fun, or...well...I mean I'm technically employed by the Hero Association, but, uhh-
"There's a Hero Association? Being a hero is a job?" Romeo questioned.
"Well, us wizards get paid. I guess it's probably the same type of thing," His father answered.
GENOS: He's here to end your miserable life, monster!
SAITAMA: Yeah, what the cyborg said.
"So, he's also a Cyborg. A bit different from 18 and 17, because of all the metal on his body," Sting said.
PERFECT CELL: Ah, good. Andhoware you going to do that? Stop one of my hearts? Blow my torso up? Or play me in a Children's card game? Which, admittedly, was actually kinda fun.
"So, that's Light, Kenshiro, and Yami that he mentioned," Levy said.
"We know, Levy. We literally just saw them," Gajeel responded.
"I'm just saying!"
SAITAMA: I was thinking about punching you, actually.
"Natsu's solution," Gray rolled his eyes.
"Punching works a lot, Ice-Ass!" Natsu yelled back.
PERFECT CELL: Oh. ( Cell see's his own reflection off Saitama's forehead ) Well, as long as it's not keeping you from your chemotherapy.
"It's fitting thatCellmade the cancer joke," Jellal said.
GENOS: Master! Allowmeto take point.
SAITAMA: You sure about that, Geny? You kinda know how this goes, right?
GENOS: I recently received several performance upgrades from the genius, Dr. Kuseno. I assure you, this first attack…( He rushes at Cell ) will be the finishing blow! Huaagh! ( He attempts to kick Cell, only to be backhanded into a nearby mountain ).
The mages broke into a loud fit of laughter at seeing Genos getting his ass kicked so fast.
"Wow, who saw that one coming?" Minerva cackled.
PERFECT CELL & SAITAMA: Oh wow, who saw that one coming? Ha! You owe me a HETAP. Ha! You owe me two HETAPS! ( Both sigh as Genos lies on the ground unconsciously ).
"Nobodies going to help him? No? Ok," Kagura said.
"People really should just stop showing up to Cell's arena," Erza sighed.
PERFECT CELL: How about you, Caillou? You wanna throw thatpunchnow?
SAITAMA: Oh, I just tag along with him. I'm actually gonna wait for the tournament. If there's a bunch of strong guys showing up, I don't want to miss it.
"FINALLY SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!" Natsu shouted. Finally, he found someone who completely understood his thought process.
"Ok ok, sit down," Lucy yanked his scarf.
PERFECT CELL: Well, then, Caped Baldy. If you want to be, literally, the first person to follow the rules I set, then the tournament it is.
SAITAMA: You bet, co*ckroach king. But don't be surprised if I hit a little harder than Genos.
"Something about that doesn't feel right," Erza mumbled. The bald guy made her feel a bit uneasy.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, I'm looking forward to it.
SAITAMA: You and me both.
"No more fight flirting!" Lucy yelled.
PERFECT CELL: I'll see you, tomorrow.
SAITAMA: Dang right, you- Waaaiiittt, tomorrow?
PERFECT CELL: Yes.
SAITAMA: As in,tomorrowtomorrow?
"Yes...what's the problem?" Jellal asked.
PERFECT CELL: The F*cking sabbath, yes!
SAITAMA: Oh jeez. No can do then. There's a sale going on at the grocery tomorrow, and our pantry is lookin'prettybarren. If I don't hit it up, we're just leaving money on the table. Let's just do it Monday.
There was pure silence in the guild after hearing Saitama's reasoning.
"Is he f*cking serious right now?" Laxus asked, baffled.
"That's...that's so stupid! Everyone's going to die if Cell wins! A sale doesn't matter!" Sting yelled.
PERFECT CELL: You're joking. If I win the tournament… (scoffs)whenI win the tournament, there won't be a Monday.
"Could you be anymore full of yourself?" Erza scoffed.
"Vegeta's DNA is in there, remember?" Minerva tells her.
"Goku's gonna kick your green butt!" Natsu yelled.
SAITAMA: Nah, it'll be fine. Now, uhh, don't mind me, I'm gonna grab Genos. ( Flys over towards Genos' unconscious body. )
PERFECT CELL: ...That's it? Seriously!? ( Saitama flies away from the Cell Games arena. ) I feel like I'm not the only one being blue-balled right now.
"Oddly enough, I feel the same way," Erza said.
Cell Vs. Ash Ketchum
(Scene starts with teenagers walking directly towards the Cell Games arena as Perfect Cell is sleeping.)
"Why is it always teenagers!?" Makarov complained
NARRATOR: We join Ash Ketchum, along with his companions, Misty and Brock, on their journey to the Pokemon League.
"Is that a narrator? Why is there a narrator?" Levy questioned.
MISTY: I feel like we're lost, like usual.
"So, for once the intelupors don't mean to show up at Cell's arena," Rogue said.
BROCK: Hey, I'm not the one who lost the map. Sure would be nice if we had some kind of mobile device that could tell us where we are.
ASH: Nope! Just this mobile device that tells us what Pokemon are! Which is really more important!
"Is that really more important? Sounds like the least important thing needed," Yukino said.
PIKACHU: Pika!
"OH MY GOSH! THAT THING IS SO CUTE!" Majority of the women in the guild squealed at the sight of Pikachu.
MISTY: Hey, look over there! Is that man?
"More like a bio-android," Levy corrected.
ASH: Wow! He sure is tall…
BROCK: Guys, that definitely doesn't look like a human.
"What tipped you off? Was it the green skin or the thorax?" Gajeel said, sarcastically.
BROCK: I think that might be a Pokémon!
PIKACHU: Pikachu!
"What the hell is a Pokemon?" Bickslow asked.
"Probably that small yellow creature," Freed answered.
ASH: Oh wow! Time to use my trusty Pokedex!
POKEDEX: "Data not found."
"Hey! It's 16's cousin!" Romeo jokes.
"Not funny!" Wendy roared at him, scaring the boy.
ASH: Huh?
MISTY: And technology has failed us…
PERFECT CELL: ( Wakes up from his nap ) Excuse me! Children, over there!
ASH: It can talk!?
MISTY: Just like Meowth!
"Who!?"
PERFECT CELL: Are you here for the tournament? Because people keep showing up early to fight me, and honestly, it's really starting to get old. I mean, I set a date. The least people could do is wait for it…
"It is pretty rude to show up too early," Natsu said.
"It's also pretty rude to blow up the whole planet…" Lucy added.
ASH: You guys, I'm gonna battle it!
"You'll die," Laxus said.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, well, I guess that answers that question.
ASH: Let's see...I can't tell what type it is, so let's try… ( Pulls out a pokeball and throws it. ) Squirtle, GO!
SQUIRTLE: Squirtle!
"IT'S SO CUTE!" The women cooed.
PERFECT CELL: Wait, so you're not going to fight me?
ASH: Of course not! This is a Pokemon battle! Pokemon vs. Pokemon!
"Cell isn't a Pokemon though. This doesn't make sense," Lily said.
PERFECT CELL: Ok, you're saying that word, but I don't know what-
ASH: Squirtle, he's distracted! Use Water Gun!
SQUIRTLE: Squirtle! Squirt! ( launches a wave of water at Cell, soaking him. )
PERFECT CELL: So, do I just...I'm just going to attack back, is that ok?
"The first time Cell has asked to attack someone. I feel like it's growing up," Lisanna said.
ASH: Squirtle, use Skull Ba-!
PERFECT CELL: Ha! ( Fires an energy blast at Squirtle )
SQUIRTLE: SQUIRT! ( Tucking into its shell, protecting itself from the blast )
ASH: That was a Solar Beam!
"Don't you mean Solar Flare?" Carla questions.
PERFECT CELL: Did you just say Solar Flare? Because that's a totally~ dif-
ASH: ( Retrieves Squirtle back into his Pokeball ) No wonder water didn't work on him! He's a GRASS-type Pokemon!
"How many different types of Pokemon are there?" Freed wondered.
PERFECT CELL: All right, this seems a lot like that card game the boy with the leather pants played with me. Duel Monsters? 'Cause it feels a lot like Duel Monsters.
"I think this Ash kid understands the rules better though," Gildarts said.
ASH: ( Unleashes Charizard from his Pokeball ) Charizard, GO!
"HE HAS A FIRE DRAGON!? THAT'S SO COOL!" Natsu's eyes turned into stars.
PERFECT CELL" Whoa, is that friggin' dragon!? 'Cause I'm gonna be honest - THAT'S pretty metal!
BROCK: Actually, it's neither a steel-type, NOR a dragon-type! ( Cell frowned at Brock ).
"Ok, nobody asked for a Know-it-all," Gajeel grumbled. Levy elbowed him in his sides, causing him to apologize to her.
ASH: Charizard! Use Flamethrower! ( Charizard shoots fire out its mouth and aims at Cell, causing no effects ).
PERFECT CELL: Well, now I'm dry so, good job. Managed to give me a steam bath.
ASH: Fire wasn't effective either! Man, nothing I do is phasing it!
"Then give up and go home, kid! Before you get killed!" Gildarts yelled.
PERFECT CELL: The name's Cell, by the way! Could have at least ASKED before you started throwing critters at me.
ASH: You're pretty strong...But Pikachu and I have fought more battles than I can count!
"I doubt that it's a high number," Minerva insulted.
PERFECT CELL: Not a high number, I'm sure.
ASH: And if there's anyone that can beat you it's him. Go, Pika-
JESSIE: ( Through speakers ) NOt so fast, twerps!
"Who the actual hell?" Laxus questioned.
JAMES: We're here, we're queer, get used to it!
"HUH!?"
JESSIE: Wrong time, wrong place, James…
JAMES: Sorry, Jessie, sorry! Let's just...start the thing.
JESSIE: Prepare for trouble!
JAMES: And make it double!
"I'm getting a weird sense of Deja vu…" Erza muttered.
JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation!
JAMES: To unite all peoples within our nation!
PERFECT CELL: ( Talking over Jessie and James ) Ok, what the f*ck is this fever dream!?
"That's what I want to know!" Minerva agreed with the bug.
ASH: ( Talking over Jessie and James ) Those guys are here to steal my Pikachu!
"Who would want to steal that adorable little guy!?" Lisanna screamed.
JAMES: To extend our reach to the stars above!
PERFECT CELL: (Talking over Jessie and James) Ok, so youknowthese guys.
ASH: Yeah! They're-
JESSIE: Jessie!
JAMES: James~!
JESSIE: Team Rocket blas-! ( Cell fires an energy blast at Team Rocket's hot air balloon, sending it flying off into the distance ).
"Thank Kami…" Minerva sighed.
PERFECT CELL: Dics out for THOSE guys, amirite?
BROCK: ...Are they gonna be ok?
"I hope they died," Minerva said.
MISTY: Do you honestly care?
BROCK: ...No. I actually don't.
ASH: Alright, then. Back to the Pokemon battle! Pikachu! I choose-!
PERFECT CELL: Ok, all right, real talk? I'm not a Pokemon, ok? I don't even know what they are, like, wha-what IS a Pokemon?
ASH: It's a… "Pocket Monster".
"So, you put it in your pocket?" Millianna asked.
PERFECT CELL: Are they in your pocket?
ASH: No-They're on my belt. Pokeballs.
PERFECT CELL: Then they're not pocket monsters! They're...belt monsters. BALL monsters!
"Technically, we're all ball monsters," Cana shrugged.
"Really?" Lucy rolled her eyes.
PERFECT CELL: No, no, no, they're CAPSULE monsters! And you duel with them! So, they're GODDAMN DUEL MONSTERS!
"NO WAY!?" Happy was shocked by the revelation.
ASH: Th-then, you're not a Poke-?
PERFECT CELL: No, I am not a goddamn Pokemon! Now get out of here, before I murder you and your little rat!
"Don't kill, Pikachu!" Wendy shouted.
PERFECT CELL: Also, the guy who keeps squinting at me and your ginger girlfriend! Sh-sh-shoo, sh-sh-shoo.
ASH: C'mon Pikachu. Let's go find us a Pokemon Center.
PIKACHU: PIKA~!
PERFECT CELL: Oh my God, this is the longest seven days I've ever waited in my life. I should've scheduled it for a Wednesday. Kill everyone on Hump Day! Insult to the injury, th- ( Sees Mewtwo flying overhead ) ...IS THAT F*CKING FREEZA!?
The mages laugh at Cell's assumption of thinking Mewtwo was Frieza.
Perfect Cell Vs. Deadpool
( Scene starts with Perfect Cell thinking about who to keep alive when he blows up the planet.)
PERFECT CELL: ...I think I'll spare Betty White.
DEADPOOL: ( Appears behind Cell ) Did you know that mitochondria is your powerhouse? ( Cell punches him into one of the arena pillars )
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?"
PERFECT CELL: ( Dusting his fist ) Pretty sure I just manslaughtered Spider-Man.
DEADPOOL: Jesus, really? Gonna drive THAT golden oldie at the start?
"How are you even ALIVE right now?" Freed questioned, shocked.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Cell just sprayed your brains all over the area floor," Bickslow pointed at all the blood.
PERFECT CELL: How on, how are you-
DEADPOOL: Alive? ( Leaps up to his feet ) Ha ha! Mutant, friend-o! Well, "mutate" specifically, but whatever! Lemme properly introduce myself! I'm your deadly neighborhood Deadpool.
"Deadpool? Did you die in a pool or something-OW!" Romeo felt something hit his forehead. The boy looked down at his feet to see a crumpled piece of paper. He picked it up and uncrumpled it. His eyes widened at the image on the paper, it was of him sneaking away with a bunch of dirty magazines.
"What is it, Romeo?" Wendy asked, leaning over to look.
The boy quickly tore the image to pieces before the other teen could see. "N-Nothing! Nothing at all!"
PERFECT CELL: So you're...so you're one of those "X-Mans"?
DEADPOOL: Ohhhh, no. Nooooo, no-no-no-no-no-no, I mean...sure, I help them out from time to time, but that's like, when the WORLD'S in danger.
PERFECT CELL: Zero to pissed in a moment-my goodness, you have talent.
"And I thought Natsu was the only one with that talent," Laxus said.
"Hey!"
DEADPOOL: Look, this thing isn't called "Cell vs The X-Men", okay? It ain't "Cell vs The Avengers", or "Cell vs The Defenders". It's DEADPOOL VS CELL. Got it? I took a pay cut to make that happen!
"Why would you want that!?" Yukino asked, baffled.
"I think we've already crossed the bridge that he's insane," Sting said.
PERFECT CELL: So was your shtick that you're insane, or just "LAWL, I'm SO RANDOM!"
"I feel like it's a combo of both, really," Carla sighed, already feeling a headache.
DEADPOOL: ( Chuckles ) My "shtick" is that I've been contracted to assassinate your thorax!
"Who the hell would be crazy enough to hire someone as insane as you?" Lucy questioned.
PERFECT CELL: Hmmm. The thought of a hired gun never crossed my mind.
"Probably because everyone so far just showed up to fight you," Gajeel said.
DEADPOOL: Yep! Can't quite give away the identity of my employer, buuuut…
( Scene changes to Deadpool's contract being disguised over the phone.)
?: That's right. You murder him and I will make that Spiderman-Deadpool movie happen!
"Of course it's Nappa…" Lucy sighed.
( Phone chatter )
?: What? ( Phone chatter ) No, you won't get Andrew Garfield, he's out. ( Phone chatter ) Listen, I'll just get you a hotel room, but it's your job to make that bed rock, okay? ( Phone chatter ) All right. ( Phone chatter ) Okay bye. ( ? Hangs up the phone ) All right, Mr. Lee, it's happening.
MR. LEE: Excelsior, Ghost Nappa!
"Didn't expect the Ghost Nappa thing to make a return," Levy said.
NAPPA: I'm not a-...It's been like, a season, dude, come on.
( Scene changes back to the Cell Games arena )
DEADPOOL: ( Sighing ) Guy drives a hard bargain. Also, the pic he gave me? ( Reveals the picture of NOT Perfect Cell ) Looks nothing like you.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, absolutely not.
"Looks like a rip-off-OW!" Minerva felt a ball of paper hit her in the head. She picked it up and unraveled it.
"Hunter x Hunter fans won't like that?" What the hell is this?" She sets the paper on fire.
DEADPOOL: Now, with introduction out of the way. ( Throws away the picture. ) I'm gonna make you sashimi with these swords! ( Pulls out his twin katanas ).
"Does the idiot even know how to use those?" Kagura was skeptical.
PERFECT CELL: ...Swords? Buddy, I've got a boy with lavender hair who can give you a rundown on how poorly ( Deadpool chops Cell's left arm off ) that's gonna work out for-where is my arm?
DEADPOOL: ( Waving Cell's dismembered arm ) Yohoo~!
"Cell's getting Kenshiro flashbacks right now," Bickslow chuckled.
PERFECT CELL: I stand corrected! ...Also lopsided.
DEADPOOL: It's called Adamantium, Shelley! ( Waves his swords in front of Cell ) And it's the sliciest, diciest, ( Cell curls his fist ) mutilatiest metal ever made! ( Using Cell's arm as a microphone ) Hey, this is Deadpool with Regis and Kathie Lee! ( Two chairs appear with his swords on them ).
"Does he ever shut up!?" Minerva complained, already tired of Deadpool.
DEADPOOL: That's the name of the swords, and my cats, who I recently had to put down… with these!
Millianna almost fainted at those words, while the Exceeds all shivered away from the screen.
DEADPOOL: ( Whispers ) Also, they weren't cats but feral raccoons.
"What the actual f*ck…"
( Cell points his finger at Deadpool and fires a KI blast at his head. )
"THANK YOU!" Everyone appreciated Cell's decision of killing for one.
PERFECT CELL: Five...four….three...two…
DEADPOOL: ( Raises from the ground ) Okay! That's fair. It's actually not Adamantium, it's Carbonadium! I deserve that!
"You deservefarworse," Minerva hissed.
DEADPOOL ( Cell shoots Deadpool in the head again, then hums 'Hollaback Girl' as Deadpool heals himself ) GOD DAMN IT! Now listen here you overgrown Bad Dragon Toy-(Cell shoots him again, splattering blood all over the arena).
The mages laughed at Cell's desire of wanting Deadpool dead.
PERFECT CELL: Gonna have to clean the ring after this…
DEADPOOL: Okay, that's it! ( Teleports behind Cell, swinging his swords only to miss ) I'm pretty sure I'm losing memories of my childhood now, and while I'm more than happy to part with Uncle Mickey and his van, I can't risk losing the first time I touched a boob at chess camp! ( Cell regenerates his arm and grabs the ends of his swords ).
"I'll never forget the first boob I touched," Macao smiled, nostalgically. His son stared at him in disgust.
PERFECT CELL: Listen, DP, can I call you DP?
DEADPOOL: ( Maniac laughing ) You can call me whatever you want while I'm carving you out like a goddamn tauntaun!
PERFECT CELL: PD- ( He snaps the tips of the swords off ).
DEADPOOL: Ah! My tips!
PERFECT CELL: -I get what you're going for here. I kill you, you don't die, you make jokes, and I kill you again, and rinse and repeat. It's not even funny.
"It's kinda funny," Sting disagreed.
PERFECT CELL: So how 'bout you take your swords, your guns, and your "references" and- ( notices that both of his arms are missing ).
"I would be absolutely livid if I was in Cell's shoes," Gajeel said.
"But, instead it's pretty funny," Levy added.
DEADPOOL: ( Sitting on Cell's arms like a chair ) Ohh, sorry, Shelley, but a jp's a Job's a job…( impersonates Wolverine ) ...and I'm the best there is at what I do: ( Normal voice ) making Arthur AMV's set to Papa Roach! But the second to that is killin' dudes, ( stands up ) and there ain't no way you're gettin' rid of me until I've murder-lised you good-
WOLVERINE: ( Through the radio ): Deadpool, come in! We have an emergency!
"Who is this?" Freed asked.
DEADPOOL: ( Nervous laughing ) Sorry, uh, I gotta take this. Work's calling. Give me a moment. ( Pulls out his radio, talking to Wolverine ) Wolvie, buddy! Best friend! Love of my life! Ha ha ha… WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
WOLVERINE: We need you back at the mansion. It's a "Code Phoenix".
"Code Phoenix? Wonder what that's about," Yukino said.
DEADPOOL: Wha-AGAIN WITH THIS!? ( sighing ) It's like, once a month with this chick! Seriously! A-at this point, I should make a period joke...but that's below me! ( chuckles ) "Blow me."
"Obviously it wasn't below you, dumbass," Kagura rolled her eyes.
WOLVERINE: ( Through the radio and annoyed ): Wade, get here, or the NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I'LL-( Audio turns into misunderstandable noises ).
PERFECT CELL: I'm being very polite here...I'm being very polite to let you have this conversation right now, I'm very pissed at you…
"Probably the nicest you've been so far," Lucy said.
DEADPOOL: Okay, okay, hold your Timbits, LLLOGAN-, I'm on my way. And try not to kill her this time, yeah?
WOLVERINE: ( Through the radio ) What the f*ck did you-!?" ( Deadpool ends the call ).
VOICE 1: Do you think he remembers X3?
VOICE 2: NOBODY, remember X3.
"I don't even KNOW what X3 is," Levy said.
DEADPOOL: Okay, so...I gotta go take care of some psychic bitch. Meantime, try not to kill nobody! Mean "anybody". Well, I mean, really...I don't give a sh*t. I was just here to waste time! Give me a call later! You can find me on Tinder...and Grindr. Oh, and Yelp! I love Mexican. Adios, muchachos! ( Leaves Cell's arena ) Give Goku my condolences about Superman!
"What is he talking about?" Natsu asked.
"I've been asking myself that this entire time," Jellal sighed.
PERFECT CELL: ...No, Betty White's had her time. Wit, is Bea Arthur still alive? I don't think she is.
DEADPOOL: ( Decapitates Cell's head ) SHINK! ONE FOR THE ROAD!
PERFECT CELL: ( Frustrated screaming ) I HOPE YOUR SEQUEL BOMBS!
Everyone laughed at Deadpool cutting off Cell's head.
DEADPOOL: It won't.
Cell Vs. Bobby Hill
( Scene starts with Cell talking to Hank Hill )
PERFECT CELL: All right, Hank! If this is the HILL you want to die on, I'll fight your brat. ( turns to Bobby Hill ) C'mon, Bobby boy, let's rumble-!
"IT'S FIGHTING A CHILD!?"
BOBBY HILL: THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!
PERFECT CELL: ( Bobby kicks Cell in the crotch causing him to scream in agonizing pain. )
Everyone burst into a storm of laughter at the humiliating and hilarious sight.
Chapter End
Chapter 75: Opening Serumonies
Chapter Text
Chapter 81: Opening Serumonies
(cut to an announcement, trailer style and epic music)
COMMUNITY ANNOUNCER: A challenge from a monster...
PERFECT CELL: I'm making an *announcement*!
CA: A promise from a hero...
MR SATAN: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug. You. Are.
CA: In one ring... to decide it all.
"Woah! This sounds kinda epic!" Romeo perked up.
PERFECT CELL: (from far away)Are you filming up there?
"Yes, they are," Happy answered.
(Epic music turns into rock music and the background turns green)
CA: Join us as it all comes together... AT THE #CELLGAMES! ONLY ON ZTV! With your boy, Jimmy Firecracker, reporting live on-site, as the mighty Mister Satan, takes on the sinister Cell, in a no-holds-barred fight, for the fate of the world!
"Is...is this being treated as some sort of wrestling match?" Jellal questioned, baffled.
"If there's one thing I know about people, is that they love making a stupid spectale out of something horrifiying," Lucy sweat dropped.
(cut to Goku and Chi-Chi's house with Chi-Chi and Ox King watching the announcement on the TV)
CA:(from the TV)Will it be humanity's last stand!?
(cut to Kame House with Chiaotzu, Master Roshi, Puar, and Oolong watching the same announcement on TV)
CA: Or will the devil get his due!?(cut to King Furry and his guards watching the same announcement)
"There's no way Cell's gonna win! Goku's gonna give him the beating of a lifetime!" Natsu punched his palm.
(cut green background)
CA: Find out this Sunday at the Cell Games!(music stops)Presented by HETAP.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Goku's house, military music starts playing, then cuts to Goku getting ready inside)
GOKU:(singing)Got my wristbands on and my boots are tied, gonna get my friends and fight a bug guy Doo-doo-doo-today is fighting day'(music stops)
"I love fighting day! It's the day that I get to punch things!" Natsu exclaimed.
"But, Natsu, isn't that everyday for you?" Happy reminded him.
"Heck yeah, buddy!"
CHI-CHI:(runs out of the house)Goku!
GOKU: Hey, Chi-Chi! You comin' with?
CHI-CHI: What? No! I...(sighs)Look, you already died once. I can take that. I can make peace with that. You're a fighter, and to be honest... it's why I fell in love with you. But Gohan? Not Gohan, not our baby boy.
Erza felt her heart go out to them. For them this was the first heart to heart that Chi-Chi has had with Goku that didn't involve yelling. The woman has been left behind constantly while her husband and son go off to face threats that could kill them, and havealmostkilled them. Hopefully by the end of this, they'd get to be a happy family and live a peaceful life.
GOKU: Chi-Chi, come on, don't be like that.
CHI-CHI:(disappointed)Goku.
GOKU: If Gohan dies, that means the world's doomed anyways, so what will it matter?
Erza had to resist every other urge in her body to break a skeletal system in half. She felt a hand be placed on her shoulder. She turned to see Jellal's comforting gaze, and allowed her body to relax.
Natsu was feeling thankful for whatever Gods were looking out for him today. He felt like a massive bullet had just stopped from hitting him.
Mira on the other hand wanted to smash Goku's face in at the moment.
(Ox King and Chi-Chi stare at Goku in shock)
GOKU: Okay, for the record, we know that I'm not great at this.
"Work on it, then!" Mira yelled
GOKU: But you know what I'm good at?
CHI-CHI: Leaving?
GOKU: Fighting!(runs and pops out)
"Honestly he's pretty good at BOTH of those things," Levy muttered.
CHI-CHI:(grunts)
OX KING: Maybe I'll get lucky, and Cell and him would just kill each other.
"HUH!?" Everyone did a double take. That sh*t came out of NOWHERE.
CHI-CHI:(high-pitched)DADDY!
OX KING: Sweetie, I can only afford to support two Saiyan mouths, and you've got a bun in the oven.
"That's...kinda understandable, just not the wishing for someone's death part," Kagura winced.
(cut to The Lookout with Future Trunks, Gohan, Piccolo, Dende, Mr. Popo, and Krillin. Goku pops in.)
GOKU: Hey guys! Ha-ha, y'all ready for the-(looks at their faces of worry)for, for the... tournament. Wow, did someone die? Oh gosh, where's Yamcha?
"That's the second time you made a guess that one of your friends died. The first time being Krillin," Freed said.
"I think he's pretty justified in worrying about Yamcha. Considering how Yamcha died in Trunks' timeline…" Levy reminded everyone. The reminder of Yamcha's suicide left a very awkward feeling into the guild.
KRILLIN: Nobody's dead!
PICCOLO: Yet.
GOKU: Then why are you all so glum chums? Come on, today's Fightin' Day!
"Yeah! This is no time to be sad! There's a bug that deserves to get its ass kicked!" Natsu yelled.
"You and Goku are the only ones who are so excited about the possible end of the world," Gray sweat dropped.
KRILLIN: Goku, last time I fought Cell, he basically Tambourine'd me.
"Who?" Levy asked for the millionth time.
PICCOLO: And he's gone through two transformations since we fought so...still trying to come to terms on that one, really.
"Yeah, you fused with Kami and everything! You were kicking Cell's butt too!" Lisanna said.
"Piccolo fought like a real man, but Cell's absorption proved to be too much," Elfman grimaced.
KRILLIN: Long story short: We're basically just going for moral support.
"You gave it everything you had. Just leave it all to Goku!" Wendy didn't want them to feel useless. Everyone tried their best to stop Cell, but with Goku everything should be okay!
GOKU: Oh, I know. But I'm just so excited guys! I finally get to *punch him*! Right in his handsome face!
"I still wouldn't call Cell handsome. More grotesque if anything," Minerva described.
PICCOLO: Why do you keep calling him handsome?
GOKU: Because that jawline don't lie, and neither do I. Now let's go, I don't want nobody getting a swing at Cell before me.
KRILLIN: Ah, sure. Like anyone else would be dumb enough to show up…
"Well…"
(cut to the Cell Games arena, with two reporters on a plateau, and Cell in the middle of the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Jimmy Firecracker here, live on the Cell Games, presented by HETAP...because apparently nobody else could take this job, but don't worry about me, because Jimmy Firecrack corn, and he don't give a f*ck! He'll take any job, he'll take every job, he'll take *your* job! And speaking of jobs...nobody else is here yet. Will Jimmy Firecracker have to get in that ring!? Does Jimmy Firecracker gotta come down there and *slap* that perfect jawline!?
"Why do you keep bringing up Cell's jawline!?" Minerva questioned.
"I also don't recommend going into that ring. Cell will kill you," Yukino added.
(Mr. Satan pulls up in his car to the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(offscreen)It looks like Cell has saved the wrath of Jimmy Firecracker as his first opponent has arrived.(onscreen)I'm receiving words that. This. Is. Him. Folks.(offscreen, Mr. Satan gets out of his car)The man, the legend, the winner of the 24th Martial Arts Tournament, Mr. Satan!
"Can't wait to watch this idiot die," Laxus rolled his eyes.
PERFECT CELL: Maybe shouldn't have made this an open invite.
"After all of the guys that showed up prior to this, you're just now realizing this?" Gajeel asks.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(offscreen)The champ has stepped up into the ring. Better update that TV-PG to TV-MA, cause you're about to see a full-blown massacre!
"Well...you're not wrong," Bickslow chuckled darkly.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(Mr. Satan tells the news reporters to come over)Wait, what this?(onscreen)The Champ is calling us down. Come on, Larry! What do I always say?
(Jimmy and Larry run over to the arena)
LARRY:(while running)Where there's smoke, there's firecracker, Sir!
(camera zooms in on Mr. Satan and Cell)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(offscreen)YER. GODDANG. RIGHT!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, sir! What do you have to say to your adoring public?
MR. SATAN: First, to all the kids at home.(Puts cape over chest)Do *not* recreate the violence you are about to see.
"I will," Minerva shrugged.
(cut to a town watching Mr. Satan give his speech, they start cheering)
MR. SATAN:(from the tv)Unless you buy the new *MR. SATAN ACTION FIGURE*! ON SALE NOW IN STORES EVERYWHERE!
"Oh! Should I get one, Carla!?"
"Of course not!"
(cut back to the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And why, Mr. Satan, have you come here today?
MR. SATAN: Well, aside from being sponsored by HETAP,
"Is everyone sponsored by HETAP!?" Levy questioned.
MR. SATAN:(cut back to the town cheering)Mr. Satan never backs down from a challenge, not when it comes to evil,(cut back to the arena)vile, wretched, contemptible,(cut to the town cheering)wicked, monstrous...(cut back to the arena)
PERFECT CELL:(while talking over Mr. Satan who is saying "...inhuman, dishonorable...")Definitely shouldn't have made this an open invite.
"You never should've broadcasted it," Sting said.
MR. SATAN: Nefarious!
(cut to Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Krillin, Future Trunks flying, and a few feet ahead, Yamcha and Tenshinhan)
GOHAN: Oh, hey! It's Tenshinhan and Yamcha!
GOKU:(stops)Hiya guys! How you doin'?
(Future Trunks, Krillin, Gohan, and Piccolo stop next to them)
TIEN: Just heading to the arena. Vegeta passed us earlier; flipped us off. So that was a good way to start the morning.
"That's exactly how I greet Salamander every morning," Gajeel said.
Natsu wasn't even upset. "That's true, that is how he greets me."
YAMCHA: Yeah, but we totally flipped him off back.
TIEN: *I* flipped him off back. You just waved and laughed nervously.
"Exactly why Tri-clops is my favorite!" Minerva grinned.
"And why Yamcha is my least favorite," Gajeel added.
YAMCHA: Look, I don't have your mutually-sustained hate boner for the guy, OK!
TIEN: I don't have a *hate* boner for him.
"It's a pretty big hate boner," Gajeel refuted.
YAMCHA: Dude, it's a pretty hateful boner.
(cut to the arena, Mr. Satan is still talking)
MR. SATAN:(offscreen)...Baneful, Iniquitous, Execrable... Villain. Like. You.
"He was still going!?" Minerva gaped.
(town cheers)
MR. SATAN: Now what do you have to say to *that*!?
(Cell stays silent)
"Honestly, the loud mouth isn't worth the breath," Lily sighed.
MR. SATAN:(mockingly)Oh, what's the matter? Satan got your tongue?
PERFECT CELL:(seriously)Are you sure about this?
MR. SATAN:(mockingly)Speak up, bug-boy!
PERFECT CELL: You look like an extra from a budget p*rno flick. The kind where *everyone* gets tested afterwards, even the cameraman.
"DAMN!"
MR. SATAN:(surprised)Oh... um, you're-
PERFECT CELL: Did they find you in the subway? Were you homeless? Did you get your start in bum fights?
"You know Cell's annoyed when it starts belittling your very existence," Bickslow said.
MR. SATAN:(nervously)This is getting oddly personal...
PERFECT CELL: Do you have any actual friends? Any relationships at *all*, that aren't about your money or your position?
MR. SATAN: ...I have a daughter.
"Oh, that poor orphan," Minerva genuinely meant that.
PERFECT CELL:(mockingly)Oh, that poor orphan.
"Don't say the same thing as me!" Minerva yelled at Cell.
MR. SATAN:(worried)Can we- can we cut to commercial?
(Vegeta lands in the arena)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Another man has just touched down at the arena! Uh-uh, sir! Are you looking to take on the terrifying Perfect Cell?
"No, he's already had his shot," Levy shook her head.
VEGETA: Get that mic out of my face, before I give you a colonoscopy with your camera.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(worried)Message received, violent stranger!(runs behind the cameraman Larry)
"The first smart choice these people have made so far," Freed said.
PERFECT CELL:(mockingly)Answer the question, Prince! Do you plan to take me on? Because I'm ready to throw down when you are, buddy. Come on, let's toss you through a mountain or five for old times sake. The old silent treatment, is it? Don't tell me you came all the way out here, just to stand around and look mean!(chuckles)Oh, I see, you took my advice,(Vegeta grunts)you're waiting for-
"Vegeta is having a lot of self control right now," Rogue noticed.
"The very first time in his life," Gajeel added.
ANDROID 16:(offscreen)Goku!
PERFECT CELL: Hmm?
(16 lands)
"16!" Wendy bounced in her seat.
PERFECT CELL: My dear Android 16! How wonderful for you to join us today! Are you here for-
ANDROID 16: Goku!
PERFECT CELL: Of course! Your little murder crush.
"Isn't Goku also your murder crush?" Gray asked.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And another mysterious stranger has appeared from thin air! Where do these people keep coming from, and who does their hair!?
MR. SATAN: Obviously, they're just hidin' behind rocks, waiting to make their dramatic entrances, and usin' cranes and wires, to make it look like they're flyin'. Similar to the practical efects we used in(town cheering)Skygina II: Mr. Satan vs Dr. Boy-Man, in theatres Friday!
"What? That's...that's the stupidest thing ever!" Levy complained. "Who in their right mind would believe a lie like that!?"
(back at the arena)
PERFECT CELL: Will you be participating in the games as well, 16? Or, are you just going to sit on the sidelines like the Prince over here?
VEGETA:(grunts)
ANDROID 16: GOKU!
"Oh, that's right! He's finally going to meet Goku!" Levy realized.
"No wonder 16's so happy right now!" Wendy yelled, happy.
"Should we really be happy about that?" Lucy questioned.
PERFECT CELL: OK, are you seriously, just gonna say his name, over and over?
ANDROID 16: HE IS HERE!
(Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, Future Trunks, Krillin, Tien, and Yamcha fly toward the arena)
PERFECT CELL: Hmm?
(Goku, Gohan, Future Trunks, Tien, Yamcha, Piccolo, and Krillin land in the arena)
"Now THAT is a perfect shot!" Romeo whistled.
PERFECT CELL: And our roster is complete. I hope this day finds you well, Son Goku.
GOKU: Slept a little weird on my arm, but, yeah.
PERFECT CELL: I see you brought the whole gang along to witness our battle! Piccolo, Trunks... Tenshinhan.
"He's still salty about those Kiko-hos," Gajeel chuckled.
TIEN:(mockingly)Kiko-how you doin'?
PERFECT CELL: Perfect. And Yamcha! What a surprise! How's it going man?
YAMCHA: Oh! Uh, good. I brought towels and water bottles.
"Yamcha found a way to help that didn't involve having to fight. Good for him," Lisanna smiled.
PERFECT CELL: And like that, you've already contributed more than Vegeta.
ANDROID 16: Hello, little duckling.
KRILLIN: He-hey, 16! Looks like they fixed up your dome real nice, huh buddy?
ANDROID 16: Indeed, I am now operating at 100% efficiency. And for some reason, I registered 10 kilograms lighter.
"Oh, right, they removed his bomb. Why wouldn't they tell him that?" Levy wondered.
"Maybe they felt it wasn't necessary," Kagura assumed.
KRILLIN: Good on you, buddy, you look great.
GOKU: Oh, hi! I'm Son Goku! Who are you?(stretches out hand)
(16 looks at him and starts singing: Foreigner - I Have Waited So Long and doesn't shake his hand)
The mages all laughed at 16's inner song, after everything 16 has been through he's finally found the man of his desires. But, 16 can't exactly kill Goku yet.
GOKU:(whispers to Krillin)This guy's intense.
"No, he's just happy!" Wendy disagreed.
MR. SATAN: Yeah, uh, I get paid for every second I'm on camera, so if we could just-
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(to Goku)Excuse me, sir! Are you or any of your freakish looking friends participating in the tournament today?
"The only freakish thing here is that guy's afro," Minerva insulted.
"Hey! Don't diss the afro!" Natsu barked.
GOKU: Oh, yeah! I'mma go punch that Cell a lot! In fact, if you don't mind, I'mma gun go do that right now!
"Hell yeah!" Sting and Natsu yelled.
MR. SATAN: OK, enough!(pushes Jimmy away)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: F*ck!
MR. SATAN: I am not playing second fiddle, to a bunch of gym rats, with too much time on their hands! *I* am the World Martial Arts Champion! And *I* will be the one to defeat Cell!
"You are nothing more than a glorified dumbass," Laxus rolled his eyes.
GOKU:(gasps)There was a tournament? You won a tournament? I won a tournament! That means he's even stronger than Krillin!
"Woah-wait, why Krillin?" Gray asked.
KRILLIN: Wait, hold u- uh, why me specifically?
GOKU: Dangit, and I really wanted a turn! Oh well, I guess we'll just have to let the champ handle it.
"Are you serious?" Yukino blinked. "IS he serious!?" She turned to everyone else.
"If you're still shocked at his stupidity at this point, then I have nothing to say," Gajeel shrugged.
"If it means that I get to watch that dumbass Mr. Satan eat sh*t, then I'm fine with it," Minerva shrugged.
"Let's just hope that Goku doesn't do anything like this again," Lucy told Yukino.
PICCOLO: Are you for real right now?
GOKU: Yeah, he's the champ! He's got this.
PICCOLO: I can't tell if he's serious, and that's very concerning.
Yeah, we still aren't sure when he's serious or not," Erza sighed.
MR SATAN: Good! Now that we have rank all sorted out, I think it's about time I teach Cell, where he falls! Specifically at my feet, when *I*, Mr. Satan, end this little freak show, once and for-
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:(offscreen from a helicopter)Hope y'all ready to get down and dirty with the three hottest stars from the Y Network!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: What's this? New challengers from the bitter rivals of ZTV!
"I couldn't care any less right now," Laxus groaned.
MR. SATAN:(bitterly)Like we don't have enough knuckleheads hoggin' ma' spotlight!
PIIZA:(offscreen)Comin' to you live from the Cell Games Arena. It's Piiza!
PIROSHKI:(offscreen)Piroshki!
CARONI:(offscreen)And Caroni!
(Cell fires a ki blast at the helicopter)
CARONI:(offscreen)And we are...
(Helicopter gets blown up, and everybody is surprised, Cell smirks)
There were some miffed faces at Cell killing those people, but nobody made any outwards protests about what just happened. They'll be brought back with the Dragon Balls.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(shocked)Did- did those people just die?
MR. SATAN: Pfft, don't be an idiot Jimmy. Obviously, that was just an unmanned remote-control cargo robot with a voice record-(one of the bodies falls in front of him)AND FILLED WITH FAKE CADAVERS FOR ADDED EFFECT! I'll give 'em points for effort though.
"YOU ARE SO GODDAMN STUPID!"
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan ain't no one's fool!
"He's EVERYONE'S fool!" Minerva yelled.
GOKU: Go champ!
"And you're a bigger dumbass!" Everyone yelled.
(Mr. Satan breaks a rock with his head)
KRILLIN: If we're lucky, it'll be that quick with this Satan guy, uh?
GOHAN: Krillin, people are dying, and we're just watching.
"At least my little Gohan still has some sense left," Mira sighed.
KRILLIN: Yep!
MR. SATAN: Now, Cell... if that is your real name...
PERFECT CELL: It's actually *Perfect* Cell.
"Mr. Perfect Cell," Happy corrected.
MR. SATAN: IT'S ACTUALLY GARBAGE! And Mr. Satan's gonna take out the trash.
PERFECT CELL: Wait, you were serious!? You're actually gonna fight!? I thought you were just somebody's hype-man.
MR. SATAN: I AM THE HYPE!
VEGETA: KILL HIM!
Everyone burst into a fit of laughter at Vegeta's own co*cky ass remark coming back to bite him in the ass.
"That was one that I didn't expect to return," Levy wheezed.
MR. SATAN: Now, try to get this on camera, Gary!
LARRY THE CAMERAMAN: (offscreen) La- Larry!
MR. SATAN: Cause I'm gonna end this in a single blow, and it's gonna be: FASTER THAN LIGHT! SATAN PUUUUNCH!
(Mr. Satan throws a punch at Cell, blocks it and throws him into a plateau, Mr. Satan slides down)
Minerva fell into another large fit of laughter while everyone else just sighed, already knowing the outcome of that "Fight".
(There's silence and the scene cuts to the town that was cheering, which stopped cheering)
RANDOM DUDE: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
"Not if Goku has anything to say about it!" Natsu declared.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
"DON'T END IT NOW!"
[STINGER]
(cut to 16 finishing singing I Have Waited So Long by Foreigner)
"His voice is so beautiful!" Wendy clapped her hands.
ANDROID 16: HELLO, MY NAME IS 16, MAY I PLEASE KILL YOU?
GOKU:(to Krillin)Hold on.(to 16)What'd ya say!?
ANDROID 16:(looks the other way)Nothing.(starts humming)
"Aw! He's embarrassed!" Mira and Wendy giggled.
"HURRY UP AND START THE NEXT EPISODE!" Natsu roared, his excitement growing too large.
"Don't worry, I'm starting it!" Mira responded.
Chapter End
Chapter 76: Cell Mates
Chapter Text
Chapter 82: Cell Mates
(cut to crowd, and everybody is shocked to see Mr. Satan hurt)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(offscreen)Ladies and gentlemen at home...(starts sobbing)Mr. Satan, our champion...(onscreen at the arena, shocked)IS DEAD!
"YES!" Minerva shouted.
(cut back to crowd, a riot starts, people are breaking glass, robbing banks and stores, crashing into buildings and involved in shootouts with police, some are scared)
"...Wow...it hasn't even been a minute and people have already started rioting…" Lucy gaped.
"Yes...that's how humans can be during dark times," Makarov sighed.
POLICE OFFICER:(over loudspeaker)Please go back to your home, and stay there peacefully!
(cut back to Cell Games arena, Jimmy is shocked)
VEGETA/Minerva:(offscreen)HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
MR. SATAN:(is shown on the ground, covering his face in pain)What happened? Did I kill him...? Did my punch destroy the ring? Is this my blood?
GOKU: Oh good, he's alive.
VEGETA/Minerva: One thing... I wanted one thing today!
"Why do you want him dead so badly!?" Kagura asked
"Because he's annoying!" Minerva responded.
PICCOLO: What about killing Cell?
VEGETA: Would you believe me if I said this was more important?
TIEN/Gajeel: I'd be shocked otherwise.
(Mr. Satan walks over to Jimmy while holding his head)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan! D-did you die? If so, you have officially beaten Jesus' respawn time! Can you tell us what happened out there?
"Yemma probably just didn't want to deal with him," Evergreen said.
MR. SATAN: Magnets…
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: How does that work?
MR. SATAN:(drowsily)There were magnets under the ring; the tiles, and uhh... When I went for my punch, I must've-they must've turned it on, and I went flyin' cuz of all the iron in muh blood cuz I eat my spinach.
"Who in their right minds would believe that?" Levy asked, baffled.
(cut back to crowd, Mr. Satan hopes they believe him)
RANDOM DUDE: That makes sense!
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?"
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to the arena)
PERFECT CELL: Alright, now that the back of my hand is all warmed up, who's first?
GOKU: Guys, don't freak out. Mr. Satan may have lost, but you got another world champion, right here!
TIEN: Technically, we have two.
GOKU: Yeah, but I beat you, so does it still count?
TIEN: Of course it does!
"Nah, it doesn't count," Natsu waved his hand uncaringly.
"Of course it counts, Flame-brains!" Gray challenged.
"Nope! Goku's the strongest, so it doesn't count!" Natsu glared at him. Gray returned the glare with equal animosity.
"You're just a dumbass!"
"No you!"
"Sit down!" Erza commanded them both. Fire and Ice listened immediately.
VEGETA:(mockingly)Does it though, Triclops!?
TIEN:(mockingly)And how many tournaments haveyouwon?
VEGETA: I dunno. How many planets have you blown up!?
TIEN: None. How many Goku's have you beaten?
"OOOOOHHHHHHH!"
GOKU: Can I fight now?
TIEN & VEGETA &Everyone: Yes!
PERFECT CELL: Getting right down to it, are we? A bit out-of-character. Shan't you send in your entourage, one after the other, so as I may leave you for our Grand Finale?
"That's true, but technically everyone there has already fought you, well besides Yamcha. So, it is Goku's turn," Levy countered.
GOKU: Well, I mean, I already waited a week, so I guess I could wait a couple more minutes-
PERFECT CELL: No, no no! This is good! Called my bluff. No, I'm more than happy to skip the hors-d'oeuvres, and dive straight into the main course!
"Oh, they're flirting again…" Lucy grimaced.
GOKU: Now you're speaking my language.
(shift to Master Roshi watching the battle on television in his house)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Ladies and gentlemen! This orange hillbilly has entered the ring! Set to take on Cell!
MR. SATAN: I would advise all parents to remove their children from the room immediately! And to tune back in when I, Mr. Satan, get back in that ring, and show that trickster what-for! Right after I shake off this concussion. And also stretch. Stretching is important, kids.
"Just go home, you disgrace!" Minerva yelled.
(Goku powers up, causing Mr Satan to shriek)
PERFECT CELL: HOLY crap! Prince, do you feel that!?
VEGETA: F**k off!
Natsu was bouncing in his seat, ready for the smack down to get underway. He's waiting too long to see Goku and Cell face off. Now, it is finally starting.
PERFECT CELL: And he didn't even have to pump up, like some roiding, angsty child!(Trunks groans)Well, Goku, now that you've shown me yours...let me show you mine.
GOKU: Yeah, whip out your power, Cell! Let me feel it.
"STOP!" Lucy groaned at the images appearing in her mind.
"Nonono, keep going!" Cana however was enjoying it.
PERFECT CELL: Oohoooh, now you're speaking MY language!(powers up)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, they are engulfed in flames!
MR. SATAN: Fire-retardant clothes, obviously! And their bodies are covered in a thin, protective gel! Just like our stuntman, Morgan, from Skygina II. God rest his soul!
"HE DIED!?"
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: What happened to him?
MR. SATAN: AIDs.
"Oh...well, that's still pretty terrible," Lisanna winced.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Always wear a rubber, kids!
"What does that mea-"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!" The adults cut both teenagers off.
MR. SATAN: And don't share needles.
(Goku and Perfect Cell and now standing face-to-face to each other)
PERFECT CELL: So, you gonna take a swing? Or you just gonna stand there, staring into my eyes?
GOKU: Hrm? What was that? I was busy staring into your eyes...
PERFECT CELL: Oh, you beautiful Saiyan bastard, just punch me already!
Lucy wanted to pull her hair out, hoping this was the last of the flirting between the two.
(Goku and Perfect Cell engage each other in combat, with both of them dealing heavy blows as is shifts over to Trunks and Krillin)
KRILLIN: By the way, Trunks, wasn't your hair, like, shorter yesterday?
TRUNKS: Yeah. I decided I liked it longer.
KRILLIN: Neat.
Evergreen agreed with the sentiment, longer hair was a lot more beautiful.
(Perfect Cell catches Goku's punch and throws him away. Goku recovers and charges at Perfect Cell.)
PERFECT CELL:(as he blocks all of Goku's attacks)Chickity China the Chinese Chicken(kicks Goku away, but Goku once again gets back on his feet and uses the afterimage technique)Wait, so the afterimage can't move- H-how do you even-(Goku appears and punches and kicks him, which sends him flying out of the ring)
YAMCHA: Guys, he ringed Cell out!(Perfect Cell stops himself in midair before he can touch the ground)Oh.
"...Did...did you forget that you guys can fly?" Kagura asked, in disbelief.
KRILLIN: ...You just forgot we can fly, didn't you?
YAMCHA: No, but... I just have hope, okay? Is that so wrong?
"Like I've been telling Krillin since the start, you need to stop hoping," Lucy said.
TIEN: The fact that you haveanyhope left in your life is your most admirable quality.
YAMCHA: Huh... Thanks, man.
"That's true, that's a good quality for Yamcha to have," Lisanna said.
PERFECT CELL: Yamcha, for the love of God, don't thank him!
"Cell's own hate boner," Gajeel laughed.
PERFECT CELL:(hovers back onto the ring)And as for you. Clever little move there. But would you have truly have been satisfied with a ring-out?
GOKU: Well yeah; it's how I beat Piccolo. And Tenshinhan. And my wife!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: My God... This orange hillbilly beats his wife!
"Nononono! I-I think you're misunderstanding!" Erza panicked.
"No, I think he's right here," Minerva smirked.
GOKU: It really wasn't much of a fight... One hit, and she just went down. Then we got married, I put a baby in her, and now she just stays at home, cooks my dinner, and raises our kid!
"You know...when you word it like that…" Lucy sweat dropped.
(cut to Chi-Chi and the Ox-King who both have dumbstruck looks while watching the fight at Goku's house)
CHI-CHI: Y'know... When he puts it that way..
(cut over to the crowd with Goku's face being shown on the jumbotron)
CROWD:(alongside some booing and jeering directed at Goku)BULLsh*t! BULLsh*t!
"It's just a misunderstanding!" Erza cried out.
GOHAN: Suddenly really happy I don't go to public school.
"Aren't we all," Romeo agreed with Gohan.
PERFECT CELL: Fair enough, Goku-this is a test of skill as well as power. But if you're looking for a ring-out...you'll have to try a little bit harder than that.
GOKU: Oh, don't worry, Cell. I'll show you just how HARD I can get...!
Lucy smacked her head against the table.
PERFECT CELL: Well, if we're going to get freaky, then perhaps we can make this... A menage a moi?
GOKU: G-Gohan, wha-what was that?
GOHAN: It's French, dad.(Perfect Cell uses the Multi-Form technique to create four copies of himself)Specifically, "My household." But it's really, awkwardly-
PERFECT CELLS: NNNEEEERD!
"And that's the Piccolo talking, also another comeback," Levy wrote it down.
PERFECT CELL #1: But speaking of academics...
PERFECT CELL #2: ...it's time to take you, Goku...
PERFECT CELL #3: ...to Perfect University.
PERFECT CELL #4: We'd say "Take you to school," but I think we're beyond the basics.
GOKU/Natsu: Doesn't that make it...P.U?
"Of course that's the part you'd focus on," Lucy rolled her eyes.
PERFECT CELLS: And we love that you got that.
(All four Perfect Cells charge at Goku, making him go on the defensive and block all their attacks. Goku manages to kick one of the Perfect Cells away, but two more appear and one of them elbows Goku, who retaliates by a headbutt. All four Perfect Cells once again corners Goku and attacks simultaneously.)
TIEN: This has got to be for sh*ts and/or giggles. The Multi-Form technique basically halves your power level with each copy.
"Yeah, makes you wonder why Cell even decided to use it," Lily said.
PICCOLO: Yeah. But at least we can follow the action a little better now.
GOHAN: Wait, were you having trouble?
"What?" Everyone did a double take. Gohan was able to follow it?
PICCOLO: Yeah...?
GOHAN: Well then, you're gonna have a lot more when they start getting serious.
"They aren't already serious?" String gasped.
"Geez, Gohan has some good battle sense," Gray whistled.
KRILLIN: Wow. Saiyans; am I right?
TRUNKS: Erh...yeah?
KRILLIN: ...Aw sh*t, was that racist?
"Kinda yeah," Wakaba answered.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, can you explain this malicious mutant's multiplication!?
MR. SATAN: Well, Jimmy... Y'ever heard of mirrors?
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: I believe I have.
MR. SATAN: Well there you go.
(cut over to the crowd)
RANDOM DUDE: That also makes sense!
"And I've officially lost all hope in the human race," Minerva sighed.
(Cut back to the ring with Goku and all four Perfect Cells landing on the ring. The four Perfect Cells land in each corner of the ring)
PERFECT CELLS: Pop quiz, Goku! Which attack is this?(puts both fingers on his forehead, with the other three Perfect Cells doing the same)
"Uhhh...it's the...uh...I know this one! Uh…..nah, I forgot," Natsu shrugged.
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU FORGET!?"
GOKU: Ooh! That's the...the-the beam thing! Uh, jeez...ugh..ah, this is killing me. I-I mean it KILLED me. Piccolo, what's this thing called?
PICCOLO: Oh, come on, Goku! It's the Makakas- MA-KAN-A-KA... MADAK-
NAIL & KAMI &Strauss Siblings:(Makankosappo!)
PICCOLO: THAT ONE!
GOKU: ...What?
PERFECT CELL #1: MA...
PERFECT CELL #2: ...KANKO...
PERFECT CELL #3: ...SA...
PERFECT CELL #4: ...CANNON!
"And that one's using Goku's brain," Rogue said.
(the four Perfect Cells fire the Makankosappo at Goku, creating a large explosion and Goku is seen flying out of the explosion and into the the air, followed by all four Perfect Cells)
GOKU: Alright. Time to do some math! Hahaah!(lands a hit on all four Perfect Cells, causing them all to fall back down to the ring and causes three of them to disappear, leaving one Perfect Cell)Looks like four divided by one is just one!
"No, that's still four," Levy corrected.
GOHAN: No, Dad, that's still four!
PICCOLO: Gohan.
GOHAN: I know, banging my head on a brick wall…
"For all 11 years of your life," Gildarts laughed.
PERFECT CELL: Y'know, I was hoping you'd play along? Maybe make four Gokus... But, if you're just gonna sink the showboat, I'm not going to bother.
GOKU: Sorry, Cell. I'm here to win! And you're never gonna beat me with your stolen techniques!
PERFECT CELL: And what, are you gonna beat me withyourstolen techniques?
"He never stole techniques though. Most of the moves he knows were taught to him," Levy said, confused.
GOKU: What!? I don't steal techniques!
PICCOLO: Actually, Goku...yeah, you do.
GOKU: Whhaaaaaa? What about the Kamehameha?
KRILLIN: Naw, that was Master Roshi.
"Which I'm sure was taught to him, like with the rest of you," Levy interjected.
GOKU: The Solar Flare?
TIEN: That's mine, thanks.
"Ok, that one was stolen," Levy allowed.
GOKU: The Spirit Bo-?
KING KAI:(over on his planet)Goku, I'm watching the tournament, don't think you can pull that sh*t!
"Again! You taught him that move!" Levy pointed out.
GOKU: Oh hey, King Kai! Quick question: Did I learn the Kaioken on my own?
"Ok, to be fair, Goku's an idiot," Gajeel said.
KING KAI: My f**cking name is in it...
PERFECT CELL: Kaaaaameeeee...
GOKU: *gasps* That's Yamcha's move! King Kai, I gotta go.
"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!"
PERFECT CELL: HAAAAMEEEEE...
GOKU: Hey, Cell? Uh, Pretty sure if you shoot this close to the ground, it'll blow up the-
PERFECT CELL: HYEAAAAAAA!
GOKU:(thinking)I should skedaddle.(flies up into the sky with Cell's Perfect Kamehameha wave in hot pursuit)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: M-Mr. Satan! What do you-
MR. SATAN: LASERS, JIMMY! LASERS AND INDUSTRIAL FANS!
"SHUT UP!"
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: SUCH INSIGHT...!
(Goku nearly gets engulfed by Perfect Cell's Kamehameha wave but manages to pop out in time as the blast goes into orbit)
PERFECT CELL: Wow... It's over. After everything...I killed him with his own technique. Hmph. Ain't that a kick in the he-(gets kicked in the back by Goku)OOOAAAAGH!
Everyone laughed at seeing Cell get kicked in the head.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(Perfect Cell's Kamehameha wave is seen travelling into outer space)
KRILLIN: Hey, what do you think happens to those beams when they fire off into space like that?
GOHAN: Well, if it can sustain its form, it's all about whether or not it comes into contact with anything…
"Why does that worry me?" Jellal asked.
(cut to planet Arlia (that bug planet Vegeta destroyed back in episode 5) 1000 years later)
KING MOAI: Good day to you, my faithful subjects! It has taken over a thousand years, but we have finally repopulated our new Arlia! To celebrate this momentous occasion, I shall now make love to my hot...bug...wife. Who is also my SISTER! InnnnSECSUAL!
"THESE GUYS AGAIN!?" The Fairies who were present for the Saiyan Saga all shouted in shock.
"Did not expect this at all," Levy wrote it down.
"Wait...what was the last thing he said?" Lucy gagged.
(a snapping sound is heard as King Moai proceeds to moan as he bangs his sister...until Perfect Cell's Kamehameha wave collides with the planet, causing it to detonate)
"Oh, thank Kami!" Lucy sighed, relieved.
Chapter End
Chapter 77: The Hard Cell
Chapter Text
Chapter 83: The Hard Cell
(cut to The Lookout with Dende trying to watch the battle in his mind)
DENDE: I can't see sh*t!
"I'm pretty sure Kami had no problem with doing that," Levy said.
"Considering how old Kami is, I'm sure he had more than enough time to get it down," Freed responded.
MR. POPO: I told you before, you have to-
DENDE: Clear my mind of all other thoughts. Yeah, primo advice. Might as well ask me to herdstar-knoss...
MR. POPO: I'm going to assume those are similar tocats.
DENDE: Oh, no, they eat cats...exclusively.
All of the Exceeds and Millianna shivered in fear.
DENDE: Me-dammit, I want to watch this stupid fight!
MR. POPO: Tell me; what thoughts are clouding your mind?
GOHAN:(speaking in Dende's head)Hey, Dende. Could you put this lotion on my back and/or butt?
Everyone in the audience didn't really know how to feel about that...considering that both Dende and Gohan are minors.
DENDE: Mmm... God stuff.
"Yeah, that's definitely God stuff," Rogue rolled his eyes.
MR. POPO: Well, worry not. All we really need is a little green.
DENDE: I specifically told you not to call me that.
MR. POPO:(holds up a joint)I'm not~
DENDE: Yo…
"Popo really did find his best friend. These two get along way too easily," Lucy shivered in fear.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Cut to Goku and Perfect Cell continuing their epic clash at the Cell Games by moving at supersonic speeds. Goku nearly falls out of the ring but quickly maneuvers himself and kicks Perfect Cell in the back. Perfect Cell stops at the edge of the ring and moves behind Goku and punches him, but Goku blocks it with a kick. Perfect Cell attempts another punch, But Goku moves away, causing him to punch the ring. Both combatants then kick each other in the face and Perfect Cell tries another punch, but Goku ducks and double-kicks Perfect Cell into the air.)
None of the mages could find any words to describe the fight in front of them. The movements and the focus that both Goku and Cell were showcasing was the best they've seen from the two since they started watching these episodes.
Natsu felt his own blood pumping at the sight of the fight. The Dragon Slayer wanted nothing more than to join in the action, to showcase every last technique and skill that he had to the fullest. Sparks of flames danced across his fingers as his excitement increased.
Erza marvelled at the skill Goku was showcasing on screen. The only other fight she could compare this one to was Goku's final battle with Frieza on Namek. However, there was a clear difference between both fights. Due to Frieza having such an inexperience with fighting with his own hands the fight with Goku was mostly a brawl between two powerhouses. Goku's fight with Cell here was a contest of pure skill, almost as if Goku was fighting himself(With a mixture from all of his friends added to the mix). Just like Natsu, she couldn't contain her own excitement.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: My God... What feats of incomparable skill and might! What power! Whatspeed! What a battle...! ...Is what I'd be saying if they were in the ring... Where are they?
"Oh, right, normal people wouldn't be able to follow this fight," Yukino winced.
LARRY: Maybe they're moving at speeds too fast for the human eye? I could try using the high shutter camera…
"Someone using their brain?" Minerva gasped.
MR. SATAN: Jerry, you're a terrific camera guy, but alousymartial artist. Nobody's that fast! They're just using camouflage—like the Predator! Or Harry Potter.
"Nevermind, they're all idiots," Minerva rolled her eyes.
(Goku and Perfect Cell collide in the air, sending a shockwave that stuns Mr. Satan, Jimmy Firecracker, and Larry)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: ...Harry Potter, sir?
MR. SATAN: My daughter's a big fan.
"Again, that poor orphan," Minerva sighed. She was still hoping that Hercule would get killed in the crossfire.
(Goku kicks Perfect Cell in the face, which he counters by punching Goku in the face)
PERFECT CELL: Good, Goku, very good. This is exactly what I've been looking for!(chuckles)Oh, you know... When I became perfect, I was a little scared... scared that I'd never be able to test these abilities. Like a master surgeon without a patient.
GOKU: Or a grill without a burger.
"Exactly!" Natsu exclaimed. Finally he found people who could speak the exact same language as him!
"I-I'm not sure I follow…" Lucy frowned.
PERFECT CELL: Yes, you get it, Goku! And that's why we're here today. You are the only one who can complete me; compete with me! All the others? Ah, they mean nothing! This tournament, this ring; they're all for you. So we could have our perfect battle.
"Cell's making it sound like it planned this out to be a date," Bickslow jokes.
"That's probably because it did," Freed killed the joke.
GOKU: Well, honestly, you didn't need to go this far. I'm just here for a fight.
PERFECT CELL: God, that's what I adore about you. You're so simple! That's what nobody else understands…
"He really is a simple guy, isn't he? I don't think there's anything too wrong with that," Lucy shifted her gaze over to the Fire Dragon Slayer next to her. "Simple can be pretty unique in its own way."
PERFECT CELL: Now then... how about we slip into something more... comfortable.
GOKU: Wait, I'm confused. Are you asking me to get naked?
"I'm sure Erza would like tha-" Minerva was sent flying into the wall once more by Erza's armored fist.
GOKU: 'Cause I'm not gonna say no, but I shouldn't say yes... Oh crap, guy-!
(everyone else screams as Perfect Cell destroys his own ring, leaving a massive crater)
"Why bother obsessing about the ring so much if you were just going to do that!?" Levy yelled.
"Yeah, you really could've just done this exact thing, but without all the theratics, but that may have been the Frieza talking," Freed said.
KRILLIN: Heh, looks like there's aholein thering!(laughs)
"...Krillin…" Lucy sighed.
GOHAN: ...Really?
KRILLIN: Let me cope!
(shift over to Jimmy Firecracker, Mr. Satan, and Larry, who were saved from the blast by Android 16)
"16 being a good boy once again!" Wendy smiled.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Th-tha-thank you for saving us, M-M-Mister, uh...
ANDROID 16: 16. Android 16.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Anything you'd like to say to the audience?
ANDROID 16: I want to murder Son Goku.
"Would he be allowed to say that on air?" Sting questioned.
"At this point, anything is possible," Lector answered.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Well, you heard it here first, folks.
(cut over to a crowd in the city watching the battle in a jumbotron, which shows Android 16 walking away)
RANDOM DUDE: Yeah, f**k Goku!
"They don't even know who Goku is!" Erza yelled, annoyed by the crowd.
(cut back to the Cell Games)
PERFECT CELL: I'd feel worse about all the time I spent making our perfect ring, but now that it's gone... we canfight unabated!
GOKU:(as he stretches his legs)Chi-Chi told me that makes you grow hair on your eyes.
PERFECT CELL: Killing you will be the hardest thing I ever enjoy.(precedes to fire multiple blast at Goku, who evades them by flying away)
Anyone in the room who has once tried to kill Natsu all agreed with Cell's sentiment, begrudgingly of course.
LARRY: Sir, what's our life insurance policy?
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Same as our ethics policy!
LARRY: Then I'm really glad I don't have a family!
"Aw, I'm sorry, Larry," Lisanna felt bad for the camera man.
(there's a massive explosion and Goku is seen rising high in the sky)
KRILLIN: Huh... What's he doing up there? Ooh, you think he's going for a Solar Flare?
GOKU: Kaaaa...!
PICCOLO/Gray: That's not how the Solar Flare works!
PERFECT CELL: He-he can't be serious…
"It's Goku, so he's either saving the world or dooming everyone," Gajeel said.
GOKU: ...Meeeee...!
TRUNKS: Gettin' Dad flashbacks here!
"This is a big parallel between both Goku and Vegeta now that I think about it," Levy wrote down in her notes.
GOKU: ...HAAAA...!
PERFECT CELL:(chuckles)I see! Yes, Goku! You're absolutelyright! Thisisthe only way it can end! This tournament, these fools, this planet...! They meannothingto men like you and I! We will go out together... in a ball of moltenrockanddeath!
"Cell's Perfect Dream!" Happy exclaimed.
GOKU: ...MEEEE...!
KRILLIN: GOKU,NO!
PERFECT CELL:YEESSSS~!
(Goku pops out and pops in directly in front of Perfect Cell)
"Get f*cked!" Sting laughed.
PERFECT CELL:(realizing he's f**ked right in the down under)...Oh... crapbaskeeeeeEEEEEEEEEE—!
GOKU: ...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(unleashes his blast at Perfect Cell in point-blank range, striking him in the upper body)
"YEAH! GO GOKU!" Everyone cheered for the Earth Raised Saiyan.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Larry! Are you alive?
LARRY:(appears behind Jimmy Firecracker)Somehow, sir.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Thenget back out there, Larry!
"Poor Larry," Lisanna sighed.
(Goku starts panting in exhaustion as it reveals that the entire upper portion of Perfect Cell's body has been vaporized)
YAMCHA: Ha! Well those guys with the camera better stop rolling, 'cause looks like Cell's going topless! Hu-ha!
"...Yamcha, please don't make it twice in one day," Levy said, knowing that Cell could regenerate.
"Are we sure Cell can regenerate from that? I mean, its head was destroyed," Lucy pointed at the destroyed half.
TIEN: You know, just because everyone somehow survived this... I'm gonna let you have that.
VEGETA/Minerva:(off-screen)I won't; you suck!
The sad*stic Sabertooth mage bristled after saying the same thing as Vegeta.
YAMCHA: Oh...
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: God as my witness... It looks like that orange hillbilly has exploded the top of Cell! Mr. Satan, do you have any explanations?
MR. SATAN: Well, if I were a bettin' man—and I am, it's a serious problem—they combined the lasers and the mirrorswith C4 charges-
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And switched the body out in the ensuing chaos!
MR. SATAN:(off-screen)Now you're thinking like a Satanist, Jimmy.
"I don't thinkanyoneshould be called that," Carla huffed.
GOKU: Awesome. Hey Krillin, can I get a ten-count?
KRILLIN: You got it, Goku! ONE!(Perfect Cell's body suddenly gets back up)Twoooo...!
"And the answer to Lucy's question is yes. Cell apparently can regenerate after getting its head destroyed," Levy frowned. Of course she wasn't happy to see the bug man still alive.
PERFECT CELL:(regenerates his head and arms)All right, time! Time out! Timerightthe hell out!
GOKU: How did you-?
PERFECT CELL: You weren't here for this, but TL;DR... Piccolo's cells.
"Yes, but I'm 90% sure Piccolo would not have survived that," Levy countered.
PICCOLO: Okay, I am... 90% sure I can't do that.
PERFECT CELL: We'll figurethatout later. In the meantime, what I really want to know is howyoukeep popping in and out of reality!
"It's a Goku trait, one that Gero wasn't able to steal!" Natsu smirked.
"Instant Transmission for the win! Aye Sir!" Happy cheered alongside Natsu.
GOKU: Oh, that's just my Instant Transmission.
PERFECT CELL: And don't tell me, is that another technique you stole?
GOKU: No... Kinda... I got it from eating sick aliens...
PERFECT CELL: That's disgusting.
"You have no right to judge him, Monster!" Erza growled.
"Yeah! You've been eating people since you first showed up!" Lisanna yelled.
GOKU:You eat people all the time!
PERFECT CELL: Yes. And I'm a monster.
"I...is that a good counter?" Romeo asked.
"To be fair, Cell is a monster, it's their thing," Gray answered.
GOHAN: Yeah, with all our stolen DNA.
PERFECT CELL: I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN,DADS!
"If we had the ability to unborn you we would've already," Minerva said.
(Goku and Perfect Cell resume their fight)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan, can you make heads or tails of this? Because right now, I'm more confused than a homeless man under house arrest!
"Wait, but if he's homeless then how is he under house arrest?" Wendy wondered.
"That's the point, Wendy," Lucy told the teenager.
"Oh."
MR. SATAN: First of all; I find that offensive.
"Huh? Why would you?" Levy questioned.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Why?
MR. SATAN: Secondly, uh... I don't want to give away all the trade secrets! Otherwise, what would be left for the kids, Jimmy? What would be left for thekids?
"I don't want anything you're selling," Romeo said.
(cut over to Master Roshi watching the fight on a TV at Kame House)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(on TV)Pragmatism at its finest, Mr. Satan.
BULMA:(open the door)Hey, I'm here. Sorry I'm so late; I had to pick up Trunks from Daycare.
MASTER ROSHI: Ahh... You brought the baby...
BULMA/Kagura: Is that a problem?
MASTER ROSHI: I-... Naw, it's fine.
TURTLE: He is legally obligated to inform you that he is-
MASTER ROSHI: Turtle, I've watched her poop! She knows what I'm about.
"WHAT!?"
(cut back to the Cell Games with Goku trying to catch his breath)
PERFECT CELL: I'll admit, Goku, I'm impressed. A blast that strong should've wiped you, but here you are, still swinging away at me!
GOKU: Cell... if I gainedanythingin the days leading up to this tournament, it was endurance.
"Because Chi-Chi ran that man dry," Cana laughed her ass off.
(cut to Goku's house with Chi-Chi sneezing)
OX KING: What did you do to him?
CHI-CHI: Whatdidn'tI do to him?
"That's the better question to ask," Evergreen sighed.
OX KING: You're just like your mother.
(cut back to the Cell Games)
PICCOLO: This is bad. The last time I saw Goku this winded, he was having a heart attack. He can't keep this up.
"WHAT!? No way! Goku can keep going! He has Cell right where he wants him!" Natsu disagreed with Piccolo. There's no way Goku was going to Cell!
TRUNKS: Wait! What about the Senzu Beans? You know, the magical beans that... heal all wounds and... restore your... stamina...? Okay, guys, if you're bothered by cheating, either loosen your moral code or stop hinging the fate of the world ondeathmatches!
"You're talking to the wrong people, Trunks! I've been saying that for years and these guys don't listen!" Lucy agreed with the Time Traveller. The rest of Fairy Tail had the decency to look a bit ashamed at that. All except one pink haired dumbass.
"Where's the fun in that? You can't be the strongest unless you win by yourself!" Natsu huffed.
"And how many times has that almost gotten us killed!?" Lucy yelled back.
"We've made it through perfectly fine," Natsu waved off her concern.
"But, that could run out at any time, Natsu!" Lucy shouted back.
VEGETA: I can't believe you're my son.
TRUNKS/Gajeel: Hey, you said it, not me.
VEGETA: Kakarrot isn'tlike you; he's a full-blooded Saiyan warrior! He'd throw that Senzu Bean back in your face, because it's not the world that's at stake…
TRUNKS/Jellal: I'm pretty sure it is-
VEGETA: ...it's hisSaiyan pride! He'll see this fight to the end without any of our help. Even if it kills him.
GOKU:(expels his aura)I give up.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
VEGETA:I'LL KILL HIM!
There was a snort from Gajeel, everyone else was still in shock.
PERFECT CELL: I'm sorry, I'm rather high up here. What did you just say, Goku?!
GOKU: I give up! You win! Great fight!
Erza was baffled by the sudden turn of events. "I-I'm sorry, what exactly did he just say?"
Minerva decided to answer. "He said that he-" She didn't get to finish answering due to being sent flying into the wall again. Erza was that pissed off to punch whoever decided to answer.
"I know what he said! I'm asking as to why he decided to say that!?" Erza yelled.
"M-Maybe there's something planned? He seemed to be very confident walking into this! He must have some sort of plan!" Kagura tried to calm down Erza.
Natsu just sat completely still, the Fire Dragon Slayer hadn't made a single move since Goku announced that he was giving up, much to Lucy's and Happy's concern.
GOHAN: Wait, what is he doing?
PICCOLO: Well, this is your father, so he's either saving all of our lives or dooming us all.
"Hopefully he has something planned or this is another moment of him being a giant dumbass!" Laxus growled.
"I'm sure he has something planned, I mean how bad can it be?" Mira said.
PERFECT CELL: But we're not finished.I'mnot finished! This isn't a victory; this is... I don't even knowwhatthis is!
GOKU: Nah, it's totally a victory. 'Cause I'm giving up. That means you win.
VEGETA/PERFECT CELL:(simultaneously)Every word you just spoke has made me violently angry. OH, GREAT! NOW I'M AGREEING WITH CELL/VEGETA! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
"Erza is also feeling extremely violently angry today," Minerva grumbled.
GOKU: Cell, you knew what this was... Just a fight. Nothing more.
PERFECT CELL: You bitch...! If you seriously concede, I'll... I'll just blow up the Earth like I said! So unless you want me to turn this whole planet into anasteroid field,Kakarrot, GET BACK UP HERE AND PUNCH ME IN MY PERFECT JAWLINE!
"Cell even used Goku's Saiyan name! It's really pissed off!" Yukino gasped.
GOKU: Hold your horses, Cell. You said this was a tournament. There's still a fighter left to take you on, so you'll have to fight him first.
"Who could you possibly be talking about? Everyone else has already fought Cell, there couldn't...possibly...be…" Levy's speech slowed down as her brain slowed down. Gajeel looked down at her. Sweat began pouring down her face as the absolute worst outcome began playing out in her mind.
"What's wrong, Shrimp?" He asked, concerned.
"How could I possibly forget about him? Holy sh*t…" She whispered.
PERFECT CELL: Oh...? Oh, ohoho, I see... This is aprank! My God, I honestly never figured you for a prankster, Goku, but youson of a bitch, yagotme! Okay, who is it? Is it the Prince? No, it couldn't be; I don't even take myownsloppy seconds.
"Ha! Being reduced to sloppy seconds," Minerva smirked.
PERFECT CELL: The boy? Hardly; he looks like he's about ready to crush coal into diamonds with his sphincter.
"Don't mock, Trunks!" Lucy and Happy yelled.
PERFECT CELL: Oh, could it be Tenshinhan? Please tell me it's Tenshinhan.
YAMCHA/Macao: Man, it's like a hate boner triangle.
GOKU: Nope-arino! The fighter I've selected... the fighter who will finally put your terror to an end, is~... Mr. Satan! Get out here, you!
"…."
MR. SATAN:(off-screen)DIARRHEA!
GOKU: Well, shoot. Original plan, then. Gohan, get out here!
BOOM!
"I'LL f*ckING KILL HIM!" Mira activated her Satan Soul, ready to force her way into the Lacrama to kill Goku.
"SIS, CALM DOWN!" Lisanna and Elfman did their best to hold her back.
"NO! THAT DUMBASS HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!" Mira responded, furiously. Before she could do anything, a giant hand forced her down onto the ground.
"CALM DOWN, MIRA!" Makarov ordered the bartess. The struggling demoness complied, returning back to normal, however her burning anger was still present. Everyone else was either equally baffled or down right pissed at Goku.
"Of all the stupidest things he could've done, THIS has to be the dumbest!" Gildarts was furious. For Goku to send his own son to his death, it absolutely infuriated him. Macao was in equal agreement, he would never send his own son to fight someone as dangerous as Cell.
"To leave the fate of the world in the hands of an 11-year old...what the hell is going through Goku's head!?" Jellal asked, furious.
Erza stared at the screen, her own hands trembling in anger. The Knight couldn't bring herself to speak on Goku's choice, all she wanted to know was why. Why would Goku even make a decision like that?
Natsu continued to sit in still silence, his mind racing to try and figure out Goku's thought process, suddenly something clicked and his eyes grew wide. "Oh…"
GOHAN: I'm sorry, we're a little high up here. What did he just say, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO: I think he just said...
PERFECT CELL:Gohan? Out of the entire list, you pick...him?! He wasn't evenonthe list!YAMCHA was on the list!
"There was a list?" Freed questioned.
"That...that makes sense. It makes complete sense!" Levy exclaimed suddenly.
"What do you mean, Shrimp?" Gajeel asked her.
"I can't believe I hadn't noticed it beforehand! Gohan has always been at the forefront since we started watching these episodes. The Saiyans, Frieza, and even in the movies! Gohan's always been in the spotlight in some fashion, butTHIS TIMEhe was in the background. Never having any contact with Cell or the Cyborgs, he hadn't done anything this entire time!" Levy explained to everyone.
"But, that doesn't explain why Goku decided to choose Gohan! I mean, why Gohan exactly!?" Lucy asked.
"...I don't know...I just noticed the pattern," Levy sat down. She was upset that she couldn't figure out what made Gohan special enough to fight Cell.
YAMCHA: Wait, why was I-?!
PERFECT CELL: Half-time entertainment!
"Yeah, that sounds about right," Gajeel said.
YAMCHA: ... Frankly, I'm just happy to be included.
GOKU:(leaps and lands with everyone else)Alright, Gohan. He's all yours. Have fun!
"BURN!" Mira cursed the Earth-raised Saiyan.
"Will you calm down!" Laxus yelled at her.
Her head snapped to his direction instantly. His burning orbs caused the Lightning Dragon Slayer to flinch a little.
"He's not even explaining anything to Gohan or anyone! He's...he's just sending him off as if this is some normal occurrence!" Sting shouted.
GOHAN: Dad, I'm going to have to politely ask you to back the HFIL up. What... in Dende's name... are youdoing?
GOKU: I'm sending in the strongest fighter we got.Thisis what you trained for.
"NO! This is whatYOUtrained for! Not Gohan!" Lucy yelled.
GOHAN: T-That's what YOU trained for!Iwas never supposed to fight! I was just there to make you stronger!
"Instead, you became stronger. I get it," Natsu understood what Goku was doing. This was something Igneel would do to him, especially if his Father was certain that he could handle it. So, that had to mean that Goku was certain that Gohan could handle Cell. It made sense!
GOKU: Oh, Gohan, you're just being insincere.
PICCOLO/Mira: Insecure; andno,he's not! HE'S 11 YEARS OLD!
"Exactly! No child should be thrown into a deathmatch!" Carla agreed.
"But, I've been doing this since I was 12!" Wendy reminded everyone.(In this story Wendy is 14 years old.)
"There's a difference, Wendy! You were never forced into joining in fights, you made those choices all on your own. Gohan was forced into fighting!" Carla argued.
"Gohan's also chose to fight in the end! He chose to go to Namek and to risk his life! He's always had a choice in the end! What's the difference between the both of us!?" Wendy yelled. Wendy's declaration made everyone who was frustrated at the prospect of Gohan fighting quiet down a bit.
"Wendy, it's less of us being upset that Gohan's fighting, but of the fact that Goku chose not to share that information with anyone prior to this announcement. He purposely chose not to tell his own son that he was going to be sent in to fight a monster who has already beaten everyone else. Gohan being as young as he is, just elevates the idea that in a more just world this wouldn't have to happen at all," Gray explained. He could never picture his Father doing anything like this, not even Ur would do what Goku just did.
"Still! Maybe, we should just have some faith?" Wendy suggested.
KRILLIN: Goku, we're not going to tell you how to be a parent right now...
PICCOLO/Mira:(off-screen)I AM!
KRILLIN: ...but how do you thinkChi-Chiis going to react to this?
"Oh, probably just like Mira," Gray sweat dropped.
(shift over to Chi-Chi's reaction towards Goku's decision...)
CHI-CHI:I am going to castrate him...!
(shift back to Goku and the others)
GOKU: Guys, trust me on this one. I spent awhole yeartraining him last week. So get out there, Gohan! You got this.
"You don't know that...you can't be certain that everything is going to work out…" Mira muttered.
GOHAN: Do I even have a choice?
GOKU: 'Course you do! You either go out there and kill him, or the planet gets exploded.
"Give the boy an ultimatum, why don't you," Gildarts said, sarcastically.
GOHAN: That's not a choice, that's an ultimatum.
GOKU: Gohan... webothknow I don't know what that word means.
"You also have no clue on how to be a parent," Evergreen spat.
GOHAN: Obviously not. *sighs* OK, fine, I'll go fight Cell... I've never been wished back by the Dragon, so hey, this'll be a learning experience...(removes his cape).
GOKU: Gohan, wait. Before you go...
GOHAN: What?
GOKU: ...You're so much stronger than you think you are.
"That...that doesn't mean you should send him off to fight Cell. What is it that Gohan has that makes you so certain?" Erza questioned. She didn't want to lose her cool like Mira had, she was doing her best not to slash that lacrama into pieces. What kept her from doing it in the first place was just how still Natsu had been since Goku announced that he was giving up. The loudest of them all had been completely quiet. So, she figured he understood what Goku was doing.
GOHAN: Yeah, well, let's see what Cell thinks.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:My goodness! The orange hillbilly, previously reported to BEAT HIS WIFE, has resigned himself, andsent his own child to fight Cell!
(shift over to Chi-Chi)
CHI-CHI:(totally spazzing out)...With a BUTTER KNIFE, you son of a BITCH! I'll tie you to a chair first and gag you with a GODDAMN DAIKON RADISH!
"I'LL HELP!" Mira pumped her arms.
PERFECT CELL: So, the biggest, most important fight of my life walks away, and sends in the world's strongest bookworm! Fine, Goku, I'll play along with this little joke. But I want you to know - while I'm busypounding your son...I'll be thinking of you the entire time.
"Why did you have to make it sexual!?" Lucy screamed.
GOHAN:(thinking)Thinking about it, I might actually have the advantage here. He took as much of a beating as Dad did, if not more. And after spending a year with Dad in that Time Chamber, I'm at least as strong as he is now. And then, if I play it carefully, I could actually win this!
"Keep thinking smart, Gohan! You can do it!" Lisanna cheered for the boy.
GOKU: Oh, hey Krillin? Can you bean me real quick?
KRILLIN: Oh sure, here.(hands Goku a Senzu Bean)
GOKU: Thanks, friend. Hey, Cell!
PERFECT CELL: Hmm?
GOKU: Senzu Bean!(throws the Senzu Bean at Perfect Cell)
"ARE YOU f*ckING INSANE!?" Erza retracted her previous statements from before. She summoned one of her swords and shot it at the Lacrama. The blade shattered the Lacrama on contact, the pieces scattered onto the floor like broken glass.
Mira had once more turned into her Satan Soul, the demoness seething like a raging bull. She was to rip Goku's head off. She was being restrained by Gildarts, who was struggling to calm her down enough.
"Igneel wouldn't do that…" Natsu finally saw the clear difference between Igneel and Goku. While both were Fathers who believed wholeheartedly in their sons, Igneel wouldn't do something so dangerous as give his enemy a power boost. Maybe, Goku wasn't as great as he's always thought.
The Lacrama fixed itself, ready to continue viewing.
KRILLIN: Huh?(Perfect Cell catches the bean)NO!
PICCOLO:WHAT!?
YAMCHA:WHY!?
GOKU: What? I'm just playing fair. He's tired. He's got post-Goku exhaustion.
"GO TO HELL YOU HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A FATHER!"
GOHAN:Dad! He is going tokill me!
PERFECT CELL: Hey, you said it, not me.(eats the Senzu Bean and swallows it)OH, THAT'S THATGOOD sh*t!(powers up)Suck it kale, you bush-league super food.
GOHAN:(thinking)Well, war of attrition is out, so deep end it is.(powers up)HAAAAAAAAAA...!
PICCOLO: Which one was it, Goku?Which concussion did you sufferthat made you thinkANYof this was a good idea!?
"The one he got when he was a baby!" Lucy yelled.
GOKU: Piccolo, just watch. You're going to see amazing things out there.
PICCOLO: What's amazing about watching your 11-year-old son get murdered?!
GOKU: Gohan might be 11 years old, but he's also like... I dunno, a hundred timesstrongerthan I was at that age!
"There's having faith in your son, but then there's just being a giant dumbass!" Makarov yelled.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Goku...
GOKU: He's been keeping pace with us since he was a baby. I mean, you should know. You kidnapped him.
PICCOLO:(off-screen)Goku...
GOKU: And after spending that year alone with him, I know more thananyonethat he's going to-
PICCOLO: GOKU!
GOKU: What!?
(Perfect is shown repeatedly punching Gohan in the face)
PERFECT CELL:(as he continues to pummel Gohan)Thinking' of' you, Goku!
Both Erza and Mira had to be strapped down to prevent them both from destroying the guildhall in fury.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(cut over to Mr. Satan's mansion with a little girl watching Gohan entering the fight against Perfect Cell)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: ...previously reported to BEAT HIS WIFE, has resigned himself, andsent his own child to fight Cell!
LITTLE VIDEL: Hm... Sweet hair.
"Mr. Satan's daughter? She's kinda cute," Romeo commented.
Chapter End
Chapter 78: Cell Out
Chapter Text
Chapter 84: Cell-Out
(cut to Perfect Cell repeatedly punching Gohan in the face and then over to a crowd in a city watching the brutal beatdown)
"I'M GONNA *BEEP* IT'S *BEEP* ALL OVER THE *BEEP* FLOOR!" Mira continued to scream out profanities too inappropriate to be written out.
"SIS, CALM DOWN!" Lisanna and Elfman struggled to keep her strapped down to the table.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Folks at home...we here at ZTVdo notcondone child violence! We will, however, continue to bring it to you live in high-definition all thanks to our sponsors at HETAP:(shows an advertisem*nt for HETAP)"When you're feeling sapped, bring the TAP!"
"Ignoring the sponsor...they somehow managed to bring back that child violence joke. Who would've thought," Levy mumbled for her own safety.
PICCOLO: Goku.
GOKU: Don't worry, Piccolo. At some point, Cell's hand is going to cramp up, and then Gohan will-(Perfect Cell kicks Gohan down to the ground)Oh God,feet! Gohan! Look out for low kicks Turtle, son!
"I'm not sure if the kicks are what he needs to be looking out for," Romeo sweat dropped.
PERFECT CELL:(chuckles)You're quite a treat to knock around, kid...durable like your father, but soft like your mother.
"That sounds so wrong!" Lucy shivered.
PERFECT CELL: But if you think the only way to win is to not play, I have news for you, brat...(leaps up into the air)You're playing the wrong game!
(Fires a blast at Gohan, who groans as he gets knocked back. Perfect Cell fires another blast.)
PICCOLO: Gohan, DOD-!(shows Gohan rolling to evade the oncoming blasts)…
Mira stopped struggling and completely froze at the sight on the screen. Her dark blue orbs began to tear up as she watched Gohan dodge. Her anger had faded away into an overcoming sense of pride and joy. "My baby has finally done it…" She whispered.
KAMI: (You must be so proud.)
NAIL:(Your precious runt is becoming a man.)(Gohan dodges another blast fired by Perfect Cell)
PICCOLO:(thinking)Yeah, but... I mean, he could be dodging better.
"Just take what you can get, you stupid green man," Mira sniffled.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Good gravy! This eleven-year-old child is currently fighting for his life!(scoffs)Methinks the Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far this time!
"I don't know what that is, but I feel as if that was a really bad joke," Yukino frowned.
(Gohan leaps away, but Perfect Cell appears behind him and extends his arm)
PERFECT CELL: Game over, kid.
(fires a shockwave that sends Gohan flying away through two plateaus)
"GOHAN!"
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Dear sweet mercifulGod, I think...HE'S DEAD!(cut over to Chi-Chi and the Ox-King watching the fight, Chi-Chi stares at the television in shock)(sotto voce)Can we show that on network television? I-I mean...we're live, so...
(Chi-Chi suddenly faints)
OX KING: Sweetheart, remember! You have another one coming!
"You can't blame her for being worried! That's still her first born out there!" Kagura yelled.
"And I'm sure Gohan isn't dead, yet!" Levy added.
"What do you mean by 'yet'?" Mira glared at her. Levy hid behind Gajeel immediately, shocking the Iron Dragon Slayer.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut over to everyone else at the battlefield)
PERFECT CELL: Soooo, which one of you wants to try and describe the word "filicide" to Goku? I'd ask Gohan, but...well, he's been "filicided".
"What does that mean, Lucy?" Natsu asked.
"I-It means that murder of one's own child," Lucy answered.
"Wait, but Gohan isn't Cell's kid," Natsu responded.
"Cell means that Goku basically murdered Gohan by sending the kid out to fight," Gray cut-in.
TRUNKS: I'm actually not sure what it means either.
KRILLIN: I think it's when you murder a pony?
"Krillin, where would Cell get a pony from?" Happy asked.
PICCOLO: IT MEANS GOHAN IS DEAD...! ...AND IT'S YOUR FAULT, GOKU! HE'S DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
GOKU: Yo, Gohan! Stop hiding your power level and come on out, you goof!
(Gohan lets out an exasperated sigh from underneath the rocks and then clears the rubble in a flash of light)
The mages were shocked by how unfazed by Cell's attacks Gohan was. The boy looked as if he didn't just get repeatedly punched in the face and thrown into a plateau.
PERFECT CELL:(irritated)Oh, goody.
(Gohan walks directly in front of Perfect Cell and stops)
GOHAN: C-can I say something?
Wendy blinked in confusion. This didn't seem like a time to be talking, but Gohan was always a more talk than fight person.
PERFECT CELL: I've been humoring you this entire time anyway, so why not? But if you're looking to exchange barbs, I'd recommend cutting your teeth on something simpler first...like that embarrassment over there.(referring to Mr. Satan).
"That's true, he is a massive embarrassment," Minerva agreed.
MR. SATAN: Leave me out of this!
GOHAN: I know why I'm here. I know why my Dad threw me to the biggest wolf in the woods.
"Because, you're the strongest! If anyone can do it, it's you!" Natsu said, understanding Goku's plan.
PERFECT CELL:(while chuckling)Oh, trust me! I'll huff and puff and blow you down.
KRILLIN/Lucy: He's eleven!
PERFECT CELL: I'm six!
"But, you have the body of a grown adult, so it's still pretty f*cking disgusting!" Sting shouted.
KRILLIN: Wow!
GOHAN: It's because whenever I get backed into a corner...I snap. And when I do...I hurt people.
Levy understood what Gohan meant, thinking back on it. All of the times that Gohan got angry he was able to match his opponents head on for a brief moment. But, would that really be enough to stop Cell?
PERFECT CELL: Well, like, uh... W-what do you do to 'em?
GOHAN: When I get angry...when I lose my mind...my power skyrockets and... everything goes red. The world around me just...fades away. And all I can see is the person I want to kill. Of course, I've never actually managed to beat anyone in the past, but...I think my Dad knows that...if I snap here…
"That you'd succeed in killing Cell…" Wendy finished the sentence. The young Dragon Slayer remembered when she first unlocked her Dragon Force. The extreme levels of anger she felt in order to protect Carla and the immense levels of magic in the air pushed her forward.
"But, is that really worth betting everything on? The chance that Gohan's brief spouts of anger could kill Cell?" Jellal questioned.
"I've gotten angry plenty of times and kicked ass. If that's Goku's plan, then it's bound to work," Natsu grinned. Getting angry is what he's good at afterall. Some of the other's still seemed convinced that it was a good plan.
PERFECT CELL: Let me guess, "you'll kill me"?
GOHAN: You said it, not me.
PERFECT CELL:(starts chuckling and then starts laughing)Well, threaten me with a good time!
"HUH!?"
GOHAN:(confused)Huh?!
PERFECT CELL: At first, you had my curiosity...but now you have my erection.
"JUST STOP!" Lucy banged her head on the table.
GOHAN:(still confused)You mean your attent-?
PERFECT CELL: You all know what I'm about!(fires a Death Beam at Gohan, who dodges it by ducking)
"KEEP DODGING, SWEETIE!" Mira shouted.
KRILLIN: That's Freeza's move! The one he killed Vegeta with! Remember that, Vegeta?
"Oh yeah, I remember! Vegeta was crying too!" Happy yelled.
VEGETA: I was there.
KRILLIN: You should really watch out for that.
VEGETA: Didn't Freeza blow you up?!
KRILLIN: Whoa-ho-ho, yeah!
Natsu grumbled, not wanting to remember Krillin's death.
VEGETA:(mockingly)"Then you should really watch out for that!" That's you.
"Is this really the time to be acting like children?" Rogue raised an eyebrow.
"It's Vegeta and Krillin, that's their whole thing," Gajeel shrugged.
"Should you really be the one saying that?" Levy and Lily sweat dropped.
KRILLIN: ...Team Three Star?
VEGETA: No!
"Oh, I love references!" Levy sighed, happily. Everyone who watched the Namek Saga felt a sense of nostalgia at the name "Team Three Star".
YAMCHA: What's that? Is that a club? Can I join?!
VEGETA & KRILLIN& Natsu & Happy: No!
(Gohan dodges another Death Beam, but Perfect Cell appears from behind him and grabs him in a bear hug)
"NO! Now, Gohan's stuck in a bear hug like how Goku was always being squeezed!" Lisanna panicked.
PERFECT CELL: So to be clear, when you break, I die. Is that the gist of it?
GOHAN: That would be the process of events, yes.
PERFECT CELL: Well, then...let's see which breaks first.(tightens his bear hug, causing Gohan to scream in agony.)
Mira's anger quickly returned at the sounds of Gohan's pain, the Mother-hen was still strapped down to the table even when she had calmed down.
GOKU:(thinking)Just according to cake.(Translator's Note: "Cake" means "Keikaku")(Translator's Note: "Keikaku" means "Plan")
"I still want to stab you…" Erza muttered.
PICCOLO: In this endless pile of hay, Goku,thisis the last straw! If you don't go out there, your son-your flesh and blood-will die! No ifs, ands or buts!
GOKU: But-
PICCOLO/Erza: NO BUTS!
PERFECT CELL:(as he continues crushing the life out of Gohan)Speaking of butts, which way do you think his organs are gonna come out? Because I'm betting mouth, but I'm hoping…
"I'LL CRUSH YOUR ORGANS!" Mira roared.
"That mental image was the last thing I needed today," Lucy muttered.
GOKU: I get what you're saying, but this is exactly what I've been planning out this whole time!
"He's finally going to explain everything? You've waited till now to do it!?" Gildarts yelled.
PICCOLO: You? What could you possibly-?
GOKU: Why do you think Gohan and I went into the Time ChamberafterVegeta and Trunks?
PICCOLO: ...Ego?
"Not a bad guess on Vegeta's ego, but I don't think that's it," Levy said.
GOKU: Because if Gohan and I came out first, we'd've killed Cell right away. But leaving that job to Vegeta? Well...I mean, you saw what happened.
PICCOLO: I'm...confused, because it sounds like youknewVegeta would screw up.
GOKU: Well, it was gonna be him or Krillin.
"What the f*ck?" Everyone blinked in surprise at Goku's explanation.
PICCOLO:(having a revelation)Oh my Go- B-b-but how did you know he wouldn't just kill everyone after becoming perfect?!
GOKU: I took care ofthatmyself.(flashback to him talking to Semi-Perfect Cell in episode 48)Oh, and, uh...Cell? You're gonna die.(back to present)Cell would never pass that up...because I wouldn't.
"HE'S ACTUALLY A GENIUS!?" Almost everyone was taken back.
"I-I mean I always assumed that Goku was way more observant than he usually lets on, but holy sh*t he predicted all of that. Him giving Trunks the Senzu Bean in case Vegeta screwed up makes more sense than just believing that he would. GokuknewVegeta and Krillin would screw it all up," Levy spoke, her brain overloading.
Erzawantedto feel proud of Goku and acknowledge his genius, but she just couldn't. If he knew that he and Gohan would kill Cell had they gone first, then why the hell did he allow the crap that already happened to happen!? All of the deaths that could've been prevented if he just didn't come up with this plan!
PICCOLO: Okay, but...but why Gohan?
GOKU: Piccolo...I ain't gonna be around forever. Sooner or later, death is gonna...stick, y'know? So what then? Someone's gotta be here when I'm not. And when I was in the Chamber with him, I realized that...that person...is Gohan.
For the first time since he started watching these episodes, Makarov could sympathize with Goku. The old man knew that one day he truly will die and leave all of his children behind. Which is why he spent so much time raising them all and filling them with the love and warmth of a family. Especially his Grandson, who will take over the guild once he's gone.
Even though he will be gone one day, Fairy Tail will continue to live on.
PERFECT CELL:(continues tightening his bear hug, causing Gohan's bones to crack)Listen to those bones cracking and popping...so where's the snap, kiddo?!(Gohan squeaks)
"The squeak!" Lisanna points out.
PERFECT CELL: Ha! Like father, like son! Wait, no! "Like father, like Son Gohan."(snickers)...Perfect.
"Die in a hole!" Mira seethed.
GOHAN:(sounding a bit slurred)It was alright, Cell…
"Don't compliment it!" Mira yelled at Gohan.
PICCOLO: Well...seems like you thought of almost everything.
GOKU: I just treated it like one big fight. ...Kinda like everything in my life.
"There's more than just fighting Goku! There's so much more!" Erza bawled her fists.
PICCOLO: Unfortunately, you skipped one small detail.
GOKU: Whuzzat?
PICCOLO: GOHAN DOESN'T LIKE FIGHTING, YOU MORON!
Now THAT was something everyone, but the Strauss Siblings had to take a step back and think about that. Especially Natsu.
Gohan doesn't like to fight? That can't be true, right?
GOKU:(in disbelief)Whaaaat? Noooo...(Gohan is still heard screaming in pain)I mean...right?
Mira gazed around the guild hall and shook her head at everyone. "Could you all really not tell that Gohan didn't enjoy fighting?" When nobody responded, the demoness continued to speak. "Not once throughout everything he's been through has Gohan shown that he enjoys being in these situations. Every time he's fought up to this point was fighting out of obligation," She explained.
"B-But, he went into the Time Chamber with Goku," Sting said.
"Because he wanted to spend time with his Father, and he genuinely enjoys being around his Dad. But, he never enjoyed being in life or death battles like Goku does. There is no thrill for him, Gohan fights because it was fight and live or fight and die," Mira said. Her words left an uncomfortable silence in the guild.
PICCOLO: Have you ever, in your life, actually asked your son what he likes?
GOKU: Umm...but he went in that Chamber with me for that whole year.
PICCOLO: Because he wanted to spend time withyou-his father-the man who spends half his time training, and the other half dead! SOMETIMES BOTH!
Unlike Piccolo, Mira didn't blame Goku for those issues really. She knows that a lot of those situations were out of Goku's control and at times ended up leading towards being the correct choice of action to take.
But, she was still pretty pissed at him for throwing Gohan to the wolves without any warning.
GOKU: I mean...does anyone else-
TRUNKS: Yeah, a little bit.
KRILLIN: I mean...
YAMCHA: Yeah.
TIEN: Pretty hard to dispute.
PERFECT CELL: Eh, no one's perfect!
"YOU JUST ADMITTED IT!" Levy jumped up from her seat.
GOKU: I've made a terrible mistake.
"YOU JUST ADMITTED IT!" Erza also jumped from her seat.
PICCOLO/Mira:(mockingly)"Oh, I've made a terrible mistake!" That's you!(begins lifting his cape over his head)
GOKU:(gives off a look of horror after seeing what he has done to his son before giving a determined look)Krillin, I need another Senzu Bean.
KRILLIN: Oh-ho-ho, no way, Gosé!
"Ok, Krillin, we understand that Goku screwed up royally, but now is NOT the time for this!" Lucy said, panicked.
(Perfect Cell lets go of Gohan, who falls to the ground)
GOKU: Krillin, I'm serious! I'm gonna use it on me this time!
KRILLIN:(mockingly)"Krillin, I'm serious! I'm gonna use it on me this time!" That's you.(Perfect Cell snatches the bag of Senzu Beans from his hand)
"GODDAMMIT KRILLIN!"
PERFECT CELL: Uh, just a quick update, everyone: These are now tournament illegal. Uh, thank you.(makes a Sonic spring sound and flies off)
"Yeah, make them illegalafteryou were given one," Laxus rolled his eyes.
KRILLIN: Okay, that's my B.
GOKU: It's alright, Krillin. This is everybody's B.
PICCOLO: I have done literally nothing wrong.
"You put Gohan on this path, so you did do something wrong," Mira shrugged.
TIEN: Yeah, join the club.
YAMCHA: So there is a club.
"That's all he cares about," Gajeel said.
PERFECT CELL:(lands in front of Gohan)I see now that not all roads lead to Rome. Torture won't do the trick, so let's change up the game plan, shall we? I'm going to drag each one ofthemdown here and murder them until you finally give me what I want.
All of the mages glared at Cell for such a horrifying method of trying to anger Gohan.
GOHAN: N-no, please!
PERFECT CELL:(shushing)It's okay. I'll save your dad for last. Hear that, Piccolo?!
"The one reference I didn't want to see again…" Levy muttered.
PICCOLO: I mean, if you're just gonna say it-
GOKU/Natsu: I don't get it.
GOHAN: Stay away from-!(Perfect Cell kicks him into a wall)
PERFECT CELL: Sit down! This might take a while.
ANDROID 16: Enough!(appears out of nowhere and grabs Perfect Cell from behind)
"16!?" Wendy gasped.
PERFECT CELL: 16?! Listen, buddy, I'm thrilled that you're finally coming around to me, but your timing is less than ideal!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And the Jolly Green Ginger has got Cell in a bear hug! Everybody's gettin' love today, folks!
"I could do without Cell's love," Lucy muttered.
KRILLIN: Bro-bot! Be careful!
TRUNKS: Stop calling him that!
"NO!" Wendy yelled.
KRILLIN: Don't judge our robromance!
PICCOLO: What is he doing?
ANDROID 16: Within me is a high-yield nuclear explosive. I am going to self-destruct and take Cell with me. ...Also, probably most of you. That is my B.
"Wait..but that bomb is gone," Levy pointed out.
"Oh...oh no…"
PERFECT CELL: I do not consent to this!
ANDROID 16: Your compliance isn't a factor.
"That one caught me off guard," Levy wrote the reference down.
PERFECT CELL: You had a chunk of your head missing! How do you remember that?!
KRILLIN: Wait! You don't have to do this, bro-bot! You still have so much to live for!
ANDROID 16: If I do not do this, Cell will continue to kill and destroy. ...Also, I call dibs. If I cannot kill Goku, nobody will kill Goku!
"Please 16, just run away!" Wendy pleaded.
PERFECT CELL: We can split him, 16! In half! Together!
"No! Only 16 can have Goku, you bastard!" Wendy roared.
"Child, do you hear yourself right now!?" Carla yelled at her.
KRILLIN:(off-screen)Wow!
ANDROID 16: You cannot talk your way out of this one, Cell. My countdown has started. 10...
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: What are the odds of outrunning a nuclear (ANDROID 16: 9...) explosion?
"Very very small," Evergreen answered.
MISTER SATAN:(hyperventilating)FIND ME A BOMB SHELTER! (ANDROID 16: 8...) N-NO, A FRIDGE!
PERFECT CELL: You're being (ANDROID 16: 7...) really selfish right now! I hope you know that! (ANDROID 16: 6...)
"You've been selfish this whole time!" Lucy pointed out.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Larry... (ANDROID 16: 5...) One more time, for old times' sake. (ANDROID 16: 4...)
LARRY:(tearing up)"Where there's smoke, there's (ANDROID 16: 3...) Firecracker," sir.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER:(also tearing up)You're (ANDROID 16: 2...) goddamn right.
ANDROID 16: 1...
PERFECT CELL: Noooo...!
ANDROID 16: 0!(begins glowing with everyone minus Krillin shielding themselves, preparing for the explosion...but nothing happens as he suddenly stops glowing)Negative 1! Negative 2! Negative-! A critical error has occurred. Where's the "kaboom"!? There was supposed to be a Cell-shattering "kaboom"!
TRUNKS: Oh, right. My mom said she took out your bomb during repairs!
ANDROID 16: Who gave her the right?!
"Well, it was either leave it in you and fear if you decided to go "Kaboom" the moment you saw Goku or take it out to prevent that from happening," Levy answered.
"16, would never do that!" Wendy protested.
PERFECT CELL: Well, 16, not that this long embrace hasn't been heartwarming and all-my endorphins are just going crazy right now-but I have a child to break.(breaks free from 16's grasp)Now if I'm correct, you were looking for a..."kaboom"?
ANDROID 16: If I said "no", would you still-?
(Kaboom! Perfect Cell fires a blast that turns 16 into a hundred pieces. Goku and Piccolo gasp.)
"NOOOOO!" Wendy's hair went from blue to pink in an instant. The younger Dragon Slayer charged directly at the Lacrama, but Natsu grabbed her before she could make contact.
"Let me go! I'm gonna kill Cell!" Wendy struggled in Natsu's grip. The older Dragon Slayer just held her in his arms until she eventually calmed down, and broke down crying.
"You'll pay Cell, I know you will," Natsu glared at the bug man on the screen.
KRILLIN: NOOOO!
(16's head lands near Larry, Jimmy Firecracker, and Mr. Satan, causing the three of them to look down and scream)
(cut to Bulma and Master Roshi watching the fight at Kame House)
BULMA: Son of a...! If I knew he was gonna go nuclear on Cell, I'd have left the stupid thing in him!
MASTER ROSHI: Why'd you even take it out in the first place?
BULMA: Are you joking?! Imagine if he decided to blow his payload the first time he saw Goku! Try explainingthatto Chi-Chi! "Whoops, sorry I let your husband and child get nuked, but the Hippocratic oath and all that."
"My exact thought," Levy said.
MASTER ROSHI: Bulma, I think you need to relax more. How's about a brewski?
BULMA: I'm still breast-feeding.
MASTER ROSHI: Well, then, two of us are thirsty!
BABY TRUNKS:(coos adorably)
MASTER ROSHI: You go, baby.
"Baby Trunks," Lisanna cooed, hoping that the baby could lighten the atmosphere.
BABY TRUNKS: Mmmmilk.
(cut back to the battle)
PERFECT CELL: Oh, 16... I wanted you to be the wind beneath my wings, but all you've done is take the wind out of my sails. Now I don't even feel like killing these fools.
Multiple heads perked up at that news. What was Cell planning now?
GOHAN: D-does that mean-?
PERFECT CELL: Yes, kiddo, I'm not going to kill your daddies. ...They are.
GOHAN/Yukino: The implication being...?
PERFECT CELL:(groaning suggestively as his tail fans out and pops out something)
"...Oh, my God…" Everyone watched in disgust as Cell began to give birth.
GOHAN:(softly)...Oh, my God.
PERFECT CELL:(continues grunting as another thing pops out his tail)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Ladies and gentlemen at home, the terrible Cell is now...doing one of two things-I'm pretty sure we can't show either on network television.
"Then why are we watching it!?" Romeo covered his eyes.
PERFECT CELL:(still groans as another thing pops out his tail)
PICCOLO: I don't understand! Where's the egg?!
"There's always supposed to be an egg!" Natsu cried out.
"Not like that, you idiot!" Lucy yelled.
PERFECT CELL:(while still going strong)You did this to me!(another thing pops out his tail)You all did this to me!
KRILLIN: "Life, uh... finds a way..."
PERFECT CELL:(continues with his screaming as another thing pops out his tail)
VEGETA/Minerva: ...to make me vomit!
PERFECT CELL:(moans as two more things pop out his tail)
GOKU: Oh, this seems easy! I don't get what Chi-Chi was complaining about!
"That's not how human childbirth works! That's not how it's supposed to work!" Levy held onto Gajeel.
PERFECT CELL:(tail now closes up)Oh, good... alright.(tail shudders)Augh, fantastic. That's gonna be doing that the rest of the day.(groans)Goku, I've decided that your insistence on fighting your progeny would be best returned in kind. So behold: My children!(arrow points to each designated child)Norio, Damien, Travis, Curtis, Dale and Jonathan. Oh, and of course...Vegeta Junior...Junior.
"Another reference...but at a horrible cost…" Levy groaned in despair.
"Juvia doesn't like those babies at all," The water mage wanted to throw up.
VEGETA JUNIOR JUNIOR: Veeeegeeeetaaaa...
VEGETA/Minerva: It's like every nightmare I've ever had fused into one, cloned itself, f***ed the clone and then made those!
PICCOLO/Rogue: That is...terrifyingly accurate!
PERFECT CELL: Gather 'round, children. Daddy's set up a playdate for you! Now make sure you share your toys, don't leave Daddy's sight...and bring me the bodies.(Gohan gasps)But most importantly, have fun!
"Oh, this is not good! This is not good at all!" Happy panicked.
(Cell Juniors attack the Z-Fighters)
GOKU: Cell Juniors incoming!
VEGETA: We are NOT calling them that!(goes Super Saiyan and attacks Vegeta Junior Junior, who blocked his attack)
"But, we will!" Levy yelled.
VEGETA JUNIOR JUNIOR: Vegeeeetaaaa...(Vegeta stares in stunned horror)I'm fighting you.
"The Nappa reference…" Lucy shuddered.
(Vegeta tries to throw a punch, but Vegeta Junior Junior evades by jumping. Krillin tries punching Norio, but he also evades by jumping.)
NORIO: You're too slow!
KRILLIN: Blue blurry bastard!
"I feel like we heard that before. Have we heard that before?" Yukino questioned.
(shows the entire Z-Fighters engaging the Cell Juniors in combat)
PERFECT CELL: Are they not precious, my own little family? Ah, now after I'm through with this worthless little planet, I'll have someone to accompany me as I trounce about the stars. Perhaps I'll try conquering Namek...wear that hat for a little while.
"Ah, that's the Frieza talking right there. Cooler would be having a fit," Cana said.
GOHAN: No...
PERFECT CELL: Yeah, you're right. That's the Freeza talking.
PICCOLO: So tell me, Goku: Where doesthisfit into your master plan?!(grabs an attack from a Cell Junior)
GOKU: Well, you know what they say: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the-"
TRAVIS:(hitting Goku with each word)Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!(kicks Goku in the face)
"Agh! I'm angry at the guy, but I don't want him to die!" Erza yelled.
"Come on! Kick those Cell Jr.'s asses!" Natsu roared in anger.
GOHAN: P-Please! I take back what I said about my hidden power! I don't wanna fight you! This is my Dad's fight, not mine! So I'm begging you: just rein them in! Give my dad a Senzu Bean and-
PERFECT CELL: And there it is.
"What?" Everyone asked, surprised.
GOHAN: Huh?
PERFECT CELL: That right there...thatis why Idespiseyou. You know what they all have in common? The Saiyans might be fools, the humans might be weak, and the Namekian might not belong...but they're still out there fighting. Not just for their lives, but for thisdunghillof a world.
"They've made a lot of mistakes, and they'll keep on fighting. It's the best way to describe them. Even me," Jellal said.
(Norio kicks Krillin to the ground)(Krillin Owned Count: 37)
PERFECT CELL: See? Even Krillin's doing his best!
KRILLIN: Thanks for noticing!(gets kicked by Norio)Ngh!(Krillin Owned Count: 38)I-I really try!(Norio kicks him again)Agh!(Krillin Owned Count: 39)
"It keeps going up with each kick!" Wakaba said.
"Krillin!" Lucy yelled, concerned.
GOHAN: KRILLIN!
PERFECT CELL: But none of them, boy-not a one-shares that trait with you so vile, it drives me to retch! You, Gohan...are a coward.
"Coward!? How is he a coward!?" Gray questioned.
"My baby boy's not a coward!" Mira yelled.
Wendy continued to sniffle, but she turned her attention back to the lacrama.
GOHAN: No... I'm just a pacifist!
PERFECT CELL: So a coward patting himself on the back. Congratulations, pint-size, you can stand proud next to the bodies.
"I used to not like fighting either, but that never made me a coward. Gohan's ten times braver than you, monster," Wendy's eyes held nothing but hatred for Cell.
YAMCHA: Hi-yah!(tries punching Damien, but the Cell Junior grabs his arm)...Please don't break my arm.
DAMIEN: Hmm... No.
(Damien elbows Yamcha's arm)
YAMCHA:(pained shrieking)My baseball career!
"That career was going down the drain if Cell won anyway," Minerva wasn't that concerned.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Dear viewers, it looks like Cell's gone full septo-mom, with seven sinister spawns! Mr. Satan, do you have a plan to deal with these terrifying toddlers? These chilling children?! These...prepubescent predators?!
MR. SATAN: Uhh...y'see, Jimmy, those aren't actually children. They're dwarves paid to fight on his behalf! And honestly, I bet you they ain't even payin' 'em industry rates! I tell ya, Jimmy, the way little people are treated in show business...oh, it's downright criminal! I-I'm gonna go right now and look up their agents, and give 'em a piece of my-
ANDROID 16: Excuse me.
Wendy jolted up, still in Natsu's arms. Her brown orbs were glued to the severed head of Android 16. "He's alive...HE'S ALIVE!" She exclaimed, brimming with happiness. The other Dragon Slayers all smiled, seeing Wendy happy again.
MR. SATAN: Yeep!(creaks his head towards 16)
ANDROID 16: I seem to be without a body. Would you mind lending me yours?(Larry, Mr. Satan, and Jimmy Firecracker scream)Why are you screaming?
"Because you're a talking severed head that just asked to have their bodies," Bickslow laughed.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Because you're a talking head!
ANDROID 16: So are you.
"Not...wrong," Freed said.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: That...is cutting, sir.
ANDROID 16: I need one of you to give me a hand. I must get close to Cell and the boy, so one of you will need to get me there. I believe that I know a way to finally put an end to this madness.
"You want to go back over there!? No!" Wendy disagreed with the idea.
"Let's just see what he has planned, Wendy," Carla tried to calm her down.
"His last plan ended with him torn to pieces! I don't want to see 16 get hurt anymore!" Wendy yelled.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Are you crazy?! What makes you think we're going anywherenearthat war zone?!
MR. SATAN: I'll do it.
"Wait what?" Minerva blinked, surprised.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan?
MR. SATAN: I have a daughter at home, Jimmy. A little girl about the age of that boy out there. And right now, I'm being told I might be able to save the world,(grabs 16's head)and all I gotta do is throw this robot's head in spitting distance of that crazy killer bug-monster? Sure...that may sound crazy-
"Wow...I think my respect for him just increased," Minerva said, genuinely shocked.
"Really?" Sting asked.
"Just a little, light-bulb," Minerva responded.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: No, it's definitely crazy. Larry?
LARRY: I have been finding God throughout this entire experience.
"Larry deserves a raise if lives past this," Lisanna said.
MR. SATAN: Well then, who better to leave it to than the World Martial Arts champ, Mr. Satan? And besides, what'd I tell you, Jimmy? ...It's all a bunch o' tricks.
ANDROID 16/Freed: They are not. You could die.
MR. SATAN:(as he runs towards Gohan and Perfect Cell)Do you have a mute button or something?
ANDROID 16: Not anymore.
Wendy whimpered as she feared for 16's and everyone's safety.
(Damien is shown repeatedly kicking Yamcha on the ground, who screams with each kick)
PERFECT CELL:(thinking)Damien sure is kicking the sh*t out of Yamcha. It's like a metaphor. Ugh, he honestly doesn't deserve this. Mm, buuuut it's still funny.
GOHAN: Hey!
PERFECT CELL: Hm?
GOHAN: I'm gonna... I'm gonna...r-rip off your head and...umm-
PERFECT CELL: Oh, yeah? C'mon, c'mon, you can do it. I believe in you.
GOHAN: ...and...and defecate...
PERFECT CELL: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
GOHAN: ...on your...lunch?
"He had an easier time making those threats when he was five years old," Gray said.
"Juvia believes that Gohan should run away," Juvia said, worried.
PERFECT CELL:(frowns and lets out a disappointed sigh)Now you're just embarrassing us both. Seriously,how hardis it to piss off an eleven-year-old?! You should be a stomping mess from me taking your toy away! Meanwhile, your friends and family are getting beaten into mulch, and all you can do is...cry?(Gohan is shown crying like a bitch)And now he'scrying?! Are youserious?!That's it-kids, put your toys away. We're going home.
"Home? You have a home?" Lector questioned.
GOHAN: Wait...!
PERFECT CELL: And to be clear, I mean "kill them all so I can blow up this sh*thole and find something better to do". Waste of my f***ing Sunday.
"NO!" Everyone's fear started to sky rocket.
GOHAN: Hold on! I'm just one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to-!
PERFECT CELL: Everything...you say to me...is pissing me off! You had your chance, kid! And in the end...it didn't even matter.
"My reference senses are tingling," Levy whispered.
ANDROID 16: Wait!(his head bounces on the ground)Ow. Ow. Ow.
"Be gentle!" Wendy hissed.
PERFECT CELL: Hm?
GOHAN: Huh?
(16's head ends up landing in between Gohan and Perfect Cell)
ANDROID 16: Thank you for your assistance...
MR. SATAN: Don't name me...!
ANDROID 16: ...Mr. Satan.
"Ha!" Minerva laughed.
PERFECT CELL: Kids, when you're done with them, draw and quarterthatbuffoon.(Mr. Satan wails)As for you, I'm surprised you're still...well, I was going to say "kicking", but-
ANDROID 16: Gohan.
GOHAN: Huh?
PERFECT CELL: Alright, fine, fine then. You talk to him, Jesus.
GOHAN: Wha...what are you-?
ANDROID 16: Grow. Up.
Everyone flinched at 16's tone, they were expecting him to encourage Gohan. Not tell him off.
GOHAN: ...Huh?
ANDROID 16: You act like you are the only one suffering, but I believe that Trunks has some stories for you. And I can assume they all end with, "And then he died, too."
"Not wrong…" Levy whispered.
ANDROID 16: And before you start whining about your father, again-and I get it-take a moment to consider that my father made me a soulless killing machine to kill your father. And that doesn't even come close to the complete tragedy of fatherhood that is Vegeta.
"Another truth," Everyone sweat dropped.
VEGETA: You wanna come up here and say that?!
ANDROID 16: I am ahead.
VEGETA: Then maybe you should quit while you are!
"Pfft! Ok, that was a good one," Romeo chuckled.
ANDROID 16: Cell was right. You think you're better than everyone else, but there you stand: the good man doing nothing. And while evil triumphs, and your rigid pacifism crumbles into blood-stained dust, the only victory afforded to you is that you stuck true to your guns. You were a coward...to your last whimper. Of fear and love, I fear not that I will die, but that all I have come to love: the birds, and the things that are not birds, will perish with me.(Perfect Cell begins walking up to him)So please...Gohan...stop holding back. And hey, if we do make it out of this, please pick up my head and beat your father to death with-
(16's head gets squashed by Perfect Cell's foot. Gohan gasps in shock as a Red Ribbon Army circuit board hits the ground, its light flickering until it slowly dims out.)
Complete silence overtook the guild as they listened to 16's speech, then the silence became deafening when the Android's head was crushed by Cell.
Wendy felt pain inside her heart as she watched 16's circuit board flicker off. She felt the anger build up inside of her, but the despair at seeing the peaceful Android's smashed head overtook the rage. The small girl crumpled to the floor, crying as Carla tried to console her.
PERFECT CELL: I'd say he's gone to a better place, but...we both know he never had a soul.
Suddenly the people of Magnolia shivered and froze in fear, never before feeling the sheer magnitude of bloodlust that was emanating from the Fairy Tail Guild.
Each and every mage in the Guild Hall felt like tearing Cell's head off. The Bio-Android had crossed a line that had touched a nerve for them all. Even Wendy was crawling to her feet, nothing but pure hatred to be found in her eyes.
Natsu was ready to charge head first into the Lacrama, hoping to find some way inside of it to beat the hell out of Cell. Nobody was going to stop him, because they were all behind him and ready to figure something out.
("Unmei no Hi ~Tamashii tai Tamashii~" starts playing in the background)
(an image of a bird is seen flying in front of Gohan's face)
Venit aevus ille
O Messiah, O Messiah
The heavenly voice had cut through the guild like a butterknife. Their anger dissipated as they glued their eyes onto Gohan. The bloodlust vanished as if it had never even appeared.
(the bird fades away as the background turns completely black, and then a red streak cuts through the black background and expands out to turn the background into a burning light)
The Dragon Slayers could all feel it as they stared at Gohan. The build up, the raw carnage of anger, and the despair of failure. An emotion each one of them have all experienced and at that moment, everything made sense.
YUDULIYA-VELE
YUDULIYA-VELE
YUDULIYA-VELE
YUDULIYA IYALIYA
PERFECT CELL: Hm?
GOHAN: RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!(releases a burst of energy that throws up the dust and debris around him)
Gohan's cry of anguish and rage shook the entire Guild Hall...no ALL of Magnolia shook as the Lacrama began to transmit Gohan's feelings to them. Allowing everyone to feel the power of the young hybrid all at once.
Feel it drawing nearer, an endless fear that takes you hold
(Perfect Cell looks on in complete shock. This also causes the Cell Juniors to stop fighting and look at Gohan, with Vegeta, Trunks, Goku, and Piccolo doing the same.)
Feel it getting closer, revealing such an evil soul
PICCOLO/Mira: Gohan...
(Gohan is now seen with his hair completely standing up and looking more spikier than before, now a Super Saiyan 2)
Even though the transformation had finished, the pure energy from Gohan continued to resonate throughout the area. The mages could barely hold their breaths as the small Saiyan child they've all watched grow had finally achieved his Destiny.
I can't surrender at the turning point of destiny
Right now it's do or die; my life is on the line and I will not flee
By my power!
Whoa-whoa, it's clear to me!
My spirit grows and I will face this demon
Whoa-whoa, WITH BURNING ENERGY
The day of fate has fin'ly come
(Gohan's tears stop flowing and gives a menacing stare at Cell)
Wendy felt her connection to Gohan strengthen at this moment. She knew at this moment that 16 and everyone else that Cell had mercilessly killed would be avenged. That Gohan wouldn't rest until the demon that had been laughing this entire time was struck with an endless tirade of fear. "You can do this, Gohan!" She yelled out.
Mira felt the tears flowing down her face as she stared at the cold empty look in Gohan's eyes. Saddened that the boy had to be driven this far to defeat Cell, that he had to be the one to fight in the first place. But, at the same time she felt a sense of pride to see him standing up to the face of evil, ready to avenge the fallen. "Go Gohan, take to the skies!"
Erza could see it now, the truth behind Goku's plans, and Gohan's true power. She was feeling the energy wrap over her and the rest of them like a warm blanket, as if the boy was saying that he will protect them all. Never would she have thought that a child could hold so much power at once, but a smile graced her lips nonetheless. "Fate has an interesting way of working, huh, Gohan? It's time for you to face it with everything you have!"
"Show Cell what you're made of Gohan!" Sting encouraged.
"Send this monster sinking into the shadows!" Rogue shouted.
"Fight with a heart filled with justice, Gohan!" Yukino yelled.
"Make it pay for everything it's done!" Lily yelled.
"Time for you to face justice, Cell! And Gohan's the judge!" Bickslow laughed.
"Give it hell, kid!" Gildarts grinned.
"Guess, you're no longer the baby I thought you were. Avenge the fallen, Gohan!" Laxus shouted.
"Don't waste Laxus' support, Gohan!" Freed joined in.
"Time for you to grow up, Gohan. Gehehe, Cell won't even see it coming!" Gajeel shouted.
"Destiny has chosen you, Gohan. Now, show that demon true fear!" Jellal smirked.
"No more running and no more hiding, Gohan. Time to kick some ass!" Gray punched his fist.
"Juvia agrees with Gray, Gohan! You're strong enough to put Cell down!" Juvia hugged her lover.
"This is how Fairy Tail fights, Gohan! We won't let anyone get away with hurting our friends!" Makarov shouted.
"Beat Cell like a REAL MAN!" Elfman flexed his arms.
"You'll win, Gohan! We're all here ready to support you!" Lisanna joined in.
"Hmph, guess you're not useless at all, brat. Go avenge the Android," Minerva smirked.
"You're a kind soul, Gohan. May you find victory in this battle" Kagura smiled.
"Meow! You're shining brighter than any sun, Gohan!" Millianna winked.
"Like any true fairy your wings are spreading, Gohan," Evergreen huffed.
"I bet there will be lots of fish waiting for you at home, Gohan. So be sure to win!" Happy cheered for the boy.
"You're much like Wendy, Gohan. I know that you can do this," Carla smiled.
"You have people to protect, Gohan. No more lives will be lost as long as you stay true to yourself," Lucy said.
Natsu stood there with a wide grin plastered all over his face. The Dragon Slayer's body began to be engulfed with fire as his excitement exceeded all of its limits. Natsu knew that Gohan could do it, that Gohan could surpass his limits. He only wished that it didn't come at the cost of 16, but he knows that Gohan will win. That Cell will be stopped. "AH YEAH! I'M ALL FIRED UP! KICK ITS ASS, GOHAN!"
(the DragonBall Z Abridged Logo appears on the screen)
Chapter End
(cut to the battlefield with Super Saiyan 2 Gohan staring at Perfect Cell)
Everyone sat back down in their seats, trying to control their own excitement and anticipation of Gohan's victory.
Mira felt something was wrong as she stared at Gohan. That look in his eyes, it didn't look natural at all.
PERFECT CELL: Dear Lord in Piccolo, finally! And here I thought killing 16 was harder for me than it was for you. I'm confused, though. Were you friends? Did you talk about birds together? A couple of bird nerds?
GOHAN: The murder of one's own child or children.
"Oh, that's a red flag," Mira's own anticipation died on a dime. A dark realization suddenly came into her mind.
"What do you mean, Sis. Gohan's gonna beat Cell!" Lisanna exclaimed.
"Yeah, he's SUPER MANLY now!" Elfman exclaimed.
Mira stared at her siblings, confused. Then looked at the rest of the audience with more confusion. Did they really not see it?
PERFECT CELL: Uhhh...(Gohan snatches the bag of Senzu Beans)Wha-?!
GOHAN:(appears in front of a Cell Junior)You wanted me to define "filicide".
(the Cell Junior leaps towards Gohan, but Gohan evades him and destroys him with a swift chop)
Levy felt her own breath leave her. "Oh, I see what Mira meant now."
"What do you mean, Squirt?" Gajeel asked. Levy didn't answer immediately, but someone else did.
"That's not Gohan. That right there is something completely unnatural," Laxus answered.
"Laxus?" Freed turned to his leader and so did everyone else.
"We got so caught up in the damn transformation that we completely overlooked what that boy must be feeling," Laxus laughed, humorlessly.
PERFECT CELL: Oh...
VEGETA: All right, would anyone care to explain...THE F**K?!
PICCOLO: I'm kind of afraid too because I'm pretty sure that would involve giving Goku credit for this.
"You can't deny that he was right, Gohan did just prove that he really was the only choice," Kagura said. "But, now I'm not sure if it was really the right choice."
GOKU: The takeaway here is, you're welcome.
"I'm not shocked he doesn't see it. The look in Gohan's eyes," Mira whispered to herself. No need to give anyone else a reason to dislike the Earth-raised Saiyan.
(Gohan looks at two Cell Juniors standing besides a knocked out Krillin)
PICCOLO: The ends don't justify the means, Goku!
GOKU:You'remean!
"That's not what he meant!" Erza couldn't help but yell.
(Gohan appears in front of two Cell Juniors. One of them picks up Krillin.)
CELL JUNIOR:(extends his nails at Krillin's neck)Uh uh uh~
GOHAN: Really? You're using Krillin as a hostage? His death is a day trip for us and a free ice-cream sundae for him. Go ahead.
All of the mages did a double-take after hearing Gohan speak. T-That wasn't Gohan? Gohan wouldn't just brush off death like that, even if they could be brought back.
Natsu frowned, he understood being angry. It was how he beat a lot of his opponents, but even in his anger he'd never forget himself. Except for that one time...when he thought Lucy had died. The Dragon Slayer's eyes grew wide at the realization. "I guess we have something in common, huh Gohan?"
Wendy has in fact killed before, mostly demons and monsters in the act of protecting herself and her friends. Even still, she could never imagine herself brushing away death like that, especially not that of her friends. Gohan really had been pushed too far.
KRILLIN: Actually, I'm lactose intolerant...
GOHAN:(while extending his hand)Nobody's lactose intolerant in heaven, Krillin. That's why it's heaven.
"Krillin really can't catch a break, huh?" Lucy sighed, finding a bit of humor in the situation.
(the Cell Junior from behind lets out a scared grunt)
CELL JUNIOR: Nope!(flies off)
GOHAN: Too little, too late.
(The Cell Junior drops Krillin and fires a blast at Gohan. Much to his shock, Gohan appears from behind while holding Krillin.)
GOHAN: Bitch move.(disappears to lay Krillin near Piccolo and then reappears and destroys that Cell Junior with a kick)
PERFECT CELL:(thinking)Suddenlyyyy... Life has a new meaning to meeeeeeee! There's beauty up above...and things we never take notice of... You wake up and suddenly... You're in loooooove!
Mira suddenly felt the urge to eradicate every roach on Earthland. Cell really knew how to piss her off, huh?
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Jimmy Firecracker here, reporting from this tree! The young man has apparently undergone a harrowing transformation and is currently dismantling these demented delinquents, one after the-
LARRY: Sir, that big explosion from earlier wrecked the camera. We're totally dark.
"Then leave! You're in the way!" Romeo yelled.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Oh.
(cut to the city with the the jumbotron displaying "PLEASE STAND BY")
RANDOM CIVILIAN 1: So...another riot?
RANDOM CIVILIAN 2: Sure, why not.
RANDOM CIVILIAN 3: Yeah, f*** this city!
"WHY!?" Levy and Erza yelled.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut back to the battlefield with the two Cell Juniors charging at Gohan, who proceeds to throw the bag of Senzu Beans up in the air and punches both Cell Juniors before destroying one with a kick, and then catches the falling bag of Senzu Beans)
Though, all of the mages felt bad for Gohan. They couldn't deny that the boy looked absolutely badass as he killed each one of the Cell Juniors.
CELL JUNIOR: Daaaaaad...
PERFECT CELL: I ain't no helicopter papa. Sink or swim, bitch.
The dads in the audience all glared at Cell. Any sensible father would protect their young from unnatural dangers, but who said Cell was a sensible father?
GOHAN:(sends out a volley of blasts, which hits two Cell Juniors and appears behind one)You forgot your water wings.(destroys the Cell Junior with an uppercut and then dashes in front of two fleeing Cell Juniors and destroys both of them with one strike, he then looks at the last remaining Cell Junior)Don't.
(the last Cell Junior tries to flee but Gohan intercepts him in midair and spikes him down to the ground, meeting him before reaching the ground and destroys him with a kick, looks down and stomps on his dismembered arm)
"Holy sh*t!" Was the conscious thought going through everyone's heads.
PERFECT CELL: Gimme. Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!
GOHAN: Trunks.(tosses the bag of Senzu Beans at Trunks)
TRUNKS: Huh?(catches the bag)Oh! Uh, sure. On it.
GOHAN: Try to forget you're half-Vegeta and don't f*** it up.
VEGETA:F**KIN'...!
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Minerva laughed her ass off.
TRUNKS:(lands near Krillin)Hey, Krillin. Krillin!(throws a Senzu Bean at his face)Senzu Bean!(Krillin moans)Ugh. Okay, yeah let's just...(places the Senzu Bean inside Krillin's mouth)Hey, Yamcha!(leaps and lands near Yamcha)I "senzu" need some help?(Krillin groans)*sighs* Trunks, just stop.
"You're even worse than Krillin…" Lucy sighed, disappointed in Trunks.
"His puns could use a lot of work," Bickslow laughed at Trunks.
KRILLIN: *sighs* Am I glad I'm not allergic to those.
"Is it possible to be allergic to senzu beans?" Lily asked.
"Not sure, and if it was possible to be, then you might as well drop dead," Gajeel answered.
TRUNKS:(after healing Tien with a Senzu Bean)Alright, let's get you up.
TIEN: Great. Now I can watch us become irrelevant vertically instead of horizontally. What are we even doing here anymore?
"Moral Support!" Millianna and Lisanna yelled.
YAMCHA: I brought towels. Anyone want a towel?
KRILLIN: I'll take one. Today is a scorcher.
GOKU:(eats a Senzu Bean, thinking)Senzu Beans are gonna heal ya!(out loud)So what are we gonna call this? Cuz it's way stronger than Super Saiyan.
"Super Saiyan 2," Levy answered immediately.
"Nah, too basic," Natsu disagreed.
"How is that too basic?" Gray asked, baffled.
PICCOLO: Well, if it's a level beyond Super Saiyan, then...
GOKU: Then he must be a Super DUPER Saiyan!
"YEAH! SUPER DUPER SAIYAN!" Natsu and Happy rejoiced.
"THAT'S EVEN MORE STUPID!" Everyone yelled at the two.
PICCOLO: Hmmm.
VEGETA:(thinking)If he's a Super Duper Saiyan...then I shall find a way to become a Super-DEE-Duper Saiyan!
"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"
"Eh, I'll go with it," Levy wrote down 'Super Duper Saiyan' as the transformation name.
TRUNKS: Bean, dad?
VEGETA: Yeeeeeeeeees.(grabs the bean)
"Trunks has become the new Bean Daddy," Cana snickered.
PERFECT CELL: Look at you! I'm gonna call you whooping cough because you just devastated my children!
Wendy frowned at the joke, not finding it funny at all. What was funny about a sickness that really caused children pain.
PERFECT CELL: And for a second there, I thought that yarn you were spinning was going to turn up short... But here you are! Myfinalchallen-(Gohan punches him HARD in the stomach)OOHWAGH! AAAAAAAAAGGH...!
Suddenly, those who were there for the Frieza Saga all had a flashback of Goku nailing Frieza with the best gut punch recorded in history.
"About time someone shut its smug ass up," Laxus took satisfaction in seeing Cell in pain.
GOHAN:Careful, Cell. Your Vegeta's showing.(uppercuts Perfect Cell, knocking him back)
PERFECT CELL:(struggles to get up)Y-You know, you're not wrong.(stumbles on his backside)Ugh... Hoo Boy. Nothing like a concussion...to really get the blood flowing.(gushes)
GOHAN: Cell. You don't get it. Ihatethis. The vibrations through my fists on contact. The taste of blood in my mouth. The sound of my heart in my ears. Ihateit. I always have. But right now. In this moment. The only thing I hate more thanit... Isyou.
Mira wanted to give the boy a hug, to let him release all of the anger and frustrations. The boy never should've been put in this situation in the first place, it was due to the failure of the adults that the kid had to clean up the mess.
"The pain that boy must be going through, the pure hatred that's flowing through his head. The sense of failure for letting 16 die is the only thing pushing forward at this point," Makarov sighed. He would hope that none of his children would ever have to experience this type of feeling, but even he knew that was impossible. Just like Gohan, his children cared a lot about the lives of those around them.
Gray remembered the amounts of pure hatred that was coursing through his veins when he thought Juvia had died to protect him. The anger at Invel and Zeref(And indirectly Natsu). When he was so livid that he considered killing Natsu. That was something he never wants to feel again, that amount of hate was never good. More than anything, Gohan needs the people close to him to help him.
PERFECT CELL: Ugh. Put that on a Valentine.(powers up)
GOHAN:(begins walking up to Perfect Cell)Because you were right about me. I was a coward. Scared of what would happen if I snapped. Afraid that, if I lost it this time. I'd...never come back. That I'd finally kill someone. I'm not scared anymore, Cell.(stops in front of Cell)
"He really hasn't killed another person until now has he? If you don't count any animals that he had to kill to survive when he was training with Piccolo, Gohan has never once killed anyone," Levy said.
PERFECT CELL:(gives off a look of fear)Well, g-glad I could-(Gohan kicks him in the face)GAAAAAAAAAAAH!
GOHAN: Because there's no point in being afraid of the inevitable.
"The inevitable? No Gohan, there's a lot of reasons to be afraid of that," Jellal whispered.
PERFECT CELL:(gets up and looks at Gohan)...Oh f*** this.(flies up high in the air)Kaaaaaa...Meeeee...Haaaa...
The murderous intent suddenly flashed back within the guild within spades. Everyone glaring hatefully at Cell for the move he was about to pull.
"That f*cking coward! It's just gonna blow up the planet after getting its ass handed to it!" Gray growled.
GOKU: So, is this more a Vegeta move or a Freezer move?
"BOTH!"
PERFECT CELL: Meeeee...(charges up a massive Kamehameha)
KRILLIN: Speaking of move, we should probably!
"There's nowhere to run if the whole planet blows, Krillin!" Lucy yelled.
PERFECT CELL: I could've just done this from the beginning! Instead I thought I'd have some fun, throw a tournament, but f*** you! Suck my perfect dick! HAAAAAAAA!(fires the Kamehameha wave that races towards Gohan, causing Goku, Piccolo, and Trunks to look in terror)
GOHAN:(quietly)Ka...Me...Ha...Me...(at the top of his lungs)HAAAAAAAA!
(Gohan fires his own Kamehameha wave that overpowers Perfect Cell's and is now racing towards the perfect being, with the force of the blast pushes the Z-Fighters back and sends Mr. Satan, Jimmy Firecracker, and Larry flying)
PERFECT CELL: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"ALRIGHT, GOHAN!" Everyone celebrated the boy easily overpowering Cell's Kamehameha.
"Just how powerful did Gohan become? Cell launched that attack with full strength, and Gohan knocked it back without breaking a sweat," Jellal gaped.
"Gohan really is something else," Erza said.
"I wouldn't want to get on the kid's bad side now," Minerva chuckled.
(the Kamehameha is seen flying into space before shifting back to the Z-Fighters emerging from underneath the sand)
KRILLIN: Anyone else got sand in their-
EVERYONE ELSE:YES!
TRUNKS: Everywhere!
"UGH! I hate that!" Lucy complained.
PICCOLO: Uhhhh...guys?
TRUNKS:(looks up)Holysh*t!
PERFECT CELL:(slurred)Hey, kid! You missed a spot.(is shown missing the top of his crown, his left arm and leg, and his wings)
"HOLY sh*t!"
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU SURVIVE THAT!?"
GOHAN:Heh.(lets off a smile)
OK...that...that was not good. That smirk made everyone feel off.
GOKU: All right, Gohan! Think it's time you brought her home!
GOHAN: Hold on! I'm not done ripping the wings off this butterfly.
PICCOLO/Mira: Red flag!
GOKU: Um, kiddo? I understand you're angry but-
GOHAN: But what? You're gonna give me advice now? Let me guess, I should let him go so he can be an even better fight later. Or maybe I should let him power up to 100% so I can teach him humility! Wait, I know! I should throw him a goddamn Senzu Bean, and let YOU fight him!
"He's been holding that in for YEARS," Laxus said.
"How can you tell?" Sting asked.
"Because if it wasn't obvious already, the boy has Daddy Issues!" Laxus responded.
GOKU:(nervously)Ah...uh...I...see what you're getting at, Gohan.
GOHAN: Then shut up and put on your poncho. You're in the splash zone.
GOKU/Lucy: ...Is that also a red flag?
PICCOLO/Mira:Crimson.
PERFECT CELL:(grunts in pain as he regenerates his lost limbs)(thinking)Alright Cell, we saw what losing your cool got you... So tone down the Freeza and just chill the hell-
GOHAN: Done getting your sh*t together up there? Because I'm starting to get bored.
(Perfect Cell drops down now in his bulked-up state)
PERFECT CELL:(enraged)WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, YOU HAPLESS LITTLE sh*t?!
GOHAN: I said I'm bored. You're boring me.
"Like Father like Son," Levy remembered Goku saying that to Frieza. There were a lot of parallels with this battle and the final battle on Namek.
(Cell throws a punch at Gohan, but only manages to hit the earth. Gohan responds by kicking Perfect Cell in the stomach.)
Everyone winced back at the weight of the blow Gohan dealt Cell. That one was more comparable to Goku's punch at Frieza.
KRILLIN: Hot damn! Anyone else feel that?!
TRUNKS: Pretty sure my pity well has bottomed out.
"At this point we're all out of pity. And even if we had any, there's none for Cell," Gajeel said.
(Perfect Cell's mouth starts expanding and his chest swells up)
GOKU: Oh, no. Guys! Uh...starting to think he wasn't kidding about the splash zone-!
(Perfect Cell vomits, with his saliva splashing near the Z-Fighters)
KRILLIN: Wow!
(Android 18 is seen on the ground, unconscious and covered in saliva)
"18!? IT SPAT OUT 18!?" Everyone shouted in disgust and awe.
"Gross Gross Gross!" Lucy gagged at the saliva all over 18.
"Can Gohan make Cell spit out 17 too!?" Wendy hoped.
GOHAN: It's a girl. Mazel tov.
(Perfect Cell vomits more saliva)
KRILLIN: Android 18!
"YES! LOVE!" Juvia and Meredy cheered.
PICCOLO: Later!
KRILLIN: But my Baeteen!
"DON'T say that again!" Laxus growled.
PICCOLO: I will get a hose!(Krillin starts griping)
PERFECT CELL: FFFFFFFF**********************! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! NO! NO! NO! F***! F***! F***! F***! F*** YOU! F*** YOU! UUWAARGH!
Even though the situation was tense and serious, nobody could stop themselves from laughing hysterically at Cell's reaction.
YAMCHA: Wait, so if he doesn't have 18 anymore... Does that mean...
(as Yamcha theorized, Perfect Cell reverts back to his Semi-Perfect form and starts panting heavily)
"YES! Cell reverted back! So, if Gohan hits Cell hard enough again, then 17 will come back too!" Levy yelled. Suddenly, everything really was looking hopeful.
"What's this nagging feeling in the back of my head?" Carla questioned.
PICCOLO: ...Is that what he turned into after he beat me? I'm kinda offended by his lips. Am I allowed to be offended by his lips?
"I mean...I don't know," Mira shrugged.
KRILLIN: Are you offended by Mr. Popo's lips?
PICCOLO: Wait, can we talk about that?!
"Can we?" Levy asked. Suddenly a piece of paper poofed into existence and landed on her lap. The word mage opened it up and looked at the words written on it.
NO.
(Semi-Perfect Cell gives a fearful look at Gohan, who responds by silently glaring at him)
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Uh, so uh... Gonna eat that?(referring to 18)
"STOP WITH EATING PEOPLE!" Lucy screamed.
GOHAN: ...No.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And, uh, can I?
GOHAN:No.(kicks Semi-Perfect Cell in the face, sending him flying away)
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan. I'm gonna be straight with you. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!
MR. SATAN: That camera's broken, right?
LARRY: FUBAR, sir.
MR. SATAN: I have no f***ing idea.
"The first time he's been completely honest with himself and those two," Minerva said.
GOKU: Gohan! Do it now! End this!
GOHAN: Fine! Christ, if you want him to die so bad, kill him yourself. Pretty sure anyone with blonde hair over there could.(starts walking up to Semi-Perfect Cell)
"...He's not wrong," Jellal said.
"Still, you should just kill Cell now," Yukino added.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(thinking)"Kill me"? No, no, no, no, no, no, I can't die to this! He's a middle schooler throwing a tantrum! And I am the perfect being! ...I was. And he took it away. He took it away from me!(out loud)So I'll take everything away from you!(screams and begins to swell up like a balloon)
"W-What did it mean by that?" Wendy asked, feeling an incredible pressure emanate from Cell. The Dragon slayers all watched with worried looks as Cell was swelling up, they could feel the danger that was coming from the balloted bug.
"I have an idea and it's sending shivers down my spine," Freed said, worried.
GOKU: Wait! I've seen this before. Krillin, if he turns blue...you gotta go sing a song!
KRILLIN: For the last time, I am not an Oompa Loompa!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: He-Hey Larry! Look! It's your mother!
LARRY: She's diabetic, dude.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Yeah! 'Cuz she's fat!
"Not cool, dude," Sting shook his head.
LARRY: She lost a foot!
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: And now she's 50 pounds lighter!
GOHAN: So what was the plan here? Become so grotesque I wouldn't wanna touch you? Because I'll be honest...it's working.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(slightly slurred)Ohhhh, my dear boy. I think I finally realized what I inherited fromyou.
GOHAN: Not my BMI, obviously.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(slightly slurred)Heh heh! No, Gohan...! It was yourexplosivetemper.
Silence enveloped the guild as they all realized what Cell was planning to do. Their reactions ranged from shocked horror to explosive anger.
PICCOLO: Oh, no.
GOHAN: Oh, no!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(slightly slurred)Oh yeeeeeeeah! You see in less than a minute from now, I'm going toburst...and take you, and this whole wretched world with me!
Carla felt her stomach drop, realizing that this is the bad feeling she had felt earlier. The bastard was gonna take everyone out with it.
"You coward! You have no right to judge Gohan when you pull something like this!" Jellal yelled, angry.
"It's going to blow itself up and kill all of them, the sick freak!" Sting growled.
"Gohan can still kill Cell before it explodes!" Natsu told everyone.
GOHAN: So what you're saying is I have less than a minute to kill you.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(slightly slurred)Uh uh uh! Any attack could set me off! A punch, a kick, a wafer-thin mint! So how about you savor the time you have left, before I go pop?! Hope you enjoyed the Cell Games! Bye, everybody! Gooooo f*** yourselves!
"DAMMIT!" Natsu smashed his hands into the floor boards as the despair of the situation began to set in.
"T-This can't be how it ends...Gohan still hasn't avenged everyone," Wendy held Carla closer to her.
"Gero...you goddamn madman! You really hate Gokuthat much, to condemn the entire planet to death! Rot in hell you piece of sh*t!" Laxus growled.
"C'mon, there has to be something they can do!" Gray hoped. Not after everything they've been through, this couldn't be how it ends.
"I-I can think of one…" Erza whispered. But, the idea and who would have to do it upsetted her.
Kagura and Jellal had heard her, turning to look at her. "Erza?" They both said her name. The Scarlet Knight just shook her head and turned back to the Lacrama.
GOHAN:(falls down to his knees and expels his aura)I did exactly what my dad and Vegeta do! WHAT IS THIS sh*t, GENETIC?!(smashes the ground twice with his fists)
"...Yes," Levy said, wincing.
(Semi-Perfect Cell laughs insanely)
GOKU:(looks towards his friends and gives off a smile)Well... I guess I should go clean up my mess, huh?
"What?" Natsu looked up, confusion in his eyes. As he stared at Goku the realization of the words suddenly made sense. "No...NO! There has to be another way!"
"Natsu, what's wrong?" Lucy asked him.
"Instant Transmission."
Everyone turned their attention to Erza, who's eyes were still transfixed on Goku. "He's going to use Instant Transmission."
PICCOLO: Goku?
GOKU:(places both of his fingers on his head)All of you...take it easy.
VEGETA: Wait-!
KRILLIN: Are you-?(Goku pops out)GOKUUUUUU!
(Goku pops in between Gohan and Semi-Perfect Cell)
GOHAN: Huh?!
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(slightly slurred)Hurh?!
GOKU: Hey, son.
GOHAN: Dad? Wha- What are you-
GOKU: I-I'm sorry. Fighting is... Well, it makes me happy. And I just thought it would make you happy too. I want you to know that, that year we spent in the Time Chamber...was the best year of my life. Take care of your Mom.
Eyes were filled with tears as they heard Goku's final words to his son. While it was true that Goku may not have been the best Father or Husband, the man truly loved his family. They were important to him and they always have been important.
GOHAN: Hold on! Are you-?!
GOKU: I'm proud of you, Gohan. Bye, son.(Goku bursts out with Semi-Perfect Cell)
Natsu was crying as both Lucy and Happy flanked to his side. All the Dragon Slayer could think of was Igneel dying against Agnalogia, his Father's final words, and his promise to his Father.
Gray felt hot tears roll down his face as Juvia held him close as he thought of his own Father at this moment. The ice-make user wrapped his arms around the water mage as he let the tears fall.
GOHAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(cut to King Kai on his planet)
KING KAI:(telepathically)Goku... For the sake of your friends, your family, your planet...you gave yourself. I'll see you soon...my friend.
GOKU:(bursts in with Semi-Perfect Cell)Hey, King Kai. What should I do with Cell?
(King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles scream)
There were snorts of laughter through the tears at King Kai's poor choice of words and Goku's impeccable timing.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL:(screaming)PHT-!
(King Kai's planet explodes, which is see throughout the cosmos)
(cut back to the battlefield)
GOHAN:(tears start flowing in his eyes)AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"My baby," Mira wanted to envelop the boy in a hug as he cried.
PICCOLO: Is it a bad time to point out Goku just stole that win?
"YES! YES IT IS!" Everyone yelled.
GOHAN: Stupid, selfish, impulsive HYPOCRITE!(punches the ground)You hadone job:get angry and KILL CELL!
(Krillin walks up to comfort him)
KRILLIN: Hey now, Gohan...
GOHAN: But no, you didn't just take apagefrom Vegeta! You wrote a sequel to his fricking book!
KRILLIN: Gohan, listen to me.
GOHAN: Chapter 1: Kill Your Own Goddamn Dad!
"To be fair, Frieza is an expert on that one," Levy muttered.
KRILLIN: GOHAN!
GOHAN: WHAT?!
KRILLIN: Dragon Balls.
GOHAN: ...Oh.
KRILLIN: Yeah.
"That doesn't erase the pain though, Krillin. It never should've come down to the point of Goku needing to die," Freed said.
"Even though you have a convenient method doesn't mean that it should always be used. The deaths at the hands of Cell and Goku's sacrifice never should've happened. None of this should've happened," Erza wiped away her own tears.
"Death will always be painful, and all we can do is move forward," Makarov said.
GOHAN: Huh. I mean, I still screwed up, though.
KRILLIN: And now you're one of us!(helps Gohan get up)
"That's the last thing anyone should want," Minerva spat.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Um... It seems that Cell has...disappeared? Along with the orange hillbilly I...frankly am lost for words.
LARRY: Either of you want some weed?
MR. SATAN & JIMMY FIRECRACKER/Millianna: YES!
"MILLIANNA!" Erza and Kagura gasped.
"What? Is that bad?" She asked, oblivious.
"YES!"
KRILLIN: Well...(picks up 18)Guess this gives a new meaning to picking up chicks.
"Just shut up," Lucy chuckled.
VEGETA: What are you doing with that?
KRILLIN: I'm taking her to a...doctor? Mechanic? Oh, Bulma. I'm taking her to a Bulma.
VEGETA: You put thatrealdoll down this instant.
"Juvia does not approve of that term," The water mage growled.
KRILLIN: Yeah, how about no.
VEGETA: I can rip...you...in...half.
KRILLIN: I know you can.
VEGETA: ...When did you get the balls?
KRILLIN: If I said it didn't have anything to do with holding a beautiful woman in my arms, I'd be a liar.
"That's relatable," Macao shrugged.
"You know, it's pretty funny in a way," Levy started talking.
"What is?" Lily asked.
"Gero and 16 got their wish. Goku's dead, though I doubt 16 would be happy about Cell doing it," Levy explained.
"What's so funny about that?" Romeo asked, confused.
"It's just that Gero will never know that Goku's dead. He'll forever rot in hell wondering if any of his creations ever managed to succeed," Levy snickered.
Gajeel smirked. "When you put it like that, it is pretty fun-" The Dragon Slayer stopped abruptly, his body began to tremble in pure fear. His sudden trembling caught those near him off guard.
"Gajeel!?" Lily and Levy gasped.
"Sting! Rogue!" Minerva and Yukino ran over to their Dragon Slayers. The two were panting heavily as their Exceeds tried to calm them down.
"Wendy!" Carla attempted to help the girl breath as the blue Dragon gripped her chest in pain. Her face drenched in sweat.
"LAXUS!" The Thunder Legion crowded around their leader. Laxus was gripping the table, breaking it with his hands. His face white as a sheet of paper.
"NATSU!" Lucy and Happy were trying to help the fire dragon to his feet. The Dragon Slayer was staring at the Lacrama as if death itself was coming for them. He could feel it, the other Slayers all felt it too.
That familiar nauseating feeling of death had returned. Which could only mean one thing...
(a strong wind starts blowing up the area and causes everyone to look behind in shock)
Everyone else could only watch in pure fear as they realized what had troubled the Dragon Slayers once more. There was only one other time that they had looked this terrified while watching these episodes.
And their fears were confirmed once the singing began.
"PERFECT" CELL:(singing)
"P" is for "priceless", the look upon your faces
"E" is for "extinction", all your puny races
"R" for "revolution", which has been televised
"F" is for how "f**ked" you are, now allow me to repriiise
("Perfect" Cell fires a death beam that blasts a hole through Trunks)
(the DragonBall Z Abridged Logo appears on the screen)
Nobody could say a word or move a muscle as the beam of death pierced through Trunks' chest, dealing a killing blow to the young Future Warrior. A silent chill of horror was the only thing that plagued the mages in the guild hall.
Chapter End
(last time on DragonBall Z Abridged...)
TRUNKS:(gets a hole blasted through his chest)Gah!
"AS IF WE COULD FORGET THAT!" Lisanna screamed.
(Vegeta gasps in shock as Trunks hits the ground)
"PERFECT" CELL: Aw, sh*t that was meant to Tien! That's my B! It's just so hard to parse your power levels anymore. You're all so weak!
"How the hell are you even alive!? You blew up!" Gray asked, horrified.
"That hate boner is still pumping strong," Cana muttered.
YAMCHA: Guys! Cell's back!
"Really!? No sh*t, Sherlock! We couldn't tell!" Laxus roared, furious.
"PERFECT" CELL: Thanks, Yamcha. But I see those shocked expressions of yours. Brains wracking over how I'm back, and better than ever! And it all lies within my body. A nucleus ever so small but frighteningly powerful and lucky me, it survived my little kamikaze. Although Goku did not... But the most important part is: my inherited Saiyan biology-thanks dads-gave me a boost in my power. Returning me not only to my perfect form, but a form even greater than before. I...am now…
YAMCHA/Happy: Perfect-er Cell!
"That's not even a word!" Carla yelled at the Tom-cat.
"Saiyan biology is such bullsh*t!" Minerva growled.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Okay. Yamcha, accurate, but tone it down.
KRILLIN: Hey Gohan, if you knock him in the gut again, you think he'll pop out a second 18? Asking for a friend...
GOHAN: RrrrAAAAAHHH!(transforms back into a Super Saiyan 2)I'm not even mad you're still alive. I've got some sh*t to work through…
Gohan's declaration filled everyone's spirits with burning passion.
"That's right, Gohan! Kick Cell's ass for Trunks and Goku!" Natsu roared.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Aww, is the cat in the cradle? Here, let me put you in a grave.
"Well, if we weren't being dark already," Levy winced.
(Vegeta gets over his shock and growls at "Perfect" Cell)
TRUNKS:(weakly)Help...(Vegeta gasps)Help...! Someone...help...me... Plea- Bluh-hagh!(coughs up blood as Vegeta watches in horror)
"Trunks…" Lucy covered her mouth with her hands as she watched the Future Warrior speak his final words. It broke her heart to watch the boy go limp on the ground, to have seen the boy's life and all of the trauma he had to go through. He ended up dying in a timeline that wasn't even his, away from his Mother, who he may never end up seeing again.
Natsu's growling increased to ferocious levels as he watched Trunks breathe his final breaths. The Dragon Slayer had already felt more animosity towards Cell than he had ever felt towards any of his foes in the past. He wished more than anything that he could jump through the Lacrama and beat Cell himself.
YAMCHA: Trunks!(runs up to Trunks' body)Don't worry, buddy. I've been where you are. We're gonna get you a Senzu Bean and... He's dead. He's dead... I've been there too, I guess. Although, honestly the afterlife part isn't too bad. The whole dying part of it is...haunting... Everything just kind of slows down and you feel yourself slip the mortal coil...(Vegeta clenches his fist)To this day I...still wonder if I've ever been brought back or if I'm still in the process of dying, you know?
For the Fairy Tail members who have died or almost died, they could sympathize with Yamcha's words. Death felt like such a strange concept until its hands almost clasp themselves around your throat. Constricting your breath and movement until you couldn't feel any part of your body anymore.
None of them truly grew to appreciate their own lives and the lives of those around them until they were staring death in the face.
KRILLIN: Oh my God, someone finally put it into words!
YAMCHA: Is it any easier the second time?
KRILLIN: Believe it or not, it's worse.
"You'd think you would get used to the chilling sensation of death, but the feeling would just grow tighter and tighter each time," Gildarts said.
"Yeah, I don't wish for anyone to be put in Krillin's shoes in this regard, dying in general isn't fun," Gray agreed. He could remember the sensation of a laser beam piercing right through his skull, but it still felt as if the event didn't happen. He also thought back to Ultear, and wondered just how much pain she must've been in when she died. Then, there was his Father who died in front of him twice.
"And seeing yourself die can honestly be just as bad," Lucy whispered, thinking back to her future self. Natsu stiffened a bit at the reminder of Future Lucy's death and when he had believed that his Lucy had died as well.
"Death is something that we can't avoid nor ever prepare for, which is why we should always live our lives to the fullest," Makarov said, sagely.
Gildarts smirked. "Says the old man that-"
VEGETA: MY BABY BOOOOOOY!(charges at "Perfect" Cell and turns Super Saiyan)
Everyone and I mean EVERYONE was pushed back by the raw energy and emotion that Vegeta had exploded with. They were so caught up in everything else that they had given little attention to the reaction of the Saiyan Prince. They all stared slack-jawed at Vegeta's reaction to Trunks' death, having never seen it coming.
Gajeel smiled at Vegeta's response. "Seems like you do have a heart under all of that bravado," He chuckled.
"Took him too long to realize just how important Trunks was to him," Laxus sighed.
"Finally, he's taken his head out of his ass," Minerva praised Vegeta for once.
GOHAN: Vegeta, no!
VEGETA: VEGETA, YES!(fires a blast at "Perfect" Cell, causing the area to be engulfed in smoke)
"PERFECT-er" CELL:(emerges from the smoke completely unharmed)Vegeta, no.(swats Vegeta to the ground)
"I mean…we all saw this one coming, but it's the effort that counts!" Cana exclaimed.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Goodbye, Vegeta. And when you get to hell, tell them to make some room.(fires a blast to finish off Vegeta)
"And now Vegeta's gonna die. At least he'll be reunited with his baby boy," Minerva said.
GOHAN:(thinking)No!(rushes over to Vegeta and takes the blast head-on, resulting in a huge explosion)
"GOHAN!" Mira screamed, panicked.
"The hell, kid!?" Laxus yelled, pissed.
PICCOLO:(while getting pushed back from the force of the blast)Gohan!
(the dust clears, revealing Gohan on top of Vegeta)
"PERFECT-er" CELL: For Vegeta? Really?
"YEAH, REALLY!?"
"Well, he wouldn't be Gohan if he allowed it to happen," Lucy mentioned.
"I don't care! Vegeta's died before, he can die again!" Mira yelled, pissed off.
TIEN: Yeah, really!?
PICCOLO:Really?!
(Gohan steadily rises on his feet, with blood dripping down his left arm)
GOHAN: As...long as I'm still breathing...you won't kill anyone else.
"Well…Trunks' dead corpse is lying on the ground over there…" Freed mentioned, quietly.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: No prob, I can free up three or five minutes... or however long it takes to chargethis.(takes the Kamehameha stance, Gohan gasps)
Everyone felt panic rise as Cell prepared his ultimate attack.
PICCOLO: Krillin! Senzu, now!
KRILLIN: Ah, you know how we only hadeightbeans, right?
PICCOLO: And?
KRILLIN: Andhowmany people are here?
"OH COME ON!" Everyone complained together.
PICCOLO: So we're out-
KRILLIN:WE'RE OUT OF SENZU BEANS!
"PERFECT-er" CELL: I want you to know this blast isn't just meant for you, Gohan. It goes out to the entire world! My swan song to this planet.(starts charging up)
"A very unwanted and unneeded swan song," Gajeel huffed.
GOHAN: Vegeta, you brain-dead idiot! Trunks could have been brought back, no problem! But no, you picked now to be a parent!? Oh, look at me, I'm no better. Could've just let you bite it! Now I'm monoplegic and Cell's gonna kill us all.
VEGETA: I'm...sorry…
It hasn't even been five minutes and Vegeta had managed to once again surprise everyone by his recent action.
"He apologized…he has never once apologized for any selfish thing he's ever done before. For him to apologize now of all times…" Levy didn't finish her sentence.
"The Prince of all Saiyans has finally given up," Gajeel finished it for her.
GOHAN:Oh wow, we are f*cked.
"Couldn't have worded it better myself," Romeo gulped.
KRILLIN: Well, if this is it, then...(looks at Android 18)...I love you.
Juvia felt her heart go out to the two, for the potential future they won't have if Cell were to win.
YAMCHA: Hey, Tien... Since this is the end-
TIEN: If you're about to say, "I love you", I swear to God...
YAMCHA: Actually, I was gonna say you're the biggest asshole I know.
"You know Vegeta. I don't think that's an accurate statement," Macao said.
TIEN: Oh.
YAMCHA: You're also my best friend.
TIEN: So are you, man.
"Now, that's something we can relate to," Wakaba and Macao fist bumped. Two knew how it felt to be side-lined like Tien and Yamcha were. So, these feelings the two were going through were relatable.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Honestly, Gohan, the maraschino cherry on top of all of this-besides rending you from existence-is that because I am not burdened by the evolutionary failure of aging, I will live forever! Free to roam the stars!
"To parade around the universe to continue killing and spreading chaos with no one to challenge it. This can't be allowed to happen!" Jellal growled.
"Gohan…" Erza clenched her fists, worried for the son of Goku.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Gonna have to pick up a hobby though... I'm thinking craft brewing…
"Crafting what exactly?" Evergreen couldn't help but ask.
GOHAN:So this is how I die. Down an arm and killed by an android. Why does this feel oddly familiar?
Mira's mood dropped once again at the reminder of the tragic death of Future Gohan.
PICCOLO: Gohan, snap out of it! Your father wouldn't sit there and take it, and neither should you!
GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo...
PICCOLO: You want to do right by Goku? Then don't let that bastard scare you!
The Bar Maid's mood increased when she saw Piccolo's encouragement. Just like her little boy, Piccolo had also grown a ton since the start. She was proud of both her boys.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: He's right, brat! It's just like you told me, there's no point in being afraid of the inevitable.
GOHAN: Yeah, I guess you're right.(clenches his fist and raises his energy)
All of the mages started cheering as they felt Gohan's power rise once more to meet Cell's challenge. They could feel it! This would be the final battle!
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Hm?
GOHAN: KA... ME…
"This time for sure! You're gonna win, Gohan!" Gray supported him. Suddenly, his body was surrounded by a light blue aura. The aura flew from his body and entered the Lacrama.
"Juvia agrees with her darling Gray! Gohan will succeed this time!" Juvia's support was shown as well. A dark blue aura left her body to enter the Lacrama.
PICCOLO: With one arm?
GOHAN: HA…
"Your Dad wouldn't give up a fight no matter how bleak it would look! So, push onward like a true warrior!" A bright red aura escaped from Erza's body to enter the Lacrama.
"Avenge Trunks, Gohan! You can do it!" Lucy cheered him on. A yellow aura left her body to enter the Lacrama.
"Go Gohan go!" A normal colored blue aura left Happy's body.
"Don't make Wendy sad by dying, Gohan! Fight!" A white aura left Carla to enter the Lacrama.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Magnificent! One last stand against me! A climactic showdown!
GOHAN: ME…
"WIN, GOHAN!" A powerful pink aura escaped Wendy's body to enter the Lacrama.
"KICK CELL'S ASS ONCE AND FOR ALL! GET ALL FIRED UP!" A fiery red aura was emitted from Natsu's body and entered the Lacrama.
Everyone else also threw in their own cries of support, multi-colored auras escaped from all of the wizards to enter the Lacrama. The large magical object shined brightly, and the mixture of energies entered Gohan's body. The young man blinked for a moment at the warm emotions that were added to his power, before concentrating on Cell again.
"PERFECT-er" CELL:Give me what your daddy couldn't-before I send ya home to him!HAAAAAAA!(fires his Kamehameha wave)
GOHAN:HAAAAAAA!(also fires his Kamehameha wave, one-handed style, and shows both beams racing toward each other)
KRILLIN: Grab your bodies and move!(jumps out of the way with Yamcha and Tien doing the same while carrying Trunks' corpse)
PICCOLO: Kill him, runt!
(Piccolo flies away with the others. Vegeta recovers and flies away as well. Both Kamehamehas finally collide with each other, resulting in a huge orb in the center. Gohan grunts and "Perfect" Cell crackles as the orb increases in size, with the force being felt from the crowd in a faraway city. The rest of the Z-Fighters land a safe distance from the beam struggle.)
The mages all had to hold their ground as the Lacrama bristled and crackled at the combined energies of Gohan and Cell. Their clash was stronger than anything they've ever felt before.
KRILLIN: It's arealgood thing beams don't just explode on impact with each other.(Piccolo stares quietly at the clash)
"The Earth would be gone if they did," Levy said.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Tell me when that arm starts feeling numb, brat! Then I'll start trying! Worst case scenario: you die and get stronger! It didwondersfor me!(puts more power into his Kamehameha, causing him to gain more ground)
"Well, not everyone is a regenerating bug-man, are they!?" Minerva spat.
GOHAN:Is it too much to ask that you just shut up and fight!?
"PERFECT-er" CELL: What's that, brat? I can't hear you. Try sign language!
KRILLIN: If someone with one arm speaks with sign language, is that a speech impediment or an accent?
"That's…honestly that's a thought provoking question," Freed acknowledged.
"Yeah, but now's not the time for it!" Laxus barked.
GOHAN:(thinking)Dammit, my legs feel like they're about to give out, I can't feel my arm, and nobody's shutting the hell up!
GOKU:(telepathically)Oh, sorry, I'll come back later.
"GOKU!?"
"Oh, right, he killed King Kai," Levy remembered.
GOHAN:Dad!?
GOKU:(on Snake Way with King Kai)Hey, son! Sorry it took me so long to call, King Yemma's line was the worst! I literally thought I'd skipped it and went straight to hell.
KING KAI: You should go to hell!
Some spouts of laughter could be heard at King Kai's reaction.
Erza just shook her head and sighed, but she smiled a bit. Hearing Goku's voice again was surprisingly soothing.
GOKU:(telepathically)Also the phone won't stop yelling at me.
"Probably, because you killed him," Sting said.
GOHAN:(thinking)Dad, I... I don't think I can do this! He's so much stronger, and it's all my fault!It was my cowardice, then my hubris, and now my weakness! We're all gonna-
GOKU:(telepathically as an image of him appears alongside Gohan)Gohan, I want to tell you, that if you don't do this, Piccolo is gonna die.Your mom'sgonna die.Everyoneis gonna die. But before all that, If you don't do this...you'regonna die. And you're better than that! You're better than him! You're better than me!
(Gohan gasps and puts more power into his Kamehameha, which now give him the advantage)
"Nobody wants to point out that Gohan started trying again when Goku said that part?" Gajeel saw that nobody was paying attention to him. Their attention was too caught up on the screen.
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Whoa, Nelly!
GOKU:(telepathically)See? I'm not even close to that strong...yet.(Erza face palmed)You're more than just my son. You are Son Gohan! Now, plant your feet. Grit your teeth. And EAT...THAT...HORSE!
"GET ALL FIRED UP, SON GOHAN!" Everyone roared simultaneously.
GOHAN: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!(exerts even more power into his Kamehameha, nearly causing it to completely overpower "Perfect" Cell's)
"PERFECT-er" CELL: So, what's this brat, your second wind or your dying gasp?! Either way it doesn't matter! Behold the power of TWO HANDS!(releases more energy into his Kamehameha, now taking the lead and causing Gohan to skid back a few feet)
"GOHAN!"
GOKU: Gohan!
PICCOLO: No!
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Take solace, Gohan! Though you have fought alone, you will not die alone. That is my last gift to you. A PERFECT DEATH!(gets hit from a Galick Blazer out of nowhere)Eaugh!
(the person who shot the blast was Vegeta, who is gasping for breath)
"VEGETA, YES!"
"PERFECT-er" CELL: Oh, sh*t...
GOKU: Do it now!
GOHAN:HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!(unleashes every power he has for one more push, which manages to completely overpower "Perfect" Cell's Kamehameha)
"PERFECT-er" CELL: OH, sh*t!
(starts singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra in his thoughts)
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain(shows a flashback of his birth and all the past events leading towards his climax)
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
("Perfect" Cell's body begins to break up as Gohan's Kamehameha completely disintegrates his body, down to the very last cell, and Gohan's Kamehameha continues into outer space, where it dissipates)
Everyone was quiet as they listened to Cell's final words. Oddly enough, they enjoyed the song from the dying Bio-Android.
Levy opened up her notebook to Cell's page. "As a whole Cell was probably the most intimidating and creepiest opponent the Z-Fighters have faced, it was also an entertaining opponent. Its first form was horrifying and downright a predator is more ways than one. The second form was purely pathetic but worrisome, and its Perfect Form was the perfect combination of sad*stic and thrilling. Cell will not be missed in the slightest, but it may have brought everyone closer together," Levy finished her notes.
Perfect Cell died singing the Perfect Swan Song.
DRAGON BALL FIGHTERZ ANNOUNCER: DRAMATIC FINISH!
(back on Earth, Gohan is now seen in midair gasping heavily for air)
GOHAN: Horse...eaten!(reverts to his base form and starts falling)Somebody catch meeeeeee…
"Catch him!" Mira yelled at Piccolo.
PICCOLO: He's dead.
GOHAN:(hits the ground off-screen)Ugh!
Mira's frustrated cries were heard.
PICCOLO: Cell is dead!
YAMCHA: Nobody's gonna hold it against me if I start crying, are they?
"Nah, you guys have earned this," Wakaba laughed.
TIEN: Better now than five minutes ago.
KRILLIN:(walks up to Gohan)So buddy, you beat your first bad guy. How's it feel?(Gohan doesn't give a response)Gohan?
GOHAN: If anybody's there... My autonomic nervous system shut down all non-critical bodily functions. I cannot move, hear, or see. On a related note, I really, really need to use the bathroom.
"You deserve a nice long rest, Gohan," Mira smiled.
"You just saved the whole world, kid, hell, even the universe. Congrats," Gildarts smirked.
YAMCHA: Yeah, let's get you to the Lookout, little buddy.(picks up Gohan)
GOHAN: Is that Tien Shinhan? You have very soft hands.(passes out)
"Didn't really need to know that about Yamcha," Rogue huffed.
(Piccolo smiles and looks up to Vegeta)
YAMCHA: So, is there any food on the lookout? 'Cause I'm starving.
KRILLIN: Fourth rule of Popo's training-
YAMCHA: Yeah, yeah don't eat his stuff. Hey Piccolo, we're gonna stop for snacks on the way.(he, Tien, and Krillin fly off carrying Gohan, Trunks, and Android 18 respectively)
PICCOLO: You know Vegeta, I'm surprised you're not taking credit for the win.
"Oh! He really isn't gloating about getting that hit in on Cell! Trunks' death really did change him," Levy gasped.
"Or, it just made him realize there's something more important than personal glory," Laxus said.
VEGETA: I'm surprised you're not thanking me for saving your worthless lives.
PICCOLO: Heh. Well, don't worry. We'll go revive your "baby boy".(flies off)
VEGETA:(thinking)F**kin' better…
(shift over to Mr. Satan)
MR. SATAN:(thinking)We're... We're alive! After all that...I need to rethink my life.
"I forget they were here," Minerva blinked, shocked.
"I'm surprised they're still alive," Lector said.
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan!(Mr. Satan shrieks)Mr. Satan, we found some working equipment in the van. We've only got audio, but the people can hear you! Would you like to tell the world what just happened?!
MR. SATAN: I don't... Um, I'm not really-
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Mr. Satan... Would you like to tell the world, including your millions of scared, confused, and apparentlyriotingfans,what...happened?
MR. SATAN: Well...Jimmy...and all you at home...I won't lie to you. Cell is dead. And I am the one who TOOK. HIM.DOOOWN!
(crowd starts cheering)
"Oh, you have got to be f*cking kiddding me…" Minerva groaned
JIMMY FIRECRACKER: Is there a body, Mr. Satan?
MR. SATAN:(panicked) NO!D'ah uh I mean, of course not! He exploded without a trace, on impact, Jimmy. That's why it's called "Mr. Satan's Megaton Punch"! But if he weren't such achump, I'd have given him a punch for all my wonderful Satanists out there.
CROWD: Hail Satan! Hail Satan!
"So, he's just gonna take Gohan's credit!?" Natsu shouted.
"Eh, it's fine," Mira waved it off.
"Why, Sis?" Elfman asked.
"I doubt Gohan, Chi-Chi, or Goku would appreciate all of the extra attention. We know Gohan saved the world, their friends know Gohan saved the world, so that is all that matters. Not some opinions of a bunch of random civilians," Mira's explanation made sense.
RANDOM DUDE 1: What do we do now?
RANDOM DUDE 2: Orgy?
RANDOM DUDE 1: Orgy!
RANDOM DUDE 3: Yeah, f**k this city!
"LITERALLY!" Cana laughed her ass off.
"THAT'S SO GROSS!" Lucy paled.
(cut to King Castle)
CAPTAIN MERLINO: Well King Furry, it seems that we were victorious today.(King Furry barks)Yes, sir. I do believe it was the son of that Goku fellow. Unfortunately, the world may never know the truth.(King Furry barks again)We'll go for walkies later, sir. The orgy has begun.(King Furry whines like a puppy)
"Well, at least some people know that Gohan saved the world," Wendy smiled.
(cut over to the Z-Fighters arriving at The Lookout)
DENDE: Gohan!(runs up to Yamcha)What'd you idiots do?
YAMCHA: Nothing, we just let him fight Cell.
DENDE:ALONE?!
YAMCHA: Well yeah, that's just kinda how we do things…
"And it's still stupid!" Lucy argued.
DENDE: Just give him to me, you mook!(Yamcha places Gohan on the ground; Dende starts healing Gohan)I don't think the healing is working, I need to give him mouth-to-mouth.
"That won't be needed," Erza frowned.
GOHAN:(wakes up with feeble mumbling)Dende?
DENDE: Gohan! Can you breathe?
GOHAN: Better than usual, actually.
DENDE: Oh, oh okay...
TIEN: Hey, sorry about your dad, kid.
YAMCHA: Yeah, that's rough.
GOHAN: You guys, it's fine! He's dead!
"Is that a red flag?" Lisanna asked her sister.
"Nope!" Mira said, a little too cheery.
YAMCHA: There's a lot to unpack there.
PICCOLO: You did a good job out there, kid.(places his hand on Gohan's head)Without you, we'd all be dead.
GOHAN: Yep!
PICCOLO: I... just wanted you to know that.
GOHAN: I know!
PICCOLO: D'okay. ...Long as we're clear.
"No one better underestimate my baby boy ever again!" Mira huffed, proudly.
DENDE: Okay, so why did you bring two dead chicks to my lookout?(Android 18 wakes up)
"Only one of them is dead…and not a woman," Kagura corrected.
ANDROID 18: Huh?
KRILLIN: Good morning, sunshine!
ANDROID 18:(quickly gets up on her feet)Where am I? What happened? Where's Cell?
PICCOLO: On the Lookout, Gohan killed Cell, and... Gohan killed Cell.
ANDROID 18: What's the Lookout?
KRILLIN: It's where God lives.
DENDE: What up?
ANDROID 18: Okay. Wow, you're throwing a lot at me here.
"Yeah, pretty sure the last thing she remembers is getting absorbed by Cell," Levy said.
KRILLIN: Also, I'm in love with you.
"Welp, that's one way to rip off that band-aid," Gray sighed.
ANDROID 18: Aaand that's my limit. Thank you. Bye.(turns away and flies off)
KRILLIN: NO-WHAT-NO! Man, I'm bad at this...
ANDROID 18: We both are!
"Juvia suggests giving them time. The love will come on its own," The water-mage smiled.
TIEN: Suddenly, I'm elated that Trunks is dead.
YAMCHA: Dude!
TIEN: What, so he didn't have to see that.
YAMCHA: Still, dude...
(all seven DragonBalls are seen flashing together)
DENDE: Okay, Shenron, wakey wakey, eggs and dead people...(Shenron, the eternal dragon, is summoned)
SHENRON: I am the eternal dragon. State your wishes and I shall grant it.
GOHAN/Levy: He seems...less moody than usual.
DENDE: 'Sup Shenron.
SHENRON: 'Sup, Big Green?
"Okay, yeah, that explains it," Levy sighed.
YAMCHA: Eternal Dragon, our first wish is to bring back everyone on Earth killed by Cell.
SHENRON: A simple matter.(eyes glow red)
TRUNKS:(opens his eyes)I get it, it's a beautiful desk. Can I just go to Heave- Where am I?
"You're no longer talking to Yemma about his Mahogany desk," Lucy answered.
GOHAN: You're on the Lookout!
TRUNKS: Oh, good. Got my clothes back.
"And he's still doing that!?" Evergreen paled.
DENDE: Alright, since you resurrected more than one person, you only have one wish left. Make it count.
TIEN: Something doesn't seem right.
YAMCHA: Yeah, shouldn't Goku be back now?
DENDE: You wanna tell them or should I?
MR. POPO: Oh, please, I insist.
DENDE: I was going to save this for after Krillin died.("Okay, your hate for Krillin is a little too much now," Lucy sighed)But since you apparently did the impossible, you still can't bring back someone who's already died before.
"Then, let's just go to Namek! Goku can still come home and possibly try to survive Chi-Chi's wrath," Erza suggested.
"Why do I feel like you want him to suffer from her anger?" Gray asked.
GOHAN: What?
KRILLIN: Whooo! Bullet dodged!
"And that's all you care about," Yukino sighed.
PICCOLO: Don't freak out, Porunga can still bring back people who have died.
YAMCHA: Good thinking, Piccolo, we'll just use the remaining wish to go to Namek!
GOKU:(telepathically)You want to tell 'em or should I?
"What?" Erza was surprised.
KING KAI:(telepathically)DON'T TALK TO ME!
"Oh, so he's still pissed?" Gajeel wasn't surprised.
GOHAN: Dad?
KRILLIN: Goku?
GOKU:(telepathically)Hey guys. I'm in heaven. With King Kai!
KING KAI:(telepathically)Yeah, thanks for specifyingon Earth, by the way! Yamcha, you ASSHOLE!
"How was he supposed to know you died!?" Romeo asked, confused.
KRILLIN: Okay, Goku. We're gonna go to Namek so we can wish you back. So just sit tight buddy!
GOKU:(telepathically)Yeah... 'Bout that…
"And here it comes…" Erza wanted to break another table.
GOHAN:(thinking)Oh, here it comes...
GOKU: I gave it some thought, and well... Raditz and Vegeta came to Earth because of me, right? Then Freezer came to Earth because of me. And the androids were made because of me.(telepathically)Just feels like every time the Earth's in danger. I'm the common dominator. And frankly, I'm tired of dominating. It's your turn to dominate, Gohan.
Erza's anger dissipated after Goku's explanation. She understood his concerns, because he was finally realizing a lot of the mistakes he made. "But..still, you have a baby on the way, Goku…"
GOHAN/Levy: Everything you just said was technically correct.
GOKU:(telepathically)I'm just thinking maybe... it would be better if I stay dead.
KRILLIN: But, you've been a part of our lives for so long. It can't just end like this, right?
GOKU: I know it's hard guys, but I think it's for the best and this doesn't have to be goodbye forever.(telepathically)Maybe one day when the time is right. I'll come back to see you again, but it is goodbye. For now at least. Gohan, I know I-
GOHAN: Dad, don't. It's okay. Because you were right about one thing. I can take care of us. Just... promise you'll call every once in a while.
GOKU: 'Course!
"Then, maybe everything will be alright," Erza relented. He made his choice, so hopefully it wasn't the incorrect one.
KING KAI:(telepathically)I am not your cell phone!
GOKU:(telepathically)Whups, I gotta go here, getting some interference. Take care Gohan! And say 'hi' to your little brother for me.
GOHAN: Wait, Mom'spregnant?
"Oh right, he didn't know," Lucy chuckled.
GOKU:(telepathically)Bye, sons! Now, where's the off button...?
KING KAI:(telepathically)Get your hands off me-
GOKU:(telepathically)Boop!
KING KAI:(telepathically)Augh! My eye!(hang-up tone)
Everyone laughed at the exchange between Goku and King Kai.
GOHAN: See you later, Dad.
YAMCHA: Sooo, if, uh, you guys don't have any wishes. I've never really gotten the chance to-
KRILLIN: Could you turn 17 and 18 back into normal humans?
"Wait, is that possible?" Freed wondered.
TRUNKS: Wha?
YAMCHA: No, it's cool. Next time though?
"No," Minerva said.
PICCOLO: Oh, I get it. Turn them back into humans and make them weaker.
KRILLIN: What? No! Dr. Gero stole their lives away from them. I just think they deserve a better life.
"Krillin's a sweet guy," Lucy smiled at the gesture.
SHENRON: That wish is beyond my power.
KRILLIN: Bullsh*t!
SHENRON:(visibly sweating)Look, I don't make the rules.
KRILLIN: Then who does?
MR. POPO: Hi~
KRILLIN: Because they are incredibly fair and balanced.
"Changed his tune real quick," Romeo snickered.
YAMCHA: Honestly, man, I don't see the downside to being an Android. You know, except walking around with a nuke in your chest.
KRILLIN: Wait, Shenron! Can you take the bombs out of them?
SHENRON: I can.
"Then that's perfect! 17 and 18 won't have to worry about exploding!" Lisanna exclaimed.
KRILLIN: That, please!
SHENRON:(does so)Your wishes have been granted. Farewell! Bigger Green, out!(disappears and all seven Dragon Balls fly up in the sky and scatters)
TRUNKS: For the record, I agree with the results of your wish, but not the motive.
"That's understandable, nobody blames you," Erza said.
KRILLIN: I just want to do the right thing, okay?
GOHAN: I think it's sweet. You're a good guy, Krillin.
KRILLIN: Thanks. Too bad Android 18 will never know. I wish I had one more chance to talk to her.
ANDROID 18:(makes her presence known to the others)Okay, what the hell was that?
KRILLIN: (sotto voce) Thank you, Shenron...!
ANDROID 18: You could have wished for a billion Zeni. Or a nose! But instead you used amagical wish-granting dragon... forus.
"Because he cares about you. You don't need a reason to do anything when you love someone," Natsu grinned.
TIEN: Asking the real questions here.
KRILLIN: It just... made sense.
ANDROID 18: Okay, look. I've got to go find my brother. I can only imagine what's going through his head right now...
(cut to Android 17 waking up in the location of where he was absorbed by Imperfect Cell)
ANDROID 17: I never did get that boat…
"What boat?" Wendy asked, confused.
(cut back to The Lookout)
ANDROID 18: I actually bet it's inane. But...let's talk later.(runs off the Lookout)
Juvia hugged Gray tightly, squealing loudly.
KRILLIN: Wait, wait! W-what's your number?
ANDROID 18: 18!
"He walked into that one," Gildarts laughed.
KRILLIN: Heh. Guess I flew into that one.
PICCOLO:(thinking)I'm not sure what just happened...
NAIL & KAMI:(in a singsong tone)(Krillin's got a girlfriend!)
PICCOLO: Gross.
"You are asexual, so that makes sense," Freed said.
TIEN: Well, I better get home. I told Chiaotzu if I wasn't dead by the end of the day, that we'd eat out.
YAMCHA: Hah, gay.
TIEN: I'll miss you too, Yamcha.
"At least they're back to normal," Happy grinned.
GOHAN: Thank you for all of your help. Mr. Tenshinhan.
TIEN: You're the one who picked up our slack, kid. Now keep that bright head in the clouds, and strong feet on the ground. And Trunks...
TRUNKS: Huh?
TIEN: Go wreck their sh*t.
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Laxus grinned.
TRUNKS: That's the idea.
TIEN: Until we meet again! Which will probably be when the world's in danger, so just...keep a close eye on Vegeta.(flies off)
TRUNKS: Can any of you get a read on that guy?
"Not at all," Everyone agreed.
GOHAN: Not even close.
KRILLIN: We should probably follow his lead. Namek has shorter days than this has been.
GOHAN: Are you going to stay here on the lookout, Mr. Piccolo?
PICCOLO: I mean, that's up to Dende.
DENDE: Are you gonna visit us, Gohan?
GOHAN: All the time!
DENDE: Then yes, we have a room for you, Nail.
"Still calling him Nail," Levy noted.
PICCOLO: I've never had a room before!
"He's so excited, it's adorable," Mira giggled.
DENDE: That's depressing, and hilarious.
MR. POPO: I call it Deprarious!
"They are best friends," Sting said.
TRUNKS: If you guys wouldn't mind, I'd like if you could come by Capsule Corp. tomorrow before I leave. Before I'd met you guys, all I had was stories and now that I've fought alongside you all I'm...I'm gonna miss you.
"Aw, Trunks," Lucy felt her own heart warming at the scene.
KRILLIN: Oh shucks, buddy. We're gonn-
TRUNKS: Specifically you, Gohan.
"Again, that makes sense," Levy said.
KRILLIN: Was that necessary?
GOHAN: We'll be there with bells on. And I'll see you later, Dende!
DENDE: Visit soon, Gohan! We'll have a slumber party, we could play spin the bottle! Hehe, 1v1 me, bro.
GOHAN: All right, then guys. Ready? Let's go home!(he, Krillin, Trunks, and Yamcha fly off the Lookout)
"Time to break the news to his Mom," Lily brought up.
"Shush! Don't ruin the moment!" Levy shushed him.
YAJIROBE: Heyyyyyy!(he and Korin wave to the group as they fly off)
GOHAN: Good job, everybody! See you at Capsule Corp.!(he and Krillin part ways with Trunks and Yamcha)
TRUNKS: No, sorry. There's only room in the time machine for one person.
YAMCHA: Can't you like, put me in a capsule?
TRUNKS: Why would you want to go back to my post-apocalyptic future? ...Is it because my mom is single?
"How desperate can he get?" Everyone sighed.
YAMCHA: Oh, hey my apartment's this way, later Trunks!(he and Trunks part ways)
(cut to Chi-Chi sobbing at home, having been told the news about Goku's death from Gohan)
CHI-CHI: Your father would rather be dead than live with his wife and children!
"Nonononono! That's not it at all! He's…he's just taking responsibility I guess. Maybe, not in the best way but he thinks that this was the better decision to make. All we can do is trust that, and move forward," Erza placed a hand on her heart.
GOHAN: Mom, no! Dad might be... Well,isone of the dumbest, most selfish, most irresponsible people we know...(Chi-Chi wails harder)But... before he died... he mentioned us. All of us.
OX-KING: Even me?
"Seriously?" Kagura groaned.
GOHAN: Granddad? Seriously, could younot, right now?
CHI-CHI:(stops crying)My... My Goku…
KING KAI: You're sure about this, Goku?
(cut to Goku and King Kai on Snake Way)
GOKU: 'Bout as sure as I can be.
KING KAI: Most men would die all over again just to get back what you've had. A loving wife, two sons, unearthly powers.
"True, why would anyone want to give that up?" Romeo questioned.
GOKU: Yeah, but those aren't going anywhere. And if they do, they'll probably just be back to me. It's a win-win!
KING KAI/Jellal: You're a strange creature, Goku.
(cut over to Capsule Corp. with everyone seeing Trunks head off)
GOKU: I'm just not afraid of change, I guess. I've never been. When it comes down to it, I know they're gonna be alright. Because if I've learned anything since landing on Earth...
KING KAI/Gray: Big "if" there...
GOKU: …it's that everyone is stronger than they think they are.(Vegeta flips off Trunks, who responds by flipping him off back. Vegeta responds with a smile.)("Aw! They're bonding!" Yukino gasped)I left behind the best people in the world and I'm happy about that. Things changed, and they're gonna keep changing.
(TRUNKS: Goodbye, everyone! I'll never forget you!)
GOKU: There ain't no stopping that.
(BULMA: See you in 17 years, sweetie!)
GOKU: The most important part? Now they can live their own lives and make their own futures.
(YAMCHA: Bye, Trunks!)
(KRILLIN: Later, dude!)
GOKU: And I can'twaitto see the kind of future they make.
Makarov couldn't have agreed more with Goku than at that moment. When he eventually does leave the world of the living, he'll be leaving behind all of these children he raised in Fairy Tail. But that's fine with him, because he knows that the future they'll create will shine brighter than even the stars in the sky.
(Gohan feels a tap on his shoulder and looks behind him to see an image of Goku in the sky. Krillin looks around a bit confused.)
KRILLIN: ...What?
"Nothing, Krillin, just a Father passing the torch to his son," Makarov answered.
[CREDITS PLAY]
KRILLIN: I'm surprised you knew I'd be here.
ANDROID 18: Seemed like the obvious pick.
Everyone blinked in confusion at the extra scene. Wondering what could be happening right now.
(cuts over to an outside shot of Kame House with a car outside)
KRILLIN: True! So, um. What can I do for you?
ANDROID 18: I made a promise to myself, and I'm here to keep it.
Mira was quick on the uptake. "KIDS! COVER YOUR EARS AND EYES!"
KRILLIN: Wanna see a movie? Or...
ANDROID 18: Dude, drop your pants.
"I can't believe what I'm seeing…" Macao gaped.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing.." Wakaba gaped.
KRILLIN: Oh, oh! O-okay, but, um, j-j-just a heads up. I'm a grower.(drops his pants, which is followed by an audible meaty thud)
All of the adults' jaws DROPPED when they heard that thud. All of the women were blushing madly at the implications.
ANDROID 18:Oh... my... God!
KRILLIN: What?
ANDROID 18: Get on the bed.
KRILLIN: Yes, ma'am!
(Krillin Owned Count drops down from 39 to 38)
"NO f*ckING WAY!"
[CREDITS PLAY]
(Special THanks credits play as it shows Android 16, smiling and with a halo above his head, in heaven. He was sitting under a tree with birds sitting on his shoulders and arms.)
Wendy started crying as she stared at the perfect image. "Cell was wrong, I knew it was wrong. 16 does have a soul," She said to herself. The rest of the mages all shared the same peaceful look, happy that 16 got his happy ending.
(cut back to outside Kame House at night with Krillin being heard panting and Android 18 moaning along with a mattress squeaking, clearly indicating they are having sex. The Krillin Owned Count is now at 1)
KRILLIN: SCATTER BULLET!(fires a blast at the night sky, which splits and destroys the Krillin Owned Count meter)Haha!
ANDROID 18: Uff, wow…
"He…he got rid of his counter…there was actually a pay off for it…" Levy gaped.
"I take back every bad thing I've ever said about Krillin," Gajeel said.
"Agreed," Everyone said, simultaneously.
(Cut to Capsule Corp, where Future Trunks is preparing to go back to his timeline)
"Oh, what's left for us to see?" Levy questioned.
BULMA: Make sure to tell future me she raised you right.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Oh, I got lots to tell you.
"Why do I feel like most of that includes Vegeta?" Bickslow asked.
"Because it does," Evergreen answered.
GOHAN: I'm gonna miss you, Trunks.
KRILLIN: Have a safe trip back to the future, Mcfly!
"Who is that?" Freed asked.
(Future Trunks looks at Vegeta leaning up against a tree, who gives Future Trunks the middle finger. Future Trunks replies by giving Vegeta the middle finger, prompting Vegeta to smirk.)
"So, we're seeing Trunks' send-off, but without Goku's narration?" Lisanna tilted her head.
"No…I think we're going to see something more," Levy assumed.
(Future Trunks goes into his time machine, preparing for travel)
FUTURE TRUNKS:(Waving, as his time machine is blasting off)Goodbye, everyone! I'll never forget you!
BULMA:(Waving at Future Trunks)See you in seventeen years, sweetie!
"Well, you wouldn't, because that would be a completely different Trunks," Yukino pointed out.
(Yamcha, Krillin, and Gohan are looking up at Future Trunks in his time machine, and watch as his time machine disappears)
(Scene changes to Future Trunks' timeline outside of Capsule Corp. His time machine is seen arriving with TARDIS sound effects.)
FUTURE BULMA: Ha ha ha! Suck on that "vurst", Einstein! Collapse that wave function all over your pasty German a-(Looks up at Future Trunks)Huh? Trunks!(Stands up)Oh, you're back! Thank goodness you're-(Notices Future Trunks' stern look)…Everything go well?
FUTURE TRUNKS: Hey Mom! You ever met Dad?
Some of the mages couldn't help, but laugh at Trunks' sarcastic question. Knowing that Vegeta would be the first thing he'd mention.
"She really did a poor job of preparing him for Vegeta," Lucy sighed.
FUTURE BULMA:(sighs)Okay look, love is complicated.
"You have no idea," Gildarts said.
"What does that mean, old man?" Cana glared at him.
"N-Nothing, Cana!" He backed away from her.
(Cuts to outside of Capsule Corp. A steaming teapot can be heard)
FUTURE BULMA: Seriously, how was I supposed to prepare you for a year alone with him?
(Cuts to back inside of Capsule Corp, in the kitchen. Radio music can be heard)
FUTURE BULMA: I never even got a week.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Mom, you didn't prepare me for a car ride to the grocery store with the man. What did you see in him?
"Is the question we've all been asking since you came into existence," Minerva said.
FUTURE BULMA: A short, stubborn, powerful person desperate for recognition. As a female scientist in her early thirties, I…(sets teapot down)…guess I identified with that.
"I can see it," Levy shrugged. She wasn't gonna judge Bulma, because of the circ*mstances behind how she and Gajeel first met.
FUTURE TRUNKS: I just wish I could have.
FUTURE BULMA: Well, apparently, you're his baby boy, so… he wasn't all bad, right?
"Yes, it took his literal death for Vegeta to come to that realization," Gajeel put into perspective.
"Really shows you just how hard headed Vegeta was," Lily said.
FUTURE TRUNKS: A revelation that came at the cost of myliteral life. Then again, considering the dysfunction of that whole group… Maybe I'm not the worst off.
"You're the best, Trunks. Don't forget that," Lucy said.
FUTURE BULMA: Yeah. Because I raised you right.
"You are also a part of that group," Freed reminded.
"Yes, soliciting your son for sex is something we'll never forget," Bickslow added.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(Turns to Future Bulma)Oh. About that… Before you found out that I was your son…(hesitantly)in the past… you… might've made a pass of me.
FUTURE BULMA: Well, duh
"HUH!?"
FUTURE TRUNKS: Mom!
FUTURE BULMA: Hey, it's not my fault your dad' genetics and mine got along like chocolate and peanut butter.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(Shocked)Is that why you used to call me your little peanut butter cup?
"I'm still concerned about Bulma in general. Is anyone else?" Lucy asked.
"YES!"
(radio starts to broadcast to AMW station. Gunshots can be heard in the background)
FUTURE WOMBAT:(on radio, calmly)This is Alpha Leader Wombat, comin' at you live from Parsley City! We've got our special guests, the Cyborgs, and they are TEARING IT UP! I already lost five men, I'm runnin' out of ammo, and I'm holed up in the bank. This looks like it'll be ALW's last report. Watch out, TJ...(frantically and growing more distant, as if running away from mic)I'M COMIN' HOME, BROTHA!
LEONIDAS:(on radio)FOR TONIGHT! WE DINE! IN HE-
(radio loses signal to ALW)
"Well, Trunks, if that wasn't a signal then I don't know what is," Freed spoke.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(standing up, clenching his fist)Perfect. Just saved me the effort of hunting them down.
FUTURE BULMA: Be careful. I know you're stronger, but I don't want history repeating itself.
"Don't worry, Bulma! This time Trunks is gonna kick their ass!" Natsu declared.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Don't worry, Mom. I'll be back before that tea gets cold. Actually, i-it's gonna take me a little while to get there, so...
FUTURE BULMA: Right, so want me to put it in a thermos, or make more when you get back-?
FUTURE TRUNKS: You can just- you know, I'll just finish it now.(takes huge sip from his tea)
"I really feel like that's a bad idea," Lily said.
(scene changes to Parsley City. Large section of the city explodes. Future Cyborg 18 is angrily shooting ki blasts at an area. Future Cyborg 17 is standing there, watching his sister)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: You know, sis, they say catharsis is actually bad for your health.
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(turns to face Future Cyborg 17)And so is calling me a, quote, "Hoe-bot", end quote!(turns back to continue firing)
"It's not really inaccurate either," Minerva spat.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: I would go with... "Ro-thot".
FUTURE CYBORG 18: I'm not even an Android!
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Well, duh. Since you're a girl, you'd obviously be a gynoid...
(An old man crawls from underneath a turned-over car, holding out a gun)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: ...which is funny, considering "guy" is the na-
(The old man shoots his gun at Future Cyborg 17's head. The bullet bounces off, startling him)
"You really should've just stayed hidden," Wendy feared for the old man's life.
FUTURE CYBORG 17:(whispering)Mother...
(The old man gasps as Future Cyborg 17 turns around to face him)
FUTURE CYBORG 17:(walking towards the old man)Not a bad shot, Pops.
(The old man shoots three bullets, all of which bounce off from Future Cyborg 17's body)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Must be popular down at the shooting range.
(The old man shoots two more bullets before giving up. Future Cyborg 17 towers over the old man)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: I, on the other hand, have terrible aim.(pulls a pistol from his pocket, then pulls the old man's head up, gun pointing towards his chin)I gotta get up real close, see?(grins evilly)So do me a favor: sit still.
OLD MAN: If you're reading this-
(Future Cyborg 17 shoots, instantly killing the old man)
Everyone glared at Future 17 with pure hate and disgust. Wishing that Trunks killed them both painfully.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Oh right. "Gynoid". Like "gynecology". Huh. It's obvious when I think about it-
FUTURE TRUNKS:(offscreen)Get away from him!
"You're a little too late, Trunks," Laxus growled, disappointed.
(Future Cyborg 17 turns around to see Future Trunks arriving)
FUTURE TRUNKS: I hope you got everything out of your wretched lives you wanted, because they end today! Nobody else is going to-(notices the dead the old man)Oh... probably could've microwaved that tea…
"The Z-Fighters rubbed off on him more than he realized," Sting groaned.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Well, well, well. Hey there, Lilac. It's been a few weeks. Surprised you're on your feet already. Also breathing.
FUTURE CYBORG 18: See, 17? This is what you get when you don't double tap. Also, does he look different to you?
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Yeah. Ditched the sword, lost the jacket. Plus, you got jacked. You must be crushing that five-by-five. Also, did you get a little taller, or-?
"Trunks is SUPER MANLY now!" Elfman yelled.
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(turns to Future Cyborg 17)Jesus Christ. Swipe right already!(turns back to Future Trunks)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Pretty sure he's more of your type.
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(grinning evilly)No thanks. I'm into shorter men.(shoots an energy blast which Future Trunks dodges)
"Yeah, the better version of you already proved that to us," Macao gagged.
(Future Trunks reappears behind Future Cyborg 18)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Sis, watch out!
(Future Trunks punches Future Cyborg 18 into a building)
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(while penetrating through the buildings)GOD-DAMN-CHEAP-SHOTTING-ASSHOLE!("Hey! That was kind of a reference!" Levy exclaimed)(stops and lands in a pile of debris, sits up)Now it's too bad you left that sword at home...(stands up angrily)Because now I'm gonna have to do what comes next WITH MY BARE HANDS!(charges to punch Future Trunks)
(Future Trunks grabs Future Cyborg 18's fist, and then throws her. Future Cyborg 18 shoots a ki blast at Future Trunks, who easily dodges it. Future Cyborg 18 lands in front of Future Cyborg 17)
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Is this a bad time to point out his specific choice in shirt?
"DUDE, REALLY!?" The women yelled at him.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Y'know, it's funny, and a little bit sad. You two Androids didn't have to turn out like this. The ones I met in the-
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Hold up. Did you just call us "Androids"? That's offensive.
"Oh my f*cking god…" Minerva wanted to bash her head against a wall.
FUTURE CYBORG 18: Again with this sh*t?
FUTURE TRUNKS: Oh. Right. Uh, they called you "Androids" in the past.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: The past? What, did you time travel?
FUTURE TRUNKS: Uhh... yeah...
FUTURE CYBORG 18: Wait. When was that? Shouldn't we remember you?
"Not how time travel works, but don't worry. That won't matter much for you soon," Jellal answered.
FUTURE TRUNKS: How about this: If I don't kill you in the next minute, I'll give you an explanation.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Trust me, Wife Beater. By the time we're done with you... we won't need one.
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(turns to Future Cyborg 17)Wait a second... That's what you meant by his choice in shirt? Jesus, dude!
"Yeah…not the best of jokes," Cana said.
FUTURE CYBORG 17: What, are you kidding? I put a bullet in some dude's gray-matter not two minutes ago, and that's what's got you offended-?
(Future Trunks dives toward Future Cyborg 18, holding out a hand)
FUTURE CYBORG 18:(shocked)Wait...
(Future Trunks shoots a large ki blast at Future Cyborg 18, killing her immediately)
"YEAH, TRUNKS!" Everyone cheered at the death of Future 18.
FUTURE CYBORG 17:(shocked by Future Cyborg 18's sudden death)Any chance I could... talk you out of this?
"Did you give Future Gohan a chance before you mercilessly killed him!?" Mira growled.
"Did you giveanyof your victims a chance before you decided to continue committing genocide!?" Jellal glared, fiercely.
"This is justice, 17! Justice for all of those you've wronged!" Erza yelled.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(turns to Future Cyborg 17)What was my master's name?
FUTURE CYBORG 17: Huh?
FUTURE TRUNKS: The man who taught me. The man whose arm you took.(voice rising)The man you killed.(sharply)What. Was. His. Name?
FUTURE CYBORG 17:(hesitantly, shaking)Goooo... kuuuuuu... Junioooooor...?
"Burn in hell," Mira growled. A dark purple aura escaped her body and flew into Trunks, fueling the boy's anger against 17.
FUTURE TRUNKS: WRONG ANSWER!(kicks Future Cyborg 17 in the face, who yelps, somersaults into the air, then proceeds to shoot a ki blast to finish Future Cyborg 17 off, resulting in a large explosion that engulfs a large area of the city)
(as smoke and fire fills the screen, screen fades to white)
"That was for Gohan," Natsu smirked.
"Finally, he's saved the future," Wendy sighed, relieved.
"No, he's not done just yet," Levy pointed at Lacrama.
(scene changes to five years later. Camera pans an aerial view over the city, which is undergoing construction)
FUTURE BULMA: You really think he's going to take the bait?
FUTURE TRUNKS: I'm pretty sure I have a corpse in another timeline that says, "Yes, he will." Now stick to the script, Mom.
"Oh, right, Cell," Everyone remembered that the bug still existed in this timeline.
FUTURE BULMA: Geez. Morbid. Ahem...(acting terribly)Alright, son! Time to take this time machine back to the past! Where there are two living Cyborgs! For you to help Goku defeat!
FUTURE TRUNKS:(also acting terribly)Thanks, Mom! I can't wait to save all those juicy fat people in the past from those Cyborgs with this time machine!
FUTURE BULMA: Make sure to write!(fake laughs)
FUTURE TRUNKS:(fake laughs with his mother)
"They're worse than Erza!" Everyone(Except Erza) screamed mentally.
"I can't believe they have such perfect acting!" Erza gasped.
(while Future Bulma and Future Trunks are pretending, Future Cell approaches, looking from the corner of a building)
"Hello, ugly," Gajeel greeted the bug.
(Future Trunks suddenly stops, sensing Future Cell's ki)
FUTURE BULMA: What?(sees Future Cell eavesdropping)Oh sh*t. Is that him? You know, you never told me he was green, but I imagined he was green.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(looking back, quietly)Mom.
FUTURE BULMA: He's looking right at us. Does he... Does he know I can see him?(Future Cell growls)Is his vision based on movement?
"Everyone's vision is based on movement," Levy said.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(quietly)Mom. Script.
FUTURE BULMA:(continues acting terribly)Alright, son! I'm going to make dinner! It'll be done by the time you get back!(goes back inside Capsule Corp)
FUTURE TRUNKS:(back still turned on Future Cell)Alright, tall, dark and bugly...(Future Cell gasps, dumbfounded and surprised)I know you're there.
FUTURE CELL: No you don't! This is an ambush-!(realizes his mistake)Ohhhh…
"Dumbass," Gray insulted it.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(turns to Future Cell)I also know you're here to kill me, and take my time machine, so let's skip the monologue. Also you killing me.
FUTURE CELL:(walking towards Future Trunks)Awww... But that's the fun part. And unfortunately, I seem to be missing two... vital pieces. So I'm gonna need that time machine, so I can-
FUTURE TRUNKS/Lucy: Go back in the past, and absorb the Cyborgs.
FUTURE CELL: To achieve my-!
FUTURE TRUNKS/Gray: Perfect Form.
FUTURE CELL: Okay, you suck. You're sucking all the fun out of this! I'm the only one who sucks here, boy-!(realizing what he said)That came out wrong.
"No, that sounds about right," Everyone disagreed.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Nah, sounds right to me.
FUTURE BULMA:(watching from behind a window)Seriously, whose DNA made him look like he stepped in a teleporter with Jeff Goldblum?
"Who?" Freed questioned again.
FUTURE CELL: How...(clenches his fist)How do you know all this?
FUTURE TRUNKS: Because... as someone once told me... Multiverse Theory's a bitch.
"He's taking so much pleasure out of throwing those back into Cell's face!" Levy giggled. "The power of references!"
FUTURE CELL: ...Okay. I feel like you're referencing something, and I don't get it, and that's not fair. So I'm really gonna need that time machine now, so I can just go back and redo this whole conversation.
"Again, not how time travel works. But, it doesn't matter, since you won't be alive long enough for Trunks to explain it," Jellal said.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Sorry, Cell. You've already got your way once.
FUTURE CELL: Wait... "Cell"? Is that my name? Oh man, that's way better than the name I came up with! I was thinking... "Jiren".(Future Trunks just glares at Future Cell)Yeah, see, I thought it was boring, too.
"It is pretty boring," Natsu agreed.
(Future Trunks yells, forcing Future Cell to fly upwards)
FUTURE CELL: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
"That's the Goku talking," Erza said.
(Future Trunks and Future Cell land on a hillside)
FUTURE TRUNKS: I hope you're prepared to meet your maker... in Hell! Because I'm pretty sure that's where Dr. Gero is.
"I'd be shocked if he wasn't," Freed said.
FUTURE CELL: Ohohoho. You think you're CUTE?!(powers up)
FUTURE TRUNKS: Bitch...(transforms to Super Saiyan, raises a fist) I'm adorable.
"Someway somehow, Vegeta just shed a very proud tear," Gajeel chuckled.
"THAT'S A REFERENCE! I'M ADDING THAT AS A REFERENCE!" Levy screamed.
(Future Cell charges towards Future Trunks, exchanging blows to each other. Future Trunks punches Future Cell upwards, then teleports to him. Future Cell tries to punch Future Trunks, who immediately teleports again behind him, then kicks him in the back. Future Cell screams as he is being skyrocketed, but then stops and powers up)
FUTURE CELL:(looking at the camera)Boy, howdy, kids. Looks like your old friend Cell is in quite a sticky wicket. Whatever should he do?(pauses)Use the Kamehameha?(gets in the Kamehameha stance)Good idea! Ka... Me...
FUTURE TRUNKS:(charging a large energy wave)HAAAAAAA!
FUTURE CELL: LETMEFINISH!
"HELL NO! FINISH IT, TRUNKS!"
FUTURE TRUNKS: GET OUTTA MY F**KING TIMELINE!(fires his Burning Bomber)
(transit to flashbacks)
FUTURE CELL:(starts singing "My Way" by Frank Sinatra)And now, the end is near-
(cut to present, of Future Cell being engulfed in Future Trunks' Burning Bomber)
"You have not been alive long enough for that to even matter," Levy scowled.
FUTURE CELL: AHH! GODDAMMIT!(being disintegrated)SHIIIYEAAAUUUUUUH...!
FUTURE TRUNKS:(reverts to base form, smiling at the sky)It's over... After everything... this feels... this feels...(eyes widen)anticlimact-
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
Everyone laughed at Trunks getting cut-off.
[STINGER]
(cut to Future Bulma talking about her "magical night" with Future Vegeta to Future Trunks)
FUTURE BULMA: So, truth be told, I never really got to know your father that well. He and I shared one night of passion after he came back to Earth.
"DO NOT!" Lucy yelled.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(uncomfortable)Mom, you-
FUTURE BULMA: And unfortunately, he didn't know what protection meant!
"OH GOD!" Lucy was panicking.
FUTURE TRUNKS:(growing horrified)I REALLY don't need to know this!
FUTURE BULMA: But after that first time, I just thought, "Well, in for a penny, in for a pounding"...
FUTURE TRUNKS/Lucy:(disgusted, nervous)Aaaaaahhhh...
FUTURE BULMA: ...and I REALLY was!
(cut to outside of Capsule Corp, with Future Trunks' horrified screaming heard from inside)
Suddenly the Lacrama lit up and two words popped up on the Lacrama.
THE END
"Guess, that's it. Let's go, Meredy," Jellal rose from his seat.
"Right, Jellal!" The girl followed closely.
"Thanks for inviting us, Erza," Jellal bowed his head.
"It was no trouble at all. I'm happy we all got to experience such a wonderful journey together," Erza watched as the two left the guild.
"See ya, Natsu!" Sting waved goodbye.
"You too, Gajeel," Rogue nodded his head.
"Don't be strangers guys, come by anytime!" Natsu grinned.
"Don't come by too much," Gajeel smirked.
"See ya, Lucy," Yukino clasped hands with her fellow Celestial Mage.
"See you later, Yukino!" Lucy gave her goodbye.
"Tch," Minerva nodded her head at Erza before following her guildmates out the door.
"It was a pleasure, Erza," Kagura bowed.
"We should do this again sometime!" Millianna purred.
"I'd like that, you two," Erza watched as they left the guild. Turning around she saw Mira standing up next to the Lacrama. "Is something wrong, Mira?" She asked.
"Hm? Nope, just trying to figure out how to shrink this. We can watch these again later with the guildmates who couldn't make it," She suggested.
"I like the sound of that idea," Makarov approved.
Natsu moved from his seat and took Lucy's hand. "Come on, Lucy! Happy! Let's go on a quest!"
"Aye Sir!" Happy flapped his wings.
"W-Wait, you mean now!?" Lucy was baffled.
"Yeah! All that sitting around got me ready to fight some monsters!" Natsu rushed out the door with his partners. He jumped into the air with Lucy in tow, the Celestial Mage screaming in fear.
"LET'S GET FIRED UP!"
Story End
Chapter 79: Extra: DBZKAI Episode 3
Notes:
Hope you all enjoyed!
My interest in this fic wasn't the best. Sorry about that.
Chapter Text
Extra Chapter: Dragon Ball Kai Episode 3
Mira cleaned off the bar counter with a content smile. After they had finished watching DBZA things seemed to have gone back to normal. Though Natsu did attempt to shoot a Kamehameha earlier, he only ended up setting Gray on fire. The ice mage ended up stark naked and got into another fight with Natsu.
Looking over to her right Mira stared at the Lacrama they had used to watch the episodes. She had decided to create a little stand for it, just in case they ever wanted to watch it again. Walking over to it, Mira picked it up off the stand. She activated it and scrolled through all of the episodes they had watched. "Maybe I should rewatch a bit of it on my own. I'm sure the others won't really mind," She giggled to herself. As she was ready to start it up, something caught her eye.
"Kai episode 3? I don't remember us watching these," Mira mumbled to herself. "Maybe, the rewatch can wait a bit."
"So, we're going to watch a recap episode of the stuff we watched last week?" Lucy asked to make sure.
"Yup!" Mira nodded her head.
"Alright, I'm down," Lucy shrugged.
Currently, Mira had assembled Fairy Tail to watch one more episode that she had found. Didn't seem to be too long, so it wasn't going to inconvenience anyone. Mira enlarged the Lacrama and started it up.
ANDROID 16: Physical media is forever! Buy Laserdisc!
(Cuts to the outside of Capsule Corp)
YAMCHA: I-I'm just saying, I know it was stolen but it was still good music, right?
"Any stolen music is not good music," Gajeel huffed.
"How would you know what good music is? You can't sing," Natsu insulted him.
"Say that again, Salamander!"
"You heard me, metal mouth!"
"SHUT IT!" Erza forced them both to sit down.
BULMA: Yeah, because it was stolen from better artists.
KRILLIN: What about the dub score?
"The what score?" Wendy asked.
"I-I'm not sure," Levy shrugged.
YAMCHA: Oh yeah, let's start THAT flame war.
"A flame war sounds tasty!" Natsu exclaimed.
"I don't think that's what he meant," Lucy sweat dropped.
(Cuts to Vegeta)
VEGETA: FREEZA'S HERE!
KRILLIN: F*CK!
PICCOLO: OH MY GOD!
GOHAN: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
"And that escalated pretty quickly," Carla muttered.
"Do we really have to see Frieza again?" Lucy complained.
"Yeah, Freezer's here! And you know what that means, Lucy?" Natsu grinned.
A soft smile graced Lucy's lip. "Yeah, it means we'll see Trunks again."
(Cuts to Mecha Freeza, King Cold, and their army.)
MECHA FREEZA: That's right, buttholes! This is my resurrection! And you're all about to get F-(Trunks' sword slices through him, cutting him off. It makes a squelching noise as it slowly slices Freeza in half. The sword gets caught in Freeza's throat, struggling to fully cut through. Metal squealing was heard once Trunks' sword continued to cut through him. Blood starts gushing from Freeza's wounds.)
Everyone fell into a fit of laughter after seeing Frieza get cut off and Trunks' sword get stuck in his body.
"At least Frieza was dealt with quickly," Lucy said.
(Cuts to Krillin. Frieza's blood spewing all over his face.)
KRILLIN: …WHOO!
"WHOO!" Happy copied him.
"I wouldn't cheer about the blood part though," Lily shook his head.
[KAI OPENING SEQUENCE]
(Cuts to Krillin and Tien, then Trunks.)
KRILLIN: So, what's your deal?
FUTURE TRUNKS: I'm here because we have no female fanbase.
"Well, you do now~" Cana purred.
BULMA:(Camera pans closer to her. She winks at him.)Well, you do now~
FUTURE TRUNKS/LUCY: YOU NEED TO BE STOPPED!
[EXPLOSION]
(Cuts to Goku arriving in his space pod. All of his friends stand above the crater to welcome him home.)
GOKU: Hey, guys! I'm back and I'm off my meds!
"And you're about to be put back on them," Lisanna said.
"And he'll proceed to not take them at all," Erza sighed.
"He's allergic to-"
"I remember," Erza cut off Levy's quick reply.
(Cuts to Future Trunks and Goku talking privately)
FUTURE TRUNKS: Goku! The Red Ribbon Army has returned and-
GOKU: Only saw Z, who dat?
"We were in the same boat, but I actually don't get this joke," Levy frowned.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Listen! I'm from the future,(GOKU: Woah!) Bulma and Vegeta are my mom and dad,(GOKU: 'Kay…) and two "Androids" are going to show up to murder you all in three years!
"Well if we're just going to tear the Band-Aid off," Levy rolled her eyes.
GOKU: Whoa! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
"No, you do that to yourself," Gray sighed.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Here's some heart medication. Don'tnottake it.
GOKU: …But will I?
"You won't," Erza grumbled.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Alright, I'm out.(Cuts to Future Trunks now in his time machine.)Bye, mom!
"WHY!?" Lucy questioned, baffled.
BULMA: What did he just-
FUTURE TRUNKS:(Chuckling)Just kidding! Hah, look at Vegeta's stupid shirt!(His time machine vanishes).
"Heh, it is pretty stupid," Gajeel laughed.
TENSHINHAN: More like "Saiyan pride parade", am I right?
VEGETA: I'm now going to breed the nearest female just to prove you wrong.
BULMA: Oh, cool.
"DON'T JUST BE FINE WITH THAT!" Lucy yelled.
"What's wrong with that, Lucy? We-"
"SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!" She shoved a cupcake into his mouth.
PICCOLO: Should we be worried about the Androids?
"Nah, they're actually really cool people," Romeo answered.
"Except for Cell. It can burn in a hole," Wendy's smile creeped the boy out.
GOKU: Prolly.
[THREE YEARS LATER]
"We're just skipping all of that," Levy shrugged.
(Cuts to the city on fire, people are screaming.)
CRYING CHILD: FILLER-!(Child was crushed by falling debris.)
Everyone winced at the sight of the child dying, also feeling bad that her last words were 'filler'.
(Cuts to Goku)
GOKU: Guys!(Camera cuts to Android 19 and Dr. Gero)It'saset of "Androids"!
"Yeah, because we didn't know what the actual ones looked like, because Trunks sucks at explaining sh*t," Gajeel said.
(Cuts to Yamcha)
GOKU: And Yamcha's here.
YAMCHA: I am!?(Cuts to Dr. Gero stabbing his hand through Yamcha's chest.)
"Well, not anymore," Cana winced.
YAMCHA:(Squealing)
GOKU/NATSU: Yamchca's dead!
"No, he's not!" Lucy yelled at him.
YAMCHA:(Muffled)No, I'm not…!(Gero attempts to remove his hand from Yamcha's chest, but it gets stuck.)
DR. GERO: Come on, you…!(Fisting noises)Blasted ribs got caught on my sleeve!
"Not something you ever want to hear if someone stabbed you," Lily said.
"I wouldn't want to get stabbed, period," Macao said.
YAMCHA:(Crying)
GOKU: Need some help?
DR. GERO: How dare you? Nineteen, kill him!
(Cuts to Nineteen punching Goku in the face.)
GOKU: Argh!(Goku clutches his chest in pain)Ah, my heart!(He falls over).
Erza tries to not rip her own hair out in frustration.
GOHAN: Dad's dead!
"No, sweetheart, he's just taking a nap!" Mira yelled sweetly.
"That's not what taking a nap looks like," Lisanna scooted away from her sister a bit.
GOKU: No, I'm not-(Nineteen falls on top of him)AAUG!
"Well, you're about to be dead in a second," Levy winced.
"Until Prince jackass arrives," Gajeel added.
DR. GERO: Either the heart attack is going to kill him, or my Android is!(Cuts to Nineteen tightening his grip around Goku's throat)Either way, victory for Gero-
(Vegeta kicks Nineteen off of Goku).
ANDROID 19: sh*t!
"Yup, he heard what Gero was about to say and wanted to stop that," Gajeel chuckled.
VEGETA: Vegeta… LIVES!
DR. GERO: Only saw Dragon Ball, who dis?
"I still don't get that joke!" Levy yelled, upset.
VEGETA:(Cuts to Vegeta turning into a Super Saiyan).BEHOLDMAHPOWAH!
DR. GERO: I feel like I underprepared for this.
"Because you did," Romeo said.
VEGETA: DO YOU AFRAID!?
DR. GERO: KIND OF!?
VEGETA: BAZINGAATTAC-KUH(Vegeta launches his Big Bang Attack and kills Nineteen.)
"The third time he's said a name related to this attack," Levy said.
ANDROID 19: F*ck!(Giant explosion)
ANDROID 19:(Disembodied head rolls on the ground)Fa-a-ther, I wish to be a real boy…
"That's not creepy at all…" Lucy shivered.
VEGETA: And now, to put the old man in a home: A FUNERAL home! I- AH…(Dr. Gero disappeared)Ah, sh*t. Damn, he runs fast for an old guy.
"Don't underestimate old people!" Makarov huffed.
(Cuts to Krillin in front of Gero's lab).
KRILLIN: Don't worry. I found his lab!
DR. GERO: F*ck! They found my lab.
(Cuts to the inside of Gero's lab as he turns on the lights.
DR. GERO: But luckily, I have two more Androids…the original Androids that were always a part of this story!(Gero activates 17 and 18)Yes, from the very beginning! And now, I shall awaken them!
"Wait, why didn't he just start with these two? Honestly, Gero gives scientists a bad name," Levy glared at the old doctor.
DR. GERO: Behold: My second greatest creations! (An upwards panned shot of 17 and 18).
"Was Cell the first?" Natsu wondered.
"He might be alluding to 16," Erza said.
ANDROID 17: F*ck's that mean?
"What? You're jealous?" Cana asked.
ANDROID 18: I dunno. Maybe he's referring to this? (18 stood in front of 16's capsule).
DR. GERO: No! Don't wake him up for some reason!
ANDROID 18: Pft… I'm gonna.
(Cuts to Future Trunks losing his sh*t).
FUTURE TRUNKS: NYYAAAAAAAA-!(Trunks destroys Gero's lab).
"Jeez, Future Trunks, what the sh*t!?" Wakaba shouted.
ANDROID 17: Duuuude! Caaaalm down!(17 and 18 were standing in the ruins of the destroyed lab, unharmed).
FUTURE TRUNKS: NO!
ANDROID 16:(Wakes up)Hello, I am Android 16. I am hilarious and you will- BIRDS BIRDS BIRDS GOKU.
"Hi, 16!" Wendy completely ignored his short-circuiting.
ANDROID 17: Hm. I like him!
(Cuts to them now on the highway with Vegeta glaring at them.)
VEGETA: Hey, c*nt!
All of the women just groaned at Vegeta.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Whao, Dad!
VEGETA: What? She's a c*nt! A c*nty c*nt! Whatcha gonna do about it, you big ol' c*nt!? Gonna c*nt all over me with your c*nty face, and your c*nty boots, and your… vagin*!?
"I can't wait for what happens next," Mira said gleefully.
"Minerva would've enjoyed seeing this again," Erza said.
(Cuts to 18 brushing some hair out of her eyes.)
ANDROID 18:(Inhales)
(Cuts to Android 18 breaking Vegeta's arm with a kick).
VEGETA: AGH-
[ Eric Andre Show - We'll Be Right Back ]
Everyone fell out of their seats laughing at Vegeta's pain and the gag that was played.
(Cuts to each of the Z-Fighters laid out on the ground with Vegeta screaming in pain in the background).
VEGETA: AH! (Android 18 kicks him into the air)AH! AHH!(She stomps on his back, breaking his spine)BAUUUAGH!(He flips over onto his back, clutching his chest)AAAAAHHHH!(She breaks his other arm by stepping on it)AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
The laughter kept going as everyone watched Vegeta get what he deserved.
KRILLIN: I feel like we underprepared for this!
"Because you did," Romeo said.
(Cuts to the Androids standing in front of Krillin).
ANDROID 17: Hey! Don't bang my sister.
"Too late," Juvia giggled.
KRILLIN: Oh.
ANDROID 18:(Kisses him on the cheek)He might~
KRILLIN: Ohh!
ANDROID 17: But don't.
KRILLIN: Ohhhh…
"They fell in love, 17. There's no stopping love!" Juvia swayed in her seat.
ANDROID 16: He wants puss* like I want Goku.
ANDROID 17: That sounds a little gay, dude.
ANDROID 16: It is a little gay, dude.(The Androids fly away.)
"Can androids even be gay? Or straight?" Levy wondered.
"I'd rather not think about that," Lucy shook her head.
(Cuts to Piccolo)
PICCOLO: You know who could use some character development?
"Gohan," Mira said.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Gohan.
TENSHINHAN: Gohan.
KRILLIN: Gohan.
VEGETA: Kakarot's brat.
PICCOLO:(Angry)MEEEE!(Flies away towards Kami's lookout)
(Cuts to Kami's Lookout)
PICCOLO: Kami! We have to kill some teenagers. Also, we cool now.
MR. POPO: I DID DRUGS THIS SCENE!
"That's great…" Lucy muttered
KAMI: You had me at "killing teenagers". AAAHHH!(Kami and Piccolo fuse).
PICCOLO: WHOOOOAAAA…!
"Why was that the part that had you!?" Lucy asked.
PICCOLO: I'm three guys now!
NAIL/KAMI:(In Piccolo's head): 'Sup?
KAMI:( Piccolo flies away from the lookout)Do you think this joke will get old?
"Not at all," Mira smiled.
PICCOLO: Nah, it's not Ghost Nappa.
KAMI: Where's Goku, anyway?
(Cuts to Goku's weird dream of him with a 3D model. He stands in front of U.A. High School dressed as Izuku Midoriya).
GOKU(?): I'm gonna be the greenest Goku ever!
"What the actual f*ck?" Everyone blinked, shocked.
(Vegeta appears behind him, dressed as Katsuki Bakugou).
VEGETA(!?): F*ck you, Dekurot! Kill yourself! WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
DEKUROT: God, you're such a deep character.
"About as deep as a kiddy pool," Gajeel snarked.
VEGETAKUGOU:(Grabs Dekurot)F*CK ME!
"I'd pay to watch that," Cana said.
"Of course, you would," Lucy sighed.
(Scene changes to Goku sleeping in Roshi's house.)
GOKU: I wish I was All Might.
"Who? Sounds…what's the word?" Levy asked.
"Stupid?" Gajeel suggested.
"Yeah that!"
GOHAN: I wish my dad was All Might...
(Cuts to Piccolo talking with Kami and Nail as he walks through the deserted Ginger Town).
Everyone groaned, knowing who was going to pop up next.
PICCOLO: Look, I'm not saying it was the BEST music, but American kids grew up with it, you know?
KAMI/LEVY: That doesn't make it good; it just makes it nostalgic.
[Smash Mouth's "All Star", whistled ominously]
PICCOLO: Wait… what is that?
"A very stupid green bug man," Wendy growled.
(Footsteps were heard as the whistling grew louder with each approaching step).
(Piccolo looks to his right and sees a giant green co*ckroach man dragging a body along with him.)
PICCOLO: Who-
IMPERFECT CELL: SOME-
[ TO BE CONTINUED ]
"Well, that was somehow more ominous than before-" Lucy was cut off by something that would haunt her for the rest of her dreams.
NAPP-ALL MIGHT: …And remember: When you say, "Plus Ultra", you really gotta say it like a Japanese dude.(The camera zoomed in on Nappa's eye)PURUSU… URUTORAAA!
"PURUSU URUTORAAA!" Natsu and Happy copied Nappa.
NAPP-ALL MIGHT: Got it? Good. Cause 'I gotta go bang Dekurot's mom. Straight up Professor Oak-in' that bitch.
Lucy was currently banging her head across the table as Natsu and Happy were still screaming.
"PLEASE JUST START THE NEXT ONE!" Lucy begged Mira.
"Yes yes, I know," Mira quickly started up the next part.
PERFECT CELL: Give money: Receive Dragon Ball.
(Cuts to Piccolo and Cell standing in Ginger Town).
IMPERFECT CELL:(Still singing)Only shooting stars break the mo~old. Hey, da~addy!
PICCOLO: Who're you?
(Imperfect Cell vomits a baby).
"IT'S STILL ALIVE!?"
"WHY IS THIS WORSE THAN BEFORE!?"
IMPERFECT CELL: You're gonna help me raise this child!
"NO! HE'S NOT READY FOR THAT TYPE OF COMMITMENT!" Mira shouted.
"WHY ARE YOU GOING ALONG WITH IT!?" Lucy and Lisanna yelled.
PICCOLO: I'm not ready for that level of commitment!
IMPERFECT CELL: Fine!(He stabs his tail into the baby and absorbs it).
"WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!?"
PICCOLO: NOOO! MY BABY!
"YOUR BABY!" Mira cried with Piccolo.
KAMI: He's getting in your head!(Cuts to Imperfect Cell holding Piccolo)AND YOUR ARM!(Injects his tail into Piccolo's arm).
PICCOLO: AAAAGH, MY ARM!
IMPERFECT CELL: Ooh, Daddy; it's so tight!
PICCOLO: Why do you keep calling me that!?
"Because it's true! You're one of its nine fathers!" Mira cried.
"WHY ARE YOU CRYING!?"
IMPERFECT CELL: Because I'm NINE guys! Burgers and fries!
(Cuts to Krillin and Trunks who've arrived to help).
KRILLIN: Piccolo, we're here to help-(Cuts to Imperfect Cell's crotch)Oh my god; is his mouth his dick?
"Why was that the first thing you wanted to know!?" Lucy cried out.
"It's also its ass!" Cana added.
"NOT HELPING!"
IMPERFECT CELL:(His crotch grows a mouth)SOLAR FLARE!
(Image of a Freeza sex toy)
"AAAAAGGGHHHH!" Everyone screamed, traumatized by the image.
KRILLIN: AH! DICK IN MY EYES!
IMPERFECT CELL:(Flying away)BRB; Gonna eat up my siblings!
(Cuts to a plane carrying the Z-Fighters)
PICCOLO: What should we do?
FUTURE TRUNKS: If only Goku were here!
(Goku pops in with Instant Transmission)
GOKU: PLUS ULTRA!(He takes Gohan and leaves)
Natsu pouted in his seat. "Goku said it wrong."
KRILLIN: Wonder where they're going?
(Cuts to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber's entrance).
MR. POPO: WELCOME TO THE ROOM OF INFINITE BULLsh*t!
VEGETA: F*ck's that mean?
"Means you're going to get stronger in one day's time!" Levy exclaimed.
GOKU: It means next year will be tomorrow.
VEGETA: NANI!?(Mr. Popo shuts the door on him).
GOHAN: So what are we gonna do?
"Not get involved until Vegeta screws up," Gray answered.
GOKU: I dunno. I usually don't get involved until things are at their worst.
GOHAN: So, we're waiting for Vegeta?
GOKU: Waiting for Vegeta, yes.
"Goku's infinite insight on all of his friends!" Levy exclaims.
"It doesn't take much to figure out Vegeta if we're being honest," Gajeel said.
(Cuts to Master Roshi's house with a talk show in the background).
TALK SHOW: No, I don't think it's racist to call the king a son of a bitch.
(Piccolo walks up to the open window).
ANDROID 17: Hey!
PICCOLO: HRMN!?
(Screen pans out to show all three Androids).
ANDROID 17: Can Goku come out and die?
"I thought it was 'play'?" Romeo questions.
"For them it means something else entirely," His dad said.
PICCOLO: THE SIGN SAYS NO SOLICITORS!(He sends a devastating punch into 17's face).
ANDROID 17: GUAWG!(17 punches Piccolo in the gut)
PICCOLO: BLAHEGH!(Punches 17 in his gut).
ANDROID 17: GUACK! (Punches Piccolo back).
PICCOLO: BLARARAH!(Punches 17 back).
ANDROID 17: UGHAW!(Hits Piccolo back).
PICCOLO: BLUAGH!
"Doesn't get any less stupid the 2nd time," Cana said.
"MANYLY!" Elfman rips off his shirt.
(Cuts over to Android 18. The grunting continues off screen.)
ANDROID 18: And suddenly we're in Looney Toons.
ANDROID 16: I like the Road Runner.
(Cuts over to Imperfect Cell standing on a cliff).
IMPERFECT CELL: And I like Pepe le Pew!
PICCOLO: I'm a fan of Sam Sheepdog-(Imperfect Cell breaks his neck)DOLWARGH!
Mira winced. "That doesn't get any better the 2nd time."
ANDROID 17: Cyborg Jesus, what is that thing?
IMPERFECT CELL: I'm your Onii-Chan!(Slams 17 into the ground with a "Pomf").
"That's never a good sign," Happy whimpers.
ANDROID 17: What are we going to do on the ground, Onii-chan?
(Cell's tail opens up with the "WOW!" sound effect).
Lucy's head perked up after hearing that sound. "Why does that sound familiar?"
"What do you mean, Lucy?" Erza asked.
"I don't know. Just feels as if I should know that sound effect," Lucy said.
(Cuts to Android 16 with his rocket fist ready).
ANDROID 16: Gundam sound effect!(He launches his rocket fist at Cell's face).
IMPERFECT CELL: AH!(Gets punched in the face)F*ck! Do you MIND!? I don't come to your work and knock your brother out of YOUR HOLE.
"Please pleaseplease! Rephrase that!" Lucy begged.
ANDROID 17: Wait you can't do this, we're related!
IMPERFECT CELL: Not by blood~
ANDROID 17: Oh, cool. That's fine then.(Gets absorbed by Cell).
"DON'T JUST ACCEPT IT LIKE THAT!"
[p*rn music in the background accompanied by scrunching sounds]
[Morph sounds]
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And now, I-
TENSHINHAN: HEY, DICK LIPS!(Cell looks up to see Tenshinhan in the air)This is the last cool thing I'll ever do. There is no joke.
"There really isn't a joke this time," Levy said sadly.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Respecc.(Proceeds to get blessed by the KIKOHO)AW BEANS!
TENSHINHAN: HO-HO-HO(Ten falls to the ground after finishing his attack. His fall is accompanied by the announcer voice from Dragon Ball Fighterz). Merry Christmas motherf*cker.
"Eh, a couple days late," Lisanna shrugs.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: And Happy Hanukkah to you.(Cell prepares to kill Tenshinhan).
TENSHINHAN: Thanks.
(Goku pops in).
GOKU: Did someone say Christmas!?
"The one-time Christmas works in their favor," Erza said.
TENSHINHAN: NOW you show up.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, hey Goku-
GOKU:(Holding Piccolo's unconscious body)You're gonna f*cking die.(Pops away)
Everyone was flabbergasted by Goku's cursing.
"H-Has heeversaid that word before?" Carla stuttered.
"No…no he has not," Erza answered.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh. Guess I'll just Perfect, then.
(A wild Vegeta appears).
VEGETA: Or maybe you will not!
"He will, because you let him," Lily said.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Oh, hey Vegeta.
VEGETA: I'm gonna do you a f*ck!
"Well, that's new," Gajeel whistled. "Definitely taking that one."
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: S'cuse me?
VEGETA: NEVER!(Kicks Cell in the back of the head).
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: AHH! BLgggghhh!(Skids across the ground).
VEGETA: Look how yoke'd I am.(Spits)Straight up co*ck diesel!
"He is pretty big," Cana shrugs.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Can I just absorb the androids?
VEGETA: No.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Yes!
"Wait for it," Levy held up a finger.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Pleeease?
VEGETA: Yes!
"Yup, there it is," She lowered her finger.
FUTURE TRUNKS: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Cuts over to Android 18 and 16 as Trunks continues to scream).
ANDROID 18: …What are they talking about?(She gets absorbed by Cell)
"WE'RE JUST SKIPPING KRILLIN'S PART!? JUVIA DOES NOT APPROVE!" Juvia rages with cold fury.
[Morph sound]
PERFECT CELL: I am perfect…and you will quote…everything I say.
"...It's not wrong," Levt sighed.
KRILLIN: YOU ATE MY GIRLFRIEND-(Gets bitch slapped by Cell)Ah!
VEGETA: Now you shall feel the wrath of SUPER VEGETA-(Gets bitch slapped by Cell)Ah!
FUTURE TRUNKS: I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY ANOTHER FUTURE-(Gets bitch slapped by Cell)Ah!
Everyone laughed at the super cut down version of Cell beating the three Z-Fighters.
"Minerva would've loved the Vegeta part," Erza wiped a tear.
PERFECT CELL: And now I'm gonna go throw a tournament. Later, breeders.(Cell leaves).
(Cuts to Krillin holding the damaged Android 16).
KRILLIN: We're friends now.
"I want to be 16's friend!" Wendy yelled.
ANDROID 16: But I want to kill Goku.
KRILLIN: Most of my friends did.
"That should be brought up a lot more. Really concerning," Erza said.
Juvia and Gajeel both coughed.
(Cuts to Perfect Cell putting his arena together.)
PERFECT CELL:(Humming Megalovania)Mmm, this will age well.
(Cuts to Goku and Gohan leaving the Hyperbolic Time Chamber).
GOKU: Hey, guys, we're out of the chamber! Anything happen?(They see that the entire lookout is on fire.)
"Vegeta had a temper tantrum," Gajeel assumed.
"Or Popo did drugs again," Lisanna suggested.
"Could've been both," Erza concluded.
GOKU: Vegeta, whatchu, do?
VEGETA: Nothin'.
GOKU: Vegeta, what did you do?
VEGETA: Nothinguh!
"Goku sounds like a parent and that's weird," Gray scrunched his face.
"It's weirder that he's doing it to Vegeta," Gajeel said.
GOKU: What. Did. You. Do?
VEGETA: I f*cked your mom!"
GOKU: I don't have a mom!
VEGETA:(Sheds a tear)Neither do I…
"Aw…" Everyone felt bad for the Prince.
GOHAN:(Walks over to Piccolo)Hey Mr. Piccolo! I'm a Super Saiyan.
PICCOLO: NO, YOU'RE ME!(Uses the Clothes Beam to change Gohan's outfit).
[A$AP Rocky - Fashion Killa plays in the background]
GOHAN:(Now wearing Piccolo's clothes)Cash.
"My handsome little boy," Mira sighed, happily.
FUTURE TRUNKS: By the way, we don't have Dragon Balls anymore so-
GOKU: But then what are we in!?(Pops away).
"Ah, meta joke," Levy nodded her head.
GOKU:(Pops back in with Dende)Goku fix.
DENDE: Okay, so I'm God now.
"A lot more accepting of it than before. But yeah, that's fine," Lucy said.
MR. POPO: Bet.
DENDE: Sick.
GOKU: Tournament time!
(Cuts to the Cell Games Arena)
ALUCARD: Hey, we're still doing those versus videos?
"Nope! You missed your chance!" Natsu yelled.
PERFECT CELL: Nope!
ALUCARD: Ah, no worries.(Teleports away).
"That was weird," Happy said.
"You're telling me, buddy," Natsu agreed.
GOKU: I like that guy's coat.
"It was a pretty cool coat," Natsu agreed.
PERFECT CELL: Welcome to the Cell Games, everybody. Here are the brackets.(Shows a bracket that only had Goku and Cell on it. There was also a sponsorship by HETAP logo slapped on).
"Wait, how is that a tournament?" Erza asked.
"And still with the damn sponsorship," Levy huffed.
"That part isn't important, Levy," Lily said.
"It's important to me," She replied.
FUTURE TRUNKS: Wait, how is that a tournament?
PERFECT CELL: Hey don't hate the Cell player, hate the Cell Games.
"Oh, I do. With a passion," Wendy said.
MR. SATAN: What about-
GOKU & PERFECT CELL: Shut the f*ck up!
"That's twice now that Goku's dropped an F-bomb!" Lisanna gasped.
"Manly F-bombs!" Elfman exclaimed.
MR. SATAN: They didn't really change my character anyway.
GOKU: All right! Let's go Cell!
PERFECT CELL: With pleasure!
"Yeah! Kick Cell's ass, Goku!" Natsu cheered.
Gray turned to Lucy. "He does remember how this goes, right?"
Lucy just gave him a shrug, she honestly wasn't sure.
(Cell charged in and punched Goku in the face).
GOKU: AUGH! OW! I quit! Gohan, get 'em!
"Yeah! Kick Cell's ass, Gohan!" Natsu cheered.
"Okay, now I'm really confused on if he remembers," Gray said.
GOHAN: What!?
PERFECT CELL: NANI!?
GOKU: In a year.
[ TO BE CONTINUED ]
"NANI!?" Everyone shouted.
GOHAN: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!(Gohan destroys the words on the screen and transforms into a Super Duper Saiyan).
"Oh thank goodness," Levy sighed in relief.
PERFECT CELL: Wait, did we just skip my children? (Gohan bitch slaps him out of his Perfect form and into his Semi-Perfect form).
"Your children suck!" Natsu yelled.
GOHAN: Get lost, ya dingus.
SEMI-PERFECT CELL: I'm no dingus…YOU'RE A DINGUS!
[will. - Big and Chunky plays in the background]
(Cell bloats up like a balloon).
GOHAN: Oh god, I killed us all!
"No! You didn't, Gohan!" Mira yelled.
GOKU:(Pops in)No, Gohan. Just me.(Pops away with Cell).
"HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER!?" Mira roared.
GOHAN: NOOOOO-
PERFECT-ER CELL: JK, not dead, LOL.
FUTURE TRUNKS: NOOOOO-(Gets shot through the chest)AUGH!
Everyone winced. "Definitely not easier the second time."
PERFECT-ER CELL: No! Enough of that!
"They have been screaming 'No' a lot," Levy noticed.
PERFECT-ER CELL: Now listen up. Y'all been skipping my best sh*t since I got here. Ranked me as the fourth-best villain under King Piccolo! I'm Perfect Cell, motherf*ckers! So Dende on f*cking Earth! You better recognize the crackle of my RAW, SSSSEXUAL ENERGY, and line your 1990s asses up so I can-
GOHAN: HAAAAA!(Starts killing Cell with a Kamehameha).
"KICK ASS, GOHAN!"
PERFECT-ER CELL: This time I'ma let it all come out. This time I'ma stand up and shout. I'ma do things my way. It's my way! My way or the hig waaaay~ CHIIIP(Cell sings as he's wiped away from existence).
"Hm, that's a completely different song. But it still works," Levy giggles.
GOHAN:(Turns back to normal and fall to the ground)
KRILLIN: Gohan beat Cell!
PICCOLO: But at what cost?
(Cuts to Kami's lookout, where Dende summoned Shenron).
"Absolutely no cost at all," Levy said.
"Well, besides Goku," Lucy added.
PICCOLO: Oh right, no cost. Hooray!
SHENRON: New balls, who dis?
YAMCHA: Bring back the deads!
SHENRON: Done!
KRILLIN: Give me a girlfriend!
SHENRON: Done!
"WAIT THAT WORKED!?" Macao and Wakaba screamed.
GOKU: I'm gonna stay dead.
SHENRON: Done!
GOHAN: What!?
"What we were all thinking the first time," Erza said.
GOKU:(Fades away into the sky)You're Goku now…
"Give it a second," Levy held up a finger.
GOKU:(Fades back into frame)I-I meant FOR now.
"Yup, and there it is," She lowered her finger.
[KAI OPENING SEQUENCE]
(The Dragon Balls left to be spread across the Earth once more).
GOHAN: Wow! I wonder what's next for me?
"Oh, I'm sure you're going to have so many great adventures, Gohan!" Mira giggled.
PICCOLO:(Puts a hand on Gohan's head)You peaked.
Mira's entire face drops instantly.
GOHAN: What?
PICCOLO: You peaked.
"ARE YOU f*ckING SERIOUS!?" Everyone shouted in unison.
GOHAN: You're kidding! After all that!?
"Guess, Goku wasn't kidding at all…" Levy winced.
PICCOLO: Yeah, sorry.
GOHAN: But…b-but I get stronger though, right?
PICCOLO: Yeah, but…no.
"Wow…I mean…that's just sad," Gajeel said.
"Eh? I'm sure Gohan will be fine," Mira shrugged, getting over it. As long as Gohan was happy in the future she wouldn't mind.
GOHAN: …Oh.
(Everyone stands around in awkward silence. Metallic footsteps could be heard in the background. Android 16 walks into frame).
ANDROID 16: By the way, I never died in this version.
Wendy jumped out of her seat. "THIS VERSION IS CANON! AND NONE OF YOU CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE!" She screamed.
Mira got out of her seat to pick up the Lacrama now that they've finally seen everything. "You know, I have been wondering something," She said aloud.
"Hm? What, Mira?" Makarov asked.
"Who sent us this Lacrama?" Mira asked. Everyone took the time to pause and wonder the exact same thing. Who exactly sent them that Lacrama?
On top of the 2nd level of the Fairy Tail sat two familiar people. One was a small girl with blonde hair, wearing a white dress. The other was a young man with black hair and black and white robes.
"Should we tell them?" Zeref asked.
"Nah, let them keep wondering," Mavis giggled.
Extra Over
